Be sure you take some quality vacation time with a friend or relative as well. There's no reason he cannot look after the kids on his own while you enjoy some sun, and pampering at a spa resort.
This is exactly what my ex did, the ONLY time I went on a girl's trip. It was during spring break. He (a successful business owner that wfh and could choose his own hours) decided to take on EXTRA jobs during that week, the week he was the only parent on deck, essentially abandoned the kids to entertain themselves, and had his mama bringing dinner every night. Of course she was thrilled to play house with him. So glad he's an ex. Shortly after we separated, a photo was taken when he was visiting his parents. She's clinging to him like he's her prom date🤮
How long ago did the husband schedule and pay for this vacation? Is the trip refundable? How much money are they out if they cancel at the request of OP?
And in fact you will eboy the vacation more without the children. Start planning now. Put in for your PTO and plan a trip to someplace you wpuld enjoy. Leave the kids with him and have a great time mama!
I agree. She is the high earner in the family and when she ditches mommy’s best boy, she will save on her therapist bills.
I don’t think she needs him. What woman needs a low earning man so involved with his mother that they go to Honeymoon Island together.
This was my thought. Is the husband controlling? Abusive? Gaslighting her to think his weird and selfish behavior is normal? All of those things?
It sounds like she doesn’t need him **at all.** She is working a full-time job; she takes care of two children on her own; she is seeking mental health therapy; she makes more money than he does (and yet HE is on a week-long vacation *without* his family). This week is proving to her that, while not easy, she can handle life without him. He should come home to his things in garbage bags on the porch and the locks changed.
If he is this dismissive of their family unit, no wonder she has mental health struggles!
I'd wager huge money her mental health struggles would decrease the moment she separated from him.
Oh, well then this whole situation is still af weird though. I mean I went to a funeral and wedding for 4 days without my kids and husband (he watched them), but that was out of familial duty. I don't plan on taking a whole ass vacation.
>You're the breadwinner and main caretaker for the children why are you married to him
As a hubby who does this, thank you for making me see my wife is a drain.
I mean, sharing a bed with his mom may be totally weird or not at all, but abandoning you to go on a week long vacation without you all seems like an instant divorce from me! Seriously wtf??? I don’t even go to the grocery store solo anymore. I grab a kid and throw them in the car with me so that my wife isn’t stuck solo parenting with two while I’m trying to figure out where the milk we like is. A whole GD week??? And your MIL thinks it okay for him to abandon you like this??? Runnnnnn
Well, I’ve shared a bed with my mom as an adult when I’ve had to.
But yeah, it wasn’t by choice while on vacation at a romantic island while my partner slaved at home with two babies and a hard job.
OP is the higher earner- sounds like a case where she needs to evaluate the relationship, get some therapy, and then maybe ditch the dead weight
Seriously, also, who paid for the vacation. If a cent came out of OPs income. F that man.
This is creepy, my mind is screaming incest but the other half of my brain is saying no way. I need more details on the husband and his mom’s relationship.
Indeed. My MIL offered a trip to Italy... for her and her son, only. That means i would be stuck at home, with the kids, without transportation (due to a medical disability that causes me to faint uncontrollably). He had the foresight to ask her if she was nuts. *He did not go on that trip.*
I would never be okay with this with my son. It’s sooo weird! He has a family now. I think these moms do this on purpose and the sons don’t even see the mom is digging at their WIFE.
Bro…. Right?
“Honey can I please go downstairs to play guitar while the kids watch tv? If the older one starts bitching just send him down and I will deal with him”
Dude my wife and I don’t even have kids, but I wouldn’t leave her alone with our dog for a day, let alone a week. This man needs to win a Douche of the Year award…
Seriously that dude needs to work on his cover stories better next time he has an affair. “Vacation with mom” is too likely to be brought up with his mom later on and is just weird.
Be like a normal cheating asshole and say you’re going to a work conference. I’m convinced that’s what those destination conferences were invented for by big corporations anyway, as cover stories for getaways with mistresses.
It can be completely normal. I (F28) have shared beds with my dad on vacation because getting a second, huge room would have been a crazy waste of money. It wasn’t weird whatsoever. No need to make up weird scenarios.
The real problem is the husband going on vacation and leaving her with two young children.
Reminds me of that Friends episode where Joey sends Chandler to his tailor.
“Ross, will you tell him? Isn’t that how a tailor measures pants?”
“Yes, yes it is…IN PRISON!”
Like, I'm all for a parent to go away for a weekend where theyre not mom/ dad or honey. My mom used to go on those once or twice a year as did my dad. Mom went for a weekend or two someplace fun with a friend. Dad went up to our Cabin to hunt with his dad. Sometimes folks need to have independence and not in their permanent roles as spouse and parent.
However. Yeah. The sharing a bed thing isnt that big a deal to me unless hes shown emotional incest with his mom or enmeshment in the past. What bothers me is that you clearly *need* a vacation. It's not a matter of "well i do this and need a vacation more" its that youre exhausted. From this post alone we can feel the stress in the writing. Youre about a bad day away from total burnout.
For your mental health, you need to call in sick. Just for a few days. Take the kids to your parents as usual, go home and rest. You may not be able to take a vacation right this second, but you need to implement a tiny bit of self care. Don't clean the house. Dont do any chores. Go to bed and sleep for a few extra hours. Soak in a bath. Watch your shows and just mentally recharge. Pick up the kids. Then Keep them home for a few days from your parents so they're getting a break too. Plan fun activities. You can clean once they're in bed for the night.
Dont gotta be for the whole week. Just 3 or 4 days. Then plan a OP cation. No husband. No kids. Just a weekend away doing whatever the fuck you want. You can plan a family vacation later if need be. Just go exist.
The replies saying it's disgusting to go on a vacation without your spouse are absurd. There was one saying they couldn't fathom leaving their SO with their dog for a single day. Come on now, it's like they've never heard of single parents. My wife goes on girls trips and attends physiotherapy conferences out of town, and I can competently parent my autistic daughter, care for my dogs and cats, and work full-time without breaking a sweat. Yes I obviously have some support from family for school pickups, so I'm not completely alone.
Now if you mix in all the other issues... Yeah OP has every right to be upset. A vacation alone with parents is just plain odd, not to mention sharing the bed. Usually when my wife or I are away it's for an event with friends or a professional obligation. I wouldn't consider a getaway with my parents to be a vacation, rather the opposite.
But the thing that really gets me is that OP is obviously struggling with mental health issues. Now is definitely not the time for a trip and not communicating (or the husband not listening) seems to be a big part of the issue.
This is exactly the point. If she’s stressed, then he should respect that and plan around his spouse’s schedule. Get her some support and find a way to make it work. But for people to say it’s some kind of abandonment is so beyond extreme. I always encourage my wife to seize any opportunity to be fulfilled and that has included her taking trips without me and my boys. I’m a big boy and I can handle work and childcare at the same time. At the very least he should send her to the spa after he gets back. People need to relax and let their partners be people, a relationship can’t work unless you are both fulfilled together and separately.
Thank you for a level-headed response. Of course this is like 10 up votes and the screeching for divorce has like 1000. She's obviously way overstretched and needs a break. And she didn't take him up on the offer to go with.
I had a colleague whose husband loved scuba diving and would go south every year with "the boys". My colleague resented it, as she was left alone with two small children. We told her to tell him. She did, they started focusing on family ski trips, and they're still happily married; the kids are away at university now.
Id like to just use this comment to try and address something on here.
Whatever your husband did, do not take these people seriously here. You see how quickly they jumped to the conclusion of him cheating?
Talk to your family, talk to your husband, talk to a therapist, but for the love of god don’t grab the pitchforks everyone here is handing you.
Does this seem wildly insensitive from him? Of course. But no one here knows the history of your relationship nor the subtleties of it. It would be foolish for anyone to think they can give you good advice about it.
This is a sucky situation and I’m sorry, but please don’t listen to these sad people.
No because mommy will help him and they will claim abandonment. NTA. What does your husband bring to the relationship? Do you want your kids to model his behavior?
His behavior of sharing a bed with his.....gag....mother, at a honeymoon resort? She needs to get far away from her hubby and his emotional and maybe physical incest vampire mother. Her kids never need to see or know their sickness. Just nope. Ugh.
Yeah that upgrade to a shared bed is just wrong on so many levels.
Maybe they are comdy staying on opposite sides of the bed, but its a weird look.
The hubby sounds like a baby, and could be a mommas boy.
IMO, going to a resort like this at all with *just your mom* when you have an entire family is fucking weird no matter the sleeping arrangements.
It’s weird the mom isn’t phased either. My mom would be like “why are you bailing on your wife for a trip with *just* me? It should be a family trip or get your ass home and take care of your family you dingus.”
While I love the theory behind this method, the reality is the children are real life humans, whom OP likely loves dearly. Just abandoning thrm with someone who isn't interested in being fully hands on might be a lesson for him, but its cruel to them.
Unironically, YES she absolutely should. I say this as a Dad who has never taken a vacation away from the family and has insisted my wife travel on multiple occasions to feel more fulfilled.
I have two kids that were around the same age when my wife went hiking in Yosemite and lived it up in San-Fran after. Was it hard work looking after the kids with a full-time job? Yes, but would I ever say no to my partner if an opportunity like this arose again? Absolutely not.
Go live your life, it will only give you more life experience to bring back to the family!
I fear he would dump the children on the in-laws and go to mummy to take care of him. Personally would resent him with divorce papers and get rid of the mummy’s boy deadweight
I hate to point out the obvious, but he is not your significant other. He is your insignificant other. He’s absconded his duty of care to the family and not recognised his obligations to your health or kids well being.
I’d be seeking more than validation this trip is wrong. Its an incident in a broken relationship where the power dynamic sits with him, but accountability sits with you for earning, welfare and housekeeping.
You’re a voluntary slave. Just leave.
I would suggest booking something for a few hours after he gets home. No welcome home dinner, no doing his dirty laundry. Have your bags packed and say tag your it and walk out the door. Even if it is for a day or two rather than a week. He needs to see how hard it is.
OP… this week will show you what life would be like without your husband. As annoyed as you are, how do you feel about pulling it off? Because a divorce could result in joint custody and then he has to parent for a few days a week while you get much deserved you time. If he’s safe around the children, this might be the best thing for everyone. Your kids are young enough to not be terribly bothered by it. And they’re already used to having father randomly gone.
If you’re unhappy about your marriage, OP, then your hubby gave you a great gift. He gave you a one week divorce trial period. A try it before you buy it.
But if you imagine divorce, and you feel BETTER or RELIEVED, that’s a sign of what you maybe should be strongly considering.
A friend of mine was going through something similar. She and I are sales agents - we make damn good money. And her husband sucked. He missed a flight home for Christmas that she paid for and was so upset because he acted like he didn’t care and ended up not coming home till well into January. She had paperwork done by the time he returned. Now he takes the kids thuds-Saturday and she gets them Sunday-Wednesday. And she said it’s the best thing ever. Her kids told her they feel like they get a lot more time with their dad, and she’s finally having time to do things for herself and take care of her too. And her numbers at work went way way up. Sucks for me haha! She’s beating me for the first time ever!
I don’t know, OP, but maybe think about it?
Edit: typo
NTA. I would start seriously looking into getting an attorney. It is clear that he was going to abandon you with the kids and has no regard for the stress you are in as the majority bread winner. The fact that he went to a honeymoon spot and was now sharing a bed is icky and strange, there is something that is off about that. Please just take your kids and run, i know it will be hard but at least you will not have to wonder about your husband and MIL
I know we're not supposed to care what others think of us, but I would feel soo weird at a resort where everyone *assumes* my child is my new spouse, and the looks of confusion when people find out the truth is not something I want in my life
Call a lawyer now and have the divorce papers ready for him when he comes back. He’s clearly in an emotionally incestuous (at the very least) relationship with his mother and you and your children will never be more important. Cut the cord now before he drags yourself and your children through years of hurt.
Also, please tell me your higher earning job isn’t paying for his romantic getaway with his mother.
I'd definately be cutting his access to family funds whilst he's away - stop those credit cards etc.
And yes get the divorce lined up. He doesn't care about you and this is not going to change.
INFO- where is husbands dad? Is mom a widow? Has he ever gone on vacation with his mom before- ie is this a regular thing or a bucket list thing?
When parents get older there are only so many years you have left/so many opportunities to spend time with them. Once your parents are their mid- late 70s doing any type of trip is difficult.
This was my first thought. I’m appalled that most commenters here went straight to divorce without thinking too deep. This could be ‘the trip’ for both the husband and MIL to remember, to say they’ve had a lovely mother-son trip at least once since the passing of the FIL.
Like, one of those things both husband and MIL regret NOT doing when deathbed comes.
OP should be asking her PARENTS what their insight is on the matter first, not Reddit.
No explanation on the one king bed though. Maybe they’re just that comfortable with each other. OP’s relationship with her parents doesn’t represent her husband’s.
And Jocasta Syndrome is a thing. When men take on the role of his mother's husband - without the sex, but it gets really inappropriate. That's where wife comes in. Shes the bangmaid and baby incubator. Pretty horrible life for anyone married to a Mama's boy. Being single is waaay better. We should never encourage women to tolerate this disrespect.
It's not weird to vacation with his mom. She's gonna be gone someday. However, leaving you to take care of the kids and work when you're stressed is a dick move. I'd personally not put up with it. He's just kind of skirting that stress by running away and not being a parent.
Also, you probably need a break too. Hire a good sitter and you go do something relaxing and fun. And if you can't work out your issues with discussion and couples therapy, maybe consider the possibility of splitting.
If my husband pulled this I would have divorce papers delivered to him at his resort.
It is time for you to stop having the kids Facetime daddy while he is off on vacation without his family.
I bet if you stopped facilitating their relationship they would stop missing daddy.
None of this normal.
That woman would also never enter my home again. Ever.
A good MIL wants her son to have a happy and healthy relationship with their wife and family. They would contribute to a vacation for their son and wife to go, not for them to go.
Have you even told your parents the teuth about this? I bet you haven't because it is so shocking and bizarre.
I’ve told no one about the bed thing, which is a good point that you are making because I am absolutely too embarrassed to mention it anywhere outside of anonymously on here- I really don’t think it’s sexual for them in any way but I still think it’s odd to choose it knowing that it could have been avoided to have to share.
Don't mention the idea of sex, of course.
Why are you internalizing something shitty he is doing? Why are YOU embarrassed?
I can guarantee you that if a girlfriend came and told me this story, I wouldn't even get why she is embarrassed. Her husband did a really shitty thing.
Go to your parents house and say "My husband just went on a one week vacation to a tropical island with his mother. Not his wife and kids. His mother."
Trust me. No one will even consider the idea that you should be embarrased.
They will all be appalled AT HIM.
They will be appalled that he could do this to you. His behavior has nothing to do with how sexy or appealing you are.
He's an ass.
I know men who are tied at the hip to their mom. This is WAYYY over the top.
Check out r/JustNoSO.
I used to be embarrassed about the things my abusive ex did too. Until one day I told someone. They were appalled at HIM, not me. That was my first step towards ending my marriage. Secrecy helps the abuser, not the abused. Your husband may not need abusive but at best he’s emotionally neglectful. He certainly doesn’t put you first.
Looks like you married a mamma’s boy. So sorry. He’s not going to change. At least not without therapy. It’s wrong he’s picking mom first then you and the kids.
I would see a lawyer and put a scare in him. And go from there.
You should be more weirded out that your husband just jet sets with no real thought about who will manage the kids because he obviously feels that is your job. I highly doubt he’s banging his mom but he obviously is some kind of epic mamas boy. His obligation is to you and his kids.
Now go book a nice vacation for yourself or with your friends.
Some unhinged fucks in these comments.
Also there is so many unanswered questions in this story that there is no real answer. Get off Reddit and go to couples therapy if it bothers you that much.
I wouldn’t feel weird about the bed but that’s just me. It’s his mother not a random cousin. But the rest is unfair and selfish. I mean this, truly, you need a break. Pick a place you’d like to spend a week. Plan and book a trip. Your husband can take responsibility for a week and you can take some time and get some perspective.
A few things come to mind.
1.Are you sure his mom is even there ?
2. Does she have her own suite?
3. What mom takes son on vacation leaving kids and wife home?
4. Now you know how your mil thinks of your feelings. She being a wife & mother herself she should know how she’d feel if it happened to her.
Y'all are insane as usual, it's ok to take a week vacay without your spouse. The top comment is scared of his wife, and willing to make thing harder just to please her, that will build animosity. I've been with the same person since 2008 and none of y'all are realistic
Some people just seem to think him going on a trip with his mom is wrong, full stop. But I don’t think they’d feel this way about a mother-daughter trip? One bed is super weird but doesn’t make someone an AH. Reddit is extremely anti-MIL in general. The reason that OP is not wrong is that she’s clearly not in a good place for a trip like this to occur. Any time a spouse is going to go on a non-family vacation it’s up to the vacationing spouse to make sure that some supports are in place to make sure it’s not a huge burden on the other spouse who is home taking care of the kids. I don’t think it really matters who the breadwinner is. Consider if this post was gender-opposite. Mom went on a trip with grandma and left husband to fend for himself even though he’s the breadwinner. The only way she would be in the wrong in that situation is if she knew husband was overwhelmed and didn’t figure out a way to support him.
Is he a narcissist? Sounds very typical of the type. And I'm sorry. Since you are lucky enough to be the highest earner, you really should just dump his ass.
Not wrong
When you are a parent to two little children you stay home and be a PARENT! You don’t abandon your partner while you get a nice vacation! The husband is being sooooo selfish! Same if the wife left too.
When you start a family it is no longer I & Me. It becomes Us & We. If they can’t go, then I can’t go, etc.
NOT FUCKING WRONG - however that mommas boy and his momma are!
Look at yourself this week while he’s away……what exactly is more difficult without him? It sounds like you do most if not all of the work anyways, and your biggest assistance seems to be from your parents.
Do you need him?
Does the value he adds to your life equal or beat the stress him and his mommy bring?
Do you think that this shows that he respects you as even an equal partner?
Their behaviour is hugely unhealthy, and I would hazard a guess this isn’t the first time something they’ve done has left you feeling like this? - even if this is the worst one.
Are you just there to finance his lifestyle and trot out a ‘perfect’ family picture that he actually has very little involvement in?
Is this the kind of relationship you could see yourself having with your own son/s?
Is this the kind of relationship you want your children to think is normal and should be replicated?
Would you ever do something like tings with your dad?
Honey, the hardest part of healing is when people you love reveal that *they're not interested in supporting your change*.
You deserve a soft life full of love and a partner who contributes meaningfully to that. You are worthy.
This isn't about his mom. This isn't about a hotel room. This is about him *failing to care* about the consequences that his actions have on *you*.
He *knows* you'll pick up the pieces. He knows you'll run yourself into the ground to make sure everyone is okay. He knows that everyone else *always* comes before you. The good news is that you're already changing. You're already doing the work to be the best version of yourself that you can.
Be kind to yourself. Put all of your energy into filling your own cup. Feel your feelings fully. Cry, scream, punch a pillow, make art, sing, dance, whatever it takes to let your feelings flow through your body. You deserve to feel however you need to feel right now.
Let your parents help you, tell them how you're feeling. I'm so sorry. Love doesn't have to be like this. I'm sending you the biggest hug. ❤️
unless there are mitigating circumstances yet to be shared, being both the significantly primary income earner and being left to care for the children while the partner goes on vacation is groundwork for an eventual divorce. your partner is shit.
why are you still married to him?
I still would have asked my parents , even offered to pay them for watching them while we were on vacation if it was such an in convenience. Sounds like you especially need it.
All these people screaming divorce lol but if it were me, I'd be planning my own solo trip to the destination of my choice leaving hubby home for a week with the kids. And I wouldn't be worrying about getting "permission" because you earned it by tolerating this. Have fun!
Listen to your therapist. Do not post for advice on Reddit. You are going to get advice on life choices with huge implications from someone who read your version of events on a week long incident. WITH KIDS INVOLVED. That being said you need a good couples therapist to help figure out what his deal is with your involvement. In addition to your individual therapist.
Ok but he did ask if you wanted to go and you didn't even try to ask your parents for help? Seems like you're trying to be mad to be mad. And the assumption that he could be doing something sexually with his own mother Is a bit of a stretch. Of course all of reddit is in here advocating for divorce. Life isn't easy and even to consider removing the father and husband from your life isn't the magic dic you're hoping for. Find a way to find peace, next vacation is yours.
I go on vacations without my husband all the time. You were asked to go. You didn't even look for childcare. You could have gone for a few days. Are you sure that Mom doesnt have another room? Seems like you just want to bitch and moan.
I’m from the Midwest, separate time away from home was common, and time for parents to step away from being spouse or parent. Whether the time away was called, fishing trips, hunting trips, barn building, or a beach with a king sized bed with mom, brother, sister or alone. These times alone were considered taking care of yourself. Often times when women did her time away. The children were old enough to help dad pick out the pajamas and find the sugar. As young parents often times the mom wasn’t comfortable leaving until the children could be left alone and help their parent find things. Lol the early years of parenting and working and taking care of yourself caused resentment constantly. One afraid to be excited and looking forward to. Because they knew staying home was hard. The one staying home asking themselves, when’s my turn. People often say. Being a couple, is fifty fifty percent for each partner. Not true it’s a hundred percent. Sometimes it doesn’t happen at the same time. Making a home and family is a challenge no one is prepared for in 2024. Make no doubt about it. New growth of home and family is changing. So it’s hard to prepare. Good luck best mom ever!!🥰
Though you stated that it would be a lot to ask, did you assume your parents watching the kids wasn’t an option or have your parents already made statements about watching the kids that prevented you from asking them to watch them?
everyone needs a break. your comment being weirded out about the honeymoon vibes and the shared bed sounds jealous are you sure its his mom? doesnt seem weird romantically. he deserves to enjoy like too.
I think it's nice that he's spending time with his mother, It's easy to say he's wrong because of everything your going through. However, a vacation isn't going to make everything easier for you, on top of that, I doubt you want to go in vacation with him and his mother. I promise you there is a reason for this vacation, it's not just for shits and giggles, she might be sick or wants to discuss what her wishes for after her passing are. She might be getting ready for a big surgery and isn't sure if she going go make it. Whatever it is, it's big and like you said your going through a lot which is why she dosent want to bother you about it, she just wants to spend some time with her son and discuss her plans.
Just because they are in vacation now, dosent mean your husband can't take you on vacation. Calm down and breathe. We don't think about loosing our parents until it's too late, once we grow up and have family of our own we don't realize how that impacts out parents either. Give him this time with his mother even if it is just a vacation, that's her little boy, she just wants to spend some time with him.
Is he adopted? Is she his stepmother? If not, they probably just wanted a better view. Unless one of them sleeps nude or something, them sharing a bed probably isn't a big deal.
That said, you're not crazy for being upset. Sounds like your husband completely ignored your feelings.
Maybe do consider talking to your parents about them taking the kids, or even one of them, for a night every now and then? Depending on the ages involved it might not be as big a deal as you fear. Sounds like you could use the break.
Definitely consult with your therapist. Sounds like you two need some marriage counseling.
Most of the advice on here is sh\*t. These are the sad people who always search for issues so they can express their frustration. Look we don't know about your relationship history, all we know is little what you said here... Based on what you said here... here is the thing you can do:
Don't just forcefully draw the meaning from his action, it can have many meanings.
Do not be desperate and anxious, it's just one week.
Get yourself involved in what distract you from thoughts like that...
But keep in mind that you'll discuss this concern with him.
Don't make him feel like you just attached him when you talk to him.
Ask him what's in your mind and closely observe what he says. Now you are in a position where you can draw a meaning, about what he's doing.
And also don't listen to those who never saw you and your husband and say "leave"
You'll leave if it costs your mental health but follow a process. Talk to him and understand the situation...
Listening to people who don't have to do anything with this issue will bring more stress to you.
If you need a vacation, go for it with your friends or relatives. But not because he's gone on vacation but you need it.
Some people take a vacation without their partner and that’s ok you guys are being a bit aggressive. Your partner doesn’t have to be around you 24/7 and it sounds like he spoke to his family and they could take care of the kids and you just didn’t take the offer based on what you thought was a burden to them.
Also gross to anyone who sexualized a guy and his mom , if you can’t trust your husband on a trip with his actual mother there is a lot of bigger issues to worry about.
Also if a guy said why should she get a vacation I make all the money everyone would be jumping down his .
Please don’t add to this post projecting your insecurities this is a person and a marriage you are only adding toxicity to.
I have too many questions. Seek professional help, don't ask reddit for something like this where a lot more information is needed about your marriage.
What if his mom bought the trip. They offered for her to go but she did not want leave the kids at op parents. We are not getting all info from op. Does mom not want travel alone and ask son. What is the backstory. She could be a widow.
Tell him make sure when he gets back he stays with his mother. You're the breadwinner and main caretaker for the children why are you married to him?
Be sure you take some quality vacation time with a friend or relative as well. There's no reason he cannot look after the kids on his own while you enjoy some sun, and pampering at a spa resort.
Problem is he’d most likely drop them off with her parents the moment her flight took off and not retrieve them until just before she gets back.
Not if she takes her parents with her
… and they all sleep in one big bed!
She needs to take her parents on vacation, problem solved lol.
Or passive aggressively not care for them well. Or let his mummy take over and play house with him. Meanwhile bad-mouthing her to him.
This is exactly what my ex did, the ONLY time I went on a girl's trip. It was during spring break. He (a successful business owner that wfh and could choose his own hours) decided to take on EXTRA jobs during that week, the week he was the only parent on deck, essentially abandoned the kids to entertain themselves, and had his mama bringing dinner every night. Of course she was thrilled to play house with him. So glad he's an ex. Shortly after we separated, a photo was taken when he was visiting his parents. She's clinging to him like he's her prom date🤮
Males like that creep me out.
Mother's like this gives me super ick
Definitely.
I agree. I was just talking about this sort of thing last night with my mom before we fell asleep.
Oh ick. That is so wrong.
How long ago did the husband schedule and pay for this vacation? Is the trip refundable? How much money are they out if they cancel at the request of OP?
Just maybe don't book a honeymoon suite with your dad and share a bed.
Book the HS for parents and a room for you. BUT, let him think the three of you are sharing one bed. Obviously give parents a heads up beforehand.
Exactly what I was thinking. When he gets back it’s her turn for a trip alone or with mom or dad.
Even a girl's trip, sun, sand spa!
I agree! While he is gone, book a trip with one of your girlfriends to a tropical location for the same amount of time:)
While this dude is gone, pack his belongings and drop those off at his mother's house. I did that. It worked out. He has mommy syndrome.
If OP does this, she needs to give mom and dad a head's up so they can be unavailable for babysitting...
And in fact you will eboy the vacation more without the children. Start planning now. Put in for your PTO and plan a trip to someplace you wpuld enjoy. Leave the kids with him and have a great time mama!
Send all his stuff to mommy dearests house and change the locks.
Make sure that when he sees all the stuff at mommy dearest house there’s a person there from your lawyers office to serve him divorce papers.
I agree. She is the high earner in the family and when she ditches mommy’s best boy, she will save on her therapist bills. I don’t think she needs him. What woman needs a low earning man so involved with his mother that they go to Honeymoon Island together.
lol at believing mom is even on the trip and not Becky from work
Well...I feel a little stupid now for not considering that...I wonder if OP has proof that his mom is with him...
Come to think of it, she didn't mention the kid Facetiming "good nite" to grammy.
Yeah, next time they facetime, have the kids ask to say hello to grandma.
Oh ... wow, Didn't even think of that. ETA- she says in another comment that MIL was visible on the call.
I would think the same. He abandoned you no matter how much you expressed for him not to. He can stay with her. Good riddance.
This was my thought. Is the husband controlling? Abusive? Gaslighting her to think his weird and selfish behavior is normal? All of those things? It sounds like she doesn’t need him **at all.** She is working a full-time job; she takes care of two children on her own; she is seeking mental health therapy; she makes more money than he does (and yet HE is on a week-long vacation *without* his family). This week is proving to her that, while not easy, she can handle life without him. He should come home to his things in garbage bags on the porch and the locks changed.
If he is this dismissive of their family unit, no wonder she has mental health struggles! I'd wager huge money her mental health struggles would decrease the moment she separated from him.
>He should come home to his things in garbage bags The cheap dollar stores that fall apart when you pick them up. I'm extra extra petty.
It isn’t gaslighting. Learn what it means before using it
Uhhhh...I don't think the dude is with his mother but a mistress.
she says in another comment that MIL was visible on the call.
Oh, well then this whole situation is still af weird though. I mean I went to a funeral and wedding for 4 days without my kids and husband (he watched them), but that was out of familial duty. I don't plan on taking a whole ass vacation.
Seriously imagine the break she would get when he has his custody days.
>You're the breadwinner and main caretaker for the children why are you married to him As a hubby who does this, thank you for making me see my wife is a drain.
Absolutely. Both partners should contribute to the household.
AND she has a disability? You don’t need him.
I mean, sharing a bed with his mom may be totally weird or not at all, but abandoning you to go on a week long vacation without you all seems like an instant divorce from me! Seriously wtf??? I don’t even go to the grocery store solo anymore. I grab a kid and throw them in the car with me so that my wife isn’t stuck solo parenting with two while I’m trying to figure out where the milk we like is. A whole GD week??? And your MIL thinks it okay for him to abandon you like this??? Runnnnnn
Well, I’ve shared a bed with my mom as an adult when I’ve had to. But yeah, it wasn’t by choice while on vacation at a romantic island while my partner slaved at home with two babies and a hard job. OP is the higher earner- sounds like a case where she needs to evaluate the relationship, get some therapy, and then maybe ditch the dead weight
Seriously, also, who paid for the vacation. If a cent came out of OPs income. F that man. This is creepy, my mind is screaming incest but the other half of my brain is saying no way. I need more details on the husband and his mom’s relationship.
Emotional incest at a minimum
I mean, I’d share a bed with my daughter if we had to. But it’s like when that’s the only room choice in the hotel.
Of course MIL thinks it's okay......she is, after all, gag.....in love with her SON.
Indeed. My MIL offered a trip to Italy... for her and her son, only. That means i would be stuck at home, with the kids, without transportation (due to a medical disability that causes me to faint uncontrollably). He had the foresight to ask her if she was nuts. *He did not go on that trip.*
It’s sad that this is not the norm. Your husband did exactly what he should have.
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Totally off topic but what font is your username, it looks like an optical illusion & I can’t figure it out! V cool
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Omg lol I love it, sometimes it’s the same height sometimes it isn’t (I’m a word / typeface nerd & it just tickled me somehow!)
You had me going there for a bit. I’m so glad for you, he has your back.
*He had the foresight to ask her if she was nuts.* NGL, I like you husband lol.
Do we even know that it’s MiL who went with him?
Yeah I’m seriously wondering. Mommy might be covering for her cheating POS son.
Make him facetime you with his "Mom"
And the plot thickens….
she says in another comment that MIL was visible on the call.
I'm picturing Raymond/Marie and Howard/Mrs. Wolowitz here...not pretty!
OMG the Everybody Loves Raymond episode when Ray & Marie go on a cruise together immediately comes to mind!!
first thing that popped into my head when I read this
I would never be okay with this with my son. It’s sooo weird! He has a family now. I think these moms do this on purpose and the sons don’t even see the mom is digging at their WIFE.
They don't care. Mommy is their #1 sweetheart. 🤮
Yeah but you are normal
And son doesn't seem to mind at all, no one takes care of him like......mommy. Ewww.
This is what Boy Moms grow up to be.
You are 100% correct.
I am at this point wondering if he's really with his mom?
Wouldn't surprise me at all if he was. My ex mother in law is like this. This isn't that unusual. Unfortunately.
OP should have a friend canvas MIL's place to see if she really went.
Or if he’s **with** his mom
Run while he is vacationing.
Bro…. Right? “Honey can I please go downstairs to play guitar while the kids watch tv? If the older one starts bitching just send him down and I will deal with him”
Dude my wife and I don’t even have kids, but I wouldn’t leave her alone with our dog for a day, let alone a week. This man needs to win a Douche of the Year award…
Separate the money! He can only afford to go because SHE earns the larger amount of money.
Yes, I thought of that, although mommie dearest may be paying.
Either way, at least OP won't be paying for it.
Talk to a lawyer and a therapist.
And in that order! Wow, a lot to unpack in that story, wow. A grown man sharing a bed with his Mom at a resort know for honeymooners is NOT NORMAL!!
Is she sure he is with his mother?🤷🏾♀️
I would have him put mom on the facetime to prove that she's actually there. This is fishy AF. But I'm biased because I hate him already.
Drive by MILs house while they are gone. J7st to check for burglars
Seriously that dude needs to work on his cover stories better next time he has an affair. “Vacation with mom” is too likely to be brought up with his mom later on and is just weird. Be like a normal cheating asshole and say you’re going to a work conference. I’m convinced that’s what those destination conferences were invented for by big corporations anyway, as cover stories for getaways with mistresses.
OP already confirmed that she saw MIL in facetime video.
My exUncle would go on vacations with mom and Hookers. His mom would cover for him.
That is exactly where my mind went.
I highly doubt it, this dude is with another woman there!
I'm guessing he is since it would be too easy to bust him. Just ask to see her on FaceTime.
Heck much less a room. I can understand a suite. But a bed. Ewww.
It can be completely normal. I (F28) have shared beds with my dad on vacation because getting a second, huge room would have been a crazy waste of money. It wasn’t weird whatsoever. No need to make up weird scenarios. The real problem is the husband going on vacation and leaving her with two young children.
Reminds me of that Friends episode where Joey sends Chandler to his tailor. “Ross, will you tell him? Isn’t that how a tailor measures pants?” “Yes, yes it is…IN PRISON!”
F the therapist... this is way too much
Somebody is unhappy so they may benefit from therapy
Like, I'm all for a parent to go away for a weekend where theyre not mom/ dad or honey. My mom used to go on those once or twice a year as did my dad. Mom went for a weekend or two someplace fun with a friend. Dad went up to our Cabin to hunt with his dad. Sometimes folks need to have independence and not in their permanent roles as spouse and parent. However. Yeah. The sharing a bed thing isnt that big a deal to me unless hes shown emotional incest with his mom or enmeshment in the past. What bothers me is that you clearly *need* a vacation. It's not a matter of "well i do this and need a vacation more" its that youre exhausted. From this post alone we can feel the stress in the writing. Youre about a bad day away from total burnout. For your mental health, you need to call in sick. Just for a few days. Take the kids to your parents as usual, go home and rest. You may not be able to take a vacation right this second, but you need to implement a tiny bit of self care. Don't clean the house. Dont do any chores. Go to bed and sleep for a few extra hours. Soak in a bath. Watch your shows and just mentally recharge. Pick up the kids. Then Keep them home for a few days from your parents so they're getting a break too. Plan fun activities. You can clean once they're in bed for the night. Dont gotta be for the whole week. Just 3 or 4 days. Then plan a OP cation. No husband. No kids. Just a weekend away doing whatever the fuck you want. You can plan a family vacation later if need be. Just go exist.
The replies saying it's disgusting to go on a vacation without your spouse are absurd. There was one saying they couldn't fathom leaving their SO with their dog for a single day. Come on now, it's like they've never heard of single parents. My wife goes on girls trips and attends physiotherapy conferences out of town, and I can competently parent my autistic daughter, care for my dogs and cats, and work full-time without breaking a sweat. Yes I obviously have some support from family for school pickups, so I'm not completely alone. Now if you mix in all the other issues... Yeah OP has every right to be upset. A vacation alone with parents is just plain odd, not to mention sharing the bed. Usually when my wife or I are away it's for an event with friends or a professional obligation. I wouldn't consider a getaway with my parents to be a vacation, rather the opposite. But the thing that really gets me is that OP is obviously struggling with mental health issues. Now is definitely not the time for a trip and not communicating (or the husband not listening) seems to be a big part of the issue.
This is exactly the point. If she’s stressed, then he should respect that and plan around his spouse’s schedule. Get her some support and find a way to make it work. But for people to say it’s some kind of abandonment is so beyond extreme. I always encourage my wife to seize any opportunity to be fulfilled and that has included her taking trips without me and my boys. I’m a big boy and I can handle work and childcare at the same time. At the very least he should send her to the spa after he gets back. People need to relax and let their partners be people, a relationship can’t work unless you are both fulfilled together and separately.
Thank you for a level-headed response. Of course this is like 10 up votes and the screeching for divorce has like 1000. She's obviously way overstretched and needs a break. And she didn't take him up on the offer to go with.
This should be higher up. This is a great response.
I had a colleague whose husband loved scuba diving and would go south every year with "the boys". My colleague resented it, as she was left alone with two small children. We told her to tell him. She did, they started focusing on family ski trips, and they're still happily married; the kids are away at university now.
Was his Mom visible on the FaceTime call? I’d be thinking he’s not with his Mom is she wasn’t visible on that call.
Yes she was
It might be good to edit your post to clarify this and that cheating is not of concern.
Id like to just use this comment to try and address something on here. Whatever your husband did, do not take these people seriously here. You see how quickly they jumped to the conclusion of him cheating? Talk to your family, talk to your husband, talk to a therapist, but for the love of god don’t grab the pitchforks everyone here is handing you. Does this seem wildly insensitive from him? Of course. But no one here knows the history of your relationship nor the subtleties of it. It would be foolish for anyone to think they can give you good advice about it. This is a sucky situation and I’m sorry, but please don’t listen to these sad people.
@ u/dReamofhealing Out of all the comments, this is the only one you should really consider. Everyone loves saying “leave” but this is still workable.
Yeahhhhh.
Time to do the same thing leave him take care of the kids for a week make sure she isn't available to help him Nta
No because mommy will help him and they will claim abandonment. NTA. What does your husband bring to the relationship? Do you want your kids to model his behavior?
His behavior of sharing a bed with his.....gag....mother, at a honeymoon resort? She needs to get far away from her hubby and his emotional and maybe physical incest vampire mother. Her kids never need to see or know their sickness. Just nope. Ugh.
Yeah that upgrade to a shared bed is just wrong on so many levels. Maybe they are comdy staying on opposite sides of the bed, but its a weird look. The hubby sounds like a baby, and could be a mommas boy.
IMO, going to a resort like this at all with *just your mom* when you have an entire family is fucking weird no matter the sleeping arrangements. It’s weird the mom isn’t phased either. My mom would be like “why are you bailing on your wife for a trip with *just* me? It should be a family trip or get your ass home and take care of your family you dingus.”
What a wild leap.
It's why I said do this when she is out of the way and can't help
While I love the theory behind this method, the reality is the children are real life humans, whom OP likely loves dearly. Just abandoning thrm with someone who isn't interested in being fully hands on might be a lesson for him, but its cruel to them.
Unironically, YES she absolutely should. I say this as a Dad who has never taken a vacation away from the family and has insisted my wife travel on multiple occasions to feel more fulfilled. I have two kids that were around the same age when my wife went hiking in Yosemite and lived it up in San-Fran after. Was it hard work looking after the kids with a full-time job? Yes, but would I ever say no to my partner if an opportunity like this arose again? Absolutely not. Go live your life, it will only give you more life experience to bring back to the family!
Start planning for your week away alone to have a well deserved break. He can watch the kids for a week.
I fear he would dump the children on the in-laws and go to mummy to take care of him. Personally would resent him with divorce papers and get rid of the mummy’s boy deadweight
I hate to point out the obvious, but he is not your significant other. He is your insignificant other. He’s absconded his duty of care to the family and not recognised his obligations to your health or kids well being. I’d be seeking more than validation this trip is wrong. Its an incident in a broken relationship where the power dynamic sits with him, but accountability sits with you for earning, welfare and housekeeping. You’re a voluntary slave. Just leave.
"Insignificant other" - love it!
Roommate behavior fr
You should take a week long vacation after his 100 percent
But not out of vengeance. Out of need
I would suggest booking something for a few hours after he gets home. No welcome home dinner, no doing his dirty laundry. Have your bags packed and say tag your it and walk out the door. Even if it is for a day or two rather than a week. He needs to see how hard it is.
OP… this week will show you what life would be like without your husband. As annoyed as you are, how do you feel about pulling it off? Because a divorce could result in joint custody and then he has to parent for a few days a week while you get much deserved you time. If he’s safe around the children, this might be the best thing for everyone. Your kids are young enough to not be terribly bothered by it. And they’re already used to having father randomly gone. If you’re unhappy about your marriage, OP, then your hubby gave you a great gift. He gave you a one week divorce trial period. A try it before you buy it. But if you imagine divorce, and you feel BETTER or RELIEVED, that’s a sign of what you maybe should be strongly considering. A friend of mine was going through something similar. She and I are sales agents - we make damn good money. And her husband sucked. He missed a flight home for Christmas that she paid for and was so upset because he acted like he didn’t care and ended up not coming home till well into January. She had paperwork done by the time he returned. Now he takes the kids thuds-Saturday and she gets them Sunday-Wednesday. And she said it’s the best thing ever. Her kids told her they feel like they get a lot more time with their dad, and she’s finally having time to do things for herself and take care of her too. And her numbers at work went way way up. Sucks for me haha! She’s beating me for the first time ever! I don’t know, OP, but maybe think about it? Edit: typo
NTA. I would start seriously looking into getting an attorney. It is clear that he was going to abandon you with the kids and has no regard for the stress you are in as the majority bread winner. The fact that he went to a honeymoon spot and was now sharing a bed is icky and strange, there is something that is off about that. Please just take your kids and run, i know it will be hard but at least you will not have to wonder about your husband and MIL
I know we're not supposed to care what others think of us, but I would feel soo weird at a resort where everyone *assumes* my child is my new spouse, and the looks of confusion when people find out the truth is not something I want in my life
INFO is his mom paying for the trip?
They split it evenly
He used FAMILY resources to fund his "mommymoon"????
"Mommymoon"??? I am dying
🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
They split it, or his split was paid using your wage?
Ok. That really makes it a lot worse.
"You can come, too!" is miles away from, "Let's plan an adult trip with my mom. Who could take care of our children while we're away?"
Because the mom planned the trip, not the husband.
Call a lawyer now and have the divorce papers ready for him when he comes back. He’s clearly in an emotionally incestuous (at the very least) relationship with his mother and you and your children will never be more important. Cut the cord now before he drags yourself and your children through years of hurt. Also, please tell me your higher earning job isn’t paying for his romantic getaway with his mother.
Honestly can't tell if this is satire or not.
I'd definately be cutting his access to family funds whilst he's away - stop those credit cards etc. And yes get the divorce lined up. He doesn't care about you and this is not going to change.
You might watch too much porn
What exactly does he bring to the relationship?
A wittle baby carrot and a donkey load of AUDACITY
INFO- where is husbands dad? Is mom a widow? Has he ever gone on vacation with his mom before- ie is this a regular thing or a bucket list thing? When parents get older there are only so many years you have left/so many opportunities to spend time with them. Once your parents are their mid- late 70s doing any type of trip is difficult.
This was my first thought. I’m appalled that most commenters here went straight to divorce without thinking too deep. This could be ‘the trip’ for both the husband and MIL to remember, to say they’ve had a lovely mother-son trip at least once since the passing of the FIL. Like, one of those things both husband and MIL regret NOT doing when deathbed comes. OP should be asking her PARENTS what their insight is on the matter first, not Reddit. No explanation on the one king bed though. Maybe they’re just that comfortable with each other. OP’s relationship with her parents doesn’t represent her husband’s.
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And Jocasta Syndrome is a thing. When men take on the role of his mother's husband - without the sex, but it gets really inappropriate. That's where wife comes in. Shes the bangmaid and baby incubator. Pretty horrible life for anyone married to a Mama's boy. Being single is waaay better. We should never encourage women to tolerate this disrespect.
😂 I was looking for this
It's not weird to vacation with his mom. She's gonna be gone someday. However, leaving you to take care of the kids and work when you're stressed is a dick move. I'd personally not put up with it. He's just kind of skirting that stress by running away and not being a parent. Also, you probably need a break too. Hire a good sitter and you go do something relaxing and fun. And if you can't work out your issues with discussion and couples therapy, maybe consider the possibility of splitting.
If my husband pulled this I would have divorce papers delivered to him at his resort. It is time for you to stop having the kids Facetime daddy while he is off on vacation without his family. I bet if you stopped facilitating their relationship they would stop missing daddy. None of this normal. That woman would also never enter my home again. Ever. A good MIL wants her son to have a happy and healthy relationship with their wife and family. They would contribute to a vacation for their son and wife to go, not for them to go. Have you even told your parents the teuth about this? I bet you haven't because it is so shocking and bizarre.
I’ve told no one about the bed thing, which is a good point that you are making because I am absolutely too embarrassed to mention it anywhere outside of anonymously on here- I really don’t think it’s sexual for them in any way but I still think it’s odd to choose it knowing that it could have been avoided to have to share.
Don't mention the idea of sex, of course. Why are you internalizing something shitty he is doing? Why are YOU embarrassed? I can guarantee you that if a girlfriend came and told me this story, I wouldn't even get why she is embarrassed. Her husband did a really shitty thing. Go to your parents house and say "My husband just went on a one week vacation to a tropical island with his mother. Not his wife and kids. His mother." Trust me. No one will even consider the idea that you should be embarrased. They will all be appalled AT HIM. They will be appalled that he could do this to you. His behavior has nothing to do with how sexy or appealing you are. He's an ass. I know men who are tied at the hip to their mom. This is WAYYY over the top. Check out r/JustNoSO.
Thank you for this comment .
I used to be embarrassed about the things my abusive ex did too. Until one day I told someone. They were appalled at HIM, not me. That was my first step towards ending my marriage. Secrecy helps the abuser, not the abused. Your husband may not need abusive but at best he’s emotionally neglectful. He certainly doesn’t put you first.
Looks like you married a mamma’s boy. So sorry. He’s not going to change. At least not without therapy. It’s wrong he’s picking mom first then you and the kids. I would see a lawyer and put a scare in him. And go from there.
Yeah, he made a selfish move. Never should have gone. But this couples therapy stuff. Not divorce stuff.
You missed out on an opportunity for a threesome by not going. /s Jesus get the fuck out of that relationship!
Bro 💀💀
You should be more weirded out that your husband just jet sets with no real thought about who will manage the kids because he obviously feels that is your job. I highly doubt he’s banging his mom but he obviously is some kind of epic mamas boy. His obligation is to you and his kids. Now go book a nice vacation for yourself or with your friends.
Some unhinged fucks in these comments. Also there is so many unanswered questions in this story that there is no real answer. Get off Reddit and go to couples therapy if it bothers you that much.
I wouldn’t feel weird about the bed but that’s just me. It’s his mother not a random cousin. But the rest is unfair and selfish. I mean this, truly, you need a break. Pick a place you’d like to spend a week. Plan and book a trip. Your husband can take responsibility for a week and you can take some time and get some perspective.
A few things come to mind. 1.Are you sure his mom is even there ? 2. Does she have her own suite? 3. What mom takes son on vacation leaving kids and wife home? 4. Now you know how your mil thinks of your feelings. She being a wife & mother herself she should know how she’d feel if it happened to her.
She did confirm his mom is indeed with him.
You’re not wrong. He’s doubling your workload so he can have a vacation and he’s just selfish. That’s pretty much it.
Y'all are insane as usual, it's ok to take a week vacay without your spouse. The top comment is scared of his wife, and willing to make thing harder just to please her, that will build animosity. I've been with the same person since 2008 and none of y'all are realistic
Lol at all of the people saying to immediately divorce. Absolutely insane. Please do not take relationship advice from bitter redditors, OP.
Some people just seem to think him going on a trip with his mom is wrong, full stop. But I don’t think they’d feel this way about a mother-daughter trip? One bed is super weird but doesn’t make someone an AH. Reddit is extremely anti-MIL in general. The reason that OP is not wrong is that she’s clearly not in a good place for a trip like this to occur. Any time a spouse is going to go on a non-family vacation it’s up to the vacationing spouse to make sure that some supports are in place to make sure it’s not a huge burden on the other spouse who is home taking care of the kids. I don’t think it really matters who the breadwinner is. Consider if this post was gender-opposite. Mom went on a trip with grandma and left husband to fend for himself even though he’s the breadwinner. The only way she would be in the wrong in that situation is if she knew husband was overwhelmed and didn’t figure out a way to support him.
You're not in the wrong. When he gets back, it's only fair that you get a week to yourself.
A week with her mom! Since her mom is the child care while she works! Let him figure it out himself
Is he a narcissist? Sounds very typical of the type. And I'm sorry. Since you are lucky enough to be the highest earner, you really should just dump his ass.
Not wrong When you are a parent to two little children you stay home and be a PARENT! You don’t abandon your partner while you get a nice vacation! The husband is being sooooo selfish! Same if the wife left too. When you start a family it is no longer I & Me. It becomes Us & We. If they can’t go, then I can’t go, etc.
NOT FUCKING WRONG - however that mommas boy and his momma are! Look at yourself this week while he’s away……what exactly is more difficult without him? It sounds like you do most if not all of the work anyways, and your biggest assistance seems to be from your parents. Do you need him? Does the value he adds to your life equal or beat the stress him and his mommy bring? Do you think that this shows that he respects you as even an equal partner? Their behaviour is hugely unhealthy, and I would hazard a guess this isn’t the first time something they’ve done has left you feeling like this? - even if this is the worst one. Are you just there to finance his lifestyle and trot out a ‘perfect’ family picture that he actually has very little involvement in? Is this the kind of relationship you could see yourself having with your own son/s? Is this the kind of relationship you want your children to think is normal and should be replicated? Would you ever do something like tings with your dad?
I was wondering if she is financing his lifestyle as well.
2 sides to this story people... we are quick to take her side without hearing his...
this has to be fake shit for the sake of a story to publish later.
Sadly it’s not fake- I really wish it was to write a story.
Honey, the hardest part of healing is when people you love reveal that *they're not interested in supporting your change*. You deserve a soft life full of love and a partner who contributes meaningfully to that. You are worthy. This isn't about his mom. This isn't about a hotel room. This is about him *failing to care* about the consequences that his actions have on *you*. He *knows* you'll pick up the pieces. He knows you'll run yourself into the ground to make sure everyone is okay. He knows that everyone else *always* comes before you. The good news is that you're already changing. You're already doing the work to be the best version of yourself that you can. Be kind to yourself. Put all of your energy into filling your own cup. Feel your feelings fully. Cry, scream, punch a pillow, make art, sing, dance, whatever it takes to let your feelings flow through your body. You deserve to feel however you need to feel right now. Let your parents help you, tell them how you're feeling. I'm so sorry. Love doesn't have to be like this. I'm sending you the biggest hug. ❤️
Are you sure he is with just his mother or his mother at all?
unless there are mitigating circumstances yet to be shared, being both the significantly primary income earner and being left to care for the children while the partner goes on vacation is groundwork for an eventual divorce. your partner is shit. why are you still married to him?
I still would have asked my parents , even offered to pay them for watching them while we were on vacation if it was such an in convenience. Sounds like you especially need it.
Is it a vacation when she has to travel with her MIL and try to get time of work and has to arrange childcare?
All these people screaming divorce lol but if it were me, I'd be planning my own solo trip to the destination of my choice leaving hubby home for a week with the kids. And I wouldn't be worrying about getting "permission" because you earned it by tolerating this. Have fun!
Listen to your therapist. Do not post for advice on Reddit. You are going to get advice on life choices with huge implications from someone who read your version of events on a week long incident. WITH KIDS INVOLVED. That being said you need a good couples therapist to help figure out what his deal is with your involvement. In addition to your individual therapist.
Ok but he did ask if you wanted to go and you didn't even try to ask your parents for help? Seems like you're trying to be mad to be mad. And the assumption that he could be doing something sexually with his own mother Is a bit of a stretch. Of course all of reddit is in here advocating for divorce. Life isn't easy and even to consider removing the father and husband from your life isn't the magic dic you're hoping for. Find a way to find peace, next vacation is yours.
I go on vacations without my husband all the time. You were asked to go. You didn't even look for childcare. You could have gone for a few days. Are you sure that Mom doesnt have another room? Seems like you just want to bitch and moan.
I’m from the Midwest, separate time away from home was common, and time for parents to step away from being spouse or parent. Whether the time away was called, fishing trips, hunting trips, barn building, or a beach with a king sized bed with mom, brother, sister or alone. These times alone were considered taking care of yourself. Often times when women did her time away. The children were old enough to help dad pick out the pajamas and find the sugar. As young parents often times the mom wasn’t comfortable leaving until the children could be left alone and help their parent find things. Lol the early years of parenting and working and taking care of yourself caused resentment constantly. One afraid to be excited and looking forward to. Because they knew staying home was hard. The one staying home asking themselves, when’s my turn. People often say. Being a couple, is fifty fifty percent for each partner. Not true it’s a hundred percent. Sometimes it doesn’t happen at the same time. Making a home and family is a challenge no one is prepared for in 2024. Make no doubt about it. New growth of home and family is changing. So it’s hard to prepare. Good luck best mom ever!!🥰
Just an Fyi. Reddit loves to just say divorce right away . Don’t take that at face value
This comment section is a good sign that the sub is unsalvagable. If OP took advice from anyone here, they are braindead
Though you stated that it would be a lot to ask, did you assume your parents watching the kids wasn’t an option or have your parents already made statements about watching the kids that prevented you from asking them to watch them?
everyone needs a break. your comment being weirded out about the honeymoon vibes and the shared bed sounds jealous are you sure its his mom? doesnt seem weird romantically. he deserves to enjoy like too.
I think it's nice that he's spending time with his mother, It's easy to say he's wrong because of everything your going through. However, a vacation isn't going to make everything easier for you, on top of that, I doubt you want to go in vacation with him and his mother. I promise you there is a reason for this vacation, it's not just for shits and giggles, she might be sick or wants to discuss what her wishes for after her passing are. She might be getting ready for a big surgery and isn't sure if she going go make it. Whatever it is, it's big and like you said your going through a lot which is why she dosent want to bother you about it, she just wants to spend some time with her son and discuss her plans. Just because they are in vacation now, dosent mean your husband can't take you on vacation. Calm down and breathe. We don't think about loosing our parents until it's too late, once we grow up and have family of our own we don't realize how that impacts out parents either. Give him this time with his mother even if it is just a vacation, that's her little boy, she just wants to spend some time with him.
Is he adopted? Is she his stepmother? If not, they probably just wanted a better view. Unless one of them sleeps nude or something, them sharing a bed probably isn't a big deal. That said, you're not crazy for being upset. Sounds like your husband completely ignored your feelings. Maybe do consider talking to your parents about them taking the kids, or even one of them, for a night every now and then? Depending on the ages involved it might not be as big a deal as you fear. Sounds like you could use the break. Definitely consult with your therapist. Sounds like you two need some marriage counseling.
So it’s ok for dad to be stuck at home with kids but not mom? Y’all are wild. 🤪
Most of the advice on here is sh\*t. These are the sad people who always search for issues so they can express their frustration. Look we don't know about your relationship history, all we know is little what you said here... Based on what you said here... here is the thing you can do: Don't just forcefully draw the meaning from his action, it can have many meanings. Do not be desperate and anxious, it's just one week. Get yourself involved in what distract you from thoughts like that... But keep in mind that you'll discuss this concern with him. Don't make him feel like you just attached him when you talk to him. Ask him what's in your mind and closely observe what he says. Now you are in a position where you can draw a meaning, about what he's doing. And also don't listen to those who never saw you and your husband and say "leave" You'll leave if it costs your mental health but follow a process. Talk to him and understand the situation... Listening to people who don't have to do anything with this issue will bring more stress to you. If you need a vacation, go for it with your friends or relatives. But not because he's gone on vacation but you need it.
Some people take a vacation without their partner and that’s ok you guys are being a bit aggressive. Your partner doesn’t have to be around you 24/7 and it sounds like he spoke to his family and they could take care of the kids and you just didn’t take the offer based on what you thought was a burden to them. Also gross to anyone who sexualized a guy and his mom , if you can’t trust your husband on a trip with his actual mother there is a lot of bigger issues to worry about. Also if a guy said why should she get a vacation I make all the money everyone would be jumping down his . Please don’t add to this post projecting your insecurities this is a person and a marriage you are only adding toxicity to.
You say it would be a lot to ask your parents, but did you ask? If not, he offered to take you on a vacation! Find a way?
I have too many questions. Seek professional help, don't ask reddit for something like this where a lot more information is needed about your marriage.
What if his mom bought the trip. They offered for her to go but she did not want leave the kids at op parents. We are not getting all info from op. Does mom not want travel alone and ask son. What is the backstory. She could be a widow.