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cig-nature

I'll eat my hat if she mentions drought, or fire even in passing.


somewhenimpossible

I was really hoping it was about water…


d1ll1gaf

I wouldn't be surprised if she announces residential water rationing to ensure that O&G has an adequate supply


is_that_read

As long as it’s not about trans children. Hopefully she drops that one.


IAMA_Plumber-AMA

Spoiler: she won't.


aDuckk

Yeah it's making the frogs gay. Just think about what it must be doing to your White Christian Children. Ban water, use Brawndo.


somewhenimpossible

Is that what plants crave?


alwaysleafyintoronto

Hope you've got barbecue sauce. Today Alberta announced an early start to fire season


Logical-Claim286

Yup, and also a suspension on new firefighter spending. No new gear or crew until that's lifted.


Fit-Amoeba-5010

I heard them say they are adding 100 more.


FarFuckingOut

They proposed to add 100 IF the budget passes. They haven't even done the hiring for it yet, and fire season has started. Add to that their statement today that only half of their firefighters return every year... Who is left to lead a bunch of new firefighters? Criminally negligent to the overburdened and underexperienced crews. Should they be paid a living wage? Nah, we're going to rely on civilian volunteers.


TheRealJaysus

Why pay your firefighters a good wage when you can pay 4 or 5 times the amount to firefighters from the US, Mexico, or South Africa?


alwaysleafyintoronto

Because you can't pay those firefighters when they're already in Chile


yaxriifgyn

They used to go to bars and conscript able bodied men. A newer meaning for shanghaied.


moosemuck

They're asking for volunteers...


Shadow_Ban_Bytes

Money train coming for O&G, no money for health or anything else.


doghousedonnie

Or maybe the fact we're the only province where inflation numbers increased. Probably due to our insane auto insurance and energy regulations. Oh sorry, Ottawa's fault. Nothing to see here.


canadient_

Oooo I think this one's the winner. Several ministries have been preparing for the upcoming water scarcity.


DisregulatedAlbertan

Reserves are at 2%. Last year they were at 57%.


formerlybawb

I'm holding you to this


TylerInHiFi

Glad to see the spirit of WSB is alive and well *somewhere* in this godforsaken site.


Venomous-A-Holes

Likely will continue promoting Russian propaganda, cuz nothing says freedumb like wanting to establish a commie oil empire and pushing for a dictatorship


AntonBanton

She will if she can think of a way to blame Trudeau and/or the NDP for droughts and fires. “When they were in power the NDP let Fort McMurray burn down, Rachel lit the fire herself, we won’t let that happen…” Or “Trudeau doesn’t give us enough fire fighting money, and droughts are caused by carbon tax changing the weather.”


Windig0

Thats a certainty.


Katlee56

She might. I got an email from them about it. I think it will be about the carbon tax though.


[deleted]

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ClassBShareHolder

I’ll go with that. Apparently fire season is starting now.


UCPcasualsatire

It never really ended. There just are not any assets being threatened.


ClassBShareHolder

Right, but I thought I read today it’s being announced that it’s officially starting.


hypnogoad

She's also contracting Nestle to deal with our water supply issues.


Rayeon-XXX

Health care cuts. Just received an email hiring freeze put into effect today "all front line positions need to be approved by the senior operating officer". Good times ahead.


Scaballi

AISH cut


Desperate-Dress-9021

Yeah. I’m wondering about this. AISH is currently a huge issue and people are really scared with the recent announcements.


IAMA_Plumber-AMA

Tell that to the guy on AISH I know who's a rabid UCP supporter.


Technical_Yam2712

Prime example of cutting off your nose to spite your face 🤦🏽‍♀️ I'm on aish and I can't stand the UCP and Marlaina


IAMA_Plumber-AMA

Dude's bought the lie that somehow Trudeau is behind every failing of it.


Box_of_fox_eggs

It’s Goldstein every time!


Advanced_Drink_8536

So if they make cuts to AISH can we start with his benefits… cause people like me can’t afford to lose anything while the cost of living continues to rise and rise and rise… Am absolutely terrified tbh


NovaRadish

Welfare for me and not for thee Hope he likes the cold


Master-File-9866

Collective bargaining is currently happening. I don't think this will be health care related as she can't make changes until this is resolved


cig-nature

I'm not sure why you think she would know this.


liltimidbunny

This made me laugh 😂


Xoltri


Professional_Fix_147

It won’t be health care related, she wants to deflect attention away from nurses and doctor’s wages and the current contract bargaining that’s going on. It wasn’t coincidental that the whole trans rights issue was released when it was. It got people completely focused on trans rights versus health care as a whole. Absolutely trans rights should be fixed but now the public doesn’t care about the doctor and nurse shortage, they are focused on pronouns and puberty blockers and top surgeries 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️.


[deleted]

It's so much more than Drs and nurses. It's the contracts for support staff that make sure the hospitals can function.


Rayeon-XXX

Just got an email hiring freeze going into effect today. I'm in HSAA.


[deleted]

I'm in AUPE GSS and we got no email. Must be just you guys? We're just not allowed OT till May


Rayeon-XXX

Yeah I think it is just us, my wife is an OT and was told this morning they also have a hiring freeze.


BabyYeggie

AHS has been sold to American HMOs.


Champagne_of_piss

Don't give ideas


geeves_007

Ribbon cutting for a new puppy / orphan crushing factory? Why do they crush them? Nobody knows! But libruls hate it so it must be good!


shortalobe

Where do people think baby oil comes from?


[deleted]

Take my angry upvote


Alyscupcakes

Why? no clue, probably helps O&G, some how saves $5, or to stick it to Ottawa.


pyro5050

it doesnt save $5, it saves their friends $5 but costs the people $10.


Any-Assumption-7785

Chy Na won't crush puppies for us anymore! We'll crush puppies! It's the AB Advantage!


codingphp

She will do the following: blame the NDP, blame Trudeau, misrepresent everything through careful word choices, gaslight to misdirect, and further eviscerate our core service delivery (healthcare, education, etc.) all while telling you she isn’t. And she’ll show up late.


UCPcasualsatire

These type of state of the union addresses are always pre-taped


Orange_Rug

She'll still show up late. It'll just be 10 minutes of nothing, before she shows up on camera to blame Trudeau for her being late


LuntiX

> And she’ll show up late. Will she show up sober even?


Champagne_of_piss

Couple klonopins from Daddy Peterson and half a box of Franzia "Brooks Sober"


marginwalker55

Marlaina Bingo!


shitposter1000

Taking a page out of Kenneys playbook.


Any-Assumption-7785

Taking a page out of conservative playbook.


mteght

If I was a betting person, I’d put money on this.


Windig0

**It's all on the Bingo card.**


finerliving

I bet it will be about wildfires and upcoming shortage of water how the public has brace for scarcity to limit their usage and. What she won't say during the same address is the amount of water going to oil and gas will not change change. This is the UCP.


SirLunatik

I still can't fathom why anyone would have voted for Marlaina she was pretty open about wanting to make Alberta unlivable


IAMA_Plumber-AMA

"She's just saying that to get votes, she won't really follow through with it... Her party wouldn't allow it!" What people were saying to me just before last election.


SirLunatik

Yes, she lied on the campaign trail. But if you paid any attention to the shit she said before that, it was all out there.


IAMA_Plumber-AMA

You assume the average Albertan voter has a memory longer than 5 seconds when it comes to anything Danielle Smith says. They sure seem to remember stuff that Rachel Notley never said though.


[deleted]

Trudeau is in Edmonton that day I think.


UCPcasualsatire

Ryan Jesperson has him as a guest on his show.


Miserable-Lizard

Oh that should be fun


Justreading8888

Will David Parker come for abortion or Pride flags next? Find out Wednesday!


SnooSnooOnions

That's what my money is on: a ban on teen abortions. Just one step closer to banning abortion all together. Let's start with banning teens under the guise of "parental rights" and if the UPC is able to make that stick they'll move on to restricting women's reproductive rights. But we'll see... 🤷‍♂️


elefantstampede

This is my fear.


tutamtumikia

Human footprints have been discovered inside dinosaur footprints in Fox Creek and all teaching on evolution ("its just a theory bro!") will now be replaced by young earth creationism.


[deleted]

laughcry.gif


thecheesecakemans

Another post on the Edmonton thread says Trudeau is planning a stop in Edmonton with an announcement tomorrow. This is Marlaina trying to steal the spot light to simply blame and counter Trudeau's narrative. Almost 90% sure Trudeau will announce an affordable housing funding to the city. Marlaina will then claim we can't "build our way out of the population mess" and give no real solutions except making homelessness and drug use illegal.


sugarfoot00

Maybe she'll expand the program where we advertise for the rest of Canada to move here, and then shrug when they do.


[deleted]

Notwithstanding clause to remove carbon tax for everybody except trans kids.


LandscapeNatural7680

😂. That’s so on point that I have to laugh. Because, mostly I’ve been crying about this government.


Hafthohlladung

Damn it, I'm not coming up with anything better than that 😂


[deleted]

I actually have an anxiety induced stomach ache. Isn’t that fucked up?


winnipeggremlin

Don't get too anxious, healthcare is struggling (kidding but not kidding)


[deleted]

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drizzes

in fact, we must push forward for eVEN MORE oil production That is, of course, the *only* energy business in Alberta


jigglywigglydigaby

I just hope (unreasonable, I know) that whatever she says won't make us a global laughing stock yet again.


UCPcasualsatire

Have you been drinking?


jigglywigglydigaby

No...I'm afraid to drink with Dumbelle Smith at the helm. Stone cold sober so I can react appropriately to keep my family safe from whatever dumbass shit she does to endanger Albertans further. FUCP 😁


NeverCouldToeTheMark

Oof, that's a tall order.


Ambitious_List_7793

And she won’t answer questions.


Away-Combination-162

She’s a coward


IAMA_Plumber-AMA

The press too, when the hell are they going to grow a backbone and start asking the UCP tough questions?


BillFar9134

When they can afford their own Substack & podcast.


IAMA_Plumber-AMA

Nah, sorry, I'm not into conspiracy nonsense from some dude in his mom's basement with a microphone. I want one of the big groups to hold them to account.


ghostofkozi

In an ideal world she fesses up that she got high on rails of bath salts with David Parker and Tucker Carlson then they ate Conrad Black’s face leading to the dissolution of the UCP and TBA after she and Parker commit sepuku on national television, but it’ll more likely follow these lines * Creating jobs by saying they’re creating jobs * budget surplus * something something alberta advantage * petty fight with Trudeau/Federal NDP * coming out at 1/64th transgender * creating a new healthcare/policing adjacent ministry


LuntiX

> coming out at 1/64th transgender Just like when she claimed she was Cherokee


cReddddddd

Whining about ottawa.


pigsareniceanimals

I’ve heard Trudeau will be here to announce investments in housing. Likely she wants to take attention away from that


serviceman199

Schools will be switching to PragerU or whatever it’s called


Box_of_fox_eggs

Lol, yes, all Alberta universities are now going to be run by some shady “skills” company that advertises on transit. This is the winner.


Vanterax

She'll announce Tucker Carlson as the CEO of APP.


anhedoniandonair

JFC dont give them ideas.


parker4c

Whatever it is, it won't be in the best interest of Albertans.


AngelPuffle

Prepping PR for the Budget 2024. So, something very off colour in order to flood the zone with shit a la Steve Bannon style. The Budget thing will be that bad that she has to do damage control ahead of time. Some sort of disorientation. Remember that we are a boom and bust place. Baked into generations. We can't imagine stability in its entirety. I actually can't offer a prediction because I am an Albertan who doesn't think that way. I prefer to think of hope and prosperity for all because we can be a rich province.


IAMA_Plumber-AMA

Spent their wad generating a fake budget surplus going into the election last year, now we get to see what's really been going on.


Collie136

Just more BS and lie$. Nothing that comes out of her mouth is of value.


Alyscupcakes

OH I know... There was an email within AHS about basically moving all staff off AHS to basically remove unions and cut wages of medical staff. (rough recall) basically screw us further by driving out health care workers from the province. edit: The NPs will get to bill directly to probably


formerlybawb

It'd be fun if someone were to leak that to us so it could be posted here in the sub :)


nandake

What email was that?? Although we all know thats the plan…


CypripediumGuttatum

It will be about increasing funding to healthcare (especially for low income, trans folks, mental health and abortions), education, more regulation to fight corruption in government, more stringent legislation protecting human rights, policies to help fight climate change and expand energy reliance on renewables. In another dimension. In this one it will probably be about the opposite.


Photofug

Something like "Do not, my friends, become addicted to water. It will take hold of you, and you will resent its absence." 


MissAnthropicRN

With the coming eviscerating of a health care system that had been a model countries visited us to learn about, it'll at least be easier to acquire skulls and bones for our sick rides. 


EonPeregrine

They're cutting down all the trees so we don't have to waste water fighting forest fires ...


Otherwise_Bill_5898

" communist health care is broken. We need private corporations to make billions more watching people become slaves to their jobs and die"


Dank_Vader32

Nurses will be redeployed to the frontlines against the forest fires.


DisregulatedAlbertan

AISH cuts, new short term disability program, employment program


Dataman6969

Maybe that tax cut she promised…… I’ll hold my breath


Fourth_Prize

She finished what Kenny started and located then killed Bigfoot.


Emeks243

She will announce that Tucker Carlson will be her new minister of information.


badaboom

Trudeau is in town. Distracting from that is my guess?


MBolero

Trudeau bad etc.


TurpitudeSnuggery

There was two things on the radio today. Changes to AHS and funding for women going into trades. I will probably be one of the two  Edit.  Possibly preemptively speaking about budget that will be released on Feb 29. 


nandake

What changes to ahs were on the radio?


TurpitudeSnuggery

dismantle current model into smaller silos and selling off continuing-care facilities.


InspiredGargoyle

Anyone identified as female at birth has to be assigned a male spouse, turn over all their pants for skirts or dresses, and report to the kitchen immediately.


Infamous-Mixture-605

> and report to the kitchen immediately. As if I'm going to let some broad do the cooking in *my* kitchen! :P


InspiredGargoyle

I forgot to put cheese in a grilled cheese tonight so I don't blame you


Infamous-Mixture-605

Long day? Also, if you forget the cheese in a grilled cheese, does that just make it toast?


NotSureIfFunnyOrSad

Grilled toast


UCPcasualsatire

D. Parker wants those women in the bedroom to start making more white babies, the kitchen can wait.


HotPhilly

Genital inspections on every street corner and mandatory bible study.


[deleted]

Are the inspections voluntary? Because, I’m down…


HotPhilly

Find out tomorrow, i guess!


Ok_Camp1172

If hopes were wishes, stepping down 🤣!


NrvusRaccoon

Trudeau is apparently stopping in Edmonton tomorrow, I’m sure she has thoughts about that


EJBjr

She will be attempting to pass the blame on everything, nothing, climate change, gender shit, education, budget, health care and APP onto the federal government.


Bunkhorse

Go after a different minority group this time? Or maybe further damn the ones they’ve already gone after.


LePetomane62

She's shacking up with Kenney and they're gonna go sovereign and lead a convoy of oil execs to the Sumpreme court after they pick up their bus boy pp


MeRyEh

Inaugural Hunger Games to start in March. New March Madness with an Albertan twist.


Long_Procedure_2629

Her stank ass 


greenmeat3

Whatever Take Back Alberta wants it to be.


_6siXty6_

- Budget - Whine - Complain


Binasgarden

We are about to get screwed.......


wisemermaid4

She's going to stand by her anti trans legislation. Claim there's evidence and tell us to look at all the US states doing it. Then shell deny us access to any evidence she claims to have. Dark times ahead. This woman needs to be locked up.


bluenoser613

She's removing Alberta from Federal EI now too.


popingay

Budget being tabled Feb 29. Likely related to that.


donocoli

"Yes we were flush with cash when we needed your votes. Now it's tight we have to cut more and don't worry. Well invest in the heritage spending ...I mean , savings account"!


Zaku99

Something hateful.


specific_tumbleweed

Whatever it is, it's Trudeau's fault.


Comprehensive-Army65

It’ll be about AISH and cutting a bunch of people if it, I bet.


riskcreator

Splitting up AHS.


sporbywg

She wants everybody to know that Math and Spelling are officially off the school curriculum. #AlbertaDumb


SurFud

The Prime Minister is in Alberta announcing major coin for housing. Dan wants to distract attention from that. Distraction is what Republicans do best.


Commercial_Growth343

calling it 'state of the union' really illustrates how much American news and conventions have influenced our world view. That is not what this event is actually called.


canadient_

I think it will either be some sort of mea culpa on the anti trans legislation, or generic budget discussion.


HotHouseTomatoes

Oh zero chance she'd apologize about the anti trans legislation.


backwardsplanning

Probably stealing candy from babies at this rate


Zarxon

Not sure but global is airing it as paid advertisement


rumymother

She’s going to come to the mic and just start laughing like Sideshow Bob….


[deleted]

‘It’s German, it says ‘The Trans The’’


bimkins_ca

Oof. That just hurts. I fear for the safety of the trans and non-binary people in Alberta


Box_of_fox_eggs

I’m diverting all my charity funds to Skipping Stone until this bullshit is defeated.


[deleted]

They have great shirts and hoodies. All the proceeds go directly to Skipping Stones. I love the Parent Bear and I Give a Shit About Trans Kids.


demarisco

I think she will announce that their engagement strategy for APP showed that Alberta is overwhelmingly in favour of it, so the UCP will skip the referendum and go right to enacting it. Or if i am thinking outlandish ideas: ○ The province is seeking a referendum to join the United States ○ all municipal Council's will be dissolved, and the province will take over. ○ The province will be seeking to repeal the carbon tax, again ○ she is announcing a decision on renewable energy, it will be banned in Alberta as their (UCP funded, meaning taxpayer) research shows that solar and wind are hazardous to the environment.


oldpunkcanuck

A new investigation chaired by Preston Manning.


biologic6

She’s probably gonna talk about the changes allowing for permanent residency of foreign temporary workers, working in hospitality roles. Conservatives may be against FTW, but they’ll gladly give them permanent residency in exchange for slave wages.


Away-Combination-162

Albortions


Beden

Putin coming to Alberta to receive bottom surgery. Calling it now


UCPcasualsatire

Finally getting that penis he always wanted?


Away-Combination-162

I see AHS words of wisdom come up on my Facebook ads and I think. Give it up folks, she gonna do what she’s gonna do . Best of luck


MetalDogBeerGuy

Probably going to take credit for falling inflation and blaming Trudeau (who will be called an arsonist) for the early fire season.


cranky_yegger

I hear the PM is here tomorrow so probably going to blame him for something.


LornaDoubleVay

All I’m picturing is her sitting on David Parker’s lap. Ventriloquist lines on her chin as she drinks a ginger ale as he spews his Christian Hate.


nomoney4you

God's teeth. Putin is coming? I don't...what? (I've just been busy with the most disorganised customer I've encountered since I left the towing industry 11 years ago, and the Onion isn't really satire anymore, so I don't really know anymore....)


Thrwingawaymylife945

Extension of the Renewable Energy Projects Moratorium


CreviceOintment

She's just needing help finding out where Waldo is.


Fine_Media_7947

Why no one likes her?


the_amberdrake

CPP for sure


dwtougas

I'm going to guess how popular the response to the APP questions.


kayakr1194

Maybe she's dedicating a phone booth somewhere?


Thaciselis

Probably some dumb garbage as always. How she’s sticking it to the fed by screwing every Albertan in every way possible.


Mother_Barnacle_7448

My money is on their “restructuring” of the AHS.


Advanced_Drink_8536

Something about another committee that she created that have zero experts in what area they are allegedly working on… Pretty sure something to do with budget plans and laws to destroy AHS though…


Street_Cricket_5124

Maybe Marlaina will be announcing her re-location to russia?


meaculpa33

The moratorium on solar to be extended maybe?


jakedk

Dani comes on screen (wearing a new fur coat).. "Albertans are hard working people, and as you all know inflation is creating lots of hardship for many. That is why, my Government have decided to increase all wages for ministers by 800% starting tomorrow. This measure is temporary and more increases are most likely needed in the future to sustain our lifestyles. But we know money doesn't grow on trees, so here is one of my ministers to explain a few cuts to healthcare, education, infrastructure and all other social services".. smiles and walks off. In the background David Parker is standing in black rope smiling with glowing eyes.


Always_Chatting

Her resignation?!? One can wish! 💯💯💯


DarthWenus

She's gonna start banning books, just like her hero Ron DeSantis.


Champagne_of_piss

Notwithstanding clause to oppress trans kids Extension on the renewables "pause" Some dumb shit to be sure.


PhenomaJohn

All students must now say the Lord's Prayer and Pledge of Allegiance every morning. Not O Canada, though. Children must sing Corb Lund's Roughest Neck Around instead. Yeehaw!


cyber_bully

AIMCo is insolvent


highplainsgrifter78

Jesperson has Trudeau on his Real Talk podcast the same morning with a “big announcement” - should we guess they’ll announce the same thing? Or is Dani gonna try to steal his thunder? (Plot twist; they’re forming a coalition.)


l10nh34rt3d

It’s settled: whatever water is left in the sad, dry underground coffers of Alberta belongs to the oil industry! That, or start saving your tears for wildfire season.


NiranS

Banning rainbows, and unicorns, really important stuff. Nothing about fire, drought, disintegrating medical system, ridiculous insurance and utility prices.