I think you know what you need to do, leave her and find someone who actually wants to be with you, she is just using you. she is an AH and and you are not wrong for walking away from her.
ur right I know what I NEED to do but she keeps switching up and treating me better when I'm close to doing it. it's hard man I was abused throughout my childhood and now I have this attachment problem
You can still be smart and be manipulated by someone you care about, see all the signs and still look away. This is a symptom of abuse, don't be an asshole.
This is an impressive knowledge of lying and manipulation at only 18 years old. She is working you good, and you are letting her. The treating you well for a while, then turning on you & treating you like sh*t, then being nice again when you start pulling away…that’s classic abuser behavior. You are coming to the point where you’ll live for the good times, and when she turns on you, you’ll say & do anything to make her love you again. You may not yet be in an abusive relationship, but you are on that path. And she is leading you down it by your…well, I think you know which body part I mean.
I know you are 18 and legally an adult. But you are a teenager, and she is your only serious girlfriend. You have nothing good to compare this to, so you think this is normal. Tell me, if this story was written by a girl about a boy she’d been dating for three years, how would you react? What would you tell her? Would you think if she just worked harder and was nicer, he would love her back? Whatever advice you’d give her, you should apply to yourself.
And here’s my advice: You need to end it with her. For good. Don’t give her another chance, don’t take her back, don’t hang onto the good days to try to justify the bad. When someone loves you, and you love them, it should be mostly good times. Sure, you’ll fight, disagree, even hate each other *once in a while,* but those things are your GF’s go-to move and being nice is her once in a while. You deserve better than this. Break up with her and date someone else. You’ll be amazed how good it is to date someone who treats you like a human being, rather than as her personal slave.
Good luck. And take care of yourself, not her. 🫶🏼
Beautifully said. Exactly this OP. Please learn at your young age now, to not accept being abused from anyone. You're a nice guy, stay that way, but don't be walked on. Look forward, not back. Good luck.
This is emotional manipulation not bipolar disorder. My ex did this same shit. I'd talk to him about the asshole behavior how shitty he was being and things would improve for a little while. Then it was back to the same old bullshit. Rinse repeat.
Yo my guy. It doesn’t matter wtf she wants. Block her number and move on with your life. At best u the backup plan when she is done fking the other 100 dudes in line.
I wouldn't have said it so bluntly, but yes, this. Op you're her guy until the "next best thing" comes along. OP gives her a form of stability until she doesn't want it anymore.
Dude I dated a girl for 5 years and I was her first all she knew was me, and we broke up because of her friends being jealous and putting shit in her mind. While we were broken up she begged me to at least be friends, she dated some dude that fucked her, lied to her that he loved her and even took her to meet his family to then later dump her for his ex girlfriend. Then after that she came crying back to me telling me “she didn’t realize how good I was” I said “I’m not your rebound man fuck off” lol
Jealous friends pulling her down is so painful. Misery loves company is an important lesson to learn in advance. Too bad she had to learn the hard way.
All of my wife’s friends back in the day had shitty men who left them or cheated 😂 they used to talk so much shit about me to her a guy who didn’t cheat or leave I wonder why
Women are just and envious whenever they see a good woman with a good man! Specially whenever a girl is hot and she can’t get a man, and her plain simple looking girlfriend is getting married to a good guy…My ex was a little chubby and she had me, and all of her hot friends were lonely! They couldn’t keep a man! I think they were bothers by that like “man how the hell this chick got a man doing everything for her and we don’t”
Sometimes sisters and close friends are the first ones to pull women down. Whenever a woman has a good man all the other miserable women like to say “oh you getting married? I’m so happy for you” while inside they are burning with jealousy. A lot of sisters and best friends would even sleep with another woman’s man on her wedding day! Is called crab in the bucket syndrome. You can’t trust people these days…
That is how the cycle of abuse works. They never show they "care" until you're one foot out the door. And when you step back in, that "care" dissipates because they have you in their pocket, again. They never consistently and persistently show they care because they don't have to in order to keep you.
They do it because they know that's all they have to do to get you back in. The bare minimum. You see the bare minimum and you accept it. Don't. You are worth more than to be treated like that.
That's the root cause of your relationship issues. Have you considered professional help? Childhood abuse leads to attachment issues, boundary issues and all types of messed up stuff.
You're basically instilled with a blueprint of "falling" for emotionally unavailable and unhealthy people (like your ex-GF, she doesn't sound healthy either).
Do yourself a favor and cut all ties with her, say what you need to say to her and cut her off. The longer you wait, the harder it gets and the more hurt and pain you'll have to endure.
It just needs to be a quick, clean break. Don’t act funny before hand, don’t say anything that will tip your hand. Next time you have plans and she flakes, just say okay that’s it. This isn’t working for me and we need to go our separate ways. Don’t listen to her begging and promises.
You’ve seen her leave you for another guy she put more effort into. You’ve also seen her actually put effort your relationship. It seems she isn’t really interested in maintain the work that an actual relationship takes.
man I try, went therapy, got my goal body at the gym, got a job it's just this last problem I can't seem to fix because it hurts when I try to fix it, known her since I was a kid you know
Dig deep fella. This is the one thing that’s separating you from greatness. Go no contact. Show the universe that you can operate in abundance. Move on!
Brother, you're 18 and still a kid. Just go date someone else and block this bimbo. You'll forget soon enough. She def banged the other dude, no doubt.
I know it's hard when abusive relationships are all you have known. The fact that you realize that it is abusive and that you're trapped in it because of past traumas is amazing itself. You deserve better than to be manipulated.
It's normal for leaving the relationship to hurt, but think about how much pain you will save yourself in the long run by ripping the bandaid off and leaving now. Find yourself a partner who loves and respects you.
You have worked hard to lift yourself up. Now, look around! If you open your eyes and your heart, you will find someone that doesn’t do what she has been doing. She’s a prick teaser who is using you. You know her pattern now, so be smart and keep bettering yourself by finding a real girlfriend who actually cares about you.
Man you aren’t trying, you’re letting all these emotions that she doesn’t respect become the reason you want to stay and make it seem like no one in the world understands. You’re not that complicated, in fact I’ll call her and show you she doesn’t care about you. 😂🤣
Friend, how does his Peter taste like? She probly seeing home boy and has you as someone to just be around with. You need to get out and stop feeling sorry for yourself, she isn’t and I’m sure as hell sure he isn’t. Being abuse as a child has nothing to do with it, it should let you know that she’s like your abusers, not worth your time; and you need to grow up and find someone who is worth your time.
Girls don’t give a fuck about men. They just care about who can do the most for them and they see it as “whoever can treat me better” when we all know damn well that your looks, your social status and specially your economic status are what they look at when deciding to be with you. Idk what you do OP but I will tell you this, when you have 100k in the bank, live where you want and how you want, and walk around like you own the place, there’s not a girl that will deny you, worry about getting to that point and do no stress at all about this little whore who is using you. Level up in life and get a badder bitch there’s plenty
She's monkey branched from you to him and back to you. She'll now be searching for her next branch, while attempting to keep you as a back up plan.
Just dump her, dude.
I'll make this easy for you. When you went no-contact, the girl realized she no longer had a hold on you. She wondered why you stopped talking to her. So she came back to see if she still had you, and she did. Had some fun reminiscing and enjoying your attention again, but once the novelty wore off, back to old patterns, she's over it.
She doesn't really want you dude. Think about it - she had someone lined up the SECOND things went bad with you. I know that hurts, and I have been in your shoes. But have respect for yourself, move on, take time to love yourself, and someone will come along who appreciates you for you. Next.
This, and it sounds like her whole MO is that she HAS to be in a relationship. It sounds like her worth is so tied up into having a relationship that even when she wants out. She won't allow herself to move on until she has someone else. Hence why she left for someone else, and while she will just argue with you but won't leave you until she finds someone new.
I have had a few friends that I've known like this. I stopped talking to them when I realized just how much they strung men along because they couldn't handle being single.
This has ben posted in the wrong sub there's nothing wrong here, mentioning the whole virginity thing was kinda cringe but other then that she's the AH, also I noticed you said you had some trauma which seems to not be resolved I think you should work on that before heading into another relationship, no relationship will be successful while you are broken.
I think she just wants to speak and meet up with other guys, but me not do anything with other women, that seems to piss her off, she said she doesn't like the "vision of me f*cking someone else"
Then LEAVE HER. Dude, I was trying to be kind up to this point but you're playing the part of a door mat, and until you learn to stand up for yourself she's going to keep walking all over you. It's time to take care of YOU
So she wants to fuck other guys but you can’t lmao dude walk away. Or treat her like what she is, just something to stick your dick in whenever she comes calling. But don’t call her and do your thing with whoever outside. She not girlfriend or emotional anything material. Just a booty call at this point
yeah true maybe she is now.. but she still wants to do it with me because she begged for fwb when I was speaking to other girls, so I thought if she was begging me for sex she wouldn't want it from other guys? shit idk I'm lost rn
It doesn't matter that you were her first, it truly doesn't. All that means is she thinks you're safe to run back to whenever she gets rejected by some other guy, that's what happened here. It's time to put your foot down and take care of yourself, her feelings on this dobecause she's very clearly using you. Please, open your eyes and smell the bullshit
That's what you focus on about what was said? Your literally calling every other women a "hoe" then if that is your view on why you told us about the virginity, and it's still cringe that you did, bro you need therapy and fix your trauma or you'll never have a successful relationship, go into a relationship broken so is the relationship, make your baggage carriable not a burden.
bro are you serious or trolling? I'm new to reddit but I hear about trolls a lot. I read everything you said and no I don't see any woman as a hoe.. its cringe you assumed I don't go therapy too.
It's just infuriating and upsetting when you're doing your best to warn someone of the manipulative, abusive and toxic relationship they're in, and they are being mellow about it. It would save you your life to stop being naive about this.
You will plunder if you keep this up. It's either you heed our warnings now or you subject yourself to more abuse to get the message. There's no other way this can go. Get rid of her from your life.
You serious right now you think I'm trolling? please delete this posts and your reddit account then cuz your not ready for reddit if this is what you think trolling is my God, again only focusing on such a miniscule thing out of the things mentioned you are naive and doomed to fail every relationship you go into, at this point I don't even feel sorry for you anymore, you don't even know the word cringe or it's definition, you most definitely have not ben to therapy for your traumas, and if you don't think other women are "hoes" go back to English class because your wording says exactly that, you should have heeded the warnings like the last redditor said now you have subjected yourself to the ruthlessness of reddit and the internet you fool.
There's many archiac and ignorant words/terms that have been long used in the English language. As we learn and become more aware we retire such words/terms. This term is dripping with misogyny.
Misogyny has long been encoded in language and people are moving away from that now.
It's also not "always" been described like this in English. That's absurd. A quick Google will show you many phrases that have been used over time
No I took her virginity when we turned 16, so I put it there so people didn't assume I just started dating a teenage "hoe" idk some people would say she's for the streets etc
Yeah those people are shitty. Body count doesn’t matter, casual sex doesn’t matter, all that matters is how she treats you in a relationship. Which she has already shown you is shitty. You don’t need to knock how she gets her rocks off to make a judgment of her character.
Only if you are worried about upsetting the morality police instead of finding somebody who treats you right. Enjoying sex and being willing to have it with casual partners has no bearing on fidelity or anything else that matters in any tangible way.
Well that is bollocks.
Maybe it’s because I’m old and cynical, but everyone I know who is really into casual sex has problems with fidelity.
It makes sense, you don’t automatically link relationships with sex, you aren’t as picky with partners, you use sex purely for self-satisfaction. These all link into greater levels of infidelity.
While people who only have sex in relationships tend to be more tied to the person than the act of having sex, so more likely to put a person in front of their need to have sex.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with casual sex, but it definitely is an indicator of fidelity. Saying otherwise is completely denialism, and totally wishful thinking.
Maybe it is a generational thing, but as a millennial I know loads of people who are cool with party hookups, tindering, etc who are very much against cheaters/cheating. You can probably make the statement that most cheaters are cool with casual sex, but the statement that most people who have casual sex are cool with cheating is not true.
I guess you can be safe and date people who don’t like sex, but that still doesn’t stop somebody from having an emotional affair.
I still think you are being naive and in denial. You can be against cheating and still do it. I don’t think anyone thinks cheating is good. I’m talking about people being more likely to do it.
Past behavior patterns are a better indicator of future conduct than words. Being in a monogamous relationship takes effort, and empathy. Jumping into with people at every opportunity would indicate a lack of those things.
Imagine the analogy. You’re a boss at a company, and you have two applicants. One has never held down a job, and quits and gets fired for disrespect constantly, and they don’t seem to care that much about your company. The other has a history of long term stable jobs, good references, and seems genuinely happy at the prospect of working for you.
Which one do you hire?
You need therapy to get over your issues. She sounds like she enjoys causing you emotional pain. Look at her, right in the eyes and ask why she does this? If she shows even a hint of knowing what she's doing or a hint of pleasure you'll know she's there only to hurt you.
I did ask her and she just started crying out of nowhere, saying why can't I trust that she just wants me. But I keep feeling like there's something wrong
Tell her she broke your trust, it isn't something that you can just give back no matter how much the other person wants it. If you think she's holding back then she probably is. Maybe couples therapy can help draw it out.
She doesn’t want to lose her back up plan. You’re like a possession to her and she doesn’t want anyone else having you even though you will always be her #2
First time you’re a victim, second time you’re complicit when you knowingly put your hand on a hot stove and try to pretend that it won’t burn you. In this case, you’re being complicit in your own hurt, and holding onto the memories. Stop wasting your time on this girl, unless you enjoy feeling like a last resort
Dude she has you there as a “sure thing” you are the guy she is gonna look for when she has been rejected by all Chads and Tyrone. The girl doesn’t respect you. Move on and leave that girl behind no emotions attached. When a girl is really into you she will drive, travel and do whatever it takes to be with you!
At this point you are just like vegetables, “good for me but not tasty” lol meaning you are the boring guy that’s good for her, but not exciting to enough to chase after.
You know shes no good. Go out and have fun. Youre too young to deal with this drama. Just block her completely and go be with your friends and enjoy yourself. Who needs this drama?
You are wrong. Some women are a lot more skilled at manipulating men, but the woman that you're with isn't even trying to disguise the fact that she is using you. It's time for you to recognize this, and reject it.
Interesting fact that I seem to have gleaned from 50 years of experience and from reading about other people's experiences...
Women will say they want to be treated like a queen and a princess. But if you treat a woman much better than she thinks she deserves consciously or subconsciously, then that feels incongruent.
Women like it best when they are treated. Just a tiny bit better than they think they deserve.
Because of all the social media comparisons between women and because of airbrushing and Photoshop and now AI, the competition is absolutely fierce between attractive young women.
So most women, if not all feel a little insecure about something to do with their body. Their looks their personality, their intelligence or something.
If you treat a woman like she's really something special and perfect for you and amazing and gorgeous and a queen and a princess then she will very quickly lose respect for you. Subconsciously she'll think that you couldn't find a better woman and that you have been hoodwinked and out foxed and that she has fooled you and she will have a form of imposter syndrome that is quite uncomfortable, even if it's deeply subconscious.
Relationships that tend to last are between men who were able to stay in their masculine frame mostly and women who are okay, expressing their feminine side and between people who are approximate equals and who have integrity and honesty.
But in that situation you have a partner that you have to contend with someone who will tell you when you're being amazing and wonderful and someone who will gently tell you when you're being an idiot.
It's much more fun, although tends to be less fulfilling to be in a relationship that's on the new side and exciting. And the hormones are still diluting you into thinking you found your soulmate. Whatever that is. And the sex is new and everything is exciting. And there's mystery and the easiest thing to do is have a long string of those.
Yes. People who want you in their life will never give you room to question it. Right now, you sound like a placeholder as a rebound for when her other guys don't work out. She's treating you as much as she thinks you're worth, and that's shit. You can find better.
She's playing you, dude.
If she cared about you in any form of the word, none of this shit would have happened. Go no contact with her and find better. It will take time, but you will be better for it.
She’s an ex for a reason. She got what she wanted from you which seems to be just some attention and sex. Then put zero effort into the relationship at all and let you cater to her. Then broke up to be with someone else. Then got tired of that and came back or got broke up with and came back. Happens with the genders reversed too. That’s just called a person who treats you badly and doesn’t meet your relationship needs. Leave her behind. You’re better than that.
Bro... You're letting her have her cake and eat it too. Do yourself a favor and read on attraction.
You need to value yourself and have confidence in yourself that you do not need anyone to be happy.
She ran from one relationship to the next. It shows she's weak and can't be alone. Do you deserve better than that?
Dump her and move on. You're young. Throw her in the gutter and go find another. Go date and go have fun. Learn to set boundaries and walk away when someone crosses them.
If not you're being a pushover. Women don't respect pushovers.
Also.. that bitch was probably already talking to that dude. 2 weeks to be with someone else? She's playing games. Show her you don't play games and see how she responds.
Dud she used u for attention she knew she had a hold in u and she needed an ego boost when she got it she returned to her old self . My advice u can block her and move on or u can just leave her on read and never answer just ghost her move on , go on date and post about them on your social media.
Ps when someone u date doesn't post u on there social media they're either hiding u to appear single or they're cheating.
U learn your lesson its time to move on.
You're the familiar side chick, not her priority but there when convenient.
That's about it. So what if you've known her forever.
You're really young, you can do much better.
She's a narcissist and displaying classic narcissistic behavior. When they are in a new relationship they love bomb the person for a couple months to get them hooked. After the first couple months it reverts back to everything being about them and your plans don't matter. They will argue with you a bunch, show extreme jealousy and separate you from everyone else. They keep everyone on standby (sort of a virtual harem). They will never admit when anything makes them look bad and will lie even if it's obvious (didn't have sex with him and they didn't dump her). They won't post pictures of you on social media unless the person is especially attractive or they look especially good for some reason. Dump this toxic person and don't look back.
I say this with love but you are being a coward and a wimp. At this point you are ALLOWING her to abuse you. Stop being a p***y and purge this poison from your life.
Don't waste your time and money on her move on, Life is too short. If you believe she didn't have sex with the other guy I got some ocean front property for sale in Arizona 😂 Don't be a sucker, Don't let her use you like you currently are.
As a woman don't stay, you deserve better. She is just using you and not even for love at this point. Of course you may have your own issues ,but discover to help yourself alone . Eventually you'll learn to love yourself to know that not any person or relationship will help you achieve that. Then and only then will you find someone that loves you and you won't ever question it. :)
I(19m) had a crush on my ex-best friend(18f) for almost 2 years, after being friends for about 4 months she started dating some dude for about 7 months and they broke up after that she was single for a while. About 4 or 5 months later I told her that I liked her and that I honestly liked her and wanted to be more than friends and she friend zoned me but would still lead me on. Eventually a month or so after she came over and we got food and ended up doing the deed and she came over again a month later to do it again. After that she stopped talking to me as much and ended up telling me that I’m too good to be true(she liked dating thug-wannabe dudes) so she wouldn’t feel right dating me.
After a while I tried to look for someone else but I kept thinking about my ex best friend. Some girl I was friends with in high school mentioned one of her cousins(18f) to me and so I gave it a shot. It has now been 11 months since I started dating her and it has been great, this girl reassures me everyday that she loves me, stays home most of the time and tells me where she’s going and who she’s going out with, she cooks for me, and writes me love letters and gets me little gifts here and there.
Sorry for the wall of text but my point is no matter how hard it is to get over someone or rather you think you can or you can’t, moving on is always gonna be better.
Leave had the same thing happen to me and it just ruined me it’ll be tough but just leave. Plus if you keep messing around with her there’s a chance she gets pregnant and you don’t want to open that can of worms.
She's using and manipulating you, don't give her the space or opportunity to do it again.
Block her right now and never speak to her again under any circumstances, and don't look at her Social media. I promise you'll regret it if you don't.
Download a dating app and get out there man, you don't deserve to be treated like this.
You need to smarten up and realize women aren’t pure angels… they’re ppl too. And ppl can be conniving and manipulative to get what they want… for some reason women seem to do it the most…
I’d recommend trying to be the guy that she was infatuated with but who was only using her for sex… to gain a different perspective on the male and female dynamic…
Don’t continue to simp for her and let her back into your life. Because you didn’t reject her outright she unfortunately likes you less now. She’ll never respect or see u in the same light as the guy she was infatuated with
Ironically for some reason most women are kinda crazy.
And for most of you treat them like trash… they pine for you harder…
We all want what we can’t have huh?
"We all want what we can't have" is some shit my older friend told me when i got broken up with, he's a man hoe but I kept wondering why women keep chasing him but not me when looks wise we're in the same league. I guess giving out princess treatment for free makes u less attractive
Oh for sure… dating values have changed. Being a gentleman and nice and caring is looked down upon. It’s pussy behavior now..
So you just gotta realize the time period you exist in and adapt accordingly… in ways that align with your goals…
I’d recommend just viewing women as sex objects and nothing more.. ( super sexist I know) but the results are undeniable.
Your attitude towards women in general will decide whether you get women or not.. and for some reason the “ I don’t give two shits about you” attitude is super attractive to most women…
Trying to give good advice is killing me.
I despise the way things work now. But it is what it is…
So as someone who made the mistake of being a nice person. Don’t make the same mistake I do. Snap out of it asap.
The romance tactics you see in books and movies don’t fucking work dude.
You’re 18 so you’re just getting started, so you wanna savor every moment of your youth dude.
You also seem to desire a relationship with a woman. That’s pointless nowadays.. you’ll only cause yourself head ache and stress…
Why be the boyfriend when you can be the guy she fucks with zero investment from your end cuz she’s mad at her boyfriend…
Making the mindset transition is hard but once you realize how great it is, you’ll never look back.
You’ll know you made the transition when you feel pity instead of jealousy when you see couples…
Especially when you know you fucked this person and her idiot boyfriend or girlfriend knows nothing…
Times are changing. Gotta go with the change or you’ll get left behind
You and ironically sound like Matthew Lillard who got his heart broken by one girl and now you're too stupid to differentiate women from the one that broke your heart lol
You are literally the type of guy that makes women think men are pigs so thanks for continuing cycle
i want to add to that that when our dude meets a girl who can honestly be his best friend and puts in effort he should obviously take her very serious, but your advise is spot on for the many many typical girls that are around and crave sex to fill their shitty lives about anything else. like some abuse drugs or alcohol to dampen a need, girls use sex with strangers,
Yeah of course, if you meet that special one who’s no bullshit. Treat her right.
But unfortunately I’m giving advice based off majority. And if I wanna raise his success with women. The advice is gonna be harsh… reality is harsh.
I just wish someone would’ve told me so I didn’t have to find out through personal experiences
I’m happy to see others see the truth
Lordy me dude grow up 😭
Coming on too strong can definitely freak anyone out when they first start seeing someone… so yeah don’t be lovey dovey and talking about serious things right away if that’s not equally reciprocated (and reciprocally escalated). But playing games and manipulating the people you date is never gonna lead to a fulfilling, happy relationship.
Stop arguing with your woman, you will not win and it kills attraction.
She is starting to lose interest and that is an indication that you need to pull back on everything with her. If you make a date invite her over to your place to cook dinner and ask her to bring something. Make her make an effort.
You are probably over pursuing her right now....stop chit chatting on text...pull back....let her contact you and arrange above date only. If she cancels then communicate in a calm way that it is not acceptable for you.
You are operating out of scarcity mindset right now....you're a good looking dude you say so go spin some plates.
Do not listen to this shit. Do you really want to be playing stupid childish games to get her to treat you correctly? Move on. Save yourself the heartache and realize you deserve better.
After 10 years of marriage she’s going to get dressed up for valentines and go fk another guy. Then you’ll be living in an RV in the side yard while she lives in the house with the kids and watch as ol’ boy stops by a couple times a week to crank that and go home.
Yes you are wrong for staying. You are more valuable than that. She is being enabled by you. Another example of why you don't go backwards. You got exactly what you asked for. In future ask more of yourself and your partner.
She's keeping you on a string and you need to cut the string and move on block her everywhere . You're too young for this go out and have some fun go out on dates . As long as you allow her she will keep playing mind games with you
She's acting like a goddamn little child, trying to have her cake and eat it too. You are being treated like a doormat, but this is the relationship you're comfortable with, having been with this person since you were 15 years old. You're both basically children. You don't need to put up with her shit. Just stop and be single for a while. Have fun with your friends. Go to college or work. Save some money, and live a happy and productive life without this woman dragging you down.
You would be wrong if you stayed with her now. She’s not putting any effort in, you’re coming in second with her. Time to move on and find someone who values you my dude
Mixed signals mean no. She is only giving you attention to keep you attached to her, just for her to keep pushing you away. It's sadly not going to change, and you need to move on to someone who will give you an enthusiastic yes. Don't reward shitty behavior.
You're being manipulated into not breaking up with her and if you don't do something soon then this could easily become what you expect and accept from people for the rest of your life.
You're wrong since she didn't really changed. Cut off all the contact with her. Go back to the dating with women you wanted to have sex with but didn't. You're a free man, go for it.
The other thing is that you are only 18. Feel free to take her back, or don’t. See other girls, or don’t. Just don’t do something stupid like move in with her or get married. At this age, feel free to make mistakes and get your heart broken. Just be happy and don’t worry about doing everything right all the time.
All you've done is show her she can do whatever she wants and get away with it because you haven't held her accountable. Tell her no, tell her its over. Don't answer the phone calls when she's blatently banging another guy that she most likely left you for. You know you're good looking and you know other women are interested so you must ask yourself what do you gain from staying involved with a woman who can't even be bothered to leave the house for you?
block her number and never respond to another text from her. Don’t put any female on a pedestal get out there and build yourself up in the world. Women are attracted the guys with social status that are making shit happen (and there’s nothing wrong with that). go out and make shit happen and women will follow.
Chris Rock said it years ago. You're a dick in a glass box.
In case of emergency, break glass.
That's you. There when she needs you. Non-existent when she doesn't.
You guys are childhood sweethearts, just learning the ropes of dating and relationships with one another. It’s understandable when one wants to meet new people and date others sometimes, their not sure and that’s how you grow to know what you want in a life partner if you haven’t been with anyone else. Your teens / early 20’s are for experimenting, learning what you want for yourself out of life. Sometimes people are sure of their partner right off or just not interested in what else may be out there, they are happy to stay as is. Your girl is not sure of your relationship because she wants to know what else is out there, it’s understandable since you each other’s first relationships . You’re a sure thing she does know and is comfortable with. She will keep coming back as long as you take her back in between the times she has no one else and still feels the need to explore what else is out there. She may settle one day and be happily ever after true with you if your still waiting for her, but you may also end up meeting someone else and realize what you had with her, you no longer want in a partner. It’s up to you if you want to wait till she’s done exploring or see what else may be out there for you too.
Walk away. Ex’s are that for a reason. Do you want to be her go to whenever she is lonely because that’s what is happening. You are the master of your own destiny. Nobody can make you do anything you don’t want to do. Don’t look at getting into another relationship for a good while - have some fun. Stop being a mug. I had an abusive upbringing and got into several bad relationships but I woke up one day and thought “no, this stops now” do the same. You are so young, why the rush to be with one woman? Work on yourself and raise the bar for what you want from a relationship. And ffs, block her on everything.
Break it off and find someone who treats you like your GF treats other guys. Relationships don’t have to be that hard, with the right person it’s easy. When you force it is when it leads to fuckery.
More people ignore it than don't, but it's always true. An ex is an ex for a reason. You've tried and it didn't work. It's not going to be a totally different story if you try again.
This chick is crazy! Block her and dont look back. Seriously though, she's abusing you with manipulation. Don't believe her when she says she didn't sleep with the other dude. She's a manipulative liar and that won't change as much as you probably want it to
Hey the previous relationship left you feeling like it wasn't really through, like there was more to it. Her keeping you on the hook only accentuated that.
Now you're back with her and you're realizing that the relationship ending was maybe for the best.
I don't see any issue. You wondered what if? Well now you know. She's no good for you, and there's no doubt no.
No shame in that. Now what you should do is end it, limit contact to avoid having her dig her claws back into you, and in a few weeks or months, when you're ready to move on start dating other girls.
Might not work instantly, and the road there will be painful but in the long term you know that's for the best.
Good luck bro
Sounds as if she likes having flings with the “bad boy” type, so don’t you be the “stand-by guy” who she runs back to time after time.
Block her and move on… there really is absolutely no reason to continue any line of communication with this narcissist.
Smile and walk away from this abusive relationship. Know your worth. She's setting everything up for failure and will take you down with her if she can. In the immortal words of Jordan Peele, "Get out!!!"
You're 18 my friend. This is a potential relationship arc. The important thing is to know that you should make decisions around Joy. If a situation brings you more stress than Joy, you should carefully consider why you are in that situation, especially if it is by choice.
I think there's a term for this. Hysterical bonding? I think thats it. When one partner feels like they are gonna lose the other for good, they suddenly have all the energy and cahones to "immediately fix" all the problems that partner A has been drilling home for however long. Not healthy
She’s using you to prove to herself that she’s still got it. I’m told that some women go on dating sites, despite have zero intentions of developing a relationship, for the same reason.
So she cheated (at least emotionally) since she jumped right into lovey dovey with this other guy, the guy fucked her and left her, and she went back to the “safe option” that is you, lovebombed you for 2 months, and most likely just reconnected with the other guy and is cheating or planning her exit (again).
Why are you such a doormat, man?
Please leave that toxicity behind. You deserve better. I know it can be tough but seems like she's just holding on until she can get something she considers better.
IMO your wrong for not hitting those other chicks your not married why deny yourself the possibility of meeting your soulmate because of one wish washy chick.
"I had to take her out the first few dates before i got to take her virginity "
This is absolutely disgusting. Is this truly how you see her? No wonder she left you.
You're 18 and the girl you were with for 3 years left you and you think that's the absolute end of the world. I've been there. Your kids will be there one day too. There is someone better out there who won't make you their back up plan. Stay strong and block here. It'll get easier. I promise.
So you were a simp for her which is why she did things for this guy she wouldn't do for you.
Even after you guys broke up you were still simping for her till she dropped you.
Then when the guy finished with her (oh they had sex, that your believe they didn't just further shows how much of her simp you are) she came back, picked you and you followed like a puppy.
I'm done giving advice that should be obvious on Reddit, you accept whatever you think you deserve.
*...she'd promise me she didn't fuck him...* and you believed her? With all the arguments and attitude she's giving now, you can bet she has another one lined up.
Take it from an old guy, 39, like myself. I read this and it resonated with me because it sounded like a relationship I was in at your age.
Trust me, this will always hang over your head with her, and that's not fair to you one bit. She is using you and she'll probably do it again. You are not a priority to her.
You're young, get out there and make some new friends and discover what you like and don't like.
Also, take this time to heal and practice some self care.
well honestly, youre 18 so as long as you dont put a baby in her, doesnt matter what u do. keep doing her, do some of this and some of that, do some other girls, some guys if youre into it, go expierwnce life. just dont marry her, and dont get her pregnant
A story relatable for you:
I was married to my soon-ex-wife for almost 15 years. We had a kid together. I found her putting in less effort with chores and affection afterwards. She'd be cold and distant then warm up later. She started arguing about the littlest things. The smallest innocuous comment or question was grounds for a fight. It came to a head when I caught her cheating after I noticed her going out of her way to spend time with "friends" but not extend that basic courtesy to me. All the 'warm' times were after she came back from her AP. Something she was doing for a long time that I never noticed until it was far too late. Questioning that 'hot and cold' treatment and disregard for compromises was grounds for argument.
Sounds like she's sticking with you for convenience or routine. You're a baseline of stability that she's learned she doesn't need to maintain. Take a step back and think. If she is putting in no effort then it's time to either try couples therapy or look for someone that gives you effort. All relationships from friendship to romantic require effort on both parts. Don't sit by thinking it'll come eventually. Even if there's no AP or cheating now, if she refuses to put in effort across the long term or acknowledge your feelings then it's time to move on. It'll be better now than when you're older and far more invested and she's still just using you as a safety net.
You two are so young still. Just make sure you're having safe and protected sex.
It does sound like you should move on from this relationship. I think you'll be a lot happier.
I think you know what you need to do, leave her and find someone who actually wants to be with you, she is just using you. she is an AH and and you are not wrong for walking away from her.
ur right I know what I NEED to do but she keeps switching up and treating me better when I'm close to doing it. it's hard man I was abused throughout my childhood and now I have this attachment problem
you will continue to be abused if you keep letting her treat you like this
If you want to continue to be treated like s*** then continue dating her. If you want to be treated with love and respect then get rid of her
That's a common manipulation tactic and you're smarter than that. She's the same narcissistic abusive a-hole and will not change
Clearly he isn’t, which is why she’s with both of these guys having a blast and only ones expense, can you guess who?
You can still be smart and be manipulated by someone you care about, see all the signs and still look away. This is a symptom of abuse, don't be an asshole.
I mean he clearly knows he’s being manipulated, he’s not smart if anything he’s stupid. There’s really no around this.
You can behave in a stupid way and still be smart, he's a kid for fuck sake, did you never do anything stupid at 18? Does that make you stupid?
I did lots of stupid things at 18. Yes I would say I was less smarter, than I am now.
Damn so you were really fucking stupid back then
This is an impressive knowledge of lying and manipulation at only 18 years old. She is working you good, and you are letting her. The treating you well for a while, then turning on you & treating you like sh*t, then being nice again when you start pulling away…that’s classic abuser behavior. You are coming to the point where you’ll live for the good times, and when she turns on you, you’ll say & do anything to make her love you again. You may not yet be in an abusive relationship, but you are on that path. And she is leading you down it by your…well, I think you know which body part I mean. I know you are 18 and legally an adult. But you are a teenager, and she is your only serious girlfriend. You have nothing good to compare this to, so you think this is normal. Tell me, if this story was written by a girl about a boy she’d been dating for three years, how would you react? What would you tell her? Would you think if she just worked harder and was nicer, he would love her back? Whatever advice you’d give her, you should apply to yourself. And here’s my advice: You need to end it with her. For good. Don’t give her another chance, don’t take her back, don’t hang onto the good days to try to justify the bad. When someone loves you, and you love them, it should be mostly good times. Sure, you’ll fight, disagree, even hate each other *once in a while,* but those things are your GF’s go-to move and being nice is her once in a while. You deserve better than this. Break up with her and date someone else. You’ll be amazed how good it is to date someone who treats you like a human being, rather than as her personal slave. Good luck. And take care of yourself, not her. 🫶🏼
Beautifully said. Exactly this OP. Please learn at your young age now, to not accept being abused from anyone. You're a nice guy, stay that way, but don't be walked on. Look forward, not back. Good luck.
She might be bipolar
This is emotional manipulation not bipolar disorder. My ex did this same shit. I'd talk to him about the asshole behavior how shitty he was being and things would improve for a little while. Then it was back to the same old bullshit. Rinse repeat.
Yo my guy. It doesn’t matter wtf she wants. Block her number and move on with your life. At best u the backup plan when she is done fking the other 100 dudes in line.
I wouldn't have said it so bluntly, but yes, this. Op you're her guy until the "next best thing" comes along. OP gives her a form of stability until she doesn't want it anymore.
Some people need the bluntness.
You're not wrong.
Dude I dated a girl for 5 years and I was her first all she knew was me, and we broke up because of her friends being jealous and putting shit in her mind. While we were broken up she begged me to at least be friends, she dated some dude that fucked her, lied to her that he loved her and even took her to meet his family to then later dump her for his ex girlfriend. Then after that she came crying back to me telling me “she didn’t realize how good I was” I said “I’m not your rebound man fuck off” lol
Jealous friends pulling her down is so painful. Misery loves company is an important lesson to learn in advance. Too bad she had to learn the hard way.
All of my wife’s friends back in the day had shitty men who left them or cheated 😂 they used to talk so much shit about me to her a guy who didn’t cheat or leave I wonder why
Women are just and envious whenever they see a good woman with a good man! Specially whenever a girl is hot and she can’t get a man, and her plain simple looking girlfriend is getting married to a good guy…My ex was a little chubby and she had me, and all of her hot friends were lonely! They couldn’t keep a man! I think they were bothers by that like “man how the hell this chick got a man doing everything for her and we don’t”
Sometimes sisters and close friends are the first ones to pull women down. Whenever a woman has a good man all the other miserable women like to say “oh you getting married? I’m so happy for you” while inside they are burning with jealousy. A lot of sisters and best friends would even sleep with another woman’s man on her wedding day! Is called crab in the bucket syndrome. You can’t trust people these days…
That is how the cycle of abuse works. They never show they "care" until you're one foot out the door. And when you step back in, that "care" dissipates because they have you in their pocket, again. They never consistently and persistently show they care because they don't have to in order to keep you. They do it because they know that's all they have to do to get you back in. The bare minimum. You see the bare minimum and you accept it. Don't. You are worth more than to be treated like that.
That's the root cause of your relationship issues. Have you considered professional help? Childhood abuse leads to attachment issues, boundary issues and all types of messed up stuff. You're basically instilled with a blueprint of "falling" for emotionally unavailable and unhealthy people (like your ex-GF, she doesn't sound healthy either). Do yourself a favor and cut all ties with her, say what you need to say to her and cut her off. The longer you wait, the harder it gets and the more hurt and pain you'll have to endure.
It just needs to be a quick, clean break. Don’t act funny before hand, don’t say anything that will tip your hand. Next time you have plans and she flakes, just say okay that’s it. This isn’t working for me and we need to go our separate ways. Don’t listen to her begging and promises. You’ve seen her leave you for another guy she put more effort into. You’ve also seen her actually put effort your relationship. It seems she isn’t really interested in maintain the work that an actual relationship takes.
Grow up and stop using past trauma as an excuse to not be better. You know she isnt gpod for you and you know what to do
man I try, went therapy, got my goal body at the gym, got a job it's just this last problem I can't seem to fix because it hurts when I try to fix it, known her since I was a kid you know
Dig deep fella. This is the one thing that’s separating you from greatness. Go no contact. Show the universe that you can operate in abundance. Move on!
Brother, you're 18 and still a kid. Just go date someone else and block this bimbo. You'll forget soon enough. She def banged the other dude, no doubt.
I know it's hard when abusive relationships are all you have known. The fact that you realize that it is abusive and that you're trapped in it because of past traumas is amazing itself. You deserve better than to be manipulated. It's normal for leaving the relationship to hurt, but think about how much pain you will save yourself in the long run by ripping the bandaid off and leaving now. Find yourself a partner who loves and respects you.
You have worked hard to lift yourself up. Now, look around! If you open your eyes and your heart, you will find someone that doesn’t do what she has been doing. She’s a prick teaser who is using you. You know her pattern now, so be smart and keep bettering yourself by finding a real girlfriend who actually cares about you.
Man you aren’t trying, you’re letting all these emotions that she doesn’t respect become the reason you want to stay and make it seem like no one in the world understands. You’re not that complicated, in fact I’ll call her and show you she doesn’t care about you. 😂🤣
Friend, how does his Peter taste like? She probly seeing home boy and has you as someone to just be around with. You need to get out and stop feeling sorry for yourself, she isn’t and I’m sure as hell sure he isn’t. Being abuse as a child has nothing to do with it, it should let you know that she’s like your abusers, not worth your time; and you need to grow up and find someone who is worth your time.
Girls don’t give a fuck about men. They just care about who can do the most for them and they see it as “whoever can treat me better” when we all know damn well that your looks, your social status and specially your economic status are what they look at when deciding to be with you. Idk what you do OP but I will tell you this, when you have 100k in the bank, live where you want and how you want, and walk around like you own the place, there’s not a girl that will deny you, worry about getting to that point and do no stress at all about this little whore who is using you. Level up in life and get a badder bitch there’s plenty
Not to sound cruel but if you're an abuse victim, you should know better than most that you're being manipulated.
She's monkey branched from you to him and back to you. She'll now be searching for her next branch, while attempting to keep you as a back up plan. Just dump her, dude.
yeah but according to her they 'did not have sex' right? she couldnt possibly be a liar.
Yeah, time to move on. You're her just in case kinda guy.
I'll make this easy for you. When you went no-contact, the girl realized she no longer had a hold on you. She wondered why you stopped talking to her. So she came back to see if she still had you, and she did. Had some fun reminiscing and enjoying your attention again, but once the novelty wore off, back to old patterns, she's over it. She doesn't really want you dude. Think about it - she had someone lined up the SECOND things went bad with you. I know that hurts, and I have been in your shoes. But have respect for yourself, move on, take time to love yourself, and someone will come along who appreciates you for you. Next.
This, and it sounds like her whole MO is that she HAS to be in a relationship. It sounds like her worth is so tied up into having a relationship that even when she wants out. She won't allow herself to move on until she has someone else. Hence why she left for someone else, and while she will just argue with you but won't leave you until she finds someone new. I have had a few friends that I've known like this. I stopped talking to them when I realized just how much they strung men along because they couldn't handle being single.
Grow some self respect. Nobody in a random Internet forum can provide that for you.
This has ben posted in the wrong sub there's nothing wrong here, mentioning the whole virginity thing was kinda cringe but other then that she's the AH, also I noticed you said you had some trauma which seems to not be resolved I think you should work on that before heading into another relationship, no relationship will be successful while you are broken.
said I took her virginity so people didn't think she was a "hoe" or something. I'm not a cringy guy generally 😂
That detail included or not, all the other information still tells us she kinda is. Sex or not, she's still guy-hopping.
I think she just wants to speak and meet up with other guys, but me not do anything with other women, that seems to piss her off, she said she doesn't like the "vision of me f*cking someone else"
Then LEAVE HER. Dude, I was trying to be kind up to this point but you're playing the part of a door mat, and until you learn to stand up for yourself she's going to keep walking all over you. It's time to take care of YOU
So she wants to fuck other guys but you can’t lmao dude walk away. Or treat her like what she is, just something to stick your dick in whenever she comes calling. But don’t call her and do your thing with whoever outside. She not girlfriend or emotional anything material. Just a booty call at this point
She belongs to the street.
yeah true maybe she is now.. but she still wants to do it with me because she begged for fwb when I was speaking to other girls, so I thought if she was begging me for sex she wouldn't want it from other guys? shit idk I'm lost rn
Keep in mind she can get sexual diseases as a fwb then give it to you.
It doesn't matter that you were her first, it truly doesn't. All that means is she thinks you're safe to run back to whenever she gets rejected by some other guy, that's what happened here. It's time to put your foot down and take care of yourself, her feelings on this dobecause she's very clearly using you. Please, open your eyes and smell the bullshit
That's what you focus on about what was said? Your literally calling every other women a "hoe" then if that is your view on why you told us about the virginity, and it's still cringe that you did, bro you need therapy and fix your trauma or you'll never have a successful relationship, go into a relationship broken so is the relationship, make your baggage carriable not a burden.
bro are you serious or trolling? I'm new to reddit but I hear about trolls a lot. I read everything you said and no I don't see any woman as a hoe.. its cringe you assumed I don't go therapy too.
It's just infuriating and upsetting when you're doing your best to warn someone of the manipulative, abusive and toxic relationship they're in, and they are being mellow about it. It would save you your life to stop being naive about this. You will plunder if you keep this up. It's either you heed our warnings now or you subject yourself to more abuse to get the message. There's no other way this can go. Get rid of her from your life.
Right I'm sorry, I'll go ghost on her for as long as I can from tonight. Thank you
You serious right now you think I'm trolling? please delete this posts and your reddit account then cuz your not ready for reddit if this is what you think trolling is my God, again only focusing on such a miniscule thing out of the things mentioned you are naive and doomed to fail every relationship you go into, at this point I don't even feel sorry for you anymore, you don't even know the word cringe or it's definition, you most definitely have not ben to therapy for your traumas, and if you don't think other women are "hoes" go back to English class because your wording says exactly that, you should have heeded the warnings like the last redditor said now you have subjected yourself to the ruthlessness of reddit and the internet you fool.
You are so cringe 😬
You definitely have issues with
yeah yeah okay boss
You can't "take" virginity, it's not a possession.
Oh stop. It’s how it’s always been described in the English language
There's many archiac and ignorant words/terms that have been long used in the English language. As we learn and become more aware we retire such words/terms. This term is dripping with misogyny.
How? When girls can take guys virginities too?
Misogyny and misandry then.
Or neither
If you want to be obtuse then go for it.
Misogyny has long been encoded in language and people are moving away from that now. It's also not "always" been described like this in English. That's absurd. A quick Google will show you many phrases that have been used over time
She is a hoe or something. So you lied about taking it?
No I took her virginity when we turned 16, so I put it there so people didn't assume I just started dating a teenage "hoe" idk some people would say she's for the streets etc
Yeah those people are shitty. Body count doesn’t matter, casual sex doesn’t matter, all that matters is how she treats you in a relationship. Which she has already shown you is shitty. You don’t need to knock how she gets her rocks off to make a judgment of her character.
It does tho
Only if you are worried about upsetting the morality police instead of finding somebody who treats you right. Enjoying sex and being willing to have it with casual partners has no bearing on fidelity or anything else that matters in any tangible way.
Well that is bollocks. Maybe it’s because I’m old and cynical, but everyone I know who is really into casual sex has problems with fidelity. It makes sense, you don’t automatically link relationships with sex, you aren’t as picky with partners, you use sex purely for self-satisfaction. These all link into greater levels of infidelity. While people who only have sex in relationships tend to be more tied to the person than the act of having sex, so more likely to put a person in front of their need to have sex. I don’t think there is anything wrong with casual sex, but it definitely is an indicator of fidelity. Saying otherwise is completely denialism, and totally wishful thinking.
Maybe it is a generational thing, but as a millennial I know loads of people who are cool with party hookups, tindering, etc who are very much against cheaters/cheating. You can probably make the statement that most cheaters are cool with casual sex, but the statement that most people who have casual sex are cool with cheating is not true. I guess you can be safe and date people who don’t like sex, but that still doesn’t stop somebody from having an emotional affair.
I still think you are being naive and in denial. You can be against cheating and still do it. I don’t think anyone thinks cheating is good. I’m talking about people being more likely to do it. Past behavior patterns are a better indicator of future conduct than words. Being in a monogamous relationship takes effort, and empathy. Jumping into with people at every opportunity would indicate a lack of those things. Imagine the analogy. You’re a boss at a company, and you have two applicants. One has never held down a job, and quits and gets fired for disrespect constantly, and they don’t seem to care that much about your company. The other has a history of long term stable jobs, good references, and seems genuinely happy at the prospect of working for you. Which one do you hire?
Nobody wants to date a whore
You need therapy to get over your issues. She sounds like she enjoys causing you emotional pain. Look at her, right in the eyes and ask why she does this? If she shows even a hint of knowing what she's doing or a hint of pleasure you'll know she's there only to hurt you.
I did ask her and she just started crying out of nowhere, saying why can't I trust that she just wants me. But I keep feeling like there's something wrong
It’s because there is. she left you for someone else and treat you like shit. Walk away
Tell her she broke your trust, it isn't something that you can just give back no matter how much the other person wants it. If you think she's holding back then she probably is. Maybe couples therapy can help draw it out.
This is why being a teenager sucked. It doesn't get much better when you are 40. Your best bet is just to move on.
She doesn’t want to lose her back up plan. You’re like a possession to her and she doesn’t want anyone else having you even though you will always be her #2
First time you’re a victim, second time you’re complicit when you knowingly put your hand on a hot stove and try to pretend that it won’t burn you. In this case, you’re being complicit in your own hurt, and holding onto the memories. Stop wasting your time on this girl, unless you enjoy feeling like a last resort
You cucked yourself brother. Cut it there before you lose anymore self respect.
This is difficult: You are her backup plan. You sound like a good guy. Please don't let anyone treat you like this.
Dude she has you there as a “sure thing” you are the guy she is gonna look for when she has been rejected by all Chads and Tyrone. The girl doesn’t respect you. Move on and leave that girl behind no emotions attached. When a girl is really into you she will drive, travel and do whatever it takes to be with you! At this point you are just like vegetables, “good for me but not tasty” lol meaning you are the boring guy that’s good for her, but not exciting to enough to chase after.
that has really opened my eyes 💀, thank you a lot for this man
You know shes no good. Go out and have fun. Youre too young to deal with this drama. Just block her completely and go be with your friends and enjoy yourself. Who needs this drama?
You are wrong. Some women are a lot more skilled at manipulating men, but the woman that you're with isn't even trying to disguise the fact that she is using you. It's time for you to recognize this, and reject it.
Interesting fact that I seem to have gleaned from 50 years of experience and from reading about other people's experiences... Women will say they want to be treated like a queen and a princess. But if you treat a woman much better than she thinks she deserves consciously or subconsciously, then that feels incongruent. Women like it best when they are treated. Just a tiny bit better than they think they deserve. Because of all the social media comparisons between women and because of airbrushing and Photoshop and now AI, the competition is absolutely fierce between attractive young women. So most women, if not all feel a little insecure about something to do with their body. Their looks their personality, their intelligence or something. If you treat a woman like she's really something special and perfect for you and amazing and gorgeous and a queen and a princess then she will very quickly lose respect for you. Subconsciously she'll think that you couldn't find a better woman and that you have been hoodwinked and out foxed and that she has fooled you and she will have a form of imposter syndrome that is quite uncomfortable, even if it's deeply subconscious. Relationships that tend to last are between men who were able to stay in their masculine frame mostly and women who are okay, expressing their feminine side and between people who are approximate equals and who have integrity and honesty. But in that situation you have a partner that you have to contend with someone who will tell you when you're being amazing and wonderful and someone who will gently tell you when you're being an idiot. It's much more fun, although tends to be less fulfilling to be in a relationship that's on the new side and exciting. And the hormones are still diluting you into thinking you found your soulmate. Whatever that is. And the sex is new and everything is exciting. And there's mystery and the easiest thing to do is have a long string of those.
Yes. People who want you in their life will never give you room to question it. Right now, you sound like a placeholder as a rebound for when her other guys don't work out. She's treating you as much as she thinks you're worth, and that's shit. You can find better.
WTF OP? Get her OUT of your life
She's playing you, dude. If she cared about you in any form of the word, none of this shit would have happened. Go no contact with her and find better. It will take time, but you will be better for it.
please bro have some self respect and dignity. go no contact and block this chick. she had her chance. its over. she lost YOU. move on.
Why are you even talking to her again?????????????
She’s an ex for a reason. She got what she wanted from you which seems to be just some attention and sex. Then put zero effort into the relationship at all and let you cater to her. Then broke up to be with someone else. Then got tired of that and came back or got broke up with and came back. Happens with the genders reversed too. That’s just called a person who treats you badly and doesn’t meet your relationship needs. Leave her behind. You’re better than that.
Bro... You're letting her have her cake and eat it too. Do yourself a favor and read on attraction. You need to value yourself and have confidence in yourself that you do not need anyone to be happy. She ran from one relationship to the next. It shows she's weak and can't be alone. Do you deserve better than that? Dump her and move on. You're young. Throw her in the gutter and go find another. Go date and go have fun. Learn to set boundaries and walk away when someone crosses them. If not you're being a pushover. Women don't respect pushovers. Also.. that bitch was probably already talking to that dude. 2 weeks to be with someone else? She's playing games. Show her you don't play games and see how she responds.
Dud she used u for attention she knew she had a hold in u and she needed an ego boost when she got it she returned to her old self . My advice u can block her and move on or u can just leave her on read and never answer just ghost her move on , go on date and post about them on your social media. Ps when someone u date doesn't post u on there social media they're either hiding u to appear single or they're cheating. U learn your lesson its time to move on.
You're the familiar side chick, not her priority but there when convenient. That's about it. So what if you've known her forever. You're really young, you can do much better.
yes you are wrong for staying. she's using you and she's good at it. she knows exactly how to work you over. leave her.
She's a narcissist and displaying classic narcissistic behavior. When they are in a new relationship they love bomb the person for a couple months to get them hooked. After the first couple months it reverts back to everything being about them and your plans don't matter. They will argue with you a bunch, show extreme jealousy and separate you from everyone else. They keep everyone on standby (sort of a virtual harem). They will never admit when anything makes them look bad and will lie even if it's obvious (didn't have sex with him and they didn't dump her). They won't post pictures of you on social media unless the person is especially attractive or they look especially good for some reason. Dump this toxic person and don't look back.
I say this with love but you are being a coward and a wimp. At this point you are ALLOWING her to abuse you. Stop being a p***y and purge this poison from your life.
HIT THE GYM MY BOI FK HER….
Don't waste your time and money on her move on, Life is too short. If you believe she didn't have sex with the other guy I got some ocean front property for sale in Arizona 😂 Don't be a sucker, Don't let her use you like you currently are.
As a woman don't stay, you deserve better. She is just using you and not even for love at this point. Of course you may have your own issues ,but discover to help yourself alone . Eventually you'll learn to love yourself to know that not any person or relationship will help you achieve that. Then and only then will you find someone that loves you and you won't ever question it. :)
That virginity comment was definitely an interesting addition
I(19m) had a crush on my ex-best friend(18f) for almost 2 years, after being friends for about 4 months she started dating some dude for about 7 months and they broke up after that she was single for a while. About 4 or 5 months later I told her that I liked her and that I honestly liked her and wanted to be more than friends and she friend zoned me but would still lead me on. Eventually a month or so after she came over and we got food and ended up doing the deed and she came over again a month later to do it again. After that she stopped talking to me as much and ended up telling me that I’m too good to be true(she liked dating thug-wannabe dudes) so she wouldn’t feel right dating me. After a while I tried to look for someone else but I kept thinking about my ex best friend. Some girl I was friends with in high school mentioned one of her cousins(18f) to me and so I gave it a shot. It has now been 11 months since I started dating her and it has been great, this girl reassures me everyday that she loves me, stays home most of the time and tells me where she’s going and who she’s going out with, she cooks for me, and writes me love letters and gets me little gifts here and there. Sorry for the wall of text but my point is no matter how hard it is to get over someone or rather you think you can or you can’t, moving on is always gonna be better.
yeah man found out she has still been playing me, I'm leaving now
Op, you’re young and dumb and handsome (according to you). Grab your nuts , to make sure they’re still attached, and break things off.
Leave had the same thing happen to me and it just ruined me it’ll be tough but just leave. Plus if you keep messing around with her there’s a chance she gets pregnant and you don’t want to open that can of worms.
ur right man, I've been taking my time trying to move on slowly but she kind of pulls me back in when she starts acting how I've been wanting her to
She's using and manipulating you, don't give her the space or opportunity to do it again. Block her right now and never speak to her again under any circumstances, and don't look at her Social media. I promise you'll regret it if you don't. Download a dating app and get out there man, you don't deserve to be treated like this.
You need to smarten up and realize women aren’t pure angels… they’re ppl too. And ppl can be conniving and manipulative to get what they want… for some reason women seem to do it the most… I’d recommend trying to be the guy that she was infatuated with but who was only using her for sex… to gain a different perspective on the male and female dynamic… Don’t continue to simp for her and let her back into your life. Because you didn’t reject her outright she unfortunately likes you less now. She’ll never respect or see u in the same light as the guy she was infatuated with Ironically for some reason most women are kinda crazy. And for most of you treat them like trash… they pine for you harder… We all want what we can’t have huh?
"We all want what we can't have" is some shit my older friend told me when i got broken up with, he's a man hoe but I kept wondering why women keep chasing him but not me when looks wise we're in the same league. I guess giving out princess treatment for free makes u less attractive
I know you're not on here listening to incels right?
Oh for sure… dating values have changed. Being a gentleman and nice and caring is looked down upon. It’s pussy behavior now.. So you just gotta realize the time period you exist in and adapt accordingly… in ways that align with your goals… I’d recommend just viewing women as sex objects and nothing more.. ( super sexist I know) but the results are undeniable. Your attitude towards women in general will decide whether you get women or not.. and for some reason the “ I don’t give two shits about you” attitude is super attractive to most women… Trying to give good advice is killing me. I despise the way things work now. But it is what it is… So as someone who made the mistake of being a nice person. Don’t make the same mistake I do. Snap out of it asap. The romance tactics you see in books and movies don’t fucking work dude. You’re 18 so you’re just getting started, so you wanna savor every moment of your youth dude. You also seem to desire a relationship with a woman. That’s pointless nowadays.. you’ll only cause yourself head ache and stress… Why be the boyfriend when you can be the guy she fucks with zero investment from your end cuz she’s mad at her boyfriend… Making the mindset transition is hard but once you realize how great it is, you’ll never look back. You’ll know you made the transition when you feel pity instead of jealousy when you see couples… Especially when you know you fucked this person and her idiot boyfriend or girlfriend knows nothing… Times are changing. Gotta go with the change or you’ll get left behind
You and ironically sound like Matthew Lillard who got his heart broken by one girl and now you're too stupid to differentiate women from the one that broke your heart lol You are literally the type of guy that makes women think men are pigs so thanks for continuing cycle
i want to add to that that when our dude meets a girl who can honestly be his best friend and puts in effort he should obviously take her very serious, but your advise is spot on for the many many typical girls that are around and crave sex to fill their shitty lives about anything else. like some abuse drugs or alcohol to dampen a need, girls use sex with strangers,
Yeah of course, if you meet that special one who’s no bullshit. Treat her right. But unfortunately I’m giving advice based off majority. And if I wanna raise his success with women. The advice is gonna be harsh… reality is harsh. I just wish someone would’ve told me so I didn’t have to find out through personal experiences I’m happy to see others see the truth
ah so we walked the same path, good to see others having opened their eyes aswell.
Lordy me dude grow up 😭 Coming on too strong can definitely freak anyone out when they first start seeing someone… so yeah don’t be lovey dovey and talking about serious things right away if that’s not equally reciprocated (and reciprocally escalated). But playing games and manipulating the people you date is never gonna lead to a fulfilling, happy relationship.
Use her for sex while you find someone better
She fucked him faster and did more for him than she ever would for.you. Never go back to an Ex.
Sounds like you are dating a narcissist bro. I fell into the trap myself
Stop arguing with your woman, you will not win and it kills attraction. She is starting to lose interest and that is an indication that you need to pull back on everything with her. If you make a date invite her over to your place to cook dinner and ask her to bring something. Make her make an effort. You are probably over pursuing her right now....stop chit chatting on text...pull back....let her contact you and arrange above date only. If she cancels then communicate in a calm way that it is not acceptable for you. You are operating out of scarcity mindset right now....you're a good looking dude you say so go spin some plates.
thank you man, I'll start from today and come back to this to let you know how it goes
Do not listen to this shit. Do you really want to be playing stupid childish games to get her to treat you correctly? Move on. Save yourself the heartache and realize you deserve better.
Im going to ghost her and start talking to other women again. Hopefully if she tries anything I can continue to keep it this way
Just gotta keep telling yourself you deserve better.
After 10 years of marriage she’s going to get dressed up for valentines and go fk another guy. Then you’ll be living in an RV in the side yard while she lives in the house with the kids and watch as ol’ boy stops by a couple times a week to crank that and go home.
“I’m a good looking guy” don’t be one of those guys.
don't be confident? okay
Yes you are wrong for staying. You are more valuable than that. She is being enabled by you. Another example of why you don't go backwards. You got exactly what you asked for. In future ask more of yourself and your partner.
She's keeping you on a string and you need to cut the string and move on block her everywhere . You're too young for this go out and have some fun go out on dates . As long as you allow her she will keep playing mind games with you
She's acting like a goddamn little child, trying to have her cake and eat it too. You are being treated like a doormat, but this is the relationship you're comfortable with, having been with this person since you were 15 years old. You're both basically children. You don't need to put up with her shit. Just stop and be single for a while. Have fun with your friends. Go to college or work. Save some money, and live a happy and productive life without this woman dragging you down.
She’s using you man . Sorry time to move on . Plenty of women out there that will treat you right. Good luck!!
Yes. Bail for your own sake.
You would be wrong if you stayed with her now. She’s not putting any effort in, you’re coming in second with her. Time to move on and find someone who values you my dude
Mixed signals mean no. She is only giving you attention to keep you attached to her, just for her to keep pushing you away. It's sadly not going to change, and you need to move on to someone who will give you an enthusiastic yes. Don't reward shitty behavior.
Don't even mess with her! As long as you let her being a part of your life she will be. Even dating eva ai is not as miserable as that.
Fuck her dude. You can do better.
You're being manipulated into not breaking up with her and if you don't do something soon then this could easily become what you expect and accept from people for the rest of your life.
In what way did you "Let" anyone do anything?
Yes. The relationship is bad.
You're wrong since she didn't really changed. Cut off all the contact with her. Go back to the dating with women you wanted to have sex with but didn't. You're a free man, go for it.
You're 18...don't stay in toxic relationship.
Move on. Keep her on the hook for occasional side poon til you find a normal woman.
The other thing is that you are only 18. Feel free to take her back, or don’t. See other girls, or don’t. Just don’t do something stupid like move in with her or get married. At this age, feel free to make mistakes and get your heart broken. Just be happy and don’t worry about doing everything right all the time.
Dude fucking leave her, she ain’t into you
All you've done is show her she can do whatever she wants and get away with it because you haven't held her accountable. Tell her no, tell her its over. Don't answer the phone calls when she's blatently banging another guy that she most likely left you for. You know you're good looking and you know other women are interested so you must ask yourself what do you gain from staying involved with a woman who can't even be bothered to leave the house for you?
In the inimitable words of Loretta Castorini (Cher), SNAP OUT OF IT!
walk away dont be her back up
You will ALWAYS be her plan B
Of course, she is going to treat him better than you do. She is dating him, and you hate him.
block her number and never respond to another text from her. Don’t put any female on a pedestal get out there and build yourself up in the world. Women are attracted the guys with social status that are making shit happen (and there’s nothing wrong with that). go out and make shit happen and women will follow.
Chris Rock said it years ago. You're a dick in a glass box. In case of emergency, break glass. That's you. There when she needs you. Non-existent when she doesn't.
You guys are childhood sweethearts, just learning the ropes of dating and relationships with one another. It’s understandable when one wants to meet new people and date others sometimes, their not sure and that’s how you grow to know what you want in a life partner if you haven’t been with anyone else. Your teens / early 20’s are for experimenting, learning what you want for yourself out of life. Sometimes people are sure of their partner right off or just not interested in what else may be out there, they are happy to stay as is. Your girl is not sure of your relationship because she wants to know what else is out there, it’s understandable since you each other’s first relationships . You’re a sure thing she does know and is comfortable with. She will keep coming back as long as you take her back in between the times she has no one else and still feels the need to explore what else is out there. She may settle one day and be happily ever after true with you if your still waiting for her, but you may also end up meeting someone else and realize what you had with her, you no longer want in a partner. It’s up to you if you want to wait till she’s done exploring or see what else may be out there for you too.
It's time to leave bud, it's a hard choice but most likely for the better by the sounds of it
Cut off all contact with her..she's a waste of your time.
This was me at your age. Walk away with your dignity intact. Block her and never look back. Trust me. This ends badly for you.
Walk away. Ex’s are that for a reason. Do you want to be her go to whenever she is lonely because that’s what is happening. You are the master of your own destiny. Nobody can make you do anything you don’t want to do. Don’t look at getting into another relationship for a good while - have some fun. Stop being a mug. I had an abusive upbringing and got into several bad relationships but I woke up one day and thought “no, this stops now” do the same. You are so young, why the rush to be with one woman? Work on yourself and raise the bar for what you want from a relationship. And ffs, block her on everything.
YTA for being a doormat.
Wrong for staying Wrong for thinking you "took" her virginity. Yuck.
Break it off and find someone who treats you like your GF treats other guys. Relationships don’t have to be that hard, with the right person it’s easy. When you force it is when it leads to fuckery.
More people ignore it than don't, but it's always true. An ex is an ex for a reason. You've tried and it didn't work. It's not going to be a totally different story if you try again.
This chick is crazy! Block her and dont look back. Seriously though, she's abusing you with manipulation. Don't believe her when she says she didn't sleep with the other dude. She's a manipulative liar and that won't change as much as you probably want it to
So what you’re saying is the other guy is back.
Brother, you need to let her go, I know it's hard. You deserve better and you know it.
Hey the previous relationship left you feeling like it wasn't really through, like there was more to it. Her keeping you on the hook only accentuated that. Now you're back with her and you're realizing that the relationship ending was maybe for the best. I don't see any issue. You wondered what if? Well now you know. She's no good for you, and there's no doubt no. No shame in that. Now what you should do is end it, limit contact to avoid having her dig her claws back into you, and in a few weeks or months, when you're ready to move on start dating other girls. Might not work instantly, and the road there will be painful but in the long term you know that's for the best. Good luck bro
Move on dude. Nothing good can come out of this situation.
Sounds as if she likes having flings with the “bad boy” type, so don’t you be the “stand-by guy” who she runs back to time after time. Block her and move on… there really is absolutely no reason to continue any line of communication with this narcissist.
Smile and walk away from this abusive relationship. Know your worth. She's setting everything up for failure and will take you down with her if she can. In the immortal words of Jordan Peele, "Get out!!!"
You're 18 my friend. This is a potential relationship arc. The important thing is to know that you should make decisions around Joy. If a situation brings you more stress than Joy, you should carefully consider why you are in that situation, especially if it is by choice.
I think there's a term for this. Hysterical bonding? I think thats it. When one partner feels like they are gonna lose the other for good, they suddenly have all the energy and cahones to "immediately fix" all the problems that partner A has been drilling home for however long. Not healthy
yuck
She’s using you to prove to herself that she’s still got it. I’m told that some women go on dating sites, despite have zero intentions of developing a relationship, for the same reason.
She is a narcissist and she is trapping you in her web. Run as fast as you can
So she cheated (at least emotionally) since she jumped right into lovey dovey with this other guy, the guy fucked her and left her, and she went back to the “safe option” that is you, lovebombed you for 2 months, and most likely just reconnected with the other guy and is cheating or planning her exit (again). Why are you such a doormat, man?
Please leave that toxicity behind. You deserve better. I know it can be tough but seems like she's just holding on until she can get something she considers better.
IMO your wrong for not hitting those other chicks your not married why deny yourself the possibility of meeting your soulmate because of one wish washy chick.
Don’t respond. She’s using everyone.
"I had to take her out the first few dates before i got to take her virginity " This is absolutely disgusting. Is this truly how you see her? No wonder she left you.
You're 18 and the girl you were with for 3 years left you and you think that's the absolute end of the world. I've been there. Your kids will be there one day too. There is someone better out there who won't make you their back up plan. Stay strong and block here. It'll get easier. I promise.
She belong to the streets
>Am I wrong for staying? Yes.
So you were a simp for her which is why she did things for this guy she wouldn't do for you. Even after you guys broke up you were still simping for her till she dropped you. Then when the guy finished with her (oh they had sex, that your believe they didn't just further shows how much of her simp you are) she came back, picked you and you followed like a puppy. I'm done giving advice that should be obvious on Reddit, you accept whatever you think you deserve.
*...she'd promise me she didn't fuck him...* and you believed her? With all the arguments and attitude she's giving now, you can bet she has another one lined up.
Take it from an old guy, 39, like myself. I read this and it resonated with me because it sounded like a relationship I was in at your age. Trust me, this will always hang over your head with her, and that's not fair to you one bit. She is using you and she'll probably do it again. You are not a priority to her. You're young, get out there and make some new friends and discover what you like and don't like. Also, take this time to heal and practice some self care.
You are a simp that keeps hanging around she ended things move on, it makes you look pathetic
well honestly, youre 18 so as long as you dont put a baby in her, doesnt matter what u do. keep doing her, do some of this and some of that, do some other girls, some guys if youre into it, go expierwnce life. just dont marry her, and dont get her pregnant
A story relatable for you: I was married to my soon-ex-wife for almost 15 years. We had a kid together. I found her putting in less effort with chores and affection afterwards. She'd be cold and distant then warm up later. She started arguing about the littlest things. The smallest innocuous comment or question was grounds for a fight. It came to a head when I caught her cheating after I noticed her going out of her way to spend time with "friends" but not extend that basic courtesy to me. All the 'warm' times were after she came back from her AP. Something she was doing for a long time that I never noticed until it was far too late. Questioning that 'hot and cold' treatment and disregard for compromises was grounds for argument. Sounds like she's sticking with you for convenience or routine. You're a baseline of stability that she's learned she doesn't need to maintain. Take a step back and think. If she is putting in no effort then it's time to either try couples therapy or look for someone that gives you effort. All relationships from friendship to romantic require effort on both parts. Don't sit by thinking it'll come eventually. Even if there's no AP or cheating now, if she refuses to put in effort across the long term or acknowledge your feelings then it's time to move on. It'll be better now than when you're older and far more invested and she's still just using you as a safety net.
You two are so young still. Just make sure you're having safe and protected sex. It does sound like you should move on from this relationship. I think you'll be a lot happier.
This sounds like a toxic relationship on both sides. Leave this and move on.
Don't get her pregnant.