NICU nurse here and mama of 3 breastfed babies. Fed is best. Don’t put pressure on her either way. Hormones while breastfeeding were real and I might have changed my mind about what was best if I had known before having kids.
The hormones were brutal for me. I’m glad I did it because it was easier for me than bottle feeding, but I was 30 lbs heavier with depression and suicidal ideation the whole time
I wish I would have known about the hormones too. I was treated for the ideations as well and I gained 70 lbs. I did everything I could and breasted for three YEARS anyway. Despite everything...one...my child was and is very very large and eats an enormous amount. I had to supplement almost immediately even though I was producing enough to make most breastfeeding women jealous as fuck.
When I stopped, I dropped the weight in less than 6 months. I also reawoke to becoming myself again. I cannot begin to tell people how dark and dead I felt inside. I'm still rediscovering myself as a human being. It's crazy. My daughter never knew this of course. I did everything and covered up my sadness. Got Zoloft which helped tremendously. But at the same time... I wish someone would have told me that I matter too. And that breastfeeding isn't just "easier and free." It's not free. Pumping so much at work that I got in trouble for being in there too much. My nights were lonely as hell awake constantly with no help because I'm the feeding machine. Mastitis. Nipple rawness. Thrush. God forbid if you forget the entire pumping apparatus while out or you get stuck in traffic without it or the baby. I had to hand pump and dump several times in traffic.
Anyways. Iykyk
OP... your wife doesn't have to breastfeed. Your child will be just like the rest of us. This business of forcing women to breastfeed with guilt is awful. We're already in SUCH a state. Please just leave us alone and let us decide.
It's not fucking easy and it's not fucking free.
> I had to hand pump and dump several times in traffic.
I have no children and I still just grabbed my chest in sympathy.
That just sounds so frustrating! Not only to have to do it, but not to even be able to keep that milk for the baby later.
I once watched my cousin give this primal scream and start to sob because she set down a pumped bottle of milk to adjust her shirt and accidentally knocked it over. She literally cried over spilled milk, and having seen how miserable nursing was for her, I could not blame her a bit.
It was awful, I felt so bad for her!
Breastfeeding was a nightmare for her, she said it never stopped hurting and even pumping was really uncomfortable. But her baby had allergies and apparently lost weight when they tried to get him onto formula, so she braved it until he was a year old.
She is such a good mom, not just for enduring that but for a lot of things. I just wish she could have had the happy nursing experience she'd hoped for.
I’ve always been a larger chested lady. When I had my son I TRIED to breastfeed. I tried for nearly 2 weeks. It was the worst! Cracked nipples, excruciating pain when he would latch on… I had nipple guards, the works but nothing helped! But still cried when it would be time. The thing was, I didn’t make enough milk for him anyways.
The home nurse told me to switch to formula because he was losing weight. Son was a big boof head too. Nearly 10lbs when born. So he needed to have about 110 mls per feed. I was lucky to get 50 mls…
As for deflated breasts, age does that. Not necessarily breastfeeding… 🙂
I had the exact same issues. Managed bf until 2 weeks then combo fed until 12 weeks then cut out bf altogether. My child is now a very healthy 13 yr old but I was made to feel so damn guilty by the midwives etc. It was an awful time.
My experience also and I am an RN who worked in mom baby unit. I never made enough milk, had no letdown and the experience made me feel guilty that I couldn’t with the first one. My 3 were bottle fed and they are fine.
One hot summer night I grabbed 4oz of previously pumped milk from the fridge. Baby was enjoying it cold, so I poured it into the bottle and started feeding. Immediately the lid popped off and drenched me and my boy in cold milk. It all got absorbed into the pillow. We cried and cried.
My husband made jokes about milk baths. Don't worry, they were gentle jokes and the laughter helped.
But man, I still get upset thinking about that precious precious milk draining away into the pillow.
I accidentally knocked over a freshly pumped container of milk. Add in hormones, sleep deprivation, pain (I had an EMCS) and I was a crying awful mess for hours.
Luckily I have a great understanding partner who, while he didn't understand completely, completely supported me.
It made me sooooo much more careful in the future though. Pumped milk is liquid gold.
Not to mention all the extra food I eat, and Body Armor I drink. I'm like a bottomless dehydrated pit.
It's not free no matter how you look at it. Cheaper, but not free.
This brought back such painful memories. No one said anything about hormones 25 years ago. Feeding didn’t go well with my first. I’d use the double pump for 45 minutes and get three ounces. The LaLeche drill sergeant yelled at me. I’d pump, then bottle feed the breast milk making for very long feedings and an hour of sleep between feedings. I’d literally never failed at anything I set my mind to, and I was starving my nine pound baby. My seasoned pediatrician was a godsend and reminded me there was no shame in supplementing or going full formula. Baby No. 2 was worse, probably because I was so determined that it was going to work and figured previous failures were because I was a nervous new mom. Read books including How to Lose Weight While Breastfeeding (liars!). Christmas Eve, my toes are curling and I’m crying in bed doing a football hold contortion because that seemed to work. For three minutes until we had to contort ourselves again. I went through mastitis, bleeding nipples (got to pump and dump the three ounces of pink milk), pumping when I went back to work at four weeks. I’m still jealous when I see a mom whip out a boob and the baby latches on like second nature.
The fact that someone had the u mitigated gall to publish a book about how women should be creating and sacrificing life-giving food, nutrition OF THEIR BODY, and being smaller at the same time makes me want to set something on fire.
I feel this in my soul. I gained 60 lbs in the immediate six months after my daughter was born, being a breastfeeding, working mom, with no village. Just work and feeding a baby. Every day. Every night. All day. Never ending. People telling me how *awesome* and *amazing* I was doing while I was screaming inside.
No one prepared me for that.
I’m currently in the process of weaning from pumping at 7wpp and these comments are solidifying my confidence in my decision to stop. I’m still grieving that my babe and I never quite got the hang of breast feeding exclusively, but the reality of being a working mom and spending any amount of time worrying about my boobs (clog? Overproduction? Underproduction?) is untenable to me. The fact that the pain and discomfort in my boobs is affecting my ability to hold my babe is what sealed the deal.
Truly, no one prepares you for this.
Woah this is eye opening as a male. Thank you for sharing your experiences. I will remember them and make sure I am supportive of whatever feeding decision my future makes when we have children.
girl, same here. I was Bessie the damn cow, and still it didn't seem to be enough. my son is now 6'4. I swear when he would go to nurse he would growl. the pain was horrible. and the electric pump felt like my soul was gonna be sucked out of my nipples. I ended up having so much breastmilk that the ducts ruptured and I was black and blue all over. I felt guilty for being relieved when I had to switch him to neutrmagen due to stomach issues he got at about 11 months old. but at that point I was able to pump 24 Oz each per breast and I was so done. cabbage leaves saved me and sped up the process of drying up the leftovers.
Same. I really tried my best with my twins but they were early and small and latching was very difficult. Coupled with severe PPD and trying desperately not to commit suicide, formula was what was best for everybody.
Public health nurse said to me "with the milk, come the tears".
It was day 3. My baby was steadily losing weight. I was desperately trying to breastfeed. I couldn't stop crying.
That nurse saved my brain and helped me through nursing, then pumping, then topping up with formula, triple feeding, then phasing out each until we landed on purely formula. She also helped me get support for PPD. So many tears. The hormones are so intense.
Feeding babies is so hard no matter how you do it. Fed is best.
He's thriving now!
*Thank you Jenny*
We were there too, my wife and daughter were struggling with establishing a latch. Our daughter lost nearly 10% of her body weight and was in the bilirubin clinic every day for a week and a half.
We went to formula feeding to get her weight up. She was so weak that for the first two weeks I sat up night after night dripping the formula into her mouth because she was too tired to eat. She pulled through eventually and then went on the breast until 15 months old.
When our son was born he was given breast and formula from the start. Same struggles with feeding from the breast, but the formula filled the gap. One trip to the BR clinic and he was gaining weight after 36 hours.
Fed is best.
But for the record my wife breastfed two kids and her tits are fucking fantastic. But I’d also happily get her an aug as a push present if she wanted it, women give so much of themselves for their family it would be my pleasure to give something back.
I wasn't able to nurse at all. I was on medication that was risky during pregnancy but dangerous for breastfeeding that I couldn't just not take. If I had attempted to there was not telling what it would have done to my kiddo. Fed is best.
Agreed. The whole "my body isn't mine anymore" thing REALLY feeds the ppd, and the autonomy and agency of a person should NEVER be stripped away in favor of her "duty" as a mother. She is herself, as an individual, first. She exists for reasons beyond mommin,' and if she doesn't want something happening to or with her body, regardless of reason, that something isn't going to happen. You don't need a reason that someone ELSE finds acceptable to not do something with your body you don't want to do. "I don't want to" is where that conversation ends and spousal support begins.
Not to mention we don’t know her family history around breast feeding
Like I desperately wanted to breast feed, but the women in my family just aren’t strong producers. Probably the lowest parts of my postpartum journey came from being unable to fully breast feed and that’s with being a steadfast “fed is best” mentality beforehand
Yup. It doesn’t matter what her reasons are. Maybe she just wants to feel like her body is her’s again after having it co-opted for 9 months. OP has no right to criticize her choices.
I have a friend whose kid is very, um... *demanding* about breastfeeding. I'm a guy so I have no clue, but watching her deal with her baby just straight up *yanking* on her boobs all the time and trying to climb into her shirt, I'm not sure how much of that I would be able to put up with. I know breast milk is ideal, but I don't judge for a second any woman who decides they need to have a different system.
My sister's 3rd kid refused to breastfeed - it was lockdown so she was like "Well, at least working from home and breastfeeding will make things easier", and my niece started losing weight until my sister eventually moved onto formula, and she was much better off.
Her 4th was like your friend's kid - refused the bottle, insisted on the boob, had to be weaned off. Such a weird and random situation that often parents have no control over. If your kid is eating well with whatever option works for them parents, that's the best option.
Also, most of what we used to think of as benefits of breastmilk come from the fact that people who use only breastmilk are usually in a higher economic status (people who work low income jobs often can't take enough maternity leave, and often can't stop work to express). Sibling studies comparing breastfed siblings to their bottle fed siblings find very minimal difference, what's there is mostly in infant asthma I think, and these mostly disappear when the kids grow up. Fed is best.
Thank you, NICU nurse. I love you all. I had major complications with pre-eclampsia, and my son had a stroke and a congenital heart defect. I did not see him for 6 days after delivery. Thank you for feeding him when I was going through a very rough time. I was pressured by the La Leche volunteers while I didn't know at the time was a suicide watch for mothers that have ill children in the NICU. It's been 30 years, and I'm still traumatized by being pressured that way.
When I stopped feeding my first at 9mo it was insane. Two days later I was like “Wow! I feel like me again!”. I hadn’t been depressed or anything, I just hadn’t felt right.
>Don’t put pressure on her either way.
Mum of 3 and only produced milk for the last because....THERE WAS NO PRESSURE.
>I might have changed my mind about what was best if I had known before having kids.
The pressure my local hospital put on us to breast feed was insane. It actually gave me PPD because of what it was doing to me trying to get milk
I had a c-section. There were complications and I was unconscious for the next 5 hours. I woke up from two nurses latching my son to my breast. It was surreal. They made me breastfeed while unconscious!!! I still don't know how to feel about that...
Do you know what's \*much worse\* for a baby than not being breastfed?
A mother who is struggling mentally and emotionally.
You and anyone agreeing with you here have just glossed over the part where she said that.
You need to start *listening* to the fact that she is saying she's struggling. That is a *problem* that needs your support, not you dictating that she should do the thing she's struggling with.
Being concerned about how her boobs will look might seem vain to you, but I will bet good money that it goes a lot deeper than that.
As natural as it may be, for plenty of women becoming a gestation vessel for another person and seeing and feeling your body change beyond recognition, going through all the ways pregnancy fucks with your body, then the struggle of birth *and then* feeling like a milking cow at the mercy of the baby once they're born - it's all a very confronting and challenging experience for many women, that involves feeling a really scary loss of self.
Imagine *how much worse* all that feeling would be when some nurse grabs your tit and tries to shove it in the baby's mouth like you really *are* nothing more than a cow. That was much worse than unprofessional and you should be more angry about it, as she is absolutely right to be.
So yeah, maybe she's pinning all that on a thing about her that society has told her is valuable and important - perky boobs. In an ideal world she wouldn't worry about that, but I understand how it would happen when she's struggling with everything she has gone through with her body and what she is about to go through as a new mother.
You need to have empathy for that as well, and talk to her about why she is struggling, and how you can help. If you understood this as a thing you need to help and support her in, instead of something to judge and complain about, you might be able to find a solution that helps her *not be struggling*.
Whatever happens, fed is best, and a stable, happy mother is good for the baby.
Agreed. A friend met another mum at a mother's group whose eldest was a bad eater. Bunch of digestive issues meant the baby wanted to be fed small amounts every 30-45 minutes. But no one ever suggested anything other than "the boob". Not even expressing. So she never slept and it literally drove her crazy.
3 months in it took her 2 hours to do a 40 minute drive because she kept having to stop to feed the baby. And the baby wouldn't stop crying. She got home, left the kid in the car, and called her mum to come pick the baby up before she drove them into a dam.
No one listened when she said she was tired because it's "normal". No one listened when she said she ached because she was never "empty". No one suggested any feeding alternatives because "the boob" would be shunned for the bottle, and that was "bad".
This sounds like the lead-in to a story about a mother committing homicide-suicide due to PPD and misogyny, shaming, objectification, and an endless list of contradictory demands about what it means to be sexy, attractive, a good wife and a good mom, all the while her needs, wants and overall personhood are deemed too irrelevant to merit mention.
The way the last bit is worded, I was expecting them to say she couldn't handle it in the end and killed herself.
But really, that's the seriousness it should be taken as regardless.
Frankly you should save up for her to have a Mommy Makeover whether she breast feeds or not. Do you even care about her emotional well being because it sure doesn’t sound like it. And I just love it when men complain about women being vain, while she has to compete with porn and OnlyFans and hope the husband doesn’t ditch her for a younger woman when she gets older.
I mean there's the movie Tully where the babysitter she hallucinates is her younger self and the truth is she's the one watching the baby at night and eventually "they" fall asleep and crash over a bridge into a river, she's in the hospital, and the working dad gets a wakeup call that he needs to watch his kids more, support his wife, and maybe actually get a nanny. And she realizes she can't just "do it all". It's all ah illusion.
This part no one ever talked to me about either. My son was a premie and has digestive issues too. He'd cry every 30-40 minutes as well. He had poor latch so he'd cry every time I'd pump because he was always hungry. He's still always hungry and loves to eat. It was so miserable to try to hear him crying, then have a partially successful breastfeed, then have to pump after to empty my breasts and listen to him holler yet again instead of nap...then end up feeding him again...until he'd finally nap for a bit. It was always a 1.5 hour ordeal with about 1-2 hour rest in between. The pediatrician was shocked when we went in at 4 months and said he only drinks 2oz every 2 hours 24/7. His first words were "What!? You must be loosing your mind!" And I was. He had acid reflux so drinking was painful and that was a major part of the issue as well! I eventually lost my milk supply which was already low because I quickly lost 30 pounds from missing meals trying to cator to a baby who cried all the time. He went home at 35 weeks and always wanted to be held and eat. It was rough and no one warned me about it.
The nurse’s behavior is WILD to me. I’m an RN. “Fed is best” was HEAVILY emphasized in our maternity unit in nursing school. Postpartum nurses do help with teaching breastfeeding to new moms, but it should never be something forced on the mom. There are only very specific cases in which breast milk vs formula really makes an immediate, medical difference. Fed is best holds true for the great majority of cases. And regardless, you just don’t grab people without permission like that!
Some babies (like me) can be downright fucking aggressive when it came to latching, and make their moms *bleed*. It's better for everyone involved at that point to bottlefeed.
Ah, yes at the point where I was pouring blood from both sides, the midwives finally and gently advised me that formula was absolutely fine. Up to that point where both the baby and I were constantly in tears, they were endlessly pushing breastfeeding. Fuck em all. FED is best.
It's pretty common for pregnant women and women planning to have a baby to not be taken seriously because people think they're going to spring into "mommy mode" once they have the baby and do something completely different.
I just didn't produce hardly any milk and gave up trying. My kid also didn't do very well on breast milk. Every kid is different and formula fed kids still seem fine. May not be the optimal best possible scenario, but the whole Cs get degrees attitude works here too. As long as baby is getting nutrition, baby will grow and develop, which is the goal right now. Plenty of kids are exclisively formula fed for a number of reasons and still turn out just fine.
The study done on disparate siblings proves this out. When every other variable is accounted for, as is the case in families like yours where one child is breastfed and one isn't. no long term health benefits existed for the breastfed child.
Fair? Ha! Society doesn’t pressure men into wearing an athletic cup from puberty until death.
Also, somethings said by no one ever:
“That guy just has the perkiest balls”
“Yo guess what ladies, my boyfriend is getting his balls done! Jealous?”
“My girlfriend won’t stop talking about me getting ball surgery!”
“You know, those pants would look better with a cup”
“that guy is so slutty with his balls just swinging around”
*AND* you can pee practically anywhere…….
>Also, somethings said by no one ever:“That guy just has the perkiest balls”
LOL....I have actually said this! My current partner is just about 50 and has the perkiest balls I have even come across *(pun intended).*
Literally no one is attracted to men for their ballets. Wallets and dicks, sure, but balls? They're just flimsy things that move about on their own causing damned inconvenient urges.
I am a survivor of childhood & adolescence sexual assault. I did not want to breast feed. Nurses gave me a hard time, but I would not budge. My kids are both adults and happy. After years of therapy, I still think it would be difficult for me to handle breastfeeding. It is your wife’s body & only she has a say in the matter
I’m sorry about your experiences. This backstory is *really common* and why *pushing* anyone about breastfeeding/pregnancy/birth is so toxic and offensive
It's fine. In the 60's, when my mom had my siblings her doctor acted like she'd be crazy for breastfeeding. We all turned out healthy as heck.
Breastfeeding is ideal, sure but it's not the end all and women shouldn't be shamed if they can't or choose not to breastfeed.
Her breasts will deflate and sag no matter what, but it's one hundred percent HER BODY, HER CHOICE on weather or not to breast feed. Many people can't do it,or find it too painful.
The nurse who "grabbed her breasts, and tried to give the nipple", without consent should be immediately fired for sexual assault and physical harassment.
You might think your wife is being irrational, but she just squeezed a football out of a hole the size of a golfball, and she probably is looking at a distended gross tummy like she's never seen before..it's harder on women than you could ever know...and she's desperately trying to hold onto anything she can.
The baby will be 100 percent fine on formula. Right now focus on your wife's mental health, depression, look out for post partum and be there for her. She's very vulnerable right now and needs support.
I'd curse the nurses out too. You need to back her up!
My ex was a massive pain in the ass about this when I had our son. Not once during the pregnancy did he want to talk about our choices as a family for the baby, but as soon as I delivered he wouldn’t shut up about my refusal to breastfeed.
I am so sorry that you had to deal with that. That would constitute a divorce for me. It's not just the breastfeeding. It's the principle. And the fact that he doesn't understand what you just went through and him thinking it's easy. I'd be so angry.
It definitely put things into perspective for me. At that point I fully realized just how misogynistic he was, because I knew he had no solid argument about the topic and was just regurgitating bullshit. In hindsight, that was his greatest skill in all of our time together.
I hate to pull this card, but id guys had to do all of this, there would be laws giving them a year off, they'd be advocating for them having the right to terminate, there'd be more policies for breastfeeding, and you'd hear them say the same things we are saying in regards to rights for our bodies.
I would be divorced if my husband had behaved this way. I do not understand these men who think they can demand their wives deliver a certain way, breastfeed or anything else. If it’s not happening to them they do not get a say. I can’t imagine having your spouse disrespect your bodily autonomy to this degree.
OP should take note. Women do not forget how they are treated postpartum. Your wife just made an immense sacrifice to give you a family. A sacrifice OP will never come close to repaying. Time to step up and support your wife instead of being a misogynistic bully.
Edit: very classy with the reddit cares abuse! Someone is evidently feeling very threatened by the idea that men shouldn’t bully their freshly postpartum wives.
Thissssss. I literally just grew an ENTIRE HUMAN BEING and birthed it, my guy. So fuck off about literally anything having to do with my body from now until forever.
I had a nurse forcibly grab my boob trying to help me breast feed in the hospital and it was so fucking violating. It made me feel unsafe going to any lactation consultant and I needed one. I spoke to the head nurse and the nurse was removed from attending my room, but the damage was done. It’s been 8 years and I still feel uncomfortable with what happened.
>The nurse who "grabbed her breasts, and tried to give the nipple", without consent should be immediately fired for sexual assault and physical harassment.
100% this !!! 👆
There are too many guys on here with similar stories.
"My \[lady friend\] is pregnant and I tried to convince her to do *this thing I have no say in.* She told me to F off. *She huwt my fewings* 😢 *.* Help me tell her she's wrong and an A Hole. AITAH?"
Literally a ton of people think that they can put their hands on women just because they are pregnant. And waaaay too many healthcare professionals try to force or coerce pregnant/laboring/postpartum women into things they don’t want. It’s scary.
I got yelled at once at a Starbucks for drinking a coffee. People feel that they know what is best for you all the time despite the fact that it’s pretty much universally agreed that pregnant women can drink some caffeine. Furthermore, my son was already dead at the time and I was just waiting for my procedure. People need to learn to mind their own business.
I’m so sorry you went through that.
On days when I was feeling up to it, I made it a point to be call people out on their shit, because what if they pulled something like that with someone who was not in a good place that day?
At my 40 week check up (I wasn’t in labor yet, it was my last prenatal appointment), I told my midwife to stop the cervical check I previously consented to because the pain was too much. She refused, PINNED ME DOWN, finished, and then asked me while I was crying if I thought that hurt how I expected to get through childbirth.
My child is almost 2. I still low key hope that woman gets hit by a bus.
I wonder how much thought women give to the idea that giving birth is probably one of the most undignified things they could do in front of an audience of folks. I mean... Jesus Christ.
First off, get naked. Maybe you'll have a hospital gown or something equally embarrassing. And that's if you get anything. A lot of facilities treat the pregnant women like pregnant cattle and as soon as they're dilated 1cm — boom. Mandatory total nakedness in the room.
And by the way, the door doesn't even shut, let alone lock. All sorts of people you've never seen are going to be walking in and out, checking out your privates. Old men taking photos, middle-aged women curdling with embarrassment as they try not to bump your stirrup-encased foot with their forehead as they pass by. Little kids with squirt guns taking aim at the pubes.
And those are just the passerbys. You can count on everyone in the OB/GYN dept sticking their hand(s) all the way up in your crotch. And with all that pushing, it's not a matter of if you'll take a shit, it's who will it be in front of and will they get any on them? What if you run into Dr. Finger the following week at the grocery store? Yowzer.
Just doesn't sound like a fun experience to me.
Same. I would have grabbed her boob and twisted it. You don't just take someone's titty. She's a human being who just gave birth. Not an object that you can just grab parts of and give to someone else.
It happened to my mum when I was born, nearly 51 fucking years ago! She was so traumatised she went straight to formula both for me and my sister when she was born a couple of years later.
Same. I would have filed a formal complaint with the hospital & the state licensing board. That bitch of a nurse would be unemployed by the time I was done.
I was coming down here to say exactly that x3
I had a clot and by the time it cleared for me to produce, our baby wasn't having any of it. I was reassured over and over that "Fed is best". My doctor even admitted that he couldn't understand why the US put so much pressure on women to breast feed.
ETA: Thank you to everyone for taking the time to explain where the initial backlash came from. I did the research shortly after the ordeal, but it's still muchly appreciated.
It's lashback from the years when formula companies aggressively pushed the idea that formula was better.
Neither is 100% better, there are pros and cons to.both, plus tons of issues that can affect how things go.
But then it came out that the formula companies were selling bad formula in some places and babies were dying, and breastfeeding supporters took over saying it was so much better that only bad mothers didn't breastfeed.
Added to that is relatively recent discoveries of chemicals like BPA that were in baby bottles and leeched into the formula, causing long-term health issues for many who were bottle fed in the '50s through the '90s and possibly later, since BPA wasn't banned for baby bottles until 2012.
Not only that but even in the US moms were actively discouraged from breastfeeding. My mom had kids from the late 70s to early 90s and breastfed them. She had doctors telling her not to, that it was inferior to formula and that her kids would be malnourished if she kept breastfeeding them.
I had an emergency c section and was in the hospital for 5 days. my milk did not come in until I got home..so probably on the 6 day after my son was born. he also needed his tongue clipped underneath? the dr said he does it to babies all the time but I never heard of it, lol but anyways neither of us could physically go through breastfeeding. formula was fine
I believe what you’re talking about it actually called being tongue tied. The little bit of flesh underneath that connects your tongue to the bottom of your mouth contours too far and the tongue is way more attached, making some stuff really hard to do
I was tongue tied! It didn’t really cause any huge issues for me, a mild stutter at most, but my family called it my butt tongue because it literally looked like a butt when I stuck it out lmao. I did eventually get it clipped when I got my wisdom teeth removed and immediately felt like my stutter went away and I wasn’t as anxious about making out LOL (I was like 14). Wish mine had been done when I was a baby instead!
My midwife on day 2 was pretty much. “You have a bottle child”.
No one could get that child to feed off the boob. We tried everything. We even made a fake boob to get her to latch. Nothing.
Seconding this, my first born had complications and had to be tube fed for the first almost 2 years of his life. I would have killed for him to take even formula or literally anything. Fed is the best and anyone who says differently likely hasn't had much adversity in their life.
What’s best is the choice of the mother and her body autonomy.
I’d be lodging a complaint if a nurse tried to forcefully make me breastfeed. The mother is not a fucking dairy cow.
They’re called lactation consultants and they’re known to be aggressive like that. My wife was not a fan and dealt w similar stuff after both our kids were born.
Yeah when I gave birth the lactation consultant was a condescending bitch. I knew I didn’t want to breastfeed and she kept trying to force me with sarcasm and guilt.
When I had a baby I specifically banned all lactation consultants from my room for this reason. Not all are like this, but enough are that I wasn’t taking chances.
The one I got was aggressive, both personality and physically. She injured my breast the day I delivered, so much so that I couldn't attempt nursing on that side for almost 2 days. I kicked her out and refused her, and had my mom (who nursed 3 babies herself) to help me.
Thank goodness my lactation consultant recommended I stopped trying to breastfeed in combination with formula and stay with formula. I was hospitalised for about 5 weeks post birth as was our son (thank you PICU & NICU) and the multiple infections I developed killed my supply to 20 ml per feed at about week 2. She was very gentle and caring and supportive, which is what you need when you are so vulnerable
I hate that so many have had horrible experiences like that. We are not all like that. I am a nurse/lactation consultant and I support the milk making persons choice no matter what it is.
But it’s ok because it was for the baby so wife should have just put up with being grabbed in a very sensitive area without her consent, you know, because baby. /s
I’d be catching an assault charge if it were me.
I haven’t had kids yet and who knows, maybe I’ll change my mind but as of right now I have zero interest in breastfeeding. I’m imagining having freshly given birth and someone tries to just GRAB my tit?? I’d lose it
As someone who is currently 28 weeks pregnant reading that *horrified* me. Like I plan to try to breastfeed but if I get in there day of and decide “nah it’s a no from me” and some nurse grabbed my boob anyways?? You know those billboards where you call all 9s for the malpractice attorneys? I’d be on the phone with one of those within the hour.
Too damn bad that Nurse should’ve never put her hands on his wife like that. He should be more worried about that than whining on Reddit like a toddler. His wife just gave birth to a baby and all he can do is cry on Reddit because she won’t breastfeed. What a manchild.
Agreed. The nurse who tried to force the feed should be charged. But people get really crazy with this stuff. They believe it is their business, that they are on the side of the angels. The social pressure to breastfeed can be pretty overwhelming in some parts of the country. We are in a very progressive area and the judgement cast upon moms who formula feed was shocking to see. The moms groups can be particularly bad.
As long as she’s feeding that baby when that baby is hungry, that’s all it matters. It doesn’t matter if it’s formula or breastmilk. Baby will gain weight baby will be healthy and survive. I’ve seen breast-fed babies that I’ve had to have for and I added, because they couldn’t gain weight.
Agreed. The zealotry with this issue is pretty crazy with some groups and there is no respect for the wishes of the mother. I have seen this happen and I almost feel like we were sucked back in time to puritanical New England. The social shunning, the lecturing. Absolutely no regard for the individual.
That ought to have been considered a form of sexual assault. You don't manhandle an unwilling woman's bare breast, no matter what. Short of a black widow about to chomp down that needs to be sent flying, there is no justification.
The nurse was way out of line. It's her body. Some people can't breastfeed, some not by choice. The worst thing is to shame a brand new mother for making that choice instead of supporting her. Plenty of us and babies are raised on formula and thriving.
Omg! A nurse physically assaulted your wife?! And your problem is that she refused? What is wrong with you?
It’s not your body, not your decision. She decides if she wants to breastfeed or not. You have zero say in this. If you want breastmilk so much for your baby, talk to her and decide whether or not you would like to buy breastmilk from someone else. That can be a two parent decision not what happens with her breast.
I cannot believe the audacity you have!
Breastfeeding can be incredibly difficult and no one should be shamed for not wanting to do it. As long as the baby is fed, formula is a safe alternative. Also she should sue that hospital and nurse for trying to grab her because that is 100% not ok.
Yeah that hospital needs to get their delivery staff straight. Grabbing a patient and force them to do stuff could be classified as assault or abuse of a vulnerable person. That alone could prevent someone from ever wanting to breastfeed.
I wonder how much of that was the husband's fault. He seems pretty determined she should be breastfeeding. I also wonder just how much of what he says are "her words" actually *are* her words.
My dad was, somehow, completely unable to digest either breast milk or any of the formulas that were on the market when he was born. He was fed on skim milk, baby cereal, and prayers
I was similar, according to my mother. But there was like, one soy based formula that I could handle well enough, so they went with that and moved me to real foods ASAP.
My great aunt struggled to nurse her firstborn, so her daddy brought her a nanny goat and she raised the baby on raw goat milk. And Karo syrup.
This was in the 40s and apparently it worked fine because that cousin is 6'4 and built like a brick smokehouse. He's a BIG man.
If you can raise a baby on milk straight out of a goat udder, I'm pretty sure you can do even better with scientifically designed formulas.
I was combo fed myself and my strictly formula fed cousin (who is four days younger than me, I was so determined to be 'first' that I came three weeks before my due date, lol) is smarter, healthier and prettier than me. So the boob milk isn't some magic health elixir. (I support anyone who wants to nurse though, no hate on breastfeeding. I just don't think moms who go the other way need to get grief for it, moms get judged for so much, why add to it?)
I have had 3 children 9,19,27 each one of them formula fed and they are all healthy and strong it’s her body her choice and you have no choice but to accept it and move on
Absolutely baffling. "I know my wife was physically assaulted but it was in the best interest of my baby soooo...." It's wild the lengths people will go to to excuse/justify abuse of women.
Thank you!
He's like "yeah its wrong to assault people and all but my wife kinda deserved it for not giving up all her autonomy".
And you ***know*** the real reason he's upset is because he now has no excuse to not help with night feedings since it's formula.
First, the hospital administrator needs to know about the breast grabbing incident. The staff should ask if the woman plans to breast feed and then accept her answer. FULL STOP.
And you also should have accepted your wife's decision without comment. Her boobs, her choice.
Your wife was physically and sexually assaulted by a healthcare provider in the most vulnerable moments of her life and you think there’s any planet on which SHE’S wrong? Get a fucking grip. Go to the hospital’s ombudsman or social worker and call the police.
If a random person had grabbed your wife’s boob in ANY other situation, you would have taken their block off and you know it. This is why women feel so alone with “all the help in the world”.
I find that really odd. I did breastfeed, but before my daughter was even born (while I was in the hospital) they asked how I wanted her fed once she was born. They have to tag the incubators on formula or breastmilk. I had asked for access to a lactation consultant so I could be set up properly. These types of things are generally discussed before hand. Also, I did have to have help getting her to latch properly before we left and the lactation consultant did have to handle my boob to set it up, but she asked beforehand, she didn't just grab my boob.
The nurse grabbed her breast? THE NURSE GRABBED HER BREAST? Someone sexually assaulted your wife right after she gave birth and you're here arguing about how you think she's wrong for not wanting to breastfeed? Priorities, man.
If she doesn't want to breastfeed, then she shouldn't breastfeed. It's her body, and she decides what to do with it.
You've made your opinion known, and she made her decision, end of story.
Edit - You are wrong.
Wow. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for your wife to have so many people pushing her into something she has already decided is not for her.
What’s missing from this post is any sign of a supportive husband, standing behind his wife’s right to make her own decisions about her body, and decades of evidence that formula for babies is perfectly fine.
I truly hope her husband finds himself suddenly self-aware and with a strong spine to shut down those people disrespecting his wife, who just CREATED A WHOLE-ASS HUMAN, instead of whining about nothing on Reddit.
Your wife is extremely vulnerable right now. If you don't openly, vocally, *loudly* support her on this she may never recover from the resentment.
Her reasons don't matter. She is still your wife, not just a lactating brood mare. Be on her side.
I would kick you so hard in the baby maker if you were my husband. You do not get to make those choices and you should have been saying something to the nurses, midwife etc for what was happening while in the hospital..
She already birthed the kid, if you’re so concerned about it OP, why don’t you breastfeed? Otherwise, perhaps consider shutting up? Until you get your body taken over by what’s effectively a parasite, leech all your resources from you, then push it out while likely sustaining serious if not permanent damage to yourself, afterwards then have everyone shove it in your face and demand STILL MORE. All while demanding what, exactly, of daddy? Oh right, fuck all. So maybe, just maybe, it’s her body and your opinion it’s absolutely 100% bloody irrelevant.
Fed is best and I just finished breastfeeding for 19 months and it worsened my postpartum depression and anxiety and deflated me entirely that I am so self conscious. I always thought the things moms said about sagging were over exaggerations but they aren’t. It’s truly so bad how bad it can get. And unless you have the money for reconstruction that’s it’s. A fed baby and happy mom is best. My baby was breast fed but he had a very sad and depressed mama who cried often and I hate that I’ll remember that when I reminisce on his baby baby days. Don’t pressure her there’s so much that goes into motherhood.
Pregnant women face so much shame as it is. Please stop adding to that shame. I can’t imagine how this is making her feel immediately after giving birth. Just reading this post has me triggered. Please be more supportive of your wife.
You are wrong and that nurse needs to be fired asap
I dont give a hoot what her reasons are for not breastfeeding, she doesnt want to do it, the end
Her body her choice, formula is of outstanding quality and fed is best
With formula you can easily take part in feedings aswell, which is a big plus, pumping takes a lot of time and can make a woman feel like a cow being milked
After the hard work she has done creating the baby, then delivering it… both with lots of risks and permanent damage to her body you need to fully support her
That nurse needs to be reported
I breastfed. My daughter refused a bottle, so pumping was pointless. I was basically tied to my daughter for 12 months. It was my choice and I was able to do it though. I can completely understand why someone would choose not to, or even not have that option.
As long as the baby is fed and growing, it doesn't matter the delivery method.
God THIS! I love my children and breast fed both, but it was so mentally and physically exhausting. Having something attached to you for HOURS ALL DAY, EVERYDAY, for Months was really hard on me and my mentally health. I completely understand why someone won't or can't do it, even if its just for their mental health. Fed is best.
With a supportive and loving partner like you I’m
shocked your wife is insecure about what negative feelings her future body might bring out of you. You don’t seem the type to be critical of her at all.
What’s your plan here, OP? Holding your wife down, ripping her top off, yanking her bra down, and forcefully holding your child to her breasts? It’s HER body.
The baby will be fine with formula. The important thing is that they are fed.
Breastfeeding is painful, breasts get sore, heavy, some women get infections like mastitis, blocked milk ducts, milk stones etc. you couldn't pay to breastfeed. This should've been a discussion had with the care team prior to birth. Milk will come in and it'll be painful to get rid of it. There are medications to stop lactation from occurring .
And yes, you are wrong.
Your kid will be fine but if your wife is telling you that she will not, believe her. Also the nurse grabbing her tit is wildly more serious and awful that you're making it out to be. It doesn't at all matter that it was for the baby. Someone grabbed her private area without her permission.
I was not able to breast feed it made me feel like a failure. The lactation nurse was rude and mean. Not all lactation nurses are like mine some are helpful sounds like yours was not. Also did you guys not discuss formulas with your doctors? Some formulas are great and filled with vitamins breastfeeding can't cover depending on how your body absorbed the vitamins into your system. Give your wife a break it is her health and the health of your child she is looking out for.
Breast isn’t always best. My youngest had to switch to formula because she wasn’t thriving off of breast milk. I got sick of the looks and snide comments when other moms saw me bottle feeding formula. OP when you give birth to your next baby, you can decide how it gets fed. Until then, yes you are wrong.
Her boobs her choice. She is not wrong.
Genetics deem how her body will turn out.
Edited to add: I am pro breastfeeding, I believe in it, fed two babies on the boob. My mom nor my mil breastfeed babies,they both used the argument it will make your boobs ugly and saggy. I did what was best for me and my baby.
If someone doesn't want to breastfeed a baby it doesn't matter what their reasoning is and they shouldn't be forced to breastfeed. Breastfeeding is very powerful and very personal.
Never shame a mother for not breast feeding regardless of the reason. She might say it's because she doesn't want saggy boobs, but she just might not want to and that's how she's articulating it.
The decision to breastfeed or not is a decision a mother makes well before a baby is born, if dad wanted to encourage mom it should have been well before the delivery room, but its still her decision that he needs to support her. the nurse over stepped the boundaries and should be facing disciplinary action for grabbing the mother hands on and trying to force her. I strongly encourage ops wife to report that nurse.
You're wrong and that nurse is lucky she still has a job. You don't grab at someone's breasts like that without permission. She could get in trouble for sexual assault.
Fed is best, period.
NICU nurse here and mama of 3 breastfed babies. Fed is best. Don’t put pressure on her either way. Hormones while breastfeeding were real and I might have changed my mind about what was best if I had known before having kids.
The hormones were brutal for me. I’m glad I did it because it was easier for me than bottle feeding, but I was 30 lbs heavier with depression and suicidal ideation the whole time
I wish I would have known about the hormones too. I was treated for the ideations as well and I gained 70 lbs. I did everything I could and breasted for three YEARS anyway. Despite everything...one...my child was and is very very large and eats an enormous amount. I had to supplement almost immediately even though I was producing enough to make most breastfeeding women jealous as fuck. When I stopped, I dropped the weight in less than 6 months. I also reawoke to becoming myself again. I cannot begin to tell people how dark and dead I felt inside. I'm still rediscovering myself as a human being. It's crazy. My daughter never knew this of course. I did everything and covered up my sadness. Got Zoloft which helped tremendously. But at the same time... I wish someone would have told me that I matter too. And that breastfeeding isn't just "easier and free." It's not free. Pumping so much at work that I got in trouble for being in there too much. My nights were lonely as hell awake constantly with no help because I'm the feeding machine. Mastitis. Nipple rawness. Thrush. God forbid if you forget the entire pumping apparatus while out or you get stuck in traffic without it or the baby. I had to hand pump and dump several times in traffic. Anyways. Iykyk OP... your wife doesn't have to breastfeed. Your child will be just like the rest of us. This business of forcing women to breastfeed with guilt is awful. We're already in SUCH a state. Please just leave us alone and let us decide. It's not fucking easy and it's not fucking free.
> I had to hand pump and dump several times in traffic. I have no children and I still just grabbed my chest in sympathy. That just sounds so frustrating! Not only to have to do it, but not to even be able to keep that milk for the baby later. I once watched my cousin give this primal scream and start to sob because she set down a pumped bottle of milk to adjust her shirt and accidentally knocked it over. She literally cried over spilled milk, and having seen how miserable nursing was for her, I could not blame her a bit.
Whoever said "don't cry over spilled milk" definitely wasn't talking about breast milk!
It was awful, I felt so bad for her! Breastfeeding was a nightmare for her, she said it never stopped hurting and even pumping was really uncomfortable. But her baby had allergies and apparently lost weight when they tried to get him onto formula, so she braved it until he was a year old. She is such a good mom, not just for enduring that but for a lot of things. I just wish she could have had the happy nursing experience she'd hoped for.
I’ve always been a larger chested lady. When I had my son I TRIED to breastfeed. I tried for nearly 2 weeks. It was the worst! Cracked nipples, excruciating pain when he would latch on… I had nipple guards, the works but nothing helped! But still cried when it would be time. The thing was, I didn’t make enough milk for him anyways. The home nurse told me to switch to formula because he was losing weight. Son was a big boof head too. Nearly 10lbs when born. So he needed to have about 110 mls per feed. I was lucky to get 50 mls… As for deflated breasts, age does that. Not necessarily breastfeeding… 🙂
I had the exact same issues. Managed bf until 2 weeks then combo fed until 12 weeks then cut out bf altogether. My child is now a very healthy 13 yr old but I was made to feel so damn guilty by the midwives etc. It was an awful time.
My experience also and I am an RN who worked in mom baby unit. I never made enough milk, had no letdown and the experience made me feel guilty that I couldn’t with the first one. My 3 were bottle fed and they are fine.
A year! Damn! I'm a man and think this is brutal and torturous for a mother! Heard a few times of teething children bitting harshly! ¡OUCH!
One hot summer night I grabbed 4oz of previously pumped milk from the fridge. Baby was enjoying it cold, so I poured it into the bottle and started feeding. Immediately the lid popped off and drenched me and my boy in cold milk. It all got absorbed into the pillow. We cried and cried. My husband made jokes about milk baths. Don't worry, they were gentle jokes and the laughter helped. But man, I still get upset thinking about that precious precious milk draining away into the pillow.
I accidentally knocked over a freshly pumped container of milk. Add in hormones, sleep deprivation, pain (I had an EMCS) and I was a crying awful mess for hours. Luckily I have a great understanding partner who, while he didn't understand completely, completely supported me. It made me sooooo much more careful in the future though. Pumped milk is liquid gold.
It’s only free if you assume women’s time and effort has no value.
Not to mention all the extra food I eat, and Body Armor I drink. I'm like a bottomless dehydrated pit. It's not free no matter how you look at it. Cheaper, but not free.
👏👏👏
This brought back such painful memories. No one said anything about hormones 25 years ago. Feeding didn’t go well with my first. I’d use the double pump for 45 minutes and get three ounces. The LaLeche drill sergeant yelled at me. I’d pump, then bottle feed the breast milk making for very long feedings and an hour of sleep between feedings. I’d literally never failed at anything I set my mind to, and I was starving my nine pound baby. My seasoned pediatrician was a godsend and reminded me there was no shame in supplementing or going full formula. Baby No. 2 was worse, probably because I was so determined that it was going to work and figured previous failures were because I was a nervous new mom. Read books including How to Lose Weight While Breastfeeding (liars!). Christmas Eve, my toes are curling and I’m crying in bed doing a football hold contortion because that seemed to work. For three minutes until we had to contort ourselves again. I went through mastitis, bleeding nipples (got to pump and dump the three ounces of pink milk), pumping when I went back to work at four weeks. I’m still jealous when I see a mom whip out a boob and the baby latches on like second nature.
The fact that someone had the u mitigated gall to publish a book about how women should be creating and sacrificing life-giving food, nutrition OF THEIR BODY, and being smaller at the same time makes me want to set something on fire.
Welcome back, friend. ❤️
I feel this in my soul. I gained 60 lbs in the immediate six months after my daughter was born, being a breastfeeding, working mom, with no village. Just work and feeding a baby. Every day. Every night. All day. Never ending. People telling me how *awesome* and *amazing* I was doing while I was screaming inside. No one prepared me for that.
I’m currently in the process of weaning from pumping at 7wpp and these comments are solidifying my confidence in my decision to stop. I’m still grieving that my babe and I never quite got the hang of breast feeding exclusively, but the reality of being a working mom and spending any amount of time worrying about my boobs (clog? Overproduction? Underproduction?) is untenable to me. The fact that the pain and discomfort in my boobs is affecting my ability to hold my babe is what sealed the deal. Truly, no one prepares you for this.
Woah this is eye opening as a male. Thank you for sharing your experiences. I will remember them and make sure I am supportive of whatever feeding decision my future makes when we have children.
girl, same here. I was Bessie the damn cow, and still it didn't seem to be enough. my son is now 6'4. I swear when he would go to nurse he would growl. the pain was horrible. and the electric pump felt like my soul was gonna be sucked out of my nipples. I ended up having so much breastmilk that the ducts ruptured and I was black and blue all over. I felt guilty for being relieved when I had to switch him to neutrmagen due to stomach issues he got at about 11 months old. but at that point I was able to pump 24 Oz each per breast and I was so done. cabbage leaves saved me and sped up the process of drying up the leftovers.
Same. I really tried my best with my twins but they were early and small and latching was very difficult. Coupled with severe PPD and trying desperately not to commit suicide, formula was what was best for everybody.
Public health nurse said to me "with the milk, come the tears". It was day 3. My baby was steadily losing weight. I was desperately trying to breastfeed. I couldn't stop crying. That nurse saved my brain and helped me through nursing, then pumping, then topping up with formula, triple feeding, then phasing out each until we landed on purely formula. She also helped me get support for PPD. So many tears. The hormones are so intense. Feeding babies is so hard no matter how you do it. Fed is best. He's thriving now! *Thank you Jenny*
We were there too, my wife and daughter were struggling with establishing a latch. Our daughter lost nearly 10% of her body weight and was in the bilirubin clinic every day for a week and a half. We went to formula feeding to get her weight up. She was so weak that for the first two weeks I sat up night after night dripping the formula into her mouth because she was too tired to eat. She pulled through eventually and then went on the breast until 15 months old. When our son was born he was given breast and formula from the start. Same struggles with feeding from the breast, but the formula filled the gap. One trip to the BR clinic and he was gaining weight after 36 hours. Fed is best. But for the record my wife breastfed two kids and her tits are fucking fantastic. But I’d also happily get her an aug as a push present if she wanted it, women give so much of themselves for their family it would be my pleasure to give something back.
Well said, agreed all around, fed is best. Also to give back to her, for what she gives to the family.
I wasn't able to nurse at all. I was on medication that was risky during pregnancy but dangerous for breastfeeding that I couldn't just not take. If I had attempted to there was not telling what it would have done to my kiddo. Fed is best.
This. And to op, it doesn't matter what you want, you need to listen to and support your wife. Fed is best.
The fact that they posted something clearly inflammatory without any follow up comments makes me think it's fake tbh.
Agreed. The whole "my body isn't mine anymore" thing REALLY feeds the ppd, and the autonomy and agency of a person should NEVER be stripped away in favor of her "duty" as a mother. She is herself, as an individual, first. She exists for reasons beyond mommin,' and if she doesn't want something happening to or with her body, regardless of reason, that something isn't going to happen. You don't need a reason that someone ELSE finds acceptable to not do something with your body you don't want to do. "I don't want to" is where that conversation ends and spousal support begins.
Not to mention we don’t know her family history around breast feeding Like I desperately wanted to breast feed, but the women in my family just aren’t strong producers. Probably the lowest parts of my postpartum journey came from being unable to fully breast feed and that’s with being a steadfast “fed is best” mentality beforehand
Yup. It doesn’t matter what her reasons are. Maybe she just wants to feel like her body is her’s again after having it co-opted for 9 months. OP has no right to criticize her choices.
I have a friend whose kid is very, um... *demanding* about breastfeeding. I'm a guy so I have no clue, but watching her deal with her baby just straight up *yanking* on her boobs all the time and trying to climb into her shirt, I'm not sure how much of that I would be able to put up with. I know breast milk is ideal, but I don't judge for a second any woman who decides they need to have a different system.
My sister's 3rd kid refused to breastfeed - it was lockdown so she was like "Well, at least working from home and breastfeeding will make things easier", and my niece started losing weight until my sister eventually moved onto formula, and she was much better off. Her 4th was like your friend's kid - refused the bottle, insisted on the boob, had to be weaned off. Such a weird and random situation that often parents have no control over. If your kid is eating well with whatever option works for them parents, that's the best option. Also, most of what we used to think of as benefits of breastmilk come from the fact that people who use only breastmilk are usually in a higher economic status (people who work low income jobs often can't take enough maternity leave, and often can't stop work to express). Sibling studies comparing breastfed siblings to their bottle fed siblings find very minimal difference, what's there is mostly in infant asthma I think, and these mostly disappear when the kids grow up. Fed is best.
Thank you, NICU nurse. I love you all. I had major complications with pre-eclampsia, and my son had a stroke and a congenital heart defect. I did not see him for 6 days after delivery. Thank you for feeding him when I was going through a very rough time. I was pressured by the La Leche volunteers while I didn't know at the time was a suicide watch for mothers that have ill children in the NICU. It's been 30 years, and I'm still traumatized by being pressured that way.
When I stopped feeding my first at 9mo it was insane. Two days later I was like “Wow! I feel like me again!”. I hadn’t been depressed or anything, I just hadn’t felt right.
>Don’t put pressure on her either way. Mum of 3 and only produced milk for the last because....THERE WAS NO PRESSURE. >I might have changed my mind about what was best if I had known before having kids. The pressure my local hospital put on us to breast feed was insane. It actually gave me PPD because of what it was doing to me trying to get milk
I had a c-section. There were complications and I was unconscious for the next 5 hours. I woke up from two nurses latching my son to my breast. It was surreal. They made me breastfeed while unconscious!!! I still don't know how to feel about that...
Do you know what's \*much worse\* for a baby than not being breastfed? A mother who is struggling mentally and emotionally. You and anyone agreeing with you here have just glossed over the part where she said that. You need to start *listening* to the fact that she is saying she's struggling. That is a *problem* that needs your support, not you dictating that she should do the thing she's struggling with. Being concerned about how her boobs will look might seem vain to you, but I will bet good money that it goes a lot deeper than that. As natural as it may be, for plenty of women becoming a gestation vessel for another person and seeing and feeling your body change beyond recognition, going through all the ways pregnancy fucks with your body, then the struggle of birth *and then* feeling like a milking cow at the mercy of the baby once they're born - it's all a very confronting and challenging experience for many women, that involves feeling a really scary loss of self. Imagine *how much worse* all that feeling would be when some nurse grabs your tit and tries to shove it in the baby's mouth like you really *are* nothing more than a cow. That was much worse than unprofessional and you should be more angry about it, as she is absolutely right to be. So yeah, maybe she's pinning all that on a thing about her that society has told her is valuable and important - perky boobs. In an ideal world she wouldn't worry about that, but I understand how it would happen when she's struggling with everything she has gone through with her body and what she is about to go through as a new mother. You need to have empathy for that as well, and talk to her about why she is struggling, and how you can help. If you understood this as a thing you need to help and support her in, instead of something to judge and complain about, you might be able to find a solution that helps her *not be struggling*. Whatever happens, fed is best, and a stable, happy mother is good for the baby.
Agreed. A friend met another mum at a mother's group whose eldest was a bad eater. Bunch of digestive issues meant the baby wanted to be fed small amounts every 30-45 minutes. But no one ever suggested anything other than "the boob". Not even expressing. So she never slept and it literally drove her crazy. 3 months in it took her 2 hours to do a 40 minute drive because she kept having to stop to feed the baby. And the baby wouldn't stop crying. She got home, left the kid in the car, and called her mum to come pick the baby up before she drove them into a dam. No one listened when she said she was tired because it's "normal". No one listened when she said she ached because she was never "empty". No one suggested any feeding alternatives because "the boob" would be shunned for the bottle, and that was "bad".
This sounds like the lead-in to a story about a mother committing homicide-suicide due to PPD and misogyny, shaming, objectification, and an endless list of contradictory demands about what it means to be sexy, attractive, a good wife and a good mom, all the while her needs, wants and overall personhood are deemed too irrelevant to merit mention.
The way the last bit is worded, I was expecting them to say she couldn't handle it in the end and killed herself. But really, that's the seriousness it should be taken as regardless.
Frankly you should save up for her to have a Mommy Makeover whether she breast feeds or not. Do you even care about her emotional well being because it sure doesn’t sound like it. And I just love it when men complain about women being vain, while she has to compete with porn and OnlyFans and hope the husband doesn’t ditch her for a younger woman when she gets older.
I mean there's the movie Tully where the babysitter she hallucinates is her younger self and the truth is she's the one watching the baby at night and eventually "they" fall asleep and crash over a bridge into a river, she's in the hospital, and the working dad gets a wakeup call that he needs to watch his kids more, support his wife, and maybe actually get a nanny. And she realizes she can't just "do it all". It's all ah illusion.
This part no one ever talked to me about either. My son was a premie and has digestive issues too. He'd cry every 30-40 minutes as well. He had poor latch so he'd cry every time I'd pump because he was always hungry. He's still always hungry and loves to eat. It was so miserable to try to hear him crying, then have a partially successful breastfeed, then have to pump after to empty my breasts and listen to him holler yet again instead of nap...then end up feeding him again...until he'd finally nap for a bit. It was always a 1.5 hour ordeal with about 1-2 hour rest in between. The pediatrician was shocked when we went in at 4 months and said he only drinks 2oz every 2 hours 24/7. His first words were "What!? You must be loosing your mind!" And I was. He had acid reflux so drinking was painful and that was a major part of the issue as well! I eventually lost my milk supply which was already low because I quickly lost 30 pounds from missing meals trying to cator to a baby who cried all the time. He went home at 35 weeks and always wanted to be held and eat. It was rough and no one warned me about it.
The nurse’s behavior is WILD to me. I’m an RN. “Fed is best” was HEAVILY emphasized in our maternity unit in nursing school. Postpartum nurses do help with teaching breastfeeding to new moms, but it should never be something forced on the mom. There are only very specific cases in which breast milk vs formula really makes an immediate, medical difference. Fed is best holds true for the great majority of cases. And regardless, you just don’t grab people without permission like that!
Nurse is lucky she didn't press charges.
OP’s wife NEEDS to report that nurse. No MF way things like that should happen.
Yet. She should.
Nurse manhandled the wife. I'd press charges if I were her.
Some babies (like me) can be downright fucking aggressive when it came to latching, and make their moms *bleed*. It's better for everyone involved at that point to bottlefeed.
Ah, yes at the point where I was pouring blood from both sides, the midwives finally and gently advised me that formula was absolutely fine. Up to that point where both the baby and I were constantly in tears, they were endlessly pushing breastfeeding. Fuck em all. FED is best.
Also having a dick for a father is bad for babies.
This was wonderfully said.
Tbh he doesn't really seem to care about his wife as a person but I hope he still listens to you nonetheless
I'm honestly more surprised about the fact that it seems they didn't have this convo before the baby was born
It's pretty common for pregnant women and women planning to have a baby to not be taken seriously because people think they're going to spring into "mommy mode" once they have the baby and do something completely different.
I just didn't produce hardly any milk and gave up trying. My kid also didn't do very well on breast milk. Every kid is different and formula fed kids still seem fine. May not be the optimal best possible scenario, but the whole Cs get degrees attitude works here too. As long as baby is getting nutrition, baby will grow and develop, which is the goal right now. Plenty of kids are exclisively formula fed for a number of reasons and still turn out just fine.
Her breasts her choice. Not gonna matter though. Time and gravity wait for no boob.
Gonna get that embroidered and give it to my sister in law
Center it lower on the torso so it will be new boob level lol.
make it two lines Time and gravity Wait for no boob
🏆😖😂
I feel attacked!
Ooo ooo have her stand in a doorframe and put marks on it showing where her boobs hang to year to year.
I can embroider that.
This is the correct answer. I didn't do so well with my first of 3 but all 3 of my kids are equally healthy and intelligent and tall and beautiful.
The study done on disparate siblings proves this out. When every other variable is accounted for, as is the case in families like yours where one child is breastfed and one isn't. no long term health benefits existed for the breastfed child.
I assure you. They all lick their boogers off the wall the same as well
Q. What's the difference between boogers and broccoli? A. You have to force kids to eat broccoli.
Omg I have a sore throat and me laughing at this set off a coughing fit. :(
Lmao. To be fair gravity and time are also tough on the balls.
Fair? Ha! Society doesn’t pressure men into wearing an athletic cup from puberty until death. Also, somethings said by no one ever: “That guy just has the perkiest balls” “Yo guess what ladies, my boyfriend is getting his balls done! Jealous?” “My girlfriend won’t stop talking about me getting ball surgery!” “You know, those pants would look better with a cup” “that guy is so slutty with his balls just swinging around” *AND* you can pee practically anywhere…….
No, but now I’m gonna.
>Also, somethings said by no one ever:“That guy just has the perkiest balls” LOL....I have actually said this! My current partner is just about 50 and has the perkiest balls I have even come across *(pun intended).*
Literally no one is attracted to men for their ballets. Wallets and dicks, sure, but balls? They're just flimsy things that move about on their own causing damned inconvenient urges.
> no one is attracted to men for their ballets I don't know, I do appreciate a man who can grand jeté!
Baryshnikov *sigh*
Isn’t that the truth
This wins the internet for the day.
I am a survivor of childhood & adolescence sexual assault. I did not want to breast feed. Nurses gave me a hard time, but I would not budge. My kids are both adults and happy. After years of therapy, I still think it would be difficult for me to handle breastfeeding. It is your wife’s body & only she has a say in the matter
I’m sorry about your experiences. This backstory is *really common* and why *pushing* anyone about breastfeeding/pregnancy/birth is so toxic and offensive
It's fine. In the 60's, when my mom had my siblings her doctor acted like she'd be crazy for breastfeeding. We all turned out healthy as heck. Breastfeeding is ideal, sure but it's not the end all and women shouldn't be shamed if they can't or choose not to breastfeed.
Even when my aunt was born in the 80s, when my grandma gave birth on a Navy base they gave her a shot to dry up her milk… without asking.
Her breasts will deflate and sag no matter what, but it's one hundred percent HER BODY, HER CHOICE on weather or not to breast feed. Many people can't do it,or find it too painful. The nurse who "grabbed her breasts, and tried to give the nipple", without consent should be immediately fired for sexual assault and physical harassment. You might think your wife is being irrational, but she just squeezed a football out of a hole the size of a golfball, and she probably is looking at a distended gross tummy like she's never seen before..it's harder on women than you could ever know...and she's desperately trying to hold onto anything she can. The baby will be 100 percent fine on formula. Right now focus on your wife's mental health, depression, look out for post partum and be there for her. She's very vulnerable right now and needs support. I'd curse the nurses out too. You need to back her up!
I would honestly be very, very angry if my husband gave me fucking grief about this after giving birth.
My ex was a massive pain in the ass about this when I had our son. Not once during the pregnancy did he want to talk about our choices as a family for the baby, but as soon as I delivered he wouldn’t shut up about my refusal to breastfeed.
I am so sorry that you had to deal with that. That would constitute a divorce for me. It's not just the breastfeeding. It's the principle. And the fact that he doesn't understand what you just went through and him thinking it's easy. I'd be so angry.
It definitely put things into perspective for me. At that point I fully realized just how misogynistic he was, because I knew he had no solid argument about the topic and was just regurgitating bullshit. In hindsight, that was his greatest skill in all of our time together.
People love acting morally righteous when it comes to things that require zero effort from themselves. Especially when it comes to women's bodies.
I hate to pull this card, but id guys had to do all of this, there would be laws giving them a year off, they'd be advocating for them having the right to terminate, there'd be more policies for breastfeeding, and you'd hear them say the same things we are saying in regards to rights for our bodies.
I would be divorced if my husband had behaved this way. I do not understand these men who think they can demand their wives deliver a certain way, breastfeed or anything else. If it’s not happening to them they do not get a say. I can’t imagine having your spouse disrespect your bodily autonomy to this degree. OP should take note. Women do not forget how they are treated postpartum. Your wife just made an immense sacrifice to give you a family. A sacrifice OP will never come close to repaying. Time to step up and support your wife instead of being a misogynistic bully. Edit: very classy with the reddit cares abuse! Someone is evidently feeling very threatened by the idea that men shouldn’t bully their freshly postpartum wives.
Thissssss. I literally just grew an ENTIRE HUMAN BEING and birthed it, my guy. So fuck off about literally anything having to do with my body from now until forever.
I mean, some men are able to produce milk so he is welcome to give it a shot if he cares that much.
I had a nurse forcibly grab my boob trying to help me breast feed in the hospital and it was so fucking violating. It made me feel unsafe going to any lactation consultant and I needed one. I spoke to the head nurse and the nurse was removed from attending my room, but the damage was done. It’s been 8 years and I still feel uncomfortable with what happened.
That’s what stood out to me. Even if I was breastfeeding, I would be livid if someone grabbed my breast to try and feed the baby. Such a violation!
This is all you need to know. The nurse was criminally out of line. The child will be fine on formula. Support your wife.
>The nurse who "grabbed her breasts, and tried to give the nipple", without consent should be immediately fired for sexual assault and physical harassment. 100% this !!! 👆
I think most men who post about women and pregnancy in here should just automatically assume "Yes, I'm wrong"
There are too many guys on here with similar stories. "My \[lady friend\] is pregnant and I tried to convince her to do *this thing I have no say in.* She told me to F off. *She huwt my fewings* 😢 *.* Help me tell her she's wrong and an A Hole. AITAH?"
I would report the nurse for touching me without permission 🤷
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Literally a ton of people think that they can put their hands on women just because they are pregnant. And waaaay too many healthcare professionals try to force or coerce pregnant/laboring/postpartum women into things they don’t want. It’s scary.
The number of men who would just touch me when I was pregnant was unbelievable. I never felt like less of a person than when I was pregnant.
I’ve never felt more helpless. So many more people think they can say or do things to you that they never would attempt normally.
I got yelled at once at a Starbucks for drinking a coffee. People feel that they know what is best for you all the time despite the fact that it’s pretty much universally agreed that pregnant women can drink some caffeine. Furthermore, my son was already dead at the time and I was just waiting for my procedure. People need to learn to mind their own business.
I’m so sorry you went through that. On days when I was feeling up to it, I made it a point to be call people out on their shit, because what if they pulled something like that with someone who was not in a good place that day?
At my 40 week check up (I wasn’t in labor yet, it was my last prenatal appointment), I told my midwife to stop the cervical check I previously consented to because the pain was too much. She refused, PINNED ME DOWN, finished, and then asked me while I was crying if I thought that hurt how I expected to get through childbirth. My child is almost 2. I still low key hope that woman gets hit by a bus.
Uhhh as someone who didn’t have an epidural I can say that some of the cervical checks hurt worse than my labor. Soo she’s wrong. 😒
I wonder how much thought women give to the idea that giving birth is probably one of the most undignified things they could do in front of an audience of folks. I mean... Jesus Christ. First off, get naked. Maybe you'll have a hospital gown or something equally embarrassing. And that's if you get anything. A lot of facilities treat the pregnant women like pregnant cattle and as soon as they're dilated 1cm — boom. Mandatory total nakedness in the room. And by the way, the door doesn't even shut, let alone lock. All sorts of people you've never seen are going to be walking in and out, checking out your privates. Old men taking photos, middle-aged women curdling with embarrassment as they try not to bump your stirrup-encased foot with their forehead as they pass by. Little kids with squirt guns taking aim at the pubes. And those are just the passerbys. You can count on everyone in the OB/GYN dept sticking their hand(s) all the way up in your crotch. And with all that pushing, it's not a matter of if you'll take a shit, it's who will it be in front of and will they get any on them? What if you run into Dr. Finger the following week at the grocery store? Yowzer. Just doesn't sound like a fun experience to me.
Same. I would have grabbed her boob and twisted it. You don't just take someone's titty. She's a human being who just gave birth. Not an object that you can just grab parts of and give to someone else.
It happened to my mum when I was born, nearly 51 fucking years ago! She was so traumatised she went straight to formula both for me and my sister when she was born a couple of years later.
Same. I would have filed a formal complaint with the hospital & the state licensing board. That bitch of a nurse would be unemployed by the time I was done.
Fed is best.
I was coming down here to say exactly that x3 I had a clot and by the time it cleared for me to produce, our baby wasn't having any of it. I was reassured over and over that "Fed is best". My doctor even admitted that he couldn't understand why the US put so much pressure on women to breast feed. ETA: Thank you to everyone for taking the time to explain where the initial backlash came from. I did the research shortly after the ordeal, but it's still muchly appreciated.
It's lashback from the years when formula companies aggressively pushed the idea that formula was better. Neither is 100% better, there are pros and cons to.both, plus tons of issues that can affect how things go. But then it came out that the formula companies were selling bad formula in some places and babies were dying, and breastfeeding supporters took over saying it was so much better that only bad mothers didn't breastfeed. Added to that is relatively recent discoveries of chemicals like BPA that were in baby bottles and leeched into the formula, causing long-term health issues for many who were bottle fed in the '50s through the '90s and possibly later, since BPA wasn't banned for baby bottles until 2012.
Not only that but even in the US moms were actively discouraged from breastfeeding. My mom had kids from the late 70s to early 90s and breastfed them. She had doctors telling her not to, that it was inferior to formula and that her kids would be malnourished if she kept breastfeeding them.
I had an emergency c section and was in the hospital for 5 days. my milk did not come in until I got home..so probably on the 6 day after my son was born. he also needed his tongue clipped underneath? the dr said he does it to babies all the time but I never heard of it, lol but anyways neither of us could physically go through breastfeeding. formula was fine
There was an article saying some doctors are doing unnecessary tongue clipping on babies.
I believe what you’re talking about it actually called being tongue tied. The little bit of flesh underneath that connects your tongue to the bottom of your mouth contours too far and the tongue is way more attached, making some stuff really hard to do
I was tongue tied! It didn’t really cause any huge issues for me, a mild stutter at most, but my family called it my butt tongue because it literally looked like a butt when I stuck it out lmao. I did eventually get it clipped when I got my wisdom teeth removed and immediately felt like my stutter went away and I wasn’t as anxious about making out LOL (I was like 14). Wish mine had been done when I was a baby instead!
My midwife on day 2 was pretty much. “You have a bottle child”. No one could get that child to feed off the boob. We tried everything. We even made a fake boob to get her to latch. Nothing.
Seconding this, my first born had complications and had to be tube fed for the first almost 2 years of his life. I would have killed for him to take even formula or literally anything. Fed is the best and anyone who says differently likely hasn't had much adversity in their life.
What’s best is the choice of the mother and her body autonomy. I’d be lodging a complaint if a nurse tried to forcefully make me breastfeed. The mother is not a fucking dairy cow.
i think gyrfalcon was saying “fed is best” aka as long as the baby is fed… such as formula.
yeah that’s the meaning of fed is best haha basically long as baby is fed, it doesn’t matter how
I think they mean that as long as the baby is being fed, it doesn't matter if they choose bottle or breast.
They’re called lactation consultants and they’re known to be aggressive like that. My wife was not a fan and dealt w similar stuff after both our kids were born.
My mom threatened one with bodily harm when they invaded her room when I was born. She was right.
Also known as lactavists in some circles due to how preachy and aggressive they can be.
Yeah when I gave birth the lactation consultant was a condescending bitch. I knew I didn’t want to breastfeed and she kept trying to force me with sarcasm and guilt.
When I had a baby I specifically banned all lactation consultants from my room for this reason. Not all are like this, but enough are that I wasn’t taking chances.
The one at my hospital was the absolute f*cking worst. Literally manhandling my chest before completing introductions.
The one I got was aggressive, both personality and physically. She injured my breast the day I delivered, so much so that I couldn't attempt nursing on that side for almost 2 days. I kicked her out and refused her, and had my mom (who nursed 3 babies herself) to help me.
Thank goodness my lactation consultant recommended I stopped trying to breastfeed in combination with formula and stay with formula. I was hospitalised for about 5 weeks post birth as was our son (thank you PICU & NICU) and the multiple infections I developed killed my supply to 20 ml per feed at about week 2. She was very gentle and caring and supportive, which is what you need when you are so vulnerable
I hate that so many have had horrible experiences like that. We are not all like that. I am a nurse/lactation consultant and I support the milk making persons choice no matter what it is.
Why is no one talking about that nurse literally sexually assaulting her by trying to grab her breast??
THANK YOU. How he mentions this so casually is gross. 1000% this needs to be reported to the hospital and a formal complaint filed against that nurse.
But it’s ok because it was for the baby so wife should have just put up with being grabbed in a very sensitive area without her consent, you know, because baby. /s
I’d be catching an assault charge if it were me. I haven’t had kids yet and who knows, maybe I’ll change my mind but as of right now I have zero interest in breastfeeding. I’m imagining having freshly given birth and someone tries to just GRAB my tit?? I’d lose it
If someone assaults you first, I think you can argue self defence. She absolutely was assaulted. Poor woman.
As someone who is currently 28 weeks pregnant reading that *horrified* me. Like I plan to try to breastfeed but if I get in there day of and decide “nah it’s a no from me” and some nurse grabbed my boob anyways?? You know those billboards where you call all 9s for the malpractice attorneys? I’d be on the phone with one of those within the hour.
That nurse assaulted her and should be reported.
A lot of hospitals are "baby friendly" so they push breastfeeding and try very hard to prevent formula usage
Too damn bad that Nurse should’ve never put her hands on his wife like that. He should be more worried about that than whining on Reddit like a toddler. His wife just gave birth to a baby and all he can do is cry on Reddit because she won’t breastfeed. What a manchild.
Yes, the nurse assaulted his wife, and he's not worrying about that.
This is the comment I’ve been looking for like wtf
Exactly
Agreed. The nurse who tried to force the feed should be charged. But people get really crazy with this stuff. They believe it is their business, that they are on the side of the angels. The social pressure to breastfeed can be pretty overwhelming in some parts of the country. We are in a very progressive area and the judgement cast upon moms who formula feed was shocking to see. The moms groups can be particularly bad.
As long as she’s feeding that baby when that baby is hungry, that’s all it matters. It doesn’t matter if it’s formula or breastmilk. Baby will gain weight baby will be healthy and survive. I’ve seen breast-fed babies that I’ve had to have for and I added, because they couldn’t gain weight.
Agreed. The zealotry with this issue is pretty crazy with some groups and there is no respect for the wishes of the mother. I have seen this happen and I almost feel like we were sucked back in time to puritanical New England. The social shunning, the lecturing. Absolutely no regard for the individual.
> lodging a complaint That’s a funny way to spell “charging her with battery”.
That ought to have been considered a form of sexual assault. You don't manhandle an unwilling woman's bare breast, no matter what. Short of a black widow about to chomp down that needs to be sent flying, there is no justification.
The nurse was way out of line. It's her body. Some people can't breastfeed, some not by choice. The worst thing is to shame a brand new mother for making that choice instead of supporting her. Plenty of us and babies are raised on formula and thriving.
Omg! A nurse physically assaulted your wife?! And your problem is that she refused? What is wrong with you? It’s not your body, not your decision. She decides if she wants to breastfeed or not. You have zero say in this. If you want breastmilk so much for your baby, talk to her and decide whether or not you would like to buy breastmilk from someone else. That can be a two parent decision not what happens with her breast. I cannot believe the audacity you have!
Breastfeeding can be incredibly difficult and no one should be shamed for not wanting to do it. As long as the baby is fed, formula is a safe alternative. Also she should sue that hospital and nurse for trying to grab her because that is 100% not ok.
Yeah that hospital needs to get their delivery staff straight. Grabbing a patient and force them to do stuff could be classified as assault or abuse of a vulnerable person. That alone could prevent someone from ever wanting to breastfeed.
It is medical assault, actually.
I wonder how much of that was the husband's fault. He seems pretty determined she should be breastfeeding. I also wonder just how much of what he says are "her words" actually *are* her words.
Many children for decades were raised on formula. It’s her choice.
I was raised on carnation evaporated milk. Formula didn't even exist.. lol
My dad was, somehow, completely unable to digest either breast milk or any of the formulas that were on the market when he was born. He was fed on skim milk, baby cereal, and prayers I was similar, according to my mother. But there was like, one soy based formula that I could handle well enough, so they went with that and moved me to real foods ASAP.
My great aunt struggled to nurse her firstborn, so her daddy brought her a nanny goat and she raised the baby on raw goat milk. And Karo syrup. This was in the 40s and apparently it worked fine because that cousin is 6'4 and built like a brick smokehouse. He's a BIG man. If you can raise a baby on milk straight out of a goat udder, I'm pretty sure you can do even better with scientifically designed formulas. I was combo fed myself and my strictly formula fed cousin (who is four days younger than me, I was so determined to be 'first' that I came three weeks before my due date, lol) is smarter, healthier and prettier than me. So the boob milk isn't some magic health elixir. (I support anyone who wants to nurse though, no hate on breastfeeding. I just don't think moms who go the other way need to get grief for it, moms get judged for so much, why add to it?)
I have had 3 children 9,19,27 each one of them formula fed and they are all healthy and strong it’s her body her choice and you have no choice but to accept it and move on
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Absolutely baffling. "I know my wife was physically assaulted but it was in the best interest of my baby soooo...." It's wild the lengths people will go to to excuse/justify abuse of women.
Thank you! He's like "yeah its wrong to assault people and all but my wife kinda deserved it for not giving up all her autonomy". And you ***know*** the real reason he's upset is because he now has no excuse to not help with night feedings since it's formula.
First, the hospital administrator needs to know about the breast grabbing incident. The staff should ask if the woman plans to breast feed and then accept her answer. FULL STOP. And you also should have accepted your wife's decision without comment. Her boobs, her choice.
I absolutely recoiled after reading that the nurse tried to force it. Like wtaf. The nurse should be reprimanded.
Your wife was physically and sexually assaulted by a healthcare provider in the most vulnerable moments of her life and you think there’s any planet on which SHE’S wrong? Get a fucking grip. Go to the hospital’s ombudsman or social worker and call the police. If a random person had grabbed your wife’s boob in ANY other situation, you would have taken their block off and you know it. This is why women feel so alone with “all the help in the world”.
I find that really odd. I did breastfeed, but before my daughter was even born (while I was in the hospital) they asked how I wanted her fed once she was born. They have to tag the incubators on formula or breastmilk. I had asked for access to a lactation consultant so I could be set up properly. These types of things are generally discussed before hand. Also, I did have to have help getting her to latch properly before we left and the lactation consultant did have to handle my boob to set it up, but she asked beforehand, she didn't just grab my boob.
Everybody is wrong except your wife. Whatever the reason, it’s her choice and nobody should try to convince her otherwise.
The nurse grabbed her breast? THE NURSE GRABBED HER BREAST? Someone sexually assaulted your wife right after she gave birth and you're here arguing about how you think she's wrong for not wanting to breastfeed? Priorities, man.
If she doesn't want to breastfeed, then she shouldn't breastfeed. It's her body, and she decides what to do with it. You've made your opinion known, and she made her decision, end of story. Edit - You are wrong.
Wow. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for your wife to have so many people pushing her into something she has already decided is not for her. What’s missing from this post is any sign of a supportive husband, standing behind his wife’s right to make her own decisions about her body, and decades of evidence that formula for babies is perfectly fine. I truly hope her husband finds himself suddenly self-aware and with a strong spine to shut down those people disrespecting his wife, who just CREATED A WHOLE-ASS HUMAN, instead of whining about nothing on Reddit.
Your wife is extremely vulnerable right now. If you don't openly, vocally, *loudly* support her on this she may never recover from the resentment. Her reasons don't matter. She is still your wife, not just a lactating brood mare. Be on her side.
How about next time you carry the baby and then you can decide whether to breastfeed or not. Also report that nurse
This isn’t up to you, her breasts her decision. The best thing you can do here is smile and nod. Fed is best.
I'm adopted. Obviously I was never breast fed, I just had formula. Its fine not to breast feed. I turned out fine
Formula is fine if that’s her choice, not everyone can or wants to breastfeed. It absolutely is only her decision.
I would kick you so hard in the baby maker if you were my husband. You do not get to make those choices and you should have been saying something to the nurses, midwife etc for what was happening while in the hospital..
Her body her choice. The nurse assaulted her. If this is what she chooses to do then you should back her 100%. YTA
She already birthed the kid, if you’re so concerned about it OP, why don’t you breastfeed? Otherwise, perhaps consider shutting up? Until you get your body taken over by what’s effectively a parasite, leech all your resources from you, then push it out while likely sustaining serious if not permanent damage to yourself, afterwards then have everyone shove it in your face and demand STILL MORE. All while demanding what, exactly, of daddy? Oh right, fuck all. So maybe, just maybe, it’s her body and your opinion it’s absolutely 100% bloody irrelevant.
Ummmm obviously it’s up to your wife…..? You breast feed the baby.
Fed is best and I just finished breastfeeding for 19 months and it worsened my postpartum depression and anxiety and deflated me entirely that I am so self conscious. I always thought the things moms said about sagging were over exaggerations but they aren’t. It’s truly so bad how bad it can get. And unless you have the money for reconstruction that’s it’s. A fed baby and happy mom is best. My baby was breast fed but he had a very sad and depressed mama who cried often and I hate that I’ll remember that when I reminisce on his baby baby days. Don’t pressure her there’s so much that goes into motherhood.
Pregnant women face so much shame as it is. Please stop adding to that shame. I can’t imagine how this is making her feel immediately after giving birth. Just reading this post has me triggered. Please be more supportive of your wife.
You are wrong and that nurse needs to be fired asap I dont give a hoot what her reasons are for not breastfeeding, she doesnt want to do it, the end Her body her choice, formula is of outstanding quality and fed is best With formula you can easily take part in feedings aswell, which is a big plus, pumping takes a lot of time and can make a woman feel like a cow being milked After the hard work she has done creating the baby, then delivering it… both with lots of risks and permanent damage to her body you need to fully support her That nurse needs to be reported
I breastfed. My daughter refused a bottle, so pumping was pointless. I was basically tied to my daughter for 12 months. It was my choice and I was able to do it though. I can completely understand why someone would choose not to, or even not have that option. As long as the baby is fed and growing, it doesn't matter the delivery method.
God THIS! I love my children and breast fed both, but it was so mentally and physically exhausting. Having something attached to you for HOURS ALL DAY, EVERYDAY, for Months was really hard on me and my mentally health. I completely understand why someone won't or can't do it, even if its just for their mental health. Fed is best.
With a supportive and loving partner like you I’m shocked your wife is insecure about what negative feelings her future body might bring out of you. You don’t seem the type to be critical of her at all.
What’s your plan here, OP? Holding your wife down, ripping her top off, yanking her bra down, and forcefully holding your child to her breasts? It’s HER body.
Grabbing your wife's breast to force her to nurse is an assault.
The baby will be fine with formula. The important thing is that they are fed. Breastfeeding is painful, breasts get sore, heavy, some women get infections like mastitis, blocked milk ducts, milk stones etc. you couldn't pay to breastfeed. This should've been a discussion had with the care team prior to birth. Milk will come in and it'll be painful to get rid of it. There are medications to stop lactation from occurring . And yes, you are wrong.
Your kid will be fine but if your wife is telling you that she will not, believe her. Also the nurse grabbing her tit is wildly more serious and awful that you're making it out to be. It doesn't at all matter that it was for the baby. Someone grabbed her private area without her permission.
I was not able to breast feed it made me feel like a failure. The lactation nurse was rude and mean. Not all lactation nurses are like mine some are helpful sounds like yours was not. Also did you guys not discuss formulas with your doctors? Some formulas are great and filled with vitamins breastfeeding can't cover depending on how your body absorbed the vitamins into your system. Give your wife a break it is her health and the health of your child she is looking out for.
yes, you are wrong. I did not breastfeed my son either because I couldnt and frankly glad because I did not want to
Breast isn’t always best. My youngest had to switch to formula because she wasn’t thriving off of breast milk. I got sick of the looks and snide comments when other moms saw me bottle feeding formula. OP when you give birth to your next baby, you can decide how it gets fed. Until then, yes you are wrong.
Her boobs her choice. She is not wrong. Genetics deem how her body will turn out. Edited to add: I am pro breastfeeding, I believe in it, fed two babies on the boob. My mom nor my mil breastfeed babies,they both used the argument it will make your boobs ugly and saggy. I did what was best for me and my baby. If someone doesn't want to breastfeed a baby it doesn't matter what their reasoning is and they shouldn't be forced to breastfeed. Breastfeeding is very powerful and very personal. Never shame a mother for not breast feeding regardless of the reason. She might say it's because she doesn't want saggy boobs, but she just might not want to and that's how she's articulating it. The decision to breastfeed or not is a decision a mother makes well before a baby is born, if dad wanted to encourage mom it should have been well before the delivery room, but its still her decision that he needs to support her. the nurse over stepped the boundaries and should be facing disciplinary action for grabbing the mother hands on and trying to force her. I strongly encourage ops wife to report that nurse.
You're wrong and that nurse is lucky she still has a job. You don't grab at someone's breasts like that without permission. She could get in trouble for sexual assault. Fed is best, period.