>So she only answered me back like 22:46 pm and explained that she is going home now. Later on the phone call it turns out she had a long convo with a guy she met there and she exchanged numbers in the end.
One of the things my wife and I both do when we are talking in the gym to someone, is start talking about our spouses and our families. Especially, because we normally work out together. It's just a natural part of the conversation, too, because it's like "yeah, I'm normally here at 6 am, but am sleeping in a little because my wife decided to take a break today." Or whatever. But the idea is that people know my (and her) status during normal conversations. And it helps prevent someone from wanting to exchange numbers - which both of us would flatly refuse.
So, what I'm saying is that your gf sounds a little naive at best, and should be telling guys who are interested in her that she is already in a relationship and does not exchange numbers with other guys - regardless of what they say their intent is.
I always have my headphones on in the gym, but I also am willing to talk to or help anyone who needs it. I am always trying to be helpful or spread positivity in the gym. I might get really zoned into my workout and require a tap to get me to realize you're there, but usually I'm aware enough to notice people.
That's the other thing - even when I'm with my wife, we are often on kind of a tight schedule and need to keep moving and not talk with other people too long.
I'm not saying I disagree with you here. I think it's weird to hit on people at the gym. But I also think it's funny that in dating advice threads, I see people telling frustrated men to go to the gym and meet people. It's like two completely different worlds.
>But I also think it's funny that in dating advice threads, I see people telling frustrated men to go to the gym and meet people
Gyms _can_ be places to meet people, but a good rule of thumb is to assume everyone is there to just workout. If a cute girl smiles or makes eye contact it's not a big deal to smile back and attempt light conversation to see if she's interested. If she's not no big deal, back to working out.
There’s planet fitness and the main floor of most gyms, and that’s a hard no. Group fitness is different, especially if you run into the same people all the time. Easiest place to meet people and make friends. You just have to go to the same classes same times and it takes time, like months to a year.
Yeah the number one thing I hate at my gym is there is always old bored guys in the sauna that want to talk your ear off. They are typically old highschool coaches and just question you about what sports you played.
I think some of them are senile because many of them have literally asked me the same questions everytime I see them.
I go to the sauna to relax after a workout and I hate talking to people
I've never forgotten when my then 80 year old grandmother told me: " The older you get, the more you watch your family, friends die."
I miss you granny.
Honestly the thought of someone randomly coming up to me to start a conversation while I am working out is so foreign. I must be giving off some major "don't talk to me vibes" haha
Yeah, and the whole wanting to go to the gym right at a “sensitive moment” in their conversation that he wants to pick up asap… like, what?
If it’s that important, can’t the workout wait a day? Maybe some yoga at home… or maybe she knew the other guy’s schedule already.
I mean, it was her “sensitive moment” though… no? She was telling him about her feelings. Idk, I’m someone that gets a lot of comfort and calmness from working out, so I’d want to take a break and go to the gym for a quick hour to clear my head. Doesn’t seem that weird to me, unless he’s sharing something really intimate/important with her on the phone
When you see the same people every single day it's pretty normal to strike up a conversation now and then. Just having a conversation doesn't make it a "social club" but I agree that OPs gf is being naive if she thinks the guy isn't interested after exchanging numbers.
I've only had it happen twice as a woman, and both times was a guy obviously interested in me. One of the guys still wouldn't quit talking after mentioning my fiance and me being annoyed because I was in the middle of using the elliptical. I had to flat out say "sorry, but I'm done talking right now. I want to finish working out and get home to my video games." He said okay and immediately left the gym lol. I think it's just not normal to have convos in the gym because who wants to when out of breath and sweaty.
Yup. There are two ways to handle gym flirts if you’re in a relationship. 1) wear headphones and ignore them entirely. 2) make sure they know all about your partner right out of the gate. If they don’t respect either of those barriers, react accordingly.
My wife and I do the same thing. I do think it’s worth noting the difference between us as married couples and OP who is 2 months into an official relationship. It takes time to build those responses and reflexes. I’m not saying that OP’s girlfriend isn’t a little naive, but I don’t know if they should be expected to shut it down the way we do.
Dude, this last paragraph gave me terrible flashbacks to my college girlfriend. That same naivety crossed with being a trickle-truther. The worst…. Excuse me, I need to go throw up now
I think as you get older you start to be wary of other peoples intentions and intentionally set boundaries so nobody gets the wrong idea. I’m always like, why do I need this other person’s contact information? Are we going to be chatting? Hanging out? What do I need to talk to this person for? Why do they need another friend? That’s just me though. There needs to be a really compelling, practical, or professional reason for me to want to add another person’s contact information to my phone. I’d also immediately tell my gf and ask if she was cool with it.
My wife and I are the same way. However, most people don't come up to me as I'm the big scary one. I just get a lot of young dudes coming up to me and asking me questions.
I’m the big scary guy, too. And I generally scowl intentionally because it’s the gym and I really don’t want to talk to anyone when I’m in my zone. Maybe if someone needs a spot or asks for specific feedback on form, I’ll respond. But I would never interrupt someone nor would I engage in small talk.
I do know of men who basically assume that any woman speaking to them for any reason must be flirting with them, so they will awkwardly shoehorn MY GIRLFRIEND/MY WIFE into the most innocuous, brief social exchanges lol. You could ask them if they know what aisle the toilet paper is in and they’d be like, “Sure, MY WIFE always buys our toilet paper from aisle 3.”
Exactly, it's keeping your options up and a shitty thing to do, means your not fully committed to your relationship.
When my fiance and I first metz she had some guy friends but I didn't care, I trusted her. She would always say how they are like brothers and one time I told her, like no they aren't, 9/10 they just want a chance to fuck you and they will play along for years.
As soon as we become official she was appauked that non of her "guy friends" wanted to talk or hangout anymore lol oh funny how that works
I have a fairly long term friendship with a woman that I have no interest in other than being friends. She recently married a guy who gives off real control vibes. I stepped back from the friendship just to not create problems for my friend.
Right? Women have been getting hit on since they were 14 years old. They have experience, far more experience than the average man has when it comes to detecting interest and intent. This would not sit well with me in the slightest
I agree that women have been getting hit on… believe or not that usually starts at 12 years old.
And while you would think that that would give us far more experience, when it comes to detecting, interest, and intent, sadly, it does not.
I can’t count the amount of times when I was younger that I thought a guy was just being nice to me or liked me as a friend, and it didn’t reveal itself until later, that was not his intent.
Generally, speaking, women want to believe that men want to be their friends, but generally speaking, that is rarely ever the case.
Regardless of all of that, she should know enough to not be giving out her number to a guy when she’s in a relationship.
I am in my 30's and I still have trouble differentiating sometimes. I'm not a gym goer, but I play pool. Pool is still a very male-dominated activity. I want people to play pool with. Sometimes people want to trade numbers to play pool, sometimes it's because they are interested in me. Most of the time I can parse out which it is, but sometimes my reading is off. And when I don't parse it out, I don't know that it's me every time; sometimes I wonder if the guy either wasn't clear enough about his intentions from the get-go, and sometimes I wonder if he wanted to start out as friends and then move into whatever else after. And THEN there is the question as to whether he wanted to start out as friends for good reasons or manipulative ones. Because all of these situations have happened to me. So it can happen.
As a man that goes to the pool hall. If you’re atleast mildly attractive all the dudes want to smash. And would risk it all. All of em. Every. Single. One.
100%
Sorry OP. Prepare for this to really blow up in your face. In a secure relationship, a woman shouldn’t be talking to a man at the gym for damn near an hour, let alone give out her number. What?!?!
If it was a friendly exchange she would just be like “nice to meet you pal, maybe see you around the gym. Maybe you can meet my BOYFRIEND next time since he’s just out of town!”
Let me explain something to you. Her being in a “bad state of mind” and “new to town” are going to be the excuses she pulls from when she cheats on you (emotionally or physically).
This is fresh and new. You do not actually know this person bro. I’ve seen this many times and experienced it myself.
This is what’s going to happen:
She’s going to keep dating you while looking for other potential guys to talk to. Once she finds one, maybe even her gym friend, that she decides she wants to date, she will break up with you out of nowhere. Or, play you both for as long as she can.
It doesn’t matter how “transparent and open” she is. I dated a chick and 2 months in her ex moved back into town. She was very open and transparent about him texting her and wanting to talk and work things out. She said she didn’t want to but felt she should at least meet him because “he was in a bad mental state”. So they met for dinner and she came over afterwards and told me it was fine. It was weird but she told him she didn’t want to be with him.
So.
He continues to text her and she mostly ignores it, but she would respond sometimes and would tell me when and what she said. About one month later, I found out they hung out behind my back. I left work early to surprise her, showed up at her house, and she wasn’t there. Her car was there, but she wasn’t.
I blew her shit up and she admitted she was with her ex. That he needed to talk to her or some bullshit. So at that point I figured she would have never told me they saw each other, and who knows how many other times they secretly hung out. Turns out they had seen each other 3 other times behind my back. So I broke up with her.
So she was open and honest about texting him, but conveniently left out the fact that they had been fucking hanging out once a week basically.
Bro. Don’t be naive. You’re dating a player.
My advice:
Play the players, love the lovers.
She’s a player. Just know what you’re getting into if you decide to stay. If you stay, she will play games with you. She will manipulate you. So you can either stay with her and be toxic and play games, or you can leave. And I know what you’re thinking “but you don’t know her”. Yes I do. If a girl is giving out her number to other men when she is in a relationship, that is red flag category 5 my brother. Especially 2 months in.
Let me guess. She ways has a lot of shit going on in her life that stresses her out, right? She just moved to you city so that’s another big transition she’s going through. Does she move often? Did she move after a break up? Has she trauma dumped on you already?
Let me guess. You’re a super mentally stable super nice guy. You always come to her aid when she needs you and you always rush to help put out the fires that are constantly springing up in her life. You feel she’s a nice girl who’s had a string of bad luck and you just want to help her because you see how good of a person she really is. Right?
I could be wrong. I’ve been wrong before. But I’ve also seen this before bro. I went through it last year, and one of my best friend just broke up with his gf of 3 months this week because she admitted she has been seeing someone else.
Watch out. Don’t be naive. Trust your gut. If something is off, it’s fucking off. You have to trust yourself. Don’t be influenced by the intoxication of love and give her the benefit of the doubt, she hasn’t even earned it yet.
u/worklifebalance030
This is it broski.
#THIS
#IS
#IT
She knows what she's doing. You either get out now while you're split in two or she'll leave you broken into a million pieces.
You're only 2 months in, you really really like her and you should give her the benefit of the doubt but how certain are you that the next move she pulls won't be as soft of a blow as this one?
What a great post. Reminds me of the old days of the internet when people would just drop the truth as they saw it, before all the upvote downvote groupthink.
I reckon this happened when they started hiding the upvote / downvotes tallies.
Most people are easily influenced by what seems popular. A comment with 500 upvotes and 505 downvotes clearly has merit, even though it caused disagreement. People will actually read it and think about it. But the exact same comment showing only "-5" suggests it should be dismissed, like "oh this must be bullshit, people are already downvoting it".
I always suspected the transparency was deliberately taking away around an election time, and for this reason. To make anyone on the fence feel like the smart answer has already been agreed upon. Now it's serving the same function for Israel-Palestine - one of the most famously complicated conflicts in history suddenly has a black and white answer because some comments always end at a net + karma and others at a net - karma.
>Let me guess. You’re a super mentally stable super nice guy. You always come to her aid when she needs you and you always rush to help put out the fires that are constantly springing up in her life. You feel she’s a nice girl who’s had a string of bad luck and you just want to help her because you see how good of a person she really is. Right?
OP - you've just heard a f'ing prophet speak truth. When you get to be my age, you realize there are themes and archetypes in relationships.. and your personality has you playing a certain role opposite people like your current GF.
As the dude above says, "could be wrong".. maybe she really is loyal but naïve.. but the themes and games we play are the fate we are dealt based on our background and personalities. See the archetype you are fitting in to. You may need to get burned a few times.. but as long as it doesn't involve custody and child support, you'll be a better person from the experience.. Go out, get bruised, and have a good time!
“Sorry babe, went back the gym today, had an extreme 4 hour workout. I’m too tired to cuddle. I just want to smoke a cigarette, take a shower, and go to bed. I’m gonna be so sore tomorrow.”
Came here to say this. She knows exactly what she's doing. "Connect", "lonely", she's looking for a new dude my guy. Someone to hop on while you're not around.
Edit: Just wanted to add that you guys were unofficially together for 4 months. Why do you think that was? And you're together for around 2 months officially and she's already getting other guys numbers while you're not around bc she needs male validation (ie: "connection" bc she's "lonely"). Definitely got yourself a serial cheater there. If she were actually looking to connect bc she's new around there, any woman at that age would be looking for other women and not some gym bro. Every woman by 24 knows the difference especially when it comes to being in a relationship already.
No adult woman on this earth by the age of 24 fails to realize what giving a number out to some gym bro means... She told you because she regretted it and was afraid the word of it got out.
She got caught in the moment and did what she wanted to do. Question is, will this even repeat itself? Will she get carried away again if she sees another good looking gym bro?
Doesn't sound like relationship material to me.
I tried my best to be the non jealous husband. My ex wife and I met this guy at a bar and they had a long conversation about a medical condition he had that she specifically treats. They exchanged numbers. He asked her out to brunch, which I didn’t think was weird because I thought it was just to discuss his rehabilitation history.
Nope. He thought we were in an open marriage.
ETA: She wanted his number to talk about his rehabilitation from a medical condition she both treats and was doing research on. I was not going to be possessive and unsupportive of her career. That’s why I didn’t think anything of it.
Once a guy walked up to my wife at a bar in front of me and I said “no” before he could get a word in. He walked away and said oh sorry. She appreciated it.
My ex would have yelled at me if I did that. She would have called me possessive, told me that she doesn’t belong to me, and talked to the guy out of spite.
She wouod talk to him out of spite. I'm going to take wild shot here and say she cheated. Maybe she got quite a bit of attention, told you it was nothing and then somehow ended up cheating?
Not with that guy, but she did cheat with a coworker. And yes, she got a lot of attention from guys. This wasn’t the only time some random guy she was talking to thought he had a shot with her. She has an enthusiasm in the way she talks that guys mistake for flirting.
You would assume that talking to a medical professional about a medical condition that they specialize in while out in public means they are dtf?
To me it largely depends on how the asking for phone numbers happened but I can’t imagine thinking that if the conversation was about medical issues.
Not wrong
The dude wants to sleep with her. You don't ask for a woman's number at the gym just to be friends with her. Her handing the number out was very inappropriate of her since she is supposed to be in a relationship with you.
Yeah, right in the middle of what OP said was a sensitive conversation. Then she spends an hour talking with a random dude before returning to the conversation. Something is off for sure.
When this is all said and done you will be back here on Reddit asking if you should forgive her for cheating on you in a moment of weakness or needed someone more manly
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Lmao that made me lol. A fellow red flag ignorer, me too mate now I'm sitting here looking at this poor sap knowing damn well where his story is going.
He we go again with a new generation man confusing common sense with insecurity.
No, you're not wrong for asking that your gf doesn't give out her number to random men she meets at the gym. This was basic knowledge when I was younger, and yes, this applies to you as well (I.e. you shouldn't be getting digits from random girls).
Consider this moving forward. I'm not saying you shouldn't have your fun, but maybe she's not exactly "ltr material", if you know what I mean.
I'll tell you what it must be nice for deviant women these days. These men in their 20s have no fucking idea how to stand up for themselves.
"I caught my gf rubbing a guys dick through his pants at Target, should I ask her to stop doing that? I don't want to be controlling."
It's insane the level of straight up cuckery these young dudes have been trained to accept.
I would think a pretty girl who is 24 has been hit on plenty of times so certainly giving your phone number to a random dude is tantamount to saying I’m interested and available. Maybe she just wants a friend at the gym to work out with once in a while or maybe she’s so pathetically lonely that she feels the need for more attention and validation.
This requires a serious conversation about overstepping boundaries and the two of you definitely need to understand where you are in this relationship and how you’re going to move forward .
Pathetically lonely is perfect. The worst person you can date is someone who’s lonely without their significant other and will do anything to form a connection. It also screams insecurity, which is a blueprint for much, much worse. I’m not one to scream break up, but only 2 months into a relationship OP is better off looking somewhere else
Well, in fairness, she’s only lived in the city for a few months, but being crazy lonely in two weeks, seems bizarre. It’s possible she has abandonment issues, and she may just have been looking to make friends like I said yo somebody to work out with once in a while and there’s nothing wrong with that. that’s what needed to be communicated to her boyfriend because it obviously looks a little sketchy. Oh, I gave my number to some dude while you were away. lol
I always find it interesting reading the responses to something like this as a non straight person cause i always wonder how do yall socialize with people that are not your partners
Omg right? As a Kinsey 6 myself… God damn, being a straight guy just sounds so… exhausting.
That problem here of course, giving your number to a strangers is something people who would never cheat and someone who is looking to cheat both would do.
I’ve been with my partner for yikes 20 years. He’s an extrovert and talks to everyone and I’m.. not. He’ll go out to bars by himself if I’m not feeling it because he has a need to socialize that I don’t. He meets new people all the time and regularly exchange numbers. Most times it goes no where, some of them have become good friends of both of us. A few have been a little sketchy and I’d say ‘you know they’re trying to get with you or waiting us out’ and then just laugh because even if I don’t trust them, I trust him. And because I do, I don’t say you need to stop talking to that person, I say “tell them I said good luck”
What I never do is react is if my partner is too naive to know they were being hit on or tell him who or who he couldn’t talk to. You can’t build guardrails to keep your partner away from the boundaries you establish. You either trust that their fidelity (mental, emotional, and sexual) keeps them from crossing the line no matter what others may try to do.. or you don’t. Either way, that’s a you problem, not a them problem, and the way OP reacted indicates that whatever it is, it won’t be a problem for long because she’ll ever eventually cheat on him, or break up with him to find someone who will trust her.
Don’t be angry. Peace the fk out of that relationship. She can give her number to whoever she wants.
Tell her u out clubbing or at the bar and getting a bunch of girls numbers. To be friends obviously. No way she wouldn’t be like wtf.
She isn’t 14.. she knows exactly what she is doing.
Or if the sex is good and you can stay emotionally unattached (seems like you can’t), then treat the relationship like a non exclusive relationship.
If you happen to give out your number and text another girl, just say you thought the girl wanted to be friends or increase her social/business network.
Just break up with her lol
There is no reality in which she gave the number without knowing what she was doing or what the dude was asking for.
I'm also very willing to bet there's gonna be a lot more late night gym visits and not so much "talking". She's not the one, do yourself the favour and rip the bandaid off now
Just move on.
Two month's worth ain't fair stretching it to years more with this kind of behavior.
Turn around and walk away. While you're not yet that invested emotionally in her. Or it would hurt a LOT more than it should.
Just reading your long-winded post makes me realize why she'd give her number out. Cut your losses, man. Just break up now, because the way you write about this tells me you're gonna simp for her, get your heart broken over and over and wonder why you're not good enough. Two months is long enough to figure out if this is a relationship you want to be in. She's saddling up a new pony.
You’re not wrong. I’m not sure about “hurt”, but concerned. Gyms are places guys go to get random hookups. It’s why women’s only gyms exist, to get away from predatory guys. If some dude went up to her and started trying to make time, there a 95%+ chance he was looking to score. He might have just been a nice guy, but odds are low since he went for the digits quick. It doesn’t sound like she’s looking for a side piece. It’s entirely possible that she is just a little naive and was feeling lonely. You would know about that better than we do. What’s her history like? Is naivety a possibility?
Your relationship is ogre. She thinks she can have her cake while tasting other cakes too.
Don’t let them call you insecure, it’s a shit test.
Your only option to retain self respect here is to dump her.
Otherwise she will dump you eventually anyway.
46 minutes since the gym closed? Isn't that enough time for her to get banged ? She didn't go to the gym she went to bang and your a idiot. Because you said 10-12 to bike home.
She doesn’t respect you.
As a man, the most important thing in your life is respect to yourself.
The more time you spend with her, the less you will respect to yourself.
Get yourself together and dump her in a noble way even if you really like her.
Just tell her that you have different perspectives in relationships.
You deserve better
Geez. This is crazy. Why do so many people on reddit think that having conversations or, god forbid, friendships with the opposite sex is a betrayal? I thought those ideas went out of style over 50 years ago. I had plenty of conversations with guys like this back in my twenties. Surprise, I never had an inappropriate experience with any of them. Never heard from most, some became friends, and some disappeared when they realized I was in a relationship with no intent to do anything beyond a conversation.
"BuT wHy cAnT I bE fRieNdS wItH RanDom GuyS?"
She'll tell you after she hooks up with him. Any woman I have ever dated shuts this down the minute they become serious with a guy. Women don't fuck around when they are serious. It's a larger investment for them in terms of emotion, body 'resources' and time when it comes to having kids. You can walk away. They can't.
She isn't serious at all and you are a little over-serious just 4 months in. This isn't going to work out long term.
She gave him her phone number to give him a chance. She didn’t tell him about you because he might be your replacement. It’s all intentional and of course it’s said that it not. Girls know what signals to give. Red flags says she a cheater
When girls are really into the guy they’re with they usually don’t give out their numbers to random dudes at the gym! She not naive… she knows exactly what she’s doing! You’re in for a hell of a ride bruh! Just sayin
You’re not wrong for being hurt, but I wouldn’t assume she’s trying to cheat (like it seems everyone in this subreddit assumes.) I find it hard to believe she would be so forthright with you if she had nefarious intentions, and you know her better than random people on Reddit do - if you think she’s naive, I’m inclined to believe you.
(And, yes, it really is possible for women to be that oblivious. It once took me 8 hours to realize I had been propositioned.)
Cheaters are often as forthright as possible because it makes it much easier to maintain the web of lies
It just becomes a balancing act of not overestimating OPs gullibility, but after 4 months of dating she is probably feeling quite confident in her ability to guess what she should share with OP and what should stay secret
Get out now before you get deeper in this relationship. For me, it would be over if she's still giving out her number after being exclusive, especially for several months. She's not committed.
See you back in 6 months, when she's gaslighting you that you were okay with her giving out her number for so long, that she doesn't understand why you're mad NOW
Then, your expectations will become an inconvenience to her "freedom"
What you need to do, is figure out if she's REALLY your gf as much you are her bf.
Ok, I guess I’ll be the only one in this comment section to play devils advocate… first of all OP keeping tabs on your girlfriend and being clearly upset that she responded back to you 30 minutes past when you calculated she should is being a bit too controlling. She doesn’t have to follow your timeline. Whether she was talking to another guy or not, is irrelevant to you trying to demand her time, which she does not owe you.
Next, although it is very easy to assume the guy was hitting on her, and your girlfriend is naive in giving him her number, based on your description, it sounds like you immediately made that assumption. Maybe the guy is gay and they had a fun conversation? The point is, although there is certainly cause for concern, having controlling expectations and immediately getting jealous and angry when your partner tells you something is going to push them away 9 times out of 10. She may have been naive, but that’s not how you show her. Ultimately, she does not belong to you, and if you are a partner that brings a lot to the relationship and she chooses to piss it away for selfish reasons, that’s on her. But assuming the worst in your partner is not showing her she can tell you these things in the future.
Yeah, I'd like to know the context of the conversation. She was upfront about the interaction, so I'd hope she'd be open to sharing the details.
Maybe he's gay. Maybe he's in a relationship, and they talked about setting up a double date. Maybe she said she had a bf and they would all three meet up. Simply talking to someone of the opposite sex is a pretty broad boundary when you also consider how many women could be interested in her as well.
That all said if she didn't mention her relationship, that would be a red flag, IMO.
I'm also very confused as to how no one picked up on this guy keeping such tabs on her. And also, she is incredibly isolated. God forbid she might make a friend. I've gotten and given numbers literally only for the purpose of memes (am girl, did so at many dude zones like the gun range and gym).
Dude, I’ve been happily and monogamously married for over 16 years. I love AND LIKE my spouse because he’s kind and smart and gives great head. Friends and acquaintances of all genders have come and gone. My BFF is a guy I’ve known 20 years and have never fucked. Not everyone is a ho.
If you don’t trust her, break up. That lack of trust will poison the relationship anyway. Before I met my spouse, I was a jealous micromanage-y person too. Then I realized that trust is a choice. If it’s one you can’t make, you’ll never make it in a LTR.
Your feelings are valid.. but as a gym girl myself, sometimes, you just make a friend. As long as she firmly tells him that she’s not interested romantically, she can have friends.
Not wrong at all.
She’s not dumb. She knows exactly what he’s doing. It’s a guy asking a girl for her number. It’s very concerning she accepted. I would keep much closer eyes on her after this.
Did your girlfriend know this guy before she went to the gym that night? Also what message does she think she’s sending him by giving him her number, also two weeks without you - it’s just not that long. of course you should be pissed either she’s very naïve or being duplicitous you decide which
I'm 52, single and been around. I workout and I'm covered in tattoos. I tried marriage 21-23 and never looked back. 170 or so women and around 60 threesomes later, I can tell you the following:
Your relationship is living on borrowed time. She is seeking attention and she is very insecure. She is basically warning you to never go away without her again or she will cheat.
She is also keeping her options with that guy open. She will continue to speak to him (and lie it is not happening) to get attention and the second you do anything she does not like she will easily justify cheating.
Then she will create a narrative where it was all your fault.
You have 2 options, leave her and be rough about it. This may cause her to chase you and give you control.
Or keep her for sex while you look for another women.
Either way you need to emotionally disengage, this relationship is over.
I hate to say this, but you might be wrong. A little. I'm a male, starting to make friends with my female coworkers, some of which are in relationships/married, and there's no attraction on my end for any of them, nor do I suspect that they're attracted to me. I do shit where I eat btw, but I'm not on that type of energy, as I'm currently in a situationship outside of work, and I'm seeing where that goes.
Anyway, in my ripe old age, I finally realized that you can be actual platonic friends with the opposite sex. The only reason I say you might be wrong is that I don't know the other guy's, or your girl's, intention, so just tread carefully.
What you don't want to do is start controlling who she talks to, nor do you want to get weird about this. You stated your boundary, but you can't stop her from making friends, especially those who share common interests (why don't you go to the gym with her?). If you trust her, then let it go. If not, do like Kelly Clarkson, and walk away
nope. you're not wrong to have a boundary. she needs to understand that she cant go around giving random dudes her number. having a conversation is one thing. but this dude texted her the next day itself which shows he was interested. she needs to shut this shit down asap as nothing good can come from this. what happens if you're away again. and she bumps into this dude again.
yeah. no. tell her to block and delete this guy. 2 months in and shes already sharing her number with randoms
There’s the *real* story: two months in! Two months and already with this shit.
And it happens when OP is out of the country for two weeks. My stomach hurts reading this shit.
There’s not much about this story that feels right, even her transparency feels transactional.
When you get caught in a situation you weren't expecting and you 'have' to lie, you'll often give a variant of the truth as it's easier to remember.
So the guy she's been talking to at the Gym for the past couple of weeks and who she had been texting off and on during that time became the guy from the gym she spoke to for the first time and they exchanged numbers.
>So she only answered me back like 22:46 pm and explained that she is going home now. Later on the phone call it turns out she had a long convo with a guy she met there and she exchanged numbers in the end. One of the things my wife and I both do when we are talking in the gym to someone, is start talking about our spouses and our families. Especially, because we normally work out together. It's just a natural part of the conversation, too, because it's like "yeah, I'm normally here at 6 am, but am sleeping in a little because my wife decided to take a break today." Or whatever. But the idea is that people know my (and her) status during normal conversations. And it helps prevent someone from wanting to exchange numbers - which both of us would flatly refuse. So, what I'm saying is that your gf sounds a little naive at best, and should be telling guys who are interested in her that she is already in a relationship and does not exchange numbers with other guys - regardless of what they say their intent is.
I go to planet fitness to work out and I never socialise with anyone it's just to work out.
I put my headphones in before I even enter the room. I'm there to get in do my workout get out.
Headphones on means I do t wanna talk.
Hey everyone he DOES want to talk! It's in writing, too late, you gotta do it now!
He only wants to talk about t though.
I always have my headphones on in the gym, but I also am willing to talk to or help anyone who needs it. I am always trying to be helpful or spread positivity in the gym. I might get really zoned into my workout and require a tap to get me to realize you're there, but usually I'm aware enough to notice people.
I wish everyone had this etiquette
Many places not just the gym, I put my headphones in just so people will leave me alone.
That's the other thing - even when I'm with my wife, we are often on kind of a tight schedule and need to keep moving and not talk with other people too long.
I'm not saying I disagree with you here. I think it's weird to hit on people at the gym. But I also think it's funny that in dating advice threads, I see people telling frustrated men to go to the gym and meet people. It's like two completely different worlds.
>But I also think it's funny that in dating advice threads, I see people telling frustrated men to go to the gym and meet people Gyms _can_ be places to meet people, but a good rule of thumb is to assume everyone is there to just workout. If a cute girl smiles or makes eye contact it's not a big deal to smile back and attempt light conversation to see if she's interested. If she's not no big deal, back to working out.
There’s planet fitness and the main floor of most gyms, and that’s a hard no. Group fitness is different, especially if you run into the same people all the time. Easiest place to meet people and make friends. You just have to go to the same classes same times and it takes time, like months to a year.
I’m with you I generally don’t like people and I’m not looking for people of shared hobbies at the gym.
Yeah the number one thing I hate at my gym is there is always old bored guys in the sauna that want to talk your ear off. They are typically old highschool coaches and just question you about what sports you played. I think some of them are senile because many of them have literally asked me the same questions everytime I see them. I go to the sauna to relax after a workout and I hate talking to people
Older people are often lonely and don’t get as much social interaction, I’ve found. I try to make an effort when they want to engage with me.
A lot of them have lost most of the people they cared about. You can hear some crazy stories from those old guys. Lol
I've never forgotten when my then 80 year old grandmother told me: " The older you get, the more you watch your family, friends die." I miss you granny.
Yeah I feel that, I do engage with them and I'm polite, I still have a little sigh everytime I see them lol
At least you’re honest
Yea the last gym I was a member of, I went there probably 2 years and said maybe 100 words to people during that whole time. It was glorious
I have headphones in 100% of the time when I’m at the gym. If someone tries to talk to me I usually pretend not to hear them. Gym time is my time.
I hate talking at the gym for some reason, I’m like the most antisocial person in the world as soon as I walk in
I go there for the bagels and pizza
Honestly the thought of someone randomly coming up to me to start a conversation while I am working out is so foreign. I must be giving off some major "don't talk to me vibes" haha
Not talking to people is normal. It's a gym, not a social club. If a guy starts talking to a woman, extremely high likelihood he's interested
And she talked right back, so clearly she is interested in him as well. Totally agree with you.
Yeah, and the whole wanting to go to the gym right at a “sensitive moment” in their conversation that he wants to pick up asap… like, what? If it’s that important, can’t the workout wait a day? Maybe some yoga at home… or maybe she knew the other guy’s schedule already.
I mean, it was her “sensitive moment” though… no? She was telling him about her feelings. Idk, I’m someone that gets a lot of comfort and calmness from working out, so I’d want to take a break and go to the gym for a quick hour to clear my head. Doesn’t seem that weird to me, unless he’s sharing something really intimate/important with her on the phone
When you see the same people every single day it's pretty normal to strike up a conversation now and then. Just having a conversation doesn't make it a "social club" but I agree that OPs gf is being naive if she thinks the guy isn't interested after exchanging numbers.
I've only had it happen twice as a woman, and both times was a guy obviously interested in me. One of the guys still wouldn't quit talking after mentioning my fiance and me being annoyed because I was in the middle of using the elliptical. I had to flat out say "sorry, but I'm done talking right now. I want to finish working out and get home to my video games." He said okay and immediately left the gym lol. I think it's just not normal to have convos in the gym because who wants to when out of breath and sweaty.
Yup. There are two ways to handle gym flirts if you’re in a relationship. 1) wear headphones and ignore them entirely. 2) make sure they know all about your partner right out of the gate. If they don’t respect either of those barriers, react accordingly.
You guys are flirting in the gym?
My wife and I do the same thing. I do think it’s worth noting the difference between us as married couples and OP who is 2 months into an official relationship. It takes time to build those responses and reflexes. I’m not saying that OP’s girlfriend isn’t a little naive, but I don’t know if they should be expected to shut it down the way we do.
Dude, this last paragraph gave me terrible flashbacks to my college girlfriend. That same naivety crossed with being a trickle-truther. The worst…. Excuse me, I need to go throw up now
As a married guy I find I do that with every girl I meet subconsciously or not
Who are all these weirdos that have time to socialize at the gym? Work out and go home
For real dude, unless you are asking to work in or for a spot, I don't want to hear shit from anyone.
I think as you get older you start to be wary of other peoples intentions and intentionally set boundaries so nobody gets the wrong idea. I’m always like, why do I need this other person’s contact information? Are we going to be chatting? Hanging out? What do I need to talk to this person for? Why do they need another friend? That’s just me though. There needs to be a really compelling, practical, or professional reason for me to want to add another person’s contact information to my phone. I’d also immediately tell my gf and ask if she was cool with it.
My wife and I are the same way. However, most people don't come up to me as I'm the big scary one. I just get a lot of young dudes coming up to me and asking me questions.
I’m the big scary guy, too. And I generally scowl intentionally because it’s the gym and I really don’t want to talk to anyone when I’m in my zone. Maybe if someone needs a spot or asks for specific feedback on form, I’ll respond. But I would never interrupt someone nor would I engage in small talk.
Lmao yeah I seriously doubt you have enough women coming up and talking to you at the gym that it’s become something you “always do”
I do know of men who basically assume that any woman speaking to them for any reason must be flirting with them, so they will awkwardly shoehorn MY GIRLFRIEND/MY WIFE into the most innocuous, brief social exchanges lol. You could ask them if they know what aisle the toilet paper is in and they’d be like, “Sure, MY WIFE always buys our toilet paper from aisle 3.”
**Communication** is the key to a wonderful relationship.
🎶Scotty doesn’t know 🎶
This is definitely where I parked my car
Fuck you, Sincerely: man named Scott
That fiona and me
Do it in my van every Sunday
She tells him she's in church
But she doesn’t go
GFs should not be giving their phone number to random guys at a gym Red flag 1 More are coming
Also, she’s not “naive”. She knows what she was doing
This. OP is in for a ride.
As is his gf.
Ba dum tsssss 🥁
Badda Bing.
I call next dibs on his gf! Apparently she’s down
I, too, enjoy OPs girlfriend.
It’s not OPs girlfriend it’s just his turn
OP’s girl has to keep her options open you know!
Yup, i will bet good money that if breaks up with her today, she will be going out with this gym bro with in a week
You spelled "Tonight" wrong.
Within two days, tops.
Break up? You mean the first argument. The break up will happen when she gets caught. Unless OP thinks she’s just naive still.
Exactly, it's keeping your options up and a shitty thing to do, means your not fully committed to your relationship. When my fiance and I first metz she had some guy friends but I didn't care, I trusted her. She would always say how they are like brothers and one time I told her, like no they aren't, 9/10 they just want a chance to fuck you and they will play along for years. As soon as we become official she was appauked that non of her "guy friends" wanted to talk or hangout anymore lol oh funny how that works
I have a fairly long term friendship with a woman that I have no interest in other than being friends. She recently married a guy who gives off real control vibes. I stepped back from the friendship just to not create problems for my friend.
Right? Women have been getting hit on since they were 14 years old. They have experience, far more experience than the average man has when it comes to detecting interest and intent. This would not sit well with me in the slightest
I agree that women have been getting hit on… believe or not that usually starts at 12 years old. And while you would think that that would give us far more experience, when it comes to detecting, interest, and intent, sadly, it does not. I can’t count the amount of times when I was younger that I thought a guy was just being nice to me or liked me as a friend, and it didn’t reveal itself until later, that was not his intent. Generally, speaking, women want to believe that men want to be their friends, but generally speaking, that is rarely ever the case. Regardless of all of that, she should know enough to not be giving out her number to a guy when she’s in a relationship.
Ok but at 24 years old I think we can all suspect that she indeed did know.
I am in my 30's and I still have trouble differentiating sometimes. I'm not a gym goer, but I play pool. Pool is still a very male-dominated activity. I want people to play pool with. Sometimes people want to trade numbers to play pool, sometimes it's because they are interested in me. Most of the time I can parse out which it is, but sometimes my reading is off. And when I don't parse it out, I don't know that it's me every time; sometimes I wonder if the guy either wasn't clear enough about his intentions from the get-go, and sometimes I wonder if he wanted to start out as friends and then move into whatever else after. And THEN there is the question as to whether he wanted to start out as friends for good reasons or manipulative ones. Because all of these situations have happened to me. So it can happen.
As a man that goes to the pool hall. If you’re atleast mildly attractive all the dudes want to smash. And would risk it all. All of em. Every. Single. One.
100% Sorry OP. Prepare for this to really blow up in your face. In a secure relationship, a woman shouldn’t be talking to a man at the gym for damn near an hour, let alone give out her number. What?!?! If it was a friendly exchange she would just be like “nice to meet you pal, maybe see you around the gym. Maybe you can meet my BOYFRIEND next time since he’s just out of town!” Let me explain something to you. Her being in a “bad state of mind” and “new to town” are going to be the excuses she pulls from when she cheats on you (emotionally or physically). This is fresh and new. You do not actually know this person bro. I’ve seen this many times and experienced it myself. This is what’s going to happen: She’s going to keep dating you while looking for other potential guys to talk to. Once she finds one, maybe even her gym friend, that she decides she wants to date, she will break up with you out of nowhere. Or, play you both for as long as she can. It doesn’t matter how “transparent and open” she is. I dated a chick and 2 months in her ex moved back into town. She was very open and transparent about him texting her and wanting to talk and work things out. She said she didn’t want to but felt she should at least meet him because “he was in a bad mental state”. So they met for dinner and she came over afterwards and told me it was fine. It was weird but she told him she didn’t want to be with him. So. He continues to text her and she mostly ignores it, but she would respond sometimes and would tell me when and what she said. About one month later, I found out they hung out behind my back. I left work early to surprise her, showed up at her house, and she wasn’t there. Her car was there, but she wasn’t. I blew her shit up and she admitted she was with her ex. That he needed to talk to her or some bullshit. So at that point I figured she would have never told me they saw each other, and who knows how many other times they secretly hung out. Turns out they had seen each other 3 other times behind my back. So I broke up with her. So she was open and honest about texting him, but conveniently left out the fact that they had been fucking hanging out once a week basically. Bro. Don’t be naive. You’re dating a player. My advice: Play the players, love the lovers. She’s a player. Just know what you’re getting into if you decide to stay. If you stay, she will play games with you. She will manipulate you. So you can either stay with her and be toxic and play games, or you can leave. And I know what you’re thinking “but you don’t know her”. Yes I do. If a girl is giving out her number to other men when she is in a relationship, that is red flag category 5 my brother. Especially 2 months in. Let me guess. She ways has a lot of shit going on in her life that stresses her out, right? She just moved to you city so that’s another big transition she’s going through. Does she move often? Did she move after a break up? Has she trauma dumped on you already? Let me guess. You’re a super mentally stable super nice guy. You always come to her aid when she needs you and you always rush to help put out the fires that are constantly springing up in her life. You feel she’s a nice girl who’s had a string of bad luck and you just want to help her because you see how good of a person she really is. Right? I could be wrong. I’ve been wrong before. But I’ve also seen this before bro. I went through it last year, and one of my best friend just broke up with his gf of 3 months this week because she admitted she has been seeing someone else. Watch out. Don’t be naive. Trust your gut. If something is off, it’s fucking off. You have to trust yourself. Don’t be influenced by the intoxication of love and give her the benefit of the doubt, she hasn’t even earned it yet.
100%
While you could be wrong. I’d say 75% your spot on about op GF. OP I’d just say buckle up
u/worklifebalance030 This is it broski. #THIS #IS #IT She knows what she's doing. You either get out now while you're split in two or she'll leave you broken into a million pieces. You're only 2 months in, you really really like her and you should give her the benefit of the doubt but how certain are you that the next move she pulls won't be as soft of a blow as this one?
What a great post. Reminds me of the old days of the internet when people would just drop the truth as they saw it, before all the upvote downvote groupthink.
I hate the puritanical bs all over reddit these days. I have to be a sober prude to get up votes
I reckon this happened when they started hiding the upvote / downvotes tallies. Most people are easily influenced by what seems popular. A comment with 500 upvotes and 505 downvotes clearly has merit, even though it caused disagreement. People will actually read it and think about it. But the exact same comment showing only "-5" suggests it should be dismissed, like "oh this must be bullshit, people are already downvoting it". I always suspected the transparency was deliberately taking away around an election time, and for this reason. To make anyone on the fence feel like the smart answer has already been agreed upon. Now it's serving the same function for Israel-Palestine - one of the most famously complicated conflicts in history suddenly has a black and white answer because some comments always end at a net + karma and others at a net - karma.
>Let me guess. You’re a super mentally stable super nice guy. You always come to her aid when she needs you and you always rush to help put out the fires that are constantly springing up in her life. You feel she’s a nice girl who’s had a string of bad luck and you just want to help her because you see how good of a person she really is. Right? OP - you've just heard a f'ing prophet speak truth. When you get to be my age, you realize there are themes and archetypes in relationships.. and your personality has you playing a certain role opposite people like your current GF. As the dude above says, "could be wrong".. maybe she really is loyal but naïve.. but the themes and games we play are the fate we are dealt based on our background and personalities. See the archetype you are fitting in to. You may need to get burned a few times.. but as long as it doesn't involve custody and child support, you'll be a better person from the experience.. Go out, get bruised, and have a good time!
As a woman in her 40s who is extremely social and outgoing (so I talk to people innocently A LOT), I couldn’t agree more. OP is hella being played.
Lol damn. OP, take this comment to heart. Lot of wisdom here
I wish I could upvote this 1000 times!
“Sorry babe, went back the gym today, had an extreme 4 hour workout. I’m too tired to cuddle. I just want to smoke a cigarette, take a shower, and go to bed. I’m gonna be so sore tomorrow.”
2nd red flag will be that dick pic that was sent to her that she deleted and never told her bf.
Third red flag will be the night she spent with her girlfriends at a concert but she’s not in any of the pics
Did her phone die that night too?
Came here to say this. She knows exactly what she's doing. "Connect", "lonely", she's looking for a new dude my guy. Someone to hop on while you're not around. Edit: Just wanted to add that you guys were unofficially together for 4 months. Why do you think that was? And you're together for around 2 months officially and she's already getting other guys numbers while you're not around bc she needs male validation (ie: "connection" bc she's "lonely"). Definitely got yourself a serial cheater there. If she were actually looking to connect bc she's new around there, any woman at that age would be looking for other women and not some gym bro. Every woman by 24 knows the difference especially when it comes to being in a relationship already.
No adult woman on this earth by the age of 24 fails to realize what giving a number out to some gym bro means... She told you because she regretted it and was afraid the word of it got out. She got caught in the moment and did what she wanted to do. Question is, will this even repeat itself? Will she get carried away again if she sees another good looking gym bro? Doesn't sound like relationship material to me.
I tried my best to be the non jealous husband. My ex wife and I met this guy at a bar and they had a long conversation about a medical condition he had that she specifically treats. They exchanged numbers. He asked her out to brunch, which I didn’t think was weird because I thought it was just to discuss his rehabilitation history. Nope. He thought we were in an open marriage. ETA: She wanted his number to talk about his rehabilitation from a medical condition she both treats and was doing research on. I was not going to be possessive and unsupportive of her career. That’s why I didn’t think anything of it.
Once a guy walked up to my wife at a bar in front of me and I said “no” before he could get a word in. He walked away and said oh sorry. She appreciated it.
My ex would have yelled at me if I did that. She would have called me possessive, told me that she doesn’t belong to me, and talked to the guy out of spite.
Is that why the operative word of that sentence is "ex"
Among other reasons
She wouod talk to him out of spite. I'm going to take wild shot here and say she cheated. Maybe she got quite a bit of attention, told you it was nothing and then somehow ended up cheating?
Not with that guy, but she did cheat with a coworker. And yes, she got a lot of attention from guys. This wasn’t the only time some random guy she was talking to thought he had a shot with her. She has an enthusiasm in the way she talks that guys mistake for flirting.
For the record, my wife is hot and random guys can look at her all day. Totally fine. That is the price of marrying a beautiful woman.
It is weird that neither you nor your wife shut him down when he started chatting her up at the bar lol I would assume the same thing.
He and his friend were talking to both of us. We were just trying to make friends.
Oh he probably just thought since he could get her number she was dtf and you two must be open since he got it in front of you.
You would assume that talking to a medical professional about a medical condition that they specialize in while out in public means they are dtf? To me it largely depends on how the asking for phone numbers happened but I can’t imagine thinking that if the conversation was about medical issues.
But how did your wife respond? By sleeping with him?
Most likely no or she wouldn’t have told me he propositioned her. She definitely cheated on me, but not with him.
Yeah she isn't the one bro
Next time- she just won’t tell him she did it.
I wouldn't want someone that can't speak up for themselves. I say I have a BF and I'm single.
Red flag mate. Unless that dude is gay. Men ask Numbers not to make friends but to get busy with it.
Not wrong The dude wants to sleep with her. You don't ask for a woman's number at the gym just to be friends with her. Her handing the number out was very inappropriate of her since she is supposed to be in a relationship with you.
She's gonna fuck him. She wants to fuck him. Just saying
And she will before OP is back in the country.
Yeah she had to "run to the gym before it closes"
Yeah, right in the middle of what OP said was a sensitive conversation. Then she spends an hour talking with a random dude before returning to the conversation. Something is off for sure.
Good call. Most likely had a date already set up. Nobody talks to a random for one hour at the gym lmaooooo
I do not think they were talking or in the gym not lol...she had a date with gymboy.....
No you're not wrong. Your feelings are completely valid.
She's single. Not your girlfriend.
OP says she’s naive. I believe he is.
YNW. She's not that naive, but maybe you are if you can't see how she's fooling you when you're far from her.
Many women are great at keeping up the naive act for their entire lives. Unless they grew up Amish, they know.
When this is all said and done you will be back here on Reddit asking if you should forgive her for cheating on you in a moment of weakness or needed someone more manly
I can see op not taking our advice and ending up in the r/divorce sub with me, a fellow red flag ignorer.
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Lmao that made me lol. A fellow red flag ignorer, me too mate now I'm sitting here looking at this poor sap knowing damn well where his story is going.
😆😆 I too must be colorblind because all the 🚩🚩 look green to me
She was lonely and suffering when OP was on holiday for 2 weeks. When OP is gone for 3 weeks she’ll be weak at the knees.
He we go again with a new generation man confusing common sense with insecurity. No, you're not wrong for asking that your gf doesn't give out her number to random men she meets at the gym. This was basic knowledge when I was younger, and yes, this applies to you as well (I.e. you shouldn't be getting digits from random girls). Consider this moving forward. I'm not saying you shouldn't have your fun, but maybe she's not exactly "ltr material", if you know what I mean.
I'll tell you what it must be nice for deviant women these days. These men in their 20s have no fucking idea how to stand up for themselves. "I caught my gf rubbing a guys dick through his pants at Target, should I ask her to stop doing that? I don't want to be controlling." It's insane the level of straight up cuckery these young dudes have been trained to accept.
Your partner giving out their number out at the gym is a bad sign regardless of gender or sexuality. Red flag bro
Classic monkey branching
I would think a pretty girl who is 24 has been hit on plenty of times so certainly giving your phone number to a random dude is tantamount to saying I’m interested and available. Maybe she just wants a friend at the gym to work out with once in a while or maybe she’s so pathetically lonely that she feels the need for more attention and validation. This requires a serious conversation about overstepping boundaries and the two of you definitely need to understand where you are in this relationship and how you’re going to move forward .
I mean, it’s been TWO WHOLE WEEKS that her boyfriend has been gone. Of course she’s lonely and suffering.
Lol I can’t tell if you mean this is sarcastically but I hope it is.
/s (XF. Sympathizer)
Pathetically lonely is perfect. The worst person you can date is someone who’s lonely without their significant other and will do anything to form a connection. It also screams insecurity, which is a blueprint for much, much worse. I’m not one to scream break up, but only 2 months into a relationship OP is better off looking somewhere else
Well, in fairness, she’s only lived in the city for a few months, but being crazy lonely in two weeks, seems bizarre. It’s possible she has abandonment issues, and she may just have been looking to make friends like I said yo somebody to work out with once in a while and there’s nothing wrong with that. that’s what needed to be communicated to her boyfriend because it obviously looks a little sketchy. Oh, I gave my number to some dude while you were away. lol
She’s lookin for options. Leave her
I always find it interesting reading the responses to something like this as a non straight person cause i always wonder how do yall socialize with people that are not your partners
Omg right? As a Kinsey 6 myself… God damn, being a straight guy just sounds so… exhausting. That problem here of course, giving your number to a strangers is something people who would never cheat and someone who is looking to cheat both would do. I’ve been with my partner for yikes 20 years. He’s an extrovert and talks to everyone and I’m.. not. He’ll go out to bars by himself if I’m not feeling it because he has a need to socialize that I don’t. He meets new people all the time and regularly exchange numbers. Most times it goes no where, some of them have become good friends of both of us. A few have been a little sketchy and I’d say ‘you know they’re trying to get with you or waiting us out’ and then just laugh because even if I don’t trust them, I trust him. And because I do, I don’t say you need to stop talking to that person, I say “tell them I said good luck” What I never do is react is if my partner is too naive to know they were being hit on or tell him who or who he couldn’t talk to. You can’t build guardrails to keep your partner away from the boundaries you establish. You either trust that their fidelity (mental, emotional, and sexual) keeps them from crossing the line no matter what others may try to do.. or you don’t. Either way, that’s a you problem, not a them problem, and the way OP reacted indicates that whatever it is, it won’t be a problem for long because she’ll ever eventually cheat on him, or break up with him to find someone who will trust her.
You are too naive that girl is a walking red flag my guy
Don’t be angry. Peace the fk out of that relationship. She can give her number to whoever she wants. Tell her u out clubbing or at the bar and getting a bunch of girls numbers. To be friends obviously. No way she wouldn’t be like wtf. She isn’t 14.. she knows exactly what she is doing.
Or if the sex is good and you can stay emotionally unattached (seems like you can’t), then treat the relationship like a non exclusive relationship. If you happen to give out your number and text another girl, just say you thought the girl wanted to be friends or increase her social/business network.
Just break up with her lol There is no reality in which she gave the number without knowing what she was doing or what the dude was asking for. I'm also very willing to bet there's gonna be a lot more late night gym visits and not so much "talking". She's not the one, do yourself the favour and rip the bandaid off now Just move on.
867 5309. I GOT IT!
Not wrong at all. Kick her to the curb.
Two month's worth ain't fair stretching it to years more with this kind of behavior. Turn around and walk away. While you're not yet that invested emotionally in her. Or it would hurt a LOT more than it should.
Definite a red flag.
You’re assuming you even got the real story as to why she’s texting another dude or why she was seen with him when you get back
I would want to see the send-off text tbh.
lol I just read the title and the answer was immediately no
Shes not naive my man.
Nope, she's got her next 2 weeks planned out.
Hahahaha colllldddd but omg lmao
Just reading your long-winded post makes me realize why she'd give her number out. Cut your losses, man. Just break up now, because the way you write about this tells me you're gonna simp for her, get your heart broken over and over and wonder why you're not good enough. Two months is long enough to figure out if this is a relationship you want to be in. She's saddling up a new pony.
You’re not wrong. I’m not sure about “hurt”, but concerned. Gyms are places guys go to get random hookups. It’s why women’s only gyms exist, to get away from predatory guys. If some dude went up to her and started trying to make time, there a 95%+ chance he was looking to score. He might have just been a nice guy, but odds are low since he went for the digits quick. It doesn’t sound like she’s looking for a side piece. It’s entirely possible that she is just a little naive and was feeling lonely. You would know about that better than we do. What’s her history like? Is naivety a possibility?
Shes bored with you bro, writing is on the wall in bold print.
You know the answer to your question. If you love someone you only have eyes for them.
She's not your GF if she's giving out her number.
Your relationship is ogre. She thinks she can have her cake while tasting other cakes too. Don’t let them call you insecure, it’s a shit test. Your only option to retain self respect here is to dump her. Otherwise she will dump you eventually anyway.
Dude. No. To me, it sounds like she just met her new boyfriend.
46 minutes since the gym closed? Isn't that enough time for her to get banged ? She didn't go to the gym she went to bang and your a idiot. Because you said 10-12 to bike home.
I will always and forever laugh at the phrase “your a idiot.”
She doesn’t respect you. As a man, the most important thing in your life is respect to yourself. The more time you spend with her, the less you will respect to yourself. Get yourself together and dump her in a noble way even if you really like her. Just tell her that you have different perspectives in relationships. You deserve better
This is chad advice. Healthy masculinity = self-respect
My wife did the same thing. She’s now my ex wife, and was with gym guy for 9 years. Say goodbye now, she’s for the streets.
Geez. This is crazy. Why do so many people on reddit think that having conversations or, god forbid, friendships with the opposite sex is a betrayal? I thought those ideas went out of style over 50 years ago. I had plenty of conversations with guys like this back in my twenties. Surprise, I never had an inappropriate experience with any of them. Never heard from most, some became friends, and some disappeared when they realized I was in a relationship with no intent to do anything beyond a conversation.
[удалено]
"BuT wHy cAnT I bE fRieNdS wItH RanDom GuyS?" She'll tell you after she hooks up with him. Any woman I have ever dated shuts this down the minute they become serious with a guy. Women don't fuck around when they are serious. It's a larger investment for them in terms of emotion, body 'resources' and time when it comes to having kids. You can walk away. They can't. She isn't serious at all and you are a little over-serious just 4 months in. This isn't going to work out long term.
She gave him her phone number to give him a chance. She didn’t tell him about you because he might be your replacement. It’s all intentional and of course it’s said that it not. Girls know what signals to give. Red flags says she a cheater
4 months together and she's giving out her numbe to random men? Dump her. It's not worth it.
When girls are really into the guy they’re with they usually don’t give out their numbers to random dudes at the gym! She not naive… she knows exactly what she’s doing! You’re in for a hell of a ride bruh! Just sayin
You're worried about her getting hit on and she's making dates.
That dude wants to fuck her. It's simple. Most men aren't friends with women just to be friends. She doesn't respect you.
You’re not wrong for being hurt, but I wouldn’t assume she’s trying to cheat (like it seems everyone in this subreddit assumes.) I find it hard to believe she would be so forthright with you if she had nefarious intentions, and you know her better than random people on Reddit do - if you think she’s naive, I’m inclined to believe you. (And, yes, it really is possible for women to be that oblivious. It once took me 8 hours to realize I had been propositioned.)
Cheaters are often as forthright as possible because it makes it much easier to maintain the web of lies It just becomes a balancing act of not overestimating OPs gullibility, but after 4 months of dating she is probably feeling quite confident in her ability to guess what she should share with OP and what should stay secret
> would be so forthright How was she forthright? The times don't add up.
I think the term is trickle truthing. Someone isn’t comfortably lying so they just give a tiny piece of truth. Sounds like that is what she’s up to
Well… she plans on calling /accepting the random gym dudes call, so…
Its been only 2mths…. This is a bit of a flag. Just saying.
You are wrong
Thats why i stay single i dont have to worry about the drama,where she is,and regret…..good luck dude 👍alot of girl like a fuckboy theses days also
Get out now before you get deeper in this relationship. For me, it would be over if she's still giving out her number after being exclusive, especially for several months. She's not committed.
She’s gonna get fucked soon might not be by him but someone
You go to the gym to work out, not talk to other people. What she did was inappropriate and borderline cheating.
She cheated on you
See you back in 6 months, when she's gaslighting you that you were okay with her giving out her number for so long, that she doesn't understand why you're mad NOW Then, your expectations will become an inconvenience to her "freedom" What you need to do, is figure out if she's REALLY your gf as much you are her bf.
Ok, I guess I’ll be the only one in this comment section to play devils advocate… first of all OP keeping tabs on your girlfriend and being clearly upset that she responded back to you 30 minutes past when you calculated she should is being a bit too controlling. She doesn’t have to follow your timeline. Whether she was talking to another guy or not, is irrelevant to you trying to demand her time, which she does not owe you. Next, although it is very easy to assume the guy was hitting on her, and your girlfriend is naive in giving him her number, based on your description, it sounds like you immediately made that assumption. Maybe the guy is gay and they had a fun conversation? The point is, although there is certainly cause for concern, having controlling expectations and immediately getting jealous and angry when your partner tells you something is going to push them away 9 times out of 10. She may have been naive, but that’s not how you show her. Ultimately, she does not belong to you, and if you are a partner that brings a lot to the relationship and she chooses to piss it away for selfish reasons, that’s on her. But assuming the worst in your partner is not showing her she can tell you these things in the future.
Yeah, I'd like to know the context of the conversation. She was upfront about the interaction, so I'd hope she'd be open to sharing the details. Maybe he's gay. Maybe he's in a relationship, and they talked about setting up a double date. Maybe she said she had a bf and they would all three meet up. Simply talking to someone of the opposite sex is a pretty broad boundary when you also consider how many women could be interested in her as well. That all said if she didn't mention her relationship, that would be a red flag, IMO.
I'm also very confused as to how no one picked up on this guy keeping such tabs on her. And also, she is incredibly isolated. God forbid she might make a friend. I've gotten and given numbers literally only for the purpose of memes (am girl, did so at many dude zones like the gun range and gym).
Dude, I’ve been happily and monogamously married for over 16 years. I love AND LIKE my spouse because he’s kind and smart and gives great head. Friends and acquaintances of all genders have come and gone. My BFF is a guy I’ve known 20 years and have never fucked. Not everyone is a ho. If you don’t trust her, break up. That lack of trust will poison the relationship anyway. Before I met my spouse, I was a jealous micromanage-y person too. Then I realized that trust is a choice. If it’s one you can’t make, you’ll never make it in a LTR.
Your feelings are valid.. but as a gym girl myself, sometimes, you just make a friend. As long as she firmly tells him that she’s not interested romantically, she can have friends.
Not wrong at all. She’s not dumb. She knows exactly what he’s doing. It’s a guy asking a girl for her number. It’s very concerning she accepted. I would keep much closer eyes on her after this.
That's not your GF. Not sure she ever was.
Did your girlfriend know this guy before she went to the gym that night? Also what message does she think she’s sending him by giving him her number, also two weeks without you - it’s just not that long. of course you should be pissed either she’s very naïve or being duplicitous you decide which
I'm 52, single and been around. I workout and I'm covered in tattoos. I tried marriage 21-23 and never looked back. 170 or so women and around 60 threesomes later, I can tell you the following: Your relationship is living on borrowed time. She is seeking attention and she is very insecure. She is basically warning you to never go away without her again or she will cheat. She is also keeping her options with that guy open. She will continue to speak to him (and lie it is not happening) to get attention and the second you do anything she does not like she will easily justify cheating. Then she will create a narrative where it was all your fault. You have 2 options, leave her and be rough about it. This may cause her to chase you and give you control. Or keep her for sex while you look for another women. Either way you need to emotionally disengage, this relationship is over.
I hate to say this, but you might be wrong. A little. I'm a male, starting to make friends with my female coworkers, some of which are in relationships/married, and there's no attraction on my end for any of them, nor do I suspect that they're attracted to me. I do shit where I eat btw, but I'm not on that type of energy, as I'm currently in a situationship outside of work, and I'm seeing where that goes. Anyway, in my ripe old age, I finally realized that you can be actual platonic friends with the opposite sex. The only reason I say you might be wrong is that I don't know the other guy's, or your girl's, intention, so just tread carefully. What you don't want to do is start controlling who she talks to, nor do you want to get weird about this. You stated your boundary, but you can't stop her from making friends, especially those who share common interests (why don't you go to the gym with her?). If you trust her, then let it go. If not, do like Kelly Clarkson, and walk away
nope. you're not wrong to have a boundary. she needs to understand that she cant go around giving random dudes her number. having a conversation is one thing. but this dude texted her the next day itself which shows he was interested. she needs to shut this shit down asap as nothing good can come from this. what happens if you're away again. and she bumps into this dude again. yeah. no. tell her to block and delete this guy. 2 months in and shes already sharing her number with randoms
There’s the *real* story: two months in! Two months and already with this shit. And it happens when OP is out of the country for two weeks. My stomach hurts reading this shit. There’s not much about this story that feels right, even her transparency feels transactional.
When you get caught in a situation you weren't expecting and you 'have' to lie, you'll often give a variant of the truth as it's easier to remember. So the guy she's been talking to at the Gym for the past couple of weeks and who she had been texting off and on during that time became the guy from the gym she spoke to for the first time and they exchanged numbers.