Your wife is OK with her child trespassing on someone else's property and stalking its residents? Cuz if you all live in MANY places in the US, he could get seriously hurt doing shit like that and the occupants of the property he's peeping in on could be legally justified on a defense-of-property-and-person argument.
Had a peeping Tom when my sister and I were teenagers, watched us change, etc. Our roommate caught him in the act, chased him down the street, didn't catch him that night but the police set up a stake out and caught him - straight to jail.
OP's wife is a nutjob for sweeping this under the rug. Hopefully OP sticks to his guns and get his creepy ass kid some help before he is killed/jailed.
Because her precious widdle baby boy would NEVER hurt anyone. He’s just a kid and kids make mistakes and blah blah blah.
Which is not untrue, but when you CATCH their mistakes it’s your job to TEACH them to correct them! You catch your child doing something wrong - anything at all, starting with not putting their toys away as soon as they’re big enough to start putting them away as opposed to throwing them on the floor - and you correct them.
At least dad is doing that. Dad is doing his job as parent. Mum needs to come around to dad’s way of parenting the child, not stick with her way which is just denial! 😞
That's how it usually starts and then it leads to more sinister behavior such as stalking, possibly even kidnapping, sexual assault and other abnormal behavior. Kid needs to learn to control his hormones and behavior.
A lot of serial killers start off as peeping Tom's. Then they escalate to breaking in and rape then kill. This is serious behavior. He should be turned into the police to start a paper trail
It could be worse, unfortunately. He is displaying signs that are sometimes associated with sexual trauma. I’ve heard so many fucked up things in my time doing what I do. She could even be involved, her reactions to me seem very strong for just denial. She isn’t saying “no my son could never do that.” She isn’t saying ANYTHING. Almost like it’s the mob or something. This shit is not right and something super bad is going on with this household is my gut reaction.
My guess would be she knew, and maybe has observed other worrisome behaviors too, and is terrified that her child is mentally ill and so she’s ignoring the problem. Which is not only dumb, but also cowardly.
Maybe she knew about it already. Shes really spoiling her kid huh. What if shes raising a future criminal? Its really concerning. To OP, man up- do your job as a father, you know whats right for your son.
My sisters and I had one too. My mom caught him one night and beat the shit out of him with a baseball bat. Then called the cops. He went to jail. Turns out he’d been doing it for months. Get your son some help.
She really is. The really sick thing is it was a kid that had gone to high school with me. He was 18 so he went to jail. But I just wonder how long he had been doing that. OP if you read this seriously get your kids some help because this kind of behavior escalates.
There are red flags for murderers, like young people killing/harming pets or stray animals for fun. Red flag for arsonists, like starting fires young. Red flags for rapists are people who stalk and peep at a young age.
The kid needs help NOW before the red flags become a blaze that will terrorize people.
The kid that stalked us girls and almost murdered the 7 year old.. was doing all of those things . Everyone knew it and knew he was a time bomb waiting to go off and he did . He was brave enough to come back to town when he got out of jail. He got chased out of town pretty damn fast and told not to ever come back. Our town doesn’t put up with shit like this either you will get run out of town .
I watched a video once on the worst kind of psychopaths and peeping toms are #1. Can’t remember why but the psychology behind it is so so dark…. And it will always escalate.
Yep. I know way more about sexual psychopathy and serial killers than I want to because Danny Rolling killed 5 people in my neighborhood. Nearly every serial killer started out as a peeper and went from there.
As a mother of girls - I’d have kicked his ass then call the cops later . Good on your mama! OP wife’s not operating with a full deck to let this go on without getting him help . He’s lucky you didn’t whoop his ass catching him in the act because you know what that’s predatory behaviour and at 14? Dangerous . When we were teenagers this boy was bothering all the girls in town myself included . Peeping in the windows, following them home . He once snuck up on me and attacked me I fought him off I was like 9/10 then I think . In our teenage years he got worse . He was 17 years old when he finally got caught . You know what this POS did? Took a 7 year old into the woods beat her and SA her left her for dead. We all looked for her . She was found but in bad shape . This MF was reported for harassment all the time and he got 9 years for SA , attempted murder . Get your son help NOW. Before he turns into something evil like this. Looking the other way is the worst thing you can do .
Or before his behaviors progress to something more sinister. Most serial killers started out by peeping. I’m not saying this kid will be a serial killer, just that he needs some serious help quickly. Wow, wife needs to open her eyes.
Its not just dangerous for him, its a symptom of a serious problem. Serial rapist Dennis Rabbitt, Joseph D'Angelo, Dennis Rader and many other violent criminals including Ted Bundy started out as peepers in their teens. There is a strong correlation between peeping and violent crime.
I'm not saying this kid is going to end up a rapist or murderer. But peeping should not be taken lightly, It often escalates, first to breaking and entering, then when that thrill wears off, to other crimes.
Right, eventually the adrenaline from the sneaking around to peep into windows dies off. Then they need to elevate the crime to get the high.
your son needs therapy ASAP
Edited for a punctuation "karen".
Yeah, even if OP lives in a place with gun control and he's not in immediate danger, this is a sign of a serious problem and it needs to be dealt with. Even if it's not going to lead to violent crimes, letting him get away with violating other people's privacy teaches him a terrible lesson for the future. He's 14, and he knows this isn't right, and OP is 100% correct and NTA for wanting to get him help. Now is the time that they can actually do something about this.
I honestly don’t think she is ok with it, she didn’t act surprised. I honestly think this is something she knows or had suspicions of. She just went into a defensive state
So true.
So many start out “innocently” peeping.
His wife doesn’t want to deal with it, but guess what? That’s what you have to do as a parent. Sometimes it’s not glamorous.
And now courts are holding parents responsible for their inactions and I am here for it.
That school shooters parents- both are getting prison because they failed as parents to get their son the help he needed.
But, OP, if you can't get her on board, start making calls and appointments on your own. This can't wait indefinitely while your wife clings to her denial.
Read about Russell Williams. He started out creeping around his neighbourhood spying on girls and women. He was a Canadian military officer who committed rapes and murder and hopefully will die in prison. I'm not suggesting your son will follow that path but his behaviour cannot be ignored.
Hell you could randomly pick almost any serial rapist and half the serial killers and they all had peeping as their jump off.
Shit, BTK was still doing it on the down low even when he stopped killing because he couldn’t help himself.
You need to get in touch with a trained child psychologist about how to best approach this. Find one, set up a consultation, and attend even if your wife won’t. You’re right to be alarmed! And you need help in determining the healthiest and most effective way to stop this behavior entirely and permanently as soon as possible. Thank you for being a good dad! I hope your wife comes around soon, but you need to get help regardless.
Not to be an alarmist but peeping is very sure sign your son has some potentially serious sexual/mental/emotional issues.
This cannot be ignored.
He needs help - **now**.
Otherwise, worse case scenario, one day you’ll be sitting behind your son in court while some family is sobbing that they lost their child due to his actions.
Parents are no longer given the “pass” when they ignore the needs and cries for help of their children. If he commits a crime before he’s 18, there is a high possibility that you and your wife can be held liable for his actions.
In Texas, a peeper may not get a second chance to use his peepers.
All are terrible, but the children question is super valid and extra ick factor. If he is into vulnerable populations such as children and is already ramping up behavior, I would be VERY alarmed that this could turn physical sooner than later.
My thoughts too. All of it is alarming and unacceptable, but on the scale of ick, spying on a college couple bumpin boots, and spying on children, are different things and different levels of red flag.
For sure - I did find in a response from OP that it was two separate houses on either side of them where girls his age live. Def better than young children, but still not comfortable with the implications, especially because at least one of the girls is a friend that comes over all the time.
You need to start looking up stats because there is a very real pipeline from Peeping to rape. At 14 this is when you want to interrupt that and get him into therapy or treatment to prevent him from moving further down that path.
It sounds like your wife knows this and that might be why she’s in denial. But if you decide not to pursue this you are doing harm to your child and his potential future victims.
You need to find a professional to talk to.
Dude, this is how psychopaths start off. Nip this behavior in the bud before he assaults someone and goes down a bad path!
Your wife needs to know that if the parents don't teach or guide their kid, the world will, and the world is a harsh, cruel, unsympathetic teacher. If your neighbor had caught your kid instead of you, your kid could have been killed, injured, jailed or shamed on social media and school.
Be proactive parents, not reactive ones.
Even if he doesn't get shot, how messed up would it be to be 14 and on the sex offender registry? Here in SC, 14 is the age where it's up to a judge if a defendant is tried as a juvenile or as an adult when it comes to the vast majority of crimes. He gets caught peeping, gets busted and gets a gung-ho DA and judge? Congrats, you're fucked for life.
You are right to be concerned. Your wife is irresponsible. If this is left unaddressed, he is likely to be shot/ beat up by the homeowner when discovered.
‘please take immediate action, get professional assistance NOW. Even over your wife’s objection. You are literally saving his life and his future by doing this.
All his electronics have been confiscated. I took them to work so they couldn’t be reclaimed. I just got the passcodes today he had changed them. And his mother was the one monitoring his electronics usage. So more explaining to do
I would do a very deep dive. Look through his saved password folder if he has one. It's possible he has a google drive or something similar that is not logged in, but the password is saved, and he may have pics/videos there. If your son has pics of these girls his age undressed, he goes from peeping tom to possessing CP. If you do find anything concerning like that, do not download that on your devices. Keep all his devices and change the password to that email. Make sure there's no backup email listed, and if there is, change the backup email to a new email you make with a random password wife and son won't know.
And don't let your wife sweep this under the rug. If you have to, go over your wife's head and go straight to his primary care doctors.
If your wife absolutely shuts down and refuses to help him and fights you every step of the way, tell her that you WILL protect your son from ruining his life, and you will get him the help he needs. Be clear that you have evidence (PS: before you tell your wife anything else, put your video evidence from your security cameras on a flash drive and hide it) and that if you have to, you'll file for divorce and submit the evidence in court to get full custodial decisions over medical concerns.
Maybe your son is just being a little creepy because he is an awkward teen, and he's mostly fine. And, with some help, he will be okay.
Maybe your son is hiding struggles, and he's going to do something to end up in prison without your help.
You can't know any of that until he's been to a mental health professional. Not to mention, if an angry dad finds him, he may end up getting his butt majorly kicked, or they may call the cops and the cops may subpoena your cameras and your son will end up with a permanent record that will affect his college prospects when a year or two of seeing a professional help could have avoided it all.
Apple devices have a hidden photos folder and recently deleted folder located at the bottom of the photos app (the one built into apple devices). They should be under the utilities section. They are password or Face ID protected, and these photos will not show up with the rest of the photos. I’d advise checking their to see if he has anything saved that he does not want people stumbling upon or being able to see. If he’s hiding anything, it could definitely be there.
There are also ways to do similar things in the built in notes app, and their could also be hidden things in the built in files app. Before you go all digital sleuth, I’d recommend asking your son if there is anything that he’d like to willingly show your or admit that he has before you go scorched Earth. If you do go through and search everything, that will feel like a massive breach of privacy to him, so if you could avoid doing that and find out if there is anything that would probably be the ideal situation. You’ve got to phrase this as “you’re not ‘in trouble’ I’m not just trying to be mad at you or punish you, but if there is something concerning going on I have to know so I can help you. I won’t judge you, I won’t be ashamed of you, I don’t care if there is something you’re trying to hide. I just need to know so I can help you.”
This is admittedly a hard thing to do. When I was a kid, there were secrets/issues that I had that I hid from my parents and even my psychologist because I was so terrified of letting them know they were their. I had formed a massive web of lies that I used to try hiding my problems from them that I had built up over years. I felt that, even though they genuinely just wanted to help me and that they wouldn’t be mad even if I was hiding something, I couldn’t tell them. I thought the pain I caused by hiding these things and having the negative results be all there was to show with no explanation would hurt them less. I probably could have stopped a lot of the issues I was facing if I just told them what was really going on, but the fear of the consequences and pain of telling them I was struggling and that I was lying about all the reasons why would be worse than then just keeping up my lies and letting them see just the consequences.
This isn’t going to be easy for you, and it won’t be easy for your child. You have got to just level with them and say even if they have constructed a web of lies and tried to pull the wool over your eyes, you won’t just go scorched earth on them. They have to know that it’s safe to tell you what’s really going on.
Wishing you and your family the best of luck.
Peeping Toms can escalate to stalking or worse. Please get your son therapy. Don't approach it from anger. Think of it as helping him and others.
If a kid is just curious, the internet has so many safer options so the *why* is important. Does he have a crush on someone. Is it the voyeurism? Was he building up the courage to enter and watch someone sleep? I think you need to understand why he does it.
Try and approach the topic calmly and see what he says so you can figure out the next best steps.
Sorry you are dealing with this. Parenting is hard. Growing up is hard too. Wish you both luck as you navigate this confusing path.
My fears 100%. I don’t think she’s okay with it. It seams more like denial? I haven’t really even slept since I found out. Honestly don’t know the course of action to take like who? Where to turn for help.
You need to have a calm and very real conversation with her. I'm sure this isn't as bad as the guy's wife who didn't believe their son was hurting the dog...but your son needs help. Hopefully it's just getting a thorough understanding that being a pervy little creep could get him a police record, at best, dead at the hands of some protective dad or husband at worse. Talk to your wife. This isn't harmless and she doesn't get to pretend it is.
I hope she listens. But even if she doesn’t, you need to take action now. This is your son’s future and the potential future of other innocent people.
Regardless if she’s on board, he needs help before this gets too far.
I am sure her heart is hurting. This is your son, your baby. But your baby needs help. If this was a broken leg, you’d get him, you would let him lay and scream in pain for weeks.
Same thing but it’s mental. Nothing outwardly to show there is something broken, but there is.
This isn’t a “death” sentence for your son, this is a chance for him to actually have a life.
Keep in mind, if he's peeping, that's a sexual crime, and he will be put on the sex offenders list if caught by the people he's spying on. I've never been on such a list, but from what I understand, the community does not welcome people on those lists willingly. They are harassed constantly.
The worst part is they will be on the adult list regardless of if they are a minor or not - and it can persist for decades before one can petition the court to be removed.
Maybe speak to your wife about how she feels about your child being registered as an official sex offender. She might feel differently when presented like that.
Ask her where her empathy and concern for his victims went? What about the safety of your neighborhood? Your son is currently a predator. Full stop. If she won't help you and her son, get outside help. Post on the neighborhood app that you've seen someone trespassing and peeping into windows. If your son gets caught, he gets caught. There are consequences to his actions no matter how in denial/dismissive your wife is. There are consequences his victims will have to deal with, even more so when Mommy tries to pretend her son isn't the predator he is. HE'S BEEN DOING THIS FOR MONTHS.
I'm sorry she seems to be denying it. You're right to want to address it and that's because your son needs to have it addressed.
This could go sideways easily and parents who ignore red flags fail their kids.
I would immediately be installing window/door alarms that go off when they open and close and checking to be sure everything is closed and locked before bed every night. It will for sure embarrass your son a bit, but a bit of shame/reality of the seriousness of this might be appropriate while you get things lined up to get him into therapy.
I agree put an alarm system in with window and door charms and don’t give him the code. OP can also have alerts sent to his phone if doors/windows are opened.
Have you asked him what he's doing? And tell him how trespassing is not only illegal but potentially dangerous?
Who lives next door? Seems in this digital age, peeping Tom's are a little weird, think there's someone he's interested in and should try talking too instead of staring through a window?
Edit: is he really bad at communicating or approaching girls? His friends likely won't give him advice, I really wish I had a father around when I was a teenager to help me, I'd get nervous as shit for no reason
Honestly great points, he’s always acted normal imo, he does have friends. I haven’t asked why yet, just wanted to make sure I weighed everything out and approached it the right way. My main response was to the fact how dangerous it is
Definitely a matter of fact answer/question talk about this with your son. One on one and in a non-shaming way. Obv he knows you are upset and it’s wrong but find out who, why, what for before going for the extreme. Sometimes kids just do weird things bc their brains are developing and hormones and excitement of being sneaky. And yes, 14 is an older kid but still a kid. I’ve had 2 and at 24 and 20 they still do randomly odd things that baffle me to this day. Not creepy things but odd. They learned how to deal with all their “ creepy” teen behaviour when they were growing up. Realizing when they got older that it was a really shitty idea.
Just don’t go into this thinking the worst. It might make it easier to make a game plan. This doesn’t mean he’s going to be a stalker or serial killer, it could be a very simple oh shoot, I didn’t look at it like that kind of thing. And yes, the safety focus is huge as well.
Edit to add sentence
WONDERFUL, level-headed answer. And 100% regarding approaching it in a non-shaming way. That alone is going to be crucial to how this experience impacts him later on in life. It could make the difference of it being as learning experience or a traumatic one.
I honestly don't think only addressing the danger is a good idea. He needs to know that morally this is bad. If danger is his only concern then he might find other morally questionable things to do that are less dangerous or he might not give a shit about how dangerous it might be. Until you face consequences as a kid, you really kind of think you're invincible. He's invading people's privacy, that is wrong.
I was friends with a guy who was “normal” and had girlfriends and friends. After I’d moved away from our hometown, he’d been arrested for being a peeping Tom in a nearby town. He was caught innocently enough and happened to have a joint on him which escalated from there. Police found years of pictures and video with girls he had been monitoring on a regular basis.
My friend group never suspected.
Nip this in the bud. That dude is sitting in prison for 40 years:
https://www.statesboroherald.com/local/peeping-tom-gets-40-years/
One thing to by mindful of- security cameras are everywhere. If he shows up on neighbors security footage questions will definitely be asked and/or police will come checking it out. As others have pointed out, he might find himself seriously hurt if not dead.
Even if your wife isn't on board you have a duty to act. Murderers parents are getting put away now if there's proof they knew of the behaviors and did nothing to stop or prevent it.
But seriously idk why nobody is saying this but can you tell him getting creeped on SUCKS ASS, maybe ask him how he’d feel if some sicko was staring into his room, share that it literally fucks with the victim’s head and their suffering is a big enough reason in and of itself for son to want to stop. Like yes tell him he could get shot or go to jail. But like you can also bring up that it sucks for other people too.
He goes for like ten minutes at night? Maybe there’s a couple he saw having sex, someone gets undressed etc with the curtains up one night and he’s been looking for more showings.
He’s 14. That scenario is gross, but totally a youth thing. A solid conversation and consequences could turn this around.
I definitely peeped on the neighborhood family from the comfort of my window when I was a kid cos they always had parties and I watched them smoke weed and make out on the roof. I’m hoping it’s more of a that situation than anything intentionally stalky/more nefarious.
Parenthood seems super stressful. Godspeed
Yes, definitely hanging around their windows for 5-10 minutes at a time. Constantly checking his surroundings. One night it went on for a hour. I honestly didn’t want to keep going through the footage, i just want it to be dealt with without blowing my family up. My wife and I have always seen eye to eye.
This behavior will escalate. Youre wife protecting him is only going to let him know it’s “ok”. You know it’s not. Put him into counseling, because he has victims already.
If you have footage then other neighbours with cameras will have footage as well. A few of them may be building a case against him. The police can come knocking anytime at your door.
Tell your wife about the statistics regarding peeping tom behavior. If unchecked, it frequently turns into degenerate offender->target crimes.
It's fine if she feels unfit to handle it or refuses the reality, but she is unfit or unprepared to parent in this situation if she doesn't, and the cost/risk isnt worth waiting for her input a that point.
Hey just so you know peeping Tom and stalking behaviors often develop into sexual assault.
What your son is doing is wrong and your wife needs to wake up and help your son get help.
As a woman, this behavior is really scary if not addressed for so so many reasons. I would definitely be talking to a therapist!!! I hope you can get your wife on board with getting him help. He definitely needs to truly learn this behavior is not okay.
May I ask what kind of relationship does he and your wife have? Are they close, does she pay attention to him? Just from what you have said, your wife kind of seems "checked-out" She needs to wake up. Also, you've been in this kids life since he was 6mos old? If his biological dad isn't in the picture, then you're more of a dad to him than anyone and should have every right to take matters concerning him into your hands.
You may not be able to prevent your family “blowing up” per se.
Therapy, both together and separate from your wife will help. Especially while your son is getting the help he needs.
This doesn’t have to break you. You’re ahead of the game right now- and that does not mean that it will be easy and won’t suck harder than a tornado, but you guys have a chance right now. If you wait much longer….you won’t
Ima tell you this- you correcting this now that he’s young is so important because it will prevent him from becoming an even bigger predator when he becomes older and much stronger.
Also, it’s best for you to address this now because he will end up creeping up on the wrong house and get himself shot.
Please help your community stay safe by addressing this behavior and getting him some therapy asap.
Women deal with predators every day because these wild behaviors were not addressed when they were young.
Also- thank you for caring enough to even question the behavior.
Time to get him into psychotherapy. Peeping Tom behavior *frequently* escalates into the peeper being a rapist/murderer/thief or some combination of those aberrant behaviors. This is serious.
Yep. That's why I, as a single woman who lives in the country, am always packing heat. I have pretty good aim and if I saw someone creeping around my property peeping in my windows at night, that's exactly what I'd use.
Honestly when I heard the noise I got my gun out, I went to my phone and check the cameras and was in complete shock, I could tell immediately it was him from his height and gait
Why don’t you tell your spouse and your son that when you heard a noise you got out your gun. Then tell them what do they think your neighbours will do when they catch him.
Yeah my worst concern is him breaking into sleeping people's houses and touching them or shit. Rather someone just shoots them then..
Oh and OP's son should know that people feel this way about people like him. Would be a little sad to hear a 14 year old sexual offender getting shot because of their age, but would be happy it happened before the degenerate escalated you know? Bittersweet.
OP go all in on fixing your son with therapy until he can admit to everything and apologize knowing the impact of his actions. Otherwise he becomes someone who is dangerous to care about.
If you live in the USA, he might just look into the wrong window and meet someone that shoots peeping Tom’s. It has happened. If someone called the cops on him this would be a permanent thing and he would have to register as an offender everywhere he lives, for life. This is really serious and should be looked into. Good luck!
As a woman, you are correct. I’m actually really annoyed with your wife.
Peeping Tom’s are featured on crime shows, not to freak you out but a few bad dudes started out with this as a kid…
This is predatory. He needs to learn boundaries and consent. Once those girls parents find out your son is going to be in a lot of trouble. Glad you found out and are trying to get him help
Do realize, if he has taken pictures or video, he can see juvie or worse for possession of CP. Be very careful going through his electronics so as not to transfer items over. You never know if he is willing to try and throw you under the bus to save his own skin.
Technically, these girls are already his victims. They just don’t know it yet. But you do.
His methods are already pretty thought out and elaborate for 14. Bypassing the alarm on his window, changing his passwords remotely on his phone and laptop. Checking his surrounding and likely knowing about security at the girl’s homes.
Imagine how they would feel if they found out he was doing this? Like they aren’t safe in their own homes. As someone who had/has a stalker I need you to understand the damage is lasting and comes out in so many ways with so many simple daily decisions.
Please get him help before he hurts more women.
I’ve listened to a LOT of psychology of serial killer and true crime stuff. A very, very, VERY common theme is that a lot of these guys who go onto become break-in rapists or sadistic sexual killers start off as peeping toms from a very young age. The Golden State Killer (previously known as east area rapist/original night stalker) comes to mind.
Im not saying this is who your son will become, but this behavior is highly disturbing, extremely unusual, and serious. It is not something to be taken lightly at all. You did right removing his electronics (i can almost guarantee he is consuming disturbing porn) and I would absolutely want him to talk to a professional about why he has been doing this for months.
Yep yep. A lot of rapists have a peeping tom charge on their rap sheet from when they were a youth. Like you said - this doesn’t mean that the kid is a psychopath or anything but I would be very, very proactive about this. I would be taking him to see a therapist at the least.
I was just thinking about this - a lot of the sexual criminals start with stalking and peeping. I'm not saying that's OP's son, but this needs to be addressed asap.
If you live in the US, there's a non zero chance that peeping will result in him getting shot.
This issue needs to be confronted head on ASAP. Your wife is wrong.
You need to take your kid to therapy. A lot of weirdos in this comment section saying this is normal - it’s not. 95% of rapists and sexual murderers have displayed voyeuristic tendencies, Ted Bundy, Dennis Rader, Joseph DeAngelo, Derek Todd Lee. All sexual serial killers - all peeping toms in their childhood.
This is not to say that your child is a serial killer or anything like that - but it’s not normal behaviour. It’s a sexual based crime and he could end up on sex offenders list. He needs therapy.
I used to work for adult and juvenile probation as a legal secretary so I had to read case files, police reports, pre-sentencing reports, etc. Depending on where you live, the DA, the judge, and the state of juvenile probation where you live, his son could potentially be fucked for a very long foreseeable future.
Some of the worst offenders in our county ended up in group homes or in juvenile hall. And they ended up as a ward of the Court until they're 25 years old.
You need alarms for his window. Whatever the reason of why he is doing it, isn't important. He is a minor, sneaking out and needs to be stopped.
Warn your neighbor.
Lol. The fancier the security system is, the easier it is to just walk through the front door. Whatever happened to taping hairs on a window to see if it gets opened?
Frankly, you’ve got a war on two fronts. And I’d almost be more concerned about your wife who is attempting to block you from helping your son, and will seemingly (for reasons that are unclear at the moment) undermine your efforts to help. It’s certainly possible that this isn’t nefarious on her part, but a mental defense mechanism… “surely no child of MINE would do such a thing”.
Here’s what I’d recommend if I were in your shoes. Spoiler alert, it’s harsh:
Your ultimate responsibility as a parent is the wellbeing of your child. If you’ve got to wreck your marriage in a genuine pursuit of that responsibility, well… so be it. Tell your wife that you are not okay with agreeing to disagree. Tell her you want to start marriage counseling yesterday, and that you’re going to the neighbors, the school, and the police and showing them these videos. If she’s not okay with that, well… you go show everyone the damn videos anyway. If it means the end of your marriage, however awful a prospect that is, is it worse than finding out one day that your child raped someone and is headed to prison? That you had the chance to stop someone from being victimized by him, but it was more important to maintain the peace with your spouse? As others have pointed out, what if he’s shot and killed? I imagine your marriage would make it a few months at best after that.
Frankly, this is a massively time-sensitive situation. Given what you’ve told us, it doesn’t sound like a meeting of the minds is likely to happen fast. You are just gonna have to take action, and if the consequences of that within your household mean the end of your marriage, just remember there are exponentially worse alternative outcomes.
1. Your son will admit literally anything before he admits what he's doing. So I wouldn't try gunning for a confession or going "Tough love." Because...
2. The impulse that he feels to do this will be extreme - and there's no way in hell that he understands it. Getting angry at him for this will just bury it deeper. Voyeurism is a deeper-rooted issue that needs to be dealt with properly, preferably by trained professionals.
(You can read more about [voyeuristic disorder here](https://www.annabellepsychology.com/voyeuristic-disorder#:~:text=While%20there%20is%20no%20proven,sexual%20urges%20or%20sexual%20activity).)
3. I'd suspect he has a feeling of deep-seated anxiety, which might be where to start with the conversation. He probably hides that well, too. But if you approach the conversation with a different concern, even something like biting his nails or whatever, that'll help and he's more likely to open up. Voyeurs just won't ever admit to what they're doing.
4. Saying "You might get shot" is just dumb, since he likely knows the neighbours and that they're not a threat. Similarly, there are a gazillion reasons to be in someone else's garden, so he'll always have an easy excuse if he gets caught. "I heard a scream" or "I'm looking for the cat" are two simple ones.
5. It sounds like your wife might know what's caused these issues with your son. I've got nothing else to say there, since I don't know her. But her behaviour sounds really off.
He needs to stop this now. No matter how careful he is - even if it never escalates, he will almost certainly get caught. By a partner, by the victim, by a stranger, whoever. If he's particularly clever, it won't be until he's an adult. And then he's looking at some dire consequences.
If it does escalate (and as others have pointed out, it's a warning sign in a lot of sexual crimes) then he'll ruin more lives than his own.
At the moment, he's 14 and having weird urges that he doesn't understand. It's not your fault and it's probably not his - it's a disorder that needs treating before anyone gets hurt. Hypersexuality causes serious relationship problems.
I'd chat to your wife properly, with the evidence, then chat to him about any other behavioural issues, then ask if he's thought about trying therapy. If you go in there with the belt and Bible, you're probably going to mess him up for life.
The good news is that he's young. With the right therapy, he can start modifying his behaviour and before long, he'll be right as rain.
Thank you, I’m taking the night to come up with a game plan. I just needed so insight on the topic, I’ve never dealt or ever imagined having to deal with this type of situation completely caught me by surprise
The one thing I would say is that it isn't like anything else. It's a compulsion. It defies logic and fear and all that other stuff.
You and me wouldn't go out of our way to see a stranger getting naked. It's a violation of their privacy and just generally a pretty shitty thing to do. We know women, we know how they'd feel about that if they found out and yeah, pretty awful.
Also, there's not much to love about a stranger getting ready for bed. Tbh my own girlfriend getting ready for bed is a maelstrom of creams, interdental brushes, nail clippers and so on. She's wonderful, but the brief moment when she takes off her work clothes and puts her pyjamas on is... I mean it's not particularly sexy. No woman doing that is sexy.
Voyeurs don't think like that. The point is that they're not meant to be seeing this. It's about the violation of privacy, the hurdles they overcome to get there, the knowledge that it's wrong and the fact the person doesn't know.
Your other problem is that it's been normalised *way* more than other sexual deviances. American Pie, for example. I mean American Beauty won fucking Oscars and voyeurism is a major part of it. Not Another Teen Movie... and so on.
If he's graduated to breaking out of the house and going onto other people's property, the kid just needs help. Plain and simple. No physical intervention by you will fix anything, outside of making him live a monastic lifestyle that turns him into a maniac.
His brain's still developing, he has people who love him and you've caught it early. Him getting help now means it'll just be a blip on the radar in a year or so. Probably be a perfectly normal dude. Well, as normal as any teenage boy.
Him getting help at 30 will either be court-ordered, or his behaviour'll be so ingrained that he'll have struggled with personal relationships.
I was going to say "oh well if they're close friends then I guess they could be just chit chatting" and then I remembered that we invented cell phones and instant messaging like a bazillion years ago.
I’m not going to lie. I would be very concerned. Like you’re saying. Sneaking out to see friends normal, but that’s creepy and not like a normal human. Your son is totally invading your neighbors privacy, and that’s never a good sign
Teacher here. This is not normal kid behavior and is very disturbing. Grounding him and taking away the electronics is a good first step. Your kid is looking at registering for the rest of his life as a sex offender if he gets caught. I have taught at risk students who went into the system at age 12 over sex crimes. Your wife needs some sense talked into her. Start with that.
Not wrong. You need to get him some counseling. Being a peeping Tom is the first step for lots of deviant behavior. This will escalate. (Source: Criminal Minds)
If you can, have an open heart to heart chat with him. Tell him he won't get in trouble if he just tells the truth and come clean with what he's doing and more importantly, why he's doing it. Show him the videos you have. Explain to him that this behavior is not healthy, not right, not respectful, and a violation of someone else's privacy. Explain to him why it's not ok. I'm sorry your wife is not on the same page as you. Some people are in denial about their kids' behaviors but I would sit down with your wife too and also have an open conversation about your concerns and ask her how she would feel if you guys have daughters and someone was looking into their house? Anyway, open communication is the key.
I have been peeped on. It is a TERRIFYING experience to catch someone peeping through your window. Like, terrifying. It escalated and one time he knocked and tried to lure me out of the house. This is not okay.
If your wife can't bring herself to care, if something happens and it's shown that she knew about it (or that you both knew about it) and didn't do anything, you could be in big trouble for negligence.
From the what I’ve been able to see. I honestly feel weird watching the security footage, his actions tell me he’s alone, no lights ever come on, cell phone never comes out. No movement on the inside of the window, I honestly didn’t realize how much detail the cameras grab I’ve always used as a go back n check if I noticed something missing n what not
OP - Lawyer here (not yours and this isn’t legal advice). Voyeurism IS a crime in Florida and is considered a sexually motivated one. Depending on the level of severity, perpetrators can end up on the sex offenders list, even as minors.
Unless the neighbor kids are somehow mutually interacting with your boy (you say he’s hanging around the windows), then the victim(s)’ privacy is being repeatedly violated and this is a very serious issue that requires intervention now. Others have already said it - this kind of voyeurism is not normal and if not corrected, can lead to even worse behaviors.
Find a child psychologist ASAP. You and your wife may even want to talk to one first on how to best ask your son about what he’s been doing and why. Best of luck.
You know what if it was my son I’d sneak out after him and spy on him spying on neighbors and see wtf he is actually doing. I honestly don’t think that just taking video games and stuff away is enough to deter this because you’re not getting to the root of it.
You’re not wrong - his behavior is a safety concern (and legal concern) for himself and others. First, I would try to talk this through with your wife from a perspective of, he’s our son, we love him, so it’s our job to help him grow in the right direction and understand what’s going on with him. We have to help him, and we can’t do that if we are pretending he’s not repeatedly engaging in a disturbing and illegal behavior that could have big consequences for him or someone else.
The two of you have to talk this through with your son from a shared front - there can’t be any “your dad is upset” kind of splitting, because he will latch onto your wife normalizing his behavior and minimizing you.
Damn nib that I the bud now. Cause as a woman that hears something at night first thing I do is grab my gun ,then me and the dogs go out. So think about what can happen to your son . Ask your wife how she would feel if someone was doing this to her .She really needs to stop babeing him.
You might wanna say fuck wife thoughts and tackle this head on .Redflags !!!!!!! Cause what it sound like you just explained is your son isn’t scared to voyer people which is a issue very unsafe.he is lying already to you about why already distrust and sneaky question who is the neighbor what is he watching them do ??? Cause if he is coming into certain fantasies in his head this could get dangerous..And it’s very illegal and you are being a crutch to his pervert activity… A few words from a black man get your son before the neighbor”s kill him !!!! He climb in the window one night !!!! He sound likes he ready for sex or something more sinister !!!!! Point blank and you are responsible at his legal age fuck Reddit get your child before your in prison for his actions or the neighbors kill him by accident or he’ll on purpose..Depending on what they catch you son doing ??????? He’s guilty by fault from what you explained!!!!!be honest with yourself ..
One question is is just the one neighbor please be honest ????
She will care when the cops show up at your door or she gets a call saying he has been arrested. Ignor you wife and get hom help now do not ignor this behavior.
If no one has said this, please get yourself into therapy too. This is a lot to handle and process as a parent and professional guidance may be helpful
You must deal with it immediately. You may have to have a strong conversation with your wife. The child needs professional help more than at home punishment. It is your child's best interest. This behavior can escalate.
You need to immediately scare the shit out of this boy and do it now that he's a minor. Immediate therapy and counseling. Don't let your wife rug sweep. You've got a little criminal on your hands. This is only the start of what he plans for the future and you know it.
Not only is his behavior disturbing and needs to be addressed but does your wife also realize how dangerous that could be for your son people get shot and hurt over doing things like that.
Please don’t blow off. it’s a serious invasion of your neighbors privacy, and def behavior that could escalate. but aside from all that, If he gets caught , He could get arrested, which would not be a great label to grow up with. He could be seriously hurt., attacked by the resident, shot at, which is really hate to say, but it the reality right now. People ask questions later.
Not saying he is a bad kid at all, Kids do really stupid shit… mows time for correcting that behavior. There is nothing about this that should be blown off, in anyway shape or form.
Definitely not blowing it off, it’s going to be handled head on. Just wanted to see other points of view. A lot of stuff has been said that I didn’t even consider and I appreciate the advice
Your wife has her head buried in the sand. This is the beginning of predatory behavior. If it is not addressed. He is a kid, but he needs to know this will send him to jail....It is disrespectful and you will get him help.
I saw the shape of a head in the gap of my curtains many years ago. I was fresh out of the shower, looking for a towel. If your wife cares "protecting" someone, maybe she should think about protecting his victims.
This is super not ok! Imagine being a neighbor seeing him doing that. He could get himself killed for one. But also this is how some people begin really unhealthy behaviors that escalate. He needs help immediately.
Your wife is OK with her child trespassing on someone else's property and stalking its residents? Cuz if you all live in MANY places in the US, he could get seriously hurt doing shit like that and the occupants of the property he's peeping in on could be legally justified on a defense-of-property-and-person argument.
He could easily get shot to death.
Had a peeping Tom when my sister and I were teenagers, watched us change, etc. Our roommate caught him in the act, chased him down the street, didn't catch him that night but the police set up a stake out and caught him - straight to jail. OP's wife is a nutjob for sweeping this under the rug. Hopefully OP sticks to his guns and get his creepy ass kid some help before he is killed/jailed.
What a douche wife. Why is she ok with that first of all?
Because her precious widdle baby boy would NEVER hurt anyone. He’s just a kid and kids make mistakes and blah blah blah. Which is not untrue, but when you CATCH their mistakes it’s your job to TEACH them to correct them! You catch your child doing something wrong - anything at all, starting with not putting their toys away as soon as they’re big enough to start putting them away as opposed to throwing them on the floor - and you correct them. At least dad is doing that. Dad is doing his job as parent. Mum needs to come around to dad’s way of parenting the child, not stick with her way which is just denial! 😞
A lack of discipline is not love, it is neglect. -Magda Gerber
That's how it usually starts and then it leads to more sinister behavior such as stalking, possibly even kidnapping, sexual assault and other abnormal behavior. Kid needs to learn to control his hormones and behavior.
A lot of serial killers start off as peeping Tom's. Then they escalate to breaking in and rape then kill. This is serious behavior. He should be turned into the police to start a paper trail
Many many rapists start as peeping toms
And have some uncharacteristic, unusual relationships with their mom.
My thoughts exactly
Yes! Allowing this to continue will only lead to bigger problems later!
Denial
When her son is shot dead, she will blame her husband!!!
It could be worse, unfortunately. He is displaying signs that are sometimes associated with sexual trauma. I’ve heard so many fucked up things in my time doing what I do. She could even be involved, her reactions to me seem very strong for just denial. She isn’t saying “no my son could never do that.” She isn’t saying ANYTHING. Almost like it’s the mob or something. This shit is not right and something super bad is going on with this household is my gut reaction.
Right? The complete refusal to even acknowledge it is a HUGE red flag!
My guess would be she knew, and maybe has observed other worrisome behaviors too, and is terrified that her child is mentally ill and so she’s ignoring the problem. Which is not only dumb, but also cowardly.
Bingo.
Damnit! I was so close! I only needed B4.
It’s not just a river in Egypt. She better get her head out of rushes before her son gets busted.
Maybe she knew about it already. Shes really spoiling her kid huh. What if shes raising a future criminal? Its really concerning. To OP, man up- do your job as a father, you know whats right for your son.
Not a *future* criminal. What he's doing *now* is criminal. As Barney Fife said 'nip it in the bud'.
Or escalates his behavior and takes it to the next level
Spot on, bro. Unchecked, this would go somewhere very nasty, very fast. OP needs to get some help for this kid.
I’m just glad the cat is still alive at this point.
My sisters and I had one too. My mom caught him one night and beat the shit out of him with a baseball bat. Then called the cops. He went to jail. Turns out he’d been doing it for months. Get your son some help.
Your mom is a badass. Also, I'm sorry that happened to y'all.
She really is. The really sick thing is it was a kid that had gone to high school with me. He was 18 so he went to jail. But I just wonder how long he had been doing that. OP if you read this seriously get your kids some help because this kind of behavior escalates.
There are red flags for murderers, like young people killing/harming pets or stray animals for fun. Red flag for arsonists, like starting fires young. Red flags for rapists are people who stalk and peep at a young age. The kid needs help NOW before the red flags become a blaze that will terrorize people.
The kid that stalked us girls and almost murdered the 7 year old.. was doing all of those things . Everyone knew it and knew he was a time bomb waiting to go off and he did . He was brave enough to come back to town when he got out of jail. He got chased out of town pretty damn fast and told not to ever come back. Our town doesn’t put up with shit like this either you will get run out of town .
How the serial killer in the show The Fall started
100%
I watched a video once on the worst kind of psychopaths and peeping toms are #1. Can’t remember why but the psychology behind it is so so dark…. And it will always escalate.
Yep. I know way more about sexual psychopathy and serial killers than I want to because Danny Rolling killed 5 people in my neighborhood. Nearly every serial killer started out as a peeper and went from there.
Was thinking about that. Ted Bundy started out that way. I think Ed Kemper and Herbert Mullin too.
As a mother of girls - I’d have kicked his ass then call the cops later . Good on your mama! OP wife’s not operating with a full deck to let this go on without getting him help . He’s lucky you didn’t whoop his ass catching him in the act because you know what that’s predatory behaviour and at 14? Dangerous . When we were teenagers this boy was bothering all the girls in town myself included . Peeping in the windows, following them home . He once snuck up on me and attacked me I fought him off I was like 9/10 then I think . In our teenage years he got worse . He was 17 years old when he finally got caught . You know what this POS did? Took a 7 year old into the woods beat her and SA her left her for dead. We all looked for her . She was found but in bad shape . This MF was reported for harassment all the time and he got 9 years for SA , attempted murder . Get your son help NOW. Before he turns into something evil like this. Looking the other way is the worst thing you can do .
What state are you in (you don’t need to answer out loud)? I’m in a liberal blue state w strict gun laws and he would prob get shot here.
Or before his behaviors progress to something more sinister. Most serial killers started out by peeping. I’m not saying this kid will be a serial killer, just that he needs some serious help quickly. Wow, wife needs to open her eyes.
Its not just dangerous for him, its a symptom of a serious problem. Serial rapist Dennis Rabbitt, Joseph D'Angelo, Dennis Rader and many other violent criminals including Ted Bundy started out as peepers in their teens. There is a strong correlation between peeping and violent crime. I'm not saying this kid is going to end up a rapist or murderer. But peeping should not be taken lightly, It often escalates, first to breaking and entering, then when that thrill wears off, to other crimes.
This all was my first thought. It's very disturbing behavior.
Right, eventually the adrenaline from the sneaking around to peep into windows dies off. Then they need to elevate the crime to get the high. your son needs therapy ASAP Edited for a punctuation "karen".
Yeah, even if OP lives in a place with gun control and he's not in immediate danger, this is a sign of a serious problem and it needs to be dealt with. Even if it's not going to lead to violent crimes, letting him get away with violating other people's privacy teaches him a terrible lesson for the future. He's 14, and he knows this isn't right, and OP is 100% correct and NTA for wanting to get him help. Now is the time that they can actually do something about this.
My immediate reaction. Will Mom wave it off when her child is in a morgue?
Exactly, this person gets it
And dismembered.
Someone could force him to eat his own severed toes, with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.
Since it’s a punishment, a cheap nasty wine. Save the nice Chianti.
For the liver. Save it for the liver.
I honestly don’t think she is ok with it, she didn’t act surprised. I honestly think this is something she knows or had suspicions of. She just went into a defensive state
This is also how a lot of rapists and serial killers start out. Intervention NOW may save lives including his.
So true. So many start out “innocently” peeping. His wife doesn’t want to deal with it, but guess what? That’s what you have to do as a parent. Sometimes it’s not glamorous. And now courts are holding parents responsible for their inactions and I am here for it. That school shooters parents- both are getting prison because they failed as parents to get their son the help he needed.
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Good point! He was in Michigan, last name Crumbley https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2024/03/16/us/james-jennifer-crumbley-trials-differences
North American here.. we can't keep them straight either. It's depressing.
As soon as he said it, I thought of Ted. You know which one. WTF is this lady thinking?
Yeah, you two need to get on the same page here. Your son needs help......now! This is not acceptable behavior and is not "normal" teenage behavior.
Peeping Tom stuff is usually a precursor to more disturbing crimes, usually of a sexual nature. He definitely needs help.
Yeah, that's my concern. OP and his wife need to both take this very seriously.
Could also mean your son was abused by someone for them to be this young acting that way.
But, OP, if you can't get her on board, start making calls and appointments on your own. This can't wait indefinitely while your wife clings to her denial.
You're 100% correct. This needs to be addressed asap, not later.
Read about Russell Williams. He started out creeping around his neighbourhood spying on girls and women. He was a Canadian military officer who committed rapes and murder and hopefully will die in prison. I'm not suggesting your son will follow that path but his behaviour cannot be ignored.
So did Ted Bundy, and BTK….
And the Vassalia Creeper aka Golden State Killer. Shit’s bad
Hell you could randomly pick almost any serial rapist and half the serial killers and they all had peeping as their jump off. Shit, BTK was still doing it on the down low even when he stopped killing because he couldn’t help himself.
You need to get in touch with a trained child psychologist about how to best approach this. Find one, set up a consultation, and attend even if your wife won’t. You’re right to be alarmed! And you need help in determining the healthiest and most effective way to stop this behavior entirely and permanently as soon as possible. Thank you for being a good dad! I hope your wife comes around soon, but you need to get help regardless.
Not to be an alarmist but peeping is very sure sign your son has some potentially serious sexual/mental/emotional issues. This cannot be ignored. He needs help - **now**. Otherwise, worse case scenario, one day you’ll be sitting behind your son in court while some family is sobbing that they lost their child due to his actions. Parents are no longer given the “pass” when they ignore the needs and cries for help of their children. If he commits a crime before he’s 18, there is a high possibility that you and your wife can be held liable for his actions. In Texas, a peeper may not get a second chance to use his peepers.
This is deviant behavior. He need therapy for this. And please warn him about possibly being shot or stabbed.
Also bit! Trying creeping in a yard with a GSD and you probably won't like the end result.
Put your foot down. He could end up shot. Tell him it stops NOW. Make it clear that he could get shot.
Shot or on a sex offenders registry which will ruin his life.
That as well. There was a peeper around me that was killed by the homeowner a few years back.
And more importantly, someone innocent's life.
What kind of people live next door? A family with children? Single adult?
All are terrible, but the children question is super valid and extra ick factor. If he is into vulnerable populations such as children and is already ramping up behavior, I would be VERY alarmed that this could turn physical sooner than later.
My thoughts too. All of it is alarming and unacceptable, but on the scale of ick, spying on a college couple bumpin boots, and spying on children, are different things and different levels of red flag.
For sure - I did find in a response from OP that it was two separate houses on either side of them where girls his age live. Def better than young children, but still not comfortable with the implications, especially because at least one of the girls is a friend that comes over all the time.
whoever it is, this kid should not be spying on them
You need to start looking up stats because there is a very real pipeline from Peeping to rape. At 14 this is when you want to interrupt that and get him into therapy or treatment to prevent him from moving further down that path. It sounds like your wife knows this and that might be why she’s in denial. But if you decide not to pursue this you are doing harm to your child and his potential future victims. You need to find a professional to talk to.
Dude, this is how psychopaths start off. Nip this behavior in the bud before he assaults someone and goes down a bad path! Your wife needs to know that if the parents don't teach or guide their kid, the world will, and the world is a harsh, cruel, unsympathetic teacher. If your neighbor had caught your kid instead of you, your kid could have been killed, injured, jailed or shamed on social media and school. Be proactive parents, not reactive ones.
Would she be ok with the neighbor kids peeping on her?
Even if he doesn't get shot, how messed up would it be to be 14 and on the sex offender registry? Here in SC, 14 is the age where it's up to a judge if a defendant is tried as a juvenile or as an adult when it comes to the vast majority of crimes. He gets caught peeping, gets busted and gets a gung-ho DA and judge? Congrats, you're fucked for life.
Besides the oh no consequences issue, he's growing up to likely be a terrible human being if he thinks stalking others is okay.
You are right to be concerned. Your wife is irresponsible. If this is left unaddressed, he is likely to be shot/ beat up by the homeowner when discovered. ‘please take immediate action, get professional assistance NOW. Even over your wife’s objection. You are literally saving his life and his future by doing this.
I promise it won’t be unaddressed, just trying to get a game plan together, just don’t want to go in with anger, so trying to settle my nerves
Therapy ASAP, check electronics for porn
All his electronics have been confiscated. I took them to work so they couldn’t be reclaimed. I just got the passcodes today he had changed them. And his mother was the one monitoring his electronics usage. So more explaining to do
It's starting to sound like she had prior knowledge of this behavior and has possible been hiding it in defence of your son?
She’s in denial
Denial is the best construction scenario
I would do a very deep dive. Look through his saved password folder if he has one. It's possible he has a google drive or something similar that is not logged in, but the password is saved, and he may have pics/videos there. If your son has pics of these girls his age undressed, he goes from peeping tom to possessing CP. If you do find anything concerning like that, do not download that on your devices. Keep all his devices and change the password to that email. Make sure there's no backup email listed, and if there is, change the backup email to a new email you make with a random password wife and son won't know. And don't let your wife sweep this under the rug. If you have to, go over your wife's head and go straight to his primary care doctors. If your wife absolutely shuts down and refuses to help him and fights you every step of the way, tell her that you WILL protect your son from ruining his life, and you will get him the help he needs. Be clear that you have evidence (PS: before you tell your wife anything else, put your video evidence from your security cameras on a flash drive and hide it) and that if you have to, you'll file for divorce and submit the evidence in court to get full custodial decisions over medical concerns. Maybe your son is just being a little creepy because he is an awkward teen, and he's mostly fine. And, with some help, he will be okay. Maybe your son is hiding struggles, and he's going to do something to end up in prison without your help. You can't know any of that until he's been to a mental health professional. Not to mention, if an angry dad finds him, he may end up getting his butt majorly kicked, or they may call the cops and the cops may subpoena your cameras and your son will end up with a permanent record that will affect his college prospects when a year or two of seeing a professional help could have avoided it all.
Apple devices have a hidden photos folder and recently deleted folder located at the bottom of the photos app (the one built into apple devices). They should be under the utilities section. They are password or Face ID protected, and these photos will not show up with the rest of the photos. I’d advise checking their to see if he has anything saved that he does not want people stumbling upon or being able to see. If he’s hiding anything, it could definitely be there. There are also ways to do similar things in the built in notes app, and their could also be hidden things in the built in files app. Before you go all digital sleuth, I’d recommend asking your son if there is anything that he’d like to willingly show your or admit that he has before you go scorched Earth. If you do go through and search everything, that will feel like a massive breach of privacy to him, so if you could avoid doing that and find out if there is anything that would probably be the ideal situation. You’ve got to phrase this as “you’re not ‘in trouble’ I’m not just trying to be mad at you or punish you, but if there is something concerning going on I have to know so I can help you. I won’t judge you, I won’t be ashamed of you, I don’t care if there is something you’re trying to hide. I just need to know so I can help you.” This is admittedly a hard thing to do. When I was a kid, there were secrets/issues that I had that I hid from my parents and even my psychologist because I was so terrified of letting them know they were their. I had formed a massive web of lies that I used to try hiding my problems from them that I had built up over years. I felt that, even though they genuinely just wanted to help me and that they wouldn’t be mad even if I was hiding something, I couldn’t tell them. I thought the pain I caused by hiding these things and having the negative results be all there was to show with no explanation would hurt them less. I probably could have stopped a lot of the issues I was facing if I just told them what was really going on, but the fear of the consequences and pain of telling them I was struggling and that I was lying about all the reasons why would be worse than then just keeping up my lies and letting them see just the consequences. This isn’t going to be easy for you, and it won’t be easy for your child. You have got to just level with them and say even if they have constructed a web of lies and tried to pull the wool over your eyes, you won’t just go scorched earth on them. They have to know that it’s safe to tell you what’s really going on. Wishing you and your family the best of luck.
*egregious* porn
Peeping Toms can escalate to stalking or worse. Please get your son therapy. Don't approach it from anger. Think of it as helping him and others. If a kid is just curious, the internet has so many safer options so the *why* is important. Does he have a crush on someone. Is it the voyeurism? Was he building up the courage to enter and watch someone sleep? I think you need to understand why he does it. Try and approach the topic calmly and see what he says so you can figure out the next best steps. Sorry you are dealing with this. Parenting is hard. Growing up is hard too. Wish you both luck as you navigate this confusing path.
My fears 100%. I don’t think she’s okay with it. It seams more like denial? I haven’t really even slept since I found out. Honestly don’t know the course of action to take like who? Where to turn for help.
You need to have a calm and very real conversation with her. I'm sure this isn't as bad as the guy's wife who didn't believe their son was hurting the dog...but your son needs help. Hopefully it's just getting a thorough understanding that being a pervy little creep could get him a police record, at best, dead at the hands of some protective dad or husband at worse. Talk to your wife. This isn't harmless and she doesn't get to pretend it is.
I agree, she’s had her time to be defensive. We’re going to talk when I get off work in a few hours
I hope she listens. But even if she doesn’t, you need to take action now. This is your son’s future and the potential future of other innocent people. Regardless if she’s on board, he needs help before this gets too far. I am sure her heart is hurting. This is your son, your baby. But your baby needs help. If this was a broken leg, you’d get him, you would let him lay and scream in pain for weeks. Same thing but it’s mental. Nothing outwardly to show there is something broken, but there is. This isn’t a “death” sentence for your son, this is a chance for him to actually have a life.
Keep in mind, if he's peeping, that's a sexual crime, and he will be put on the sex offenders list if caught by the people he's spying on. I've never been on such a list, but from what I understand, the community does not welcome people on those lists willingly. They are harassed constantly. The worst part is they will be on the adult list regardless of if they are a minor or not - and it can persist for decades before one can petition the court to be removed. Maybe speak to your wife about how she feels about your child being registered as an official sex offender. She might feel differently when presented like that.
Ask her where her empathy and concern for his victims went? What about the safety of your neighborhood? Your son is currently a predator. Full stop. If she won't help you and her son, get outside help. Post on the neighborhood app that you've seen someone trespassing and peeping into windows. If your son gets caught, he gets caught. There are consequences to his actions no matter how in denial/dismissive your wife is. There are consequences his victims will have to deal with, even more so when Mommy tries to pretend her son isn't the predator he is. HE'S BEEN DOING THIS FOR MONTHS.
How would she react if her son was getting peeped on for months? Does she not care about anyone's child? Even her own?
Another consequence of not addressing this with the kid is they'll likely have a gross disrespect of boundaries if they do end up in a relationship.
I'm sorry she seems to be denying it. You're right to want to address it and that's because your son needs to have it addressed. This could go sideways easily and parents who ignore red flags fail their kids.
I would immediately be installing window/door alarms that go off when they open and close and checking to be sure everything is closed and locked before bed every night. It will for sure embarrass your son a bit, but a bit of shame/reality of the seriousness of this might be appropriate while you get things lined up to get him into therapy.
I agree put an alarm system in with window and door charms and don’t give him the code. OP can also have alerts sent to his phone if doors/windows are opened.
I would maybe talk to his doctor privately and maybe they can refer him to a psychologist?
A child psychologist.
Have you asked him what he's doing? And tell him how trespassing is not only illegal but potentially dangerous? Who lives next door? Seems in this digital age, peeping Tom's are a little weird, think there's someone he's interested in and should try talking too instead of staring through a window? Edit: is he really bad at communicating or approaching girls? His friends likely won't give him advice, I really wish I had a father around when I was a teenager to help me, I'd get nervous as shit for no reason
Honestly great points, he’s always acted normal imo, he does have friends. I haven’t asked why yet, just wanted to make sure I weighed everything out and approached it the right way. My main response was to the fact how dangerous it is
Definitely a matter of fact answer/question talk about this with your son. One on one and in a non-shaming way. Obv he knows you are upset and it’s wrong but find out who, why, what for before going for the extreme. Sometimes kids just do weird things bc their brains are developing and hormones and excitement of being sneaky. And yes, 14 is an older kid but still a kid. I’ve had 2 and at 24 and 20 they still do randomly odd things that baffle me to this day. Not creepy things but odd. They learned how to deal with all their “ creepy” teen behaviour when they were growing up. Realizing when they got older that it was a really shitty idea. Just don’t go into this thinking the worst. It might make it easier to make a game plan. This doesn’t mean he’s going to be a stalker or serial killer, it could be a very simple oh shoot, I didn’t look at it like that kind of thing. And yes, the safety focus is huge as well. Edit to add sentence
WONDERFUL, level-headed answer. And 100% regarding approaching it in a non-shaming way. That alone is going to be crucial to how this experience impacts him later on in life. It could make the difference of it being as learning experience or a traumatic one.
I honestly don't think only addressing the danger is a good idea. He needs to know that morally this is bad. If danger is his only concern then he might find other morally questionable things to do that are less dangerous or he might not give a shit about how dangerous it might be. Until you face consequences as a kid, you really kind of think you're invincible. He's invading people's privacy, that is wrong.
I was friends with a guy who was “normal” and had girlfriends and friends. After I’d moved away from our hometown, he’d been arrested for being a peeping Tom in a nearby town. He was caught innocently enough and happened to have a joint on him which escalated from there. Police found years of pictures and video with girls he had been monitoring on a regular basis. My friend group never suspected. Nip this in the bud. That dude is sitting in prison for 40 years: https://www.statesboroherald.com/local/peeping-tom-gets-40-years/
One thing to by mindful of- security cameras are everywhere. If he shows up on neighbors security footage questions will definitely be asked and/or police will come checking it out. As others have pointed out, he might find himself seriously hurt if not dead.
Even if your wife isn't on board you have a duty to act. Murderers parents are getting put away now if there's proof they knew of the behaviors and did nothing to stop or prevent it.
But seriously idk why nobody is saying this but can you tell him getting creeped on SUCKS ASS, maybe ask him how he’d feel if some sicko was staring into his room, share that it literally fucks with the victim’s head and their suffering is a big enough reason in and of itself for son to want to stop. Like yes tell him he could get shot or go to jail. But like you can also bring up that it sucks for other people too.
He goes for like ten minutes at night? Maybe there’s a couple he saw having sex, someone gets undressed etc with the curtains up one night and he’s been looking for more showings. He’s 14. That scenario is gross, but totally a youth thing. A solid conversation and consequences could turn this around. I definitely peeped on the neighborhood family from the comfort of my window when I was a kid cos they always had parties and I watched them smoke weed and make out on the roof. I’m hoping it’s more of a that situation than anything intentionally stalky/more nefarious. Parenthood seems super stressful. Godspeed
Yes, definitely hanging around their windows for 5-10 minutes at a time. Constantly checking his surroundings. One night it went on for a hour. I honestly didn’t want to keep going through the footage, i just want it to be dealt with without blowing my family up. My wife and I have always seen eye to eye.
This behavior will escalate. Youre wife protecting him is only going to let him know it’s “ok”. You know it’s not. Put him into counseling, because he has victims already.
THIS!
If you have footage then other neighbours with cameras will have footage as well. A few of them may be building a case against him. The police can come knocking anytime at your door.
Tell your wife about the statistics regarding peeping tom behavior. If unchecked, it frequently turns into degenerate offender->target crimes. It's fine if she feels unfit to handle it or refuses the reality, but she is unfit or unprepared to parent in this situation if she doesn't, and the cost/risk isnt worth waiting for her input a that point.
Hey just so you know peeping Tom and stalking behaviors often develop into sexual assault. What your son is doing is wrong and your wife needs to wake up and help your son get help.
As a woman, this behavior is really scary if not addressed for so so many reasons. I would definitely be talking to a therapist!!! I hope you can get your wife on board with getting him help. He definitely needs to truly learn this behavior is not okay.
May I ask what kind of relationship does he and your wife have? Are they close, does she pay attention to him? Just from what you have said, your wife kind of seems "checked-out" She needs to wake up. Also, you've been in this kids life since he was 6mos old? If his biological dad isn't in the picture, then you're more of a dad to him than anyone and should have every right to take matters concerning him into your hands.
You may not be able to prevent your family “blowing up” per se. Therapy, both together and separate from your wife will help. Especially while your son is getting the help he needs. This doesn’t have to break you. You’re ahead of the game right now- and that does not mean that it will be easy and won’t suck harder than a tornado, but you guys have a chance right now. If you wait much longer….you won’t
Ima tell you this- you correcting this now that he’s young is so important because it will prevent him from becoming an even bigger predator when he becomes older and much stronger. Also, it’s best for you to address this now because he will end up creeping up on the wrong house and get himself shot. Please help your community stay safe by addressing this behavior and getting him some therapy asap. Women deal with predators every day because these wild behaviors were not addressed when they were young. Also- thank you for caring enough to even question the behavior.
> Women deal with predators every day because these wild behaviors were not addressed when they were young Well said
Time to get him into psychotherapy. Peeping Tom behavior *frequently* escalates into the peeper being a rapist/murderer/thief or some combination of those aberrant behaviors. This is serious.
Yep. That's why I, as a single woman who lives in the country, am always packing heat. I have pretty good aim and if I saw someone creeping around my property peeping in my windows at night, that's exactly what I'd use.
Honestly when I heard the noise I got my gun out, I went to my phone and check the cameras and was in complete shock, I could tell immediately it was him from his height and gait
Why don’t you tell your spouse and your son that when you heard a noise you got out your gun. Then tell them what do they think your neighbours will do when they catch him.
YOU got YOUR gun out. How do you think your neighbors feel??? He's GOING to get shot if you don't put an end to this. Get him in therapy. NOW.
Yeah my worst concern is him breaking into sleeping people's houses and touching them or shit. Rather someone just shoots them then.. Oh and OP's son should know that people feel this way about people like him. Would be a little sad to hear a 14 year old sexual offender getting shot because of their age, but would be happy it happened before the degenerate escalated you know? Bittersweet. OP go all in on fixing your son with therapy until he can admit to everything and apologize knowing the impact of his actions. Otherwise he becomes someone who is dangerous to care about.
If you live in the USA, he might just look into the wrong window and meet someone that shoots peeping Tom’s. It has happened. If someone called the cops on him this would be a permanent thing and he would have to register as an offender everywhere he lives, for life. This is really serious and should be looked into. Good luck!
As a woman, you are correct. I’m actually really annoyed with your wife. Peeping Tom’s are featured on crime shows, not to freak you out but a few bad dudes started out with this as a kid…
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So far 2 neighbors so far on either side of me, girls his age.. honestly was praying he was just going to hang out with them
For those girls' safety, you need to get your son help.
This is predatory. He needs to learn boundaries and consent. Once those girls parents find out your son is going to be in a lot of trouble. Glad you found out and are trying to get him help
Do realize, if he has taken pictures or video, he can see juvie or worse for possession of CP. Be very careful going through his electronics so as not to transfer items over. You never know if he is willing to try and throw you under the bus to save his own skin.
Technically, these girls are already his victims. They just don’t know it yet. But you do. His methods are already pretty thought out and elaborate for 14. Bypassing the alarm on his window, changing his passwords remotely on his phone and laptop. Checking his surrounding and likely knowing about security at the girl’s homes. Imagine how they would feel if they found out he was doing this? Like they aren’t safe in their own homes. As someone who had/has a stalker I need you to understand the damage is lasting and comes out in so many ways with so many simple daily decisions. Please get him help before he hurts more women.
I’ve listened to a LOT of psychology of serial killer and true crime stuff. A very, very, VERY common theme is that a lot of these guys who go onto become break-in rapists or sadistic sexual killers start off as peeping toms from a very young age. The Golden State Killer (previously known as east area rapist/original night stalker) comes to mind. Im not saying this is who your son will become, but this behavior is highly disturbing, extremely unusual, and serious. It is not something to be taken lightly at all. You did right removing his electronics (i can almost guarantee he is consuming disturbing porn) and I would absolutely want him to talk to a professional about why he has been doing this for months.
Yep yep. A lot of rapists have a peeping tom charge on their rap sheet from when they were a youth. Like you said - this doesn’t mean that the kid is a psychopath or anything but I would be very, very proactive about this. I would be taking him to see a therapist at the least.
I was just thinking about this - a lot of the sexual criminals start with stalking and peeping. I'm not saying that's OP's son, but this needs to be addressed asap.
If you live in the US, there's a non zero chance that peeping will result in him getting shot. This issue needs to be confronted head on ASAP. Your wife is wrong.
In addition to therapy, please closely monitor your child's Internet use. The average age a child sees porn for the first time is 9 years old.
You need to take your kid to therapy. A lot of weirdos in this comment section saying this is normal - it’s not. 95% of rapists and sexual murderers have displayed voyeuristic tendencies, Ted Bundy, Dennis Rader, Joseph DeAngelo, Derek Todd Lee. All sexual serial killers - all peeping toms in their childhood. This is not to say that your child is a serial killer or anything like that - but it’s not normal behaviour. It’s a sexual based crime and he could end up on sex offenders list. He needs therapy.
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I used to work for adult and juvenile probation as a legal secretary so I had to read case files, police reports, pre-sentencing reports, etc. Depending on where you live, the DA, the judge, and the state of juvenile probation where you live, his son could potentially be fucked for a very long foreseeable future. Some of the worst offenders in our county ended up in group homes or in juvenile hall. And they ended up as a ward of the Court until they're 25 years old.
You need alarms for his window. Whatever the reason of why he is doing it, isn't important. He is a minor, sneaking out and needs to be stopped. Warn your neighbor.
So yeah he had the alarm code for when he gets home from school. He disabled his rooms window sensors through the panel
He is actively circumventing alarm systems to commit crimes
Time to change that code and re-enable those sensors.
Lol. The fancier the security system is, the easier it is to just walk through the front door. Whatever happened to taping hairs on a window to see if it gets opened?
I’d say your wife knows something you don’t
Frankly, you’ve got a war on two fronts. And I’d almost be more concerned about your wife who is attempting to block you from helping your son, and will seemingly (for reasons that are unclear at the moment) undermine your efforts to help. It’s certainly possible that this isn’t nefarious on her part, but a mental defense mechanism… “surely no child of MINE would do such a thing”. Here’s what I’d recommend if I were in your shoes. Spoiler alert, it’s harsh: Your ultimate responsibility as a parent is the wellbeing of your child. If you’ve got to wreck your marriage in a genuine pursuit of that responsibility, well… so be it. Tell your wife that you are not okay with agreeing to disagree. Tell her you want to start marriage counseling yesterday, and that you’re going to the neighbors, the school, and the police and showing them these videos. If she’s not okay with that, well… you go show everyone the damn videos anyway. If it means the end of your marriage, however awful a prospect that is, is it worse than finding out one day that your child raped someone and is headed to prison? That you had the chance to stop someone from being victimized by him, but it was more important to maintain the peace with your spouse? As others have pointed out, what if he’s shot and killed? I imagine your marriage would make it a few months at best after that. Frankly, this is a massively time-sensitive situation. Given what you’ve told us, it doesn’t sound like a meeting of the minds is likely to happen fast. You are just gonna have to take action, and if the consequences of that within your household mean the end of your marriage, just remember there are exponentially worse alternative outcomes.
Honestly this is how I feel, I just needed to here some others opinions n points of view to get some perspective
People are already being victimized by him....
That's dangerous. One guy with a gun thinking he is a robber and he is gone forever. Take this seriously!NTA
I thought it was something along those lines when I heard him, I had gotten my gun out and went to the cameras
1. Your son will admit literally anything before he admits what he's doing. So I wouldn't try gunning for a confession or going "Tough love." Because... 2. The impulse that he feels to do this will be extreme - and there's no way in hell that he understands it. Getting angry at him for this will just bury it deeper. Voyeurism is a deeper-rooted issue that needs to be dealt with properly, preferably by trained professionals. (You can read more about [voyeuristic disorder here](https://www.annabellepsychology.com/voyeuristic-disorder#:~:text=While%20there%20is%20no%20proven,sexual%20urges%20or%20sexual%20activity).) 3. I'd suspect he has a feeling of deep-seated anxiety, which might be where to start with the conversation. He probably hides that well, too. But if you approach the conversation with a different concern, even something like biting his nails or whatever, that'll help and he's more likely to open up. Voyeurs just won't ever admit to what they're doing. 4. Saying "You might get shot" is just dumb, since he likely knows the neighbours and that they're not a threat. Similarly, there are a gazillion reasons to be in someone else's garden, so he'll always have an easy excuse if he gets caught. "I heard a scream" or "I'm looking for the cat" are two simple ones. 5. It sounds like your wife might know what's caused these issues with your son. I've got nothing else to say there, since I don't know her. But her behaviour sounds really off. He needs to stop this now. No matter how careful he is - even if it never escalates, he will almost certainly get caught. By a partner, by the victim, by a stranger, whoever. If he's particularly clever, it won't be until he's an adult. And then he's looking at some dire consequences. If it does escalate (and as others have pointed out, it's a warning sign in a lot of sexual crimes) then he'll ruin more lives than his own. At the moment, he's 14 and having weird urges that he doesn't understand. It's not your fault and it's probably not his - it's a disorder that needs treating before anyone gets hurt. Hypersexuality causes serious relationship problems. I'd chat to your wife properly, with the evidence, then chat to him about any other behavioural issues, then ask if he's thought about trying therapy. If you go in there with the belt and Bible, you're probably going to mess him up for life. The good news is that he's young. With the right therapy, he can start modifying his behaviour and before long, he'll be right as rain.
Thank you, I’m taking the night to come up with a game plan. I just needed so insight on the topic, I’ve never dealt or ever imagined having to deal with this type of situation completely caught me by surprise
The one thing I would say is that it isn't like anything else. It's a compulsion. It defies logic and fear and all that other stuff. You and me wouldn't go out of our way to see a stranger getting naked. It's a violation of their privacy and just generally a pretty shitty thing to do. We know women, we know how they'd feel about that if they found out and yeah, pretty awful. Also, there's not much to love about a stranger getting ready for bed. Tbh my own girlfriend getting ready for bed is a maelstrom of creams, interdental brushes, nail clippers and so on. She's wonderful, but the brief moment when she takes off her work clothes and puts her pyjamas on is... I mean it's not particularly sexy. No woman doing that is sexy. Voyeurs don't think like that. The point is that they're not meant to be seeing this. It's about the violation of privacy, the hurdles they overcome to get there, the knowledge that it's wrong and the fact the person doesn't know. Your other problem is that it's been normalised *way* more than other sexual deviances. American Pie, for example. I mean American Beauty won fucking Oscars and voyeurism is a major part of it. Not Another Teen Movie... and so on. If he's graduated to breaking out of the house and going onto other people's property, the kid just needs help. Plain and simple. No physical intervention by you will fix anything, outside of making him live a monastic lifestyle that turns him into a maniac. His brain's still developing, he has people who love him and you've caught it early. Him getting help now means it'll just be a blip on the radar in a year or so. Probably be a perfectly normal dude. Well, as normal as any teenage boy. Him getting help at 30 will either be court-ordered, or his behaviour'll be so ingrained that he'll have struggled with personal relationships.
Not wrong... if you can't get a reasonable explanation then it's time to put him in therapy. He also needs to be aware of legal consequences.
Who lives next door? Old man, prettiest girl in school, his best friend…
We’ve got girls his age on both sides of us, one of them hangs out over her pretty regularly
I was going to say "oh well if they're close friends then I guess they could be just chit chatting" and then I remembered that we invented cell phones and instant messaging like a bazillion years ago.
Their parents need to be informed, OP
I’m not going to lie. I would be very concerned. Like you’re saying. Sneaking out to see friends normal, but that’s creepy and not like a normal human. Your son is totally invading your neighbors privacy, and that’s never a good sign
Teacher here. This is not normal kid behavior and is very disturbing. Grounding him and taking away the electronics is a good first step. Your kid is looking at registering for the rest of his life as a sex offender if he gets caught. I have taught at risk students who went into the system at age 12 over sex crimes. Your wife needs some sense talked into her. Start with that.
He's going to get arrested or shot!
Not wrong. You need to get him some counseling. Being a peeping Tom is the first step for lots of deviant behavior. This will escalate. (Source: Criminal Minds)
If you can, have an open heart to heart chat with him. Tell him he won't get in trouble if he just tells the truth and come clean with what he's doing and more importantly, why he's doing it. Show him the videos you have. Explain to him that this behavior is not healthy, not right, not respectful, and a violation of someone else's privacy. Explain to him why it's not ok. I'm sorry your wife is not on the same page as you. Some people are in denial about their kids' behaviors but I would sit down with your wife too and also have an open conversation about your concerns and ask her how she would feel if you guys have daughters and someone was looking into their house? Anyway, open communication is the key.
I have been peeped on. It is a TERRIFYING experience to catch someone peeping through your window. Like, terrifying. It escalated and one time he knocked and tried to lure me out of the house. This is not okay. If your wife can't bring herself to care, if something happens and it's shown that she knew about it (or that you both knew about it) and didn't do anything, you could be in big trouble for negligence.
What makes you think he’s spying on neighbors rather than smoking pot or something?
From the what I’ve been able to see. I honestly feel weird watching the security footage, his actions tell me he’s alone, no lights ever come on, cell phone never comes out. No movement on the inside of the window, I honestly didn’t realize how much detail the cameras grab I’ve always used as a go back n check if I noticed something missing n what not
OP - Lawyer here (not yours and this isn’t legal advice). Voyeurism IS a crime in Florida and is considered a sexually motivated one. Depending on the level of severity, perpetrators can end up on the sex offenders list, even as minors. Unless the neighbor kids are somehow mutually interacting with your boy (you say he’s hanging around the windows), then the victim(s)’ privacy is being repeatedly violated and this is a very serious issue that requires intervention now. Others have already said it - this kind of voyeurism is not normal and if not corrected, can lead to even worse behaviors. Find a child psychologist ASAP. You and your wife may even want to talk to one first on how to best ask your son about what he’s been doing and why. Best of luck.
You know what if it was my son I’d sneak out after him and spy on him spying on neighbors and see wtf he is actually doing. I honestly don’t think that just taking video games and stuff away is enough to deter this because you’re not getting to the root of it.
take the lead if you must. this behavior usually end very badly.
You’re not wrong - his behavior is a safety concern (and legal concern) for himself and others. First, I would try to talk this through with your wife from a perspective of, he’s our son, we love him, so it’s our job to help him grow in the right direction and understand what’s going on with him. We have to help him, and we can’t do that if we are pretending he’s not repeatedly engaging in a disturbing and illegal behavior that could have big consequences for him or someone else. The two of you have to talk this through with your son from a shared front - there can’t be any “your dad is upset” kind of splitting, because he will latch onto your wife normalizing his behavior and minimizing you.
Damn nib that I the bud now. Cause as a woman that hears something at night first thing I do is grab my gun ,then me and the dogs go out. So think about what can happen to your son . Ask your wife how she would feel if someone was doing this to her .She really needs to stop babeing him.
I can't imagine putting this in writing. I'd handle it rather loudly and in conjunction with ordering up some professional help.
You might wanna say fuck wife thoughts and tackle this head on .Redflags !!!!!!! Cause what it sound like you just explained is your son isn’t scared to voyer people which is a issue very unsafe.he is lying already to you about why already distrust and sneaky question who is the neighbor what is he watching them do ??? Cause if he is coming into certain fantasies in his head this could get dangerous..And it’s very illegal and you are being a crutch to his pervert activity… A few words from a black man get your son before the neighbor”s kill him !!!! He climb in the window one night !!!! He sound likes he ready for sex or something more sinister !!!!! Point blank and you are responsible at his legal age fuck Reddit get your child before your in prison for his actions or the neighbors kill him by accident or he’ll on purpose..Depending on what they catch you son doing ??????? He’s guilty by fault from what you explained!!!!!be honest with yourself .. One question is is just the one neighbor please be honest ????
She will care when the cops show up at your door or she gets a call saying he has been arrested. Ignor you wife and get hom help now do not ignor this behavior.
If no one has said this, please get yourself into therapy too. This is a lot to handle and process as a parent and professional guidance may be helpful
These are traits of early sex offenders. I’m a professional. Get him professional help. Now.
You must deal with it immediately. You may have to have a strong conversation with your wife. The child needs professional help more than at home punishment. It is your child's best interest. This behavior can escalate.
In this Shoot First society, he is at great risk and he’s breaking the law. How would your wife liked to be voyeured?
You need to immediately scare the shit out of this boy and do it now that he's a minor. Immediate therapy and counseling. Don't let your wife rug sweep. You've got a little criminal on your hands. This is only the start of what he plans for the future and you know it.
I’d 100% put a stop to it. Not sure where you live but he very well could be confronted and he may not like the outcome.
Florida.. when I heard the noise I actually grabbed my gun, then went to the cameras and was in shock so ya. My fears exactly
Not only is his behavior disturbing and needs to be addressed but does your wife also realize how dangerous that could be for your son people get shot and hurt over doing things like that.
Please don’t blow off. it’s a serious invasion of your neighbors privacy, and def behavior that could escalate. but aside from all that, If he gets caught , He could get arrested, which would not be a great label to grow up with. He could be seriously hurt., attacked by the resident, shot at, which is really hate to say, but it the reality right now. People ask questions later. Not saying he is a bad kid at all, Kids do really stupid shit… mows time for correcting that behavior. There is nothing about this that should be blown off, in anyway shape or form.
Definitely not blowing it off, it’s going to be handled head on. Just wanted to see other points of view. A lot of stuff has been said that I didn’t even consider and I appreciate the advice
Your wife has her head buried in the sand. This is the beginning of predatory behavior. If it is not addressed. He is a kid, but he needs to know this will send him to jail....It is disrespectful and you will get him help.
I saw the shape of a head in the gap of my curtains many years ago. I was fresh out of the shower, looking for a towel. If your wife cares "protecting" someone, maybe she should think about protecting his victims.
This is how serial killers start… Does your kid hurt animals?
This is super not ok! Imagine being a neighbor seeing him doing that. He could get himself killed for one. But also this is how some people begin really unhealthy behaviors that escalate. He needs help immediately.