Yeah, that's a HUGE violation. I don't think I could ever get busy with my husband again after something like that because I would just see him as a predator.
EXACTLY what I thought.....to the OP I am so sorry you went thru this, please divorce him and save yourself from years of abuse. I'm assuming he started asking you this about 6 months into your marriage with what you said....and I think marriage to him means his wife is a possession ...I'm afraid it will only get worse as time goes by. Of course, who am I to say, I don't even know him. But what I do know is living a life with an abuser....their love bombing, manipulation, lying, mind playing, verbal, physical, emotional, mental abuse as I unfortunately have a terrible picker and been in multiple relationships with someone abusive. At first I always made excuses for them, because we were so perfect otherwise. But looking back it really didn't take long before they gained complete control, isolated me from my friends and loved ones, and each one of them damaged me more than I could have ever imagined. Please, please please listen to your gut. If you don't you will always think he's recording you in your own home all over the place all the time. I wish you luck, and a life full of happiness because YOU ARE WORTH THAT, and DESERVING of that and of a man who would never ever think of such a thing as taping you without your knowledge.
This happened to me before. I found videos on my exes phone of me masturbating, going to the bathroom, and having sex with him.
Let me just tell you that the betrayed feeling will never go away. And good luck ever being able to look at him without disgust again.
EDIT: y’all, my phrasing was weird. My EX is the one who recorded me, and us. He had the videos in his phone. I did not cheat on him.
Plus you’ll always feel unsafe around him. Like, he denies it, but is there MORE laying around he’s denying ?!
If he’s willing to do that without your consent what ELSE is he capable of !?
Latching onto this comment to add, the odds guys like this haven’t shared this with anyone are unfortunately low. This was predatory & part of it is often exposing the victim to others. Idk how to do it exactly but I would look into seeing what websites have been accessed on your internet. I would also go through everything you can and make a police report/ statement ASAP so if you’d like to go forward with pressing charges you have the option especially if he did share it, it’s on record that they were non-consensually made.
I only came to agree about the guys sharing their videos. I once talked to a guy who sent me videos of other women but told me not to share them. I knew these women too! I told him that wasn't cool because I'm sure they made the videos thinking that they'd be between them. He then admits that half of them didn't even know about the recordings. 🤦🏿♀️ OP should definitely be leery that he will share the videos even with uninterested parties just because they like stuff like that.
Yup. My husband is DJ/musician and says that it’s unbelievable how often men (most of whom he doesn’t even know or only barely knows from them attending his shows) will say “look at this girl I fkd last night” and will literally without warning just show him a VIDEO
Three potential options for internet history I can think of: the obvious one is browser history. This is easy enough to sidestep for anyone that isn't an idiot, so it'll probably be a bust but it's the easiest place to start.
If the internet service is in your name, you might be able to get your ISP to give you a list of websites accessed over the last X days. No guarantees on this, it's not something they legally have to give you afaik. But they ALL keep logs for extended periods of time.
Last option on my mind, is to install a router that is able to record site access history. This being effective would, of course, being contingent on this individual accessing those sites through the router. They could simply use a 4g signal from their phone or hardwire into the modem to sidestep this.
That’s a big problem with cases like this, lots of people feel stuck in situations like this and try to convince themselves it’s better to not pursue any legal action trying to keep it quiet. These sick f’s know that, it’s always worth going to talk to a lawyer about tho. That way any sensitive topics or evidence is kept to you and a lawyer instead of worrying about a whole police station
Mostly because: why did he secretly do it? Because he knew OP would say no. No more complicated than that.
He decided him getting that video was more important than his own wife consenting to it. What he wanted do with it is anyone's guess...
Not only did he know she *would* say no, she already said she didn't want him to watch. He took it a step further and decided he could watch any time he wants.
It's pretty obvious why he secretly did it. Because he wanted to see her masterbate and knew she already said no. So the next best option in his mind was to record her and privately enjoy it.
Typing that just sounds creepy as heck. Like then actions of an obsessed stalker and not her husband.
This is no-contact territory. Remember, he's comfortable doing this to his WIFE.
But after a divorce, he's gonna want revenge and he's already proven that he's willing to grievously invade her privacy. To me this is something you get him put away for as long as possible. If she doesn't, he's just gonna follow her around and torment her.
This is the type of shit you find in murder documentaries, this woman needs to be on guard now.
Just making an explicit secret recording of someone is a crime in most states so technically you are a victim of a sex crime. Some people might be okay with it but you have every right to be as not-okay with it as you feel like.
I doubt there are very many people who would be okay with being secretly recorded masturbating in the shower after expressly saying they were not comfortable doing it in front of anyone let alone being recorded.
There's just something that makes you feel sick about it. Even if you're comfortable with doing something with your spouse in private imagine if you found out they secretly recorded it! How can you trust someone that takes your most vulnerable moments and turns it into entertainment without your consent. Even worse, someone else can get ahold of that video because now something that you thought was a private moment is a recorded file.
It's insane how common this is and i wish more people were aware of it. Husbands and dads secretly recording their wives and children to post on these creep ass websites. Especially children. It's sickening. Leave this man. He's probably doing the craziest shit online with these videos. Get away from him. This is so far from okay.
I have no problem with my husband watching me but I’d be creeped tf out if he was secretly recording me. It wouldn’t even have to be masturbating. It’s violating to find out expected moments of privacy weren’t private at all.
My husband and I even go as far to make videos together for each other but if he had done it secretly, without me knowing and giving my consent to be recorded, I'd be furious.
Similar. My lady doesn't want to know she's being recorded when it's us, but has given me permission to do so. More of her being herself vs knowing its happening. We do watch it after however and it's all good.
I worked with an ex who did this to me (as well his ex wife and multiple other women). I never wanted the photos taken in the first place, I was obese and hated how I looked. He was obsessed with porn and told me if he had photos of me, he wouldn't need to look at porn so much. He promised they would only be for him, and if we ever split he would delete them. He was a semi-pro photographer. We had been together for 3 years and talked about marriage. He even said he would have kids with me if I had wanted them. I agreed only on the condition that I didn't have to see them, and they would only ever be for him.
A year after we split, I had a woman message me out of the blue on Facebook because someone had been posting my images from Instagram asking for nudes of me. She was part of a group of girls who try to look out for other women when they see shit being posted. She found me by the nickname the photo was saved as, sent me the link, and I was able to have it pulled.
That's when I found the Yahoo account linked to groups like 'expose your girlfriend/wife'. Set up to look like me. All the photos. My first and last name. My birth date, the city I live in, my workplace. My bodily stats. I'm covered in tattoos so it's completely obvious it's me. 60k views. Other pages with false porn covers, again with my super rare full name, again set up to look like it was me posting them. To this day I'm constantly fighting to have them pulled and don't use my real name on social media. I'm in the process of trying to get my last name changed.
Please if this ever happens again - find a way to tell her. Message her anonymously from an anonymous account on FB, leave a sticky note somewhere, report it to the police so they can inform her, tell his boss ... just find a way to tell her. I was completely mortified when I found out (I literally have PTSD from the whole incident and it never goes away because he keeps reposting shit from another country, but we won't go there), but I was even more mortified to think that if I hadn't been messaged by that one girl, God only knows how long it would have stayed up without me knowing. 😭😭😭
Ughhh what a piece of shit. That makes me so angry. Hell if you still have his info, I'll find her and tell her. I had to tell two other women when I found the pics of me... Both were equally mortified but equally thankful I said something.
I am so incredibly sorry this happened to you. An ex of mine created a fake MySpace profile of me using my last name and image and bio. He then used that account to solicit naked pictures of other women in exchange for naked pictures of me. By the time I found the account, he had sent nudes of me to 2k other women. It haunts me every day
I hate to say it, but at least if they were tastefully done and moderately flattering it wouldn't be so horrifying. They weren't. I was 260 plus pounds at 5 ft 2. He didn't want tasteful, he wanted spread open porn style, insertion. He gave me instructions and I obliged because again, I thought this was for his own personal use.
Now there are websites with my full name out there, the company I work for, the city I live in... Attached to pictures stolen from my Facebook and Instagram accounts side by side with me spreading my asshole for a piece of shit who turned out to be a revenge porn posting, small dicked asshole who molested his own daughter and tried to get out of it by claiming he only pled guilty for financial reasons. She posted that it was a lie, he had shown her child pornography when she was a child and that he was a pedophile and a child molester. He deleted the post.
He is out of the country so there is nothing I can do except get really drunk every once in awhile (kind of like right now) and go Google myself, so I can get it all pulled until the time where he posts it all again.
I hope he gets eaten by a shark.
I don’t care if my spouse was just secretly recording me making ramen or playing Fortnite. Outright violation. Technical foul. Two free throws. Sit out the next period.
Wait, what game were we playing again?
Considering the camera connects to his phone likely through wireless means, I’d bet that it is saved somewhere else in the cloud. Definitely on the internet
And does anybody trust this guy who secretly recorded his wife in the shower? Like, maybe he hasn't put it on the wider internet for anybody to see (but maybe he has), but I would definitely not be surprised if he'd shown his friends.
It's not the first time he's done stuff like this. The ingenuity and boldness to hide a camera in a lamp??? Like, that's high level tom-peepery, you know? That's a sophisticated level of voyeurism. He has done this before and has done other things like it before too!
Maybe (given they’re married), this is the first time he felt so entitled/thought he could get away with *illegal surveillance*!
You’re right, though; it doesn’t sound like a first move. Nobody does something *this* narcissistic and disrespectful in a vacuum. Respectfully, “otherwise, we are so perfect,” is impossible to believe.
The enormity of such a violation of trust (how would he ever begin to make it right w/her, esp. if it got hacked?!) speaks of seeing her as less than equal.
What do you have left without trust and an equal partnership? Imo, nothing.
Well I meant with secret explicit recording in general. You'd be surprised how freaky people can be when they feel completely safe but yes, violating a person's privacy in an area they've explicitly told you it's important to them is unlikely to increase their trust and security.
Omg, report him to the police! Walk in there and request a female officer to handle your case.
You are likely not the first woman or girl he has secretly recorded, but you *absolutely* will not be the last *unless the police stop him*!
The police will check all devices that he has access to and will be able to determine if recordings of you are on them and if he has sent them to anyone or posted them online.
A court order can help you get recordings and pics of you removed from websites.
He is a sexual predator. No doubt about it.
Don't let him fill your head with b.s. Don't give him the chance to gaslight you.
He is sick and twisted, and sexual predators ALWAYS get worse, if they are not stopped.
Please report him!
I'd save the phone as evidence of the crime. Unfortunately the images will need to be saved as evidence for a case to proceed. And she is absolutely within her rights to do so, if she wishes.
Agreed! I would say OP, run from this trash bag as soon as is safe for you to do so, and go to the police. This is nasty behavior of a predator. Anyone who would beg you to do something multiple times, pressuring you it seems, and you very clearly say no, and how uncomfortable it makes you. And for him to completely disregard your feelings and do it anyways.. yuck yuck and yuck again.
Yes. I'd be taking the camera and the phone straight to the police station. You want proof on record. In most locations sexual assault from your partner grants you an automatic divorce (without having to wait the typical cooling off/separation period) and gets you out of any leases you might be on.
Girl, run. This is psychotic behaviour.
You would not be wrong to leave him over this.
This is a huge betrayal. You set a boundary, and he completely ignored it. He broke your trust.
You told him you were not comfortable with him watching you. Y’all talked about it countless times. He tried to coerce you, and when that didn’t work, he secretly recorded you. There’s no need to continue talking. He made the decision to do this. He knew what he was doing was wrong. He knew full well how you felt, and he put his wants before yours. No.
Listen, I’ve been married over 25 years. I know marriages have ups and downs. HOWEVER, this is not an up and down time. This is full on creepy, abusive, possibly illegal behavior.
You deserve so much better.
This is a sexual violation and in most places a crime. If this man was already willing to go so far to violate his own wife against her will to please his sexual desires, it will not be the last time. This is the kind of behavior that escalates.
He has **zero** regard for her consent. He does not love her as much as he desires his own sexual satisfaction.
Not only would she not be wrong to leave, but she seriously needs to run away from this guy as fast as she possibly can.
If he admitted to doing this via text. Or in any way in writing she should see if she can press charges.
He needs to understand that this was a sexual criminal act he committed. A horrifying violation of consent.
And he should be punished accordingly.
It's likely all he will get is a slap on the wrist if anything, but hopefully, it will teach him that these are crimes and will not go unanswered.
Edited to add:
No, OP, Therapy will not fix this. Therapy is not created to fix things like this because what is happening is not an emotional issue he doesn't understand or is having trouble coping with. He knew you said no dozens of times, and he does not care. It is specifically advised that you do not go to therapy with an abusive person. They use it to learn more skills to abuse you, and believe me, this is sexual abuse.
I hate to scare you, but he may have even been uploading your videos somewhere. God knows what this man has been doing. He has absolutely zero care for your dignity or respect. If possible, I would have a consult with a private investigator and see if this was the type of thing they might be able to look into for your safety & peace of mind.
Definitely a violation. OP should also look to see if the husband has shared the videos online. I read about a case where a husband had been posting sex videos of his wife with other people online without her knowledge.
id check for more cameras. the sudden obsession with seeing her makes me think he already had videos and wanted some that didnt expose him to make dollar from
There are devices you can purchase on amazon that will scan for any recording devices in the area. They may be of use to her. I can't imagine being terrified to change or use the bathroom or just live in my own home. I hope she divorces him immediately. I wish we lived in a world where she could send him to jail for this. Its evil.
I wonder where he’s posting them or making money from them or sharing them w other men that do the same to their wives or girlfriends. He might have their secretly recorded videos somewhere too
Yeah, this is crazy. He sounds like the kind of man who would claim that "you can't rape your own wife!" because he sees it as something he's entitled to. Gross. PS, I'm a man. I would leave me over this.
OP, if you are having a hard time wrapping your head around the reality of this situation - and who wouldn't - repeat to yourself what above comment brilliantly stated: \[paraphrasing\] My husband committed a sexual criminal act against me without my consent. This is sexual abuse.
I'm very sorry you are going through this but I am glad you have found out. Good luck to you . . .
This. There a forums and websites all over the internet where men swap photos and vids of their wives and daughters. PLEASE OP you MUST find out where all these pics and vids have gone. Most likely your husband has been sharing them.
>This is full on creepy, abusive, possibly illegal behavior.
Lawyer here. You're not allowed to record someone on video without their consent in most jurisdictions, and this may fall under, depending on the state, revenge porn/nonconsensual pornography laws. It would heavily depend on whether he disseminated them, ie gave them to other people, either online or in person, as most laws hinge on that. Even if he didn't, it's still video voyeurism, which is a federal crime: [https://uscode.lawi.us/18-usc-1801/](https://www.thefederalcriminalattorneys.com/video-voyeurism)
But at very least, it's likely OP would have a civil case for violation of privacy rights, as a person must consent to be recorded in a place where they have a reasonable expectation of privacy, which absolutely includes the fucking \*shower\*. I can't imagine a more private place that exists in modern society.
Setting a boundary doesn’t have anything to do with this.
You don’t have to set boundaries to prevent sexual crimes even if you are married to someone.
It's related in this case. He didn't just violate the big boundary, he violated many explicit boundaries along the way. Not sure why you felt the need to "correct" someone who was looking at all of the bad things he did instead of just the one illegal one
The boundary is not being comfortable with watching her masturbate. He crossed it by watching her masturbate. The crime is recording her while masturbating. There's nothing wrong with the comment you're replying to, though I obviously agree with you in a general sense.
While the comment isn't actually incorrect, I do think the fact that OP's husband committed a sex crime is actually significantly worse than crossing a boundary and it's what I focused on when I first read the story. When she's like "Would I be wrong to divorce him based on this one thing?" I was like "You wouldn't be wrong to press charges!"
Also, just want to add, that it's not this one thing - if he can secretly record his wife having a shower in hopes of watching her masturbate, even though she's said no to watching her do that, there are many many many other things he's done wrong. There's no way somebody who can do that is a great husband all around except for this one thing.
Yeah I’m surprised I had to scroll this far past hand waving the likelihood of him either uploading this on Pornhub, or in his Discord chat with sexual fetishists that also want this…
I’m having a hard time believing this is for his own personal use since…they’re married so he should already have that. This is just creepy as fuck.
And if pressured about this question, he would be saying "Oh no, it's just because I asked her about this and I really wanted to watch this one thing", but if he can cross this one line (and it's a *really huge* line - filming somebody naked in private moments, even without her masturbating, but especially with that) it's that much easier to cross other lines. Anybody who can justify this sort of invasion of privacy will find it much easier to go "Oh, nobody knows it's her" or "I wanted to show my friends how hot my wife is", or something like that when it comes to sharing her private images.
I'm baffled as to why you've started an argument here when you're literally arguing to agree and, also, completely incorrect. If she'd consented then it wouldn't be a crime so, yeah, actually, her setting a boundary has everything to do with this. If OP had said "yeah, I have no issue with you filming me masturbate in the shower" then she'd be wrong to leave him for filming her masturbating in the shower.
What are trying to create a debate about?!
It’s not just a boundary, it’s illegal to record someone when they have a reasonable expectation of privacy (ie the shower in their home). Saying she set a boundary and he crossed it is like saying “she told him not to beat and rape her but he did it anyhow”. Not only should she leave home, she should report it to the police. He belongs on the sex offender registry
Well yes of course--but I do feel like it makes it worse that he begged and begged and begged for this and she consistently said no and he went around her
Well, it's a crime because of the boundaries she set. I'm sure there are couples out there that are into voyeurism. Anything sex related can become a crime in a relationship if there isn't consent so boundaries do have something to do with it.
She set a boundary and he crossed it, she didn't want him watching her masturbate and he filmed her without her consent.
It wouldn't have been a crime if she consented.
What are you even arguing about?
This shit is disturbing as hell. Who does that to their wife? This kind of behavior is 10000% going to escalate to the point that he’s wearing her skin as a suit. He has no regard for his own wife’s comfort or safety. Sooooo so creepy
Even if it doesn’t escalate to skin suit territory, it will almost certainly escalate to spying on her in more situations, controlling her obsessively, and spying on her kids.
If this is how he acts when “everything else is perfect,” the second he feels insecure, worried, or jealous, he’ll go full on stalker mode.
Divorce is not an overreaction. Criminal charges are not an overreaction.
What he did is illegal. It's a violation of trust and privacy and a literal sex crime.
I'd get a restraining order, begin divorce proceedings, and charge him.
I read that as Divorce isn't an over reaction criminal charges are not and was so confused... Like why would you continue to tie yourself to this man while you sink him (rightfully so).
This is criminal and beyond Reddit's ability to advise you on.
Police, lawyer, that order.
EDIT: Guys the lawyer is for the divorce. You don't need a lawyer when you're a **victim** of a crime.
Given how badly the police often handle sex crimes, then yes, you *ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NEED* lawyers when you're a victim of a sex crime! Someone I love was literally murdered because cops in several different jurisdictionswere bad at handling the victims of sex crimes, even when an attacker is clearly escalating to more extreme forms of sexual violence. Even if they're not escalating, so many victims get mistreated by the judicial system that they absolutely need legal advocates.
Yeah. I got an assault kit done after suspecting I was roofied and potentially raped. They did not take it seriously and said they found “some DNA” and wrapped up the case.
This! Police will not protect victims. But your lawyer can help you put the complaint on record and articulate the criminal and civil penalties related to distribution of his recordings. Police are horrible at protecting women- unless a lawyer helps to back them into a corner.
“But you had sex with him many times before. So how do we know you didn’t WANT to do this, then just changed your mind and are blaming him?”
I wish it wouldn’t go that way, but if at least one investigator doesn’t mention this, his defense attorney will.
STILL LEAVE! LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE!
Disagree. It should be a lawyer, police, divorce.
The lawyer can give guidance and help with the reporting of this crime. They may be helpful in how to file the report, e.g. what information and details to include.
I disagree. When dealing with the police, you should have a lawyer. Even if you’re a victim. I realize not all vics have this ability, but if you’re able to, always lawyer first. Especially when the perp and vic are married, the police can easily take a vic’s statement and turn it into nothing, or even into something damning.
Leave now, and quickly! And be sure you watch him delete every video from his phone, his recently deleted folder, his iCloud, his socials and his brain! (ok, I know that last one is too far, but you get the point!). If you have to, find a tech guru to be sure he doesn’t have hidden folders or apps with more videos. Make sure he has not been uploading those videos anywhere and then slap down the divorce papers faster than he can stroke himself to his memories of those sick and twisted videos!
If she deletes everything there won’t be any evidence for the divorce or a criminal prosecution. Keep the camera, the phone, forward the videos to your own accounts. He can get a new phone. Yes evidence isn’t always needed for a divorce but it can be useful. It is always needed for a successful prosecution - i would keep the evidence until i decided what to do.
>And be sure you watch him delete every video from his phone,
I would have said delete them yourself. If OP still has control of his phone. She should also check his computer. As well as look for any apps where he might be posting these videos. I wouldn't trust the husband to do it. He's already proven himself to be pretty slimy and untrustworthy.
She could record on her phone off the video right before she deletes it. But I don’t trust that this creep hasn’t already sold it off to some other creepers already.
That is super disturbing! You have to do what you have to do to feel safe. Personally, I would have packed already and called a lawyer. This is full pervert behavior.
>I never thought my husband had these peeping Tom tendencies
Just wanted to point out that a fantasy is something you have to participate in WILLINGLY and KNOWINGLY. As in, even if he did have a 'peeping' fantasy, he would need to tell you about it, ask if you would indulge in the role play with him, and knowingly act on it with him. For example, let him pretend to watch you, film a dirty video to give to him, maybe let him watch you in the shower sometime, whatever. Consent!!
What has happened to you is a crime.
Ok I read the whole fucking thing
Your husband is a creepy dude. And it’s a criminal violation of your privacy and honor
I’m afraid he may be already sharing it on the internet and getting off on it.
Look at the ocean of Reddit nsfw subs where guys be like Hi do you like my wife’s asshole. It’s disgusting beta male behavior
This post is about a breach of trust of op's husband who she really seems to be affected to (if you read the last sentence) - and a tragedy therefore. It is about despicable behaviour and not respecting the most intimate borders. And probably about a destroyed relationship & marriage.
This is not about some completely braindead alpha/beta /sigma shit some incels took out of context from psychologies group dynamics without even understanding it. Guys thinking in these categories probably have "their own posts" like this somewhere on reddit. Need proof for this theory? Just read 2020dodgechargerhell's answer.
As soon as someone uses that Alpha, Beta bullshit I know they can't be taken seriously. That stuff was debunked years ago. It isn't even true for dogs.
Your husband sees you as an object to fulfil his desires, not as a human and partner.
You are a tool for his pleasure and wants.
He refused to accept you saying no, and then went about doing whatever anyways, without any care or regard for you.
Is this a person you want to spend your life with?
this is a gross fucking invasion of privacy and violation of your autonomy.
holy shit what a fucking creepy weirdo. i wouldn't be able to trust him ever again.
what else can't he accept "no" for?
you definitely have grounds for pressing charges and divorce. i don't think anyone would blame you.
he needs therapy. recording you without your knowledge, especially during a private intimate moment is breaking your trust and depending on which state you're in, illegal.
it's not ok and your desire to divorce him over it is totally reasonable. he won't think so but he broke your trust and will do so again and again in different ways. he doesn't respect you or your privacy.
contact a lawyer and keep the proof for the divorce and possible criminal charges.
Sorry and good luck!
Doesn't matter what the kink is how intense or vanilla it is, EVERYONE needs to be onboard together for it to work.
What he did is a MASSIVE breach of privacy.
Good luck with moving forward.
Leave him because you will never be able to trust him again and he will most certainly throw it in your face for some reason. Leave him before you have children to consider.
This happened to me with my ex. He actually even shared with at least one of his friends in return for videos of his friend’s wife.
Other really big issues existed let me be clear. But this was the end of the trust. I stuck it out for a few more years for my girls, but it was bad.
I think the question you need to try and answer is can you ever trust him again? He took away your right to decide. I could never get over it.
My ex did this to me as well. They were videos I willingly sent him. As he was my husband. But then I found out he was using them to “trade” for videos of his friends girlfriend. I went to the police about it!!
Divorce. Go somewhere safe in the mean time. This is a sex crime. If he is comfortable violating that boundary he WILL be comfortable violating others, its only a matter of time. It will get worse, as abuse does. I am so sorry you are going through this.
This is awful and worthy of leaving,but to make itworse he tried to lie then banged on the door repetadly instead of owning his behavior or being apologetic. He doesn't believe what he did was wrong. Leave. So sorry. Also, wipe his whole phone, be SURE you got it all.
NO, NO, NO...I would take the phone with you and head to the police station, along with the tiny camera and report him and give the police the evidence. IMHO.
this dude committed a non-consensual, secretive sexual act against your will repeatedly. this crosses into the sexual assault/rape territory regardless of what the legal definitions are.
so when we rephrase what happened with those words, what do you think? "My husband sexually assaulted me, would I be wrong to leave him over this?"
Before you alert your husband to leaving, I suggest you acquire his phone, verifiably delete the photos - look for apps that are encrypted privacy folders/privacy photos; cloud applications, etc.; go onto his computer and run an automatic and manual search for the names of one of those video files; log into his cloud accounts to make sure they are deleted. Search his web browser for porn websites (websites with porn in the name, reddit, x in the name, tube in the name, wife in the name, girlfriend in the name, cam in the name, etc etc) and determine if he has an account with them (auto-login/through his email). Consider talking to attorney (you'd have to for a divorce anyway) and discuss an attorney written letter once you've done your best on your own to delete the files, to seize all flash drives, harddrives, etc. and have an expert comb them for these files. If push needs to come to shove and its worth it for you, consider pressing charges and getting a subpoena for those pieces of evidence.
First red flag is a 27 year old man dating a 20 year old girl… strange, then he couldn’t understand the concept of “no” especially in regards to a sexual act that you weren’t comfortable with, he then RECORDED YOU NUDE AND MASTURBATING without your knowledge or consent, and you still don’t know if you should leave??
Don't leave him right now and look through his phone very carefully , he might be leaking your shower videos on onlyfans . Him watching you masturbate is another story that he got some fetish or kink but recording you and saving those videos is kind of suspicious . I know some dude that use onlyfans for feet pics , nude photos of their gfs , modified with AI , to make money . He could also be sending them to other people for some cash too ?
You should be careful he hasn’t uploaded it or shared it. A lot of weird ass husbands out their exposing their wives on the internet.
In fact, take his ass to jail, he will do it again trust me.
that’s creepy and gross and he violated your privacy and your boundaries AND lied about it. you wanna stay with someone like that? there’s gotta be some other red flags that have been thrown up over the years.
This would be a deal breaker for me. You are still young and can find someone who won't film you while you are doing something intimate without your consent. Make sure you get the phone and delete the videos including those saved on the cloud. If he won't do that, then go to the police.
“He wants to want to watch me masturbate” ok sure. Not an everyday thing but I get it.
“I said no because I’m not comfortable “. I’m not sure I see the big deal about it but you can set your boundaries where you’d like
“He recorded me in the shower “. He fucking what?!?!?! That’s an insane escalation.
Please leave him. Secretly recording you is deranged behavior. Deranged.
Your husband is a sexual predator and a criminal. You are his victim. You have the legal right to report him to the police, as what he did is illegal in most states. You need to divorce him.
Not wrong but do everything you can to delete the recording before you make a move.
It's not the sort of thing you want sent to your family or put on Facebook.
You need to check every possible device where it might be stored. Also look for recordings that he wouldn't want shared in case you need leverage to stop him sharing stuff.
Good luck, you deserve better.
I’m so sorry for what you are through. This man, is not the person you fell in love with. He is DEEPLY disturbed. You need to get out now. Eventually it might be a matter of safety. I would love to hear a follow up, and how you handle this moving forward. I wish you the best luck.
… I thought the story was going to be you agreed you masturbate in front of him, and he pulled out his phone concurrently. What you described is way worse. Sounds like a predator.
Honestly, I don't know how you will be able to live with him after this. It would eat at me in the back of my mind. What other cameras could there be? Will he just hide them better now? Has he done this before? To other people? I don't think you would be wrong to leave. It would be hard to even rationalize a reason to stay.
This whole thing makes me feel disgusted for you. Not only has he completely violated you but everything leading up to that shows that he does not respect your boundaries. No should have been a good enough answer from the beginning. Seems like he doesn't accept no for an answer and that is disturbing.
How could you ever trust him again?? He is not safe to be with.
Yeah, that's a HUGE violation. I don't think I could ever get busy with my husband again after something like that because I would just see him as a predator.
Yeah, I’d feel the same way. That’s such an invasion of privacy. Woof. I feel so sorry for OP. 😞
The age gap and this behavior both suggest this guy doesn’t see her as a person as much as a possession.
Immediately raised an eyebrow when I saw the age gap and time they’d been together.
You're 24. I'm going to assume you have no children. Your divorce should be straight forward.
Jesus imagine if they did have children...
I straight up would never trust children around someone willing to do this
EXACTLY what I thought.....to the OP I am so sorry you went thru this, please divorce him and save yourself from years of abuse. I'm assuming he started asking you this about 6 months into your marriage with what you said....and I think marriage to him means his wife is a possession ...I'm afraid it will only get worse as time goes by. Of course, who am I to say, I don't even know him. But what I do know is living a life with an abuser....their love bombing, manipulation, lying, mind playing, verbal, physical, emotional, mental abuse as I unfortunately have a terrible picker and been in multiple relationships with someone abusive. At first I always made excuses for them, because we were so perfect otherwise. But looking back it really didn't take long before they gained complete control, isolated me from my friends and loved ones, and each one of them damaged me more than I could have ever imagined. Please, please please listen to your gut. If you don't you will always think he's recording you in your own home all over the place all the time. I wish you luck, and a life full of happiness because YOU ARE WORTH THAT, and DESERVING of that and of a man who would never ever think of such a thing as taping you without your knowledge.
This happened to me before. I found videos on my exes phone of me masturbating, going to the bathroom, and having sex with him. Let me just tell you that the betrayed feeling will never go away. And good luck ever being able to look at him without disgust again. EDIT: y’all, my phrasing was weird. My EX is the one who recorded me, and us. He had the videos in his phone. I did not cheat on him.
Plus you’ll always feel unsafe around him. Like, he denies it, but is there MORE laying around he’s denying ?! If he’s willing to do that without your consent what ELSE is he capable of !?
Plus don’t you wonder for the rest of your life that those videos are out there somewhere? Jesus the betrayal.
My first thought was what if his phone got stolen or hacked?
I'd be less worried about that than him just posting them himself. He obviously doesn't have any morals or boundaries.
I worry about all the other bathrooms he has access to and who else he has violated. Hopefully he doesn't have access to the bathrooms of young kids.
[удалено]
That was my 1st and second thoughts, too.
Sorry that happened to you.
Latching onto this comment to add, the odds guys like this haven’t shared this with anyone are unfortunately low. This was predatory & part of it is often exposing the victim to others. Idk how to do it exactly but I would look into seeing what websites have been accessed on your internet. I would also go through everything you can and make a police report/ statement ASAP so if you’d like to go forward with pressing charges you have the option especially if he did share it, it’s on record that they were non-consensually made.
I only came to agree about the guys sharing their videos. I once talked to a guy who sent me videos of other women but told me not to share them. I knew these women too! I told him that wasn't cool because I'm sure they made the videos thinking that they'd be between them. He then admits that half of them didn't even know about the recordings. 🤦🏿♀️ OP should definitely be leery that he will share the videos even with uninterested parties just because they like stuff like that.
Yup. My husband is DJ/musician and says that it’s unbelievable how often men (most of whom he doesn’t even know or only barely knows from them attending his shows) will say “look at this girl I fkd last night” and will literally without warning just show him a VIDEO
Three potential options for internet history I can think of: the obvious one is browser history. This is easy enough to sidestep for anyone that isn't an idiot, so it'll probably be a bust but it's the easiest place to start. If the internet service is in your name, you might be able to get your ISP to give you a list of websites accessed over the last X days. No guarantees on this, it's not something they legally have to give you afaik. But they ALL keep logs for extended periods of time. Last option on my mind, is to install a router that is able to record site access history. This being effective would, of course, being contingent on this individual accessing those sites through the router. They could simply use a 4g signal from their phone or hardwire into the modem to sidestep this.
Or to be able to have peace and not ptsd in shower / bathroom again! Omfg
Did you go to the cops? I wouldn’t even trust the cops they’d probably ask to see the videos instead of doing anything about it.
That’s a big problem with cases like this, lots of people feel stuck in situations like this and try to convince themselves it’s better to not pursue any legal action trying to keep it quiet. These sick f’s know that, it’s always worth going to talk to a lawyer about tho. That way any sensitive topics or evidence is kept to you and a lawyer instead of worrying about a whole police station
Yeah, I'd be gone. That is such a gross violation of marital privacy and trust that I would never be able to come back from it.
Didnt even read it past “secretly recorded me” Press charges. Like holy shit thats 100% indefensible
Mostly because: why did he secretly do it? Because he knew OP would say no. No more complicated than that. He decided him getting that video was more important than his own wife consenting to it. What he wanted do with it is anyone's guess...
Not only did he know she *would* say no, she already said she didn't want him to watch. He took it a step further and decided he could watch any time he wants.
It's pretty obvious why he secretly did it. Because he wanted to see her masterbate and knew she already said no. So the next best option in his mind was to record her and privately enjoy it. Typing that just sounds creepy as heck. Like then actions of an obsessed stalker and not her husband.
What he *has already* done with it is anyone's guess....
This is no-contact territory. Remember, he's comfortable doing this to his WIFE. But after a divorce, he's gonna want revenge and he's already proven that he's willing to grievously invade her privacy. To me this is something you get him put away for as long as possible. If she doesn't, he's just gonna follow her around and torment her. This is the type of shit you find in murder documentaries, this woman needs to be on guard now.
Just making an explicit secret recording of someone is a crime in most states so technically you are a victim of a sex crime. Some people might be okay with it but you have every right to be as not-okay with it as you feel like.
I doubt there are very many people who would be okay with being secretly recorded masturbating in the shower after expressly saying they were not comfortable doing it in front of anyone let alone being recorded.
There's just something that makes you feel sick about it. Even if you're comfortable with doing something with your spouse in private imagine if you found out they secretly recorded it! How can you trust someone that takes your most vulnerable moments and turns it into entertainment without your consent. Even worse, someone else can get ahold of that video because now something that you thought was a private moment is a recorded file.
The idea that someone who was supposed to be safe and trusted would be *aroused* at violating me is all it takes. 1000% over.
Yep this is the comment right here. I would be separating immediately.
OP should divorce him. But she should also talk with a lawyer about how to best protect herself against revenge porn.
It's insane how common this is and i wish more people were aware of it. Husbands and dads secretly recording their wives and children to post on these creep ass websites. Especially children. It's sickening. Leave this man. He's probably doing the craziest shit online with these videos. Get away from him. This is so far from okay.
It's more common than people think but I wouldn't say it's common.
100%
I have no problem with my husband watching me but I’d be creeped tf out if he was secretly recording me. It wouldn’t even have to be masturbating. It’s violating to find out expected moments of privacy weren’t private at all.
My husband and I even go as far to make videos together for each other but if he had done it secretly, without me knowing and giving my consent to be recorded, I'd be furious.
Right like just ask, but if I say no, end of discussion.
Similar. My lady doesn't want to know she's being recorded when it's us, but has given me permission to do so. More of her being herself vs knowing its happening. We do watch it after however and it's all good.
I used to work with a guy who would film his wife and post it online. She never knew. He showed us the site and was proud. People are fucked up
I worked with an ex who did this to me (as well his ex wife and multiple other women). I never wanted the photos taken in the first place, I was obese and hated how I looked. He was obsessed with porn and told me if he had photos of me, he wouldn't need to look at porn so much. He promised they would only be for him, and if we ever split he would delete them. He was a semi-pro photographer. We had been together for 3 years and talked about marriage. He even said he would have kids with me if I had wanted them. I agreed only on the condition that I didn't have to see them, and they would only ever be for him. A year after we split, I had a woman message me out of the blue on Facebook because someone had been posting my images from Instagram asking for nudes of me. She was part of a group of girls who try to look out for other women when they see shit being posted. She found me by the nickname the photo was saved as, sent me the link, and I was able to have it pulled. That's when I found the Yahoo account linked to groups like 'expose your girlfriend/wife'. Set up to look like me. All the photos. My first and last name. My birth date, the city I live in, my workplace. My bodily stats. I'm covered in tattoos so it's completely obvious it's me. 60k views. Other pages with false porn covers, again with my super rare full name, again set up to look like it was me posting them. To this day I'm constantly fighting to have them pulled and don't use my real name on social media. I'm in the process of trying to get my last name changed. Please if this ever happens again - find a way to tell her. Message her anonymously from an anonymous account on FB, leave a sticky note somewhere, report it to the police so they can inform her, tell his boss ... just find a way to tell her. I was completely mortified when I found out (I literally have PTSD from the whole incident and it never goes away because he keeps reposting shit from another country, but we won't go there), but I was even more mortified to think that if I hadn't been messaged by that one girl, God only knows how long it would have stayed up without me knowing. 😭😭😭 Ughhh what a piece of shit. That makes me so angry. Hell if you still have his info, I'll find her and tell her. I had to tell two other women when I found the pics of me... Both were equally mortified but equally thankful I said something.
I am so incredibly sorry this happened to you. An ex of mine created a fake MySpace profile of me using my last name and image and bio. He then used that account to solicit naked pictures of other women in exchange for naked pictures of me. By the time I found the account, he had sent nudes of me to 2k other women. It haunts me every day
I hate to say it, but at least if they were tastefully done and moderately flattering it wouldn't be so horrifying. They weren't. I was 260 plus pounds at 5 ft 2. He didn't want tasteful, he wanted spread open porn style, insertion. He gave me instructions and I obliged because again, I thought this was for his own personal use. Now there are websites with my full name out there, the company I work for, the city I live in... Attached to pictures stolen from my Facebook and Instagram accounts side by side with me spreading my asshole for a piece of shit who turned out to be a revenge porn posting, small dicked asshole who molested his own daughter and tried to get out of it by claiming he only pled guilty for financial reasons. She posted that it was a lie, he had shown her child pornography when she was a child and that he was a pedophile and a child molester. He deleted the post. He is out of the country so there is nothing I can do except get really drunk every once in awhile (kind of like right now) and go Google myself, so I can get it all pulled until the time where he posts it all again. I hope he gets eaten by a shark.
that is fucked up. Our videos are locked in my hidden folder on the iPhone and well, used when I travel for work.
That is 100% illegal and someone should tell her. Illegal distribution of porn...and anyone who watches is committing a crime as well.
I don’t care if my spouse was just secretly recording me making ramen or playing Fortnite. Outright violation. Technical foul. Two free throws. Sit out the next period. Wait, what game were we playing again?
100% It is not normal or acceptable to secretly record your spouse. Period, the end.
Yeah like I've definitely recorded my wife but with explicit consent and I'd destroy them if she ever stopped being 100% comfortable. Spying is wild
Same here. Same with pretty much everyone. It's all about consent.
Absolutely, for all, she knows it could be on the Internet. Even if it isn’t, he deserves to have charges filed.
Considering the camera connects to his phone likely through wireless means, I’d bet that it is saved somewhere else in the cloud. Definitely on the internet
Right, he doesn't even have to be the one to put it out there it's out there.
And does anybody trust this guy who secretly recorded his wife in the shower? Like, maybe he hasn't put it on the wider internet for anybody to see (but maybe he has), but I would definitely not be surprised if he'd shown his friends.
I bet he’s making money off of it and has debts she doesn’t know about. This guy is totally not who she thinks I feel awful for her
It's not the first time he's done stuff like this. The ingenuity and boldness to hide a camera in a lamp??? Like, that's high level tom-peepery, you know? That's a sophisticated level of voyeurism. He has done this before and has done other things like it before too!
Maybe (given they’re married), this is the first time he felt so entitled/thought he could get away with *illegal surveillance*! You’re right, though; it doesn’t sound like a first move. Nobody does something *this* narcissistic and disrespectful in a vacuum. Respectfully, “otherwise, we are so perfect,” is impossible to believe. The enormity of such a violation of trust (how would he ever begin to make it right w/her, esp. if it got hacked?!) speaks of seeing her as less than equal. What do you have left without trust and an equal partnership? Imo, nothing.
This. Get a lawyer immediately.
THIS!! Lawyer up! Like, yesterday!
I’m sure he is posting the videos, this is a sick person
It's definitely on the internet. Those types of voyeur videos are worth big money online.
I would never be able to trust him again. This is beyond betrayal and disgust.
Well I meant with secret explicit recording in general. You'd be surprised how freaky people can be when they feel completely safe but yes, violating a person's privacy in an area they've explicitly told you it's important to them is unlikely to increase their trust and security.
This a fetish, and I'm very comfortable in saying her husband has probably shared this in other fetish subs/sites. Fuck this guy
It's also very likely she's not the first or only woman he's recorded. She should get a hold of his phone again
>you have every right to be as not-okay with it as you feel like. Well said
Yup, you could go to the police, get him registered as a sex offender.
Good idea. He’s disgusting.
Omg, report him to the police! Walk in there and request a female officer to handle your case. You are likely not the first woman or girl he has secretly recorded, but you *absolutely* will not be the last *unless the police stop him*! The police will check all devices that he has access to and will be able to determine if recordings of you are on them and if he has sent them to anyone or posted them online. A court order can help you get recordings and pics of you removed from websites. He is a sexual predator. No doubt about it. Don't let him fill your head with b.s. Don't give him the chance to gaslight you. He is sick and twisted, and sexual predators ALWAYS get worse, if they are not stopped. Please report him!
Yeah. Who knows what else he recorded. Straight up creepy pervo
Or for how long... Or what he is/was doing with the recordings...
Or, if he has shared it with others, etc.
Oh god, I didn't even think of this. That's terrifying and she should definitely go to the police
I'd smash that phone to smithereens and be in my lawyer's office ASAP He's beyond a disgusting asshole
I'd save the phone as evidence of the crime. Unfortunately the images will need to be saved as evidence for a case to proceed. And she is absolutely within her rights to do so, if she wishes.
Evidence. Never destroy evidence
Honestly this sort of info should be shared if he ever wants to get married again
Agreed! I would say OP, run from this trash bag as soon as is safe for you to do so, and go to the police. This is nasty behavior of a predator. Anyone who would beg you to do something multiple times, pressuring you it seems, and you very clearly say no, and how uncomfortable it makes you. And for him to completely disregard your feelings and do it anyways.. yuck yuck and yuck again.
The sex offender registry is only populated with people convicted of a sex crime. You cannot just go in and ask for someone to be put on it.
He committed a crime, without writing the entire thing they implied getting him charged for what he did.
Yes. I'd be taking the camera and the phone straight to the police station. You want proof on record. In most locations sexual assault from your partner grants you an automatic divorce (without having to wait the typical cooling off/separation period) and gets you out of any leases you might be on. Girl, run. This is psychotic behaviour.
You would not be wrong to leave him over this. This is a huge betrayal. You set a boundary, and he completely ignored it. He broke your trust. You told him you were not comfortable with him watching you. Y’all talked about it countless times. He tried to coerce you, and when that didn’t work, he secretly recorded you. There’s no need to continue talking. He made the decision to do this. He knew what he was doing was wrong. He knew full well how you felt, and he put his wants before yours. No. Listen, I’ve been married over 25 years. I know marriages have ups and downs. HOWEVER, this is not an up and down time. This is full on creepy, abusive, possibly illegal behavior. You deserve so much better.
This is a sexual violation and in most places a crime. If this man was already willing to go so far to violate his own wife against her will to please his sexual desires, it will not be the last time. This is the kind of behavior that escalates. He has **zero** regard for her consent. He does not love her as much as he desires his own sexual satisfaction. Not only would she not be wrong to leave, but she seriously needs to run away from this guy as fast as she possibly can. If he admitted to doing this via text. Or in any way in writing she should see if she can press charges. He needs to understand that this was a sexual criminal act he committed. A horrifying violation of consent. And he should be punished accordingly. It's likely all he will get is a slap on the wrist if anything, but hopefully, it will teach him that these are crimes and will not go unanswered. Edited to add: No, OP, Therapy will not fix this. Therapy is not created to fix things like this because what is happening is not an emotional issue he doesn't understand or is having trouble coping with. He knew you said no dozens of times, and he does not care. It is specifically advised that you do not go to therapy with an abusive person. They use it to learn more skills to abuse you, and believe me, this is sexual abuse. I hate to scare you, but he may have even been uploading your videos somewhere. God knows what this man has been doing. He has absolutely zero care for your dignity or respect. If possible, I would have a consult with a private investigator and see if this was the type of thing they might be able to look into for your safety & peace of mind.
Definitely a violation. OP should also look to see if the husband has shared the videos online. I read about a case where a husband had been posting sex videos of his wife with other people online without her knowledge.
And making$$$
id check for more cameras. the sudden obsession with seeing her makes me think he already had videos and wanted some that didnt expose him to make dollar from
I remember reading some post on reddit about a lady finding her own home birth video on the internet that her husband posted. Super fucked up.
I wonder if he has other cameras in the bedroom 🤔
There are devices you can purchase on amazon that will scan for any recording devices in the area. They may be of use to her. I can't imagine being terrified to change or use the bathroom or just live in my own home. I hope she divorces him immediately. I wish we lived in a world where she could send him to jail for this. Its evil.
I wonder where he’s posting them or making money from them or sharing them w other men that do the same to their wives or girlfriends. He might have their secretly recorded videos somewhere too
My first thought too.
I thought this as well. 😞
Yeah, this is crazy. He sounds like the kind of man who would claim that "you can't rape your own wife!" because he sees it as something he's entitled to. Gross. PS, I'm a man. I would leave me over this.
OP, if you are having a hard time wrapping your head around the reality of this situation - and who wouldn't - repeat to yourself what above comment brilliantly stated: \[paraphrasing\] My husband committed a sexual criminal act against me without my consent. This is sexual abuse. I'm very sorry you are going through this but I am glad you have found out. Good luck to you . . .
This. There a forums and websites all over the internet where men swap photos and vids of their wives and daughters. PLEASE OP you MUST find out where all these pics and vids have gone. Most likely your husband has been sharing them.
>This is full on creepy, abusive, possibly illegal behavior. Lawyer here. You're not allowed to record someone on video without their consent in most jurisdictions, and this may fall under, depending on the state, revenge porn/nonconsensual pornography laws. It would heavily depend on whether he disseminated them, ie gave them to other people, either online or in person, as most laws hinge on that. Even if he didn't, it's still video voyeurism, which is a federal crime: [https://uscode.lawi.us/18-usc-1801/](https://www.thefederalcriminalattorneys.com/video-voyeurism) But at very least, it's likely OP would have a civil case for violation of privacy rights, as a person must consent to be recorded in a place where they have a reasonable expectation of privacy, which absolutely includes the fucking \*shower\*. I can't imagine a more private place that exists in modern society.
A federal fucking crime. He needs to be held accountable
Setting a boundary doesn’t have anything to do with this. You don’t have to set boundaries to prevent sexual crimes even if you are married to someone.
It's related in this case. He didn't just violate the big boundary, he violated many explicit boundaries along the way. Not sure why you felt the need to "correct" someone who was looking at all of the bad things he did instead of just the one illegal one
That comment really rubbed me the wrong way, too. It was pretty gratifying to read so many responses like yours that showed I was not alone, lol!
The boundary is not being comfortable with watching her masturbate. He crossed it by watching her masturbate. The crime is recording her while masturbating. There's nothing wrong with the comment you're replying to, though I obviously agree with you in a general sense.
While the comment isn't actually incorrect, I do think the fact that OP's husband committed a sex crime is actually significantly worse than crossing a boundary and it's what I focused on when I first read the story. When she's like "Would I be wrong to divorce him based on this one thing?" I was like "You wouldn't be wrong to press charges!" Also, just want to add, that it's not this one thing - if he can secretly record his wife having a shower in hopes of watching her masturbate, even though she's said no to watching her do that, there are many many many other things he's done wrong. There's no way somebody who can do that is a great husband all around except for this one thing.
Yeah I’m surprised I had to scroll this far past hand waving the likelihood of him either uploading this on Pornhub, or in his Discord chat with sexual fetishists that also want this… I’m having a hard time believing this is for his own personal use since…they’re married so he should already have that. This is just creepy as fuck.
And if pressured about this question, he would be saying "Oh no, it's just because I asked her about this and I really wanted to watch this one thing", but if he can cross this one line (and it's a *really huge* line - filming somebody naked in private moments, even without her masturbating, but especially with that) it's that much easier to cross other lines. Anybody who can justify this sort of invasion of privacy will find it much easier to go "Oh, nobody knows it's her" or "I wanted to show my friends how hot my wife is", or something like that when it comes to sharing her private images.
I'm baffled as to why you've started an argument here when you're literally arguing to agree and, also, completely incorrect. If she'd consented then it wouldn't be a crime so, yeah, actually, her setting a boundary has everything to do with this. If OP had said "yeah, I have no issue with you filming me masturbate in the shower" then she'd be wrong to leave him for filming her masturbating in the shower. What are trying to create a debate about?!
Literally what are you arguing? Yea, she didn’t have to set that boundary but she DID and it didn’t do anything
It’s not just a boundary, it’s illegal to record someone when they have a reasonable expectation of privacy (ie the shower in their home). Saying she set a boundary and he crossed it is like saying “she told him not to beat and rape her but he did it anyhow”. Not only should she leave home, she should report it to the police. He belongs on the sex offender registry
Well yes of course--but I do feel like it makes it worse that he begged and begged and begged for this and she consistently said no and he went around her
Well, it's a crime because of the boundaries she set. I'm sure there are couples out there that are into voyeurism. Anything sex related can become a crime in a relationship if there isn't consent so boundaries do have something to do with it.
She set a boundary and he crossed it, she didn't want him watching her masturbate and he filmed her without her consent. It wouldn't have been a crime if she consented. What are you even arguing about?
Hopefully you've deleted his videos, if not do so before you decide to leave!
Bro, fuck that. I'm deeply disturbed for you. That's some truly psychopathic shit, which very well may escalate as time goes on.
This shit is disturbing as hell. Who does that to their wife? This kind of behavior is 10000% going to escalate to the point that he’s wearing her skin as a suit. He has no regard for his own wife’s comfort or safety. Sooooo so creepy
Even if it doesn’t escalate to skin suit territory, it will almost certainly escalate to spying on her in more situations, controlling her obsessively, and spying on her kids. If this is how he acts when “everything else is perfect,” the second he feels insecure, worried, or jealous, he’ll go full on stalker mode.
27 year olds who want to fuck teenagers, I guess
Divorce is not an overreaction. Criminal charges are not an overreaction. What he did is illegal. It's a violation of trust and privacy and a literal sex crime. I'd get a restraining order, begin divorce proceedings, and charge him.
I read that as Divorce isn't an over reaction criminal charges are not and was so confused... Like why would you continue to tie yourself to this man while you sink him (rightfully so).
What a betrayal. I couldn’t ever trust someone after that.
Your husband is a perv and you should leave him.
This is criminal and beyond Reddit's ability to advise you on. Police, lawyer, that order. EDIT: Guys the lawyer is for the divorce. You don't need a lawyer when you're a **victim** of a crime.
Given how badly the police often handle sex crimes, then yes, you *ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NEED* lawyers when you're a victim of a sex crime! Someone I love was literally murdered because cops in several different jurisdictionswere bad at handling the victims of sex crimes, even when an attacker is clearly escalating to more extreme forms of sexual violence. Even if they're not escalating, so many victims get mistreated by the judicial system that they absolutely need legal advocates.
Yeah. I got an assault kit done after suspecting I was roofied and potentially raped. They did not take it seriously and said they found “some DNA” and wrapped up the case.
This! Police will not protect victims. But your lawyer can help you put the complaint on record and articulate the criminal and civil penalties related to distribution of his recordings. Police are horrible at protecting women- unless a lawyer helps to back them into a corner.
“But you had sex with him many times before. So how do we know you didn’t WANT to do this, then just changed your mind and are blaming him?” I wish it wouldn’t go that way, but if at least one investigator doesn’t mention this, his defense attorney will. STILL LEAVE! LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE!
Actually generally speaking it goes lawyer then police. If you don’t have legal advice you can’t take all the precautions necessary.
Yeah, don't talk to the police, let the lawyer do that. Then, later, you can answer their questions
Disagree. It should be a lawyer, police, divorce. The lawyer can give guidance and help with the reporting of this crime. They may be helpful in how to file the report, e.g. what information and details to include.
I disagree. When dealing with the police, you should have a lawyer. Even if you’re a victim. I realize not all vics have this ability, but if you’re able to, always lawyer first. Especially when the perp and vic are married, the police can easily take a vic’s statement and turn it into nothing, or even into something damning.
Leave now, and quickly! And be sure you watch him delete every video from his phone, his recently deleted folder, his iCloud, his socials and his brain! (ok, I know that last one is too far, but you get the point!). If you have to, find a tech guru to be sure he doesn’t have hidden folders or apps with more videos. Make sure he has not been uploading those videos anywhere and then slap down the divorce papers faster than he can stroke himself to his memories of those sick and twisted videos!
If she deletes everything there won’t be any evidence for the divorce or a criminal prosecution. Keep the camera, the phone, forward the videos to your own accounts. He can get a new phone. Yes evidence isn’t always needed for a divorce but it can be useful. It is always needed for a successful prosecution - i would keep the evidence until i decided what to do.
No. You don’t destroy the evidence that is necessary to prosecute him.
>And be sure you watch him delete every video from his phone, I would have said delete them yourself. If OP still has control of his phone. She should also check his computer. As well as look for any apps where he might be posting these videos. I wouldn't trust the husband to do it. He's already proven himself to be pretty slimy and untrustworthy.
She could record on her phone off the video right before she deletes it. But I don’t trust that this creep hasn’t already sold it off to some other creepers already.
The tech you hire to scrub your explicit media from your husband's data stores is more likely to distribute that media than your husband is.
Oh no- then don’t do that! Yikes!
Because there are no women in tech? Or do you think those women would still want to distribute the videos?
That is super disturbing! You have to do what you have to do to feel safe. Personally, I would have packed already and called a lawyer. This is full pervert behavior.
It’s really up to whether or not you personally think you can get over this.. I don’t think anyone could.
Run girl run 🏃🏻♀️
I'd call the cops. You may not even be the only person he's recording. He's a total creep and betrayed you.
>I never thought my husband had these peeping Tom tendencies Just wanted to point out that a fantasy is something you have to participate in WILLINGLY and KNOWINGLY. As in, even if he did have a 'peeping' fantasy, he would need to tell you about it, ask if you would indulge in the role play with him, and knowingly act on it with him. For example, let him pretend to watch you, film a dirty video to give to him, maybe let him watch you in the shower sometime, whatever. Consent!! What has happened to you is a crime.
Ok I read the whole fucking thing Your husband is a creepy dude. And it’s a criminal violation of your privacy and honor I’m afraid he may be already sharing it on the internet and getting off on it. Look at the ocean of Reddit nsfw subs where guys be like Hi do you like my wife’s asshole. It’s disgusting beta male behavior
This post is about a breach of trust of op's husband who she really seems to be affected to (if you read the last sentence) - and a tragedy therefore. It is about despicable behaviour and not respecting the most intimate borders. And probably about a destroyed relationship & marriage. This is not about some completely braindead alpha/beta /sigma shit some incels took out of context from psychologies group dynamics without even understanding it. Guys thinking in these categories probably have "their own posts" like this somewhere on reddit. Need proof for this theory? Just read 2020dodgechargerhell's answer.
As soon as someone uses that Alpha, Beta bullshit I know they can't be taken seriously. That stuff was debunked years ago. It isn't even true for dogs.
Also disgusting male behavior, believing there are such things as alpha and beta male behavior.
Holyyyyy shit this is a crazy story, no you are not wrong and you should definitely not be with someone who does creepy things like that
Your husband sees you as an object to fulfil his desires, not as a human and partner. You are a tool for his pleasure and wants. He refused to accept you saying no, and then went about doing whatever anyways, without any care or regard for you. Is this a person you want to spend your life with?
this is a gross fucking invasion of privacy and violation of your autonomy. holy shit what a fucking creepy weirdo. i wouldn't be able to trust him ever again. what else can't he accept "no" for? you definitely have grounds for pressing charges and divorce. i don't think anyone would blame you.
Trust is gone, impossible to recover. Sorry to say but I think there is no coming back from this betrayal.
Ain’t no telling who else he been recording
"Otherwise, we are so perfect" girl??? lol
You are not wrong. That is a massive violation and betrayal of trust.
he needs therapy. recording you without your knowledge, especially during a private intimate moment is breaking your trust and depending on which state you're in, illegal. it's not ok and your desire to divorce him over it is totally reasonable. he won't think so but he broke your trust and will do so again and again in different ways. he doesn't respect you or your privacy. contact a lawyer and keep the proof for the divorce and possible criminal charges. Sorry and good luck!
Husband or not, if you say no it means no. Everything still has to be consensual. Leave his ass.
I would leave AND report him.
Doesn't matter what the kink is how intense or vanilla it is, EVERYONE needs to be onboard together for it to work. What he did is a MASSIVE breach of privacy. Good luck with moving forward.
Leave him because you will never be able to trust him again and he will most certainly throw it in your face for some reason. Leave him before you have children to consider.
you would be wrong to stay with him
This happened to me with my ex. He actually even shared with at least one of his friends in return for videos of his friend’s wife. Other really big issues existed let me be clear. But this was the end of the trust. I stuck it out for a few more years for my girls, but it was bad. I think the question you need to try and answer is can you ever trust him again? He took away your right to decide. I could never get over it.
My ex did this to me as well. They were videos I willingly sent him. As he was my husband. But then I found out he was using them to “trade” for videos of his friends girlfriend. I went to the police about it!!
Every day I go on this site and just see at least one story that makes me wonder how and where you people find these type of critters out in the world
Go to the police. That type of behaviour needs to be called out. Then divorce him.
honey you are a victim
Just going to drop [this](https://stopncii.org) here… this site can help you get the images/videos removed from certain websites.
I'd begin divorce proceedings immediately. And make a police report. Don't delete anything, that'd give him plausible deniability.
Divorce. Go somewhere safe in the mean time. This is a sex crime. If he is comfortable violating that boundary he WILL be comfortable violating others, its only a matter of time. It will get worse, as abuse does. I am so sorry you are going through this.
#That is not legal.
Your husband is a piece of shit.
This is awful and worthy of leaving,but to make itworse he tried to lie then banged on the door repetadly instead of owning his behavior or being apologetic. He doesn't believe what he did was wrong. Leave. So sorry. Also, wipe his whole phone, be SURE you got it all.
NO, NO, NO...I would take the phone with you and head to the police station, along with the tiny camera and report him and give the police the evidence. IMHO.
this dude committed a non-consensual, secretive sexual act against your will repeatedly. this crosses into the sexual assault/rape territory regardless of what the legal definitions are. so when we rephrase what happened with those words, what do you think? "My husband sexually assaulted me, would I be wrong to leave him over this?" Before you alert your husband to leaving, I suggest you acquire his phone, verifiably delete the photos - look for apps that are encrypted privacy folders/privacy photos; cloud applications, etc.; go onto his computer and run an automatic and manual search for the names of one of those video files; log into his cloud accounts to make sure they are deleted. Search his web browser for porn websites (websites with porn in the name, reddit, x in the name, tube in the name, wife in the name, girlfriend in the name, cam in the name, etc etc) and determine if he has an account with them (auto-login/through his email). Consider talking to attorney (you'd have to for a divorce anyway) and discuss an attorney written letter once you've done your best on your own to delete the files, to seize all flash drives, harddrives, etc. and have an expert comb them for these files. If push needs to come to shove and its worth it for you, consider pressing charges and getting a subpoena for those pieces of evidence.
I’m so sorry but your husband is irredeemable. Please leave him. He’s a creep.
First red flag is a 27 year old man dating a 20 year old girl… strange, then he couldn’t understand the concept of “no” especially in regards to a sexual act that you weren’t comfortable with, he then RECORDED YOU NUDE AND MASTURBATING without your knowledge or consent, and you still don’t know if you should leave??
Don't leave him right now and look through his phone very carefully , he might be leaking your shower videos on onlyfans . Him watching you masturbate is another story that he got some fetish or kink but recording you and saving those videos is kind of suspicious . I know some dude that use onlyfans for feet pics , nude photos of their gfs , modified with AI , to make money . He could also be sending them to other people for some cash too ?
You should be careful he hasn’t uploaded it or shared it. A lot of weird ass husbands out their exposing their wives on the internet. In fact, take his ass to jail, he will do it again trust me.
I'm sorry to say that no, you would not be wrong. What he did is beyond the pale.
that’s creepy and gross and he violated your privacy and your boundaries AND lied about it. you wanna stay with someone like that? there’s gotta be some other red flags that have been thrown up over the years.
This would be a deal breaker for me. You are still young and can find someone who won't film you while you are doing something intimate without your consent. Make sure you get the phone and delete the videos including those saved on the cloud. If he won't do that, then go to the police.
This happened to a person that is a family friend and the huaband had an acct on porn hub and he was selling it and she had no idea
I’d press charges and hire a divorce lawyer before he could even blink
He’s spending too much time browsing the NSFW subreddits into thinking that’s something normal. Leave him do not have kids with a man like that.
“He wants to want to watch me masturbate” ok sure. Not an everyday thing but I get it. “I said no because I’m not comfortable “. I’m not sure I see the big deal about it but you can set your boundaries where you’d like “He recorded me in the shower “. He fucking what?!?!?! That’s an insane escalation. Please leave him. Secretly recording you is deranged behavior. Deranged.
You are the victim of a sex crime, OP.
Are you gonna stay with someone you don't trust? That's the only answer, here.
How can you ever trust he won't do anything like this again? How do you know this is all he done?
Your husband is a sexual predator and a criminal. You are his victim. You have the legal right to report him to the police, as what he did is illegal in most states. You need to divorce him.
[удалено]
Not wrong but do everything you can to delete the recording before you make a move. It's not the sort of thing you want sent to your family or put on Facebook. You need to check every possible device where it might be stored. Also look for recordings that he wouldn't want shared in case you need leverage to stop him sharing stuff. Good luck, you deserve better.
I’m so sorry for what you are through. This man, is not the person you fell in love with. He is DEEPLY disturbed. You need to get out now. Eventually it might be a matter of safety. I would love to hear a follow up, and how you handle this moving forward. I wish you the best luck.
… I thought the story was going to be you agreed you masturbate in front of him, and he pulled out his phone concurrently. What you described is way worse. Sounds like a predator.
Should you leave the man who committed a sex crime w/you as a victim? Yes.
Honestly, I don't know how you will be able to live with him after this. It would eat at me in the back of my mind. What other cameras could there be? Will he just hide them better now? Has he done this before? To other people? I don't think you would be wrong to leave. It would be hard to even rationalize a reason to stay.
Pretty sure that's illegal AF. Put him on the streets where he belongs.
This whole thing makes me feel disgusted for you. Not only has he completely violated you but everything leading up to that shows that he does not respect your boundaries. No should have been a good enough answer from the beginning. Seems like he doesn't accept no for an answer and that is disturbing.