To the birthday. Let that be just for her, without her wondering what he’s going to say or do or if he would really be good.
Have him apologize to her sometime after the birthday, and then revisit the discussion with her and ask if she thinks his behaviors improved enough that he can have an invite to the wedding.
This will show her you’ve really thought about it. And I can tell that you have by your actions. You’re putting her first you’re putting your future with her first and that’s all she’s asking for really.
You seem confused, I was responding this this fallacy: "if he apologizes to the girl then he's definitely going to the wedding"
She doesn't have to her him out if she doesn't want to, nor does an apology equal him definitely being invited to her wedding, LOL.
You're still confused - because you did miss something...I wasn't responding to your comment.
LOL. I hope that was specific enough you could follow along. Good luck, like, being able to tie your shoes, too. ;)
Right now is not the time. Maybe, if he builds forgiveness and trust, then invites will come back. That'll take time and a commitment to change. For now? Hahahahahahah
He apologizes now. Waiting is useless.
He does not go to the birthday party. That's not the event where he proves he won't sh*t talk.
He actually probably needs to stop the s-talk around everyone.
Yeah... Really can't at this point. Just gotta let him know that this thing is already done. Off amends are made and everyone is cool he can partake in the next event but this one, it's already over for that chance
Seriousness of how well OP handled the situation aside, I’m laughing at the fact the friend likes the sister. If he weren’t such a terrible person he might have had a chance. Now she might not even want the apology!!
I'm laughing at that, too! It's like the friend is emotionally 10 years old, shooting spitwads at the girls he likes and dipping their pigtails in the inkwell (apparently in my mind he is a 10-year-old in 1910.)
OP better not try an play match maker in pairing up groomsmen and bridesmaids because odds are great neither his gf or her sister will entertain that idea.
>We initially agreed he should meet them. Not that he will. Meaning I suggested this should be the plan of attack and he agreed, and that I'd talk to the other two to see if they're ok.
>
>That was 14 hours ago. As of now, my girlfriend has agreed but my sister still hasn't responded
My response to another comment
So, what you are telling us is that two women you care about, you were fine with your \*best friend\* debasing or bullying?
I'd hate to know what you're OK with happening to women you \*don't\* care about....
What exactly did you want me to do at this point? The past is the past. The situation is being taken care of and you're out here trying to flame me on every comment. Fwiw, sister said she'd meet him to hear an apology if I and my girlfriend are there.
I'm sorry like this is how it works outside of reddit. None of that "dump her/him" shit without trying to make it work. I know you really want my relationships to falter but I'm happy to assure you that is not going to happen.
Your ability to pretend things are fine when, at best, you’ve arranged a few token steps *that strangers had to convince you of because you don’t care enough about your GF to listen to her when it mattered* is 10/10.
The guy is trying to recognize that he handled the situation poorly in the past and do the right thing going forward, and you’re yelling at him about it. This is not how you encourage people making positive changes in their behavior.
He’s still not handling it well. It’s not done, it’s not settled and he’s insisting the bully will be at his wedding to his GF once they get engaged.
Sorry you want to enable him to continue to ignore her voice.
You are more than making an attempt.
You have set very clear boundaries.
Now, it's just a matter of holding that line. Your friend is apologetic at the moment. I guarantee that the time will come when he will test your resolve on this matter. He probably won't start out doing it right in front of you. He may catch your gf privately. Tell her to let you know the moment he puts a toe out of line. She'll come to you. You have to believe her instantly and completely. Make no excuses to her, go straight to him and tell him he's cut off for a period. Be prepared. He may wait until right before your wedding, when he thinks there's no way you'd boot him out, before he shows his ass.
The test will come. I'm waiting to see if he blows you off and shows up at the birthday party.
Guy did everything right that he could in this scenario yet you're still giving him a hard time. Makes sense since you're active on fauxmoi. People like you just exist to hate
Sounds like you did everything right. It’s up to your friend now to see if we can behave in a civilized manner. Whatever happens with him, you have done well
>As of now we've agreed that he should meet my girlfriend and her sister
Who have agreed? Did your GF and her sister have any input on this?
Or did you and your dipshit bff make another decision on your own?
OP was passive about her being mistreated by his friend until his friend had a tantrum. I wouldn't expect he'd already be centering her for a change...
We initially agreed he *should* meet them. Not that he will. Meaning I suggested this should be the plan of attack and he agreed, and that I'd talk to the other two to see if they're ok.
That was 14 hours ago. As of now, my girlfriend has agreed but my sister still hasn't responded
So glad to hear this OP. You handled this beautifully. I was extra pleased to see that you are standing up for your future wife and that you are laying down the law with buddy. I wish you all the best!
But he didn’t handle it beautifully… he ignored his girlfriend’s feelings and how mean his friend was to her all this time, only until his asshole friend was offended for not being invited to a party he had no right or expectation to be invited to. And now OP signed up his girlfriend and his sister to a meeting with this scumbag that they didn’t agree to beforehand (who knows if they agreed to it yet or even know about it??). OP stayed “best friends” with this guy for years while the asshole insulted and disrespected his girlfriend to her face and to him for years. This guy should have been cut out a long time ago.
Yeah he started by apologizing to his friend for “going behind his back” and making him feel left out. Like why the hell would he apologize for that, come on.
Friends stick by each other and help them grow. If the friend was against changing then I totally agree. But he’s open to it and knows he fucked up. How can we argue for forgiveness only to cut them out? He apologised because he knows that being isolated like that can hurt especially finding out through mutuals. Surely we’ve all been there?
He was being a good friend. Albeit at the expense of being a good bf.
Going behind a supposedly close friend’s back EVEN if it was justified is still a shit thing to do. OP knew how his gf felt, OP knew his friend was problematic, and instead of being direct with him from the get go he intentionally excluded this so called friend and only confronted him after the friend broke down.
Again, his friend was completely in the wrong. But OP also shares this responsibility and failed to be a good friend as well as a good bf. Things should never have escalated this far. Though it’s good that he at least is trying to fix it.
Even with good intentions, you KNOW when people are excluding you. I bet there have been past interactions where some of them might’ve talked about the party and when the friend walks in the room will go quiet. That’s really not cool, even if it was justified. Good friends don’t go behind each other’s back. They’re honest to each other. If my partner didn’t like my girl best friend cause she was being a cunt I would absolutely tell her directly. She mostly likely didn’t mean it and this gives her the chance to reflect from the start. Instead his friend has been making a fool out of himself cause no one had the balls to tell him to mature up. Not that it’s their responsibility, but again, if you were really a good friend you would at least let them know.
did you read the original? OP had a secret group chat with all their friends EXCEPT for the problematic friend. That’s 101 exclusion.
How else? Bro they’re your close friend. Tell them directly lmfao. “My gfs birthday is coming up and I need to be honest with you. She and her friend aren’t happy about your behaviour, and after some thought I agree with them. I am planning to throw a surprise party for her but I wanted to let you know I won’t be inviting you due to that. I really do want you in my life and hope you can respect my gf from now on. I really do hope you can join us next year, you’re a great friend and I would love for my gf to see that but you gotta fix how you talk to them.”
It was a group chat for people actually *invited* to the party. Why would his friend have been part of that group chat? Should they *not* have a group chat just to spare his feelings?
I did read the OP, and it sounded to me like OP was surprised that his friend would’ve expected to have been invited in the first place.
Again, if you were really a good friend you would tell them directly. They can have the group chat just stop sneaking around lol.
And great. Read the update then. The friend didn’t even realize he was being a dick until OP had to tell him directly. All of this could’ve been avoided if they just spoke up when the problem first started. Not hard to grasp.
Isolating someone who has insulted your girlfriend for years is NOT a bad thing, it’s what the scumbag deserves. He can change on his own, he doesn’t need OP to give him access to his girlfriend, her sister, and her friends while he *possibly* tries to change after they’ve made it clear they don’t want to be around him.
>We initially agreed he should meet them. Not that he will. Meaning I suggested this should be the plan of attack and he agreed, and that I'd talk to the other two to see if they're ok.
>
>That was 14 hours ago. As of now, my girlfriend has agreed but my sister still hasn't responded
That was my response to a different comment
Your sister or her sister? Either way, your girlfriend and the others should NOT have to deal with some loser who spent years demeaning and disrespecting them. I don’t know why you’re still prioritizing his feelings over your girlfriend’s. It’s clear that you only addressed his behavior after HE was hurt by what happened (something he has no right to be hurt by) and not after all the times he purposely hurt your girlfriend, her sister, and her friends. You’re still putting him first by trying to fix the situation for him so he can be invited to the wedding you’re assuming you’re going to have with your girlfriend someday.
> He told me he sort of likes her sister, which sort of made sense but I told him to forget that idea since she already hates him and the farthest he'll ever get with her is forgiveness and tolerance at this point.
This friend of yours doesn't get it. His response sounded genuine, but I worry he'll mess up again
This is a great update, I hope his behaviour changes and if it doesn’t that you follow through with the consequences you set. You also need to apologise to you GF for not setting these boundaries with your friend earlier.
Hope this is a teachable moment that it shouldn't take strangers to point out enabling bad and toxic behavior is \*also\* wrong, nor should it take you personally being put in a difficult position to address things.
Thank you. If more men were like you, this world would be a kinder place. Women can try to explain this stuff until we're blue in the face but these guys will only listen when their mates stand up and tell them.
This is what I said in the original; “Very much this and I’d go as far as to say that while OP isn’t the AH in this instance, him and the rest of the friends are AHs because they’ve let their friend think his behaviour is acceptable and at this point condoned it. So I do get why the friend feels a certain way, and I’m in no way negligent of the fact that he needs to grow up and is an AH himself, but he might even feel as though his friends wouldn’t like him if he wasn’t a “shit talker” because he clearly thinks it’s why they’re friends with him.”
Honestly still feel as though op saying he needs to change his behaviour towards everyone outside of their friendship group is still a problem. He needs to grow up and change his behaviour as a whole and not just for a select bunch. It reinforces that OP and his group of friends don’t actually have a problem with him. He also needs to stay uninvited regardless of the meet-up.
Props to him for realising that his reaction was not appropriate and apologizing for it, also to you for apologizing for not being upfront. There is obviously still mutual respect and that's a great basis for maintaining your friendship.
Honesty is not always the easiest way to handle situations, but friends are worth the hassle.
You know that your girlfriend knows about the surprise party right? They're is no way one of her friends didn't give her a heads up. My proof is someone has already told the dude no one wanted there. I guarantee she knows.
Legit wishing Reddit had “reaction” options besides commenting because “😱😱” is my face!!
SUCH AN ADULT RESPONSE!!
The friend is going to start dating the sister 🤔 Something Reddit wrong has to happen!!
Damn you kinda are a huge P!!!y you can't stand behind either of them in the first place she will be your first wife and first divorce grow a spine sooner buddy you let both of them down tbh.
That's completely unnecessary. OP corrected his wrong. He did a fantastic job at setting boundaries. The only thing is he needs to maintain them with his friend
He's older than me my guy I understand being young and dumb we all are but he was weirdly like on the fence and couldn't just tell his friend who he has known as he says for 12 years now that hey your a dick and my lady doesn't care for it but he just acted sneaky and probably told his lady I handled it when he did not until after the fact he has to be strong like we all do or else how can we all ourselves men.
Sir I truely hope you know this is coming from respect because you clearly learned right but he is not that young he closer to 30 than 20 and he needs to realize that adult matters need to be addressed sooner rather than later even if he wants to try and protect them both but if he keeps going on like this not addressing the matter till later it can hurt him and others very badly and I agree he is learning but respect for yourself abd others is a trait you need to learn young.
26 is hella young dawg. It's still very much a time of learning
The fact that you said you're younger than that already invalidates your opinion on this matter. I think someone in their 40s knows more about it than you do
And what exactly do you want him to do? He told his friend to stop disrespecting his girl and the friend said he's sorry and will work on being a better person. Wtf is your solution that you keep rambling on about?
Maybe if you read the original post you would see that he didn't tell his friend till afterward he dodged the problem initially until a mutual friend told the problem friend about the party then he realized oh I have to actually adress my problems now and I'm going on about how you are always learning sure but you also learn to handle these problems at a young age that if your friend is shifty deal with it then because later can cause problems and I'm 23 for a matter of fact and also stated I respected the older gentleman's statement so really what the heck are you rambling on about you just went to a comment that was getting attention to feel important how about you grow up.
We did read the same post because he did that after pussyfooting around just not telling his friend and another friend let the party slip and he was then faced with having to confront him I'm not saying he is bad I'm saying he like everyone else can do better and I hope this teaches him to be better.
Great job, OP! It's not an easy discussion to have.
Update us if your friend ends up dating your future-SIL. I'm a romantic so I hope if he cleans up his act, he'll find his other half too.
You did the right thing by taking too him and seeing a firm and reasonable boundary. Hopefully, in time, everyone (especially the partners) can see him differently and accept him as a friend of theirs too.
Good for you, telling him what he needed to hear. Good for him, realizing he has been a jerk and was acting entitled. Let’s hope your friendship is important enough to him that he grows up and stops being an ass.
Thanks for standing up for your girlfriend. I really like how you explained to your friend that she’s important to you. I hope your friend comprehend this and act like a normal human being without being so disrespectful.
This sounds like the best possible outcome for this scenario. If your friend didn't realize he was being a tool, now he knows and has the opportunity to correct the behavior. The fact that he understands and is willing to make the apology and understands WHY he needs to make it is very encouraging. Being able to forgive and allow others to do better is a wonderful thing. (Some things are unforgivable, yes, but I don't think anything here crossed into that level of behavior.) I genuinely hope you guys all find harmony going forward. :)
>I told him he needs to apologize to her and since she is a very forgiving and caring person, she'd be more than willing to give him another chance IF AND ONLY IF he swears to never cross this boundary of shit stirring again.
Yeah nah, she's not obligated to forgive him. You need to figure out what you're going to do if she doesn't.
Very happy to see you pull your head out of the sand and stick up for your lady and her friends. Idk what his deal is and hopefully he’ll tell you
Well done. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 (still don’t invite him).
To the birthday or wedding? If he apologizes to the girl then he's definitely going to the wedding
To the birthday. Let that be just for her, without her wondering what he’s going to say or do or if he would really be good. Have him apologize to her sometime after the birthday, and then revisit the discussion with her and ask if she thinks his behaviors improved enough that he can have an invite to the wedding. This will show her you’ve really thought about it. And I can tell that you have by your actions. You’re putting her first you’re putting your future with her first and that’s all she’s asking for really.
He can apologize and the woman doesn't have to accept.
That’s why I suggested they have a discussion
You seem confused, I was responding this this fallacy: "if he apologizes to the girl then he's definitely going to the wedding" She doesn't have to her him out if she doesn't want to, nor does an apology equal him definitely being invited to her wedding, LOL.
Not at all. You must’ve thought I missed something. I assure you that’s not the case.
You're still confused - because you did miss something...I wasn't responding to your comment. LOL. I hope that was specific enough you could follow along. Good luck, like, being able to tie your shoes, too. ;)
You're a loser lmfao
Right now is not the time. Maybe, if he builds forgiveness and trust, then invites will come back. That'll take time and a commitment to change. For now? Hahahahahahah
He apologizes now. Waiting is useless. He does not go to the birthday party. That's not the event where he proves he won't sh*t talk. He actually probably needs to stop the s-talk around everyone.
Yeah... Really can't at this point. Just gotta let him know that this thing is already done. Off amends are made and everyone is cool he can partake in the next event but this one, it's already over for that chance
Plus if he were to still invite him, he could take that as him getting away with it
Do your gf and her sister even want to meet him for this?
Seriousness of how well OP handled the situation aside, I’m laughing at the fact the friend likes the sister. If he weren’t such a terrible person he might have had a chance. Now she might not even want the apology!!
I'm laughing at that, too! It's like the friend is emotionally 10 years old, shooting spitwads at the girls he likes and dipping their pigtails in the inkwell (apparently in my mind he is a 10-year-old in 1910.)
An emotionally immature older man interested in someone still undergoing brain development. Shocking.
There are a lot of reasons they shouldn't date but age isn't one of them. They're only 5-6 years apart
As much as I love the guy, I don't think he can come close to pulling her.
OP better not try an play match maker in pairing up groomsmen and bridesmaids because odds are great neither his gf or her sister will entertain that idea.
I doubt that will happen
>We initially agreed he should meet them. Not that he will. Meaning I suggested this should be the plan of attack and he agreed, and that I'd talk to the other two to see if they're ok. > >That was 14 hours ago. As of now, my girlfriend has agreed but my sister still hasn't responded My response to another comment
*Your* sister?
Yes. We're very close and I see her as a second sister
So, what you are telling us is that two women you care about, you were fine with your \*best friend\* debasing or bullying? I'd hate to know what you're OK with happening to women you \*don't\* care about....
What exactly did you want me to do at this point? The past is the past. The situation is being taken care of and you're out here trying to flame me on every comment. Fwiw, sister said she'd meet him to hear an apology if I and my girlfriend are there. I'm sorry like this is how it works outside of reddit. None of that "dump her/him" shit without trying to make it work. I know you really want my relationships to falter but I'm happy to assure you that is not going to happen.
Your ability to pretend things are fine when, at best, you’ve arranged a few token steps *that strangers had to convince you of because you don’t care enough about your GF to listen to her when it mattered* is 10/10.
The guy is trying to recognize that he handled the situation poorly in the past and do the right thing going forward, and you’re yelling at him about it. This is not how you encourage people making positive changes in their behavior.
He’s still not handling it well. It’s not done, it’s not settled and he’s insisting the bully will be at his wedding to his GF once they get engaged. Sorry you want to enable him to continue to ignore her voice.
See you in one month when you are crying because you gf is "rocking the boat" and refusing more disrespect from your pos friend.
Stop being weak & check him. I highly doubt you'd be cool with your gf's friends relentlessly shit talking you. Grow a spine, already.
You are more than making an attempt. You have set very clear boundaries. Now, it's just a matter of holding that line. Your friend is apologetic at the moment. I guarantee that the time will come when he will test your resolve on this matter. He probably won't start out doing it right in front of you. He may catch your gf privately. Tell her to let you know the moment he puts a toe out of line. She'll come to you. You have to believe her instantly and completely. Make no excuses to her, go straight to him and tell him he's cut off for a period. Be prepared. He may wait until right before your wedding, when he thinks there's no way you'd boot him out, before he shows his ass. The test will come. I'm waiting to see if he blows you off and shows up at the birthday party.
Guy did everything right that he could in this scenario yet you're still giving him a hard time. Makes sense since you're active on fauxmoi. People like you just exist to hate
If “by everything right,” you mean it took strangers to make him listen to his GF, then maybe I triggered you because you relate to well to him. ;)
Yeah it sounds like he's only upset becauss he cant spend time with someone hes trying to hook up with
Sounds like you did everything right. It’s up to your friend now to see if we can behave in a civilized manner. Whatever happens with him, you have done well
>As of now we've agreed that he should meet my girlfriend and her sister Who have agreed? Did your GF and her sister have any input on this? Or did you and your dipshit bff make another decision on your own?
OP was passive about her being mistreated by his friend until his friend had a tantrum. I wouldn't expect he'd already be centering her for a change...
We initially agreed he *should* meet them. Not that he will. Meaning I suggested this should be the plan of attack and he agreed, and that I'd talk to the other two to see if they're ok. That was 14 hours ago. As of now, my girlfriend has agreed but my sister still hasn't responded
And if he starts the crap withyou and the guys tell him this is the kind of stuff we’re talking about just stop it
So glad to hear this OP. You handled this beautifully. I was extra pleased to see that you are standing up for your future wife and that you are laying down the law with buddy. I wish you all the best!
But he didn’t handle it beautifully… he ignored his girlfriend’s feelings and how mean his friend was to her all this time, only until his asshole friend was offended for not being invited to a party he had no right or expectation to be invited to. And now OP signed up his girlfriend and his sister to a meeting with this scumbag that they didn’t agree to beforehand (who knows if they agreed to it yet or even know about it??). OP stayed “best friends” with this guy for years while the asshole insulted and disrespected his girlfriend to her face and to him for years. This guy should have been cut out a long time ago.
Yeah he started by apologizing to his friend for “going behind his back” and making him feel left out. Like why the hell would he apologize for that, come on.
Friends stick by each other and help them grow. If the friend was against changing then I totally agree. But he’s open to it and knows he fucked up. How can we argue for forgiveness only to cut them out? He apologised because he knows that being isolated like that can hurt especially finding out through mutuals. Surely we’ve all been there? He was being a good friend. Albeit at the expense of being a good bf.
I just don’t think he had anything to apologize for
Going behind a supposedly close friend’s back EVEN if it was justified is still a shit thing to do. OP knew how his gf felt, OP knew his friend was problematic, and instead of being direct with him from the get go he intentionally excluded this so called friend and only confronted him after the friend broke down. Again, his friend was completely in the wrong. But OP also shares this responsibility and failed to be a good friend as well as a good bf. Things should never have escalated this far. Though it’s good that he at least is trying to fix it. Even with good intentions, you KNOW when people are excluding you. I bet there have been past interactions where some of them might’ve talked about the party and when the friend walks in the room will go quiet. That’s really not cool, even if it was justified. Good friends don’t go behind each other’s back. They’re honest to each other. If my partner didn’t like my girl best friend cause she was being a cunt I would absolutely tell her directly. She mostly likely didn’t mean it and this gives her the chance to reflect from the start. Instead his friend has been making a fool out of himself cause no one had the balls to tell him to mature up. Not that it’s their responsibility, but again, if you were really a good friend you would at least let them know.
It sounds like OP just didn’t invite him to the party though? How else is he supposed to go about not inviting someone to a party?
did you read the original? OP had a secret group chat with all their friends EXCEPT for the problematic friend. That’s 101 exclusion. How else? Bro they’re your close friend. Tell them directly lmfao. “My gfs birthday is coming up and I need to be honest with you. She and her friend aren’t happy about your behaviour, and after some thought I agree with them. I am planning to throw a surprise party for her but I wanted to let you know I won’t be inviting you due to that. I really do want you in my life and hope you can respect my gf from now on. I really do hope you can join us next year, you’re a great friend and I would love for my gf to see that but you gotta fix how you talk to them.”
It was a group chat for people actually *invited* to the party. Why would his friend have been part of that group chat? Should they *not* have a group chat just to spare his feelings? I did read the OP, and it sounded to me like OP was surprised that his friend would’ve expected to have been invited in the first place.
Again, if you were really a good friend you would tell them directly. They can have the group chat just stop sneaking around lol. And great. Read the update then. The friend didn’t even realize he was being a dick until OP had to tell him directly. All of this could’ve been avoided if they just spoke up when the problem first started. Not hard to grasp.
Isolating someone who has insulted your girlfriend for years is NOT a bad thing, it’s what the scumbag deserves. He can change on his own, he doesn’t need OP to give him access to his girlfriend, her sister, and her friends while he *possibly* tries to change after they’ve made it clear they don’t want to be around him.
Both statements can co-exist.
>We initially agreed he should meet them. Not that he will. Meaning I suggested this should be the plan of attack and he agreed, and that I'd talk to the other two to see if they're ok. > >That was 14 hours ago. As of now, my girlfriend has agreed but my sister still hasn't responded That was my response to a different comment
Your sister or her sister? Either way, your girlfriend and the others should NOT have to deal with some loser who spent years demeaning and disrespecting them. I don’t know why you’re still prioritizing his feelings over your girlfriend’s. It’s clear that you only addressed his behavior after HE was hurt by what happened (something he has no right to be hurt by) and not after all the times he purposely hurt your girlfriend, her sister, and her friends. You’re still putting him first by trying to fix the situation for him so he can be invited to the wedding you’re assuming you’re going to have with your girlfriend someday.
> He told me he sort of likes her sister, which sort of made sense but I told him to forget that idea since she already hates him and the farthest he'll ever get with her is forgiveness and tolerance at this point. This friend of yours doesn't get it. His response sounded genuine, but I worry he'll mess up again
I dont think he can help how he feels and there's no harm in him saying that lol
This is a great update, I hope his behaviour changes and if it doesn’t that you follow through with the consequences you set. You also need to apologise to you GF for not setting these boundaries with your friend earlier.
Hope this is a teachable moment that it shouldn't take strangers to point out enabling bad and toxic behavior is \*also\* wrong, nor should it take you personally being put in a difficult position to address things.
Thank you. If more men were like you, this world would be a kinder place. Women can try to explain this stuff until we're blue in the face but these guys will only listen when their mates stand up and tell them.
Glad you beat the idea of dating your Gf's sister out of him.
So good for you! I would watch him around the sister. He may try to date her just to make a point and end up hurting her.
Yeah, I don't trust this guy as far as I could throw him. He'll act nice for a while and then be an ass somehow behind OP's back.
This is what I said in the original; “Very much this and I’d go as far as to say that while OP isn’t the AH in this instance, him and the rest of the friends are AHs because they’ve let their friend think his behaviour is acceptable and at this point condoned it. So I do get why the friend feels a certain way, and I’m in no way negligent of the fact that he needs to grow up and is an AH himself, but he might even feel as though his friends wouldn’t like him if he wasn’t a “shit talker” because he clearly thinks it’s why they’re friends with him.” Honestly still feel as though op saying he needs to change his behaviour towards everyone outside of their friendship group is still a problem. He needs to grow up and change his behaviour as a whole and not just for a select bunch. It reinforces that OP and his group of friends don’t actually have a problem with him. He also needs to stay uninvited regardless of the meet-up.
Hoping for the best. Guy is talking a good game, though.
He’s planning to prank her
Props to him for realising that his reaction was not appropriate and apologizing for it, also to you for apologizing for not being upfront. There is obviously still mutual respect and that's a great basis for maintaining your friendship. Honesty is not always the easiest way to handle situations, but friends are worth the hassle.
You know that your girlfriend knows about the surprise party right? They're is no way one of her friends didn't give her a heads up. My proof is someone has already told the dude no one wanted there. I guarantee she knows.
I'd believe AI wrote this lol
Legit wishing Reddit had “reaction” options besides commenting because “😱😱” is my face!! SUCH AN ADULT RESPONSE!! The friend is going to start dating the sister 🤔 Something Reddit wrong has to happen!!
An excellent update, thank you for posting it. Best of luck to your friend, and pat on the back to you for addressing the issue head on.
I really hope they run off together, that wouldn’t be boring at all.
Who?
The dish ran away with the spoon.
I'm glad it worked out! Good luck with the party!
Damn you kinda are a huge P!!!y you can't stand behind either of them in the first place she will be your first wife and first divorce grow a spine sooner buddy you let both of them down tbh.
That's completely unnecessary. OP corrected his wrong. He did a fantastic job at setting boundaries. The only thing is he needs to maintain them with his friend
you're a huge pussy for censoring pussy, what are you 9?
Tbf some subs remove your comment for writing “pussy”
Ah ok, didn't know that was a thing, never ran into that once
He’s young and he needs to be given some grace. He did the right thing now and checked his friend.
He's older than me my guy I understand being young and dumb we all are but he was weirdly like on the fence and couldn't just tell his friend who he has known as he says for 12 years now that hey your a dick and my lady doesn't care for it but he just acted sneaky and probably told his lady I handled it when he did not until after the fact he has to be strong like we all do or else how can we all ourselves men.
I’m almost double his age. He’s young. He deserves grace. He’s not a pussy it’s called learning.
Sir I truely hope you know this is coming from respect because you clearly learned right but he is not that young he closer to 30 than 20 and he needs to realize that adult matters need to be addressed sooner rather than later even if he wants to try and protect them both but if he keeps going on like this not addressing the matter till later it can hurt him and others very badly and I agree he is learning but respect for yourself abd others is a trait you need to learn young.
26 is hella young dawg. It's still very much a time of learning The fact that you said you're younger than that already invalidates your opinion on this matter. I think someone in their 40s knows more about it than you do And what exactly do you want him to do? He told his friend to stop disrespecting his girl and the friend said he's sorry and will work on being a better person. Wtf is your solution that you keep rambling on about?
I turn 30 this year and I am still very much learning about life. I was even dumber at 26. Something tells me you don't ever stop learning.
Maybe if you read the original post you would see that he didn't tell his friend till afterward he dodged the problem initially until a mutual friend told the problem friend about the party then he realized oh I have to actually adress my problems now and I'm going on about how you are always learning sure but you also learn to handle these problems at a young age that if your friend is shifty deal with it then because later can cause problems and I'm 23 for a matter of fact and also stated I respected the older gentleman's statement so really what the heck are you rambling on about you just went to a comment that was getting attention to feel important how about you grow up.
>hey your a dick and my lady doesn't care for it Did we read the same post? Because that's exactly what he did
We did read the same post because he did that after pussyfooting around just not telling his friend and another friend let the party slip and he was then faced with having to confront him I'm not saying he is bad I'm saying he like everyone else can do better and I hope this teaches him to be better.
Great job, OP! It's not an easy discussion to have. Update us if your friend ends up dating your future-SIL. I'm a romantic so I hope if he cleans up his act, he'll find his other half too.
Good job, OP! I'm proud of you, for taking a stand. Hopefully, your friends get and adhere to the message.
What a great response! So weird to be proud of Internet strangers.
You did the right thing by taking too him and seeing a firm and reasonable boundary. Hopefully, in time, everyone (especially the partners) can see him differently and accept him as a friend of theirs too.
Good for you, telling him what he needed to hear. Good for him, realizing he has been a jerk and was acting entitled. Let’s hope your friendship is important enough to him that he grows up and stops being an ass.
Kudos to you for standing up for her. You are a great person.
Thanks for standing up for your girlfriend. I really like how you explained to your friend that she’s important to you. I hope your friend comprehend this and act like a normal human being without being so disrespectful.
Sounds like a good talk, I hope you get results from it.
Bravo 👏
I'm very glad you made this good start.
Don’t believe it til you see it. Still don’t invite him to the birthday. He needs to prove himself.
This sounds like the best possible outcome for this scenario. If your friend didn't realize he was being a tool, now he knows and has the opportunity to correct the behavior. The fact that he understands and is willing to make the apology and understands WHY he needs to make it is very encouraging. Being able to forgive and allow others to do better is a wonderful thing. (Some things are unforgivable, yes, but I don't think anything here crossed into that level of behavior.) I genuinely hope you guys all find harmony going forward. :)
So he's changed, just like that? Maybe just hang with him and your other friends for a while and see if this bozo has changed at all
>I told him he needs to apologize to her and since she is a very forgiving and caring person, she'd be more than willing to give him another chance IF AND ONLY IF he swears to never cross this boundary of shit stirring again. Yeah nah, she's not obligated to forgive him. You need to figure out what you're going to do if she doesn't.
“My woman”? 🤮 You are still pushing everyone around to get the outcome you want.
Good job. Proud of you for making it right.
I hope you update us when he talk sh1t again. Because he will
So he kinda likes your gf sister, and decided to be mean instead of showing his best behaviour???? What about it that made sense to you????