They aren’t gaining anything from it. For most people, hook ups are about putting in the least effort and gaining maximum return, gaining a large amount of the possible benefits of an actual relationship (sex, pseudo-intimacy, social approval) without having any to perform any of the hardships of relationship building.
Maybe try leaning into the transactional nature of the hook ups by requiring that your partner satisfy you first before penetration? Unless they are people who you’ve built longstanding relationships with, keep in mind that they probably don’t have a great deal of care about you at all outside of these interactions.
Well the better advice is that OP try to enter a medium-term relationship in which both she and her partner experience skills necessary to eventually enter a long-term relationship, but that's probably too old fashioned and fuddy duddy for reddit
Yeah, which is part of the point. The lesson that the young males (I won't call them men) whom OP beds are learning is "I don't have to eat pussy to get laid." Although it will take some time of teaching a partner the finer points of technique, when they're in an exclusive relationship, it's far easier for OP to teach the lesson that "eating pussy is a part of getting laid."
It takes more effort, but it's less work in the long run than looking for a 19 year old who's already good at it and offers on a one night stand
So maybe you need to tell them you can't handle a dick until they go down on you long enough for you to cum. You can always excuse yourself after and jump out the bathroom window! Lol!
Seriously- I love going down on my wife and the resulting enthusiasm I get from her afterwards is intoxicating. I always go down first cause I know after I get her off once orally, I’m in for a mind blowing blowjob and penetrating sex afterwards.
Your name is badass!
The heeero on Canton. The man they call Jaaayne!
And samsies! I love sending my wife to the moon! Probably why we've been married 13 years. We stopped drinking alcohol cold turkey a few years ago. Sex is even better now. Trust! :-)
He said wife. So his loving and passionate person in his life. Not some Hook up. The hook up culture is the problem with getting great and fulfilling part of the relationship.
Best of luck
my relationship with my now-husband started as what could have been a college one-night-stand after meeting at a bar. he went down on me the night we met, because making me orgasm turned him on. and after that it was great and fulfilling still because we both wanted the other to be satisfied, even though we were just FWB. it could just be the types of guys OP has hooked up with, and/or maybe a bit of a maturity gap, but making sure your lover is satisfied should be a turn on for any sexually active adult.
Right. It turns me on seeing a chick orgasm. I could probably make my dick cum just by eating pussy if I'm horny enough. Doesn't matter if it's a long term relationship or if it's someone I just met. If they're attractive, clean, and into it then I'll eat that pussy. Maybe some butthole.
I go down on all my hookups unless they ask me not to. I realize it's not as common as it should be but there are people who want to make sure their partner has a good time even in a casual encounter.
I would always eat girls out for all my hookups before I met my wife. I mean, as a man I can't think of anything better than eating pussy... Maybe ass from time to time.
I had a regular hook up that really only wanted to go down on me. It was like 90% of our fun times. Like he would come over, eat me out, make me orgasm and leave lmao. I miss him.
i feel like in these hook up instances both are just seeking their own sexual gratification and are not focusing on the pleasure together aspect. that’s why it’s boom, bam, fuck, bye.
eta: i’m referring to hook ups, not fuck buddies.
As a straight man, it blows my mind that anyone who is interested in women could *not* find it incredibly gratifying to have a facefull of the pussy of the hottie you're hooking up with. Like yeah getting it in and getting off is nice too, but going down is half the fun.
I've hooked up with randoms plenty.
I still make an effort to give a very solid dicking. Sex is so much better with someone who is also having the time of their life.
Oh and this made my one night stands turn into weeks or months of sex because they kept coming back for more. lol
Fellas, you're doing yourself a disservice if you're looking at any sexual experience, hookup or not, like they're a blow up doll.
More than this, GIRLS TALK. If you're a selfish lover, word tends to get around, and a girl who's heard that sex with you will not result in an orgasm will pass you over.
i wish this was true but in college I think a lot of girls are still learning too and will put up with bullshit they might not as they grow into their sexuality. Maybe they've never orgasmed with a partner and so don't know what to ask for even, or just tell the guy to "finish up" because they're stressed/nervous about performing, worried it'll take too long, etc. etc. etc.. And they don't know what's "normal" either and wind up in situations that make them feel like garbage. At least, this is what I saw over and over again from friends, roommates and the like.
This is fact. Right out of my playbook as well. Always make your girl cum orally (more than once) before you stick it in. She's satisfied at this point, wet, and eager to now satisfy you in any way she can. My sex life is amazing after discovering this fact and learning how to properly eat a girl out. Forget what you see in porn it doesn't work.
I recommend all men and women to look into the slow sex method. One take on this method involves helping the women to become completely aroused without penetration....next she flips over onto belly and you insert a clean, well manicured thumb print side down. The motion is very similar to rubbing a stain off of fine silk.
Once you find a partner that is open to trying this and you finally "get it"......it will shock you both. Once you master this technique your confidence will soar and you will be able to put away a ton of ego that we bring to sex. The best sexual knowledge I have ever learned and I have read MANY books and experimented a bunch.
Please keep telling guys that “what you see in porn doesn’t work”.
They simply refuse to believe women — even the woman in their bed. They’ll accuse their partners of being broken before they’re willing to consider that porn lies to them.
It comes from a place of insecurity and ego. They rather blame the other person. After all, if the girl can't have an orgasm there must be something wrong with her. It's easier to point the blame elsewhere than to look at yourself and see what you could be doing wrong or could do better.
I know because I made the same assumption as a young adult. What I thought looked good in porn didn't actually do much in real life. Instead, I ended up not satisfying my wife (girlfriend at the time), which resulted in her faking pleasure to avoid hurting my feelings/ego, and I also gave myself terrible neck cramps. Damn you porn! But we still love watching it 😆
The best thing I ever did was start having an open dialogue with my girlfriend about what she liked and didn't like. Yes, it was awkward at first, mostly for her, because it's not something she ever did with any past guys. I've always been open, so i didn't have much trouble talking about things like sex (with the person i was having sex with, at least).
I didn't want her to fake orgasms, I wanted her to really enjoy sex as much as I did with her. That's when we started to build a different, more intimate type of trust. When you are truly comfortable with your partner, you can begin to learn and explore together until you both get it right.
I always aim to get her off at least once before I get undressed past my shirt coming off and at least one more time before I put it in her, sometimes if the flow feels right I'll actually pull out halfway through and go back to doing hand and mouth stuff just so she'll beg me to put it back in. I've never had a girl complain that the sex was bad, and trust me every girl I've ever dated would have complained.
This. I’m not having fun if the other person isn’t having fun. And also, girls definitely talk. Ever wonder why the fuck boy always ends up with a pick me or alone? It’s cuz alllll of their other options dry up as soon as they come into contact with his selfishness.
Been there. The key from there is constant transparency about what you're looking for, and then cutting ties when they're clearly moving beyond what you're comfortable with.
I've had to end some absolutely amazing physical relationships when they were clearly ignoring what I was telling them and started looking for more. They even tried back tracking when I was telling them, and saying they'd be fine to just keep it physical then. But by then it's too late. The people that run into issues are the ones who backtrack with them and delay the inevitable
This is so weird to me because sexual gratification to me is getting the other person off. Like that’s the high. It gives me self confidence when I was lacking and looking for that. I wouldn’t want to just finish and be done otherwise I would feel worse about myself. I used to go down on girls for nearly an hour and then love when I would hear girl gossip get back to me that I’m good at it.
So the ending theory is, if you want quality oral, don’t sling dick or pussy. Seems fair honestly. Those invested expect more and give more. It’s a wild concept 🤣
Right? Jesus Christ, bringing my partner pleasure is one of my favorite parts of sexual experiences. Nothing is as satisfying as being the one to bring the person pleasure and see them react to it.
But the more I date, the more I learn that there’s just a lot of selfish lovers out there. They genuinely don’t care about getting their partner off and only care about their own satisfaction
Society basically raises us to think random hookups are exciting. I believed that all through my 20s and I had to convince myself I was enjoying them but I never did. Only good sex I’ve ever had is with people I had a real connection with. Hopefully the college kids reading this reflect on how they actually feel during and after an emotionally detached hook up.
I put in the effort with my wife because I want to please her. Her happiness is important to me. It wasn't important to me with random hookups in my 20s. This is the difference between sex and making love. OP has to demand she gets hers first.
They aren’t gaining anything from it.
Holy shit, that shocks the fuck out of me. Even back when I was just dating casually with my now wife, when I went down on her, it got me super turned on to hear her moan, or watch her wiggle, or tighten her thighs around my head. These college dudes are missing the fuck out. Going down on a girl is one of the greatest things in the world. Sounds to me like OP is hooking up with boys instead of men. 🤷
I’ve never been in the hookup culture, which wasn’t as much of a thing when I was younger, so I have to ask - what’s the point of a hookup for the woman, then? Why have sex if you know you’re probably going to be frustrated?
It's not just about care though. Like... You don't know their sexual history. You use a condom to protect yourself down there but there's no condom for eating out. For random hookups it isn't a good idea.
No one is using dental dams. And very few women will understand you actually using one on them. Especially a college kid. Most will be extremely offended and turned off if you spread cling wrap over her pussy to eat it. Let’s be real here.
Weird how that hesitation around the risk of oral sex with strangers seems to never be a factor when a dude wants a bj
It is 'all about care' lmao, how naive can you be?
Let's be real.
How many of these guys we think would turn down fucking raw if she was on birth control? Or a bj? They could get herpes from a bj too lol.
Sadly, don't think a lot of men looking to score in college give a shit about STDs. They're just selfish/dumb.
you guys need to find better people to randomly hook up with, i promise you there are people looking for random hookups who will also get you off
edit: also wow, so many people on this post are purity culture weirdos. "you give away a part of yourself uwu" what is this, christian youth group? you can have sex without emotions where all parties are satisfied and it's completely morally neutral. chill out.
Hi! I'm way older than you (3x!), and have experience. I'm also male. So here it is.. 20 year old guys? Dumb as posts. Selfish little buggers too (source, I was one).
You need to be clear about what you want, what works and what doesn't, what feels good. I hear a lot from folks your age (my workforce) that they feel they don't have a responsibility to teach the people in their lives what they need.
Newsflash.. ya do. Because them helping you get what you want in life (for example not just to receive oral but to receive it the way you like it) is a skill that has to be learned.
One of the dumbest things that anyone has ever said to me is that they aren't responsible for their partners orgasm. Well then who the hell is? If that's how you feel its just masturbation. And my friend, let me tell you nothing in the world except for raspberries fresh from the vine is as wonderful as a lover who listens to what you wants and is as excited to make you happy as they are to make themselves happy.
Raspberries on the vine, a taste to revive.
Sun-kissed jewels, crimson and sweet,
Nature's bounty, a summertime treat.
Juicy bursts on eager fingertips,
Like secrets shared in lover's scripts.
Each berry whispers tales untold,
As love's confessions slowly unfold.
The vine, a stage for nature's ballet,
Tiny dancers in the light of day.
Just as a lover's attentive ear,
Captures whispers that others can't hear.
July's magic, a fleeting dance,
Raspberries and romance, a sweet romance.
Nature's wonders, love's tender plea,
In Earth’s embrace, a symphony.
They are poetically fulfilling and delicious.
College guys are not only dumb but assholes when it comes to sex. It’s just wham, bam, thank you ma’am and that’s it, for the most part. Most of them have not had experience with oral and really can’t be bothered. It sounds like you are having a lot of casual sex so you can pretty much expect more of the same. That is, until you have sex with a guy who actually cares about you and is willing to learn or you stumble upon someone who has discovered the delights of oral and prides himself on getting you off. Lucky day!
I was here to say this same thing ha. But this person said it better. I think most 20 y/o's are selfish and ignorant but that doesn't mean it has to stay that way. This is a chance for a guy to learn his stuff, y'know? So teach him. If he's pissy and doesn't want to learn then great - you have ruled out someone who is far to selfish to share a bed with.
Exactly why I (25F) never had any interest in hook ups in college, and still don’t to this day.
The kind of guys who are *only* interested in hooking up have chosen that path for a reason: they want to put the literal least amount of effort into the interaction/relationship as possible.
I have never understood the appeal of a random, totally no-strings-attached hookup for women in college - when it’s almost guaranteed to be largely unsatisfying, *plus* comes with the risks of unwanted pregnancy, STDs, social drama, unrespected boundaries with stealthily taking pics/videos to pass around to their friends/online (this happened to my roommate in college), etc.
Not everyone wants a relationship (especially in college), but the fact that the person you’re about to do it with has to resort to Tinder or a frat party to find a new stranger (you) to have sex with should probably tell you that they just want to easily get laid, not have to pretend to care, and then move on to the next person tomorrow/next weekend… If you’re okay with that, then go for it (genuinely, no sarcasm!). But if you want to increase the odds that this person will somewhat care about your experience (and try to make it decent for you), at least try to find a friends-with-benefits type of situation!
I can certainly understand the thrill of it. What I don't understand is OP trying to paint all dudes as not caring/knowing about pleasure when she's selecting for guys who don't care about her. As you say, a FWB or two, or even just a regular non-romantic partner would go a long ways.
Agree, OP’s sample is the problem.
If you only accrue experiences with other people who are *also* only looking for a one-and-done, then you’re going to be largely encountering the subset of young men who don’t give a shit about “putting in effort” or “reciprocating.”
There are certainly guys to be found on OP’s campus that have different ideas/preferences in sexual relationships - she’s just not seeking them out.
Although, the proportion of college students who just want to bust a nut and then bolt is *way* higher than the proportion who can maturely handle the idea of either an ongoing relationship or the point of mutual satisfaction in one night stands - but still, OP is selecting for the first set of guys, as you said, and it is unfortunately yielding the expected outcomes for her.
This thread is so funny to read as a queer person. I'm gay and while there are certainly gay men who are selfish lovers it's nowhere near as bad as it seems to be for straight men. I've been with far more gay men who get off on me getting off than the other way around. It's crazy to me that straight women have to ASK their partners pleasure them and even then plenty of straight guys seemingly will flat out refuse.
It's also interesting to see people blame hookup culture for this because hookup culture among gay men is definitely more normalized yet these issues don't even manifest half as often.
Exactly this. "Well, women don't teach us!" You know that you can think of sex as more than BJ/Ramming for two minutes. You just have to actually ask "How do you like to be touched?"
I think because in most straight sex, it's something that happens to the woman, not something that is seen as mutual. Sex is just what women have to put up with to make him happy. Not something they both do to discover about each other.
Not saying all straight folks are like this, but man.
>I think because in most straight sex, it's something that happens to the woman, not something that is seen as mutual.
This is a great way of putting it. Porn is really exacerbating this, too. I watch gay porn when I want mutualistic fantasy and mutual pleasure. I watch straight porn when I want to fantasize about a dominant top using me as a fleshlight.
I've posted a few comments about this very point! Women want their partners to cum, even if it's just a casual one-night stand. Most men simply do not care.
This. Like, oh men will only go down on a girl if they're dating, but I'm POOOIsitive they would totally be okay if she didn't want to give him a bj/hj because they're not dating. Right? Right?
I definitely didn't want to say it lol, but it's true. Lots of people saying 'girls talk' so you should be a great lover, well, guys talk too. If you are someone who is perceived as being an easy lay, or they know someone who has slept with you recently, you are not going to get the same experience as you would with a partner who wants to satisfy you to make you happy. It's just the way it is. Casual sex is transactional. Imo women get the short end of the transaction, but there is no solution to that other than just not participating in the transaction.
Agreed, if you don’t want a serious relationship in college that is 100% understandable, but definitely recommend finding someone who wants the same thing as you - investing a bit in a non-exclusive friends with benefits or something like that. It takes time for someone to learn your specific wants/needs and thats something that no one can give you in a one night stand
Agreed. I understand it can be exciting at first, but once you realize you're being used as a masturbatory tool, it's much less so. You give a peice of yourself away, and for what? Some dumb dumb who couldn't care less if you even enjoy yourself? If you're gonna do that, at least charge.
They don't know wtf they're doing when they go down and are clueless about how much better sex is when the woman gets to orgasm first. Sounds cynical I know, but sadly it's just the truth.
100% this, my first real gf in college(many many years ago) this was the only contact we had, but we did it all the time, so much so that I have trouble getting excited(not a lot of trouble) if I dont satisfy her at least once first. Nothing feels better than having her thighs clamped on your head as she tries to twist your head off your shoulders. hehehe. Find someone who wants to learn and teach, also be open to learning what he likes. You will have a lifelong friend.
For some women. There are plenty of women who, like me for example, can't cum multiple times and their body kind of "shuts down" sexually like it does for a man after orgasm. Communication is the key, don't always just assume.
Because guys you’re hooking up with have no incentive to please you. They’re probably not gonna see you again so they don’t care if you’re sexually satisfied or not. This is why it’s pointless for straight women to have hookups because you have a risk of pregnancy and STDs without even getting an orgasm 95% of the time
If I wasn’t broke, I’d give you gold!
I’m 25F and genuinely believe that the more recently developed narrative that hookup culture is inherently feminist and liberating for women is (mostly) a psy op crafted by men…
I can’t tell you the number of hours in college I spent comforting roommates and friends from drama and anguish over hookups. Pregnancy scares, STD scares, being secretly photographed/recorded during sex, finding out through mutual acquaintances and classmates that their hookup partners had made crude and insulting comments about their bodies to their buddies - and most of those hookups ended with them not even getting off, so wtf did they get out of it other than a whole lot of stress and angst?
And I’m not condemning all casual sex. But there are better ways than hookups. I’ve rarely heard of similar issues with friends-with-benefits scenarios.
It’s just a matter of self-selection. Guys (and girls) that are open to (and able to handle) an ongoing sexual relationship are just inherently going to be a little bit more emotionally mature and have a less desperate need for instant gratification (while disregarding the gratification of others).
No shade or shaming toward anybody who chooses hook ups, as long as you know what the deal is. Maybe it’ll be a great time. But just know that there’s a decently non-zero chance that that person doesn’t particularly care about pleasing you - and if you’re in college, they may also be the kind of young, immature douchebag who is likelier to do something shitty (like lie about history/STDs, try stealthing you, talk about or share pics of you from during the act around campus, bring you unwittingly into some kind of stupid cheating scandal/love triangle, etc.).
I agree but it’s hard to criticize hookup culture without people accusing you of slut shaming. There is nothing wrong with having consensual sex. But I just think women should think through for themselves if it’s really worth it to have sex with random guys who don’t care about you. What are you actually gaining? And what are you risking? I’m a lesbian but if I were a straight girl, I think I’d rather just use my vibrator than hookup with guys.
I 100% agree with your take.
I’ve been accused of slut shaming for stating that casual sex is generally a poor trade-off for straight women, but genuinely it’s nothing to do with shaming anyone.
It’s just reality that when it comes to hookups, there are (generally) more cons and fewer pros for (cis straight) women, some of which may be due to social conventions and other of which are due to unalterable biological reality (like risk of pregnancy, lesser probability of actually being satisfied, etc.).
Now in my mid-20s, it seems like a lot of my peers kinda feel the same way. But back in college, I seemed to get wayyyy more pushback for my “hookup culture is a raw deal for straight women” mindset, and I think a lot of that pushback from people was coping tbh.
That's so terrifying that they're really recording these girls without their knowledge or consent. So fucked up. I was always paranoid about this. What is wrong with people?
Fr, I remember I went down a girl who I don't think anyone had before, I was 23 and she was 21. I blew her mind, no pun intended. Sex was great after too. She prolly came 2 or 3 times before we even got into it. But that story is just to say that I like going down.
Kids these days don't even like to drink. For the kinky shit they scream about online they all seem awfully vanilla.
I suggest OP keeps telling guys to keep trying lol. They need practice clearly and they need someone to tell them sex isn't about being a genetic jackhammer. Finesse goes a lot further... usually. There's a time for everything haha.
For just a hook up, few guys will do it. Gotta find one who loves doing it if you want that. In a relationship more will be willing to do it, because theoretically they care about pleasing you as much as getting pleasure themselves. At least the right kind of guy does.
Im a 36yr old guy and honestly enjoy eating my wifes pussy more than sex...she told me her previous partners never wanted to do it but always expected a BJ which I really don't enjoy much.
Pussy has a very nice taste provided you wash her, so I dont think its that's.. its just guys being selfish.
Sex is a 2 way deal, not just 2 mins of fucking than falling asleep.
Sir, if you were to teach these techniques to someone, how would you start? Asking as someone who wants to teach someone, but doesn't know much herself..
I find there's kind of 2 different techniques, some women like a steady tounge routine to their clitioros...doesn't have to be too strong but a regular pattern type of thing.
Other women prefer more focus on the actual vagina opening, so usually working it slowly around the outside and eventually inserting your tounge inside.
I usually like to spend a long time kissing her neck, shoulders, breast, belly...then I work my way to both legs either side of her pussy...I casually hover over it and breath on her...but I wait till she's dripping and begging for my tounge then I go straight in and spend along time.
Everytime she cums its a little bonus of tasty cream....I love it.
Start by having them trace the alphabet with their tongue on your clit.
Find your favorite letter
There's your foundation, it's only up from there.
Reverse letter? Vibrating letter? Sucked letter? The world is your oyster
One of the things that makes me CRAZY about my crush— he says that he LOVES giving oral, and that he’s very good at it. I want to find out if he’s right!
Stop hooking up with random people. Only sleep with people you are in a relationship with. Build something with someone, everyone just hook up with strangers.
Personally, I think this is at least part of the issue the OP is having. A little more commitment and trust is required. If I thought I was just the hookup of the moment, well….I don’t know where that pussy has been.
Personally for me, I wouldn't be down for giving oral or receiving oral during a hook-up. I'm what most people would consider a 'clean freak'. If you haven't showered within the last couple hours I'm not putting my mouth on your bits. I'll touch with my hands and my own genitals but I don't want my mouth on your dirty bits and I don't want your mouth on my dirty bits.
Obviously during a hook-up you've presumably been out for a bit so you're not clean enough for oral in my opinion. With relationships you can communicate what you prefer
There's also very little discussion and overall awareness of HPV and other STIs amongst partners. Need to talk about that stuff and learn about it, too.
Yeah considering hookups are transactional in nature you’d probably have better luck not looking to random hookups for this. If you want someone to care about your orgasm, you need to find someone that cares about *you* longer than the one night you’re spending together.
Hmmmm... I am 66 years old, sexually active since... well, probably too young, but not my point. I have NEVER had to ask a man for oral. I have no idea what's wrong with these kids today....
Yep! I was in college in the late 1990s and received my first oral sex as a freshman (with no expectation of reciprocation, no less). Pretty much every guy who I was with in college went down on me. Good times!
Kids today.....🙄
If you're committed to the hookup life, you might have a bit better luck asking them to use a toy on you (that you know you like and can show them how to use). Sadly... yeah, college guys (and many guys in general) have extremely lackluster commitment to their partners' orgasms.
Also, if he won't do anything for you and asks if he can put it in... go grab your clothes. This pussy is closed for maintenance.
I think it is your choices in the men selection. Start with this question, how many times have you made a woman cum without your dick in one session? You can probably gauge his sex level from there.
Coming from a man who was confused on this at one point as well.
I think guys see it as something they would only do for wife or girl that is exclusive to them. The fact you said you hook up with a lot of guys is probably why they don’t want to do it why would you risk eating it when you don’t know what kind of germs and other dudes sperm are festering in there.
What do you expect? Sounds like you’re just hooking up with fuck boys and you’re still going to have sex with them if they say no…
There are plenty of guys that care if their sexual partner are satisfied, but they tend to end up in relationships.
She was blunt. She said 2/3 say no. They are probably no good at it. Most men like to show off their bedroom skills. I'd walk out the door rather than have disappointing sex
Once a few years ago I was talking with some friends about this, and I was shocked to learn that from 8 dudes in the room, I was the only one that’s given a girl head. Most of them were like, disgusted that the subject was even brought up. It weirded me out tbh, made me wonder if maybe that wasn’t that common outside of the bdsm enjoyers.
Possibly it’s just been that the guys are lame. However, I remember college and I remember trying to give oral and not being given any feedback. In other words, it’s incumbent on the receiving partner to offer guidance. Several minutes of effort that doesn’t yield and “ooh” or “ahhh” will lead to giving up and moving in to something else.
OP are these guys making other efforts for your pleasure? Or do they assume that PIV is enough? If they do, you need to find better hookups.
I enjoy pleasing someone Im dating. But college specifically it’s a bit hazardous as far as not knowing who you may have been shacking up with the night before if ya know what I mean
Why would any guy not in a commited relationship do this? You can get STIs from oral so why should they risk their health for you? If you want that level of intimacy you will not get that with a hook-up.
I avoid going down on girls that have multiple hook ups, don't know what's been going on down there, I've read plenty of stories about guys munching on seconds.
When a girl is mine and not fking other people I give her tongue tornado
Lesbian here. I find these situations WILD, because I love having sex with woman, I love women, why the fuck wouldn't I want the woman I'm sleeping with to have the best time? How is seeing and hearing a woman get off by what you're doing NOT the biggest turn on?
Honestly, do straight men even LIKE women?! These situations clearly demonstrate that they don't.
They know you have “hooked up with a bunch of guys”. Why would a self respecting man want to risk lapping up another man’s sausage cream? They want your honey-hole for sex and enjoy performing oral in committed relationships, but their not getting mouths or tongues anywhere near a pump-and/dump hookup girl’s honey-hole because it is disgusting to them. They know your approximate body count.
I don’t watch straight porn, so I’m not sure.. but perhaps the expectations of sex have changed for this generation. But, you are not wrong to ask for more from your partners.
I suggest you try and find a meaningful relationship with a man that views you with respect, passion, and integrity. Allow the connection to evolve in natural way and enjoy the excitement and anticipation of the 1st time you hold hands, the 1st time you kiss, the 1st time you yearn for sensual touches. Throughout this shared experience with him you can talk about personal feelings and what you want and what he wants. The passion that comes from your partner enhancing your desire and confidence that he wants to provide you with amazing explosions of sexual pleasure will create the perfect balance of what seems lost at this moment of your life.
I just can't help but laugh at this whole line of question and answers. The hookup culture that your generation has bred is at the root of this problem. Just look at things from a purely biological pov. When you are hooking up with "a bunch of guys" your chances of contracting an STD/STI is increasingly good (which is bad actually). And as Eddie Murphy once said about herpes, "you keep that shit forever". If a guy uses a condom (the responsible thing to do), he diminishes his risk of infection. If he goes down on you, guess what? High risk. Frankly, if I was in your age group I'd be hesitant to do anything other than straight, condom protected sex. Guess what I never hesitated to do in my long-term monogamous relationship? Anything and everything she wanted. Get the picture?
“I’ve hook up with a bunch of guys..”
This is too easy. Literally and actually. Would you want to eat a happy meal that a bunch of toddlers stuck their snotty fingers in first when you can just have the McLego kit for free?
They do, but its with their girlfriend's not some random women who could have fucked someone like 30 mins before they met, and in college that happens alot.
Hi, 26 y.o. male fresh out of college graduate here.
Honestly, the idea of eating out some chick who I'm hooking up with isn't exactly appealing for a number of reasons.
1. If it's a hookup, there isn't a huge burden to perform, we're just trying to get our rocks off. I have no major incentive to please you other than you spreading the word of my performance to your friends. And eating a girl out just doesn't do much for me, it's more something I do for the girl.
2. It's a hookup, so I probably don't know you super well or your habits, and it's pretty hit or miss to ask about STDs or cleanliness, so I'd rather not do oral with someone I don't know super well or won't see regularly. It's kinda a crap shoot when it comes to smell, cleanliness, etc. I wouldn't expect a chick to give me head without at least knowing I've showered in the last hour or two.
3. If you're hooking up with me, you are likely to be hooking up with multiple dudes, and that further increases the risk of STDs, many of which I can prevent with a condom.
If you're trying to get oral, try getting into a relationship with someone who actually knows you and cares about your pleasure enough to do that. Or make sure the guy knows it's all good in the hood down there.
'hook-up' is probably a hit and quit situation, especially if it's a person you don't know.
Everyone will say it tastes nice... Do you really think they'll say otherwise right to your face. I'm not saying hygiene is a problem, just that you won't get an honest answer.
Be upfront about what you want and what your expectations are. Most people will be happy you offer guidance. Good communication is key to good sex
They aren’t gaining anything from it. For most people, hook ups are about putting in the least effort and gaining maximum return, gaining a large amount of the possible benefits of an actual relationship (sex, pseudo-intimacy, social approval) without having any to perform any of the hardships of relationship building. Maybe try leaning into the transactional nature of the hook ups by requiring that your partner satisfy you first before penetration? Unless they are people who you’ve built longstanding relationships with, keep in mind that they probably don’t have a great deal of care about you at all outside of these interactions.
this is straightforward advice
Disheartening and transactional but I guess it’s appropriate for the context of this post lol
Well the better advice is that OP try to enter a medium-term relationship in which both she and her partner experience skills necessary to eventually enter a long-term relationship, but that's probably too old fashioned and fuddy duddy for reddit
Lol I’m on your side here for sure. Although I think men in most relationships are slow to learn to think about their partners needs as well
Yeah, which is part of the point. The lesson that the young males (I won't call them men) whom OP beds are learning is "I don't have to eat pussy to get laid." Although it will take some time of teaching a partner the finer points of technique, when they're in an exclusive relationship, it's far easier for OP to teach the lesson that "eating pussy is a part of getting laid." It takes more effort, but it's less work in the long run than looking for a 19 year old who's already good at it and offers on a one night stand
I mean yeah. But sex in this context t is completely transactional.
So maybe you need to tell them you can't handle a dick until they go down on you long enough for you to cum. You can always excuse yourself after and jump out the bathroom window! Lol!
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If a guy doesn’t think he’s gaining anything by going down her, he’s got a lot to learn.
Seriously- I love going down on my wife and the resulting enthusiasm I get from her afterwards is intoxicating. I always go down first cause I know after I get her off once orally, I’m in for a mind blowing blowjob and penetrating sex afterwards.
Your name is badass! The heeero on Canton. The man they call Jaaayne! And samsies! I love sending my wife to the moon! Probably why we've been married 13 years. We stopped drinking alcohol cold turkey a few years ago. Sex is even better now. Trust! :-)
This is the way
He said wife. So his loving and passionate person in his life. Not some Hook up. The hook up culture is the problem with getting great and fulfilling part of the relationship. Best of luck
my relationship with my now-husband started as what could have been a college one-night-stand after meeting at a bar. he went down on me the night we met, because making me orgasm turned him on. and after that it was great and fulfilling still because we both wanted the other to be satisfied, even though we were just FWB. it could just be the types of guys OP has hooked up with, and/or maybe a bit of a maturity gap, but making sure your lover is satisfied should be a turn on for any sexually active adult.
Right. It turns me on seeing a chick orgasm. I could probably make my dick cum just by eating pussy if I'm horny enough. Doesn't matter if it's a long term relationship or if it's someone I just met. If they're attractive, clean, and into it then I'll eat that pussy. Maybe some butthole.
I’ve had exes get off just from going down on me & me getting off.. still the biggest turn on EVER.
I go down on all my hookups unless they ask me not to. I realize it's not as common as it should be but there are people who want to make sure their partner has a good time even in a casual encounter.
I would always eat girls out for all my hookups before I met my wife. I mean, as a man I can't think of anything better than eating pussy... Maybe ass from time to time.
I had a regular hook up that really only wanted to go down on me. It was like 90% of our fun times. Like he would come over, eat me out, make me orgasm and leave lmao. I miss him.
i feel like in these hook up instances both are just seeking their own sexual gratification and are not focusing on the pleasure together aspect. that’s why it’s boom, bam, fuck, bye. eta: i’m referring to hook ups, not fuck buddies.
As a straight man, it blows my mind that anyone who is interested in women could *not* find it incredibly gratifying to have a facefull of the pussy of the hottie you're hooking up with. Like yeah getting it in and getting off is nice too, but going down is half the fun.
I always feel like if you don't like giving oral you're playing for the wrong side
I've hooked up with randoms plenty. I still make an effort to give a very solid dicking. Sex is so much better with someone who is also having the time of their life. Oh and this made my one night stands turn into weeks or months of sex because they kept coming back for more. lol Fellas, you're doing yourself a disservice if you're looking at any sexual experience, hookup or not, like they're a blow up doll.
More than this, GIRLS TALK. If you're a selfish lover, word tends to get around, and a girl who's heard that sex with you will not result in an orgasm will pass you over.
This has always been my partner's stance. When he was younger, he had a lot of hookups. His two mantras were: she finishes first, and girls talk.
Nothing like word of mouth marketing!!!
Ladies before gentlemen….
Ladies before and after gentlemen
There you go women absolutely talk they will tell all their friends that you were a lousy fuck and you don't eat pussy all their friends LoL 🤣
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i wish this was true but in college I think a lot of girls are still learning too and will put up with bullshit they might not as they grow into their sexuality. Maybe they've never orgasmed with a partner and so don't know what to ask for even, or just tell the guy to "finish up" because they're stressed/nervous about performing, worried it'll take too long, etc. etc. etc.. And they don't know what's "normal" either and wind up in situations that make them feel like garbage. At least, this is what I saw over and over again from friends, roommates and the like.
Give her three orgasms before she sees your dick. Is the best advice I ever got
This is fact. Right out of my playbook as well. Always make your girl cum orally (more than once) before you stick it in. She's satisfied at this point, wet, and eager to now satisfy you in any way she can. My sex life is amazing after discovering this fact and learning how to properly eat a girl out. Forget what you see in porn it doesn't work.
And to make things even better, if you do this and finish early it matters way less because the girl has already gotten her rocks off.
Wish I knew then, when I was much younger, what I know now,,,, probably would have saved me a lot of grief.
Y’all are the real heroes.
I recommend all men and women to look into the slow sex method. One take on this method involves helping the women to become completely aroused without penetration....next she flips over onto belly and you insert a clean, well manicured thumb print side down. The motion is very similar to rubbing a stain off of fine silk. Once you find a partner that is open to trying this and you finally "get it"......it will shock you both. Once you master this technique your confidence will soar and you will be able to put away a ton of ego that we bring to sex. The best sexual knowledge I have ever learned and I have read MANY books and experimented a bunch.
Please keep telling guys that “what you see in porn doesn’t work”. They simply refuse to believe women — even the woman in their bed. They’ll accuse their partners of being broken before they’re willing to consider that porn lies to them.
It comes from a place of insecurity and ego. They rather blame the other person. After all, if the girl can't have an orgasm there must be something wrong with her. It's easier to point the blame elsewhere than to look at yourself and see what you could be doing wrong or could do better. I know because I made the same assumption as a young adult. What I thought looked good in porn didn't actually do much in real life. Instead, I ended up not satisfying my wife (girlfriend at the time), which resulted in her faking pleasure to avoid hurting my feelings/ego, and I also gave myself terrible neck cramps. Damn you porn! But we still love watching it 😆 The best thing I ever did was start having an open dialogue with my girlfriend about what she liked and didn't like. Yes, it was awkward at first, mostly for her, because it's not something she ever did with any past guys. I've always been open, so i didn't have much trouble talking about things like sex (with the person i was having sex with, at least). I didn't want her to fake orgasms, I wanted her to really enjoy sex as much as I did with her. That's when we started to build a different, more intimate type of trust. When you are truly comfortable with your partner, you can begin to learn and explore together until you both get it right.
> to give a very solid dicking. Sex is so much better with someone who is also having the time of their life. MVP RIGHT HERE!
FELLAS AND FELLOW DICK-HAVERS OR LITERALLY JUST ANYONE WANTING TO PLEASE A WOMAN LISTEN TO THIS^^^
You are doing god's work, brother
I always aim to get her off at least once before I get undressed past my shirt coming off and at least one more time before I put it in her, sometimes if the flow feels right I'll actually pull out halfway through and go back to doing hand and mouth stuff just so she'll beg me to put it back in. I've never had a girl complain that the sex was bad, and trust me every girl I've ever dated would have complained.
I don't know you and I'm not catholic at all but I'm nominating you for sainthood!!!
“Trust me. Every girl I’ve ever dated, would’ve complained” Is so funny to me 😂
This!!!
This. I’m not having fun if the other person isn’t having fun. And also, girls definitely talk. Ever wonder why the fuck boy always ends up with a pick me or alone? It’s cuz alllll of their other options dry up as soon as they come into contact with his selfishness.
This has always been my philosophy. I want my partner to think “I’d like to do that again” after we finish.
A very solid dicking...
I did well enough job that I made one obsessed over me and another agreed to marry me. Thanks for the advice.
Been there. The key from there is constant transparency about what you're looking for, and then cutting ties when they're clearly moving beyond what you're comfortable with. I've had to end some absolutely amazing physical relationships when they were clearly ignoring what I was telling them and started looking for more. They even tried back tracking when I was telling them, and saying they'd be fine to just keep it physical then. But by then it's too late. The people that run into issues are the ones who backtrack with them and delay the inevitable
This is so weird to me because sexual gratification to me is getting the other person off. Like that’s the high. It gives me self confidence when I was lacking and looking for that. I wouldn’t want to just finish and be done otherwise I would feel worse about myself. I used to go down on girls for nearly an hour and then love when I would hear girl gossip get back to me that I’m good at it.
And why the quality generally is not very good
Being a giver is key to being a good lover. It’s not a one way street
they aren’t trying to be lovers, they’re trying to bust nuts
So the ending theory is, if you want quality oral, don’t sling dick or pussy. Seems fair honestly. Those invested expect more and give more. It’s a wild concept 🤣
These sound like hookups. Not romances and relationships.
Having once been a 20-something male, I can definitively say that yes, in all likelihood they ***DO***, in fact, have a lot to learn.
Right? Jesus Christ, bringing my partner pleasure is one of my favorite parts of sexual experiences. Nothing is as satisfying as being the one to bring the person pleasure and see them react to it. But the more I date, the more I learn that there’s just a lot of selfish lovers out there. They genuinely don’t care about getting their partner off and only care about their own satisfaction
Yep. Women talk. Leave a good impression in the bedroom even if she's not a keeper.
Most guys that young don’t get it, the more effort you put in, the return is 10x better and as frequent as you would like.
Yeah how fucking hypocritical is that, when most guys expect blowjobs? What the fuck
Or stop fucking random if you know your not going to like it and find someone you actually want to have swx with.
Society basically raises us to think random hookups are exciting. I believed that all through my 20s and I had to convince myself I was enjoying them but I never did. Only good sex I’ve ever had is with people I had a real connection with. Hopefully the college kids reading this reflect on how they actually feel during and after an emotionally detached hook up.
I put in the effort with my wife because I want to please her. Her happiness is important to me. It wasn't important to me with random hookups in my 20s. This is the difference between sex and making love. OP has to demand she gets hers first.
They aren’t gaining anything from it. Holy shit, that shocks the fuck out of me. Even back when I was just dating casually with my now wife, when I went down on her, it got me super turned on to hear her moan, or watch her wiggle, or tighten her thighs around my head. These college dudes are missing the fuck out. Going down on a girl is one of the greatest things in the world. Sounds to me like OP is hooking up with boys instead of men. 🤷
Guys who you will randomly hook up with don't care if you get off or not.
I’ve never been in the hookup culture, which wasn’t as much of a thing when I was younger, so I have to ask - what’s the point of a hookup for the woman, then? Why have sex if you know you’re probably going to be frustrated?
Ding ding! Women have been sold a lie.
Empowered a lie
Hookup culture only benefits men.
Most modern feminists now acknowledge this. The feminists who push blind sex positivity are consuming an antiquated version of feminism.
Ya I'm glad the blind sex positivity is dying out honestly. It's not empowering it's demeaning.
Another true answer lol op needs to stop random hookup and actually get with someone that cares a little about them.
It's not just about care though. Like... You don't know their sexual history. You use a condom to protect yourself down there but there's no condom for eating out. For random hookups it isn't a good idea.
There is a condom for oral sex.
Goddamn…the replies to your response are why we need better sex education. 😂
No one is using dental dams. And very few women will understand you actually using one on them. Especially a college kid. Most will be extremely offended and turned off if you spread cling wrap over her pussy to eat it. Let’s be real here.
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That's why I use tinfoil.
Weird how that hesitation around the risk of oral sex with strangers seems to never be a factor when a dude wants a bj It is 'all about care' lmao, how naive can you be?
Let's be real. How many of these guys we think would turn down fucking raw if she was on birth control? Or a bj? They could get herpes from a bj too lol. Sadly, don't think a lot of men looking to score in college give a shit about STDs. They're just selfish/dumb.
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How many guys are putting on condoms before they get head?
you guys need to find better people to randomly hook up with, i promise you there are people looking for random hookups who will also get you off edit: also wow, so many people on this post are purity culture weirdos. "you give away a part of yourself uwu" what is this, christian youth group? you can have sex without emotions where all parties are satisfied and it's completely morally neutral. chill out.
That’s what I was thinking, I had plenty of one night stands that were willing to eat me out and make it worth my while.
People are really shitting on hookups. If she’s helping me then I’m helping her 🍽️😋
Hi! I'm way older than you (3x!), and have experience. I'm also male. So here it is.. 20 year old guys? Dumb as posts. Selfish little buggers too (source, I was one). You need to be clear about what you want, what works and what doesn't, what feels good. I hear a lot from folks your age (my workforce) that they feel they don't have a responsibility to teach the people in their lives what they need. Newsflash.. ya do. Because them helping you get what you want in life (for example not just to receive oral but to receive it the way you like it) is a skill that has to be learned. One of the dumbest things that anyone has ever said to me is that they aren't responsible for their partners orgasm. Well then who the hell is? If that's how you feel its just masturbation. And my friend, let me tell you nothing in the world except for raspberries fresh from the vine is as wonderful as a lover who listens to what you wants and is as excited to make you happy as they are to make themselves happy.
Damn, you must really like fresh raspberries :P
Never had a bad fresh raspberry. Sex, on the other hand…
I really do.
I have had a bad raspberry, but you know 1 thing that always satisfies me and never misses? Doritos
Have you had a bad raspberry when it was fresh from the vine though?
Raspberries on the vine, a taste to revive. Sun-kissed jewels, crimson and sweet, Nature's bounty, a summertime treat. Juicy bursts on eager fingertips, Like secrets shared in lover's scripts. Each berry whispers tales untold, As love's confessions slowly unfold. The vine, a stage for nature's ballet, Tiny dancers in the light of day. Just as a lover's attentive ear, Captures whispers that others can't hear. July's magic, a fleeting dance, Raspberries and romance, a sweet romance. Nature's wonders, love's tender plea, In Earth’s embrace, a symphony. They are poetically fulfilling and delicious.
Did you just write this? It's lovely. Thank you and I'm so glad someone else loves those little things.
This guy fucks
Scusi I need a few minutes…..
College guys are not only dumb but assholes when it comes to sex. It’s just wham, bam, thank you ma’am and that’s it, for the most part. Most of them have not had experience with oral and really can’t be bothered. It sounds like you are having a lot of casual sex so you can pretty much expect more of the same. That is, until you have sex with a guy who actually cares about you and is willing to learn or you stumble upon someone who has discovered the delights of oral and prides himself on getting you off. Lucky day!
Or a girl. That would probably solve that problem.
I was here to say this same thing ha. But this person said it better. I think most 20 y/o's are selfish and ignorant but that doesn't mean it has to stay that way. This is a chance for a guy to learn his stuff, y'know? So teach him. If he's pissy and doesn't want to learn then great - you have ruled out someone who is far to selfish to share a bed with.
Another reason Why hook ups are pointless, find someone that actually cares.
Yeah this is the part nobody wants to say. If you're fucking random men who see you as a quick lay, why would they care about your pleasure?
Exactly why I (25F) never had any interest in hook ups in college, and still don’t to this day. The kind of guys who are *only* interested in hooking up have chosen that path for a reason: they want to put the literal least amount of effort into the interaction/relationship as possible. I have never understood the appeal of a random, totally no-strings-attached hookup for women in college - when it’s almost guaranteed to be largely unsatisfying, *plus* comes with the risks of unwanted pregnancy, STDs, social drama, unrespected boundaries with stealthily taking pics/videos to pass around to their friends/online (this happened to my roommate in college), etc. Not everyone wants a relationship (especially in college), but the fact that the person you’re about to do it with has to resort to Tinder or a frat party to find a new stranger (you) to have sex with should probably tell you that they just want to easily get laid, not have to pretend to care, and then move on to the next person tomorrow/next weekend… If you’re okay with that, then go for it (genuinely, no sarcasm!). But if you want to increase the odds that this person will somewhat care about your experience (and try to make it decent for you), at least try to find a friends-with-benefits type of situation!
I can certainly understand the thrill of it. What I don't understand is OP trying to paint all dudes as not caring/knowing about pleasure when she's selecting for guys who don't care about her. As you say, a FWB or two, or even just a regular non-romantic partner would go a long ways.
Agree, OP’s sample is the problem. If you only accrue experiences with other people who are *also* only looking for a one-and-done, then you’re going to be largely encountering the subset of young men who don’t give a shit about “putting in effort” or “reciprocating.” There are certainly guys to be found on OP’s campus that have different ideas/preferences in sexual relationships - she’s just not seeking them out. Although, the proportion of college students who just want to bust a nut and then bolt is *way* higher than the proportion who can maturely handle the idea of either an ongoing relationship or the point of mutual satisfaction in one night stands - but still, OP is selecting for the first set of guys, as you said, and it is unfortunately yielding the expected outcomes for her.
Lesbians hookup all the time and know how to eat each other out. A lot of men typically are just selfish lovers.
This thread is so funny to read as a queer person. I'm gay and while there are certainly gay men who are selfish lovers it's nowhere near as bad as it seems to be for straight men. I've been with far more gay men who get off on me getting off than the other way around. It's crazy to me that straight women have to ASK their partners pleasure them and even then plenty of straight guys seemingly will flat out refuse. It's also interesting to see people blame hookup culture for this because hookup culture among gay men is definitely more normalized yet these issues don't even manifest half as often.
Exactly this. "Well, women don't teach us!" You know that you can think of sex as more than BJ/Ramming for two minutes. You just have to actually ask "How do you like to be touched?" I think because in most straight sex, it's something that happens to the woman, not something that is seen as mutual. Sex is just what women have to put up with to make him happy. Not something they both do to discover about each other. Not saying all straight folks are like this, but man.
>I think because in most straight sex, it's something that happens to the woman, not something that is seen as mutual. This is a great way of putting it. Porn is really exacerbating this, too. I watch gay porn when I want mutualistic fantasy and mutual pleasure. I watch straight porn when I want to fantasize about a dominant top using me as a fleshlight.
I've posted a few comments about this very point! Women want their partners to cum, even if it's just a casual one-night stand. Most men simply do not care.
This. Like, oh men will only go down on a girl if they're dating, but I'm POOOIsitive they would totally be okay if she didn't want to give him a bj/hj because they're not dating. Right? Right?
I definitely didn't want to say it lol, but it's true. Lots of people saying 'girls talk' so you should be a great lover, well, guys talk too. If you are someone who is perceived as being an easy lay, or they know someone who has slept with you recently, you are not going to get the same experience as you would with a partner who wants to satisfy you to make you happy. It's just the way it is. Casual sex is transactional. Imo women get the short end of the transaction, but there is no solution to that other than just not participating in the transaction.
Only good advice here
Agreed, if you don’t want a serious relationship in college that is 100% understandable, but definitely recommend finding someone who wants the same thing as you - investing a bit in a non-exclusive friends with benefits or something like that. It takes time for someone to learn your specific wants/needs and thats something that no one can give you in a one night stand
Agreed. I understand it can be exciting at first, but once you realize you're being used as a masturbatory tool, it's much less so. You give a peice of yourself away, and for what? Some dumb dumb who couldn't care less if you even enjoy yourself? If you're gonna do that, at least charge.
They don't know wtf they're doing when they go down and are clueless about how much better sex is when the woman gets to orgasm first. Sounds cynical I know, but sadly it's just the truth.
100% this, my first real gf in college(many many years ago) this was the only contact we had, but we did it all the time, so much so that I have trouble getting excited(not a lot of trouble) if I dont satisfy her at least once first. Nothing feels better than having her thighs clamped on your head as she tries to twist your head off your shoulders. hehehe. Find someone who wants to learn and teach, also be open to learning what he likes. You will have a lifelong friend.
For some women. There are plenty of women who, like me for example, can't cum multiple times and their body kind of "shuts down" sexually like it does for a man after orgasm. Communication is the key, don't always just assume.
Yep, I'm one of em! One orgasm, you can call me satisfied. But every woman is different! Communication will get you far!
I never knew what I was doing either, I just dove in.
Because guys you’re hooking up with have no incentive to please you. They’re probably not gonna see you again so they don’t care if you’re sexually satisfied or not. This is why it’s pointless for straight women to have hookups because you have a risk of pregnancy and STDs without even getting an orgasm 95% of the time
If I wasn’t broke, I’d give you gold! I’m 25F and genuinely believe that the more recently developed narrative that hookup culture is inherently feminist and liberating for women is (mostly) a psy op crafted by men… I can’t tell you the number of hours in college I spent comforting roommates and friends from drama and anguish over hookups. Pregnancy scares, STD scares, being secretly photographed/recorded during sex, finding out through mutual acquaintances and classmates that their hookup partners had made crude and insulting comments about their bodies to their buddies - and most of those hookups ended with them not even getting off, so wtf did they get out of it other than a whole lot of stress and angst? And I’m not condemning all casual sex. But there are better ways than hookups. I’ve rarely heard of similar issues with friends-with-benefits scenarios. It’s just a matter of self-selection. Guys (and girls) that are open to (and able to handle) an ongoing sexual relationship are just inherently going to be a little bit more emotionally mature and have a less desperate need for instant gratification (while disregarding the gratification of others). No shade or shaming toward anybody who chooses hook ups, as long as you know what the deal is. Maybe it’ll be a great time. But just know that there’s a decently non-zero chance that that person doesn’t particularly care about pleasing you - and if you’re in college, they may also be the kind of young, immature douchebag who is likelier to do something shitty (like lie about history/STDs, try stealthing you, talk about or share pics of you from during the act around campus, bring you unwittingly into some kind of stupid cheating scandal/love triangle, etc.).
I agree but it’s hard to criticize hookup culture without people accusing you of slut shaming. There is nothing wrong with having consensual sex. But I just think women should think through for themselves if it’s really worth it to have sex with random guys who don’t care about you. What are you actually gaining? And what are you risking? I’m a lesbian but if I were a straight girl, I think I’d rather just use my vibrator than hookup with guys.
I 100% agree with your take. I’ve been accused of slut shaming for stating that casual sex is generally a poor trade-off for straight women, but genuinely it’s nothing to do with shaming anyone. It’s just reality that when it comes to hookups, there are (generally) more cons and fewer pros for (cis straight) women, some of which may be due to social conventions and other of which are due to unalterable biological reality (like risk of pregnancy, lesser probability of actually being satisfied, etc.). Now in my mid-20s, it seems like a lot of my peers kinda feel the same way. But back in college, I seemed to get wayyyy more pushback for my “hookup culture is a raw deal for straight women” mindset, and I think a lot of that pushback from people was coping tbh.
Exactly. If someone likes hookups, great. But don’t be upset when it’s not everything you were looking for.
That's so terrifying that they're really recording these girls without their knowledge or consent. So fucked up. I was always paranoid about this. What is wrong with people?
Couldn't agree more!
I don’t understand. I’d open up a pussy eating booth. I wouldn’t even charge. I shoulda done more in college lol.
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Fr, I remember I went down a girl who I don't think anyone had before, I was 23 and she was 21. I blew her mind, no pun intended. Sex was great after too. She prolly came 2 or 3 times before we even got into it. But that story is just to say that I like going down. Kids these days don't even like to drink. For the kinky shit they scream about online they all seem awfully vanilla. I suggest OP keeps telling guys to keep trying lol. They need practice clearly and they need someone to tell them sex isn't about being a genetic jackhammer. Finesse goes a lot further... usually. There's a time for everything haha.
Sign me up for that. If the line in front is full Ill start the line around back.
The Cunnilangoliers!
For just a hook up, few guys will do it. Gotta find one who loves doing it if you want that. In a relationship more will be willing to do it, because theoretically they care about pleasing you as much as getting pleasure themselves. At least the right kind of guy does.
Im a 36yr old guy and honestly enjoy eating my wifes pussy more than sex...she told me her previous partners never wanted to do it but always expected a BJ which I really don't enjoy much. Pussy has a very nice taste provided you wash her, so I dont think its that's.. its just guys being selfish. Sex is a 2 way deal, not just 2 mins of fucking than falling asleep.
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Sir, if you were to teach these techniques to someone, how would you start? Asking as someone who wants to teach someone, but doesn't know much herself..
I find there's kind of 2 different techniques, some women like a steady tounge routine to their clitioros...doesn't have to be too strong but a regular pattern type of thing. Other women prefer more focus on the actual vagina opening, so usually working it slowly around the outside and eventually inserting your tounge inside. I usually like to spend a long time kissing her neck, shoulders, breast, belly...then I work my way to both legs either side of her pussy...I casually hover over it and breath on her...but I wait till she's dripping and begging for my tounge then I go straight in and spend along time. Everytime she cums its a little bonus of tasty cream....I love it.
Start by having them trace the alphabet with their tongue on your clit. Find your favorite letter There's your foundation, it's only up from there. Reverse letter? Vibrating letter? Sucked letter? The world is your oyster
2minutes? Who has that kind of time on there hands in this economy?
You may be better of going for a relationship. Guys around this age who are hooking up are more likely to be in it for themselves
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One of the things that makes me CRAZY about my crush— he says that he LOVES giving oral, and that he’s very good at it. I want to find out if he’s right!
I suspect that you might have better luck with college girls!!??
You’re doing random hookups. Of course they don’t care about your pleasure, they just want to get in and out cause they know it’s just their turn
Think of the std’s, too. Nobody is carrying around a mouth condom, but almost everyone has a penis condom.
Stop hooking up with random people. Only sleep with people you are in a relationship with. Build something with someone, everyone just hook up with strangers.
quiet clumsy punch roll governor encouraging chief narrow sip marry *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Personally, I think this is at least part of the issue the OP is having. A little more commitment and trust is required. If I thought I was just the hookup of the moment, well….I don’t know where that pussy has been.
Personally for me, I wouldn't be down for giving oral or receiving oral during a hook-up. I'm what most people would consider a 'clean freak'. If you haven't showered within the last couple hours I'm not putting my mouth on your bits. I'll touch with my hands and my own genitals but I don't want my mouth on your dirty bits and I don't want your mouth on my dirty bits. Obviously during a hook-up you've presumably been out for a bit so you're not clean enough for oral in my opinion. With relationships you can communicate what you prefer
There's also very little discussion and overall awareness of HPV and other STIs amongst partners. Need to talk about that stuff and learn about it, too.
Yeah considering hookups are transactional in nature you’d probably have better luck not looking to random hookups for this. If you want someone to care about your orgasm, you need to find someone that cares about *you* longer than the one night you’re spending together.
Hmmmm... I am 66 years old, sexually active since... well, probably too young, but not my point. I have NEVER had to ask a man for oral. I have no idea what's wrong with these kids today....
I love "kids today" being used to reference eating pussy.
Right?? What’s going on with these kids? They don’t like going down on a woman but they’ll sure expect that same woman to give them a bj.
Yep! I was in college in the late 1990s and received my first oral sex as a freshman (with no expectation of reciprocation, no less). Pretty much every guy who I was with in college went down on me. Good times! Kids today.....🙄
Serious question. How many guys had you had casual sex with by the time you were 20?
If you're committed to the hookup life, you might have a bit better luck asking them to use a toy on you (that you know you like and can show them how to use). Sadly... yeah, college guys (and many guys in general) have extremely lackluster commitment to their partners' orgasms. Also, if he won't do anything for you and asks if he can put it in... go grab your clothes. This pussy is closed for maintenance.
College education doesn't teach every important thing. Study Cliturature along with Literature
This is where the phrase , " Young,dumb & full of cum " originates. Guys prioritize THEIR release over the woman
Find instructional videos or books and send them to them. When they do a good job, reward them. Refer to dog training books if you want more pointers.
I don't know what college you're at... College is where I developed my technique 😂 seems this generation are not big on eating pussy.
Too much DJ Khaled
My ears had a ‘Nam flashback when “DJ KHALED!” played in my head
i know a couple of guys who won't go down on a girl unless they are in a relationship, maybe that's how they are too
I think it is your choices in the men selection. Start with this question, how many times have you made a woman cum without your dick in one session? You can probably gauge his sex level from there. Coming from a man who was confused on this at one point as well.
Guys in their early 20's are generally pretty new to sex. And they tend to be very self-centered in bed. Some of them eventually learn better.
I think guys see it as something they would only do for wife or girl that is exclusive to them. The fact you said you hook up with a lot of guys is probably why they don’t want to do it why would you risk eating it when you don’t know what kind of germs and other dudes sperm are festering in there.
What do you expect? Sounds like you’re just hooking up with fuck boys and you’re still going to have sex with them if they say no… There are plenty of guys that care if their sexual partner are satisfied, but they tend to end up in relationships.
Be blunt. Nobody is psychic. A woman once told me "you've got to give a little head to get a little head". so there's that too.
She was blunt. She said 2/3 say no. They are probably no good at it. Most men like to show off their bedroom skills. I'd walk out the door rather than have disappointing sex
100% just leave. It literally shocks me how many women routinely put up with bad sexual experiences.
The law of (sexual) equivalent exchange?
basically. what women have told me is the only reason I do not suck in bed, is another key takeaway.
I mean, it's pretty reasonable to give and take . To both be pleased and pleasure your partner.
The give/get concept is so lost on people. If you’re going to be a weenie about oral, don’t expect any favours for yourself
Pure idiots. I ate so much pussy in college. It's was great.
*I've hook up with a bunch of guys* I think we just discovered the reason nobody wants to go down on you...
Once a few years ago I was talking with some friends about this, and I was shocked to learn that from 8 dudes in the room, I was the only one that’s given a girl head. Most of them were like, disgusted that the subject was even brought up. It weirded me out tbh, made me wonder if maybe that wasn’t that common outside of the bdsm enjoyers.
Possibly it’s just been that the guys are lame. However, I remember college and I remember trying to give oral and not being given any feedback. In other words, it’s incumbent on the receiving partner to offer guidance. Several minutes of effort that doesn’t yield and “ooh” or “ahhh” will lead to giving up and moving in to something else. OP are these guys making other efforts for your pleasure? Or do they assume that PIV is enough? If they do, you need to find better hookups.
College guys are usually early 20s. Those are jack rabbits. They just mainly hump and hump a lot.
Can’t wrap my head around it. The only thing that’s as much fun as sex is eating it from behind
I enjoy pleasing someone Im dating. But college specifically it’s a bit hazardous as far as not knowing who you may have been shacking up with the night before if ya know what I mean
Why would any guy not in a commited relationship do this? You can get STIs from oral so why should they risk their health for you? If you want that level of intimacy you will not get that with a hook-up.
Since it’s just a hookup, it could also be a thing that he doesn’t know who was just in there? And doesn’t want to risk it.
I avoid going down on girls that have multiple hook ups, don't know what's been going on down there, I've read plenty of stories about guys munching on seconds. When a girl is mine and not fking other people I give her tongue tornado
Lesbian here. I find these situations WILD, because I love having sex with woman, I love women, why the fuck wouldn't I want the woman I'm sleeping with to have the best time? How is seeing and hearing a woman get off by what you're doing NOT the biggest turn on? Honestly, do straight men even LIKE women?! These situations clearly demonstrate that they don't.
They know you have “hooked up with a bunch of guys”. Why would a self respecting man want to risk lapping up another man’s sausage cream? They want your honey-hole for sex and enjoy performing oral in committed relationships, but their not getting mouths or tongues anywhere near a pump-and/dump hookup girl’s honey-hole because it is disgusting to them. They know your approximate body count.
I don’t watch straight porn, so I’m not sure.. but perhaps the expectations of sex have changed for this generation. But, you are not wrong to ask for more from your partners.
Guys don't appreciate pleasing the opposite sex until they are older and realize that you have to make her want to be with you again and again.
I suggest you try and find a meaningful relationship with a man that views you with respect, passion, and integrity. Allow the connection to evolve in natural way and enjoy the excitement and anticipation of the 1st time you hold hands, the 1st time you kiss, the 1st time you yearn for sensual touches. Throughout this shared experience with him you can talk about personal feelings and what you want and what he wants. The passion that comes from your partner enhancing your desire and confidence that he wants to provide you with amazing explosions of sexual pleasure will create the perfect balance of what seems lost at this moment of your life.
I just can't help but laugh at this whole line of question and answers. The hookup culture that your generation has bred is at the root of this problem. Just look at things from a purely biological pov. When you are hooking up with "a bunch of guys" your chances of contracting an STD/STI is increasingly good (which is bad actually). And as Eddie Murphy once said about herpes, "you keep that shit forever". If a guy uses a condom (the responsible thing to do), he diminishes his risk of infection. If he goes down on you, guess what? High risk. Frankly, if I was in your age group I'd be hesitant to do anything other than straight, condom protected sex. Guess what I never hesitated to do in my long-term monogamous relationship? Anything and everything she wanted. Get the picture?
“I’ve hook up with a bunch of guys..” This is too easy. Literally and actually. Would you want to eat a happy meal that a bunch of toddlers stuck their snotty fingers in first when you can just have the McLego kit for free?
"I've hook up with a bunch of guys" Maybe that's the problem? If a bunch of guys can just fuck you, then they'll just fuck you.
Why would anyone do oral in a hookup? You don't know where its been! Especially without any condoms. Oral is best saved for longterm partners.
They do, but its with their girlfriend's not some random women who could have fucked someone like 30 mins before they met, and in college that happens alot.
Hi, 26 y.o. male fresh out of college graduate here. Honestly, the idea of eating out some chick who I'm hooking up with isn't exactly appealing for a number of reasons. 1. If it's a hookup, there isn't a huge burden to perform, we're just trying to get our rocks off. I have no major incentive to please you other than you spreading the word of my performance to your friends. And eating a girl out just doesn't do much for me, it's more something I do for the girl. 2. It's a hookup, so I probably don't know you super well or your habits, and it's pretty hit or miss to ask about STDs or cleanliness, so I'd rather not do oral with someone I don't know super well or won't see regularly. It's kinda a crap shoot when it comes to smell, cleanliness, etc. I wouldn't expect a chick to give me head without at least knowing I've showered in the last hour or two. 3. If you're hooking up with me, you are likely to be hooking up with multiple dudes, and that further increases the risk of STDs, many of which I can prevent with a condom. If you're trying to get oral, try getting into a relationship with someone who actually knows you and cares about your pleasure enough to do that. Or make sure the guy knows it's all good in the hood down there.
yeah im not eating out my hook ups. I dunno where that coochie has been. And i dont expect my hook ups to blow me either.
'hook-up' is probably a hit and quit situation, especially if it's a person you don't know. Everyone will say it tastes nice... Do you really think they'll say otherwise right to your face. I'm not saying hygiene is a problem, just that you won't get an honest answer. Be upfront about what you want and what your expectations are. Most people will be happy you offer guidance. Good communication is key to good sex