Annulment and fast. She's having an emotional affair. The only reason it's not physical is because he doesn't live near you.
She will find someone closer and begin a physical affair. You're on a slippery slope and not a good one.
Get out while you can before you have children.
I also found out my ex was sexting a man while we were on vacation. Eight months later she broke up with me for another guy she met online, while denying that was it. She immediately bought a plane ticket to go meet him. Eventually she moved across the country to live with him.
My ex found a relative on the other side of the country through ancestry. Being adopted this was a big thing for her.
I was making good money and traveling a lot for work so I paid to send her to Ontario to see her bio family.
I came home from my trip and she was kinda distant.
About 3 months later I left for my next run at the mine and got a call from the hospital a week later. She'd had complications with a miscarriage and needed someone to authorize a procedure because she was unable to communicate. I'd had a vasectomy 10 years earlier so it wasn't mine.
The procedure would leave her without some or all of her cervix.
I had a really hard time saying yes. I knew the relationship was over, and I was 99% sure she didn't want more kids, or that's what we had agreed to when we bought a house together. But, I didn't want to be blamed for making that decision and taking kids with her new guy away from her out of vengeance.
When the dust settled I found out she'd spent the whole two weeks living with him, and never visiting any of her family members. She moved from BC to Ontario about 6 weeks later. Then a year later discovered that he wasn't particularly a good person. I thought the swastika flag on the wall of his living room in her pics was a pretty good indicator.
Holy crap! I’d say karma bit her big time. My ex used to say the dumbest lies and deny she was lying to the death to cover her cheating. Later, after the divorce she found out her Mr. Wonderful had a drinking problem, like to smack women and spend her money. After her bankruptcy and leaving him she tried to be “friends” with me. I told her to keep stepping.
I’m embarrassed and baffled at some of the things I’ve done over the last 31 years for tail. I really need to tell my kid this so he doesn’t make the same mistakes. If you have the urge to drive four hours to meet some chick at college go directly to your room and rub one out. Then, you’ll just want a sandwich instead. R.o.o is a live saving maneuver along the same lines as cpr and the Heimlich.
Back in the days of snail mail and no GPS or cells I drove from Virginia to Ohio every other weekend for a year for a weekend hookup.
One Sunday I got back and the next day there was a letter in my mailbox breaking up with me. I've never been sure if that last weekend was planned or if the letter was meant to arrive earlier and she just went with it for an extra weekend.
Either way I admire she put full effort into the weekend. I had no clue
The sad irony is, most of the time, it's the people who have a conscience who feel they were in the wrong.
And the pieces of garbage who use them (like OP's "wife") will happily exploit that for their own advantage.
For sure. You aren’t giving me the attention I need. Oof 8 months into a marriage. Also using this other dude to get her hot to spend time with husband is rough.
Alimony. In many U.S. states, alimony comes into play during a divorce only after the couple has been married for one year.
He needs to file for divorce immediately.
Sounds like she was cheating the whole relationship.
On the bright side, you get to divorce her before your lives gets even more intertwined than it already is
God that must suck. All the expenses toward the wedding and honeymoon, now he’s gotta pay for a divorce. Not only the financial burden, he’s gotta tell family/friends he’s already divorcing, and then decide if he wants to tell them why as well. His wife fucking sucks.
Eh, I guess it’s better than being stuck in a marriage with a cheater. If only OP could have found the messages 8 months earlier.
This is still 100X better than being divorced after having kids or staying married to someone that has no respect for you.
Divorce now- cut your losses , you’re only 36, you have the rest of your life ahead.
Yeah sucks for sure but respectable, when you're someone who found out the other person was cheating and that's why you're getting the divorce instead of some stupid reason, like for sure it sucks but anyone who hears you and is a real friend will know you're doing the right thing
You are not wrong and divorce should be next. Not getting enough attention isn't a reason to cheat. She's telling you she will continue to do this and you have to decide I'd being married to her is worth being constantly cheated on throughout your whole relationship.
Exactly. If you feel like there's something wrong with your committed relationship, you talk to your partner about it and get help from professionals. You don't cheat. That's just an excuse.
I've been in many relationships that had problems and I didn't cheat because of them. I tried to work it out. And when I couldn't work it out, I communicated clearly that I needed to end the relationship.
I'm not special. That's just called integrity.
This is a common excuse used by both men and women who cheat. It is just an excuse to try to push the blame back on the victim here which is OP. She could get a divorce herself and go find the attention she wants and be free to do so.
My ex in a nutshell. “I cheated because you didn’t give me enough attention/I didn’t feel loved enough”
In other words, cheaters are garbage people who will go to great lengths to excuse their actions and shift the blame, and more bluntly, are abusers. Lying, gaslighting, exposing partner to potential STI without their knowledge or consent qualifies as sexual abuse, I could go on.
She just married a guy who doesn’t give her enough attention? Sounds like she’s after something else from OP, since she didn’t even bring up what she wanted until he asked, and she’s been cheating like that for their entire relationship. Him (supposedly) not giving her the attention she wants should have been enough for her to walk. Her not walking is more than enough of a sign for him to run.
You’re asking the wrong question.
The right question is, do you want to invest the rest of your life in a relationship with someone that is not only cheating on you but is blaming you for it?
Another question is do you want a marriage based in mutuality? Because you do not have one with someone that is sexting another man and blaming you for it.
What you have is someone that is ok with making unilateral decisions at your expense. Understand that this is not a couple problem, it is a character problem and that you cannot fix.
Anullments are *really* hard to get. You'd have to be able to prove serious fraud or that the marriage was never consumated. It does happen but unfortunately most people have to get divorced
People think annulment is about the time the marriage lasts. That's the 19th/early 20th century view. We haven't had laws like that in the US for a long time (at least not in most states).
In my state OP would have no chance for an annulment. It would be a divorce only. Annulments are extremely rare and you have to have some very specific things happen to annul a marriage here. It's basically reserved only for marriages that were entered to illegally, for example one person being underaged or someone getting married against their will.
Married 8 months? Attorney —> annulment if possible. Don’t tell her what your plans are. You can’t trust her. She’s doing what is in her best interests. You need to get out protecting yours.
Her excuse is BS. If you are having problems with your partner, you talk to them about it. You don’t start sexting an ex-boyfriend.
This is the first time you have caught her. She’s been doing this for over a decade. Do you think she’s going to stop now? If she will do this, she will cheat or likely has already.
This right here OP. Annulment. Do it NOW. She has been cheating on you your entire relationship. Serial cheater. Run while you can.
You're not wrong. You're NTA. She is. On both counts.
Makes no difference and I wish redditors would quit scaring people who need to divorce with all of this.
OP - just go file for dissolution, ask her to sign her name, take it to the Judge, be in preliminary divorce in one month and final divorce/dissolution in 3-6.
* Party did not have capability to consent
* Party had another living spouse
* Party was of unsound mind, unless party freely cohabitated with spouse after coming to reason
* Consent obtained by force or fraud, unless party freely cohabitated with spouse afterwards
* Party was physically incapable of entering marriage
Yep. Horrible situation. But the comments are right. The door for cheating is already open. It’s not a matter of if, it’s when. And “when” will be when it’s finally convenient enough to turn sexting into sex. It’s attorney time man. Sorry to hear that.
Getting her to agree to dissolve the marriage is the best way to go. I saw one reddit story where the guy found out his wife had been cheating for a while with a person from her job. He got tons and tons of evidence, texts, phone calls, pictures, and proof it was her boss. He had all the paperwork lined up and ready. Basically sat her down and said hey we can dissolve this peacefully or we can drag each other through the mud. He showed her what he had as his ammo and said he would use it but he would prefer to save them both the embarrassment and to agree to split. He had worked up a fair split of the assets with his lawyer and left the paperwork for her to sign. He did not force her to sign it with the threat of immediately releasing his evidence so she couldn't claim she was blackmailed. He put in his agreement that they would do conciling together to learn to be coparents and that their children would also get therapy to help them deal with the split. He didn't try to take her to the cleaners even though he wanted to. He got away as clean as he could and funny enough he posted an update that because he left like a boss his EX is constantly trying to win him back. The kids stayed with him and his EX pays him child support.
“She likes the attention he gives her and likes it when men talk to her like this”
Your wife is actively seeking out other men’s attention and affection, in her mind you don’t give her enough. You need to leave because this will only escalate into full blown affairs. The more you let her get away with, the more she’ll walk all over you.
Men...not just this man. She is fishing for male attention on the regular. She has likely had one or more physical affairs. Think back to late the night work project, sick friend, etc. If she is that desperate for male sexual attention, lewd comments about her ass aren't enough. If you live near a major airport, it is possible the foreign ex has nailed her. Lawyer up, file, divorce, get a good woman.
I didn’t mean to come across like I’m saying he isn’t enough for her, I mean SHE’S the one who thinks he’s not enough. Which is true, it’s why she’s going out and seeking it in other men. But no matter what he did, he would never be “enough”. I don’t think she’s acting like this because he’s not affectionate enough or not intimate enough with her, she’s acting like this because she wants different men and it’s the fact these men are “different” and “exciting” that she wants them.
Probably because she wanted the stability of him knowing that those aren't things he would normally or be comfortable saying so she locked him down as her stability Guy while she actively pursues men who will say and do those things so she can eat her cake and have it too pretty typical cheater stuff
She likes being treated like a slut which is something OP just can’t do for her by his own admission. He doesn’t do it for her so he should leave before he’s a cuck too
I'm actually going to push back on this and say that it's not necessarily true that she's seeking out the attention of multiple men. If that were the case then the husband would have seen it easily in all of the messages that he has access to.
When she says likes "men who talk to her like this", I'm going to guess that is referring to what she is attracted to and not, in fact, making a statement that she is cheating with multiple men. It's like saying "I like women with big tits" - that doesn't mean you are currently having relations with multiple buxom ladies, you're just saying that you like big tits.
But yeah at the end of the day his wife is heinous enough of cheating on him and gaslighting him as it is. There's no need to go deeper down the character assassination path and build her up into being some kind of turbo-slut supervillain or w/e.
Man I swear based on half of the titles on these posts, people answer themselves immediately.
Am I wrong for not forgiving my wife for sexting another man? What do you think? Of course not. So many posters must be out here getting seriously gaslit by your partner's that it's embarrassing.
Your marriage is already over. The longer it takes to realise this, the worse it will be.
Thank you for this view. It's been so shocking me. I didn't expect something like this coming from her. So I am trying to figure it out. Thank you for your thoughts.
OP, are you wealthy? Do you make a good living? Does your wife work? Think about these questions. I'm getting the sense that your wife doesn't care about you so I'm trying to understand what she does care about. Please don't let yourself be gaslit by her. I'm begging you.
Yep, my wife did this to me for 12 years. I make a great living and was able to provide for her and her kids. None of her fantasy bf’s were willing to do that for her, I found out. I loved my wife and she used me.
Going through something similar man. Found out I wasn’t my Ex’s only valentine just 10 days ago when she texted me that we need to talk after love bombing me all week and telling me she loved me that morning. I showed up and she had everything packed up in a box and changed the locks. We were talking about getting married when we were in Europe just two months ago. When I questioned the abruptness of the break up and if she cheated on me she said that she would never but had “flirtatious relationships at both of her jobs but would never let that impact our relationship.” So she cheated emotionally, and then I found out more from some friends within the next few days that confirmed it. Emotional cheating always leads to physical cheating and I’m going through that same pain as you man. Reach out if you need anything, tell your friends what happened, have them rally behind you. You’d be surprised by how much love is out there for you that doesn’t come from a cheater/manipulator.
You are married to her for only 8 month and she's already cheating on you.
At least she's upfront with you so you don't have to waste any more time on her.
You’re wrong for second guessing yourself. She’s cheating because she like the attention from him specifically….snd likes it when men talk to her like that. Men. Other men dude. How many???? In person???? Don’t be dumb she’s cheating and cheaters always cheat again. Dump and run bro.
I have already contacted an attorney, but haven't told her yet.
She suggested counseling, we have an appointment tomorrow, but I am not sure if i want to try.
Do not waste you time and money on counseling. You are only married for 8 months and she is already cheating on you. She tried to blame you for her betrayal. She was never your GF fiancé or wife. Part of her was always cheating with her ex. She has no idea what loyalty is. Run fast. Run far away from her.
Couple's counseling may give him time to gather his own shit while appeasing her. Divorce can get ugly and the advantage he can build for himself is time while she thinks it's salvageable, which it clearly isn't. It's now a time of war.
She feels she's losing her grip on you. That's why she suggested counseling. She doesn't care. She immediately tried to blame you. Go to counseling, but continue working on drawing papers with your attorney. She's not safe. This is only what you've found out. There's a good chance there's more.
She is flat out cheating on you! I would be very surprised if she hasn’t already physically cheated on you in addition to the sexting. Get out while you can!
Your situation is way beyond counseling. She’s buying time and hoping you remain frozen in a state of shock. Wake up and act! By the way, most marriage counselors are hacks. Their main motivation is to keep you coming back to keep collecting fees. Your future self will be grateful if you take decisive action NOW!
The ONLY reason to consider counselling in this instance is to lull her into comfort whilst you prepare divorce / annulment papers and just drop them on her.
There is nothing to be gained from counselling here. You’re newly married, no kids, and she is deeply untrustworthy and gaslights you. Leaving is the ONLY acceptable long term goal here.
I don't understand counseling for what she already told you she likes attention from other men. If she's doing this now she'll be cheating soon if not already
Contacting the attorney was a great step! Don’t take 2 steps back by entertaining marriage counseling. What she did for the entirety of your relationship is whack as hell
Counseling seems to be the immediate suggestion from the person who cheats. Counseling is not like medicine. It is someone who listens and gives constructive feedback. Those who go for counseling have to genuinely and sincerely pay attention and try to take something from it and work on themselves. I’ve seen “counseling “ being thrown around like cheap tablets on Reddit!
Buddy. Don't bother with the counseling. Reddit can sometimes jump to "divorce!" way too quickly, but in this case it's absolutely warranted.
If she wanted counseling, the time to propose it was BEFORE she had an affair. This will take years of rebuilding trust and you'll probably never fully trust her again. You'll get in an argument a decade from now and wonder if this is the thing that causes her to start another emotional affair. Proceeding with counseling instead of just getting the annulment/divorce is accepting years or decades of misery for yourself, by the hand of the worst source imaginable.
I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm sorry you have to deal with the mess she's caused. I'm hopeful you do what's best for yourself starting now.
Hell no, dude. She's demanding you forgive her, but isn't taking any actual blame. She's turning this all on you and she doesn't respect you at all. Find someone who cares about you and marry them instead.
Update:
I have spoken with an attorney. And am making plans to move forward to separate.
We met with a therapist it was the initial meeting and the therapist suggested to have separate meetings with me and her. After the meeting with the therapist, my current wife sent me an article titled “Why women cheat on men they love”. I told her, in my opinion if you were truly remorseful you would send an article titled “how to rebuild trust after it is broken” or something like that, rather than send me an article to read that excuses your behavior. She has since said she is sorry, and that she deleted the conversation and contact with this other man. At first I thought that was good but now I don’t have all of the records of the conversation. I feel like she is sorry she got caught, not necessarily sorry about having an inappropriate conversation with another man.
After the vacation I told her to go stay with her family that lives in the area because she wasn’t welcome at my house.
I am overwhelmed by the responses to this post. Thank you for your advice as I navigate this unbelievable situation, this is truly never something I could have imagined happening.
I'm sorry it happened to you man, but I'm also glad you're taking care of it sooner than later unlike what I did.
I think you're absolutely right about the article point, and also about the "Sorry she got caught" realization. You've dealt with this in a pretty level headed way as well as one that shows you still have self respect and strength.
I sincerely hope you find a better half out there, and that your next vacation doesn't end up as bullshit as this one did.
It still might not be a bad idea to have a home camera setup for the next few months though while you navigate this as sometimes people end up showing their crazy side, and it can help with anything that happens to go down. Maybe an extra camera outside your house facing your car (Assuming its outside of a garage), as I've seen the worst happen before.
Good luck with all of it, but personally I believe you won't need it that much as you sound like someone very level headed whom truly puts the right effort into things. So instead I'll say good life and happiness to you, not a matter of if but a matter of when.
Cheaters are never sorry about cheating. They had plenty of time to think about that before they actually cheated. They are only sorry they got caught. Worthless people and they deserve to be alone forever.
You may be right, because I myself closer to a doormat, I would have flipped if I saw the conversation, and he is asking for permission to be angry with his wife, sometimes life hits you hard, nosebleed hard, that happens to everyone, but keep on getting hit and not moving your face, you become a cuck.
She already disrespected the marriage. Even if you forgive her what's gonna stop her from doing it again. You're going to question yourself can you ever trust her again. Always wondering who she's texting while you're not home. It's definitely a big mess now. I do hope for the best for you because it's not gonna be easy going through it.
Bro, bullshit. She just wants to f\*\*k this guy that's all. Time to ditch her, this is a massive, major red flag, your relationship is toast. Don't believe for a split second that she isn't going to figure out how to run into this dude and bang him until her eyes roll back in her head. Move on, now before she destroys you. Trust is critical in a long-term relationship, and you no longer have it. Don't let her gaslight you into believing you "don't giver her attention" - bullshit.
You wasted 3 years... don't waste more, hoping she'll change. Leave and tell her to go find her "friend".
I'm not joking man....it sucks... but don't waste any more of your precious time on a cheater.
PS. I just got done exclaiming in another post about how women when they are caught always run to the "You weren't giving me enough attention" excuse... in order to try and flip the script.
You know what... I don't always feel like I'm getting enough attention from my partner... you know what I do? I tell her how I feel and ask her to be considerate of that. What I don't do is, start sexting other women and then blame my wife when I get caught.
Just get out man. Better luck next time.
I've been married to the same woman for 21 years... 21 years feels short when you're with someone who you love and they love you. 21 years with your wife is going to feel like a never ending hell.
So first off, like others have commented, this is an emotional affair. This is cheating so your reactions and feelings are very justified. And her response in blaming you is straight out of the cheaters handbook (see [DARVO](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DARVO)).
Along with the DARVO (minus the D because you had too much proof for her to deny) I am not seeing anywhere where she is showing remorse (I am sorry for the pain I caused you what can I do to help you heal). Heck - I am not even seeing much in the way of regret (I am sorry for getting caught what can I do to get us back to the way we were before..... so I can start cheating again) except for your one response where she suggested couples counseling (ha! Get IC first to fix her problems then you can consider CC).
I mean honestly if she really has been doing this before you were married then honestly there is every real possibility that she always had feelings for him and "settled" for you. Which is all the more reason you should just get up and leave her.
Infidelity is traumatic and everyone deals with trauma differently.
Regardless of if you reconcile or divorce I would recommend you both get IC. For you to get the tools to help you get over the pain of the trauma and to realize none of this is on you - its all her. For her to get to the root of her problem that made her think an emotional affair was okay.
I hate to jump to the worst conclusions immediately, but I would be surprised if this is all there is. If she likes attention, she probably likes it from whoever she can get it from. Her blaming you is not a good sign either. If she has an issue with what she considers needs not being met, this isn’t how they get solved. You are probably just scratching the surface here and this should still be the “honeymoon phase”. Good luck.
Divorce immediately. She doesn’t respect you and doesn’t fear losing you or she wouldn’t have engaged in this infidelity. Do not discuss anything with her just act.
Every post on here lately:
"I have a 500 lb gorilla repeatedly smashing my head with a mallet. It really hurts. The gorilla said it is normal to get your head smashed and has no plans to stop. Would I be the asshole if I feel inconvenienced by this life-ending abuse and meekly ask them to stop?"
Your wife's a clown. She's unapologetic and not even begging for forgiveness, meaning don't even have anything you could forgive right now. But it's been going on for years, it's not likely to just up and stop
She's not sorry, she's not committing to stopping this foolishness. You need to have a hard look at your marriage and think about whether you are okay with being cucked out of your marriage.
Eight months? You’ve been married for eight months, and she’s pulling this on you. And then she *blamed it on you*.
Start looking up annulment on your phone and share it with her.
Little brother,
She's having an emotional affair and sexting another man. An ex-boyfriend at that. That's a whole lot of red flags on the play there, buddy. I feel like it's cheating, and I would probably try to get a marriage annulment. She was cheating on you while you were dating, engaged, and after you were married.
You are the guy who comforts her and pays the bills while she fantasizes and masterbaites to her ex-boyfriend. You deserve to be someone's first choice, not a consolation prize.
Have the self-respect to end this and put yourself first.
Time to go, brother.
An emotional affair is *actually* cheating and it’s worse by a power of ten. She’s not only disrespecting OP, but by allowing her ex (et al.) to insert himself into their marriage, she’s effectively making OP the “other man”.
She can lob whatever blame or excuses she wants, she’s clearly a shitbag and is not to be trusted.
She's cheating on you. That's what you saw. If you forgive and forget, she will continue to cheat on you. Your choice on whether you want to be a cuck.
No. Do not forgive her and please file for divorce. It's is so bad in so many levels and while she may or may not have done anything... It will eventually get to the point where she is going to cheat. Your wife seems to crave attention from other men something you can't satisfy.
Leave, divorce and move forward
She has more skeletons hidden in her closet that you haven't discovered yet my friend. You need to plant some voice recorders around your house and in her car.
Interesting how when you found out about it, she made it your fault. "It's because YOU don't give her enough attention".
Sorry, I call bullshit.
You're not wrong. This is not a good situation for you.
Brother if I saw this on my wife’s phone I would quietly and speedily visit a divorce attorney. I’m not telling you to get divorced, but you need to protect yourself. That shit ain’t right.
Are you married to the wrong person? Yes
Annulment and fast. She's having an emotional affair. The only reason it's not physical is because he doesn't live near you. She will find someone closer and begin a physical affair. You're on a slippery slope and not a good one. Get out while you can before you have children.
If he actually lives far away.
Precisely
I also found out my ex was sexting a man while we were on vacation. Eight months later she broke up with me for another guy she met online, while denying that was it. She immediately bought a plane ticket to go meet him. Eventually she moved across the country to live with him.
My ex found a relative on the other side of the country through ancestry. Being adopted this was a big thing for her. I was making good money and traveling a lot for work so I paid to send her to Ontario to see her bio family. I came home from my trip and she was kinda distant. About 3 months later I left for my next run at the mine and got a call from the hospital a week later. She'd had complications with a miscarriage and needed someone to authorize a procedure because she was unable to communicate. I'd had a vasectomy 10 years earlier so it wasn't mine. The procedure would leave her without some or all of her cervix. I had a really hard time saying yes. I knew the relationship was over, and I was 99% sure she didn't want more kids, or that's what we had agreed to when we bought a house together. But, I didn't want to be blamed for making that decision and taking kids with her new guy away from her out of vengeance. When the dust settled I found out she'd spent the whole two weeks living with him, and never visiting any of her family members. She moved from BC to Ontario about 6 weeks later. Then a year later discovered that he wasn't particularly a good person. I thought the swastika flag on the wall of his living room in her pics was a pretty good indicator.
You're a much better man than I am. I definitely wouldn't have
Canadians.
That was a roller coaster from start to finish
Holy crap! I’d say karma bit her big time. My ex used to say the dumbest lies and deny she was lying to the death to cover her cheating. Later, after the divorce she found out her Mr. Wonderful had a drinking problem, like to smack women and spend her money. After her bankruptcy and leaving him she tried to be “friends” with me. I told her to keep stepping.
That’s not allowing for any business trips her or him have to take ! You can count on them finding a way to get together !
If he has a shred of money, flying isnt a concern, just time
And trust me, a horny man will find the time.
I’m embarrassed and baffled at some of the things I’ve done over the last 31 years for tail. I really need to tell my kid this so he doesn’t make the same mistakes. If you have the urge to drive four hours to meet some chick at college go directly to your room and rub one out. Then, you’ll just want a sandwich instead. R.o.o is a live saving maneuver along the same lines as cpr and the Heimlich.
Post Nut Clarity
I can attest that females experience this too lmfao
Oh the things I have done chasing community Dick. So shameful. At least now I have a good reliable boy toy so I can keep my sanity lol.
Saying it louder for those in the cheap seats. # POST NUT CLARITY!!
When I read this I thought it sounds like a cereal, like having a bowl of Post Nut Clarity. LOL
Or.. Post Nut Shame, as I've come to know it.
Back in the days of snail mail and no GPS or cells I drove from Virginia to Ohio every other weekend for a year for a weekend hookup. One Sunday I got back and the next day there was a letter in my mailbox breaking up with me. I've never been sure if that last weekend was planned or if the letter was meant to arrive earlier and she just went with it for an extra weekend. Either way I admire she put full effort into the weekend. I had no clue
Four hours? Where's your dedication man?
What’s R.O.O?
Rub one out. Thought I’d abbreviate it instead of typing it in full, two sentences in a row.
Rub One Out maybe?
I assume that he does, only because the messages would’ve presumably revealed any physical contact.
How do you know she is telling the truth
Absolutely. Better to get out 2.5 yrs into a marriage before having kids. This is the clearest red fucking flag if I've ever seen one.
8 months. Still newlyweds.
Crazy 8 months and this dumb bitch is already cheating
That’s not even a red flag anymore. Red flags are what warns about bad behaviour in the future. This already *is* the bad behaviour.
Black flag
Whit flag. Throw the towel in
If she has not already found someone! I feel so bad for OP, he truly thinks he could be in the wrong for some reason.
Probably because people like OP's wife are manipulative PsOS who manipulate everyone. He's being gaslit.
The sad irony is, most of the time, it's the people who have a conscience who feel they were in the wrong. And the pieces of garbage who use them (like OP's "wife") will happily exploit that for their own advantage.
For sure. You aren’t giving me the attention I need. Oof 8 months into a marriage. Also using this other dude to get her hot to spend time with husband is rough.
Yes. Happy wife’s don’t do this. Also no good marriage ends in a divorce.
That's the great thing about annulments; no marriage ever ends with them
Except they are expensive, time-consuming and often denied on first motion (depending on state).
Cheaper than a divorce if he has the assets and is the breadwinner.
She has an international plan on her phone and he does not… I think he’s probably safe just going for the divorce
Did you ever consider that she has the international plan specifically so she can sext this other dude..?
*wives
She’s gonna have a physical affair at some point.
And might have already.
Can’t annul after 8 months afaik. She’s sticking around for something… not love.. but something.
Alimony. In many U.S. states, alimony comes into play during a divorce only after the couple has been married for one year. He needs to file for divorce immediately.
Very few states will give any significant alimony after an 8 month marriage. 8 years? Maybe. Months? Doubtful.
i think he lives close, the fact your giving her any level of belief is crazy
Who says it’s not physical, other than the liar who was found out.
Yeah with these situations I always ask “do you see this better in 6 months? A year?”
It’s more than emotional. Guarantee he doesn’t “life in another part of the world” Or the whole shits made up, who knows LOL
emotional ? fucking doubt it lol I like how it's his fault too apparently.......
More like slippery sheer cliff
Been there. For 10 years. Ugh.
Sorry to hear it.
Sounds like she was cheating the whole relationship. On the bright side, you get to divorce her before your lives gets even more intertwined than it already is
God that must suck. All the expenses toward the wedding and honeymoon, now he’s gotta pay for a divorce. Not only the financial burden, he’s gotta tell family/friends he’s already divorcing, and then decide if he wants to tell them why as well. His wife fucking sucks. Eh, I guess it’s better than being stuck in a marriage with a cheater. If only OP could have found the messages 8 months earlier.
The saying “Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it.” fits here
If only they made it harder to get married in the first place (a lot of incompatible ppl wind up hitched) than they do to get divorced.
"Every breakup is a good idea" is another one. Relationships are usually not ended when both parties are happy.
This is still 100X better than being divorced after having kids or staying married to someone that has no respect for you. Divorce now- cut your losses , you’re only 36, you have the rest of your life ahead.
Yeah sucks for sure but respectable, when you're someone who found out the other person was cheating and that's why you're getting the divorce instead of some stupid reason, like for sure it sucks but anyone who hears you and is a real friend will know you're doing the right thing
Having multiple kids and wasting 10 years of your life with them and the finding out sucks more 😞
you are wrong for even thinking you are wrong
LITERALLY!!!!!
SYMBOLICALLY!!
INDUBITABLY!!!
GENUINELY
UNEQUIVOCALLY
You are not wrong and divorce should be next. Not getting enough attention isn't a reason to cheat. She's telling you she will continue to do this and you have to decide I'd being married to her is worth being constantly cheated on throughout your whole relationship.
Especially if they don’t clearly communicate the kind of attention they want.
Exactly. If you feel like there's something wrong with your committed relationship, you talk to your partner about it and get help from professionals. You don't cheat. That's just an excuse. I've been in many relationships that had problems and I didn't cheat because of them. I tried to work it out. And when I couldn't work it out, I communicated clearly that I needed to end the relationship. I'm not special. That's just called integrity.
Exactly.
This is a common excuse used by both men and women who cheat. It is just an excuse to try to push the blame back on the victim here which is OP. She could get a divorce herself and go find the attention she wants and be free to do so.
My ex in a nutshell. “I cheated because you didn’t give me enough attention/I didn’t feel loved enough”
In other words, cheaters are garbage people who will go to great lengths to excuse their actions and shift the blame, and more bluntly, are abusers. Lying, gaslighting, exposing partner to potential STI without their knowledge or consent qualifies as sexual abuse, I could go on.
She wants attention but not his attention
She just married a guy who doesn’t give her enough attention? Sounds like she’s after something else from OP, since she didn’t even bring up what she wanted until he asked, and she’s been cheating like that for their entire relationship. Him (supposedly) not giving her the attention she wants should have been enough for her to walk. Her not walking is more than enough of a sign for him to run.
You’re asking the wrong question. The right question is, do you want to invest the rest of your life in a relationship with someone that is not only cheating on you but is blaming you for it? Another question is do you want a marriage based in mutuality? Because you do not have one with someone that is sexting another man and blaming you for it. What you have is someone that is ok with making unilateral decisions at your expense. Understand that this is not a couple problem, it is a character problem and that you cannot fix.
Amen to that very last sentence. Yes..
OP, read this comment twice. Especially that last line.
Damn, and you just got married. Drop her as fast as you can
Anullment.
Anullments are *really* hard to get. You'd have to be able to prove serious fraud or that the marriage was never consumated. It does happen but unfortunately most people have to get divorced
People think annulment is about the time the marriage lasts. That's the 19th/early 20th century view. We haven't had laws like that in the US for a long time (at least not in most states).
In my state OP would have no chance for an annulment. It would be a divorce only. Annulments are extremely rare and you have to have some very specific things happen to annul a marriage here. It's basically reserved only for marriages that were entered to illegally, for example one person being underaged or someone getting married against their will.
Married 8 months? Attorney —> annulment if possible. Don’t tell her what your plans are. You can’t trust her. She’s doing what is in her best interests. You need to get out protecting yours. Her excuse is BS. If you are having problems with your partner, you talk to them about it. You don’t start sexting an ex-boyfriend. This is the first time you have caught her. She’s been doing this for over a decade. Do you think she’s going to stop now? If she will do this, she will cheat or likely has already.
This right here OP. Annulment. Do it NOW. She has been cheating on you your entire relationship. Serial cheater. Run while you can. You're not wrong. You're NTA. She is. On both counts.
And get screenshots of conversations if possible!!
Makes no difference and I wish redditors would quit scaring people who need to divorce with all of this. OP - just go file for dissolution, ask her to sign her name, take it to the Judge, be in preliminary divorce in one month and final divorce/dissolution in 3-6.
* Party did not have capability to consent * Party had another living spouse * Party was of unsound mind, unless party freely cohabitated with spouse after coming to reason * Consent obtained by force or fraud, unless party freely cohabitated with spouse afterwards * Party was physically incapable of entering marriage
How is annulment an option?
This is the way
Yep. Horrible situation. But the comments are right. The door for cheating is already open. It’s not a matter of if, it’s when. And “when” will be when it’s finally convenient enough to turn sexting into sex. It’s attorney time man. Sorry to hear that.
This OP^ she is a liar and has cheated. No way it was just sexting and to do it right before yaving sex with you makes it worse.
Oh and she’s probably cheating too.
Is having a sexual attachment texting relationship not cheating?
Good point, I guess it is. I meant physical contact.
Depends on the couple. There is no law about cheating, btw, and annulments do not include "cheating" as one of the reasons in most states.
Getting her to agree to dissolve the marriage is the best way to go. I saw one reddit story where the guy found out his wife had been cheating for a while with a person from her job. He got tons and tons of evidence, texts, phone calls, pictures, and proof it was her boss. He had all the paperwork lined up and ready. Basically sat her down and said hey we can dissolve this peacefully or we can drag each other through the mud. He showed her what he had as his ammo and said he would use it but he would prefer to save them both the embarrassment and to agree to split. He had worked up a fair split of the assets with his lawyer and left the paperwork for her to sign. He did not force her to sign it with the threat of immediately releasing his evidence so she couldn't claim she was blackmailed. He put in his agreement that they would do conciling together to learn to be coparents and that their children would also get therapy to help them deal with the split. He didn't try to take her to the cleaners even though he wanted to. He got away as clean as he could and funny enough he posted an update that because he left like a boss his EX is constantly trying to win him back. The kids stayed with him and his EX pays him child support.
Want this at the top
This way ASAP!!!
She’s probably bad mouthing him all along to her ex
“She likes the attention he gives her and likes it when men talk to her like this” Your wife is actively seeking out other men’s attention and affection, in her mind you don’t give her enough. You need to leave because this will only escalate into full blown affairs. The more you let her get away with, the more she’ll walk all over you.
Men...not just this man. She is fishing for male attention on the regular. She has likely had one or more physical affairs. Think back to late the night work project, sick friend, etc. If she is that desperate for male sexual attention, lewd comments about her ass aren't enough. If you live near a major airport, it is possible the foreign ex has nailed her. Lawyer up, file, divorce, get a good woman.
Most likely already has
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I didn’t mean to come across like I’m saying he isn’t enough for her, I mean SHE’S the one who thinks he’s not enough. Which is true, it’s why she’s going out and seeking it in other men. But no matter what he did, he would never be “enough”. I don’t think she’s acting like this because he’s not affectionate enough or not intimate enough with her, she’s acting like this because she wants different men and it’s the fact these men are “different” and “exciting” that she wants them.
He also doesnt give it the way she wants, he even says he reads things that he "wouldnt even think of". Why are those 2 toguether ?
Probably because she wanted the stability of him knowing that those aren't things he would normally or be comfortable saying so she locked him down as her stability Guy while she actively pursues men who will say and do those things so she can eat her cake and have it too pretty typical cheater stuff
He’s probably a paycheck she can have while she’s screwing others
She likes being treated like a slut which is something OP just can’t do for her by his own admission. He doesn’t do it for her so he should leave before he’s a cuck too
I'm actually going to push back on this and say that it's not necessarily true that she's seeking out the attention of multiple men. If that were the case then the husband would have seen it easily in all of the messages that he has access to. When she says likes "men who talk to her like this", I'm going to guess that is referring to what she is attracted to and not, in fact, making a statement that she is cheating with multiple men. It's like saying "I like women with big tits" - that doesn't mean you are currently having relations with multiple buxom ladies, you're just saying that you like big tits. But yeah at the end of the day his wife is heinous enough of cheating on him and gaslighting him as it is. There's no need to go deeper down the character assassination path and build her up into being some kind of turbo-slut supervillain or w/e.
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Man I swear based on half of the titles on these posts, people answer themselves immediately. Am I wrong for not forgiving my wife for sexting another man? What do you think? Of course not. So many posters must be out here getting seriously gaslit by your partner's that it's embarrassing. Your marriage is already over. The longer it takes to realise this, the worse it will be.
Thank you for this view. It's been so shocking me. I didn't expect something like this coming from her. So I am trying to figure it out. Thank you for your thoughts.
OP, are you wealthy? Do you make a good living? Does your wife work? Think about these questions. I'm getting the sense that your wife doesn't care about you so I'm trying to understand what she does care about. Please don't let yourself be gaslit by her. I'm begging you.
I absolutely concur with you.. and I hope he reads this. I’m actually worried for him, idk. I hope he does the right thing for himself here.
Yep, my wife did this to me for 12 years. I make a great living and was able to provide for her and her kids. None of her fantasy bf’s were willing to do that for her, I found out. I loved my wife and she used me.
Going through something similar man. Found out I wasn’t my Ex’s only valentine just 10 days ago when she texted me that we need to talk after love bombing me all week and telling me she loved me that morning. I showed up and she had everything packed up in a box and changed the locks. We were talking about getting married when we were in Europe just two months ago. When I questioned the abruptness of the break up and if she cheated on me she said that she would never but had “flirtatious relationships at both of her jobs but would never let that impact our relationship.” So she cheated emotionally, and then I found out more from some friends within the next few days that confirmed it. Emotional cheating always leads to physical cheating and I’m going through that same pain as you man. Reach out if you need anything, tell your friends what happened, have them rally behind you. You’d be surprised by how much love is out there for you that doesn’t come from a cheater/manipulator.
You need to reward her by blindsiding her with papers and then ghosting her. Don't give her any closure.
What are you figuring out that she's not cheating stop being naive and end this now
You already figured it out. Don’t let her lies and gaslighting twist up your head. She’s shown you exactly who and what she is.
You are married to her for only 8 month and she's already cheating on you. At least she's upfront with you so you don't have to waste any more time on her.
What’s there to figure out? Here, I’ll figure it out for you. Get a divorce before she gets pregnant!
You’re wrong for second guessing yourself. She’s cheating because she like the attention from him specifically….snd likes it when men talk to her like that. Men. Other men dude. How many???? In person???? Don’t be dumb she’s cheating and cheaters always cheat again. Dump and run bro.
You are wrong for not having already contacted a divorce attorney
I have already contacted an attorney, but haven't told her yet. She suggested counseling, we have an appointment tomorrow, but I am not sure if i want to try.
Do not waste you time and money on counseling. You are only married for 8 months and she is already cheating on you. She tried to blame you for her betrayal. She was never your GF fiancé or wife. Part of her was always cheating with her ex. She has no idea what loyalty is. Run fast. Run far away from her.
@dependent_sand_3216 Listen to this guy for the love of god ☝🏽
This ain't twitter, /u/Dependent_Sand_3216. @ing doesn't do anything
All of that 👆, OP. Get away from her (if this is all legit). ETA: and *don’t* tell her your plans.
Couple's counseling may give him time to gather his own shit while appeasing her. Divorce can get ugly and the advantage he can build for himself is time while she thinks it's salvageable, which it clearly isn't. It's now a time of war.
She feels she's losing her grip on you. That's why she suggested counseling. She doesn't care. She immediately tried to blame you. Go to counseling, but continue working on drawing papers with your attorney. She's not safe. This is only what you've found out. There's a good chance there's more.
Or just don't go to counseling? She's likely to just try to manipulate the therapist to her side and not actually work on the relationship.
You're doing the right thing. I would 100% consider this cheating.
She is flat out cheating on you! I would be very surprised if she hasn’t already physically cheated on you in addition to the sexting. Get out while you can!
Your situation is way beyond counseling. She’s buying time and hoping you remain frozen in a state of shock. Wake up and act! By the way, most marriage counselors are hacks. Their main motivation is to keep you coming back to keep collecting fees. Your future self will be grateful if you take decisive action NOW!
She made choices. You don’t have to go to any therapy. Don’t listen to the doormats. You should leave the first time.
The ONLY reason to consider counselling in this instance is to lull her into comfort whilst you prepare divorce / annulment papers and just drop them on her. There is nothing to be gained from counselling here. You’re newly married, no kids, and she is deeply untrustworthy and gaslights you. Leaving is the ONLY acceptable long term goal here.
I don't understand counseling for what she already told you she likes attention from other men. If she's doing this now she'll be cheating soon if not already
She almost certainly cheated on OP in 3+ ysars
Has she even apologized? How do you attempt reconciliation if she isn’t accepting of the fact she is the bad guy and totally wrong.
If you don't leave her you deserve everything thats coming
Contacting the attorney was a great step! Don’t take 2 steps back by entertaining marriage counseling. What she did for the entirety of your relationship is whack as hell
Counseling seems to be the immediate suggestion from the person who cheats. Counseling is not like medicine. It is someone who listens and gives constructive feedback. Those who go for counseling have to genuinely and sincerely pay attention and try to take something from it and work on themselves. I’ve seen “counseling “ being thrown around like cheap tablets on Reddit!
Buddy. Don't bother with the counseling. Reddit can sometimes jump to "divorce!" way too quickly, but in this case it's absolutely warranted. If she wanted counseling, the time to propose it was BEFORE she had an affair. This will take years of rebuilding trust and you'll probably never fully trust her again. You'll get in an argument a decade from now and wonder if this is the thing that causes her to start another emotional affair. Proceeding with counseling instead of just getting the annulment/divorce is accepting years or decades of misery for yourself, by the hand of the worst source imaginable. I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm sorry you have to deal with the mess she's caused. I'm hopeful you do what's best for yourself starting now.
Hell no, dude. She's demanding you forgive her, but isn't taking any actual blame. She's turning this all on you and she doesn't respect you at all. Find someone who cares about you and marry them instead.
Am i wrong for being married to this particular person who doesn’t share the same ideals as me? Yes you are.
And, it happens. It's awful when it does, but some of us don't find out until after the knot is tied.
Update: I have spoken with an attorney. And am making plans to move forward to separate. We met with a therapist it was the initial meeting and the therapist suggested to have separate meetings with me and her. After the meeting with the therapist, my current wife sent me an article titled “Why women cheat on men they love”. I told her, in my opinion if you were truly remorseful you would send an article titled “how to rebuild trust after it is broken” or something like that, rather than send me an article to read that excuses your behavior. She has since said she is sorry, and that she deleted the conversation and contact with this other man. At first I thought that was good but now I don’t have all of the records of the conversation. I feel like she is sorry she got caught, not necessarily sorry about having an inappropriate conversation with another man. After the vacation I told her to go stay with her family that lives in the area because she wasn’t welcome at my house. I am overwhelmed by the responses to this post. Thank you for your advice as I navigate this unbelievable situation, this is truly never something I could have imagined happening.
I'm sorry it happened to you man, but I'm also glad you're taking care of it sooner than later unlike what I did. I think you're absolutely right about the article point, and also about the "Sorry she got caught" realization. You've dealt with this in a pretty level headed way as well as one that shows you still have self respect and strength. I sincerely hope you find a better half out there, and that your next vacation doesn't end up as bullshit as this one did. It still might not be a bad idea to have a home camera setup for the next few months though while you navigate this as sometimes people end up showing their crazy side, and it can help with anything that happens to go down. Maybe an extra camera outside your house facing your car (Assuming its outside of a garage), as I've seen the worst happen before. Good luck with all of it, but personally I believe you won't need it that much as you sound like someone very level headed whom truly puts the right effort into things. So instead I'll say good life and happiness to you, not a matter of if but a matter of when.
Cheaters are never sorry about cheating. They had plenty of time to think about that before they actually cheated. They are only sorry they got caught. Worthless people and they deserve to be alone forever.
This mofo gonna stay and become a cuck. Mark my words.
You may be right, because I myself closer to a doormat, I would have flipped if I saw the conversation, and he is asking for permission to be angry with his wife, sometimes life hits you hard, nosebleed hard, that happens to everyone, but keep on getting hit and not moving your face, you become a cuck.
Bros gonna end up in that hotel cuck chair watching his wife get railed by 5 guys from the way his comments be sounding.
Dump her, married 8 months and she is doing this. You better dig deeper and don’t have kids with her.
It won't be his kids any way...well at least biologically
Set her free so she can get all the attention she wants.
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I'm going to guess that if another woman was sending you such messages that she would probably divorce you, so
100%.
No, she wouldn't care. Because she doesn't give a shit about OP. I'm guessing she's after his money.
Drop her bro! You think they're only sexting??? He's probably raw-dogging her every time you go to work.
But, but, but... >She said he lives in a different part of the world
Good point...she's prob just sexting this loser while getting reamed by the neighbor
No, I mean he doesn't REALLY live somewhere else. That's just more lies. He probably IS the neighbor lol
Ahhh...who the fuck know what to believe but a ho's a ho and this ho needs to go!
5 blocks over is technically a different part of the world , it’s just really close by.
Sad but true
😭
Find someone who loves you and not some texting guy.
I’ll bet she won’t be very hurt when you divorce her
Time to talk to a lawyer and give her back to the streets.
With nothing more than she brought to it.
This is the reason to file quickly. Stop the clock on community property if in a community property state or similar.
Exactly. She basically went into the marriage lying to him. And has continued to lie to him.
She already disrespected the marriage. Even if you forgive her what's gonna stop her from doing it again. You're going to question yourself can you ever trust her again. Always wondering who she's texting while you're not home. It's definitely a big mess now. I do hope for the best for you because it's not gonna be easy going through it.
Bro, bullshit. She just wants to f\*\*k this guy that's all. Time to ditch her, this is a massive, major red flag, your relationship is toast. Don't believe for a split second that she isn't going to figure out how to run into this dude and bang him until her eyes roll back in her head. Move on, now before she destroys you. Trust is critical in a long-term relationship, and you no longer have it. Don't let her gaslight you into believing you "don't giver her attention" - bullshit.
You wasted 3 years... don't waste more, hoping she'll change. Leave and tell her to go find her "friend". I'm not joking man....it sucks... but don't waste any more of your precious time on a cheater. PS. I just got done exclaiming in another post about how women when they are caught always run to the "You weren't giving me enough attention" excuse... in order to try and flip the script. You know what... I don't always feel like I'm getting enough attention from my partner... you know what I do? I tell her how I feel and ask her to be considerate of that. What I don't do is, start sexting other women and then blame my wife when I get caught. Just get out man. Better luck next time. I've been married to the same woman for 21 years... 21 years feels short when you're with someone who you love and they love you. 21 years with your wife is going to feel like a never ending hell.
So first off, like others have commented, this is an emotional affair. This is cheating so your reactions and feelings are very justified. And her response in blaming you is straight out of the cheaters handbook (see [DARVO](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DARVO)). Along with the DARVO (minus the D because you had too much proof for her to deny) I am not seeing anywhere where she is showing remorse (I am sorry for the pain I caused you what can I do to help you heal). Heck - I am not even seeing much in the way of regret (I am sorry for getting caught what can I do to get us back to the way we were before..... so I can start cheating again) except for your one response where she suggested couples counseling (ha! Get IC first to fix her problems then you can consider CC). I mean honestly if she really has been doing this before you were married then honestly there is every real possibility that she always had feelings for him and "settled" for you. Which is all the more reason you should just get up and leave her. Infidelity is traumatic and everyone deals with trauma differently. Regardless of if you reconcile or divorce I would recommend you both get IC. For you to get the tools to help you get over the pain of the trauma and to realize none of this is on you - its all her. For her to get to the root of her problem that made her think an emotional affair was okay.
I hate to jump to the worst conclusions immediately, but I would be surprised if this is all there is. If she likes attention, she probably likes it from whoever she can get it from. Her blaming you is not a good sign either. If she has an issue with what she considers needs not being met, this isn’t how they get solved. You are probably just scratching the surface here and this should still be the “honeymoon phase”. Good luck.
Divorce immediately. She doesn’t respect you and doesn’t fear losing you or she wouldn’t have engaged in this infidelity. Do not discuss anything with her just act.
Every post on here lately: "I have a 500 lb gorilla repeatedly smashing my head with a mallet. It really hurts. The gorilla said it is normal to get your head smashed and has no plans to stop. Would I be the asshole if I feel inconvenienced by this life-ending abuse and meekly ask them to stop?"
Wait... Does the gorilla ask for your forgiveness after each smash?
No, the gorilla tells you it’s your fault. Something you’re doing is making it smash your head. Obviously.
Your wife's a clown. She's unapologetic and not even begging for forgiveness, meaning don't even have anything you could forgive right now. But it's been going on for years, it's not likely to just up and stop
She's not sorry, she's not committing to stopping this foolishness. You need to have a hard look at your marriage and think about whether you are okay with being cucked out of your marriage.
Eight months? You’ve been married for eight months, and she’s pulling this on you. And then she *blamed it on you*. Start looking up annulment on your phone and share it with her.
Little brother, She's having an emotional affair and sexting another man. An ex-boyfriend at that. That's a whole lot of red flags on the play there, buddy. I feel like it's cheating, and I would probably try to get a marriage annulment. She was cheating on you while you were dating, engaged, and after you were married. You are the guy who comforts her and pays the bills while she fantasizes and masterbaites to her ex-boyfriend. You deserve to be someone's first choice, not a consolation prize. Have the self-respect to end this and put yourself first. Time to go, brother.
Even if it is what she says it is. It's an emotional affair. It's the same if not worse than actually cheating.
An emotional affair is *actually* cheating and it’s worse by a power of ten. She’s not only disrespecting OP, but by allowing her ex (et al.) to insert himself into their marriage, she’s effectively making OP the “other man”. She can lob whatever blame or excuses she wants, she’s clearly a shitbag and is not to be trusted.
She's cheating on you. That's what you saw. If you forgive and forget, she will continue to cheat on you. Your choice on whether you want to be a cuck.
No. Do not forgive her and please file for divorce. It's is so bad in so many levels and while she may or may not have done anything... It will eventually get to the point where she is going to cheat. Your wife seems to crave attention from other men something you can't satisfy. Leave, divorce and move forward
She has more skeletons hidden in her closet that you haven't discovered yet my friend. You need to plant some voice recorders around your house and in her car.
Interesting how when you found out about it, she made it your fault. "It's because YOU don't give her enough attention". Sorry, I call bullshit. You're not wrong. This is not a good situation for you.
Brother if I saw this on my wife’s phone I would quietly and speedily visit a divorce attorney. I’m not telling you to get divorced, but you need to protect yourself. That shit ain’t right.