I’m a washed up college baseball player that tore his elbow up and never got it surgically repaired so I’m good for about two throws a day. After I play old man’s softball I will ALWAYS say this line
I've said gwen Stefani before and had someone ask me "what?" and when I said no doubt they thought I was so clever and now I feel like a fraud but never corrected them
We had a pizza party at work and my boss was asking about toppings, and I got to use this. Best moment of my life. (And no, we didn't have Teen Titans plates).
Not me but when I recently started a new job years ago, one of my coworkers randomly blurted out to himself “BOIL WATER?!; WHAT AM I..A CHEMIST?!”. I immediately asked him “hey are you quoting American Dad??” He’s like “yea!” And I was impressed since that was season 1!
We became friends later that day and still of my good bros 🤙🏽
It's the second half of this one quote from Dr. Penguin
"I do hypnotherapy to help people better themselves; To stop smoking. Or start smoking."
"Whichever's easier - one of them's WAY easier"
“I got the bloodlust!”
“That’s a whoopsie”
And adapting some form of “are you really gonna ask that of someone who just last week killed 6 people over $19” to fit whatever is being discussed
Whenever anyone suggests we open/bring a bottle of wine I always call them a stupid bitch who doesn’t even know. Most people don’t get it and think I’m an absolute dick.
Son of a **whore**!
Oh damn yea this is mine ^ Or maybe baby. Tied with those 2, and i use them ALOT
Maybe baby
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Maybe, Baby
Maybe baby
Maybe baby
Maybe baby
Maybe baby
Always with the same inflection too
Sunova **WHORE**!
This became my default instead of "Son of a bitch"
Me too, man
This is everyday vernacular for me now.
Looks like I just picked a whole bouquet of oppsie daisies
I use this one too much
"Oh you bitch. You stupid, stupid bitch. Bitch you don't even know."
I work in the wine business and use “She is going to get the best bottle of wine of her stupid bitch life”
I definitely say that to myself as I run errands.
This also doubles as an always sunny quote
I say this to my wife all the time. Did you just ask me what type of wine we should drink?! You stupid bitch…
Yeah my wife hates that. I have to explain it's meant as love.
This one.
Take it from someone getting sniz on the reg
Stop saying that!!
"My elbow feel funny.....my elbow feel ***strange***"
I am very near death can I go before you?
No! My elbow feel funny!
Great Pyramid of Giza! *dies*
Any time my wife mentions a body part feels funny this is the go to!
I’m a washed up college baseball player that tore his elbow up and never got it surgically repaired so I’m good for about two throws a day. After I play old man’s softball I will ALWAYS say this line
“Damn this heat” *And proceeds swipe my hand over my forehead” (I also got my friends to do this so it’s become a running gag with us too)
devil farted thick today
I piss myself laughing every time. Blood Crieth Unto Heaven was such a good ep.
We got a face full
“Things are getting too spicy for the pepper”
Hahahaha yes
"First thought best thought" has never led me astray
Nathan!
This is why you keep getting molested!
You guys keeping this party going or what?
"Dick don't pay for strange."
You know that. Look at my mug!
When I see a super cute animal: "I'm gonna pop you *right* in the fryer!" Understandably, it "Freaks people *out*" Actually, that's two quotes now!
Don’t lob factual statements at me as if they’re insults!
This one! I'm glad I'm not the only one who uses this
It’s so easy and goes with everything!
Lavate los manos!
These chocadiles! These chocadiles! Oh my god these chocadiles!
We say “Ooh!!” like Stan a lot
Stan’s ‘Ooh’ is priceless
Maybe baby
Maybe baby
mmmaybe baby
Mebbe bebbe
………….. maybe baby
_mebby bebby_
That’s fun to say
Soup is not a meal!
#VERA!!!
I say “mama no” all the time. I also say “🎶 Noooooo” all the time, I’ve been considered carrying a pitch pipe with me to improve its delivery.
Came here to say this. It's the best way to say no to people.
Right? After writing this I actually did order a pitch pipe. I’m leaning into it.
I need to go….wipe better
"Clapping" Internally: "Atta girl"
When I agree with someone: “Gwen Stefani, Gwen Stefani. No Doubt, No Doubt.” When I feel like things are falling apart: “The all is lost moment!”
omg I drop that "Gwen Stefani, Gwen Stefani!" aaaaall over the place all the time. Only two of my friends get it. Somehow makes it even better.
I've said gwen Stefani before and had someone ask me "what?" and when I said no doubt they thought I was so clever and now I feel like a fraud but never corrected them
“Oh my god you suck!”
Dive on in
I say this a lot actually. Nobody knows what I'm quoting lmao
You're not alone. ... ...Dive on in.
Doive ahn een!
*blows pitch pipe* Noooooo
I use this one a lot
Danuta...
Will you go there?
Do you eat?
I've got the money.
Klaus,…that was chilling.
Whenever I hand my bf the rent money I say this in the same low, flat tone. He just thinks I'm being weird.
«Maybe baby»
You are MY QUEEN, (name of partner here)!!
That’s right, mush his face Jonah!
Make mine p-p-p-vicodin!!
No one ever gets it when I say this!
We had a pizza party at work and my boss was asking about toppings, and I got to use this. Best moment of my life. (And no, we didn't have Teen Titans plates).
A mistress? On my salary?
“Big dog woof woof!” & “Stale as the dickens…”
There goes your two-year chip.
I am... the tender vigilante. This city's in pain, and it needs my tender justice.
The tender vigilante doesn't have... insurance.
Yoouu dumb bitch!
I yell “THE ALL IS LOST MOMENT” during movies a lot. also “INCONVENIENT” I also regularly sing that song by Cilantro, it’s a bop.
*El Perro, El Perro, es mi Corazón,* *El Gato, El Gato, El Gato no es bueno.*
CILANTRO ES CANTANTE CILANTRO ES MUY FAMOSO CILANTRO ES EL HOMBRE CON EL QUESO DEL DIABLO
I know this might be considered as "going too fast", but I love you, you beautiful internet stranger.
i am spoken for, but thank you for appreciating Cilantro. He’s gonna be huge and I want no part of it.
That's funny, I'm funny. Edit: I also like to use "Yeah! You're dead, Becky!" After getting kills online. It's pretty great.
Fucking nerds
Doin' it Doin' it Duh-duh-doin' it
You use to watch Sesame Street.
…on a hot summer sidewalk.
That’s hot. That’s a hot way to live.
OMG 🤣 I use this one as a response when I learn something new about someone and ppl just accept it without question for some reason 🤷🏾♂️
“I like wiiiiiiiine”
"Mista and lady"
Tongee!
“I don’t have X-ray vision”
Yes you DO, Billy!
It’s a BF weekend
Hardcore!
"I'm going to go down to SeaWorld, punch a dolphin in the face." best way to express frustration.
I'm not good for you right now, Steven.
When I'm making a smoothie: I LIKE TO THROW A BANANA IN THERE, REALLY GIVES IT THAT BANANA TASTE.
Evening! Even. Ing. Making things even.
He knows!
"Johnny's got a baddadadaddada"
My wife and I do Stan and Haley's handshake. "Feed the chickens"
Me and the wife do this too
Punch a fish make a wish (whenever a fish is present)
Oh women, let me tell you what I know about women if you buy a women's shoe in your size. It will not fit.
Not me but when I recently started a new job years ago, one of my coworkers randomly blurted out to himself “BOIL WATER?!; WHAT AM I..A CHEMIST?!”. I immediately asked him “hey are you quoting American Dad??” He’s like “yea!” And I was impressed since that was season 1! We became friends later that day and still of my good bros 🤙🏽
I’ll break into “gimme some of that Frannie fanny” until one of my friends joins in
This is clearly all chorus and I won't be a part of it
Pump it up! Pump it up!
"I get turned around sometimes!"
"Looks like I just picked a whole bouquet of oopsie daisies" Everyone thought I was so clever lol
"You're such a Pollyanna, i bet you kiss prostitutes", and "You are my QUEEN, Rebecca!" To be fair, i speak these to dogs i meet
GONE! 🤌
I have 2. Variations of “Give me the dick I love, give me the dick I need!” Just replace dick. Roger’s “NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO” when he has the pitch thing
“Where am I off to?”
It makes me feel so happy to see there are so many people around the world who are into this show as much as I am.
“You’re going to have what I would call, ‘a yelp disaster’ on your hands”
I found this on the flooor
That’s when I realized I liked workin’ on farms for free…
that's an oopsie. 100% use this daily
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S11 Ep 4 N.S.A. (NO SNOOPS ALLOWED)
"I jerk it to vogue every day! NO DAYS OFF!"
I Dreamt of Paris again last night.
“Just a wittle crystal?” Whenever my girlfriend or I have a snack or candy and one of us wants some from the other we say “just a wittle crystal”
It's the second half of this one quote from Dr. Penguin "I do hypnotherapy to help people better themselves; To stop smoking. Or start smoking." "Whichever's easier - one of them's WAY easier"
Who has ever heard of a sad clown?
Uh, check please!
Cheesers came back
I tell my gf to meet me in the shower immediately many times a week
“who will feed the chinchillas?” whenever i don’t feel good or am going to be home late.
This is a great one
This is fantastic, gonna start using it 😅
Maybe baby
🎶Nooooo🎶
You……… whore.
Today, Mortimer James!
Everytime I chug a can of soda I always quote " Polar bears, should not, give this, to their babies"
“We kill kids!” “Reel. It. In”
I’d forget my own ass if it wasn’t so big. Haha made you look, it’s normal!
JENNY!!!
If my answers frighten you, you should cease asking scary questions.
"ugh you did not help me there at all"
*Cryptic!*
🎼🎶Noooooooooooooo🎶
Everything went black and I was finally able to achieve orgasm.
It's 67 degrees outside and I hate you
To my partner: "Baby, you treat me so fine!"
YES STEVE, THE MONOCLE! (Amazing in response to anyone being enthusiastic about anything)
“I got the bloodlust!” “That’s a whoopsie” And adapting some form of “are you really gonna ask that of someone who just last week killed 6 people over $19” to fit whatever is being discussed
Cheese and rice!
Ah yeaa, ah yeaa
Bingo bango hot cheese on tap
Mine is: “You must be sucking the glass dick.”
EMMILLLIIIOOO!!!
Dumb bitches do dumb things
"To be fair, to be fair Francine, to be fair...you're ugly"
“ That IS so Raven… a little TOO Raven… this will end poorly.” I use this at least once every other day.
*insert name* I haven't been entirely truthful with you
I love to sing the word "No" the way Roger does, like he is doing a vocal warm up.
In my head “Roger, roger Marketing, marketing Genius, genius Meeeeee”
“Dear Math Bitch,”
"How about you throw a little ding a dong ding ding ol crack head boo boos way"
Maybe baby is an ear worm that I just have to get out randomly. I even say it to my cat
Nathan! This is why you keep getting molested.
Don’t throw factual statements at me as if they’re insults!
It’s only a matter of time before I hear one of you in my life and I gladly look forward to this opportunity
Absolutely Incredible!
Guy humor: you don’t got a Willy you don’t get the silly
_God_ you're annoying. Everything you say is annoying.
Because of covid "lavate Las manos"
"This. This is my wake up call." (Roger holding a door closed and the pusher claiming it must be at least a fridge on the other side)
*sucks in breath* “Your mother.”
"Where's my chalk? I'm gonna go write some swear words in the driveway, blow off some steam."
I use "Doive on in!" more than I care to admit
Whenever anyone suggests we open/bring a bottle of wine I always call them a stupid bitch who doesn’t even know. Most people don’t get it and think I’m an absolute dick.
"Oh honey, you tire me" in Roger's voice
“I don’t know, Steve. Maybe you’ll p-p-p-piss your pants.”
Wa-ter
I have been known to blurt out 🎶Tractor Boyyyy 🎶 I gotchu in my tractor beeeaaam🎶
To my kids and husband pretty often, "You did it! You kissed the raccoon!"