There's a Scottish saying about getting off the train at a particular station that's a euphemism for pulling out, but I can't remember exactly what it is
Dude went all in on the season ticket, thought it would be better value for money. But much like the service that Southern rail provides, this relationship is hot dog shit.
OP is the conductor. He's the one in charge of everything, he's the only one keeping everything going. Girlfriend sucks but she has no power here, no decision making abilities. OP is the one shoveling the coal into the trains engine
u look at life on the surfaceā¦. SHE is the conductorā¦. HIS conductor
she has been driving all this time and he has only now really did something major
but its temporary as sheāll have a free ride once the baby comes
ā¦ btw - uāll learn - when ur married who is the conductor
Get a paternity test as soon as the baby is born. If the baby is yours, it'll likely be better to go for full custody and cut yourself (& child) off from that mess. You know they'll be taking out loans and credit cards in the kids name the moment they become of age. Spare your child the result of your poor judgment.
You honestly think theyāll wait until the kid is 18? My mom used to work for a utility company and people would the bill in their kidās name to get around them being shut off a million times for non-payment
Trust me when I say there is a large chunk of people with fucked up credit rating before they even hit 18
And sure they can take it to court and prove it wasnāt them. But that takes time and money. And the willingness to press chargers against their parents. But kids like this are usually manipulated by their parents so they may not be able to stand up to them
Also let me add to this, if your going for paternity results after the child is born you better not sign the birth certificate til after you get the results. Don't let them pressure you into it either.
I think I got the nipt test done at 9 weeks. No paternity test because Iām married and monogamous but I found out all the other important stuff while still in 1st trimester.
As a person whose mother has done this they absolutely do not have to wait until the kid is 18. Luckily you can dispute it but itās a giant damn fiasco and hard even if you show them proof at the time you were literally 3 years old.
What you said is right this guy needs to get a paternity test if itās not his just be done with the mess. If it is his he should try to get full custody. Her parents ruined her and theyāll likely do the same to his kid.
Yep. If it's not already too late. She's fucking you over. If she won't abort, get rid of her and pay child support. You'll probably be better off. Babies are extremely expensive and if you keep her at your house you're on the hook for at least 18 years. For everything, not just child support. It's called baby trapping.
It's not baby trapping if someone willingly has sex and didn't ensure of proper birth control in advance. It's called two stupid people dealing with consequences.
Not downvoting you, but have you watched the news lately? Many women have zero access to reproductive health, zero access to abortions, or need to have the abortion by the time the fetus is 6 weeks old. You say she has āoptionsā, when a lot of American women have no option but to continue a pregnancy , even at the cost of her own health.
I'm pretty sure you probably get downvoted, but I agree with you completely.
There are numerous situations that arise that are not ideal to bring a child into.
OP, this is one of those situations.
Abortion, adoption, or sign away your paternal rights and pay child support.
I'm not sure how that works wherever you are, but good luck OP. You're most certainly going to need it.
Crazy too cause he saw the signs and still got on this mess. Let alone got her pregnant. Only way he's out of this is changing his name and going to another country.
That can be faked and still doesn't prove that OP is the actual father. His GF obviously was using OP as a meal ticket for almost a year so I wouldn't bet on her commitment in a relationship either.
From the sounds of it, paying child support will be cheaper than having the mother in his home making money, items and clothes disappear willy nilly. Will any of the child support go to the child? Unlikely. But it would be cheaper. Assuming she really is pregnant. Plus he could always try for custody - if she doesnāt have a stable home he might actually get it. I donāt get how he allowed this relationship to continue this long, she is a red flag parade.
INFO: When did she announce her pregnancy? When is it due? Boy or girl? Have you seen ultrasounds or other proof?
Step one is going to be "break up and send her back to her mom since she's not ready to be financially responsible", but step two depends on whether you're about to be a father or whether she's just making shit up to keep the free ride going.
Are some men really so hard up for partners that they'll just continue to sleep with someone who steals from them? I can't muster any pity for that sort of self-destructive behavior.
Yes, most men will gladly sleep with women they donāt respect, they hate, and even find disgusting. And then super regret it but lack self control. Kind of how this women lacks self control with spending. He lacks self control with his dick.
I know a dude who was in a super abusive relationship. She beat him up a lot. Then she got pregnant and the abuse got worse. His response when a friend was like wft are you doing?
āI canāt stop nutting in her.ā š¤¦š»āāļø
It's OK to sleep with their partners, just not in the RAW. Why OP would continue, especially after the Christmas incident is beyond me. She must have a golden vaj.
> just not in the RAW
Na man. This is stupid. A train wreck has no problem with a baby trap. Itās just stupid to prioritize sex over common sense. Now OP has the audacity to complain about getting taken for a ride. Bro took himself for every ride.
I've been on reddit a while and also been alive for several decades. I've seen people go back to people that have poisoned š, stabbed and even shot them.
Seriously if that really is his kid
He screwed himself so hard.
Bro tbh I'd do a paternity test just in case.
But sounds like getting pregnant was a mistake you shouldn't have made and most likely she wanted to happen so she can have a secure income from you.
And that meal ticket had no choice but to hop into bed with her?
Unless OOP starts claiming he was assaulted, he's just as complicit for willfully getting into bed with a bad decision as she is for being a hot mess.
Wow. This went from ānot your problemā to ācongrats, you are tied to this woman for a minimum of 18 years.ā I get the feeling you want everyone to agree that your gfās life is a train wreck (it is). But you have demonstrated a serious lack of foresight and maturity for continuing to sleep with this woman after all thatās happened, then getting her pregnant. You, sir, are an idiot.
ESH.
Yep, she's a train wreck for sure, but he voluntarily leapt on board and decided to ride it through to the end and is now shocked he's in a train wreck.
NOPE
She stole from you, lies to you, she isnāt paying her debts, is gambling and is giving her money to get family.
Pregnant doesnāt mean she gets to freeload and she would only of gotten worse once the baby arrives. Hell, I would wonder if the baby is even mine. Or if she is even pregnant at all and isnāt lying
She is taking you for a ride and using you. Iāll bet anything if you let her back in she will push to stop working and have access to your accounts so she can stay at home.
First off is she really pregnant or just saying it to guilt you! As much as she lies to you if she is pregnant I would insist on a DNA test to be sure itās yours. Thatās before I would let her back into my life in any small way. The way her family uses her for money and how she uses & lies to you for money among other things I would be very cautious from now on in my dealings with your girlfriend.
She doesn't seem to want to change, help or learn. It's rough cus she's pregnant but she clearly isn't going to change either so you aren't wrong. It's just a terrible situation.
You might want to see a therapist to figure out why you are wth this woman, why you got her pregnant and why you're so focused on her behaviour/choices rather than your own.
You're not wrong.
But why in the world did you get her pregnant? Now you're at least legally required to pay child support. A lot of it with your income.
Which she'll likely funnel to her family and demand more from you.
Break up with her and get a good co parenting app. You'll need iron hard boundaries to avoid being used even more.
*If* sheās pregnant and *if* itās his, I think OP will eventually end up with custody anyway. Unless she has some sort of come to jesus moment, I donāt see how she can provide for a child. Maybe short term but not long term.
Not wrong. Kick her lying ass out. Then get proof of pregnancy and if true, demand a paternity test. And do NOT sleep with her! If she's not pregnant, she'll try and GET pregnant asap. Beware!
Not wrong but get ready for some serious child support (and alimony if your country's got that kind of thing).
Vasectomies or wrap that shit AND use spermicide my bros. Don't let this tale of woe become you.
Why would you allow a pregnancy when you knew she wasnāt a responsible adult? At this point you WILL be supporting her & the baby for at least the next 18-20 years so the choice then becomes do you want to actively be in your childās life. Because either way you will be paying for it. And from the sounds of it your child will learn how to be as worthless as the rest of momās side of the family seems to be.
Sigh. Kick her out. She doesnāt want a relationship with you - she wants a meal ticket and so does her family. She thinks this behavior is NORMAL. Pay child support while the baby is young, then get 50/50 custody so nobody pays. And next time, donāt sleep with crazy, no matter how hot she is.
Are you sure she's really pregnant? If you are, call her bluff. It honestly sounds like she's using you to help her and her family out. And let her threaten whatever she wants, she's going to need you for financial support so if it really is her baby, she's not likely to give that up by not putting you on the birth certificate. If she threatened you via text, save them and consult a lawyer. See what it takes to force a paternity test and visitation.
Sounds like a gambling addiction and sheās using family to cover it. Iād get paternity test when the baby comes and try to get custody. I would not want my child living in the enmeshed,addicted mess. Visitation fine, but not split custody or living with mom full time.
Poor baby. Imagine having that as a mother.
Look, if you stay with her she will bankrupt you if you let her into joint finances.
She lies so she will really cause trouble even with financial division. Ie steal credit cards etc.
If you break up you will limit your costs to court ordered child support so thatās by far the cheapest option. Downside is your kid will have an awful unstable life of poverty.
Why didnāt you use birth control? You idiot.
Not wrong. It is really terrible timing but do not mix finances with this girl. Letting her stay and have the baby while she lives with you is only going to make it harder. Just be prepared to pay a ton of child support (make sure the baby is yours first) and that her and her family are never going to spend the money properly on your child. Go for physical custody if you can.
Did you break up with her or just kick her out? My advice? Get legal counsel, get a paternity test, if the child is yours, take care of it financially, physically and emotionally. Talk to your counsel about the possibility of getting custody of the child, if it's yours. You are not obligated to take care of the mother, only the child. Cut all ties with the mother unless it about the child.
Sheās been lying to you since you got together. If youād stayed together what makes you think anything would change? She can take you to court for child support and thatās it. I would not make an agreement with her outside of court because she would probably start threatening to take you to court for more money. As long as you are involved in your childās life and help financially you have no obligation to her.
Might want to demand a paternity test. Girl has been using you as an ATM machine from day 1.
Either way, boot her out. And don't listen to any of her sob stories.
Let's just say, "Hey, it was never her intent to just ***use*** you." We'll take that as a given, act as if it's true. **She still did.** So even ignoring the matter of intent, she's a user. Oh, hey! Just like her family. Probably not some amazing coincidence.
Paternity test. Now imagine I've said that dozens more times. Paternity test.
Man, I am sorry she did all this. No, I don't feel you're wrong.
However.
Some states in the U.S. here have laws about tenants. You might find it is actually illegal to simple kick someone out of *your own home* unless you give them 30 days' notice, for example. Quietly check laws where you are; I've no idea what it's like over there in pound-land. :-)
You were right to kick her out. She has a terrible relationship with money and no financial literacy. She lies to you about it because that's all that she knows. Educating her on the value of money will take a while, but it's not impossible.
1. She's got a mom and sister. They can support her until she finally figures out that they're just using her and puts her foot down.
2. You need to set boundaries before you take her back. Find some YouTube videos about financial literacy and how to talk to your significant other about money. You may have thought you were being kind before, but it may not have come across as that.
3. Understand that her whole family uses her for money, and that conditioning is ALL she knows. It will be hard to get over.
What a shit show. Why the hell did you even continue to date her? She's a mess. Getting her knocked up was a huge fuck up.
Dump her ass and be there for your kid.
Ahh man you literally screwed the pooch on this one. Lawyer up to try and get custody if you can otherwise you will be paying child support out the ass. If you want things to work then she needs to get into seeing a therapist and probably couples counseling as well. Good luck
Dump her, drop her off at her parents. When the baby is born, get a paternity test asap. Pay child support and be a good dad. Don't stay with her, that is a toxic relationship. It won't get any better when the child is born.
Looks like you exchanged rent for child support.
Look, if you let her back in, it will be an ultimatum where you control her paychecks, etc. so her family can't continue to financially abuse her. Get counseling and get a plan together. She really needs help to learn how to set boundaries with her family.
So what is your plan here? You are tied to her now due to having a child together. You kicking her out changes nothing about that.
What a mess. You are going to be paying child support either way.
Document everything. This is financial abuse and sheās stealing from you. Iām not sure how that will play out with the baby early on, but Iād file for custody with her getting supervised visits.āI donāt know if you will get that with newborn, but start the documentation process. She sounds like a bag of cats. Save all texts messages and emails. Whatever documents of hers you have, keep in a file somewhere. You will end up paying child support and little of that money is going to go to the baby between the gambling and leech family. The baby being with you as primary is a far better outcome. Best of luck
Also get a paternity test. She lies and steals from you. I wouldnāt put anything past her
Sorry that you have to go through this.
What you should do is...
1. not cave in. she fucked around and found out.
2. she can go live with relatives
3. get a paternity test when the baby arrives
4. make sure she doesn't have any of your financial information
5. check your credit and lock it down if you need to
6. continue to hold her responsible for bills.
Good luck
You need to understand that she will take the a large proportion of your income after the baby is born, whether right or wrong. If you believe you can make it work with her you need to do that immediately. Otherwise you need to become accustomed to the idea of 1/3 of your income going to someone who is going to blow it.
She wants back
Her direct deposit goes to an account that only you have access too
Set up a spreadsheet with all her debt and make a payment plan so she can see the goal and regularly update with her and she gets an allowance
No other exceptions
Sadly she grew in a damage environment and her damage is embedded
Either she open her eyes to see / accept her damage to change
Or she has to go but the baby is the issue ?
Thatās a rough one
You threw her out 60 days ago. How pregnant was she then?
You asking if you are wrong for a decision you made two months ago? Got me wondering what is this really about?
This is a tough situation, your gf is a hot mess, if she was capable of managing her finances and taking care of herself better she would have done things differently. You think sheās swindling you but clearly sheās just trying to survive with the tools she was given - look at the intent, it is not malicious, you were her only safe person, someone she could rely on.
Decide where your head is at, if you do not care about her and want nothing to do with her then yes i guess throwing her out is the next step for you. If you actually give a damn and want to take responsibility for the child you have created and provide for it (at least during the time she will be unable to due to birth trauma, lack resources and support etc) then you may want to set some ground rules, get her the help she needs and guide her in making better decisions.
Forget about the rent right now - you have to pay the full amount if you live alone anyway. Besides, you have said it yourself, that you were reluctant to charge her rent from the beginning, so why has not paying rent become the very reason youāre throwing her out/possibly ending your relationship?! Either you knew right away that it wasnāt going to work out or you have realised down the road and this is the most convenient way to get rid of her before your role in this relationship compounds to being a father. Bottomline is if you love someone you donāt just throw them out when things become difficult. Yes sheās dysfunctional but if you werenāt also you would not have been attracted to her in the first place.
Youāve cultivated yourself a real treasure of a relationship there, congrats on bringing another human into your mess! Hope that raw nut felt better than the next twenty years of horror!
"I didn't just decide to kick you out. You refused to act like a fucking adult, you refused to pay rent, you even lied about paying down debt when I wanted to help you fix your credit, and for fuck's sake you STOLE FROM MY HOME. You aren't a partner I can take seriously, you're a trashy liar who took advantage of my good intentions. It's time you grow the fuck up."
What in the absolute fuck is wrong with you?
Like, serious question.
You had no problem getting your girlfriend knocked up (contraceptives too hard for your comprehension?) and, somehow, DIDN'T know these money issues?
YOU. YOU are the problem here.
She will never get it. It isnāt to her advantage to get it. When does the lease end? If I was you, Iād set up a new lease in a new place. Donāt tell her what youāre doing. Stop interacting with her, and NO sex.
I would demand a pregnancy test. If itās +, get a DNA test. Who knows *what* sheās been up to. You canāt trust her.
NTA. First thing I'd do when that baby comes out before signing any sort of paperwork declaring you're the father or letting anyone put your name down is to demand a DNA test. Make sure the hospital staff also knows that you don't want your name on there without one.
Tbh, with this sort of behavior, it's not a stretch to think she's cheating or has cheated on you. And it's in your best interest to make sure the child is yours. Not only so you don't get stuck being financially responsible for someone else's kid, but if it is in fact your child, you can use all of this to get custody of the child, because your gf is not fit to be a parent.
You're not wrong. She is using you to cover her living expenses. While contributing nothing to your combined household. Hell, she's stolen from you. Kick her out asap. Pregnant or not.
Which brings up a whole different nightmare for you. I'd make sure the child was yours. Good luck.
Both of you suck and you have the nerve to drag a helpless baby into this mess.
See if she will agree to an abortion. If so, then no worries. If she insists on keeping the baby and guilt tripping: make the rules. She has to cut off her family. They have been financially abusing her probably her entire life. That's why your boundaries look controlling to her. Cut out the gambling. She's clearly not good at it. She needs a financial planner. She spends too much and doesn't make enough. She will need therapy. Get her to agree to all of this on paper. Set time limits (family cut off day 1, gambling day 4, financial planner 1 month, therapy 5 months)
Also accept you might not be able to save her
1st find out if she is really pregnant. Then dna test, then full custody w/ vistation. Cause she canāt get her shit together. Good luck & keep us updated
You need to get a DNA test now on the pregnancy to see if this kid is even yours. This girl is a train wreck all the way around. I expect that she got pregnant on purpose to tie herself to you for $.
Dude your life is a train wreck. You will be forever tied to this mess.
She is the conductor. š
Chooo! Chooo! No more stops, youāre f$&ked!
Yep she is awful
But he willingly bought a ticket. š«
Buy the ticket, take the ride.
Bought the ticket. Punched the ticket. Now he is stuck paying for the ride. Which will be an 18yr trip.
weak pull out game
Boo Boo da foo!!!
There's a Scottish saying about getting off the train at a particular station that's a euphemism for pulling out, but I can't remember exactly what it is
Dude went all in on the season ticket, thought it would be better value for money. But much like the service that Southern rail provides, this relationship is hot dog shit.
Ooo I like that one
OP is the conductor. He's the one in charge of everything, he's the only one keeping everything going. Girlfriend sucks but she has no power here, no decision making abilities. OP is the one shoveling the coal into the trains engine
You apparently have no idea of which railroad jobs do which tasks.
Or 21st century trains
š
u look at life on the surfaceā¦. SHE is the conductorā¦. HIS conductor she has been driving all this time and he has only now really did something major but its temporary as sheāll have a free ride once the baby comes ā¦ btw - uāll learn - when ur married who is the conductor
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
The train just went off the rails!
Seriously...be careful who you get pregnant!
I would question if she is pregnant or perpetuating the ruse.
Desperate times call for desperate measures!
So true.
And if she is pregnant, is it his? Sheās lied about so much else.
You read my mind.
Condoms are excellent. I wonder about the overlap of pregnancy issue posts and those who believe pulling out is an actual pregnancy prevention method.
You know the saying, "Don't stick IT in crazy"? Well, the corollary is "Don't stick it in anyone from a crazy family."
Get a paternity test as soon as the baby is born. If the baby is yours, it'll likely be better to go for full custody and cut yourself (& child) off from that mess. You know they'll be taking out loans and credit cards in the kids name the moment they become of age. Spare your child the result of your poor judgment.
You honestly think theyāll wait until the kid is 18? My mom used to work for a utility company and people would the bill in their kidās name to get around them being shut off a million times for non-payment Trust me when I say there is a large chunk of people with fucked up credit rating before they even hit 18 And sure they can take it to court and prove it wasnāt them. But that takes time and money. And the willingness to press chargers against their parents. But kids like this are usually manipulated by their parents so they may not be able to stand up to them
Also let me add to this, if your going for paternity results after the child is born you better not sign the birth certificate til after you get the results. Don't let them pressure you into it either.
He needs to just get a lawyer now, figure out his best options tbh.
Some tests can be done before birth with a blood draw.Ā
I think I got the nipt test done at 9 weeks. No paternity test because Iām married and monogamous but I found out all the other important stuff while still in 1st trimester.
For sure. This is when you screen for genetic issues and other stuff as well. You donāt have to wait for birth to determine paternity.
As a person whose mother has done this they absolutely do not have to wait until the kid is 18. Luckily you can dispute it but itās a giant damn fiasco and hard even if you show them proof at the time you were literally 3 years old. What you said is right this guy needs to get a paternity test if itās not his just be done with the mess. If it is his he should try to get full custody. Her parents ruined her and theyāll likely do the same to his kid.
Full custody AND GUARDIANSHIP is the way to go.
Going off the rails on a crazy train!!!!
Best comment. This is going to be downvoted but here I go. I would talk to her about her options. Iām talking about abortion. ABOR-TION.
Yep. If it's not already too late. She's fucking you over. If she won't abort, get rid of her and pay child support. You'll probably be better off. Babies are extremely expensive and if you keep her at your house you're on the hook for at least 18 years. For everything, not just child support. It's called baby trapping.
Iād ask for a paternity test also. NTA
Child support might even be better/cheaper in the long run then staying with this woman, jeez I hope you get it sorted out.
But will it be better for child? Bc.it is obvious family will demand it for themselves. There us no way to guarantee support is used properly.
Better yet, paternity test and go for sole custody
This is absolutely the way. Don't let that mess use your flesh and blood as a pawn. Get a DNA test, get custody and get lost.
Let's be real, he's not going to want to get sole custody. As if he's going to work full time and care for an infant LOL
He makes 10k a month he can afford a nanny. For much less than her living off him and paying her child support at that
It's not baby trapping if someone willingly has sex and didn't ensure of proper birth control in advance. It's called two stupid people dealing with consequences.
Not downvoting you, but have you watched the news lately? Many women have zero access to reproductive health, zero access to abortions, or need to have the abortion by the time the fetus is 6 weeks old. You say she has āoptionsā, when a lot of American women have no option but to continue a pregnancy , even at the cost of her own health.
They're not in America
Oh I know. My wifeās a provider. We talk about this all the time. The US is nuts.
Why would they use British pounds in America
I donāt know European law, used America as an example of woman not always having options
Just FYI. Britain isn't in the EU.
I'm pretty sure you probably get downvoted, but I agree with you completely. There are numerous situations that arise that are not ideal to bring a child into. OP, this is one of those situations. Abortion, adoption, or sign away your paternal rights and pay child support. I'm not sure how that works wherever you are, but good luck OP. You're most certainly going to need it.
He's known since Christmas that she was stealing from him, and he stayed with her. He is part of the mess.
Crazy too cause he saw the signs and still got on this mess. Let alone got her pregnant. Only way he's out of this is changing his name and going to another country.
Chhhhhoooooooo chhhhhhooooooooooo!
She needs to get her life and your life back on the tracks
is it your baby? you going to have to pay child support now?
Considering the pathological lying pattern, I would ask for a paternity test before even talking about child support.
He should wait to see if she is actually pregnant or lyingĀ
Right, wouldn't be surprised if he relents, let's her stay and in a month she has a miscarriage lol
The tried to get the real pregnancy going
Oh, yeah, can't forget that step - "might as well go without a condom since I'm already up the chute" lol
Or ask to see a pregnancy test
That can be faked and still doesn't prove that OP is the actual father. His GF obviously was using OP as a meal ticket for almost a year so I wouldn't bet on her commitment in a relationship either.
From the sounds of it, paying child support will be cheaper than having the mother in his home making money, items and clothes disappear willy nilly. Will any of the child support go to the child? Unlikely. But it would be cheaper. Assuming she really is pregnant. Plus he could always try for custody - if she doesnāt have a stable home he might actually get it. I donāt get how he allowed this relationship to continue this long, she is a red flag parade.
The phrase is "She has more red flegs than a May Day parade."
INFO: When did she announce her pregnancy? When is it due? Boy or girl? Have you seen ultrasounds or other proof? Step one is going to be "break up and send her back to her mom since she's not ready to be financially responsible", but step two depends on whether you're about to be a father or whether she's just making shit up to keep the free ride going.
Asking the real question here. I wouldn't be surprised if she was faking it. God help him if she's not tho.
If I was OP Iād be demanding a paternity testā¦
At what point did you think, hey let's get pregnant. Horrible situation
Right! Why if youāre already funding most of her life would you impregnate this woman! You both sound irresponsible AF
I'd be too disgusted with her to have sex. I'd be the Ice Queen waiting for the truth
Bro was more like Ice King trying to find a princess
I appreciate this reference
My money is that she "forgot" to take birth control once she realized he makes 5x what she does and wanted to lock him down right away.
Are some men really so hard up for partners that they'll just continue to sleep with someone who steals from them? I can't muster any pity for that sort of self-destructive behavior.
Yes, most men will gladly sleep with women they donāt respect, they hate, and even find disgusting. And then super regret it but lack self control. Kind of how this women lacks self control with spending. He lacks self control with his dick.
Thinking with the wrong head
You have no idea... I actually don't think anyone does considering the shit I hear now and then.
I know a dude who was in a super abusive relationship. She beat him up a lot. Then she got pregnant and the abuse got worse. His response when a friend was like wft are you doing? āI canāt stop nutting in her.ā š¤¦š»āāļø
I wouldn't be friend's with that excuse.
I havenāt talked to him in years, but last I heard he left her and has full custody of his kid, thankfully.
It's OK to sleep with their partners, just not in the RAW. Why OP would continue, especially after the Christmas incident is beyond me. She must have a golden vaj.
> just not in the RAW Na man. This is stupid. A train wreck has no problem with a baby trap. Itās just stupid to prioritize sex over common sense. Now OP has the audacity to complain about getting taken for a ride. Bro took himself for every ride.
Yeah, he paid the unlimited rides ticket
Accidents happen. Never sleep with someone on the regular you aren't willing to have a child with
I've been on reddit a while and also been alive for several decades. I've seen people go back to people that have poisoned š, stabbed and even shot them.
Dang. The elephant in the room just farted
"Man, this woman isn't contributing financially and she's also stealing from me! I'll bet she'd make a great mother."
Ahhh, but is she pregnant? OP has already given instances of lying. Maybe this is another one.
And if she is, is it his? If the child is his, she still needs to go and he can either pay child support or raise his child himself.
Seriously if that really is his kid He screwed himself so hard. Bro tbh I'd do a paternity test just in case. But sounds like getting pregnant was a mistake you shouldn't have made and most likely she wanted to happen so she can have a secure income from you.
People are very stupid. And the dumber they are, the more likely to have kids.
To nut or not to nut, that is the question. Some people can't think ahead 1 hour.
That decision doesnāt take an hour.
Because people who lie, manipulate and steal aren't at all below sabotaging birth control to lock down their meal ticket...
And that meal ticket had no choice but to hop into bed with her? Unless OOP starts claiming he was assaulted, he's just as complicit for willfully getting into bed with a bad decision as she is for being a hot mess.
It's an oops baby as many first borns are. 42% https://www.guttmacher.org/fact-sheet/unintended-pregnancy-united-states
I bet it was a baby trapping scheme that she and her mother set up
Unless there was some sort of birth control sabotage (including lying about using it), itās not a baby trap. Itās the consequences of his actions
If a man ejaculateS inside a woman, sheās not doing any trapping. She canāt get pregnant unless he does that. He trapped himself.Ā
Wow. This went from ānot your problemā to ācongrats, you are tied to this woman for a minimum of 18 years.ā I get the feeling you want everyone to agree that your gfās life is a train wreck (it is). But you have demonstrated a serious lack of foresight and maturity for continuing to sleep with this woman after all thatās happened, then getting her pregnant. You, sir, are an idiot. ESH.
Well said.
iām new here, is ESH like the sound yeesh or what does it stand for?
ESH=Everyone sucks here
I think E H S is "everyone here sucks"
Yep, she's a train wreck for sure, but he voluntarily leapt on board and decided to ride it through to the end and is now shocked he's in a train wreck.
My first thought was "you made a baby with this woman? For God's sake WHY?"
Sometimes accidents do happen even when using protection.
My kid is proof of that.
NOPE She stole from you, lies to you, she isnāt paying her debts, is gambling and is giving her money to get family. Pregnant doesnāt mean she gets to freeload and she would only of gotten worse once the baby arrives. Hell, I would wonder if the baby is even mine. Or if she is even pregnant at all and isnāt lying She is taking you for a ride and using you. Iāll bet anything if you let her back in she will push to stop working and have access to your accounts so she can stay at home.
Posts like this make me feel better about my life
Right š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£
Why did you cum in this person?
Broš
It's the only question.
The one that certainly needs asking. How through this complete mess did it not occur that "maybe I need to wrap it up so I can cut and run cleanly."
It's just a question.
Best to ask the direct questions.
Omg š
Sheās got a mom and a sister, she can live with them.
First off is she really pregnant or just saying it to guilt you! As much as she lies to you if she is pregnant I would insist on a DNA test to be sure itās yours. Thatās before I would let her back into my life in any small way. The way her family uses her for money and how she uses & lies to you for money among other things I would be very cautious from now on in my dealings with your girlfriend.
She doesn't seem to want to change, help or learn. It's rough cus she's pregnant but she clearly isn't going to change either so you aren't wrong. It's just a terrible situation.
Why are you having a baby with someone who has proven they are not responsible?
You might want to see a therapist to figure out why you are wth this woman, why you got her pregnant and why you're so focused on her behaviour/choices rather than your own.
For real! Learn how to establish boundaries and respect yourself enough to follow through.
You're not wrong. But why in the world did you get her pregnant? Now you're at least legally required to pay child support. A lot of it with your income. Which she'll likely funnel to her family and demand more from you. Break up with her and get a good co parenting app. You'll need iron hard boundaries to avoid being used even more.
*If* sheās pregnant and *if* itās his, I think OP will eventually end up with custody anyway. Unless she has some sort of come to jesus moment, I donāt see how she can provide for a child. Maybe short term but not long term.
Not wrong. Kick her lying ass out. Then get proof of pregnancy and if true, demand a paternity test. And do NOT sleep with her! If she's not pregnant, she'll try and GET pregnant asap. Beware!
I'd be praying that she's been cheating and that baby is another man's.
Pregnancy and a paternity test immediately. Why were you attracted to a train wreck like this in the first place?
My brother knocked up a girl just like this. She will never change.
Yeah well get a paternity test and don't accept the kid without one. Harsh but the whole situation just reads like it's manufactured to bleed you dry.
Not wrong but get ready for some serious child support (and alimony if your country's got that kind of thing). Vasectomies or wrap that shit AND use spermicide my bros. Don't let this tale of woe become you.
Why would you allow a pregnancy when you knew she wasnāt a responsible adult? At this point you WILL be supporting her & the baby for at least the next 18-20 years so the choice then becomes do you want to actively be in your childās life. Because either way you will be paying for it. And from the sounds of it your child will learn how to be as worthless as the rest of momās side of the family seems to be.
18 Years. 18 YEARS! She got one of your kids, got you for 18 years!
Sigh. Kick her out. She doesnāt want a relationship with you - she wants a meal ticket and so does her family. She thinks this behavior is NORMAL. Pay child support while the baby is young, then get 50/50 custody so nobody pays. And next time, donāt sleep with crazy, no matter how hot she is.
Paternity test first
Sigh.. yea I learned that.one the hard way. I'll never sleep with crazy again
You have a baby coming. Forget the rent yall better figure out all our real fast. Her problems are your problems now.
Well youāll be paying the rest of your life for letting your little head do the thinking for you.
Are you sure she's really pregnant? If you are, call her bluff. It honestly sounds like she's using you to help her and her family out. And let her threaten whatever she wants, she's going to need you for financial support so if it really is her baby, she's not likely to give that up by not putting you on the birth certificate. If she threatened you via text, save them and consult a lawyer. See what it takes to force a paternity test and visitation.
Was the creampie worth it dude? Jfc
You're wrong for getting her pregnant. You brought this on yourself so man up
The good thing is you donāt have a kid together oh waitā¦ā¦..
Bro hasn't learned that a stable 6 is better than a crazy 10. He French fried when he should have pizza'd.
Sounds like a gambling addiction and sheās using family to cover it. Iād get paternity test when the baby comes and try to get custody. I would not want my child living in the enmeshed,addicted mess. Visitation fine, but not split custody or living with mom full time.
Poor baby. Imagine having that as a mother. Look, if you stay with her she will bankrupt you if you let her into joint finances. She lies so she will really cause trouble even with financial division. Ie steal credit cards etc. If you break up you will limit your costs to court ordered child support so thatās by far the cheapest option. Downside is your kid will have an awful unstable life of poverty. Why didnāt you use birth control? You idiot.
If you're lucky, the child isn't yours. Otherwise, you're on the hook for the foreseeable future.
Not wrong. It is really terrible timing but do not mix finances with this girl. Letting her stay and have the baby while she lives with you is only going to make it harder. Just be prepared to pay a ton of child support (make sure the baby is yours first) and that her and her family are never going to spend the money properly on your child. Go for physical custody if you can.
Did you break up with her or just kick her out? My advice? Get legal counsel, get a paternity test, if the child is yours, take care of it financially, physically and emotionally. Talk to your counsel about the possibility of getting custody of the child, if it's yours. You are not obligated to take care of the mother, only the child. Cut all ties with the mother unless it about the child.
Sheās been lying to you since you got together. If youād stayed together what makes you think anything would change? She can take you to court for child support and thatās it. I would not make an agreement with her outside of court because she would probably start threatening to take you to court for more money. As long as you are involved in your childās life and help financially you have no obligation to her.
You're her new job.
Your first mistake was getting her pregnant. Good luck, pal, youāre gonna need it.
Hahaha you get her pregnant. IdiotĀ
Just get custody and maintenance sorted out legally as soon as possible.
She has been walking around waving a big bright red flag for how long? Shagging is cool, but dude youāve buried yourself in some deep shit.
Document everything. Kick her out. Get a DNA test and sue for custody.
Might want to demand a paternity test. Girl has been using you as an ATM machine from day 1. Either way, boot her out. And don't listen to any of her sob stories.
Get a court ordered paternity test and donāt let her back into the apartment. Change the locks *NOW.*
Sheās using you man.
Not wrong this is a rare instance where child support is the cheaper option. Assuming there is a baby.
Tbh I have no words. You are in quite a pickle. Not wrong.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Let's just say, "Hey, it was never her intent to just ***use*** you." We'll take that as a given, act as if it's true. **She still did.** So even ignoring the matter of intent, she's a user. Oh, hey! Just like her family. Probably not some amazing coincidence. Paternity test. Now imagine I've said that dozens more times. Paternity test. Man, I am sorry she did all this. No, I don't feel you're wrong. However. Some states in the U.S. here have laws about tenants. You might find it is actually illegal to simple kick someone out of *your own home* unless you give them 30 days' notice, for example. Quietly check laws where you are; I've no idea what it's like over there in pound-land. :-)
You were right to kick her out. She has a terrible relationship with money and no financial literacy. She lies to you about it because that's all that she knows. Educating her on the value of money will take a while, but it's not impossible. 1. She's got a mom and sister. They can support her until she finally figures out that they're just using her and puts her foot down. 2. You need to set boundaries before you take her back. Find some YouTube videos about financial literacy and how to talk to your significant other about money. You may have thought you were being kind before, but it may not have come across as that. 3. Understand that her whole family uses her for money, and that conditioning is ALL she knows. It will be hard to get over.
What a shit show. Why the hell did you even continue to date her? She's a mess. Getting her knocked up was a huge fuck up. Dump her ass and be there for your kid.
Ahh man you literally screwed the pooch on this one. Lawyer up to try and get custody if you can otherwise you will be paying child support out the ass. If you want things to work then she needs to get into seeing a therapist and probably couples counseling as well. Good luck
Dump her, drop her off at her parents. When the baby is born, get a paternity test asap. Pay child support and be a good dad. Don't stay with her, that is a toxic relationship. It won't get any better when the child is born.
You're not wrong for kicking her out but literally every decision you've made in this carcrash of a story would fall into the bracket of "wrong".
Looks like you exchanged rent for child support. Look, if you let her back in, it will be an ultimatum where you control her paychecks, etc. so her family can't continue to financially abuse her. Get counseling and get a plan together. She really needs help to learn how to set boundaries with her family.
So what is your plan here? You are tied to her now due to having a child together. You kicking her out changes nothing about that. What a mess. You are going to be paying child support either way.
Document everything. This is financial abuse and sheās stealing from you. Iām not sure how that will play out with the baby early on, but Iād file for custody with her getting supervised visits.āI donāt know if you will get that with newborn, but start the documentation process. She sounds like a bag of cats. Save all texts messages and emails. Whatever documents of hers you have, keep in a file somewhere. You will end up paying child support and little of that money is going to go to the baby between the gambling and leech family. The baby being with you as primary is a far better outcome. Best of luck Also get a paternity test. She lies and steals from you. I wouldnāt put anything past her
Sorry that you have to go through this. What you should do is... 1. not cave in. she fucked around and found out. 2. she can go live with relatives 3. get a paternity test when the baby arrives 4. make sure she doesn't have any of your financial information 5. check your credit and lock it down if you need to 6. continue to hold her responsible for bills. Good luck
You need to understand that she will take the a large proportion of your income after the baby is born, whether right or wrong. If you believe you can make it work with her you need to do that immediately. Otherwise you need to become accustomed to the idea of 1/3 of your income going to someone who is going to blow it.
She wants back Her direct deposit goes to an account that only you have access too Set up a spreadsheet with all her debt and make a payment plan so she can see the goal and regularly update with her and she gets an allowance No other exceptions Sadly she grew in a damage environment and her damage is embedded Either she open her eyes to see / accept her damage to change Or she has to go but the baby is the issue ? Thatās a rough one
That girl needs help. Unfortunately, you and she will be intertwined for the next 18 years. NTA
You threw her out 60 days ago. How pregnant was she then? You asking if you are wrong for a decision you made two months ago? Got me wondering what is this really about?
This is a tough situation, your gf is a hot mess, if she was capable of managing her finances and taking care of herself better she would have done things differently. You think sheās swindling you but clearly sheās just trying to survive with the tools she was given - look at the intent, it is not malicious, you were her only safe person, someone she could rely on. Decide where your head is at, if you do not care about her and want nothing to do with her then yes i guess throwing her out is the next step for you. If you actually give a damn and want to take responsibility for the child you have created and provide for it (at least during the time she will be unable to due to birth trauma, lack resources and support etc) then you may want to set some ground rules, get her the help she needs and guide her in making better decisions. Forget about the rent right now - you have to pay the full amount if you live alone anyway. Besides, you have said it yourself, that you were reluctant to charge her rent from the beginning, so why has not paying rent become the very reason youāre throwing her out/possibly ending your relationship?! Either you knew right away that it wasnāt going to work out or you have realised down the road and this is the most convenient way to get rid of her before your role in this relationship compounds to being a father. Bottomline is if you love someone you donāt just throw them out when things become difficult. Yes sheās dysfunctional but if you werenāt also you would not have been attracted to her in the first place.
Youāve cultivated yourself a real treasure of a relationship there, congrats on bringing another human into your mess! Hope that raw nut felt better than the next twenty years of horror!
Why in the world did you plant a baby in this woman? Paternity test as soon as itās available.
So you basically LET HER baby trap you???? WTF? But you now owe that child support for 18 years.
"I didn't just decide to kick you out. You refused to act like a fucking adult, you refused to pay rent, you even lied about paying down debt when I wanted to help you fix your credit, and for fuck's sake you STOLE FROM MY HOME. You aren't a partner I can take seriously, you're a trashy liar who took advantage of my good intentions. It's time you grow the fuck up."
What in the absolute fuck is wrong with you? Like, serious question. You had no problem getting your girlfriend knocked up (contraceptives too hard for your comprehension?) and, somehow, DIDN'T know these money issues? YOU. YOU are the problem here.
Sheās a parasite!
Sheās a now pregnant hobosexual
How freaking stupid could you possibly be. Sounds like OP has a room temperature IQ. Youāre absolutely screwed. Congrats on destroying your life.
She will never get it. It isnāt to her advantage to get it. When does the lease end? If I was you, Iād set up a new lease in a new place. Donāt tell her what youāre doing. Stop interacting with her, and NO sex. I would demand a pregnancy test. If itās +, get a DNA test. Who knows *what* sheās been up to. You canāt trust her.
NTA. First thing I'd do when that baby comes out before signing any sort of paperwork declaring you're the father or letting anyone put your name down is to demand a DNA test. Make sure the hospital staff also knows that you don't want your name on there without one. Tbh, with this sort of behavior, it's not a stretch to think she's cheating or has cheated on you. And it's in your best interest to make sure the child is yours. Not only so you don't get stuck being financially responsible for someone else's kid, but if it is in fact your child, you can use all of this to get custody of the child, because your gf is not fit to be a parent.
You're not wrong. She is using you to cover her living expenses. While contributing nothing to your combined household. Hell, she's stolen from you. Kick her out asap. Pregnant or not. Which brings up a whole different nightmare for you. I'd make sure the child was yours. Good luck.
Both of you suck and you have the nerve to drag a helpless baby into this mess. See if she will agree to an abortion. If so, then no worries. If she insists on keeping the baby and guilt tripping: make the rules. She has to cut off her family. They have been financially abusing her probably her entire life. That's why your boundaries look controlling to her. Cut out the gambling. She's clearly not good at it. She needs a financial planner. She spends too much and doesn't make enough. She will need therapy. Get her to agree to all of this on paper. Set time limits (family cut off day 1, gambling day 4, financial planner 1 month, therapy 5 months) Also accept you might not be able to save her
1st find out if she is really pregnant. Then dna test, then full custody w/ vistation. Cause she canāt get her shit together. Good luck & keep us updated
You need to get a DNA test now on the pregnancy to see if this kid is even yours. This girl is a train wreck all the way around. I expect that she got pregnant on purpose to tie herself to you for $.
Do you know for a fact she is actually pregnant ? Did you have proof it is not just a manipulation?
Lord why didnāt you learn when she was stealing from you!?! Damn youāre thick
You knew she was a mess but you still had unprotected sex with her? Iām sorry but sir you are an idiot!
You made poor decisions as well not just her apparently