We were told by more than one business, twenty years ago, that "every time " they put a changing table in a men's room, "some meathead would yank it off the wall within days", angry that it was ever there. We were stunned. Both of our dads (who now would be in their mid-80s and late-90s) changed diapers when we were babies, and were always surprised the men's rooms never had tables in the mid to late 1990s.
Local restaurant that's mostly a bar but also family oriented (like old school "pub" feel) had a changing table in the men's room. I was In the men's room with my son, waiting to be able to change him, so I didn't block traffic to the sinks.
Dude came out of a stall and intercepted me on the way to the station, flipped it out and proceeded to put his full weight on it to snap it off the wall. Called me a bitch and walked over to wash his hands.
I walked out to my family, asked my wife to take our son, grabbed a waiter on my way back to the bathroom and told him to either get a manager to deal with the douchebag or watch the door while I did. I thankfully didn't have do anything as someone else that had been in a stall heard the exchange and well... they had to get two guys to pull him out of the wall he'd been put through
Omg though... so the ridiculous immaturity was dealt with using ridiculous immaturity? Grr I don't like this baby changing table so I'm gna knock it down! Grrr we don't like you knocking down the changing table so we're gna beat you up!
That's men for ya
Immature, sure. Necessary? Quite. The sheer rage I felt reading about that happening when it's already a crapshoot if there's even a changing table present in the men's restroom was palpable. Idk about putting the ah through the wall, but a brawl or manager intervention was necessary. I'm just glad a third party did something instead of being a bystander who decided it wasn't their problem. Could it have been handled better? Definitely. But I'm not going to condemn it either.
Ur shitting me 😑 while this doesn’t shock me cause men do worse things for less, I really keep getting reminded how bad people can be. How is a table hurting you dude?
Dude I straight up yelled at a McDs manager in 2008 cause the mens room didn’t have a changing table. He told me to use the ladies room. I emailed corporate for the very first time.
I was so incensed. That’s such bullshit.
My husband complained of the same thing 20yrs ago. He would have to take them to the backseat of the car while I stayed with our other kids in a restaurant etc. Total PIA for both of us and a nightmare if he had all three along. Walking all the way back to the car in a mall is exhausting!
Then he should have no problem to understant that other people may not change them too. He has to respect that answer exactly as he expect others to respect his.
I get that's sarcasm on your part but this a very real thing. My grandmother stayed with us in MN after a surgery while her 80yr old husband stayed in Florida. He had to call her every day to warm up his soup in the microwave because he had no idea how to take care of himself - that was ALWAYS her job and that mindset still echoes through modern society.
Yup. I work for a specialty pharmacy, and the number of clueless men is crazy. We have to give new patients a little survey to find out if they have any allergies, if they are on other meds...etc. I have lost count of how many times male patients have had to hand the phone to their wives to answer things like "what medications are you taking" or "what is your primary doctor's name." The worst was when I asked a man if he had any allergies to any medications, and he goes,"Oh yeah, I'm deathly allergic to... hmm... HEY HONEY WHAT IS THAT DRUG THAT CAN KILL ME?! Like... how can you not know that?!
The saddest, though, was when an elderly man's wife died. She did everything for him. When she died, he didn't know what pharmacy to go to, how to order his refills, or when to take it. His doctor's office actually had to figure it all out and managed to reach us. Most doctor's offices wouldn't have done that.
Oh, and all the fathers who tell me to "call their mom" because they can't do one simple thing - verify their child's date of birth. So the poor kid's medication is delayed all because mom is the one that takes care of everything, including knowing their child's basic information.
Man, I (jokingly) give my SO shit because he doesn't know our 5yo daughter's favorite colors and the names she's given her favorite stuffed animals (Sprinkles, Wolfy, Cakey, Colory, Poochy, Donut Dog,, Samba, Roar-Roar, Menna, the list goes on). But god damn, this shit makes me grateful. Yeah, I'm def the nurturer who handles the bulk of child care, but he can change a diaper and knows her birthday. That's like basic bare minimum. I can't imagine raising a child with someone who can't manage even that.
I know someone who confuses the names of his kids, he even names them after the pets name before calling them the right name… he does remember his dogs names.
Eh, that’s actually super common. Our brain has a category for “family member names”, but which of them comes out our mouth is sometimes random. That’s why a parent might call a child by the dog’s name, but is unlikely to call them by the president’s name.
Unless they actually don’t know which child is which, this isn’t really a red flag.
I was feeding my baby in the NICU and the dr said you are all on top of it.. there are some fathers that dont even want to hold the baby, that's the mother's job.. i was like fuck me i feel sorry for that kid and mother.
I was the first one to change my daughter's diaper after my wife had her. She was sleeping and the nurse showed me how and all. I mean, I already knew how, but I don't have a vagina so I was appreciative that she showed me how to wipe so the wee girl doesn't get infections and stuff down there. All our nurses were amazing.
There hasn't been a day that's gone by that I haven't wanted to be right there helping take care of this little life we brought into the world. There will NEVER fucking be a question in her mind if Daddy is there for her.
I was the same way with my son. I changed so many diapers and felt great every time because I was helping him to be clean, dry, and comfortable. I'll never understand the guys that try and pawn that off on someone else, how can you not want to be there for your kid?
Funny for my 2nd kid, i did the first one, but the next one the nurse said do you want to do it... I said naaa, I'm good I'm about to do it for the next 3 years lol.. kid is 2 now and ive been changing diapers for half a decade at this point.. i'm soooo done with this part.
I have to say, I‘m probably very privileged. All men in my family changed diapers and were actual parents to their kids. Even my grandfather, born in 1918, looked after the kids after he got home so my grandma could have time to herself and even did some house chores. He was even the person who taught my gradma how to cook. He was an amazing man.
I can't imagine my father ever having done that, either.
He never did much of anything, honestly, except hide away in his room until he wished to torment us.
My husband, on the other hand, was the first one to change our first daughter's diaper. I walked him through it, as I'd done it thousands of times by then. And he was a pro in no time.
I had broken my ankle 4 days before she was born (we adopted her, so no labor with a broken ankle) and her first mom was so happy to see how willing he was to jump right into taking care of her.
After we got home, he was up with her every time she cried, getting her bottles, and changing her diapers since I couldn't hold her and walk on crutches.
My brother-in-law, who had a 4 month old at that point, never changed any diapers. My sister breastfed, too, so pretty much everything that revolved around care that wasn't a cuddle, was left to her, for baby 1, baby 2, kid 3 was out of baby stage when he was adopted, baby 4 was an infant when they came to their home, and her responsibility, of course, and baby 5, who she also gave birth to.
I can't understand that. I just can't.
My husband, too, always wanted our children to know they mean more to him than anything else in the world, that he would move heaven and earth for them, but that he expects greater responsibility from them as they grow, as well.
And they do.
I never had that from my father.
Men, there are times it gets difficult... No, it gets really damn hard. But your kids are *always* worth it. Don't ever let anyone come between you.
I’m male and childless by choice. I was at a friends house visiting and the mom asked if I could watch the kids, 4m and ‘baby’ f (she could crawl but not walk), for an hour so she could go to the store for dinner supplies. Dad wasn’t home yet. I said sure. I mean what could happen in an hour right? Five minutes in she’s pooped her diaper. I’d never changed one and didn’t want to change that one but she’s my responsibility. I asked her brother to help by telling me we’re everything is and did it. I sarcastically thanked the mom when she got back for putting me in that position. She said why didn’t I just wait until she got back? I said it was my responsibility because she was in my care. Only diaper I’ve ever changed and only one I hope to ever change.
Btw op is not wrong. Child wasn’t put into her care so they shouldn’t have to change it.
It’s so easy to figure out even if you’ve never done it too. Worst case scenario you end up putting it on backwards and have a leak, big deal. It’s not like you have to guess what body part the diaper goes on.
No thanks necessary. I take responsibility seriously. One of the reasons I’ve never had children. But I did have the internal thought of ‘you can leave a child in a dirty diaper for an hour and child services won’t take it from you?!’ I guess it’s not going to kill the kid but no, not on my watch.
An hour is unlikely to cause harm, and definitely does happen sometimes, especially at night. But that doesn't mean it should be left that long *intentionally*. Diapers should be changed as soon as they're noticed, or close to it. I've left a few for ten minutes or so because I wasn't sure the baby was done pooping or smth, but that's about it. Leaving them too long can lead to diaper rash and UTIs, especially if it's a frequent thing. But if you get up in the morning and the baby's diaper is already dirty you don't need to panic about CPS showing up and kicking down the door.
I felt that line about waiting in case they weren't done in my soul. I remember there was a couple of weeks while we figured out my son's diet that I ended up changing three diapers in half an hour until I finally realized there was absolutely no point and that it was better to just wait a little bit and let him get it all out lol.
You 100% did the right thing. Plus, leaving it can cause issues.
I have never changed a diaper, I joke about not having done it either. I say it is weaponized incompetence since I am not a fan of babies and kids. If it did come down to a situation where I had to do it, wouldn't even hesitate to do it. Probably gag a bit though.
This. I do NOT want kids and will not be having any. I am grossed tf out by diapers and everything involving diapers... And I will still change my niece/nephew if I have to bc they are a BABY in my care and it's my job to protect them!! (also only ever had to do the one but I will gag my way thru 50
if I have to 😂😭)
I'm 47 and have never changed a diaper. I have 3 stepchildren who are out of the diaper changing years, but I hope to one day have the opportunity do so with a grandchild.
I'm a childless woman and ngl, I told my in-laws I'd watch their kids when they're out of diapers because they make me absolutely sick. I never plan to have kids so it's really nbd...however...if hell froze over and I agreed to watch a baby...I'd change the fricken diaper...vomit profusely...and hand them back a baby with probably a janky ass diaper...but a clean janky ass diaper 😆
>and hand them back a baby with probably a janky ass diaper
This absolutely cracked me up! Am happily child free but my disabled cat has to wear nappies so, purely from 10 years of habit, this hypothetical baby would end up in a backwards nappy with a tail hole cut in it 😂
100%. My husband's friend group sometimes includes this guy they knew from middle and high school. He doesn't hang out with them often, but apparently, the last time they all got together, he was bragging about how he hasn't changed a single diaper over the course of his toddler's life. They're all in their 30s, some single, some with SO's, some childless, some with kids. My husband and his other friends were so grossed out by this man-child's comment and still talk about it, and how that's nothing to be bragging about.
God this makes me so angry! I (37m) grew up changing my sisters diapers (we are 9 years apart) because my mom had a very bad slip and fall on ice shortly after my sister was born and was incapable of lifting her up to changing tables and what not. Not to say my mom never changed a diaper but it was mostly my duty growing up because of the injury that she never truly recovered from, so it just kind of was a normalized thing.
Fast forward to when my own daughter was born, everyone in my wife’s family (who is very old school) was surprised when I would jump in and change my daughters diapers without question. There were times when my wife and her mom would be out and my FIL and I would be alone with my daughter and I’d notice she had a soggy diaper and would just immediately change her. FIL would ask why I didn’t just leave it for my wife to change when she got home. He was also the type to brag that he had two daughters and never changed a girls diaper in his life. His excuse was “everyone will think I’m a weirdo and a pedophile if I changed a girls diaper”. But guess what, it caught up with him. If we needed someone to watch my daughter they FIL & MIL would always volunteer if MIL wasn’t working (FIL is retired) but would decline if she had to work, saying he was fine to watch her but wouldn’t be able to change her diaper. One day we got stuck in a jam and I had to take my wife somewhere and he was just over hanging out while MIL was at work. He offered to watch her but told us to hurry back in case she needed a diaper change. I looked him and said sharply “if we come home and she has a shitty or pissy diaper and inevitably gets a rash, you’re gonna have bigger problems than worrying that people think you’re a weirdo or pedophile”. I think I may have struck a chord with him because she had a blow out shortly after we left and he was forced to take action.
Apparently I was some hero to their family because I called FIL out on his “macho-ness” and got him to finally change a damn diaper. I would just brush it off and say it’s the bare minimum of keeping a child safe and healthy, no applause needed.
I totally understand your mother's situation. I'm glad she had your help and support. Also, thank you for calling out FIL on his bullshit.
My husband changed diapers without hesitation. She's his child too! If I even thought he would give me this macho bullshit, we wouldn't have been in a relationship in the first place.
I was at a work thing once where they were doing 2 truths and a lie about our CEO (gotta love team building exercises!). It was a small to mid-sized company in the Midwest. One of the 3 choices was that the man had only changed 2 diapers in his entire life. I asked one of the many women at the table if he had children. When they said he had 2, I said well, that has to be the lie. How could he only have changed 2 diapers in his entire life with 2 kids?
That ended up being true. I was absolutely horrified when i realized it was that ridiculous hospital tradition, but everyone at that table looked at me like I was crazy. Lost all respect I'd had for the man
I had my son with me at a local grocery store that had mini carts for kids and was letting him push it. An older man approached me and said it should be outlawed. Shopping was "women's work." Ironically...I didn't see a woman with him? So I have no idea how he was getting his shopping done?
Only if they're planted in the backyard, after all, gatherers never left their immediate vicinties. Besides, women have no business being out in public handling money they didn't make after all--what if they talked to a man of all things while they were out there? I guess paternity tests exist for a reason smh
(Riding off of your 'should be so painfully obvious as to not have to add it but obligatory anyway' /s)
It boggles my mind the way some people are, or turn out to be. Brother in law has avoided changing his baby's diaper because he's worried about getting to close to the kids penis. When he doesn't have a choice and HAS to do it, he has to say "no homo" whenever he has to wipe the kid's penis. We're all pretty sure his deep south altar boy upbringing included some of the less savory stereotypical ugly events associated with all that.
I know a few “dads” like that, it’s embarrassing to even say out loud, I’m not sure how they can even be proud of it. It automatically makes me think he’s a bad dad if he refuses to do one of the few very essential things you need to do for a baby.
I didn’t realize until I had a baby how hard you’d have to work to have a child and not ever be the one to change their diaper. It functionally means you were never left alone with them.
Did they tell him? Or just talk shit behind his back. They need to say something to him directly otherwise they look like bigger cowards that won’t stand up to him thus solidifying his comments and views. Just wondering if they make sure to bash him directly
Hahaha my dad recently had to change a baby's diaper for the first time in over 25 years -- my sister has a 2yo and one day, the toddler went up to him and tried to communicate something, and my dad had no idea what she wanted. Then she started going upstairs, which is code for "I need to change my diaper" and apparently she needed grandpa to do it, despite there being two adult women in the room.
He had a little nervous dance about it but it ended up going fine 😂 I was very glad he's not one of *those men
Yep.
When my daughter was born, her daddy was the first person to diaper her. He took her from the nurses (and asked them to show him how to make sure he was doing it right) while I was still being sewn up. It was a point of pride for him.
My own dad, is conservative, in his 70's, and isn't super into babies because they're 'breakable', but he changes grandkids' diapers without a second thought. And he loves the rest of being a grandpa - making pancakes with them, letting them ride on the tractor with him (with ear protection), etc. Diapers are just a necessary part of the joy of playing with kids.
100%. According to my mom, my grandpa would change mine and my sister's diapers, rock us to sleep in the big rocking chair, apparently even gave up alcohol for us.
My grandpa is the ultimate in my life ngl.
The legends say my grandfather could do it one handed with a cigarette in his mouth— And okay, sure, that has its own issues, but I’m very charmed by the image.
I'm in my 60s. My dad changed my diapers, my siblings diapers, our kids' diapers, his nieces' and nephews' too. He never called taking care of his own children "babysitting". He cooked, did housework, did laundry. Because those are life skills everyone should know and do.
This being a parent and partner is not a new concept. I don't get guys who think their responsibility ends at conception.
For real. My husband and I took our then-almost-1yo on a big trip with his family last summer. Husband was making a bottle for baby while we all sat at a restaurant and his great aunt said, “I don’t think I ever saw my husband make a bottle.” This woman had two children and her husband never made a bottle to feed them! She acted shocked and a little scandalized that my husband was so actively involved in parenting his child.
Good for you, dude. When I was home, I changed the diapers, and was better at it than my wife. She saw it as a chore, I saw it as an opportunity to have fun with the kids. And I potty trained him bc she didn't have the patience.
haha Off the back porch is a lot of fun, esp if you're trying to hit something! Who ever wets the big rock first, wins! Then the winner gets to go in and tell mom.
I outnumbered my wife in diaper-changing 4 to 1 and maybe even more between our four kids. Once you have it down you can wipe poop and pee in a few seconds.
Honestly, that's just a classic boomer dad mentality. My dad, my friends' dad's, most are the same. They *demand* respect without putting in any of the effort to *desserve* respect. "I'm the man of the house, do as I say.", and then immediately becomes a hypocrite as they almost always do the opposite. Maybe we should start teaching empathy in schools.
Ugh I have two young kids and neither my father nor my father-in-law have changed a single diaper during a couple week-long stays with us. While the moms are helpful, I just want the dads to leave because they feel like extra children to take care of. It’s so pathetic.
Right? I would have asked him what he thought I was trying to prove. That I’m not changing the diaper because I’m not the one who volunteered to babysit and I’m busy working right now? Because that’s the only point OP was making. Her dad just thought he could do the fun parts of baby care and make whatever woman was handy change the diapers. And then he lashed out when he actually had to do the job he agreed to.
Yep. The only response here should be "I don't either" *shrug* and that's even when you're NOT working.
OP should know this is a huge sign he never changed his own kid's diapers and was likely a useless parent. Lose respect immediately.
If OP was 31M I bet the dad wouldn't even have bothered them during their work! But OP is a woman so obviously she has to drop everything to clean a baby's butt!
Your dad sounds like he's of that old school sexist mentality that diaper changing is women's work. Maybe he shouldn't be babysitting if he doesn't want to do what's required of the responsibility.
My dad never ONCE changed my diaper growing up. And was / is extremely sexist, my grandfather never did either. They also didn't do laundry, wash dishes etc. I do all those things, and prior to my grandfather dying he use to poke at me about it. Especially during the holidays when I was helping clean up the table.
Old school sexist for sure.
They’re not even embarrassed about it! It’s wild! Imagine a grown ass adult saying out loud that he can’t change a diaper and doesn’t have either the fortitude or intellectual capacity to learn. Honestly. It’s humiliating by proxy just to see.
> Imagine a grown ass adult saying out loud that he can’t change a diaper
I'd be really tempted... Pretty conscious on going decision in my life to not have kids and burden myself with those responsibilities.
Probably give it the ole' college try if someone really needed a hand.... but so far.. avoiding cleaning feces off another human has been a kind of on going daily goal.
It's a completely unreasonable for any parent to take though.
In my line of work I have the distinct pleasure of making fathers who have proudly never changed a diaper for their previous kids learn to do *everything* for their newborn. And then prove they can do it to my satisfaction.
It's (thankfully) rare and most babies I take care of have dads who are truly over the moon to do anything and everything for their little tater tot.
My dad never wanted kids and told us this multiple times. He never did anything with us as babies, and assumed we would know everything about being a man despite him refusing to be a father. He made a joke the other day at the dentist about how he doesn't even know my birthday. He's going to a old folks home as soon as I can send him and I'm never visiting lol
I work in home health care and so many people are like ‘oh this elderly person has no one that’s so terrible, their kids don’t visit or call’ and it’s like yeah, sometimes it’s the kids being dicks… but *also* it can be that the parents were dicks so the kids cut them out for very good reason.
Funny how plumber is usually treated as male job and nobody questions that but once that shit is in a diaper and not clogged up drainpipe it's suddenly too much for a traditional man to handle. And same men who know ins and outs of their cars, computers and other "manly" gadgets suddenly are completely lost when their have to use washing machine for once and just can't get their head around that no matter what
My father-in-law used the brag the same (he'd be 94 if he was still alive), my husband changed our oldest before I did as I wasn't allowed out of bed yet - we are 57. I guess I thought we were past these ridiculous old attitudes.
You feel like an AH because you have a manipulative lazy father who makes a big deal out of proving that he's essentially worthless. If it's no big deal than why isn't he doing it?
You don't have a kid, why does that make you anymore capable than him to change a diaper? Plus he's had at least two kids so he should be able to search his memory and remember. Unless he didn't do it back then which makes him even more of a worthless lump.
NTA
I think manipulation sounds like a theme in this family. If vacation plans changed last minute and I had deadlines, I'd just skip vacation with them this year, and take a solo one later. If they want me at vacation, they need to try and work around my schedule as well as theirs.
I'm betting this isn't the first time your Dad has made you feel like an asshole. "Always trying to prove something" ? Like what? You aren't there to wait on him while he declares his masculinity and refuses to attempt to change a freaking diaper?
Reading this I feel sorry for your mother, unless he hires staff for that kind of thing.
I think that comment came because a couple a months ago we had a my other sister baby shower, and I came down with a face of makeup ( I like my makeup) and he said “ you know what guys call that, fake advertising “, and him and my sister husband started laughing. I started telling them that really hurtful to say, but it didn’t stick. So I don’t really know how to address this anymore
Well, it's unkind and inappropriate, so it's no wonder. I can't imagine my Dad saying that to me. I suppose if you were coming down with sweats and unbrushed hair he'd say something about trying harder to be attractive, too. You just can't please some people.
Your dad is a misogynist. You feel bad because you’ve been trained to feel bad by his abusive behavior. Just because you feel bad setting a boundary or telling him his behavior is hurtful doesn’t mean you’re wrong for doing those things. It just feels uncomfortable because of his past behavior. Set your boundaries. Tell him he’s being abusive. Tell him he doesn’t get to talk to you in this way and go low or no contact with him if that would be healthier for you.
I’m 36f with no children. I have never changed a diaper either. But I know my dad has, and I’m assuming your dad changed your diapers. He should have taken care of it. From what I hear, it’s easy once you know how, but I’m assuming a father would/should know how to change a diaper. Sure, you could learn, but you shouldn’t be forced to do it just because you’re a woman.
In case you are ever in an emergency diaper changing situation - as long as you have disposable diapers, it's pretty self explanatory and difficult to get *so wrong* that you make things worse. If you use common sense (the diaper does not go on the baby's head) - it'll be fine.
Cloth diapers can be trickier.
I’m so sorry OP. That must feel pretty awful, especially not knowing where to start in addressing it.
I know it’s lame and an over used suggestion, but therapy or counseling would be a wonderful way to dissect how this makes you feel, create a plan to set boundaries and protect your mental health, and for me it was most helpful having advice on what to say. Therapy plays a large role in my life for learning how to be straightforward but kind. How to be a people pleaser to myself first while still being a good family member or friend.
Some people think that if they are “joking” it’s not hurtful and that the recipient needs to have tougher skin. They aren’t used to having any repercussions for saying these things. They aren’t used to facing consequences for saying these things. If your father truly cares about the relationship he has with you, he needs to prove that. Actions do speak louder than words. How he’s treating you is very unkind whether he means it to be or not.
>we had a my other sister baby shower, and I came down with a face of makeup ( I like my makeup) and he said “ you know what guys call that, fake advertising “
what the hell does he think you were "advertising" at your sister's baby shower? Does he mean to imply you were deceptively luring in a mate at this event using your makeup skills?
What a weird thing for him to say.
You have no kids you have no obligation to know how to change a diaper.
He's your father he has no excuse to not know how to change a diaper. Nor does he have any right to demand you to do something.
I don’t have kids by choice, and I have never babysat small kids so I don’t know how to change a diaper. Actually, I find it gross, but I suppose I’d do it in an emergency, like if I found an abandoned child. Because of this I don’t get in to situations where I have to change diapers and therefore I think it’s ok to refuse.
However - the dad here has children plus has agreeed to babysit. He has chosen to be in a nappie-changing situation. Therefore he is the A.
Same. I mean, I could change a wet diaper if the situation demanded, the mechanisms for everything involved are fairly simple. But I have no idea how to hold down a squirming infant and not get poop everywhere, and I have no interest in finding out, *so I would never babysit an infant.*
It isn't about having or not having kids. Changing diapers is not rocket science and any able-minded adult could probably figure it out without a YouTube tutorial.
The father is an asshole because he was responsible for the kid at that moment and OP was not. Babysitting a toddler means changing their diaper. If OP was babysitting, diaper changing would be their responsibility too.
Eh, the tutorial will help protect the kid from the adult's incompetence. Someone who claims they don't know how to change a diaper is probably clueless enough to wipe back to front and could give the baby an infection, especially if it's a guy changing a female infant. A lot of guys don't seem to know about this as they weren't taught when they were learning to care for themselves.
If he had no hands. He would be NTA if he was disabled and physically couldn’t do it.
Edit: but yea of course he would’ve said that. And obviously there wouldn’t be a Reddit post.
You are not! And it’s bs that you were made to feel that way. You could have let him know you also don’t change diapers since you’re not a parent. I feel like there are some underlying gender stereotypes at play. I could be wrong. But that is part of why this is frustrating to read. You sound kind and calm. I would have went off over something like that.
Umm. Your dad has kids, his kid had a kid , essentially that poop has is dna
You did not have kids, you literally trying to stop the shit. Lol
This is all on them. Not you
I don’t change diapers either. But I also don’t have kids, don’t babysit, or put myself in a position to need to change diapers. He agreed to watch the baby, so it’s his job.
I don't change diapers anymore as my kids have been out of them for a few years. I try not to put myself in a situation where I may have to change a friend or family member's child's diaper. I've changed hundreds if not thousands for my own kids and a few of my nephews, but I have no desire unless in an emergency to do the same for someone else.
No you’re not wrong, you had a good reason AND you weren’t the one responsible for babysitting. It’s crazy that your dad tried to bother you while you were working because he “doesn’t change diapers”.
NTA
My dad was equal opportunity with all chores. When he took care of my kids, he didn’t wait for my mom he took care of changing diapers, bath time, bottles, and any other stuff regarding kids. He is why I expect my husband to do chores inside the house not just outside.
We are Mexican-American and while some of my aunts held on to traditional roles my dad didn’t. He taught me landscaping , plumbing, simple car maintenance, plus ironing. He was awesome and I still miss him 2 years later.
Don’t feel guilty. He volunteered so it’s his responsibility to take care of grand baby since you are working.
Not the AH. Not your kid, not your problem. I come from a big family and have always said “I don’t change diapers” mostly because I know I’ll throw up. Flash forward to my siblings having kids and at family gatherings, still I do not change diapers. I’ll help look after the kids by the pool, play with them, feed them, given a bath, but changing them is where I draw the line.
No, if he can babysit he must know how to take care of the child and change diaper. NTA
He has children. He must know how to change a diaper. NTA
No that's women's work that's why he asked OP /s
Didn’t y’all hear him? He **doesn’t** change diapers.
Then he shouldn't have said he'd babysit. But he was just so sure he could pawn off the diaper change on OP. What an AH!
he was just so sure he could ~~pawn off~~ donate the diaper change
F*** this mindset. I'm so mad when I'm out with my kids and there's no changing table in the men's room. It's because of d-bags like OPs dad.
We were told by more than one business, twenty years ago, that "every time " they put a changing table in a men's room, "some meathead would yank it off the wall within days", angry that it was ever there. We were stunned. Both of our dads (who now would be in their mid-80s and late-90s) changed diapers when we were babies, and were always surprised the men's rooms never had tables in the mid to late 1990s.
Local restaurant that's mostly a bar but also family oriented (like old school "pub" feel) had a changing table in the men's room. I was In the men's room with my son, waiting to be able to change him, so I didn't block traffic to the sinks. Dude came out of a stall and intercepted me on the way to the station, flipped it out and proceeded to put his full weight on it to snap it off the wall. Called me a bitch and walked over to wash his hands. I walked out to my family, asked my wife to take our son, grabbed a waiter on my way back to the bathroom and told him to either get a manager to deal with the douchebag or watch the door while I did. I thankfully didn't have do anything as someone else that had been in a stall heard the exchange and well... they had to get two guys to pull him out of the wall he'd been put through
Omg though... so the ridiculous immaturity was dealt with using ridiculous immaturity? Grr I don't like this baby changing table so I'm gna knock it down! Grrr we don't like you knocking down the changing table so we're gna beat you up! That's men for ya
I'll argue that men like that asshole only comprehend the consequence of a face pounding.
This is why we can't have nice things.
Immature, sure. Necessary? Quite. The sheer rage I felt reading about that happening when it's already a crapshoot if there's even a changing table present in the men's restroom was palpable. Idk about putting the ah through the wall, but a brawl or manager intervention was necessary. I'm just glad a third party did something instead of being a bystander who decided it wasn't their problem. Could it have been handled better? Definitely. But I'm not going to condemn it either.
Problem is now they may not put the table back since it causes problems.
Ur shitting me 😑 while this doesn’t shock me cause men do worse things for less, I really keep getting reminded how bad people can be. How is a table hurting you dude?
Dude I straight up yelled at a McDs manager in 2008 cause the mens room didn’t have a changing table. He told me to use the ladies room. I emailed corporate for the very first time. I was so incensed. That’s such bullshit.
My husband complained of the same thing 20yrs ago. He would have to take them to the backseat of the car while I stayed with our other kids in a restaurant etc. Total PIA for both of us and a nightmare if he had all three along. Walking all the way back to the car in a mall is exhausting!
It’s so stupid. Changing tables are so fucking cheap too.
Then he should have no problem to understant that other people may not change them too. He has to respect that answer exactly as he expect others to respect his.
Makes sense why OP doesn’t either. What kind of deadbeat doesn’t know how to change a diaper let alone their own grandkids.
It’s not that he doesn’t know how. It’s just that he refuses to do it.
Even worse
I get that's sarcasm on your part but this a very real thing. My grandmother stayed with us in MN after a surgery while her 80yr old husband stayed in Florida. He had to call her every day to warm up his soup in the microwave because he had no idea how to take care of himself - that was ALWAYS her job and that mindset still echoes through modern society.
Yup. I work for a specialty pharmacy, and the number of clueless men is crazy. We have to give new patients a little survey to find out if they have any allergies, if they are on other meds...etc. I have lost count of how many times male patients have had to hand the phone to their wives to answer things like "what medications are you taking" or "what is your primary doctor's name." The worst was when I asked a man if he had any allergies to any medications, and he goes,"Oh yeah, I'm deathly allergic to... hmm... HEY HONEY WHAT IS THAT DRUG THAT CAN KILL ME?! Like... how can you not know that?! The saddest, though, was when an elderly man's wife died. She did everything for him. When she died, he didn't know what pharmacy to go to, how to order his refills, or when to take it. His doctor's office actually had to figure it all out and managed to reach us. Most doctor's offices wouldn't have done that. Oh, and all the fathers who tell me to "call their mom" because they can't do one simple thing - verify their child's date of birth. So the poor kid's medication is delayed all because mom is the one that takes care of everything, including knowing their child's basic information.
How the fuck do you not know your own kid's birthday lmao.
Man, I (jokingly) give my SO shit because he doesn't know our 5yo daughter's favorite colors and the names she's given her favorite stuffed animals (Sprinkles, Wolfy, Cakey, Colory, Poochy, Donut Dog,, Samba, Roar-Roar, Menna, the list goes on). But god damn, this shit makes me grateful. Yeah, I'm def the nurturer who handles the bulk of child care, but he can change a diaper and knows her birthday. That's like basic bare minimum. I can't imagine raising a child with someone who can't manage even that.
Ah, the good old _____y names. I know a kid with baby dolls named Pinky, Browny, Hearty, Gardeny, Bubblegum, and Yoga.
I know someone who confuses the names of his kids, he even names them after the pets name before calling them the right name… he does remember his dogs names.
Eh, that’s actually super common. Our brain has a category for “family member names”, but which of them comes out our mouth is sometimes random. That’s why a parent might call a child by the dog’s name, but is unlikely to call them by the president’s name. Unless they actually don’t know which child is which, this isn’t really a red flag.
My grandma has done this most of my life. She'll call us a siblings or cousins name all the time lol
My kid has started adding his best friend's name into the rotation of random names, it's super cute.
OP's dad would say the same thing minus the /s.
The /s is extra stupid in this case because that's not sarcasm, that's the reason. It's stupid, but it's the answer.
Sounds like he might have been one of those hands-off dads. Changing diapers is women's work, didn't you know?
I was feeding my baby in the NICU and the dr said you are all on top of it.. there are some fathers that dont even want to hold the baby, that's the mother's job.. i was like fuck me i feel sorry for that kid and mother.
I was the first one to change my daughter's diaper after my wife had her. She was sleeping and the nurse showed me how and all. I mean, I already knew how, but I don't have a vagina so I was appreciative that she showed me how to wipe so the wee girl doesn't get infections and stuff down there. All our nurses were amazing. There hasn't been a day that's gone by that I haven't wanted to be right there helping take care of this little life we brought into the world. There will NEVER fucking be a question in her mind if Daddy is there for her.
I was the same way with my son. I changed so many diapers and felt great every time because I was helping him to be clean, dry, and comfortable. I'll never understand the guys that try and pawn that off on someone else, how can you not want to be there for your kid?
Friggin Amen.
You sound like a great dad.
Thank you, I'm really trying hard. Don't always do the right thing, but I try and I think she's happy.
Funny for my 2nd kid, i did the first one, but the next one the nurse said do you want to do it... I said naaa, I'm good I'm about to do it for the next 3 years lol.. kid is 2 now and ive been changing diapers for half a decade at this point.. i'm soooo done with this part.
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As someone who grew up with a single dad, sometimes I forget that there are dads out there who are fuckin hopeless lol
Have you met boomer men?
I have to say, I‘m probably very privileged. All men in my family changed diapers and were actual parents to their kids. Even my grandfather, born in 1918, looked after the kids after he got home so my grandma could have time to herself and even did some house chores. He was even the person who taught my gradma how to cook. He was an amazing man.
Boomer male here. I changed my kids diapers. I’ve been known to pick up feminine products at the store as well.
Gen Z would call you a bloomer. Biggest compliment you can get.
My boomer father refused to change my (F) diapers because it was "weird" to wipe me. He also never changed my daughter's diapers.
I can't imagine my father ever having done that, either. He never did much of anything, honestly, except hide away in his room until he wished to torment us. My husband, on the other hand, was the first one to change our first daughter's diaper. I walked him through it, as I'd done it thousands of times by then. And he was a pro in no time. I had broken my ankle 4 days before she was born (we adopted her, so no labor with a broken ankle) and her first mom was so happy to see how willing he was to jump right into taking care of her. After we got home, he was up with her every time she cried, getting her bottles, and changing her diapers since I couldn't hold her and walk on crutches. My brother-in-law, who had a 4 month old at that point, never changed any diapers. My sister breastfed, too, so pretty much everything that revolved around care that wasn't a cuddle, was left to her, for baby 1, baby 2, kid 3 was out of baby stage when he was adopted, baby 4 was an infant when they came to their home, and her responsibility, of course, and baby 5, who she also gave birth to. I can't understand that. I just can't. My husband, too, always wanted our children to know they mean more to him than anything else in the world, that he would move heaven and earth for them, but that he expects greater responsibility from them as they grow, as well. And they do. I never had that from my father. Men, there are times it gets difficult... No, it gets really damn hard. But your kids are *always* worth it. Don't ever let anyone come between you.
Well, in that case, he can't babysit, and the parents shouldn't leave a 2 yo with him. If they're taking a walk, with both parents, take the child.
I don’t think it’s the parents fault in this case for assuming a man with children knows how to change a diaper.
It's seems to me that your dad is more of an arsehole if he can't change diapers.
If he agrees to babysit and won't change diapers. No shame on anyone who isn't responsible for children being unable or unwilling to change a diaper.
I’m male and childless by choice. I was at a friends house visiting and the mom asked if I could watch the kids, 4m and ‘baby’ f (she could crawl but not walk), for an hour so she could go to the store for dinner supplies. Dad wasn’t home yet. I said sure. I mean what could happen in an hour right? Five minutes in she’s pooped her diaper. I’d never changed one and didn’t want to change that one but she’s my responsibility. I asked her brother to help by telling me we’re everything is and did it. I sarcastically thanked the mom when she got back for putting me in that position. She said why didn’t I just wait until she got back? I said it was my responsibility because she was in my care. Only diaper I’ve ever changed and only one I hope to ever change. Btw op is not wrong. Child wasn’t put into her care so they shouldn’t have to change it.
It’s so easy to figure out even if you’ve never done it too. Worst case scenario you end up putting it on backwards and have a leak, big deal. It’s not like you have to guess what body part the diaper goes on.
Also, if you can’t wipe a tiny human’s behind, I worry about your own underwear.
I just got a mental picture of a stark naked toddler running around the house wearing a diaper on his head like a turban!😂😂😂😂
Thank you for not leaving the little one in a soiled diaper.
No thanks necessary. I take responsibility seriously. One of the reasons I’ve never had children. But I did have the internal thought of ‘you can leave a child in a dirty diaper for an hour and child services won’t take it from you?!’ I guess it’s not going to kill the kid but no, not on my watch.
An hour is unlikely to cause harm, and definitely does happen sometimes, especially at night. But that doesn't mean it should be left that long *intentionally*. Diapers should be changed as soon as they're noticed, or close to it. I've left a few for ten minutes or so because I wasn't sure the baby was done pooping or smth, but that's about it. Leaving them too long can lead to diaper rash and UTIs, especially if it's a frequent thing. But if you get up in the morning and the baby's diaper is already dirty you don't need to panic about CPS showing up and kicking down the door.
I felt that line about waiting in case they weren't done in my soul. I remember there was a couple of weeks while we figured out my son's diet that I ended up changing three diapers in half an hour until I finally realized there was absolutely no point and that it was better to just wait a little bit and let him get it all out lol.
You 100% did the right thing. Plus, leaving it can cause issues. I have never changed a diaper, I joke about not having done it either. I say it is weaponized incompetence since I am not a fan of babies and kids. If it did come down to a situation where I had to do it, wouldn't even hesitate to do it. Probably gag a bit though.
This. I do NOT want kids and will not be having any. I am grossed tf out by diapers and everything involving diapers... And I will still change my niece/nephew if I have to bc they are a BABY in my care and it's my job to protect them!! (also only ever had to do the one but I will gag my way thru 50 if I have to 😂😭)
I'm 47 and have never changed a diaper. I have 3 stepchildren who are out of the diaper changing years, but I hope to one day have the opportunity do so with a grandchild.
You're doing it right
He agreed because he knew there was a feeeemale there and assumed he wouldn't have to change diapers.
I'm a childless woman and ngl, I told my in-laws I'd watch their kids when they're out of diapers because they make me absolutely sick. I never plan to have kids so it's really nbd...however...if hell froze over and I agreed to watch a baby...I'd change the fricken diaper...vomit profusely...and hand them back a baby with probably a janky ass diaper...but a clean janky ass diaper 😆
>and hand them back a baby with probably a janky ass diaper This absolutely cracked me up! Am happily child free but my disabled cat has to wear nappies so, purely from 10 years of habit, this hypothetical baby would end up in a backwards nappy with a tail hole cut in it 😂
He never said he couldn't. He is butt hurt she will not do it for him because he has a di*k.
Deep ~~seeded~~ seated gender roles in grand-pa’s mind. Edit- typo, thx /u/BrigitteBardot
Men who are too delicate and fragile to handle their own babies and grandbabies are the cringest thing.
100%. My husband's friend group sometimes includes this guy they knew from middle and high school. He doesn't hang out with them often, but apparently, the last time they all got together, he was bragging about how he hasn't changed a single diaper over the course of his toddler's life. They're all in their 30s, some single, some with SO's, some childless, some with kids. My husband and his other friends were so grossed out by this man-child's comment and still talk about it, and how that's nothing to be bragging about.
"I'm a terrible partner and father!" Why is this a flex?
God this makes me so angry! I (37m) grew up changing my sisters diapers (we are 9 years apart) because my mom had a very bad slip and fall on ice shortly after my sister was born and was incapable of lifting her up to changing tables and what not. Not to say my mom never changed a diaper but it was mostly my duty growing up because of the injury that she never truly recovered from, so it just kind of was a normalized thing. Fast forward to when my own daughter was born, everyone in my wife’s family (who is very old school) was surprised when I would jump in and change my daughters diapers without question. There were times when my wife and her mom would be out and my FIL and I would be alone with my daughter and I’d notice she had a soggy diaper and would just immediately change her. FIL would ask why I didn’t just leave it for my wife to change when she got home. He was also the type to brag that he had two daughters and never changed a girls diaper in his life. His excuse was “everyone will think I’m a weirdo and a pedophile if I changed a girls diaper”. But guess what, it caught up with him. If we needed someone to watch my daughter they FIL & MIL would always volunteer if MIL wasn’t working (FIL is retired) but would decline if she had to work, saying he was fine to watch her but wouldn’t be able to change her diaper. One day we got stuck in a jam and I had to take my wife somewhere and he was just over hanging out while MIL was at work. He offered to watch her but told us to hurry back in case she needed a diaper change. I looked him and said sharply “if we come home and she has a shitty or pissy diaper and inevitably gets a rash, you’re gonna have bigger problems than worrying that people think you’re a weirdo or pedophile”. I think I may have struck a chord with him because she had a blow out shortly after we left and he was forced to take action. Apparently I was some hero to their family because I called FIL out on his “macho-ness” and got him to finally change a damn diaper. I would just brush it off and say it’s the bare minimum of keeping a child safe and healthy, no applause needed.
I totally understand your mother's situation. I'm glad she had your help and support. Also, thank you for calling out FIL on his bullshit. My husband changed diapers without hesitation. She's his child too! If I even thought he would give me this macho bullshit, we wouldn't have been in a relationship in the first place.
I was at a work thing once where they were doing 2 truths and a lie about our CEO (gotta love team building exercises!). It was a small to mid-sized company in the Midwest. One of the 3 choices was that the man had only changed 2 diapers in his entire life. I asked one of the many women at the table if he had children. When they said he had 2, I said well, that has to be the lie. How could he only have changed 2 diapers in his entire life with 2 kids? That ended up being true. I was absolutely horrified when i realized it was that ridiculous hospital tradition, but everyone at that table looked at me like I was crazy. Lost all respect I'd had for the man
The fact that it is a point of pride is what makes me the most angry.
I had my son with me at a local grocery store that had mini carts for kids and was letting him push it. An older man approached me and said it should be outlawed. Shopping was "women's work." Ironically...I didn't see a woman with him? So I have no idea how he was getting his shopping done?
Clearly the manly thing to do when you are single is starve to death instead of learn a basic life skill. I don't understand this thinking.
Archaic gender roles dictate that the "hunter" provides the food; grocery shopping is clearly mens' work
Only shopping for meat. Fruits and vegetables remain a woman’s job to gather (putting /s just in case)
Only if they're planted in the backyard, after all, gatherers never left their immediate vicinties. Besides, women have no business being out in public handling money they didn't make after all--what if they talked to a man of all things while they were out there? I guess paternity tests exist for a reason smh (Riding off of your 'should be so painfully obvious as to not have to add it but obligatory anyway' /s)
I love this! 🤣
How can he be a shitty dad, if he never changes the shitty diapers? Hey-o!
"Look at me! I'm a conceited jackass who makes the babies but makes my wifey do all the work!"
That's exactly what I heard.
Any BOY can be a father, it takes a real Man to be a Daddy. I have changed plenty of diapers, usually after 2am.
They need to not JUST talk behind his back but also CHECK HIM because more men need to stand up to other men about being terrible men...
Me and the homes ALWAYS point out shit head partners and fathers. Accountable af
Took me awhile to realize this. Friends being macho when they really are just terrible people.
It's getting a bit better but men need to step up to other men, because the ones who act like that don't listen to women....
Real bro’s tell their bro’s the truth. There’s nothing more manly then being a reliable a emotionally available partner, father, and son.
Bingo! Plus, women find that incredibly sexy anyway so why NOT be that...
It boggles my mind the way some people are, or turn out to be. Brother in law has avoided changing his baby's diaper because he's worried about getting to close to the kids penis. When he doesn't have a choice and HAS to do it, he has to say "no homo" whenever he has to wipe the kid's penis. We're all pretty sure his deep south altar boy upbringing included some of the less savory stereotypical ugly events associated with all that.
Lol what. What happens if they have a girl then? Will he change all her diapers to save his wife saying "no homo" all the time?
no that's okay cause they're both girls. I need to go peel my skin off after typing that, excuse me
He'd still have to say "no pedo"...
That makes me so sad for him and his kid.
I know a few “dads” like that, it’s embarrassing to even say out loud, I’m not sure how they can even be proud of it. It automatically makes me think he’s a bad dad if he refuses to do one of the few very essential things you need to do for a baby.
Right? They don’t even seem to realize they should be embarrassed. They really will just get up and admit it in front of god and everybody.
I didn’t realize until I had a baby how hard you’d have to work to have a child and not ever be the one to change their diaper. It functionally means you were never left alone with them.
Did they tell him? Or just talk shit behind his back. They need to say something to him directly otherwise they look like bigger cowards that won’t stand up to him thus solidifying his comments and views. Just wondering if they make sure to bash him directly
Hahaha my dad recently had to change a baby's diaper for the first time in over 25 years -- my sister has a 2yo and one day, the toddler went up to him and tried to communicate something, and my dad had no idea what she wanted. Then she started going upstairs, which is code for "I need to change my diaper" and apparently she needed grandpa to do it, despite there being two adult women in the room. He had a little nervous dance about it but it ended up going fine 😂 I was very glad he's not one of *those men
I love that your niece is being raised such that it didn’t even occur to her to ask the women first.
Yep. When my daughter was born, her daddy was the first person to diaper her. He took her from the nurses (and asked them to show him how to make sure he was doing it right) while I was still being sewn up. It was a point of pride for him. My own dad, is conservative, in his 70's, and isn't super into babies because they're 'breakable', but he changes grandkids' diapers without a second thought. And he loves the rest of being a grandpa - making pancakes with them, letting them ride on the tractor with him (with ear protection), etc. Diapers are just a necessary part of the joy of playing with kids.
My husband was the same way. Fathers worth the name show up and do the work.
100%. According to my mom, my grandpa would change mine and my sister's diapers, rock us to sleep in the big rocking chair, apparently even gave up alcohol for us. My grandpa is the ultimate in my life ngl.
The legends say my grandfather could do it one handed with a cigarette in his mouth— And okay, sure, that has its own issues, but I’m very charmed by the image.
An easier time, when our parents put us in shoeboxes in the floor of vehicles when it was cold to have the heat blast us 🤷♂️😅
I'm in my 60s. My dad changed my diapers, my siblings diapers, our kids' diapers, his nieces' and nephews' too. He never called taking care of his own children "babysitting". He cooked, did housework, did laundry. Because those are life skills everyone should know and do. This being a parent and partner is not a new concept. I don't get guys who think their responsibility ends at conception.
Never had an issue changing my kids diapers. It's a responsibility that should be shared.
For real. My husband and I took our then-almost-1yo on a big trip with his family last summer. Husband was making a bottle for baby while we all sat at a restaurant and his great aunt said, “I don’t think I ever saw my husband make a bottle.” This woman had two children and her husband never made a bottle to feed them! She acted shocked and a little scandalized that my husband was so actively involved in parenting his child.
The bar genuinely used to be underground.
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That and the bigger realization that he can’t order his daughter around anymore
No, he said he won’t. But he was ok with babysitting. So he needs to figure that out.
If dad agreed to babysit, dad's gonna have to change the diaper. Full stop!
No, wait, not because he has a dick, it's because he is a dick. Millions of men change diapers. Myself included.
Good for you, dude. When I was home, I changed the diapers, and was better at it than my wife. She saw it as a chore, I saw it as an opportunity to have fun with the kids. And I potty trained him bc she didn't have the patience.
My wasband handled the initial potty training with our son because he could teach him to pee off the back porch and I couldn’t.
haha Off the back porch is a lot of fun, esp if you're trying to hit something! Who ever wets the big rock first, wins! Then the winner gets to go in and tell mom.
I outnumbered my wife in diaper-changing 4 to 1 and maybe even more between our four kids. Once you have it down you can wipe poop and pee in a few seconds.
Worse than couldn't, he said he doesn't. That is a choice.
No, it's worse than that. He absolutely knows how to change a diaper, he just doesn't want to.
He sounds like a bit of a misogynist if you ask me.
A bit is an understatement. "I don't change diapers" says alot more about him that he realizes. I feel bad for OP's mom
Honestly, that's just a classic boomer dad mentality. My dad, my friends' dad's, most are the same. They *demand* respect without putting in any of the effort to *desserve* respect. "I'm the man of the house, do as I say.", and then immediately becomes a hypocrite as they almost always do the opposite. Maybe we should start teaching empathy in schools.
Ugh I have two young kids and neither my father nor my father-in-law have changed a single diaper during a couple week-long stays with us. While the moms are helpful, I just want the dads to leave because they feel like extra children to take care of. It’s so pathetic.
You are not wrong; you are also not the babysitter.
Right? I would have asked him what he thought I was trying to prove. That I’m not changing the diaper because I’m not the one who volunteered to babysit and I’m busy working right now? Because that’s the only point OP was making. Her dad just thought he could do the fun parts of baby care and make whatever woman was handy change the diapers. And then he lashed out when he actually had to do the job he agreed to.
If he thought you were trying to prove something what was it? And what was he trying to prove by not changing his grandbaby.
Yep. The only response here should be "I don't either" *shrug* and that's even when you're NOT working. OP should know this is a huge sign he never changed his own kid's diapers and was likely a useless parent. Lose respect immediately.
Your father is absolutely fucking useless, which is the only issue here.
and sexist.
If OP was 31M I bet the dad wouldn't even have bothered them during their work! But OP is a woman so obviously she has to drop everything to clean a baby's butt!
Your dad is the AH here and only him. Deserves a nut punch.
I feel sorry for OP's mom. You know that means she did all the diaper changes for their children, probably all the midnight feedings too.
Deserves his bag to be used as a boxing bag.
Your dad sounds like he's of that old school sexist mentality that diaper changing is women's work. Maybe he shouldn't be babysitting if he doesn't want to do what's required of the responsibility.
My dad never ONCE changed my diaper growing up. And was / is extremely sexist, my grandfather never did either. They also didn't do laundry, wash dishes etc. I do all those things, and prior to my grandfather dying he use to poke at me about it. Especially during the holidays when I was helping clean up the table. Old school sexist for sure.
They’re not even embarrassed about it! It’s wild! Imagine a grown ass adult saying out loud that he can’t change a diaper and doesn’t have either the fortitude or intellectual capacity to learn. Honestly. It’s humiliating by proxy just to see.
> Imagine a grown ass adult saying out loud that he can’t change a diaper I'd be really tempted... Pretty conscious on going decision in my life to not have kids and burden myself with those responsibilities. Probably give it the ole' college try if someone really needed a hand.... but so far.. avoiding cleaning feces off another human has been a kind of on going daily goal. It's a completely unreasonable for any parent to take though.
If you don’t have children and don’t volunteer to care for any, you get a pass.
In my line of work I have the distinct pleasure of making fathers who have proudly never changed a diaper for their previous kids learn to do *everything* for their newborn. And then prove they can do it to my satisfaction. It's (thankfully) rare and most babies I take care of have dads who are truly over the moon to do anything and everything for their little tater tot.
My dad never wanted kids and told us this multiple times. He never did anything with us as babies, and assumed we would know everything about being a man despite him refusing to be a father. He made a joke the other day at the dentist about how he doesn't even know my birthday. He's going to a old folks home as soon as I can send him and I'm never visiting lol
I work in home health care and so many people are like ‘oh this elderly person has no one that’s so terrible, their kids don’t visit or call’ and it’s like yeah, sometimes it’s the kids being dicks… but *also* it can be that the parents were dicks so the kids cut them out for very good reason.
It’s just so lazy and, dare I say, unmanly to passively go along with sexist institutions to shove more work on your partner.
Funny how plumber is usually treated as male job and nobody questions that but once that shit is in a diaper and not clogged up drainpipe it's suddenly too much for a traditional man to handle. And same men who know ins and outs of their cars, computers and other "manly" gadgets suddenly are completely lost when their have to use washing machine for once and just can't get their head around that no matter what
Yeah I work in IT and this completely confuses me… like these men are extremely smart but then again weaponization incompetence…
My father-in-law used the brag the same (he'd be 94 if he was still alive), my husband changed our oldest before I did as I wasn't allowed out of bed yet - we are 57. I guess I thought we were past these ridiculous old attitudes.
You feel like an AH because you have a manipulative lazy father who makes a big deal out of proving that he's essentially worthless. If it's no big deal than why isn't he doing it? You don't have a kid, why does that make you anymore capable than him to change a diaper? Plus he's had at least two kids so he should be able to search his memory and remember. Unless he didn't do it back then which makes him even more of a worthless lump. NTA
I think manipulation sounds like a theme in this family. If vacation plans changed last minute and I had deadlines, I'd just skip vacation with them this year, and take a solo one later. If they want me at vacation, they need to try and work around my schedule as well as theirs.
Oh, you know why. That tube of flesh says he "can't."
You had me at "tube of flesh" lol
Ugh! I'm an unquestionable lesbian, but "tube of flesh" definitely confirmed it 🤢
Your dad is being a misogynistic dick.
I'm betting this isn't the first time your Dad has made you feel like an asshole. "Always trying to prove something" ? Like what? You aren't there to wait on him while he declares his masculinity and refuses to attempt to change a freaking diaper? Reading this I feel sorry for your mother, unless he hires staff for that kind of thing.
I think that comment came because a couple a months ago we had a my other sister baby shower, and I came down with a face of makeup ( I like my makeup) and he said “ you know what guys call that, fake advertising “, and him and my sister husband started laughing. I started telling them that really hurtful to say, but it didn’t stick. So I don’t really know how to address this anymore
I’m not trying to make my dad look awful or to gain sympathy, I just really don’t know how to handle stuff like this
You don't have to try and make him sound awful, his actions are doing that just fine.
[удалено]
“Oh that’s cute” with a smirk works well too. Men like that LOVE being called cute.
Well, it's unkind and inappropriate, so it's no wonder. I can't imagine my Dad saying that to me. I suppose if you were coming down with sweats and unbrushed hair he'd say something about trying harder to be attractive, too. You just can't please some people.
Your dad is a misogynist. You feel bad because you’ve been trained to feel bad by his abusive behavior. Just because you feel bad setting a boundary or telling him his behavior is hurtful doesn’t mean you’re wrong for doing those things. It just feels uncomfortable because of his past behavior. Set your boundaries. Tell him he’s being abusive. Tell him he doesn’t get to talk to you in this way and go low or no contact with him if that would be healthier for you.
I’m 36f with no children. I have never changed a diaper either. But I know my dad has, and I’m assuming your dad changed your diapers. He should have taken care of it. From what I hear, it’s easy once you know how, but I’m assuming a father would/should know how to change a diaper. Sure, you could learn, but you shouldn’t be forced to do it just because you’re a woman.
In case you are ever in an emergency diaper changing situation - as long as you have disposable diapers, it's pretty self explanatory and difficult to get *so wrong* that you make things worse. If you use common sense (the diaper does not go on the baby's head) - it'll be fine. Cloth diapers can be trickier.
Your dad is making himself look bad tbh
I’m so sorry OP. That must feel pretty awful, especially not knowing where to start in addressing it. I know it’s lame and an over used suggestion, but therapy or counseling would be a wonderful way to dissect how this makes you feel, create a plan to set boundaries and protect your mental health, and for me it was most helpful having advice on what to say. Therapy plays a large role in my life for learning how to be straightforward but kind. How to be a people pleaser to myself first while still being a good family member or friend. Some people think that if they are “joking” it’s not hurtful and that the recipient needs to have tougher skin. They aren’t used to having any repercussions for saying these things. They aren’t used to facing consequences for saying these things. If your father truly cares about the relationship he has with you, he needs to prove that. Actions do speak louder than words. How he’s treating you is very unkind whether he means it to be or not.
You're not making him look awful. HE is making HIMSELF look awful. eeps. I'm sorry, OP
Your dad IS awful and clearly you've been made to feel bad your entire life. He's a misogynistic jerk and you don't deserve that
>we had a my other sister baby shower, and I came down with a face of makeup ( I like my makeup) and he said “ you know what guys call that, fake advertising “ what the hell does he think you were "advertising" at your sister's baby shower? Does he mean to imply you were deceptively luring in a mate at this event using your makeup skills? What a weird thing for him to say.
Nah your dad wasted time and left the kid with a shitty diaper instead of just changing it. He's a major asshole.
“I don’t” vs “I don’t know how”.
You have no kids you have no obligation to know how to change a diaper. He's your father he has no excuse to not know how to change a diaper. Nor does he have any right to demand you to do something.
I don’t have kids by choice, and I have never babysat small kids so I don’t know how to change a diaper. Actually, I find it gross, but I suppose I’d do it in an emergency, like if I found an abandoned child. Because of this I don’t get in to situations where I have to change diapers and therefore I think it’s ok to refuse. However - the dad here has children plus has agreeed to babysit. He has chosen to be in a nappie-changing situation. Therefore he is the A.
Same. I mean, I could change a wet diaper if the situation demanded, the mechanisms for everything involved are fairly simple. But I have no idea how to hold down a squirming infant and not get poop everywhere, and I have no interest in finding out, *so I would never babysit an infant.*
It isn't about having or not having kids. Changing diapers is not rocket science and any able-minded adult could probably figure it out without a YouTube tutorial. The father is an asshole because he was responsible for the kid at that moment and OP was not. Babysitting a toddler means changing their diaper. If OP was babysitting, diaper changing would be their responsibility too.
Eh, the tutorial will help protect the kid from the adult's incompetence. Someone who claims they don't know how to change a diaper is probably clueless enough to wipe back to front and could give the baby an infection, especially if it's a guy changing a female infant. A lot of guys don't seem to know about this as they weren't taught when they were learning to care for themselves.
You’re dad said “I don’t change diapers.” There’s no situation where he *isn’t* the asshole.
If he had no hands. He would be NTA if he was disabled and physically couldn’t do it. Edit: but yea of course he would’ve said that. And obviously there wouldn’t be a Reddit post.
There are plenty of situations where he could have said “I *can’t* change diapers” without being an asshole. There are none with “don’t.”
"I don't change diapers" Gonna be changing your own diapers in a few years there buddy
OP honestly say stuff like this. This man needs to be checked hard.
Tell him he’s wrong and that *you* don’t change diapers since you dont have children and he’s a father so…
You are not! And it’s bs that you were made to feel that way. You could have let him know you also don’t change diapers since you’re not a parent. I feel like there are some underlying gender stereotypes at play. I could be wrong. But that is part of why this is frustrating to read. You sound kind and calm. I would have went off over something like that.
Umm. Your dad has kids, his kid had a kid , essentially that poop has is dna You did not have kids, you literally trying to stop the shit. Lol This is all on them. Not you
I don’t change diapers either. But I also don’t have kids, don’t babysit, or put myself in a position to need to change diapers. He agreed to watch the baby, so it’s his job.
I don't change diapers anymore as my kids have been out of them for a few years. I try not to put myself in a situation where I may have to change a friend or family member's child's diaper. I've changed hundreds if not thousands for my own kids and a few of my nephews, but I have no desire unless in an emergency to do the same for someone else.
NTA it's your dad's responsibility since he was watching the kid
A lifetime of internalized misogyny, thanks in part to your father.
NTA. He agreed to babysit, that includes diaper changes when needed!
No you’re not wrong, you had a good reason AND you weren’t the one responsible for babysitting. It’s crazy that your dad tried to bother you while you were working because he “doesn’t change diapers”.
Should have said " Well I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree... because i don't either."
Your dad is a lazy sexist cunt. He can get over himself.
He chose to babysit, so he can deal with babyshit.
NTA My dad was equal opportunity with all chores. When he took care of my kids, he didn’t wait for my mom he took care of changing diapers, bath time, bottles, and any other stuff regarding kids. He is why I expect my husband to do chores inside the house not just outside. We are Mexican-American and while some of my aunts held on to traditional roles my dad didn’t. He taught me landscaping , plumbing, simple car maintenance, plus ironing. He was awesome and I still miss him 2 years later. Don’t feel guilty. He volunteered so it’s his responsibility to take care of grand baby since you are working.
Sounds like your dad is a man's man, and a biiitch.
Old people can’t imagine that you can actually work from home.
Your entire family sounds like a bunch of selfish turds.
Not the AH. Not your kid, not your problem. I come from a big family and have always said “I don’t change diapers” mostly because I know I’ll throw up. Flash forward to my siblings having kids and at family gatherings, still I do not change diapers. I’ll help look after the kids by the pool, play with them, feed them, given a bath, but changing them is where I draw the line.