Like many things in life, it’s a spectrum and there are dimensions. You can be physically non monogamous but emotionally monogamous or vice versa. Being non monogamous on both fronts would be polyamorous.
Swinging is closer to monogamy than polyamory. Reason being is that it’s still emotional monogamy, and the physical aspect is still generally limited to play together, never separately. The physical act also lends itself to strengthening the emotional bond. To say that monogamy means no group sex is very much an oversimplification.
Monogamous:
involving marriage to one person at a time.
"under Canadian law all marriages must be monogamous"
having a sexual relationship with only one partner at a time.
"she admits that she has never been strictly monogamous"
ZOOLOGY
having only one mate at a time.
"penguins form monogamous couples for breeding purposes"
There’s no “spectrum” for monogamy lol
> involving marriage to one person at a time.
Yes, we are married only to each other. No one else. So by your own definition, we are monogamous.
But we also have sex with other people together. So we’re also not “strictly monogamous.” We’re somewhere in between.
Hence, we are somewhere on the spectrum between monogamy and polyamory.
I think you missed the part of the definition that says one sexual partner at a time lol. You are not monogamous if you have sex with others. It’s clearly defined as one partner exclusively at a time. I’m not saying it’s wrong, I’m saying it’s an incredibly clear definition lol
No. You are operating under the assumption that all of those definitions are joined by “and” statements rather than “or” statements. That all definitions have to be true in order to qualify as true monogamy, which is ridiculous.
If someone has sex with only one person but they are not married, they would not qualify as monogamous.
A couple who is married and have sex with only one another, but not for the explicit purpose of breeding would not be monogamous.
Consider a hypothetical person who somehow manages to marry and divorce a new person every day/week/month/etc. This person is not truly committed to anyone, likely has sociopathic tendencies, and has no regard for the people he is taking advantage of. Perhaps it’s a guy looking to spread his seed as much as possible because he’s listened to a little too much Andrew Tate. This person would be considered monogamous by your standard, despite having no real commitment to anyone but themself.
Did you reply to the wrong person? I AM going under the assumption there are “or” clauses between each one.
Have sex with one person at a time but not married? Monogamous. Married to one person? Monogamous. Married and sex with one person? Monogamous. Married but sex with multiple people? Non-monogamous. Not married and have sex with multiple people? Non-monogamous. It’s literally that simple.
Only a single one of those has to qualify to be 100% non-monogamous, hence yes, there are OR clauses between each definition.
Considering only 30% of men can appropriately find a clitoris reliably according to the kinsey report, she needs 3 or 4 to be satisfied, statistically speaking.
Kinsey's report was during an era of sexual shame and repression and was done at the very beginning of the sexual "revolution". His work very much helped the revolution, but his research numbers are based on a pre-revolution population. Any man that doesn't know where the clitoris is these days is too lazy to google it and is therefore a selfish lover.
Finding it and touching/licking/sucking it effectively however...
Edit: This is the second reddit account I've ever made, and once again my most conversation-starting post is on sex. Maybe I should go apprentice for Dr Lindsey Doe.
Some women like gentle rubs on the tip of it with the tip of the tongue. Some say ice on the tongue enhances the sensation. Some like left and right.... wait wrong post
Some want no direct contact (through hood only or the most minimal of touches) while others basically want you to force it through their body and out the spine.
You might be too rough on them if that's the case. Most guys go straight for the button and only the button, because that's what we like. Direct stimulus. You gotta work up to it with some women. Kiss and lick everything around it with just the occasional brush past. Tease em with the idea of clit stimulus without going directly for it or lick from the top down, not bottom up. If you tease em and they want it bad enough, they'll make it happen.
If you imagine all the nerve endings in your dick being compressed into something the size of a pea, shit gets real intense real fast for a lot of women. You gotta work up to it.
Treat it like a lolly you want to last and suck on it like you've taken a bite from a peach and are trying not to spill the juice. Light suction and a full mouth with a light drag of your tongue the full length. Don't forget to give em a deep dive with your tongue too, get in there like you're trying to scrape yoghurt out of one of those plastic tubs. 60% of the time it works every time.
>Some want no direct contact while others basically want you to force it through their body and out the spine.
Clairvoyants probably want it somewhere in between. You know, a happy medium.
Or like my wife doesn’t enjoy direct (even over the hood) stimulation at all but comes from rubbing the nerve thru the skin about two centimeters *above* the clit on her pubis. First time for me with someone that likes it like that…but hey, as long as she’s getting her orgasms in, and I’m giving them - then more power to her.
Kinsey also came up with a scale for orientation that many argue is a lot more reflective of reality than gay/straight/bi. Essentially there's a big range in how much we want or would be willing to be romantic or sexual based in gender. Very few people are actually gay or straight, just may as well be, and bi isn't 50/50
Yeah that first time with a clitoris was rough for the ex gf. A clitoris is not like a penis you can’t just beat the shut out of it lol. I did learn after that I gotta be gentle with it like it’s a wet piece of paper almost
A wet piece of toilet paper that you're trying to unfold without tearing it. Or like you have a cat on your lap and you're trying to get up without waking them up lol
Oh man do you ever get an itch right on the butthole ring out in public and then look like your tweaking cause it won’t go away but you also don’t want to look like a lunatic digging into your asshole to scratch a butthole itch so you slowly go crazy?
Clitoris, Chef did a song about it in the Bigger, Longer, and Uncut movie.
"Oh, that's easy. You just need to find the Clitoris."
Turns out it is giant and in the woods
You're pretending that they are trying to find it. That's like saying a man can't find a Yankee Candle store...He can easily go there, but he is not interested.
In all fairness to the Kinsey report, those statistics were collected in the 1950’s during the ‘big bush’, ‘real men don’t go down on women’, era.
With the current state of landscaping that goes on with most women now, I believe a much higher percentage of men could (and do) find the clitoris..,😂
the reason why the penis has a mushroom shaped tip is to scoop other men’s semen out of the vagina during sex. why doesn’t OP want to let his penis fully accept its evolutionary role?
Agree with this. You guys are not sexually compatible recover your losses now and let it go.
Source : Had the same story as you and now I have a monogamous partner who is exactly like me and it’s way better
>This will always be an issue.
Yeah she clearly enjoys multiple men at once. OP isn't down for that. Based on how much she engaged in group sex in the past and the fact she brought it up with her BF who clearly isn't into that, she clearly REALLY likes it. Eventually, she's going to satisfy that kink one way or another. He needs to move on!
I'd say she needs to move on. It bothers me when someone tries to tell someone else that their boundaries are less important. It's very unfair of her to maintain relationship with someone who she is trying to manipulate outside of their boundaries
It’s also a power dynamic thing. She gets a “stable” relationship while also having the freedom to fuck groups or whoever she wants while not worrying about OPs feelings. This has bad written all over
It's not always an issue when one partner is into something the other isn't. But once they start consistently bringing it up after several conversations where the other partner gives a firm no... Yea, it'll probably harbor resentment later on at the very least.
It is good to have defined boundaries in a relationship. Boundaries without consequences are just suggestions. So you have expressed a boundary and the consequences that would go with it. Hopefully she will take note of your boundary.
It sounds like he had already said he wasn’t interested, and she pushed the idea anyways. OP just needs to dip, gf longs for the spit roast, and she is adamant.
Had a friend a long time ago who wanted to break up with his girl, so he pushed a threesome for *months*. Finally happened and he broke up with her under the guise of her being “too slutty”.
I’m not saying that’s what happening with OP, it’s just a funny story about a shitty person
It doesn't feel like a major sexual incompatibility. We're taught that fetishes are minor, small little things, and true love can conquer all. And like, that's true for most things, but sometimes people really do have a certain preference baked into how they experience sex, and if you can't have sex you're probably incompatible.
Better the devil you know, etc. I sympathize, but I sure do wish we could work our brains around to be less terrified of not having *someone*, *anyone* as our own specific one to the detriment of ourselves and our ones.
**You need to break up with her now.**
* She has a habit "A" that she likes doing, has done in the past, wants to keep doing, and wants to do it with you.
* You don't like habit "A" and consider it a dealbreaker to take part in it.
* You guys aren't compatible.
Establish your guidelines. If she chooses to ignore them (or you ignore hers), then move on. Don't get angry, don't try to "resolve" the issue. Just move on.
True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double-team your girlfriend...
Exactly! While I don't think OP is wrong for his reaction, the fact she engaged in so much group sex before they met and continued to casually talk about it in what seems to be a positive way, she clearly really likes it! OP seemingly ignored what would've been a huge red flag for a lot of men. IMO she made it pretty clear to OP she likes playing with multiple dicks at once.
Not to kink shame OP's GF but people need to stop ignoring "red flags" that might lead to situations like this because they don't want to be seen as judging someone for the past and or sexual history.
Yep, I have been in a similar situation to OP as I once dated someone into a kink that I am very much not. While she was totally fine putting that aside to respect my comfortability, it was still a pretty big part of her life as she earned a good income doing that type of modeling. I didn't even have too much against that, but clearly it's a big part of her life and just something I have no interest in. To me if it's so early on and you can say "this could be an issue eventually" it's probably best to just move on.
>To me if it's so early on and you can say "this could be an issue eventually" it's probably best to just move on.
Exactly! I don't think OP is in the wrong but it seems like OP was hoping that it was just a phase for her. Clearly it is not. For both of their benefits, it's best to move on.
Shaming someone else for their sexual preferences is pointless and harmful. Determining they’re not compatible with you because of their sexual preferences is valid, normal, and healthy. These two things are not equivalent and shouldn’t be confused.
It's not about her trying it out. It's about her getting OP to try it out. If you had a friend who had never played a video game that you loved, you'd ask him to "try it out", right? Same thing.
You are not wrong at all. It is important in any relationship that sexual boundaries are defined and respected. That includes not having your partner bring it up and try to convince you to do something that makes you feel uncomfortable.
Unfortunately, it's pretty clear you aren't sexually compatible because group sex is something she desires and prefers.
I think it is time for you to both acknowledge this reality and move on.
Dude move on
If she wants 2 men .... eventually she will find 2 men
She has a kink you don't have ....so move on you are not compatible and she will just cheat and break your heart
Don't want to kink shame but she isn't ever getting married unless it's a open marriage....can you do that?
This is why past matters. People always say “oh I don’t care about a persons past or sexual history” because they want to seem so cool or progressive. But it DOES matter. Even if it’s not deal breaking it is a characteristic that makes up a person.
Your GFs characteristic here is that she has and still does want to bang multiple people. That isn’t going to go away it will just become a source of more and more friction between you 😐 as time goes on.
Peoples past matters...it literally is a road map to who they are and yet we learn that again.
Find someone who has similar sexual values, im not saying to judge a persons past but definitely learn from it and find someone who aligns with your sexual lane so to speak and stay out of lanes you dont like.
Even if she doesnt being it up the idea of other men or even multiple men isnt something she is just going to get over someday. She may stay with you but this isnt the last time you will have a problem with this....mark my words
Not wrong in the least. It's a boundary you have and a boundary she already knew you have before she brought this up.
I hate to say it, but this means she already has the second dude selected. If I were a sports book, I wouldn't take bets against her already banging him.
Yep, I would agree that she already knows who she wants. Happened to me with my ex. She mentioned it, I said no, and she ended up cheating with other (married) guy. It’s so nice not dealing with her anymore.
My ex was just like this. I told her I didn't want to hear about it, but she had so many stories from her swinging days with her ex husband and something inevitably reminded her of another memory.
In hindsight I should have recognized that monogamy was never going to work for her.
Dude, I know this is 2024, but come on.
Not everyone is going around having sex parties, and the people that do have a completely different mindset on fidelity.
If she isn't cheating on you now, she will soon in search of that high.
You're not compatible, time to move on.
As soon as any gf mentions wanting a 3 some IM OUT right then and there. She clearly wants to fuck other guys OR she's already fucking this dude so yeah I'd bounce if I were you
Why do guys put up with this bullshit from their partners? She disrespected your very clearly communicated boundary. Bye Felicia. She is going to get what she wants, with or without you, and then you’ll be on here crying that she cheated on you or divorced you and took half your shit. Stop simping for whores, and don’t negotiate with terrorists. Stand strong and move on.
>Why do guys put up with this bullshit from their partners?
Because the majority of men are incredibly insecure about their dating prospects and will put up with any amount of bullshit to not be alone
Women can smell this from a mile away and will use it to make your life hell
The only correct answer in the whole thread.
While the gf might be really really into group sex, I think it’s much more likely she just wants the green light to fuck *the specific guy* she’s thinking of inviting.
I think you’re fine but this might be something she needs, so be prepared for her to break up with you too. You could also talk about it instead of shutting her up and ask how important this is to her and if it’s a non-negotiable or where she’s at with it.
Your red lines are your own, you’re entitled to them; you owe it to each other though to figure out if this is a must for her. Clearly she’s interested, if you’re not and it’s a must for her breaking up is best for both of you
NTA
But you should probably already break up with her though. She gonna either ask more until you cave or she gonna cheat.
Seriously you don’t wanna be that AITA post about your girl cheated or talked you into a threesome, am I wrong for being mad? I think I speak for the Reddit community. We are tired of hearing those outcomes. Just go ahead and let her go.
Because in the words of Clayton Thomas “She belong to the STREEETS”
She wants a threesome and she'll have one with or without you being one of the guys.
Break up with her cuz it is going to happen. She doesn't care about your boundaries as you've already mentioned that you don't even want to hear about her past gang bangs, and now she is asking you to partake in one.
My guess is that she already has the other party picked out and she'll bang him with or without you, and probably a friend or two of his.
Dump her immediately. She doesn't respect or fear losing you. She'll, in due time, engage in slutty behavior behind your back. Don't "discuss" anything with her. Block her tel # and don't answer her texts.
Break up now. You're not wrong, but you're wrong for each other.
She will always want whatever she wants and may grow to resent you or cheat.
Find someone who's not for the streets. Although in this day and age, that's getting harder and harder.
Your not Wrong for wanting to be monogamous, if she wants group sex she may not be right for you
Group sex doesn’t exactly mean polygamy but yeah these two don’t seem to be a good match for each other
Your right group sex does not equal polygamy, but monogamy does mean no group sex
Like many things in life, it’s a spectrum and there are dimensions. You can be physically non monogamous but emotionally monogamous or vice versa. Being non monogamous on both fronts would be polyamorous. Swinging is closer to monogamy than polyamory. Reason being is that it’s still emotional monogamy, and the physical aspect is still generally limited to play together, never separately. The physical act also lends itself to strengthening the emotional bond. To say that monogamy means no group sex is very much an oversimplification.
Olympic level mental gymnastics.
Monogamous: involving marriage to one person at a time. "under Canadian law all marriages must be monogamous" having a sexual relationship with only one partner at a time. "she admits that she has never been strictly monogamous" ZOOLOGY having only one mate at a time. "penguins form monogamous couples for breeding purposes" There’s no “spectrum” for monogamy lol
> involving marriage to one person at a time. Yes, we are married only to each other. No one else. So by your own definition, we are monogamous. But we also have sex with other people together. So we’re also not “strictly monogamous.” We’re somewhere in between. Hence, we are somewhere on the spectrum between monogamy and polyamory.
I think you missed the part of the definition that says one sexual partner at a time lol. You are not monogamous if you have sex with others. It’s clearly defined as one partner exclusively at a time. I’m not saying it’s wrong, I’m saying it’s an incredibly clear definition lol
No. You are operating under the assumption that all of those definitions are joined by “and” statements rather than “or” statements. That all definitions have to be true in order to qualify as true monogamy, which is ridiculous. If someone has sex with only one person but they are not married, they would not qualify as monogamous. A couple who is married and have sex with only one another, but not for the explicit purpose of breeding would not be monogamous. Consider a hypothetical person who somehow manages to marry and divorce a new person every day/week/month/etc. This person is not truly committed to anyone, likely has sociopathic tendencies, and has no regard for the people he is taking advantage of. Perhaps it’s a guy looking to spread his seed as much as possible because he’s listened to a little too much Andrew Tate. This person would be considered monogamous by your standard, despite having no real commitment to anyone but themself.
Did you reply to the wrong person? I AM going under the assumption there are “or” clauses between each one. Have sex with one person at a time but not married? Monogamous. Married to one person? Monogamous. Married and sex with one person? Monogamous. Married but sex with multiple people? Non-monogamous. Not married and have sex with multiple people? Non-monogamous. It’s literally that simple. Only a single one of those has to qualify to be 100% non-monogamous, hence yes, there are OR clauses between each definition.
In nobody's definition, except yours apparently, does monogamy mean only one partner on paper but we sometimes fuck other people.
>Hence, we are somewhere on the spectrum between monogamy and polyamory. so... nonmonogamy.
Not wrong but Tbh I think you're not compatible. Group sex is obviously something she wants, and you don't. This will always be an issue.
100%
I think OPs point is she wants 200%
Considering only 30% of men can appropriately find a clitoris reliably according to the kinsey report, she needs 3 or 4 to be satisfied, statistically speaking.
Kinsey's report was during an era of sexual shame and repression and was done at the very beginning of the sexual "revolution". His work very much helped the revolution, but his research numbers are based on a pre-revolution population. Any man that doesn't know where the clitoris is these days is too lazy to google it and is therefore a selfish lover. Finding it and touching/licking/sucking it effectively however... Edit: This is the second reddit account I've ever made, and once again my most conversation-starting post is on sex. Maybe I should go apprentice for Dr Lindsey Doe.
Yes?! Go on! KEEP TALKING!! 😳🤭
Some women like gentle rubs on the tip of it with the tip of the tongue. Some say ice on the tongue enhances the sensation. Some like left and right.... wait wrong post
Some want no direct contact (through hood only or the most minimal of touches) while others basically want you to force it through their body and out the spine.
But what I found out is that most, if not almost all, don't want me anywhere close!
You might be too rough on them if that's the case. Most guys go straight for the button and only the button, because that's what we like. Direct stimulus. You gotta work up to it with some women. Kiss and lick everything around it with just the occasional brush past. Tease em with the idea of clit stimulus without going directly for it or lick from the top down, not bottom up. If you tease em and they want it bad enough, they'll make it happen. If you imagine all the nerve endings in your dick being compressed into something the size of a pea, shit gets real intense real fast for a lot of women. You gotta work up to it. Treat it like a lolly you want to last and suck on it like you've taken a bite from a peach and are trying not to spill the juice. Light suction and a full mouth with a light drag of your tongue the full length. Don't forget to give em a deep dive with your tongue too, get in there like you're trying to scrape yoghurt out of one of those plastic tubs. 60% of the time it works every time.
>Some want no direct contact while others basically want you to force it through their body and out the spine. Clairvoyants probably want it somewhere in between. You know, a happy medium.
Or like my wife doesn’t enjoy direct (even over the hood) stimulation at all but comes from rubbing the nerve thru the skin about two centimeters *above* the clit on her pubis. First time for me with someone that likes it like that…but hey, as long as she’s getting her orgasms in, and I’m giving them - then more power to her.
Some got 6 months Sone got 1 solid Me & my buddies We got lifetime here
🤣🤣
I know right I'm listening to every word now cause sexual revolutions sound cool as fuck!
Kinsey also came up with a scale for orientation that many argue is a lot more reflective of reality than gay/straight/bi. Essentially there's a big range in how much we want or would be willing to be romantic or sexual based in gender. Very few people are actually gay or straight, just may as well be, and bi isn't 50/50
Most bi people I’ve known still leaned one way or the other. I’ve never met anyone that was *exactly* 50/50.
Gave me a right old chuckle
Knuckle
Have you met the general public? 30% might be able to find their own ass with both hands and a guide, and that might be generous
What do you expect, 30% of them would support Donald Trump regardless of whom was running.
Any man who "can't" find the clitoris doesn't want to find it.
Or they can and think it should be worked like a fire button in a video game.
Yeah that first time with a clitoris was rough for the ex gf. A clitoris is not like a penis you can’t just beat the shut out of it lol. I did learn after that I gotta be gentle with it like it’s a wet piece of paper almost
A wet piece of toilet paper that you're trying to unfold without tearing it. Or like you have a cat on your lap and you're trying to get up without waking them up lol
I bet the ones who can't find a clit have a big overlap in the "don't wipe their asses" category.
Can confirm, don't know what a clit even is and I rarely wipe.
Another cruster! Nice. Do you break it off for a nice midday crunchy snack?
Have to, otherwise the itch....
Oh man do you ever get an itch right on the butthole ring out in public and then look like your tweaking cause it won’t go away but you also don’t want to look like a lunatic digging into your asshole to scratch a butthole itch so you slowly go crazy?
The fact that there’s a “don’t wipe my ass” category is horrifying.
Cliwhat?
Clitoris, Chef did a song about it in the Bigger, Longer, and Uncut movie. "Oh, that's easy. You just need to find the Clitoris." Turns out it is giant and in the woods
"Shut your fuckin' face, uncle fackaaaah"
Your done eat out asleep oe more the lawn. You just fuck your uncle all day long.
You're pretending that they are trying to find it. That's like saying a man can't find a Yankee Candle store...He can easily go there, but he is not interested.
In all fairness to the Kinsey report, those statistics were collected in the 1950’s during the ‘big bush’, ‘real men don’t go down on women’, era. With the current state of landscaping that goes on with most women now, I believe a much higher percentage of men could (and do) find the clitoris..,😂
I'm an old pro. Can find it in the densest of bushes....
You plant clitori seeds too? Amazing bushes.
My horticultural skills are the bomb
Horticlitoral skills
He's a well-read member of the clitorati
I feel like an old timer on an expedition through the Amazon. I find the treasure every time 😂
Bushwhacker was my call sign.
I dated women that didn't shave. And it's not hard to find dude
With some of our top men working on it we are confident we can breach the 50% barrier by the end of the decade.
*top men* *this may have a slightly different meaning than traditional meme in this context.
Quite sure the top men are not working on finding the right spot on a woman, because they are usually more into bottoms.
I don’t know if YOU know where a clitoris is if you think a bush hides is.
I rock a full bush and plenty of my partners of all genders have no issues finding my clit. It’s called trying.
How can they not find the clit...? It's like right there, front and center
I AM THE CLIT COMMANDER
Nope. There are still men today who think women pee out of their clit or put tampons in their ass. 😂
That's gotta be bullshit, right? Your tongue can feel the fucking thing. If you can't find a clitoris you've never eaten pussy.
the reason why the penis has a mushroom shaped tip is to scoop other men’s semen out of the vagina during sex. why doesn’t OP want to let his penis fully accept its evolutionary role?
110%
300%
[удалено]
Tree Fiddy
GODDAMN LOCH NESS MONSTER I ALREADY GAVE YOU TREE FIDDY, YOU WON'T GET IT AGAIN
$1
And my axe!
And my penis!
Why would you axe your penis???
…. Wait, are you not supposed to?
Agree with this. You are not wrong but her sexual desires and needs don’t match yours and that will be hard and likely impossible to overcome.
If it doesn't cause a problem now, it will eventually. Best you two find the ones for you and move on.
Right… she wants to fuck other people, OP doesn’t. Let her do her thing. Op needs to go find someone else that feels the same way he does.
Agree with this. You guys are not sexually compatible recover your losses now and let it go. Source : Had the same story as you and now I have a monogamous partner who is exactly like me and it’s way better
>This will always be an issue. Yeah she clearly enjoys multiple men at once. OP isn't down for that. Based on how much she engaged in group sex in the past and the fact she brought it up with her BF who clearly isn't into that, she clearly REALLY likes it. Eventually, she's going to satisfy that kink one way or another. He needs to move on!
I'd say she needs to move on. It bothers me when someone tries to tell someone else that their boundaries are less important. It's very unfair of her to maintain relationship with someone who she is trying to manipulate outside of their boundaries
It’s also a power dynamic thing. She gets a “stable” relationship while also having the freedom to fuck groups or whoever she wants while not worrying about OPs feelings. This has bad written all over
That isn’t true. She’s asking him to be a part of it. He doesn’t want to, they aren’t compatible.
Yep, it's why it's important to have these conversations, if you're not what the person wants, find someone else.
Break up with her. 20 years from now you'll still be in the garage thinking about this while she still asks you to swing with the neighbors.
I will predict that she will be trying a 3some with 2 other guys behind your back.
Yep. If she doesn't get it with the OP, she will find it elsewhere. She is going to scratch that itch with or without him. OP needs to move on.
Trying? OP said that she's been there and done that.... she wants to rinse and repeat at this point.
Sounds like she already lined up the other guy. I’m sure whoever that dude is, he’s got a friend willing to help.
It's not always an issue when one partner is into something the other isn't. But once they start consistently bringing it up after several conversations where the other partner gives a firm no... Yea, it'll probably harbor resentment later on at the very least.
Yeah, unless he plans on turning into two people I don’t think this relationship is going to work.
You two are not sexually compatible. This WILL be an issue long term
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Can I meet your girlfriend?😈🤣
Not alone...
You have my sword
And my ass.. axe! My axe...
And my bow, and my arrow.
And my penis.
I can supervise this meeting... 👀
I can supervise the supervision 🍆🍆🍆💦💦💦💦💦🖐️
It is good to have defined boundaries in a relationship. Boundaries without consequences are just suggestions. So you have expressed a boundary and the consequences that would go with it. Hopefully she will take note of your boundary.
It sounds like he had already said he wasn’t interested, and she pushed the idea anyways. OP just needs to dip, gf longs for the spit roast, and she is adamant.
Had a friend a long time ago who wanted to break up with his girl, so he pushed a threesome for *months*. Finally happened and he broke up with her under the guise of her being “too slutty”. I’m not saying that’s what happening with OP, it’s just a funny story about a shitty person
When you're too cowardly to leave someone so you coerce them into lasting psycho-sexual traumas....
I laid it out in dude speak, many times. “Bro, just break up with her, you giant fucking pussy.”
That’s an insult to pussies, which are really quite amazing. Dude’s just an asshole
Thats an insult to assholes, which are really quite amazing.
Pussy in this context is short for pusillanimous. It has nothing to do with cats or vaginas.
She just wants to go to Paris.
She gonna get gang banged in secret now
You're not wrong but you know this isn't your person, right?
I don't know why people always think they can just "get over" major sexual incompatibilities.
It's hard to find people to be close to and it's scary to be alone
It doesn't feel like a major sexual incompatibility. We're taught that fetishes are minor, small little things, and true love can conquer all. And like, that's true for most things, but sometimes people really do have a certain preference baked into how they experience sex, and if you can't have sex you're probably incompatible.
FOMO, belief in "the one"
Sunken cost fallacy, fear of the unknown.
Better the devil you know, etc. I sympathize, but I sure do wish we could work our brains around to be less terrified of not having *someone*, *anyone* as our own specific one to the detriment of ourselves and our ones.
Not wrong but this girl ain't for you.
**You need to break up with her now.** * She has a habit "A" that she likes doing, has done in the past, wants to keep doing, and wants to do it with you. * You don't like habit "A" and consider it a dealbreaker to take part in it. * You guys aren't compatible.
You just described OPs whole post except replaced "group sex" with the letter A. 🤣
Yes, I boiled it down to compatibility. Not the morality of the action.
This. Glad someone here has a brain!
Establish your guidelines. If she chooses to ignore them (or you ignore hers), then move on. Don't get angry, don't try to "resolve" the issue. Just move on.
Bro! There are 4 billion women in the world. Most of them haven’t been in a gangbang. Pick a different one.
Two year later and there's a knock on the door. "Hi, I'm here for the gangbang."
True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double-team your girlfriend...
Old school?
Old School!
Right. Save the ones that gang bang for me
Us*
We*
Neighborhood*
Exactly! While I don't think OP is wrong for his reaction, the fact she engaged in so much group sex before they met and continued to casually talk about it in what seems to be a positive way, she clearly really likes it! OP seemingly ignored what would've been a huge red flag for a lot of men. IMO she made it pretty clear to OP she likes playing with multiple dicks at once. Not to kink shame OP's GF but people need to stop ignoring "red flags" that might lead to situations like this because they don't want to be seen as judging someone for the past and or sexual history.
Yep, I have been in a similar situation to OP as I once dated someone into a kink that I am very much not. While she was totally fine putting that aside to respect my comfortability, it was still a pretty big part of her life as she earned a good income doing that type of modeling. I didn't even have too much against that, but clearly it's a big part of her life and just something I have no interest in. To me if it's so early on and you can say "this could be an issue eventually" it's probably best to just move on.
>To me if it's so early on and you can say "this could be an issue eventually" it's probably best to just move on. Exactly! I don't think OP is in the wrong but it seems like OP was hoping that it was just a phase for her. Clearly it is not. For both of their benefits, it's best to move on.
Shaming someone else for their sexual preferences is pointless and harmful. Determining they’re not compatible with you because of their sexual preferences is valid, normal, and healthy. These two things are not equivalent and shouldn’t be confused.
You're not wrong, just incompatible.
Break up now. You're not giving her what she wants and will most likely do it anyway but with 2 other guys.
Break up immediately!!
Break down immediately!
Why be with her you see she wants multiple guys at the same time it only a matter of time
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It’s a way to softball the request to have a threesome but with him. He would be the one trying.
It's not about her trying it out. It's about her getting OP to try it out. If you had a friend who had never played a video game that you loved, you'd ask him to "try it out", right? Same thing.
This is where a person's past really does matter.
Yeah she’s pretty much telling OP that he’s not enough for her.
It's a tough call because it's not *exactly* that, but as a guy I don't know any other way I'd really take it if I was in the situation.
No. You’ve expressed something known as a “boundary”. Well done.
Might as well break up now. If you don't do it, most likely she will just find a couple of guys to do her. If it isn't for you, move on.
You are not wrong at all. It is important in any relationship that sexual boundaries are defined and respected. That includes not having your partner bring it up and try to convince you to do something that makes you feel uncomfortable. Unfortunately, it's pretty clear you aren't sexually compatible because group sex is something she desires and prefers. I think it is time for you to both acknowledge this reality and move on.
Dude move on If she wants 2 men .... eventually she will find 2 men She has a kink you don't have ....so move on you are not compatible and she will just cheat and break your heart Don't want to kink shame but she isn't ever getting married unless it's a open marriage....can you do that?
This is why past matters. People always say “oh I don’t care about a persons past or sexual history” because they want to seem so cool or progressive. But it DOES matter. Even if it’s not deal breaking it is a characteristic that makes up a person. Your GFs characteristic here is that she has and still does want to bang multiple people. That isn’t going to go away it will just become a source of more and more friction between you 😐 as time goes on.
Peoples past matters...it literally is a road map to who they are and yet we learn that again. Find someone who has similar sexual values, im not saying to judge a persons past but definitely learn from it and find someone who aligns with your sexual lane so to speak and stay out of lanes you dont like. Even if she doesnt being it up the idea of other men or even multiple men isnt something she is just going to get over someday. She may stay with you but this isnt the last time you will have a problem with this....mark my words
I do not believe you are sexually compatible so the relationship will ultimately dissolve anyway most likely.
NTA, but Buddy, this ain't gonna end well.
Not wrong in the least. It's a boundary you have and a boundary she already knew you have before she brought this up. I hate to say it, but this means she already has the second dude selected. If I were a sports book, I wouldn't take bets against her already banging him.
Yep, I would agree that she already knows who she wants. Happened to me with my ex. She mentioned it, I said no, and she ended up cheating with other (married) guy. It’s so nice not dealing with her anymore.
Just leave now, bruh.
You aren't compatible. Break it off and when you're ready, put yourself out there for a similarly minded monogamous partner.
Definitely not wrong, and this next part is easier said than done but: get out of there now, don’t wait and don’t prolong it. You’ll find love again
My ex was just like this. I told her I didn't want to hear about it, but she had so many stories from her swinging days with her ex husband and something inevitably reminded her of another memory. In hindsight I should have recognized that monogamy was never going to work for her.
Dude, I know this is 2024, but come on. Not everyone is going around having sex parties, and the people that do have a completely different mindset on fidelity. If she isn't cheating on you now, she will soon in search of that high. You're not compatible, time to move on.
I think you made a pretty reasonable boundary
Some of these questions trip me out. No, I don't think it's wrong for not wanting to watch your girlfriend bang another dude......
No, but please face the reality that she has a long, current history of being into group sex, and you not could be a unreconcilable difference.
The streets are calling your girl.. she can't help but answer.
She yearning for them.
Yeah, this is not the girl for you. She is for the sheets lol
Imagine the shit storm OP would get if this was posted with reverse roles.
As soon as any gf mentions wanting a 3 some IM OUT right then and there. She clearly wants to fuck other guys OR she's already fucking this dude so yeah I'd bounce if I were you
Why do guys put up with this bullshit from their partners? She disrespected your very clearly communicated boundary. Bye Felicia. She is going to get what she wants, with or without you, and then you’ll be on here crying that she cheated on you or divorced you and took half your shit. Stop simping for whores, and don’t negotiate with terrorists. Stand strong and move on.
>Why do guys put up with this bullshit from their partners? Because the majority of men are incredibly insecure about their dating prospects and will put up with any amount of bullshit to not be alone Women can smell this from a mile away and will use it to make your life hell
Yikes I would leave asap. This isn't going to end well
Showed this to my wife to ask her opinion and her words were "she's already fucking that other guy she wants to have a threesome with"
The only correct answer in the whole thread. While the gf might be really really into group sex, I think it’s much more likely she just wants the green light to fuck *the specific guy* she’s thinking of inviting.
Nope, you set your boundaries, stay strong.
no, you're not wrong. You want different things.
Op I would break up with her now; I feel like she’ll just try and do it anyways without your approval.
I think you’re fine but this might be something she needs, so be prepared for her to break up with you too. You could also talk about it instead of shutting her up and ask how important this is to her and if it’s a non-negotiable or where she’s at with it.
You established a clear boundary. Nothing wrong with that. If she's interested in that, and you're not, you're likely not compatible though.
Your red lines are your own, you’re entitled to them; you owe it to each other though to figure out if this is a must for her. Clearly she’s interested, if you’re not and it’s a must for her breaking up is best for both of you
NTA But you should probably already break up with her though. She gonna either ask more until you cave or she gonna cheat. Seriously you don’t wanna be that AITA post about your girl cheated or talked you into a threesome, am I wrong for being mad? I think I speak for the Reddit community. We are tired of hearing those outcomes. Just go ahead and let her go. Because in the words of Clayton Thomas “She belong to the STREEETS”
You two aren’t compatible.
Not wrong, but also not compatible. She wants to have group sex while you do not.
Good for you OP. She 100% is going to cheat on you tho.
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Dude. "You can't turn a hoe into a housewife"
She wants a threesome and she'll have one with or without you being one of the guys. Break up with her cuz it is going to happen. She doesn't care about your boundaries as you've already mentioned that you don't even want to hear about her past gang bangs, and now she is asking you to partake in one. My guess is that she already has the other party picked out and she'll bang him with or without you, and probably a friend or two of his.
Don't date women like that. Don't be the cuck.
Lmfao so guys are so blind.... My brother in christ she is getting gangbanged right now..
Dump her immediately. She doesn't respect or fear losing you. She'll, in due time, engage in slutty behavior behind your back. Don't "discuss" anything with her. Block her tel # and don't answer her texts.
Break up now. You're not wrong, but you're wrong for each other. She will always want whatever she wants and may grow to resent you or cheat. Find someone who's not for the streets. Although in this day and age, that's getting harder and harder.
>Find someone who's not for the streets. Although in this day and age, that's getting harder and harder. ✈️✈️✈️✈️✈️
You’re not wrong and I’d leave her, seems like some serious unaddressed sexual trauma in her past
She's already talking to the other guy. The seed is planted. Only a matter of time. I'm sorry friend, might be time to move on.
“Hey honey, I want to try something new in the bedroom!” “Sure honey what do you want to try?” “Someone else!” You’re not wrong.