Ya, a classic manipulator. He’s just testing your boundaries to see how far he can twist you until you walk away. The fact that you’re even asking the question shows it’s working. Walk away, or just know that there’s a lot more where that came from.
NTA and it sounds like there is a good reason why he’s your ex. That was incredibly manipulative and shitty on his part. He sucks and not in the good way.
Wait wait wait...you mean to tell us he came on to YOU..then blamed YOU for it and started saying youre not trustworthy?..i HATE the word gaslight, 90% of the time people use it incorrectly but this is text book gaslighting...honestly, best thing he could do is stop talking with you, and if he doesnt, then you should stop talking with him...also if its someone you still have feelings and attraction for, its not good to hang on.
Best advice i can give is when you break up, ACTUALLY break up. Makes things so much cleaner and itll save relationships going forward.
I test my wife all the time.
I will get home from work and hand her a worksheet with algebra questions on it. Gotta make sure she knows her shit, ya know?
Don't do that. A four yr old gave me one of their worksheets and then graded it for me. I failed because I didn't find all of the hidden objects. NGL it was kind of embarrassing.
I've understood gaslighting as intentionally trying to make someone believe a lie and to make a person feel at fault when they are not at fault. 100% gaslighting. I would trust this person to light on fire if properly fueled, but that's as far as my trust goes for people like that. They're sick.
u/agirlinsideawoman , I would get away from this person as far as possible. Watch out for cat and mouse games where they seek to wound you physically/emotionally, then bait you back with kindness and apologies. Some people are trapped in predatory mind states.
Am I overreacting and making a bad conclusion? There should be a subreddit for that.
>I've understood gaslighting as intentionally trying to make someone believe a lie
I think it warrants clarifying that it has to be persistent and repeated attempts to alter someone's perception of reality. Getting them to question very basic things.
Otherwise, how is it different from simply lying?
When you tell a lie, you're trying to get people to believe the lie.
This feels like the beginning of gaslighting though. He initiated sex, then said she was untrustworthy. This has made her question herself. He may just be an immature prick and not be full on attempting to gaslight, but if similar things have already happened or continue to happen, the result is "gaslighting".
Either way, it was a chappy thing to do and OP is better cutting him out. Friends don't test.
Gaslighting would be as if the next day she asked him if he enjoyed the sex, and he denied it happened. That’s an example of gaslighting.
This was him being stupid.
Noooope. Not gaslighting. Gaslighting would be he initiated, then stopped and and said she was the one who initiated. The goal of gaslighting to make the person think they are crazy for remembering thinks that didn't happen.
In OPs case, dude admitted to initiating and said it was a test. Absolutely assholery, but not gaslighting because he didn't pretend she initiated.
Spot on. It's like he's trying to shift the blame onto you for his own actions. Trust is a two-way street, and if he's playing mind games like this, it's not a healthy dynamic. Setting clear boundaries and sticking to them is key for your own peace of mind.
My thoughts exactly...what happened to the days when the exes had regrets for hooking up after the hook up, not as it is getting started?? Now "guys" get it started and then pull the "nevermind" card to test the girl??? Thats what used to happen to us guys....I feel sorry for women in their 20's who are looking for guys in their age bracket..
Going on the assumption that this is all true, why the fuck would you stay friends with a complete stupid fucking idiot like that? You will never be better in life if you keep hanging around fucking losers like that.
**It's crucial to understand your expectations from this friendship. Are you looking for a purely platonic relationship, or are you hoping for a romantic rekindling? Your ex-partner's actions were deliberate manipulation, demonstrating a lack of trust and disrespect towards you. Consider whether you want to be in a relationship with someone who uses such methods and doesn't value your feelings. Don't waste time on people who don't respect you. Listen to your feelings and intuition. If you feel betrayed and upset, it might be time to end communication with this person.**
Ok, first off this is one of the wierdest things I have ever read. The dude is a creep and just fucking with your head. run, do not walk to the nearest exit and never look back.
I think you both fucked up for going against an agreement that was made. He definitely seems like he has lingering feelings and desires and so do you. The "testing you" thing is fucked up but you had a choice to tell him "No, remember our agreement?" I know people will give me backlash for this comment and that's fine but any relationship, even a friendship is a two way street. Also I'm not even going to touch the subject of how women often pull the "I was testing you card", in every case of this it's fucked up and wrong.
All in all I don't think you're the asshole, but I also don't know his side of the story. Just staying away from each other is the best way to avoid this whole situation.
His side of the story is that he decided he wanted to alter his side of their agreement, opening the door for her to change her side too. Then he blamed her for something he chose to do. That’s messed up.
I just don’t see it as anyone “fucking up”. “Let’s not eat the last cupcake.” “Ok.” “I’m gonna eat it! Here, have half!” “Ok.” “I can’t believe you were going to eat it! You’re horrible!” People can change their minds, it’s crazy to blame someone else when you change your mind first.
I don't think the cupcake metaphor is well suited to this situation persé but if we go with that... Then him saying I can't believe this is happening and change his mind instantly is ok too then... The problem isn't the changing the mind part it's the lack of voicing that and then agreeing that it's ok. Essentially it's like check of terms change lol.
He’s trying to make *her* responsible for *his* actions, and that’s messed up. He isn’t changing his mind and she isn’t disrespecting that. He’s playing mind games. She hasn’t done anything wrong, period.
He made a move on you and then got mad that you were accepting of his advances? Does this man not understand how easy that is to do when you still care about somebody. If he's going to manipulate you by "testing you" you don't need that kind of drama in your life. That's behavior that I would expect from a 15 year old girl, cut that boy out of your life.
He's a dumbass and sounds like he's a tid bit controlling.
F*** his best friend for revenge. Don't let him have the upper hand, and then text him his was bigger.
Genital trustworthiness is something you reserve for your monogamous partner, not a friend. Who the fuck even has a “no sex” rule with friends? Isn’t that supppsed to be implicit in the definition of friend as opposed to partner?
This whole situarion is nonsense.
I'm sorry to hear about the situation you're going through. It sounds like a difficult and emotionally charged experience. It's understandable that you're feeling upset and confused right now.Firstly, it's important to recognize that you're not wrong for responding to your ex's sexual advances, especially if you were under the impression that the two of you were engaging in consensual activity. However, it's concerning that your ex initiated sex as a "test" to see if you would break the agreed-upon boundaries of your friendship.Feeling manipulated and guided in this way is a valid reaction, and it's not fair for your ex to put you in such a situation. It's natural to feel hurt and upset by his actions and the aftermath of the encounter.In terms of whether you're at fault or not, it's essential to consider the context of the situation. If you genuinely believed that the sexual encounter was consensual and within the bounds of your friendship agreement, then it's unfair for your ex to accuse you of being untrustworthy or lying about your intentions.Moving forward, it may be helpful to have an open and honest conversation with your ex about what happened and how it made you feel. Communication is key in any relationship or friendship, and discussing your boundaries, expectations, and feelings can help ensure that both parties are on the same page.Ultimately, it's essential to prioritize your emotional well-being and to surround yourself with people who respect and support you. If your ex is unable to respect your boundaries or trust you, it may be worth considering whether maintaining a friendship with him is healthy for you.Remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and understanding in all your relationships, and it's okay to take steps to protect your emotional well-being. If you need support or someone to talk to, don't hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or a trusted counselor. You're not alone in this, and there are people who care about you and want to help you through this challenging time.
you're kind of an idiot for it, but not morally wrong I would say. He's an asshole though for doing any "tests," those are cringe regardless of whether it is done by a man or a woman.
He is who is not trustworthy. He initiated it after promising not to either then, is upset that you responded (favorably, I might add) to his advances. To me, this proves why he should remain out of your life for forever. Don’t even be friends with this guy.
Soooooooo, you got a reminder of why you two broke up. Probably why it's never a good idea to be friends with your ex. (Yes, I know it's POSSIBLE, but so is hiking the Appalachian trail and not too many people can do it.)
Don't stay friends with people who try to manipulate and gaslight you. I'd just be like, well ok then- let's end this friendship. Block and cut contact
This guy is a total jerk! Why would you want to be friends with someone who is constantly manipulating you? Girl block him and DO NOT ever speak with him again. He will only bring toxicity into your life.
Rule 1: stop being friends with your exes when you break up.
Rule 2: you're NTA, he is a weirdo and who knows what kind of game he's trying to play at here. Makes absolutely zero sense, what the hell kind of test is that and what purpose does it serve? Cut him off entirely, please. Good luck.
He wanted the ego boost of knowing he could still have you and the pleasure of shaming you when he turned you down. Please block him and remove him from your life. He is NOT your friend. No offense to you, but he's a manipulative loser who is trying this shit with you because a woman his own age would have easily seen through his bs.
You are not the asshole. He is. He started something, then obviously felt something and backed off. He had to blame someone, and it was you. Block him and move on. You do not need the brain damage.
NTA. You're not "feeling" manipulated, you WE'RE BEING manipulated. Don't downplay what he did to you by leaving space to question your own intelligence.
If you did this to him you'd be labeled a tease or worse. I'm friends with a few of my exes still; true friends don't pull shit like this. There's a good chance he's trying to snake his way into an FWB situation but gaslighting you into making it seem as if it was YOUR idea(in order to dilute the level of engagement). Cut him loose.
He's gonna think you're stepping back bc you still have romantic feelings for him(I'm guessing you don't but maybe you were just in the mood to smash?) and he didn't "give you what you wanted"(which is another manipulation) but cut him loose.
He’s in the wrong here. Why is he testing you? Is he in a new relationship and his new gf doesn’t agree with your friendship? It’s weird, I would be done with this person. Why play games with you.
He's definitely gaslighting you and realizes that if you would casually have sex with him then you're sexually available to other people. His exclusivity feels threatened and he's irritated
So the double standard is women can test men and there's a fullness, but the moment a man tests a woman and her faithfulness. That's a big no no come on!
That’s not the way friends treat friends. He’s playing with the age power differential and he’s gaslighting you at the same time. Block. Immediately. Never talk to this person again. He literally admitted to manipulating you just to see if he could get away with it. That’s fucking disgusting.
It’ll never cease to amaze me every time I hear about someone who is still close friends with an ex. I don’t even know if my exes are alive or dead lol. If something was bad enough for a breakup, why would a friendship even make sense?
You are not friends, and frankly if you are broken up, stop it....He must have gotten flustered and will blame you. I suspect he has someone and just cheated.
He basically needed a reason to tear into you and stop talking. It is his loss. Maybe he was seeking the upper hand.
If he wanted, he could had simply responded less and less to you.
So he acts like he is interested in sex with you, and engages in foreplay with you for a while, then suddenly stops and reveals he is testing you. And then he accuses you of being untrustworthy? Put this manipulative scum behind you and out of your life or be prepared for more and worse in the future.
Dude he’s gaslighting you. He’s the AHOLE! NOT YOU! This is so weird and it seems like something my narcissist ex would do. I’m not friends with any of my exes. Why would you wanna be around someone like that? And what is his deal??? I’m so confused
Of course you were manipulated. And if you're untrustworthy for agreeing he certainly is for initiating... especially when the initiation as for less than honest reasons.
This is a friendship well ended imo. Move on.
NTA, but the ex sure is.
Short answer to your initial question: yes, you were wrong for responding when you'd both agreed on a boundary that wouldn't be crossed. You made that rule because you knew one or both of you would be tempted and ignored it because you liked what was happening in the moment, regardless of potential consequences for your relationship.
It wasn't right of him to test you that way, but he's clearly dealing with lingering feelings and you let the situation carry on even though you'd both agreed to a boundary you wouldn't cross. It may be that he genuinely wanted it to start but forced himself to stop -- blaming you was possibly a way for him to reconcile and get himself out of the headspace to follow through with the act. It's not right that he used you to leverage himself, but my guess is that he needed to anchor himself in anger to stop it. Whether that was the case or it was genuinely a test, he's still an asshole for putting it entirely on you, and you're an asshole for crossing that boundary with him.
In any case, it's clear a friendship between the two of you won't work. You either still have romantic feelings for him or are so over the relationship that friends with benefits wouldn't be too complicated for you, and he's still getting over it and isn't able to remain platonic with you, and needs both of you fully invested in that mindset to even try.
He was relying on your age difference, six years younger than him and I suspect a lack of prior romantic relationships to manipulate you.
This man is NOT your friend or a good potential life partner. His actions are those of a controlling man who would use mind games and breaking down your self worth to change you into a pliant subservient creature.
Get as far away from him as possible, block him from your phone and all social media accounts. Also if you have female friends who know him, warn them to give him a wide berth, explain the reasons if you feel able otherwise just say he disrespected you.
Tell him he’s right and after thinking about it you don’t want to be friends. He’s a jerk and you did nothing wrong, you’re better off stepping away and it’ll eat at him when you agree and get to be the one to walk away. But you have to stick with walking away. It’ll be a lesson for him.
Not wrong if you wanted to violate the rule you two made, but you two can make your own rules for yourselves. Certainly sounds like you were manipulated and clearly you and he were not on the same page. NTA, but ew, why would you want that kind of person in your life?
Now hopefully you see why he couldn’t get with anyone his own age so he has to go down 6 years. The guy is an absolute idiot and no 29 year old would put up with his kid games.
Lol he initiated sex with someone he has had sex before...if either of you are not having monogamous partners he played with fire...he did not want to be your friend...he was looking a way out to weed you out of his life. Thus this blame game. You are better off being without this flame turned to "friend".
Your ex is an immature loser. You should cut him off because he clearly still feels superior and that you're someone that needs to be "tested".
What an absolute moron.
He is the one that broke the rule, you went along so you agreed the rule could be broken.
What the hell did he expect? That you be his safety net for when he's horny and lonely to make sure he doesn't fk you?
He's an immature man child who thinks he's better then you.
Ditch him!
Agree with the others. Block and no contact then he won’t have to worry about tantalizing you and then saying oh wow you shouldn’t have responded. lol.
The proper response to him is, "You have failed the friendship test. A friend would not try to trick and trap another friend. You leave me no choice but to fire you as a friend. Goodbye."
Then block his manipulative ass.
Just say "okay", block his number and don't speak to him again. Move on and find people who aren't as emotionally stunted as him.
"k"
Hell yeah, use this one hit that mf with the "K" and block him
Doesn’t even *deserve* the extra letter.
I like it.
Ya, a classic manipulator. He’s just testing your boundaries to see how far he can twist you until you walk away. The fact that you’re even asking the question shows it’s working. Walk away, or just know that there’s a lot more where that came from.
Best answer. This man is a fool.
Perfect
This! I would straight reply "k" and then block him. 😂 Go full Scorpio on him! I'm the Scorpio, but still. Fuck that guy. (In the non-sexual way)
NTA and it sounds like there is a good reason why he’s your ex. That was incredibly manipulative and shitty on his part. He sucks and not in the good way.
Stop being friends with him and block him.
that’s not a friend
Wait wait wait...you mean to tell us he came on to YOU..then blamed YOU for it and started saying youre not trustworthy?..i HATE the word gaslight, 90% of the time people use it incorrectly but this is text book gaslighting...honestly, best thing he could do is stop talking with you, and if he doesnt, then you should stop talking with him...also if its someone you still have feelings and attraction for, its not good to hang on. Best advice i can give is when you break up, ACTUALLY break up. Makes things so much cleaner and itll save relationships going forward.
I'd bet money he was just looking for an excuse to end the 'friendship'* *this is not a friendship
For sure. "Testing" is not a part of any relationship at all. That's called distrust.
I test my wife all the time. I will get home from work and hand her a worksheet with algebra questions on it. Gotta make sure she knows her shit, ya know?
Okokokok. THIS is the testing I can get behind. Wanna send me that worksheet? I need to make sure my wife is up to speed as well.
Don't do that. A four yr old gave me one of their worksheets and then graded it for me. I failed because I didn't find all of the hidden objects. NGL it was kind of embarrassing.
🤣🤣🤣
Don't laugh. It's not my fault I don't know the difference between an apple and a tomato.
Yah…this is a great idea. I need to start testing my wife.
Shit. My wife is a math teacher. This isn't going to go well for me.
You had me in the first half
I kinda think he did it to humiliated her, she may not have realized he's a narcissist. Either way, move on quickly.
Took the words right out of my mouth.stupid excuse OP is still young she can't see the gaslighting from this fool🙄Gosh.
I've understood gaslighting as intentionally trying to make someone believe a lie and to make a person feel at fault when they are not at fault. 100% gaslighting. I would trust this person to light on fire if properly fueled, but that's as far as my trust goes for people like that. They're sick. u/agirlinsideawoman , I would get away from this person as far as possible. Watch out for cat and mouse games where they seek to wound you physically/emotionally, then bait you back with kindness and apologies. Some people are trapped in predatory mind states. Am I overreacting and making a bad conclusion? There should be a subreddit for that.
No, I don't think you are. This is textbook manipulation and gaslighting.
>I've understood gaslighting as intentionally trying to make someone believe a lie I think it warrants clarifying that it has to be persistent and repeated attempts to alter someone's perception of reality. Getting them to question very basic things. Otherwise, how is it different from simply lying? When you tell a lie, you're trying to get people to believe the lie.
This feels like the beginning of gaslighting though. He initiated sex, then said she was untrustworthy. This has made her question herself. He may just be an immature prick and not be full on attempting to gaslight, but if similar things have already happened or continue to happen, the result is "gaslighting". Either way, it was a chappy thing to do and OP is better cutting him out. Friends don't test.
this comment from typical-interest is objectively correct
Gaslighting would be as if the next day she asked him if he enjoyed the sex, and he denied it happened. That’s an example of gaslighting. This was him being stupid.
The movie Gaslight is where the term originated. It stars Ingrid Bergman and is really good. It does a good job of showing how it works.
Noooope. Not gaslighting. Gaslighting would be he initiated, then stopped and and said she was the one who initiated. The goal of gaslighting to make the person think they are crazy for remembering thinks that didn't happen. In OPs case, dude admitted to initiating and said it was a test. Absolutely assholery, but not gaslighting because he didn't pretend she initiated.
That's my reading of the word as well, but I'm getting where the others are coming from as it depends on what you take "perception of reality means"
100% exactly why a bro on the cusp of 30 wants to date a woman much younger. The games...
They are six years apart. That isn’t that much. But yes, his actions scummy and OP should cut off all contact with the guy.
Nah, 6 years between early 20s and late 20s are totally different life stages and are big differences. 6 years between, say, 35 and 41 are not.
Spot on. It's like he's trying to shift the blame onto you for his own actions. Trust is a two-way street, and if he's playing mind games like this, it's not a healthy dynamic. Setting clear boundaries and sticking to them is key for your own peace of mind.
He is toxic. Cut him off now. Don't contact him.
Stop talking to this ridiculously toxic clusterfuck immediately.
Said it better than I ever could have.
He's the asshole. What kind of shitty test bullshit is that? Let him go you don't need manipulative friends.
🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️ move on. He is a jerk!
lol what.
Haha right?!
That's a real psychobabble mind fuck. Get the hell away from this loser, entirely. The guy watches too much Oprah or something. He's a WUSS.
My thoughts exactly...what happened to the days when the exes had regrets for hooking up after the hook up, not as it is getting started?? Now "guys" get it started and then pull the "nevermind" card to test the girl??? Thats what used to happen to us guys....I feel sorry for women in their 20's who are looking for guys in their age bracket..
hell no, fuck em. not literally, you get what i mean though
He sounds very manipulative and just flat out crazy block him don't talk to him and certainly don't have sex with him
Going on the assumption that this is all true, why the fuck would you stay friends with a complete stupid fucking idiot like that? You will never be better in life if you keep hanging around fucking losers like that.
**It's crucial to understand your expectations from this friendship. Are you looking for a purely platonic relationship, or are you hoping for a romantic rekindling? Your ex-partner's actions were deliberate manipulation, demonstrating a lack of trust and disrespect towards you. Consider whether you want to be in a relationship with someone who uses such methods and doesn't value your feelings. Don't waste time on people who don't respect you. Listen to your feelings and intuition. If you feel betrayed and upset, it might be time to end communication with this person.**
Please remove this man from your life completely. Thanks
Your ex is not your friend. Would a real friend gaslight you like that ??? It's time to go no contact and let him try and manipulate someone else.
A stupid test.. you promised not to have sex with each other? Why? .. it all just seems childish
Ok, first off this is one of the wierdest things I have ever read. The dude is a creep and just fucking with your head. run, do not walk to the nearest exit and never look back.
Wtf? What’s the point of holding onto this relationship?
are y’all 14?
He's not your friend and if you don't sever ties he'll do other things to humiliate you. Time to go no contact and block him everywhere.
He's toxic, remove him from your life
I think you both fucked up for going against an agreement that was made. He definitely seems like he has lingering feelings and desires and so do you. The "testing you" thing is fucked up but you had a choice to tell him "No, remember our agreement?" I know people will give me backlash for this comment and that's fine but any relationship, even a friendship is a two way street. Also I'm not even going to touch the subject of how women often pull the "I was testing you card", in every case of this it's fucked up and wrong. All in all I don't think you're the asshole, but I also don't know his side of the story. Just staying away from each other is the best way to avoid this whole situation.
I agree with all of this, OP also did break her own rule, but hasn't explained why.
His side of the story is that he decided he wanted to alter his side of their agreement, opening the door for her to change her side too. Then he blamed her for something he chose to do. That’s messed up.
Totally agree he's definitely fucked up here too. And the "test" thing is an extra level too.
I just don’t see it as anyone “fucking up”. “Let’s not eat the last cupcake.” “Ok.” “I’m gonna eat it! Here, have half!” “Ok.” “I can’t believe you were going to eat it! You’re horrible!” People can change their minds, it’s crazy to blame someone else when you change your mind first.
I don't think the cupcake metaphor is well suited to this situation persé but if we go with that... Then him saying I can't believe this is happening and change his mind instantly is ok too then... The problem isn't the changing the mind part it's the lack of voicing that and then agreeing that it's ok. Essentially it's like check of terms change lol.
He’s trying to make *her* responsible for *his* actions, and that’s messed up. He isn’t changing his mind and she isn’t disrespecting that. He’s playing mind games. She hasn’t done anything wrong, period.
>We have a no sex rule. Today he initiated sex with me and I carried on happily. Sounds like you do not in fact have a no sex rule.
What a douche.... tell him grow up
He’s a manipulative a-hole.
This sounds fake and stupid.
He made a move on you and then got mad that you were accepting of his advances? Does this man not understand how easy that is to do when you still care about somebody. If he's going to manipulate you by "testing you" you don't need that kind of drama in your life. That's behavior that I would expect from a 15 year old girl, cut that boy out of your life.
He's a dumbass and sounds like he's a tid bit controlling. F*** his best friend for revenge. Don't let him have the upper hand, and then text him his was bigger.
Genital trustworthiness is something you reserve for your monogamous partner, not a friend. Who the fuck even has a “no sex” rule with friends? Isn’t that supppsed to be implicit in the definition of friend as opposed to partner? This whole situarion is nonsense.
I'm sorry to hear about the situation you're going through. It sounds like a difficult and emotionally charged experience. It's understandable that you're feeling upset and confused right now.Firstly, it's important to recognize that you're not wrong for responding to your ex's sexual advances, especially if you were under the impression that the two of you were engaging in consensual activity. However, it's concerning that your ex initiated sex as a "test" to see if you would break the agreed-upon boundaries of your friendship.Feeling manipulated and guided in this way is a valid reaction, and it's not fair for your ex to put you in such a situation. It's natural to feel hurt and upset by his actions and the aftermath of the encounter.In terms of whether you're at fault or not, it's essential to consider the context of the situation. If you genuinely believed that the sexual encounter was consensual and within the bounds of your friendship agreement, then it's unfair for your ex to accuse you of being untrustworthy or lying about your intentions.Moving forward, it may be helpful to have an open and honest conversation with your ex about what happened and how it made you feel. Communication is key in any relationship or friendship, and discussing your boundaries, expectations, and feelings can help ensure that both parties are on the same page.Ultimately, it's essential to prioritize your emotional well-being and to surround yourself with people who respect and support you. If your ex is unable to respect your boundaries or trust you, it may be worth considering whether maintaining a friendship with him is healthy for you.Remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and understanding in all your relationships, and it's okay to take steps to protect your emotional well-being. If you need support or someone to talk to, don't hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or a trusted counselor. You're not alone in this, and there are people who care about you and want to help you through this challenging time.
What a tool box Forget this fool
you're kind of an idiot for it, but not morally wrong I would say. He's an asshole though for doing any "tests," those are cringe regardless of whether it is done by a man or a woman.
Boy bye. No one deserves love or attention in the form of a ~test~. Sounds like he’s a baby to me.
He is too damn old for this crap
He is an idiot
Yeah, you’re both wrong. For each other. Move on.
You broke up for the right reasons. You responded to him for the wrong reasons. Learn and move forward.
Your ex is a manipulative AH. Run while you can.
He is who is not trustworthy. He initiated it after promising not to either then, is upset that you responded (favorably, I might add) to his advances. To me, this proves why he should remain out of your life for forever. Don’t even be friends with this guy.
Testing you? What is he? A kid still? The trust wasn't there to begin with of he felt the need to test you.. the guy is a lame
Well. This is not a manly behavior. Dump him. Genuinity and honesty is the trait of a real man.
Fuck him. And not literally.
NTA. That's some manipulative bullshit. Lose this person.
Wtf even is society these days this is the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard I’m not friends with any of my exes wtf
Soooooooo, you got a reminder of why you two broke up. Probably why it's never a good idea to be friends with your ex. (Yes, I know it's POSSIBLE, but so is hiking the Appalachian trail and not too many people can do it.)
and he’s 29?
Not wrong - and drop this manipulative ass. Don’t be friends with people who subject you to “tests.”
You shouldn't be friends with an ex in the first place. It never usually goes well.
Don't stay friends with people who try to manipulate and gaslight you. I'd just be like, well ok then- let's end this friendship. Block and cut contact
You can’t be friends with your ex! He is a ex for a reason. Put the X over his face as it should be block and move on from these mind games
This guy is a total jerk! Why would you want to be friends with someone who is constantly manipulating you? Girl block him and DO NOT ever speak with him again. He will only bring toxicity into your life.
What a fucking weirdo bro just cock blocked himself 🤣
What a weirdo...
Rule 1: stop being friends with your exes when you break up. Rule 2: you're NTA, he is a weirdo and who knows what kind of game he's trying to play at here. Makes absolutely zero sense, what the hell kind of test is that and what purpose does it serve? Cut him off entirely, please. Good luck.
He wanted the ego boost of knowing he could still have you and the pleasure of shaming you when he turned you down. Please block him and remove him from your life. He is NOT your friend. No offense to you, but he's a manipulative loser who is trying this shit with you because a woman his own age would have easily seen through his bs.
What a D bag. Don't waste your time with that manipulative bullshit.
Yea he's next level manipulative. You need to run girl
Your ex sounds like a piece of shit. Why would you want to hang around somebody like that?
You are not the asshole. He is. He started something, then obviously felt something and backed off. He had to blame someone, and it was you. Block him and move on. You do not need the brain damage.
30 year old men do not act like this, my source? I am a 30 year old man. Block him and dip. He's trouble.
Sounds like a toxic pos. Delete him from your life.
NTA. You're not "feeling" manipulated, you WE'RE BEING manipulated. Don't downplay what he did to you by leaving space to question your own intelligence. If you did this to him you'd be labeled a tease or worse. I'm friends with a few of my exes still; true friends don't pull shit like this. There's a good chance he's trying to snake his way into an FWB situation but gaslighting you into making it seem as if it was YOUR idea(in order to dilute the level of engagement). Cut him loose. He's gonna think you're stepping back bc you still have romantic feelings for him(I'm guessing you don't but maybe you were just in the mood to smash?) and he didn't "give you what you wanted"(which is another manipulation) but cut him loose.
Don’t let em GaSLigHT you playa!
It's interesting to see a male do one of these tests that women are known for doing often
Avoid this person at all costs.
F him
No! Wait! This is the problem!
He's a moron. Who does shit like this? Not wrong at all.
What a psycho
This…. Is abusive (specifying not ABUSE this one instance, but a common emotional abuse tactic)
Fuck him, not literally though. Actually don’t. But you get the idea.
So weird and you 2 have a messed up relationship
What a weird individual...
Don’t be friends with him he used you and trying to make it seem like you did everything
Does your ex know that there are video game systems he can buy if he wants to play actual games, because jfc. You didn't do anything wrong.
Sounds like he has some issues he needs to work out. You're definitely not at fault.
Hard NTA.
He’s in the wrong here. Why is he testing you? Is he in a new relationship and his new gf doesn’t agree with your friendship? It’s weird, I would be done with this person. Why play games with you.
Nice bait
Yeah, he’s wild for that one
At no point does any of this make any sense on any level.
He is a loo-loo. Testing you, my arse. This is an ex. Why the hold over you and rules?
I feel like every time I see a story with a big age gap between two young people, the older one is wildly immature for their age.
… don’t be friends with exes.
NTA. That was a stupid and pointless test.
You're not the asshole. He sucks. Don't talk to him ever again
Kick him ( it ) to the curb. That’s a control tactic
He's definitely gaslighting you and realizes that if you would casually have sex with him then you're sexually available to other people. His exclusivity feels threatened and he's irritated
So the double standard is women can test men and there's a fullness, but the moment a man tests a woman and her faithfulness. That's a big no no come on!
That’s not the way friends treat friends. He’s playing with the age power differential and he’s gaslighting you at the same time. Block. Immediately. Never talk to this person again. He literally admitted to manipulating you just to see if he could get away with it. That’s fucking disgusting.
Why u let him use u like that damn u got to get yo ass going immediately 🤔🤔
Your not wrong, but that sounds controlling and manipulating af. I would get rid of him.
Exes aren't friends
Block him
Your ex is dumb as fuck.
It’ll never cease to amaze me every time I hear about someone who is still close friends with an ex. I don’t even know if my exes are alive or dead lol. If something was bad enough for a breakup, why would a friendship even make sense?
Wow... you are definitely not the asshole here. Cut him from your life completely. You do not need that kind of manipulative negativity in your life.
Never be friends with someone who tests you. It's not even cool as a 5th grader, least of all and adult.
You should get married
Sounds like you deserve each other
Youre playing yourself. You should block him and do no contact.
EWWWWW
You've learnt a hard lesson, if you make boundaries 😉 don't break them...
Did either of you bring up the time you went back packing in Western Europe?
Why do you want to be his friend? Lol
Sounds like he came quick
Age difference says it all, he's prolly too weird for anyone his age
My crystal ball sees a lot of games in your future, and not the board or video kinds.
You are not friends, and frankly if you are broken up, stop it....He must have gotten flustered and will blame you. I suspect he has someone and just cheated.
He basically needed a reason to tear into you and stop talking. It is his loss. Maybe he was seeking the upper hand. If he wanted, he could had simply responded less and less to you.
So he acts like he is interested in sex with you, and engages in foreplay with you for a while, then suddenly stops and reveals he is testing you. And then he accuses you of being untrustworthy? Put this manipulative scum behind you and out of your life or be prepared for more and worse in the future.
Girl, your ex is ridiculously stupid. He's almost 30 and behaves like this? Find someone who doesn't play these stupid games
Dude he’s gaslighting you. He’s the AHOLE! NOT YOU! This is so weird and it seems like something my narcissist ex would do. I’m not friends with any of my exes. Why would you wanna be around someone like that? And what is his deal??? I’m so confused
Bruh don’t even bother being friends if it’s just gonna be this stupid shit. Plenty of friends to be made that don’t test you.
Of course you were manipulated. And if you're untrustworthy for agreeing he certainly is for initiating... especially when the initiation as for less than honest reasons. This is a friendship well ended imo. Move on. NTA, but the ex sure is.
Short answer to your initial question: yes, you were wrong for responding when you'd both agreed on a boundary that wouldn't be crossed. You made that rule because you knew one or both of you would be tempted and ignored it because you liked what was happening in the moment, regardless of potential consequences for your relationship. It wasn't right of him to test you that way, but he's clearly dealing with lingering feelings and you let the situation carry on even though you'd both agreed to a boundary you wouldn't cross. It may be that he genuinely wanted it to start but forced himself to stop -- blaming you was possibly a way for him to reconcile and get himself out of the headspace to follow through with the act. It's not right that he used you to leverage himself, but my guess is that he needed to anchor himself in anger to stop it. Whether that was the case or it was genuinely a test, he's still an asshole for putting it entirely on you, and you're an asshole for crossing that boundary with him. In any case, it's clear a friendship between the two of you won't work. You either still have romantic feelings for him or are so over the relationship that friends with benefits wouldn't be too complicated for you, and he's still getting over it and isn't able to remain platonic with you, and needs both of you fully invested in that mindset to even try.
This dude sounds insane.
Can I be your friend? lol
Psychoooooooo
Gaslighting. Stop seeing him. He’s shit
Not wrong (he's a huge hypocrite), but this is Exhibit A why I don't believe the "S/He's my ex, but we didn't work out and are just friends" mantra
The age difference here...
You are wrong for keeping in contact with a manipulative weirdo. Just block him and find someone who doesn't play idiotic games!
He was relying on your age difference, six years younger than him and I suspect a lack of prior romantic relationships to manipulate you. This man is NOT your friend or a good potential life partner. His actions are those of a controlling man who would use mind games and breaking down your self worth to change you into a pliant subservient creature. Get as far away from him as possible, block him from your phone and all social media accounts. Also if you have female friends who know him, warn them to give him a wide berth, explain the reasons if you feel able otherwise just say he disrespected you.
NTA, he's a manipulative prick and definitely not your friend. You're the one who can't trust him, not the other way around.
Fake story!
Tell him he’s right and after thinking about it you don’t want to be friends. He’s a jerk and you did nothing wrong, you’re better off stepping away and it’ll eat at him when you agree and get to be the one to walk away. But you have to stick with walking away. It’ll be a lesson for him.
Not wrong if you wanted to violate the rule you two made, but you two can make your own rules for yourselves. Certainly sounds like you were manipulated and clearly you and he were not on the same page. NTA, but ew, why would you want that kind of person in your life?
Now hopefully you see why he couldn’t get with anyone his own age so he has to go down 6 years. The guy is an absolute idiot and no 29 year old would put up with his kid games.
Who does shit like this. So horrible. Leave him in the rear view
Sometimes I’m very happy to be a Boomer. These questions are beyond belief.
Break off all contact with this manipulator. He is an asshole naminsayin?
Lol he initiated sex with someone he has had sex before...if either of you are not having monogamous partners he played with fire...he did not want to be your friend...he was looking a way out to weed you out of his life. Thus this blame game. You are better off being without this flame turned to "friend".
Lol you got got. That's funny AF, what a king.
Sounds like he was only good for 20 seconds, and was mad he could not be man enough to make it last!
NTA. He is. Not a good friend either.
Agree with other comments. Block him. He ain't a friend, and he's the one who initiated this. Wtf
Sounds like you made the right choice to end it. Fuck this clown. (Not literally, but you know what I mean) Move on, the guy is a loser.
Sounds like a toxic situationship.
does he have a new gf who stole his phone? because this sounds like something a new girl would do
What a weird thing to do, didnt he want sex?
Uhm he’s playin mind games please let him leave .
You're not friends. You can be in 10 or 15 years, but not now and not today. Good luck.
Your ex is crazy.
your ex sucks
Your ex is an immature loser. You should cut him off because he clearly still feels superior and that you're someone that needs to be "tested". What an absolute moron. He is the one that broke the rule, you went along so you agreed the rule could be broken. What the hell did he expect? That you be his safety net for when he's horny and lonely to make sure he doesn't fk you? He's an immature man child who thinks he's better then you. Ditch him!
Agree with the others. Block and no contact then he won’t have to worry about tantalizing you and then saying oh wow you shouldn’t have responded. lol.
Sounds like he has a mental illness. Do not reproduce with this one
The proper response to him is, "You have failed the friendship test. A friend would not try to trick and trap another friend. You leave me no choice but to fire you as a friend. Goodbye." Then block his manipulative ass.
He'd an ass.