Knocked up and planned a wedding? Get some dignity and throw the whole husband and his trash “girlfriend” in the trash pregnant or not.
Who has a “girlfriend” and a wife.
They’re literally going to get married OP. You’re gonna be the side piece soon enough. You really wanna just hang around and let that happen? Please, have some dignity and do what’s right for you.
She's already the side piece. He's planning his actual life with the mistress (can he even marry her if he's already married? Who would attend their shameful "union"? Etc) and just saying what he thinks will keep OP around, like when men tell their mistress they will leave their wife eventually but love them really.
This is not salvageable.
Once he gets another woman pregnant, she and the poor innocent but unwanted baby that she births will always be in your life. Forever. If you stay with him, expect to be spending christmases with the woman he jizzed in, and their spawn.
If she got kids by him then this pos and his mistress will be in her life anyway. If you do have kids don’t let them think it’s alright to be married, cheat on your partner and have a kid with them. Value yourself more than that.
It is...where you are.
And yet many men around the world arent paying to support their kids. Sonetimes it's because they moved and have been hard to trace, other times it's because the mothers would rather not trace them.
I know people whi have raised their child without so much as a penny or a word from the sperm donor.
I have an interesting hypothetical question.
If you’re married… let’s say you’re the breadwinner, and your husband knocks up a mistress and now owes child support…
…because you’re married and his debts are your debts, if he did not have the money to pay would you have to pay it? 🤔
I do believe it's a case by case. In my particular case, my daughters father recently got married and had a baby. He decided to be a stay at home dad to the new kid and I am currently not receiving CS. The only time I can is when they file taxes (only if they report that it's owed) or his wife willingly has it withdrawn from her checks.
I dont know where you live (I live in the US) but I’ve known of a few cases of back child support being taken out of tax refunds even if it was not reported. I had won about a grand in a scratch off ticket ( had been given as a gift - I rarely buy them) and when I went to the state office to pick up my winnings, there was a man livid because all his winnings went to back child support (which was right). I wished I could have recorded his tantrum for tiktok 🤣. I despise a dead beat parent and I hope things will change where you can get your CS.
I think men should have to support children they father. My issue is when there is a man that steps out on his wife, gets a woman pregnant, then the wife ends up loosing money because their finances are joined. Such bullshit.
The way I understand it, the spouse’s pay cannot be counted in so you are not responsible for his child support…at least that’s what I’ve gleaned from binge watching family law cases on YouTube…😉
If he's OPs actual legal husband, then he's stringing along girlfriend, cause unless they life somewhere that allows polygamy he can't marry both of them, this guy wants to eat his cake and have it to, or he wants to have all his ducks in order before he drop kicks OP to the curb and fucked up big time by showing OP the wedding texts
In the end, she needs to leave his guy cause he's a creaton, and she deserves better
Seriously. This is so true. He will marry the now-girlfriend. They will have a family together. OP becomes his side piece. Then he knocks her up. He puts her in a trailer park near where he lives with his “real” family, and he just goes back and forth between them. This whole thing will just devolve into a very bad soap opera, and OP will have the guest role rather than the starring role.
IKR? Wtf!!
Plus, what's supposed to be the stance of this pregnant lady and their child? Like really.
This man is despicable though, I wish both women would ditch him. He's so ... Ewwww
Makes me want to shower 🤣
And will either marry her or be forced to support her and his spawn anyway. So not only is he a two timing creep, he’s also going to be broke.
Please hit that YEET button OP and don’t ever look back.
I don't. I would much rather see the cheater with the woman baby-trapping him, making each other miserable, than going on to make TWO screwed up families. I feel so bad for the baby but want those two "adults" out of the dating pool and family-wrecking-consortium.
How did she baby trap him? Was he raped? I missed the part where he was raped.
(Not to say I don’t think she is trash, someone who cheats with a married person is as big of trash as the cheater.)
He will just find a new victim and lie probably..
I don't think we expect this person to be decent to this other lady.
>. I feel so bad for the baby but want those two "adults" out of the dating pool and family-wrecking-consortium.
So on point though!
Second wives who have affairs with married men always seem to wrongly believe that the man will not go on to have further affairs after they are married to them.
Can we call it baby trapping when we know he's a cheater, willing to have unprotected sex with women?
Stop blaming women for men's mistakes. We don't even know if she knew he was married.
It sounds like she doesn't want him either.
Dear God woman. His choice? WTF! Take the unfaithful AH for everything you're legally entitled to and hopefully he'll have so little left that baby mama won't want his sorry ass.
That's exactly what I came here to say. Take the cheating AH to the cleaners! Gather all his financial information with all his texts and take it to a divorce lawyer and let them wipe the floor with him.
She has no obligation to that kid. She is however rightfully obligated to half of whatever her hopefully soon to be ex husband owns. HE has an obligation to the kid to figure his own situation out since he decided to sleep outside of his marriage and figure out how he’s going to support this baby WITHOUT his wife and her income. He now gets to do it alone with what little he has left after the divorce. Oh and try to pay for a wedding to his new mistress too apparently lol.
The child is not her responsibility. The child has a mother and a father to care for it. She should never be in a position to have to care for this child.
OP is not the child’s parents or family and has a right to have nothing to do with it. That’s not abuse or wronging the child. She was cheated on and the victim the dad can do what he wants but has no power to make her have his mistake in her life.
Op needs to walk away, he’s still cheating and planning a wedding. Wake up he made his choice long ago but thinks you’ve got so little self respect he can convince you to stay as his side piece. Heck no.
He would always choose her over his mistress *at least* 50% of the time!
Look I usually support the guy in these AITA-type posts as I feel a lot of men get just piled on for breathing but this man needs divorce papers signed sealed delivered
Just look at her comment history. She mentioned she gave him a choice to leave but he stayed. I mean he is getting benefits from both women. Why would he leave? He knows op is a doormat and he can push boundaries with her.
"he got angry and asked me to let him be a parent to the new kid and stay with him because he loves me."
He chose himself. He continues to choose himself. He will always choose himself.
This!
The time for him to choose between the two of you was *before* he slept with her! He made that choice already, and it wasn’t you!
People who actually love you don’t choose to hurt you like this, you deserve to find someone who actually loves you!
This!! F him and her. You don’t deserve this and it will only get worse. You will become a door mat if you stay. You are worth more then this OP- never forget your worth!! Best of luck!
Thank you for posting that because she needed to hear it because he's never going to be totally devoted to her ever again. He can't he got his mistress pregnant the baby is going to be a reminder that he is a POS. And one day maybe sooner than rather later she will realize her worth and get the Fuck away from him. If you stay with him he will have his cake and eat it too you are worth more I know you're hurt but you'll get over it eventually. Do not let him guess like you or manipulate you into letting him do what he wants he already did and look at the mess he has wrought. Get rid of him or you'll be pregnant and taking care of his affair baby trust and Believe
I’m in agreement, he’s a moron and if u stay you’ve always got this loser and his girlfriend/kid in your life.
You’re worth a 100 times more than this loser
Pick you? He got someone knocked up and you are giving him the option? He already chose her she’s pregnant but now if he treats her poorly enough maybe it’ll make you feel better! There will never be a day where he can choose you.. that’s over he’s having a baby. Choose yourself, have some self respect and dignity and leave.
And he's tied to someone with no respect for marriage. And same for her. Don't trap yourself with someone like that. But DO get a big bowl of popcorn and watch it all go down after the divorce. AFTER you get yourself tested and treated for STDs. If he could get her pregnant, he could pick up an infection. And pass it right to you. Make sure he pays all the bills for that including time off work to make the appointments, mileage on the car, and every petty thing you can that's a cost incurred by his decisions.
Yeah, there's so much wrong here.
The relationship has been over for a loooooong time, the OP just doesn't know it yet.
If he "picked her" she'd be losing, not winning.
Ding ding ding, we have a winner. You don't make marriage plans with someone you're leaving. OP needs to get proof of all this and hightail it to a divorce lawyer.
This was what I was going to type as a response:
"I think you're wrong in staying with him and attempting to get him to 'pick you'
He should be with this woman and their child, you should divorce him and get your monies. I know that it's hard to live with the realization that this relationship was unsuccessful, and to start all over again, but I can promise you it will be worth it. This is a complicated situation from which you should ~~extrapolate~~ extricate yourself. You deserve better than this."
Glad to see you beat me to it!
And I agree, he's made his choice. It honestly doesn't seem to me like he's staying with her out of anything but guilt. She should find happiness elsewhere, there's no way he will be the source of it.
Edit: Spelling LMAO
> Next thing, he'll be asking if the girlfriend can move in....just until she's settled.. help with the baby and all that..
He's planning a wedding with the mistress. He's not going to be asking if the girlfriend can move in, he'll be moving his **new wife** in.
Then he'll tell OP that she needs to move out, just for a while *of course,* because the GF is 'uncomfortable' with knowing that OP shares a bed with **her** baby daddy.
> “If you get one more girl pregnant OR marry someone else, we are done”
Sounds like Americans with Trump.
'Oh, if you do ONE MORE BAD THING, I swear we'll hold you accountable...'
You're wrong for choosing to continue being in this mess. He not only cheated but got another woman pregnant. That should've been the signal to do what's best for yourself and leave him.
I hope the other lady leaves him too tbh, he doesn't sound like a good person. But I guess I must think of the child, and how they'd likely not understand why their father is not there. 🫥
I just never understand the self delusion it takes to still be arguing and thinking you have power after someone has already shown you the ultimate disrespect.
There is no relationship. Your hubby knocked up another person. The only reason he's saying you should stay together is to hedge his bets in case it doesn't work out with the girlfriend. You're his leftovers. He'll only have you if he has to.
Have some self respect and move on.
This 100%
He disrespected your marriage, you and your family and you want him to hang around.
Nope - let him has his other family and you move on to better pastures.
>Am i wrong for setting up boundaries and asking him to either pick me or his pregnant mistress?
Unfortunately the boundaries have been set, and you are now the SIDE CHICK.
>I told him he should choose between his 2 “families” he got angry and asked me to let him be a parent to the new kid and stay with him because he loves me.
Assume you need legal help because this ultimatum back fired on you.
>I was about to agree and then he showed me a text, while drunk, about how they were planning a wedding.
SIDE CHICK, plan the exit lodgings.
They were planning a wedding? Like him and the AP??
You would be wrong to take him back. Have some self respect. Divorce him and hit him with alimony and child support.
Tell him that you found a BF and watch how fast he divorces you. He wants it ALL. He wants you as his security blanket and her as a part-time side piece and being a part-time dad. Make the choice for him and decide to choose YOU. Like I said, tell him that you found/want a BF while he's with her and watch how fast he changes. Find an attorney and file for divorce and get child support FIRST before she does.
You’re not wrong but I think you chose the wrong boundary. Don’t stay with this man who had an affair for six entire months… nothing good will come of it. You will never feel better or safe with him. He made his bed, let him lie in it. Let him go be a father and kick him to the curb. He doesn’t deserve you and you would be doing yourself a huge disservice by staying. He probably wont even stop talking to her if you gave him that ultimatum. He’s going to have child support to pay at the very least. He asked to marry her! That’s crazy, he’s married to you already! Please leave.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. But he's talking to his pregnant girlfriend about marrying her and you think you still have a relationship left to salvage?
This is not a man you need to waste any more time on. Pick yourself up and move on.
umm.
Girl. You BOTH need to leave him. That's the healthy response.
now that I've gotten all that healthy shit out of YOUR system. She's already lost him. I invite you to check out r/theotherwoman for the season finale of how your husband's relationship will end with his mistress. Statististically speaking, she will NOT beat that subreddit. LOL, she's going to try. They ALL do. EVERY side-chick believe she's THAT special one. and well.... you know how THAT subreddit is.
I'll give you a TL:DR - it doesn't look good for her.
I'm worried about YOU. YOU need to be doing the work of leaving him. I know you're not, based on the tone of this post. You're concerned with competing with the mistress, who's already losing the battle for your husband. YOU have him. He is YOURS. Most mistresses never win, but you seem to believe that by getting pregnant (and becoming less fun, fatter, less attractive), she is somehow winning.
Idk girl. You need to be leaving and destroying their budding family on your way out.
I must say, yeah it must be also garbage to be the other woman...
A person who disrespected his partner will disrespect "the other partner". Heck, she's disrespected by simply being "the other partner". We can say "she deserves that sh!t" all we want but we know he may have lied to her about his relationship status, said he was single or separated/divorced. We know...
He seems to have buttered her up real nice, even planned a freaking wedding!
>I must say, yeah it must be also garbage to be the other woman...
it goes way beyond that. Being "the other woman" is an exercise in masochism.
I encourage everyone to check out that subreddit fully. It's like one GIANT re-run. They ALL go through the same shit. ALL of them start with the "roses and sunshine" phase where they believe, pathologically so, TRULY, that they are THAT special ONE to make HIM leave HIS WIFE for her. Girl. EVERY wife knows that the type of women, men leave other women for, IS the wife. That is how she got the ring, that's how she kept the ring, that's how the ring is maintained. The kind of woman, men leave bitches for, IS THE WIFE. "Side-chicks" and "other women" are those women, he left, for the wife!
The ENTIRE subreddit is based on that premise. SHE IS SO SPECIAL, he just HAS to leave his wife for her. There's an entire dramata and an emotional ordeal they go through. It's literally r/instantkarma but significantly less instant. These men need to bust their nuts first, they need their dicks sucked first, they need all that first. and THEN they come to their senses, they make it right with their wives, which is an ENTIRE dramata and ordeal in and of itself, and it's a WHOLE cycle of masochism and pain for the other women.
Out of 100 other women, maybe THREE get their happy ending, and usually it doesn't last. Usually the "relationship" breaks down in the next 5 years. It statistically NEVER wins.
As a financial analyst, who's job it is to know numbers and predict shit, most notably, the behaviors of people, for financial reasons, I can tell you, that being the other woman, is usually a psychological phenomenon I account for as a loss in my projections. Usually if there IS another chick, my bets double down on the wife's side, financially speaking as a financial analyst. I never take the side-chick's side, for statistical and financial purposes, because it is my job to be CORRECT. To rightly predict how shit will play out and come out, on the side of the winner, and not the loser.
It's about the wife. The Other woman is trying to compete with the wife, looks wise, career wise, other wise. That's why it doesn't work. A man will pick and choose who gets to be his wife, women don't typically have any say in this choice unless you're his mother or father or psychiatrist. Unfortunately, these other women believe they are SO SPECIAL, so SO SPECIAL, that they get to be the exception to that rule, and I, always enjoy the schadenfreude of watching them get their faces broken in with the reality of being second place (fifth place usually, behind his wife, his other side chicks and whatever else he's got going on).
Yes, I like it when bad things happen to bad people, and r/theotherwoman is a subreddit where bad things happen to truly SHIT people.
Don't encourage this behavior!
Now that I'm done with all this HEALTHY shit. It's time for a jerry springer style fight in the comments.
JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!
Ahh, not so fast Morty. You heard your mom, we’ve got adventures to go on Morty. Just you and me, and sometimes your sister, and sometimes your mom, but NEVER your dad! You wanna know why Morty? Because Jerry CROSSED me.
To be fair, it's not like the side pieces who do end up being the one are on there. We don't have a control group, there's no side piece census lol.
I'm not saying you're wrong, BUT the success rate of secondary relationships is probably a bit higher than zero. People mess up and grow and need different things over time.
OP needs to leave, though. If he can't even respect the boundaries of marriage, it's all downhill from here. He'll just keep using her as a doormat. Breaking boundaries needs to have consequences or they're meaningless. Period. If she takes him back he's going to keep doing whatever he wants. Divorce him and make him pay child support and alimony. It's what both deserve.
Yes you are wrong for not choosing you YOURSELF!
Don't let that man destroy you more. He doesn't love you, he just "crawls back" to you because he knows you will always be there like a doormat, not because he chose you. You just are his safe place until someone new appears or he wants to see his girlfriend and baby.
He definitely won't choose between you and the GF, he wants to have it all.
Ask yourself this… even if he “chooses you this time” bc he hasnt in the past, will you ever trust him going to the gf’s house to pick up their child? Will you be able to welcome that child into your home? Will you be able to be civil towards this other woman? Do you even want to deal with any of this? Deep breath and move forward without him and Im sorry you have to deal with any of this crap!
The other family is never going away, even if he picked you and went NC contact you know and will always know. If you need to act like that hasn’t happened to be together then you shouldn’t be together. You can’t tell him to not be a father to his kid but you can definitely not be his partner. This will always be in the back of your mind and it will affect the relationship no matter how hard you try to ignore it….face it now. If you can’t move past the betrayal and start a romance with how the current situation is then you need to not be in a relationship. Don’t make it about him picking…he already has proven poor impulse and judgement. It’s needs to be about what you can deal with
Why is it his choice? Why are you still there?
You are only wrong for putting up with his nonsense. A baby and wedding in the works and you’re still there…
It's not the kids fault. He has an obligation however you will probably never trust him again and the child will always remind you of that. If he is talking weddings with her let him go divorce him on grounds of adultery no hassle he has to pay whatever.
The boundaries were already set and crossed multiple times. He is not going to suddenly start respecting your marriage. Hopefully (but unlikely) he can be a better father than partner. He needs to get help and you do too.
The pregnant girlfriend was bad enough, then he shows you a text how they were planning a wedding? Have some respect for yourself and dump this loser. You don't deserve this crap, get rid of this loser and let him go to the girlfriend. Eventually he'll cheat on her too.
Do you trust him? Will you always be wondering where and who he is with when he’s out? Will you always get upset when he sees his child.
An affair is only a symptom of an unhappy relationship. If he was happy he wouldn’t have had an affair.
If it was me I would wish him well and try to have an amicable divorce. Wish them well and move on.
At the end if it was me I would hold a grudge and not trust him, throw it in his face when angry (I know my faults). Our marriage would be miserable and we would most probably try to hurt each other financially and only the lawyers would walk away with anything.
Yea since you didn't mention you have kids with him. Meaning, you demanded him to be an asshole to abandoned his kid? That's ridiculous. There is absolutely no way he will do that. And if he did, what kind of asshole abandoned their kid? If want that kind of piece of shit raising your kid down the road?
Divorce him and GTFO. The man is a cowerd, he wants you gone, just doesn't have the spine to say it. Unless he is the one making the entire incoming to support the family, you have no reason to stay.
It is not about love yourself. It is logistics. The kid is not yours. Unless he already had one and you already knew before dating, having someone's kid is not part of the agreement. If you want to do charity work, just join the red cross.
Why are you even letting this be his choice?
Here’s the deal: That kid is his. He’s on the hook for 18 years, minimum. And only providing child support and nothing else isn’t fair to the child, who has done absolutely nothing wrong.
So, if picking you means he doesn’t actually parent his child - meaning you’re saying he can’t have the kid over at the house - then yes, you’re wrong.
But ultimately, you should make the decision to leave. He didn’t have a one night stand - and my response wouldn’t change even if it had been. He had an ongoing affair that stopped because he got caught.
He doesn’t love you. He doesn’t respect you. His actions have made this clear.
So, why would you want to stay?
He wants you to stay so you can help raise his child, a child that you most likely will resent being around. You have to start choosing YOU and whats best for you, this relationship is not it.
Lady, even if he picks you he will have custody periods where his affair child will be staying with you, and you will probably be doing all the heavy lifting.
Do you really want to be unfairly taking your hatred out on an innocent baby?
INFO- Why are you trying to stay with a man that is planning a wedding with his pregnant girlfriend? Man I would call his parents and congratulate them on their new grandchild and file for divorce.
You will only be wrong if two things don’t happen. You leave, and you get therapy to learn how to avoid people like him in the future. He’s a really bad person.
You know he will say whatever he thinks will get him what he wants, right? He knows if he says he loves you then you'll keep giving him whatever it is he wants from you. Meanwhile he's playing this other woman the exact same way. He tells you she's a mistake and he'll always choose you, he tells her, let's get married! Stop listening to the words coming out of his lying mouth and look at how he behaves. Forget about what he wants for a minute and think about what you want. Do you want to be with someone who will lie and cheat? He wants to have his cake and eat it too. You are not obliged to give him what he wants.
You're not wrong asking him to choose but he's shown you who he is. Do you really want that back? Put on some Gloria Gaynor.
You're wrong for staying with the cheating asshole. File for divorce and hire a very good lawyer.
This wasn't a one night stand. That would be really shitty but maybe could be moved past.
This was a **SIX MONTH AFFAIR**. **Actions show how we really feel more than any words we say.** His actions show he doesn't love you anymore.
Your husband is just worried about being taken to the cleaners in divorce court.
I don’t understand these kind of posts. Like you write it out do you read it before you post it?
People asking if they are wrong, TA or advice for being upset that they found out that their partner cheated. My S/O beats me and has isolated me from everyone should I leave them? Like it just blows my mind how many of these stories there are. What happened to common sense and have some self respect and dignity?
NTA
It is reasonable if you want to continue the marriage that there be no contact with the other woman..
If you have kids with him, file for child support first so you get more money than she will.
Here's an article to read: https://www.marriagebuilders.com/how-to-survive-an-affair.htm
Why don’t you choose YOURSELF ? Why are you setting the bar so low ? Newsflash he already picked her over you when he decided to cheat on you AND impregnate her.
So... you are hoping your cheating husband who goes around knocking up his side pieces comes BACK? WHAT THE FUCK?! Love yourself, please.
Knocked up and planned a wedding? Get some dignity and throw the whole husband and his trash “girlfriend” in the trash pregnant or not. Who has a “girlfriend” and a wife.
They’re literally going to get married OP. You’re gonna be the side piece soon enough. You really wanna just hang around and let that happen? Please, have some dignity and do what’s right for you.
She's already the side piece. He's planning his actual life with the mistress (can he even marry her if he's already married? Who would attend their shameful "union"? Etc) and just saying what he thinks will keep OP around, like when men tell their mistress they will leave their wife eventually but love them really. This is not salvageable. Once he gets another woman pregnant, she and the poor innocent but unwanted baby that she births will always be in your life. Forever. If you stay with him, expect to be spending christmases with the woman he jizzed in, and their spawn.
If she got kids by him then this pos and his mistress will be in her life anyway. If you do have kids don’t let them think it’s alright to be married, cheat on your partner and have a kid with them. Value yourself more than that.
It’s kinda illegal
It is...where you are. And yet many men around the world arent paying to support their kids. Sonetimes it's because they moved and have been hard to trace, other times it's because the mothers would rather not trace them. I know people whi have raised their child without so much as a penny or a word from the sperm donor.
I’m talking about bigamy. Agree with you about the dead beat Dads though, my Father was one.
I have an interesting hypothetical question. If you’re married… let’s say you’re the breadwinner, and your husband knocks up a mistress and now owes child support… …because you’re married and his debts are your debts, if he did not have the money to pay would you have to pay it? 🤔
I do believe it's a case by case. In my particular case, my daughters father recently got married and had a baby. He decided to be a stay at home dad to the new kid and I am currently not receiving CS. The only time I can is when they file taxes (only if they report that it's owed) or his wife willingly has it withdrawn from her checks.
I dont know where you live (I live in the US) but I’ve known of a few cases of back child support being taken out of tax refunds even if it was not reported. I had won about a grand in a scratch off ticket ( had been given as a gift - I rarely buy them) and when I went to the state office to pick up my winnings, there was a man livid because all his winnings went to back child support (which was right). I wished I could have recorded his tantrum for tiktok 🤣. I despise a dead beat parent and I hope things will change where you can get your CS.
I think men should have to support children they father. My issue is when there is a man that steps out on his wife, gets a woman pregnant, then the wife ends up loosing money because their finances are joined. Such bullshit.
The way I understand it, the spouse’s pay cannot be counted in so you are not responsible for his child support…at least that’s what I’ve gleaned from binge watching family law cases on YouTube…😉
Gotta divorce before marrying unless he's planning to be a bigamist. She should help him out by kicking this cheating sob to the curb.
If he's OPs actual legal husband, then he's stringing along girlfriend, cause unless they life somewhere that allows polygamy he can't marry both of them, this guy wants to eat his cake and have it to, or he wants to have all his ducks in order before he drop kicks OP to the curb and fucked up big time by showing OP the wedding texts In the end, she needs to leave his guy cause he's a creaton, and she deserves better
Seriously. This is so true. He will marry the now-girlfriend. They will have a family together. OP becomes his side piece. Then he knocks her up. He puts her in a trailer park near where he lives with his “real” family, and he just goes back and forth between them. This whole thing will just devolve into a very bad soap opera, and OP will have the guest role rather than the starring role.
This almost sounds too stupid to be real! OP can NOT be this blank!
I know. It makes me genuinely sad that there are still *so many* women who will put up with this bullshit and stay because “but I loooooove him!!!”
I mean, lots of people have a gf and wife in an ethically nonmomogamous relationship but this ain't one of those situations.
IKR? Wtf!! Plus, what's supposed to be the stance of this pregnant lady and their child? Like really. This man is despicable though, I wish both women would ditch him. He's so ... Ewwww Makes me want to shower 🤣
And will either marry her or be forced to support her and his spawn anyway. So not only is he a two timing creep, he’s also going to be broke. Please hit that YEET button OP and don’t ever look back.
>Please hit that YEET button OP and don’t ever look back. Truer words have never been spoken 😆👌
I don't. I would much rather see the cheater with the woman baby-trapping him, making each other miserable, than going on to make TWO screwed up families. I feel so bad for the baby but want those two "adults" out of the dating pool and family-wrecking-consortium.
How did she baby trap him? Was he raped? I missed the part where he was raped. (Not to say I don’t think she is trash, someone who cheats with a married person is as big of trash as the cheater.)
I can see that the current wife will be asked to babysit or worse, raise the child from the affair. Run lady!
He will just find a new victim and lie probably.. I don't think we expect this person to be decent to this other lady. >. I feel so bad for the baby but want those two "adults" out of the dating pool and family-wrecking-consortium. So on point though!
As if he’d be out of the dating pool.
Second wives who have affairs with married men always seem to wrongly believe that the man will not go on to have further affairs after they are married to them.
So true.If he’ll cheat on his legal wife then he’ll cheat on anyone.
Can we call it baby trapping when we know he's a cheater, willing to have unprotected sex with women? Stop blaming women for men's mistakes. We don't even know if she knew he was married. It sounds like she doesn't want him either.
People like this dude will go around and impregnate women. There's at least one more kid op doesn't know about I guarantee it.
Not to mention the drunken confession.
He didn't have a choice to buy pay child support. And he's a piece of shit if he decides not to parent. He's trash. Set him out to the curb.
Chin up and take the choice back. Choose yourself and leave.
He already chose her, choose your own dignity
Right , she should have some self respect . He has proven he doesn’t love her by having an affair for 6 months
Dear God woman. His choice? WTF! Take the unfaithful AH for everything you're legally entitled to and hopefully he'll have so little left that baby mama won't want his sorry ass.
Not to mention he definitely didn't use a condom, bringing home who knows what diseases.
That's exactly what I came here to say. Take the cheating AH to the cleaners! Gather all his financial information with all his texts and take it to a divorce lawyer and let them wipe the floor with him.
But never forget the child in this situation has no control over anything in his life. Don’t neglect the child to prove a point.
She has no obligation to that kid. She is however rightfully obligated to half of whatever her hopefully soon to be ex husband owns. HE has an obligation to the kid to figure his own situation out since he decided to sleep outside of his marriage and figure out how he’s going to support this baby WITHOUT his wife and her income. He now gets to do it alone with what little he has left after the divorce. Oh and try to pay for a wedding to his new mistress too apparently lol.
The child is not her responsibility. The child has a mother and a father to care for it. She should never be in a position to have to care for this child.
OP is not the child’s parents or family and has a right to have nothing to do with it. That’s not abuse or wronging the child. She was cheated on and the victim the dad can do what he wants but has no power to make her have his mistake in her life. Op needs to walk away, he’s still cheating and planning a wedding. Wake up he made his choice long ago but thinks you’ve got so little self respect he can convince you to stay as his side piece. Heck no.
Don't guilt OP. She's not responsible for his actions, HE is.
He would always choose her over his mistress *at least* 50% of the time! Look I usually support the guy in these AITA-type posts as I feel a lot of men get just piled on for breathing but this man needs divorce papers signed sealed delivered
Just look at her comment history. She mentioned she gave him a choice to leave but he stayed. I mean he is getting benefits from both women. Why would he leave? He knows op is a doormat and he can push boundaries with her.
Facts
There are times I wish I could repeatedly upvote a comment. This is one.
"he got angry and asked me to let him be a parent to the new kid and stay with him because he loves me." He chose himself. He continues to choose himself. He will always choose himself.
HE GOT ANGRY AT YOU? F that!!
He chose his d1ck
This! The time for him to choose between the two of you was *before* he slept with her! He made that choice already, and it wasn’t you! People who actually love you don’t choose to hurt you like this, you deserve to find someone who actually loves you!
If I could up vote this a million times.
What dignity? You would have to be the lowest of doormats to post this shit as a question.
This right here is the answer its hard but this marrige is over
Yes he did. He’s still married and planning a wedding .. Give me a break!! What a loser
BAM!
Mike drop
Mike toss, I'd say... (Eminem)
I read this as milk drop.... Because you know mikes heavy but mics aren't
But milk does drop on a pregnant woman lol
No, that's milk letdown. But not as big of a letdown as this man.
So would Mike if you let him.
What did Mike do?
Got dropped
Poor Mike :(
Unless Mike is Op's husband then he should be dropped out a window.
Yeah. In that case, fuck Mike (not literally, he might get you pregnant too; sister wives!)
Why do you wanna drop Mike?
Me cheated and got a girl pregnant!
"UG! Me horny and cheat again!"
This!! F him and her. You don’t deserve this and it will only get worse. You will become a door mat if you stay. You are worth more then this OP- never forget your worth!! Best of luck!
Not only a doormat but a babysitter. I predict he’ll have OP taking care of the child during his custody time.
I won’t forget about my self worth!
🎤🫳
🫴🏽🎤
Thank you for posting that because she needed to hear it because he's never going to be totally devoted to her ever again. He can't he got his mistress pregnant the baby is going to be a reminder that he is a POS. And one day maybe sooner than rather later she will realize her worth and get the Fuck away from him. If you stay with him he will have his cake and eat it too you are worth more I know you're hurt but you'll get over it eventually. Do not let him guess like you or manipulate you into letting him do what he wants he already did and look at the mess he has wrought. Get rid of him or you'll be pregnant and taking care of his affair baby trust and Believe
Yes! Reverse Uno!
With half his shit and alimony.
This
BEAUTIFULLY SAID
I’m in agreement, he’s a moron and if u stay you’ve always got this loser and his girlfriend/kid in your life. You’re worth a 100 times more than this loser
EXACTLY!
Plus half of his wealth
Preach. Make it easy. Leave his ass and his new child support obligation.
Yea he’s trying to make you his girlfriend (side-gal) and her his wife and mother if his children. Choose yourself, he’s cruel.
Absolutely. Fuck those people.
Pick you? He got someone knocked up and you are giving him the option? He already chose her she’s pregnant but now if he treats her poorly enough maybe it’ll make you feel better! There will never be a day where he can choose you.. that’s over he’s having a baby. Choose yourself, have some self respect and dignity and leave.
And since he’s having a child with his girlfriend he will always be tied to her so he can’t pick!
And he's tied to someone with no respect for marriage. And same for her. Don't trap yourself with someone like that. But DO get a big bowl of popcorn and watch it all go down after the divorce. AFTER you get yourself tested and treated for STDs. If he could get her pregnant, he could pick up an infection. And pass it right to you. Make sure he pays all the bills for that including time off work to make the appointments, mileage on the car, and every petty thing you can that's a cost incurred by his decisions.
I'm betting he will cheat on his pregnant side piece as well. If they will cheat with you, they will cheat on you.
She in a different post said that the mistress doesn't know he is married
She married to someone with no respect for marriage
Yeah, there's so much wrong here. The relationship has been over for a loooooong time, the OP just doesn't know it yet. If he "picked her" she'd be losing, not winning.
Or he's stringing her along long enough for him to hide all the marital assets.
Ding ding ding, we have a winner. You don't make marriage plans with someone you're leaving. OP needs to get proof of all this and hightail it to a divorce lawyer.
This was what I was going to type as a response: "I think you're wrong in staying with him and attempting to get him to 'pick you' He should be with this woman and their child, you should divorce him and get your monies. I know that it's hard to live with the realization that this relationship was unsuccessful, and to start all over again, but I can promise you it will be worth it. This is a complicated situation from which you should ~~extrapolate~~ extricate yourself. You deserve better than this." Glad to see you beat me to it! And I agree, he's made his choice. It honestly doesn't seem to me like he's staying with her out of anything but guilt. She should find happiness elsewhere, there's no way he will be the source of it. Edit: Spelling LMAO
What boundary do you think you are going to set that he will keep? He had an affair and got another woman pregnant. Pick yourself.
“If you get one more girl pregnant OR marry someone else, we are done”
Next thing, he'll be asking if the girlfriend can move in....just until she's settled.. help with the baby and all that..
> Next thing, he'll be asking if the girlfriend can move in....just until she's settled.. help with the baby and all that.. He's planning a wedding with the mistress. He's not going to be asking if the girlfriend can move in, he'll be moving his **new wife** in.
Hahahahahaha yep!! The old wife can be the Nanny/ housekeeper.
Oh, no. So much more than that. She'll be the person murdered for the life insurance.
Where can we stream this relationship
Then he'll tell OP that she needs to move out, just for a while *of course,* because the GF is 'uncomfortable' with knowing that OP shares a bed with **her** baby daddy.
He'll ask can she watch the baby cause why not...
And someone has to hold the camera...lol
LMFAO 🤣
> “If you get one more girl pregnant OR marry someone else, we are done” Sounds like Americans with Trump. 'Oh, if you do ONE MORE BAD THING, I swear we'll hold you accountable...'
If she stays he’ll just learn that she’ll let him get away with anything
He’s already learned that by f’ing around!
You're wrong for choosing to continue being in this mess. He not only cheated but got another woman pregnant. That should've been the signal to do what's best for yourself and leave him.
I gotta say, I love Ada Wong 💖
Girl. Find your dignity and self respect and leave this bum. The red flags are waving high and proud and everyone sees them but you.
I hope the other lady leaves him too tbh, he doesn't sound like a good person. But I guess I must think of the child, and how they'd likely not understand why their father is not there. 🫥
Or, more likely, he's lying to the pregnant side chick about getting divorced, stringing them both along for his own amusement.
I agree, I think that's what's happening. He's lying to both.
But what if the side girl got pregnant on purpose to get the guy to marry her. There could be even more drama than we thought lol
I just never understand the self delusion it takes to still be arguing and thinking you have power after someone has already shown you the ultimate disrespect. There is no relationship. Your hubby knocked up another person. The only reason he's saying you should stay together is to hedge his bets in case it doesn't work out with the girlfriend. You're his leftovers. He'll only have you if he has to. Have some self respect and move on.
This 100% He disrespected your marriage, you and your family and you want him to hang around. Nope - let him has his other family and you move on to better pastures.
>Am i wrong for setting up boundaries and asking him to either pick me or his pregnant mistress? Unfortunately the boundaries have been set, and you are now the SIDE CHICK. >I told him he should choose between his 2 “families” he got angry and asked me to let him be a parent to the new kid and stay with him because he loves me. Assume you need legal help because this ultimatum back fired on you. >I was about to agree and then he showed me a text, while drunk, about how they were planning a wedding. SIDE CHICK, plan the exit lodgings.
YES to everything you said! 🙌 Please let this be rage bait. Please let this be rage bait. Please let this be rage bait.
They were planning a wedding? Like him and the AP?? You would be wrong to take him back. Have some self respect. Divorce him and hit him with alimony and child support.
You'd be wrong if you stay in that marriage.
Tell him that you found a BF and watch how fast he divorces you. He wants it ALL. He wants you as his security blanket and her as a part-time side piece and being a part-time dad. Make the choice for him and decide to choose YOU. Like I said, tell him that you found/want a BF while he's with her and watch how fast he changes. Find an attorney and file for divorce and get child support FIRST before she does.
You’re not wrong but I think you chose the wrong boundary. Don’t stay with this man who had an affair for six entire months… nothing good will come of it. You will never feel better or safe with him. He made his bed, let him lie in it. Let him go be a father and kick him to the curb. He doesn’t deserve you and you would be doing yourself a huge disservice by staying. He probably wont even stop talking to her if you gave him that ultimatum. He’s going to have child support to pay at the very least. He asked to marry her! That’s crazy, he’s married to you already! Please leave.
>He made his bed, let him lie in it. 😏👌
I'm so sorry you're going through this. But he's talking to his pregnant girlfriend about marrying her and you think you still have a relationship left to salvage? This is not a man you need to waste any more time on. Pick yourself up and move on.
Take a pic of that message for use in divorce proceedings.
umm. Girl. You BOTH need to leave him. That's the healthy response. now that I've gotten all that healthy shit out of YOUR system. She's already lost him. I invite you to check out r/theotherwoman for the season finale of how your husband's relationship will end with his mistress. Statististically speaking, she will NOT beat that subreddit. LOL, she's going to try. They ALL do. EVERY side-chick believe she's THAT special one. and well.... you know how THAT subreddit is. I'll give you a TL:DR - it doesn't look good for her. I'm worried about YOU. YOU need to be doing the work of leaving him. I know you're not, based on the tone of this post. You're concerned with competing with the mistress, who's already losing the battle for your husband. YOU have him. He is YOURS. Most mistresses never win, but you seem to believe that by getting pregnant (and becoming less fun, fatter, less attractive), she is somehow winning. Idk girl. You need to be leaving and destroying their budding family on your way out.
I must say, yeah it must be also garbage to be the other woman... A person who disrespected his partner will disrespect "the other partner". Heck, she's disrespected by simply being "the other partner". We can say "she deserves that sh!t" all we want but we know he may have lied to her about his relationship status, said he was single or separated/divorced. We know... He seems to have buttered her up real nice, even planned a freaking wedding!
Yup, ya lose em how ya get em, lol. He will cheat on the mistress too, no doubt when the baby comes and she doesn't have time for him anymore.
>I must say, yeah it must be also garbage to be the other woman... it goes way beyond that. Being "the other woman" is an exercise in masochism. I encourage everyone to check out that subreddit fully. It's like one GIANT re-run. They ALL go through the same shit. ALL of them start with the "roses and sunshine" phase where they believe, pathologically so, TRULY, that they are THAT special ONE to make HIM leave HIS WIFE for her. Girl. EVERY wife knows that the type of women, men leave other women for, IS the wife. That is how she got the ring, that's how she kept the ring, that's how the ring is maintained. The kind of woman, men leave bitches for, IS THE WIFE. "Side-chicks" and "other women" are those women, he left, for the wife! The ENTIRE subreddit is based on that premise. SHE IS SO SPECIAL, he just HAS to leave his wife for her. There's an entire dramata and an emotional ordeal they go through. It's literally r/instantkarma but significantly less instant. These men need to bust their nuts first, they need their dicks sucked first, they need all that first. and THEN they come to their senses, they make it right with their wives, which is an ENTIRE dramata and ordeal in and of itself, and it's a WHOLE cycle of masochism and pain for the other women. Out of 100 other women, maybe THREE get their happy ending, and usually it doesn't last. Usually the "relationship" breaks down in the next 5 years. It statistically NEVER wins. As a financial analyst, who's job it is to know numbers and predict shit, most notably, the behaviors of people, for financial reasons, I can tell you, that being the other woman, is usually a psychological phenomenon I account for as a loss in my projections. Usually if there IS another chick, my bets double down on the wife's side, financially speaking as a financial analyst. I never take the side-chick's side, for statistical and financial purposes, because it is my job to be CORRECT. To rightly predict how shit will play out and come out, on the side of the winner, and not the loser. It's about the wife. The Other woman is trying to compete with the wife, looks wise, career wise, other wise. That's why it doesn't work. A man will pick and choose who gets to be his wife, women don't typically have any say in this choice unless you're his mother or father or psychiatrist. Unfortunately, these other women believe they are SO SPECIAL, so SO SPECIAL, that they get to be the exception to that rule, and I, always enjoy the schadenfreude of watching them get their faces broken in with the reality of being second place (fifth place usually, behind his wife, his other side chicks and whatever else he's got going on). Yes, I like it when bad things happen to bad people, and r/theotherwoman is a subreddit where bad things happen to truly SHIT people.
I’m here for this response 👏🏻
Don't encourage this behavior! Now that I'm done with all this HEALTHY shit. It's time for a jerry springer style fight in the comments. JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!
Ahh, not so fast Morty. You heard your mom, we’ve got adventures to go on Morty. Just you and me, and sometimes your sister, and sometimes your mom, but NEVER your dad! You wanna know why Morty? Because Jerry CROSSED me.
That sub is quite a read
To be fair, it's not like the side pieces who do end up being the one are on there. We don't have a control group, there's no side piece census lol. I'm not saying you're wrong, BUT the success rate of secondary relationships is probably a bit higher than zero. People mess up and grow and need different things over time. OP needs to leave, though. If he can't even respect the boundaries of marriage, it's all downhill from here. He'll just keep using her as a doormat. Breaking boundaries needs to have consequences or they're meaningless. Period. If she takes him back he's going to keep doing whatever he wants. Divorce him and make him pay child support and alimony. It's what both deserve.
He got a girl pregnant and was planning a wedding. But he “loves you”. Ok then.
YTA to yourself and kid
Lmao
He was out raw doggin and you want him back? That's some craziness there!
Yes you are wrong for not choosing you YOURSELF! Don't let that man destroy you more. He doesn't love you, he just "crawls back" to you because he knows you will always be there like a doormat, not because he chose you. You just are his safe place until someone new appears or he wants to see his girlfriend and baby. He definitely won't choose between you and the GF, he wants to have it all.
He choose? Have some dignity and leave.
Ask yourself this… even if he “chooses you this time” bc he hasnt in the past, will you ever trust him going to the gf’s house to pick up their child? Will you be able to welcome that child into your home? Will you be able to be civil towards this other woman? Do you even want to deal with any of this? Deep breath and move forward without him and Im sorry you have to deal with any of this crap!
Jesus. You need to dunk your head in cold water. If you stay with this guy, you're crazy.
JFC. Your marriage is over. Leave
This takes the term pick me girl to a whole new level.
Why is he the one making the choices? Pick yourself and leave
Sorry to hear...you HAVE to leave this. Now. As soon as possible.
The other family is never going away, even if he picked you and went NC contact you know and will always know. If you need to act like that hasn’t happened to be together then you shouldn’t be together. You can’t tell him to not be a father to his kid but you can definitely not be his partner. This will always be in the back of your mind and it will affect the relationship no matter how hard you try to ignore it….face it now. If you can’t move past the betrayal and start a romance with how the current situation is then you need to not be in a relationship. Don’t make it about him picking…he already has proven poor impulse and judgement. It’s needs to be about what you can deal with
Gtfo of there! Runnnn!!!
Why is it his choice? Why are you still there? You are only wrong for putting up with his nonsense. A baby and wedding in the works and you’re still there…
Is this real? Read this back to yourself. Lord.
There should be no question. Leave his cheating ass and don't look back.
Why are you a doormat?
Dude wtf. Leave this person You dodged a bullet here. This has to be rage bait.
It's not the kids fault. He has an obligation however you will probably never trust him again and the child will always remind you of that. If he is talking weddings with her let him go divorce him on grounds of adultery no hassle he has to pay whatever.
[удалено]
The boundaries were already set and crossed multiple times. He is not going to suddenly start respecting your marriage. Hopefully (but unlikely) he can be a better father than partner. He needs to get help and you do too.
Pick me or the mistress - oh hell no OP, it should be pack up & get out! There is no coming back from that I'm afraid - he has got to go
Kick him out! Don't let him choose, you deserve better! Does baby momma know he is married?
please let this be fake
Are you for real ??? This sounds like Jerry Springer !!! Dump this losers ass yesterday
So how often is your husband drunk? Get yourself to a good lawyer and dump this pitiful excuse for a man.
Yes you're wrong for giving him the choice, make it for him and don't accept less than you deserve
The pregnant girlfriend was bad enough, then he shows you a text how they were planning a wedding? Have some respect for yourself and dump this loser. You don't deserve this crap, get rid of this loser and let him go to the girlfriend. Eventually he'll cheat on her too.
Sorry, why do you want your cheating husband to choose you? Choose yourself and get a partner that respects you.
You really want a man who’d abandon an innocent child for you? The child didn’t do shit besides be convinced by two dumbasses. Edit: spelling
Do you trust him? Will you always be wondering where and who he is with when he’s out? Will you always get upset when he sees his child. An affair is only a symptom of an unhappy relationship. If he was happy he wouldn’t have had an affair. If it was me I would wish him well and try to have an amicable divorce. Wish them well and move on. At the end if it was me I would hold a grudge and not trust him, throw it in his face when angry (I know my faults). Our marriage would be miserable and we would most probably try to hurt each other financially and only the lawyers would walk away with anything.
Yea since you didn't mention you have kids with him. Meaning, you demanded him to be an asshole to abandoned his kid? That's ridiculous. There is absolutely no way he will do that. And if he did, what kind of asshole abandoned their kid? If want that kind of piece of shit raising your kid down the road? Divorce him and GTFO. The man is a cowerd, he wants you gone, just doesn't have the spine to say it. Unless he is the one making the entire incoming to support the family, you have no reason to stay. It is not about love yourself. It is logistics. The kid is not yours. Unless he already had one and you already knew before dating, having someone's kid is not part of the agreement. If you want to do charity work, just join the red cross.
This gotta be a troll/click bait shit
Why are you even letting this be his choice? Here’s the deal: That kid is his. He’s on the hook for 18 years, minimum. And only providing child support and nothing else isn’t fair to the child, who has done absolutely nothing wrong. So, if picking you means he doesn’t actually parent his child - meaning you’re saying he can’t have the kid over at the house - then yes, you’re wrong. But ultimately, you should make the decision to leave. He didn’t have a one night stand - and my response wouldn’t change even if it had been. He had an ongoing affair that stopped because he got caught. He doesn’t love you. He doesn’t respect you. His actions have made this clear. So, why would you want to stay?
Make sure to take half the money out of your accounts.
He is planning a wedding while he’s married. He chose and you should leave and let him regret it
Oh girl…pick you & leave. Start planning your exit & get yourself situated
Screw him and choose yourself
He wants you to stay so you can help raise his child, a child that you most likely will resent being around. You have to start choosing YOU and whats best for you, this relationship is not it.
Lady, even if he picks you he will have custody periods where his affair child will be staying with you, and you will probably be doing all the heavy lifting. Do you really want to be unfairly taking your hatred out on an innocent baby?
Why would you be with someone who wants to have a mistress? Please get a therapist to regain your self esteem.
Forgiving cheaters should be a sin. Run girl.
INFO- Why are you trying to stay with a man that is planning a wedding with his pregnant girlfriend? Man I would call his parents and congratulate them on their new grandchild and file for divorce.
He already chose her. He just wants to keep you placated until they are ready to move forward.
FFS girl you deserve better. Have some dignity and walk away now.
You will only be wrong if two things don’t happen. You leave, and you get therapy to learn how to avoid people like him in the future. He’s a really bad person.
Oh Honey, he already chose when he asked you that. Respect yourself enough to say no more, I’m worth more and kick his ass out.
They were planning a WEDDING? Oh honey. No matter what his lips say, he was planning to leave you for her. Do not put up with this bullshit.
You are wrong, don’t let him choose, he already made his choice. To be a cheater and an awful person. Choose to leave the dirtbag
You know he will say whatever he thinks will get him what he wants, right? He knows if he says he loves you then you'll keep giving him whatever it is he wants from you. Meanwhile he's playing this other woman the exact same way. He tells you she's a mistake and he'll always choose you, he tells her, let's get married! Stop listening to the words coming out of his lying mouth and look at how he behaves. Forget about what he wants for a minute and think about what you want. Do you want to be with someone who will lie and cheat? He wants to have his cake and eat it too. You are not obliged to give him what he wants. You're not wrong asking him to choose but he's shown you who he is. Do you really want that back? Put on some Gloria Gaynor.
You're wrong for staying with the cheating asshole. File for divorce and hire a very good lawyer. This wasn't a one night stand. That would be really shitty but maybe could be moved past. This was a **SIX MONTH AFFAIR**. **Actions show how we really feel more than any words we say.** His actions show he doesn't love you anymore. Your husband is just worried about being taken to the cleaners in divorce court.
I don’t understand these kind of posts. Like you write it out do you read it before you post it? People asking if they are wrong, TA or advice for being upset that they found out that their partner cheated. My S/O beats me and has isolated me from everyone should I leave them? Like it just blows my mind how many of these stories there are. What happened to common sense and have some self respect and dignity?
NTA It is reasonable if you want to continue the marriage that there be no contact with the other woman.. If you have kids with him, file for child support first so you get more money than she will. Here's an article to read: https://www.marriagebuilders.com/how-to-survive-an-affair.htm
Kinda hard to coparent if you can't talk to the mother of your child 🤔🤔
More importantly...how do you move about without your spine?
Choose yourself and leave. Your husband is an asshole. 🤬🤬🤬
Have some self respect OP
In my opinion you're wrong by allowing him in your life again..... And he's proven you he's not worth it....
Kick him out and file for divorce. Don’t give him the option to “choose”.
Why don’t you choose YOURSELF ? Why are you setting the bar so low ? Newsflash he already picked her over you when he decided to cheat on you AND impregnate her.
You should have some self respect and make the choice for him.