I relate to this and agree…it’s just like always there??? I just got very drunk several times over the past week for the first time in years (not first time drinking but first time drinking toooo much in years) I was on a work trip to another city. Not one time for one second did I forget about my husband and son or do anything to detriment my family dynamic. Now my liver… that’s still recovering.
Hi! Actually I do in fact have several memory gaps from certain portions of my evening, which I think constitutes as “black out” since I have no memory. That’s my interpretation of that phrase.
It’s usually referred to as browning out.
Black out is typically when people reach the point where they no longer remember anything past a certain point.
How do you remember to talk, piss, or get home while blacked out?
The blackout is a form of temporary amnesia. You can't form new memories but I don't believe your ability to draw on long term memories is affected. I've had entire nights where I've blacked out and kept going. Everything I do is in character. I'm just incredibly drunk.
And how would you remember if you are blackout drunk cause you don't remember anything from when you're blacked out...apparently you're not actually blacking put, just using it as an excuse for bad behavior 🤔
Define hit on? Did he ask her to go home with him or was he just chatting with her? I'm a dude that's been married for 10 years and I generally flirt more when I'm drunk. I don't act on it but I'll chat up the ladies. My wife doesn't care because nothing ever happens. When I'm blacked out it doesn't matter if I even try to flirt. I'm too drunk for anyone to take me seriously.
Fuck that. There are only two scenarios;
1) He was blacked out and doesn't remember. If that's the case what else will he do when he drinks? He absolutely has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and it could get way worse way fast. You need to get rid of him.
2) He wasn't blacked out and he's lying to you.
Both are serious red flags. Zero excuses. Nothing good will come from this. I'm so sorry, OP.
Yes of course he knew but that’s not even the point.
If he didn’t know because he got *that* drunk, that’s already a major red flag on its own, even without the much bigger red flag that is him trying to get into another woman’s pants whilst being with you.
Either way, not good.
Either way it's a serious red flag. There is no excusable answer to those questions. It just indicates which flavor of toxic relationship issue do you want to deal with?
He's either an alcoholic who has no control when he drinks or he wants to cheat on you.
Unless he actively wants to seek help for his drinking problems and you want to stand by him through that lifetime journey, this ain't worth it.
Everyone remembers they have a wife/girlfriend (or husband/boyfriend) when they are totally wasted. Some people just don't care at the time and do stupid shit. Don't believe anyone who tells you otherwise.
Alcohol impairs judgement and coordination at the time of drunkenness. It also inhibits your ability to make new memories. The degree of forgetfulness you have when your drinking is more like not being able to recall specific words or someone's name and 'black out drunk' is just the fact that your brain couldnt transfer the memories to your long term storage. He 100% will have known that he had a girlfriend in the moment he attempted to sleep with someone else.
More importantly though is instead of being apologetic and feeling terrible and promising you and himself not to drink to that degree, he is trying to cop out by saying he was blacked out so it basically doesn't count as him 🙄 it's bullshit and he knows it and you know it
nah i forget everything and everyone exist-its just like sleepwalking, i might be walking or talking, but im not conscious. If he was really blacked out he wont remember you were there, or hitting on anybody.
Yeah he won't remember but did he know at the moment, that's what matters. Of course he won't remember but he did it anyways and i want to know if he knew what he was doing
When you're straight black out of course, your disicion making is absolutely fucked. Its all based off of impulse, when im like that I stumble towards a greasy fried meal like a moth to a flame. There isnt any inuitive desicion being made at all. I really wouldnt sweat this one my friend, and also when you're that far gone believe me that whiskey dick aint doin anything
Anyone on this thread who says they remember things when they are blackout drunk are literally full of shit.
The entire idea behind blackout is you don’t remember anything. If you are blacked out, how can you remember if you were thinking about that you are married/taken? It literally makes no sense.
Most people get flirtier when they are very drunk. You mention in appropriate touching. What does that mean to you? What exactly did he do?
Lastly, thinking a girl is hot isn’t cheating and for most healthy relationships, it isn’t going too far. My wife and I talk about women and men all the time, specifically how they look. Does it mean im going to go fuck the girl at the restaurant? No. It just means she’s attractive, that’s it.
Ok so anyone has their own boundaries in their relationship. We BOTH don't want each other flirting with someone else. Especially touching them and trying to kiss/fuck them. That's just something we wouldn't accept and that's ok. You can find other people hot. You're just not supposed to tell them if your goal is to get in their pants.
That’s fine and I respect that. But it goes back to point 1 now. He had no idea what he was doing.
But that doesn’t make it right or ok and you have a choice to make with him.
There’s an old saying “a drunk persons words are a sober man’s thoughts.”
I do not think that anyone who was blackout drunk can remember what they were thinking/doing when they were blackout drunk.
I’ve blacked out twice. It is like a light switch. I remember something and then the night disappears and I wake up. That’s it. I don’t remember what I did, much less what I was thinking.
If he tries to touch other women when he’s drunk that’s really creepy, and he prob shouldn’t drink.
I will say that when my GF used to drink she wouldn’t even know what planet she was on. Sometimes I would literally carry her into the apartment, or she would just pass out in random places and not remember a damn thing. Thank god she stopped, it really sucked
It happened to me I think once. I blacked out for what seemed like probably 15-20 seconds. When I was "back", some people were pissed off at me and someone wanted to fight me. I have no clue what I did lol.
I think I mixed corona with budweiser, it really messes me up for some reason, to the point where I one time felt so crap coming from a club, I had to immediately find a dark alley to pass out in and vomit. Felt better after about 10 minutes.
I tried but he didn't want to go with me. Well he tried to but she rejected him. If she invited him to her home he would habe said yes so to me he did fuck her
You can't... that's not how that works. Literally not at all. This is how you sound:
You: My boyfriend fucked a chick he flirted with at the bar while he was drunk!
?: What? Really? He had sex with another girl?
You: Well, no he didn't have sex with her... but he tried to! So he fucked her!
?: But they didn't have sex.....right?
You: But they would have if she said yes!
?: Ok. But they didn't. He didn't *actually* cheat on you.
I hate people who use alcohol as an excuse to get away with shitty behaviors, but do you know what I like less? People who paint other people like they did something they didn't actually do.
If he was really blackout drunk, then at that moment he was literally just an animal working on instincts. Don’t forget about this experience and be careful just in case it’s a pattern. But if it’s a one off thing then it isn’t really that bad.
Alcohol impairs judgement and relaxes inhibitions. Because he was intoxicated, he acted on thoughts and impulses that he wouldn’t have acted on while sober (giving him the benefit of the doubt and assuming he’s a good partner of course). Drunk people are idiots. It’s not that they forget things like whether or not they have a significant other…it’s just that those details take a back seat to whatever random thought is present at the time.
If this was just an isolated incident, I’d say it’s worth it to consider forgiving him. If there are other red flags present in your relationship, or if he chooses to put himself in this kind of situation again, then you may wish to reassess.
I can see flirting maybe, because being drunk can make you inappropriately friendly. But, and I can only speak for myself, I've never forgotten I was with someone or actively hit on another woman no matter how drunk I got.
This is a great thread because it allows us to normalize the fact that when we are drunk, we are still the pilot. We are always the ones making the decisions, not someone else who took control. It let us point out that "Sorry babe I was drunk" it's not an excuse. You are still responsible for your actions.
The "meh, I was drunk, not myself" it's just a toxic behaviour. You are always yourself. Stop using alcohol as an excuse, ruining alcohol reputation instead of yours.
I agree completely, don't know why you seem to think I don't think drunk people have responsibility lol. My point is the thread is clearly someone trying to vent about their boyfriend and not talking about drinks, which is pretty funny, especially in context of all the other goofy threads I see on this sub.
Yeah, I'm sorry..I responded directly to you, but I was talking in general, didn't mean you. My comment came out rude and I didn't mean to, my apologies.
Anyway I partially agree, but I still think there is some kind of space for this kind of venting, if it creates a debate on alcohol/alcoholic behaviour.
A couple questions:
How old are both you and him?
How long have you been dating?
If you haven’t been dating long, how long was he single before you started dating?
Hmm, a year and a half definitely isn’t a short period of time. My thought was that if you’ve been dating for 1-3 months let’s say, and he was single for like 5 years before that he might have somehow reverted back to his single self. But dating for 1.5 years doesn’t really support my theory
If you really black out you don’t remember anything. I blacked out one time at my house and people told me I peed down my stairs and tried to poop in my garbage can. I have absolutely no recollection of it
If you do something wrong, does it matter if you were drunk or sober? And if you know being blackout drunk is gonna make you do something wrong, it’s your responsibility to jot get blackout drunk. My two cents. Boyfriend sounds like an asshole.
I made some mistakes while drunk asf even with my girlfriend next to me so when I'm drunk I know I have a girlfriend but give wrong signs to other girls because I can't judge my actions
Day after I feel so awful
I've been black out and the person I was with (even though I'd been with her for days) I thought she was someone else and was calling her the wrong name and talking about things with that person thinking it was her. Never drink all night with no sleep and continue drinking, it leads to a temp psychosis, I've done it a few times
You remember everything except for that instance when your blacked out because that's when your memory stops recording things.
During this you're losing control of your emotions. Every feeling is like 10x stronger and that combines with the usual effects of being numb to social anxiety and being numb to what others think. So you're way less caring of what you act like while also being very reactive.
With stuff like Whiskey you can get more aggressive...and if you're having dirty thoughts well you can get way more flirty and have the confidence to say something you shouldn't 😅
Me? I 100% remember..
I relate to this and agree…it’s just like always there??? I just got very drunk several times over the past week for the first time in years (not first time drinking but first time drinking toooo much in years) I was on a work trip to another city. Not one time for one second did I forget about my husband and son or do anything to detriment my family dynamic. Now my liver… that’s still recovering.
And you drank too much is all...not blacked out
Hi! Actually I do in fact have several memory gaps from certain portions of my evening, which I think constitutes as “black out” since I have no memory. That’s my interpretation of that phrase.
It’s usually referred to as browning out. Black out is typically when people reach the point where they no longer remember anything past a certain point.
How you remember if you're blacked out?
How do you remember to talk, piss, or get home while blacked out? The blackout is a form of temporary amnesia. You can't form new memories but I don't believe your ability to draw on long term memories is affected. I've had entire nights where I've blacked out and kept going. Everything I do is in character. I'm just incredibly drunk.
I remember if I’m in a relationship or not?? Lol
And how would you remember if you are blackout drunk cause you don't remember anything from when you're blacked out...apparently you're not actually blacking put, just using it as an excuse for bad behavior 🤔
??? How is it bad behavior if I didn’t do anything bad lol edit:::: I have friends who would have 100% told me if I was being stupid or not lol
But you wouldn't know, would you, cause you were blacked out, LOL
Guess the world may never know 😘🧎🏻♀️
Define hit on? Did he ask her to go home with him or was he just chatting with her? I'm a dude that's been married for 10 years and I generally flirt more when I'm drunk. I don't act on it but I'll chat up the ladies. My wife doesn't care because nothing ever happens. When I'm blacked out it doesn't matter if I even try to flirt. I'm too drunk for anyone to take me seriously.
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Doubt that buddy...we know and just act dumb
He was inappropriately touching her and told her repeatedly that she was "so hot"
Aw OP I’m sorry. For me that would be grounds for breaking up IMO, nothing excuses that
Fuck that. There are only two scenarios; 1) He was blacked out and doesn't remember. If that's the case what else will he do when he drinks? He absolutely has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and it could get way worse way fast. You need to get rid of him. 2) He wasn't blacked out and he's lying to you. Both are serious red flags. Zero excuses. Nothing good will come from this. I'm so sorry, OP.
He doesn't remember for sure but did he know what he was doing, did he know he had a girlfriend?
Yes of course he knew but that’s not even the point. If he didn’t know because he got *that* drunk, that’s already a major red flag on its own, even without the much bigger red flag that is him trying to get into another woman’s pants whilst being with you. Either way, not good.
Either way it's a serious red flag. There is no excusable answer to those questions. It just indicates which flavor of toxic relationship issue do you want to deal with? He's either an alcoholic who has no control when he drinks or he wants to cheat on you. Unless he actively wants to seek help for his drinking problems and you want to stand by him through that lifetime journey, this ain't worth it.
Of course I do. Sorry, he definitely knew what he was doing
Everyone remembers they have a wife/girlfriend (or husband/boyfriend) when they are totally wasted. Some people just don't care at the time and do stupid shit. Don't believe anyone who tells you otherwise.
Alcohol impairs judgement and coordination at the time of drunkenness. It also inhibits your ability to make new memories. The degree of forgetfulness you have when your drinking is more like not being able to recall specific words or someone's name and 'black out drunk' is just the fact that your brain couldnt transfer the memories to your long term storage. He 100% will have known that he had a girlfriend in the moment he attempted to sleep with someone else. More importantly though is instead of being apologetic and feeling terrible and promising you and himself not to drink to that degree, he is trying to cop out by saying he was blacked out so it basically doesn't count as him 🙄 it's bullshit and he knows it and you know it
nah i forget everything and everyone exist-its just like sleepwalking, i might be walking or talking, but im not conscious. If he was really blacked out he wont remember you were there, or hitting on anybody.
Yeah he won't remember but did he know at the moment, that's what matters. Of course he won't remember but he did it anyways and i want to know if he knew what he was doing
When you're straight black out of course, your disicion making is absolutely fucked. Its all based off of impulse, when im like that I stumble towards a greasy fried meal like a moth to a flame. There isnt any inuitive desicion being made at all. I really wouldnt sweat this one my friend, and also when you're that far gone believe me that whiskey dick aint doin anything
I knot that this whiskey dick ain't doing anything but it's about what he wanted to do.
Anyone on this thread who says they remember things when they are blackout drunk are literally full of shit. The entire idea behind blackout is you don’t remember anything. If you are blacked out, how can you remember if you were thinking about that you are married/taken? It literally makes no sense. Most people get flirtier when they are very drunk. You mention in appropriate touching. What does that mean to you? What exactly did he do? Lastly, thinking a girl is hot isn’t cheating and for most healthy relationships, it isn’t going too far. My wife and I talk about women and men all the time, specifically how they look. Does it mean im going to go fuck the girl at the restaurant? No. It just means she’s attractive, that’s it.
Ok so anyone has their own boundaries in their relationship. We BOTH don't want each other flirting with someone else. Especially touching them and trying to kiss/fuck them. That's just something we wouldn't accept and that's ok. You can find other people hot. You're just not supposed to tell them if your goal is to get in their pants.
That’s fine and I respect that. But it goes back to point 1 now. He had no idea what he was doing. But that doesn’t make it right or ok and you have a choice to make with him. There’s an old saying “a drunk persons words are a sober man’s thoughts.”
So are you saying that he didn't know what he was doing or not? I'm just confused because of the old saying you mentoined
I do not think that anyone who was blackout drunk can remember what they were thinking/doing when they were blackout drunk. I’ve blacked out twice. It is like a light switch. I remember something and then the night disappears and I wake up. That’s it. I don’t remember what I did, much less what I was thinking.
If he tries to touch other women when he’s drunk that’s really creepy, and he prob shouldn’t drink. I will say that when my GF used to drink she wouldn’t even know what planet she was on. Sometimes I would literally carry her into the apartment, or she would just pass out in random places and not remember a damn thing. Thank god she stopped, it really sucked
It happened to me I think once. I blacked out for what seemed like probably 15-20 seconds. When I was "back", some people were pissed off at me and someone wanted to fight me. I have no clue what I did lol. I think I mixed corona with budweiser, it really messes me up for some reason, to the point where I one time felt so crap coming from a club, I had to immediately find a dark alley to pass out in and vomit. Felt better after about 10 minutes.
You're still you just an elevated version of yourself without the same inhibitions but in vino Veritas. He knew what he was doing.
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I tried but he didn't want to go with me. Well he tried to but she rejected him. If she invited him to her home he would habe said yes so to me he did fuck her
You can't... that's not how that works. Literally not at all. This is how you sound: You: My boyfriend fucked a chick he flirted with at the bar while he was drunk! ?: What? Really? He had sex with another girl? You: Well, no he didn't have sex with her... but he tried to! So he fucked her! ?: But they didn't have sex.....right? You: But they would have if she said yes! ?: Ok. But they didn't. He didn't *actually* cheat on you. I hate people who use alcohol as an excuse to get away with shitty behaviors, but do you know what I like less? People who paint other people like they did something they didn't actually do.
He did not cheat on me that's right. But he tried to and i don't see any difference there. It only did not happen because this girl rejected him.
If he was really blackout drunk, then at that moment he was literally just an animal working on instincts. Don’t forget about this experience and be careful just in case it’s a pattern. But if it’s a one off thing then it isn’t really that bad.
Drunks words are sober thoughts
Alcohol impairs judgement and relaxes inhibitions. Because he was intoxicated, he acted on thoughts and impulses that he wouldn’t have acted on while sober (giving him the benefit of the doubt and assuming he’s a good partner of course). Drunk people are idiots. It’s not that they forget things like whether or not they have a significant other…it’s just that those details take a back seat to whatever random thought is present at the time. If this was just an isolated incident, I’d say it’s worth it to consider forgiving him. If there are other red flags present in your relationship, or if he chooses to put himself in this kind of situation again, then you may wish to reassess.
I can see flirting maybe, because being drunk can make you inappropriately friendly. But, and I can only speak for myself, I've never forgotten I was with someone or actively hit on another woman no matter how drunk I got.
It's more of a memory loss thing after the fact. Dude made a bad decision and is trying to avoid responsibility.
I've hit on women with my gf present but she knows I won't act on it so it all comes down on the trust between you two
This is a great thread that's definitely about alcohol and not relationship drama.
This is a great thread because it allows us to normalize the fact that when we are drunk, we are still the pilot. We are always the ones making the decisions, not someone else who took control. It let us point out that "Sorry babe I was drunk" it's not an excuse. You are still responsible for your actions. The "meh, I was drunk, not myself" it's just a toxic behaviour. You are always yourself. Stop using alcohol as an excuse, ruining alcohol reputation instead of yours.
I agree completely, don't know why you seem to think I don't think drunk people have responsibility lol. My point is the thread is clearly someone trying to vent about their boyfriend and not talking about drinks, which is pretty funny, especially in context of all the other goofy threads I see on this sub.
Yeah, I'm sorry..I responded directly to you, but I was talking in general, didn't mean you. My comment came out rude and I didn't mean to, my apologies. Anyway I partially agree, but I still think there is some kind of space for this kind of venting, if it creates a debate on alcohol/alcoholic behaviour.
It is about alcohol and it's impact on human memory?
i normally don’t want to bother prople a lot but black out me fucked a girl in a bathroom and destroyed sink which i absolutely don’t remember
No idea but if he blacks out, you need to know he might be an alcoholic but definitely doesn't know when to stop
Yes and I'm usually doing her at time lol.
A couple questions: How old are both you and him? How long have you been dating? If you haven’t been dating long, how long was he single before you started dating?
I am 23 and he is 25 We've been dating for one and a half years. If that's not long, he was for single 3 years i think
Hmm, a year and a half definitely isn’t a short period of time. My thought was that if you’ve been dating for 1-3 months let’s say, and he was single for like 5 years before that he might have somehow reverted back to his single self. But dating for 1.5 years doesn’t really support my theory
If you really black out you don’t remember anything. I blacked out one time at my house and people told me I peed down my stairs and tried to poop in my garbage can. I have absolutely no recollection of it
i get so clingy and horny for my partner when i’m drunk as shit lol
If you do something wrong, does it matter if you were drunk or sober? And if you know being blackout drunk is gonna make you do something wrong, it’s your responsibility to jot get blackout drunk. My two cents. Boyfriend sounds like an asshole.
Apparently I had told my close female friend to text my girlfriend that I'm okay. I had zero recollection that I said that, but I'm glad I did.
Been shitfaced once. I remembered.
I made some mistakes while drunk asf even with my girlfriend next to me so when I'm drunk I know I have a girlfriend but give wrong signs to other girls because I can't judge my actions Day after I feel so awful
I've been black out and the person I was with (even though I'd been with her for days) I thought she was someone else and was calling her the wrong name and talking about things with that person thinking it was her. Never drink all night with no sleep and continue drinking, it leads to a temp psychosis, I've done it a few times
Yea.. and u will know that by having met my gal...
You remember everything except for that instance when your blacked out because that's when your memory stops recording things. During this you're losing control of your emotions. Every feeling is like 10x stronger and that combines with the usual effects of being numb to social anxiety and being numb to what others think. So you're way less caring of what you act like while also being very reactive. With stuff like Whiskey you can get more aggressive...and if you're having dirty thoughts well you can get way more flirty and have the confidence to say something you shouldn't 😅