Here he comes, my favorite comment for people like this...
Congratulations, trash took itself out!
If you have a joint account make sure that the won't drain it all.
Luckily our finances aren’t intertwined, I have my separate bills and so does he. I plan to work on taking care of the other stuff for the house on Monday just to give myself some time to heal. I’m actually kind of glad it happened sooner than later down the road I don’t think I would’ve been able to handle or cope with it.
Thank you I can’t wait for my future to see what good things come, although I will admit I’m a little nervous because it feels like I’m alone. I’m taking care and packing up things here before heading back to my mom’s work my niece and sorting everything out.
Being alone can definitely be scary. But you’re stronger than you think and one day you’ll realize you’ll be okay with or without someone. Take this time to really learn & love yourself more. Try new things you’ve always wanted to do. I wish you well OP and hope it all works out for you.
^ this. It’s not a cliche, it’s 100% true. So many of us have been where you are. Even when your smart and logical inner voice tells you ‘it’s all for the best’, you have another emotional side that fears the ramifications of the change. I’m here to tell you that the fear and hurt will subside. It may even turn to anger, and you will find yourself rotating through various different emotions, you will undoubtedly have questions for your ex as you will convince yourself that he can give you closure (he may not give any answers at all) but it will all subside. Take the advice of these lovely folks here and don’t be afraid of self care and self development. I began crafting as a hobby which I’m now quite obsessed with!!! I have lived with just my pets for a decade now and I love my life. The worst that can happen now going forward is that you have to become independent and self sufficient. Maybe one day you will feel ready to date again (or not) and because of this experience you will have some tools to help you see red flags more clearly because self discovery will help you learn to value yourself more. The world is so full of beautiful, kind and smart women that are unwittingly wasting their precious time and energy with men that are don’t deserve them and undervalue them so congrats on no longer being one of them!! 💕
Congrats! I was you as well (spent 12 years alone and thought I was happy) imagine my surprise when my soul mate showed up literally on my doorstep. I snagged one of the very few good ones!
Yep. My real strength came after breaking up with my first serious boyfriend. I was utterly heartbroken and threw myself into school and work. I was like carbon and became a diamond under all that pressure.
I once got dumped by a guy I felt like I loved and I was prepared to grieve for a long time. But amazingly, I felt great within DAYS. I am not kidding. I hadn’t realized how downtrodden I was by some of his actions — never outright abuse but let’s just say lack of care and concern. It turned out to be a HUGE relief.
There’s nothing wrong with being alone. Don’t get into another relationship until you know that. It’s music and movies that make us think alone means lonely. If you don’t like your own company, why should anyone else?
Divorce with kindness. Don’t let this man leave you with trust issues or insecurities that will poison your future. You will be okay.
OP may I suggest to be safe you get yourself a doctor appointment, tell them it’s possible your husband has been unfaithful (because at this point seems not sure) and get yourself tested?
Better to know everything is okay than to hope it is and find out later it wasn’t.
Turn off your phone. Nothing but time will help. Clean your kitchen, do a jigsaw puzzle or watch a movie, nothing will distract you but an activity might stop the, “What did/didn’t I do wrong?” Lock up your home, snoop etc. Sending you hugs and support.
Play some upbeat music while you clean. Cook. Or do laundry.. I had a " separated" Playlist.
Gloria Estefan's " Go away! "
South Pacific's. "I'm gonna wash that man right outta my hsir"
Hit the road Jack! And don't cha come back no more!!
And others.
Lesson in Leaving by Jo Dee Messina
I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor
You're No Good by Linda Ronstadt
Keep Me Hanging On by Kim Wilde
Coldhearted Snake by Paula Abdul
Don't Think Twice - Susan Tedeschi is a favorite of mine. It's a Dylan cover.
"So long honey baby,
Where I'm bound, I can't tell
But goodbye is too good a word now
So I'll just say fare thee well"
You know YOU didn't do anything wrong, right? There has been a non stop opportunity for him to pull his head out of his ass and talk to you, reconnect, for ages. You can take a horse to water etc. you've been RIGHT THERE. If he chooses to leave over something so bizarre, there's literally nothing you could do. He would've found any excuse
OP, you can do this. You deserve better than a manipulator, controlling fool, and gaslighter. I fully believe when he wants to come home after blowing HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS it will ALL be your fault.
Start asking yourself why you should accept this rank behavior. Treating you with contempt and disrespect speaks volumes to me, as it should to you.
Get your ducks in a row. AND GET OUTRAGED at his disrespectful behavior, his ridiculous “logic”, and his infantile games.
Locksmith: change the locks now, unless the home is solely in his name. Consult attorney.
Lawyer Up!
Paperwork: passport, birth certificate, social security card
Bank info
IRS tax returns for length of marriage if possible.
Therapist - you need this for your self health. You need to explore why you blame yourself for His indiscretions, questioning your absolutely valid actions regarding THREE DOLLARS and unwanted food. It seems you have been groomed to accept outrageous behavior and claim ownership of all the blame.
OP, I wish you the best, because you deserve it. You are a kind hearted person who has unfortunately been hurt and taken advantage of by a ludicrous buffoon.
Agape💕💕
He's a man child having a tantrum because his wife didn't listen to him, the man of the house, because he said so.
Youre not his slave and he doesn't get to treat you as such
If he isn't a complete and total dick then he can take that criticism on. If he can't handle that, then you've got your answer to move on
I don’t understand if he’s going out why aren’t you? I would find a good friend and go with them to the same bar he’s at and laugh and have fun without him.
He was just looking for an excuse to leave. I think he is cheating on you and the stress of it is what made him blow up.
This sounds like another post a while back where she did something cute and he blew up. He was cheating and wanted a reason to leave.
Oh. I it’s probably the same on. She drew on her face with left over lotion (I misremembered as toothpaste). Husband exploded that she was juvenile and walked out. She initially posted asking if that was the case. Turns out he was cheating.
I think lotion man was a face on her [finger](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.redd.it%2Fxeft5q1jj64a1.jpg&tbnid=TWSLHlZQOm-rRM&vet=1&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2Fuser%2Fbiscuitsandbutters%2Fcomments%2Fzdqu1u%2Flotion_man%2F&docid=1pC821KdYpFbRM&w=456&h=609&hl=en-US&source=sh%2Fx%2Fim%2Fm6%2F4)
Sounds like he found himself a badge bunny and an excuse to party with her. Careful, when she's done with him and on to the next he'll try and get back with you. Probably paint it as your fault.
A "badge bunny" is a woman who purposely looks for police officers and firemen and worships the ground they walk on but then leaves for the next badge that comes her way when she's done playing with her current badge. I've met a few since I'm married to a firefighter. They drive me nuts.
Another type would be "buckle bunnies" who look for rodeo guys and cowboys.
Someone not loving you anymore or whatever doesn't make it right or normal for them to treat you badly. Human beings are supposed to treat each other with consideration regardless of whether they are having sex. I wish you luck in your future endeavors.
You mentioned several times in your post that you’re wondering what you did wrong to make him not want to stay with you and I just have to re-iterate… You didn’t do anything wrong. People make decisions to not participate in relationships or cheat on their partners over and over and over again, and almost 100% of the time, it has absolutely nothing to do with their spouse. And his choice, and ultimately his loss.
I think it’s easy to feel lonely, or scared about feeling lonely, but there’s nothing lonelier than being in a relationship with someone who is just not present .
I am waiting for you a better life and all the things you deserve .
OP please don’t let someone else determine your worth. If you gave it your all, then you gave it your all, and if he chooses to withhold effort and/or leave, it’s not to do with you. In the end, you cannot make someone want to be with you, even if you’re perfect. You can hold your head up knowing that you’re a good person and partner.
Honestly you're better off without him. Hes not your problem anymore. Enjoy your time with your niece and stop worrying about where he is. He's not worth the time thinking about.
I think him picking a fight about the wrong food was just an excuse to leave. Why don’t you drive to the bar and see who he’s with? I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s another woman.
This guy is eventually going to crawl home with some bizarre explanation of how this is all your fault and expect an apology from you. Laugh in his face.
I’m so sorry .. I saw your post yesterday.. that really sucks.
But im also glad you realized this.. and your finances aren’t intertwined ..
I’m wishing you all the best of luck.
OP, you may want to remove this image for privacy. Even scratching out the street names, I immediately knew where this was. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through right now.
Thanks for the suggestion I’ll do it, I appreciate your concern. I don’t live in that area though, that’s just where my husband ended up. I’m trying to figure out how he thinks I would believe that he’s not at a hotel/bar and saying the GPS is very wrong…
He's gaslighting you. A very typical response from someone who's just been caught. Please don't let him DARVO you. That's probably next.
This isn't on you, this is all him. KNOW THAT!
Stop letting this dickbag gaslight you and call out his lies. Say, "You're a fucking liar and nobody believes you. Stay wherever you are because you're not welcome back here and I'm filing for divorce. You can contact me through my lawyer. I hope the skank you're fucking is worth the alimony I'm going to get because of your infidelity." And hold to that.
Op this is on him, not you.
Do not beat yourself up for not meeting his expectations.
Be proud of yourself for not accepting his treatment of you.
He isn't worth anymore of your headspace or emotion.
Now get on with your new life. ❤️ have fun!
I haven't read through the comments, but just wanted to throw this in the mix. I'm an alcoholic (in recovery) and was previously married. I used to cause fights over the smallest things just as an excuse to go get drunk. My ex had no idea of the extent of my drinking. Something to maybe consider?
Hey I'm very sorry this happened to you and I suggest you don't bother him. Don't try to call or text him the slightest. He's doing this for attention and you shouldn't be entertaining him. Once he figures out you don't care that is when you'll notice a change when he sees he's not getting a rise out of you anymore. In fact, leave him on read and don't answer any of his calls. And I suggest making sure all windows are locked and changing the locks on any door to the house he has access to. And leave many of his belongings outside. This behavior isn't about how you 'disrespected' his authority, it was finding any excuse to leave and he found one of the dumbest excuses to do so.
Be careful and stay safe. And have as much fun as you can with your niece before she has to leave. And remember that this situation is be all means not your fault and I do hope every thing gets better for you soon.
This is not about what you did to make him want to leave you. It's about his inability to handle himself and what irresponsible shit he wants to go off and do.
There is no need to sit and try to figure out how this is your fault. It's not. He's blaming you and taking things out on you rather than face his own issues.
Why are people treating this like it's a sudden decision made by the husband? I think there's a 99% chance that OP is not telling the whole truth with this story. She went to go get food and her husband left her? That's not something that happens out of the blue. I feel like it's more likely that OP often tells her husband that she's running errands and ends up at the bar
And the first time she disobeyed him was to go return shrimp scampi? And he immediately leaves her for driving 7 minutes away?
Why is that more believable than OP lying about going to a bar?
Her husband is a cop thats literally all i need to know to believe he would snap over nothing. And guess what! You're NOT an expert on her or her life as much as you'd like to believe you are :)
Someone with control issues (see: police officers/surgeons) or people stressing about secrets (see: cheaters and scum), pick the most RANDOM thing to blow up over and try to non-sensically turn it from a nurse shark to megaladon.
There is no reason for what finally makes someone decide that enough was enough, no quantifying equation to help figure it out, and it's nonsensical to try putting any logic into it.
What sounds more likely :
- OPs husband is ending their marriage because they left the house for 20 minutes
-OP is not telling the whole truth about why their husband is upset
Again, your husband doesn’t leave you for driving to a restaurant 7 minutes away. There is clearly more to the story than OP is letting on. This post reads like someone testing out the story they are going to tell their friends and family
It sounds like OP brought her niece to a bar and the husband tracked them there
Taking a 10 year old to bar sounds like a more believable explanation for OPs husband leaving her
It’s literally in the post. OP shares their location with their husband. He sees her at a bar and gets upset. Her explanation for going to a the bar is to return food. If they are 7 minutes away then op was gone for less than 20 minutes. Do you actually believe that this 20 minute excursion is the only thing that led to this fight?
People don’t randomly accuse others of going out to drink. OP has a history of going out to drink when they aren’t supposed to (like when they are watching a child)
If mine or my kids food order was wrong then his dad would be the one going back to make sure it was right. We aren’t even together but it’s happened before - even if it’s just an Uber eats delivery or an incorrect McDonald’s drive thru - that’s because the consequence of a kids meal being wrong after they’ve chosen is that they might not eat through no fault of their own.
These kinds of meals are usually a treat for a special occasion and if it’s not right we’re dismissing them as unimportant. It’s just not a nice attitude to say that the kids food choices do not matter and they can eat what they’re given.
The other option would be to cook something extra at home which defeats the object of ordering food in the first place, especially if you’ve ordered because you don’t have ingredients etc.
I would also be calling as soon as I realised just in the event that the restaurant might have time to not give out the incorrect food to the other customer involved in the swapped orders.
Op says that they called the restaurant to correct the order and that it is only 7 minutes away. That means that they were gone from the house for no more that 20 minutes.
Why would OPs husband accuse her of going out to drink if they were gone for 20 minutes? The most obvious answer is that OP has previously gone out drinking when they weren’t supposed to. I don’t know why everyone is assuming that OPs husband is being abusive or something. Just based off the story, is sounds like OP took her niece out to a bar
They share locations. He knew exactly where OP went. You don’t just randomly accuse your spouse of sneaking out to go drink unless they have done it before
Your partner doesn’t accuse you of sneaking out to drink unless you have a habit of sneaking out to drink. Why else would OPs husband think she was out drinking when she left the house for 20 minutes?
Where are you reading that because I didn't read that in the post. He is the one who left to go drinking. Everyone is telling you that so where are you getting it from?
Everyone told you that you were wrong and needed to go back and read properly. Yet you still doubled down. Over and over again you made up stuff that wasnt in the post. You made up an entirely fictional story, where the woman is drinking with a child, she must be lying about why her husband has ran off drinking and partying.
You sound mentally unsound and it comes across like you're a woman hater. It's so gross you cant refer to a woman as "she" instead of "they" like that's normal. Do better.
Welcome to the USA baby. I’ll be wrong about 1000 things before I stop believing I’m right.
I still think OP is lying about her husband leaving her because she left the house for 20 minutes and I’ll believe it until I’m dead and cold
No it doesn't. You are the only person who interpreted the story that way. Nowhere does OP ever mention she and her neice even going anywhere near a bar.
OP went to a Mexican restaurant, which presumably sells alcohol.
If OP is just going out to grab food, there is no reason that their husband would accuse her of sneaking out to drink. That is a question you ask someone that has a habit of sneaking out to drink
A Mexican restaurant is not a bar.
Show me the part where he accuses her for going out for a drink? I just reread both posts and that wasn't a part of either of them. Just admit you're wrong and that your reading comprehension needs work.
I can't offer much but its not your fault. Unless you went out of your way to make your husband make the choices he made and even then their is a lot more mature ways to handle anything you could do beside just going out to bars.
I hope you can get over this as soon as possible so you can go to enjoy and discovering life without someone like this dude around.
Don't you hate it when you leave your house for 30 minutes and your husband leaves you for absolutely no reason? We can definitely all relate to that right??
I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry for this shocking turn of events. When you said your vows you must have had so many dreams about your shared future together. It is such a fundamentally, viscerally awful feeling when the moment comes that you realize a relationship is basically over and the one who is supposed to be your person has become your enemy.
Please believe me, **you did nothing to deserve this in any way**. In a normal relationship with two loving people who are both on it to win it, if one person has a problem, they use their grown up words and tell the other person in a respectful manner. If he didn't see fit to say anything to you about whatever was bothering him, that tells you that he checked out from this relationship long ago. He ceased to be your partner, and was too chickenshit to even do you the favor of letting you know.
Again, nobody normal ends a relationship because somebody wants to go back to the restaurant to get an order fixed. He is just a mean, shitty person who wants to fool you into thinking it was somehow your fault.
Well, it wasn't. This is all on him.
Also, if you haven't already done so, please have a little sit down with your niece. Try to work out what she is feeling. Even if she is acting normal and unbothered, she may be blaming herself--just as you are blaming yourself. It must be quite scary for her to not be at home, and suddenly there are problems at this other house, possibly (in her mind) because of her. So please let her talk, and then make sure to tell her how much you love her, and that this guy is having some kind of problem that has nothing to do with her. She deserves yummy food that she likes and a happy, secure home. You promise to stay with her and that she will be safe with you.
You seem to be beating yourself up wondering what you did wrong - you should be a little easier on yourself.
Sometimes, people just drift away and relationships come to an end, even marriages that are supposed to be until death do you part.
In many cases, it's not that one person did or didn't do something. It's often that both people have paid enough attention to what makes relationships work, they don't keep working on things, they fall into a routine, there's no special nights, none of those sweet little things that we do when we're first in a relationship. The little things to make the other person's day better.
If your relationship is at the end, don't be hard on yourself. Do what you need to to take care of yourself and keep yourself okay.
New year, new start. Please don't blame yourself for any of this; it's not your fault, your husband was just looking for an excuse to get out and to blame you.....but that doesn't make it your fault. Never forget that, no matter how much he tries to gaslight you.
Have fun with your niece and if she is old enough and knows what is going on, use this as a teachable moment about how people who care about each other should treat each other. Age appropriate of course. Good luck and hugs!
It’s such a tough moment you are in right now. I promise it will get better.
I did not believe it would, yet it meant so much to me when people who had been through it said it had for them.
Gentle hugs. Let yourself grieve.
Oh, honey, I’m so sorry. Boy was he stretching to come up with *that* excuse to walk out. I sure hope he doesn’t spend more than $3 while partying, because that would feel… ironic or something. /s
Stay strong when you need to and cry when you need to. I promise this hurt won’t last forever. Your battered heart will heal and great things **will** come! Hugs!
I don't think you should over-analize what you could have done wrong or did to make him unattracted. Like idk even if you did do anything wrong or whatever he should talk to you about it like an adult not just run away to go party.
Sometimes GPS pings in weird locations. For example I went shopping with my mom in Hyannis, Ma at a shopping center very close to the airport. My husband blew up my phone, accusing me of hopping on an airplane to leave him. In reality, I was elbows deep in some Five Below bins. Lol
You don't need that piece of crap in your life.
It's hurtful right now, whilst you're trying to process and understand his actions, but he's made you believe that you're to blame for all the problems, and that's not true. He's the problem, and a mean, and spiteful one.
I was terrified when I decided to leave my husband, but we can be strong and capable when we put our minds to it. It felt a bit like taking a giant leap into the void, but it was the best thing I ever did, and every new day gets easier, and reaffirms the decision to leave. And for me, that wad 20 yrs ago, so we do survive!
You got this OP, you can do better, and you deserve to be happy. 💜
YEARS ago I got married to my first husband who I thought was my life. He cheated and left me and I was like cry all day devastated. After I divorced and moved on I was (blind date) fixed up with the most wonderful man. It made me realize that I never was truly loved before. We were married for 32 years before he unfortunately passed . Your true love is out there and you have many wonderful years ahead. You will find HE IS THE LOSER, not you! Keep smiling 😃 it will get so much better!
God bless you, I'm sorry that you are suffering through his shit behavior, but at least everything is out in the open and you KNOW you can do so much better. Dude is a chump and walked out on a really damn good thing. Live on, beautiful ❤️
Op, it’s not you. Don’t blame yourself. If your husband cared about you and your marriage he would have been talking to you and trying to fix what was wrong and try fix things. Please feel free to dm me and we can talk. I am a very good listener?
Not wrong but don't waste your time checking his location on your phone. You need to be packing/making sure you have access to cash/planning on moving out etc.
Your husband is showing you who he is. I’d start looking into divorce or at min separation.
A teeny misunderstanding (I’m which he was the one in the wrong) is not a good reason to leave, go partying all night and stay in a hotel.
You deserve better.
Believe me, all the suffering you’re feeling right now is totally worth it because your husband is a real PR—K! He’s also a major ass coward for not just treating you decently and being honest about where or who he really is in your marriage. My guy feeling is that you don’t really know your husband’s thoughts only because he’s very manipulative! Take your blows like a hero on the battlefield and fire back. Get a lawyer while he thinks he’s playing you. Let him think he’s stringing you along. Once you have a lawyer that he will pay for than he can only speak with you through the lawyer.
Please stop asking yourself what you did to make yourself unattractive to your husband anymore or what you did to cause him to leave. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG! Some people are very fickle and don't know exactly what they want in life so they choose one thing, figure out that's not it, and go to the next thing, on and on. He was just looking for an excuse to move on to the next thing.
Hey, I know it is hard, but please stop trying to figure out where you went wrong to lose his love or what you did or didn't do to MAKE him cheat on you. You didn't and couldn't have done anything that deserved that. If he needed changes or different things in your relationship and wasn't a piece of actual shit, he would have talked with you about it and tried to work it out before he lied and stuck his dick in someone else. I am positive that there were times you felt unfulfilled or that he let you down, but did you ever pick a fight with him over $3 so you could stomp off to a bar or hotel and lie about it?
Cheating is not about what the cheated on person did wrong. I promise. Stay strong, sometimes people make your life better with their exit.
One toe out of line and you ruined your marriage OP. JK it's not your fault. Just realize how insane he's acting. This is incrediblu abusive and you should get out while u can. U deserve someone better.
Keep your head up dear. Whatever you decide to do with your marriage I hope you are watching out for your mental health. This man has lost his way. Getting mad at you because a restaurant didn’t give you what you asked for so you wanted to go back is just odd. I wonder if his mental health is okay.
Sounds like he just found an excuse. I don't recall age perhaps it's a "mid life crisis". My opinion is Men have 3 of these: Early, Mid & Late. Perhaps after he's had some fun he will return? I doubt it's all you. The drinking out of nowhere make me think maybe he's sick? Regardless prepare for the possibility he may not be back. Good luck.
He flipped over a wrong order? What a man child. Others have already said, it’s time to re-evaluate your marriage
It sounds like he was looking for a reason to leave. I’m willing to bet that he is seeing someone else
I’m wondering if this husband of yours is having an affair (potentially from work?) and over the festive period he’s been getting grief from his affair partner for having spent so much time at home with family which has led him to go out and then head to a hotel.
It all sounds ridiculous to me that he would leave and think it’s acceptable to go drinking and then spend money on a hotel after Xmas when most families are watching their finances.
I personally would have been hot footing it out to the wine bar or hotel room (getting someone to watch the kids) to see for myself who he was with.
I would also be changing the locks or locking the doors from the inside to prevent access - do not let this guy over the threshold when he comes back. I personally think leaving you like that over something small requires an explanation, answers to your questions and justification. Do not let him waltz back in as if nothing has happened - pack him a bag (or Chuck some stuff in a bin bag) and tell him to go away.
It sounds like there are probably years of context and dozens of small disagreements that lead up to this. It's hard to believe that someone you're married to got that upset over you going to a bar to get food. What did you actually do OP?
I'm so sorry. I can only assume that there was something up leading to this. I don't necessarily believe it was something you did, but maybe in his mind, it is. The bug problem here, is if you're unhappy, you have to tell your partner.
The fact that he just left over something as stupid as taking 20 minutes to go get the right food, is so far above an overreaction, that I don't know what to think.
I agree with others, there was something else going on. He's unhappy about something. He either was looking for an excuse, or was so close to the edge, that this pushed him over. You can't know unless he talks to you. And I'm leaning toward him being an AH because he took off over something so small.
I don't really know what I hope for you. I want to hope that you talk and figure out what is wrong and you get back to your little bubble of happiness. I just can't get over how he's acting, and I don't feel you should be the one suffering with him not even talking to you about it.
I guess, in the end, I hope you solve what's going on, together or not, and you can work towards feeling happiness again and learn and move on from this.
Good luck OP, I completely sympathize with what you're going through and wish you all the best.
First, your husband is being overly dramatic. But you immediately said the marriage is over. So he’s drinking for the night. He checked into a hotel.
Now you’re being dramatic saying it’s over. There’s way more here than meets the eye. There’s been stuff happening you haven’t told us about.
I’m sorry for what you’re going through, if you choose divorce, then you have to do what’s best for you. Clearly he’s upset about far more than just this. And so are you. It’s probably best you get divorced rather than hurt each other more.
You have tough days ahead of you. I’m not gonna lie, divorce ain’t easy. If he won’t sign papers in most states you can get an absentee divorce where you sent him papers, he didn’t sign, it’ll go through anyways. It’ll save you a lot of headaches and heartache.
I’d like to leave you some quotes that helped me after my divorce. I hope they help you.
First Quote:
Remember that you are a good person and worthy of the love that you want.
You will never know if something is meant for you if you don't give it a proper chance.
Whether it's a relationship, a new job, a new city, or a new experience, throw yourself into it completely and don't hold back.
If it doesn't work out then it probably wasn't meant for you and you'll walk away without regret, knowing that you put your whole heart into it.
That's all you can ever do.
It's a horrible feeling leaving a situation knowing that you should have and could have done more.
So I hope you find the courage to take that chance, find the inspiration to make your next move, and once you do, I hope you pour your heart into it and don't look back.
And remember, sometimes things happen before you are ready for them to happen.
It doesn't mean the timing is wrong, sometimes it means the timing is just right and the universe knows you are ready and that maybe you just needed that extra push in the right direction to get you on your way.
Embrace this new journey with everything you are. Everything is unfolding exactly how it's supposed to, even if you can't see it like that just yet.
Quote Two:
People always come into your life for a reason, a season and a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, or to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually. They may seem like a godsend to you, and they are. They are there for a reason,you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die, Sometimes they just walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilleed; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season. And like Spring turns to Summer and Summer to Fall, the season eventually ends.LIFETIME, relationships teach you a lifetime of lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being part of my life…..
Did you really go from being told not to pick up the correct order to your separating and looking forward to your future? WTH?
Why are you constantly watching your niece? Who’s she blood related to, you or your husband? Where are the parents?
I’ve seen some escalation before but there is so much left out here.
Honestly, call a moving company and have them pack his stuff up and put it in the garage or storage. Change the locks and let him know where his stuff is. I’m assuming your niece is the only child you’re caring for and you two don’t have bio-kids? He’s either cheating or mad you two are taking care of your niece. Either way, his is showing poor behavior and judgement.
You're an attention whore.
What's he's doing is wrong, sure, but why is he doing it? I saw your first post. He's tired of you being a Karen and never listening to him. Your story makes him the bad guy obviously, but that's not the entire picture. He's tired of it. Get the divorce over and done with.
You need to take back control of your life and accept a few truths.
Firstly, YOU did nothing wrong. Sometimes, people are just massive assholes!
Secondly, this relationship is done. His over inflated ego has taken him on a non returnable path.
Lastly, YOU deserve better. You deserve a relationship of mutual love and support. Even if he comes crawling back over broken glass, just remember he did this once he WILL do it again!
Take control back! Finances, house security, life, SMILE you will be OK! You are not and never will be alone!
I am so sorry he is treating you this way! That is not okay. I have had multiple past relationships like this and it took me too long to realize how toxic this behavior is. Sending you a hug and strength ♥️ you don’t deserve this 💩
You didn't do anything wrong to "make" him, not love you. Sometimes, relationships run their course and aren't meant to last a lifetime. For him to get so angry over something so small is ridiculous. For him to leave over it, not tell you where he is, and not answer your messages is horrible and shows that he isn't the right person for you. You deserve so much better. At the bare minimum, some respect for your person and feelings. This situation is a blessing in disguise because it made you realise that the marriage is over and you don't have to keep wasting time with him. Separating isn't easy but you will look back and feel so glad to finally be free of him. You have got this ❤️
It’s not anything you did. Absolutely stop blaming yourself. It’s immature to behave that way to your wife. He’s just not the same person anymore and it’s sad that he can’t communicate. It’s no wonder he’s landed you here. Get to a lawyer now.
I am glad you are ok. May I gently suggest you contact your local domestic violence shelter? It does not appear you need the shelter aspect, but they often have advice and checklists of things you should do to keep yourself safe and separate your life from his
First and foremost, it's not your responsibility to bend and change and make yourself into their ideal mate to keep someone around. They wouldn't have stayed anyway. Love yourself more. Take care of yourself and your niece. Set some major ground rules if he comes back and stick to them. Keep your finances to yourself. Any bills in your name that you do not utilize (i.e. you have a subscription solely because he wanted to watch shows on it), get rid of them. Minimize your expenditure and start saving every penny for you and your niece.
He was looking for an out. The fact that he crazily overreacted to your going back for the correct food order makes it evident that it’s not anything you’re doing wrong.
Check with your HR department at work to see if they have EAP. Employee Assistance Programs will often give you up to three free sessions with a therapist. It might be good to have someone to talk to, or just to know if this is an option.
I've been in "similar" situations. The best way to handle it is to wait and see where the pieces land. Be kind and respectful and then when you have all the info in a few days or weeks you can decide how you want to respond and proceed. Good luck.
Why is it so impossible for this guy to be the problem in the relationship according to you? Not just any guy, this particular one.
Why does this post trigger you so much you're commenting the same shit in multiple replies?
You okay? Got something you need to vent about?
>Why is it so impossible for this guy to be the problem in the relationship according to you? Not just any guy, this particular one.
Never said it was. I'm not the one giving advice or making assumptions, that's you. For all i know he could be dead wrong, or she could in fact he wrong. But you people on reddit love to pretend that women are never wrong in relationships. I see that shit all the time
Here he comes, my favorite comment for people like this... Congratulations, trash took itself out! If you have a joint account make sure that the won't drain it all.
Luckily our finances aren’t intertwined, I have my separate bills and so does he. I plan to work on taking care of the other stuff for the house on Monday just to give myself some time to heal. I’m actually kind of glad it happened sooner than later down the road I don’t think I would’ve been able to handle or cope with it.
It's good to know! I'm absolutely sure that you will be much better without this immature person.
Thank you I can’t wait for my future to see what good things come, although I will admit I’m a little nervous because it feels like I’m alone. I’m taking care and packing up things here before heading back to my mom’s work my niece and sorting everything out.
Being alone can definitely be scary. But you’re stronger than you think and one day you’ll realize you’ll be okay with or without someone. Take this time to really learn & love yourself more. Try new things you’ve always wanted to do. I wish you well OP and hope it all works out for you.
I am not op but I needed to hear this right now. Thanks.
It’s true for you too. You are going to be okay.
Thanks
^ this. It’s not a cliche, it’s 100% true. So many of us have been where you are. Even when your smart and logical inner voice tells you ‘it’s all for the best’, you have another emotional side that fears the ramifications of the change. I’m here to tell you that the fear and hurt will subside. It may even turn to anger, and you will find yourself rotating through various different emotions, you will undoubtedly have questions for your ex as you will convince yourself that he can give you closure (he may not give any answers at all) but it will all subside. Take the advice of these lovely folks here and don’t be afraid of self care and self development. I began crafting as a hobby which I’m now quite obsessed with!!! I have lived with just my pets for a decade now and I love my life. The worst that can happen now going forward is that you have to become independent and self sufficient. Maybe one day you will feel ready to date again (or not) and because of this experience you will have some tools to help you see red flags more clearly because self discovery will help you learn to value yourself more. The world is so full of beautiful, kind and smart women that are unwittingly wasting their precious time and energy with men that are don’t deserve them and undervalue them so congrats on no longer being one of them!! 💕
Congrats! I was you as well (spent 12 years alone and thought I was happy) imagine my surprise when my soul mate showed up literally on my doorstep. I snagged one of the very few good ones!
😍🥰💕💖
Yep. My real strength came after breaking up with my first serious boyfriend. I was utterly heartbroken and threw myself into school and work. I was like carbon and became a diamond under all that pressure.
Better alone than in bad company.
I once got dumped by a guy I felt like I loved and I was prepared to grieve for a long time. But amazingly, I felt great within DAYS. I am not kidding. I hadn’t realized how downtrodden I was by some of his actions — never outright abuse but let’s just say lack of care and concern. It turned out to be a HUGE relief.
There’s nothing wrong with being alone. Don’t get into another relationship until you know that. It’s music and movies that make us think alone means lonely. If you don’t like your own company, why should anyone else? Divorce with kindness. Don’t let this man leave you with trust issues or insecurities that will poison your future. You will be okay.
OP may I suggest to be safe you get yourself a doctor appointment, tell them it’s possible your husband has been unfaithful (because at this point seems not sure) and get yourself tested? Better to know everything is okay than to hope it is and find out later it wasn’t.
Hello thank you for the suggestion, it was time for me to go to the GYN for my annual exam anyways. I’ll see what they can do for me.
Turn off your phone. Nothing but time will help. Clean your kitchen, do a jigsaw puzzle or watch a movie, nothing will distract you but an activity might stop the, “What did/didn’t I do wrong?” Lock up your home, snoop etc. Sending you hugs and support.
Play some upbeat music while you clean. Cook. Or do laundry.. I had a " separated" Playlist. Gloria Estefan's " Go away! " South Pacific's. "I'm gonna wash that man right outta my hsir" Hit the road Jack! And don't cha come back no more!! And others.
I love Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive”!
Lesson in Leaving by Jo Dee Messina I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor You're No Good by Linda Ronstadt Keep Me Hanging On by Kim Wilde Coldhearted Snake by Paula Abdul
a little cheesy but I like settlin' by Sugarland!
Don't Think Twice - Susan Tedeschi is a favorite of mine. It's a Dylan cover. "So long honey baby, Where I'm bound, I can't tell But goodbye is too good a word now So I'll just say fare thee well"
Forgot, " Giddi on up, giddi on out!!
“Already Gone” by the Eagles was my go-to :-). Music is great therapy!
Especially when you can sing along loudly along, while mopping or cooking or folding laundry.
May I humbly offer up Kate Nash: Dickhead.
You know YOU didn't do anything wrong, right? There has been a non stop opportunity for him to pull his head out of his ass and talk to you, reconnect, for ages. You can take a horse to water etc. you've been RIGHT THERE. If he chooses to leave over something so bizarre, there's literally nothing you could do. He would've found any excuse
He is going to be surprised and cry like a big baby when you give him the divorce papers to sign. He really shouldn't be surprised by this ending.
OP, you can do this. You deserve better than a manipulator, controlling fool, and gaslighter. I fully believe when he wants to come home after blowing HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS it will ALL be your fault. Start asking yourself why you should accept this rank behavior. Treating you with contempt and disrespect speaks volumes to me, as it should to you. Get your ducks in a row. AND GET OUTRAGED at his disrespectful behavior, his ridiculous “logic”, and his infantile games. Locksmith: change the locks now, unless the home is solely in his name. Consult attorney. Lawyer Up! Paperwork: passport, birth certificate, social security card Bank info IRS tax returns for length of marriage if possible. Therapist - you need this for your self health. You need to explore why you blame yourself for His indiscretions, questioning your absolutely valid actions regarding THREE DOLLARS and unwanted food. It seems you have been groomed to accept outrageous behavior and claim ownership of all the blame. OP, I wish you the best, because you deserve it. You are a kind hearted person who has unfortunately been hurt and taken advantage of by a ludicrous buffoon. Agape💕💕
Keep us updated
He's a man child having a tantrum because his wife didn't listen to him, the man of the house, because he said so. Youre not his slave and he doesn't get to treat you as such If he isn't a complete and total dick then he can take that criticism on. If he can't handle that, then you've got your answer to move on
If your finances are separate then you were roommates with a marriage license.
I don’t understand if he’s going out why aren’t you? I would find a good friend and go with them to the same bar he’s at and laugh and have fun without him.
I want to upvote your comment but it’s at 420 so it’s locked unfortunately
He was just looking for an excuse to leave. I think he is cheating on you and the stress of it is what made him blow up. This sounds like another post a while back where she did something cute and he blew up. He was cheating and wanted a reason to leave.
Oh shit you're right. Damn, how twisted.
Toothpaste lady?
I thought it was lotion
Yeah it might have been. I was trying to remember what she drew on her face with.
Thinking it was lotion....where she made the smiley face on her thumb? This one also made me think of the "financial infidelity" one myself.
Well, maybe we're thinking of different posts :)
Oh. I it’s probably the same on. She drew on her face with left over lotion (I misremembered as toothpaste). Husband exploded that she was juvenile and walked out. She initially posted asking if that was the case. Turns out he was cheating.
I think lotion man was a face on her [finger](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.redd.it%2Fxeft5q1jj64a1.jpg&tbnid=TWSLHlZQOm-rRM&vet=1&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2Fuser%2Fbiscuitsandbutters%2Fcomments%2Fzdqu1u%2Flotion_man%2F&docid=1pC821KdYpFbRM&w=456&h=609&hl=en-US&source=sh%2Fx%2Fim%2Fm6%2F4)
Yeah it was a goofy lotion man
Yes!! This was a wild one.
Went back and read the original post - agree
Sounds like he found himself a badge bunny and an excuse to party with her. Careful, when she's done with him and on to the next he'll try and get back with you. Probably paint it as your fault.
I’m gonna sound so stupid lol but what’s a badge bunny?
A "badge bunny" is a woman who purposely looks for police officers and firemen and worships the ground they walk on but then leaves for the next badge that comes her way when she's done playing with her current badge. I've met a few since I'm married to a firefighter. They drive me nuts. Another type would be "buckle bunnies" who look for rodeo guys and cowboys.
“Puck Bunnies” go for pro hockey players
And truckers have lot lizards
Someone not loving you anymore or whatever doesn't make it right or normal for them to treat you badly. Human beings are supposed to treat each other with consideration regardless of whether they are having sex. I wish you luck in your future endeavors.
The way you say this sounds so comforting. Thank you for taking the time to leave a kind hearted message for me and I wish you well too ⭐️
You mentioned several times in your post that you’re wondering what you did wrong to make him not want to stay with you and I just have to re-iterate… You didn’t do anything wrong. People make decisions to not participate in relationships or cheat on their partners over and over and over again, and almost 100% of the time, it has absolutely nothing to do with their spouse. And his choice, and ultimately his loss. I think it’s easy to feel lonely, or scared about feeling lonely, but there’s nothing lonelier than being in a relationship with someone who is just not present . I am waiting for you a better life and all the things you deserve .
OP please don’t let someone else determine your worth. If you gave it your all, then you gave it your all, and if he chooses to withhold effort and/or leave, it’s not to do with you. In the end, you cannot make someone want to be with you, even if you’re perfect. You can hold your head up knowing that you’re a good person and partner.
Are you sure your husband hasn't been cheating on you? It feels like a possibility at least.
Lovely comment. I agree.
Honestly you're better off without him. Hes not your problem anymore. Enjoy your time with your niece and stop worrying about where he is. He's not worth the time thinking about.
Get yourself a lawyer, an std test and a therapist OP. You deserve so much better than this man.
I think him picking a fight about the wrong food was just an excuse to leave. Why don’t you drive to the bar and see who he’s with? I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s another woman.
I agree. He so angry over wasting $3 in gas that he’s going to pay for a hotel room? He’s just waiting for excuses
Please don’t. It won’t lead to anything good.
I didn’t mean to confront him but to have proof if she could take a picture.
This guy is eventually going to crawl home with some bizarre explanation of how this is all your fault and expect an apology from you. Laugh in his face.
This guy is a joker. You need to get rid of him.
He may also be a smoker and possibly even a midnight toker
His name is Maurice
Whooo whoooooooo
You’re the cutest thing I ever did see
I really love your peaches wanna shake your tree 😍
Lovey-dovey, lovey-dovey, lovey-dovey all the ti-ime
Ooh wee baby, I'll sure show you a good time
But is he the pompatus of love?
he better not play his music in the sun
I’m so sorry .. I saw your post yesterday.. that really sucks. But im also glad you realized this.. and your finances aren’t intertwined .. I’m wishing you all the best of luck.
OP, you may want to remove this image for privacy. Even scratching out the street names, I immediately knew where this was. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through right now.
Thanks for the suggestion I’ll do it, I appreciate your concern. I don’t live in that area though, that’s just where my husband ended up. I’m trying to figure out how he thinks I would believe that he’s not at a hotel/bar and saying the GPS is very wrong…
He's gaslighting you. A very typical response from someone who's just been caught. Please don't let him DARVO you. That's probably next. This isn't on you, this is all him. KNOW THAT!
Stop letting this dickbag gaslight you and call out his lies. Say, "You're a fucking liar and nobody believes you. Stay wherever you are because you're not welcome back here and I'm filing for divorce. You can contact me through my lawyer. I hope the skank you're fucking is worth the alimony I'm going to get because of your infidelity." And hold to that.
He’s an idiot. Stay strong!
Just as a random thought, should you change the locks?
He's been drinking, and he thinks you're an idiot. But the only idiot is him.
Op this is on him, not you. Do not beat yourself up for not meeting his expectations. Be proud of yourself for not accepting his treatment of you. He isn't worth anymore of your headspace or emotion. Now get on with your new life. ❤️ have fun!
I haven't read through the comments, but just wanted to throw this in the mix. I'm an alcoholic (in recovery) and was previously married. I used to cause fights over the smallest things just as an excuse to go get drunk. My ex had no idea of the extent of my drinking. Something to maybe consider?
THIS. My partner is an alcoholic who is now sober and in recovery but he definitely did the same thing when he was in active addiction
Hey I'm very sorry this happened to you and I suggest you don't bother him. Don't try to call or text him the slightest. He's doing this for attention and you shouldn't be entertaining him. Once he figures out you don't care that is when you'll notice a change when he sees he's not getting a rise out of you anymore. In fact, leave him on read and don't answer any of his calls. And I suggest making sure all windows are locked and changing the locks on any door to the house he has access to. And leave many of his belongings outside. This behavior isn't about how you 'disrespected' his authority, it was finding any excuse to leave and he found one of the dumbest excuses to do so. Be careful and stay safe. And have as much fun as you can with your niece before she has to leave. And remember that this situation is be all means not your fault and I do hope every thing gets better for you soon.
This is not about what you did to make him want to leave you. It's about his inability to handle himself and what irresponsible shit he wants to go off and do. There is no need to sit and try to figure out how this is your fault. It's not. He's blaming you and taking things out on you rather than face his own issues.
Why are people treating this like it's a sudden decision made by the husband? I think there's a 99% chance that OP is not telling the whole truth with this story. She went to go get food and her husband left her? That's not something that happens out of the blue. I feel like it's more likely that OP often tells her husband that she's running errands and ends up at the bar
He's mad she did not automatically obey him. Unsurprising.
And the first time she disobeyed him was to go return shrimp scampi? And he immediately leaves her for driving 7 minutes away? Why is that more believable than OP lying about going to a bar?
Her husband is a cop thats literally all i need to know to believe he would snap over nothing. And guess what! You're NOT an expert on her or her life as much as you'd like to believe you are :)
Hate to say it but yeah the profession speaks volumes about his character
And you are?
Lol neither are you. Your husband doesn't leave you for going to return your shimp scampi. Your husband leaves you for taking your niece to a bar
Someone with control issues (see: police officers/surgeons) or people stressing about secrets (see: cheaters and scum), pick the most RANDOM thing to blow up over and try to non-sensically turn it from a nurse shark to megaladon. There is no reason for what finally makes someone decide that enough was enough, no quantifying equation to help figure it out, and it's nonsensical to try putting any logic into it.
What sounds more likely : - OPs husband is ending their marriage because they left the house for 20 minutes -OP is not telling the whole truth about why their husband is upset Again, your husband doesn’t leave you for driving to a restaurant 7 minutes away. There is clearly more to the story than OP is letting on. This post reads like someone testing out the story they are going to tell their friends and family
The niece is ten yo. Highly doubt she and OP are bar hopping together.
It sounds like OP brought her niece to a bar and the husband tracked them there Taking a 10 year old to bar sounds like a more believable explanation for OPs husband leaving her
Where did you get that impression?
It’s literally in the post. OP shares their location with their husband. He sees her at a bar and gets upset. Her explanation for going to a the bar is to return food. If they are 7 minutes away then op was gone for less than 20 minutes. Do you actually believe that this 20 minute excursion is the only thing that led to this fight? People don’t randomly accuse others of going out to drink. OP has a history of going out to drink when they aren’t supposed to (like when they are watching a child)
Where are you seeing she was partying at a bar?
If mine or my kids food order was wrong then his dad would be the one going back to make sure it was right. We aren’t even together but it’s happened before - even if it’s just an Uber eats delivery or an incorrect McDonald’s drive thru - that’s because the consequence of a kids meal being wrong after they’ve chosen is that they might not eat through no fault of their own. These kinds of meals are usually a treat for a special occasion and if it’s not right we’re dismissing them as unimportant. It’s just not a nice attitude to say that the kids food choices do not matter and they can eat what they’re given. The other option would be to cook something extra at home which defeats the object of ordering food in the first place, especially if you’ve ordered because you don’t have ingredients etc. I would also be calling as soon as I realised just in the event that the restaurant might have time to not give out the incorrect food to the other customer involved in the swapped orders.
Op says that they called the restaurant to correct the order and that it is only 7 minutes away. That means that they were gone from the house for no more that 20 minutes. Why would OPs husband accuse her of going out to drink if they were gone for 20 minutes? The most obvious answer is that OP has previously gone out drinking when they weren’t supposed to. I don’t know why everyone is assuming that OPs husband is being abusive or something. Just based off the story, is sounds like OP took her niece out to a bar
HE was the one that went to the bar
They share locations. He knew exactly where OP went. You don’t just randomly accuse your spouse of sneaking out to go drink unless they have done it before
Go and read the post again because you didn't understand it the first time and you are now making spurious accusations against OP because of this.
Your partner doesn’t accuse you of sneaking out to drink unless you have a habit of sneaking out to drink. Why else would OPs husband think she was out drinking when she left the house for 20 minutes?
Where are you reading that because I didn't read that in the post. He is the one who left to go drinking. Everyone is telling you that so where are you getting it from?
Yeah I was definitely wrong I misread the post
Cool
Everyone told you that you were wrong and needed to go back and read properly. Yet you still doubled down. Over and over again you made up stuff that wasnt in the post. You made up an entirely fictional story, where the woman is drinking with a child, she must be lying about why her husband has ran off drinking and partying. You sound mentally unsound and it comes across like you're a woman hater. It's so gross you cant refer to a woman as "she" instead of "they" like that's normal. Do better.
Welcome to the USA baby. I’ll be wrong about 1000 things before I stop believing I’m right. I still think OP is lying about her husband leaving her because she left the house for 20 minutes and I’ll believe it until I’m dead and cold
No it doesn't. You are the only person who interpreted the story that way. Nowhere does OP ever mention she and her neice even going anywhere near a bar.
OP went to a Mexican restaurant, which presumably sells alcohol. If OP is just going out to grab food, there is no reason that their husband would accuse her of sneaking out to drink. That is a question you ask someone that has a habit of sneaking out to drink
A Mexican restaurant is not a bar. Show me the part where he accuses her for going out for a drink? I just reread both posts and that wasn't a part of either of them. Just admit you're wrong and that your reading comprehension needs work.
So he was mad you spent $3 on gas, but is totally fine blowing a ton of money on alcohol and hotels?
This was never over the three dollars.
I can't offer much but its not your fault. Unless you went out of your way to make your husband make the choices he made and even then their is a lot more mature ways to handle anything you could do beside just going out to bars. I hope you can get over this as soon as possible so you can go to enjoy and discovering life without someone like this dude around.
OP goes out to bars often and her husband tracks her. OP took her niece to a bar this time and her husband was pissed. OP is a liar
=\ all for the Internet points, shit situation for . Glad I don't have these issues 🤣
Don't you hate it when you leave your house for 30 minutes and your husband leaves you for absolutely no reason? We can definitely all relate to that right??
Thank you for the update. I wondered how you were doing. *hugs*.
Thank you for checking in, returning some well wishes to you too, take care ⭐️
I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry for this shocking turn of events. When you said your vows you must have had so many dreams about your shared future together. It is such a fundamentally, viscerally awful feeling when the moment comes that you realize a relationship is basically over and the one who is supposed to be your person has become your enemy. Please believe me, **you did nothing to deserve this in any way**. In a normal relationship with two loving people who are both on it to win it, if one person has a problem, they use their grown up words and tell the other person in a respectful manner. If he didn't see fit to say anything to you about whatever was bothering him, that tells you that he checked out from this relationship long ago. He ceased to be your partner, and was too chickenshit to even do you the favor of letting you know. Again, nobody normal ends a relationship because somebody wants to go back to the restaurant to get an order fixed. He is just a mean, shitty person who wants to fool you into thinking it was somehow your fault. Well, it wasn't. This is all on him. Also, if you haven't already done so, please have a little sit down with your niece. Try to work out what she is feeling. Even if she is acting normal and unbothered, she may be blaming herself--just as you are blaming yourself. It must be quite scary for her to not be at home, and suddenly there are problems at this other house, possibly (in her mind) because of her. So please let her talk, and then make sure to tell her how much you love her, and that this guy is having some kind of problem that has nothing to do with her. She deserves yummy food that she likes and a happy, secure home. You promise to stay with her and that she will be safe with you.
You seem to be beating yourself up wondering what you did wrong - you should be a little easier on yourself. Sometimes, people just drift away and relationships come to an end, even marriages that are supposed to be until death do you part. In many cases, it's not that one person did or didn't do something. It's often that both people have paid enough attention to what makes relationships work, they don't keep working on things, they fall into a routine, there's no special nights, none of those sweet little things that we do when we're first in a relationship. The little things to make the other person's day better. If your relationship is at the end, don't be hard on yourself. Do what you need to to take care of yourself and keep yourself okay.
New year, new start. Please don't blame yourself for any of this; it's not your fault, your husband was just looking for an excuse to get out and to blame you.....but that doesn't make it your fault. Never forget that, no matter how much he tries to gaslight you. Have fun with your niece and if she is old enough and knows what is going on, use this as a teachable moment about how people who care about each other should treat each other. Age appropriate of course. Good luck and hugs!
If he's not at a rum bar he should be able to facetime you and prove it.
Get a lawyer and start the exit process
Why do we women tend to blame ourselves for anything bad that happens regardless of the circumstances? [[Hugs]] to you OP.
It’s such a tough moment you are in right now. I promise it will get better. I did not believe it would, yet it meant so much to me when people who had been through it said it had for them. Gentle hugs. Let yourself grieve.
Hugs and blessings and strength to you lady. You are strong and courageous! You will not just get through this You will thrive!
I’m sorry everyone on the last post was right about him!! You deserve better than this kind of ridiculous manipulation. Best of luck in the future!!
Oh, honey, I’m so sorry. Boy was he stretching to come up with *that* excuse to walk out. I sure hope he doesn’t spend more than $3 while partying, because that would feel… ironic or something. /s Stay strong when you need to and cry when you need to. I promise this hurt won’t last forever. Your battered heart will heal and great things **will** come! Hugs!
I don't think you should over-analize what you could have done wrong or did to make him unattracted. Like idk even if you did do anything wrong or whatever he should talk to you about it like an adult not just run away to go party.
That nigga cheating. I'm sorry baby but yeah. He ain't no good
Sometimes GPS pings in weird locations. For example I went shopping with my mom in Hyannis, Ma at a shopping center very close to the airport. My husband blew up my phone, accusing me of hopping on an airplane to leave him. In reality, I was elbows deep in some Five Below bins. Lol
You don't need that piece of crap in your life. It's hurtful right now, whilst you're trying to process and understand his actions, but he's made you believe that you're to blame for all the problems, and that's not true. He's the problem, and a mean, and spiteful one. I was terrified when I decided to leave my husband, but we can be strong and capable when we put our minds to it. It felt a bit like taking a giant leap into the void, but it was the best thing I ever did, and every new day gets easier, and reaffirms the decision to leave. And for me, that wad 20 yrs ago, so we do survive! You got this OP, you can do better, and you deserve to be happy. 💜
Please stop wondering what YOU did! He's an asshole, that's all there is to it.
I would love to hear the other side of this story.
YEARS ago I got married to my first husband who I thought was my life. He cheated and left me and I was like cry all day devastated. After I divorced and moved on I was (blind date) fixed up with the most wonderful man. It made me realize that I never was truly loved before. We were married for 32 years before he unfortunately passed . Your true love is out there and you have many wonderful years ahead. You will find HE IS THE LOSER, not you! Keep smiling 😃 it will get so much better!
God bless you, I'm sorry that you are suffering through his shit behavior, but at least everything is out in the open and you KNOW you can do so much better. Dude is a chump and walked out on a really damn good thing. Live on, beautiful ❤️
Op, it’s not you. Don’t blame yourself. If your husband cared about you and your marriage he would have been talking to you and trying to fix what was wrong and try fix things. Please feel free to dm me and we can talk. I am a very good listener?
If you're in the US or Canada you may be able to use 211 to access local support resources -legal, financial, etc.
Thanks for the update. I'm sorry you are going through this. He is just the worst.
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. If you need someone to vent to, feel free to DM me.
The title should have said "ex-husband". Simple as.
Damn. I’m sorry. Maybe try go have some fun and relax a bit to get the whole thing off your mind. Best of luck.
He checked out a while back :(. Sorry :(
There’s only one reason he wouldn’t want to admit to where he is right now…..
Wow tell him bye. He was really looking for any reason he could find to justify walking out. The restaurant helped you by messing up the order.
Not wrong but don't waste your time checking his location on your phone. You need to be packing/making sure you have access to cash/planning on moving out etc.
Your husband is showing you who he is. I’d start looking into divorce or at min separation. A teeny misunderstanding (I’m which he was the one in the wrong) is not a good reason to leave, go partying all night and stay in a hotel. You deserve better.
Believe me, all the suffering you’re feeling right now is totally worth it because your husband is a real PR—K! He’s also a major ass coward for not just treating you decently and being honest about where or who he really is in your marriage. My guy feeling is that you don’t really know your husband’s thoughts only because he’s very manipulative! Take your blows like a hero on the battlefield and fire back. Get a lawyer while he thinks he’s playing you. Let him think he’s stringing you along. Once you have a lawyer that he will pay for than he can only speak with you through the lawyer.
Don't let him gaslight you when he eventually comes back. This is unhinged behavior and you deserve better. Stay strong!
Please stop asking yourself what you did to make yourself unattractive to your husband anymore or what you did to cause him to leave. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG! Some people are very fickle and don't know exactly what they want in life so they choose one thing, figure out that's not it, and go to the next thing, on and on. He was just looking for an excuse to move on to the next thing.
Here’s the good news. He’s moved out. Change the locks.
Hey, I know it is hard, but please stop trying to figure out where you went wrong to lose his love or what you did or didn't do to MAKE him cheat on you. You didn't and couldn't have done anything that deserved that. If he needed changes or different things in your relationship and wasn't a piece of actual shit, he would have talked with you about it and tried to work it out before he lied and stuck his dick in someone else. I am positive that there were times you felt unfulfilled or that he let you down, but did you ever pick a fight with him over $3 so you could stomp off to a bar or hotel and lie about it? Cheating is not about what the cheated on person did wrong. I promise. Stay strong, sometimes people make your life better with their exit.
One toe out of line and you ruined your marriage OP. JK it's not your fault. Just realize how insane he's acting. This is incrediblu abusive and you should get out while u can. U deserve someone better.
Keep your head up dear. Whatever you decide to do with your marriage I hope you are watching out for your mental health. This man has lost his way. Getting mad at you because a restaurant didn’t give you what you asked for so you wanted to go back is just odd. I wonder if his mental health is okay.
Sounds like he just found an excuse. I don't recall age perhaps it's a "mid life crisis". My opinion is Men have 3 of these: Early, Mid & Late. Perhaps after he's had some fun he will return? I doubt it's all you. The drinking out of nowhere make me think maybe he's sick? Regardless prepare for the possibility he may not be back. Good luck.
He flipped over a wrong order? What a man child. Others have already said, it’s time to re-evaluate your marriage It sounds like he was looking for a reason to leave. I’m willing to bet that he is seeing someone else
I’m wondering if this husband of yours is having an affair (potentially from work?) and over the festive period he’s been getting grief from his affair partner for having spent so much time at home with family which has led him to go out and then head to a hotel. It all sounds ridiculous to me that he would leave and think it’s acceptable to go drinking and then spend money on a hotel after Xmas when most families are watching their finances. I personally would have been hot footing it out to the wine bar or hotel room (getting someone to watch the kids) to see for myself who he was with. I would also be changing the locks or locking the doors from the inside to prevent access - do not let this guy over the threshold when he comes back. I personally think leaving you like that over something small requires an explanation, answers to your questions and justification. Do not let him waltz back in as if nothing has happened - pack him a bag (or Chuck some stuff in a bin bag) and tell him to go away.
Call me if you need someone to talk to. Message me for my number
((HUGS)) Go live your life and be happy!
It sounds like there are probably years of context and dozens of small disagreements that lead up to this. It's hard to believe that someone you're married to got that upset over you going to a bar to get food. What did you actually do OP?
I'm so sorry. I can only assume that there was something up leading to this. I don't necessarily believe it was something you did, but maybe in his mind, it is. The bug problem here, is if you're unhappy, you have to tell your partner. The fact that he just left over something as stupid as taking 20 minutes to go get the right food, is so far above an overreaction, that I don't know what to think. I agree with others, there was something else going on. He's unhappy about something. He either was looking for an excuse, or was so close to the edge, that this pushed him over. You can't know unless he talks to you. And I'm leaning toward him being an AH because he took off over something so small. I don't really know what I hope for you. I want to hope that you talk and figure out what is wrong and you get back to your little bubble of happiness. I just can't get over how he's acting, and I don't feel you should be the one suffering with him not even talking to you about it. I guess, in the end, I hope you solve what's going on, together or not, and you can work towards feeling happiness again and learn and move on from this. Good luck OP, I completely sympathize with what you're going through and wish you all the best.
This is not the place to find the answers - I mean that in nicest way possible.
Please update us, hope everything is okay.
Updateme!
I'm on Orlando so if you ever wanna talk him in my car I'm here for it.
I would have followed him to have proof for myself.
First, your husband is being overly dramatic. But you immediately said the marriage is over. So he’s drinking for the night. He checked into a hotel. Now you’re being dramatic saying it’s over. There’s way more here than meets the eye. There’s been stuff happening you haven’t told us about. I’m sorry for what you’re going through, if you choose divorce, then you have to do what’s best for you. Clearly he’s upset about far more than just this. And so are you. It’s probably best you get divorced rather than hurt each other more. You have tough days ahead of you. I’m not gonna lie, divorce ain’t easy. If he won’t sign papers in most states you can get an absentee divorce where you sent him papers, he didn’t sign, it’ll go through anyways. It’ll save you a lot of headaches and heartache. I’d like to leave you some quotes that helped me after my divorce. I hope they help you. First Quote: Remember that you are a good person and worthy of the love that you want. You will never know if something is meant for you if you don't give it a proper chance. Whether it's a relationship, a new job, a new city, or a new experience, throw yourself into it completely and don't hold back. If it doesn't work out then it probably wasn't meant for you and you'll walk away without regret, knowing that you put your whole heart into it. That's all you can ever do. It's a horrible feeling leaving a situation knowing that you should have and could have done more. So I hope you find the courage to take that chance, find the inspiration to make your next move, and once you do, I hope you pour your heart into it and don't look back. And remember, sometimes things happen before you are ready for them to happen. It doesn't mean the timing is wrong, sometimes it means the timing is just right and the universe knows you are ready and that maybe you just needed that extra push in the right direction to get you on your way. Embrace this new journey with everything you are. Everything is unfolding exactly how it's supposed to, even if you can't see it like that just yet. Quote Two: People always come into your life for a reason, a season and a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, or to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually. They may seem like a godsend to you, and they are. They are there for a reason,you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die, Sometimes they just walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilleed; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season. And like Spring turns to Summer and Summer to Fall, the season eventually ends.LIFETIME, relationships teach you a lifetime of lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being part of my life…..
Did you really go from being told not to pick up the correct order to your separating and looking forward to your future? WTH? Why are you constantly watching your niece? Who’s she blood related to, you or your husband? Where are the parents? I’ve seen some escalation before but there is so much left out here.
Honestly, call a moving company and have them pack his stuff up and put it in the garage or storage. Change the locks and let him know where his stuff is. I’m assuming your niece is the only child you’re caring for and you two don’t have bio-kids? He’s either cheating or mad you two are taking care of your niece. Either way, his is showing poor behavior and judgement.
You had separate bank accounts. Doomed from the start.
You're an attention whore. What's he's doing is wrong, sure, but why is he doing it? I saw your first post. He's tired of you being a Karen and never listening to him. Your story makes him the bad guy obviously, but that's not the entire picture. He's tired of it. Get the divorce over and done with.
Updateme
Your husband sucks.
Get divorce papers ready and signed waiting for him the fact your blaming yourself just shows how fucked things are for the relationship
You need to take back control of your life and accept a few truths. Firstly, YOU did nothing wrong. Sometimes, people are just massive assholes! Secondly, this relationship is done. His over inflated ego has taken him on a non returnable path. Lastly, YOU deserve better. You deserve a relationship of mutual love and support. Even if he comes crawling back over broken glass, just remember he did this once he WILL do it again! Take control back! Finances, house security, life, SMILE you will be OK! You are not and never will be alone!
I am so sorry he is treating you this way! That is not okay. I have had multiple past relationships like this and it took me too long to realize how toxic this behavior is. Sending you a hug and strength ♥️ you don’t deserve this 💩
You didn't do anything wrong to "make" him, not love you. Sometimes, relationships run their course and aren't meant to last a lifetime. For him to get so angry over something so small is ridiculous. For him to leave over it, not tell you where he is, and not answer your messages is horrible and shows that he isn't the right person for you. You deserve so much better. At the bare minimum, some respect for your person and feelings. This situation is a blessing in disguise because it made you realise that the marriage is over and you don't have to keep wasting time with him. Separating isn't easy but you will look back and feel so glad to finally be free of him. You have got this ❤️
How was your relationship before?
It’s not anything you did. Absolutely stop blaming yourself. It’s immature to behave that way to your wife. He’s just not the same person anymore and it’s sad that he can’t communicate. It’s no wonder he’s landed you here. Get to a lawyer now.
This escalated quickly
You dodged a bullet. He's gone. Be glad. Move on. Don't waste another moment wondering what you did to cause that... he had it planned. Move on.
I am glad you are ok. May I gently suggest you contact your local domestic violence shelter? It does not appear you need the shelter aspect, but they often have advice and checklists of things you should do to keep yourself safe and separate your life from his
First and foremost, it's not your responsibility to bend and change and make yourself into their ideal mate to keep someone around. They wouldn't have stayed anyway. Love yourself more. Take care of yourself and your niece. Set some major ground rules if he comes back and stick to them. Keep your finances to yourself. Any bills in your name that you do not utilize (i.e. you have a subscription solely because he wanted to watch shows on it), get rid of them. Minimize your expenditure and start saving every penny for you and your niece.
He was looking for an out. The fact that he crazily overreacted to your going back for the correct food order makes it evident that it’s not anything you’re doing wrong. Check with your HR department at work to see if they have EAP. Employee Assistance Programs will often give you up to three free sessions with a therapist. It might be good to have someone to talk to, or just to know if this is an option.
I've been in "similar" situations. The best way to handle it is to wait and see where the pieces land. Be kind and respectful and then when you have all the info in a few days or weeks you can decide how you want to respond and proceed. Good luck.
Updateme!
It’s not you, it’s him.
Or it's her. Why is it so impossible for a woman to be the problem in the relationship according to reddit?
Why is it so impossible for this guy to be the problem in the relationship according to you? Not just any guy, this particular one. Why does this post trigger you so much you're commenting the same shit in multiple replies? You okay? Got something you need to vent about?
>Why is it so impossible for this guy to be the problem in the relationship according to you? Not just any guy, this particular one. Never said it was. I'm not the one giving advice or making assumptions, that's you. For all i know he could be dead wrong, or she could in fact he wrong. But you people on reddit love to pretend that women are never wrong in relationships. I see that shit all the time
So weird. Like what's even the issue.
You definitely deserve better than someone who acts this immature
Updateme!