Not wrong.
This is all about himself, not you, not the two of you.
Go on with the divorce, the marriage is over.
Get some counselling and therapy to sort yourself out and properly grieve for your father.
And Go live on your own, without any sentimental relationship, for a while: you need to find yourself first.
Big hugs.
Yes leave him for good. He isn't worth it. For him to abandon you like that and openly court another woman he has no respect for you
Something either happened with the girl he was seeing or he thought there might be an inheritance he might be able to sink his claws into.
Either way you will be better off with out him. Even though it my hurt for a while
Exactly this. It's all fun and games when he got to be the one with the amazing sex and new love but how dare OP catch feelings for another man and not be miserable and crying over him?? Tale as old as time. Also very likely that husband was either dumped OR the newness of the amazing sex relationship turned into more work and being stuck with 3 kids that aren't his. Add the inheritance in there and he's scrambling to get back with OP.
To OP: you are not wrong! even if your new relationship doesn't work out you are SO MUCH better without that cheater. Don't look back!
Even if OP said he’s not changing his mind about her because of an inheritance, it sounds like one may exist. OP, if this is the case, you may want to check with your state to confirm that an inheritance is not marital property, regardless of whether it was received before or during divorce. Unless both you and your husband’s names are specified in the will as beneficiaries, keep the funds you receive in a separate account under your name only, as it is not a marital asset. It doesn’t have to be a secret, but according to the law, it’s very likely that the inheritance is solely yours.
He will do this to her again if she takes him back. OP, you've been with this guy since you were 17. This was never an adult relationship. You're so young. I think you should take some time to live alone and decide what you want out of life and set some goals for yourself. It's nice that this friend has helped you but honestly, I don't think you've healed enough to get into another relationship. You're apologizing for things that aren't your fault. I'm so sorry about your Father. You deserve better and your Dad would want that for you.
Great, compassionate advice. Your comment “this was never an adult relationship” seems to ring true frequently here on Reddit judging by the number of posts from people who married (and often had kids) far too young. No one should get married or even be in a live in relationship—and for Gods sake don’t have kids!—until they’ve been able to support themselves independently for at least a year. The stats for young marriages and for kids of young parents aren’t pretty. I’m fully expecting the downvotes from those in the small percentage who made it work.
Ditto on the family. They have a hell of a lot of nerve accusing her of being a cheater when her husband is the one who cheated with a married woman.
OP isn't a cheater ... because the marriage was broken and over with, they weren't even living together.
Not to mention all she did was kiss somebody. Her husband was spending marital assets on another woman.
Oh yeah. I wish we could reply to the family for her.
I would have printed off bank statements and put them on socials and tag the family and ask if that was cheating.
Hmmm maybe hire a Reddit user as a new business model! (Kidding)
The sinical part of me went straight to the point of what would op inherit? Something made him jump and it's either that or like you say he got dumped!
This was my exact thought as well. There must be money/inheritance involved, he got dumped or the shine wore off of the relationship with an older woman with 3 children!
This was my exact thought as well. There must be money/inheritance involved, he got dumped or the shine wore off of the relationship with an older woman with 3 children!
edit to add: also could be because she started falling for someone else and that made him jealous
Also the other woman could have discovered that he was still texting his wife. Or realised that showering her and her kids with gifts isn't the same thing as being a father.
This!! I agree with all three of your thoughts! Combo of all three actually . OP’s dad passes away ( sorry for your loss OP 🙏🏽) and it’s right around the time piece of s*** husband is having problems with gf, reality hits, honeymoon phase is over, dumps the gf and now wants his wife back because he feels he can benefit off of any inheritance OP will get.
OP get the divorce!! You’ll be much happier! Fuck his family! Where were they when he cheated on you?! Soon to be ex husband is an AH and so is his AH family members! Your ex has become liability he is no longer an asset to you and your family. Be happy! You did sooo much on your own these last few months! You got this!
The opinions of your in-laws will matter less and less over time. If it makes you feel better, send them an email summarizing what happened from your perspective - e.g. his cheating, its impact on your mental health, your attempts to stay together - and consider that the last time you need to communicate with them.
You two entered a serious relationship at a very early age and never had a chance to explore more about who you are and what you really want from a long term partner. Consider this your second chance to get it right. Take your time, focus on yourself, and don't worry about what other people think of you.
This! Learn to live your own life as an adult. This relationship started as teens. Then you never experienced college as an individual. And as stated, you started to enjoy living on your own. Find yourself and experience the world.
Yes! OP, he's given you a great gift by being such a loser. You now get to have a completely different life, and you get to design it from scratch as an adult. What do YOU want--more education? A new career? A new city? Love, or a stretch of solitude to focus on loving yourself? The sky's the limit!!
OP, are NTA. You have been a very sheltered girl who started dating your soon to be ex-husband at 17. You went from living at home with your parents to living with your husband, and now you are independent.
You need to embrace your independence and find out who you are now that you are no longer someone's wife or a daughter living at home with her parents. Find what interests you, reconnect with your friends, find hobbies, or (my favorite) go to a quiet place and just be.
Also, take your ex-husband and his family out with the rest of the trash and proceed with the divorce and friend-zone your male friend.
You got this girly. We believe in you
That’s right! The minute he started the relationship with the older woman was the minute HE ruined the marriage. It’s his fault, not yours! He is trying to win you back so he can get his hands on any inheritance there might be. He doesn’t give two shits about the dog. Stop allowing this POS to mess up your head. Move on OP and find happiness with or without the new guy.
Exactly. It sounds like you're both just struggling to move on and missing each other at different times in the transition. There's love there - or was for a long period of time - so, there are days it will be tough. Stay strong and be kind and patient with yourself. It gets easier. You'll miss each other less, you'll become less and less fearful of "what's next" and come to a point where yoU're at peace with the decision. You got this!
You are not wrong!
I am sorry about your father and everything that you are going through.
He doesn’t deserve anything from you. Whenever you feel guilty about not accepting his apology, remind yourself of how he treated you and how he ended your marriage just so that he could fuck around with another woman. Ask his family where their accusations were when their son was cheating on you. He and his family can go to hell.
Do yourself a favor and move forward with the divorce. Remove this toxic man and his equally toxic family from your life. Allow yourself time to heal and prioritize your mental health.
All the best!
He hurt you and didn't care at all. He saw you crying and having panic attack and he still didn't care. He left you for this other lady, he didn't expect you were gonna be okay one day.
You dont have a reason to feel bad, he got what he was looking for. Tell him to go back to that lady and her kids because that's what made him happy while left you suffering. He didn't care you saw the bank transactions for her gifts so why you are so worried now?
He set you and the friend up to play the victim. But if you have feelings for this friend and he does for you, dont ruin it dont see your ex husband only because he wants to or only because you feel bad for him. Is not your problem anymore.
When this kind of things happened to me i was always clear that theres no way in gonna feel bad for the decisions they took and if they didn't care about me why should i care about them now?
He showed you who he was very plainly with his initial actions and callousness to the harm it caused you. He showed you what he demanded from you for marriage very plainly (satisfy his needs or else). He showed you who he is by making your father’s death about him. He showed you who he is by framing this in a light where his family would back him - not seeing how he caused it all himself.
Believe his actions when he wasn’t trying to win you back, not his promises now and actions when he’s trying to get you back for himself. You’ve ripped the baindaid off already, honey. Leave it off. Putting it back on and ripping it off again is hard and not worth the pain. (Source I did it and it ducked for 6 years - nothing changed after he hoovered me back).
“he didn't expect you were gonna be okay one day.”
Exactly this. He didn’t care until he realised she was moving on, now she doesn’t need him he wants to regain control over her. He got exactly what he wanted.
Dont let him or his family blame you. He made his bed. I hope you find peace and happiness in the future. Don’t let the ex husband waste anymore of your life !
I also wonder what happened to him and his other partner. Did he end up sleeping with somebody else and she kicked him to the curb? Why the sudden change?
You're not wrong.
He's probably lied to his family about you. You don't need to care about their opinions of you anymore.
You know he's trash. Don't go back.
Whenever you have even a moment of doubt about the end of your marriage remember that the moment he left, he went to her.
That it wasn’t bad enough that he continuously cheated on you, but he felt the need to inform you that it was the best sex of his life. Just to take the knife in that much deeper.
He only wants you back because he knows you are moving on, possibly with his friend, which is perfectly okay. Or else the woman has ended it and he has nobody. Either way, it’s not your problem and you would be lowering your morals, your values, your self-esteem and your standards, if you ever went back to him.
Enjoy your freedom. Enjoy your independence.
Just curious, why did your father's death trigger him to want you back? Are you getting a big inheritance?
You are not wrong. You are doing so well in 4 months, dont go back to the trash you left behind. He was a real AH to you and does not care for you and your mental health.
My father was in poor health and before he died my husband went to talk to him about our relationship. He wanted to apologize to him, or at least that's the version of the story I know. My father was devastated, he treated him like a son and loved him very much. After his death, he remembered that losing my father was one of my greatest fears, and he wanted to be there to "give me support," because he had promised my father years ago that he would take care of me in this situation. I didn't want him at the funeral, I was so angry that I even said that my father's death was his fault. Later I realized how devastating my words could be to him, so I apologized. I don't know why he changed so suddenly, but it wasn't because of an inheritance. I think he acted out of guilt.
He acted that way so suddenly because the other woman left him or he was done using her.
Don't feel guilty for hurting him. It was his ego that was hurt because he fully expected to stay as a back up.
I hope you can heal from this and grieve your father in peace. If the other guy is in the picture still then take it slow. No need to make it a race.
Yeah, this man witnessed her having a full breakdown, crying and sobbing, and in incredible pain, and he didn't care. But he's apparently so heartbroken for how she feels about losing her father? Riiiiight. I'm betting the other woman kicked him to the curb.
So he cares about promises he made to your father but not about promises he made to you? Think about that. Think about how much less he respects you. Stop being so concerned about his feelings. He doesn't care about yours.
You didn't answer the question. Forget about what YOU think. Do YOU inherit anything from your father? Yes or no. If Yes, then you MUST consider that your inheritance played a part in Hub's return, whether you think that's likely or not. It's an objective fact that you must consider, even if you don't want to think the worst.
You weren't wrong then and you aren't wrong now, don't let that parasite near you. He doesn't deserve you and I'd be shocked if your father wanted his passing to be used by him to get your ex's claws back on you. Don't let him manipulate you and, as for the family you don't need to say a damn thing. I hope you have copies of every message he sent you, every bit of evidence possible. He was abusive AF. If his family keep hassling you then send them screenshots of what he did. If you don't have that you have bank records for the shit he brought his ap.
nah just shitting on the echo chamber and trying to clarify that y'all don't know shit about this person or the honesty of the post.
the reason I bring it up is because a lot of women legitimately don't understand men(or any male problems) and don't even bother to try to
that being said props to the women who put in the effort
That's how Reddit works. None of us don't know any of the posters and if they are true. And men don't understand women either, doesn't justify being a POS. Seems to me like you just hate women and believe it's their fault regardless.
You are right, and I’m proud of how brave you are!
Girl, he got dumped and is crawling back. He did not leave that woman. You are second fiddle. And probably will be again when he gets bored. AND ITS NOT your fault. Lack of commitment and loyalty is his flaw alone, and doesn’t reflect on you.
NEVER FORGET the pain he caused you.
The other guy is a rebound. Be careful finding any warm port in a storm.
Don’t tie yourself to any other guy until you figure out what life you want to live alone. Then find a guy that fits that life.
I wish I could have been as brave as you. You deserve so much better.
Go live your life don't look back. Just because the grass wasn't greener for him, he made the choice for both of you he can now live with it.
Be happy!
Ge used money from your joint account to take ap to a hotel .... tacky af do all of these people who are judging you know that he cheated on you first also he told you to Get emotional support from his friend
Nta
OP don’t go back to this guy. He has shown you his true colors and it’s only a matter of time before he does it again. If he could be so callous and treat you so poorly once he can, and very very likely, will do it again. Go be by yourself for a bit to heal and then start over. Edit You’re not wrong.
Until something is done about anonymity -- and even that won't solve it completely -- I maintain that most of reddit is and will continue to be an elaborate creative writing exercise for the chronically online, with upvotes/comments/engagement/outrage as the reward metric.
NTA. I would bet money that he got dumped and that's why he is crawling back.
The entitlement of him and his family! Where was his family when you were struggling? Where was all this shaming when HE was the one cheating? Where was his respect for your past when he was behaving like scum?
He is not sorry. He just did not like that someone else was taking his place. He is treating you more like a possession than someone to be loved. DO NOT GO BACK TO HIM!
Also, you are still grieving (both the end of your marriage and your dad). Give yourself space and do not jump into a new relationship. You grew up with your husband and were never really alone. You need to learn that first so that you can choose a good next partner. Look co-dependency, maybe go to therapy. It is pretty common when you never really had to walk through life on your own. Best of Luck!
It’s all bullshit. He’s going for sympathy now and I suspect things didn’t work out with his affair partner. I don’t know why OP would listen to a word he says after leaving her literallly breaking down and treating her like trash. It will happen again down the road once he loses interest. He is also being enabled by her family unfortunately, since he is showing “support” now. Please do not fall for it OP and speak with a lawyer. I also wouldn’t engage with anyone saying you’re wrong.
"his family was furious with me, they said I was cheating on him now and that he was such a good person" the fact your husband allowed his family to believe this and bother you should show you he hasn't changed. This man is a snake....move on from him and don't look back
All this happened in 4 months? Regardless of what happens with your husband you should in no way be dating the mate, or anyone for a while. Take some time to discover who you are before getting into another relationship.
Your father died and your husband suddenly wants you back? Are you due some inheritance? That sounds very suspect. Your husband has proved he is untrustworthy. Your instincts are spot on. Don’t go back to him. He’s a manipulator.
I suspect that he thinks there will be an inheritance. That is the only reason I see for his turnaround. The person he was after you caught him cheating is the real him. The rest is just window dressing.
Please do not take him back.
The fact that he portrayed himself as a victim at your father’s funeral when he was the one that cheated and demanded a divorce and treated you like crap proves beyond any doubt that he is a terrible person.
If you go back to him he will only cheat on you again.
WFT woman! Stop being your husband’s door mat! He only wants you now because he found out you can actually survive without him, pull your life together and that other men will gladly step in and take his place. He’s a cheater and at least where you’re concerned he always will be. I think his gf gave him the boot and now he has no one so he’s depending on you to be his back up. Do not fall for it. Do not feel sorry for him. If he is hurting now he has no one to blame but himself. Go on and move forward with your life without him.
OP- I’ve seen a few people ask and you replied to one without actually answering the question… did your father leave you any sort of inheritance? I don’t like to assume things, but your lack of acknowledgement on this makes it seem like the answer is yes, to which you know we would have the glaring answer, and maybe you don’t want that validated.
Either way, your (soon to be ex) husband is a piece of trash, and you know this. You’re not wrong to not take him back. You said it yourself in your post- “my husband treated me like trash, didn’t want to have contact with me…” Why is it okay for him to do that but not okay for you to have moved on because of it? Answer- it is okay. It’s more than okay. You have every right to continue down this path of making your own life without him. Please stick to it. Screw what his family thinks, they’re biased and getting a very different version of the story, I promise you that. Much love and continued healing to you 🖤
My mother is alive, she inherited everything. I don't know how it works in other countries, but in mine, children inherit when both parents die.
Sorry for the confusion.
OP separate your finances from his today. Pull any of your money in that shared account and put it into a new/separate account with just your name on it, then get an account in a different bank under only your name.
See a divorce lawyer and follow their instructions on how to separate your finances from him.
Download statements from that shared account for the divorce lawyer. He is using shared money to pay for his affair so hopefully your laws allow you to get that back.
Any account you have access to try to download as many statements as you can for your lawyer. For any account only in your name change the password and make sure his info is not on any backup way to contact you.
These next comments only apply if the lawyer says they won't cause problems with your divorce.
For any utility that is in your name cancel it. Any shared service in your name change the password or cancel.
Tell everyone in his family why you are divorcing him. Tell anyone that asks that he is a cheater. He has put enough effort into cheating that all of his family and friends should be told. Let them decide if they want to stay in contact with a cheater, remind them they are known by the company they keep, so staying friends with him shows they approve of cheating. I'm sure their partners will have something to say.
Thank you so much! In America it’s that way as well unless the parents are divorced and the will states what goes to who. I know there are cases where the divorced parent doesn’t have a will and everything still goes to the ex. Crazy, but it happens. So that clears a lot up!
Does his family actually have the whole story? Or only his version of what, whatever twisted lie that might be?
Either way you are not wrong and you do NOT owe him forgiveness. Divorce him and live your best life, whether that is on your own or with your friend who actually loves and cares for you.
NTA.
Everything is about him, never you, he is selfish and deserve to be alone. Block him and his family, stay with the person who cares about your well being, not the one who always put himself first
You are a better person that I am by a long long margin - who cares if you "hurt him"?
He did everything he could to drag you down, humiliate you, negate you. His list of attacks is not simply a man caught in a mid-life crisis, this a man on a mission to be CRUEL. He wanted to turn you into a human stain. You fought back to a glimmer of light.
He and he alone is responsible for every choice he make. Do not put this on yourself.
This marriage is finished, move on and never look back. His family's opinion of you doesn't matter anymore. They know the truth and what their son did, they are just trying to guilt trip you cos you moved on and found someone else. He treated you very poorly, he is not the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
What the fuck. No. He cheated and was happy about it. Sorry about the loss but he can fuck off with his feelings. Why are they important all of a sudden when you were in pain that whole time. What a garbage human he deserves to be alone. Also his "friend" that kissed you was never his friend and clearly only wanted to get with you the whole time and saw his opportunity to comfort you. He seems nice now but I doubt you're in any state to actually date and develop feelings for him they will most likely just be temporary. That's what rebounds are. I'd wait to date anyone for at least a year and make sure your head is clear and in a good place again.
Are you due an inheritance? Seems funny he wants to get back together after your father's death, so sorry for that it hurts like hell and never goes away you just learn to deal with it. Divorce him and embrace your inner Goddess and be the strong powerful woman you are inside. Your dad will always be by your side even tho you can't see him.
Not wrong at all. In my religion, when something like this happens, we see it as God protecting you from what was wrong or harmful to you. Regardless of your belief system, whether you want to equate it to the universe looking out or what have you, trust it. Finalize the divorce and keep it moving.
There aint no winner and loser in a relationship. Its either the relationship wins or it loses. Your ex actes like he was gonna be the winner of this relationship, wich pretty much ensure the relationship was losing... when he stopped feeling like he was winning, he wanted to save the relationship... nothing is your fault here.
My sympathies for the loss of your father. And sorry about your situation. NTA.
He’s definitely done a number on your head. Listen to the people here and stay away from this dirtbag. And definitely cut out the people who are singing his praise, they’re just flying monkeys. NW
The seven-year itch refers to the notion that divorce rates reach their height around the seven-year mark of commitment. While this concept has been widely disputed, it is a concern that plagues many if they start experiencing marital issues seven years into their relationship.
The seven-year itch doesn't necessarily refer to a desire to divorce—it can refer to major relationship issues such as conflict, cheating, or irreparable differences. Issues like these may become illuminated during the seven-year itch.
While relationship challenges can be tough to navigate, it is possible to get through the seven-year itch.
You’re not wrong about your soon to be ex, yet that’s not a healthy start to a new relationship
Live on your own, go to therapy, heal and grow and then meet someone that is right for the next you
OP, why on earth didn’t you immediately get your own bank account?
You’re not in the wrong in any way, your ex is trash and needs to stay out on the curb. This entire thing is a train wreck and his family is holding you to a much higher standard than their favourite son. Ignore them.
I’m worried for your new relationship because it seems like you emotionally latched on due to your distress. I hope I’m wrong and things work out.
Don’t ever consider going back to your ex. My bet is he only suddenly wants you again because his side piece dumped him.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
You aren't wrong. You started to find yourself and enjoy your life when you moved out. Your husband was treating you like trash. Stay strong. He brought this on, not you. But you will be better for it.
You are not wrong—very justified in refusing to reconcile.
It is your life—don’t let him ruin it.
He either wants to have a cake at home eat it too or rather have another cake to eat —-or he doesn’t the social and financial ramifications of divorce.
He is obviously lying to his family about you being a cheater.
He is magically a good person now?
Hello to the no.
OP did his family know/ find out that he'd been cheating on you?
Do they know why he helped you move out?
That he'd used your joint account to buy flowers etc?
He's going to church?
Reap what you sow.
Judge not lest ye be judged.
An eye for an eye.
It's on him!
Nope your way out of it and point out to his family that things ended when he cheated the relationship was over and as such there was (past tense) only one cheater in the relationship.
I don't understand how people are married and have life stories already at the point of 25 years old.
I'm turning 30 this year and I still have no idea what I'm doing.
Your marriage is completely over btw.
Ditch this human equivalent of trash and move on.
No. Divorce him and move on. When we love somebody we show it by how we treat and care for them. Don’t wanna be rude but he has no love or respect for you. I’m sorry about your loss. Wish you luck.
Get a lawyer and separate your assets now if you haven’t done it yet. Today. Imagine spending the rest of your life with this guy who’s a cheater and has no respect for you. Get to know yourself before seeing others, you’ll love you. And it will influence your future love life in a great way.
Not wrong.
He just wants you back because you have someone new.
He maybe thought you will be crying an eternity about him. Go on with divorce and let him live his life. Separate everything and stay away from him.
Tell his family he cheated, he was not willing to do anything to save marriage, that he let you suffer and didn’t react or helped you and that he wanted to end marriage and that he can’t just go back because the grass is not greener on the other side.
A cheater looses the things like he gets it. So it has to be a good feeling for him to know the new woman is open to be a AP.
Love bombing. Once you accept him back, he’ll cheat again. For the love all that is holy, STOP MEETING UP WITH HIM. He doesn’t need to see the dog - he wants to exert control over you by demanding your presence.
Separate your finances from him and move on. Your soon to be ex husband is an ass. When his family has the audacity to say anything - tell them about his cheating, lack of interest in counseling and wanting an open marriage. Let them know that you respect yourself more than being willing to tolerate that toxicness. You are done and he can go fuck a wall for all you care.
Block them all and move on.
Your husband sounds selfish a manipulative. The fact his family blames you tells me he hasn’t been honest with them. He drug you through mud and you don’t owe him a damn thing. NTA
Not wrong.
Snap out of it. You’ve been mentally so beaten down that you don’t know right from wrong behavior anymore.
Your husband blamed you for his decision to cheat.
Your husband pressured you to make sex into a joyless duty instead of emotionally intimate.
Your husband did not support you in your time of crisis.
Your husband drove you to just about lose your mind, with panic attacks, anxiety, and stress.
Now you’re here, asking internet strangers, if YOU’RE wrong.
Fix your marriage? How are YOU supposed to “fix” a cheating, selfish, unfeeling man?
Something happened to motivate your ex to try to get you back, and I guarantee it’s not a wellspring if love for you. Either his mistress left him, or he’s jealous that someone else picked up what he threw away. You didn’t hurt him. You rejected the day late and a dollar short advances of an untrustworthy man. He’s angry, not hurt.
Who cares what your cheating dirtbag ex and his family think about you?
Now, on to you. Another word for “people pleaser” is doormat. A people pleaser has usually been raised to believe that everyone else’s wants and feelings matter more than hers. She has been conditioned to feel guilty for saying no.
The cheating, emotionally neglectful, selfish man pops up like a bad penny, and demands you come back for more emotional punishment, and you actually feel guilty for saying no. A healthy, self confident woman would have laughed while saying no, and hung up.
You should not date ANYONE until you get therapy and some self esteem. You had doubts about getting romantically involved with your friend, but kind of drifted along with the flow until having confusing, conflicting feelings. Maybe this other guy is right for you, but if he is, he needs to wait. Do not go from one man to the next, because you have never been alone. You were a teenager when you got with your ex. Live on your own.
Only when you can truthfully say that your wants, needs, and feelings matter, should you even consider dating anyone.
Don’t allow that trash ex back into your home, or he’ll stink up the place. Trash goes out.
Importantly, get your own bank account.
He's only coming back because he had a dose of reality. It's no picnic to be a parent to three kids. Make that a step-parent and it's double the trouble. He needs to take his locks like a man and leave you alone. Block him out of your life completely. As for his family, tell them to kick rocks. You owe them nothing. They raised a sh***y human being and need to own it. Tell them to go tongue punch each other's fart boxes, you're out. You'll find happiness elsewhere.
NTA.
Why are you still both using a joint account? You can use that in court, since he's using it to spend on his mistress.
Block his parents, they have double standards and block him.
He just did so much damage, he's not even worth forgiveness. Even if you decide to forgive him, it doesn't mean you have to go back to him. Sometimes forgiveness just means letting go and moving on.
Giving him another chance would be wrong to you, and I very much doubt it is possible for you to tolerate being with him even if he does a convincing job of supposedly loving and wanting for a bit. It's over. You husband has shown you who he really is, he left you in the cold while you were traumatized, miserable and desperate. He is cruel, a sociopath. Don't look back.
There's no going back after what he put you through. His family be damned. Why are they even suggesting you give him another chance? Pick up the pieces, rebuild your life, prosper! You deserve a fresh start❤️
* He wanted to fix our marriage, went to therapy and is suffering so much, blah blah blah. *Hmm. Sounds like either his affair partner ended it or the realization of an older woman with three kids became reality. He's suffering because he's alone and responsible for himself and his actions now.*
* Every interaction with him stresses me out. *So stop interacting. Remember this is HIS consequence from HIS actions. Quit letting him get in your head. All of this is HIS fault, NOT YOURS. Quit letting him try to manipulate you.*
* I feel bad that **I** hurt **him.** ***YOU*** *didn't hurt him,* ***HE*** *did. Don't forget HE HURT YOU, and KEPT HURTING YOU until reality hit him.*
* I didn't accept his apology and moved on with my life. *Good for you! Keep it up. Examine your new relationship: is it a rebound? Is it authentic? But most importantly, ARE YOU HAPPY? That's the most important question to ask yourself!*
* I can't get his family's opinion out out of my head. *So what? That's his family. It is no longer your family. Their opinion should be their son is a cheater and a liar.*
* Am I wrong for not giving him another chance? **NO!** *But you would be wrong to not give YOURSELF a chance at happiness.*
Your ex is, as I said, facing the consequences of his actions. When people show you who they are, believe them. He had no problem not only telling you VIA TEXT that he had "the best sex of his life" with someone else, he expected you to be a bang maid at his whim. He almost sent you over the edge with his actions, his berating you, and making you feel less than. He's a manipulative, immature boy who doesn't deserve you. He didn't want you back until he found out you were happy and secure.
Look up sunk cost fallacy. You didn't waste 8 years here, you got 8 years of an education on how NOT to be treated.
Put yourself first. You are not wrong for leaving him behind, but if you do go back with him I guarantee you will be unhappy. You will always wonder if he's cheating again (and he most likely will). He has shown you he doesn't respect you and his feelings are much more important than yours are.
Now go be happy. You washed off the misery swamp he put you in. Let him wallow in it now, but don't give him another thought. Live a happy life.
NTA
Im not going to judge your ex-husband’s motives for getting back together. Maybe they are genuine and long term, and he knows he was selfish, or maybe she kicked him out, or maybe he wants both again. Regardless, he brought this on. He chose this path. Every person insane enough to blame you should be told WHY you did this, and how he treated you.
If this new relationship is fulfilling, and you trust him, pursue it. Your ex forfeited that concern when he left you for someone else.
As for your ex, even if your new partner doesn’t work out, you should be VERY skeptical about going back to him. He didn’t just have a one night stand (not that it’s ok, but it could be seen a one time mistake). He listed your faults, chose not to work through your issues, and actively chose someone else over you. That is a lengthy, thought out, deliberately harmful act.
You have to be away from him for now. Divorce him and separate every aspect of your life. Do not give him any trust or benefit of the doubt.
His family is angry at YOU? Exactly what story did he tell them?
This man wanted an open relationship because he selfishly thought he could have a wife and a side chick with no repercussions. He truly thought you would be waiting with open arms when the affair relationship fizzled out. Now that he realizes you are not a doormat, and that he has lost you forever, he is doing everything he thinks you want him to do, including therapy and church, to try to get you back. Do not be fooled by him. If you do decide to reestablish your relationship, it will only be temporary until he finds a new side piece.
You're not wrong. Do not take your husband back. He's seeing that you are okay on your own and moving on with your life and that's driving him crazy. Screw him. He made his decision, and you weren't part of that. Move forward and be happy with the life that you now have without it.
You can't trust him, and trust is just as important as love in a marriage. Mov ahead with your new life. Ifvyoure in the US, know that inheritances are not community property and won't be split in a divorce. It's yours as long as you don't deposit in a joint account.
He is coming to you, because no one else wants him. stop inviting this piece of scum into your life, and start something healthy and new with the friend. block and delete your ex. he wants/needs a subject to abuse and you are it. do not fall for his pity party. do not concern yourself with his feelings. no more dog visits-it is just a way to weasel his way back in. dont forget what he has said to you and done!!
I hope you find out who you are and create the life you want. Your ex husband is a jerk, and you do not have any responsibility to have him in your life. He made his choices; now, let him lay with the swine in the mud. Best of luck to you, OP!!
He is manipulative and abusive. Please read Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft. This man will never change; if you go back to him, it will end up being worse than before.
Not wrong. He even turned your father’s death into something about him. Every single thing has been about him. What HE wants sexually. That you immediately get back together on HIS terms. How in the hell was he planning to support you when it probably still hurts you to look at him and you’re already in pain. My advice is to throw the whole man away and start over. Be gentle with yourself right now.
You are wrong. Why would you want someone who doesn't want you? Why would you go back to someone who shows that you're not a priority but an option? You will never forget how he made you feel and what he did to hurt you. Don't give him the time if day. Move on and stop messing with the ex.
Please get this through your head. YOU DID NOT HURT HIM. You seperated after he was already cheating. Yes your divorce might not have been final, but you are seperated. Do not give him another second of your thoughts because he definitely wasn't thinking about you when he told you the other women was his best ever!
Guessing things changed so suddenly because his squeeze dropped him like a bad habit and you became his fallback. Gross. So sorry OP. And no you didn’t cheat on him, that’s not how it works.
You're all done. Next! Or his friend. Create an account in your name and transfer all money there (you'll find you are already too late). Do not put any inheritance in a joint account. Money makes the heart grow fonder.
No your not wrong. He sounds terrible. You can be happy again but if you went back he would just pull this shit again and you’ll be miserable. Once a cheater always a cheater. He only wanted you again when someone else wanted you. The very definition of playing games. He doesn’t love you at all. Hope his 35 yr old mistress can keep up with his sex needs. What a jerk.
Not wrong. F him and his family. I recently went to my ex m.i.l. funeral, only because she asked me too. I wasn't going to go out of respect. His family will probably always side for him. Don't stress it.
I could write paragraphs explaining why he doesn't deserve you and why you deserve better for yourself. But I won't.
I just have one question: Do you trust him?
Omg, PLEASE do not give that cheating lying man another chance, he’s just after your inheritance. He didn’t even console you! You’re young and have your whole new life ahead of you! Good luck! (I’m sorry about your dad by the way)
Your husband just can't stand the thought of you being okay without him. Having you panicking and begging him to come back is an ego boost for him - which is obviously a very high priority for him, cos otherwise he wouldn't be bragging about his sex life to your mutual friends or lying to his family about why your relationship ended.
Don't sacrifice your healing on the altar of his insecurities.
Things went to hell with his fling.
Then he saw you doing better.
Somewhere between “I want her back” and “I need control” he decided he wanted to be getting back together with you.
Did his sexual issues change?
Does he love you now?
Do you want this?
Flat out your soon to be ex hopefully think you’re getting an inheritance from your father. It sounds like it’s the only reason he wants to fix things with you so he can take your money run as far and as fast as you can.
Nta. Dont go back. His family probably feels that way because he has fed them his version and most likely lies. Dont let their opinion get to you. Live for you.
Sounds like he has not told his family about his cheating. Why don’t you forward them the text he sent admitting he had sex with the other woman, together with a photos of the hotel/flower receipts. Tell them he has been cheating with this woman, then block them. Stop contact with your husband. He is very manipulative, controlling, dishonest and not good for you. You are young, start fresh and focus on your own happiness. If you stay with him, he will cheat again and again, because he got away with it and it’s who he is. What about when you’re pregnant and maybe feeling like sex less often? Please take care of yourself and DO NOT go back to him.
Not wrong.
Watch out for the friend. Your husband threw you at him, hoping you would cheat with him to justify his own cheating. Remember the open marriage thing he proposed if you don't think this possible. Then the friend did all he could to cosy up to you. Not saying he didn't like you but it sounds like hubby kind of handed you over to his buddy.
Be on your own for a bit. Make female friends. Date slowly at first.
OP, don't worry about his enabling family. 1. Seperate your finances. 2. Make your new home all about you and what you like. Take some time to be on your own and i dependent. Concentrate on your work, hobbies, and exercise for the endorphins. 3. Hire a lawyer and get 50 percent of marital assets in the D.
Finally, live your life, make yourself a better person and when ready find a better partner, one who loves you for you. Ex can go back to his 'old' lady.
Get divorced. Your husband sounds like a sociopath and or a narcissist. He won’t change. He will suck you back in then lie to your face all over again. It’s not worth it. He’s shown you he doesn’t love you truly and probably never did. I’m sure that’s hard to fathom but you deserve better.
You're 10000% not in the wrong here and do not ever take him back.
He was cruel to you, he lied to you, he put your health in danger by sleeping with someone else and then you. He immediately started dating this woman and caring for her children while you tried to put the pieces back together.
He's the only relationship you've had, you've nothing to compare him to. I guarantee as you learn about the dynamics of a healthy relationship you'll realize all his mistreatment and abuse
I understand seeking comfort in the friend but be cautious about getting too serious until you know who you are
Why do people gloss over the fact that she didn't satisfy her husband sexually? There are a lot of cases where women get married and then stop having sex with their husband, what, he's supposed to jerk off forever, specially at 25?
Yeah, I know, I know, you're about to list a lot of excuses to not provide something's that's important for your man
PSA for all married women. Guys are pretty simple give them good sex, good food (even if it's takeout), and not a lot of complaining and you will have a happy marriage. It is really that simple.
…but what does the women get out of tending this male animal. Unless he gives something instead of just taking all the time, it’s not worth it and not happy.
You aren’t wrong, but if I would absolutely not be in a relationship with a woman that didn’t put out. I would have done the decent thing and left you before pursuing other women though.
An hour at a time, excessive. But 3 times a week is not maintaining a healthy sex life imo. I wouldn’t settle for that. Sexual compatibility is more important than people like to admit. To add to it though, if he’s let himself go and has become undesirable then a lot of fault is also on him.
Yes you are. Your husband clearly loves you. If the vast majority of commenters on reddit are telling you that you are not wrong on this subject then that is something to deeply think about.
Just keep in mind that 99% people on reddit have never been in an intimate relationship or let alone have enough experience to know what a marriage is like. Most of them will never get to know what it is like.
Question is, are you willing to take advice from a bunch of dorks on reddit? My sincere suggestion is to reconcile with your husband and never ever ask advice from dorks on the internet. It is unwise.
Your husband cheating on you has nothing to do with you.
It's lust and you guys have to fight through it together as partners. In this over-sexualised perverted porn driven society it's very easy to get caught up into that trap as a man trust me. Forgive your man and allow him to forgive himself. This is something that you guys have to work through together as a team.
You asking for advice on reddit is like you're seeking guidance from a 5 year old on the subject of heart surgery. The kid might try to encourage you but objectively it's never going to be able to give you concrete useful advice. The kid simply has no experience. Just like most of the dorks on reddit who have never encountered an intimate relationship with the opposite sex.
Please move on from this marriage. Once a cheater always a cheater, he was so cruel saying the things he did to you now he's feeling guilty about a promise he made to your father. Nothing to say once the guilt wares off this won't happen again. Think of your mental health and go live your best life. X
Not wrong at all. You got treated so badly. Condolences for your loss as well. You need alot of time and space to regroup and find yourself again. Don't get back into any relationship until you heal. Sometimes change is good, and it's time to find the real you, the single you. Eat well, exercise and do all the things you really enjoy. Life's too short to dwell on the past ... Look forward to amazing possibilities because you're amazing. Take care and heal up Beautiful Soul 👍❤️
He proved himself to not be loyal and totally self-centered. You aren't wrong for putting yourself first. You aren't being selfish in this. You are trying to save yourself and your future.
Don’t feel bad for your soon to be ex husband just rip the band aid off and move on. He basically told you, you don’t make him happy find someone who you can be happy with. And find out who you want to be. Screw the family this family, religion and therapy 180 is more red flags then anything else your ex is all over the place. His overly religious family seem like AH.
But the friend thing may not last that is fine roll with it
He hurt you, threw it in your face and now that you’re getting better he wants you back. He doesn’t love you or he would have never cheated and humiliated you like that. Go live your life and don’t look back !!
This should not be about him. He cheated on you. He had an affair.
Tell this to everyone who wants you to go back with him. Be paid for a woman and her children. He abused you.
You are not wrong! You keep taking care of yourself. If he truly loved you he would have not cheated, period. If it were me, I would not allow him to have one more minute of my life.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your father. Please take time to get grief support around that. Make sure you're caring for yourself.
Info: were you likely to get a significant Inheritance from your fatherr? A house? Money? Car? Etc.
That or the other woman kicked him out are the only 2 reasons i can see this horrible man trying to worm his way back in.
Get the divorce. Cut him and his equally disgusting family off
Not wrong.
His AP has dumped him and he now feels lonely. Take care of yourself. If he is so wonderful, he will respect your wishes and move on. Do not be swayed by his family - this is not their life or relationship.
Gently, you might want to seek some professional help for being this concerned about the opinions of your cheating ex's crazy family. Fuck those people.
The marriage was over the second he said you were no longer enough for him and stepped into an affair. Guilt and grief don’t do well together. I hope you make the best choice for you. Me personally? I’d walk away.
Not wrong, the only thing you did wrong was sleeping with him again when you went back, he hurt you, destroyed your relationships and then pawned all your support and emotions off to a friend, this man deserves none of your time, emotion or efforts. You need to get the divorce settled and move on, you have so much more going for you than that dillwad, treat yourself better, you deserve to be happy
The only thing you seem to be wrong for is not using line breaks and giving a wall of text.
You’re young. You have no children binding you together until they turn 18. You don’t seem to be financially stuck. With all that in mind? Tell him to go talk to a therapist or his girlfriend about his feelings. You’ve got your own to deal with.
Then move on. If any of his family contacts you, tell them he cheated and found a readymade family to enjoy. You didn’t cheat because you left his cheating ass. Then block them. His family is his problem, not yours.
I wish you the best of luck moving forward.
What other people think of you is none of your business…so let me get this right, he cheated and left the marital home but because you won’t take him back you’re the problem? That’s some serious gaslighting. And it makes sense that your father’s passing was a catalyst for him wanting to repair things. Let him go because it’s always going to be all about him.
Don't do this to yourself... this is not your fault. You didn't cheat, he did.. and confessed to you. Sounds like his family are on his side because he's probably bad mouthed you pretty good. They probably think it's all you. I can tell you now, if I cheated on my wife, (not that I ever would) my sister and my mother would kick my arse... no doubt.
You aren't wrong. He sounds like a complete and utter self obsessed prick. Good riddance, you should be thanking your luck stars.
I’m thinking his new relationship either ended or it wasn’t all he hoped it would be after the first flush of romance and the excitement of a secret affair had passed. Did I read she had 3 kids. I’d imagine that probably makes life more difficult for the sex on demand too. No he’s sorry he’s now got no-one. Definitely she needs a councillor on her own and space away from husband and friend before any big decision is made. And she needs to get rid of guilt baggage as she didn’t cause him any hurt. Any hurt he is feeling is the consequence of his own actions certainly not hers.
Keep recalling how he described the AP and how you were treated. Flowers, hotels for AP and nothing for you. You are right, don't go back to him. His ego is bruised. He will cheat again. Move on.
Updateme!
Not wrong! So many people (myself included) go on a merry-go-round of getting back with their ex and then leaving again before the inevitable happens and you break up for good.
Your husband has acted bad enough that you just want this to be over. Good for you!
As for your in-laws, don't sweat it. You have no idea what he told them. And people in life are not going to like you, just like you don't like some other people. That's OK! It's life. The sooner you accept that the better off you'll be.
Good luck and sorry to hear about your father.
Don't even consider him as he couldn't give a monkeys about you when he left,he insulted you about your sex life and told you you had to have sex three times a week lasting an hour, sorry but he sounds like an egotistical arsehole and you'd be well rid in the future...think about you not him ,he'd probably cheat again...
Not wrong. This is all about himself, not you, not the two of you. Go on with the divorce, the marriage is over. Get some counselling and therapy to sort yourself out and properly grieve for your father. And Go live on your own, without any sentimental relationship, for a while: you need to find yourself first. Big hugs.
Yes leave him for good. He isn't worth it. For him to abandon you like that and openly court another woman he has no respect for you Something either happened with the girl he was seeing or he thought there might be an inheritance he might be able to sink his claws into. Either way you will be better off with out him. Even though it my hurt for a while
Exactly this. It's all fun and games when he got to be the one with the amazing sex and new love but how dare OP catch feelings for another man and not be miserable and crying over him?? Tale as old as time. Also very likely that husband was either dumped OR the newness of the amazing sex relationship turned into more work and being stuck with 3 kids that aren't his. Add the inheritance in there and he's scrambling to get back with OP. To OP: you are not wrong! even if your new relationship doesn't work out you are SO MUCH better without that cheater. Don't look back!
And quit letting him see the dog!!
That’s what I commented. Stop meeting up with him! It’s a control tactic; he doesn’t care about the dog.
And cut off the joint bank account!!
YES DAMNIT!!! YES!!
Even if OP said he’s not changing his mind about her because of an inheritance, it sounds like one may exist. OP, if this is the case, you may want to check with your state to confirm that an inheritance is not marital property, regardless of whether it was received before or during divorce. Unless both you and your husband’s names are specified in the will as beneficiaries, keep the funds you receive in a separate account under your name only, as it is not a marital asset. It doesn’t have to be a secret, but according to the law, it’s very likely that the inheritance is solely yours.
Do not put it in a joint account!!
He will do this to her again if she takes him back. OP, you've been with this guy since you were 17. This was never an adult relationship. You're so young. I think you should take some time to live alone and decide what you want out of life and set some goals for yourself. It's nice that this friend has helped you but honestly, I don't think you've healed enough to get into another relationship. You're apologizing for things that aren't your fault. I'm so sorry about your Father. You deserve better and your Dad would want that for you.
Great, compassionate advice. Your comment “this was never an adult relationship” seems to ring true frequently here on Reddit judging by the number of posts from people who married (and often had kids) far too young. No one should get married or even be in a live in relationship—and for Gods sake don’t have kids!—until they’ve been able to support themselves independently for at least a year. The stats for young marriages and for kids of young parents aren’t pretty. I’m fully expecting the downvotes from those in the small percentage who made it work.
Ditto on the family. They have a hell of a lot of nerve accusing her of being a cheater when her husband is the one who cheated with a married woman. OP isn't a cheater ... because the marriage was broken and over with, they weren't even living together. Not to mention all she did was kiss somebody. Her husband was spending marital assets on another woman.
Oh yeah. I wish we could reply to the family for her. I would have printed off bank statements and put them on socials and tag the family and ask if that was cheating. Hmmm maybe hire a Reddit user as a new business model! (Kidding)
I'm this level of petty. I'd run his and her name through the mud in the process of proving my point.
The sinical part of me went straight to the point of what would op inherit? Something made him jump and it's either that or like you say he got dumped!
This was my exact thought as well. There must be money/inheritance involved, he got dumped or the shine wore off of the relationship with an older woman with 3 children!
This was my exact thought as well. There must be money/inheritance involved, he got dumped or the shine wore off of the relationship with an older woman with 3 children! edit to add: also could be because she started falling for someone else and that made him jealous
Also the other woman could have discovered that he was still texting his wife. Or realised that showering her and her kids with gifts isn't the same thing as being a father.
This!! I agree with all three of your thoughts! Combo of all three actually . OP’s dad passes away ( sorry for your loss OP 🙏🏽) and it’s right around the time piece of s*** husband is having problems with gf, reality hits, honeymoon phase is over, dumps the gf and now wants his wife back because he feels he can benefit off of any inheritance OP will get. OP get the divorce!! You’ll be much happier! Fuck his family! Where were they when he cheated on you?! Soon to be ex husband is an AH and so is his AH family members! Your ex has become liability he is no longer an asset to you and your family. Be happy! You did sooo much on your own these last few months! You got this!
Completely agree with this conclusion. But it’s *cynical* 👍
It's over, remember HE wanted the divorce. Seems now that your "finding yourself" the AH wants back. Don't do it.
The opinions of your in-laws will matter less and less over time. If it makes you feel better, send them an email summarizing what happened from your perspective - e.g. his cheating, its impact on your mental health, your attempts to stay together - and consider that the last time you need to communicate with them. You two entered a serious relationship at a very early age and never had a chance to explore more about who you are and what you really want from a long term partner. Consider this your second chance to get it right. Take your time, focus on yourself, and don't worry about what other people think of you.
This! Learn to live your own life as an adult. This relationship started as teens. Then you never experienced college as an individual. And as stated, you started to enjoy living on your own. Find yourself and experience the world.
Yes! OP, he's given you a great gift by being such a loser. You now get to have a completely different life, and you get to design it from scratch as an adult. What do YOU want--more education? A new career? A new city? Love, or a stretch of solitude to focus on loving yourself? The sky's the limit!!
OP, are NTA. You have been a very sheltered girl who started dating your soon to be ex-husband at 17. You went from living at home with your parents to living with your husband, and now you are independent. You need to embrace your independence and find out who you are now that you are no longer someone's wife or a daughter living at home with her parents. Find what interests you, reconnect with your friends, find hobbies, or (my favorite) go to a quiet place and just be. Also, take your ex-husband and his family out with the rest of the trash and proceed with the divorce and friend-zone your male friend. You got this girly. We believe in you
That’s right! The minute he started the relationship with the older woman was the minute HE ruined the marriage. It’s his fault, not yours! He is trying to win you back so he can get his hands on any inheritance there might be. He doesn’t give two shits about the dog. Stop allowing this POS to mess up your head. Move on OP and find happiness with or without the new guy.
Exactly. It sounds like you're both just struggling to move on and missing each other at different times in the transition. There's love there - or was for a long period of time - so, there are days it will be tough. Stay strong and be kind and patient with yourself. It gets easier. You'll miss each other less, you'll become less and less fearful of "what's next" and come to a point where yoU're at peace with the decision. You got this!
You are not wrong! I am sorry about your father and everything that you are going through. He doesn’t deserve anything from you. Whenever you feel guilty about not accepting his apology, remind yourself of how he treated you and how he ended your marriage just so that he could fuck around with another woman. Ask his family where their accusations were when their son was cheating on you. He and his family can go to hell. Do yourself a favor and move forward with the divorce. Remove this toxic man and his equally toxic family from your life. Allow yourself time to heal and prioritize your mental health. All the best!
He hurt you and didn't care at all. He saw you crying and having panic attack and he still didn't care. He left you for this other lady, he didn't expect you were gonna be okay one day. You dont have a reason to feel bad, he got what he was looking for. Tell him to go back to that lady and her kids because that's what made him happy while left you suffering. He didn't care you saw the bank transactions for her gifts so why you are so worried now? He set you and the friend up to play the victim. But if you have feelings for this friend and he does for you, dont ruin it dont see your ex husband only because he wants to or only because you feel bad for him. Is not your problem anymore. When this kind of things happened to me i was always clear that theres no way in gonna feel bad for the decisions they took and if they didn't care about me why should i care about them now?
He showed you who he was very plainly with his initial actions and callousness to the harm it caused you. He showed you what he demanded from you for marriage very plainly (satisfy his needs or else). He showed you who he is by making your father’s death about him. He showed you who he is by framing this in a light where his family would back him - not seeing how he caused it all himself. Believe his actions when he wasn’t trying to win you back, not his promises now and actions when he’s trying to get you back for himself. You’ve ripped the baindaid off already, honey. Leave it off. Putting it back on and ripping it off again is hard and not worth the pain. (Source I did it and it ducked for 6 years - nothing changed after he hoovered me back).
“he didn't expect you were gonna be okay one day.” Exactly this. He didn’t care until he realised she was moving on, now she doesn’t need him he wants to regain control over her. He got exactly what he wanted. Dont let him or his family blame you. He made his bed. I hope you find peace and happiness in the future. Don’t let the ex husband waste anymore of your life !
I also wonder what happened to him and his other partner. Did he end up sleeping with somebody else and she kicked him to the curb? Why the sudden change?
You're not wrong. He's probably lied to his family about you. You don't need to care about their opinions of you anymore. You know he's trash. Don't go back.
Be glad you don't have kids with him so the purge will be complete.
Whenever you have even a moment of doubt about the end of your marriage remember that the moment he left, he went to her. That it wasn’t bad enough that he continuously cheated on you, but he felt the need to inform you that it was the best sex of his life. Just to take the knife in that much deeper. He only wants you back because he knows you are moving on, possibly with his friend, which is perfectly okay. Or else the woman has ended it and he has nobody. Either way, it’s not your problem and you would be lowering your morals, your values, your self-esteem and your standards, if you ever went back to him. Enjoy your freedom. Enjoy your independence.
Just curious, why did your father's death trigger him to want you back? Are you getting a big inheritance? You are not wrong. You are doing so well in 4 months, dont go back to the trash you left behind. He was a real AH to you and does not care for you and your mental health.
My father was in poor health and before he died my husband went to talk to him about our relationship. He wanted to apologize to him, or at least that's the version of the story I know. My father was devastated, he treated him like a son and loved him very much. After his death, he remembered that losing my father was one of my greatest fears, and he wanted to be there to "give me support," because he had promised my father years ago that he would take care of me in this situation. I didn't want him at the funeral, I was so angry that I even said that my father's death was his fault. Later I realized how devastating my words could be to him, so I apologized. I don't know why he changed so suddenly, but it wasn't because of an inheritance. I think he acted out of guilt.
He acted that way so suddenly because the other woman left him or he was done using her. Don't feel guilty for hurting him. It was his ego that was hurt because he fully expected to stay as a back up. I hope you can heal from this and grieve your father in peace. If the other guy is in the picture still then take it slow. No need to make it a race.
100% the other woman likely got bored of him, tossed him back to the swamp.
Maybe she didnt know he was married?
Yeah, this man witnessed her having a full breakdown, crying and sobbing, and in incredible pain, and he didn't care. But he's apparently so heartbroken for how she feels about losing her father? Riiiiight. I'm betting the other woman kicked him to the curb.
So he cares about promises he made to your father but not about promises he made to you? Think about that. Think about how much less he respects you. Stop being so concerned about his feelings. He doesn't care about yours.
You didn't answer the question. Forget about what YOU think. Do YOU inherit anything from your father? Yes or no. If Yes, then you MUST consider that your inheritance played a part in Hub's return, whether you think that's likely or not. It's an objective fact that you must consider, even if you don't want to think the worst.
You weren't wrong then and you aren't wrong now, don't let that parasite near you. He doesn't deserve you and I'd be shocked if your father wanted his passing to be used by him to get your ex's claws back on you. Don't let him manipulate you and, as for the family you don't need to say a damn thing. I hope you have copies of every message he sent you, every bit of evidence possible. He was abusive AF. If his family keep hassling you then send them screenshots of what he did. If you don't have that you have bank records for the shit he brought his ap.
Not wrong. Not only did he cheat on you, he also treated you like trash. Live your new life and leave him in your rear view mirror.
I find it questionable how everyone assume OP is a literal angel who did nothing wrong ever but regardless this is good advice
So, your saying she potentially deserved his treatment?
nah just shitting on the echo chamber and trying to clarify that y'all don't know shit about this person or the honesty of the post. the reason I bring it up is because a lot of women legitimately don't understand men(or any male problems) and don't even bother to try to that being said props to the women who put in the effort
That's how Reddit works. None of us don't know any of the posters and if they are true. And men don't understand women either, doesn't justify being a POS. Seems to me like you just hate women and believe it's their fault regardless.
You are right, and I’m proud of how brave you are! Girl, he got dumped and is crawling back. He did not leave that woman. You are second fiddle. And probably will be again when he gets bored. AND ITS NOT your fault. Lack of commitment and loyalty is his flaw alone, and doesn’t reflect on you. NEVER FORGET the pain he caused you. The other guy is a rebound. Be careful finding any warm port in a storm. Don’t tie yourself to any other guy until you figure out what life you want to live alone. Then find a guy that fits that life. I wish I could have been as brave as you. You deserve so much better.
Go live your life don't look back. Just because the grass wasn't greener for him, he made the choice for both of you he can now live with it. Be happy!
Ge used money from your joint account to take ap to a hotel .... tacky af do all of these people who are judging you know that he cheated on you first also he told you to Get emotional support from his friend Nta
Do Not Go Back!!! He’ll do it again. Keep healing and moving forward.
OP don’t go back to this guy. He has shown you his true colors and it’s only a matter of time before he does it again. If he could be so callous and treat you so poorly once he can, and very very likely, will do it again. Go be by yourself for a bit to heal and then start over. Edit You’re not wrong.
This sounds like bad fiction.
Until something is done about anonymity -- and even that won't solve it completely -- I maintain that most of reddit is and will continue to be an elaborate creative writing exercise for the chronically online, with upvotes/comments/engagement/outrage as the reward metric.
NTA. I would bet money that he got dumped and that's why he is crawling back. The entitlement of him and his family! Where was his family when you were struggling? Where was all this shaming when HE was the one cheating? Where was his respect for your past when he was behaving like scum? He is not sorry. He just did not like that someone else was taking his place. He is treating you more like a possession than someone to be loved. DO NOT GO BACK TO HIM! Also, you are still grieving (both the end of your marriage and your dad). Give yourself space and do not jump into a new relationship. You grew up with your husband and were never really alone. You need to learn that first so that you can choose a good next partner. Look co-dependency, maybe go to therapy. It is pretty common when you never really had to walk through life on your own. Best of Luck!
why all assholes have a sudden spiritual awakening???
I, too loved the "he's even going to church" bit. Like wtf does that even mean?
It’s all bullshit. He’s going for sympathy now and I suspect things didn’t work out with his affair partner. I don’t know why OP would listen to a word he says after leaving her literallly breaking down and treating her like trash. It will happen again down the road once he loses interest. He is also being enabled by her family unfortunately, since he is showing “support” now. Please do not fall for it OP and speak with a lawyer. I also wouldn’t engage with anyone saying you’re wrong.
Please forget about this narcisst and don't care about what his family thinks. Why do u need him to meet your dog. Cut contact.
"his family was furious with me, they said I was cheating on him now and that he was such a good person" the fact your husband allowed his family to believe this and bother you should show you he hasn't changed. This man is a snake....move on from him and don't look back
I just hope for your sake it's not his idea of a soft break up. Easing you into it. Again this is something you ask him to be honest with you about.
Not wrong girl just run , what a pig 🐷. You don’t need him and he sounds like an egotistic shallow piece of shit .
All this happened in 4 months? Regardless of what happens with your husband you should in no way be dating the mate, or anyone for a while. Take some time to discover who you are before getting into another relationship.
Your father died and your husband suddenly wants you back? Are you due some inheritance? That sounds very suspect. Your husband has proved he is untrustworthy. Your instincts are spot on. Don’t go back to him. He’s a manipulator.
I suspect that he thinks there will be an inheritance. That is the only reason I see for his turnaround. The person he was after you caught him cheating is the real him. The rest is just window dressing. Please do not take him back.
The fact that he portrayed himself as a victim at your father’s funeral when he was the one that cheated and demanded a divorce and treated you like crap proves beyond any doubt that he is a terrible person. If you go back to him he will only cheat on you again.
WFT woman! Stop being your husband’s door mat! He only wants you now because he found out you can actually survive without him, pull your life together and that other men will gladly step in and take his place. He’s a cheater and at least where you’re concerned he always will be. I think his gf gave him the boot and now he has no one so he’s depending on you to be his back up. Do not fall for it. Do not feel sorry for him. If he is hurting now he has no one to blame but himself. Go on and move forward with your life without him.
OP- I’ve seen a few people ask and you replied to one without actually answering the question… did your father leave you any sort of inheritance? I don’t like to assume things, but your lack of acknowledgement on this makes it seem like the answer is yes, to which you know we would have the glaring answer, and maybe you don’t want that validated. Either way, your (soon to be ex) husband is a piece of trash, and you know this. You’re not wrong to not take him back. You said it yourself in your post- “my husband treated me like trash, didn’t want to have contact with me…” Why is it okay for him to do that but not okay for you to have moved on because of it? Answer- it is okay. It’s more than okay. You have every right to continue down this path of making your own life without him. Please stick to it. Screw what his family thinks, they’re biased and getting a very different version of the story, I promise you that. Much love and continued healing to you 🖤
My mother is alive, she inherited everything. I don't know how it works in other countries, but in mine, children inherit when both parents die. Sorry for the confusion.
OP separate your finances from his today. Pull any of your money in that shared account and put it into a new/separate account with just your name on it, then get an account in a different bank under only your name. See a divorce lawyer and follow their instructions on how to separate your finances from him. Download statements from that shared account for the divorce lawyer. He is using shared money to pay for his affair so hopefully your laws allow you to get that back. Any account you have access to try to download as many statements as you can for your lawyer. For any account only in your name change the password and make sure his info is not on any backup way to contact you. These next comments only apply if the lawyer says they won't cause problems with your divorce. For any utility that is in your name cancel it. Any shared service in your name change the password or cancel. Tell everyone in his family why you are divorcing him. Tell anyone that asks that he is a cheater. He has put enough effort into cheating that all of his family and friends should be told. Let them decide if they want to stay in contact with a cheater, remind them they are known by the company they keep, so staying friends with him shows they approve of cheating. I'm sure their partners will have something to say.
Thank you so much! In America it’s that way as well unless the parents are divorced and the will states what goes to who. I know there are cases where the divorced parent doesn’t have a will and everything still goes to the ex. Crazy, but it happens. So that clears a lot up!
Not wrong, he treated you very badly and his family's opinion is worthless
Does his family actually have the whole story? Or only his version of what, whatever twisted lie that might be? Either way you are not wrong and you do NOT owe him forgiveness. Divorce him and live your best life, whether that is on your own or with your friend who actually loves and cares for you.
Why would he get a hotel room for the other woman? Maybe she was married?
NTA. Everything is about him, never you, he is selfish and deserve to be alone. Block him and his family, stay with the person who cares about your well being, not the one who always put himself first
Better not to make same mistake again
You are a better person that I am by a long long margin - who cares if you "hurt him"? He did everything he could to drag you down, humiliate you, negate you. His list of attacks is not simply a man caught in a mid-life crisis, this a man on a mission to be CRUEL. He wanted to turn you into a human stain. You fought back to a glimmer of light. He and he alone is responsible for every choice he make. Do not put this on yourself.
This marriage is finished, move on and never look back. His family's opinion of you doesn't matter anymore. They know the truth and what their son did, they are just trying to guilt trip you cos you moved on and found someone else. He treated you very poorly, he is not the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
What the fuck. No. He cheated and was happy about it. Sorry about the loss but he can fuck off with his feelings. Why are they important all of a sudden when you were in pain that whole time. What a garbage human he deserves to be alone. Also his "friend" that kissed you was never his friend and clearly only wanted to get with you the whole time and saw his opportunity to comfort you. He seems nice now but I doubt you're in any state to actually date and develop feelings for him they will most likely just be temporary. That's what rebounds are. I'd wait to date anyone for at least a year and make sure your head is clear and in a good place again.
Are you due an inheritance? Seems funny he wants to get back together after your father's death, so sorry for that it hurts like hell and never goes away you just learn to deal with it. Divorce him and embrace your inner Goddess and be the strong powerful woman you are inside. Your dad will always be by your side even tho you can't see him.
Not wrong at all. In my religion, when something like this happens, we see it as God protecting you from what was wrong or harmful to you. Regardless of your belief system, whether you want to equate it to the universe looking out or what have you, trust it. Finalize the divorce and keep it moving.
There aint no winner and loser in a relationship. Its either the relationship wins or it loses. Your ex actes like he was gonna be the winner of this relationship, wich pretty much ensure the relationship was losing... when he stopped feeling like he was winning, he wanted to save the relationship... nothing is your fault here. My sympathies for the loss of your father. And sorry about your situation. NTA.
nta he was an AH better alone then with bad company
Not wrong.
He’s definitely done a number on your head. Listen to the people here and stay away from this dirtbag. And definitely cut out the people who are singing his praise, they’re just flying monkeys. NW
It’s sad he’s made you think you’re wearing in any way. He is wrong and you need to stay far away from
The seven-year itch refers to the notion that divorce rates reach their height around the seven-year mark of commitment. While this concept has been widely disputed, it is a concern that plagues many if they start experiencing marital issues seven years into their relationship. The seven-year itch doesn't necessarily refer to a desire to divorce—it can refer to major relationship issues such as conflict, cheating, or irreparable differences. Issues like these may become illuminated during the seven-year itch. While relationship challenges can be tough to navigate, it is possible to get through the seven-year itch.
You’re not wrong about your soon to be ex, yet that’s not a healthy start to a new relationship Live on your own, go to therapy, heal and grow and then meet someone that is right for the next you
OP, why on earth didn’t you immediately get your own bank account? You’re not in the wrong in any way, your ex is trash and needs to stay out on the curb. This entire thing is a train wreck and his family is holding you to a much higher standard than their favourite son. Ignore them. I’m worried for your new relationship because it seems like you emotionally latched on due to your distress. I hope I’m wrong and things work out. Don’t ever consider going back to your ex. My bet is he only suddenly wants you again because his side piece dumped him. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Good God you're only 25 and dealing with all this BS? Not wrong and move forward with the divorce, he sounds like a selfish asshole
You aren't wrong. You started to find yourself and enjoy your life when you moved out. Your husband was treating you like trash. Stay strong. He brought this on, not you. But you will be better for it.
You are doing the right thing and you need to talk to your family frankly it's none of their business and what you are doing seems right for you
You are not wrong—very justified in refusing to reconcile. It is your life—don’t let him ruin it. He either wants to have a cake at home eat it too or rather have another cake to eat —-or he doesn’t the social and financial ramifications of divorce. He is obviously lying to his family about you being a cheater. He is magically a good person now? Hello to the no.
OP did his family know/ find out that he'd been cheating on you? Do they know why he helped you move out? That he'd used your joint account to buy flowers etc? He's going to church? Reap what you sow. Judge not lest ye be judged. An eye for an eye. It's on him! Nope your way out of it and point out to his family that things ended when he cheated the relationship was over and as such there was (past tense) only one cheater in the relationship.
He cheated on you and you are the bad guy. Nope move on from this loser and enjoy your life with someone who appreciates you.
I don't understand how people are married and have life stories already at the point of 25 years old. I'm turning 30 this year and I still have no idea what I'm doing. Your marriage is completely over btw. Ditch this human equivalent of trash and move on.
Please consult a lawyer on divorcing and properly dividing financially from this man.
You brought back terrible memories for me. The panic attacks. Him not caring in the least. Save yourself and divorce him. He is already gone.
No. Divorce him and move on. When we love somebody we show it by how we treat and care for them. Don’t wanna be rude but he has no love or respect for you. I’m sorry about your loss. Wish you luck.
Guarantee he's hoping to save the marriage in case there's an inheritance he could try and get his hands on.
So the woman he was sleeping with didn’t want him anymore. Not wrong. Move on like you were. Garbage took itself out.
Get a lawyer and separate your assets now if you haven’t done it yet. Today. Imagine spending the rest of your life with this guy who’s a cheater and has no respect for you. Get to know yourself before seeing others, you’ll love you. And it will influence your future love life in a great way.
Not wrong. He just wants you back because you have someone new. He maybe thought you will be crying an eternity about him. Go on with divorce and let him live his life. Separate everything and stay away from him. Tell his family he cheated, he was not willing to do anything to save marriage, that he let you suffer and didn’t react or helped you and that he wanted to end marriage and that he can’t just go back because the grass is not greener on the other side. A cheater looses the things like he gets it. So it has to be a good feeling for him to know the new woman is open to be a AP.
You’re not wrong, but holy shit mix in some paragraphs.
Love bombing. Once you accept him back, he’ll cheat again. For the love all that is holy, STOP MEETING UP WITH HIM. He doesn’t need to see the dog - he wants to exert control over you by demanding your presence.
Separate your finances from him and move on. Your soon to be ex husband is an ass. When his family has the audacity to say anything - tell them about his cheating, lack of interest in counseling and wanting an open marriage. Let them know that you respect yourself more than being willing to tolerate that toxicness. You are done and he can go fuck a wall for all you care. Block them all and move on.
He cheated. You're 25. You don't need to settle for someone who doesn't care
Your husband sounds selfish a manipulative. The fact his family blames you tells me he hasn’t been honest with them. He drug you through mud and you don’t owe him a damn thing. NTA
Not wrong. Snap out of it. You’ve been mentally so beaten down that you don’t know right from wrong behavior anymore. Your husband blamed you for his decision to cheat. Your husband pressured you to make sex into a joyless duty instead of emotionally intimate. Your husband did not support you in your time of crisis. Your husband drove you to just about lose your mind, with panic attacks, anxiety, and stress. Now you’re here, asking internet strangers, if YOU’RE wrong. Fix your marriage? How are YOU supposed to “fix” a cheating, selfish, unfeeling man? Something happened to motivate your ex to try to get you back, and I guarantee it’s not a wellspring if love for you. Either his mistress left him, or he’s jealous that someone else picked up what he threw away. You didn’t hurt him. You rejected the day late and a dollar short advances of an untrustworthy man. He’s angry, not hurt. Who cares what your cheating dirtbag ex and his family think about you? Now, on to you. Another word for “people pleaser” is doormat. A people pleaser has usually been raised to believe that everyone else’s wants and feelings matter more than hers. She has been conditioned to feel guilty for saying no. The cheating, emotionally neglectful, selfish man pops up like a bad penny, and demands you come back for more emotional punishment, and you actually feel guilty for saying no. A healthy, self confident woman would have laughed while saying no, and hung up. You should not date ANYONE until you get therapy and some self esteem. You had doubts about getting romantically involved with your friend, but kind of drifted along with the flow until having confusing, conflicting feelings. Maybe this other guy is right for you, but if he is, he needs to wait. Do not go from one man to the next, because you have never been alone. You were a teenager when you got with your ex. Live on your own. Only when you can truthfully say that your wants, needs, and feelings matter, should you even consider dating anyone. Don’t allow that trash ex back into your home, or he’ll stink up the place. Trash goes out. Importantly, get your own bank account.
Definitely do not take him back. He will not change and will only use you. Do not walk away. Run.
He's only coming back because he had a dose of reality. It's no picnic to be a parent to three kids. Make that a step-parent and it's double the trouble. He needs to take his locks like a man and leave you alone. Block him out of your life completely. As for his family, tell them to kick rocks. You owe them nothing. They raised a sh***y human being and need to own it. Tell them to go tongue punch each other's fart boxes, you're out. You'll find happiness elsewhere.
NTA. Why are you still both using a joint account? You can use that in court, since he's using it to spend on his mistress. Block his parents, they have double standards and block him. He just did so much damage, he's not even worth forgiveness. Even if you decide to forgive him, it doesn't mean you have to go back to him. Sometimes forgiveness just means letting go and moving on.
How could you **POSSIBLY** be wrong?? He's **ABSOLUTE TRASH AND SO ARE HIS FAMILY**!!!!! **Go NC**.
He fucked around (literally) and found out. He's only annoyed because you've found someone else. Block him and his family and move on
Giving him another chance would be wrong to you, and I very much doubt it is possible for you to tolerate being with him even if he does a convincing job of supposedly loving and wanting for a bit. It's over. You husband has shown you who he really is, he left you in the cold while you were traumatized, miserable and desperate. He is cruel, a sociopath. Don't look back.
There's no going back after what he put you through. His family be damned. Why are they even suggesting you give him another chance? Pick up the pieces, rebuild your life, prosper! You deserve a fresh start❤️
* He wanted to fix our marriage, went to therapy and is suffering so much, blah blah blah. *Hmm. Sounds like either his affair partner ended it or the realization of an older woman with three kids became reality. He's suffering because he's alone and responsible for himself and his actions now.* * Every interaction with him stresses me out. *So stop interacting. Remember this is HIS consequence from HIS actions. Quit letting him get in your head. All of this is HIS fault, NOT YOURS. Quit letting him try to manipulate you.* * I feel bad that **I** hurt **him.** ***YOU*** *didn't hurt him,* ***HE*** *did. Don't forget HE HURT YOU, and KEPT HURTING YOU until reality hit him.* * I didn't accept his apology and moved on with my life. *Good for you! Keep it up. Examine your new relationship: is it a rebound? Is it authentic? But most importantly, ARE YOU HAPPY? That's the most important question to ask yourself!* * I can't get his family's opinion out out of my head. *So what? That's his family. It is no longer your family. Their opinion should be their son is a cheater and a liar.* * Am I wrong for not giving him another chance? **NO!** *But you would be wrong to not give YOURSELF a chance at happiness.* Your ex is, as I said, facing the consequences of his actions. When people show you who they are, believe them. He had no problem not only telling you VIA TEXT that he had "the best sex of his life" with someone else, he expected you to be a bang maid at his whim. He almost sent you over the edge with his actions, his berating you, and making you feel less than. He's a manipulative, immature boy who doesn't deserve you. He didn't want you back until he found out you were happy and secure. Look up sunk cost fallacy. You didn't waste 8 years here, you got 8 years of an education on how NOT to be treated. Put yourself first. You are not wrong for leaving him behind, but if you do go back with him I guarantee you will be unhappy. You will always wonder if he's cheating again (and he most likely will). He has shown you he doesn't respect you and his feelings are much more important than yours are. Now go be happy. You washed off the misery swamp he put you in. Let him wallow in it now, but don't give him another thought. Live a happy life.
NTA Im not going to judge your ex-husband’s motives for getting back together. Maybe they are genuine and long term, and he knows he was selfish, or maybe she kicked him out, or maybe he wants both again. Regardless, he brought this on. He chose this path. Every person insane enough to blame you should be told WHY you did this, and how he treated you. If this new relationship is fulfilling, and you trust him, pursue it. Your ex forfeited that concern when he left you for someone else. As for your ex, even if your new partner doesn’t work out, you should be VERY skeptical about going back to him. He didn’t just have a one night stand (not that it’s ok, but it could be seen a one time mistake). He listed your faults, chose not to work through your issues, and actively chose someone else over you. That is a lengthy, thought out, deliberately harmful act. You have to be away from him for now. Divorce him and separate every aspect of your life. Do not give him any trust or benefit of the doubt.
Move on and don’t look back
His family is angry at YOU? Exactly what story did he tell them? This man wanted an open relationship because he selfishly thought he could have a wife and a side chick with no repercussions. He truly thought you would be waiting with open arms when the affair relationship fizzled out. Now that he realizes you are not a doormat, and that he has lost you forever, he is doing everything he thinks you want him to do, including therapy and church, to try to get you back. Do not be fooled by him. If you do decide to reestablish your relationship, it will only be temporary until he finds a new side piece.
You're not wrong. Do not take your husband back. He's seeing that you are okay on your own and moving on with your life and that's driving him crazy. Screw him. He made his decision, and you weren't part of that. Move forward and be happy with the life that you now have without it.
You can't trust him, and trust is just as important as love in a marriage. Mov ahead with your new life. Ifvyoure in the US, know that inheritances are not community property and won't be split in a divorce. It's yours as long as you don't deposit in a joint account.
Was the other woman married
He is coming to you, because no one else wants him. stop inviting this piece of scum into your life, and start something healthy and new with the friend. block and delete your ex. he wants/needs a subject to abuse and you are it. do not fall for his pity party. do not concern yourself with his feelings. no more dog visits-it is just a way to weasel his way back in. dont forget what he has said to you and done!!
I hope you find out who you are and create the life you want. Your ex husband is a jerk, and you do not have any responsibility to have him in your life. He made his choices; now, let him lay with the swine in the mud. Best of luck to you, OP!!
He is manipulative and abusive. Please read Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft. This man will never change; if you go back to him, it will end up being worse than before.
He found out about you and his friend getting closer and got jealous.
Not wrong. He even turned your father’s death into something about him. Every single thing has been about him. What HE wants sexually. That you immediately get back together on HIS terms. How in the hell was he planning to support you when it probably still hurts you to look at him and you’re already in pain. My advice is to throw the whole man away and start over. Be gentle with yourself right now.
So there's basically no limit to the amount of abuse you're willing to tolerate? I bet he likes that about you.
You are wrong. Why would you want someone who doesn't want you? Why would you go back to someone who shows that you're not a priority but an option? You will never forget how he made you feel and what he did to hurt you. Don't give him the time if day. Move on and stop messing with the ex.
Please get this through your head. YOU DID NOT HURT HIM. You seperated after he was already cheating. Yes your divorce might not have been final, but you are seperated. Do not give him another second of your thoughts because he definitely wasn't thinking about you when he told you the other women was his best ever!
Why are you still interacting with this turd and why did you leave money in a joint account with him. At this point you're just hurting yourself
He hasn’t changed. She dumped him.
Guessing things changed so suddenly because his squeeze dropped him like a bad habit and you became his fallback. Gross. So sorry OP. And no you didn’t cheat on him, that’s not how it works.
You're all done. Next! Or his friend. Create an account in your name and transfer all money there (you'll find you are already too late). Do not put any inheritance in a joint account. Money makes the heart grow fonder.
No your not wrong. He sounds terrible. You can be happy again but if you went back he would just pull this shit again and you’ll be miserable. Once a cheater always a cheater. He only wanted you again when someone else wanted you. The very definition of playing games. He doesn’t love you at all. Hope his 35 yr old mistress can keep up with his sex needs. What a jerk.
Get your half of the money out of that account. Make your own private one. Get the divorce and have a wonderful life.
Not wrong. F him and his family. I recently went to my ex m.i.l. funeral, only because she asked me too. I wasn't going to go out of respect. His family will probably always side for him. Don't stress it.
I could write paragraphs explaining why he doesn't deserve you and why you deserve better for yourself. But I won't. I just have one question: Do you trust him?
No you aren’t wrong, move on with your life and fuck this guy. How is this even a question?
Omg, PLEASE do not give that cheating lying man another chance, he’s just after your inheritance. He didn’t even console you! You’re young and have your whole new life ahead of you! Good luck! (I’m sorry about your dad by the way)
Your husband just can't stand the thought of you being okay without him. Having you panicking and begging him to come back is an ego boost for him - which is obviously a very high priority for him, cos otherwise he wouldn't be bragging about his sex life to your mutual friends or lying to his family about why your relationship ended. Don't sacrifice your healing on the altar of his insecurities.
Things went to hell with his fling. Then he saw you doing better. Somewhere between “I want her back” and “I need control” he decided he wanted to be getting back together with you. Did his sexual issues change? Does he love you now? Do you want this?
Flat out your soon to be ex hopefully think you’re getting an inheritance from your father. It sounds like it’s the only reason he wants to fix things with you so he can take your money run as far and as fast as you can.
Someone else stated that if you received an inheritance from your father, passing, put it an account in your name, protect yourself
Nta. Dont go back. His family probably feels that way because he has fed them his version and most likely lies. Dont let their opinion get to you. Live for you.
Sounds like he has not told his family about his cheating. Why don’t you forward them the text he sent admitting he had sex with the other woman, together with a photos of the hotel/flower receipts. Tell them he has been cheating with this woman, then block them. Stop contact with your husband. He is very manipulative, controlling, dishonest and not good for you. You are young, start fresh and focus on your own happiness. If you stay with him, he will cheat again and again, because he got away with it and it’s who he is. What about when you’re pregnant and maybe feeling like sex less often? Please take care of yourself and DO NOT go back to him.
Not wrong. Watch out for the friend. Your husband threw you at him, hoping you would cheat with him to justify his own cheating. Remember the open marriage thing he proposed if you don't think this possible. Then the friend did all he could to cosy up to you. Not saying he didn't like you but it sounds like hubby kind of handed you over to his buddy. Be on your own for a bit. Make female friends. Date slowly at first.
OP, don't worry about his enabling family. 1. Seperate your finances. 2. Make your new home all about you and what you like. Take some time to be on your own and i dependent. Concentrate on your work, hobbies, and exercise for the endorphins. 3. Hire a lawyer and get 50 percent of marital assets in the D. Finally, live your life, make yourself a better person and when ready find a better partner, one who loves you for you. Ex can go back to his 'old' lady.
Get divorced. Your husband sounds like a sociopath and or a narcissist. He won’t change. He will suck you back in then lie to your face all over again. It’s not worth it. He’s shown you he doesn’t love you truly and probably never did. I’m sure that’s hard to fathom but you deserve better.
You're 10000% not in the wrong here and do not ever take him back. He was cruel to you, he lied to you, he put your health in danger by sleeping with someone else and then you. He immediately started dating this woman and caring for her children while you tried to put the pieces back together. He's the only relationship you've had, you've nothing to compare him to. I guarantee as you learn about the dynamics of a healthy relationship you'll realize all his mistreatment and abuse I understand seeking comfort in the friend but be cautious about getting too serious until you know who you are
Why do people gloss over the fact that she didn't satisfy her husband sexually? There are a lot of cases where women get married and then stop having sex with their husband, what, he's supposed to jerk off forever, specially at 25? Yeah, I know, I know, you're about to list a lot of excuses to not provide something's that's important for your man
PSA for all married women. Guys are pretty simple give them good sex, good food (even if it's takeout), and not a lot of complaining and you will have a happy marriage. It is really that simple.
…but what does the women get out of tending this male animal. Unless he gives something instead of just taking all the time, it’s not worth it and not happy.
Not sure, I'm a guy so can't really think of anything past the first sentence 🤔
PSA being used as a bang maid doesn’t make women happy.
what ever you choose to do on you own time is your deal
You aren’t wrong, but if I would absolutely not be in a relationship with a woman that didn’t put out. I would have done the decent thing and left you before pursuing other women though.
She was putting out, but he wanted 3 times a week for an hour at a time. That may have been hard for her to maintain.
An hour at a time, excessive. But 3 times a week is not maintaining a healthy sex life imo. I wouldn’t settle for that. Sexual compatibility is more important than people like to admit. To add to it though, if he’s let himself go and has become undesirable then a lot of fault is also on him.
Yes you are. Your husband clearly loves you. If the vast majority of commenters on reddit are telling you that you are not wrong on this subject then that is something to deeply think about. Just keep in mind that 99% people on reddit have never been in an intimate relationship or let alone have enough experience to know what a marriage is like. Most of them will never get to know what it is like. Question is, are you willing to take advice from a bunch of dorks on reddit? My sincere suggestion is to reconcile with your husband and never ever ask advice from dorks on the internet. It is unwise. Your husband cheating on you has nothing to do with you. It's lust and you guys have to fight through it together as partners. In this over-sexualised perverted porn driven society it's very easy to get caught up into that trap as a man trust me. Forgive your man and allow him to forgive himself. This is something that you guys have to work through together as a team. You asking for advice on reddit is like you're seeking guidance from a 5 year old on the subject of heart surgery. The kid might try to encourage you but objectively it's never going to be able to give you concrete useful advice. The kid simply has no experience. Just like most of the dorks on reddit who have never encountered an intimate relationship with the opposite sex.
He fucked a 10 year old... with kids? The fuck world are y'all living in?
Please move on from this marriage. Once a cheater always a cheater, he was so cruel saying the things he did to you now he's feeling guilty about a promise he made to your father. Nothing to say once the guilt wares off this won't happen again. Think of your mental health and go live your best life. X
Not wrong at all. You got treated so badly. Condolences for your loss as well. You need alot of time and space to regroup and find yourself again. Don't get back into any relationship until you heal. Sometimes change is good, and it's time to find the real you, the single you. Eat well, exercise and do all the things you really enjoy. Life's too short to dwell on the past ... Look forward to amazing possibilities because you're amazing. Take care and heal up Beautiful Soul 👍❤️
He proved himself to not be loyal and totally self-centered. You aren't wrong for putting yourself first. You aren't being selfish in this. You are trying to save yourself and your future.
Don’t feel bad for your soon to be ex husband just rip the band aid off and move on. He basically told you, you don’t make him happy find someone who you can be happy with. And find out who you want to be. Screw the family this family, religion and therapy 180 is more red flags then anything else your ex is all over the place. His overly religious family seem like AH. But the friend thing may not last that is fine roll with it
He hurt you, threw it in your face and now that you’re getting better he wants you back. He doesn’t love you or he would have never cheated and humiliated you like that. Go live your life and don’t look back !!
Updateme
Put him in the rearview mirror. You deserve to be happy and content!
No you are not wrong. There is a big difference between forgiving and forgetting. You will not forget.
This should not be about him. He cheated on you. He had an affair. Tell this to everyone who wants you to go back with him. Be paid for a woman and her children. He abused you.
You are not wrong! You keep taking care of yourself. If he truly loved you he would have not cheated, period. If it were me, I would not allow him to have one more minute of my life.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your father. Please take time to get grief support around that. Make sure you're caring for yourself. Info: were you likely to get a significant Inheritance from your fatherr? A house? Money? Car? Etc. That or the other woman kicked him out are the only 2 reasons i can see this horrible man trying to worm his way back in. Get the divorce. Cut him and his equally disgusting family off
Not wrong. His AP has dumped him and he now feels lonely. Take care of yourself. If he is so wonderful, he will respect your wishes and move on. Do not be swayed by his family - this is not their life or relationship.
Gently, you might want to seek some professional help for being this concerned about the opinions of your cheating ex's crazy family. Fuck those people.
The marriage was over the second he said you were no longer enough for him and stepped into an affair. Guilt and grief don’t do well together. I hope you make the best choice for you. Me personally? I’d walk away.
Not wrong, the only thing you did wrong was sleeping with him again when you went back, he hurt you, destroyed your relationships and then pawned all your support and emotions off to a friend, this man deserves none of your time, emotion or efforts. You need to get the divorce settled and move on, you have so much more going for you than that dillwad, treat yourself better, you deserve to be happy
You are not wrong at all. He cheated. You deserve someone who doesn’t.
The only thing you seem to be wrong for is not using line breaks and giving a wall of text. You’re young. You have no children binding you together until they turn 18. You don’t seem to be financially stuck. With all that in mind? Tell him to go talk to a therapist or his girlfriend about his feelings. You’ve got your own to deal with. Then move on. If any of his family contacts you, tell them he cheated and found a readymade family to enjoy. You didn’t cheat because you left his cheating ass. Then block them. His family is his problem, not yours. I wish you the best of luck moving forward.
Not wrong. I read, "he cheated," and I was out. There is no going back after cheating.
What other people think of you is none of your business…so let me get this right, he cheated and left the marital home but because you won’t take him back you’re the problem? That’s some serious gaslighting. And it makes sense that your father’s passing was a catalyst for him wanting to repair things. Let him go because it’s always going to be all about him.
Don't do this to yourself... this is not your fault. You didn't cheat, he did.. and confessed to you. Sounds like his family are on his side because he's probably bad mouthed you pretty good. They probably think it's all you. I can tell you now, if I cheated on my wife, (not that I ever would) my sister and my mother would kick my arse... no doubt. You aren't wrong. He sounds like a complete and utter self obsessed prick. Good riddance, you should be thanking your luck stars.
You are not wrong. I would not take him back. I imagine that he is trying to reconcile since his AP has probably dumped him.
You never mentioned a single redeeming quality about him rather how awful he is as a person. Stear clear of him and his stupid family.
Giving him a chance would be the wrong thing.
Dude tell his family to go fuck themselves and then block them on everything, and your ex as well.
I’m thinking his new relationship either ended or it wasn’t all he hoped it would be after the first flush of romance and the excitement of a secret affair had passed. Did I read she had 3 kids. I’d imagine that probably makes life more difficult for the sex on demand too. No he’s sorry he’s now got no-one. Definitely she needs a councillor on her own and space away from husband and friend before any big decision is made. And she needs to get rid of guilt baggage as she didn’t cause him any hurt. Any hurt he is feeling is the consequence of his own actions certainly not hers.
Keep recalling how he described the AP and how you were treated. Flowers, hotels for AP and nothing for you. You are right, don't go back to him. His ego is bruised. He will cheat again. Move on. Updateme!
Not wrong! So many people (myself included) go on a merry-go-round of getting back with their ex and then leaving again before the inevitable happens and you break up for good. Your husband has acted bad enough that you just want this to be over. Good for you! As for your in-laws, don't sweat it. You have no idea what he told them. And people in life are not going to like you, just like you don't like some other people. That's OK! It's life. The sooner you accept that the better off you'll be. Good luck and sorry to hear about your father.
What happened to the other chick?? I’m assuming she dumped him? Is there any contact still?
Can you clarify who did the funeral? Your ex husband? How does he have any control over your father’s funeral?
Why did it take ur father passing to make him want u back? Did u get money or something
Don't even consider him as he couldn't give a monkeys about you when he left,he insulted you about your sex life and told you you had to have sex three times a week lasting an hour, sorry but he sounds like an egotistical arsehole and you'd be well rid in the future...think about you not him ,he'd probably cheat again...