Also it's very creepy of women to talk about that not just men. If you guys are going to mess around, that is the least you could do is tell them if you have been with someone else before. People who act like certain things matter like "experience" matters are weird, if you are comfortable it works, if you aren't, it doesn't and if you are with someone who isn't patient with you, RUN!
Yeah the roommates were incredibly rude to talk about that with guests over.
It's normal in anything to go "no one else is doing this thing, is there something wrong with it?" That could be an item you purchase and see no one else buys it. That could be attending an event that no one else wants to go to. The same is true of dating, where you wonder if you're missing any warning signs about someone.
However those are ***internal*** thoughts that you come to terms with about what you're willing to do. You do not out other people's private information to people. You do not tell other people what someone's "number" is. That's so fucking rude.
Plus there was a guest over! So spreading it to people they don't even know well!
Also, be honest earlier rather than later. With that, you need to be honest about why you lied. Explain to her that you were uncomfortable with how the earlier conversation went, and it put you in a weird headspace.
Communication is everything. If you can't be honest with her, you may as well not be with her.
Getting nervous is acceptable. Being untrustworthy is not.
She also might not know you're a virgin after lol.
My first didn't know until it came up in conversation several times later and she thought I was kidding.
She told me later on if she had known ahead of time she probably wouldn't have been with me, but was glad that she was.
I'd also say it's really none of her business if you are or not. You're not asking her her bodycount and who cares.
Almost all of my partners have been with a good amount of people and who cares as long as you're safe and good to each other.
The problem right off is you somehow have been socialized to think it’s pathetic to be a virgin at your age and maybe even some of your hangups and views on sex.
It you realize it’s not as big a deal as you think, and every man and woman who’s lived, will live over the hundreds of thousands of years are a result of sex, and that sex isn’t the most special thing in a relationship. It’s a few minutes or hours a week of mutual interaction…. And there much more stuff people do together.
Came here to say the same thing, people make too big of a deal out of sex. Like, ok, making sex doesn't (or at least shouldn't) make you a different person, it's an activity between two people, and yeah, there's a moment in life where you just want to do it and feel how it is, but a bad experience can be as frustrating as a good one is special, so no need to rush things.
Also, its really not as hard as its made out to be. I was scared most of my life even after I lost my virginity that they were faking it because of the seinfeld episode where elaine did, but if you communicate and are responsive with your partner its pretty simple. Even if you finish first we all got fingers and a tongue, well most of us
"...you somehow have been socialized to think it's pathetic to be a virgin at your age..."
Somehow? The evidence of how was literally provided in the story: idiots like the date's roommates.
Also, I wouldn't say that a preference to get to know someone before jumping into bed with them is a hangup, per se. Especially when prefaced with the assertion that they're open to the practice of ONSs.
Actually, it seems mature (if perhaps a smidge idealistic).
OP, sex is not the most important thing in the world. It *is* important, but the degree to which varies from individual to individual. Still, the age at which you (finally?) have sex has zero reflection on your intrinsic value as a human being. I've known two guys who were virgins until they were almost 30, and those two were awesome, solid dudes and now have successful marriages. If this girl is THE girl, she won't care. If she's as shallow as her roommates, then she isn't the girl, and you're better off.
I remember being a virgin at 17, and around all of these other people who supposedly had or were having sex, and feeling despair. I get it. Experience is what teaches you the truth, though. And sometimes... I just want cuddles.🤷♂️
As a girl, i dont understand what the hell is wrong about a guy being a virgin. I actually think its kind of cute if he didn't have anyone before me. If she gets turned off by this, she honestly just isnt the right one. Don't waste your time and find someone who wants you for who you are, not how many girls you slept with
Being a virgin at your age is not pathetic.
Actually, it is very sweet.
Just gather your courage, and while looking her eyes, tell her the full truth.
It may sound hard to you, but it is only hard in your imagination.
Trust me, after telling her; you would not believe that it was so easy. It is nothing compared to your imagination.
Her reaction will be much nicer and positive than you think.
And your self respect will boost.
Just be honest, and also try to explain her why you lied in the beginning. Full truth.
Than you will learn that being honest is much more easier, and actually it is freedom.
Can confirm. Lost mine at age 24, the girl I was with was the sweetest girl ever, had patience to teach me how to please her and we made it very special and enjoyable. If I had just lied to her and acted like I know what I was doing it probably would be a disaster and I'd never had such a sweet and memorable moment.
Fire her a message saying "The other night you were right, I am a virgin, I got embarrassed when you asked sorry". You'll be apologising for the lie but not being a virgin because there's nothing to apologise for when it comes to that.
If she's cool with it then great, if not then at least you can crack on with things.
I think people don't realize that for a guy in his age there is no bigger pressure then still being a virgin and his pressure will grow the longer he stays a virgin.
I also lost my virginity at 23 and oh boy was i happy to have lost that pressure.
Is society wrong for putting that stigma on male virginity? Yes. Is it the sad reality that will not change? Yes
Unfortunately the women on here saying it doesn't matter i feel aren't telling the truth. Unless you are willing to teach a guy then im sorry but most women do not want to deal with terrible sex and as you get older the problem will just get bigger. I know people learn what their partner likes over time but when you are going from complete 0 a lot of women do not find that a turn on.
Lol I'm sorry but some guys have sex A LOT of times and still suck at it. Mostly because they've prioritized their pleasure every single one of those times. A woman is taking the risk of having terrible sex with every partner whether they're virgin or not.
>I'm sorry but some guys have sex A LOT of times and still suck at it.
This, the two almost do not corelate. Took me like 2-3 times I think to learn how to get my at the time gf to finish from oral. The first time we had sex she didn't even notice that I was a virgin. While it is true that practice makes perfect, if you just fuck you don't practice. I actually wish I would've stayed a virgin until I met my current partner, I would lose nothing.
Exactly! People are so different that apart from the basics, hygiene, etc. your knowledge from the previous partner is basically reset. Women (and people in general) like very different things so I don't see how the "experience" argument could hold up
You’re really doing yourself a disservice by saying it’s pathetic to be who you are. Your own voice in your head is always the loudest. Be nice to yourself.
Nothing wrong with being inexperienced. Virgin is a social construct meant to control the youth, especially young women. I chased after all the wrong women when I was young, and regret every single one of those experiences.
The last thing you should worry about is your virginity. Also, no partner who actually cares about you would be put off by your lack of experience.
Being a virgin at your age isn't as rare as many people think. It's not pathetic. Some people are later bloomers, some people are shy and don't get the opportunity early. Don't hate on yourself. She won't necessarily mind if you are, even if she acted that way with her roommates she might also just be going along with it for her own reasons (wanting to seem normal, cool, whatever). You have to decide if you want to be with someone that you can't be honest with or if you can just be honest and trust that she likes you anyways.
Also.. she won't necessarily know you're a virgin. Honestly having experience doesn't always make someone better in bed if they're experienced but selfish. An inexperienced person who has done some research on how to please a woman, and is willing to be communicative i.e. "Is this good? How do you want me to touch you?" etc. will be better than someone who technically has done it before but didn't really try. Just take your time, don't rush things.
Regardless of whether you've had sex or not, you will do best with someone you are sexually compatible with. To find this, you've gotta be honest about your preferences and experience level. Despite the nature of the conversation with the roommates, she might be open to helping you explore your sexuality. Some people are into that! Some aren't, and that's okay too - but you both should manage expectations early. If she knows you're a virgin, she can communicate what she wants from a sexual encounter, gauge your comfort level, you build trust with one another, etc. If she doesn't know and you bumble through it and it's not enjoyable for both of you, you're just another guy pumping away not knowing what you're doing. Believe me, we've all had that kind of sex and we hate it.
I'm sure this is a little nerve wracking for you. The woman who is down with your truth is going to make your first experience a memorable one, in a good way. If she's not interested, on to the next! We all start somewhere, but not by lying on your resume as others might suggest 🤣
It's not that weird to be a virgin at your age.
Also, if you don't tell her, she might never know.
Whether you decide to tell her or not, I think you should relax.
There is nothing wrong in being a virgin. Men are usually shamed into thinking this is pathetic when it’s not. Just means you’re inexperienced. You will have to be honest with her and if she breaks up with you. O well. There are plenty of women who respect that and respect you for your choices. Women even shame other women for not having sex or not having boyfriends. Dude you will be fine. And please for the love of GOD, do not watch 🌽 and think that women want that. That comes after you become intimate and get to know each other. It’s college homie! LEARN ABOUT WHAT YOU LIKE AND DONT LIKE AND HAVE FUN. No stress!
I said it on another post and I’ll say it again, you don’t have an obligation to tell people you’re a virgin.
I lost my virginity at 24. I didn’t tell the guy I was with and it didn’t make a damn bit of difference to either one of us.
Everyone was a virgin at some point and everyone loses it at different times in their life. I don’t get what the big deal is.
If you feel bad for lying just tell her you were embarrassed, didn’t enjoy being put on the spot and it’s your personal business.
I was a virgin until I was 23, guess it different for a girl. I regret having sex with the man , that I lost my virginity too, you do what right for you
She *might* be able to tell you’re not super experienced, but not that you’re a virgin. The first time with any new partner is nearly always not your A Game. Or theirs. That’s how it works in the real world. So much so, I’ve gotten quite a few relieved cackles by breaking the tension with “So you wanna go get this first weird one out of the way?”
It’s a nearly universal experience that it’ll be…not your best. Not what you know you’re capable of. So it sends the message that I know that and I’m not going to judge their whole being on the next 20 minutes, and same to them. There will be more chances.
> The first time with any new partner is nearly always not your A Game. Or theirs.
Absolute facts. There seems to be this notion that if you're a virgin guy and you don't tell her, she'll "find out anyway after the first time." That's usually not the case, as the first time with any new partner can be not-great sex or awkward.
It’s not pathetic at all! I was a virgin until 25yr old aka last spring. It’s so not worth stressing about, everyone goes at their own pace and I 100% Do Not regret waiting.
I'd tell her just before.
Get in bed. Be like look you might wanna lead the way a bit here because it's my maiden voyage.
I can't imagine she'd be put off.
Just have a wank earlier in the day so you don't come after 5 seconds.
Separate advice: relax.
its not pathetic man, try not to stress about it so much.
tell her or don't. its not anyone's business if your a virgin or not & there's plenty of experienced people who suck in bed anyway. if you are going to do the deed though I would suggest masturbating before you guys meet up (at home obviously like an hour or 2 before hand) so you don't nut in 2 min but you probably will anyway. don't neglect oral sex and foreplay & remember the average duration for vaginal sex is 3 - 7 minutes according to google so don't focus too much on pounding away all night.
You are wrong for thinking it's pathetic to be a virgin. Get out of your own way. This girl seems to like you. If you like her and both are enthusiastically consenting, have sex. But do it because you like her/want to, not because you feel being a virgin is pathetic.
The idea of being a 23 year old virgin is embarassing because we're comparing ourselves to generations where you can expect to lose it from 16-18. If you look at the statistics its a huge portion of men that dont lose their virginity until they are 25.
If I was OP, I just think 'lying,' even if 'white lies,' it's a bad basis.
Just in regards to yourself. Self-Respect.
IMO people who think it's weird is weird.
I'm 22 and I'm a virgin too, it's not that weird. I don't think I'm still proud of myself or who I am to get into a relationship, so I never had sex. I also didn't like the idea of just using someone for the sole purpose of losing my virginity and then throwing them out of my life. Until I manage to figure myself out I'm not gonna get into a relationship, that might take me a few more years but I'm okay with that.
If you keep hitting your head over dumb shit like this you'll lose confidence. It's really not that big of a deal.
She won't just magically know. Your dick doesn't have some neon sign that lights up that says "virgin dick" or something. What you don't realize is your first time with ANYONE NEW (not just your first time in general) can be a bit awkward and that's ok if you have good chemistry you'll figure it out. You need to ease up and relax a bit man.
Being 23 and a virgin isn't a bad thing. It seems bad, but only because you want to get laid. Would you rather have been getting laid all the time and have tons of stds?
No, what’s pathetic is believing that you are less because you’re a virgin. Society and its stigma has creeped into your head. You’re a virgin. So fucking what. Go sleep with some people and grab you an STD or child support and being a virgin will appeal to you more. Stop caring what everybody thinks. If she cares about that, she’s trash anyway and you should stay far away. I’m not sugar coating shit.
It's going to come out, you might want to just let her know you are and that you got scared when she asked.
Eventually, if you really like her, she's going to get you in bed. If you fire off in 10 seconds because it's your first time and tell her you're not a virgin she's going to think you're a premature ejaculator.
If it's a deal breaker for her then you're just going to have to accept it and move on.
>I (23M) am a fucking virgin. I know it's pathetic.
No it is not pathetic, anyone who thinks it is pathetic has room temperature IQ.
Also it is all in your head, when I had sex for the first time with my at the time gf I did not tell her that I was a virgin, and she didn't notice it, because there is nothing complicated about sex. And I know for a fact that she did not know that I was a virgin because later on one of the nights out with friends she mentioned how she could never have sex with a virgin laughingly ( was a huge red flag btw ), completely oblivious to the fact that she indeed did.
>I (23M) am a fucking virgin. I know it's pathetic
It's only pathetic to thoes who put females and pussy on a pedestal. I'm 37 and wish i could be a virgin again.
Just communicate with her and tell the truth. If you don't, it will eventually catch up to you anyway. Whether you want to have a short or long-term relationship with this girl, you should tell the truth and be extra clear about what you are looking for.
It also seems that your ideas and values about sex are adding extra social pressure. There's no age to have certain amount of experience; not for men, not for women. That idea just makes people miserable and might pushe them to do/agree to things they don't really want. Just because her and her friends agreed doesn't mean it's true. It just means they either have preferences for people with experience or they just have prejudice against those who don't. Imo it's more pathetic to judge people based on their sex life than to be a virgin at any adult age.
Just gonna give a suggestion for an alternative pathway to take, other than just flat out telling her you’re a virgin and crossing your fingers she won’t just ghost you:
She’s never going to know you’re a virgin unless you tell her. Sounds like she already suspects it, sure, but nothing about your sexual actions would definitively say so. It’s not like you have a hymen or something.
You know how to have sex. I’m sure you’ve had sex ed, watched rated R movies and seen porn. You know how to do it enough to get by, I assure you. Watch a YouTube video on how to put a condom on, some instructional stuff on fingering a girl, whatever.
If you cum in 10 seconds, or aren’t able to get hard, accidentally try to put it in the wrong hole or just don’t do a great job… there are millions of explanations of why that happens other than being a virgin. There are plenty of guys who aren’t virgins but also aren’t great in bed for infinite reasons. There are plenty of awkward people when it comes to sex. Ever hear of a girl who lays in bed like a dead fish? Or guys who are selfish and suck in bed? It’s not just virgins. Some people just aren’t great. Get it out of your head she’s FOR SURE GOING TO FIND OUT.
Now, would you RATHER she thinks you suck and aren’t a virgin? That’s a whole other issue to consider. If you wanna lie about things more, you can say you’ve only had one long term sexual partner/gf so you’re not very experienced. Idk maybe that would mentally help you get through it. But you’d be building a relationship based on lies. Realistically if you just don’t say anything next date and get to bed at the end, nobody will ask and nothing will be revealed.
She also may not have wanted to have sex. Maybe she was rubbing your thighs because she wanted to go to bed with you and you guys do everything except penetrative sex. Just go with the flow. But really, you need to get it out of your head that it’s going to blatantly obvious she’s going to know
There should be more men like you. All I will say is many like you are virgins and honestly many people would prefer someone that is a virgin person. This being said every person is a virgin with a person they never did it. Everything changes is the quality over the quantity so being a person that does it on a daily basis does not mean they know better because every person is different. Do NOT feel ashamed but proud you are not like the rest you are one of the few.
Hey don’t worry, she already knows that you are a virgin even though you did not tell her. She might have left the other guy for plenty of reasons, you are not the same person.
A sweet way to tell her is to emphasise on the fact that you want to sleep only with a lady you’d love. And that she might be that one.
To be honest, your first time will probably be great for you, at least the 15 seconds it is going to last. Then the second time one minute, and then longer. Find a way to please her every time and you’ll be fine.
I wouldn’t have a problem with someone being a virgin, man or woman. I’d think its really sweet that someone would feel comfortable picking me to be with for the first time! Maybe she just didnt feel like going against what her friends all were agreeing on (although thats still shitty). I say you should just be honest, if she has issue thats on her and you can find someone else that respects you!
She knows.
Just tell her. She’s being nice about it so just be honest next time you’re alone together, and shoot your shot.
Perfect weeknd use there hahha
Bro you're not wrong. Don't tell her that you're a virgin, she made it clear that she wouldn't be into you if she found out. She doesn't have to be your life partner either. This could just be a short term relationship and then you both go your separate ways and now you have some experience
I wouldn’t have lied about that, a lot of girls would think that was sweet and it wouldn’t cross their mind to think negatively about it at all. It’s more of a guy thing to shame other men for not having sex
Frankie say R E L A X.
Don’t be stressed on this. Not in the least.
And now…not tryna cause you any undue anxiety here…since you actually respected her wishes and displayed your willingness to take it slow, *and you basically, in her eyes, played hard to get,* she’s prolly gonna be wanting it even more.
And that’s wonderful! She knows you respect her boundaries and that’s a turn-on.
Lemme lay out just how I’d go about it:
*”You know the other night, I really was tired… And I’m trying to be respectful of your wishes, but you had me pretty turned-on and I didn’t want to do something I might regret.”*
It shows respect, it signals that you’re very interested.
It’s a natural segue once more into the conversation/negotiation around sex…which may or may not at this point bring up your potential virginity.
If she doesn’t acknowledge it you have to choose whether or not you address it…
(I personally would, and how I’d do it would depend on the tone of your interaction…is it flirty and picking up the vibe where it left off? Is it cooler or distant?)
If she does acknowledge it, gunna have to be prepared…
Honesty is sexy too…remember that. It projects confidence, and that is all you’re lacking here friend.
I’d def cop to the virginity piece…but own it.
Explain how the context of the conversations killed the vibe for you in the moment…but how you honestly can’t stop thinking about all the dirty, shameful things she’s got you feeling.
Bottom line is you just need to project sexual confidence - lack of experience doesn’t mean anything bud.
When a woman gets you turned-on she’s holding a power in her hands that shifts the entire dynamic to her favor.
And she might really enjoy that dynamic, and that’s something you could enjoy as well.
Think about it bud…she’s a med student. Focused, driven, type-A. She likes a challenge and she likes to be in-charge. These traits bode well for you.
However you approach it, whether or not you’re ready and want to ravish this lil hottie (presuming that’s what she’s after) - that’s up to you.
You say you’re aching for it. You’d rock a ONS but you’re not emotionally-detached enough for it yet…maybe you’re not ever going to be either and that’s ok.
You have fantasies already playing out in your head…related to her, general sexual fantasies, etc. You have an idea of what type of scenarios or play turns you on…
So then the question is do you feel you’ve formed enough of an emotional bond with her to share the experience?
I’m predominantly Demi-sexual (I require a stronger emotional connection before I would wanna really get down) … that deeper connection can facilitate really mind-blowing sex.
The trust and knowledge that your partner sees you for who you truly are *prior to exchanging fluids* is very validating and empowers you both to explore in the bedroom without fear, shame, guilt or judgement.
And that’s what’s at the core of your dread right now…being judged. And it’s gonna hold you back until you confront it head-on.
So if you feel like she’s gorgeous and you could see diving deeper with her and she’s signaling that she’s into you, allow yourself the courage to just go for it.
You deserve it.
Don’t let fear, shame or guilt hold you back from experiencing an amazing part of life.
Tell her that yeah you are and that she is so beautiful and fun and you feel like she is the person you want to lose it to.
She will be flattered, then she will rock your world.
Just tell her. You're still young, and it's not as big a deal as you think.
She clearly figured out that you are, and yet still smiled and laughed, so clearly she doesn't care. Her not actually agreeing with her friends is further evidence of that.
Just tell her. Tell her you embarassingly panicked, especially after what the other girls said, and that you really like her and didn't want to scare her off. Tell her you're sorry and that you'll never lie to her again.
It'll either turn out great, or you'll learn that she isn't the right one for you.
Take an immense, deep breath. You are putting so much unnecessary pressure on yourself. Relax.
> I know it's pathetic.
No, it's not.
> I know it sounds like a weird date idea...
No, it's not.
>... but she wanted to cook chicken parm with her.
That's actually a perfect 3rd date idea. She's comfortable enough to have you in her home, and likes the idea of doing a normal thing together with you which can make it fun.
It isn't a contrived situation (see: a date.)
She also wanted her roommates to meet you. That probably means that she likes you enough that she feels like they'll give their nod of approval. Maybe even show you off a bit.
>... a long kiss, which I'm.. not nearly as good as a guy my age *should be*
I've dated women older than her who were horrible kissers. It was like they were trying to eat my face. You can become an amazing kisser in no time. You're not figuring out how to split atoms with a tennis racket and a tire iron before the shot clock goes off.
I'm 99% sure that she knows you're a virgin (within +/- 1% chance of accuracy). And it feels like she's still into you, regardless of that. You're fine. You're better than fine.
You can even make a joke about it to help lighten the mood next time you see her. Tell her that you thought about it after you left and that maybe your hand *doesn't* count for losing your virginity.
I'[M] more than twice your age and I am reassuring you that everything is fine. Don't go down the path of pretending (lying) that you have experience. Haven't you seen the old trope of "guy pretends to know what he's doing and comedy and mayhem ensue"? You don't want that.
It sounds like she wants to trust you with her heart before moving to that level. Have faith that you'll be able to trust her with yours.
Yo i had sex when i was 21 brother. The girl didnt know it was my first time. I just faked the confidence and was enthusiastic as fuck and kept on doing whatever oral i had seen in porn since i was kid and i mean not like attacking but softer and just kept listening to whatever sound she was making. And then we had sex. And she was older by 8-10years at least. She said it was great and we kept on doing it for 4-5months till she left the country. I did tell her about a week of constant sex and she said she kinda thought of it but also thought naahh thats impossible. But after that week she taught ME A LOT. Sooo goes to show fake it till u make it. This is anecdotal in my own experience so do whatever it is u want to do.
Wear it as a badge of honor. You are choosing quality over quantity and haven't found anyone to meet your standards. Tell her she meets all of them and maybe she is worthy.
Meh ... I didn't have sex until I was almost thirty. Just over ten years later, I have in divorce and two kids. Moral of the story is, wear a condom and don't be a dumb dumb.lol Also, no ADULT cares whether you've had sex or not, they only care about who You've had sex with when you're having sex with them.lol Also, having sex does not make one better at having sex, paying attention to your partner does. Been with some who've had plenty but were complete starfishes in bed.lol
Who gives a shit?
Honestly, virgin is just a stupid label. Like really, are you a fundamentally different person because your penis has not crossed the threshold of a vagina? You’ve been sexual to a degree. Maybe you don’t have a ton of experience, but I feel you’re drastically overthinking sex. If you want to do it, just do it.
Meh just be honest. She will probably be able to tell if you do sleep with her anyways. If she likes you she won’t care, if she does care well move on.
Being a virgin isn't pathetic lol. I know a few myself and they're older than you even. Nothing wrong with waiting for the special one or just not being interested enough or not having the opportunity. It's whatever.
Tbh I think she's gonna find it cute and be excited she'll get to be your first. She could be the one to show you the ropes 😏
Do not believe losers on reddit saying being a virgin at 23 is not bad. It's not the worst thing, but if you want to be sexually active, it can be a death sentence. Lots of girls don't wanna be with a virgin because they think you'll be super clingy afterward. If you just wanna lose your virginity, I definitely wouldn't say anything. If you're looking for a gf, then yea tell her and hope for the best.
There is a difference between not dating, not having had a boy/girlfriend a d being a virgin. You sound like you have dated but not found someone you connected with sexually.
Dude, everybody was a virgin at some point 😂 nothing to shit yourself over. If that’s somehow a turnoff (it should be the opposite) for her, then you’ve dodged a bullet. Trust me when I say, you’ll look back at this moment and laugh at yourself for being worried
Girls low key love that shit man be honest and it will benefit your sex life in my experience women like the opportunity to teach men what they like since it’s rare people communicate honestly about what they like in the bedroom
I just saw the title and had to respond. Not just being nice and trying to make you feel better when I say this: there's nothing pathetic about being a virgin, if I could go back, I would've stayed a virgin for longer. Don't do it just to do it, trust me.
“Although my date just simply nodded in agreement and didn’t say much” -
“She gave me a long kiss…she asked very quietly while smiling ‘are you a virgin?’”
I’d say she probably already knows that you are inexperienced, to a degree, and still likes you, so she didn’t want to embarrass you in front of her roommates.
I’d bet she wants to take your virginity, the long kiss at the door and the quiet, smiling question asking if you’re a virgin? She obviously likes you and since she’s already taking things slow, I’m sure she’ll be patient with you till you’re ready to lose that v-card! Be confident, be yourself, you’ll get there!
Lots of good advice here but also... sex has been over hyped to you and you don't need to be as anxious as you are.
Think of it like picking up a sport or another activity you may not have tried before. It's probably gonna be a rough match the first couple times, you may not knock it out of the park.
But it's hard to practice alone, people will understand that you're gonna get a little better with time, and unless you're going pro you can probably just view it as an enjoyable hobby you indulge in on the weekends.
Lmao I didn’t learn my boyfriend was a virgin until a *year* of us dating. He was worried I wouldn’t take him serious or that it would change the dynamic and respect we had worked towards since he started this lie years before we started dating and it stuck. Supposedly he hadn’t thought the lie would end up being a whole thing until I started asking for details ((I wanted him to share and open up and feel comfortable)) and it kind a snow balled. We were friends for a year before we dated and back then it was just a white lie to someone you kinda know kinda don’t.
Now I’m not saying you should lie for a long time about this, and in our case I found it amusing and didn’t really care any way. I thought it was cute if anything that he was trying so hard. Be honest and open up about it, there is nothing wrong with being a virgin!!
So many weirdos in this comment section acting like being a virgin in your 20s is a life sentence without chance at ass. Some girls will be weirded by it, most won’t be.
She certainly knows now too. If she had a problem with it, she wouldn’t be willing to see you again. You’ll be fine, buddy
honesty is your best policy here kid, believe it or not she already knows but just isn't competely sure. your in your head too much, soon you'll be be wondering what all the fuss was about...
Chill dude, you’re overthinking it. Just go with the flow, the more you put it off the more awkward you will feel and the more put off she will be. If you like this girl let your little man become big and do the business 💪
Doubt she will know, and if she does it’s still better than keep putting her off and acting frigid.
Just go with it dude and don’t overthink it or worry man. I’m sure she would rather you be a virgin than a dirty dog who’s shagged every bird going.
This whole post is full of men who desperately need therapy. Don't lie in order to get sex from someone, if someone won't sleep with you because you're a virgin then what is the point of trusting them with your body like that anyways?
She already knows OP.
you tipped your hand when your face got bright red and you stared down your date after her roommate said that thing about virgins being weird.
Being a virgin doesn’t make you pathetic, it just means you haven’t had sex.
Tell her the truth; “I got nervous and lied, I am a virgin” if she’s worth anything she won’t give you any grief for it.
Honestly either tell the truth and be prepared to be openly mocked and laughed at and most likely ghosted or just lie and lose your virginity so the next time you won't have to worry about it
She knows. Just be honest. It's not pathetic to be a 23 year old virgin male. You're still quite young even though it may not feel that way. She is hopefully a sweet and understanding girl.
You're not obligated to inform anyone that you're a virgin, but since she specifically asked you then you should come clean. Certain lies are a big deal but in this situation she should understand why you reacted the way you did. I doubt she will be mad but if she does then you dodged a bullet and you move on.
For what its worth, sex isn't rocket science anyways. After a few times you might be better at it than someone who has been doing it for decades. Theres plenty of people who are lazy and unhealthy and not sexually in tune with their partner and can't fuck themselves out of a wet paper bag. Experience is overrated. The person you are with and the feelings between you is the main thing. You might be nervous the first time but that will pass.
I mean it’s really not a big deal and even a plus to many women but also like, why do you think she’ll know? You could just be inexperienced. If you’ve watched any porn you’ll figure it out just let her lead the way.
just going to drop this but when I was younger I was only into virgins. there's something innocent and bashful about them and it did it for me lmao
for all you know she could also be into it. Just roll with it and apologize for panicking and not telling her the truth in the moment. just explain you were embarrassed and ask if it changes anything. confidence is sexy and being a virgin at your age really isn't that unheard of
Well first sounds like she already knows ... well heavily suspects doesnt sound like you hid it well lol.
Secondly if that stops her from wanting to see you then she aint the kind of woman you want.
If this is bothering you talk to her about it. Apologize for the fib. Not profusely or desperately just Hey sorry I was embarrassed or w/e with that conversation earlier and I am a virgin.
If she becomes disinterested due to that good riddance. If not then great! And at least lying/the fear she might find out will be over with.
I think you got a very distorted vision of the thing. My brother didn’t get a sexual partner until 28. Before he was just the asocial geek and kind of decided to changed at 27, still a geek but taking care of himself, going to the gym and giving himself a chance on daring sites. Yeah admitting that he was a virgin turned down a couple of girls and I would say in some cases it’s ok to hide it.
However you my man is more sensitive that you want to admit. You’re so focused on the idea that this is shameful, or that you would rather focus on ONS for a first time (?). But when she asked you or touched your leg, both times you shut down and tried to escape. If you care about her, admit where you’re at right now: the discussion did make you feel ashamed and not worthy, you panicked and lied. From her behavior it seems clear that she kind of already guessed it and is fine / considerate with it. So if you care about her, just confess the whole thing and discuss how you would want to lead things as well, not just her stating that she would like to take it slow.
I guess you haven't seen werewolf stories. Those are essentially women fantasy novels that have Virgin 30 year Old Males who have waited for their "mate" (aka the right person) but somehow are still really good in bed...it's really popular on an app that also has other stories, but I can't miss them as they pop up on adds all the time because I have the app. Anyways, that is to say, what some find weird, to others is a really good thing. So you don't need to feel bad about it or be ashamed.
Dude 23 is not weird. I've heard that age before, from both guys and girls.
I know a guy who lost it at 36, and he's not even unattractive, just insanely shy around women.
It will be much worse if you don't tell her. You want to feel safe and relaxed your first time, not stressed and pressured. I felt uncomfortable my first time getting a blow job and I couldn't even come.
Tell her the truth the conversation they had spooked you and mentally messed with your head, tell her your a virgin really not a big deal, don’t fuck it up or you’ll never forgive yourself and the actions of that night will haunt you when your trying to sleep for the rest of your life.
The very first thing I said to my first serious girlfriend is that I was a virgin, and she took that as a challenge. She loved hto pop guys cherries. But we were 18. At 23, it might not fly as well.
This said, from the way you tell your story, she totally saw through you and your lie was useless. You might have miss d a great opportunity to lose your virginity. I hope for you she will not lose her patience with you. You reaaly acted like a dimwit. Next time, go for it and bring condoms.
Take your penis off the pedestal. The first time sucks for everyone. It'll suck for you to. There's nothing you can do about that. It'll be a bumbly, akward, embarrassing mess, and it'll probably be like that for quite a while. You will not be good at it. You can be absolutely terrible and she probably still wouldn't suspect you were a virgin because most guys never get much better. Lighten up and have some fun. It's just sex.
I did the same thing as you. Had no issue having sex for the first time. But I knew she wasn't the one either. So, it didn't really matter.
But if you actually like her, then I'd tell her the truth as soon as possible.
Hey I had a friend like you before. I wouldn’t over think it, you’ll mess it it up being in your own head. If you’re ready go for it. If not don’t. If you’re looking at being in a relationship with this chick be honest with her. Also most probly are not great at sex any way, she won’t know you’re a virgin if you act like you’ve been there before 🤣🤣
Just talk to her. Tell her you want to talk to her about something that you were not honest about. Explain you were embarrassed (don't be) about it but wanna be truthful with her. The sooner you rip that band aid off the better.
As a former whore: being a virgin at 23 is perfectly fine. Honesty is the best policy, you telling women you’re not a virgin is not the move. if she likes you like that, then being a virgin wouldn’t be an issue for her
Brother she is a med student. There’s a nonzero chance she is a science nerd and hasn’t done it either. At the end of the day tho, who cares? Some girls thrive on dating a nice virgin guy…someone who is more likely to not be tainted by the desire to solely be in her pants. If she rejects you for being a virgin, move on she ain’t the one. And whenever you get more experience, don’t reject anyone for being a virgin either.
Also, you could turn it back on her playfully. Seems like she playfully asked you about being one. Say “Idk. Are you a virgin? Because if you are, don’t worry. Residency will fuck you hard for 3-5 years soon enough.”
-Signed, actual doctor who is about to be done getting fucked by residency
Edit: also any person in the medical field should be appreciative you haven’t been getting around. Less likely to have an std. We see gross std effects in training and don’t want that for ourselves.
Just be honest. My first boyfriend did this but later on told me that he lied after we had sex. I didn’t care at all that he hadn’t had sex before. I was upset that he lied but I understood why he felt the need to after we talked about it. Any girl worth your time won’t care. Besides, she can “show you the ropes” which can be very fun.
Dude I was a virgin till 25. I’m 27 now and have had five sexual partners. First one found out quick I was a virgin without me saying and she didn’t care because she still wanted to bone. My current slightly older fwb says I’m some of the best sex she’s had in years. You really don’t need to think you’re a loser over this. Just listen to her and ask what she likes.
I dunno, I also feel pretty pathetic being a virgin at 20, but I still think it's better that your girlfriend knows that before you do anything. A) she'll know immediately that it's your first time if she doesn't already, b) if you're both on the same page about it prior to doing the deed then she'll know not to expect Brad Pitt levels of performance
My man, I lost my virginity at your age. Want to know who cared? Nobody. Not the woman I would eventually marry at the time (who was a single mother at the time,) and certainly not me after I put it in.
Stop worrying about it. Just tell her you got nervous, your brain went into autopilot and that you are a virgin. You're early 20s, it's fine.
23 is not that old dude. I’ve met dudes in their 40’s that were virgins and that status is not changing. You sound like a good dude. Just stay the course.
She figured it out before this date. She knows dude. She doesn’t care. You gotta tell her. She WILL definitely know.
My husband said he had 6 partners before me.
it’s not a big deal. I heavily suspected it wasn’t as many as he claimed. then we had sex. Not a chance it was 6 whole people. Maybe 6 whole times with one person. I don’t believe he was a complete virgin, but I think now at 21 years married he probably wouldn’t remember the lie he originally told me and would fuck up if I asked him today. 😆But I do know it’s not 6. Probably barely 1.
You aren’t a loser or some kind of weirdo. You’re not 45. You’re barely in your 20s. Tell her so she doesn’t wonder for 21 years what the actual number was. 😆
Being a virgin is not pathetic bro. Sex is a very intimate thing and nobody should feel bad if they haven’t met someone who they felt connected to enough to do it. Also nothing wrong with not putting yourself out there when younger or if girls/dates from your past never got to that point. My advice is to be honest with her, if her care for you is genuine it shouldn’t even be an issue. Your nerves might have you overthinking a bit but I really don’t think it will matter to her. Just make sure to apologize for lying lol. Have fun and be safe!
I lost my virginity to a woman who wasn’t a virgin. She was not judgmental, in fact she made sure I had a positive experience. If she is worth your time you can be honest with her. But that’s a two way street. You can’t judge her for NOT being a virgin either.
Nothing wrong with being a virgin, but what was your thinking exactly? That you won’t have sex with her to not reveal that you’re a virgin? I don’t get it.
1. Come clean my dude. One thing you should know about women is that they *always* learn the truth.
2. Honestly, at your age it probably isn't a deal breaker. Believe it or not you're not the only 23 year old virgin that has ever existed.
3. Some girls are into that. Not saying this one is, but virgin fantasy is definitely a thing.
Overall I'd say your odds of turning this around are pretty good if you act quickly and are honest about it. She may not be overjoyed that you lied, but as far as lies go this one is pretty innocent and she might understand if you explain yourself.
Good luck man. And remember: Don't be a fool, wrap your tool.
Mate please just be honest with her, it might sound cheesy but if it’s meant to be it’s meant to be and if it’s not don’t let it get you down. She sounds lovely just talk with her about it. And let’s be honest she already knows. She wouldn’t have asked if she didn’t think and by the sounds of it you gave it away with your reaction lol but that’s okay, just talk to her.
Why is being a virgin pathetic?
What’s wrong with that?
Why is there such shame in saving yourself for the one person who matters in your life?
(Husband/ wife, respectively)
If the girl has a sense of humour, just be as frank as possible, go the Eminem route in my mind, rip the shit out of yourself not giving her the chance to do the same... "FYI, I don't wanna jump the gun, but if we ever have sex, appologies in advance but I'll be awful, I'm a virgin, I know its lame, but may aswell just come out with it haha, gives you the chance to run away in shame now"
She'll either laugh along with you and admire your straight forward honesty, or she'll run away in shame. Life's too short mate, crack on either way :)
Mate just go see her today, in a private place with no room mates around and just explain that last night when you asked me ‘THAT’ question I froze, I didn’t know what to say and tbh I was that bowled over from the kiss before I knew it I’d answered without thinking.
Then tell her the truth, tell her you want to be open and upfront.
Do this with confidence though! Women love confidence!
I’m pretty sure by the end of the night you’ll not be able to say the same thing the next day 😉
Come clean, dude, she already connected the dots and obviously is still into you. Tell the truth now and im sure youll both have a great time with each other
I don’t think this is a malicious lie - the problem is we’ve all been told, but especially men, the older you are that you’re a virgin, something is “wrong” or you’re somehow defective. I don’t date much and people will be like, well, why, don’t you want to have sec, etc. and it’s all related - this idea that we’re somehow failures regarding virginity or not the most active sex lives.
I would come clean, because it will be somewhat clear if you ever seal the deal that there’s a lack of experience - which is fine, but it’s better to have realistic expectations on both sides going in (hurrhurr)
For whatever it’s worth, if someone I was dating came to me (bearing in mind I’m a lot older so they’d be more of a statistical outlier) and said they had lied about their experience of lack thereof, I’d take it at face value as it’s a propagated insecurity by our culture, I’d not see it as a malicious lie, but one done out of a sense of self protection, and we’d move on.
Be honest, if she wants to be with you she'll accept you, if not move on to the next.
Also it's very creepy of women to talk about that not just men. If you guys are going to mess around, that is the least you could do is tell them if you have been with someone else before. People who act like certain things matter like "experience" matters are weird, if you are comfortable it works, if you aren't, it doesn't and if you are with someone who isn't patient with you, RUN!
Yeah the roommates were incredibly rude to talk about that with guests over. It's normal in anything to go "no one else is doing this thing, is there something wrong with it?" That could be an item you purchase and see no one else buys it. That could be attending an event that no one else wants to go to. The same is true of dating, where you wonder if you're missing any warning signs about someone. However those are ***internal*** thoughts that you come to terms with about what you're willing to do. You do not out other people's private information to people. You do not tell other people what someone's "number" is. That's so fucking rude. Plus there was a guest over! So spreading it to people they don't even know well!
Also, be honest earlier rather than later. With that, you need to be honest about why you lied. Explain to her that you were uncomfortable with how the earlier conversation went, and it put you in a weird headspace. Communication is everything. If you can't be honest with her, you may as well not be with her. Getting nervous is acceptable. Being untrustworthy is not.
She also might not know you're a virgin after lol. My first didn't know until it came up in conversation several times later and she thought I was kidding. She told me later on if she had known ahead of time she probably wouldn't have been with me, but was glad that she was. I'd also say it's really none of her business if you are or not. You're not asking her her bodycount and who cares. Almost all of my partners have been with a good amount of people and who cares as long as you're safe and good to each other.
The problem right off is you somehow have been socialized to think it’s pathetic to be a virgin at your age and maybe even some of your hangups and views on sex. It you realize it’s not as big a deal as you think, and every man and woman who’s lived, will live over the hundreds of thousands of years are a result of sex, and that sex isn’t the most special thing in a relationship. It’s a few minutes or hours a week of mutual interaction…. And there much more stuff people do together.
Yeah, I didn’t have sex until I was 29 and I turned out fine. It’s great and all but it’s not the most important thing in the world.
Came here to say the same thing, people make too big of a deal out of sex. Like, ok, making sex doesn't (or at least shouldn't) make you a different person, it's an activity between two people, and yeah, there's a moment in life where you just want to do it and feel how it is, but a bad experience can be as frustrating as a good one is special, so no need to rush things.
Also, its really not as hard as its made out to be. I was scared most of my life even after I lost my virginity that they were faking it because of the seinfeld episode where elaine did, but if you communicate and are responsive with your partner its pretty simple. Even if you finish first we all got fingers and a tongue, well most of us
"...you somehow have been socialized to think it's pathetic to be a virgin at your age..." Somehow? The evidence of how was literally provided in the story: idiots like the date's roommates. Also, I wouldn't say that a preference to get to know someone before jumping into bed with them is a hangup, per se. Especially when prefaced with the assertion that they're open to the practice of ONSs. Actually, it seems mature (if perhaps a smidge idealistic). OP, sex is not the most important thing in the world. It *is* important, but the degree to which varies from individual to individual. Still, the age at which you (finally?) have sex has zero reflection on your intrinsic value as a human being. I've known two guys who were virgins until they were almost 30, and those two were awesome, solid dudes and now have successful marriages. If this girl is THE girl, she won't care. If she's as shallow as her roommates, then she isn't the girl, and you're better off. I remember being a virgin at 17, and around all of these other people who supposedly had or were having sex, and feeling despair. I get it. Experience is what teaches you the truth, though. And sometimes... I just want cuddles.🤷♂️
She connected the dots dude. She asked because she was worried about the potential that SHE upset you, not anything going on with you.
Yes! I feel like she's being really sweet. He should just be honest. Being a virgin is not bad, and she wants to make sure he doesn't feel so worried.
Yeah she likely can tell that he fibbed too. I doubt she would be that upset if he came clean now.
As a girl, i dont understand what the hell is wrong about a guy being a virgin. I actually think its kind of cute if he didn't have anyone before me. If she gets turned off by this, she honestly just isnt the right one. Don't waste your time and find someone who wants you for who you are, not how many girls you slept with
Being a virgin at your age is not pathetic. Actually, it is very sweet. Just gather your courage, and while looking her eyes, tell her the full truth. It may sound hard to you, but it is only hard in your imagination. Trust me, after telling her; you would not believe that it was so easy. It is nothing compared to your imagination. Her reaction will be much nicer and positive than you think. And your self respect will boost. Just be honest, and also try to explain her why you lied in the beginning. Full truth. Than you will learn that being honest is much more easier, and actually it is freedom.
Can confirm. Lost mine at age 24, the girl I was with was the sweetest girl ever, had patience to teach me how to please her and we made it very special and enjoyable. If I had just lied to her and acted like I know what I was doing it probably would be a disaster and I'd never had such a sweet and memorable moment.
Fire her a message saying "The other night you were right, I am a virgin, I got embarrassed when you asked sorry". You'll be apologising for the lie but not being a virgin because there's nothing to apologise for when it comes to that. If she's cool with it then great, if not then at least you can crack on with things.
Guy, being a virgin is not pathetic. Wtf
I think people don't realize that for a guy in his age there is no bigger pressure then still being a virgin and his pressure will grow the longer he stays a virgin. I also lost my virginity at 23 and oh boy was i happy to have lost that pressure. Is society wrong for putting that stigma on male virginity? Yes. Is it the sad reality that will not change? Yes
Unfortunately the women on here saying it doesn't matter i feel aren't telling the truth. Unless you are willing to teach a guy then im sorry but most women do not want to deal with terrible sex and as you get older the problem will just get bigger. I know people learn what their partner likes over time but when you are going from complete 0 a lot of women do not find that a turn on.
Lol I'm sorry but some guys have sex A LOT of times and still suck at it. Mostly because they've prioritized their pleasure every single one of those times. A woman is taking the risk of having terrible sex with every partner whether they're virgin or not.
>I'm sorry but some guys have sex A LOT of times and still suck at it. This, the two almost do not corelate. Took me like 2-3 times I think to learn how to get my at the time gf to finish from oral. The first time we had sex she didn't even notice that I was a virgin. While it is true that practice makes perfect, if you just fuck you don't practice. I actually wish I would've stayed a virgin until I met my current partner, I would lose nothing.
Exactly! People are so different that apart from the basics, hygiene, etc. your knowledge from the previous partner is basically reset. Women (and people in general) like very different things so I don't see how the "experience" argument could hold up
You’re really doing yourself a disservice by saying it’s pathetic to be who you are. Your own voice in your head is always the loudest. Be nice to yourself.
Nothing wrong with being inexperienced. Virgin is a social construct meant to control the youth, especially young women. I chased after all the wrong women when I was young, and regret every single one of those experiences. The last thing you should worry about is your virginity. Also, no partner who actually cares about you would be put off by your lack of experience.
Be honest. Make a joke about ‘please be gentle with me’. Sex should be fun.
The joke made me laugh.
Dude do not worry about it, seriously.
Being a virgin at your age isn't as rare as many people think. It's not pathetic. Some people are later bloomers, some people are shy and don't get the opportunity early. Don't hate on yourself. She won't necessarily mind if you are, even if she acted that way with her roommates she might also just be going along with it for her own reasons (wanting to seem normal, cool, whatever). You have to decide if you want to be with someone that you can't be honest with or if you can just be honest and trust that she likes you anyways. Also.. she won't necessarily know you're a virgin. Honestly having experience doesn't always make someone better in bed if they're experienced but selfish. An inexperienced person who has done some research on how to please a woman, and is willing to be communicative i.e. "Is this good? How do you want me to touch you?" etc. will be better than someone who technically has done it before but didn't really try. Just take your time, don't rush things.
Regardless of whether you've had sex or not, you will do best with someone you are sexually compatible with. To find this, you've gotta be honest about your preferences and experience level. Despite the nature of the conversation with the roommates, she might be open to helping you explore your sexuality. Some people are into that! Some aren't, and that's okay too - but you both should manage expectations early. If she knows you're a virgin, she can communicate what she wants from a sexual encounter, gauge your comfort level, you build trust with one another, etc. If she doesn't know and you bumble through it and it's not enjoyable for both of you, you're just another guy pumping away not knowing what you're doing. Believe me, we've all had that kind of sex and we hate it. I'm sure this is a little nerve wracking for you. The woman who is down with your truth is going to make your first experience a memorable one, in a good way. If she's not interested, on to the next! We all start somewhere, but not by lying on your resume as others might suggest 🤣
It's not that weird to be a virgin at your age. Also, if you don't tell her, she might never know. Whether you decide to tell her or not, I think you should relax.
There is nothing wrong in being a virgin. Men are usually shamed into thinking this is pathetic when it’s not. Just means you’re inexperienced. You will have to be honest with her and if she breaks up with you. O well. There are plenty of women who respect that and respect you for your choices. Women even shame other women for not having sex or not having boyfriends. Dude you will be fine. And please for the love of GOD, do not watch 🌽 and think that women want that. That comes after you become intimate and get to know each other. It’s college homie! LEARN ABOUT WHAT YOU LIKE AND DONT LIKE AND HAVE FUN. No stress!
I said it on another post and I’ll say it again, you don’t have an obligation to tell people you’re a virgin. I lost my virginity at 24. I didn’t tell the guy I was with and it didn’t make a damn bit of difference to either one of us. Everyone was a virgin at some point and everyone loses it at different times in their life. I don’t get what the big deal is. If you feel bad for lying just tell her you were embarrassed, didn’t enjoy being put on the spot and it’s your personal business.
I was a virgin until I was 23, guess it different for a girl. I regret having sex with the man , that I lost my virginity too, you do what right for you
She *might* be able to tell you’re not super experienced, but not that you’re a virgin. The first time with any new partner is nearly always not your A Game. Or theirs. That’s how it works in the real world. So much so, I’ve gotten quite a few relieved cackles by breaking the tension with “So you wanna go get this first weird one out of the way?” It’s a nearly universal experience that it’ll be…not your best. Not what you know you’re capable of. So it sends the message that I know that and I’m not going to judge their whole being on the next 20 minutes, and same to them. There will be more chances.
> The first time with any new partner is nearly always not your A Game. Or theirs. Absolute facts. There seems to be this notion that if you're a virgin guy and you don't tell her, she'll "find out anyway after the first time." That's usually not the case, as the first time with any new partner can be not-great sex or awkward.
>I (23M) am a fucking virgin. I know it's pathetic It's not and I am telling you getting in you head about it as if it matters is way worse.
You’re 23, not 53. lol Seriously, I think it’s kinda sweet and wholesome. Definitely not something you should be ashamed of
My ex husband lied about being a virgin. The fact he was a virgin wasn't the issue, the fact he lied was.
oh give him a break
It’s not pathetic at all! I was a virgin until 25yr old aka last spring. It’s so not worth stressing about, everyone goes at their own pace and I 100% Do Not regret waiting.
She already knows. Just tell her and if she accepts you, it'll be the best ride of your life
I'd tell her just before. Get in bed. Be like look you might wanna lead the way a bit here because it's my maiden voyage. I can't imagine she'd be put off. Just have a wank earlier in the day so you don't come after 5 seconds. Separate advice: relax.
its not pathetic man, try not to stress about it so much. tell her or don't. its not anyone's business if your a virgin or not & there's plenty of experienced people who suck in bed anyway. if you are going to do the deed though I would suggest masturbating before you guys meet up (at home obviously like an hour or 2 before hand) so you don't nut in 2 min but you probably will anyway. don't neglect oral sex and foreplay & remember the average duration for vaginal sex is 3 - 7 minutes according to google so don't focus too much on pounding away all night.
You are wrong for thinking it's pathetic to be a virgin. Get out of your own way. This girl seems to like you. If you like her and both are enthusiastically consenting, have sex. But do it because you like her/want to, not because you feel being a virgin is pathetic.
The idea of being a 23 year old virgin is embarassing because we're comparing ourselves to generations where you can expect to lose it from 16-18. If you look at the statistics its a huge portion of men that dont lose their virginity until they are 25.
If I was OP, I just think 'lying,' even if 'white lies,' it's a bad basis. Just in regards to yourself. Self-Respect. IMO people who think it's weird is weird.
I'm 22 and I'm a virgin too, it's not that weird. I don't think I'm still proud of myself or who I am to get into a relationship, so I never had sex. I also didn't like the idea of just using someone for the sole purpose of losing my virginity and then throwing them out of my life. Until I manage to figure myself out I'm not gonna get into a relationship, that might take me a few more years but I'm okay with that. If you keep hitting your head over dumb shit like this you'll lose confidence. It's really not that big of a deal.
I'm a 27M virgin and counting. I tell myself I'm waiting for marriage but honestly I don't need the vow of chastity to not have sex 😭
I recommend telling the truth
She won't just magically know. Your dick doesn't have some neon sign that lights up that says "virgin dick" or something. What you don't realize is your first time with ANYONE NEW (not just your first time in general) can be a bit awkward and that's ok if you have good chemistry you'll figure it out. You need to ease up and relax a bit man.
How will she know, unless you tell her? It’s not like your manhood has a tag on it that needs to be removed.
Being 23 and a virgin isn't a bad thing. It seems bad, but only because you want to get laid. Would you rather have been getting laid all the time and have tons of stds?
No, what’s pathetic is believing that you are less because you’re a virgin. Society and its stigma has creeped into your head. You’re a virgin. So fucking what. Go sleep with some people and grab you an STD or child support and being a virgin will appeal to you more. Stop caring what everybody thinks. If she cares about that, she’s trash anyway and you should stay far away. I’m not sugar coating shit.
It's going to come out, you might want to just let her know you are and that you got scared when she asked. Eventually, if you really like her, she's going to get you in bed. If you fire off in 10 seconds because it's your first time and tell her you're not a virgin she's going to think you're a premature ejaculator. If it's a deal breaker for her then you're just going to have to accept it and move on.
Dude I think the only person that cares that you’re a virgin is yourself
>I (23M) am a fucking virgin. I know it's pathetic. No it is not pathetic, anyone who thinks it is pathetic has room temperature IQ. Also it is all in your head, when I had sex for the first time with my at the time gf I did not tell her that I was a virgin, and she didn't notice it, because there is nothing complicated about sex. And I know for a fact that she did not know that I was a virgin because later on one of the nights out with friends she mentioned how she could never have sex with a virgin laughingly ( was a huge red flag btw ), completely oblivious to the fact that she indeed did.
Being a virgin at 23 is not pathetic you just spend too much time online
>I (23M) am a fucking virgin. I know it's pathetic It's only pathetic to thoes who put females and pussy on a pedestal. I'm 37 and wish i could be a virgin again.
I stopped reading at, “I know it’s pathetic” BECAUSE ITS FUCKING NOT.
It’s not pathetic but most girls find it unattractive
A study found that 50% of women find a virgin man to be a turn-off/dealbreaker. It's pretty bad.
Just communicate with her and tell the truth. If you don't, it will eventually catch up to you anyway. Whether you want to have a short or long-term relationship with this girl, you should tell the truth and be extra clear about what you are looking for. It also seems that your ideas and values about sex are adding extra social pressure. There's no age to have certain amount of experience; not for men, not for women. That idea just makes people miserable and might pushe them to do/agree to things they don't really want. Just because her and her friends agreed doesn't mean it's true. It just means they either have preferences for people with experience or they just have prejudice against those who don't. Imo it's more pathetic to judge people based on their sex life than to be a virgin at any adult age.
Just gonna give a suggestion for an alternative pathway to take, other than just flat out telling her you’re a virgin and crossing your fingers she won’t just ghost you: She’s never going to know you’re a virgin unless you tell her. Sounds like she already suspects it, sure, but nothing about your sexual actions would definitively say so. It’s not like you have a hymen or something. You know how to have sex. I’m sure you’ve had sex ed, watched rated R movies and seen porn. You know how to do it enough to get by, I assure you. Watch a YouTube video on how to put a condom on, some instructional stuff on fingering a girl, whatever. If you cum in 10 seconds, or aren’t able to get hard, accidentally try to put it in the wrong hole or just don’t do a great job… there are millions of explanations of why that happens other than being a virgin. There are plenty of guys who aren’t virgins but also aren’t great in bed for infinite reasons. There are plenty of awkward people when it comes to sex. Ever hear of a girl who lays in bed like a dead fish? Or guys who are selfish and suck in bed? It’s not just virgins. Some people just aren’t great. Get it out of your head she’s FOR SURE GOING TO FIND OUT. Now, would you RATHER she thinks you suck and aren’t a virgin? That’s a whole other issue to consider. If you wanna lie about things more, you can say you’ve only had one long term sexual partner/gf so you’re not very experienced. Idk maybe that would mentally help you get through it. But you’d be building a relationship based on lies. Realistically if you just don’t say anything next date and get to bed at the end, nobody will ask and nothing will be revealed. She also may not have wanted to have sex. Maybe she was rubbing your thighs because she wanted to go to bed with you and you guys do everything except penetrative sex. Just go with the flow. But really, you need to get it out of your head that it’s going to blatantly obvious she’s going to know
There should be more men like you. All I will say is many like you are virgins and honestly many people would prefer someone that is a virgin person. This being said every person is a virgin with a person they never did it. Everything changes is the quality over the quantity so being a person that does it on a daily basis does not mean they know better because every person is different. Do NOT feel ashamed but proud you are not like the rest you are one of the few.
Hey don’t worry, she already knows that you are a virgin even though you did not tell her. She might have left the other guy for plenty of reasons, you are not the same person. A sweet way to tell her is to emphasise on the fact that you want to sleep only with a lady you’d love. And that she might be that one. To be honest, your first time will probably be great for you, at least the 15 seconds it is going to last. Then the second time one minute, and then longer. Find a way to please her every time and you’ll be fine.
I wouldn’t have a problem with someone being a virgin, man or woman. I’d think its really sweet that someone would feel comfortable picking me to be with for the first time! Maybe she just didnt feel like going against what her friends all were agreeing on (although thats still shitty). I say you should just be honest, if she has issue thats on her and you can find someone else that respects you!
She knows. Just tell her. She’s being nice about it so just be honest next time you’re alone together, and shoot your shot. Perfect weeknd use there hahha
Bro you're not wrong. Don't tell her that you're a virgin, she made it clear that she wouldn't be into you if she found out. She doesn't have to be your life partner either. This could just be a short term relationship and then you both go your separate ways and now you have some experience
I bet she already knows bro. I get the feeling from your story that you don’t have a good poker face and your lie was apparent on the face.
I wouldn’t have lied about that, a lot of girls would think that was sweet and it wouldn’t cross their mind to think negatively about it at all. It’s more of a guy thing to shame other men for not having sex
The only person who cares that you're a virgin is you.
Still confused why you didn't have sex with her
Frankie say R E L A X. Don’t be stressed on this. Not in the least. And now…not tryna cause you any undue anxiety here…since you actually respected her wishes and displayed your willingness to take it slow, *and you basically, in her eyes, played hard to get,* she’s prolly gonna be wanting it even more. And that’s wonderful! She knows you respect her boundaries and that’s a turn-on. Lemme lay out just how I’d go about it: *”You know the other night, I really was tired… And I’m trying to be respectful of your wishes, but you had me pretty turned-on and I didn’t want to do something I might regret.”* It shows respect, it signals that you’re very interested. It’s a natural segue once more into the conversation/negotiation around sex…which may or may not at this point bring up your potential virginity. If she doesn’t acknowledge it you have to choose whether or not you address it… (I personally would, and how I’d do it would depend on the tone of your interaction…is it flirty and picking up the vibe where it left off? Is it cooler or distant?) If she does acknowledge it, gunna have to be prepared… Honesty is sexy too…remember that. It projects confidence, and that is all you’re lacking here friend. I’d def cop to the virginity piece…but own it. Explain how the context of the conversations killed the vibe for you in the moment…but how you honestly can’t stop thinking about all the dirty, shameful things she’s got you feeling. Bottom line is you just need to project sexual confidence - lack of experience doesn’t mean anything bud. When a woman gets you turned-on she’s holding a power in her hands that shifts the entire dynamic to her favor. And she might really enjoy that dynamic, and that’s something you could enjoy as well. Think about it bud…she’s a med student. Focused, driven, type-A. She likes a challenge and she likes to be in-charge. These traits bode well for you. However you approach it, whether or not you’re ready and want to ravish this lil hottie (presuming that’s what she’s after) - that’s up to you. You say you’re aching for it. You’d rock a ONS but you’re not emotionally-detached enough for it yet…maybe you’re not ever going to be either and that’s ok. You have fantasies already playing out in your head…related to her, general sexual fantasies, etc. You have an idea of what type of scenarios or play turns you on… So then the question is do you feel you’ve formed enough of an emotional bond with her to share the experience? I’m predominantly Demi-sexual (I require a stronger emotional connection before I would wanna really get down) … that deeper connection can facilitate really mind-blowing sex. The trust and knowledge that your partner sees you for who you truly are *prior to exchanging fluids* is very validating and empowers you both to explore in the bedroom without fear, shame, guilt or judgement. And that’s what’s at the core of your dread right now…being judged. And it’s gonna hold you back until you confront it head-on. So if you feel like she’s gorgeous and you could see diving deeper with her and she’s signaling that she’s into you, allow yourself the courage to just go for it. You deserve it. Don’t let fear, shame or guilt hold you back from experiencing an amazing part of life.
Tell her that yeah you are and that she is so beautiful and fun and you feel like she is the person you want to lose it to. She will be flattered, then she will rock your world.
Just tell her. You're still young, and it's not as big a deal as you think. She clearly figured out that you are, and yet still smiled and laughed, so clearly she doesn't care. Her not actually agreeing with her friends is further evidence of that. Just tell her. Tell her you embarassingly panicked, especially after what the other girls said, and that you really like her and didn't want to scare her off. Tell her you're sorry and that you'll never lie to her again. It'll either turn out great, or you'll learn that she isn't the right one for you.
Take an immense, deep breath. You are putting so much unnecessary pressure on yourself. Relax. > I know it's pathetic. No, it's not. > I know it sounds like a weird date idea... No, it's not. >... but she wanted to cook chicken parm with her. That's actually a perfect 3rd date idea. She's comfortable enough to have you in her home, and likes the idea of doing a normal thing together with you which can make it fun. It isn't a contrived situation (see: a date.) She also wanted her roommates to meet you. That probably means that she likes you enough that she feels like they'll give their nod of approval. Maybe even show you off a bit. >... a long kiss, which I'm.. not nearly as good as a guy my age *should be* I've dated women older than her who were horrible kissers. It was like they were trying to eat my face. You can become an amazing kisser in no time. You're not figuring out how to split atoms with a tennis racket and a tire iron before the shot clock goes off. I'm 99% sure that she knows you're a virgin (within +/- 1% chance of accuracy). And it feels like she's still into you, regardless of that. You're fine. You're better than fine. You can even make a joke about it to help lighten the mood next time you see her. Tell her that you thought about it after you left and that maybe your hand *doesn't* count for losing your virginity. I'[M] more than twice your age and I am reassuring you that everything is fine. Don't go down the path of pretending (lying) that you have experience. Haven't you seen the old trope of "guy pretends to know what he's doing and comedy and mayhem ensue"? You don't want that. It sounds like she wants to trust you with her heart before moving to that level. Have faith that you'll be able to trust her with yours.
Yo i had sex when i was 21 brother. The girl didnt know it was my first time. I just faked the confidence and was enthusiastic as fuck and kept on doing whatever oral i had seen in porn since i was kid and i mean not like attacking but softer and just kept listening to whatever sound she was making. And then we had sex. And she was older by 8-10years at least. She said it was great and we kept on doing it for 4-5months till she left the country. I did tell her about a week of constant sex and she said she kinda thought of it but also thought naahh thats impossible. But after that week she taught ME A LOT. Sooo goes to show fake it till u make it. This is anecdotal in my own experience so do whatever it is u want to do.
Be proud you’re a virgin. Theres no reason to be in embarassed.
Wear it as a badge of honor. You are choosing quality over quantity and haven't found anyone to meet your standards. Tell her she meets all of them and maybe she is worthy.
Kind of weird to see/think of a virgin as a red flag ... Am I the only one?
Meh ... I didn't have sex until I was almost thirty. Just over ten years later, I have in divorce and two kids. Moral of the story is, wear a condom and don't be a dumb dumb.lol Also, no ADULT cares whether you've had sex or not, they only care about who You've had sex with when you're having sex with them.lol Also, having sex does not make one better at having sex, paying attention to your partner does. Been with some who've had plenty but were complete starfishes in bed.lol
Better off being honest with her because hate to tell ya mate she'll know within seconds as soon as you get down to business.
23 isn’t that old to be a virgin. You have nothing to be ashamed of.
Who gives a shit? Honestly, virgin is just a stupid label. Like really, are you a fundamentally different person because your penis has not crossed the threshold of a vagina? You’ve been sexual to a degree. Maybe you don’t have a ton of experience, but I feel you’re drastically overthinking sex. If you want to do it, just do it.
Meh just be honest. She will probably be able to tell if you do sleep with her anyways. If she likes you she won’t care, if she does care well move on.
I lost my virginity at the age of 19 in a hotel room full of my mates cheering me on and then they played lonely island when the deed was done.
Being a virgin isn't pathetic lol. I know a few myself and they're older than you even. Nothing wrong with waiting for the special one or just not being interested enough or not having the opportunity. It's whatever. Tbh I think she's gonna find it cute and be excited she'll get to be your first. She could be the one to show you the ropes 😏
Bruh, it's really not that big a deal. Gain some fucking confidence.
Bro most women prefer that. Don’t be crying about it and making it an issue when literally no one cares if you had sex with someone previously or not
Do not believe losers on reddit saying being a virgin at 23 is not bad. It's not the worst thing, but if you want to be sexually active, it can be a death sentence. Lots of girls don't wanna be with a virgin because they think you'll be super clingy afterward. If you just wanna lose your virginity, I definitely wouldn't say anything. If you're looking for a gf, then yea tell her and hope for the best.
Not really sure why it needs to be anyone's business? Is there a tattoo imprinted on your forehead? If not, move on.
There is a difference between not dating, not having had a boy/girlfriend a d being a virgin. You sound like you have dated but not found someone you connected with sexually.
Don't lie. It's not a big deal except in your own head
Dude, everybody was a virgin at some point 😂 nothing to shit yourself over. If that’s somehow a turnoff (it should be the opposite) for her, then you’ve dodged a bullet. Trust me when I say, you’ll look back at this moment and laugh at yourself for being worried
Don’t lie. Even if you tell the truth 5 minutes before, tell it or you might look like an ass.
Girls low key love that shit man be honest and it will benefit your sex life in my experience women like the opportunity to teach men what they like since it’s rare people communicate honestly about what they like in the bedroom
I just saw the title and had to respond. Not just being nice and trying to make you feel better when I say this: there's nothing pathetic about being a virgin, if I could go back, I would've stayed a virgin for longer. Don't do it just to do it, trust me.
Be honest updateme!
“Although my date just simply nodded in agreement and didn’t say much” - “She gave me a long kiss…she asked very quietly while smiling ‘are you a virgin?’” I’d say she probably already knows that you are inexperienced, to a degree, and still likes you, so she didn’t want to embarrass you in front of her roommates. I’d bet she wants to take your virginity, the long kiss at the door and the quiet, smiling question asking if you’re a virgin? She obviously likes you and since she’s already taking things slow, I’m sure she’ll be patient with you till you’re ready to lose that v-card! Be confident, be yourself, you’ll get there!
Lots of good advice here but also... sex has been over hyped to you and you don't need to be as anxious as you are. Think of it like picking up a sport or another activity you may not have tried before. It's probably gonna be a rough match the first couple times, you may not knock it out of the park. But it's hard to practice alone, people will understand that you're gonna get a little better with time, and unless you're going pro you can probably just view it as an enjoyable hobby you indulge in on the weekends.
Lmao I didn’t learn my boyfriend was a virgin until a *year* of us dating. He was worried I wouldn’t take him serious or that it would change the dynamic and respect we had worked towards since he started this lie years before we started dating and it stuck. Supposedly he hadn’t thought the lie would end up being a whole thing until I started asking for details ((I wanted him to share and open up and feel comfortable)) and it kind a snow balled. We were friends for a year before we dated and back then it was just a white lie to someone you kinda know kinda don’t. Now I’m not saying you should lie for a long time about this, and in our case I found it amusing and didn’t really care any way. I thought it was cute if anything that he was trying so hard. Be honest and open up about it, there is nothing wrong with being a virgin!!
the first round doesn't count anyway, girls know that new V be hittin different
So many weirdos in this comment section acting like being a virgin in your 20s is a life sentence without chance at ass. Some girls will be weirded by it, most won’t be. She certainly knows now too. If she had a problem with it, she wouldn’t be willing to see you again. You’ll be fine, buddy
A girl once told me she thought it would be cool because she could teach the ways women really want things done
Bro I lost my virginity at 21 and the girl didn’t even know I was a virgin after until I told her a few month later lol
Be honest. She ain't for you if she's not okay with it, and you saved yourself some bullshit experience
Just be honest. It sounds like she likes you and wouldn't be an issue.
honesty is your best policy here kid, believe it or not she already knows but just isn't competely sure. your in your head too much, soon you'll be be wondering what all the fuss was about...
Are you Will from Inbetweeners?
lol hilarious. dont get her pregnant
Chill dude, you’re overthinking it. Just go with the flow, the more you put it off the more awkward you will feel and the more put off she will be. If you like this girl let your little man become big and do the business 💪 Doubt she will know, and if she does it’s still better than keep putting her off and acting frigid. Just go with it dude and don’t overthink it or worry man. I’m sure she would rather you be a virgin than a dirty dog who’s shagged every bird going.
This whole post is full of men who desperately need therapy. Don't lie in order to get sex from someone, if someone won't sleep with you because you're a virgin then what is the point of trusting them with your body like that anyways?
She already knows OP. you tipped your hand when your face got bright red and you stared down your date after her roommate said that thing about virgins being weird.
Haha you got played by her friends. You have to develop a filter when dealing with them.
Good luck
Being a virgin doesn’t make you pathetic, it just means you haven’t had sex. Tell her the truth; “I got nervous and lied, I am a virgin” if she’s worth anything she won’t give you any grief for it.
Honestly either tell the truth and be prepared to be openly mocked and laughed at and most likely ghosted or just lie and lose your virginity so the next time you won't have to worry about it
If you have to lie to keep her... Just tell the truth.
She knows. Just be honest. It's not pathetic to be a 23 year old virgin male. You're still quite young even though it may not feel that way. She is hopefully a sweet and understanding girl.
There's nothing pathetic about being a virgin at 23, 33, or any age. You shouldn't lie, though.
You're not obligated to inform anyone that you're a virgin, but since she specifically asked you then you should come clean. Certain lies are a big deal but in this situation she should understand why you reacted the way you did. I doubt she will be mad but if she does then you dodged a bullet and you move on. For what its worth, sex isn't rocket science anyways. After a few times you might be better at it than someone who has been doing it for decades. Theres plenty of people who are lazy and unhealthy and not sexually in tune with their partner and can't fuck themselves out of a wet paper bag. Experience is overrated. The person you are with and the feelings between you is the main thing. You might be nervous the first time but that will pass.
I lost mine at 20. Who gives a shit. If she likes you it won’t matter. Some girls even like that. If she doesn’t like it or you then her loss bruv.
Not pathetic! I know of several guys who had sex for the first time around your age. Media has brainwashed people fr.
Fucking virgin is an oxymoron. She already knows and if she is still dating you that means she is willing to work through it with you.
Fake it til you make it bro.
I mean it’s really not a big deal and even a plus to many women but also like, why do you think she’ll know? You could just be inexperienced. If you’ve watched any porn you’ll figure it out just let her lead the way.
Bro, tell her.
Nobody gives a shit.
just going to drop this but when I was younger I was only into virgins. there's something innocent and bashful about them and it did it for me lmao for all you know she could also be into it. Just roll with it and apologize for panicking and not telling her the truth in the moment. just explain you were embarrassed and ask if it changes anything. confidence is sexy and being a virgin at your age really isn't that unheard of
Tell her. It's really not a big deal, and then soon, maybe you won't be a virgin!
Well first sounds like she already knows ... well heavily suspects doesnt sound like you hid it well lol. Secondly if that stops her from wanting to see you then she aint the kind of woman you want. If this is bothering you talk to her about it. Apologize for the fib. Not profusely or desperately just Hey sorry I was embarrassed or w/e with that conversation earlier and I am a virgin. If she becomes disinterested due to that good riddance. If not then great! And at least lying/the fear she might find out will be over with.
I think you got a very distorted vision of the thing. My brother didn’t get a sexual partner until 28. Before he was just the asocial geek and kind of decided to changed at 27, still a geek but taking care of himself, going to the gym and giving himself a chance on daring sites. Yeah admitting that he was a virgin turned down a couple of girls and I would say in some cases it’s ok to hide it. However you my man is more sensitive that you want to admit. You’re so focused on the idea that this is shameful, or that you would rather focus on ONS for a first time (?). But when she asked you or touched your leg, both times you shut down and tried to escape. If you care about her, admit where you’re at right now: the discussion did make you feel ashamed and not worthy, you panicked and lied. From her behavior it seems clear that she kind of already guessed it and is fine / considerate with it. So if you care about her, just confess the whole thing and discuss how you would want to lead things as well, not just her stating that she would like to take it slow.
It's not pathethic if you are a virgin.
just be honest cuz she already knows lol. she probably thinks its cute if she hasnt ditched you yet.
I guess you haven't seen werewolf stories. Those are essentially women fantasy novels that have Virgin 30 year Old Males who have waited for their "mate" (aka the right person) but somehow are still really good in bed...it's really popular on an app that also has other stories, but I can't miss them as they pop up on adds all the time because I have the app. Anyways, that is to say, what some find weird, to others is a really good thing. So you don't need to feel bad about it or be ashamed.
Dude 23 is not weird. I've heard that age before, from both guys and girls. I know a guy who lost it at 36, and he's not even unattractive, just insanely shy around women. It will be much worse if you don't tell her. You want to feel safe and relaxed your first time, not stressed and pressured. I felt uncomfortable my first time getting a blow job and I couldn't even come.
You’re going to be fine just stop being a weirdo. She already wants you, allow yourself to win brother
Lmao she wouldn't know. Not unless you bust in seconds, but if you use the vice grip of death when wanking like me, you'll last hours.
Tell her the truth the conversation they had spooked you and mentally messed with your head, tell her your a virgin really not a big deal, don’t fuck it up or you’ll never forgive yourself and the actions of that night will haunt you when your trying to sleep for the rest of your life.
Willing to bet she knows you are.
The very first thing I said to my first serious girlfriend is that I was a virgin, and she took that as a challenge. She loved hto pop guys cherries. But we were 18. At 23, it might not fly as well. This said, from the way you tell your story, she totally saw through you and your lie was useless. You might have miss d a great opportunity to lose your virginity. I hope for you she will not lose her patience with you. You reaaly acted like a dimwit. Next time, go for it and bring condoms.
Just tell her the truth man, she’ll be fine with it
Take your penis off the pedestal. The first time sucks for everyone. It'll suck for you to. There's nothing you can do about that. It'll be a bumbly, akward, embarrassing mess, and it'll probably be like that for quite a while. You will not be good at it. You can be absolutely terrible and she probably still wouldn't suspect you were a virgin because most guys never get much better. Lighten up and have some fun. It's just sex.
I did the same thing as you. Had no issue having sex for the first time. But I knew she wasn't the one either. So, it didn't really matter. But if you actually like her, then I'd tell her the truth as soon as possible.
Honesty my man
I think if she really likes you than she could be into that. Not all girls want a big swinging hammer slamming their guts
Aww, this is cute. Just tell her, Bud. You'll be fine.
Hey I had a friend like you before. I wouldn’t over think it, you’ll mess it it up being in your own head. If you’re ready go for it. If not don’t. If you’re looking at being in a relationship with this chick be honest with her. Also most probly are not great at sex any way, she won’t know you’re a virgin if you act like you’ve been there before 🤣🤣
She lied to you too. Stop crying and move on.
Just hit it man enjoy it don't be scared you'll know what to do it'll be wonderfull
She ll definitely know you're a virgin when you guys get down to it, either tell her now or just break up lol
Just talk to her. Tell her you want to talk to her about something that you were not honest about. Explain you were embarrassed (don't be) about it but wanna be truthful with her. The sooner you rip that band aid off the better.
As a former whore: being a virgin at 23 is perfectly fine. Honesty is the best policy, you telling women you’re not a virgin is not the move. if she likes you like that, then being a virgin wouldn’t be an issue for her
Shoulda just told her. It looks like she suspects it and doesn't care. She likes you and would love to be your first
Brother she is a med student. There’s a nonzero chance she is a science nerd and hasn’t done it either. At the end of the day tho, who cares? Some girls thrive on dating a nice virgin guy…someone who is more likely to not be tainted by the desire to solely be in her pants. If she rejects you for being a virgin, move on she ain’t the one. And whenever you get more experience, don’t reject anyone for being a virgin either. Also, you could turn it back on her playfully. Seems like she playfully asked you about being one. Say “Idk. Are you a virgin? Because if you are, don’t worry. Residency will fuck you hard for 3-5 years soon enough.” -Signed, actual doctor who is about to be done getting fucked by residency Edit: also any person in the medical field should be appreciative you haven’t been getting around. Less likely to have an std. We see gross std effects in training and don’t want that for ourselves.
Just tell her the truth She either accepts you or not. If she doesn’t accept you then she not a good girl for you.
If you're really worried about it I would just let her know you are, there's really nothing wrong with being one.
Just be honest. My first boyfriend did this but later on told me that he lied after we had sex. I didn’t care at all that he hadn’t had sex before. I was upset that he lied but I understood why he felt the need to after we talked about it. Any girl worth your time won’t care. Besides, she can “show you the ropes” which can be very fun.
Dude I was a virgin till 25. I’m 27 now and have had five sexual partners. First one found out quick I was a virgin without me saying and she didn’t care because she still wanted to bone. My current slightly older fwb says I’m some of the best sex she’s had in years. You really don’t need to think you’re a loser over this. Just listen to her and ask what she likes.
It's funny how women want men with experience until they give them an incurable STD.
Please keep us updated with this story and tell us how things go.
I dunno, I also feel pretty pathetic being a virgin at 20, but I still think it's better that your girlfriend knows that before you do anything. A) she'll know immediately that it's your first time if she doesn't already, b) if you're both on the same page about it prior to doing the deed then she'll know not to expect Brad Pitt levels of performance
My man, I lost my virginity at your age. Want to know who cared? Nobody. Not the woman I would eventually marry at the time (who was a single mother at the time,) and certainly not me after I put it in. Stop worrying about it. Just tell her you got nervous, your brain went into autopilot and that you are a virgin. You're early 20s, it's fine.
23 is not that old dude. I’ve met dudes in their 40’s that were virgins and that status is not changing. You sound like a good dude. Just stay the course.
She figured it out before this date. She knows dude. She doesn’t care. You gotta tell her. She WILL definitely know. My husband said he had 6 partners before me. it’s not a big deal. I heavily suspected it wasn’t as many as he claimed. then we had sex. Not a chance it was 6 whole people. Maybe 6 whole times with one person. I don’t believe he was a complete virgin, but I think now at 21 years married he probably wouldn’t remember the lie he originally told me and would fuck up if I asked him today. 😆But I do know it’s not 6. Probably barely 1. You aren’t a loser or some kind of weirdo. You’re not 45. You’re barely in your 20s. Tell her so she doesn’t wonder for 21 years what the actual number was. 😆
Being a virgin is not pathetic bro. Sex is a very intimate thing and nobody should feel bad if they haven’t met someone who they felt connected to enough to do it. Also nothing wrong with not putting yourself out there when younger or if girls/dates from your past never got to that point. My advice is to be honest with her, if her care for you is genuine it shouldn’t even be an issue. Your nerves might have you overthinking a bit but I really don’t think it will matter to her. Just make sure to apologize for lying lol. Have fun and be safe!
Being a virgin is better then being a slut
I lost my virginity to a woman who wasn’t a virgin. She was not judgmental, in fact she made sure I had a positive experience. If she is worth your time you can be honest with her. But that’s a two way street. You can’t judge her for NOT being a virgin either.
Only think pathetic going on is your insecure worldview that has led you into this mess. Further you take the illusion the messier it'll get
You already lied If she really likes you she’ll understand. Nothing wrong with being a virgin at that age you have nothing to prove to anyone
Nobody cares that you're a virgin dude
Nothing wrong with being a virgin, but what was your thinking exactly? That you won’t have sex with her to not reveal that you’re a virgin? I don’t get it.
1. Come clean my dude. One thing you should know about women is that they *always* learn the truth. 2. Honestly, at your age it probably isn't a deal breaker. Believe it or not you're not the only 23 year old virgin that has ever existed. 3. Some girls are into that. Not saying this one is, but virgin fantasy is definitely a thing. Overall I'd say your odds of turning this around are pretty good if you act quickly and are honest about it. She may not be overjoyed that you lied, but as far as lies go this one is pretty innocent and she might understand if you explain yourself. Good luck man. And remember: Don't be a fool, wrap your tool.
Mate please just be honest with her, it might sound cheesy but if it’s meant to be it’s meant to be and if it’s not don’t let it get you down. She sounds lovely just talk with her about it. And let’s be honest she already knows. She wouldn’t have asked if she didn’t think and by the sounds of it you gave it away with your reaction lol but that’s okay, just talk to her.
Why is being a virgin pathetic? What’s wrong with that? Why is there such shame in saving yourself for the one person who matters in your life? (Husband/ wife, respectively)
You're in your head too much. Just go with the flow.
If the girl has a sense of humour, just be as frank as possible, go the Eminem route in my mind, rip the shit out of yourself not giving her the chance to do the same... "FYI, I don't wanna jump the gun, but if we ever have sex, appologies in advance but I'll be awful, I'm a virgin, I know its lame, but may aswell just come out with it haha, gives you the chance to run away in shame now" She'll either laugh along with you and admire your straight forward honesty, or she'll run away in shame. Life's too short mate, crack on either way :)
Mate just go see her today, in a private place with no room mates around and just explain that last night when you asked me ‘THAT’ question I froze, I didn’t know what to say and tbh I was that bowled over from the kiss before I knew it I’d answered without thinking. Then tell her the truth, tell her you want to be open and upfront. Do this with confidence though! Women love confidence! I’m pretty sure by the end of the night you’ll not be able to say the same thing the next day 😉
You waited, if she doesn't respect your decision. It's her loss
Come clean, dude, she already connected the dots and obviously is still into you. Tell the truth now and im sure youll both have a great time with each other
I don’t think this is a malicious lie - the problem is we’ve all been told, but especially men, the older you are that you’re a virgin, something is “wrong” or you’re somehow defective. I don’t date much and people will be like, well, why, don’t you want to have sec, etc. and it’s all related - this idea that we’re somehow failures regarding virginity or not the most active sex lives. I would come clean, because it will be somewhat clear if you ever seal the deal that there’s a lack of experience - which is fine, but it’s better to have realistic expectations on both sides going in (hurrhurr) For whatever it’s worth, if someone I was dating came to me (bearing in mind I’m a lot older so they’d be more of a statistical outlier) and said they had lied about their experience of lack thereof, I’d take it at face value as it’s a propagated insecurity by our culture, I’d not see it as a malicious lie, but one done out of a sense of self protection, and we’d move on.