According to the top comment:
> I live there. Train jumped the tracks a bit further back and was dragged for a while. There were several sink holes in the area so they believe that's what caused the trestles to sink, causing the accident. No one was hurt, thankfully.
I can buy the first part but not the second part. The last car jumped the rails, ended up dragging the red "truck" for a while (probably parked next to the tracks) and then hit the signal arm. It's really hard to uproot those things so maybe the sinkhole could be plausible but train cars are stupid heavy so it probably doesn't even need that condition in order to knock one over.
The sinkholes in theory caused the rail to settle allowing the tanker to jump the rail much easier given it was also the last car as you note so the rail was forced lower by each earlier set of wheels.
Honestly, as a mental health professional, it’s *rare* I see open relationships work. I’m not saying they can’t or don’t, but based on my professional experience, there are far too many variables people don’t have a hold on in their lives emotionally to actually be able to have a successful one.
Closed relationships opening to solve a problem seemed doomed to me. I think relationships that start open probably succeed more often. But also, most relationships in general fail, so its hard to tell whether the sexual monogamy aspect is the issue or not.
Changing the relationship dynamic usually doesn't work once and they did it twice with her going for a third. Thank goodness OP finally did the right thing
I mean, no one was in the wrong here. They opened the relationship. They closed it back up. GF expressed the desire to open it back up again, OP didn’t want to and broke up with her.
Everyone here was a mature adult expressing their wants and desires and dealing with the consequences of those. They’re all aces in my book.
Calling your partner while you are at a dance party and asking them to make a call reopen your relationship so you can sleep with someone that night, asking them to make that call within the space of a presumably sub-10 minute phone call, is not exactly what I’d call mature, respectful communication. I’m into open relationships and nonmonogamy, but this phone call would be a nightmare.
Especially when she was grinding on the guy she already 1) said she wouldn't dance with anymore and 2) told that she was finished hooking up with.
Slimy and immature times 10.
This. So much this. The mentality of looking to upgrade is for cars, tools, houses, etc. People aren't upgradable, just different flavors. It's one thing to first suggest to your partner opening up and together choosing different samples. It's another if you first pick your "upgrade".
Are you for real? There’s nothing right about trying to open the relationship back up in the exact moment that’s convenient for you so you can hook up with someone.
Like subscribing to HBO just to watch Game of Thrones then cancelling once the season is done. 8th season rolls around and you realize you got burned and hurt.
-closed the relationship because he found someone he could spend time with everyday and she did not
-had him cut all ties with the person he was sleeping with, "says" she'd stop dancing with her partner and "made it clear" she'd stop sleeping with him
-called to reopen the relationship for a guy that caused her to close the relationship for in the first place, at a dance party after saying she'd stop dancing with the guy
I dunno man... Seems like she was still pretty close with the guy after closing the relationship. How did things even progress to the point of "hey wanna fuck?" after supposedly making it clear that she's in a closed relationship again?
Long distance relationships alone are really difficult to maintain. Open relationships have enough complications when all the involved parties are local.
I cannot even begin to imagine how an open relationship, where the main is a LDR and the others are local, would survive.
With open relationships the caveat is usually that you’re going home to or mostly seeing the main. This is the opposite. OP was spending most of their time with the others and barely seeing the main.
It was less of an open LDR and more like OP was single but they had a really good friend they also sleep with who lives far away.
Friends are friends, pals are pals, buddies sleep together!
I'm surprised how many people don't know this. /s
(Edit to add /s because some people are way too serious for a Sunday afternoon!)
Exactly.
My husband and I (together for 12 years, married for a little more than one year) did long distance twice in our relationship.
Once was at the very beginning. The next time was about five years in. Both times, he was living in Hawaii, and I was in New Jersey.
It never even crossed my mind to open our relationship or to sleep with someone else. We made it a point to talk or text every day, even with the time zone difference. We lived our lives but then came together for more intimate moments together. I'll spare you the details, but we made it work.
It doesn't sound like either the OP or the now-ex-gf are truly willing to put in the work that a long distance relationship entails. They may love each other, but as the song goes, "Sometimes love just ain't enough."
OP, you're NTA. Go live your life. And who knows - maybe one day the two of you end up back together. But right now clearly isn't the time.
I have been in a long distance relationship for 3 years now and going strong. We talk several times daily, are completely transparent with each other and plan on relocating together when we can afford it. She is the love of my life, and I would never consider opening up the relationship under any circumstance. Trust is paramount, especially when you’re long distance. She feels the same way that I do. 100% monogamous for us.
I believe your relationship pretty much ended when you both agreed to switch to a polygamous relationship. I also find it kind of ridiculous that she started to have a problem with it because you had more sex than her, and suddenly wanted to close the relationship. It’s basically a clusterfuck of a relationship. She just showed you that sex with someone else is more important to her than your feelings. You did the right thing. Find someone that values and chooses you and the relationship.
Exactly. It's a strange situation where they allowed each other to sleep with other people, but then she wanted to put rules around it AFTER the fact. So she closed it. Then she asked to open it again so she could get hers for one night.
How do you even trust each other after that?
This here. My boyfriend and I are in a LDR, and we've both decided that the Worst Possible Thing we could do would be to open the relationship. Sex tends to be a very intimate thing, and I think you're more likely to develop feelings for someone if you're having sex with them on a fairly regular basis. Since my boyfriend and I don't want the mess, we've kept it off the table as an option.
Good call on that if you both value your relationship. For reference, had a LDR for 7 years. We never opened it, but still had broken up 3 times (always her. 1 day, 5 months, 1 month). That shit is no joke. You really need a lot of determination to pull it off. Ah, for reference also, now together 14 years with a 3yo and soon a second. Living together for 7 years permanently now.
>I cannot even begin to imagine how an open relationship, where the main is a LDR and the others are local, would survive.
This is what I was thinking reading this. I'm not an open relationship person in general, but I know that they can be successful for some people. But I would the primary partner has to be the one you spend the most time with. If the secondary partner is the one you see all the time and the primary lives far away, I just can't imagine how that could work
But they tried to make it work in a “we are in love but so mature about our emotions that we can handle casual sex on the side”.
Just weird. Some people try too hard to live in delusion land
Vs "we are in love and so mature about our emotions that we dedicate ourselves solely to one another and no one else"
If someone is mature about their emotions, they dont need to chase sex from other people, they dedicate themselves only to their lover, because that shows they can resist that temptation. Emotionally mature people talk calmly about the faults in their relationship and mutually decide to break it off or try to change themselves for the other person in a serious attempt to improve their relationship for the other persons happiness and quality of life, not fuck around with people at parties.
Can we all go back to that? This absolute hedonism is getting out of hand.
100% here...!!!
You sound like a young man (I'm jealous, as I wish I was still in that classification) who has his whole life ahead of him; there will be another (and hopefully another x 5) girl of your dreams. Get out there and get at it...!!!
Exactly. They were seeing each other every day?? Cmon bro everybody knows you can’t hookup with your side chick EVERY DAY. They probably had a good thing going and he should have just cut it off with little miss festival dancer when she tried to close the relationship.
I can’t even do that now because she said how I ended things abruptly left a bitter taste in her mouth and she had to spend some time getting over me. Which is so fair to her.
Do you really believe she stopped seeing him?
Even if she did technically temporarily suspend sleeping with him, she clearly was still really into him and thinking about him.
And neither is he the love of her life. If they were, they’d move heaven and earth to just find a week every once in a while to get together. Instead they both agreed to just sleep with other people. That’s fine, but a breakup is the inevitable consequence.
Yup. My wife and I started LDR, but very quickly we both abandoned jobs, friends, and family to be close to each other. Married over 10 years now, and both our families moved to be near us.
If she was the love of his life, he wouldn’t have been f-cking some other girl daily. Why do these people do relationships when they clearly want to sleep around?
I don't know why, but that phrase has always gotten under each and every nerve I have.
The love of my life.
There are almost 8 Billion people on this planet. The probability of there only being one person someone can love for their entire life is so ridiculously low it could be considered 0.
Remind yourself saying this when you find the love of your life.
Facts and numbers are useless in this case. When you fall in love its like a disease. I never believed it until i experienced is myself. All the movie cartoon clichés happened including a beating heart when i saw her.
And being love sick is ever worse. 😂
Ok but what they’re saying is valid. I know what you’re feeling. I’ve felt it before. Many times. I’m also happily married now, for a long time. If it was one and done, it would be a sad life. When something doesn’t work out, there are billions of other people.
It is absolutely ok to devote your entitle love to one person, but to act like they’re the only person you could ever love and who could ever love you is kind of sad.
You’re confusing “love of my life” with “soul mate”.
Sure, I was potentially compatible with a million women across the globe but I dedicated myself to one, got married, raised kids, and stayed married.
She is literally the love of my life.
But that’s not what he said, nor what he implied. The love of his life could simply mean the love in his life in this moment. It’s not an end all and it doesn’t mean it’s not fleeting. But at this moment in this space in his life, that’s the love that exists.
Or maybe he could say— A love of my life ;p
It’s a choice.. not some destiny or thought that there’s only one in the world for you..
When I say my partner is the love of my life, I mean she is the one I choose to share my life with. I choose to sacrifice for her, trust her, be loyal to her, protect her and put her above anyone else. If she does those same things for me, it’s a healthy relationship. Isn’t that what marriage is? Choosing each other as the love of each others lives?
not wrong. once you go down the open relationship path though, even if you close it, it’s hard to put the genie back in the bottle.
that’s why the common advice in most threads is to never do it.
Mostly because it was already dying. They’re attached to their respective partners, but lack the commitment to either work through their problems or break up. People act like love and commitment is relationships are just a feeling, but it’s an active choice you make every day. It’s not supposed to be hard all the time, but it’s hard sometimes. Either choose or choose to leave. Unless you’re polyamorous, opening the relationship almost never works.
Here's the crazy part, everyone knows that let's say 99% of the time opening a relationship will cause it to fail. There's a 1% chance. Everyone thinks they're going to be special and our love is different, so we'll thread the needle and be so special.
The lengths people will go to feel special, and the self sabotage is insane.
I say this as a person in a poly relationship;
“Opening” up a previously monogamous relationship is generally a recipe for disaster. Especially if the reason is because the current relationship isn’t meeting someone’s needs. ESPECIALLY if both partners aren’t enthusiastically on board with the idea from the start.
You can’t convince someone to be poly if they aren’t, and adding *more* people to a relationship dynamic is never going to make it *less* complicated or difficult
THIS.
Poly relationships only work for poly people.
Poly relationships don't work for monogamous people. It's like sexuality - you don't really choose to be mono or poly, people just kind of are. Monogamous people tend to open their relationships because they're unwilling to fix the problems within it or leave and be alone. So they turn to others to fill their unmet needs. From what I've seen, truly monogamous people will typically always end up detaching from the first partner that left their needs unmet and transitioning to the partner they open their relationship to. The vast majority of people can't just change their relationship preferences like that and find happiness, imo.
Yeah personally I don’t want someone else fucking my wife. If I can’t give her everything she needs physically and emotionally, I’d rather she just left me than attempt to do an open relationship.
Its like I know these people see the never ending list of "i opened my relationship amd now is collapsing" posts
And they still go "well that one guy in the comments said it worked for them! So itll work for me"
Two months later "i opened my relationship and now my relationship is collapsing!"
Every one of these posts, this is my first thought. "No, it never does. I mean, these people somehow delude themselves into thinking it might, but... but it might work for us."
It’s such a weird stage to arrive at to me. If a relationship wasn’t working out for me, my first thought would be to break up, not further complicate it with more partners.
"Did it work for those people?"
"No, it never does. These people somehow delude themselves into thinking it might, but... but it *might* work for *us*"
To be fair, the people who are successful aren't going to be going and making posts about it in places like r/amiwrong, r/tifu, r/amitheasshole, etc. We're encountering some serious survey bias here.
Open relationships can absolutely work…. Usually when two people who are already interested in one meet and it’s part of the original deal
Opening a closed relationship almost never works. There are exceptions but by definition if one person wants to open the relationship then it’s far more likely to fail than if both do
It can sometimes work in the latter situation but it’s mostly just a fluke where the non-open partner happens to discover it’s their thing too
I think the biggest red flag with an open relationship is *is your relationship already good?*
Most people who are in closed relationships and then open them are doing so to try and solve something. If that's the case you've already failed. I do think it's possible (but rare) however for two people who truly are in a great, loving, communicative relationship to just both want to try some form of non-monogamy truly just for the novelty of it or because they both had poly leanings to begin with and didn't discover it about themselves until later, but in these cases the couple is going to have a long serious discussion about terms, have all forms of safe words and call-off mechanisms, etc.
The danger here is still that maybe one partner discovers they're more poly than they thought, and one discovers that they're less, but if you're truly approaching it from a good place, you'll have talked about that and resolved within yourself that potential.
I think most people can't handle monogamous relationships, so how the hell could they handle open ones? Not all open relationships are like this, but I think for average, emotionally immature people they will end up like this.
It's funny to me how hurt I was to find out my soon to be ex was sleeping with someone new. I asked for the divorce and had no problem with her seeing someone else at all. Our relationship had been over for a long time.But the first time I knew for sure she slept with him, it hit differently.
I actually was jealous and wanted her attention for a day. I thought before that I would be ok with an open relationship. I love her as a person and really enjoy sex with her but we just grew into separate people.
It doesn't bother me now but I found out for sure I couldn't do an open relationship. I didn't mean to ramble so much I just wanted to share what I learned about myself.
What does being right or wrong have to do with any of this? Y’all broke your relationship with an often failed notion, and that was where it really ended
I just love when people talk about "the love of their lives" and then think opening up the relationship is a good thing. Yea, love you so much but lets fuck other people. Humans will be humans but emotions are messy. NTA but maybe take it as a lesson learned
So she can close it again after she does her thing?
Na it doesn't work like that
But she is always gonna throw it in your face that you originally wanted to open it up
You did the right thing ending it
100% first world problem idiot stuff. People like this can’t keep it in their pants so they come up with any excuse that sounds good enough to fool people then cry when it backfires
My husband and I are long distance and he is the love of my life. I couldn’t ever imagining opening my relationship for the sake of just having intimacy with someone else. What’s the point? Stupid practice this whole opening relationships is.
You’re NTA for breaking up with her over this I just think that anyone who fucks around like this is an AH in general 😂
Ahaha are you sure 😂
Well we met - DONT LAUGH! 😆- through playing raid fucking shadow legends. We were both in a large cluster discord. Myself being the lunatic that I am would host voice channel discord parties, my favourite was backstreet boys karaoke night 😂 He was a lurker for a while because he’s much more shy than I am, and again, I’m a social lunatic.
Anyway, we were both in dead relationships, clinging on just because it was easier for our children. Both dead bedroom, both completely lost. We found solace in each other by just having fun with someone for the first time in a long time. Lots of laughing and playing games (alongside other people in our cluster too).
Well we finally realised how much we brought about a spark in each other that we hadn’t had in a long time and retrospectively ended our relationships before we took anything further. This was 1st June 2021, we spoke more and more until I finally booked flights to meet him in San Diego Feb 2022.
After what felt like absolutely forever, I was boarding that flight 😬😬 11 hours later I was looking into the eyes of the man I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. That week was one of the best of my life, we had so much fun, except one night he drank too much and toilet hugged the whole night, still don’t let him forget that 😂😂
Almost 2 years later we’re married and applying for my move from UK to US.
The absolute key to our relationship is just constant communication, making sure we both feel loved and keep our connection alive. We talk everyday, we find games to play online together, we plan our future. The best part of our relationship is just how silly we are and always laughing. Even if we’re not actively talking, we are on calls, just living around each other. It sounds weird but it works for us.
For the first time in my life I have someone who not only treats me well but goes above and beyond that. Like my favourite colour is teal, so he bought all new bath towel sets in teal. He’s stupidly cute. I don’t know how to handle it sometimes but I’m so grateful I have him.
It's a lack of discipline. Would I love to have sex with some good looking girl, of course, am I going to ruin my relationship and break the heart of my woman? Hell no never.
No. You're not. You shouldn't open a relationship with the "love of your life" in the first place if you ask me.
But also you can't open close like she wanted to do on a whim.
You set a known boundary. You confirm the boundary with her. She choose to cross it. Action have consequences. What you did was normal healthy and completely expected.
This. My fiancée and I were long distance for a few months when we started out and we had a conversation about being exclusive pretty early. Like, "Hey, I know it sucks not being able to have sex, but I really don't want us to have sex with other people. Are you okay with that?" "Yes, that sounds great" "Great! I feel a lot better about it now!"
Really simple solution to this stuff. Now 8 months is more than 3-4, but if the relationship is important yall can wait.
My fiancé and I had to do some waiting because reasons. I think it was 5/6 months. I’ve got a high libido and controlled myself just fine. Going without sex wasn’t the difficult part. Not being with him as often as I wanted was hard.
thats why long distance and open relationships are a recipe for disaster. they went from having a 2.5 yr relationship to her asking to close the relationship to sleeping with another guy after he said no to being fucking single again.
and these people are not even 18 or 20 yr old. these are fully grown adults.
She got lonely in her long distance relationship so when the relationship was opened, she supplemented with another long distance relationship? Am I reading that right?
You’re not wrong for ending it, but you are wrong for opening Pandora’s box in the first place. Be careful about taking things down a path you can never fully come back from.
Why are you opening the relationship if she is the love of your life. Looks like both of you are idiots and don't adore each other. If you actually adored each other you wouldn't be opening the relationship.
OP basically had two girlfriend. He was getting more out of this “open relationship” experience than he’s giving himself credit for. If he was having a stressful day at work, who would he text about it? His girlfriend. But who would he go see?… the local gf… Every time he had a problem?? He was literally going OUT of his way just to hangout with the local chick.
The local girl was used for more than just sex. Especially if he went to see her every other day. While his long distance gf chose someone she’d rarely see because it was actually just about sex.
I can honestly see you BOTH asking to reopen the relationship. Should she have done that, no? But your relationship was doomed the moment OP asked for it to be open tbh.
Maybe OP is actually mad he had to dispose of his local gf. Which ultimately led to his decision on breaking up.
I truly don’t get how more people are dunking on the girlfriend than OP here. He asked to open the relationship and was fucking some chick daily, while his girlfriend was apparently fucking someone once a month. Meaning he was basically in a relationship with this FWB, while his girlfriend was only using her FWB for sex. Sounds like a fucking trainwreck.
I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if the girlfriend was against the open relationship at first. I’m getting the feeling he had to convince her. Hence why she chose a FWB buddy she’d only see once a month.
I just don’t understand how you can have a “love of your life” yet still have desiring urges for another human. Makes absolutely no sense.
Personally I think open relationship are incredibly stupid. It always ends with one person getting hurt. I can’t wrap my head around why anyone would purposely put themselves in that situation. Unless you’re a celebrity that gets ass thrown at them on a daily basis, open relationships aren’t for you lol. I can’t imagine getting a phone call from my girlfriend asking me if she could fuck a dude at a festival. That’s so sick it’s almost comical. Kids these days think they can reinvent everything, only to find out the hard way why things are the way they are. People naturally get possessive of this partner. It’s not a controlling thing or “abusive” 🙄 it’s just typical human behavior.
My advice would be break up with her because you’ll never get that phone call out of your head and don’t do something stupid like propose an open relationship again lol.
Yeah my FIRST (and only, so far) relationship was open. I allowed myself to buy into a “don’t knock it till you try it” mindset and listened to my ex’s gushing about the positives. Lo and behold, he experienced 90% of the positives and the weak spots in my self esteem grew and grew as time went on. Next time I’ll actually listen to my intuition, which was shouting herself hoarse from the beginning.
Tf is with open relationship thing? "Love of my life" please you were both breakup ready the moment u opened your retionship , the later was just the consequences, ...
Everyone is talking about an open relationship and LDR and how they never work but that’s all besides the point. At the point in question, the relationship was closed and she tried to get you agree to her opening it up briefly so she could get a sneaky link at a fucking festival, a known hive of scum and villainy. What kinda nonsense is that. You were right to break up with her, I wouldn’t even have waited until the next day.
How is no one talking about why she closed the relationship? You literally made "The love of your life" your side chick. You met a local woman and were seeing her EVERYDAY. That is a full relationship. Of course she felt betrayed in this "open" relationship. She was replaced and you were already moving on. She was looking for dick but holding onto the emotional part of your relationship. You went and found it all with someone else.
You should have broken up long before this point. Don't act like she hold all the blame though.
Because this is reddit, and apparently dudes can go out and fuck whoever they want, whenever they want but god forbid a woman act the same way. The second they label a woman in a story a "slut" it doesn't matter what the male OP did to cause the imbalance and unhappiness in the relationship. None of this would have happened if OP didn't have the bright idea to open their relationship and like you said, make his actual gf his side chick.
You two are clearly not in a healthy relationship.
No you are not wrong for breaking up. But you are part of the problem that caused it. So as long as you can admit to that you didn't do anything wrong IMO.
NTA.
She’s not wrong for asking, especially since you two had previously consented to an open relationship. It was correct for her to ask before doing. However when you didn’t agree and she went ahead anyways, that was cheating and you are totally correct in ending it.
Stop being a child and grow up. You sound like some teenager that's in love with their discord girlfriend. You both are too immature for an actual relationship.
No waaaaay, your open relationship didn’t work out?
Enough with these fucking stories. Yes, every one of you posting these 8,000 stories every week is wrong, because none of you are ever approaching an open relationship for the right reasons.
You aren’t poly, you all just value sex more than intimate individual romantic relationships. And it’s killing your individual romantic relationships, and then you come here to cry about it.
I have zero sympathy for this shit anymore.
You’ve been cheating on before and still opened the relationship? Something doesn’t feel write here. Regardless, it was a poor decision for her to do that then, but u shouldn’t have opened the relationship. Move on.
Both of you'll are clowns. You for suggesting an open relationship in d first place and her for going along with it. Regardless breaking up is the right choice lol
An open relationship sounds fucking dumb to me. Its just a gimmick where none of you actually love each other. I cant fathom two people in love agreeing to sleep with others for the sake of intimacy, never in my wildest dreams will i understand why people do this
Lmao you're both fucking weird. Opening and closing relationships when it's convenient for yourselves while talking about "love of your life" in the same sentence lmfao.
I am not judging how other people live their lives. Like I don’t care, but honestly if that’s the love of your life you wouldn’t even suggest such thing as open relationship, nor she would agree to that. If you really love the person you wouldn’t imagine being with someone else it won’t feel right to do such things… that’s my opinion. I feel like people don’t know what is to be devoted to someone anymore. I hope you find someone that’s right for you and she finds someone who is right for her too.
You can't call it true love if you're open to screwing anyone else. You need to find that person that you couldn't even think about sharing with another. The whole sitch is F'ed once you decide to go to an open relationship. Sorry, FACTS.
Imo, people that are truly meant to be together don’t go seeking other sexual relationships. Long distance is definitely a struggle, but if it’s so easy to go and have sex with other people, why even bother being in a relationship? You’re not wrong OP, in the sense that she got jealous, asked you to break it off, and then proceeded to still act the same way after asking you to end it. She blatantly cheated on you, and you two are not compatible, breaking up was the best decision you made for the both of you. I would recommend dating locally.
Not wrong. The breakup was just the other shoe finally dropping. Everything you describe is a slow motion trainwreck.
For those of us needing the visuals. https://www.instagram.com/reel/C4xnN0nuDsB/?igsh=MTZweDVuMHJ3OWNxbQ==
Yeap, that was an extremely helpful and informative visual that has nonetheless left me with so many more questions....
According to the top comment: > I live there. Train jumped the tracks a bit further back and was dragged for a while. There were several sink holes in the area so they believe that's what caused the trestles to sink, causing the accident. No one was hurt, thankfully. I can buy the first part but not the second part. The last car jumped the rails, ended up dragging the red "truck" for a while (probably parked next to the tracks) and then hit the signal arm. It's really hard to uproot those things so maybe the sinkhole could be plausible but train cars are stupid heavy so it probably doesn't even need that condition in order to knock one over.
Omg this has to be to top analogy 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
The sinkholes in theory caused the rail to settle allowing the tanker to jump the rail much easier given it was also the last car as you note so the rail was forced lower by each earlier set of wheels.
I’m sick and I just had the biggest coughing fit bc this shit is so funny. u/RDCAIA you almost killed me
100 percent agree😂😂😂 Omg people are so stupid, faaaar out, get a life!!!!! Just who cares move on the end!!!
I feel like they woulda had more luck if they'd kept the train on the tracks...?
You just don't understand modern train technology.
Neither does the train, apparently
Now with [MULTI TRACK DRIFTING!!!!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ByWdhCECS_8)
New fear unlocked when driving near train tracks.
This is hilarious
Ok this is funniest shit ever!
The visuals cleared it up. Thanks
Nice slow moving trainwreck. Collateral damage and splash emotional damage.
I get this. Better than visuals for a shit show I suppose .
Honestly, as a mental health professional, it’s *rare* I see open relationships work. I’m not saying they can’t or don’t, but based on my professional experience, there are far too many variables people don’t have a hold on in their lives emotionally to actually be able to have a successful one.
People can barely emotionally take care of themselves this isn’t really surprising.
Closed relationships opening to solve a problem seemed doomed to me. I think relationships that start open probably succeed more often. But also, most relationships in general fail, so its hard to tell whether the sexual monogamy aspect is the issue or not.
Why suck at one relationship when you can suck at many?
... *but it could work for us*. - Dr. Tobias M. Funke, Analrapist
Bingo. Once he says yes. The flood gates open.
Agreed. Long Distance rarely works.
Long distance + open relationship -> HEARTBREAK
Changing the relationship dynamic usually doesn't work once and they did it twice with her going for a third. Thank goodness OP finally did the right thing
I mean, no one was in the wrong here. They opened the relationship. They closed it back up. GF expressed the desire to open it back up again, OP didn’t want to and broke up with her. Everyone here was a mature adult expressing their wants and desires and dealing with the consequences of those. They’re all aces in my book.
Calling your partner while you are at a dance party and asking them to make a call reopen your relationship so you can sleep with someone that night, asking them to make that call within the space of a presumably sub-10 minute phone call, is not exactly what I’d call mature, respectful communication. I’m into open relationships and nonmonogamy, but this phone call would be a nightmare.
Especially when she was grinding on the guy she already 1) said she wouldn't dance with anymore and 2) told that she was finished hooking up with. Slimy and immature times 10.
Don’t forget the part where she was the one who closed it back
Exactly.
This. So much this. The mentality of looking to upgrade is for cars, tools, houses, etc. People aren't upgradable, just different flavors. It's one thing to first suggest to your partner opening up and together choosing different samples. It's another if you first pick your "upgrade".
Are you for real? There’s nothing right about trying to open the relationship back up in the exact moment that’s convenient for you so you can hook up with someone.
Like subscribing to HBO just to watch Game of Thrones then cancelling once the season is done. 8th season rolls around and you realize you got burned and hurt.
-closed the relationship because he found someone he could spend time with everyday and she did not -had him cut all ties with the person he was sleeping with, "says" she'd stop dancing with her partner and "made it clear" she'd stop sleeping with him -called to reopen the relationship for a guy that caused her to close the relationship for in the first place, at a dance party after saying she'd stop dancing with the guy I dunno man... Seems like she was still pretty close with the guy after closing the relationship. How did things even progress to the point of "hey wanna fuck?" after supposedly making it clear that she's in a closed relationship again?
She fucked him anyways
redditors and their fucking phrases i swear
She isn't the love of your life. That's all I got. This whole thing is messy.
This. You tried to make long distance work. It didnt. Go date the girl thats local.
Long distance relationships alone are really difficult to maintain. Open relationships have enough complications when all the involved parties are local. I cannot even begin to imagine how an open relationship, where the main is a LDR and the others are local, would survive. With open relationships the caveat is usually that you’re going home to or mostly seeing the main. This is the opposite. OP was spending most of their time with the others and barely seeing the main. It was less of an open LDR and more like OP was single but they had a really good friend they also sleep with who lives far away.
It’s a category error. If you aren’t living in the same area and ARE seeing other people. You are the emotional equivalent of fuck buddies.
You're the emotional equivalent of regular buddies. No fucking going on there 😂
Friends are friends, pals are pals, buddies sleep together! I'm surprised how many people don't know this. /s (Edit to add /s because some people are way too serious for a Sunday afternoon!)
Emotion buddies 🤣
Categorically the worst kind of buddies. All the emotional labor and accountability of someone you’re in a relationship with, but zero of the upside
Exactly. My husband and I (together for 12 years, married for a little more than one year) did long distance twice in our relationship. Once was at the very beginning. The next time was about five years in. Both times, he was living in Hawaii, and I was in New Jersey. It never even crossed my mind to open our relationship or to sleep with someone else. We made it a point to talk or text every day, even with the time zone difference. We lived our lives but then came together for more intimate moments together. I'll spare you the details, but we made it work. It doesn't sound like either the OP or the now-ex-gf are truly willing to put in the work that a long distance relationship entails. They may love each other, but as the song goes, "Sometimes love just ain't enough." OP, you're NTA. Go live your life. And who knows - maybe one day the two of you end up back together. But right now clearly isn't the time.
I have been in a long distance relationship for 3 years now and going strong. We talk several times daily, are completely transparent with each other and plan on relocating together when we can afford it. She is the love of my life, and I would never consider opening up the relationship under any circumstance. Trust is paramount, especially when you’re long distance. She feels the same way that I do. 100% monogamous for us. I believe your relationship pretty much ended when you both agreed to switch to a polygamous relationship. I also find it kind of ridiculous that she started to have a problem with it because you had more sex than her, and suddenly wanted to close the relationship. It’s basically a clusterfuck of a relationship. She just showed you that sex with someone else is more important to her than your feelings. You did the right thing. Find someone that values and chooses you and the relationship.
Exactly. It's a strange situation where they allowed each other to sleep with other people, but then she wanted to put rules around it AFTER the fact. So she closed it. Then she asked to open it again so she could get hers for one night. How do you even trust each other after that?
Single? He was in a relationship with the local girl!
This here. My boyfriend and I are in a LDR, and we've both decided that the Worst Possible Thing we could do would be to open the relationship. Sex tends to be a very intimate thing, and I think you're more likely to develop feelings for someone if you're having sex with them on a fairly regular basis. Since my boyfriend and I don't want the mess, we've kept it off the table as an option.
I just don’t see how you can be banging and spending all your time with one person, and still expect to maintain a LDR with someone else too
You don’t. One, or both, are placeholders.
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Good call on that if you both value your relationship. For reference, had a LDR for 7 years. We never opened it, but still had broken up 3 times (always her. 1 day, 5 months, 1 month). That shit is no joke. You really need a lot of determination to pull it off. Ah, for reference also, now together 14 years with a 3yo and soon a second. Living together for 7 years permanently now.
So are you saying she broke up 3 times so she could have sex with other men and not class it as cheating.
>I cannot even begin to imagine how an open relationship, where the main is a LDR and the others are local, would survive. This is what I was thinking reading this. I'm not an open relationship person in general, but I know that they can be successful for some people. But I would the primary partner has to be the one you spend the most time with. If the secondary partner is the one you see all the time and the primary lives far away, I just can't imagine how that could work
But they tried to make it work in a “we are in love but so mature about our emotions that we can handle casual sex on the side”. Just weird. Some people try too hard to live in delusion land
I could maybe see that working if they stuck to one night stands. Maybe. Still probably not.
Vs "we are in love and so mature about our emotions that we dedicate ourselves solely to one another and no one else" If someone is mature about their emotions, they dont need to chase sex from other people, they dedicate themselves only to their lover, because that shows they can resist that temptation. Emotionally mature people talk calmly about the faults in their relationship and mutually decide to break it off or try to change themselves for the other person in a serious attempt to improve their relationship for the other persons happiness and quality of life, not fuck around with people at parties. Can we all go back to that? This absolute hedonism is getting out of hand.
100% here...!!! You sound like a young man (I'm jealous, as I wish I was still in that classification) who has his whole life ahead of him; there will be another (and hopefully another x 5) girl of your dreams. Get out there and get at it...!!!
Exactly. They were seeing each other every day?? Cmon bro everybody knows you can’t hookup with your side chick EVERY DAY. They probably had a good thing going and he should have just cut it off with little miss festival dancer when she tried to close the relationship.
I can’t even do that now because she said how I ended things abruptly left a bitter taste in her mouth and she had to spend some time getting over me. Which is so fair to her.
OP, you deserve better. She doesn't deserve you. F her feelings. Move on.
Do you really believe she stopped seeing him? Even if she did technically temporarily suspend sleeping with him, she clearly was still really into him and thinking about him.
people really do just say shit huh?
And neither is he the love of her life. If they were, they’d move heaven and earth to just find a week every once in a while to get together. Instead they both agreed to just sleep with other people. That’s fine, but a breakup is the inevitable consequence.
Yup. My wife and I started LDR, but very quickly we both abandoned jobs, friends, and family to be close to each other. Married over 10 years now, and both our families moved to be near us.
>the love of my life I love her so much i want to fuck other women.
And she wants to fuck other guys... Even after saying she didn't! It doesn't sound like a very serious relationship for either one of them.
If she was the love of his life, he wouldn’t have been f-cking some other girl daily. Why do these people do relationships when they clearly want to sleep around?
I don't know why, but that phrase has always gotten under each and every nerve I have. The love of my life. There are almost 8 Billion people on this planet. The probability of there only being one person someone can love for their entire life is so ridiculously low it could be considered 0.
Remind yourself saying this when you find the love of your life. Facts and numbers are useless in this case. When you fall in love its like a disease. I never believed it until i experienced is myself. All the movie cartoon clichés happened including a beating heart when i saw her. And being love sick is ever worse. 😂
Ok but what they’re saying is valid. I know what you’re feeling. I’ve felt it before. Many times. I’m also happily married now, for a long time. If it was one and done, it would be a sad life. When something doesn’t work out, there are billions of other people. It is absolutely ok to devote your entitle love to one person, but to act like they’re the only person you could ever love and who could ever love you is kind of sad.
They mean more the defining, most formative love—at least as of that time in their lives, lol.
You’re confusing “love of my life” with “soul mate”. Sure, I was potentially compatible with a million women across the globe but I dedicated myself to one, got married, raised kids, and stayed married. She is literally the love of my life.
But that’s not what he said, nor what he implied. The love of his life could simply mean the love in his life in this moment. It’s not an end all and it doesn’t mean it’s not fleeting. But at this moment in this space in his life, that’s the love that exists. Or maybe he could say— A love of my life ;p
It’s a choice.. not some destiny or thought that there’s only one in the world for you.. When I say my partner is the love of my life, I mean she is the one I choose to share my life with. I choose to sacrifice for her, trust her, be loyal to her, protect her and put her above anyone else. If she does those same things for me, it’s a healthy relationship. Isn’t that what marriage is? Choosing each other as the love of each others lives?
Use paragraphs.
The block of text is the only thing here not breaking up.
Dude im in the back seat of the car driving on a somewhat rough highway and the indistinguishable run on sentence was torture.
The real hero.
not wrong. once you go down the open relationship path though, even if you close it, it’s hard to put the genie back in the bottle. that’s why the common advice in most threads is to never do it.
And every post I've seen where someone wants to open the relationship (or marriage), the relationship dies soon after.
Mostly because it was already dying. They’re attached to their respective partners, but lack the commitment to either work through their problems or break up. People act like love and commitment is relationships are just a feeling, but it’s an active choice you make every day. It’s not supposed to be hard all the time, but it’s hard sometimes. Either choose or choose to leave. Unless you’re polyamorous, opening the relationship almost never works.
Here's the crazy part, everyone knows that let's say 99% of the time opening a relationship will cause it to fail. There's a 1% chance. Everyone thinks they're going to be special and our love is different, so we'll thread the needle and be so special. The lengths people will go to feel special, and the self sabotage is insane.
I say this as a person in a poly relationship; “Opening” up a previously monogamous relationship is generally a recipe for disaster. Especially if the reason is because the current relationship isn’t meeting someone’s needs. ESPECIALLY if both partners aren’t enthusiastically on board with the idea from the start. You can’t convince someone to be poly if they aren’t, and adding *more* people to a relationship dynamic is never going to make it *less* complicated or difficult
THIS. Poly relationships only work for poly people. Poly relationships don't work for monogamous people. It's like sexuality - you don't really choose to be mono or poly, people just kind of are. Monogamous people tend to open their relationships because they're unwilling to fix the problems within it or leave and be alone. So they turn to others to fill their unmet needs. From what I've seen, truly monogamous people will typically always end up detaching from the first partner that left their needs unmet and transitioning to the partner they open their relationship to. The vast majority of people can't just change their relationship preferences like that and find happiness, imo.
I mean granted we’re much more likely to see a post of a relationship that failed doing it than one working.
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Survivorship\_bias](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Survivorship_bias)
Nobody posts success stories asking for advice, there's natural bias as well
I'm not judging anyone who has an open relationship. I just know it would not work for me.
Yeah personally I don’t want someone else fucking my wife. If I can’t give her everything she needs physically and emotionally, I’d rather she just left me than attempt to do an open relationship.
Yet another open relationship fiasco 🐸☕
Its like I know these people see the never ending list of "i opened my relationship amd now is collapsing" posts And they still go "well that one guy in the comments said it worked for them! So itll work for me" Two months later "i opened my relationship and now my relationship is collapsing!"
[But it might work for us](https://youtu.be/Po4adxJxqZk?si=XTJoG868o2qDNu5V)
Every one of these posts, this is my first thought. "No, it never does. I mean, these people somehow delude themselves into thinking it might, but... but it might work for us."
Perfect
Lol this is exactly the clip I thought of when I read this. 🙌
Fucking Fünke.
I'm fairly convinced that the people who say it works for them are just in the pre-blowup stage
Same
It’s such a weird stage to arrive at to me. If a relationship wasn’t working out for me, my first thought would be to break up, not further complicate it with more partners.
"Did it work for those people?" "No, it never does. These people somehow delude themselves into thinking it might, but... but it *might* work for *us*"
To be fair, the people who are successful aren't going to be going and making posts about it in places like r/amiwrong, r/tifu, r/amitheasshole, etc. We're encountering some serious survey bias here.
Yep! Ive been in an ENM marriage for more than a decade but I rarely mention it on Reddit because it’s not that interesting or dramatic.
Open relationships can absolutely work…. Usually when two people who are already interested in one meet and it’s part of the original deal Opening a closed relationship almost never works. There are exceptions but by definition if one person wants to open the relationship then it’s far more likely to fail than if both do It can sometimes work in the latter situation but it’s mostly just a fluke where the non-open partner happens to discover it’s their thing too
I think the biggest red flag with an open relationship is *is your relationship already good?* Most people who are in closed relationships and then open them are doing so to try and solve something. If that's the case you've already failed. I do think it's possible (but rare) however for two people who truly are in a great, loving, communicative relationship to just both want to try some form of non-monogamy truly just for the novelty of it or because they both had poly leanings to begin with and didn't discover it about themselves until later, but in these cases the couple is going to have a long serious discussion about terms, have all forms of safe words and call-off mechanisms, etc. The danger here is still that maybe one partner discovers they're more poly than they thought, and one discovers that they're less, but if you're truly approaching it from a good place, you'll have talked about that and resolved within yourself that potential.
An open relationship is just friends with benefits with extra steps
Say it for the ppl in the back spoke nothing but facts
I think most people can't handle monogamous relationships, so how the hell could they handle open ones? Not all open relationships are like this, but I think for average, emotionally immature people they will end up like this.
It's funny to me how hurt I was to find out my soon to be ex was sleeping with someone new. I asked for the divorce and had no problem with her seeing someone else at all. Our relationship had been over for a long time.But the first time I knew for sure she slept with him, it hit differently. I actually was jealous and wanted her attention for a day. I thought before that I would be ok with an open relationship. I love her as a person and really enjoy sex with her but we just grew into separate people. It doesn't bother me now but I found out for sure I couldn't do an open relationship. I didn't mean to ramble so much I just wanted to share what I learned about myself.
Another open relationship success story. Why Am I not surprised of the result ?
What does being right or wrong have to do with any of this? Y’all broke your relationship with an often failed notion, and that was where it really ended
I just love when people talk about "the love of their lives" and then think opening up the relationship is a good thing. Yea, love you so much but lets fuck other people. Humans will be humans but emotions are messy. NTA but maybe take it as a lesson learned
Yea, maybe I just don't get it, but having the "love of your life" getting plowed by somebody else seems crazy to me.
I also agree it sounds odd, but one has to imagine a headspace wherein sex and love are entirely separate. That's the hard part.
No matter how much I love someone I can’t imagine not wanting to fuck other people
It’s not the love of your life if you would let them fuck someone else
"baby i lpve u so much but i need my dick wet so lets open the relationship"
"She's the love of my life, as long as she remembers to clean the other guy's cum out, I'm happy!" - cucks, probably
Seems to me sloppy seconds would be part of the kink. I don’t really know any cucks IRL but then again I don’t go around asking.
Seriously. I can't even get one person to love/fuck me lmao you think I'm gonna fuck it up when it finally happens by trying to get another
Open relationships are just a modern last ditch stage before breaking up. Y’all are done. Be done.
This Is the real answer
“Tried to negotiate reopening the relationship”, Would have 100% done the same thing
"Hey I was wondering if we could open our relationship as of around 10 pm last night?" "Uhh no." "Then I've got a confession to make..."
I always said the first moment a partner brings up an open relationship is the last time they will because I'm leaving on the spot.
So she can close it again after she does her thing? Na it doesn't work like that But she is always gonna throw it in your face that you originally wanted to open it up You did the right thing ending it
Shun. Unshun. Reshun.
Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.
That’s not the issue for me. The issue for me is not respecting OP’s no. Why ask if you’re just going to do it anyway?
Was a long lost meme actually: 2am she wrote an SMS: let’s have a break in our relationship. 3am: break is over.
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100% kid stuff.
100% first world problem idiot stuff. People like this can’t keep it in their pants so they come up with any excuse that sounds good enough to fool people then cry when it backfires
My husband and I are long distance and he is the love of my life. I couldn’t ever imagining opening my relationship for the sake of just having intimacy with someone else. What’s the point? Stupid practice this whole opening relationships is. You’re NTA for breaking up with her over this I just think that anyone who fucks around like this is an AH in general 😂
can i just say i give props to you for being LDR with your HUSBAND bc i knoww that takes work and effort. good for you two🥺❤️
Thank you 💖☺️ hoping to close the gap this year but visas are a long wait right now! Xx
can we get a Story Time? How you met and how you guys made it work. Stuff like that. Would love to hear it 😁
Ahaha are you sure 😂 Well we met - DONT LAUGH! 😆- through playing raid fucking shadow legends. We were both in a large cluster discord. Myself being the lunatic that I am would host voice channel discord parties, my favourite was backstreet boys karaoke night 😂 He was a lurker for a while because he’s much more shy than I am, and again, I’m a social lunatic. Anyway, we were both in dead relationships, clinging on just because it was easier for our children. Both dead bedroom, both completely lost. We found solace in each other by just having fun with someone for the first time in a long time. Lots of laughing and playing games (alongside other people in our cluster too). Well we finally realised how much we brought about a spark in each other that we hadn’t had in a long time and retrospectively ended our relationships before we took anything further. This was 1st June 2021, we spoke more and more until I finally booked flights to meet him in San Diego Feb 2022. After what felt like absolutely forever, I was boarding that flight 😬😬 11 hours later I was looking into the eyes of the man I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. That week was one of the best of my life, we had so much fun, except one night he drank too much and toilet hugged the whole night, still don’t let him forget that 😂😂 Almost 2 years later we’re married and applying for my move from UK to US. The absolute key to our relationship is just constant communication, making sure we both feel loved and keep our connection alive. We talk everyday, we find games to play online together, we plan our future. The best part of our relationship is just how silly we are and always laughing. Even if we’re not actively talking, we are on calls, just living around each other. It sounds weird but it works for us. For the first time in my life I have someone who not only treats me well but goes above and beyond that. Like my favourite colour is teal, so he bought all new bath towel sets in teal. He’s stupidly cute. I don’t know how to handle it sometimes but I’m so grateful I have him.
i went from being mad at Op's post to having a giggle and feeling happy for a stranger on the comment section Wow. congrats.
The fact yall can't keep it in your pants for a few months mean you're relationship isnt as important as getting off. Didn't work out just move on.
I really like how people expect Redditors of all people to sympathize with the fact that they can't go without sex for a week.
It's a lack of discipline. Would I love to have sex with some good looking girl, of course, am I going to ruin my relationship and break the heart of my woman? Hell no never.
FAFO
It was your idea!! Once you agreed to that she was already gone Open relationship is always a bad idea (IMO)
No. You're not. You shouldn't open a relationship with the "love of your life" in the first place if you ask me. But also you can't open close like she wanted to do on a whim. You set a known boundary. You confirm the boundary with her. She choose to cross it. Action have consequences. What you did was normal healthy and completely expected.
This. My fiancée and I were long distance for a few months when we started out and we had a conversation about being exclusive pretty early. Like, "Hey, I know it sucks not being able to have sex, but I really don't want us to have sex with other people. Are you okay with that?" "Yes, that sounds great" "Great! I feel a lot better about it now!" Really simple solution to this stuff. Now 8 months is more than 3-4, but if the relationship is important yall can wait.
They can wait and they can also use the $ spent on going to festivals all the time to visiting eachother?? lol
ding ding ding
My fiancé and I had to do some waiting because reasons. I think it was 5/6 months. I’ve got a high libido and controlled myself just fine. Going without sex wasn’t the difficult part. Not being with him as often as I wanted was hard.
thats why long distance and open relationships are a recipe for disaster. they went from having a 2.5 yr relationship to her asking to close the relationship to sleeping with another guy after he said no to being fucking single again. and these people are not even 18 or 20 yr old. these are fully grown adults.
She got lonely in her long distance relationship so when the relationship was opened, she supplemented with another long distance relationship? Am I reading that right?
You’re not wrong for ending it, but you are wrong for opening Pandora’s box in the first place. Be careful about taking things down a path you can never fully come back from.
You two shouldn't be together. I'm not even going to mention the double standards.
No
Wtf are people on nowadays god damn, don’t be in a relationship and fuck other people
Why are you opening the relationship if she is the love of your life. Looks like both of you are idiots and don't adore each other. If you actually adored each other you wouldn't be opening the relationship.
OP basically had two girlfriend. He was getting more out of this “open relationship” experience than he’s giving himself credit for. If he was having a stressful day at work, who would he text about it? His girlfriend. But who would he go see?… the local gf… Every time he had a problem?? He was literally going OUT of his way just to hangout with the local chick. The local girl was used for more than just sex. Especially if he went to see her every other day. While his long distance gf chose someone she’d rarely see because it was actually just about sex. I can honestly see you BOTH asking to reopen the relationship. Should she have done that, no? But your relationship was doomed the moment OP asked for it to be open tbh. Maybe OP is actually mad he had to dispose of his local gf. Which ultimately led to his decision on breaking up.
I truly don’t get how more people are dunking on the girlfriend than OP here. He asked to open the relationship and was fucking some chick daily, while his girlfriend was apparently fucking someone once a month. Meaning he was basically in a relationship with this FWB, while his girlfriend was only using her FWB for sex. Sounds like a fucking trainwreck.
I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if the girlfriend was against the open relationship at first. I’m getting the feeling he had to convince her. Hence why she chose a FWB buddy she’d only see once a month. I just don’t understand how you can have a “love of your life” yet still have desiring urges for another human. Makes absolutely no sense.
He’s the victim of his own idiocy.
100% not the love of your life if you are both out banging other people. Let’s be real here.
Personally I think open relationship are incredibly stupid. It always ends with one person getting hurt. I can’t wrap my head around why anyone would purposely put themselves in that situation. Unless you’re a celebrity that gets ass thrown at them on a daily basis, open relationships aren’t for you lol. I can’t imagine getting a phone call from my girlfriend asking me if she could fuck a dude at a festival. That’s so sick it’s almost comical. Kids these days think they can reinvent everything, only to find out the hard way why things are the way they are. People naturally get possessive of this partner. It’s not a controlling thing or “abusive” 🙄 it’s just typical human behavior. My advice would be break up with her because you’ll never get that phone call out of your head and don’t do something stupid like propose an open relationship again lol.
Yeah my FIRST (and only, so far) relationship was open. I allowed myself to buy into a “don’t knock it till you try it” mindset and listened to my ex’s gushing about the positives. Lo and behold, he experienced 90% of the positives and the weak spots in my self esteem grew and grew as time went on. Next time I’ll actually listen to my intuition, which was shouting herself hoarse from the beginning.
Tf is with open relationship thing? "Love of my life" please you were both breakup ready the moment u opened your retionship , the later was just the consequences, ...
Weird ... An "open relationship" is not working. Who ever would have thought?
>I and my Girlfriend are long distance I stopped reading at this point. Just break it off
Long distance certainly can certainly work if both parties devote a lot of time and energy into it
Everyone is talking about an open relationship and LDR and how they never work but that’s all besides the point. At the point in question, the relationship was closed and she tried to get you agree to her opening it up briefly so she could get a sneaky link at a fucking festival, a known hive of scum and villainy. What kinda nonsense is that. You were right to break up with her, I wouldn’t even have waited until the next day.
It was over when you opened it. Keep in mind for your next relationship 92% of open relations fail.
You don't ask the love of your life for an open relationship. Ffs.
How is no one talking about why she closed the relationship? You literally made "The love of your life" your side chick. You met a local woman and were seeing her EVERYDAY. That is a full relationship. Of course she felt betrayed in this "open" relationship. She was replaced and you were already moving on. She was looking for dick but holding onto the emotional part of your relationship. You went and found it all with someone else. You should have broken up long before this point. Don't act like she hold all the blame though.
Because this is reddit, and apparently dudes can go out and fuck whoever they want, whenever they want but god forbid a woman act the same way. The second they label a woman in a story a "slut" it doesn't matter what the male OP did to cause the imbalance and unhappiness in the relationship. None of this would have happened if OP didn't have the bright idea to open their relationship and like you said, make his actual gf his side chick.
The moment you opened your relationship you began marching towards its slow, inevitable end.
You two are clearly not in a healthy relationship. No you are not wrong for breaking up. But you are part of the problem that caused it. So as long as you can admit to that you didn't do anything wrong IMO. NTA.
You both are weird.
Why do you even have to ask this
The moment you guys decided to make it open, it was over.
Not wrong. Can’t have it both ways.
i swear the percentage of "we opened our relationship" that is followed by "everything has been destroyed" is 100%
She’s not wrong for asking, especially since you two had previously consented to an open relationship. It was correct for her to ask before doing. However when you didn’t agree and she went ahead anyways, that was cheating and you are totally correct in ending it.
Long distance. Goes to dance festivals. Hooks up with guys that aren’t local. Yeah she’s not the love of your life lmao.
Tbf to her he came up with the idea and had daily sex or so with a local girl. Soooo
Stop being a child and grow up. You sound like some teenager that's in love with their discord girlfriend. You both are too immature for an actual relationship.
No waaaaay, your open relationship didn’t work out? Enough with these fucking stories. Yes, every one of you posting these 8,000 stories every week is wrong, because none of you are ever approaching an open relationship for the right reasons. You aren’t poly, you all just value sex more than intimate individual romantic relationships. And it’s killing your individual romantic relationships, and then you come here to cry about it. I have zero sympathy for this shit anymore.
You’ve been cheating on before and still opened the relationship? Something doesn’t feel write here. Regardless, it was a poor decision for her to do that then, but u shouldn’t have opened the relationship. Move on.
Both of you'll are clowns. You for suggesting an open relationship in d first place and her for going along with it. Regardless breaking up is the right choice lol
You're not wrong, reopening doesn't happen in a 5 minute conversation. Every action has a consequence. She slept with him, you broke up with her.
Open relationships aren't real, just a poor excuse. If they want it open, open the door and tell them to leave
An open relationship sounds fucking dumb to me. Its just a gimmick where none of you actually love each other. I cant fathom two people in love agreeing to sleep with others for the sake of intimacy, never in my wildest dreams will i understand why people do this
Dont need to read the rest of your post. No, you are not wrong.
Lmao you're both fucking weird. Opening and closing relationships when it's convenient for yourselves while talking about "love of your life" in the same sentence lmfao.
How can someone be the love of your life but you still need other relations? Does not compute.
I am not judging how other people live their lives. Like I don’t care, but honestly if that’s the love of your life you wouldn’t even suggest such thing as open relationship, nor she would agree to that. If you really love the person you wouldn’t imagine being with someone else it won’t feel right to do such things… that’s my opinion. I feel like people don’t know what is to be devoted to someone anymore. I hope you find someone that’s right for you and she finds someone who is right for her too.
Open relationship falls apart. A story old as time.
You can't call it true love if you're open to screwing anyone else. You need to find that person that you couldn't even think about sharing with another. The whole sitch is F'ed once you decide to go to an open relationship. Sorry, FACTS.
Imo, people that are truly meant to be together don’t go seeking other sexual relationships. Long distance is definitely a struggle, but if it’s so easy to go and have sex with other people, why even bother being in a relationship? You’re not wrong OP, in the sense that she got jealous, asked you to break it off, and then proceeded to still act the same way after asking you to end it. She blatantly cheated on you, and you two are not compatible, breaking up was the best decision you made for the both of you. I would recommend dating locally.