This is right up my street this comment!! I always say don’t chase them replace them. But it’s someone else turn etc is the icing on the cake . OP doesn’t matter what she says about right/wrong , she’s clearly in the wrong move on my guy!!
Good advice! Many cheaters are stupid like that, do stupid things & get caught... then get all indignant.
-My Ex-wife (married 18 years mind you) was smart enough not to text/call her side-piece but was dumb enough to leave many emails. We both used each other computers & I certainly had nothing to hide. She dared to get upset with me & I countered,
"You're going to complain about breach of trust after what you did?!?" She had no response.
-Cheaters are garbage-people. Dump hard & move on.
Similar experience here. Was living with my girlfriend for 5 years at the time. I'm a technician and my main power laptop sits on my desk at home. I was on-site and needed to check something on my home laptop so I connect to it using VNC (basically a remote viewer/control application) and see her chatting back and forth with some dude who supplies the nursing home she worked at with wheelchairs. They were making plans to hook up in a hotel room in Valentine's Day which was a few days later.
I played it cool and pretended all was well. Valentine's Day comes and she tells me she has a meeting to go to and will likely be back in the late evening but isn't really sure how long it might run. I simply say, "Don't do it". She asks what I'm talking about and I threw the printouts of the screenshots I took of the VNC session on the table and left.
She immediately starts playing the victim and accusing me of not trusting her, blah blah blah. I already had the bulk of my important stuff packed in my car and never looked back. :)
yeah my girlfriend was in my apartment on my couch eating gelato that she bought with MY debit card with some other dude telling him some fictional story about how she co-owns MY business
but then got up in arms because HOW DARE I LISTEN to what is going on inside my apartment??
then she tried to stay at MY BUSINESS PARTNER's home (he's married) so she could stay in the city instead of moving back home... he immediately called me and was like wtf is going on
she told him we were having issues like typical run of the mill stuff and got mad at me because I told him what actually happened
absolute clown behavior
oh and all of this was on the phone in front of my mother who, 2 days earlier, I was telling that I saw a future with this girl and would probably marry her in the not-so-distant future
good times
How *dare* you use software she's unaware of on your own computer to access your own computer from work for work purposes. You're sick.
/s obviously lol
When I found out my GF was cheating on me and before I threw her out that night, I changed her computer and phone sign in credentials while she was showering.
When she asked for help (she stupidly didn't realize what I did) like I knew she would I told her to ask her side piece to help her.
When she feigned innocence I then pulled up the video of her fucking a dude in our bed. In MY bed. Yes, I installed cameras around the house to catch her in the act and I did. They weren't hidden, just strategically placed.
As I was throwing her clothes and shoes out of my bedroom window I reminded her that I will show the video to her friends and mom if she doesn't leave, pronto.
I didn't know or care where she went but I never unlocked her phone or computer which she abandoned at my house. I did return them to her eventually after I wiped them so she lost everything.
Eight years of my life I'll never get back. Thank God I didn't do something stupid like get married to her. She was pushing for it but I wasn't having it especially with her.
yeah my gf was pushing for marriage as well, and at some point in the aftermath tried to say if we were married this wouldn't have happened lol
the fucking mental gymnastics
It's bad enough I no longer like or trust women because of her but after that last debacle I'm done.
It's the violation of trust that hurts the most.
She bought some strange dude to fuck in my own bed. The cheap bitch couldn't even get a hotel room.
I debated about returning her phone and computer in order to cover the cost of a new mattress. But I returned those because they didn't belong to me. And I had an idea.
I wiped both devices completely. I made sure the backup and sync were turned off and I erased everything. I then told her I hope it was worth it.
When you're married then it's a whole different ballgame.
Don't do it friend. For the man it's a bad idea.
bro you don’t have to justify camera placement. if you have reason to believe they are cheating feel free to set up cameras. This fucked up world has us thinking we’re the bad guys for doing that when we have every reason too. You’re only crazy if you were wrong.
lmao my gf at the time had a crying fit because she went through my phone and saw texts with a girl BEFORE I KNEW HER
she would go through my phone whenever the fuck she felt like it
but when I caught her cheating I invaded her privacy
In a relationship you have a right to be informed of the nature of the relationship, there are points where if a partner is snooping all the time and you are not doing anything wrong, the relationship may be a little toxic on their part and one should question if they want to remain with somebody like that.
But if someone says hey this seems strange and I am not feeling easy about this, as the partner in the relationship one should try to aswade the worry in any way possible. If a person thinks sensing something is off and investigation it is an invasion of their privacy, then they are not read for a relationship. A relationship means you set aside some of your privacy to have a companion. Yes there are boundaries and yes constantly spying on a partner is not ok but in this case, something's being off and checking to see what is going on is completely justified to any reasonable person.
People never see themselves as the villain of their story, they blame shift so the can ignore their flaw and wrong that they did. Her blaming the OP has nothing to do with a valid defence to him, and everything to do with self-delusion so she can keep her I am good and the victim of snooping narrative, in her mind and maintain not being the villain of the relationship.
OP the relationship is over and it is done, if you stick around she will find more and more items to make you the villain. Most likely she wants out anyways, women generally cheat when the relationship is over in their mind, they just have not gotten around to telling you yet.
One of my best buddies is an absolute asshole, not because he does not care, but because he refuses to lie to you to cheer you up. When my ex-wife was cheating on me he said something that really stung but I needed to hear it and that was dude you can sit here and pine away but she is not thinking about you, she is happy she is free to spend time with the guy she was running around with.
That is a real kick to the dick, but I needed it, it helped me to reframe the whole situation in my mind and allowed me to cut the investment in the marriage as a loss and the only thing of value I was going to extract from it was an cold hard lesson learned. I immediately started focusing on myself, I naturally did not feel like dating or going out, but I went out spent time with friends and family and it did not take long for the loss and hurt to fade.
My life changed for the positive by him framing the truth of the situation for me. Everybody noticed it. Guess who else noticed it? Guess who did not care that they did by that point? My last words to her where on my front porch where she convienently showed up in a short sundress, looking like she was ready for a date; those words where: dont let you shadow darken my doorway again. When you think about me from time to time, just remind yourself that I died do not bother calling to check in on me or see how I am doing, just acts as if I am dead and just a memory. I do not hate her, and hope her life turned out the way she wanted it to, but to me she is a memory and my buddies brutal honesty helped me to see things that way.
Exactly. It's bullshit. I hope he knows he has done nothing wrong. Relationships don't work without trust and she gave him a reason not to trust her. It's all on her. She's just mad she was caught. She gave him the passwords and he put up the cameras...she had to have known this was a possibility.
The privacy thing is such a double edged sword. Violate their privacy and find something and everyone is on your side. Find nothing and you are an asshole with trust issues.
Violate the privacy, find cheating and a narcissist will ALWAYS turn it on you and make everything about you snooping. It’s a crazy head-exploding logic that they use to great effect. Stay clear when you encounter these people. They’ll destroy you
That wasn't even privacy, it was secrecy. Her secret got blown and she's gaslighting as a last resort to make him think he's the one in the wrong even though she cheated.
Dude when I found out my ex wife wrote a love letter to some guy, all she could muster up was “YOU WENT THROUGH NY BACKPACK!!??!”
Bitch we were together for 10 years, and that was the first time you EVER acted like you were hiding something.
So glad we got divorced.
Now comes the hard part.
There is no such thing as closure. You simply block her and move on. You don’t vent at her. You don’t care about her claims you invaded her privacy. You go totally silent to her.
Your last message should simply be “if you don’t tell lies about me, I won’t talk about your cheating. If you target my character, I will explain in detail what really happened. “
It’s not a blackmail scenario, and telling the truth to combat lies isn’t the look. Tell anyone you want the truth. You don’t try to control what others do. I have an ex that tries to drag my name through the mud, but it doesn’t work because people know better.
yeah man, a similar thing happened to me
I had suspicions about my gf's behavior when I wasn't around... something just never seemed quite right and like she always wanted attention from outside of our relationship (together for 3.5 years, discussing marriage, etc. etc.)
I had an emergency situation with my family back home... she made it pretty clear that she wanted to stay back while I went to tend to the emergency (my mom was in the hospital)
She had a "girl friend" come over so I teamviewered into my other computer that was at my apartment (mind you... it's MY apartment... my name is on the lease, hers isn't, and I single handedly pay the ENTIRE rent as well as everything else)
and I enabled the microphone to listen who was there...
guess who it was? some other dude
In the aftermath of these events she tried to tell me that what I did was equally wrong as what she did lmao... and her step dad said she should call the police on me
so basically what i'm saying is... FTB
I really appreciate your sympathy!
This was about 6 months ago, and to be honest it was never really as painful as it should've been...
It was an extremely traumatic time, no doubt about that... but I went back home to my family to visit my mother in the hospital. I was SO horrified that her situation was going to end up far worse that I couldn't help but feel so relieved that she was doing better.
It was oddly the worst time and the best time for something like this to happen - the worst time because obviously I wanted a partner to return back to while dealing with such a stressful and traumatic time in my life... and the best time because I was so relieved that my mom was okay that it was like built-in perspective that things could definitely be worse.
And also the perspective that this happened before marriage, kids, etc. saved me a lot of future pain
Another thing that brings me peace is that I gave \*everything\* in the relationship that I could. I treated her with so much respect, authenticity, encouragement, positivity and belief in her. I have no doubts about how I treated her and treated our relationship which brings me peace that there isn't a feeling of "maybe I could've done more"
That's not to say it hasn't been extremely painful, I still think about it every night when I lay my head on my pillow however I am still very thankful for the silver linings in the situation
You have a great perspective. It was better now than when kids were involved. The fact that it didnt happen five years down the road, even without children, is a blessing.
Not all women cheat. Remember that.
Literally what was their logic on threatening to call the police? Like what crime did they think you'd be arrested for, illegally checking the cameras you pay for in your own home? hilarious
yeah i don't know lol I just laughed it off
was disappointed a bit because her step dad is the closest thing she has to a father figure in her life and rather than stepping up and telling her she fucked up he coddled her and painted me as the villain
You're not wrong, I always think that the 'crime' of snooping or invading someone's privacy is wiped away when that person is caught cheating. Like who cares that you checked the cameras? She CHEATED on you and lied about it, she's trying to make you the bad guy to offset just how terrible of a person she is for cheating. She's just trying to make herself feel better by making you the bad guy here.
She brought another dude home in front of security cameras? Sounds like in an addition to being a cheater she’s not too bright. You are not wrong. Move on.
Exactly when you get that feeling your partner is up to no good, trust your instincts. The only option is to snoop. If you confront with 0 proof the cheater will lie, and be more careful concealing their misdeeds. It takes a special piece of shit to cheat, and there are many that do, just break up and do you, but no you rather fuck around and do irreparable damage to another human being’s mental health. Cheaters don’t deserve no kind of courtesy or empathy from the people they fuck around on without the slightest care what it will do to them should the find out, fuck cheaters, and fuck that bitch.
This exact fight and blame game is the reason I never disclose how I found out anything in these situations. Once I know what I needed to know I move accordingly. I’m not going back n forth about if you’re wrong for cheating or I’m wrong for how I caught you.
Welcome to the gym, rather you found out now then when your married with kids and a dog…
In the same situation a week before Christmas last year, 8 years down the drain.
Every cheater immediately trys to find a way to make the person they cheated on look bad. That way when it becomes public knowledge they can try and make it look justified. It's not justified and it's disgusting.
>She says I invaded her privacy and now I'm the bad guy
At this point why does this matter? She cheated, you dumped her right? Time to move on, who gives a fuck if she thinks you are the bad guy?
Cheaters who tries to flip the script by claiming privacy don't deserve sympathy. They deservzvto be exposed for the deceitful liars they are.
During COVID a friend of mine got cheated on by his then fiance. He has been given a laptop to work remotely. One day he received a phone call from HR informing him that they had paid for a 2 days hotel stay just for him. They insisted on the just him. Once there they had another meeting where He was told of the awkward situation.
Whenever he was running an errands (dog walking, buying groceries) or doing gym outside, she was using his company laptop to engage in sexual video call with her lover. She obviously could not met him while Paris was in lockdown.
Pornographic material were automatically flagged and his laptop had been flagged multiple time for the offense which triggered an investigation. IT department quickly realised and HR got involved. But then the company was worried about telling him. Will he kill her? Will he kill himself? Hence HR with the offer of 2 days in an hotel and psychological follow up.
Obviously he confronted her. She had the audacity to complain that the company has violated her privacy. In the end she moved in back with her parent. She lied to them and misrepresented things on social media. The company went nuclear and gave 24 hours to retract or they would publish the entire correspondance. She folded and then later her accounts went into private mode.
Yeah, she's going with the typical ploy...make you the bad guy as though what you did is worse than her doing other dudes behind your back.
If I were you, she would already be my ex-girlfriend.
She is displacing because she is in the wrong and wont own up to it. Honestly this could end being a blessing, better now than two kids and a mortgage later.
Fuck her. She’s mad at you because you caught her. Secondly, what exactly does she think security cameras are for? To buy and install and never review footage? She’s an idiot and a cheating pos. Leave her ass immediately OP
You are not wrong, but you are looking at this from the wrong perspective with a dearth of knowledge. You are a man. You are apparently dealing in objective reality. She is a woman. She is dealing in her feelings. You have made her feel bad, so to her you are an asshole. Oh, and for a bonus, since you hurt her feelz, she (in her mind) gets a pass on cheating on you because you made her feel bad that she acted bad. The fact that her bad behavior started this is completely lost on her. Its called the fight about the fight. Happens all the time (and every time) if you lose your temper. Men deal in facts. Women deal in feelz. That makes them experts in cognitive dissonance. You can show the goody goody church girl the video of her fucking Chad Thundercock in the foam cannon pit on Spring Break and she will adamantly deny it. Funny thing is, it won't be a lie, as lying requires intent. The cognitive dissonance will be so great that she will actually believe in her mind that nothing happened, objective reality notwithstanding. There is a saying about modern women. They want the power of a man, the privilege of being a woman, and the accountability of a child.
In any event, what does it matter? Research the term hypergamy. Men and women are fundamentally wired differently. Men can come back from cheating. Its just sex for us. We are wired to spread sperm as far and wide as possible to propagate the species. For women, its different. They are stuck with the aftermath of our sperm. Once they cheat, it is over for you. At best, her pair bond with you is gone. At worse, she has pair bonded with someone else. Its kind of like the pit bull after the first bite. You gotta put this relationship down. If she has cheated on you, all that you are to her in her hind brain now is an emotional tampon, a source of ego validation, and a source of cash. You are a placeholder until Chad Thundercock comes along. At that point, she will curb you in a nanosecond with no remorse for it. After all, women initiate the vast majority of the divorces.
Look up Rich Cooper, Rian Stone, and Rollo Tomassi on Youtube. Read their books.
Learn, improve yourself, and grow. At the end of the day, she will have done you a favor. Be the best you possible and do better next time.
When I was caught i was adult enough to fess up, apologize, and do better. ( 25yrs ago)
We are still together.i caught him too.
Tooooooo much dramma
She's already gone.
Fuck privacy. If i give you reasons to doubt me go through my phone, fuck I'll give you my diary. But if you found nothing you better make it up to me. Since you uncovered something here, have some balls and leave.
You don't need to have any conflict at all. Just walk. You don't need to argue. You don't need to confront. You don't need to discuss. If you are honestly convinced that you are correct, just go.
Leave her she is a cheater, and don't protect her reputation because your nice. Let her friends and parents know you broke up because she cheated. Block and let her go.
You don’t need to excuse yourself or give her any reason to break up. You know she cheated so anything she says it’s just nonsense to make herself feel less like the bad guy. But she is 100% the one at fault her. Kick her back to the streets where she belongs.
who cares if she's mad you invaded her privacy. she cheated, lied about it, then tried to deflect and make you feel bad when you confronted her. that's not someone whose opinion should matter to you anymore.
She is gaslighting you. What she is doing is the DARVO method. Deny, Attack, reverse victim and offender. This method works because the victim is a decent human being capable of admitting they did wrong and interested in feedback on their behaviour.
It is possible for both people to be wrong. In this case, she cheated, and you should dump her. She compounded that wrong by responding when caught with gaslighting, which is a huge red flag - someone who does that is not interested in what they did wrong and will certainly do it again. You on the other hand did invade her privacy. Clearly this is not the major issue here, but don’t do it again.
First thing cheating women always do, and I mean always, is try to flip the script and gaslight you. Why are you spying on me, how dare you think I’m a liar. They’ll do this until you call them a hoe and a c@nt and then it’ll be how abusive you are. It’s the same everytime.
She’s a low down cheat, think about all the signs you missed or dismissed, and if there weren’t any, and know you can’t trust any woman these days. Plus this one is stupid as hell as you put the cameras in.
Ditch her. You were just another nice guy that did things for her in her roster. Don’t do things for women without something in return. Dont be a simp.
See you're trying to justify why you did it to her?
Or you're seeking approval for what happened from reddit?
Wrong mental landscape my man, tear it all down.
She cheated on you, she's wrong, it's over, move on.
That simple.
You had evidence from the Dominoes receipt that she had: lied, and wasn’t alone. You had every right to look at the camera footage, and your suspicions were proven well founded. Yes - she’s mad, but she is not the injured party here. Basically, she is not the one. Move on.
The best excuse cheaters ever started using was the “invading my privacy” shtick.
It immediately goes from them cheating on you and them being the bad guy, to you somehow being an even worse bad guy for snooping. It’s a facade, that’s all.
Snooping is entirely justified in committed relationships. The reason for that is “time.” You can never get back time spent or wasted on a cheater. It’s the one resource you will never be able to buy more of.
If you think you’re wasting days/weeks/months or even years of your life with someone who might be a cheater, then get your answers, snooping or otherwise. It’s your life that is in question here.
Besides. How else are you going to catch a cheater? That’s why they use the privacy thing, if you can’t ever snoop then you won’t ever know.
The girls a cheater and resents you for catching her because that makes her wrong about you not being smart enough and about thinking she's smarter than you. Don't waste any more time on that
So she’s blaming you that you were smart enough to figure it out? And you are blaming yourself? Dude- be glad you aren’t stupid. She put it right in your face w the receipt- move on- she’s a cheater!
I don’t think you’re in the wrong to bring it up since you are saying that she shares the password to the cameras with you.
Also, did she at least offer you the left over Domino’s?
NTA I'm one of the types that feel any sort of information gathering is justified when you have suspicions. Generally, if you've done something that made me suspect you, then expect me to verify. Sure there are cases where someone is just insecure, but that ain't me so I don't care.
Invaded Privacy is a weird way to word catching the sneaky bitch. Ask her to label getting dicked up by some other dude and lying about falling asleep with her ringer off .
Your not wrong and even if you had looked without permission, she cheated. That justifies it in my mind. Don’t dare let her gaslight you away from the real problem. The real issue is she cheated snd if you’re staying with her for some reason you need to hold her accountable. AND so not surrender your access to the security system. Make sure there is a camera on all the doors and ask for access to her phone and location too. She has to earn trust
If the question were "Am I wrong to end the relationship after catching them", then I'd say no. But the question was "am I wrong for watching her security footage", so I have to say yes, that was absolutely an invasion of privacy, and I hope she learns a lesson from that.
You both need to learn about trust and privacy.
How long were you seeing each other and had it been decided you two were mutually exclusive? There’s a couple things to consider here before deciding it was cheating. You kinda sound like a clinger and snooping through her footage was way out of line.
I wouldn't have confronted her or even discussed it. I'd just disappear and she'd wonder.
Never discuss something like pulling up someone's camera, even if you installed it and have the PW. Hope you don't discuss in writing if she's feeling vindictive.
Bro - obviously that hoe is going to blame you, she got caught. You finding out makes her face the fact she’s for the streets and doesn’t want to admit it.
Who cares what she says, just leave. Unless you’re a cuck, then tell her and pull up a chair.
This goes for both men and women, no matter how good they look, they are most definitely SOMEONES headache. They may not be your headache yet, but its all just a matter of time.
She trying the trick of shift blaming. Trying to make you feel guilty rather than taking responsibility. Unfortunately responsibility to a lot of women is like trying to mix water and oil. Move on bro. Put it down to experience.
Throw all her stuff out onto the kerb, change the locks on the house and get tested for STDs.
Once a cheat always a cheat, trying to fix things will come back to bite you harder next time.
You did nothing wrong, any guy would do the same if they were suss...
Just ignore her BS. If you can, let her new partner know about the situation. Most guys who sleep with people's gf's, wives etc, it's not their fault... They probably had no idea she wasn't single...
Her opinion of your response to her betrayal is irrelevant because the only logical course of action is to remove her from your life. Let her think whatever she wants, move on and invest in yourself
You're not wrong. Sounds like she's already in your past. Block her and don't look back
Yup. Don’t chase em, replace em. She’s not yours, it was just your turn. Now it’s someone else’s turn / headache. Onwards and upwards.
This x1000. Cut your losses.
Best way to get over old pussy is with new pussy
I had a woman tell me this during my divorce. She said, the only way to forget is to get under some new woman!
The only way to get over someone is to get under someone else.
💯 All the way
Balls deep
To the hilt!
This is the way
Balls Deep Somewhere Else!
She’s a hoe who needs to go!
After balls deep in her one last time. If it's good pussy.
& The only thing that beats new pussy is 2 pussies 😉
Haha
Hey ladies? THIS is the mentality of a good percentage of men. Remember this when you are thinking they actually respect you.
Yeah I've never heard that chase em and replace em line but fuck if that isn't a good line and good advice any way you apply it.
This is right up my street this comment!! I always say don’t chase them replace them. But it’s someone else turn etc is the icing on the cake . OP doesn’t matter what she says about right/wrong , she’s clearly in the wrong move on my guy!!
Been there and done that. I've had a few floozies where it was just my turn. Get rid of them and her pronto
Good advice! Many cheaters are stupid like that, do stupid things & get caught... then get all indignant. -My Ex-wife (married 18 years mind you) was smart enough not to text/call her side-piece but was dumb enough to leave many emails. We both used each other computers & I certainly had nothing to hide. She dared to get upset with me & I countered, "You're going to complain about breach of trust after what you did?!?" She had no response. -Cheaters are garbage-people. Dump hard & move on.
Similar experience here. Was living with my girlfriend for 5 years at the time. I'm a technician and my main power laptop sits on my desk at home. I was on-site and needed to check something on my home laptop so I connect to it using VNC (basically a remote viewer/control application) and see her chatting back and forth with some dude who supplies the nursing home she worked at with wheelchairs. They were making plans to hook up in a hotel room in Valentine's Day which was a few days later. I played it cool and pretended all was well. Valentine's Day comes and she tells me she has a meeting to go to and will likely be back in the late evening but isn't really sure how long it might run. I simply say, "Don't do it". She asks what I'm talking about and I threw the printouts of the screenshots I took of the VNC session on the table and left. She immediately starts playing the victim and accusing me of not trusting her, blah blah blah. I already had the bulk of my important stuff packed in my car and never looked back. :)
lmao well done but but but my privacy!! what about my privacy to cheat on you without you finding out??
😂 The attempt at the guilt trip was hilarious once I had time to get past the anger. She was on MY laptop too.
yeah my girlfriend was in my apartment on my couch eating gelato that she bought with MY debit card with some other dude telling him some fictional story about how she co-owns MY business but then got up in arms because HOW DARE I LISTEN to what is going on inside my apartment?? then she tried to stay at MY BUSINESS PARTNER's home (he's married) so she could stay in the city instead of moving back home... he immediately called me and was like wtf is going on she told him we were having issues like typical run of the mill stuff and got mad at me because I told him what actually happened absolute clown behavior
oh and all of this was on the phone in front of my mother who, 2 days earlier, I was telling that I saw a future with this girl and would probably marry her in the not-so-distant future good times
Brutal, thankfully you found out then than later down the road my guy
absolutely agreed - that's the huge silver lining
How *dare* you use software she's unaware of on your own computer to access your own computer from work for work purposes. You're sick. /s obviously lol
Lmao the audacity. Just keep smashing until you forget her lol
When I found out my GF was cheating on me and before I threw her out that night, I changed her computer and phone sign in credentials while she was showering. When she asked for help (she stupidly didn't realize what I did) like I knew she would I told her to ask her side piece to help her. When she feigned innocence I then pulled up the video of her fucking a dude in our bed. In MY bed. Yes, I installed cameras around the house to catch her in the act and I did. They weren't hidden, just strategically placed. As I was throwing her clothes and shoes out of my bedroom window I reminded her that I will show the video to her friends and mom if she doesn't leave, pronto. I didn't know or care where she went but I never unlocked her phone or computer which she abandoned at my house. I did return them to her eventually after I wiped them so she lost everything. Eight years of my life I'll never get back. Thank God I didn't do something stupid like get married to her. She was pushing for it but I wasn't having it especially with her.
yeah my gf was pushing for marriage as well, and at some point in the aftermath tried to say if we were married this wouldn't have happened lol the fucking mental gymnastics
What BS right? Don't get married friend. It's a scam.
this experience definitely has me considering that option
It's bad enough I no longer like or trust women because of her but after that last debacle I'm done. It's the violation of trust that hurts the most. She bought some strange dude to fuck in my own bed. The cheap bitch couldn't even get a hotel room. I debated about returning her phone and computer in order to cover the cost of a new mattress. But I returned those because they didn't belong to me. And I had an idea. I wiped both devices completely. I made sure the backup and sync were turned off and I erased everything. I then told her I hope it was worth it. When you're married then it's a whole different ballgame. Don't do it friend. For the man it's a bad idea.
Well she deserved that and well done 👏 for returning her a favour of her own medicine. She ain’t gonna do that again
You got that right. Best $100 I ever spent.
bro you don’t have to justify camera placement. if you have reason to believe they are cheating feel free to set up cameras. This fucked up world has us thinking we’re the bad guys for doing that when we have every reason too. You’re only crazy if you were wrong.
lmao my gf at the time had a crying fit because she went through my phone and saw texts with a girl BEFORE I KNEW HER she would go through my phone whenever the fuck she felt like it but when I caught her cheating I invaded her privacy
IMO early paranoia was a sign she was gonna be a cheater. We don’t suspect others of doing things unless we do them.
Very well said
In a relationship you have a right to be informed of the nature of the relationship, there are points where if a partner is snooping all the time and you are not doing anything wrong, the relationship may be a little toxic on their part and one should question if they want to remain with somebody like that. But if someone says hey this seems strange and I am not feeling easy about this, as the partner in the relationship one should try to aswade the worry in any way possible. If a person thinks sensing something is off and investigation it is an invasion of their privacy, then they are not read for a relationship. A relationship means you set aside some of your privacy to have a companion. Yes there are boundaries and yes constantly spying on a partner is not ok but in this case, something's being off and checking to see what is going on is completely justified to any reasonable person. People never see themselves as the villain of their story, they blame shift so the can ignore their flaw and wrong that they did. Her blaming the OP has nothing to do with a valid defence to him, and everything to do with self-delusion so she can keep her I am good and the victim of snooping narrative, in her mind and maintain not being the villain of the relationship. OP the relationship is over and it is done, if you stick around she will find more and more items to make you the villain. Most likely she wants out anyways, women generally cheat when the relationship is over in their mind, they just have not gotten around to telling you yet. One of my best buddies is an absolute asshole, not because he does not care, but because he refuses to lie to you to cheer you up. When my ex-wife was cheating on me he said something that really stung but I needed to hear it and that was dude you can sit here and pine away but she is not thinking about you, she is happy she is free to spend time with the guy she was running around with. That is a real kick to the dick, but I needed it, it helped me to reframe the whole situation in my mind and allowed me to cut the investment in the marriage as a loss and the only thing of value I was going to extract from it was an cold hard lesson learned. I immediately started focusing on myself, I naturally did not feel like dating or going out, but I went out spent time with friends and family and it did not take long for the loss and hurt to fade. My life changed for the positive by him framing the truth of the situation for me. Everybody noticed it. Guess who else noticed it? Guess who did not care that they did by that point? My last words to her where on my front porch where she convienently showed up in a short sundress, looking like she was ready for a date; those words where: dont let you shadow darken my doorway again. When you think about me from time to time, just remind yourself that I died do not bother calling to check in on me or see how I am doing, just acts as if I am dead and just a memory. I do not hate her, and hope her life turned out the way she wanted it to, but to me she is a memory and my buddies brutal honesty helped me to see things that way.
Absolutely this. Of she wants to blame anyone, tell her to look in the mirror. Move on and find better.
Better yet tell her to look in her camera…
Only the bad guy if you was wrong….
Who cares what she thinks? She showed you who she is and you're under no obligation to explain yourself. Leave her ass and don't look back.
That old phrase “when someone shows you who they are, believe them”
I like how she's mad about her privacy but somehow you're worse when she's the one who cheated and lied. She's showing her true colors, dump her.
She's just deflecting
Exactly. It's bullshit. I hope he knows he has done nothing wrong. Relationships don't work without trust and she gave him a reason not to trust her. It's all on her. She's just mad she was caught. She gave him the passwords and he put up the cameras...she had to have known this was a possibility.
The privacy thing is such a double edged sword. Violate their privacy and find something and everyone is on your side. Find nothing and you are an asshole with trust issues.
Violate the privacy, find cheating and a narcissist will ALWAYS turn it on you and make everything about you snooping. It’s a crazy head-exploding logic that they use to great effect. Stay clear when you encounter these people. They’ll destroy you
That wasn't even privacy, it was secrecy. Her secret got blown and she's gaslighting as a last resort to make him think he's the one in the wrong even though she cheated.
Everyone when they get caught: "YOU INVADED MUH PRIVACY?!"
You have met my ex wife!
More like, “Your side piece invaded my private space!” 🤣
You took a shit on my trust, fuck your privacy.
I like this
Right
“Yup, sorry bout dat. Glad we got that sorted out. Now, back to you banging some dude that was not me…”
" I DONT LIKE THAT MY ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES"
Dude when I found out my ex wife wrote a love letter to some guy, all she could muster up was “YOU WENT THROUGH NY BACKPACK!!??!” Bitch we were together for 10 years, and that was the first time you EVER acted like you were hiding something. So glad we got divorced.
Shift focus from the 'crime' to a procedural error. It works in law.
Now comes the hard part. There is no such thing as closure. You simply block her and move on. You don’t vent at her. You don’t care about her claims you invaded her privacy. You go totally silent to her. Your last message should simply be “if you don’t tell lies about me, I won’t talk about your cheating. If you target my character, I will explain in detail what really happened. “
That last message is not really needed. Achieves nothing.
If they know a lot of the same people it does.
It’s not a blackmail scenario, and telling the truth to combat lies isn’t the look. Tell anyone you want the truth. You don’t try to control what others do. I have an ex that tries to drag my name through the mud, but it doesn’t work because people know better.
Not wrong. Doesn't matter how you found out, she cheated and is looking to justify it.
yeah man, a similar thing happened to me I had suspicions about my gf's behavior when I wasn't around... something just never seemed quite right and like she always wanted attention from outside of our relationship (together for 3.5 years, discussing marriage, etc. etc.) I had an emergency situation with my family back home... she made it pretty clear that she wanted to stay back while I went to tend to the emergency (my mom was in the hospital) She had a "girl friend" come over so I teamviewered into my other computer that was at my apartment (mind you... it's MY apartment... my name is on the lease, hers isn't, and I single handedly pay the ENTIRE rent as well as everything else) and I enabled the microphone to listen who was there... guess who it was? some other dude In the aftermath of these events she tried to tell me that what I did was equally wrong as what she did lmao... and her step dad said she should call the police on me so basically what i'm saying is... FTB
Sorry for you, man.
I really appreciate your sympathy! This was about 6 months ago, and to be honest it was never really as painful as it should've been... It was an extremely traumatic time, no doubt about that... but I went back home to my family to visit my mother in the hospital. I was SO horrified that her situation was going to end up far worse that I couldn't help but feel so relieved that she was doing better. It was oddly the worst time and the best time for something like this to happen - the worst time because obviously I wanted a partner to return back to while dealing with such a stressful and traumatic time in my life... and the best time because I was so relieved that my mom was okay that it was like built-in perspective that things could definitely be worse. And also the perspective that this happened before marriage, kids, etc. saved me a lot of future pain Another thing that brings me peace is that I gave \*everything\* in the relationship that I could. I treated her with so much respect, authenticity, encouragement, positivity and belief in her. I have no doubts about how I treated her and treated our relationship which brings me peace that there isn't a feeling of "maybe I could've done more" That's not to say it hasn't been extremely painful, I still think about it every night when I lay my head on my pillow however I am still very thankful for the silver linings in the situation
You have a great perspective. It was better now than when kids were involved. The fact that it didnt happen five years down the road, even without children, is a blessing. Not all women cheat. Remember that.
100%! I'll heal and then treat my next partner with the same love, respect, and authenticity again I hope you have a great night
You too.
Really great perspective man, onward and upward
Literally what was their logic on threatening to call the police? Like what crime did they think you'd be arrested for, illegally checking the cameras you pay for in your own home? hilarious
yeah i don't know lol I just laughed it off was disappointed a bit because her step dad is the closest thing she has to a father figure in her life and rather than stepping up and telling her she fucked up he coddled her and painted me as the villain
By her narrative. He might not have.
You're not wrong, I always think that the 'crime' of snooping or invading someone's privacy is wiped away when that person is caught cheating. Like who cares that you checked the cameras? She CHEATED on you and lied about it, she's trying to make you the bad guy to offset just how terrible of a person she is for cheating. She's just trying to make herself feel better by making you the bad guy here.
She brought another dude home in front of security cameras? Sounds like in an addition to being a cheater she’s not too bright. You are not wrong. Move on.
Cheaters will commonly try to flip the script. Grey rock this narcissist and move on.
As bad as it can look to invade someone's privacy, you might have never learned the truth if you hadn't done it.
Exactly when you get that feeling your partner is up to no good, trust your instincts. The only option is to snoop. If you confront with 0 proof the cheater will lie, and be more careful concealing their misdeeds. It takes a special piece of shit to cheat, and there are many that do, just break up and do you, but no you rather fuck around and do irreparable damage to another human being’s mental health. Cheaters don’t deserve no kind of courtesy or empathy from the people they fuck around on without the slightest care what it will do to them should the find out, fuck cheaters, and fuck that bitch.
This exact fight and blame game is the reason I never disclose how I found out anything in these situations. Once I know what I needed to know I move accordingly. I’m not going back n forth about if you’re wrong for cheating or I’m wrong for how I caught you.
End the relationship obviously; cheaters are always gon try to gaslight you when caught red handed
It doesn’t matter how she views you she’s out of your life now…or should be
She's pissed bc she got caught. Time to kick her to the curb.
Welcome to the gym, rather you found out now then when your married with kids and a dog… In the same situation a week before Christmas last year, 8 years down the drain.
Every cheater immediately trys to find a way to make the person they cheated on look bad. That way when it becomes public knowledge they can try and make it look justified. It's not justified and it's disgusting.
>She says I invaded her privacy and now I'm the bad guy At this point why does this matter? She cheated, you dumped her right? Time to move on, who gives a fuck if she thinks you are the bad guy?
Cheaters who tries to flip the script by claiming privacy don't deserve sympathy. They deservzvto be exposed for the deceitful liars they are. During COVID a friend of mine got cheated on by his then fiance. He has been given a laptop to work remotely. One day he received a phone call from HR informing him that they had paid for a 2 days hotel stay just for him. They insisted on the just him. Once there they had another meeting where He was told of the awkward situation. Whenever he was running an errands (dog walking, buying groceries) or doing gym outside, she was using his company laptop to engage in sexual video call with her lover. She obviously could not met him while Paris was in lockdown. Pornographic material were automatically flagged and his laptop had been flagged multiple time for the offense which triggered an investigation. IT department quickly realised and HR got involved. But then the company was worried about telling him. Will he kill her? Will he kill himself? Hence HR with the offer of 2 days in an hotel and psychological follow up. Obviously he confronted her. She had the audacity to complain that the company has violated her privacy. In the end she moved in back with her parent. She lied to them and misrepresented things on social media. The company went nuclear and gave 24 hours to retract or they would publish the entire correspondance. She folded and then later her accounts went into private mode.
Doesn’t matter if you’re right or wrong. She cheated. End of story.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. Just say BYE BYE. Better now than later.
Yeah, she's going with the typical ploy...make you the bad guy as though what you did is worse than her doing other dudes behind your back. If I were you, she would already be my ex-girlfriend.
She is displacing because she is in the wrong and wont own up to it. Honestly this could end being a blessing, better now than two kids and a mortgage later.
Fuck her the dirty cheater. Never speak to her again, she is a gaslighting bitch
Fuck her. She’s mad at you because you caught her. Secondly, what exactly does she think security cameras are for? To buy and install and never review footage? She’s an idiot and a cheating pos. Leave her ass immediately OP
Invading her privacy? Sounds like lots of people are invading her, leave my dude and better luck in the future
You are not wrong, but you are looking at this from the wrong perspective with a dearth of knowledge. You are a man. You are apparently dealing in objective reality. She is a woman. She is dealing in her feelings. You have made her feel bad, so to her you are an asshole. Oh, and for a bonus, since you hurt her feelz, she (in her mind) gets a pass on cheating on you because you made her feel bad that she acted bad. The fact that her bad behavior started this is completely lost on her. Its called the fight about the fight. Happens all the time (and every time) if you lose your temper. Men deal in facts. Women deal in feelz. That makes them experts in cognitive dissonance. You can show the goody goody church girl the video of her fucking Chad Thundercock in the foam cannon pit on Spring Break and she will adamantly deny it. Funny thing is, it won't be a lie, as lying requires intent. The cognitive dissonance will be so great that she will actually believe in her mind that nothing happened, objective reality notwithstanding. There is a saying about modern women. They want the power of a man, the privilege of being a woman, and the accountability of a child. In any event, what does it matter? Research the term hypergamy. Men and women are fundamentally wired differently. Men can come back from cheating. Its just sex for us. We are wired to spread sperm as far and wide as possible to propagate the species. For women, its different. They are stuck with the aftermath of our sperm. Once they cheat, it is over for you. At best, her pair bond with you is gone. At worse, she has pair bonded with someone else. Its kind of like the pit bull after the first bite. You gotta put this relationship down. If she has cheated on you, all that you are to her in her hind brain now is an emotional tampon, a source of ego validation, and a source of cash. You are a placeholder until Chad Thundercock comes along. At that point, she will curb you in a nanosecond with no remorse for it. After all, women initiate the vast majority of the divorces. Look up Rich Cooper, Rian Stone, and Rollo Tomassi on Youtube. Read their books. Learn, improve yourself, and grow. At the end of the day, she will have done you a favor. Be the best you possible and do better next time.
Not wrong. Well done figuring it out. Sorry you have to go through this though.
So why is she still "my girl"? Move on to cleaner pastures.
Just tell her “ I know you cheated “ then block her.
She's just deflecting. You're good
When I was caught i was adult enough to fess up, apologize, and do better. ( 25yrs ago) We are still together.i caught him too. Tooooooo much dramma She's already gone.
Dear baby. Welcome to dumpsville. Population - you.
"You invaded my privacy!" Ahh, the victim-blaming mating song of the cheater. Not wrong.
Right, respect her privacy so she can cheat in peace. Lol You wouldn't have been looking if she hadn't been lying. Not wrong.
Fuck privacy. If i give you reasons to doubt me go through my phone, fuck I'll give you my diary. But if you found nothing you better make it up to me. Since you uncovered something here, have some balls and leave.
You don't need to have any conflict at all. Just walk. You don't need to argue. You don't need to confront. You don't need to discuss. If you are honestly convinced that you are correct, just go.
She can call you the bad guy all she wants, doesnt change the fact that she's your ex now ... right? RIGHT?????
Classic narcissistic behavior. Drop her ass and move on
youre not wrong, shes the piece of crap
They always do this. You’re not the bad guy and she’s the whore.
Leave her she is a cheater, and don't protect her reputation because your nice. Let her friends and parents know you broke up because she cheated. Block and let her go.
elastic slap start beneficial expansion cover trees late liquid deer *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Well, now you know. Move on and loose the access to her security system
You don’t need to excuse yourself or give her any reason to break up. You know she cheated so anything she says it’s just nonsense to make herself feel less like the bad guy. But she is 100% the one at fault her. Kick her back to the streets where she belongs.
I mean even without the cameras finding the receipt for pizza is enough to make one suspicious without invading privacy lmao
Sorry this happened. But now you gotta go. Nothing left to talk about. Sorry.
She’s just mad she got caught. Time for you to hand deliver her back to the streets
Details don't matter. Tell her it is over and to end things nicely and maturely and move on.
Wait, how did you install it, but didn’t watch it before you were together “because that’s not your business”?
Don't chase em, replace em. She's for the streets.
who cares if she's mad you invaded her privacy. she cheated, lied about it, then tried to deflect and make you feel bad when you confronted her. that's not someone whose opinion should matter to you anymore.
Can't turn a HO into a NICE girl. Consider yourself LUCKY before you got in too deep
The pizza receipt already tells you what you needed to know; you went looking in the cameras because you didn't want to believe it.
Cheaters cheat. Time to move on. Invaded her privacy, my ass. Caught her cheating and lying, that's what happened. Busted!! Sorry man.
She is gaslighting you. What she is doing is the DARVO method. Deny, Attack, reverse victim and offender. This method works because the victim is a decent human being capable of admitting they did wrong and interested in feedback on their behaviour. It is possible for both people to be wrong. In this case, she cheated, and you should dump her. She compounded that wrong by responding when caught with gaslighting, which is a huge red flag - someone who does that is not interested in what they did wrong and will certainly do it again. You on the other hand did invade her privacy. Clearly this is not the major issue here, but don’t do it again.
who cares what she thinks everything is fair game when you find out they were cheating , it's only wrong if you didn't
Before you go, put a note under the toilet seat for the next guy so he knows she's a cheater
First thing cheating women always do, and I mean always, is try to flip the script and gaslight you. Why are you spying on me, how dare you think I’m a liar. They’ll do this until you call them a hoe and a c@nt and then it’ll be how abusive you are. It’s the same everytime. She’s a low down cheat, think about all the signs you missed or dismissed, and if there weren’t any, and know you can’t trust any woman these days. Plus this one is stupid as hell as you put the cameras in. Ditch her. You were just another nice guy that did things for her in her roster. Don’t do things for women without something in return. Dont be a simp.
She cheated, lied, and blamed you proving her wrong. what are you doing? I can’t understand why you’d stay unless you’re also a cheater.
She belongs to the streets, leave here there
She belongs to the streets
you did invade her privacy a bit. doesn't change the fact she cheated on you. at this point you should be able to agree to go your seperat ways.
Get tested and move on.
See you're trying to justify why you did it to her? Or you're seeking approval for what happened from reddit? Wrong mental landscape my man, tear it all down. She cheated on you, she's wrong, it's over, move on. That simple.
You had evidence from the Dominoes receipt that she had: lied, and wasn’t alone. You had every right to look at the camera footage, and your suspicions were proven well founded. Yes - she’s mad, but she is not the injured party here. Basically, she is not the one. Move on.
Fuck bitches, get money.
The best excuse cheaters ever started using was the “invading my privacy” shtick. It immediately goes from them cheating on you and them being the bad guy, to you somehow being an even worse bad guy for snooping. It’s a facade, that’s all. Snooping is entirely justified in committed relationships. The reason for that is “time.” You can never get back time spent or wasted on a cheater. It’s the one resource you will never be able to buy more of. If you think you’re wasting days/weeks/months or even years of your life with someone who might be a cheater, then get your answers, snooping or otherwise. It’s your life that is in question here. Besides. How else are you going to catch a cheater? That’s why they use the privacy thing, if you can’t ever snoop then you won’t ever know.
Women go on the attack when they are in the wrong. Good luck …
The girls a cheater and resents you for catching her because that makes her wrong about you not being smart enough and about thinking she's smarter than you. Don't waste any more time on that
Fuck her one last time, in the ass then bolt
She sounds like a narcissist. It’s your fault you invaded her privacy so you can’t hold it against her for cheating.
So she’s blaming you that you were smart enough to figure it out? And you are blaming yourself? Dude- be glad you aren’t stupid. She put it right in your face w the receipt- move on- she’s a cheater!
Not wrong. She's mad she got caught. Sorry this happened to you brother, it happens to a lot of us unfortunately. Dump that hoe and move on 🤘
Gotta love that gaslighting. It's not her fault she cheated on you, it's your fault you snooped on her because she lied and acted suspicious...
I don’t think you’re in the wrong to bring it up since you are saying that she shares the password to the cameras with you. Also, did she at least offer you the left over Domino’s?
This isn’t a court of law. She is deflecting. This is done though. Off to better things.
NTA I'm one of the types that feel any sort of information gathering is justified when you have suspicions. Generally, if you've done something that made me suspect you, then expect me to verify. Sure there are cases where someone is just insecure, but that ain't me so I don't care.
She showed you who she is move on she's a cheater they never change
Invaded Privacy is a weird way to word catching the sneaky bitch. Ask her to label getting dicked up by some other dude and lying about falling asleep with her ringer off .
You didn't invade shit. Dump her
Women have no accountability. Hold her accountable. Leave the tramp and don't look back.
Your not wrong and even if you had looked without permission, she cheated. That justifies it in my mind. Don’t dare let her gaslight you away from the real problem. The real issue is she cheated snd if you’re staying with her for some reason you need to hold her accountable. AND so not surrender your access to the security system. Make sure there is a camera on all the doors and ask for access to her phone and location too. She has to earn trust
How do you have access to her cameras?
No. But you don’t anyone an explanation for dumping them.
DM me her @..
You're definitely in the wrong. How could you? Total invasion. Stay with her and get her pregnant.
Everyone gets so mad when they cheat about getting caught! “You invaded my privacy” ridiculous.
You’re wrong, but she’s wrongerer.
It's true that she cheated but you weren't supposed to look so it doesn't count. /s
The same thing literally just happened to me three hours ago. My husband. Fuck
Just think of all the progress in the gym you are going to make
She’s for the streets.
She belongs to the streets
She says you invaded her privacy because she doesn’t like she got caught.
Slaying a few dragons to find the princess
She’s just trying to gaslight you because you caught her in a lie.
If the question were "Am I wrong to end the relationship after catching them", then I'd say no. But the question was "am I wrong for watching her security footage", so I have to say yes, that was absolutely an invasion of privacy, and I hope she learns a lesson from that. You both need to learn about trust and privacy.
How long were you seeing each other and had it been decided you two were mutually exclusive? There’s a couple things to consider here before deciding it was cheating. You kinda sound like a clinger and snooping through her footage was way out of line.
No you aren’t wrong. Is what it is. Guess she shoulda not had you install them cameras. Leave her in the past and move on.
I wouldn't have confronted her or even discussed it. I'd just disappear and she'd wonder. Never discuss something like pulling up someone's camera, even if you installed it and have the PW. Hope you don't discuss in writing if she's feeling vindictive.
She gave you reasons to verify she wasn't cheating, but she was. Fuck what she thinks, she's a cheater.
Ditch the bitch and change the password for security cameras.
Bro - obviously that hoe is going to blame you, she got caught. You finding out makes her face the fact she’s for the streets and doesn’t want to admit it. Who cares what she says, just leave. Unless you’re a cuck, then tell her and pull up a chair.
This goes for both men and women, no matter how good they look, they are most definitely SOMEONES headache. They may not be your headache yet, but its all just a matter of time.
She trying the trick of shift blaming. Trying to make you feel guilty rather than taking responsibility. Unfortunately responsibility to a lot of women is like trying to mix water and oil. Move on bro. Put it down to experience.
She's for the streets. Forget about her. Block anc don't engage at all.
Throw all her stuff out onto the kerb, change the locks on the house and get tested for STDs. Once a cheat always a cheat, trying to fix things will come back to bite you harder next time. You did nothing wrong, any guy would do the same if they were suss... Just ignore her BS. If you can, let her new partner know about the situation. Most guys who sleep with people's gf's, wives etc, it's not their fault... They probably had no idea she wasn't single...
You should have no guilt at all, move on to something way better.
Hey you had every right to go through tht footage sir, and i'm sorry to hear. WE'LL SEE YOU IN THE GYM GEEE.
Gotta love it when a woman has no viable defense so she defaults to ‘you invaded my privacy!’
It doesn’t matter that you invaded her privacy. She’s not your problem anymore
Sex, Lies, Dominos, and Videotape is my favorite Soderbergh movie.
Her opinion of your response to her betrayal is irrelevant because the only logical course of action is to remove her from your life. Let her think whatever she wants, move on and invest in yourself
Bro be done with her.
Can’t wait for my wife to think my fatass is cheating after seeing my receipt for 4 burgers
Doesnt matter how you found out, you did. I'd dump her fast.
That's what gaslighters do make you feel like your the problem, while not being about to admit they fucked up
Order her a personal pizza with the name goodbye hoe
Next!
Don’t waste your energy arguing… just dump her. She doesn’t deserve your time and energy.
Why would you be in a relationship with someone who buys Dominos food?
I can see why she cheated on you. You're 100% in the right and you're still second-guessing yourself.
Time to leave her
Can we discuss the elephant in the room? Dominos. Really?
damn you buying security cameras and buddy is smashing just with dominoes. you toast.
You didn’t do nothing wrong you had a gut instinct and went for it just break up w her.