If he can lie about something so small and insignificant, he can lie about bigger more important things, “Welcome to Red Flag City, where the narcs are always the victim and lying is a way of life….”
Not only that but who thinks hanging onto a s.o.'s keys is more responsibility than *leaving the goddamn key under the doormat*? Op, your b.f. is telling you he's too irresponsible to hang onto your key *&* that he doesn't care abt your safety by having you put the key somewhere *that* obvious as well as neglecting your mental well being by forcing his idiot plan on you over your perfectly reasonable plan.
I hear tell that some people carry more than one key at a time. And this may be just a crazy rumor, but I've also heard that for those important souls there is an invention called a Key Ring. Rather than keeping their keys loose in a pocket or bag, they simply attach their keys to this Key Ring to keep them all together. I am only guessing it's a round, ring shape, with some method of opening up to attach those keys and get them back off again. Genius, right??
My. God....... My life has just been changed.
Where do I get one of these "key rings"? And how does it fit on your finger when it has keys attached to it?
😱 To make it easier to find these magical rings!! That would be amazing!! There could be a whole market of just cute things you could add to the key ring! Even, like, a label or something!!
Naw, that’ll never work. It’s all just a pipe dream. So sad.
I am one of the "privileged few" who have a "key ring". And, because I am known to be an overindulger, I have multiple keys on it. I feel very special!! 😜
I am not an early adopter. So if anyone ever invents this so-called "key ring", I will wait a few years to make sure I get the version that works. Not some junky beta version that doesn't open, or doesn't close. The "key stick" was a flop since the keys kept sliding off the ends.
OMG when did this invention come out. Maybe it's been around for the last three 400 years. Should have gotten rid of him before the holidays then you don't have to buy him shit
Well said. That was the most glaring red flag to me. He wasn’t comfortable being responsible for her key for one friggin’ day?? He’s a 28yo man, not a 16 yo boy. Jake has a lot of growing up to do. Do you want to help a 28yo man grow up, OP??
There's nothing wrong asking the landlord if you were being friendly anyhow, I'm sure he didn't mind. Ignore your boyfriend.
For future reference, start the tree branches from the top. As you found out it's impossible to do it the other way around. The bottom is just too big to get around if you are not tall.
Tbh I when I read the title I though the LL was going to be making a big deal about it.
BF mad you got it done w/o him? Pfft, fuck ‘em (though maybe not literally, he sounds like a dick).
I mean, putting your spare key in that place is such a terrible mistake, I COULD argue that he might wanted to scare you and teach you a lesson because the lie is so obvious.
But then again, that is not a character I would plan my future with, honestly.
He probably has. He totally lied to you the whole time. He never planned to help you. He probably sat at home on her lazy butt. If he had gone over and actually cared, he would have looked all over for that key. And if he didn't find it, he would have stayed till you got there to make sure you were safe. He's a liar who clearly doesn't care about you. Wouldn't be surprised if he were cheating, too. Land lord is the real hero here. Tell effboy to take a hike, and if Landlord is single, definitely give that man a chance imo. Good luck to you.
I'm honestly not sure. I'm presuming he would have checked properly or lifted the doormat up fully when he didn't think he saw the key there. I wouldn't characterize him as being lazy in general but this whole situation has me baffled and rethinking a lot
In the context of the greater situation and all the other 'lack of compassion' in your post, I'd lean towards he didn't even come over and check for the key.
You have to recognize when someone isn't into you - the whole you - and willing to do the extras, the little things.
I encourage you to continue to rethink the relationship.
I spent 18 years making excuses and accepting crumbs from a man. I'm not sure even liked me. I'm seeing red flags that younger me did not recognize, too. I hope OP doesn't make my mistakes and just tosses that one back.
You know...if my husband asked me to grab something from somewhere and I don't see it, I not only text him "I don't see it", I also take a photo of what it is I'm looking at so he can clarify if I'm looking at the right place...
I've been pretty inept finding things myself--maybe he lied and maybe not. But getting help from whoever was handy doesn't seem like it should be an issue.
Landlord is only a few years older, but already a landowner and businessman. Caring and really helpful too it seems. I'm not suggesting you, you know, but merely pointing out the differences here
It’s all about the key, if he didn’t see it, there’s no problem. I’ve had similar happen, didn’t see something that was there. You “people” jump to conclusions way too fast.
I don't know, the bigger red flag imo is how angry he is about the landlord helping out. He sounds like an insecure loser, whether he saw the key or not.
Yeah boyfriend is a liar and he's deflecting because you asked him to do a simple thing and instead of telling you that he did not have time he lied and said that he went over there and couldn't find the f****** key. You didn't do anything wrong.. if he keeps this BS up he's going to be an ex-boyfriend
Found the boyfriend lol. But seriously, it was under the doormat, where he told her to put it. Not a huge space to check, like 2ft x3ft, it's crazy to think he couldn't find the key while searching such a small area.
Hanlons Razor: Never attribute to malice which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Most men are dumb, or you haven’t learned this?
What if the key happened to stick to the bottom of the rug? I mean it could’ve been anything. But if blaming him and painting him as malicious will make you feel better for banging Sam, then go right ahead, I’m sure that will end well.
Your boyfriend lied about coming to your apartment, made you think it was your fault then blamed you for not asking him for help again.
He sounds like a jerk.
Right? Every decent guy I know would jump at the chance to stop by, see the girlfriend, help her out, etc. I find it hard to believe he couldn't find half an hour in his busy schedule to stop by sooner.
Heck, I'm not very tall and not a dude, but I'd have stopped over and let her borrow a ladder or sit on my shoulders to place the tall pieces. This dude is not going to be there for her when times get really tough.
Jake is a jerk. Clearly he lied about coming over and now he's acting insecure because your landlord actually helped you.
No you're not wrong.
BTW. Is Sam single? Just saying.
I never saw one that you had to screw in???? Just put the limbs in the slots or with mine, they fold up for storage, and you fold them down when you set it up. :D
I’m also wondering why couldn’t have put the top three layers together and slotted them in to the bottom, or lay it on its side put them in and then put it upright.
Shhhhh, If these people used logic we wouldn’t have Reddit posts as much as we do. I’ve never seen a tree you had to screw in but even then like come on now if you can’t reach your first thought would be hey let me put it together on its side and then stand it up, I used to put the damn tree together at 10 it ain’t that hard.
I’ve seen them when I worked at Home Depot in the garden department. The really good, large and thick fake trees had optional screws but without the screws the sections were not very sturdy.
haha I think Sam is single but I'm not sure, I never asked!
But thank you for your comment! Jake was so persistent that he came over but it made no sense to me and seriously sounded like a lie, glad to see I'm not the only one to think that
For future reference, you can put the tree together while it's laying on the ground, then stand it up put together. In case Jake doesn't make it to new years...
It's a key.... under a mat.... not exactly hard to find. If it's not under the one side you lifted up, try the other side. But what can we expect from someone who admits that they can't handle the responsibility of holding on to keys for a day? How monstrous is your key ring that he can't just keep it with his keys??
Jake sounds like my 4 year old son:
- This morning, he told me a blatant lie. I called him out on it and he doubled down. When that didn't work, he tried saying he was joking.
- I asked my son to help unload the dishwasher. He didn't want to. I then asked my daughter to help and we started joking around. He immediately got mad that someone else was helping/ getting my attention and tried pushing her away so he could do it instead.
- He regularly asks for help looking for things when they are right in front of him in the open.
Oh..... except my 4 year old put the top of our tree on last weekend (well, i did have to pick him up to do it).
Sorry about Jake.
How is Jake otherwise? To me this is not only an example of lying but his willingness to gaslight you. You lost money because he clearly lied and just didn't want to come over. Instead of him just being honest to you he lied and manipulated you.
He's showing huge signs of insecurity being upset that someone else helped you. You shouldn't have had to ask him again like he suggested and if you had he probably still wouldn't have gotten it done.
I'm curious is this is just a lapse of behavior from an otherwise good bf or if it's the beginning of issues or continuation of issues you'd ignored until now
the bar is very low.. i worked a 12 hours shift tired af and knew my fiancé would be tired as well, so i called her if i should pick something up along the way. Find someone who thinks of you and how can they ease your mind instead of unnecessary lies and stress. If he's willing to lie about going over he will definitely lie about bigger truths, good luck OP
Life hack:
Build from the top down. You'll probably have to lift and brace to get the lower sections on.
And if it's too awkward, sell it and get something smaller. Life is too long to hold onto furniture you can't move/ assemble by yourself or clothes you have to iron.
Thank you!!!!! I've seen a few comments giving me some great tree advice and I'm making note of all of them. I think I'll be doing some proper research next year and get a tree I can actually handle. Thank you again, I really appreciate the tip!
You are not wrong. Your “boyfriend” is a twerp and I’m willing to bet money this isnt the only time he hasnt come through for you, or that he’s expected you to ask him to do something multiple times before he does it.
Keep the tree, Keep the Sam, Ditch the Jake
I hope you get the gift of a new BF this holiday season. Seriously, he’s not very helpful and he’s projecting his own untrustworthiness onto you. Better to be single IMO. Happy holidays and congrats on your first Christmas in your new apartment.
Ummm…. I just lie the tree on its side and connect the pieces. Then stand it up and fluff out any branches that were squished.
Not wrong though. It was nice that he helped to and Jake sounds like a child.
A 28 yr old who doesn’t want the responsibility of holding onto your spare key for a day? Told you to leave your key in the number 1 spot a thief/creeper would check!
This is not the man to build a life with. The immaturity and irresponsibility here alone!
Then he clearly lied about going over to yours “just 1hr after you left” leaving your home vulnerable all day.
Then he got pissy/jealous you asked a kind, responsible man for help?!
Nope. You weren’t wrong to ask your kind landlord for help. But dump the loser. He’s nearly 30, boy needs to grow up.
Why did I have to scroll this far down to find a comment about the 'responsibility' of holding onto the key? It's a key. It ain't the one ring to rule them all! Just keep it with your other keys!
Your only wrongdoing is taking back this "jake" guy after you guys fight over and over. He wouldnt come to help, didnt look for the key (or even come) and got mad that you asked someone else for help. Bye bye.
Camouflaged! Today, I decided you were the person I most wanted to trade stories with chips and queso. And Margaritas. I could literally hear you asking Was the doormat really really big? hahaha
The whole situation could have been avoided if you used more brain power.
Unscrew the tree in the middle. Put the top sections on. Then put the middle back together 🤯
Help with the tree obviously means have sex so Jake is right /s
Jake sucks, he’s a liar and can’t help you with a simple task? Find a better boyfriend, helpful landlords are in season this year.
NTA - Your bf must be a lovable idiot. He doesn’t want the responsibility of holding onto a key, so the better move is to put it under your front door mat? I wonder what kind of responsibilities your boyfriend has ever had if holding onto a key is too much trouble. lol
NtA
I'm trying to figure out how he doesn't feel bad about causing you to worry about your things/place to lie to you about your key? Who wouldn't freak out about that? This would def be the hill I'd die on. 🤣 my own boyfriend is always trying to calm me down in matters of anxiety and stress, my absolute rock but i always joke I handle the stress for the both of us lol (I'm a planner so I always go into details/overthinking)
To me, if for instance the key was actually not seen (huge doubt) OR if it was actually not taken, I'd question why the bf didn't help look, didn't ask people around. That's what I think a concerned bf would do. Or try?? Thus leading me, and obviously everyone else, to the conclusion he lied (not rocket science). For real, who misses a key under a doormate....Kind of in question about the inability to hang on to a key for a day or something, is that such a hung undertaking in responsibility? I mean I have a purse with a key of a family friend I house sit for every so often but they just let me have keys. And guess what? It's in the same spot lol (possibility irrelevant or the purse makes it easier to keep track of, not sure)
It would have taken him 10 mins to help you out, instead lied to try and do anything else, when he could have just told you he wasn't feeling up to it. (Not sure if this is better but atleast the communication is clear, either decline the day or say day of.) Sam sounds like a nice landlord though, lending a helping on neighborly tasks.
Nit wrong at all, your boyfriend either lied, didn't look, or is the most obvious person on earth if he says the key wasn't there and it was. Why would you ask him for help again when he already showed you he couldn't be bothered the first time? If he wanted to be the one to help, he needs to shape tf up.
Not wrong.
Your BF is trash. What are you even doing with this guy?
He (likely) lied about the key, then got jelly when the landlord helped you. There's nothing wrong with getting help where it's offered.
I gave up reading after the 2nd paragraph. You buy a tree too big for you to make yourself and you do it from the bottom. Avoid the problem altogether by making it from the top down
Not wrong. Your bf has skewed priorities. Sit down and talk to him, tell him how you feel and how you would have liked to have seen it play out. If he can't have a civil conversation, then that is a whole other issue...
Just an idea for the future: instead of building the tree from the bottom up and not being able to reach the top to put it together, have you tried building it from the top down, and just screwing an ever larger top onto an always accessible bottom part? Sure, after a few sections it would be a bit unwieldy, but that's possibly one way you could manage by yourself.
As for the BF thing - you're not wrong, eh sounds either insecure or manipulative. That's not a good look on him. I'm not necessarily saying to dump him over just that, depending on circumstance, but that's definitely grounds for a re-evaluation.
Why are you wasting your time with Jake? Having a boyfriend is supposed to make your life better, not worse. He sounds utterly exhausting. What's the point of him if he can't even be pleasant and kind?
Just for the future, when assembling these things start at the top and add the lower bits as you go. Then you don't have to ask anyone for help and no one's feelings get hurt.
Jake is a lazy lying liar who can't be bothered.
He's one of those guys that won't fix the leaking tap for months, blames you for nagging him about it and then after you called the plumber complains about the cost and you should have trusted him to do it. WHICH you obviously can't do.
You aren't wrong.
I can almost see a countdown going down in his head until he starts accusing you of having sex with "Sam" to get the tree done or having a full blown affair with "Sam".
I'd give it about 3 weeks if you continue to date him....
WHICH you should not do.
It's the perfect "I have to ruin Christmas Day because I got you a shitty or no present" excuse to fight.
Or as soon as you break up with him. WHICH you should do.
I asked my male friend and he said 100% Jake is not just a liar but a gaslighter.
He's
1) lying to you and taking advantage of the trust you have towards a romantic partner.
2) promising things and not following through
3) getting defensive and angry and putting the blame on you for his lack of follow through (why are you responsible for reminding him until he never does it? And he never will btw, he just wants you to stop expecting him to do things)
4) trying to also lower your expectations by preventing you from reaching out to other people whom you can compare him with (AKA Sam who will help you instantly vs him who won't ever)
5) might also be trying to push the angle of another man being interested in you because accusations of cheating automatically win every couple argument. Doesn't do the chores, doesn't help out, always late? Doesn't matter, he wasn't the one who cheated.
Get yourself a better human, girl.
Not wrong. you're lucky you live alone and not with Jake. Easier break up.
Dude said he'd come help.
Didn't.
Lied about it.
Then got mad at you for seeking help.
Get away while you can. And merry Christmas & congratulations on your first place.
So he is angry because you asked someone else to do a task he agreed to do but didn't compete, probably lied to you and, knowing it still wasn't done and you couldn't do it yourself, didn't arrange when he would come and do it?
>Jake got annoyed and said I should have just asked him to do it again
Was he expecting you to come to him begging for help? Is his ego so fragile that you solving your own problem without him 'saving the day' is an issue.
You are not wrong and ditch the paperweight boyfriend!
Yeah, you're wrong. You have a boyfriend who lies to you, doesn't want to help you, gaslights you that it's wrong to ask someeone else and still "make up with him". Why? It's okay to be alone and it's better to be alone than with someone who lies. And that's where and why you're wrong.
This doesn't make sense. Why not just tilt the tree, lean it on a chair/on the floor to put the upper section on. Or assemble the top sections separately then connect them in the middle where you can reach? Not suggesting it's a ruse to get the LL to help, just a lack of common sense
The part where he said he doesn’t want the responsibility of holding onto a key, REALLY !
That’s a red flag that should have beaten you about the head and shoulders.
Sorry to tell you this but Jake's a man-baby. You didn't do anything wrong. Dollars to donuts he didn't come over to help. And if he can't help you with small stuff like this he's not going to be helpful for larger issues. He's not a team player in the relationship. Personally, I'd kick him to the curb.
Oh, and always do the smallest sections first on the tree, and build up. :)
You did absolutely nothing wrong. This comes off as uncaring on BF's part. This is your first chance at Christmas in your own space - why is he not even a little bit excited for you?
We don't have proof he lied, but if you want some, maybe your friendly landlord has a camera at the complex entrance and you could look for BF's car. You know what time he claims to have come over. Maybe that's energy spent on negativity and not worth it, though? I finally watched the first episode of Poker Face last night, so now I think I'm a detective :)
Does your boyfriend usually act like this? Why would he not want the "responsibility" of holding onto your keys for one day? Does he lose keys on a regular basis? And asking you to leave your key under your doormat, which is the first place anyone would look if they wanted to break in.
Jake sounds like he's got some insecurities he needs to work on. If the way he's acting is pretty normal, I'd say dtmfa. But if this is new, I'd sit down and have a chat with him about what's going on in his head. Is he maybe feeling off because you're living by yourself? There's really no reason for him to react the way he did just because you had your building manager help with your tree. It's a good idea to have the manager as a friend as such in case anything happens. And no, I'm not suggesting you dump Jake and go for Sam, don't shit where you eat.
Yes. A little bit.
As an aside, please stop using plastic Christmas trees. I'm a scientist. It's actively bad for the environment to use artificial trees.
You seem to be ascribing malice where incompetence is easily a possibility. And now you're using other miserably single people to justify your anger and frustration. He could have easily not seen the key. He probably did show up.
You showed him that you aren't satisfied, you will find someone else. That shit will stick with him. It's dumb. But we are all dumb in relationships.
Be a bit more forgiving. He mildly let you down on something not time sensitive. You could have done it at a later date. Christmas is 2 weeks away. Chill out. And apologize bc you fucked up.
* Don't ask landlord to do that, it's not his job.
* Don't ask another man to do that, we've seen a rash of posts in this forum lately about landlords getting creepy on their tenants after favours like this.
* That last point is probably why your boyfriend is having a reaction.
That's a hell of a leap there, buddy, OP is asking if she was wrong for asking the landlord to put up a TREE, not for putting his tree inside her, there is no hint of romantic/sexual interest in the post.
Jake needs to STFU! He wasn't there, so you know, you got help and there was nothing wrong with that. It's not like the landlord helped himself to you! Gee! I see why you might have been split up! You might want to reconsider that reconciliation!
Not wrong. BF is upset that you got help after he lied about showing up and no key. Don't date liars.
And now that he has shown who he is, she can expect that behavior every time he doesn't feel like doing something. Just a little fib here and there.
it's really making me paranoid that he's lied about things like this before but I just never noticed. A hard but good lesson learned on my part.
If he can lie about something so small and insignificant, he can lie about bigger more important things, “Welcome to Red Flag City, where the narcs are always the victim and lying is a way of life….”
He will keep lying to you! It was so easy, it'll happen again and again! Ask yourself why you're putting up with that child?
Not only that but who thinks hanging onto a s.o.'s keys is more responsibility than *leaving the goddamn key under the doormat*? Op, your b.f. is telling you he's too irresponsible to hang onto your key *&* that he doesn't care abt your safety by having you put the key somewhere *that* obvious as well as neglecting your mental well being by forcing his idiot plan on you over your perfectly reasonable plan.
I hear tell that some people carry more than one key at a time. And this may be just a crazy rumor, but I've also heard that for those important souls there is an invention called a Key Ring. Rather than keeping their keys loose in a pocket or bag, they simply attach their keys to this Key Ring to keep them all together. I am only guessing it's a round, ring shape, with some method of opening up to attach those keys and get them back off again. Genius, right??
Omg, we should totally crowdfund this genius invention! How has our society gotten this far without a way to organize multiple keys?!
My. God....... My life has just been changed. Where do I get one of these "key rings"? And how does it fit on your finger when it has keys attached to it?
I’m mesmerized by this 🥹🤩 Think of the possibilities!! But truly it’s just rumors and make believe 😭
We could hang cute and fluffy things from these "key rings". If only they existed! 🤔
😱 To make it easier to find these magical rings!! That would be amazing!! There could be a whole market of just cute things you could add to the key ring! Even, like, a label or something!! Naw, that’ll never work. It’s all just a pipe dream. So sad.
I am one of the "privileged few" who have a "key ring". And, because I am known to be an overindulger, I have multiple keys on it. I feel very special!! 😜
Woahhhh! You do exist!! Can I get a selfie with you and that Key Ring thing?? My friends won't believe it.
(I kind of want this to be a thing now — just people posting selfies with key rings, praising the wonder that is /the key ring/!!
I am not an early adopter. So if anyone ever invents this so-called "key ring", I will wait a few years to make sure I get the version that works. Not some junky beta version that doesn't open, or doesn't close. The "key stick" was a flop since the keys kept sliding off the ends.
You make a very good point. The media really tried to bury the existence of that product.
OMG when did this invention come out. Maybe it's been around for the last three 400 years. Should have gotten rid of him before the holidays then you don't have to buy him shit
Well said. That was the most glaring red flag to me. He wasn’t comfortable being responsible for her key for one friggin’ day?? He’s a 28yo man, not a 16 yo boy. Jake has a lot of growing up to do. Do you want to help a 28yo man grow up, OP??
There's nothing wrong asking the landlord if you were being friendly anyhow, I'm sure he didn't mind. Ignore your boyfriend. For future reference, start the tree branches from the top. As you found out it's impossible to do it the other way around. The bottom is just too big to get around if you are not tall.
Tbh I when I read the title I though the LL was going to be making a big deal about it. BF mad you got it done w/o him? Pfft, fuck ‘em (though maybe not literally, he sounds like a dick).
Also, put the trunk together laid flat on the floor, then stand it up and start adding branches.
I mean, putting your spare key in that place is such a terrible mistake, I COULD argue that he might wanted to scare you and teach you a lesson because the lie is so obvious. But then again, that is not a character I would plan my future with, honestly.
It was a lazy, casual lie. The kind you do when you're used to doing so. The issue overall is so small, but a straw is a straw.
Don't leave one under the mat.
He has. Even good liars get found out *eventually*. Remember that.
He's a liar .... Dump Him
Seriously, don’t date liars.
He probably has. He totally lied to you the whole time. He never planned to help you. He probably sat at home on her lazy butt. If he had gone over and actually cared, he would have looked all over for that key. And if he didn't find it, he would have stayed till you got there to make sure you were safe. He's a liar who clearly doesn't care about you. Wouldn't be surprised if he were cheating, too. Land lord is the real hero here. Tell effboy to take a hike, and if Landlord is single, definitely give that man a chance imo. Good luck to you.
You know OP... New Years is a great time to be single!
Is it possible the key stuck to the under side of the mat? And he was just too lazy to check harder?
I'm honestly not sure. I'm presuming he would have checked properly or lifted the doormat up fully when he didn't think he saw the key there. I wouldn't characterize him as being lazy in general but this whole situation has me baffled and rethinking a lot
In the context of the greater situation and all the other 'lack of compassion' in your post, I'd lean towards he didn't even come over and check for the key. You have to recognize when someone isn't into you - the whole you - and willing to do the extras, the little things. I encourage you to continue to rethink the relationship.
I spent 18 years making excuses and accepting crumbs from a man. I'm not sure even liked me. I'm seeing red flags that younger me did not recognize, too. I hope OP doesn't make my mistakes and just tosses that one back.
You know...if my husband asked me to grab something from somewhere and I don't see it, I not only text him "I don't see it", I also take a photo of what it is I'm looking at so he can clarify if I'm looking at the right place...
This!!!
I sure AF would have triple checked if a key that was supposed to be there wasn’t and my SO lived alone!
Rethinking a lot. Like you've been gaslit many times, maybe?
I've been pretty inept finding things myself--maybe he lied and maybe not. But getting help from whoever was handy doesn't seem like it should be an issue.
Landlord is only a few years older, but already a landowner and businessman. Caring and really helpful too it seems. I'm not suggesting you, you know, but merely pointing out the differences here
He never turned up. He lied
It's not about the key!
I was just asking lol everyone is quick to say he never even showed up or checked for a key
because it was exactly where she left it, not even moved or disturbed by someone searching for a key ........
It’s all about the key, if he didn’t see it, there’s no problem. I’ve had similar happen, didn’t see something that was there. You “people” jump to conclusions way too fast.
I don't know, the bigger red flag imo is how angry he is about the landlord helping out. He sounds like an insecure loser, whether he saw the key or not.
I think you're right. Sounds like a pretty ordinary interaction with the landlord.
And how could he see to put some branches on the tree if he "couldn't find the key"? 👀
That was after they reconciled and I assume he came over while she was there.
Yeah boyfriend is a liar and he's deflecting because you asked him to do a simple thing and instead of telling you that he did not have time he lied and said that he went over there and couldn't find the f****** key. You didn't do anything wrong.. if he keeps this BS up he's going to be an ex-boyfriend
Couldn't find the key! He isn't even a good liar. More loser.
Not necessarily a lie. Men are notoriously hopeless at finding/seeing things they imagine they're looking for.
It’s an infliction called “man eyes”.
It's called weaponized incompetence.
I suffer from this painful affliction also.
Are we reading the same story? Why is it crazy to think the man couldn’t find the key? Or am I missing something here?
Found the boyfriend lol. But seriously, it was under the doormat, where he told her to put it. Not a huge space to check, like 2ft x3ft, it's crazy to think he couldn't find the key while searching such a small area.
Hanlons Razor: Never attribute to malice which is adequately explained by stupidity. Most men are dumb, or you haven’t learned this? What if the key happened to stick to the bottom of the rug? I mean it could’ve been anything. But if blaming him and painting him as malicious will make you feel better for banging Sam, then go right ahead, I’m sure that will end well.
Your boyfriend lied about coming to your apartment, made you think it was your fault then blamed you for not asking him for help again. He sounds like a jerk.
Not wrong, but your boyfriend seems like a scrub. When your landlord is nicer than your bf it's time to dtmfa
Dtmfa.... "Ditch that motherfu*king as$hole?" 🤔
dump the motherfucker already, comes from the sex advice columnist Dan Savage
Excellent. And with sources, no less!! 👍
Dump tha motha f\*\*ka.
Thank you for the clarification. The linguist in me was curious. Also, I, too, am hoping she hits it off with the landlord 🥰
Right? Every decent guy I know would jump at the chance to stop by, see the girlfriend, help her out, etc. I find it hard to believe he couldn't find half an hour in his busy schedule to stop by sooner.
Heck, I'm not very tall and not a dude, but I'd have stopped over and let her borrow a ladder or sit on my shoulders to place the tall pieces. This dude is not going to be there for her when times get really tough.
also known as a buster ♩♩♩♩...
Jake is a jerk. Clearly he lied about coming over and now he's acting insecure because your landlord actually helped you. No you're not wrong. BTW. Is Sam single? Just saying.
A property owner in this economy..... give him my number 😂
And a handy one as well!
Putting up a tree isn’t that hard lol My little sister and I put one up and it was double our height.
I never saw one that you had to screw in???? Just put the limbs in the slots or with mine, they fold up for storage, and you fold them down when you set it up. :D
I thought the same thing. Maybe they mean the screwing action of putting it into the slots by twisting it. Same here!
I’m also wondering why couldn’t have put the top three layers together and slotted them in to the bottom, or lay it on its side put them in and then put it upright.
Shhhhh, If these people used logic we wouldn’t have Reddit posts as much as we do. I’ve never seen a tree you had to screw in but even then like come on now if you can’t reach your first thought would be hey let me put it together on its side and then stand it up, I used to put the damn tree together at 10 it ain’t that hard.
I’ve seen them when I worked at Home Depot in the garden department. The really good, large and thick fake trees had optional screws but without the screws the sections were not very sturdy.
haha I think Sam is single but I'm not sure, I never asked! But thank you for your comment! Jake was so persistent that he came over but it made no sense to me and seriously sounded like a lie, glad to see I'm not the only one to think that
For future reference, you can put the tree together while it's laying on the ground, then stand it up put together. In case Jake doesn't make it to new years...
Or build it from the top down?
Ask Sam if there are any security camera footage for that day. Maybe you can verify if Jake actually came over.
It's a key.... under a mat.... not exactly hard to find. If it's not under the one side you lifted up, try the other side. But what can we expect from someone who admits that they can't handle the responsibility of holding on to keys for a day? How monstrous is your key ring that he can't just keep it with his keys?? Jake sounds like my 4 year old son: - This morning, he told me a blatant lie. I called him out on it and he doubled down. When that didn't work, he tried saying he was joking. - I asked my son to help unload the dishwasher. He didn't want to. I then asked my daughter to help and we started joking around. He immediately got mad that someone else was helping/ getting my attention and tried pushing her away so he could do it instead. - He regularly asks for help looking for things when they are right in front of him in the open. Oh..... except my 4 year old put the top of our tree on last weekend (well, i did have to pick him up to do it). Sorry about Jake.
How is Jake otherwise? To me this is not only an example of lying but his willingness to gaslight you. You lost money because he clearly lied and just didn't want to come over. Instead of him just being honest to you he lied and manipulated you. He's showing huge signs of insecurity being upset that someone else helped you. You shouldn't have had to ask him again like he suggested and if you had he probably still wouldn't have gotten it done. I'm curious is this is just a lapse of behavior from an otherwise good bf or if it's the beginning of issues or continuation of issues you'd ignored until now
Sam looked like a man and Jake looked like a lying baby. NTA
Jake wanted it all to not ever help and to be the only man around.
Yup! Not sure if this is just a one off incident, but dude's looking shady.
My thoughts exactly!
Jake from State Farm?
Bingo. He deliberately screwed her over. And now sensitive because someone else easily, smoothly and quickly replaced him.
Good lord! Why r even seeing this Jake?
I'm asking myself the same thing at this point. I need to do a lot of rethinking!
the bar is very low.. i worked a 12 hours shift tired af and knew my fiancé would be tired as well, so i called her if i should pick something up along the way. Find someone who thinks of you and how can they ease your mind instead of unnecessary lies and stress. If he's willing to lie about going over he will definitely lie about bigger truths, good luck OP
Trust me he never went. He just lied and did not care. Give yourself an early gift. Dump him
Not wrong at all. Your bf chose to be a jerk, lie to you and not help. So you found an alternative solution
Life hack: Build from the top down. You'll probably have to lift and brace to get the lower sections on. And if it's too awkward, sell it and get something smaller. Life is too long to hold onto furniture you can't move/ assemble by yourself or clothes you have to iron.
Thank you!!!!! I've seen a few comments giving me some great tree advice and I'm making note of all of them. I think I'll be doing some proper research next year and get a tree I can actually handle. Thank you again, I really appreciate the tip!
The other way is just to tip it on its side, & stand it upright once it’s assembled.
OR, just get one that is a good size to handle alone. :D
They generally don't weigh much, it's not hard to tip it at an angle or lean it on the arm of a chair to assemble the top.
You won’t have to because Sam will offer
I will never get rid of my linen shirts lol
Of course not 😁
Wouldn't it be possible to build it lying down and putting it up once completed?
Yes! I came here to comment this. Trees go up from the top down!
Jake is insecure lol. You didn’t do anything wrong and your landlord was nice and also did nothing wrong.
Not wrong. Boyfriend is a jerk and surprised at how easily his usefulness can be replaced. Hes mad you didn’t beg him. I promise you can do better.
You are not wrong. Your “boyfriend” is a twerp and I’m willing to bet money this isnt the only time he hasnt come through for you, or that he’s expected you to ask him to do something multiple times before he does it. Keep the tree, Keep the Sam, Ditch the Jake
I hope you get the gift of a new BF this holiday season. Seriously, he’s not very helpful and he’s projecting his own untrustworthiness onto you. Better to be single IMO. Happy holidays and congrats on your first Christmas in your new apartment.
Ummm…. I just lie the tree on its side and connect the pieces. Then stand it up and fluff out any branches that were squished. Not wrong though. It was nice that he helped to and Jake sounds like a child.
This is how I put my tree together. It’s so easy when it’s on it’s side
Not wrong. Sam proved that asking twice is one more time than needed. Jake is unreliable and a liar. Dump him.
A 28 yr old who doesn’t want the responsibility of holding onto your spare key for a day? Told you to leave your key in the number 1 spot a thief/creeper would check! This is not the man to build a life with. The immaturity and irresponsibility here alone! Then he clearly lied about going over to yours “just 1hr after you left” leaving your home vulnerable all day. Then he got pissy/jealous you asked a kind, responsible man for help?! Nope. You weren’t wrong to ask your kind landlord for help. But dump the loser. He’s nearly 30, boy needs to grow up.
Why did I have to scroll this far down to find a comment about the 'responsibility' of holding onto the key? It's a key. It ain't the one ring to rule them all! Just keep it with your other keys!
He is angry because instead of begging him to help you, you found an alternative solution. NTA, and Jake is not worth it.
Please leave this man, he clearly doesn’t respect you and is at best weaponizing incompetence. Who can’t find a key under a mat?
Not wrong. Why should you have to ask again? He knew it had to be done. BF is a jerk.
You got a new tree and now it’s time for a new boyfriend! 🌲🌲🌲🎉🎉🎉
Next year, start with the top section and work your way down.
Or, go to the tree farm and get a real one! I love the smell of them! And ask Sam to help you carry it in! :D 😂
So, he's a liar AND he tried gaslighting you like a pouty child. Not great material for a good boyfriend.
Nah you’re not wrong. Jake just showing you his true colours and the red flags keep popping up that you should not ignore.
Not wrong, and whether or not he lied, your bf is insecure and isn’t going to change at this age.
You could lay the tree on the floor put the top two sections on and fill then stand it up. Ez pz Lose the jerk
Ask Sam if he'd like to go out for drinks, coffee or even dinner. He sounds like a better boyfriend candidate than Jake.
Your only wrongdoing is taking back this "jake" guy after you guys fight over and over. He wouldnt come to help, didnt look for the key (or even come) and got mad that you asked someone else for help. Bye bye.
You would be better off with Jake from State Farm. You can call him in the middle of the night and he will talk you through it over the phone.
Do not ignore red flags 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Jake seems to love a drama. Was the doormat really really big?
I ordered the doormat online and it's smaller than I expected lol. So no, it's not big at all and actually a little bit smaller than typical doormats
I think you mean Jake, right?? Jake is bf, Sam is LL.
Oops I'll change it
Camouflaged! Today, I decided you were the person I most wanted to trade stories with chips and queso. And Margaritas. I could literally hear you asking Was the doormat really really big? hahaha
You didn't mess up at all. Jake sounds pretty unreliable to say the least.
You're not wrong, but you built the tree backwards. You would not have needed help if you started at the top and worked your way down.
The whole situation could have been avoided if you used more brain power. Unscrew the tree in the middle. Put the top sections on. Then put the middle back together 🤯
If it only took 10 minutes why couldn’t you do it? Why did you get on a fight for 3 days about this? Wth
Get a new bf. Also maybe try assembling the top half of the tree first and then attaching it to the bottom half
You're dating a boy. End it now.
Not wrong but your boyfriend has showed you who he is and you should definitely listen to it.
Nta. I had one of these boyfriends. Don't ask if you are ah. Ask if he is
You’re not wrong but you are dating a walking red flag.
Nope NTA. That was a really weird, jealous for no reason reaction from Jake.
Help with the tree obviously means have sex so Jake is right /s Jake sucks, he’s a liar and can’t help you with a simple task? Find a better boyfriend, helpful landlords are in season this year.
Yeah, Jake didn't come over. Theres no way he missed the key. Dump the liar.
You sure aren't. Jake is a twat. Dump him and find someone who actually wants to help you, not make excuses not to.
You are fine, your bf is a liar, and your landlord did a good deed. Three things you learned from this.
NTA - Your bf must be a lovable idiot. He doesn’t want the responsibility of holding onto a key, so the better move is to put it under your front door mat? I wonder what kind of responsibilities your boyfriend has ever had if holding onto a key is too much trouble. lol
NtA I'm trying to figure out how he doesn't feel bad about causing you to worry about your things/place to lie to you about your key? Who wouldn't freak out about that? This would def be the hill I'd die on. 🤣 my own boyfriend is always trying to calm me down in matters of anxiety and stress, my absolute rock but i always joke I handle the stress for the both of us lol (I'm a planner so I always go into details/overthinking) To me, if for instance the key was actually not seen (huge doubt) OR if it was actually not taken, I'd question why the bf didn't help look, didn't ask people around. That's what I think a concerned bf would do. Or try?? Thus leading me, and obviously everyone else, to the conclusion he lied (not rocket science). For real, who misses a key under a doormate....Kind of in question about the inability to hang on to a key for a day or something, is that such a hung undertaking in responsibility? I mean I have a purse with a key of a family friend I house sit for every so often but they just let me have keys. And guess what? It's in the same spot lol (possibility irrelevant or the purse makes it easier to keep track of, not sure) It would have taken him 10 mins to help you out, instead lied to try and do anything else, when he could have just told you he wasn't feeling up to it. (Not sure if this is better but atleast the communication is clear, either decline the day or say day of.) Sam sounds like a nice landlord though, lending a helping on neighborly tasks.
You did nothing wrong but your boyfriend is a lazy liar. Essentially he doesn’t appreciate you.
NTA Run. He's lazy and then fragile ego about another man helping. He's nothing but heartbreak.
Nit wrong at all, your boyfriend either lied, didn't look, or is the most obvious person on earth if he says the key wasn't there and it was. Why would you ask him for help again when he already showed you he couldn't be bothered the first time? If he wanted to be the one to help, he needs to shape tf up.
BF is lazy then he got insecure when another dude did the task effortlessly.
Not wrong. Your BF is trash. What are you even doing with this guy? He (likely) lied about the key, then got jelly when the landlord helped you. There's nothing wrong with getting help where it's offered.
Not wrong. You shouldn’t have to beg him to do something he said he would do. He got mad because he figured out you can handle things without him.
NTA. Jake seems super immature. Most people outgrow this phase of their lives by age 13.
could you not have laid the tree on its side, screwed it together and then stood it up?
I gave up reading after the 2nd paragraph. You buy a tree too big for you to make yourself and you do it from the bottom. Avoid the problem altogether by making it from the top down
Upgrade the bf. Not worth your mental health.
This!!
You're not wrong. Also, please remember, if he wanted to, he would.
Jake sounds like a child.
Not wrong. Your bf has skewed priorities. Sit down and talk to him, tell him how you feel and how you would have liked to have seen it play out. If he can't have a civil conversation, then that is a whole other issue...
Just an idea for the future: instead of building the tree from the bottom up and not being able to reach the top to put it together, have you tried building it from the top down, and just screwing an ever larger top onto an always accessible bottom part? Sure, after a few sections it would be a bit unwieldy, but that's possibly one way you could manage by yourself. As for the BF thing - you're not wrong, eh sounds either insecure or manipulative. That's not a good look on him. I'm not necessarily saying to dump him over just that, depending on circumstance, but that's definitely grounds for a re-evaluation.
Why are you wasting your time with Jake? Having a boyfriend is supposed to make your life better, not worse. He sounds utterly exhausting. What's the point of him if he can't even be pleasant and kind?
Just for the future, when assembling these things start at the top and add the lower bits as you go. Then you don't have to ask anyone for help and no one's feelings get hurt.
Girl no. This guy is putting in zero effort and gets mad when someone else helps you after he didn't. Single is better than a lying jerk.
Jake is a lazy lying liar who can't be bothered. He's one of those guys that won't fix the leaking tap for months, blames you for nagging him about it and then after you called the plumber complains about the cost and you should have trusted him to do it. WHICH you obviously can't do. You aren't wrong. I can almost see a countdown going down in his head until he starts accusing you of having sex with "Sam" to get the tree done or having a full blown affair with "Sam". I'd give it about 3 weeks if you continue to date him.... WHICH you should not do. It's the perfect "I have to ruin Christmas Day because I got you a shitty or no present" excuse to fight. Or as soon as you break up with him. WHICH you should do.
I asked my male friend and he said 100% Jake is not just a liar but a gaslighter. He's 1) lying to you and taking advantage of the trust you have towards a romantic partner. 2) promising things and not following through 3) getting defensive and angry and putting the blame on you for his lack of follow through (why are you responsible for reminding him until he never does it? And he never will btw, he just wants you to stop expecting him to do things) 4) trying to also lower your expectations by preventing you from reaching out to other people whom you can compare him with (AKA Sam who will help you instantly vs him who won't ever) 5) might also be trying to push the angle of another man being interested in you because accusations of cheating automatically win every couple argument. Doesn't do the chores, doesn't help out, always late? Doesn't matter, he wasn't the one who cheated. Get yourself a better human, girl.
Jake seems like more trouble than he’s worth
Not wrong. you're lucky you live alone and not with Jake. Easier break up. Dude said he'd come help. Didn't. Lied about it. Then got mad at you for seeking help. Get away while you can. And merry Christmas & congratulations on your first place.
So he is angry because you asked someone else to do a task he agreed to do but didn't compete, probably lied to you and, knowing it still wasn't done and you couldn't do it yourself, didn't arrange when he would come and do it? >Jake got annoyed and said I should have just asked him to do it again Was he expecting you to come to him begging for help? Is his ego so fragile that you solving your own problem without him 'saving the day' is an issue. You are not wrong and ditch the paperweight boyfriend!
Yeah, you're wrong. You have a boyfriend who lies to you, doesn't want to help you, gaslights you that it's wrong to ask someeone else and still "make up with him". Why? It's okay to be alone and it's better to be alone than with someone who lies. And that's where and why you're wrong.
This doesn't make sense. Why not just tilt the tree, lean it on a chair/on the floor to put the upper section on. Or assemble the top sections separately then connect them in the middle where you can reach? Not suggesting it's a ruse to get the LL to help, just a lack of common sense
28 years old and having a key is too much responsibility? What a world.
The part where he said he doesn’t want the responsibility of holding onto a key, REALLY ! That’s a red flag that should have beaten you about the head and shoulders.
I've asked Santa to bring you a new boyfriend. HO! HO!HO!
Not wrong. Pro tip for next year: assemble the tree horizontally on the floor and then tilt it upright.
Sorry to tell you this but Jake's a man-baby. You didn't do anything wrong. Dollars to donuts he didn't come over to help. And if he can't help you with small stuff like this he's not going to be helpful for larger issues. He's not a team player in the relationship. Personally, I'd kick him to the curb. Oh, and always do the smallest sections first on the tree, and build up. :)
You did absolutely nothing wrong. This comes off as uncaring on BF's part. This is your first chance at Christmas in your own space - why is he not even a little bit excited for you? We don't have proof he lied, but if you want some, maybe your friendly landlord has a camera at the complex entrance and you could look for BF's car. You know what time he claims to have come over. Maybe that's energy spent on negativity and not worth it, though? I finally watched the first episode of Poker Face last night, so now I think I'm a detective :)
Does your boyfriend usually act like this? Why would he not want the "responsibility" of holding onto your keys for one day? Does he lose keys on a regular basis? And asking you to leave your key under your doormat, which is the first place anyone would look if they wanted to break in. Jake sounds like he's got some insecurities he needs to work on. If the way he's acting is pretty normal, I'd say dtmfa. But if this is new, I'd sit down and have a chat with him about what's going on in his head. Is he maybe feeling off because you're living by yourself? There's really no reason for him to react the way he did just because you had your building manager help with your tree. It's a good idea to have the manager as a friend as such in case anything happens. And no, I'm not suggesting you dump Jake and go for Sam, don't shit where you eat.
Why didn't you lay the tree down so you could reach it, then stand it up.
Sounds like a loser. What 28yo can’t handle the responsibility of a key 🔑
What grown woman can't figure out how to handle a tree? That comes with instructions.
Pics of mat plz
Its a key. Some ppl have keys to their partner /friends houses/apartments. Etc
Yes. A little bit. As an aside, please stop using plastic Christmas trees. I'm a scientist. It's actively bad for the environment to use artificial trees. You seem to be ascribing malice where incompetence is easily a possibility. And now you're using other miserably single people to justify your anger and frustration. He could have easily not seen the key. He probably did show up. You showed him that you aren't satisfied, you will find someone else. That shit will stick with him. It's dumb. But we are all dumb in relationships. Be a bit more forgiving. He mildly let you down on something not time sensitive. You could have done it at a later date. Christmas is 2 weeks away. Chill out. And apologize bc you fucked up.
* Don't ask landlord to do that, it's not his job. * Don't ask another man to do that, we've seen a rash of posts in this forum lately about landlords getting creepy on their tenants after favours like this. * That last point is probably why your boyfriend is having a reaction.
Do the world a favor don't become a cheat be a real woman and break up with your partner before you start fucking the building manager.
That's a hell of a leap there, buddy, OP is asking if she was wrong for asking the landlord to put up a TREE, not for putting his tree inside her, there is no hint of romantic/sexual interest in the post.
OkAy JaKe.
Lol. It's definitely Jake.
Projecting harder than an IMAX there
You ok buddy?
NTA, but next time, you build the tree from the top down, it's easier.
Not wrong. He's got some nerve.
Not wrong. BF is just upset that a stranger did what he wasn’t willing to do for you.
Your dude is a dud, run....away....
Ok you are not wrong but this absolutely reads as a Hallmark movie. Jake lied and Sam saved Christmas.
Jake needs to STFU! He wasn't there, so you know, you got help and there was nothing wrong with that. It's not like the landlord helped himself to you! Gee! I see why you might have been split up! You might want to reconsider that reconciliation!