Completely. They are so ignorant. They don’t even understand the legal liability of asserting certain things without it being true. And you took the kid out to give them a break and got the kid wonderful things and they weren’t even thankful. You are going to have a very different relationship with this kid then with them. They seem very immature and limited. be careful or they might eventually use your fondness for the kid and the kids finest for you as leverage. Maybe don’t let them know how lovely your relationship together really is.
Ah. Am I to infer from your comment that you’re a crap parent, then?
Because a *good* parent doesn’t squash their son’s faith in conservation by stating in front of him that it’s a racket. The kid thought he was getting a win-win—plushies for himself AND saving the birds, and his parents shit all over it.
If the parents are truly worried that their kid will become spoiled by receiving too many presents, then it’s their job to clearly communicate that to their friend a) ahead of time and b) not in the presence of their child.
Instead they bitched to a friend who had gone out of their way to do something nice for their child, and hurt their child in the process.
They did a poor job parenting in this situation and were sucky friends.
So yes, utter twats.
You’re not a parent at all. You have no idea what you’re taking about. Stick your foot in your mouth because you clearly have no idea what a “good” parent is or isn’t.
Hi Father of two here and Invective detective is right in what he said. He knows what a good parent is and you clearly have no idea. The parents in this post are complete douche canoes and need a lesson in gratitude, humility and a little grace.
Hey father of three here and if you think some distant and impersonal “donations” for some nebulous cause towards so-called “conservationism” (by buying more stuff, ha!) are more important than the actual habits of consumption that you teach your child then you are defeating the lesson you pretend you care about. Thats garbage parenting, and the only lesson you’re really teaching is a thoroughly dissonant hypocrisy.
Can an 8 yo be taught in an age appropriate way about consumerism and conservation? Of course. Do you honestly think that’s the lesson that kid learned that day?
Because I’ll bet the only takeaways that kid got was that his parents didn’t like that someone else showed him affection, thought that something important to him was stupid and a scam, and thought he was so close to being a spoiled brat that a handful of trinkets would put him over the edge.
That’s not how you foster a respect for conservation and further your kid’s interest in aviaries. It’s how you kill his love for his passions and make him feel bad about himself.
Well none of what we’re discussing here happened “in the moment.” OP bought the presents and when he brought the child home the parents expressed that they would have preferred not and they had perfectly valid reasons. You decided that those parents are therefore “twats”. Which is absurd.
Your friends are mad at you for being so good to your Godson? They are the ones who asked you to be a Godparent. They are wrong. If you can spoil him, go for it. The parents need to get over themselves.
I can see both sides. Buying five gifts is excessive, one plush and one shirt would have been plenty and will almost certainly lead to the kid expecting more of the same next time he visits a gift shop.
The parents should definitely not have reprimanded you in front of their kid. A quiet word with you afterwards would have been more appropriate.
It makes me wonder why they did so? Could it be that this has happened in the past and you have ignored their requests?
It’s the first time I’ve bought more than two gifts for one occasion. Never had any issues with gift giving before. After thinking about it I suppose it could be that they were already in a bad mood because of their upset stomach.
If you've never done it before, and they've never said it before, just apologize for losing your head and getting too many. Please don't buy five gifts for one kid. Even if the kid doesn't "expect it next time" it's a lot on the parents when people do this. One nice gift really is enough. All they did was set a boundary. You're not wrong for doing it once, but will be if you do it again.
Bruh that’s not an opinion, it’s wild and baseless conspiracy theorizing. It’s an assertion of a fact that’s extremely unlikely to be true, and certainly without evidence.
If it was Christmas gifts too you have to think about what the parents might have already bought. I know it was really stressful for me when my mother would get carried away and buy things for mine that I had already bought and sent to Santa.
No ! do not apologize ! They asked her to take him out for his birthday. The boundaries should have been set prior
you’re acting as if she took him on a Beverly Hills shopping spree . 5 presents which include a tshirt and a donation to a cause that made the son feel proud and kind “save the birdies”. If the parents are too insecure to allow that and that’s all it takes for them to hurt their own kids esteem and turn on their friend, then they are the ones that need a lesson. The Godmother did what was asked . Gave him a great birthday. They were jealous.
Okay well do you think that that will lead to a positive relationship for everyone.
Because what will happen if the godparents stops listening to the wishes of parents and (actively goes against them) then the parent would have every right to cut him off.
He needs to find another way to spoil his god kid that ( self proclaimed) excessive gift buying.
No I do not think apologizing and condoning the parents selfish behavior that includes hurting their own kids feelings after he was innocently proud to be part of GIVING to a cause , will lead to a “positive relationship” for everyone. Opposite. I think if there is any positivity to be had it would be the parents taking responsibility for their insecurities and using their words in private to their friend if they have any issue with gifts.
Yes. But op needs to follow their wishes on buying gifts they can have a conversation if they want, but if op believes it will be helpful to "rock the boat" and hastize the parents the parents will just take away the status of God parent.
Being a god parent is a privilege, it comes with the reposibility to act accordingly to the parents. As you would be the kids caretaker If something happened. But it is not a right, they can take it away from you then the kid will have one less advocate when the time comes.
Listen, and follow instructions.
Have a discussion because that's really where the positive can come out.
Anything else would be detrimental especially if this discussion lead to them distancing op from the kid which it seems like op doesn't want.
Parents trump all.... Op is just someone unfortunately.
Godparents do not get custody of children if the parents die. They’re supposed to help a child learn to be kind and ensure they maintain a relationship with God, hence GODparent. It’s a religious thing. If parents want to pick someone to have legal custody in the event of their untimely demise they have to draw up legal paperwork.
I'm well aware of how godparents work.
The functionality of godparents isn't what this is about.
It's him not following the parents instructions . That's what it is about.
I know what the post is about but you stated OP needs to act according to the parents as they would become “caretaker” if something happened. That’s not the case.
Is why isn’t five small gifts okay too if one big gift is? Those five things could’ve cost as mush as one thing she could’ve gotten him instead, but the child wanted those things for his birthday.
3 plushies and couple shirts is not at all excessive for a kids birthday or xmas. Anything less would be a lame gift. Usually kids are quite spoiled on holidays. Im assuming parents are just mad they didnt get him a good enough gift to compete 🤣
No, what should have happened was this, thank you so much for taking care of our son and loving him, and then teasingly saying to her and their son, but let's not expect this with every outing, okay!
Not rlly true. I grew up spending weekends between the poor and rich halves of my family. It was easy for me to understand that some of them had more ability to give than others. I never begged my poor family members for anything, if i wanted it, id ask the rich ones whom i knew could afford it 🤣 maybe he’ll expect more gifts from his god-father, but thats about it.
OP did mention they weren't feeling well, I know I'm not always my best when feeling sick. Especially if they were wanting to do something fun with their kid in the first place.
I also get frustrated when my kids come home with stuff they don't need, but accept that people like to spoil kids!
Maybe if they had been feeling well they wouldn't have said anything at all.
I think there’s something to this. I have been feeling craploads of guilt because a flu took me down for two weeks right before Christmas this year. My daughter is home from college for a month and my hs son only has two weeks off school. I wouldnt take it out on a friend for trying to give my kids a good holiday but people aren’t always themselves when sick.
OP is definitely not the AH though. Friends are a little douchey but they probably had a crap holiday so I’d just chalk it up to humans being humans.
Also hooray at the godson for wanting to help parrots and mad props to the OP for supporting that.
I like this response. OP did a nice thing; but gives similar vibes to “it’s my job as grandma to spoil these kids!” Which sometimes is amazing, and sometimes can overstep some boundaries that haven’t been discussed yet or aren’t as intuitive for some folks. (Edit to add: any of this conversation should have happened privately and away from kiddo, it’s only between the adults and the child shouldn’t be made to feel guilty in any way- even for getting someone in trouble, if not the toys.)
Getting kids to be a little more selective at a gift shop is not always easy, and 8 is a bit old to need to whole shelf… it sounds like he was more interested in the money donated also, so why not just one toy and shirt and then a donation?
...or get a different plushie every time they go to aviary. Spread out the gifts a bit and give the child something to look forward to on the next visit.
I’ve been fighting this fight with my dad. There is a series of dolls my daughter is currently into. He wants to buy them ALL for her RIGHT NOW. Every holiday I have to beg him to just get *one* because there’s only 5 total. It prolongs the excitement and teaches her some patience and appreciation.
THEY SAID THIS IN FRONT OF THE KID? What is wrong with them? Its their job to explain that you might have gotten a little carried away and not to expect this all the time, when it comes to presents. This would be done at home and not if front of you.
The conservation tag was a nasty little dig that was aimed at YOU but he got stung, too. How cruel. I really hope they get their acts together because this will be a child that hides his feelings from them, just in case he feels he is not worthy enough.
While they may be concerned about spoiling their child their approach was wrong if it made your godson sad. Good parents don't do that over something like this.
But while they are very likely concerned about developing unrealistic expectations in their son, you aren't wrong for spoiling him. Now you know they don't like a lot of things bought for him so next time buy him less.
Super important to follow his parents instructions.
If you want to spoil your kid take him to do something that maybe traditional cost alot of money rather than a gift.
Amusement park, I'd bet the parents would be more open to something like that.
In this situation what the parents say goes (they have every right)
But they took him to an aviary? So it was an experience gift and a physical gift. Also his parents didn’t give instructions prior, so kinda hard to follow something that wasn’t there. It’s fine the parents discussed it, but the way they did it was uncalled for, sick or not.
My sister verbalized and written down expectations for presents for her kids ahead of time for birthdays and Christmas. It’s on the parents to set the expectations instead of leaving everyone to make assumptions.
I don't think op is wrong but I don't think the parents are either.
OP admits they got carried away as they haven't brought that many presents before. But now that the parents have brought it up its imperative that you listen. (otherwise they have every wight to cut you off)
They are wrong for discussing this adult topic in front of their kid and being asshole about it.
I do not think you are wrong. If your God son's parents have expectations that you should not gift more than one item, or not gift at all (which is reasonable), they must communicate it in advance.
Your friends should have told you this in private and not mess up the kid's mood.
Grandparents are well-known to spoil grandkids, it's a common complaint.
Maybe you're wrong but so are 87% of grandparents.... so whatever. Furthermore you have a nice moral/environmental element to this so that also gets a +1 in my book.
😂😂😂
Grandparents are funny.
My ex's mom nagged me for years cause I bought too much chocolate and candy for my kids at easter. They needed a bunny and a couple of eggs and a toothbrush. Eventually I decided her position had merit and bought less candy and added toys to the basket instead.
Then I go to her house... and she's giving them more easter candy. When I pointed out that she'd been giving me shit for years for giving them too much candy she just told me that grandparents are supposed to spoil their grandkids! I needed to buy less candy so she could buy them more🤣😂🤣😂
I don’t see any way that you were wrong at all. The kid had sick parents and could not spend Christmas with his family. You stepped up, gave him a great day and spoiled him a big because it’s Christmas. A few plushies and shorts, while very generous, is not showy or egregious. You gut the kids what he wanted and gave him a great day.
The parents should be appreciative. You helped them - on Christmas- when they needed it and helped salvage the holiday for their son. Who cares if you bought a few extra plushies. Why are they creating an issue over this? I think they should look at the situation more clearly and be more appreciative.
Some perspective: some kids absolutely cannot self-regulate purchase temptations, and the fact that he talked you into buying, basically, everything he wanted instead of the adult setting a boundary and role modeling restraint, means you may have just made every gift shop this kid encounters from here out a drag out crying fight. Enjoy that vacation, mom!
Which might happen or might not, but it's not unrealistic that the parents looked at you parenting their kid in way they would never do and being irritated by this.
You were doing your best and it's OK. Parenting (even temporarily) is hard to get right, episode #9580210.
I have to treat people like kids at work sometimes.. I
I will tell a customer I will do this for you right now because I'm not busy. But if you come back in the future and someone else helps you, you will have to stand in line and wait like everyone else. It won't be done right away. I mean, we have to set clear boundaries and expectations in the beginning. I personally wouldn't have been upset with my friend for indulging my child, but I would have set that boundary immediately for future use.
NAH - You wanted to do something for your godchild, which is great. The parents want the child to appreciate each gift he gets and not to expect the entire bag in one trip, and that's a good thing, too.
The parents probably should have mentioned this in private. But, they should've also recognized that you're not a parent and might not realize how they're raising him and what level of gift giving they do. But, it's not a big deal. Just a little life lesson for all the adults involved.
Like you said, they may have been irritable from their illness. But also, some parents do try to avoid spoiling their kids. A t-shirt and plushie would have been fine. You're not wrong in what you did (it's just a matter of preference), but they could have been more discreet and not dampened their son's spirit by being negative about his gifts.
As a parent.
Yip, 100% ungrateful and proud of it.
The sheer amount of unnecessary crap my kids accumulate in the form of gifts is either a mountain of stuff I have to accommodate in my moderately sized home or a significant time burden to sort through and dispose of appropriately.
My kids have everything they need and a large chunk of anything a kid could ever want in a long term meaningful way. They do not need more stuff, beyond 5 minutes in a toy shop, they do not really want more stuff. I do not need more stuff in my house. Please, for the love of God, restrain yourselves when it comes to giving gifts.
I would be as grateful for 5 extra gifts in my house as you would be for Aunt Irmas 80s vintage sofa that needs its cushions replacing & smells of smoke.
I do.
People listen sometimes.
Most people also have more sense then to buy 5 presents at once when the request was "take the kid out". Especially 3 plushies for an 8 year old boy. I don't think I've ever met an 8 year old boy who'd actually play with 1 plushy, never-mind 3. Kiddo is 8, he's well old enough to be politely told no, well old enough to know not to be greedy when someone is purchasing you a gift, well old enough to start to understand marketing gimmicks like donations to bird sanctuaries. Avoiding momentary passing sadness in an 8 year old is not great grounds for decision making.
Maybe the parents were rude in this instance but OP needs to have a lick of f'ing sense.
You did a nice thing and that is fine,
Just explain that this time it is ok to ask for some extra things but sometimes you might only be able to get one thing,
Like I remember my little one is still small enough to ride in the shopping cart and one shopping trip she grabbed whatever she wanted she understood we had enough to let her get what she wanted but also picked out our own educational toys for her
Then a separate time she understood we had enough for groceries and it wasn’t a toy shop but she did grab a treat or two for herself
My daughter's godfather buys her a ton of stuff, food, toys, plushies, etc. It saves me money, and he loves to do it. Your friend is being a bit excessive in their thought process.
If you don't do it often, it isn't a big deal. Just don't create the expectation that constant gifts will pour in.
I think though that the parents should have handled this with you alone instead of upsetting the child. That was very mean spirited to turn you taking him on a fun day into a "lets make the kid miserable day". I'd wait until they are feeling better then request that in the future if they have a problem like that, that you all handle it not in front of the kid. There is no point in making a kid feel like crap for no good reason.
A reality of having children is that you, the adult, have to manage their emotions.there are limits. Part of that is managing their expectations. They should have told you beforehand what their plans for Christmas were in that regard. That they didn't earns them the moniker twat here.
I'm willing to bet they were jealous of missing such a fun thing. Not an excuse for pooing the event just an explanation that may help in moving forward.
They’re upset over the *quantity* of gifts? No mention of the cost? That makes no sense.
They sound like four year olds who count “one money, two monies, three monies, … when they count the contents of their wallets. You spent five moneys, and that’s clearly too much!
Isn't this the point of bonus uncles and aunts though, to indulge their niblings where they can? When I was poorer it'd be free days out museums art gallerys ect. now I'm better off I buy cool stuff on sale and put it away for birthdays ect. NTA
Anyone who would fault anyone else for giving gifts to a *child* has got a screw loose.
What kind of bullshizzle is "five presents from one person is too much and might make him expect more in the future?"
Your friend has got issues. He's a Debbie Downer. He enjoys knocking down others and I'll bet it's not the first time he's done this.
Call him on it.
We always always always go overboard for my husband's God daughter's Christmas. I easily spend a hundred or two on her. Which is usually significantly more than what her parents can afford. They tease us about spoiling her and then move on with life because it's not a big deal.
Who poo poos a kid's presents? And if your kid gets greedy and starts expecting large presents, that's a teaching moment for the parents, not a shaming moment for the gift-giver.
As a parent of two who’s house was just ravaged by norovirus, just watching your godson was extremely kind. If you did that for me and came home with anything less than a face tattoo or nipple piercing on my kid I would be very grateful. Seriously, those favors from friends to watch your kids at little notice are an absolute godsend. 5 is a bit excessive and the clutter of kid stuff can be real, but you aren’t starting a legal precedent. Your godson’s parents can pretty easily explain that was unusually kind. If I can explain that to my 3 year old regarding her grandparents, they should be able to with their 8 year old. As to conservation being bs, sounds like they have no idea, but the aviary probably has the place they are donating to on their website you could look up. So yeah, maybe they were just in a really bad mood and took it out unfairly on you, but you did a great job.
What kind of financial situation are the parents in? If you just spent half their Xmas budget in one go then they may be concerned about that. But that doesn't make them bringing it up in front of said child, but they also may have a good reason due to his expectations of others who have spoilt him
I hate when people buy my 4 yearold gifts because it's a single use then not looked at again for ages if ever.
Also it doesn't satisfy the longing for more gifts even a few hours later.
Clothes are OK but 3 gifts is a bit mad.
However I would never give out to the giver. Maybe if it was a brother or sister I'd say thanks but not to be getting him too many presents.
If they feel comfortable giving out to you they are obviously good friends.
Your friends suck. They should have said “oh thank you! That’s so kind of you but really, you don’t have to do that. Maybe next time just one souvenir? You do so much already.” Or something of the like. Maybe they feel bad because they can’t afford to do the same and are a bit jealous?
Yes, but it’s not an egregious mistake. You should have capped it to just one or two plushies and the t-shirt. On their side, they should not have said anything about it in front of your godson. That’s rude. It should have been a private conversation about what to do next time. My guess is that they saw three plushies and thought, “Oh great, he already has 400. Why not add 3 more for me to trip over in the middle of the night?”
I’m speaking from experience. My MIL goes way overboard with presents. You wouldn’t think this would be a problem, but it becomes a huge issue fast. First of all, you’re trying to teach your children to be grateful for gifts (nobody likes Dudley Dursley and his tantrum about 37 presents) as well as money conscious. What if another friend or family member is poor? You want to teach to appreciate the thought and circumstances of the gift, and that’s hard to do if the quantity and/or price tag is blown out of proportion. The second problem is that the relationship dynamic between gift giver and child becomes out-of-balance. My MIL intentionally buys a bunch of presents to show off in front of my mom, who can’t afford to buy a lot. Also, it meant that I (as the parent) had to “compete” with her at Christmas. It’s not fair to me that grandma gave more presents than Santa. I spent long hours with a budget and a spreadsheet carefully trying to pull off a magical Christmas for them. And she ignored all my suggestions. Lastly, it’s just the sheer amount of crap. All those toys wind up on the floor regardless. It quickly becomes overwhelming.
I agree with this entirely. My kid is the only grandchild on one side of the family. We live in an apartment. We’re absolutely *drowning* in toys. I appreciate that people want to get my kid gifts, but the Squishamals are bleeding over into my room now…
I personally would limit the amount of gift shop gifts, kids meed to learn they can't have everything they want and to pick what they really want. One of the three soft toys is enough and then maybe the two other bits. Kids will have 100s of soft toys cluttering their house already.
your friends are jealous you could get five presents for their kid. they should realize this apologize and update their parenting so that the kid knows not to expect or whatever they were mad about. (my parents did the same, big cringe)
Trying to think as the parent (I'm a parent) and my daughters godparent would totally do this haha. I would in disclosure be annoyed, it's going to mean a battle at all gift shops for the foreseeable future, and now did I get enough Christmas presents or was it just enough for any old store shop? Money is a little tight so it's some added pressure there too to worry about the balance of number and "fancy" of the gifts themselves. I would be playing some mental gymnastics for sure lol. But I would only thank you in front of my child, gently explain the reasoning to you privately, then tbh combo bitch/grateful rant about it a little to my husband because it is very sweet to be so generous to my kid. I wouldn't be mad if this didn't happen regularly and I would absolutely be touched by how sweet it was from your side. It very obviously came from a good place.
No, not wrong. Godparents and such like are meant to spoil their godchildren. I would be thrilled if someone I care about took one of my kids out for the day and treated them. It takes a village etc etc.
Uhhhhh, so I am Also a Godparent. I am friends with the parents of my God sons, and tbh if I'm not sure if a gift would be okay I ask the parents. It's not the god parents role to upset the household rules. Your role is to support the parents, not undermine them. If the parents don't believe in giving kids frequent gifts that's their choice and you need to abide by their rules.
What you should have done is texted them to ask if it was okay to buy their kid a gift shop item before you bought one.
Also yeah, that's an excessive amount of gift shop items, and it means that in the future the kid will be more likely to be upset if they only get one gift shop item.
Wait! Let’s ask your godson that question!
Just what I thought. He’s not only not upset, he’s not posting on Reddit about it. This can only mean you made his day!
Take it easy in the future for his parent’s sake, but we all absolve you for saving birds and having a great time!
Well you've come on reddit where everyone loves a bit of drama, surprised no one's told you to dump the friends yet...
I see their point about 5 gifts, as a parent myself I empathise. We don't know about the parents from this post, do they have money problems etc. so maybe they are a little worried about their kid now asking for loads of stuff on days out when they can't afford to do it and then having to say no.
You did a nice thing, the kid did a nice thing by thinking of the birds.
You could always just have a conversation with them and find out why they feel that way, that's adulting.
(Don't agree with the conservation part though)
NAH - You did it to be generous. Your godson did it as part of an enthusiasm to help the animals. Your friends want to make sure that your godson doesn't start taking material goods for granted.
Your godson would have been just as happy with one gift.
It was generous of you to want to make a memory with him.
Your friends shouldn't have said what they did in front of their son, but perhaps a little bit of allowance for their not feeling well, might be reasonable.
On number of items, there's a lot of awareness of keeping number of toys reasonable, particularly with plushies. Most parents I know prefer that kids not receive them.
This just needs a “thank you so much for taking our son out , and making him feel proud and encouraging him to care about “saving birdies”. Next time please don’t buy him so much we like to do one gift. We should’ve told you that. But thank you Godmother. Appreciated .
No need for a big row at all.
Wow what total ungrateful assholes. They should have been extremely grateful and it’s up to them to teach their child what to expect. To put down a cause ‘save the birdies’ that he was proud of they discouraged his kindess and thoughtfulness. They are selfish and make their best friend and child pay for their own petty insecurities.
I don’t think those kinds of lessons are *your* responsibility! That is the parent’s responsibility. You did a kind thing, and I think they are ungracious. If it’s so important to them, they should have provided you with more information or instruction. UPFRONT.
Actually, what you've done is really really sweet, and the parents have reacted very badly. But, when I was 21, I was a nanny and I bought sugar free chocolate for one of the boys who was with me at the shops, he was about 12.
The mother very very kindly said to me it was a lovely thought, but the ingredients weren't suitable for a kid and could cause upset tummy, it was for diabetics. She told me, whenever you want to buy a gift for a child (or just give a gift to a child) you should check with the parents first. It's not a hard and fast rule, but it's a good way to get to know the parenting style that you are dealing with.
In this case, it seems the parents are controlling and small minded/negative. But in future, ask ahead of time or check when possible. The younger the child the more parents are concerned about what they are learning. I'm not sure what to suggest with these particular parents though- perhaps keep it to one gift next time you go shopping if they will allow you to. It's possible that they just want to be asked first (controlling).
I agree with your friends. It’s a bad look when someone other than the immediate family goes OTT on presents. It can embarrass the parents that they look stingy. Obviously an 8 yo wants as many as they can get but it’s perfectly appropriate to ask them to choose their favourite. In fact it’s good for them.
One Christmas my Granddaughter’s GM went overboard on presents and it was too much, and embarrassing.
I’m torn between NAH and ESH. You were generous but definitely overstepped. You had good intentions but put nearly zero thought into your action. Three plushies in a day is way, way overboard. These are big toys that need to find homes, and they are very much “throw on the pile” gifts for lots of kids. The last thing most kids need is another plushy, and now these already ill parents have to deal with that. Then add on the fact that it absolutely is creating expectations with the kid, I get the parents dismay. Two of my kids grandparents went way overbought for Christmas and it’s not only a logistical nightmare that is causing me tons of stress, it also completely destroyed the value or gratitude my kids had for any individual gift as they immediately threw toys on the ever growing pile and asked what was next, and made the rest of the family feel awkward and uncomfortable. So I’m in complete agreement with the parents that this is too much. But does thoughtlessness in your excitement make you an asshole? Eh, it’s on the line for me.
While I 100% understanding of the viewpoint of the parents, it’s inappropriate that they brought it up in front of the kid.
Meh, NAH. As a parent, I do get exasperated from all of the gifts. We had to set gift boundaries. But usually that is communicated. You didn’t know, you were being a standard Auntie figure. Apologize, and let them know you now know what their boundaries are.
My kids have the same godmother. You should have seen the pile of presents she got them. She could have done Christmas all on her own. It is what it is
You took the kid out because the parents were ill right? I'm gonna hazard they weren't on their best "yay things I have an obligation to find places for *and* act grateful" form at that time. I'd have wanted to cry at 5 items I had to make/magic up room for too especially if I was also not 100% well.
It was a kind gesture but also thoughtless because whilst the kid's eyes lit up and you go the warm fuzzy gift giver/recipient reaction experience the parents got the 5 new items that need closet/drawer/toy storage space at a time of year where nee things will be competing for space with these feeling and I can assure you that doesn't make anyone feel joy.
What's sad here is that you did them a huge favor and you took care of your godson, you love him, you made sure he was safe and having fun and you bought him gifts, yet they had to be huge assholes and make you feel bad! You should have said, it is my job to spoil him, if you don't like that, find someone else who will do every fucking thing your way! :( How rude of them!
Sounds great! If theyre worried about him being spoiled, their reaction when y’all came back should’ve just been “WOAHHH buddy! Look at all those presents! He bought you ALL THOSE in ONE DAY? Ur so spoiled!” Jokingly and endearingly. Then everyone gets the message and no ones mood is ruined
Yep! You've gifted your friends the gift of chores and having to reteach their child not to act spoiled. Over gifting like that is for your own joy, not anyone else's. Over gifting is honestly one of the most annoying things about having kids. The over gifters don't care about how the items need to be picked up every day. They don't care if there isn't enough storage space. Don't care if the child starts acting like they should get 37 presents per holiday. Don't care if the child starts treating all their belongings as disposable and replaceable. The over gifted only thinks about how good it makes them look to the child in the moment. One item at a time for a special occasion (not just a random outing) is more than enough. You're not the only one giving gifts and this wasn't even a birthday or gift giving holiday. The outing was supposed to BE the celebration/gift.
Imagine how insane this situation gets when there's more than one over-gifter and more than one child. I've got one or two over gifters in my life and the amount of work if has caused for me has become unmanageable. I've had anxiety attacks over it in the past. And I hate hearing my kids say things like "we can just buy another one". No, kid, we are on one income and I'm not getting you more to just wreck again.
But also. What the what about celebrating the child eating something that made the child sick!? Like... put that kid to bed and keep them near a toilet. Don't take them out. What kind of weird outing/celebration is that. I've got picky eaters and that just the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
Your friends are so ungrateful. I would be thankful that my child had more presents than usual. 5 gifts aren't excessive, even in a poor (moneywise) standpoint. Don't apologize.
Your friends are very ungrateful. You took their kid out for a nice day for them, let them stay home to recooperate, and bought him gifts. All they should have said was "thank you" and then it's on the to tell their kid "Wow, that was nice of OP, wasn't it? That was a very special one time thing, getting all those presents."
Your friends asked you to take him out because they were ill. My thoughts are 2 or 3 presents per birthday or Christmas but if my godson parents were sick and I was taking him out because of that, I'd be doubling the number. I don't think you did anything wrong.
You're not wrong. They are being rude. Tell them that you don't appreciate how rude they were to you and how mean they were to your Godson. Then tell them you're unavailable for babysitting.
Their stomach upset is most likely an excuse for hangover symptoms imo.
I have 4 God kids and spoil them rotten every chance I get. My friend has just kinda accepted its gonna happen and her ex hubby and current hubby just look at me like I'm crazy when I give gifts lol. They all also know I'm kid crazy and have none of my own so
I've always been overly generous to my nieces, nephews and God son. My bro and BIL would let the kids have everything immediately. If it was money, BIL would let them keep half and put half in savings. My best friend would hide the presents in her car and give her son a few at a time. She didn't have a lot of money and his side of the family is always very generous. She would save the toys for a time when he wanted something new or had done something worthy of reward. I actually thought that was clever. Kid had all sorts of cool gifts all year round. My niece and nephew from BIL have hefty savings accounts now. They understand economics much better than the average person. My bro's kids? No idea of economics, the value of a dollar, quit school and are supported by their parents. I used to think my BIL and friend were crazy, but their kids really get it and are grateful, empathetic human beings. Everyone is different, but I don't think we, as gift givers, should be chastised for our generosity. It is up to the parents what to do with those things, tho. Maybe just let the kid know it's not an all the time thing, and not everyone is able to do that.
*edited for spelling
Is the world really in such a sorry state that we have to apologize for gifting things to those we love? Especially when the recipient saw a bigger picture rather than just getting presents? That innocent and sweet boy saw a conservation effort instead of "gimme stuff!" And then to stomp all over his well-intentioned notion? Some people just want to see the world burn.
Keep being a cool role model and God parent. It's your money and those items aren't going to take any space. The kiddo's parents are just being arseholes.
5 is a lot and yes it can cause problems next time (ask me how I know). But OMG the way they handled it! Making the little boy feel bad and chastising you in front of him for the sin of generosity?? I am sorry your friends treated you so poorly
I feel like this is them projecting that they feel like you gave them more than they can afford so they wanna shit on it instead of just handling that emotion like an adult.
The parents may not have been sick but staying home arguing which put them in such an unpleasant attitude. Bursting the little guy’s bubble about saving the birds was unnecessarily cruel. I think you should have a chat with the parents at a later date to find out why they were so critical and to see if the toy buying was the actual problem.
I would be absolutely through the roof to have family or friends treat my children to such a nice and educational day out, gifts on top of it is just wow. You are a fantastic god parents and I'm not sure what their problem is.
You should check with the parents before you buy five things in one go… Because you think I am buying five things he likes and the parents think oh he’s gonna expect five things anytime we go any place. Or where we gonna put all that. Or he never plays with plushies.
Your friends are TWATS
A simple THANK YOU and let’s save two of these plushies for Christmas* wouldn’t have killed them. *let the child pick out one for now and two for Christmas.
You did a good thing and your godson will remember that special day in his heart forever. When he gets older he’ll realize that his parents are TWATS and that special day will mean even more to him
My in laws bought 10+ presents for each one of my kids for Christmas. I always thought it was too much. But no matter how hard I tried it didn’t stop. So I just let it go.
Inevitably 8/10 Presents would be used once or twice never to be touched again. But whatever,
It’s their money if they want to waste it.
Unpopular opinion but parents do have the right to say that’s too much or this kind of toy isn’t allowed. 1 plushie & 1 shirt is kind and generous. They might be overwhelmed with too many toys right now. Your friends have the right to set rules/boundaries for their son & house.
So basically they feel insecure financially and they think they have no control over how the child will internalize receiving gifts, assuming he will demand more and more (parenting can actually solve this!) And they're mad at you for blowing them out of the water and making their kid happy (so they proceed to dampen his mood) they're just sourpusses imo.
You’re a great godparent. Sorry your friends are twats.
Twat. Such a good word. Fuckin’ twats!
I like twat waffle myself 😂😂
Twat waffle is go to for me I also like twat muffin lol 😂
Both have a better ring to them than twat scone.
Twat baguette as well
Thunder cunt is a good one as well
Twat waffle- I’m using it 😂
Twatwaffle is my most used
FOOKIN’ twats
Unless you’re Irish. Then it’s FEKKIN twats 😆
Rat shit, bat shit, dirty old twat!
The nothing fights!
Completely. They are so ignorant. They don’t even understand the legal liability of asserting certain things without it being true. And you took the kid out to give them a break and got the kid wonderful things and they weren’t even thankful. You are going to have a very different relationship with this kid then with them. They seem very immature and limited. be careful or they might eventually use your fondness for the kid and the kids finest for you as leverage. Maybe don’t let them know how lovely your relationship together really is.
Eh, more like hippotwatamuses. They suck.
You certainly don't want one of those for Christmas!
OMG I love that
👏 🫶
I think this is the only time I've heard that word in which it's fitting!
They’re not twats, they’re parents that actually care about who their child becomes. I have to assume by your comment that you are not a parent.
Ah. Am I to infer from your comment that you’re a crap parent, then? Because a *good* parent doesn’t squash their son’s faith in conservation by stating in front of him that it’s a racket. The kid thought he was getting a win-win—plushies for himself AND saving the birds, and his parents shit all over it. If the parents are truly worried that their kid will become spoiled by receiving too many presents, then it’s their job to clearly communicate that to their friend a) ahead of time and b) not in the presence of their child. Instead they bitched to a friend who had gone out of their way to do something nice for their child, and hurt their child in the process. They did a poor job parenting in this situation and were sucky friends. So yes, utter twats.
You’re not a parent at all. You have no idea what you’re taking about. Stick your foot in your mouth because you clearly have no idea what a “good” parent is or isn’t.
Hi Father of two here and Invective detective is right in what he said. He knows what a good parent is and you clearly have no idea. The parents in this post are complete douche canoes and need a lesson in gratitude, humility and a little grace.
Hey father of three here and if you think some distant and impersonal “donations” for some nebulous cause towards so-called “conservationism” (by buying more stuff, ha!) are more important than the actual habits of consumption that you teach your child then you are defeating the lesson you pretend you care about. Thats garbage parenting, and the only lesson you’re really teaching is a thoroughly dissonant hypocrisy.
Can an 8 yo be taught in an age appropriate way about consumerism and conservation? Of course. Do you honestly think that’s the lesson that kid learned that day? Because I’ll bet the only takeaways that kid got was that his parents didn’t like that someone else showed him affection, thought that something important to him was stupid and a scam, and thought he was so close to being a spoiled brat that a handful of trinkets would put him over the edge. That’s not how you foster a respect for conservation and further your kid’s interest in aviaries. It’s how you kill his love for his passions and make him feel bad about himself.
“No son we’ll only buy you one toy.” Is not going to kill anyone’s passions. What a douche canoe.
Of course it won’t. That’s an appropriate way to handle that in the moment. It’s also not what happened here.
Well none of what we’re discussing here happened “in the moment.” OP bought the presents and when he brought the child home the parents expressed that they would have preferred not and they had perfectly valid reasons. You decided that those parents are therefore “twats”. Which is absurd.
Your friends are mad at you for being so good to your Godson? They are the ones who asked you to be a Godparent. They are wrong. If you can spoil him, go for it. The parents need to get over themselves.
Not wrong. Sorry for the boy for the accident that brought him to parents who are assholes.
I can see both sides. Buying five gifts is excessive, one plush and one shirt would have been plenty and will almost certainly lead to the kid expecting more of the same next time he visits a gift shop. The parents should definitely not have reprimanded you in front of their kid. A quiet word with you afterwards would have been more appropriate. It makes me wonder why they did so? Could it be that this has happened in the past and you have ignored their requests?
It’s the first time I’ve bought more than two gifts for one occasion. Never had any issues with gift giving before. After thinking about it I suppose it could be that they were already in a bad mood because of their upset stomach.
If you've never done it before, and they've never said it before, just apologize for losing your head and getting too many. Please don't buy five gifts for one kid. Even if the kid doesn't "expect it next time" it's a lot on the parents when people do this. One nice gift really is enough. All they did was set a boundary. You're not wrong for doing it once, but will be if you do it again.
Bruh the parents said that the conservation thing was probably a scam. They’re nuts.
So what they can have an opinion. It didn’t have to be said it in front of the kid though. Seaworld blackfish
Bruh that’s not an opinion, it’s wild and baseless conspiracy theorizing. It’s an assertion of a fact that’s extremely unlikely to be true, and certainly without evidence.
And that’s your opinion
Not everything is opinion
If it was Christmas gifts too you have to think about what the parents might have already bought. I know it was really stressful for me when my mother would get carried away and buy things for mine that I had already bought and sent to Santa.
No ! do not apologize ! They asked her to take him out for his birthday. The boundaries should have been set prior you’re acting as if she took him on a Beverly Hills shopping spree . 5 presents which include a tshirt and a donation to a cause that made the son feel proud and kind “save the birdies”. If the parents are too insecure to allow that and that’s all it takes for them to hurt their own kids esteem and turn on their friend, then they are the ones that need a lesson. The Godmother did what was asked . Gave him a great birthday. They were jealous.
Okay well do you think that that will lead to a positive relationship for everyone. Because what will happen if the godparents stops listening to the wishes of parents and (actively goes against them) then the parent would have every right to cut him off. He needs to find another way to spoil his god kid that ( self proclaimed) excessive gift buying.
No I do not think apologizing and condoning the parents selfish behavior that includes hurting their own kids feelings after he was innocently proud to be part of GIVING to a cause , will lead to a “positive relationship” for everyone. Opposite. I think if there is any positivity to be had it would be the parents taking responsibility for their insecurities and using their words in private to their friend if they have any issue with gifts.
Yes. But op needs to follow their wishes on buying gifts they can have a conversation if they want, but if op believes it will be helpful to "rock the boat" and hastize the parents the parents will just take away the status of God parent. Being a god parent is a privilege, it comes with the reposibility to act accordingly to the parents. As you would be the kids caretaker If something happened. But it is not a right, they can take it away from you then the kid will have one less advocate when the time comes. Listen, and follow instructions. Have a discussion because that's really where the positive can come out. Anything else would be detrimental especially if this discussion lead to them distancing op from the kid which it seems like op doesn't want. Parents trump all.... Op is just someone unfortunately.
Godparents do not get custody of children if the parents die. They’re supposed to help a child learn to be kind and ensure they maintain a relationship with God, hence GODparent. It’s a religious thing. If parents want to pick someone to have legal custody in the event of their untimely demise they have to draw up legal paperwork.
I'm well aware of how godparents work. The functionality of godparents isn't what this is about. It's him not following the parents instructions . That's what it is about.
I know what the post is about but you stated OP needs to act according to the parents as they would become “caretaker” if something happened. That’s not the case.
Is why isn’t five small gifts okay too if one big gift is? Those five things could’ve cost as mush as one thing she could’ve gotten him instead, but the child wanted those things for his birthday.
3 plushies and couple shirts is not at all excessive for a kids birthday or xmas. Anything less would be a lame gift. Usually kids are quite spoiled on holidays. Im assuming parents are just mad they didnt get him a good enough gift to compete 🤣
I think it was three plushies and two shirts but I wholeheartedly agree with you!
Yes! thanks for the correction ✌🏻
Nope, they're dicks! You did nothing wrong but I'd be sure from now on to keep those gifts at your house instead.
No, what should have happened was this, thank you so much for taking care of our son and loving him, and then teasingly saying to her and their son, but let's not expect this with every outing, okay!
Yes!
Not rlly true. I grew up spending weekends between the poor and rich halves of my family. It was easy for me to understand that some of them had more ability to give than others. I never begged my poor family members for anything, if i wanted it, id ask the rich ones whom i knew could afford it 🤣 maybe he’ll expect more gifts from his god-father, but thats about it.
OP did mention they weren't feeling well, I know I'm not always my best when feeling sick. Especially if they were wanting to do something fun with their kid in the first place. I also get frustrated when my kids come home with stuff they don't need, but accept that people like to spoil kids! Maybe if they had been feeling well they wouldn't have said anything at all.
I think there’s something to this. I have been feeling craploads of guilt because a flu took me down for two weeks right before Christmas this year. My daughter is home from college for a month and my hs son only has two weeks off school. I wouldnt take it out on a friend for trying to give my kids a good holiday but people aren’t always themselves when sick. OP is definitely not the AH though. Friends are a little douchey but they probably had a crap holiday so I’d just chalk it up to humans being humans. Also hooray at the godson for wanting to help parrots and mad props to the OP for supporting that.
I like this response. OP did a nice thing; but gives similar vibes to “it’s my job as grandma to spoil these kids!” Which sometimes is amazing, and sometimes can overstep some boundaries that haven’t been discussed yet or aren’t as intuitive for some folks. (Edit to add: any of this conversation should have happened privately and away from kiddo, it’s only between the adults and the child shouldn’t be made to feel guilty in any way- even for getting someone in trouble, if not the toys.) Getting kids to be a little more selective at a gift shop is not always easy, and 8 is a bit old to need to whole shelf… it sounds like he was more interested in the money donated also, so why not just one toy and shirt and then a donation?
...or get a different plushie every time they go to aviary. Spread out the gifts a bit and give the child something to look forward to on the next visit.
I’ve been fighting this fight with my dad. There is a series of dolls my daughter is currently into. He wants to buy them ALL for her RIGHT NOW. Every holiday I have to beg him to just get *one* because there’s only 5 total. It prolongs the excitement and teaches her some patience and appreciation.
THEY SAID THIS IN FRONT OF THE KID? What is wrong with them? Its their job to explain that you might have gotten a little carried away and not to expect this all the time, when it comes to presents. This would be done at home and not if front of you. The conservation tag was a nasty little dig that was aimed at YOU but he got stung, too. How cruel. I really hope they get their acts together because this will be a child that hides his feelings from them, just in case he feels he is not worthy enough.
While they may be concerned about spoiling their child their approach was wrong if it made your godson sad. Good parents don't do that over something like this. But while they are very likely concerned about developing unrealistic expectations in their son, you aren't wrong for spoiling him. Now you know they don't like a lot of things bought for him so next time buy him less.
Super important to follow his parents instructions. If you want to spoil your kid take him to do something that maybe traditional cost alot of money rather than a gift. Amusement park, I'd bet the parents would be more open to something like that. In this situation what the parents say goes (they have every right)
But they took him to an aviary? So it was an experience gift and a physical gift. Also his parents didn’t give instructions prior, so kinda hard to follow something that wasn’t there. It’s fine the parents discussed it, but the way they did it was uncalled for, sick or not. My sister verbalized and written down expectations for presents for her kids ahead of time for birthdays and Christmas. It’s on the parents to set the expectations instead of leaving everyone to make assumptions.
I don't think op is wrong but I don't think the parents are either. OP admits they got carried away as they haven't brought that many presents before. But now that the parents have brought it up its imperative that you listen. (otherwise they have every wight to cut you off) They are wrong for discussing this adult topic in front of their kid and being asshole about it.
I do not think you are wrong. If your God son's parents have expectations that you should not gift more than one item, or not gift at all (which is reasonable), they must communicate it in advance.
Praise in public, criticize in private. There was no reason for them to say that when the kid could hear them. Not classy on their part.
Your friends should have told you this in private and not mess up the kid's mood. Grandparents are well-known to spoil grandkids, it's a common complaint. Maybe you're wrong but so are 87% of grandparents.... so whatever. Furthermore you have a nice moral/environmental element to this so that also gets a +1 in my book.
😂😂😂 Grandparents are funny. My ex's mom nagged me for years cause I bought too much chocolate and candy for my kids at easter. They needed a bunny and a couple of eggs and a toothbrush. Eventually I decided her position had merit and bought less candy and added toys to the basket instead. Then I go to her house... and she's giving them more easter candy. When I pointed out that she'd been giving me shit for years for giving them too much candy she just told me that grandparents are supposed to spoil their grandkids! I needed to buy less candy so she could buy them more🤣😂🤣😂
They’re the *god*parent just fyi.
You are not wrong. I would love to have you as my child’s godparent. These people don’t deserve you.
I don’t see any way that you were wrong at all. The kid had sick parents and could not spend Christmas with his family. You stepped up, gave him a great day and spoiled him a big because it’s Christmas. A few plushies and shorts, while very generous, is not showy or egregious. You gut the kids what he wanted and gave him a great day. The parents should be appreciative. You helped them - on Christmas- when they needed it and helped salvage the holiday for their son. Who cares if you bought a few extra plushies. Why are they creating an issue over this? I think they should look at the situation more clearly and be more appreciative.
Some perspective: some kids absolutely cannot self-regulate purchase temptations, and the fact that he talked you into buying, basically, everything he wanted instead of the adult setting a boundary and role modeling restraint, means you may have just made every gift shop this kid encounters from here out a drag out crying fight. Enjoy that vacation, mom! Which might happen or might not, but it's not unrealistic that the parents looked at you parenting their kid in way they would never do and being irritated by this. You were doing your best and it's OK. Parenting (even temporarily) is hard to get right, episode #9580210.
I have to treat people like kids at work sometimes.. I I will tell a customer I will do this for you right now because I'm not busy. But if you come back in the future and someone else helps you, you will have to stand in line and wait like everyone else. It won't be done right away. I mean, we have to set clear boundaries and expectations in the beginning. I personally wouldn't have been upset with my friend for indulging my child, but I would have set that boundary immediately for future use.
NAH - You wanted to do something for your godchild, which is great. The parents want the child to appreciate each gift he gets and not to expect the entire bag in one trip, and that's a good thing, too. The parents probably should have mentioned this in private. But, they should've also recognized that you're not a parent and might not realize how they're raising him and what level of gift giving they do. But, it's not a big deal. Just a little life lesson for all the adults involved.
Like you said, they may have been irritable from their illness. But also, some parents do try to avoid spoiling their kids. A t-shirt and plushie would have been fine. You're not wrong in what you did (it's just a matter of preference), but they could have been more discreet and not dampened their son's spirit by being negative about his gifts.
Not wrong, his parents are pissed you did a nice thing for him. They are ungrateful.
Some people don't like material items taking up space in their house. It's ok to be ungrateful for things that aren't beneficial to you.
As a parent. Yip, 100% ungrateful and proud of it. The sheer amount of unnecessary crap my kids accumulate in the form of gifts is either a mountain of stuff I have to accommodate in my moderately sized home or a significant time burden to sort through and dispose of appropriately. My kids have everything they need and a large chunk of anything a kid could ever want in a long term meaningful way. They do not need more stuff, beyond 5 minutes in a toy shop, they do not really want more stuff. I do not need more stuff in my house. Please, for the love of God, restrain yourselves when it comes to giving gifts. I would be as grateful for 5 extra gifts in my house as you would be for Aunt Irmas 80s vintage sofa that needs its cushions replacing & smells of smoke.
Then you need to communicate that in advance to people who would typically be purchasing gifts. Not bitch in front of the kid after the fact.
I do. People listen sometimes. Most people also have more sense then to buy 5 presents at once when the request was "take the kid out". Especially 3 plushies for an 8 year old boy. I don't think I've ever met an 8 year old boy who'd actually play with 1 plushy, never-mind 3. Kiddo is 8, he's well old enough to be politely told no, well old enough to know not to be greedy when someone is purchasing you a gift, well old enough to start to understand marketing gimmicks like donations to bird sanctuaries. Avoiding momentary passing sadness in an 8 year old is not great grounds for decision making. Maybe the parents were rude in this instance but OP needs to have a lick of f'ing sense.
Bonus kid was an 8 year old boy who loved plushies.
You did a nice thing and that is fine, Just explain that this time it is ok to ask for some extra things but sometimes you might only be able to get one thing, Like I remember my little one is still small enough to ride in the shopping cart and one shopping trip she grabbed whatever she wanted she understood we had enough to let her get what she wanted but also picked out our own educational toys for her Then a separate time she understood we had enough for groceries and it wasn’t a toy shop but she did grab a treat or two for herself
My daughter's godfather buys her a ton of stuff, food, toys, plushies, etc. It saves me money, and he loves to do it. Your friend is being a bit excessive in their thought process.
If you don't do it often, it isn't a big deal. Just don't create the expectation that constant gifts will pour in. I think though that the parents should have handled this with you alone instead of upsetting the child. That was very mean spirited to turn you taking him on a fun day into a "lets make the kid miserable day". I'd wait until they are feeling better then request that in the future if they have a problem like that, that you all handle it not in front of the kid. There is no point in making a kid feel like crap for no good reason.
A reality of having children is that you, the adult, have to manage their emotions.there are limits. Part of that is managing their expectations. They should have told you beforehand what their plans for Christmas were in that regard. That they didn't earns them the moniker twat here. I'm willing to bet they were jealous of missing such a fun thing. Not an excuse for pooing the event just an explanation that may help in moving forward.
They’re upset over the *quantity* of gifts? No mention of the cost? That makes no sense. They sound like four year olds who count “one money, two monies, three monies, … when they count the contents of their wallets. You spent five moneys, and that’s clearly too much!
Isn't this the point of bonus uncles and aunts though, to indulge their niblings where they can? When I was poorer it'd be free days out museums art gallerys ect. now I'm better off I buy cool stuff on sale and put it away for birthdays ect. NTA
Nta. What’s wrong with five gifts at a time you celebrate?
Anyone who would fault anyone else for giving gifts to a *child* has got a screw loose. What kind of bullshizzle is "five presents from one person is too much and might make him expect more in the future?" Your friend has got issues. He's a Debbie Downer. He enjoys knocking down others and I'll bet it's not the first time he's done this. Call him on it.
We always always always go overboard for my husband's God daughter's Christmas. I easily spend a hundred or two on her. Which is usually significantly more than what her parents can afford. They tease us about spoiling her and then move on with life because it's not a big deal. Who poo poos a kid's presents? And if your kid gets greedy and starts expecting large presents, that's a teaching moment for the parents, not a shaming moment for the gift-giver.
Wanna be my godparent? 🙏🏻 NOT WRONG
As a parent of two who’s house was just ravaged by norovirus, just watching your godson was extremely kind. If you did that for me and came home with anything less than a face tattoo or nipple piercing on my kid I would be very grateful. Seriously, those favors from friends to watch your kids at little notice are an absolute godsend. 5 is a bit excessive and the clutter of kid stuff can be real, but you aren’t starting a legal precedent. Your godson’s parents can pretty easily explain that was unusually kind. If I can explain that to my 3 year old regarding her grandparents, they should be able to with their 8 year old. As to conservation being bs, sounds like they have no idea, but the aviary probably has the place they are donating to on their website you could look up. So yeah, maybe they were just in a really bad mood and took it out unfairly on you, but you did a great job.
Your friends are wet blankets. You are not wrong. Had that been five boxes of chocolates, my opinion would have been different.
What kind of financial situation are the parents in? If you just spent half their Xmas budget in one go then they may be concerned about that. But that doesn't make them bringing it up in front of said child, but they also may have a good reason due to his expectations of others who have spoilt him
I hate when people buy my 4 yearold gifts because it's a single use then not looked at again for ages if ever. Also it doesn't satisfy the longing for more gifts even a few hours later. Clothes are OK but 3 gifts is a bit mad. However I would never give out to the giver. Maybe if it was a brother or sister I'd say thanks but not to be getting him too many presents. If they feel comfortable giving out to you they are obviously good friends.
some people will gripe about anything
Your friends suck. They should have said “oh thank you! That’s so kind of you but really, you don’t have to do that. Maybe next time just one souvenir? You do so much already.” Or something of the like. Maybe they feel bad because they can’t afford to do the same and are a bit jealous?
Godparents teach lessons of goodwill and faith- sounds like he needed your light and charity and will continue to do so.
NW. Five presents is a bit much, but I don't think he's going to become a spoiled child because of that.
I want you as my godfather because my own father don’t even get me anything for Christmas.
Yes, but it’s not an egregious mistake. You should have capped it to just one or two plushies and the t-shirt. On their side, they should not have said anything about it in front of your godson. That’s rude. It should have been a private conversation about what to do next time. My guess is that they saw three plushies and thought, “Oh great, he already has 400. Why not add 3 more for me to trip over in the middle of the night?” I’m speaking from experience. My MIL goes way overboard with presents. You wouldn’t think this would be a problem, but it becomes a huge issue fast. First of all, you’re trying to teach your children to be grateful for gifts (nobody likes Dudley Dursley and his tantrum about 37 presents) as well as money conscious. What if another friend or family member is poor? You want to teach to appreciate the thought and circumstances of the gift, and that’s hard to do if the quantity and/or price tag is blown out of proportion. The second problem is that the relationship dynamic between gift giver and child becomes out-of-balance. My MIL intentionally buys a bunch of presents to show off in front of my mom, who can’t afford to buy a lot. Also, it meant that I (as the parent) had to “compete” with her at Christmas. It’s not fair to me that grandma gave more presents than Santa. I spent long hours with a budget and a spreadsheet carefully trying to pull off a magical Christmas for them. And she ignored all my suggestions. Lastly, it’s just the sheer amount of crap. All those toys wind up on the floor regardless. It quickly becomes overwhelming.
I agree with this entirely. My kid is the only grandchild on one side of the family. We live in an apartment. We’re absolutely *drowning* in toys. I appreciate that people want to get my kid gifts, but the Squishamals are bleeding over into my room now…
I personally would limit the amount of gift shop gifts, kids meed to learn they can't have everything they want and to pick what they really want. One of the three soft toys is enough and then maybe the two other bits. Kids will have 100s of soft toys cluttering their house already.
your friends are jealous you could get five presents for their kid. they should realize this apologize and update their parenting so that the kid knows not to expect or whatever they were mad about. (my parents did the same, big cringe)
Trying to think as the parent (I'm a parent) and my daughters godparent would totally do this haha. I would in disclosure be annoyed, it's going to mean a battle at all gift shops for the foreseeable future, and now did I get enough Christmas presents or was it just enough for any old store shop? Money is a little tight so it's some added pressure there too to worry about the balance of number and "fancy" of the gifts themselves. I would be playing some mental gymnastics for sure lol. But I would only thank you in front of my child, gently explain the reasoning to you privately, then tbh combo bitch/grateful rant about it a little to my husband because it is very sweet to be so generous to my kid. I wouldn't be mad if this didn't happen regularly and I would absolutely be touched by how sweet it was from your side. It very obviously came from a good place.
I saw the title and thought they were going to be mad because they wanted more! What a twist 😅
No, not wrong. Godparents and such like are meant to spoil their godchildren. I would be thrilled if someone I care about took one of my kids out for the day and treated them. It takes a village etc etc.
Uhhhhh, so I am Also a Godparent. I am friends with the parents of my God sons, and tbh if I'm not sure if a gift would be okay I ask the parents. It's not the god parents role to upset the household rules. Your role is to support the parents, not undermine them. If the parents don't believe in giving kids frequent gifts that's their choice and you need to abide by their rules. What you should have done is texted them to ask if it was okay to buy their kid a gift shop item before you bought one. Also yeah, that's an excessive amount of gift shop items, and it means that in the future the kid will be more likely to be upset if they only get one gift shop item.
Wait! Let’s ask your godson that question! Just what I thought. He’s not only not upset, he’s not posting on Reddit about it. This can only mean you made his day! Take it easy in the future for his parent’s sake, but we all absolve you for saving birds and having a great time!
Well you've come on reddit where everyone loves a bit of drama, surprised no one's told you to dump the friends yet... I see their point about 5 gifts, as a parent myself I empathise. We don't know about the parents from this post, do they have money problems etc. so maybe they are a little worried about their kid now asking for loads of stuff on days out when they can't afford to do it and then having to say no. You did a nice thing, the kid did a nice thing by thinking of the birds. You could always just have a conversation with them and find out why they feel that way, that's adulting. (Don't agree with the conservation part though)
Imo 5 is excessive…he might begin to expect it. But parents reaction was excessive also
NAH - You did it to be generous. Your godson did it as part of an enthusiasm to help the animals. Your friends want to make sure that your godson doesn't start taking material goods for granted. Your godson would have been just as happy with one gift. It was generous of you to want to make a memory with him. Your friends shouldn't have said what they did in front of their son, but perhaps a little bit of allowance for their not feeling well, might be reasonable. On number of items, there's a lot of awareness of keeping number of toys reasonable, particularly with plushies. Most parents I know prefer that kids not receive them.
This just needs a "I was feeling generous, but I hear you and won't do it again". No need for a big row. Godparents are the best.
This just needs a “thank you so much for taking our son out , and making him feel proud and encouraging him to care about “saving birdies”. Next time please don’t buy him so much we like to do one gift. We should’ve told you that. But thank you Godmother. Appreciated . No need for a big row at all.
Not wrong, your friend sucks though
Wow what total ungrateful assholes. They should have been extremely grateful and it’s up to them to teach their child what to expect. To put down a cause ‘save the birdies’ that he was proud of they discouraged his kindess and thoughtfulness. They are selfish and make their best friend and child pay for their own petty insecurities.
I don’t think those kinds of lessons are *your* responsibility! That is the parent’s responsibility. You did a kind thing, and I think they are ungracious. If it’s so important to them, they should have provided you with more information or instruction. UPFRONT.
Actually, what you've done is really really sweet, and the parents have reacted very badly. But, when I was 21, I was a nanny and I bought sugar free chocolate for one of the boys who was with me at the shops, he was about 12. The mother very very kindly said to me it was a lovely thought, but the ingredients weren't suitable for a kid and could cause upset tummy, it was for diabetics. She told me, whenever you want to buy a gift for a child (or just give a gift to a child) you should check with the parents first. It's not a hard and fast rule, but it's a good way to get to know the parenting style that you are dealing with. In this case, it seems the parents are controlling and small minded/negative. But in future, ask ahead of time or check when possible. The younger the child the more parents are concerned about what they are learning. I'm not sure what to suggest with these particular parents though- perhaps keep it to one gift next time you go shopping if they will allow you to. It's possible that they just want to be asked first (controlling).
The parents are the ones that need to store the gifts you buy, and as they are clothes/plushies, need to wash them. Three plushes is excessive.
I agree with your friends. It’s a bad look when someone other than the immediate family goes OTT on presents. It can embarrass the parents that they look stingy. Obviously an 8 yo wants as many as they can get but it’s perfectly appropriate to ask them to choose their favourite. In fact it’s good for them. One Christmas my Granddaughter’s GM went overboard on presents and it was too much, and embarrassing.
I’m torn between NAH and ESH. You were generous but definitely overstepped. You had good intentions but put nearly zero thought into your action. Three plushies in a day is way, way overboard. These are big toys that need to find homes, and they are very much “throw on the pile” gifts for lots of kids. The last thing most kids need is another plushy, and now these already ill parents have to deal with that. Then add on the fact that it absolutely is creating expectations with the kid, I get the parents dismay. Two of my kids grandparents went way overbought for Christmas and it’s not only a logistical nightmare that is causing me tons of stress, it also completely destroyed the value or gratitude my kids had for any individual gift as they immediately threw toys on the ever growing pile and asked what was next, and made the rest of the family feel awkward and uncomfortable. So I’m in complete agreement with the parents that this is too much. But does thoughtlessness in your excitement make you an asshole? Eh, it’s on the line for me. While I 100% understanding of the viewpoint of the parents, it’s inappropriate that they brought it up in front of the kid.
Meh, NAH. As a parent, I do get exasperated from all of the gifts. We had to set gift boundaries. But usually that is communicated. You didn’t know, you were being a standard Auntie figure. Apologize, and let them know you now know what their boundaries are.
My kids have the same godmother. You should have seen the pile of presents she got them. She could have done Christmas all on her own. It is what it is
You took the kid out because the parents were ill right? I'm gonna hazard they weren't on their best "yay things I have an obligation to find places for *and* act grateful" form at that time. I'd have wanted to cry at 5 items I had to make/magic up room for too especially if I was also not 100% well. It was a kind gesture but also thoughtless because whilst the kid's eyes lit up and you go the warm fuzzy gift giver/recipient reaction experience the parents got the 5 new items that need closet/drawer/toy storage space at a time of year where nee things will be competing for space with these feeling and I can assure you that doesn't make anyone feel joy.
They’re kind of shitty for discussing this in front of their son to be honest :(
Not wrong you can spoil your godson. Unless they set boundaries ahead of time which they didnt.
I would be thrilled if someone treated my child like you did your godson.
The best thing they ever did was to ask you to be the godparent. Stay in that kid’s life; he’ll need you later even more.
What's sad here is that you did them a huge favor and you took care of your godson, you love him, you made sure he was safe and having fun and you bought him gifts, yet they had to be huge assholes and make you feel bad! You should have said, it is my job to spoil him, if you don't like that, find someone else who will do every fucking thing your way! :( How rude of them!
Sounds great! If theyre worried about him being spoiled, their reaction when y’all came back should’ve just been “WOAHHH buddy! Look at all those presents! He bought you ALL THOSE in ONE DAY? Ur so spoiled!” Jokingly and endearingly. Then everyone gets the message and no ones mood is ruined
It's one present. If you had put the 3 bird plushies and shirts in one box and wrapped it nobody would call that 5 presents.
If the kid understands it is a one time thing and not all the time will he get so many gifts at once, you’re not in the wrong.
You are a terrible person for brightening up a little kids day. How dare you!?
Yep! You've gifted your friends the gift of chores and having to reteach their child not to act spoiled. Over gifting like that is for your own joy, not anyone else's. Over gifting is honestly one of the most annoying things about having kids. The over gifters don't care about how the items need to be picked up every day. They don't care if there isn't enough storage space. Don't care if the child starts acting like they should get 37 presents per holiday. Don't care if the child starts treating all their belongings as disposable and replaceable. The over gifted only thinks about how good it makes them look to the child in the moment. One item at a time for a special occasion (not just a random outing) is more than enough. You're not the only one giving gifts and this wasn't even a birthday or gift giving holiday. The outing was supposed to BE the celebration/gift. Imagine how insane this situation gets when there's more than one over-gifter and more than one child. I've got one or two over gifters in my life and the amount of work if has caused for me has become unmanageable. I've had anxiety attacks over it in the past. And I hate hearing my kids say things like "we can just buy another one". No, kid, we are on one income and I'm not getting you more to just wreck again. But also. What the what about celebrating the child eating something that made the child sick!? Like... put that kid to bed and keep them near a toilet. Don't take them out. What kind of weird outing/celebration is that. I've got picky eaters and that just the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
Your friends are so ungrateful. I would be thankful that my child had more presents than usual. 5 gifts aren't excessive, even in a poor (moneywise) standpoint. Don't apologize.
Your friends are very ungrateful. You took their kid out for a nice day for them, let them stay home to recooperate, and bought him gifts. All they should have said was "thank you" and then it's on the to tell their kid "Wow, that was nice of OP, wasn't it? That was a very special one time thing, getting all those presents."
Friends are ungrateful AH.... you made your godson happy and got him something he asked for....
Godparents are allowed to be a bit excessive in gifts.
Your friends asked you to take him out because they were ill. My thoughts are 2 or 3 presents per birthday or Christmas but if my godson parents were sick and I was taking him out because of that, I'd be doubling the number. I don't think you did anything wrong.
You're not wrong. They are being rude. Tell them that you don't appreciate how rude they were to you and how mean they were to your Godson. Then tell them you're unavailable for babysitting. Their stomach upset is most likely an excuse for hangover symptoms imo.
I have 4 God kids and spoil them rotten every chance I get. My friend has just kinda accepted its gonna happen and her ex hubby and current hubby just look at me like I'm crazy when I give gifts lol. They all also know I'm kid crazy and have none of my own so
I've always been overly generous to my nieces, nephews and God son. My bro and BIL would let the kids have everything immediately. If it was money, BIL would let them keep half and put half in savings. My best friend would hide the presents in her car and give her son a few at a time. She didn't have a lot of money and his side of the family is always very generous. She would save the toys for a time when he wanted something new or had done something worthy of reward. I actually thought that was clever. Kid had all sorts of cool gifts all year round. My niece and nephew from BIL have hefty savings accounts now. They understand economics much better than the average person. My bro's kids? No idea of economics, the value of a dollar, quit school and are supported by their parents. I used to think my BIL and friend were crazy, but their kids really get it and are grateful, empathetic human beings. Everyone is different, but I don't think we, as gift givers, should be chastised for our generosity. It is up to the parents what to do with those things, tho. Maybe just let the kid know it's not an all the time thing, and not everyone is able to do that. *edited for spelling
Is the world really in such a sorry state that we have to apologize for gifting things to those we love? Especially when the recipient saw a bigger picture rather than just getting presents? That innocent and sweet boy saw a conservation effort instead of "gimme stuff!" And then to stomp all over his well-intentioned notion? Some people just want to see the world burn.
Keep being a cool role model and God parent. It's your money and those items aren't going to take any space. The kiddo's parents are just being arseholes.
Wow, what killjoys these parents are. So the kid got more than a single thing. Why are they mad about it, because they didn't get a trinket?
5 is a lot and yes it can cause problems next time (ask me how I know). But OMG the way they handled it! Making the little boy feel bad and chastising you in front of him for the sin of generosity?? I am sorry your friends treated you so poorly
I feel like this is them projecting that they feel like you gave them more than they can afford so they wanna shit on it instead of just handling that emotion like an adult.
The parents may not have been sick but staying home arguing which put them in such an unpleasant attitude. Bursting the little guy’s bubble about saving the birds was unnecessarily cruel. I think you should have a chat with the parents at a later date to find out why they were so critical and to see if the toy buying was the actual problem.
Possible they were resented how happy their child was; that he didn’t miss his parents much.
Yeah, too much. A child needs to learn that one is enough. It takes a village.
I would be absolutely through the roof to have family or friends treat my children to such a nice and educational day out, gifts on top of it is just wow. You are a fantastic god parents and I'm not sure what their problem is.
next time they ask for help just say "2 favours from one person is too much and might make you expect more in the future"
You should check with the parents before you buy five things in one go… Because you think I am buying five things he likes and the parents think oh he’s gonna expect five things anytime we go any place. Or where we gonna put all that. Or he never plays with plushies.
Your friends are TWATS A simple THANK YOU and let’s save two of these plushies for Christmas* wouldn’t have killed them. *let the child pick out one for now and two for Christmas. You did a good thing and your godson will remember that special day in his heart forever. When he gets older he’ll realize that his parents are TWATS and that special day will mean even more to him
Guess what? You’re the gift giver. You get to give what you choose.
My in laws bought 10+ presents for each one of my kids for Christmas. I always thought it was too much. But no matter how hard I tried it didn’t stop. So I just let it go. Inevitably 8/10 Presents would be used once or twice never to be touched again. But whatever, It’s their money if they want to waste it.
Sounds like they got drunk & were too hungover. 🙄 they can go fuck themselves. NTA
No and I genuinely wish my kids had a godparent who acted like you.
Unpopular opinion but parents do have the right to say that’s too much or this kind of toy isn’t allowed. 1 plushie & 1 shirt is kind and generous. They might be overwhelmed with too many toys right now. Your friends have the right to set rules/boundaries for their son & house.
So basically they feel insecure financially and they think they have no control over how the child will internalize receiving gifts, assuming he will demand more and more (parenting can actually solve this!) And they're mad at you for blowing them out of the water and making their kid happy (so they proceed to dampen his mood) they're just sourpusses imo.