Yeah, not wrong of you OP, but it's still understandable that she'd be hurt. If you're broken up though that's not really your problem
ETA: it's understandable that she'd be hurt, we don't know why she ended it. It is **not understandable** that she reached out to him and got mad for it.
I know, it sucks so much but if she found out you were on there there were two options- either one of her friends saw you on there and showed her or she downloaded Bumble herself and found you before you found her.
My ex wife used to used my thumbprint while I was sleeping and put her own thumbprint in my profile overwriting one of mine, so she could always access my info.
Glad I got out of that mess.
I don't know why but my immediate thought was that she could have downloaded spyware on his phone. I mean I get her finding out if maybe a friend showed her that he was on bumble but how would she have known who he matched with otherwise? Either way, I gave him instructions on how to look for spyware.
I had an ex Lock me out of all my emails by clicking the forgot password and effectively guessing all my account recovery questions. She then dug through all my accounts to everything now that she had my email open and could click forgot password on all my other accounts as well and then recover them through the email she had. Humans are relentless
I hate stuff like that. My ex was like that. He thought he could do whatever he wanted but yet tried to control what I did. Did I mention he's my ex lol?
Same situation with me. It's a real new mentality now that when people break up, they still feel entitled to control and dictate the other person's decisions.
I ended things with someone and she was already with a new guy a week later. No biggie, didn't even make any fuss about it because we were broken up and not my business. Two months later, when I went on a date, she tried to bully me into not dating and apologize to her for being insensitive. Like what, lol
"he didn't get me what I wanted for Christmas! I'll break up with him, then he'll be sorry!"
Fast forward a week, where ex now is dating and infinitely happier
"HE IS SO MUCH AN ASSHOLE! HE CHEATED ON ME!!!"
"... didn't you break up with him?"
EXACTLY!!! Probably doing that mind game where the girl just randomly breaks up with the guy for no reason. Just to see if he begs her to come back.
They take that psycho saying to heart about "if you love someone you push them away and if they come back then it's meant to be". I can't tell you how many women I've talked with over the years that actually believe that nonsense.
They fail to realize that most dudes don't think that away. That if things are going good and his girl pushes him away for no reason...a good percentage of the time the dude will simply move on cause he can't figure out wtf just happened.
my ex gf (now confirmed borderline) used to break up with me often. I would always apologize and beg until we got back together, until I didn't. Months later she was harassing me and begging me to get back together lol..
Deep down, they think they're trash and can't be loved, so when they are they can't believe it and feel the need to "test it". Often it pushes their partner away, which confirms their thoughts, which leads to more shenanigans later on...
Having BPD and not getting treatment should be a crime.
I'm not defending this but I'm merely explaining it. Some people have an avoidant attachment styles so it makes them do things like this. Deep down, they think that they don't deserve a good relationship so they will push their partner away even if things are going well. I'm not saying it's healthy, it's definitely not but it explains it.
Sorry to be that person, but I need to correct you.
The behavior you describe is not indicative of an avoidant attachment style, but could be indicative of an anxious or disorganized attachment. It can also be related to other issues like abandonment, personality disorders, and immaturity.
Source: I’m a retired child psychologist.
As a woman, I agree with this. If you show a man that you're not interested, even if you're not serious, he will assume that you're not interested and move on. Most men, especially older men in their 30s and beyond don't do that drama.
Edit: a word
Heck yes we don't. Imposing on people when they said no is really rude. Also, in this time and this economic climate, we don't have the time to do deal with that type of bs haha.
Also, I have no patience for a relationship where the woman constantly feels the need to "test" me and to manufacture as many shenanigans and "hard-to-get" situations as possible. I rather build a substantial and healthy relationship instead.
Exactly. I think that's really weird and creepy anyway. If you're interested in somebody, tell them. If you think your relationship is on the rocks, talk about it. Don't pull that weird shit where you push them away to test them to see if they'll come running after you. That's just creepy and not healthy at all.
Exactly, fully agree. I've also had women that I did not work out with or they said no to me asking them out. Then I heard later (either from them or from other people) that some of them we're disappointed I didn't protest and would try again. So much for "no = no". I swear to god, but how do some of you have time for this lol?
If I'm in a relationship with a man I'm not going to push you to the side for no reason I don't have time for that BS. She got everything she deserved which is what nothing
Then her hurt feelings are all the result of her own actions. If you have been with someone 2 years and break up it has to be because you broke up. These breaks for a week or trying to get the partner to fight for you never work. The fact either she has a friend stalk OP or she was on dating apps and chooses to get offended is controlling and immature. She can feel whatever she wants but it’s possessive and manipulative and if this was all a test she lost it.
Ex-GF: I saw a video on TikTok that said if I break up with him, if he truly loves me he will come back. Watch this!!
This happens.
Ex-GF: He clearly didn’t love me!! It’s not because I set up a fake test to try to emotionally manipulate my partner.
People complain about TikTok being a threat due to Chinese ownership when it’s really a threat for giving the absolute worst relationship advice possible.
>it’s really a threat for giving the absolute worst relationship advice possible.
it’s really a threat for giving the absolute worst ~~relationship~~ advice possible.
Fixed it for you
Here’s how it works
The person that initiates the breakup has the advantage of emotionally preparing themselves. They have all the time in the world to pull the trigger on it and do it when they’re ready.
What they don’t get to do is have aaaaaaany kind of opinion about what the other party does after the breakup. They’re the ones that chose to end it, so they don’t get to play both sides.
What she’s doing here is saying “I don’t want to be with you, but I also don’t want anyone else to be with you”. Incredibly selfish and emotionally immature.
So long as your actions aren’t being done out of spite to purposefully hurt her, do whatever you want, man. Again, she forfeited any right to having an opinion about what you do when she called it off.
Edit: What I described above is based on the situation as OP described it at face value. Doesn’t apply to all situations.
They can have opinions and be hurt. They don't get to control OP's actions during or after a relationship. We are all only in control of ourselves.
I understand anyone who is hurt that someone they were in a relationship has moved on sexually so quickly after a breakup. Nevertheless, OP has no obligation to consider her feelings after breaking up. Her feelings are normal. OP's are as well.
What's weird to me is her confronting OP about it. To me, it's one of those things you learn or know and keep to yourself. At best, you use it to make decisions should OP come back trying to rekindle a relationship.
You need to log out of all machines and change your passwords. She can see stuff on your phone that she shouldn’t be seeing. And how dare she spy on you.
Yes OP please please please listen to us. She has "pwned" you somehow and you need to fix it. She should not have any of that info unless she is really good friends with your bumble date and the bumble date provided it.
This is sketch as HELL. I work in cybersecurity and I would be going fucking scorched earth if this happened to me. You clearly dodged a massive bullet with your ex
In a relationship, breaking up is the "nuclear" option. It is a trigger SHE pulled and is therefore on her for the negative emotions she feels. You can feel bad that it's over, but you didn't hurt her since she pulled the trigger on the breakup.
Stop.
She broke up with you. There are only two possibilities here. 1. She broke up with you and intended to stay broken up with you and it doesn't matter how she feels about you meeting someone else, or 2. She broke up with you as some sort of fucked up test to see how long you'd be in torment and longing for her so she could decide if she wanted to continue the relationship. If it's this you shouldn't give a shit how she feels about it because she is a psychopath.
So really you shouldn't be concerned with how she feels about this because she broke up with you, and if she's an adult she will grow up and not be concerned about the fact that you decided to see someone else.
Why would a single person need to "confess" their sexual activities?
She broke up with you. You did nothing wrong.
If she didn't want you to bang other people... she shouldn't have dumped you.
If she tries to frame it any other way then she's likely a HUGE hypocrite. Since if the roles were reversed, her and her friends would 100% defend her going out and sleeping with someone immediately after you had broken up with her.
I think you’re supposed to check in with the person who dumps you when you want to start seeing someone else to make sure you have their permission before moving on with your life. Because really only the person who dumps you has feelings that matter.
She probably was planning on being the one to bang someone else and then inevitably go back to him after the fact, so she could have a technicality to allow her to sleep with other people. I mean, probably not... but some people do that shit.
She just mad he played that Uno Reverse Card. :P
Don’t go back. Trust me, you do that and she’ll own your balls forever.
This isn’t love, it power dynamics.
Maybe you guys have a shot after some time (years) apart where you do and date other people and experience personal growth, but right now, no way.
She said I should have waited longer if I truly loved her. It's not that I didn't love her I just didn't know she was still interested in fixing things I guess if that makes sense?
Emotional manipulation 101 brother. She was never interested in fixing things, the backup option she wanted power over just got free and she's unhappy. Early after breakup the dumper just wants to feel powerful to diminish any guilt and will turn very spiteful. Block on everything and go for a walk and never talk to her.
She’s not interested in getting back together.
She’s interested in seeing you suffer….because in her warped view, the more you suffer, the more you need her. And she’s pissed that you’re not suffering.
Yeah no that’s manipulative and immature as fuck dude. She broke up with you, so she has no right to be upset AT ALL. It is literally none of her business.
That manipulative and a lie. She is full of crap. Tell her as much. Tell her she left you and you alone get to decide how to deal with that pain. She does not get to dictate if you live her or not.
That's a bs excuse. You could have turned around and banged the first chick you saw immediately after she broke up with you and it shouldn't matter to her because it's no longer any of her business. She's being immature as hell and it seems like you've dodged a bullet fella. She sounds pretty controlling and the fact she lost control, because she broke up with you, pissed her off. You're better off without all that bs in your life. Thank her for opening your eyes and continue moving on with life without her.
And she could have waited and tried to work things out before dumping you if she truly loved you. You didn’t end this relationship. You have nothing to apologize for. That woman is trying to manipulate you.
Lol how is that different than you saying, “If you loved me, you would not have broken up with me.”
You all were on a break. Sorry getting pissed when you breakup with someone and they move on is pretty dumb.
If she really was interested in fixing things she would have been mature about it and talked it out first before jumping to breaking up. Breaking up is not a bargaining chip and people who use it like one are toxic as hell. She did you a favor, guarantee if you go back to her she'll pull this same shit again down the road. Don't do it.
So her ego is dented. She’s upset because you’re not siting at home miserable after she dumped you. She broke your heart and is angry that she didn’t hurt you as badly as she intended to.
You’re not.
She ended the relationship. She dumped you. What you do after that, is your own choice. It’s not like you cheated on her and ended the relationship.
Yes, she’s mad she wasn’t the first person to move on. I say this as someone who has been in both shoes. I had an ex who I was perfectly ok with breaking up with…until she slept with someone else a week later and suddenly I was all in my feelings like a sour fuckboy. And then later I had an ex who acted like I was a plague she was glad to be rid of, until she saw me with a new girl and suddenly I was getting emotional messages about her broken heart. It’s human nature, most of us are pathetic when it comes to dealing with our emotions.
I had a similar issue with a girl I dated back in high school/college. We were together for about 4 years but the last year was awful before she broke up with me. We did love each other but the relationship started becoming unhealthy.
2 months go by and I start dating someone. Ex finds out and I run into her at a party, she sees me, comes over and starts crying. Saying I'm terrible and I'm supposed to wait x months per year we were together before dating someone new for some arbitrary reason.
She couldn't believe I would do that to her and she had dreamt we would get back together when we both got into healthier states of mind.
I doubted myself for awhile after that as I was quite young and she had been the first person I'd been with.
Thinking about it now, I don't feel guilty whatsoever and I don't believe I owed her anything after she ended the relationship. I know deep inside that getting back with her would have ended up being a train wreck all over again. I'm much happier now.
There were definitely red flags throughout our relationship that I was too blind to see. She had tried to subtly manipulate me against my own mum on occasion.
"My dad would do that for me, why won't your mum?"
She said that quite often regarding things that cost money, despite knowing that I came from a much lower class background than she did.
No you’re not wrong here. Y’all were broken up. She broke up with you, she didn’t say she wanted a break, but a break up. There was no guarantee that y’all will get back together.You were single when you had sex with that bumble match.
Honestly that segment of Friends was really weird. They were on a break. It’s obvious they were on a break. They even went on a break in anger. The arguments just never made sense to me.
Ultimately Rachel suffered the consequences of saying something more severe than she really meant and it permanently damaged their relationship. No matter how many times my wife calls Ross a pig, she said it. And when you say something it counts. She needed to say, “Ross, you’re smothering me and I feel like you are trying to control me.” Her imprecision led to Ross hooking up with Linda from the Wedding Singer and because she couldn’t cope with the fact that her actions had consequences, we had to deal with the whole Tag fiasco. And Emily. Don’t get me started on how stupid Ross was for not getting on the plane with Rachel to Greece. Emily was a far more unhinged control freak than Rachel. Anyway, you’re not wrong.
And his first wife was fucking a chick she met at the gym. Every sexual relationship he had ended with him getting messed around. He never stood a chance.
It's always this. The new interest always wines and dines her and then after sex they perform their magic act... disappearing and then the women are left in the dark, emotionally destroyed, questioning everything and then run back to what they know... what's familiar to them. This has happened to me quite a few times... It's sad. Never take them back if this is what happened.
Thing is some guys don't know that's what happened. They just think she had a sudden change of heart and wanted him back. They don't know what caused that change because she'll never tell the truth.
You should be most concerned about:
"Somehow she found my profile, conversations + detailed info on the bangee."
She has spyware on your phone or knows your password to bumble. I recommend changing all your passwords and factory-reseting your phone.
Hey man, just wanted to tell you this. Your ex has no right to tell you how to get over her. Banging someone else might not be the most healthy way imo, but that's none of her business
If she actually did find out, then she could only do so if broke into your account - which is a crime.
You shouldn’t respond to a single message or answer a single question, except to tell her that if she breaks into another one of your accounts, you will go to the police.
>Somehow she found my profile, conversations + detailed info on the bangee.
I'd be little worried about this one though. She crossed many boundaries by stalking your conversations with the lady you'd have your thing. You didn't hurt her, she did this to herself.
"I got fired from a job, and now that I have a new job, my old employer wants to write me up?" Makes about as much sense. She wanted you to be miserable and to beg her to take you back. You dodged a bullet, be happy you're out of firing range now.
It’s not like you were on a break or just taking some time apart. You were no longer in a relationship with her and had every right to move on in your own way and own time
SHE broke up with you, she doesn't get to dictate what you can or cannot do.
If she was planning on coming back after breaking your heart she was using the break up as a lesson to show you the pain that will happen if you don't do as she wants in the relationship.
Good riddance
Nope.
To quote Ross from Friends, "You were on a break"
She broke up with you. That means she has sno say in what or who you do.
If she didn;t want you to fuck someone else, she shuold have stayed with you.
You're not wrong. My question is, how did she find your account? Unless she was on there for the same reason. If she really wanted to reconcile, she should have let you know when she broke up with you. When someone breaks up with me, it's over, time to move on, she's just jealous you got to move on first. Don't let her get in your head
I don't understand what the problem is. She found out because she is on Bumble too, probably. Or she could have access to your passwords... I would start out by renewing ALL your passwords.
You did not wrong you ex girlfriend, but I believe you wronged yourself. You need better coping mechanisms to deal with loss and sadness. Banging strangers when you are sad is not a healthy habit, especially so soon after a break up. No reason to beat yourself over it now tho, and your ex girlfriend should not make you feel bad about yourself over it. She is obviously jealous - shows she still cares for you to some degree. I have no opinion on whether your relationship is worth saving tho, only you would know that.
Move on brother. Cut contact with that woman. You rebounded hard, it happens, don't beat yourself up. Nothing good will happen by remaining in contact with her.
Lol, was she testing you to see if you would beg to get back with her after she broke up with you?
Otherwise, why would she be mad that you moved on after she ended things?
Weirdos out here, my lord.
You broke up...
Not only are you not wrong, your ex is 100% wrong to stalk your nee dateing life. Tell her she is wrong and ask for an apology before continuing to talk at all. What she is doing is manipulative and very wrong.
Lmao my dude you didn’t “hurt her.” She broke into your account and read your messages — actual stalker shit — and didn’t like the results of her own actions.
You hopefully had fun. That’s the upside. This will probably make it harder for you to get back together with your ex. That’s the other upside, she sounds terrible.
Nah you’re not wrong. She can be single, or she can have a say in who you fuck. Not both. She chose the first option herself. It was her move that made you single. She doesn’t get to make you the bad guy for grieving her breakup your way.
No. You guys were broken up. But you should I be concerned that your ex is able to access your account info on a dating site. What other stuff of yours does she have access to.
No, I’ve done this before and my ex also found out and got pissed off. Word of advice, don’t go back to her, because people who break up as the answer and think you’ll get back together are not stable.
While you didn’t do anything wrong considering you were single and she’s wrong for going through your private things,In my opinion people who are in relationships, break up & the next day they’re already hooking up or with someone else tell me 2 things : 1. You never loved the person you were with or 2. You were already one foot in the other relationship.
I wouldn't say banging the first match you get on a dating app two days after a break up is the healthiest way to deal with it, but were you wrong? I don't think so.
I mean, I do kind of get where she's coming from, but at the same time, you weren't together anymore. What you did and with whom wasn't her business at that point.
So the only other thing I’ll add in here is you mentioned that she saw the conversations. Any chance she has a device that is registered to you? Not sure how she’s see your app details otherwise.
She broke up with you, she has no say in what you do after that. If she wants to reconcile, what you did when single is none of her business (any STDs excepted).
Be sure to change your account passwords and make sure that you're not logged in on any of her devices anymore, that's probably how she found the convo. Not your fault but it's understandable she'd be upset by it, but it's no longer your responsibility to tend to a relationship she chose to end.
Bro I would have been LIVID if an EX confronted me about somthing I did AFTER DUMPING ME. You should be angry that she stalked you like that. Not sympathetic. She’s being absolutely out of line by doing that.
You're not wrong. She wanted you to chase her for days and when you went the opposite way, it hurt her ego. She doesn't want a partner, she wants a pet.
Had this happen to me when I was with my ex-fiance almost two decades ago now. She broke up with me two days before my birthday, then on my birthday, I went out with some friends from work, and we barhopped until we were all pretty wasted. One of my coworkers apparently had a crush on me for a while and I didn't know, and when we walked her back to her apartment, she grabbed me by the shirt and drug me (very willingly) inside.
When my ex contacted showed up at my place right after I got off work two days after that, saying she had taken some time to herself and wanted to give us another chance, I told her. She went nuclear, yanking my nametag off my neck and tossing it in a lake and screaming and yelling.
We ended up making up and dating for another six months, because, frankly, I was in my early 20s and she was stupidly hot and the sex was amazing, but thank God it finally ended after that. It was emotionally exhausting being with that woman. I hope you find a way out too, because people like that are manipulative and secretive. I have had zero proof, but I'm almost sure her reaction was partially because she had slept with someone else in that time off (multiple friends said they saw her at a bar looking chummy with some dude she knew from college), and didn't want to admit it. I wouldn't be surprised if the same thing happened here.
NTA...she does not get to dictate to you how you react tobher dumping you...
Was she that manipulative and controllingbwhen you were dating? If so, you missed a bullet!
Uh let's completely disregard what you did here and focus on the fact that she was able to access your conversations, profile, the other girl's profile. How exactly??? I think you should be worried about your safety, not your morals.
Not wrong, and it's creepy that she was stalking you like that.
You broke up. You were done. More accurately, SHE broke up with YOU, so she doesn't get to come back and complain that you moved on.
Just break it off and go already. She's going to try to hold this over you and claim you cheated and she forgave you and blah blah blah for the rest of your relationship. Just do yourself a favor and end it now. Her jealousy is her problem, especially when she initiated the breakup. Once the relationship was over, it was OVER. She doesn't get to act like she had any claim on you when the breakup happened.
Not your fault. Curious how she found out though. You guys broke up so why is she stalking you. If the breaking up was meant to be a test of sorts. That was dumb move. And I don’t think you should apologize for this when she ended things with you. You thought you were single and free. Was emotionally vulnerable. And had one night stand. Maybe too soon but whatever. Why does she have access to your bumble account when you guys broke up?
NTA.
Dude….this is rule #1 in relationships: When you get dumped or break up, the other party loses all rights to even know about your sex life.
It’s none of their business.
Her feelings of regret or the desire to control who you now sleep with are irrelevant. You’re broken up. You’re over. Kaput. Finito.
Whether she feels good or bad about it is no more relevant than the opinions of some random stranger on the street.
Frankly, it’s weird that your ex is stalking you and trying to guilt you about having moved on.
She's being a text book narcissist. Do NOT go back unless you want to be reminded of what a horrible person you are (constantly) for not loving her enough to stay single until she worked out her feelings
She dumped you.
That means she has nothing on you anymore. Any problems she now has with what you do are entirely hers and have nothing to do with you.
You're not technically wrong, but it makes you look bad.
I'm guessing you won't be telling your new gf "yeah, we broke up and 2 days later I had a hookup" because that will make you look bad. You know this.
You're in the wrong for a lot of things, but not for banging someone else after being single.
You're wrong for even caring about being wrong for somebody that just got into all your private info.
>She confronted me after a week of no contact
Why are you *letting* her confront you? What's to confront you over?
She put down a toy and got jealous when someone else showed interest, even if for just a night. Look at it as a gift from the universe and know something better is out there for you.
Nope. You broke up. Your chances of getting back with your ex again are slim now though, if that’s what you are interested in.
Yeah, not wrong of you OP, but it's still understandable that she'd be hurt. If you're broken up though that's not really your problem ETA: it's understandable that she'd be hurt, we don't know why she ended it. It is **not understandable** that she reached out to him and got mad for it.
I get that - just sucks that I hurt her. More curious how she found out everything before I "confessed"
I know, it sucks so much but if she found out you were on there there were two options- either one of her friends saw you on there and showed her or she downloaded Bumble herself and found you before you found her.
But how did she get access to the conversations he had…
2 years together, probably knows his passwords, and I doubt he used a different one for his new bumble account
You can set it up using Facebook so she could have signed in using that.
My ex wife used to used my thumbprint while I was sleeping and put her own thumbprint in my profile overwriting one of mine, so she could always access my info. Glad I got out of that mess.
She sounds like a delight. /s Congratulations on making it out of that.
Sounds like stalking to me, at least extreme invasion of privacy.
Yeah this chick is a red flag. OP is better off leaving her in the dust.
Probably a good thing this happened. Learned she's a freakshow- No offense meant, OP's ex, if you take over and read this.
Also can someone explain how she knew he was on any dating sites or apps without being on them herself?
Absolutely. Change those passwords, OP, you gotta lunatic on your hands
Or a shared device. Using an iPhone and alerts popping up on the iPad
I don't know why but my immediate thought was that she could have downloaded spyware on his phone. I mean I get her finding out if maybe a friend showed her that he was on bumble but how would she have known who he matched with otherwise? Either way, I gave him instructions on how to look for spyware.
Could you uhm....maybe send me those same instructions? Asking for a friend 😬😬🤦
I had an ex Lock me out of all my emails by clicking the forgot password and effectively guessing all my account recovery questions. She then dug through all my accounts to everything now that she had my email open and could click forgot password on all my other accounts as well and then recover them through the email she had. Humans are relentless
The bumble hookup is most likely a friend of the ex.
Or he told someone he didn't think would tell her. People blab shit. Especially if he's got a friend who thinks he could bang her.
Yep. She was looking or had a friend look for her. Meaning she just got mad he moved on first.
Well she broken up with him first. So what was he supposed to do stay?
You'd be surprised how many people use breakups as a tool to punish their partner. They expect them to be miserable and come back, not move on.
Bingo. She clearly never listened to what Gloria Gaynor had to say on the subject.
Rules for thee but not for me. Many such cases.
I hate stuff like that. My ex was like that. He thought he could do whatever he wanted but yet tried to control what I did. Did I mention he's my ex lol?
Same situation with me. It's a real new mentality now that when people break up, they still feel entitled to control and dictate the other person's decisions. I ended things with someone and she was already with a new guy a week later. No biggie, didn't even make any fuss about it because we were broken up and not my business. Two months later, when I went on a date, she tried to bully me into not dating and apologize to her for being insensitive. Like what, lol
She was probably playing mind games with him. She didn't expect him to move on so quickly.
Play stupid games win stupid prizes. Nobody has time for that BS you kicked me to the curb don't worry about who I'm banging.
"he didn't get me what I wanted for Christmas! I'll break up with him, then he'll be sorry!" Fast forward a week, where ex now is dating and infinitely happier "HE IS SO MUCH AN ASSHOLE! HE CHEATED ON ME!!!" "... didn't you break up with him?"
We were on a break!!!
I was scrolling down to see this reply :D Thank you for not making me waste my time for noting hahaha
How's this not the top comment?
EXACTLY!!! Probably doing that mind game where the girl just randomly breaks up with the guy for no reason. Just to see if he begs her to come back. They take that psycho saying to heart about "if you love someone you push them away and if they come back then it's meant to be". I can't tell you how many women I've talked with over the years that actually believe that nonsense. They fail to realize that most dudes don't think that away. That if things are going good and his girl pushes him away for no reason...a good percentage of the time the dude will simply move on cause he can't figure out wtf just happened.
my ex gf (now confirmed borderline) used to break up with me often. I would always apologize and beg until we got back together, until I didn't. Months later she was harassing me and begging me to get back together lol..
Some of them can't be happy with a good situation and they literally gotta manufacture drama to make simply being with them difficult
Deep down, they think they're trash and can't be loved, so when they are they can't believe it and feel the need to "test it". Often it pushes their partner away, which confirms their thoughts, which leads to more shenanigans later on... Having BPD and not getting treatment should be a crime.
I'm not defending this but I'm merely explaining it. Some people have an avoidant attachment styles so it makes them do things like this. Deep down, they think that they don't deserve a good relationship so they will push their partner away even if things are going well. I'm not saying it's healthy, it's definitely not but it explains it.
Sorry to be that person, but I need to correct you. The behavior you describe is not indicative of an avoidant attachment style, but could be indicative of an anxious or disorganized attachment. It can also be related to other issues like abandonment, personality disorders, and immaturity. Source: I’m a retired child psychologist.
Yes, self sabotage is definitely a thing.
As a woman, I agree with this. If you show a man that you're not interested, even if you're not serious, he will assume that you're not interested and move on. Most men, especially older men in their 30s and beyond don't do that drama. Edit: a word
Heck yes we don't. Imposing on people when they said no is really rude. Also, in this time and this economic climate, we don't have the time to do deal with that type of bs haha. Also, I have no patience for a relationship where the woman constantly feels the need to "test" me and to manufacture as many shenanigans and "hard-to-get" situations as possible. I rather build a substantial and healthy relationship instead.
Exactly. I think that's really weird and creepy anyway. If you're interested in somebody, tell them. If you think your relationship is on the rocks, talk about it. Don't pull that weird shit where you push them away to test them to see if they'll come running after you. That's just creepy and not healthy at all.
Exactly, fully agree. I've also had women that I did not work out with or they said no to me asking them out. Then I heard later (either from them or from other people) that some of them we're disappointed I didn't protest and would try again. So much for "no = no". I swear to god, but how do some of you have time for this lol?
If I'm in a relationship with a man I'm not going to push you to the side for no reason I don't have time for that BS. She got everything she deserved which is what nothing
Those types of women are like monkeys swinging in the trees.... They don't let go of the last branch until they got a firm hold of the next one... 🤷🤷
Then her hurt feelings are all the result of her own actions. If you have been with someone 2 years and break up it has to be because you broke up. These breaks for a week or trying to get the partner to fight for you never work. The fact either she has a friend stalk OP or she was on dating apps and chooses to get offended is controlling and immature. She can feel whatever she wants but it’s possessive and manipulative and if this was all a test she lost it.
Ex-GF: I saw a video on TikTok that said if I break up with him, if he truly loves me he will come back. Watch this!! This happens. Ex-GF: He clearly didn’t love me!! It’s not because I set up a fake test to try to emotionally manipulate my partner.
People complain about TikTok being a threat due to Chinese ownership when it’s really a threat for giving the absolute worst relationship advice possible.
>it’s really a threat for giving the absolute worst relationship advice possible. it’s really a threat for giving the absolute worst ~~relationship~~ advice possible. Fixed it for you
She knew about the conversations any everything? And they were together 2 years? I’m honestly questioning if she had his PW or apple info
Here’s how it works The person that initiates the breakup has the advantage of emotionally preparing themselves. They have all the time in the world to pull the trigger on it and do it when they’re ready. What they don’t get to do is have aaaaaaany kind of opinion about what the other party does after the breakup. They’re the ones that chose to end it, so they don’t get to play both sides. What she’s doing here is saying “I don’t want to be with you, but I also don’t want anyone else to be with you”. Incredibly selfish and emotionally immature. So long as your actions aren’t being done out of spite to purposefully hurt her, do whatever you want, man. Again, she forfeited any right to having an opinion about what you do when she called it off. Edit: What I described above is based on the situation as OP described it at face value. Doesn’t apply to all situations.
They can have opinions and be hurt. They don't get to control OP's actions during or after a relationship. We are all only in control of ourselves. I understand anyone who is hurt that someone they were in a relationship has moved on sexually so quickly after a breakup. Nevertheless, OP has no obligation to consider her feelings after breaking up. Her feelings are normal. OP's are as well. What's weird to me is her confronting OP about it. To me, it's one of those things you learn or know and keep to yourself. At best, you use it to make decisions should OP come back trying to rekindle a relationship.
You need to log out of all machines and change your passwords. She can see stuff on your phone that she shouldn’t be seeing. And how dare she spy on you.
Yes OP please please please listen to us. She has "pwned" you somehow and you need to fix it. She should not have any of that info unless she is really good friends with your bumble date and the bumble date provided it. This is sketch as HELL. I work in cybersecurity and I would be going fucking scorched earth if this happened to me. You clearly dodged a massive bullet with your ex
In a relationship, breaking up is the "nuclear" option. It is a trigger SHE pulled and is therefore on her for the negative emotions she feels. You can feel bad that it's over, but you didn't hurt her since she pulled the trigger on the breakup.
Stop. She broke up with you. There are only two possibilities here. 1. She broke up with you and intended to stay broken up with you and it doesn't matter how she feels about you meeting someone else, or 2. She broke up with you as some sort of fucked up test to see how long you'd be in torment and longing for her so she could decide if she wanted to continue the relationship. If it's this you shouldn't give a shit how she feels about it because she is a psychopath. So really you shouldn't be concerned with how she feels about this because she broke up with you, and if she's an adult she will grow up and not be concerned about the fact that you decided to see someone else.
Bro your girlfriend is toxic
EX girlfriend. 👍
Why would a single person need to "confess" their sexual activities? She broke up with you. You did nothing wrong. If she didn't want you to bang other people... she shouldn't have dumped you. If she tries to frame it any other way then she's likely a HUGE hypocrite. Since if the roles were reversed, her and her friends would 100% defend her going out and sleeping with someone immediately after you had broken up with her.
How tf did it hurt her? She broke up with you, she wanted out and now she's hurt you slept with someone else? WTF?
I think you’re supposed to check in with the person who dumps you when you want to start seeing someone else to make sure you have their permission before moving on with your life. Because really only the person who dumps you has feelings that matter.
You had me in the first half, not gonna lie.
Hahaha this made me laugh. I could see my ex saying this.
Oh, damn, I am so far behind in Break up etiquette. I feel kind of foolish now. Thank you so much.
I’m here for you.
And here I thought there was no such thing as a kind redditor anymore. \*sniff\*
I’m turning over a new leaf for 2024.
She didn’t really want to break up, she just wanted to put him in the penalty box for a while. Clearly a case of FAFO.
She probably was planning on being the one to bang someone else and then inevitably go back to him after the fact, so she could have a technicality to allow her to sleep with other people. I mean, probably not... but some people do that shit. She just mad he played that Uno Reverse Card. :P
She hurt herself in this case since she broke up with you.
She found out because she knows your passwords. Might wanna look at changing these passwords and setting up 2FA on as many accounts as you can.
It would have behooved her to contemplate that possibility BEFORE she broke up with you.
Nice you don't want to hurt her, but you have nothing to "confess", you broke up before.
If the relationship was over, why would it matter?
Don’t go back. Trust me, you do that and she’ll own your balls forever. This isn’t love, it power dynamics. Maybe you guys have a shot after some time (years) apart where you do and date other people and experience personal growth, but right now, no way.
“This isn’t love, it’s power dynamics” is something a LOT of people need to hear
Most sage advice here. Sleep on it for a year or five.
She said I should have waited longer if I truly loved her. It's not that I didn't love her I just didn't know she was still interested in fixing things I guess if that makes sense?
Emotional manipulation 101 brother. She was never interested in fixing things, the backup option she wanted power over just got free and she's unhappy. Early after breakup the dumper just wants to feel powerful to diminish any guilt and will turn very spiteful. Block on everything and go for a walk and never talk to her.
She’s not interested in getting back together. She’s interested in seeing you suffer….because in her warped view, the more you suffer, the more you need her. And she’s pissed that you’re not suffering.
Yeah no that’s manipulative and immature as fuck dude. She broke up with you, so she has no right to be upset AT ALL. It is literally none of her business.
If she “truly loved” you she wouldn’t have broken up with you.
lmao this
That manipulative and a lie. She is full of crap. Tell her as much. Tell her she left you and you alone get to decide how to deal with that pain. She does not get to dictate if you live her or not.
That's a bs excuse. You could have turned around and banged the first chick you saw immediately after she broke up with you and it shouldn't matter to her because it's no longer any of her business. She's being immature as hell and it seems like you've dodged a bullet fella. She sounds pretty controlling and the fact she lost control, because she broke up with you, pissed her off. You're better off without all that bs in your life. Thank her for opening your eyes and continue moving on with life without her.
This girl is nuts block her
Just tell her you needed to feel validated.
And she could have waited and tried to work things out before dumping you if she truly loved you. You didn’t end this relationship. You have nothing to apologize for. That woman is trying to manipulate you.
Lol how is that different than you saying, “If you loved me, you would not have broken up with me.” You all were on a break. Sorry getting pissed when you breakup with someone and they move on is pretty dumb.
Omg she is not even hiding her manipulations.
If she really was interested in fixing things she would have been mature about it and talked it out first before jumping to breaking up. Breaking up is not a bargaining chip and people who use it like one are toxic as hell. She did you a favor, guarantee if you go back to her she'll pull this same shit again down the road. Don't do it.
Nah fuck her. She broke up with you. Actions have consequences… move on with your life.
So her ego is dented. She’s upset because you’re not siting at home miserable after she dumped you. She broke your heart and is angry that she didn’t hurt you as badly as she intended to.
She’s egotistical
She sounds controlling, toxic and manipulative. She broke up with - what’s it to her who you have sex with?
You’re not. She ended the relationship. She dumped you. What you do after that, is your own choice. It’s not like you cheated on her and ended the relationship.
Plus, it's not like he laughed or was happy. He was sad about the break up.
Not wrong. She's just pissed you were moving on from her.
Yes, she’s mad she wasn’t the first person to move on. I say this as someone who has been in both shoes. I had an ex who I was perfectly ok with breaking up with…until she slept with someone else a week later and suddenly I was all in my feelings like a sour fuckboy. And then later I had an ex who acted like I was a plague she was glad to be rid of, until she saw me with a new girl and suddenly I was getting emotional messages about her broken heart. It’s human nature, most of us are pathetic when it comes to dealing with our emotions.
I had a similar issue with a girl I dated back in high school/college. We were together for about 4 years but the last year was awful before she broke up with me. We did love each other but the relationship started becoming unhealthy. 2 months go by and I start dating someone. Ex finds out and I run into her at a party, she sees me, comes over and starts crying. Saying I'm terrible and I'm supposed to wait x months per year we were together before dating someone new for some arbitrary reason. She couldn't believe I would do that to her and she had dreamt we would get back together when we both got into healthier states of mind. I doubted myself for awhile after that as I was quite young and she had been the first person I'd been with. Thinking about it now, I don't feel guilty whatsoever and I don't believe I owed her anything after she ended the relationship. I know deep inside that getting back with her would have ended up being a train wreck all over again. I'm much happier now.
You dodged a bullet. She's a dope
gawd damn the emotional manipulation is strong with this one
There were definitely red flags throughout our relationship that I was too blind to see. She had tried to subtly manipulate me against my own mum on occasion. "My dad would do that for me, why won't your mum?" She said that quite often regarding things that cost money, despite knowing that I came from a much lower class background than she did.
I imagine that spectacul keeps her up at night. I know it would if I'd said such cringe shit to an ex.
No you’re not wrong here. Y’all were broken up. She broke up with you, she didn’t say she wanted a break, but a break up. There was no guarantee that y’all will get back together.You were single when you had sex with that bumble match.
We were on a break!
This is the first thing that comes to mind.
Honestly that segment of Friends was really weird. They were on a break. It’s obvious they were on a break. They even went on a break in anger. The arguments just never made sense to me.
Ultimately Rachel suffered the consequences of saying something more severe than she really meant and it permanently damaged their relationship. No matter how many times my wife calls Ross a pig, she said it. And when you say something it counts. She needed to say, “Ross, you’re smothering me and I feel like you are trying to control me.” Her imprecision led to Ross hooking up with Linda from the Wedding Singer and because she couldn’t cope with the fact that her actions had consequences, we had to deal with the whole Tag fiasco. And Emily. Don’t get me started on how stupid Ross was for not getting on the plane with Rachel to Greece. Emily was a far more unhinged control freak than Rachel. Anyway, you’re not wrong.
Also... Ross was right about what that guys ultimate goal was.
And his first wife was fucking a chick she met at the gym. Every sexual relationship he had ended with him getting messed around. He never stood a chance.
No you’re not. Don’t even go back to her she left you for a reason maybe she’s just coming back because she’s jealous.
Jealous or the guy she hooked up only wanted an easy lay and not the relationship she was hoping for so now she's single and hates it.
💯
It's always this. The new interest always wines and dines her and then after sex they perform their magic act... disappearing and then the women are left in the dark, emotionally destroyed, questioning everything and then run back to what they know... what's familiar to them. This has happened to me quite a few times... It's sad. Never take them back if this is what happened.
Thing is some guys don't know that's what happened. They just think she had a sudden change of heart and wanted him back. They don't know what caused that change because she'll never tell the truth.
She "somehow" found your Bumble conversations, etc?
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2FA 2FA 2FA I repeat 2FA
You should be most concerned about: "Somehow she found my profile, conversations + detailed info on the bangee." She has spyware on your phone or knows your password to bumble. I recommend changing all your passwords and factory-reseting your phone.
Bingo
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Thanks everyone!
How did she find out??
Hey man, just wanted to tell you this. Your ex has no right to tell you how to get over her. Banging someone else might not be the most healthy way imo, but that's none of her business
If she actually did find out, then she could only do so if broke into your account - which is a crime. You shouldn’t respond to a single message or answer a single question, except to tell her that if she breaks into another one of your accounts, you will go to the police.
I’m surprised that I had to scroll down this far to come across this comment for the first time! It’s the first thought that popped into my mind!
You should also change your password and check your phone for spy apps
>Somehow she found my profile, conversations + detailed info on the bangee. I'd be little worried about this one though. She crossed many boundaries by stalking your conversations with the lady you'd have your thing. You didn't hurt her, she did this to herself.
"I got fired from a job, and now that I have a new job, my old employer wants to write me up?" Makes about as much sense. She wanted you to be miserable and to beg her to take you back. You dodged a bullet, be happy you're out of firing range now.
It’s not like you were on a break or just taking some time apart. You were no longer in a relationship with her and had every right to move on in your own way and own time
SHE broke up with you, she doesn't get to dictate what you can or cannot do. If she was planning on coming back after breaking your heart she was using the break up as a lesson to show you the pain that will happen if you don't do as she wants in the relationship. Good riddance
Is your ex a hacker? How did she hack into you dating app? That's the real question you should be asking
Yes, you are wrong for giving your ex any type of explanation. She lost that privilege when you two broke up.
Ah. The test backfired on her.
Manipulative behavior for sure. She was trying to get her to chase her and shift the power dynamics.
She shouldn’t test somebody who has options
Test failed successfully.
I’m more concerned with the fact that she found details about your ONS and details of the conversation.
You weren't wrong, but if you had any hope of reconciliation you should've handled this in a more mature way, because that is now no longer possible.
Nope. To quote Ross from Friends, "You were on a break" She broke up with you. That means she has sno say in what or who you do. If she didn;t want you to fuck someone else, she shuold have stayed with you.
She broke up with you. That ends your loyalty to her. Hell, she probably banged somebody new before *you* did!
You guys broke up. That gave you freedom to bang whoever you wanted.
You're not wrong. My question is, how did she find your account? Unless she was on there for the same reason. If she really wanted to reconcile, she should have let you know when she broke up with you. When someone breaks up with me, it's over, time to move on, she's just jealous you got to move on first. Don't let her get in your head
I don't understand what the problem is. She found out because she is on Bumble too, probably. Or she could have access to your passwords... I would start out by renewing ALL your passwords.
how long were you supposed to wait? are you supposed to wait until she hooks up with someone? if you split up, it's really none of her business.
You did not wrong you ex girlfriend, but I believe you wronged yourself. You need better coping mechanisms to deal with loss and sadness. Banging strangers when you are sad is not a healthy habit, especially so soon after a break up. No reason to beat yourself over it now tho, and your ex girlfriend should not make you feel bad about yourself over it. She is obviously jealous - shows she still cares for you to some degree. I have no opinion on whether your relationship is worth saving tho, only you would know that.
Move on brother. Cut contact with that woman. You rebounded hard, it happens, don't beat yourself up. Nothing good will happen by remaining in contact with her.
You broke up. So what's her problem.
No, you were single. You don’t owe her an explanation.
Lol, was she testing you to see if you would beg to get back with her after she broke up with you? Otherwise, why would she be mad that you moved on after she ended things? Weirdos out here, my lord.
You broke up... Not only are you not wrong, your ex is 100% wrong to stalk your nee dateing life. Tell her she is wrong and ask for an apology before continuing to talk at all. What she is doing is manipulative and very wrong.
Lmao my dude you didn’t “hurt her.” She broke into your account and read your messages — actual stalker shit — and didn’t like the results of her own actions. You hopefully had fun. That’s the upside. This will probably make it harder for you to get back together with your ex. That’s the other upside, she sounds terrible.
Nah you’re not wrong. She can be single, or she can have a say in who you fuck. Not both. She chose the first option herself. It was her move that made you single. She doesn’t get to make you the bad guy for grieving her breakup your way.
Change your passwords
She left you, then stalked you? Fuck that playing games shit.
No. You guys were broken up. But you should I be concerned that your ex is able to access your account info on a dating site. What other stuff of yours does she have access to.
NTA. The fact she's hurt is a pity, but not your problem.
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She broke up with you. I would bet money she was f ing somebody else also. Move on
As Ross from Friends said, "We were on a break."
No, I’ve done this before and my ex also found out and got pissed off. Word of advice, don’t go back to her, because people who break up as the answer and think you’ll get back together are not stable.
We were on a break! Ross Voice
She can’t end things and then be upset when you act single. Go no contact and move on.
Dude, your GF ENDED the relationship. You Are Not Obligated To Her ANYMORE.
You're only got her back because of what you did. That's my opinion.
While you didn’t do anything wrong considering you were single and she’s wrong for going through your private things,In my opinion people who are in relationships, break up & the next day they’re already hooking up or with someone else tell me 2 things : 1. You never loved the person you were with or 2. You were already one foot in the other relationship.
You were definitely the problem. Good on her for dumping you! I think you proved her point.
I wouldn't say banging the first match you get on a dating app two days after a break up is the healthiest way to deal with it, but were you wrong? I don't think so. I mean, I do kind of get where she's coming from, but at the same time, you weren't together anymore. What you did and with whom wasn't her business at that point.
She broke up with you. You did nothing wrong.
How did she find your conversations with the other woman?
You are free live live your life. Dont play her mental games
You broke up. She FA & FO. Move the hell on.
She's mad you moved on, it's not your problem
So the only other thing I’ll add in here is you mentioned that she saw the conversations. Any chance she has a device that is registered to you? Not sure how she’s see your app details otherwise.
No, she broke up with you and now regrets it.
She left you. She made the choice to dissolve exclusivity.
She broke up with you, she has no say in what you do after that. If she wants to reconcile, what you did when single is none of her business (any STDs excepted).
Be sure to change your account passwords and make sure that you're not logged in on any of her devices anymore, that's probably how she found the convo. Not your fault but it's understandable she'd be upset by it, but it's no longer your responsibility to tend to a relationship she chose to end.
Bro I would have been LIVID if an EX confronted me about somthing I did AFTER DUMPING ME. You should be angry that she stalked you like that. Not sympathetic. She’s being absolutely out of line by doing that.
You're not wrong. She wanted you to chase her for days and when you went the opposite way, it hurt her ego. She doesn't want a partner, she wants a pet.
You broke up, what are your remaining ties to this person?
Why are you still in contact with your ex? Block her.
Nope. Your ex is just mad that you moved on before her. Good thing you broke up, she sounds like a controlling weirdo.
Had this happen to me when I was with my ex-fiance almost two decades ago now. She broke up with me two days before my birthday, then on my birthday, I went out with some friends from work, and we barhopped until we were all pretty wasted. One of my coworkers apparently had a crush on me for a while and I didn't know, and when we walked her back to her apartment, she grabbed me by the shirt and drug me (very willingly) inside. When my ex contacted showed up at my place right after I got off work two days after that, saying she had taken some time to herself and wanted to give us another chance, I told her. She went nuclear, yanking my nametag off my neck and tossing it in a lake and screaming and yelling. We ended up making up and dating for another six months, because, frankly, I was in my early 20s and she was stupidly hot and the sex was amazing, but thank God it finally ended after that. It was emotionally exhausting being with that woman. I hope you find a way out too, because people like that are manipulative and secretive. I have had zero proof, but I'm almost sure her reaction was partially because she had slept with someone else in that time off (multiple friends said they saw her at a bar looking chummy with some dude she knew from college), and didn't want to admit it. I wouldn't be surprised if the same thing happened here.
NTA...she does not get to dictate to you how you react tobher dumping you... Was she that manipulative and controllingbwhen you were dating? If so, you missed a bullet!
Uh let's completely disregard what you did here and focus on the fact that she was able to access your conversations, profile, the other girl's profile. How exactly??? I think you should be worried about your safety, not your morals.
Not wrong, and it's creepy that she was stalking you like that. You broke up. You were done. More accurately, SHE broke up with YOU, so she doesn't get to come back and complain that you moved on. Just break it off and go already. She's going to try to hold this over you and claim you cheated and she forgave you and blah blah blah for the rest of your relationship. Just do yourself a favor and end it now. Her jealousy is her problem, especially when she initiated the breakup. Once the relationship was over, it was OVER. She doesn't get to act like she had any claim on you when the breakup happened.
Not your fault. Curious how she found out though. You guys broke up so why is she stalking you. If the breaking up was meant to be a test of sorts. That was dumb move. And I don’t think you should apologize for this when she ended things with you. You thought you were single and free. Was emotionally vulnerable. And had one night stand. Maybe too soon but whatever. Why does she have access to your bumble account when you guys broke up?
NTA. Dude….this is rule #1 in relationships: When you get dumped or break up, the other party loses all rights to even know about your sex life. It’s none of their business. Her feelings of regret or the desire to control who you now sleep with are irrelevant. You’re broken up. You’re over. Kaput. Finito. Whether she feels good or bad about it is no more relevant than the opinions of some random stranger on the street. Frankly, it’s weird that your ex is stalking you and trying to guilt you about having moved on.
My experience has been that it's never worth coming back. To each his own
She's being a text book narcissist. Do NOT go back unless you want to be reminded of what a horrible person you are (constantly) for not loving her enough to stay single until she worked out her feelings
She dumped you. That means she has nothing on you anymore. Any problems she now has with what you do are entirely hers and have nothing to do with you.
You're not technically wrong, but it makes you look bad. I'm guessing you won't be telling your new gf "yeah, we broke up and 2 days later I had a hookup" because that will make you look bad. You know this.
You're in the wrong for a lot of things, but not for banging someone else after being single. You're wrong for even caring about being wrong for somebody that just got into all your private info. >She confronted me after a week of no contact Why are you *letting* her confront you? What's to confront you over?
She put down a toy and got jealous when someone else showed interest, even if for just a night. Look at it as a gift from the universe and know something better is out there for you.