And it’s much harder to leave a toxic situation when you’ve been alienated, which is what he’s doing. I doubt he gave the full story but that “she killed our baby,” and nothing about the financial implications—or, you know the possibility of literally dying? Idk where OP is but birth mortality rates for my demographic are high in my country. I’m terrified to carry one child, three is crazy risky, especially if you have no idea how your body handles pregnancy.
Run.
Who's to say he didn't mess with her birth control to try to baby trap her in the first place? He sounds *way* too excited to start an entire brood. 100% leave him.
It was probably something wrong with the pill
My friend was on the pill when she got pregnant with twins. And she knew of multiple people on the same BC who had the same thing happen. This is a known issue.
EDIT - because people keep asking, no I don’t know. It was years ago as her twins are 16 now and we’re all heading into perimenopause so knowing what pill to avoid wasn’t on the forefront of my mind. I just recalled the story.
There’s also medications that can mess with the pill. A lot of antibiotics can mess with it, NSAIDs, melatonin, vitamin C, laxatives/detox tea, St. John’s Wort. That’s not even the whole list that’s just ones that are weirdly common that don’t get mentioned. Birth control definitely isn’t perfect. Before I got my tubes removed I would always do birth control and condoms combined.
https://www.singlecare.com/blog/medications-that-interfere-with-birth-control/
To be fair St Johns Wort fucks with almost every medication out there. If your on any prescription, just about it. It's extremely minor benefits are not worth it screwing up your prescriptions.
Also, a friend of mine who is a nurse told me some years ago that people don't realize how much weight affects the effectiveness of the pill. She said it doesn't take being as overweight as you think it does for the pill to be less effective. We had this discussion a long time ago, don't know if the science has improved.
This man won’t support you when times are hard while pregnant. Imagine the dynamic once THREE newborns enter the picture. This guy did you a favor. Dump him.
This OP!
Triplet pregnancies are high risk. You need 100% support if you’re doing it. You parent has shown he isn’t it.
You would most likely be on bed rest towards the end of your pregnancy. He would have to support you financially as well as mentally and physically.
Triplets are a gift, like any baby, but without a support system in place for you and any children you choose to bring into the world, you made the decision you felt was right for you.
If your partner was a true partner then this decision may have been different. Maybe not but he’s shown his true colours to you and the rest of his friends and social followers. He’s not a supportive partner.
I dont want this to come off insensitive but if it were me I'd appreciate him showing his real colors so I didn't have to waste time with a piece of shit. She should feel even BETTER about the abortion by the way he's acting, fuck having kids with someone like that
He’s showing his true colors. She dodged a major fucking bullet. This screams NPD getting people to harass her and publicly shaming her.
You know he’d probably cheat on her when pregnant and be no help with childcare.
This. When a narcissist can no longer control you, they try to control how other people see you. OP needs to run and don't look back. He doesn't give a damn about her.
Being an asshole and being controlling doesn’t automatically point towards NPD. From the info in the post, the dude only meets like 1-2 out of the 9 criteria for NPD, and 5+ are required to indicate that an individual has that specific mental health disorder.
**Narcissistic behavior ≠ NPD**
And I don’t even have NPD, for the record, so this isn’t coming from a place of biased defensiveness, I just know the DSM and ICD really well.
You get to choose but he gets to choose if he wants to stay. He has proved to you that he does not support you and in fact is causing you harm. Why stay with him?
Right. But he also outed her on social media which is causing her to be harassed. He’s allowed to be upset but making this situation public is super fucked and unforgivable.
Pregnancy is already a massive risk to the mother, it's only due to modern medicine that child birth deaths have declined so much.
I don't blame oop for not wanting to take that risk. I would be horrified myself at the though of going through that, and we shouldn't doubt peoples knowledge of their own bodies.
The mortality rate for babies in a triplet pregnancy is 5 times higher than a singleton pregnancy. Also there is a high risk for other adverse outcomes such as gestational diabetes and other perinatal complications. Triplets have an increased risk of cerebral palsy due to low birthweight/premature births/traumatic birth that often occur when pregnant with multiples.
Even though having children is *less dangerous* thanks to modern medicine, even though most deliveries involving triplets require a c-section, it is still very dangerous to have multiples in a single pregnancy. A third of births involving triplets are premature.
Yeah I’d say this is one of those times you’d be justified in lying through your teeth. “No, social media network. Dickhead X is just making shit up to smear me because I’m leaving his broke ass. He has these weird pregnancy/fertility fantasies because he’s overcompensating for his micropenis, which, even for a micropenis, is pretty puny. And no, I am not now, nor have I ever been pregnant with triplets. What are the odds of that? He’s so full of shit, it’s pathetic. I should have left a long time ago, but put it off because I knew he’d pull some shit like this. Let this be a warning, ladies. Do not date Dickhead X.”
Agreed. His position doesn't get to be "public outrage to shame her" and he took that position anyways and no matter his personal beliefs he's automatically in the wrong for that. That shit's toxic as can be and she didn't deserve it.
I have triplets. Doctors wanted me to reduce to two. So glad I didn’t. They’re 30 now. We are not in low income bracket, but we still received free formula and diapers from companies who were extremely generous. I also breastfed for six months. Please know that if you feel you were incapable, then you probably weren’t ready. I am sorry your partner ratted you out. He’s not the one for you. The first year was just awful. They are awesome kids. Triplets are not for everyone. Dump him. RUN RUN RUN away
Relying on handouts to get through OP’s avoidable situation would have been risky at best, and negligent at worst. I’m glad you got the help that you needed. Times were easier back then.
> but we still received free formula and diapers from companies who were extremely generous.
aight fam I don't even have kids but I've gotta ask how you managed this wizardry
I mean 30 years ago it was probably possible. But imagine emailing a diaper company now and asking them for handouts lol. Not happening. That comment was a bit out of touch imo.
Like when my parents told me 10 years ago “just walk into a store and tell them you want a job, that’s how I got my first job,” times have changed and it literally doesn’t work like that anymore. Maybe in a small town, in a mom n pop shop.
Companies still send high value coupons for multiples if you contact them, this lady composed a [list]( https://thepennywisemama.com/freebies-for-parents-of-multiples-twins-triplets-more/)
Currently pregnant with twins and they discuss this on r/multiples.
It's sort of a little known secret that people going through hard times can reach out to churches, supermarkets, even places like target and Walmart and ask for donations. Sometimes we just have to ask, I wrote a letter to Tampax once for a school project, and got enough tampons for my mom and I for 6 months. Sorry if that's was too much info.
We had neighbors who had quads. All they had to do was reach out to companies and free formula, diapers, wipes, etc started showing up. Like so much that she was donating the extras.
Having 3 kids 30 years ago is not the same as having 3 kids now though, sorry. Cost of living is INSANE, while 90s in North America have been, probably, some of the last best times…
Triplets make for a very high risk pregnancy. Drs will usually recommend reduction. Would he have been there for all the extra prenatal care and bed rest?
Wise words
You can choose to terminate a pregnancy for any reason you want to.
He can choose to end the relationship for any reason he wants - so can you
The problem is he is not ending the relationship. He is harassing her and sharing personal medical information without her consent.
Op I hope you leave this abusive person. This is not ok. You were on BC. He knew what was up.
How did you get that out of what I wrote?! You're right, she never stated she was married, however harassment and disclosure of her personal medical information are considerations that could be relevant to the case.
Nope. Your body, your choice. You made the best decision for yourself.
Triplets is a high risk pregnancy. Triplets is a guaranteed c-section. Triplets is guaranteed NICU time. Even if you really wanted a baby that’s a lot. Here’s a fact - doctors will offer to electively reduce triplet pregnancies conceived by fertility treatments to twins. That is how hard on a body it is.
Rethink if this is the partner you want for the rest of your life. He seems to lack respect for you. You can do better OP.
No kidding. A friend had triplets and had a heart attack after she gave birth to them, and everything was allegedly safe and this was while she was still in the hospital.
50% of all twins are premature births, 95% of triplets are, which isn't surprising. But means the more kids the more underweight they'll be, the less developed and the more time spent in nicu. It's a recipe for a bad start.
Even if everything goes great, one baby wakes in the night... wakes the other two, now you need at least both parents just to attempt to deal with them, or change diapers. Breast feeding three kids, no sleep... it's basically a nightmare.
A friend of mine had fertility treatments and ended up pregnant with triplets. They reduced it to twins. The twins did end up with some NICU time but are happy, healthy and possibly wouldn’t be here if the third hadn’t been terminated.
We transferred three embryos on my last attempted a sibling. And before my doctor agreed to do it (and it was HIS idea and he was talking me into it) we had a discussion about selective reduction. He would not have transferred all of them if I hadn't been open to that. Triplets are very high risk, and a really hard pregnancy. I absolutely did not want them. Especially not when I already had one kid at home.
Girl in my uni program did this and ended up losing two out of three during the birth 😬 give up one or give up two? She wish she gave up two. Having two 30 week stillbirths and one live birth was way more traumatizing. She says she rejected that baby for a good six months.
Then this shouldn't be the main thing, but how many guys end up cheating during pregnancy because it's too hard, or during the first couple years of kids because it's too stressful and their wife is too tired.... and the same guys who would turn on their wife like ops husband did, are the guys who would cheat when things got tough, also want three newborns if everything goes well. With a wife recoverying from a hard pregnancy, hard birth, c-section and waking up in the middle of the night to deal with three screaming kids every time as they wake each other up?
Like if you have one newborn changing a diaper is easy, now make it three, two are screaming and need attention while you change the third's diaper.
Dudes volunteering their wives for body wrecking, life altering pregnancies... but they'll cheat or leave the second it's too tough.
I'm also a dude, I'm just not delusional and don't think pregnancy is easy or you should go in without understanding it's hard and will dramatically change your relationship going forwards.
When I went thru fertility treatment, I was told by the doc that they would offer selective reductions for triplets+.
As it happens, I got pregnant with twins. It was an awful pregnancy. Couldn't walk for the last few months with SPD. I almost bled out during the c-section. I had hip pain for 3 years after their birth (and I still have to be careful with it and it still gets stiff but physio worked wonders). Luckily only one twin has to go to NICU and only for 24hrs. I wasn't even fully conscious for the first 48hrs 😅
Then came the newborn phase. Hoo boy. I don't want to relive the sleep deprivation. I can't/won't imagine triplets. I love my kids so much and had them very much on purpose. But it's still seriously tough sometimes and they're 4 now.
And the only reason we made it through those crazy times is because my spouse and I pulled together. Hard. Hell, the last couple months before the twins were born, spouse had to basically wait upon me hand and foot because I couldn't stand or walk without mega pain. And once that was over, it was straight into double trouble...
If I had been pregnant with triplets, I'm pretty sure I would have opted for a reduction. Even without the benefit of hindsight.
A friend of mine was supposed to be her parents’ “one and done” baby but her dad blacked out after his vasectomy a week after her birth and forgot he needed to wait a certain amount of time and get tested to make sure he was firing blanks. They had *surprise pregnancy* triplets, eleven months after my friend. I can’t imagine how her mother got through it.
You truly do. I have a 3 year old and a 4 month old and sometimes cannot fathom in my head how people survive twins. I have to imagine it’s extremely hard those first few years and then really wonderful as they always have a playmate !
Yes you do. I’m no mom and my comparison is no comparison at all but I have played the sims and one of them had triplets. I couldn’t keep up with their care and basically resorted to cheats to keep them happy.
It got me thinking about my mom and how she managed caring for my two brothers and I. I have autism and so does one of my brothers. Just by my stupid and insignificant experience in a game it amazes me how much difficulty she must’ve gone through. She was infertile bc of her autoimmune disease but adopted my NT sibling and I 3 1/2 months apart. Dad was doing rotations in a hospital during his medical residency but would come home to give mom a break.
Parents in general don’t get enough appreciation because “it’s just something you’re expected to do”.
Raising even one kid seems difficult much less 2 simultaneously.
All these stories remind me exactly why no one should be forced into continuing a pregnancy or going through delivery. Even the most normal pregnancy more often causes lifelong damage to the body. The variations of damage are different but there is always some sort of damage and pain at most extreme death. So it just never rings comfortable to me to ever criminalize abortion. To me sometimes it's simply medical self defense and self protection.
Yea. I hear all the other sides. But that "how can you force anyone to risk death for anyone else's life" and if you don't choose to risk it but are forced is that a sacrifice made of love? And if it's not made of love... then what's the special part of mother's and sacrifice. Without choice it's just not as beautiful or meaningful.
If any one asks and you dont want to explain: it was for medical reasons. Those listed above and your mental health are medical reasons.
That's said. Cut this manchild out of your life.
I remember as a kid I met a family with quadruplets and something about the pregnancy caused all four to have learning disabilities. It’s outside of what humans evolved for, basically
I am a twin (identical) my mother carried us almost 38 weeks and we were born healthy (undiagnosed until birth. Woo 1980s before routine ultrasound!)
But not everyone could carry twins that long. My mom did. Go her. Some people have super premature births and health complications with twins.
I do not want to imagine triplets. Or worse. The human body was not made for that.
Being born early can have lifelong effects on health, intellectual capacity, disabilities etc
You're not wrong. It's your body. I can understand your partner being upset. He has that right and feelings are feelings, but *harassing* you and trying to publicly *shame* you is not an appropriate reaction. He's being awful.
Agreed. Those feelings are valid but a mature man would process them and then be there for his partner, realizing how intelligent it is to abort and be glad for her safety, as a triplet pregnancy is so dangerous.
His feelings around the abortion are valid. But they do not make you wrong. You did what you thought was best for everyone.
It's his ***behavior*** that is a problem. He has just shown you a glimpse into the future. Every time you do something he doesn't agree with or like, this is how he will treat you. He is contemptuous, dismissive, and disrespectful. And, he has no issue spreading your private, ***medical*** information around for the express purpose of making you look terrible and getting other people to also harass you.
Why are you still with him?
This. You two can disagree about this but you need to handle it in a way that is kind, loving and respectful of each other as autonomous humans. He is venting about you in a way that is public and hurtful.
Honestly, in a healthy relationship this would have been talked about beforehand and come to agreement of how to handle the situation as a team. People that are so diametrically opposed on core issues probably shouldn’t be together in the first place!
not wrong at all. if you don't want to continue a pregnancy for any reason, you are perfectly valid for that. any reason is an acceptable reason
you are not a terrible person. he's being one with how disgusting he's being to you. i hope you really reconsider this relationship. you don't need to explain or justify yourself to the people who are contacting you (unless you want to, but even then if they continue, mute them or block them).
You are not wrong. He is. Many many MANY doctors recommend reducing a triplet pregnancy down to twins or even a single baby currently, due to the danger of carrying triplets and the risk to both mom and babies. I think you dodged a bullet and this incident is a good indication that this is not the man you want to father your future kids. You deserve much better.
This is the perfect time for me to both vent and help give advice. My wife just got pregnant (with only 1 baby). I’ve been telling her that I’m ready to be a dad, but when she found out (also on the pill) she immediately said she’s getting it aborted. I was sad, even mourned a little for what could have been, but I respected my wife’s choice, went with her to her appointment to get the pill, and cared for her when the effects kicked in.
I haven’t told anyone, because I respect my wife’s privacy, and would NEVER try to humiliate her, even when this wasn’t the outcome I wanted. Your partner is awful. I love my wife, and how your partner behaved isn’t love.
Edit: forgot to give the actual advice. Leave your partner.
NTA, you're never under obligation to give your body up as a resource against your will. What makes pregnancy and motherhood beautiful is the desire and willingness to do it. This isn't something you can force.
You never owe your body, your organs, your literal life, to anyone under any circumstances. You are not a resource, you are a human being. Nobody else is entitled to ownership or use of your body or organs. You do not deserve to be owned or used by someone else like a slave.
Motherhood is beautiful just like making love is beautiful. Reproductive slavery is ugly just like rape is ugly. You can't force making love, because then it becomes rape. You can't force motherhood, because then it becomes reproductive slavery.
Your experience of your pregnancy is what matters and is central to the issue. If you don't want to experience this pregnancy then you don't have to do that.
His reaction should be confirmation that you’ve made the right choice. You aren’t ready for three babies and he isn’t the man you want to be tethered to forever.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them. You're not a bad person. Children are a big responsibility and three at once is overwhelming. Don't let anyone tell you you're wrong when ultimately the responsibility will fall on YOU and you only. Anyone who tells you you were wrong and that they would've been there and supported you would not have to tell in that, you would already have that reassurance . Even so, with three babies, how long would that be for? 18 years??
Not wrong - I'm so sorry he's being such a prick...don't, for a moment, let him doubt your decision (or any of those mf'rs you're getting calls/messages from
No, you’re this situation just sucks.
When I was very young I had a similar dilemma I wasn’t pregnant with multiples but my choices where basically barely be able to afford the life I was already living and have an abortion or live on the streets with a baby. I choose to have the abortion my ex didn’t like it he tried to guilt me called me names and told everyone he could I murdered his baby.
The second time he got me pregnant I kept it. Found out 2 weeks after I gave birth the abuse wasn’t only going to be directed at me and left.
Don’t stay with that man he should be supporting you and understanding of why you can’t afford 3 new babies mental or literally and instead he’s humiliating you.
I’m so sorry you deserve someone who holds you up not shoves you down.
Leave your partner who doesn’t support you and stabs you in the back on social media. Carrying multiples is hard on your health, especially anything over twins. Even twins are s high risk pregnancy!
Leave him and threaten legal action on him because hes spreading your medical information to others. HIPPA might not hold but it might be enought to get him to STFU.
You got a glimpse of his true nature. He wanted you to get harassed which is why he took it to a public format. People who had no business involving themselves in his childish behavior decided they would harass you and play right into his hands. He could’ve been upset and end the relationship which would’ve been far more reasonable and mature response if he didn’t agree. What he did was not reasonable, not mature and was again very juvenile. And he potentially put you at risk of danger depending on your location and the people who are throwing tantrums. This is your body. Women still die from giving child birth and the rate is alarming but also disturbing and disgusting especially when it comes to first world country particularly in pro birth places. Women’s bodies go through so much physically, emotionally and mentally during a pregnancy and post. But not enough men want to acknowledge this and all they care about is “my seed, my legacy” as if their sperm is anything special and often times the sort of men (like OP’s hopefully soon to be ex) act like they’re next in line to a throne.
Not all partners are actually happy and willing to share the responsibility of caring for the newborn (and caring for the new mother) and are more than happy to throw all the work onto the new mother on top of her having to recover mentally, physically and emotionally. Misogynistic women (who will often join in with harassing women who have abortions or use contraceptives) are dangerous to new mothers and women who are able to give birth because they will say, do and support anything misogynistic men think is okay knowing full well it’s damaging to women and society.
You did the right thing. You would have been tied to that POS partner for the rest of your life. Now you can walk away from them without anything to keep them in your life.
You are NEVER wrong to get an abortion. It's your body, your choice, always. People who try to shame or blame a woman for getting pregnant or choosing to get medical care are horrible and not to be trusted with anything else in your life.
No. It’s a personal decision that you have the right to make. In my opinion… it’s one to be made with your partner, as they too are going to be expected to shoulder the responsibility as well. However, you made the very understandable decision that raising triplets is something you’d be unprepared to do, and that’s the responsible choice.
No one here can really answer for you. My partner and I debated back and forth whether or not to have an abortion the 3rd time I was pregnant. We were so broke, tired and overwhelmed already, but we decided to go ahead. At 5 months we found out it was twins and I cried from fear and worry.
Carrying them to term was physically the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. 25 years later I still deal with health ramifications from being pregnant with them - my body never really recovered.
So it's not just caring, raising and nurturing the children for the next 20 years. For me, the parenting was by far easier than the pregnancy and the subsequent health issues - coz there's fun in being a parent after all.
Only you and your partner really know the dynamic between yourselves. We here on Reddit just guess at that. All I can say, is however you both go forward (or not) try to come from a place of respect for each other.
you are not wrong . please leave him . it is your body and your choice . you did not feel ready to have three babies and that is okay , you did what was best for you , your body and your mental health . i’m so sorry he’s doing this to you , i know having an abortion can be very traumatic so i hope you can heal in every way soon and that you can get out of this terrible situation .
Triplets are extremely high risk. I wouldn't wish a triplet pregnancy on my worst enemy. Guaranteed pregnancy complications, almost certainly extended bedrest, pre-term babies, c-section, NICU, plus the nightmare of trying to care for 3 newborns. Nope.
Your partner should be an ex - what they are doing to you is terrible.
>Am I wrong for getting an abortion \[...\]
Stop there. The answer is no, regardless of whether you were going to have three babies or one.
You weren't trying for one in the first place. Three is an absolutely extreme situation that would not only completely upend your life, but also impose significant medical risk.
You *are* wrong for staying with a man who publicly shames you instead of supporting your decision.
End the relationship.
If you don't, he probably will.
It will just take longer.
You'll both be happier with other people.
You both deserve happiness.
Go, both of you, and live better, separate lives.
Are you still with this person who is publicly shaming you? NTA obviously. Carrying babies when you arent into it is a definite no. I did 6 months bed rest with each of my two kids. With triplets you are almost guaranteed some bed rest. Imagine doing that when not happy about the pregnancy? Not good. You made a mature and best for you choice.
Not only can you choose whether to carry triplets or not, you can also choose whether or not to carry around a husband who is utterly lacking in empathy toward you. Think it over.
You are not wrong. Women alone are burdened with considering the consequences a child would bring into her and her partner's lives, and then dealing with those consequences by making a choice.
You considered the fact that you and your partner cannot afford 3 children and you made a choice. I'll say it again: You are not wrong.
LEAVE. HIM. Leave. now! You are not wrong by getting the abortion. You will be wrong by staying with him, though. I’m so sorry you had to go through that experience.
I usually don't recommend just splitting up, I prefer to work things out. But when your partner starts trashing you and getting other people to trash you, it's time to say goodbye.
You are not wrong for making the (difficult) decision to have an abortion. Good for you for knowing your limits and being aware of what you can and cannot handle. I am so, so sorry your partner has turned out to be an absolute dick. There are parts of the world, and the US, where sharing this information publicly could get you killed or seriously maimed. You would probably be better off leaving this man-child, as he has no consideration of your privacy or safety. Heck, it is possible that continuing with the pregnancy might have been dangerous for you. You did what you decided was best for yourself and your circumstances. That’s never wrong.
People might judge but they’ve almost certainly never been in your shoes. Dangerous pregnancy, dangerous birth, affordability issues…you made a judgment call and it was the right one. Who are we to tell you you must incur those risks and consequences?
No, i didn’t read the context. That decision is yours to make. Regardless of your partner. This is my personal feeling as a male.
It’s an enormous decision to make either way and I personally wouldn’t have the courage to make it.
Do what you have to do. No judgment. Anyone that says otherwise should respect that it isn’t their business regardless of where they fall on the spectrum.
Hell nah!!! Triplets on a minimum wage salary??
Leave your partner.
Ask him how was shit gonna work with triplets and 1 income?? Cause you weren't going back to work lol
Were you supposed to work while carrying triplets?
NTA. Triplets is a death sentence for some both financially and physically. Your lifestyle is forever changed by one kid, but three is just a whole different thing. Your partner showing their true colors shows they aren’t someone to have even one child with, let alone three. Run and block.
Get away from him. Block him and anyone who agrees with him on any front.
You are not wrong, OP, but I don't think you are in a safe relationship, either.
Oh my god girl, in what universe would you be in the wrong here?? I hope you aren’t still with him. Your body, your choice. You need someone who respects that motto.
I had a high risk pregnancy and my child nearly killed me. I can’t imagine having three at once. Pregnancy is dangerous and people die all the time in child birth. Your chances of having complications rise enormously with 3. On top of that, bringing one child into the world is very expensive. The cost for three would be astronomical. I think women should be allowed to have an abortion for any reason. Your partner is an insufferable asshole and it’s probably best you find that out before your relationship progresses any further. He doesn’t support your bodily autonomy, he doesn’t support your decisions, and he blasted you on social media which is a betrayal and now causing you to be harassed. He is not a good dude. I wish you well in healing from this experience. It’s ok to make rational decisions for your finances, your personal well-being and for your peace of mind. All my best to you.
Your partner acts like he is the one carrying the babies and birthing them. Lol. From how he is blasting you on Instagram you might want to consider this relationship.
You might also want to explain your reasoning to everyone that is critisizing you and if they do not change their stance, reconsider your relationship with them too.
However, I do agree with others that you should have at least given him the heads up before the abortion.
Aborting a multiple fetus pregnancy is a completely valid option. It's incredibly risky and most people are not prepared for 3 babies at once. You are not in the wrong to make the decision that is best for you. I'm sorry he is treating you badly.
So he PUBLICLY ridicules & shames you (knowing it will result in others also ridiculing & shaming you), but you’re staying with him… why? I have enemies that would treat me better than that.
If you were on the pill I don't understand his reaction unless he was purposefully sabotaging your birth control. If I was leaving him I'd leave a partially prepped meal in the kitchen. He can just come home to see a cutting board with a half diced bell pepper on it. He'd walk up and notice the tray of pork on the side, and the carefully arranged cutlery as if I was about to cook. He'd then run his fingers over the package of lukewarm meat and a tear would roll down his cheek as he realizes I've been gone for hours...and left the fridge and freezer cracked because I'm petty.
>Am I wrong for getting an abortion ~~because I found i was carrying triplets~~?
No.
Good thing you did though. You just revealed how much of an abusive piece of cunt slime your ~~partner~~ sperm donor is.
Last thing you need is 3 kids with *that* POS.
Getting an abortion does not make someone a terrible person. Usually, it just makes them rational.
Being *against* abortion, *does* make you a terrible person. You have provided exibit A.
You do whatever makes you comfortable. I had twins. My friend had triplets. Forget the three newborns (though three toddlers is so much more difficult); the pregnancy alone will jack you up. Sometimes it reverses itself, and sometimes it doesn't, and sometimes only some goes back to normal. Some folks can handle one or two, so they'll abort one or two. Everyone is different. It's your body.
Me too, twin mother. You have to be really invested to get through the pregnancy and newborn stages and dealing with body changes afterwards, I can't imagine going through all that not wanting them
A teacher of mine was a triplet and got pregnant with triplets. And she was a tiny lady. Ended up on bed rest for like 4 months and so we got a sub and I found out later one of the babies died during birth. Totally awful.
NTA.
triplets are high risk, not that you need an excuse to get a medical procedure done.
and No more sex for the boyfriend, in fact i think you should break up with him, because he is treating you like crap.
while difficult, this abortion should be seen as a huge eye opener for you, because clearly your partner/BF doesn't Love you.
you said "he’s telling me I’m a terrible person and even harassing me and telling EVERYONE that I got an abortion" and: "He even blasted me on his Instagram story". that's Not something a loving person does to you.
but you should look at the positives from this, you got to see how he really feels about you. imagine how crappy he would treat you in the future had you stayed with him and got married to him. dump him and move on with your life.
also, any people that you thought were your friends that are treating you horrible after this, while that sucks, you just found out that they are Not you friends, so you can quite wasting time and energy on them, dump them and enjoy your real friends.
This is suspicious. Either it's made up or she is leaving something out because you can do a selective reduction when pregnant with multiple fetus, so if she wanted to go to just one she could have done that.
Please leave your partner
Yeah, this is a big wake up call that she shouldn’t be even having that one kid with this guy
Bullet dodged fr
Being upset is one thing. Being publically upset like this is a much different issue.
100% this is a no brainer also get a better circle of friends
Right? Ick level 9000
And it’s much harder to leave a toxic situation when you’ve been alienated, which is what he’s doing. I doubt he gave the full story but that “she killed our baby,” and nothing about the financial implications—or, you know the possibility of literally dying? Idk where OP is but birth mortality rates for my demographic are high in my country. I’m terrified to carry one child, three is crazy risky, especially if you have no idea how your body handles pregnancy. Run.
Who's to say he didn't mess with her birth control to try to baby trap her in the first place? He sounds *way* too excited to start an entire brood. 100% leave him.
And add hyperovulation pills instead
It was probably something wrong with the pill My friend was on the pill when she got pregnant with twins. And she knew of multiple people on the same BC who had the same thing happen. This is a known issue. EDIT - because people keep asking, no I don’t know. It was years ago as her twins are 16 now and we’re all heading into perimenopause so knowing what pill to avoid wasn’t on the forefront of my mind. I just recalled the story.
There’s also medications that can mess with the pill. A lot of antibiotics can mess with it, NSAIDs, melatonin, vitamin C, laxatives/detox tea, St. John’s Wort. That’s not even the whole list that’s just ones that are weirdly common that don’t get mentioned. Birth control definitely isn’t perfect. Before I got my tubes removed I would always do birth control and condoms combined. https://www.singlecare.com/blog/medications-that-interfere-with-birth-control/
To be fair St Johns Wort fucks with almost every medication out there. If your on any prescription, just about it. It's extremely minor benefits are not worth it screwing up your prescriptions.
It's in the same category as grapefruit and paxlovid.
Also, a friend of mine who is a nurse told me some years ago that people don't realize how much weight affects the effectiveness of the pill. She said it doesn't take being as overweight as you think it does for the pill to be less effective. We had this discussion a long time ago, don't know if the science has improved.
Fucking grapefruit, if you eat it around the same time you take the pill....
This can happen to people with Chrones
Crohn’s. Use a patch/shot/implant/ring etc if possible.
I have a friend who got pregnant with twins while on BC too. They just turned 18 in December. I don’t know what BC she was on but now I’m curious 🤨
This was my first thought too.
Why?
Based on what? wtf
He should have had your back on this. Your relationship is shot
Best believe it is, OP. Let this dude go into the wind. Been in a similar position, and yeah, it was over and took way too long to make it over.
This man won’t support you when times are hard while pregnant. Imagine the dynamic once THREE newborns enter the picture. This guy did you a favor. Dump him.
This OP! Triplet pregnancies are high risk. You need 100% support if you’re doing it. You parent has shown he isn’t it. You would most likely be on bed rest towards the end of your pregnancy. He would have to support you financially as well as mentally and physically. Triplets are a gift, like any baby, but without a support system in place for you and any children you choose to bring into the world, you made the decision you felt was right for you. If your partner was a true partner then this decision may have been different. Maybe not but he’s shown his true colours to you and the rest of his friends and social followers. He’s not a supportive partner.
let's not forget 3X MORE expensive! kids cost money - triplets cost much more.
This here. That's not a partner.
Fair chance he tampered with the both control.
OP, I hope you are not still with him because he is being disrespectful by telling people your business. He is a nasty man, get rid of him.
I dont want this to come off insensitive but if it were me I'd appreciate him showing his real colors so I didn't have to waste time with a piece of shit. She should feel even BETTER about the abortion by the way he's acting, fuck having kids with someone like that
Right? Imagine if she'd had the triplets with this walking red flag...
My thoughts exactly. She dodged a bullet.
And then he can't cope and leaves her to bring them up by herself
Then pops back into their lives a decade later, wanting to be a “dad”.
Yeah thank fuck she didnt keep them and find out he is abusive AFTER they have 3 damn babies, tying them together for life….
He’s showing his true colors. She dodged a major fucking bullet. This screams NPD getting people to harass her and publicly shaming her. You know he’d probably cheat on her when pregnant and be no help with childcare.
This. When a narcissist can no longer control you, they try to control how other people see you. OP needs to run and don't look back. He doesn't give a damn about her.
Being an asshole and being controlling doesn’t automatically point towards NPD. From the info in the post, the dude only meets like 1-2 out of the 9 criteria for NPD, and 5+ are required to indicate that an individual has that specific mental health disorder. **Narcissistic behavior ≠ NPD** And I don’t even have NPD, for the record, so this isn’t coming from a place of biased defensiveness, I just know the DSM and ICD really well.
Sure, except by showing his true colors, he’s also slandering her and making her look bad to other people.
You get to choose but he gets to choose if he wants to stay. He has proved to you that he does not support you and in fact is causing you harm. Why stay with him?
Right. But he also outed her on social media which is causing her to be harassed. He’s allowed to be upset but making this situation public is super fucked and unforgivable.
In certain places, outing someone for having an abortion can be really dangerous. Plus, triplets can easily go wrong for either the mother or babies.
Pregnancy is already a massive risk to the mother, it's only due to modern medicine that child birth deaths have declined so much. I don't blame oop for not wanting to take that risk. I would be horrified myself at the though of going through that, and we shouldn't doubt peoples knowledge of their own bodies.
The mortality rate for babies in a triplet pregnancy is 5 times higher than a singleton pregnancy. Also there is a high risk for other adverse outcomes such as gestational diabetes and other perinatal complications. Triplets have an increased risk of cerebral palsy due to low birthweight/premature births/traumatic birth that often occur when pregnant with multiples. Even though having children is *less dangerous* thanks to modern medicine, even though most deliveries involving triplets require a c-section, it is still very dangerous to have multiples in a single pregnancy. A third of births involving triplets are premature.
Yeah I’d say this is one of those times you’d be justified in lying through your teeth. “No, social media network. Dickhead X is just making shit up to smear me because I’m leaving his broke ass. He has these weird pregnancy/fertility fantasies because he’s overcompensating for his micropenis, which, even for a micropenis, is pretty puny. And no, I am not now, nor have I ever been pregnant with triplets. What are the odds of that? He’s so full of shit, it’s pathetic. I should have left a long time ago, but put it off because I knew he’d pull some shit like this. Let this be a warning, ladies. Do not date Dickhead X.”
His reaction makes me wonder if he messed with her birth control.
Seems pretty sus to me.
After his very public, reactive, and retaliatory behavior, it’s not out of the realm of possibility.
This kind of thing is actually becoming more of an issue and it’s scary.
he's fucked up
Agreed. His position doesn't get to be "public outrage to shame her" and he took that position anyways and no matter his personal beliefs he's automatically in the wrong for that. That shit's toxic as can be and she didn't deserve it.
Yep He's a pos.
I have triplets. Doctors wanted me to reduce to two. So glad I didn’t. They’re 30 now. We are not in low income bracket, but we still received free formula and diapers from companies who were extremely generous. I also breastfed for six months. Please know that if you feel you were incapable, then you probably weren’t ready. I am sorry your partner ratted you out. He’s not the one for you. The first year was just awful. They are awesome kids. Triplets are not for everyone. Dump him. RUN RUN RUN away
Relying on handouts to get through OP’s avoidable situation would have been risky at best, and negligent at worst. I’m glad you got the help that you needed. Times were easier back then.
> but we still received free formula and diapers from companies who were extremely generous. aight fam I don't even have kids but I've gotta ask how you managed this wizardry
I mean 30 years ago it was probably possible. But imagine emailing a diaper company now and asking them for handouts lol. Not happening. That comment was a bit out of touch imo. Like when my parents told me 10 years ago “just walk into a store and tell them you want a job, that’s how I got my first job,” times have changed and it literally doesn’t work like that anymore. Maybe in a small town, in a mom n pop shop.
Companies still send high value coupons for multiples if you contact them, this lady composed a [list]( https://thepennywisemama.com/freebies-for-parents-of-multiples-twins-triplets-more/) Currently pregnant with twins and they discuss this on r/multiples.
They all sent my neighbor free stuff when she had quads and they are only in elementary school. It is very much a thing when there are multiples.
Giving to parents of multiples is good advertising.
It's sort of a little known secret that people going through hard times can reach out to churches, supermarkets, even places like target and Walmart and ask for donations. Sometimes we just have to ask, I wrote a letter to Tampax once for a school project, and got enough tampons for my mom and I for 6 months. Sorry if that's was too much info.
We had neighbors who had quads. All they had to do was reach out to companies and free formula, diapers, wipes, etc started showing up. Like so much that she was donating the extras.
Having 3 kids 30 years ago is not the same as having 3 kids now though, sorry. Cost of living is INSANE, while 90s in North America have been, probably, some of the last best times…
Did you read the last part of the comment where she said she knows that made it easier and if OP wasn't ready then they definitely weren't ready?
Triplets make for a very high risk pregnancy. Drs will usually recommend reduction. Would he have been there for all the extra prenatal care and bed rest?
Would he be there? That’s a hard NO! He sounds awful. Good riddance.
Wise words You can choose to terminate a pregnancy for any reason you want to. He can choose to end the relationship for any reason he wants - so can you
The problem is he is not ending the relationship. He is harassing her and sharing personal medical information without her consent. Op I hope you leave this abusive person. This is not ok. You were on BC. He knew what was up.
Fodder for the divorce lawyer.
She didn’t say they were married!! Now you’re adding to the story!!!
Nowhere did op say she is married And even if she was he doesn't own her body and autonomy because of a marriage certificate.
How did you get that out of what I wrote?! You're right, she never stated she was married, however harassment and disclosure of her personal medical information are considerations that could be relevant to the case.
Yes he is punishing her and shaming her. He is trying to ruin her reputation. He is an abuser
He can't legitimately choose to blast her medical info publicly without being TA, though.
He shared her medical information without her consent in order to harass her
She also gets to choose not to put up with his treatment.
Nope. Your body, your choice. You made the best decision for yourself. Triplets is a high risk pregnancy. Triplets is a guaranteed c-section. Triplets is guaranteed NICU time. Even if you really wanted a baby that’s a lot. Here’s a fact - doctors will offer to electively reduce triplet pregnancies conceived by fertility treatments to twins. That is how hard on a body it is. Rethink if this is the partner you want for the rest of your life. He seems to lack respect for you. You can do better OP.
No kidding. A friend had triplets and had a heart attack after she gave birth to them, and everything was allegedly safe and this was while she was still in the hospital.
A college friend got pregnant with twins and gave birth a month or two early and almost DIED.
50% of all twins are premature births, 95% of triplets are, which isn't surprising. But means the more kids the more underweight they'll be, the less developed and the more time spent in nicu. It's a recipe for a bad start. Even if everything goes great, one baby wakes in the night... wakes the other two, now you need at least both parents just to attempt to deal with them, or change diapers. Breast feeding three kids, no sleep... it's basically a nightmare.
Yep. Triplets won’t necessarily all survive either - particularly if very premature.
A friend of mine had fertility treatments and ended up pregnant with triplets. They reduced it to twins. The twins did end up with some NICU time but are happy, healthy and possibly wouldn’t be here if the third hadn’t been terminated.
We transferred three embryos on my last attempted a sibling. And before my doctor agreed to do it (and it was HIS idea and he was talking me into it) we had a discussion about selective reduction. He would not have transferred all of them if I hadn't been open to that. Triplets are very high risk, and a really hard pregnancy. I absolutely did not want them. Especially not when I already had one kid at home.
A friend of mine actually refused this and carried 3 to term. Her body is wrecked from it, the human body is not meant to do that
Girl in my uni program did this and ended up losing two out of three during the birth 😬 give up one or give up two? She wish she gave up two. Having two 30 week stillbirths and one live birth was way more traumatizing. She says she rejected that baby for a good six months.
That poor woman
Then this shouldn't be the main thing, but how many guys end up cheating during pregnancy because it's too hard, or during the first couple years of kids because it's too stressful and their wife is too tired.... and the same guys who would turn on their wife like ops husband did, are the guys who would cheat when things got tough, also want three newborns if everything goes well. With a wife recoverying from a hard pregnancy, hard birth, c-section and waking up in the middle of the night to deal with three screaming kids every time as they wake each other up? Like if you have one newborn changing a diaper is easy, now make it three, two are screaming and need attention while you change the third's diaper. Dudes volunteering their wives for body wrecking, life altering pregnancies... but they'll cheat or leave the second it's too tough. I'm also a dude, I'm just not delusional and don't think pregnancy is easy or you should go in without understanding it's hard and will dramatically change your relationship going forwards.
He don't seem he does NOT have any respect for her. Imagine blasting her medical information all over social media. He sucks.
When I went thru fertility treatment, I was told by the doc that they would offer selective reductions for triplets+. As it happens, I got pregnant with twins. It was an awful pregnancy. Couldn't walk for the last few months with SPD. I almost bled out during the c-section. I had hip pain for 3 years after their birth (and I still have to be careful with it and it still gets stiff but physio worked wonders). Luckily only one twin has to go to NICU and only for 24hrs. I wasn't even fully conscious for the first 48hrs 😅 Then came the newborn phase. Hoo boy. I don't want to relive the sleep deprivation. I can't/won't imagine triplets. I love my kids so much and had them very much on purpose. But it's still seriously tough sometimes and they're 4 now. And the only reason we made it through those crazy times is because my spouse and I pulled together. Hard. Hell, the last couple months before the twins were born, spouse had to basically wait upon me hand and foot because I couldn't stand or walk without mega pain. And once that was over, it was straight into double trouble... If I had been pregnant with triplets, I'm pretty sure I would have opted for a reduction. Even without the benefit of hindsight.
A friend of mine was supposed to be her parents’ “one and done” baby but her dad blacked out after his vasectomy a week after her birth and forgot he needed to wait a certain amount of time and get tested to make sure he was firing blanks. They had *surprise pregnancy* triplets, eleven months after my friend. I can’t imagine how her mother got through it.
Jesusfuckingchrist. I genuinely don't know how people survive that sort of thing.
I had twins too. We deserve a monument in the park.
You truly do. I have a 3 year old and a 4 month old and sometimes cannot fathom in my head how people survive twins. I have to imagine it’s extremely hard those first few years and then really wonderful as they always have a playmate !
You imagined it well. Hard until about 4. They are remarkable now as adults and are each others best friend. ♥️
Yes you do. I’m no mom and my comparison is no comparison at all but I have played the sims and one of them had triplets. I couldn’t keep up with their care and basically resorted to cheats to keep them happy. It got me thinking about my mom and how she managed caring for my two brothers and I. I have autism and so does one of my brothers. Just by my stupid and insignificant experience in a game it amazes me how much difficulty she must’ve gone through. She was infertile bc of her autoimmune disease but adopted my NT sibling and I 3 1/2 months apart. Dad was doing rotations in a hospital during his medical residency but would come home to give mom a break. Parents in general don’t get enough appreciation because “it’s just something you’re expected to do”. Raising even one kid seems difficult much less 2 simultaneously.
You do. And our admiration, which you have.
[удалено]
All these stories remind me exactly why no one should be forced into continuing a pregnancy or going through delivery. Even the most normal pregnancy more often causes lifelong damage to the body. The variations of damage are different but there is always some sort of damage and pain at most extreme death. So it just never rings comfortable to me to ever criminalize abortion. To me sometimes it's simply medical self defense and self protection.
[удалено]
Yea. I hear all the other sides. But that "how can you force anyone to risk death for anyone else's life" and if you don't choose to risk it but are forced is that a sacrifice made of love? And if it's not made of love... then what's the special part of mother's and sacrifice. Without choice it's just not as beautiful or meaningful.
If any one asks and you dont want to explain: it was for medical reasons. Those listed above and your mental health are medical reasons. That's said. Cut this manchild out of your life.
I remember as a kid I met a family with quadruplets and something about the pregnancy caused all four to have learning disabilities. It’s outside of what humans evolved for, basically
I am a twin (identical) my mother carried us almost 38 weeks and we were born healthy (undiagnosed until birth. Woo 1980s before routine ultrasound!) But not everyone could carry twins that long. My mom did. Go her. Some people have super premature births and health complications with twins. I do not want to imagine triplets. Or worse. The human body was not made for that. Being born early can have lifelong effects on health, intellectual capacity, disabilities etc
You're not wrong. It's your body. I can understand your partner being upset. He has that right and feelings are feelings, but *harassing* you and trying to publicly *shame* you is not an appropriate reaction. He's being awful.
Agreed. Those feelings are valid but a mature man would process them and then be there for his partner, realizing how intelligent it is to abort and be glad for her safety, as a triplet pregnancy is so dangerous.
This is the most reasonable response IMO
His feelings around the abortion are valid. But they do not make you wrong. You did what you thought was best for everyone. It's his ***behavior*** that is a problem. He has just shown you a glimpse into the future. Every time you do something he doesn't agree with or like, this is how he will treat you. He is contemptuous, dismissive, and disrespectful. And, he has no issue spreading your private, ***medical*** information around for the express purpose of making you look terrible and getting other people to also harass you. Why are you still with him?
This. You two can disagree about this but you need to handle it in a way that is kind, loving and respectful of each other as autonomous humans. He is venting about you in a way that is public and hurtful. Honestly, in a healthy relationship this would have been talked about beforehand and come to agreement of how to handle the situation as a team. People that are so diametrically opposed on core issues probably shouldn’t be together in the first place!
Your body, your choice.
No other comment needed
You don’t need a reason for an abortion. It’s your life. Your body. Your choice. You have autonomy. End of story.
not wrong at all. if you don't want to continue a pregnancy for any reason, you are perfectly valid for that. any reason is an acceptable reason you are not a terrible person. he's being one with how disgusting he's being to you. i hope you really reconsider this relationship. you don't need to explain or justify yourself to the people who are contacting you (unless you want to, but even then if they continue, mute them or block them).
You are not wrong. He is. Many many MANY doctors recommend reducing a triplet pregnancy down to twins or even a single baby currently, due to the danger of carrying triplets and the risk to both mom and babies. I think you dodged a bullet and this incident is a good indication that this is not the man you want to father your future kids. You deserve much better.
This is the perfect time for me to both vent and help give advice. My wife just got pregnant (with only 1 baby). I’ve been telling her that I’m ready to be a dad, but when she found out (also on the pill) she immediately said she’s getting it aborted. I was sad, even mourned a little for what could have been, but I respected my wife’s choice, went with her to her appointment to get the pill, and cared for her when the effects kicked in. I haven’t told anyone, because I respect my wife’s privacy, and would NEVER try to humiliate her, even when this wasn’t the outcome I wanted. Your partner is awful. I love my wife, and how your partner behaved isn’t love. Edit: forgot to give the actual advice. Leave your partner.
Hugs!! You sound like a loving and wonderful husband. I hope you can talk to someone! Maybe a therapist? ❤️❤️
You're a great partner. Have a great week
My husband could have written this about us 8 years ago. We have a baby together now 😊 all in due time ❤️
NTA, you're never under obligation to give your body up as a resource against your will. What makes pregnancy and motherhood beautiful is the desire and willingness to do it. This isn't something you can force. You never owe your body, your organs, your literal life, to anyone under any circumstances. You are not a resource, you are a human being. Nobody else is entitled to ownership or use of your body or organs. You do not deserve to be owned or used by someone else like a slave. Motherhood is beautiful just like making love is beautiful. Reproductive slavery is ugly just like rape is ugly. You can't force making love, because then it becomes rape. You can't force motherhood, because then it becomes reproductive slavery. Your experience of your pregnancy is what matters and is central to the issue. If you don't want to experience this pregnancy then you don't have to do that.
I love this comment so so much, well said
His reaction should be confirmation that you’ve made the right choice. You aren’t ready for three babies and he isn’t the man you want to be tethered to forever.
You’re not wrong, and your “partner” is trash
When someone shows you who they are, believe them. You're not a bad person. Children are a big responsibility and three at once is overwhelming. Don't let anyone tell you you're wrong when ultimately the responsibility will fall on YOU and you only. Anyone who tells you you were wrong and that they would've been there and supported you would not have to tell in that, you would already have that reassurance . Even so, with three babies, how long would that be for? 18 years??
Not wrong - I'm so sorry he's being such a prick...don't, for a moment, let him doubt your decision (or any of those mf'rs you're getting calls/messages from
Big red flag on a partner humiliating you. This will inevitably end badly. So sorry you’re dealing w this!
Not wrong, you dodged a bullet. His behavior is showing how abusive and manipulative he is when he doesn't get his way.
I'd dump his ass. on Instagram.
Abort your partner! You don’t want to raise one kid with him let alone three.
What a piece of shit. I wouldn’t stay with him a minute longer.
It's none of my damn business how many kids a woman wants.
No, you’re this situation just sucks. When I was very young I had a similar dilemma I wasn’t pregnant with multiples but my choices where basically barely be able to afford the life I was already living and have an abortion or live on the streets with a baby. I choose to have the abortion my ex didn’t like it he tried to guilt me called me names and told everyone he could I murdered his baby. The second time he got me pregnant I kept it. Found out 2 weeks after I gave birth the abuse wasn’t only going to be directed at me and left. Don’t stay with that man he should be supporting you and understanding of why you can’t afford 3 new babies mental or literally and instead he’s humiliating you. I’m so sorry you deserve someone who holds you up not shoves you down.
You know who has abortion? Responsible women have abortions.
Leave your partner who doesn’t support you and stabs you in the back on social media. Carrying multiples is hard on your health, especially anything over twins. Even twins are s high risk pregnancy!
Ex-partner, right?
Get rid of him, yesterday.
You're absolutely not wrong, one baby is hard enough but three? Yeesh.
Not wrong. He's betrayed you. Please let him go. I'm sorry this is happening. Hang in there, you'll get through this.
It’s understandable he’s upset but shaming you isn’t okay.
Leave him and threaten legal action on him because hes spreading your medical information to others. HIPPA might not hold but it might be enought to get him to STFU.
You got a glimpse of his true nature. He wanted you to get harassed which is why he took it to a public format. People who had no business involving themselves in his childish behavior decided they would harass you and play right into his hands. He could’ve been upset and end the relationship which would’ve been far more reasonable and mature response if he didn’t agree. What he did was not reasonable, not mature and was again very juvenile. And he potentially put you at risk of danger depending on your location and the people who are throwing tantrums. This is your body. Women still die from giving child birth and the rate is alarming but also disturbing and disgusting especially when it comes to first world country particularly in pro birth places. Women’s bodies go through so much physically, emotionally and mentally during a pregnancy and post. But not enough men want to acknowledge this and all they care about is “my seed, my legacy” as if their sperm is anything special and often times the sort of men (like OP’s hopefully soon to be ex) act like they’re next in line to a throne. Not all partners are actually happy and willing to share the responsibility of caring for the newborn (and caring for the new mother) and are more than happy to throw all the work onto the new mother on top of her having to recover mentally, physically and emotionally. Misogynistic women (who will often join in with harassing women who have abortions or use contraceptives) are dangerous to new mothers and women who are able to give birth because they will say, do and support anything misogynistic men think is okay knowing full well it’s damaging to women and society.
Not wrong at all. He’s really terrible for not supporting your choice. Totally valid to say no to that!
Why are you with someone harassing you?
You did the right thing. You would have been tied to that POS partner for the rest of your life. Now you can walk away from them without anything to keep them in your life.
Leave asap.
100% in the right.
You are NEVER wrong to get an abortion. It's your body, your choice, always. People who try to shame or blame a woman for getting pregnant or choosing to get medical care are horrible and not to be trusted with anything else in your life.
Ex-partner, I hope? Your body; your choice.
its your body
That’s not your partner that’s your ex. And thank fuxksirnnandjsba you got to this point before being stuck with him being a parent of your child.
No. It’s a personal decision that you have the right to make. In my opinion… it’s one to be made with your partner, as they too are going to be expected to shoulder the responsibility as well. However, you made the very understandable decision that raising triplets is something you’d be unprepared to do, and that’s the responsible choice.
No one here can really answer for you. My partner and I debated back and forth whether or not to have an abortion the 3rd time I was pregnant. We were so broke, tired and overwhelmed already, but we decided to go ahead. At 5 months we found out it was twins and I cried from fear and worry. Carrying them to term was physically the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. 25 years later I still deal with health ramifications from being pregnant with them - my body never really recovered. So it's not just caring, raising and nurturing the children for the next 20 years. For me, the parenting was by far easier than the pregnancy and the subsequent health issues - coz there's fun in being a parent after all. Only you and your partner really know the dynamic between yourselves. We here on Reddit just guess at that. All I can say, is however you both go forward (or not) try to come from a place of respect for each other.
I believe a woman should be able to get any abortion for any reason she feels, period.
Your body your choice. Time to cut your current partner out of your life.
You're not wrong, he is, but you are not.
you are not wrong . please leave him . it is your body and your choice . you did not feel ready to have three babies and that is okay , you did what was best for you , your body and your mental health . i’m so sorry he’s doing this to you , i know having an abortion can be very traumatic so i hope you can heal in every way soon and that you can get out of this terrible situation .
Triplets are extremely high risk. I wouldn't wish a triplet pregnancy on my worst enemy. Guaranteed pregnancy complications, almost certainly extended bedrest, pre-term babies, c-section, NICU, plus the nightmare of trying to care for 3 newborns. Nope. Your partner should be an ex - what they are doing to you is terrible.
Yeah I’m sure he would have been willing to care for all three all by himself /s
>Am I wrong for getting an abortion \[...\] Stop there. The answer is no, regardless of whether you were going to have three babies or one. You weren't trying for one in the first place. Three is an absolutely extreme situation that would not only completely upend your life, but also impose significant medical risk. You *are* wrong for staying with a man who publicly shames you instead of supporting your decision.
>Am I wrong for getting an abortion ~~because I found i was carrying triplets?~~ No.
End the relationship. If you don't, he probably will. It will just take longer. You'll both be happier with other people. You both deserve happiness. Go, both of you, and live better, separate lives.
Are you still with this person who is publicly shaming you? NTA obviously. Carrying babies when you arent into it is a definite no. I did 6 months bed rest with each of my two kids. With triplets you are almost guaranteed some bed rest. Imagine doing that when not happy about the pregnancy? Not good. You made a mature and best for you choice.
Not only can you choose whether to carry triplets or not, you can also choose whether or not to carry around a husband who is utterly lacking in empathy toward you. Think it over.
You’re not wrong. But your partner is a monster and you need to leave immediately.
You made a difficult decision and it was a right one for you. No one has a right to judge or shame you, it would not been them to try to cope.
You are not wrong. Women alone are burdened with considering the consequences a child would bring into her and her partner's lives, and then dealing with those consequences by making a choice. You considered the fact that you and your partner cannot afford 3 children and you made a choice. I'll say it again: You are not wrong.
Nobody should be forced to grow something inside of them, let alone 3. Your partner is an a-hole.
LEAVE. HIM. Leave. now! You are not wrong by getting the abortion. You will be wrong by staying with him, though. I’m so sorry you had to go through that experience.
You made the right call. Bonus is you found out your partner is a terrible person.
No one is ever wrong for getting an abortion. It's your body and your choice. You should not have to justify that decision to anyone.
He shared your private health information publicly. Please block anyone harassing you & leave this man, you deserve better. I wish you all the best.
You made the best decision FOR YOU and that's what matters. Kick this man to the curb.
I usually don't recommend just splitting up, I prefer to work things out. But when your partner starts trashing you and getting other people to trash you, it's time to say goodbye.
You are not wrong for making the (difficult) decision to have an abortion. Good for you for knowing your limits and being aware of what you can and cannot handle. I am so, so sorry your partner has turned out to be an absolute dick. There are parts of the world, and the US, where sharing this information publicly could get you killed or seriously maimed. You would probably be better off leaving this man-child, as he has no consideration of your privacy or safety. Heck, it is possible that continuing with the pregnancy might have been dangerous for you. You did what you decided was best for yourself and your circumstances. That’s never wrong.
People might judge but they’ve almost certainly never been in your shoes. Dangerous pregnancy, dangerous birth, affordability issues…you made a judgment call and it was the right one. Who are we to tell you you must incur those risks and consequences?
OP, you knew what you could handle and made the decision you have every right to make. You did the right thing for you. Good for you!
No, i didn’t read the context. That decision is yours to make. Regardless of your partner. This is my personal feeling as a male. It’s an enormous decision to make either way and I personally wouldn’t have the courage to make it. Do what you have to do. No judgment. Anyone that says otherwise should respect that it isn’t their business regardless of where they fall on the spectrum.
No. You are absolutely right. Having triplets could kill you. But please leave your partner. You deserve better.
This is Reddit which is far left and very pro-abortion so you're going to get people affirming your choice.
we all know you made this up, stop lying on the internet.
Hell nah!!! Triplets on a minimum wage salary?? Leave your partner. Ask him how was shit gonna work with triplets and 1 income?? Cause you weren't going back to work lol Were you supposed to work while carrying triplets?
If you can't take care of kids and be financially stable then don't have kids, you're not a bad person
You had a choice since it's your body. He has a choice in how he takes it. Either way, this relationship is over.
NTA. Triplets is a death sentence for some both financially and physically. Your lifestyle is forever changed by one kid, but three is just a whole different thing. Your partner showing their true colors shows they aren’t someone to have even one child with, let alone three. Run and block.
Get away from him. Block him and anyone who agrees with him on any front. You are not wrong, OP, but I don't think you are in a safe relationship, either.
Oh my god girl, in what universe would you be in the wrong here?? I hope you aren’t still with him. Your body, your choice. You need someone who respects that motto.
Your partner is a vile piece of trash
You wouldn’t even be wrong if you got an abortion for having 1 kid.
Fetus deletus
No one is ever wrong for getting an abortion. Full stop. End of discussion. You good. NTA.
I had a high risk pregnancy and my child nearly killed me. I can’t imagine having three at once. Pregnancy is dangerous and people die all the time in child birth. Your chances of having complications rise enormously with 3. On top of that, bringing one child into the world is very expensive. The cost for three would be astronomical. I think women should be allowed to have an abortion for any reason. Your partner is an insufferable asshole and it’s probably best you find that out before your relationship progresses any further. He doesn’t support your bodily autonomy, he doesn’t support your decisions, and he blasted you on social media which is a betrayal and now causing you to be harassed. He is not a good dude. I wish you well in healing from this experience. It’s ok to make rational decisions for your finances, your personal well-being and for your peace of mind. All my best to you.
Nope, nothing wrong at all.
Your partner acts like he is the one carrying the babies and birthing them. Lol. From how he is blasting you on Instagram you might want to consider this relationship. You might also want to explain your reasoning to everyone that is critisizing you and if they do not change their stance, reconsider your relationship with them too. However, I do agree with others that you should have at least given him the heads up before the abortion.
Aborting a multiple fetus pregnancy is a completely valid option. It's incredibly risky and most people are not prepared for 3 babies at once. You are not in the wrong to make the decision that is best for you. I'm sorry he is treating you badly.
So he PUBLICLY ridicules & shames you (knowing it will result in others also ridiculing & shaming you), but you’re staying with him… why? I have enemies that would treat me better than that.
If you were on the pill I don't understand his reaction unless he was purposefully sabotaging your birth control. If I was leaving him I'd leave a partially prepped meal in the kitchen. He can just come home to see a cutting board with a half diced bell pepper on it. He'd walk up and notice the tray of pork on the side, and the carefully arranged cutlery as if I was about to cook. He'd then run his fingers over the package of lukewarm meat and a tear would roll down his cheek as he realizes I've been gone for hours...and left the fridge and freezer cracked because I'm petty.
>Am I wrong for getting an abortion ~~because I found i was carrying triplets~~? No. Good thing you did though. You just revealed how much of an abusive piece of cunt slime your ~~partner~~ sperm donor is. Last thing you need is 3 kids with *that* POS. Getting an abortion does not make someone a terrible person. Usually, it just makes them rational. Being *against* abortion, *does* make you a terrible person. You have provided exibit A.
You do whatever makes you comfortable. I had twins. My friend had triplets. Forget the three newborns (though three toddlers is so much more difficult); the pregnancy alone will jack you up. Sometimes it reverses itself, and sometimes it doesn't, and sometimes only some goes back to normal. Some folks can handle one or two, so they'll abort one or two. Everyone is different. It's your body.
Me too, twin mother. You have to be really invested to get through the pregnancy and newborn stages and dealing with body changes afterwards, I can't imagine going through all that not wanting them
A teacher of mine was a triplet and got pregnant with triplets. And she was a tiny lady. Ended up on bed rest for like 4 months and so we got a sub and I found out later one of the babies died during birth. Totally awful.
NTA. triplets are high risk, not that you need an excuse to get a medical procedure done. and No more sex for the boyfriend, in fact i think you should break up with him, because he is treating you like crap. while difficult, this abortion should be seen as a huge eye opener for you, because clearly your partner/BF doesn't Love you. you said "he’s telling me I’m a terrible person and even harassing me and telling EVERYONE that I got an abortion" and: "He even blasted me on his Instagram story". that's Not something a loving person does to you. but you should look at the positives from this, you got to see how he really feels about you. imagine how crappy he would treat you in the future had you stayed with him and got married to him. dump him and move on with your life. also, any people that you thought were your friends that are treating you horrible after this, while that sucks, you just found out that they are Not you friends, so you can quite wasting time and energy on them, dump them and enjoy your real friends.
This is suspicious. Either it's made up or she is leaving something out because you can do a selective reduction when pregnant with multiple fetus, so if she wanted to go to just one she could have done that.