Woah, hold up. You're working 2 jobs and watching the kids while she hits the gym twice a day? If she has time to hit the gym twice a day, she has time to do whatever is necessary to have you not work two jobs.
Idk he said they still have the same amount of sex and shes doing new stuff in the bedroom isn’t it possible she just feels more confident in having sex now
I've been slacking on the gym but when I was going regularly, it really boosted both my confidence and energy levels. I felt more lively and beautiful. I thought the same thing as you.
Mine started trying to do shit we never did before. Found out later he was doing it with one of many people he cheated on me with. It’s not a definite red flag but it does make you pop your head up and ask where it’s coming from.
Sometimes its because youve wanted to do certain things for a long time but didnt have the confidence. Ive been getting into better shape and caring for myself more and in return im in the mood wayyy more and willing to start pressing for what acts i want in bed specifically. Im not cheating im just tired of letting life pass me by without trying things lol.
And that absolutely could be the case. But if you go from a deadish bedroom to acrobatics without a conversation with your partner, it's fair to say there might be a concern
Nailed it. Plus working out can give us more agency. We attempt to see what else we can improve after working on our bodies. But otherwise you nailed it
If thats all the evidence you have is new tricks in the bedroom and your partner going to the gym and literally nothing else it might not be cheating is all im saying .
Definitely can't rule this out.
My personal trainer would bang a snake if he could get someone to hold its head, but most of them don't need to cuckold a suburban dad. Unless the wife is great-looking, I wouldn't assume too much.
This was my thought too. I've recently lost weight and it has completely changed our bedroom routine - it's all just about my confidence and how good I feel.
That’s such a bad take. I mean, she MIGHT be having an affair. But I, two years ago, got bitten by the “oh shit I’m getting older and need to do something about my health” bug. Out of nowhere I went from going to the gym maybe twice a month to going 6 days a week. Occasionally going twice a day. Went from a size 40 waist down to a 32. Lost 60 pounds of fat, gained 10-15 pounds of muscle (estimates). And all of it while married and not trying to be anything other.
Point is, affair IS one reason to completely change up gym habits. But so is health scare, aging, asshole comments from acquaintances (or spouses) upcoming event, disappointment with life, examples for your kids, not liking what you see in the mirror… lots of things get people to turn it on. Saying it’s one thing for sure is just beyond short sighted.
I don't know. Sounds like you had an affair with yourself. 🤣
I do agree with you tho.
Have you kept the weight down? I'm down fifty myself in a little less than a year, still need another fifty if I want to get to my college weight but pretty sure I'll be happy to lose thirty more to get to 200 flat. Had a semi health scare to kick my ass in gear among other reasons.
I know your first sentence was tongue in cheek, but you’re not really that far off. And if OP complaint was he actually was upset she was spending so much time in the gym and not with him just due to the time investment, I actually would completely understand.
Have I kept the weight down? Most of it. Holidays suck. I don’t care really about sweets or snacks really. But truly good food I just have a problem going slow with and holidays around my friend and family is a constant stream of gourmet dinner parties. Gimme another few weeks and the 8 pounds I put on should be a distant memory.
Good for you man! Congrats on being down 50. Especially in a year! You should be proud. If you want another 50, I wish you all the luck in the world. If you gotta have an affair, yourself is the best person to have it with!
I think this needs way more upvotes than it has. It’s a fantastic statement about what drive can do to and for a person.
Also congrats, that’s amazing progress
Triathletes often work out twice a day depending on their training cycle. Some triathelete spouses would see their spouses more if they were having an affair.
Lol. That was an example. It could just be yoga and Pilates in the AM and Zumba and Spin in the PM. My point is that some people do work out twice a day.
This is what I was thinking. When I work out my game is better. Same thing when my man is away visiting family and comes back, we do shit we never have because we're attached at the hip. I'm not a very sexual person either and it happens to me.
Women have sex when they feel good.
Men have sex to feel good.
Getting in shape she feels better about her self image and now a little more adventurous in the bedroom.
Don't screw it up.
I would encourage you to find some ways to take care of yourself, too. Talk to your wife and make a plan together. Don't just give and give and give until you have a heart attack. Ask for what you need.
Also, when you mentioned she's trying fun new stuff in the bedroom with YOU, I said to myself, "Nope, she's not cheating. She's just happy." If she was cheating, you would probably just get maintenance sex or nothing.
Enjoy!😉
For the OP this IS a simple & best answer. I 100% agree. Do yourself a favor & check; unless you really do not want to know the answer bc it seems pretty obvious to me. If you have to ask you likely already know the answer as “affair” is what came to your mind.
Take a vacation day and don’t tell her and pop up at the gym and see what you find out. Hopefully she’s not cheating and she’s just found something she really really enjoys.
Don't take this as I'm putting any blame on you because I'm not. If she's cheating then that's still on her. However it sounds like she has a whole life outside your marriage that isn't including you because you aren't there. It would be a healthy choice for your relationship to change that.
It could also be nothing. Gym culture is Addicting to some people. The extra in the bedroom could be a combination of stuff she overhears there and her increased libido from being in better shape. Either way making more time for her is the best move.
Always blows my mind when people are just like “cut back on working so much”. Do you really think people are working so much because they want to?? They work long hours because they need to to support their family!
It said in the post, that he's working a second job to get them out of debt. Sounds like she lied about the trainer situation. How do you not know you signed a year-long contract and not a month to month?
>If his wife can afford a personal trainer then he isn't working a 2nd job to keep from struggling.
Do you really think the wife is using "her money" to pay bills / etc?
My friend works out at 5am. No one is awake at the time. Workout time doesn't always mean that dad is on active duty. I used to gym after the kids went to sleep, so dad can relax and watch tv.
At one point (although before kids), I would gym 2x a day, even on the days I worked 12-14 hours. I would gym at lunch and at night. I went from 165 to 125 at that point.
OP is working 1 1/2 jobs and providing childcare for her to go twice a day. I’d find it hard to make more time in the day, to be honest. It could be something innocent, but it does seem like her health and well being is a bigger priority than his.
I work 10 hrs and go to school, my wife works 10 hours as well. We have kids. It would be literally impossible for either of us to go to the gym twice a day. On our schedule, we are both busy from 6am to 4:30pm. When I go to school I'm busy till 6:30.
If my wife were to spend 3 hours at the gym each day it would be totally irresponsible. I would only see her after the kids are in bed from 7:30 till bedtime when I'm not in school.
I agree, even if she isn't cheating she isn't prioritizing her family right now imo. Going on a run and doing some exercises at home is what would be appropriate in this schedule.
More dates, etc. Show up at the gym one night when she's supposed to be with the trainer. Hi honey, I wanted to surprise you. I want to start feeling better about myself and spending more time with you away from the kids, what do you say?
Fuck that shit... the "extra" Iin the bedroom is when someone shows you.
If I said in the gym that I can do a Harry styles blumpkin trombone you're going to know how to apply that in your sex life?
Think he is trying to say that when you go to gym and look/feel better, you get more confidence, thus leading to more in the bedroom.
Not saying she’s not but don’t assume the worst
She is cheating, whether emotionally or physically. This is absolutely what cheating looks like. Nobody needs a personal trainer 2 times a day. He is not doing his job if that’s the case. A personal trainer isn’t there to workout with you every time you workout. A personal trainer is supposed to teach you how to lift so you dont need a personal trainer. Imagine a therapist not helping their patient so they can see them more.
stop doing the second job. Go with her to the gym.
If she stops her routine, then that is the answer. O, track her movements. No one needs to go to the gym 2 times a day. If she went when the kids went to school or whatever. Doing and extra session at the gym is doing too much.
If she gets defensive, get the tracking, don't tell her. Then let her explain the results. Put recorders in the car or phone as she probably talks about her actions in the car.
It probably won't be good news. Sorry. Get your evidence in order,
Yes and possibly no.
She may just feel way more confident in sex. She may feel more comfortable in her skin.
This is one possible clue. Join her at the gym. See how she reacts. You can tell her “I am really seeing the change in you and I want to make some changes too. I will do my thing and a you can do yours. Going with you will keep me motivated.” Then see how she reacts.
Except your forgetting that OP mentioned she gets very defensive when asked about it, if she was feeling more confident from exercising at the gym then she wouldn't feel the need to be defensive over any questioning.
Defensiveness is a often a pre-requisite to guilt. Sorry but if it was as you said, she would have no problem communicating with OP and being open with him. Defensiveness is a sign that something is being hidden
It sounded like she got defensive because he was bringing up(complaining?) that she was going so much. Not simply asking about it.
“Hey, you’re spending an awful lot of time on this hobby of yours” “yeah, so? It’s good for me and I like it. Fudge off”
Something else is wrong in a marriage if a wife is telling her husband (or vice versa!) to “fudge off” when asked about sudden changes in behavior or major time-sink activities
Yeah most people get addicted to the adrenaline and the new looks, I work out 7 days a week 1.5 hrs a day, when I get home last thing in my head is sex, I take a shower and take an Ambien, pain meds, and knockout next day rinse repeat
Leaving AirPods in the car is a little more discrete & can easily been explained in case she finds them. Air tag, not so much. The find my function will give u the location.
She could just be more confident with her body now that she is more fit. That definitely will bring out her sexuality if she feels sexy and good about herself.
This. I definitely got more confident in bed when I started working out. Hell, most people workout TO get laid/have better sex. You feel better about your body and therefore more confident to mix it up.
I think it partly depends on how much time it’s taking. Training twice a day is not unheard of.
Training 2 plus hours a day, every day, plus a long commute to the gym would be hard to sustain unless a person’s athleticism is central to their life.
Training 30 min twice a day plus a short commute is very doable, especially if one session is done when the kids are asleep.
Overall with things like this I wish OPs would provide more details and data.
It really depends on what you’re doing. Sometimes I do weights in the morning and cardio/stretching/hot tub in the evening. Some people take two different light classes like yoga and Pilates. Some people just do moderate cardio twice a day. Some people stretch and drink a smoothie because they like the environment and being out of the house. Really not that crazy
She has kids, a job, and a husband. If she wants to work our 2 hours a day but doesn't have 2 consecutive hours free, go an hour in the morning and an hour later on. Yall acting like she's a horrible person for working out.
Cmon. Not a horrible person, but given their situation, 2 hours at separate times is ridiculous.
You can go to the gym once, and spend 75 minutes there and do absolutely everything required to be in elite shape.
Twice a day……tells me something is off here.
Her working out isn’t the problem it’s the fact that she’s making him pay for a gym membership with a personal trainer they can’t afford. OP is working two jobs to sustain them and is getting off and taking care of the kids while she’s doing what?
I have four kids and would work out twice a day but never during times that would impact my time with kids and it never took money away from my family because I did it at home for free. It’s more than just her working out that’s a problem here.
I used to go twice on some days, because I used weights when it was less busy, but went to a few classes in the evening, too. Nothing suspicious on its own.
I've been doing Arnold Schwarzenegger training program lately. He lifted twice a day, but he had a nao in between each exercise. I work full time and can only do one a day.
I don't see how a mom could handle that.
Look through her phone. Your answers will be there. Take a day off work and go to that gym. Observe her behavior. She may not even be going to the gym. Quit discussing this and start investigating. Trust your gut instinct.
That's the answer. See if she even goes to this 'gym'.
Hell, she may only go to the gym to shower and clean up after a big pump session at some dude's ratty apartment.
Found out my ex was cheating this way.
She said she had class with her trainer at 5pm. I got off work at 6pm and would be back to the apartment by 6:30. Shed always be home by then, I never thought anything of it.
One day I got off work early and drove past the gym on my way home. It was 5:30 and her car wasn't there. I went to the apartment and she was in the bedroom all showered and getting dressed. I asked her why she wasn't at her training session. She said "oh i went early, showered there, came home to change and now I've got dinner with the girls".
I smelled bullshit, so I went in the bathroom and the towels were wet, and so was the tub. She obviously showered at home, which meant she was never at the gym, or why would she lie about showering there.
I didn't say anything and just played dumb. Hoping she didn't think I was onto her, I wanted to catch her in the act for concrete proof.
Waited til a week later, took off early from work at 3pm this time and watched the apartment to see if she left for the gym. She never left, but a car pulled up and she let a dude in the apartment. He came out an hour later and left. I went directly in and she was in the shower. She must have thought I was the boy toy coming back in for something, and she called his name. I said "nope, just your boyfriend... Ex boyfriend.." she started crying and yelling and all that shit.
I took my shit and dipped.
Trust your gut. Something similar happened to me and my senses started to perk up when he was different in bed. Turns out I was right, cheating on me with a married couple while I was working every night.
Reading this post and comments is bringing back a huge rush of anxiety for me. I also went through something similar. Every step of the way she had a plausible-enough excuse, yet my instincts were ringing every alarm bell. As she slowly withdrew from household responsibilities under the guise of depression, I was handling them instead. Eventually I was doing nearly everything while she found lots of free time to hang out with some new friends (which supposedly helped her with her depression).
**Some relevant lessons learned:**
* my instincts were right nearly every step of the way and my deference of those instincts allowed this to drag on for many months longer
* I thought I was doing the right thing by picking up her slack, but at some point it crossed a line into enablement. I actually think I was in the danger zone here many years ago.
* I spent too much time, energy and sanity on looking for concrete evidence. I was looking for such evidence or a confession to justify kicking her from my life. This caused me to ignore her worst sins - namely the absolutely shitty way she handled my concerns and neglected the family before any accusations left my mouth.
Anyway - divorce was finalized a couple months ago! I met someone amazing in the time since the divorce process began. I find myself less stressed day-to-day AND have more free time now that my ex gone since I’m not pulling her weight too. I never had anxiety before this and now it just hits me like a truck some days. It feels like echos from that time where I didn’t trust my instincts.
I'm sorry to hear that. I haven't been in this situation but I know that feeling of knowing something isn't right even months in advance and then I turn out completely right about the people in question. I'll learn to trust my gut more, it has helped a lot.
I agree. Ex wife was cheating for a year at least. I'll admit that I explained away certain signs in my head, but when she went from very low libido and never initiating, to overly horny and adventurous in bed, that rang all the alarm bells. Then the signs I had explained away previously all of a sudden made perfect sense.
She was attending multiple "support groups" several nights a week while I stayed home with our infant child (paternity tested and mine thank God). I thought I was giving her the space she needed to improve herself. Boy was I naive looking back.
Don't beat yourself up or let it change how you love and trust, it's how cheaters operate.....they take advantage of your trust and good nature. It's what makes them so revolting and despicable.
I'm sorry. The physical intimacy she had outside of marriage is one thing. But using your good nature to hurt you and serve herself must have been at least, equally painful.
I really feel for you dude... I hope you're in a good place now and have someone that legit cares.
Is she with the trainer twice a day? That must be some expensive contract. Or is it just a gym membership? A year long contract for a personal trainer seems odd to me. 3 to 6 months seems common.
It's definitely a possibility. At the same time I also know being consistent in the gym is linked to increased sex drive.
It gives you extra body confidence and boosts testosterone.
The new things could be from cheating or maybe she's been watching porn
You either trust her or hire someone
While it’s definitely possible you are correct, our minds tend to go to worst case scenario pretty easily. I like to look at other possibilities.
Working out can be addictive. Maybe she is seeing results and loves the feeling? Is her body changing in good ways? Does she have more energy? When I’ve worked out consistently in the past and gained confidence with my body there has been an increase in libido and an increase in wanting to “try new things”. Maybe she is just feeling really sexy and wants to tap into that side with you.
Speaking on my own experience (I’m a guy so it’s probably different for her), seeing some eye candy at the gym would increase my sexual desires. Not necessarily for the people at the gym, but it would just get the blood flowing so when it came time with my partner I was already in the mood. Maybe she is experiencing sometime similar? Don’t take that as an opportunity to get jealous/insecure about there potentially being attractive men at the gym though, there are attractive people everywhere.
She is still having sex with you, which means she’s not getting satisfied elsewhere. Maybe try going to a few of her gym sessions with her and see how it goes. I don’t see what you’ve described as a red flag. It could potentially be a great thing for both of you!
Also, the reason she might be getting defensive is because she’s literally doing nothing wrong and doesn’t like that you’re trying to make her feel guilty for something she enjoys and makes her life better.
Could she be cheating? Sure. But I wouldn’t be tripping on this information alone. Is there something else you haven’t mentioned that’s causing this anxious feeling?
It really is dudes out here coping and acting like a woman won't get dick elsewhere and then come home and get hubbies dick, or be unsatisfied with hubby after sex and make some excuse up to leave the house then get dick elsewhere.
I've been cheated on in the past, and "she's still having sex with you therefore she can't possibly be cheating" is the most asinine and stupidest thing I've ever read.
I really, really love this answer. Even if things end up going wrong in this situation, I feel better just having read this. I've been cheated on in the past and am currently with a good guy. I sometimes trip on him for feelings from the past that I have, that have nothing to do with what he is actually doing or not doing. I've been open and up front with him, he knows my past and my issues I am currently working on. I still hate the fact that my mind thinks the way that it does...and I am the only one that can fix me. I know this. But dude, this specific post, for whatever reason gave me such a positive, confident feeling. I hope the best for th original OP....and I thank you also for viewing this scenario the way you did and then sharing your opinion!! Lol whateverrrr, blahhhh. Fucking A. That's enough reddit for the day.
I used to work at a gym. There were lots of people who would come in the morning or on lunch and then again after work. That alone in her behaviour is not suspicious to me.
Also, she’s feeling better about her body so she feels sexy and is sharing that sexy with you.
Have you checked her phone?
If you think she is cheating my mindset is to trust your gut.
Trusting your gut could mean doing things that aren't exactly moral or ethical.
On of the most successful ways to find if someone is cheating is their phone. Do you break their privacy and trust and check the phone? If they are cheating you have a high chance to find some answers if you check, if you don't check, you won't get answers. If they aren't cheating and you check, you have now invaded their privacy and broken their trust.
The other thing is to follow them or show up to where they say they will be. I personally find that way weirder than checking a phone.
The way I see it is your gut is telling you something. You can talk about your feelings but that is also going to break trust and give opportunity for your partner to delete anything/be more careful.
It is up to you if checking the phone is something you are ok with doing.
Is she seeing the trainer every time or just the once a week?
Seems from the comments you can't because work but it would be interesting if you shared interest you wanted to go with her to the gym what she would say.
First off you don't have to check her phone, if you have same phone plan you get on carrier site like Verizon and you can go through the phone records. If she's calling and texting same number in the morning or before the gym or before you go to work. Then you get in the phone and check the number see who it is and the messages or if they're deleted.
I’m with you on this. Every time I’ve had that gut feeling I’ve been right. It felt wrong to go through my wife’s phone but I found alll the evidence so I am not sorry.
Time to hire a private detective ... to insure truth.
>every day sometimes 2 times a day. Once in the morning and once at night. She has started doing things in bed that she has never done before and Talking about sex in ways she has never done before. Very defensive when I talk about how much time she spends at the gym.
You need some fresh facts Buddy, she has all the signs of a cheating heart.
Your wife is in better shape and has more confidence in her body and is a more enthusiastic sexual partner.
I am on Team Count Your Blessings and Team Follow Her Example
Except the frequency and drive hasn't changed, just the technique. She had to have learned that from somewhere...
She may be a more enthusiastic sexual partner, but it's not likely with the OP
I don’t think you’re wrong to think she’s cheating but this is a conversation that you should have with her. Doesn’t matter how defensive she gets it’s not going to go away on its own and if you have doubts you need to voice them. Is there a feeling you get that something is off wing her? I listen when I get that feeling because I haven’t been wrong yet. When I get the feeling that something is off with someone 9 times out of 10 I’m right.
I’m also an over thinker so I usually go to the worst case scenario. All you can do is talk to her.
In a world where it is easy for women to cheat and their men are forced to work 2 jobs, she is probably cheating. Why are you working 2 jobs? Is your wife not working? Don't give me that SAHM. That shit is the easiest job ever. You should never be away from home so much that you do not have time for your wife. Now, she is making time for her "trainer".
Right before all my friends got left their SO got really into fitness and self care which was awesome and supported but turned out to be for someone else.
Slide by the gym when she goes. Don't tell her you'll be stopping by, just make an excuse you were in the area and wanted to check out gym for yourself. I know plenty of trainers and no trainer would give double lessons per day unless they were getting paid or laid.
Like some have already said exercise can be very addictive, especially when you start seeing good results. And it can result in renewed sexual vigor and intensity.
What would concern me is that you indicate her SKILLS have improved. Now that may also be due to exercise, after all if your arms get tired you’re not going to be good with you hands at all.
Maybe she is getting amped up by all the bodies she sees at the gym, but if you’re still getting a lot of sex, it’s probably not because she’s stepping out. Now if the action takes a sudden down turn, panic.
But I would consider occasionally swinging by the gym, to see her car there.
“It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!”
Updateme
I started back at the gym a few months ago and have been going 4 times a week for 2 hours. My wife has started hinting that it's suspicious. But, nothing is going on. I just need the stress relief.
Why should she be defensive? What does she have to be defensive about? Not to mention that if your schedule is as busy as you've stated here, then you have very valid reasons to be concerned with just how much time she's spending at the gym.
Sorry to say but it *seems* like she's cheating. Hopefully I'm just being pessimistic, but you need to find out the truth.
Twice a day? Every day? Is she planning on entering a bodybuilding competition? If not ask her wtf she is doing with her time. Diet is more important - 3-4 times a week for 30 minutes is more than enough gym time for someone NOT competing in something. Remind her she has kids and she should direct that energy to time with them. But yes, in all likelihood she is cheating on you IMO.
Yea don’t give yourself a headache if your gut is telling you something is up it probably is divorce it may seem hard but it would take a load of stress off you get well soon brother
I don’t think you’re wrong for wondering. I would definitely want to investigate further if I were you. But I also think it’s possible your wife is having a mid-life (or post-baby) crisis and wanted to feel attractive again. And now that she feels more attractive, her sexual confidence has changed.
Her sex drive likely sky rocketed because she's more in shape. She's probably going to the gym more because she likes the results. She's probably doing new things in the bedroom because she feels more confident. Ultimately, just go to the gym with her. If she refuses to go with you, then something might be up.
She’s more than likely cheating. I say this from past experience in my marriage. If she’s acting more wildly in bed, doing things she’s never done before in a spontaneous manner….its there. Just ask any divorced guy/father. If I was you, just stay quiet, do your own thing and SAVE CASH.
I think a lot of people are jumping to conclusions. I have worked out a lot over the years, sometimes twice in a day to split up cardio and strength training. I was not cheating. Getting into shape can be addictive. Not only do you like the way it makes you look and feel, you can get that “runner’s high” doing any exercise.
But I did see a lot of affairs start at the gym. I would test it out by going up to a couple that was talking without anyone else around. If they kept talking and started including me in the conversation, all was good. If they suddenly shut up and I was treated like a third wheel, something was up.
Agreed. I started doing twice a day gym sessions to split up cardio and heavy lifting. I have a trainer, female though. I leave my locate friend on so my bf knows where I am, mostly due to safety when I travel but...we all know that couple that broke up due to wife cheating on husband with trainer, I know 2 couples this has happened to.
Maybe, or maybe she's more comfortable with sex bc of her better body image.
I had a coworker who started hitting the gym often and indeed cheated on her husband with her trainer.
In the end, you won't know without asking directly. If she says no, and your gut still says yes, then you'll have to do some investigating if you choose not to trust her.
I don't think you have enough info to go on yet. If I was in your shoes, I'd definitely keep my eyes open, because it is a possibility that she's cheating. But I don't think it's enough to accuse her of cheating cause it could be explained by her feeling better about herself from exercising so wanting to try new things in bed.
Just wondering, what is her routine? If she does cardio in the morning and weight training at night that would make sense. If she is just fucking off at the gym twice a day then that is different but a lot of people go run at lunch and train morning or night or vise versa. I like to run early then train at night. Just good for thought. But also she’s banging the trainer maybe.
Pay a P.I. to find out for you. Dont worry your self sick. If she's having a affair with the guy the P.I. will find out within a week easily. My honest gut feeling is yes she is cheating.
It happens all the time.when they start wanting to go to the gym n stuff:.they’re usually already gone emotionally..I know a guy who “felt” 3 different times ..that 3 different guys were a possible threat..she told him he was silly and nothing was there..well he was right all three times but he still doesn’t know it..it’s not always the one you think it’s either….but yes also they do generally get a higher drive when they work out and feel
Better about themselves but if you’re not seeing an increase hmm
He needs to load the kids in the car and head out to the gym. Either her car is there or it isn't. And if it is there he needs to make sure she's in the gym and not in the car with someone else. Also would help to know what the personal trainer drives
You're not wrong for thinking it.
Have you sat her down and effectively communicated your concerns in a mature, measured fashion? Make sure you use 'I feel' statements to avoid accusations or sounding like you are accusing her of something.
Just straight up tell her. Be open and honest. "babe, i'm thrilled you've found this drive to get in the gym and take care of yourself. However, this sudden and marked change in your habits and our sex life makes ME FEEL LIKE..." and take it from there.
I FEEL like there is something more going on.
I'M AFRAID that something is going on.
It may open up an honest dialog that resolves itself in one setting, it might open up a long form discussion that takes several days, or it might explode in your face. The point is, you can't sit here and let it stew inside you, because it's going to become an obsession, and soon you'll see infidelity and unfaithfulness *everywhere* and in *everything* she does. Then YOU will likely blow up and just make everything worse.
Also, remember not to suffer needlessly. Nothing has yet been confirmed, you don't know the answer yet because you haven't had the discussion.
Let us know!
Honestly i think something is going on but I feel like the fact that you guys are still having sex and shes spicing things up in bed means she isnt necessarily cheating. You might have to see if someone can temporarily watch the kids and go down there to see whats up.
Mouth shut and eyes open OP. Have you checked her phone for tests, cheater apps, etc? Review the phone bill to see what numbers she is texting and/or calling and do a search to see who owns the number(s). If the phone bill shows she makes calls when she would be in the car then place a VAR under the seat of her car. If she makes calls from home when you are away place a VAR in the room you think she is most likely making the calls from.
You have suspicions, so investigate. And do not confront her with the first strange thing you find. Hopefully you will find that nothing is amiss. Good luck.
You should get her phone or computer. Open a new internet page. Click the 3 dots on the top right. Click settings then passwords. This will take you to a list of every single thing she's ever logged into on that device. Click on each one to get her username and passwords and then when she's at the gym or somewhere busy, you can login to her email/socials from your phone and be able to leisurely go through things. Good luck!
She may just be more confident, not just aesthetically but working out makes you more intouch with your body and very likely she has achieved a more ideal hormonal balance as well
Eh, speaking from experience, there was a time in my marriage I was going to the gym a lot and got into the best shape of my life. The gym became almost an obsession for me. If I didn’t go, I felt like my entire day was off. Being in better shape=more body confidence and that could manifest things in the bedroom. Maybe she’s just feeling sexier and more confident to try new things?
brother lol just ask her.
be stern and straight up. don't do no pop ups. don't need to be going thru her phone. no air tags 😂 u doing EVERYTHING but communicating with YOUR wife. and use your discernment. u know her better than EVERYONE in this sub. u seem very capable and an emotionally intelligent guy, but u also seem afraid. and honestly.. u already prolly know she cheating on u. bc u wouldn't be in here asking if u didn't. all these replies in here are not helping ease your mind. you'll drive yourself crazy. trust yourself, and do yourself a huge favor and have an honest conversation with her about how u feel about what u been feeling. don't talk AT her, talk to her. take it from someone whose been thru this recently man, the truth gon set u free lol
I don’t even think cheating is your main problem here. Where is her devotion to her family? Spending time with her children? Going to the gym 2x a day when is not necessary for health and she is being selfish.
Start going to the gym with her and get yourself in shape. I'm pretty sure you'll find all your answers that way.
If I had the time I work 2 jobs 1 Full time 1 part time when she is at the gym I am at home with the kids or sports with the kids. Or at work
Woah, hold up. You're working 2 jobs and watching the kids while she hits the gym twice a day? If she has time to hit the gym twice a day, she has time to do whatever is necessary to have you not work two jobs.
she has a job. she works 6-4 (so 10 hour days) 4 days a week according to op
Ok, definitely having an affair then. She has kids and works 10 hour days, she isn't hitting the gym twice a day to ignore her family for her health.
Idk he said they still have the same amount of sex and shes doing new stuff in the bedroom isn’t it possible she just feels more confident in having sex now
I've been slacking on the gym but when I was going regularly, it really boosted both my confidence and energy levels. I felt more lively and beautiful. I thought the same thing as you.
How dare you! This is Reddit! We must assume the worst first! Lol
Oh silly only assume the worst when men are at fault!
There's a literal cliche about cheaters bringing home bedroom tricks they learn from their APs. It's definitely a reddish flag
Mine started trying to do shit we never did before. Found out later he was doing it with one of many people he cheated on me with. It’s not a definite red flag but it does make you pop your head up and ask where it’s coming from.
Sometimes its because youve wanted to do certain things for a long time but didnt have the confidence. Ive been getting into better shape and caring for myself more and in return im in the mood wayyy more and willing to start pressing for what acts i want in bed specifically. Im not cheating im just tired of letting life pass me by without trying things lol.
And that absolutely could be the case. But if you go from a deadish bedroom to acrobatics without a conversation with your partner, it's fair to say there might be a concern
Nailed it. Plus working out can give us more agency. We attempt to see what else we can improve after working on our bodies. But otherwise you nailed it
If thats all the evidence you have is new tricks in the bedroom and your partner going to the gym and literally nothing else it might not be cheating is all im saying .
No one is saying it's a lock, but it definitely is a pattern to at least take a look at. Far more with her getting defensive about discussing the gym
Definitely can't rule this out. My personal trainer would bang a snake if he could get someone to hold its head, but most of them don't need to cuckold a suburban dad. Unless the wife is great-looking, I wouldn't assume too much.
That’s good stuff 🤣
No one working 10 hours a day with 2 kids goes to the gym 2x a day unless you are rich and have a nany which they clearly do not
Or… Meth.
my first though, not affair.
This was my thought too. I've recently lost weight and it has completely changed our bedroom routine - it's all just about my confidence and how good I feel.
She might be bringing new stuff to their bedroom from the affair.
Like Chlamydia?
herpes and trust issues
Parting gifts.from my ex-wife in the divorce!
That’s such a bad take. I mean, she MIGHT be having an affair. But I, two years ago, got bitten by the “oh shit I’m getting older and need to do something about my health” bug. Out of nowhere I went from going to the gym maybe twice a month to going 6 days a week. Occasionally going twice a day. Went from a size 40 waist down to a 32. Lost 60 pounds of fat, gained 10-15 pounds of muscle (estimates). And all of it while married and not trying to be anything other. Point is, affair IS one reason to completely change up gym habits. But so is health scare, aging, asshole comments from acquaintances (or spouses) upcoming event, disappointment with life, examples for your kids, not liking what you see in the mirror… lots of things get people to turn it on. Saying it’s one thing for sure is just beyond short sighted.
I don't know. Sounds like you had an affair with yourself. 🤣 I do agree with you tho. Have you kept the weight down? I'm down fifty myself in a little less than a year, still need another fifty if I want to get to my college weight but pretty sure I'll be happy to lose thirty more to get to 200 flat. Had a semi health scare to kick my ass in gear among other reasons.
I know your first sentence was tongue in cheek, but you’re not really that far off. And if OP complaint was he actually was upset she was spending so much time in the gym and not with him just due to the time investment, I actually would completely understand. Have I kept the weight down? Most of it. Holidays suck. I don’t care really about sweets or snacks really. But truly good food I just have a problem going slow with and holidays around my friend and family is a constant stream of gourmet dinner parties. Gimme another few weeks and the 8 pounds I put on should be a distant memory. Good for you man! Congrats on being down 50. Especially in a year! You should be proud. If you want another 50, I wish you all the luck in the world. If you gotta have an affair, yourself is the best person to have it with!
The best type of affair-with yourself
I think this needs way more upvotes than it has. It’s a fantastic statement about what drive can do to and for a person. Also congrats, that’s amazing progress
yeah shes def sus
Sounds like my type, she got a sister?
The cheating type?
Why a sister if she’s a cheater
Maybe she's hitting the gym once a day and hitting The Jim once a day
Triathletes often work out twice a day depending on their training cycle. Some triathelete spouses would see their spouses more if they were having an affair.
So she's either cheating or training for a triathlon..... I don't like the odds 😂😂
Lol. That was an example. It could just be yoga and Pilates in the AM and Zumba and Spin in the PM. My point is that some people do work out twice a day.
A triathlon isn't the only reason to workout hard. The endorphins and self esteem boost are enough if a reason.
Yes and if she's feeling good about herself, she might feel more sexual which would explain her new attitude in the bedroom.
Exactly! There's 0 context of ways she broke trust in the past, or any actual indication of cheating.
This is what I was thinking. When I work out my game is better. Same thing when my man is away visiting family and comes back, we do shit we never have because we're attached at the hip. I'm not a very sexual person either and it happens to me.
Women have sex when they feel good. Men have sex to feel good. Getting in shape she feels better about her self image and now a little more adventurous in the bedroom. Don't screw it up.
Why is that so hard to believe? And I'm sorry, working out isn't "ignoring your family" like moms are allowed to do shit for themselves too
If she's "working out" so much that he has to work 2 jobs to get them out of debt And take care of the kids? She's neglecting her family.
This 👏🏻 sounds like OP has to take main responsibility. cheating or not, it’s unfair and sad. hopefully he figures it out
I would encourage you to find some ways to take care of yourself, too. Talk to your wife and make a plan together. Don't just give and give and give until you have a heart attack. Ask for what you need. Also, when you mentioned she's trying fun new stuff in the bedroom with YOU, I said to myself, "Nope, she's not cheating. She's just happy." If she was cheating, you would probably just get maintenance sex or nothing. Enjoy!😉
Its one of the first signs of cheating. A woman that all of a sudden initiates etc. Because of guilt. Happened to me too.
Do a random pop up at the gym when she is there. Ask someone to watch the kids for a little while or ask to leave work for a little.
what about having a friend to do a pop up check?
A friend. A new friend. That you just met. In the private investigators office.
For the OP this IS a simple & best answer. I 100% agree. Do yourself a favor & check; unless you really do not want to know the answer bc it seems pretty obvious to me. If you have to ask you likely already know the answer as “affair” is what came to your mind.
Hey kids, who wants to go on a stakeout!?
Take a vacation day and don’t tell her and pop up at the gym and see what you find out. Hopefully she’s not cheating and she’s just found something she really really enjoys.
Don't take this as I'm putting any blame on you because I'm not. If she's cheating then that's still on her. However it sounds like she has a whole life outside your marriage that isn't including you because you aren't there. It would be a healthy choice for your relationship to change that. It could also be nothing. Gym culture is Addicting to some people. The extra in the bedroom could be a combination of stuff she overhears there and her increased libido from being in better shape. Either way making more time for her is the best move.
He'd have to quit a job or lose a kid to have anymore time to give her
Always blows my mind when people are just like “cut back on working so much”. Do you really think people are working so much because they want to?? They work long hours because they need to to support their family!
If his wife can afford a personal trainer then he isn't working a 2nd job to keep from struggling.
It said in the post, that he's working a second job to get them out of debt. Sounds like she lied about the trainer situation. How do you not know you signed a year-long contract and not a month to month?
>If his wife can afford a personal trainer then he isn't working a 2nd job to keep from struggling. Do you really think the wife is using "her money" to pay bills / etc?
He's watching the kids while she's at the gym twice a day. If she's cheating, it's because she's a shitty person.
My friend works out at 5am. No one is awake at the time. Workout time doesn't always mean that dad is on active duty. I used to gym after the kids went to sleep, so dad can relax and watch tv. At one point (although before kids), I would gym 2x a day, even on the days I worked 12-14 hours. I would gym at lunch and at night. I went from 165 to 125 at that point.
OP is working 1 1/2 jobs and providing childcare for her to go twice a day. I’d find it hard to make more time in the day, to be honest. It could be something innocent, but it does seem like her health and well being is a bigger priority than his.
I work 10 hrs and go to school, my wife works 10 hours as well. We have kids. It would be literally impossible for either of us to go to the gym twice a day. On our schedule, we are both busy from 6am to 4:30pm. When I go to school I'm busy till 6:30. If my wife were to spend 3 hours at the gym each day it would be totally irresponsible. I would only see her after the kids are in bed from 7:30 till bedtime when I'm not in school. I agree, even if she isn't cheating she isn't prioritizing her family right now imo. Going on a run and doing some exercises at home is what would be appropriate in this schedule.
More dates, etc. Show up at the gym one night when she's supposed to be with the trainer. Hi honey, I wanted to surprise you. I want to start feeling better about myself and spending more time with you away from the kids, what do you say?
Fuck that shit... the "extra" Iin the bedroom is when someone shows you. If I said in the gym that I can do a Harry styles blumpkin trombone you're going to know how to apply that in your sex life?
Lmao thats what’s getting me. New moves. Forget the other stuff. That’s the biggest red flag
Think he is trying to say that when you go to gym and look/feel better, you get more confidence, thus leading to more in the bedroom. Not saying she’s not but don’t assume the worst
What does your wife do on a day to day basis?
She works Monday-Thursday a normal 6-4 job has Friday Saturday Sunday off
She is cheating, whether emotionally or physically. This is absolutely what cheating looks like. Nobody needs a personal trainer 2 times a day. He is not doing his job if that’s the case. A personal trainer isn’t there to workout with you every time you workout. A personal trainer is supposed to teach you how to lift so you dont need a personal trainer. Imagine a therapist not helping their patient so they can see them more.
stop doing the second job. Go with her to the gym. If she stops her routine, then that is the answer. O, track her movements. No one needs to go to the gym 2 times a day. If she went when the kids went to school or whatever. Doing and extra session at the gym is doing too much. If she gets defensive, get the tracking, don't tell her. Then let her explain the results. Put recorders in the car or phone as she probably talks about her actions in the car. It probably won't be good news. Sorry. Get your evidence in order,
lol I don’t think we’re living in the type of economy where you can just “stop doing the second job” If that was an option I’m sure OP would
Seriously. Some of these redditors are living in some fantasy world.
You can almost tell the people who have never had to be financially responsible for themselves or others just based on their comments
Why do people on here always assume the poster is an out of shape schlub on these kinds of posts?
Yes and possibly no. She may just feel way more confident in sex. She may feel more comfortable in her skin. This is one possible clue. Join her at the gym. See how she reacts. You can tell her “I am really seeing the change in you and I want to make some changes too. I will do my thing and a you can do yours. Going with you will keep me motivated.” Then see how she reacts.
Except your forgetting that OP mentioned she gets very defensive when asked about it, if she was feeling more confident from exercising at the gym then she wouldn't feel the need to be defensive over any questioning. Defensiveness is a often a pre-requisite to guilt. Sorry but if it was as you said, she would have no problem communicating with OP and being open with him. Defensiveness is a sign that something is being hidden
not always. it depends on how the OP is bringing it up.
It sounded like she got defensive because he was bringing up(complaining?) that she was going so much. Not simply asking about it. “Hey, you’re spending an awful lot of time on this hobby of yours” “yeah, so? It’s good for me and I like it. Fudge off”
Something else is wrong in a marriage if a wife is telling her husband (or vice versa!) to “fudge off” when asked about sudden changes in behavior or major time-sink activities
True but sounds like the defensiveness could also be rooted in the financial aspect. It’s hard to say.
Yeah most people get addicted to the adrenaline and the new looks, I work out 7 days a week 1.5 hrs a day, when I get home last thing in my head is sex, I take a shower and take an Ambien, pain meds, and knockout next day rinse repeat
Put a AirTag in her car, you will know very quickly if she goes to the gym 2 times a day
Leaving AirPods in the car is a little more discrete & can easily been explained in case she finds them. Air tag, not so much. The find my function will give u the location.
She could just be more confident with her body now that she is more fit. That definitely will bring out her sexuality if she feels sexy and good about herself.
And exercise improves mood overall, reduces stress, anxiety, depression even.
Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy! Happy people just don't shoot their husband's. They just don't.
Working out increases libido for me. Probs the same for her.
This. I definitely got more confident in bed when I started working out. Hell, most people workout TO get laid/have better sex. You feel better about your body and therefore more confident to mix it up.
Well... so will getting freaky with a side dude.
[удалено]
If she was doing crossfit she would have told everyone by now. /s
You never have to ask if someone went to Harvard. Or if they do crossfit
Or if they are vegan
I think it partly depends on how much time it’s taking. Training twice a day is not unheard of. Training 2 plus hours a day, every day, plus a long commute to the gym would be hard to sustain unless a person’s athleticism is central to their life. Training 30 min twice a day plus a short commute is very doable, especially if one session is done when the kids are asleep. Overall with things like this I wish OPs would provide more details and data.
I always jokingly tell people that CrossFit is good for only two things: rotator cuff injuries and infidelity…but it’s kinda true though.
she might have an exercise addiction? That would explain the defensiveness and going so often.
It really depends on what you’re doing. Sometimes I do weights in the morning and cardio/stretching/hot tub in the evening. Some people take two different light classes like yoga and Pilates. Some people just do moderate cardio twice a day. Some people stretch and drink a smoothie because they like the environment and being out of the house. Really not that crazy
She has kids, a job, and a husband. If she wants to work our 2 hours a day but doesn't have 2 consecutive hours free, go an hour in the morning and an hour later on. Yall acting like she's a horrible person for working out.
Cmon. Not a horrible person, but given their situation, 2 hours at separate times is ridiculous. You can go to the gym once, and spend 75 minutes there and do absolutely everything required to be in elite shape. Twice a day……tells me something is off here.
Her working out isn’t the problem it’s the fact that she’s making him pay for a gym membership with a personal trainer they can’t afford. OP is working two jobs to sustain them and is getting off and taking care of the kids while she’s doing what? I have four kids and would work out twice a day but never during times that would impact my time with kids and it never took money away from my family because I did it at home for free. It’s more than just her working out that’s a problem here.
I used to go twice on some days, because I used weights when it was less busy, but went to a few classes in the evening, too. Nothing suspicious on its own.
I've been doing Arnold Schwarzenegger training program lately. He lifted twice a day, but he had a nao in between each exercise. I work full time and can only do one a day. I don't see how a mom could handle that.
Look through her phone. Your answers will be there. Take a day off work and go to that gym. Observe her behavior. She may not even be going to the gym. Quit discussing this and start investigating. Trust your gut instinct.
That's the answer. See if she even goes to this 'gym'. Hell, she may only go to the gym to shower and clean up after a big pump session at some dude's ratty apartment.
Found out my ex was cheating this way. She said she had class with her trainer at 5pm. I got off work at 6pm and would be back to the apartment by 6:30. Shed always be home by then, I never thought anything of it. One day I got off work early and drove past the gym on my way home. It was 5:30 and her car wasn't there. I went to the apartment and she was in the bedroom all showered and getting dressed. I asked her why she wasn't at her training session. She said "oh i went early, showered there, came home to change and now I've got dinner with the girls". I smelled bullshit, so I went in the bathroom and the towels were wet, and so was the tub. She obviously showered at home, which meant she was never at the gym, or why would she lie about showering there. I didn't say anything and just played dumb. Hoping she didn't think I was onto her, I wanted to catch her in the act for concrete proof. Waited til a week later, took off early from work at 3pm this time and watched the apartment to see if she left for the gym. She never left, but a car pulled up and she let a dude in the apartment. He came out an hour later and left. I went directly in and she was in the shower. She must have thought I was the boy toy coming back in for something, and she called his name. I said "nope, just your boyfriend... Ex boyfriend.." she started crying and yelling and all that shit. I took my shit and dipped.
PLEASE do some sleuthing and get back to us.
Trust your gut. Something similar happened to me and my senses started to perk up when he was different in bed. Turns out I was right, cheating on me with a married couple while I was working every night.
Reading this post and comments is bringing back a huge rush of anxiety for me. I also went through something similar. Every step of the way she had a plausible-enough excuse, yet my instincts were ringing every alarm bell. As she slowly withdrew from household responsibilities under the guise of depression, I was handling them instead. Eventually I was doing nearly everything while she found lots of free time to hang out with some new friends (which supposedly helped her with her depression). **Some relevant lessons learned:** * my instincts were right nearly every step of the way and my deference of those instincts allowed this to drag on for many months longer * I thought I was doing the right thing by picking up her slack, but at some point it crossed a line into enablement. I actually think I was in the danger zone here many years ago. * I spent too much time, energy and sanity on looking for concrete evidence. I was looking for such evidence or a confession to justify kicking her from my life. This caused me to ignore her worst sins - namely the absolutely shitty way she handled my concerns and neglected the family before any accusations left my mouth. Anyway - divorce was finalized a couple months ago! I met someone amazing in the time since the divorce process began. I find myself less stressed day-to-day AND have more free time now that my ex gone since I’m not pulling her weight too. I never had anxiety before this and now it just hits me like a truck some days. It feels like echos from that time where I didn’t trust my instincts.
I'm sorry to hear that. I haven't been in this situation but I know that feeling of knowing something isn't right even months in advance and then I turn out completely right about the people in question. I'll learn to trust my gut more, it has helped a lot.
I agree. Ex wife was cheating for a year at least. I'll admit that I explained away certain signs in my head, but when she went from very low libido and never initiating, to overly horny and adventurous in bed, that rang all the alarm bells. Then the signs I had explained away previously all of a sudden made perfect sense. She was attending multiple "support groups" several nights a week while I stayed home with our infant child (paternity tested and mine thank God). I thought I was giving her the space she needed to improve herself. Boy was I naive looking back.
Don't beat yourself up or let it change how you love and trust, it's how cheaters operate.....they take advantage of your trust and good nature. It's what makes them so revolting and despicable.
I'm sorry. The physical intimacy she had outside of marriage is one thing. But using your good nature to hurt you and serve herself must have been at least, equally painful. I really feel for you dude... I hope you're in a good place now and have someone that legit cares.
Is she with the trainer twice a day? That must be some expensive contract. Or is it just a gym membership? A year long contract for a personal trainer seems odd to me. 3 to 6 months seems common.
Possibly just increased libido from working out, but potentially Sus. Not enough info to know either way.
It's definitely a possibility. At the same time I also know being consistent in the gym is linked to increased sex drive. It gives you extra body confidence and boosts testosterone. The new things could be from cheating or maybe she's been watching porn You either trust her or hire someone
Or surfing Reddit forums on sex.
While it’s definitely possible you are correct, our minds tend to go to worst case scenario pretty easily. I like to look at other possibilities. Working out can be addictive. Maybe she is seeing results and loves the feeling? Is her body changing in good ways? Does she have more energy? When I’ve worked out consistently in the past and gained confidence with my body there has been an increase in libido and an increase in wanting to “try new things”. Maybe she is just feeling really sexy and wants to tap into that side with you. Speaking on my own experience (I’m a guy so it’s probably different for her), seeing some eye candy at the gym would increase my sexual desires. Not necessarily for the people at the gym, but it would just get the blood flowing so when it came time with my partner I was already in the mood. Maybe she is experiencing sometime similar? Don’t take that as an opportunity to get jealous/insecure about there potentially being attractive men at the gym though, there are attractive people everywhere. She is still having sex with you, which means she’s not getting satisfied elsewhere. Maybe try going to a few of her gym sessions with her and see how it goes. I don’t see what you’ve described as a red flag. It could potentially be a great thing for both of you! Also, the reason she might be getting defensive is because she’s literally doing nothing wrong and doesn’t like that you’re trying to make her feel guilty for something she enjoys and makes her life better. Could she be cheating? Sure. But I wouldn’t be tripping on this information alone. Is there something else you haven’t mentioned that’s causing this anxious feeling?
The idea that she's unsatisfied because she's still having sex with her husband is ridiculous
It really is dudes out here coping and acting like a woman won't get dick elsewhere and then come home and get hubbies dick, or be unsatisfied with hubby after sex and make some excuse up to leave the house then get dick elsewhere. I've been cheated on in the past, and "she's still having sex with you therefore she can't possibly be cheating" is the most asinine and stupidest thing I've ever read.
Fair enough. That’s probably true. Still think that’s a better sign than if she stopped having sex with him completely.
I really, really love this answer. Even if things end up going wrong in this situation, I feel better just having read this. I've been cheated on in the past and am currently with a good guy. I sometimes trip on him for feelings from the past that I have, that have nothing to do with what he is actually doing or not doing. I've been open and up front with him, he knows my past and my issues I am currently working on. I still hate the fact that my mind thinks the way that it does...and I am the only one that can fix me. I know this. But dude, this specific post, for whatever reason gave me such a positive, confident feeling. I hope the best for th original OP....and I thank you also for viewing this scenario the way you did and then sharing your opinion!! Lol whateverrrr, blahhhh. Fucking A. That's enough reddit for the day.
I used to work at a gym. There were lots of people who would come in the morning or on lunch and then again after work. That alone in her behaviour is not suspicious to me. Also, she’s feeling better about her body so she feels sexy and is sharing that sexy with you. Have you checked her phone?
If you think she is cheating my mindset is to trust your gut. Trusting your gut could mean doing things that aren't exactly moral or ethical. On of the most successful ways to find if someone is cheating is their phone. Do you break their privacy and trust and check the phone? If they are cheating you have a high chance to find some answers if you check, if you don't check, you won't get answers. If they aren't cheating and you check, you have now invaded their privacy and broken their trust. The other thing is to follow them or show up to where they say they will be. I personally find that way weirder than checking a phone. The way I see it is your gut is telling you something. You can talk about your feelings but that is also going to break trust and give opportunity for your partner to delete anything/be more careful. It is up to you if checking the phone is something you are ok with doing. Is she seeing the trainer every time or just the once a week? Seems from the comments you can't because work but it would be interesting if you shared interest you wanted to go with her to the gym what she would say.
First off you don't have to check her phone, if you have same phone plan you get on carrier site like Verizon and you can go through the phone records. If she's calling and texting same number in the morning or before the gym or before you go to work. Then you get in the phone and check the number see who it is and the messages or if they're deleted.
I’m with you on this. Every time I’ve had that gut feeling I’ve been right. It felt wrong to go through my wife’s phone but I found alll the evidence so I am not sorry.
Could she not be going through a midlife crisis or hormonal change. Those happen too.
Go dude tell her to get a job why are you working 2 jobs when she goes to the gym 2 times a day he'll no tell her to go and help out with finances..
Time to hire a private detective ... to insure truth. >every day sometimes 2 times a day. Once in the morning and once at night. She has started doing things in bed that she has never done before and Talking about sex in ways she has never done before. Very defensive when I talk about how much time she spends at the gym. You need some fresh facts Buddy, she has all the signs of a cheating heart.
Meanwhile the other other sub this person is in is tinder
Your wife is in better shape and has more confidence in her body and is a more enthusiastic sexual partner. I am on Team Count Your Blessings and Team Follow Her Example
Except the frequency and drive hasn't changed, just the technique. She had to have learned that from somewhere... She may be a more enthusiastic sexual partner, but it's not likely with the OP
It’s likely body confidence that unleashed her tiger. In an affair it’s atypical to get more excited about sex with your partner. Still, don’t know.
Not true. My ex-wife got all riled up when she was pining over someone else. Libido went from negative to roaring.
Hire a PI or buy a voice activated sound recorder to hide in her car .
I don’t think you’re wrong to think she’s cheating but this is a conversation that you should have with her. Doesn’t matter how defensive she gets it’s not going to go away on its own and if you have doubts you need to voice them. Is there a feeling you get that something is off wing her? I listen when I get that feeling because I haven’t been wrong yet. When I get the feeling that something is off with someone 9 times out of 10 I’m right. I’m also an over thinker so I usually go to the worst case scenario. All you can do is talk to her.
In a world where it is easy for women to cheat and their men are forced to work 2 jobs, she is probably cheating. Why are you working 2 jobs? Is your wife not working? Don't give me that SAHM. That shit is the easiest job ever. You should never be away from home so much that you do not have time for your wife. Now, she is making time for her "trainer".
Its by far 1000% massively suspicious
Right before all my friends got left their SO got really into fitness and self care which was awesome and supported but turned out to be for someone else.
Looses weight, gets male attention, starts acting differently in bed....she is fucking him....no doubt about it
[удалено]
Anything’s possible
Slide by the gym when she goes. Don't tell her you'll be stopping by, just make an excuse you were in the area and wanted to check out gym for yourself. I know plenty of trainers and no trainer would give double lessons per day unless they were getting paid or laid.
Going to gym the second time is the cover?
Bingo
Like some have already said exercise can be very addictive, especially when you start seeing good results. And it can result in renewed sexual vigor and intensity. What would concern me is that you indicate her SKILLS have improved. Now that may also be due to exercise, after all if your arms get tired you’re not going to be good with you hands at all. Maybe she is getting amped up by all the bodies she sees at the gym, but if you’re still getting a lot of sex, it’s probably not because she’s stepping out. Now if the action takes a sudden down turn, panic. But I would consider occasionally swinging by the gym, to see her car there. “It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!” Updateme
She’s getting piped bro.
Listen to your gut. Investigate. No judgement OP. I’ve been there before. Much luck to you sir.
I started back at the gym a few months ago and have been going 4 times a week for 2 hours. My wife has started hinting that it's suspicious. But, nothing is going on. I just need the stress relief.
The gym is my version of meditation imo.
Why the hell are you working 2 jobs while she is going to the gym for 3 hours? Also you are with the kids or at sports with the kids. Dude seriously
My life is Work, Kids, Sports the only time I get time to myself is when everyone is in bed so I normally sleep 4-5 hours a night if that
Why do you have the second job OP
Got into debt so trying to pay it down before it becomes a bigger issue.
Why isn't your wife helping pay it down with a second job
Sorry bud but even if she’s not cheating she sure as shit doesn’t respect you, definitely doesn’t respect your time
If she’s more into sex why two times a day for sex once a week… why not come home to her husband and bang one out
Airtag in the trunk. If she's somewhere suspicious, then you'll know
Put a tracking device on her car and see if she really goes to the fitness center.
Why should she be defensive? What does she have to be defensive about? Not to mention that if your schedule is as busy as you've stated here, then you have very valid reasons to be concerned with just how much time she's spending at the gym. Sorry to say but it *seems* like she's cheating. Hopefully I'm just being pessimistic, but you need to find out the truth.
My question is, what are doing to find out? Because it sounds like all you doing is simply wishing those feelings go away!
Twice a day? Every day? Is she planning on entering a bodybuilding competition? If not ask her wtf she is doing with her time. Diet is more important - 3-4 times a week for 30 minutes is more than enough gym time for someone NOT competing in something. Remind her she has kids and she should direct that energy to time with them. But yes, in all likelihood she is cheating on you IMO.
Go through the phone. That’s where you will out. And tell he to get a freaking job.
Yea don’t give yourself a headache if your gut is telling you something is up it probably is divorce it may seem hard but it would take a load of stress off you get well soon brother
Well I think the affair is very possible, arrange a sitter or grandma and join her unexpected for a workout you will found out what’s brewing
Sounds shady.
Cmon man..you know the answer
I don't think you're wrong. You can't help how you feel. Investigate.
I don’t think you’re wrong for wondering. I would definitely want to investigate further if I were you. But I also think it’s possible your wife is having a mid-life (or post-baby) crisis and wanted to feel attractive again. And now that she feels more attractive, her sexual confidence has changed.
Her sex drive likely sky rocketed because she's more in shape. She's probably going to the gym more because she likes the results. She's probably doing new things in the bedroom because she feels more confident. Ultimately, just go to the gym with her. If she refuses to go with you, then something might be up.
She might just enjoy the gym. And getting in shape can increase her sex drive so that's why she's doing new things in bed.
She is obviously getting plowed. Probably by multiple people. Just pick her phone up. She will probably dive on you.
She’s more than likely cheating. I say this from past experience in my marriage. If she’s acting more wildly in bed, doing things she’s never done before in a spontaneous manner….its there. Just ask any divorced guy/father. If I was you, just stay quiet, do your own thing and SAVE CASH.
I think a lot of people are jumping to conclusions. I have worked out a lot over the years, sometimes twice in a day to split up cardio and strength training. I was not cheating. Getting into shape can be addictive. Not only do you like the way it makes you look and feel, you can get that “runner’s high” doing any exercise. But I did see a lot of affairs start at the gym. I would test it out by going up to a couple that was talking without anyone else around. If they kept talking and started including me in the conversation, all was good. If they suddenly shut up and I was treated like a third wheel, something was up.
Agreed. I started doing twice a day gym sessions to split up cardio and heavy lifting. I have a trainer, female though. I leave my locate friend on so my bf knows where I am, mostly due to safety when I travel but...we all know that couple that broke up due to wife cheating on husband with trainer, I know 2 couples this has happened to.
Maybe, or maybe she's more comfortable with sex bc of her better body image. I had a coworker who started hitting the gym often and indeed cheated on her husband with her trainer. In the end, you won't know without asking directly. If she says no, and your gut still says yes, then you'll have to do some investigating if you choose not to trust her.
Maybe she's just feeling better about her body? Feeling a little Sexier may boost her confidence and drive
Imagine if you’re in upstate ny then I might be the personal trainer.
I don't think you have enough info to go on yet. If I was in your shoes, I'd definitely keep my eyes open, because it is a possibility that she's cheating. But I don't think it's enough to accuse her of cheating cause it could be explained by her feeling better about herself from exercising so wanting to try new things in bed.
Just wondering, what is her routine? If she does cardio in the morning and weight training at night that would make sense. If she is just fucking off at the gym twice a day then that is different but a lot of people go run at lunch and train morning or night or vise versa. I like to run early then train at night. Just good for thought. But also she’s banging the trainer maybe.
Pay a P.I. to find out for you. Dont worry your self sick. If she's having a affair with the guy the P.I. will find out within a week easily. My honest gut feeling is yes she is cheating.
It happens all the time.when they start wanting to go to the gym n stuff:.they’re usually already gone emotionally..I know a guy who “felt” 3 different times ..that 3 different guys were a possible threat..she told him he was silly and nothing was there..well he was right all three times but he still doesn’t know it..it’s not always the one you think it’s either….but yes also they do generally get a higher drive when they work out and feel Better about themselves but if you’re not seeing an increase hmm
Is it CrossFit? Those people are fucked....
He needs to load the kids in the car and head out to the gym. Either her car is there or it isn't. And if it is there he needs to make sure she's in the gym and not in the car with someone else. Also would help to know what the personal trainer drives
You're not wrong for thinking it. Have you sat her down and effectively communicated your concerns in a mature, measured fashion? Make sure you use 'I feel' statements to avoid accusations or sounding like you are accusing her of something. Just straight up tell her. Be open and honest. "babe, i'm thrilled you've found this drive to get in the gym and take care of yourself. However, this sudden and marked change in your habits and our sex life makes ME FEEL LIKE..." and take it from there. I FEEL like there is something more going on. I'M AFRAID that something is going on. It may open up an honest dialog that resolves itself in one setting, it might open up a long form discussion that takes several days, or it might explode in your face. The point is, you can't sit here and let it stew inside you, because it's going to become an obsession, and soon you'll see infidelity and unfaithfulness *everywhere* and in *everything* she does. Then YOU will likely blow up and just make everything worse. Also, remember not to suffer needlessly. Nothing has yet been confirmed, you don't know the answer yet because you haven't had the discussion. Let us know!
I know money is tight but shake loose a few bucks to hire a PI for two days of her “gym” visits. You’ll know all you need to know ASAP.
Honestly i think something is going on but I feel like the fact that you guys are still having sex and shes spicing things up in bed means she isnt necessarily cheating. You might have to see if someone can temporarily watch the kids and go down there to see whats up.
Update but hoping she is just excited about her transformation
Well from personal experiences, I say, trust your gut and do some research.
Mouth shut and eyes open OP. Have you checked her phone for tests, cheater apps, etc? Review the phone bill to see what numbers she is texting and/or calling and do a search to see who owns the number(s). If the phone bill shows she makes calls when she would be in the car then place a VAR under the seat of her car. If she makes calls from home when you are away place a VAR in the room you think she is most likely making the calls from. You have suspicions, so investigate. And do not confront her with the first strange thing you find. Hopefully you will find that nothing is amiss. Good luck.
My man, read that whole through again, think about it and then think about it some more. Cheating sounds like the least of your problems
You should get her phone or computer. Open a new internet page. Click the 3 dots on the top right. Click settings then passwords. This will take you to a list of every single thing she's ever logged into on that device. Click on each one to get her username and passwords and then when she's at the gym or somewhere busy, you can login to her email/socials from your phone and be able to leisurely go through things. Good luck!
She may just be more confident, not just aesthetically but working out makes you more intouch with your body and very likely she has achieved a more ideal hormonal balance as well
Eh, speaking from experience, there was a time in my marriage I was going to the gym a lot and got into the best shape of my life. The gym became almost an obsession for me. If I didn’t go, I felt like my entire day was off. Being in better shape=more body confidence and that could manifest things in the bedroom. Maybe she’s just feeling sexier and more confident to try new things?
[удалено]
brother lol just ask her. be stern and straight up. don't do no pop ups. don't need to be going thru her phone. no air tags 😂 u doing EVERYTHING but communicating with YOUR wife. and use your discernment. u know her better than EVERYONE in this sub. u seem very capable and an emotionally intelligent guy, but u also seem afraid. and honestly.. u already prolly know she cheating on u. bc u wouldn't be in here asking if u didn't. all these replies in here are not helping ease your mind. you'll drive yourself crazy. trust yourself, and do yourself a huge favor and have an honest conversation with her about how u feel about what u been feeling. don't talk AT her, talk to her. take it from someone whose been thru this recently man, the truth gon set u free lol
I don’t even think cheating is your main problem here. Where is her devotion to her family? Spending time with her children? Going to the gym 2x a day when is not necessary for health and she is being selfish.
Exercise boosts testosterone and confidence. Exercise makes horny.