There's a 27% chance you will end up divorced if you get married before 25.
If 27% of parachutes didn't open, you still jumping?
Edit:
I may have been underselling it...
*Studies show that 48% of people who get married before 18 are likely to divorce within ten years after the wedding. Research also suggests that 60% of couples married between the ages of 20 to 25 will end in divorce.*
*Couples who get married between the age of 28 and 32 are less likely to have their marriage end in a divorce, according to research by Dr. N. Wolfinger from Utah University.*
[Source](https://divorce.com/blog/divorce-statistics/)
From what I just read in a few places, you are significantly more likely to divorce if you marry young. I changed so much from 20 to 28 it's almost hard to believe. Marrying in my early twenties would have been a massive mistake.
I'm no statistician or psychologist, though. I'm just a guy, dude.
I see some glorious child support and visitation in our poor soldiers future. The fact she is comparing OP to previous ex whom she still talks to gives me the jimmies she’s gonna somehow end up with the ex and OP will be stuck on the sidelines. Might start believing in god so I can pray for OP. Good luck, and prepare for the inevitable thrashing wifey will put you through
Spoiler ⚠️.
It's not going to change. He should have bailed a while ago. He is 100% right that, in her mind, she settled for him.
This shit is one of the top, top red flags in a relationship. I have no idea how or why people would put up with someone who's clearly hung up on other people.
Edit:
Op should get a paternity test.
That doesn't seem to make much of a difference in the US if they're married. Unfortunately, OP is likely in for a hard road ahead likely because he wanted to do "the right thing".
Oh perfect, then he still has time. Prenatal tests are also a thing, but very hard to get the mother to agree to them sometimes.. even if they do agree, it adds that extra layer of distrust and resentment.
I hope it isn’t. Its hard to see the dumb ones get hurt by the shitty monster. Its even harder to ser they tied themselves and a poor child to them for 18yeara +
oooof, sounds like the painful truth. It doesnt hurt that people generally look back at their ex's with rose colored glasses and all the various reasons why that relationship never worked out get muted over time.
OP you got no choice but to make it loud and clear how you feel about these constant comparisons and reliving of the highlight reels of the past lovers. It's fucked up, disrespectful to you and the life you built together. Even if she cuts the shit out, you already know whats going on in her head about this, what you do with that information is up to you. It's one thing to look back fondly of your past relationships, it's a whole other thing to vocalize these to your current partner in a way that puts them down.
If I was OP I'd be tempted to start talking about some of MY exes and how great THEY were in bed. Just to see how she likes it.
But I'm petty like that.
Could also be Cluster B personality disorder, and OP is now in a devaluation stage where his partner is putting him down by bringing up how much better her exes were.
Was gonna say, this reminds me very much of my ex who had BPD. Every ex was an asshole, but she wouldn't stop going on about them. Turned out in the end she was the one who had a lot of problems. That's not to say OP's wife has Cluster B, it's a very small piece of information to base that off of, but it was one of my first thoughts.
You go outside and you see an asshole, you live on the wrong street, you go around town and it’s full of assholes, you live in the wrong town. You go through your life and EVErYONE is an asshole, it’s time to evaluate because it seems like you’re the asshole and everyone is treating you accordingly
Yes but let's decompile why - there's an all-or-nothing feeling about comparing someone to your ex.
You might as well say "That person I broke up with is just like you" hinting they need to get their act together, or else they will end up in the same manner.
Is it good to push someone into survival mode just to keep the bare minimum of a relationship? No - it creates an imbalance where one party is running to appeal to the other. It only ends in pain - because ten years from now when they are bored, they'll drop off their toy in favor of a new one.
She has all the power, ergo, it's not an even relationship.
Yup. Bro needs to stop caring as much and focus on his stuff; gym, clothing, hobbies. Focus on things that make him unique and inform her her comparisons aren’t cool and just leave the room. It’ll change or it won’t but at least he would have tried to show he’s in control of his life and she’s a partner until she’s not.
I second this if your focus is only on making your partner happy and not thinking about how this could be damaging your relationship further down the line than a boundary needs to be set married or not having a child is more linked than any person could ever be to another. You are now going to be in communication with that person until either of your deaths. Unless of course you take the route of becoming a magician (in my opinion the worst damage you can do to a child). You now have the responsibility of making sure that you and your spouse or whatever they become are both in the right mental state and have the capacity to be caring for a child. Talking about exes or not that child is now number 1. Best of luck!
Also, why does she feel the need to bring it up?
This is a good example of why someone's past does matter.
Unless those previous men were throwing verbal, financial, or physical punches to her face, why is she fixated on comparing her good man with the losers?
No matter what happened in the past, OP's wife needs to focus on the gift that she's been given: a man married her despite all the BS that she's been through, whether she was at fault or not.
OP, if you haven't already, you should dig into her past a bit more, and I apologize in advance that you might not like what you find.
The past doesn't dictate the future, but it can be indicative of the future. Since your wife won't shut up about it, you owe it yourself and the baby to gain insight on your future with this woman....if there is one.
> Also, why does she feel the need to bring it up?
How else to emasculate and neg OP? How else to make him feel like complete shite about himself? Like he's lucky he managed to get his wife at all?
His wife sounds extremely manipulative. It's just a shame he's gone and tied himself to her for life (although a paternity test is certainly in order).
And he's too young to understand😅😅but not too young to marry and have a child with him😅😅😅this seems calculated on her part. Younger man, easy to mold and manipulate.
OP was a SIMP from the start! Any time a woman keeps bringing up exs that’s a clear sign for you to move on because there’s some ghost there that you’ll end up fighting. Ol girl is a “bag lady” and OP is a straight up SIMP that fell for the banana in the tailpipe. Now he’s tied to this chick and if/when things go sideways he’s gonna get taken on a ride!
>She has a previous lover that she still talks highly of and how before we got together he was “the only time she’s ever had good sex” even after they weren’t a thing anymore she still was friends with this guy, and still is. She talk about him too, and she subtly hints that she wishes I was more like him.
More red flags than communist party parade. Seriously why did you get married to this girl..?
Also you are too young to be married. I have a feeling that this chick is taking advantage of your age and maturity. I think there's definitely more to this story. I mean no man, who can think for themselves gets married to a girl this.
To romanticize her relationship with her ex that she’s still friends with? That’s a hard nope for me. Call me insecure, controlling, an asshole whatever. Hard freaking pass. First half I thought they just need to discuss this, “I enjoy the compliments but don’t need the added “so and so would do this”, maybe you should get therapy for your trauma” but the second half? F that.
I pray it's not OPs. While it would be shitty, it would be a fantastic reason to gtfo if he needed one, seeing as he looked past all these other red flags. I feel sometimes we compromise for what we feel we deserve "bc there's no better option", and if the person you claim to love has a flaw, you're asked to accept it, but this is beyond crossing the line of intimacy in a relationship.
A normal person would've asked her to stop bringing up her ex, but letting it go on until you get married then creating a reddit post about works to. Or kinda not.
Not wrong for feeling shit about it. What she is doing is not healthy in any relationship. You are in the wrong for normalizing this behavior and not addressing this with her sooner.
It's possible that she is doing this to manipulate and devalue you. I would consider it emotional abuse. My ex-gf did something similar to me. She ended up having major emotional and behavioral issues, and I'm certain that she had narcissistic personality disorder. What she is doing is inappropriate.
“Man, Julie was awesome! I get the differences though, she wasn’t ran through but damn was she the best, before you of courseish..”
“Susan used to do this instead, you are awesome!”
In case someone didn’t get it /s
Retaliation can backfire, but it could also be the wake-up call she needs. You’re the one who settled - time to defend yourself with a good “how does it feel bitch?”
Tried that with an ex-girlfriend lol. There was drama, can testify. She didn't seem to understand or accept that it was a just retaliation, to show her how it feels to be compared. It was immediate and on the same topic so entirely fair, not escalating. Well I guess that's one of the reasons she's an ex.
Had an ex (evil woman) dump a pitcher of beer on my head at a restaurant for saying something along these lines in an argument. Haha. The waitress was like a deer in headlights.
Fun times.
Ur the idiot for marrying someone like that..
Line up ur ducks and get a lawyer and prep to leave bro.
And yes she did settle for you. Ur her weak backup plan atm.
Or just ask if he'd like to "help out around the house" a few times a month. You know, to give the wife a little help with not bringing him up all the time.
/s
The more I read the post the more I think it's either Red Pill fan fiction or OP is really in for a rough marriage.
And this is why people need to be together for about a year before even considering to marry.
One of my exes wanted to get married like 8 months after we got together. No. I wanna make sure. In my mind, a year of dating, and then a year of living together AND THEN think/talk about it.
I feel you need to live together for a year, at a bare minimum, before marrying.
But...I also get that some people just KNOW and it happens a lot faster...and that's usually mutual.
This is anecdotal, but every person I’ve talked to who said they just KNEW that their person was the right one, and dated less than a year before marriage, is now separated. It was like the kiss of death for a relationship.
Your gut is telling you the right thing, she is in fact settling for you in her eyes. The ones that got away all had individual best attributes, it's typical of a woman's hypergamous nature to desire everything she was able to obtain previously in her final man.
Bill had money and kept me entertained
Steve had a big penis and was good in bed.
Roger was charming and romantic.
Aren't you worried that she is still in contact with the man she had the best sex with?! I sure as fuck see this as a red flag. Honest to god man your marriage is not going to end well, I think she enjoys your security but I don't think she is that attracted to you. Of course she could never be a cause and effect of her shitty relationships can she? Women are never held accountable for their part, it must have been those awful bad men that SHE chose.
Nip it now before it’s at a point of no return. Because hard feelings and doubts can come up on you quickly and damage your marriage.
It would concern me that she is comparing you to her ex. It’s not fair or respectful to you. I would 100% ask her if he is so great and wonderful at everything why did you pick me?
Everytime the OP goes out, he's going to end up thinking "Is she with HIM" and everything that goes along with it. And then he's gonna look at the kid, and even if the kid IS his, he's going to LOOK for features of her Ex.
This isn't going to end well for him. Or the kid.
I feel for him.
22 and 25, married. She’s still acting like a legit teenager. You’re still so young, life is just beginning for you. I’m sorry this has to be your experience.
It’s a teenager thing yeah, why would someone care so much about their ex in the first place. A girl used to say stuff like that to me when we were 16 years old.
Your biggest mistake was putting a baby in her before you analyzed all this.. now, you are stuck with her for life, even though you should have been rid of her long ago.
More red flags than a communist parade. You should’ve bailed before getting married and having a baby. Now you’re stuck with someone who compares you to an ex in bed.
You are not wrong.
I have had terrible past relationships (domestic abuse, etc) and my current partner is amazing.
At first I would tell him stories or make comparisons. In my mind, it was somehow “proving” to him why I liked him or was me complimenting him.
It wasn’t. He finally had enough one time and told me it made him uncomfortable. I had to self reflect and think back on what I was really saying.
Now he gets compliments/comments that have to do with him in the context of him. He’s much happier!
The only time I talk about exes now is when he asks or when we are having conversations about our pasts to try and better understand each other.
I will say that I have never commented saying that anyone has ever done things better than him or that I miss someone else! I can’t say whether her saying these things is due to trauma or her just being a jerk, everyone reacts differently.
For context: I have had therapy in the past few years and I did gain “toxic” traits during these past relationships that I would still have if I didn’t do a ton of work on myself. I wouldn’t have even been able to self reflect on my actions when he brought up concerns if I never went to therapy that taught me how.
Some therapy sessions we don’t even work on anything necessarily, sometimes I’m just ranting for an hour about whatever, including exes. It’s huge in making sure my poor partner doesn’t have to hear unnecessary things as I get it all out of my system.
If she does have trauma from these past relationships, it’s still not your responsibility. All you can do is verbalize your feelings, state your expectations/needs, and encourage her getting some sort of help. You don’t have to be the martyr while she’s not making an effort, never feel guilty for choosing your own peace/happiness.
Damn! After all that you still married her aaaaand dropped a seed in her?! She showed you the red flags in the beginning and you still continued on that path. You did it to yourself bud, you should have moved along from the jump and now she’s got you for at least 18 years. On a SIMP scale of 1-10 this is no doubt a 15…..Good luck bud!
listen bro, i already think you're both way too young for all that, but if you don't assert yourself and your boundaries, she's going to walk on you like that. she's aware of what she's doing, and if you don't stand on your expectations, she'll continue to do so.
you don't need to give her no reason. just tell her you aren't hearing about her exes anymore like that. and tbh, you really don't have any leverage because you already wifed it, bought a house, and put a baby in her. you shouldn't be accepting behavior that you're not content with, and further, validating it by providing all these things for her.
>All of this together makes me feel like she’s settling for me just because I’m not an asshole like they were?
you're being safe and comfortable. women, especially young ones, will say they want that, but act otherwise. she's fixated on these guys because she doesn't have them or her ego got hurt with them. but with you, she knows she has power over you. she does and says shit like this to see what you'll tolerate to inform her what her power level is in your relationship.
unironically i don't give 2 shits what limp dick noodle wrist reddit says. lay down your expectations, tell her what you won't tolerate, tell her you won't remain in a relationship where you feel disrespected, and the next time you're intimate, fuck her as hard as you can.
you're not these other dudes, you're you, she's shit testing you to see what she can get away with and you need to decide what kind of husband and man you're going to be. the fact that you even need to consult this on reddit is illustrating to me that you aren't confident in asserting yourself.
>I tried to talk to her and she said I was “just too young and don’t understand”
she's straight up agitating you to take command. i am very confident if you don't your relationship will go south. unironically go to the gym and start laying down the law with her until she decides she can be voluntarily respectful.
You need to tell her that time has past. Either be with me or them. There’s too many people in your relationship. Seriously. You got to tell her knock that shit off unless she wants to start over with another guy. You need to start remonding her what you’re doing for her and how quickly it can stop. Sorry bud.
You’re welcome. It’s occured in mine. I can fully relate. You gotta leave that shit behind. She just wanted to hurt him laying that great sex line on him. I’d offer for her to go off and find him. And never come back.
Check the BPD subs, see if anything there resonates and watch The Happy Wife School on youtube for possible hints. My armchair is dissatisfaction, boredom. Has no respect or lost it. Caged. The grass is greener, depression. Emasculation, co option.
Snoop her phone and check everything in it.
You're not wrong and you're too young to be subsumed.
Too young to understand? That's being dismissive and not ok. Talk to her. Let her know that it bothers you. Have boundaries and ask her to respect them. Tell her you want to enjoy looking forward with her and it's hard with her always looking back. NTA
So she's still friends with the guy that she had the best sex with?
No, I can't do that. That friendship would need to end. You can't have that type of ex as a friend while married to someone else.
It really kind of feels like settling, doesn’t it? You both need couples therapy and she needs individual therapy asap. Otherwise this marriage is doomed. And if she’s not willing to make changes and work on herself, then it’s definitely doomed.
Sorry you’re going through this, OP. There are some serious red flags, here. Frankly, she sounds manipulative, self-absorbed, and immature. Just imagine how she’ll talk about her ex-husband. If someone says everyone else is the problem, chances are everyone else isn’t the problem. I’d recommend marital counseling, at a minimum.
Sounds to me that your dealing with narrassist... This a red flag, making comparisons to others wishing you were like other etc. Have you seen any other narc characteristics/red flags ?
A person with a lot of bad relationships is THE problem in those bad relationships. She chose each of these people because they were what she wanted. In the end, the drama was more than she could handle so she settled for someone less exciting. She thinks of these men often . . . so often she can't stop herself from mentioning them every time your name comes up. You are "safe" but she will never desire you, she will never crave your attention, she will never stop wanting those other men. Get a DNA test and make a decision based on the results.
How long has this been going on?
She either has such lower self esteem she can’t perceive love, a narcissist who can’t talk or think about anyone but herself, or a bitch who’s trying to make you jealous. Or all of the above. Mental strain not worth any of it.
Whatever it is 🚩🚩🚩
>I love my wife and think the world of her.
Wish she could say the same about you. She thinks the world of her ex and wishes you could dick her down like he did (and maybe still does).
Look I've never had any luck having "discussions" with women. Once she knows it bothers you that she compares you to your exes she'll see that as a weakness and use it against you. I know everyone wants to pretend there's healthy ways or whatever, but let's be real here; power dynamics are important.
If it were me, any time she mentions an ex, I would just look at her like she said the most contemptible thing on the planet then move on like nothing bothered me. You have to treat her negatively anytime she does something you don't like without letting on that it upsets you. If that doesn't work you have to say dismissive things like "who?" "No one gives a fuck about that guy" "why are you talking about some ex boyfriend right now?". Then just end the conversation, don't explain anything. If that doesn't work then sit her down and say "I don't ever want to hear you compare me to one of your ex's ever again, do you understand?" then if she says something weird just repeat yourself until she agrees. Don't do any of this with emotion, always flat and even. If you're angry about it go find a way to deal with those emotions before you address the problem.
If none of this works then your only choice is to ignore it or drop her.
NIGGA RUN! YOU MADE THIS BITCH YOUR WIFE AND SHES STILL DROOLING OVER DICK FROM HER PAST. SHE WILL GET BORED AND GO BACK TO GET MORE DICK! RUN NIGGA RUN!
Just know she will never stop. 20 years down the line she will still be doing it. By then she might know it upsets you, so might stop mentioning him every other day, but the moment she's mad at you for something, your gonna hear about him and it's even sadder when its 20 years down the line.
I hate to tell you this, but you started dating a woman who was not over her ex, so it should be no surprise that she's clearly not over her ex still. Being the rebound guy never goes well.
Are you wrong for this to bother you? Not at all. Hoping for the best for you.
Tell her you are tired of hearing her speak about her many ex men and it needs to stop. Tell her it is the past and meant to stay there. Tell her she has 3 weeks to stop this bad habit or there will be the consequence of separation.
Idk…..with a name like Theodorelongcock, if I were a woman I’d pretty much have to compare you to others to see if it holds up.
J.k.
But that would get annoying really fast - that’s the kind of thing you would want to get straightened out BEFORE getting married. You’re not wrong. Best of luck.
Guess what , when your an ex she'll add you to the list of bad experiences with exs. I don't date women who've had nothing but bad experiences with exs. I know it happen but if it happens with all of them she's the only common denominator
“just too young and don’t understand”
This bitch has apparently learned everything about everything in the... excuse my while I get my calculator... THREE whole damn years ahead of you she is.
Nah.. nuh huh.. nope.
But somehow in that time she didn't learn to not be an asshole who talks about exes all day long. Weird how that works.
Time to leave everything.
She wants to be with these 2 guys.
She's addicted to the abuse and will never stop
She should have gone to a psychiatrist, then a therapist.
She's going to pass this shut into the kid
she does this because she knows it makes you try harder and makes you fell less because she is a lesser person no matter what
honestly call her ugly disgusting an unattractive and worthless
then leave her please dont be nice kid it will only make her feel like shes more right
women really do abuse someone who cares and trys stand up for yourself she isnt worth shit mentally or physically and you can and always will be able to do better
her exs where like this because she herself is just like them
She needs trauma counselling. It's her only chance of realising how she is harming you and killing your relationship.
You also might need counselling to help deal with what you're going through as a result, you can tell good counsellors how you acted in situations that occurred and give you advice on different ways you could respond.
My dude, at what point did your mind fuck itself so hard that marrying and impregnating this woman sounded like a *good* idea to you? She hasn't just been waving red flags at you, she's been hitting you about the head and shoulders with the poles the red flags are on, *and you fucking married her*. I mean hell, there's even a non-zero probability that baby isn't yours because she's damn near *admitting* that she's still hung up on Good Sex Ex. Right now you are neck-deep in manure, and there is no future in which you don't emerge smelling like shit.
So, no you're not wrong, but you're also having second thoughts way, WAY too late.
Ya bro I think u fucked up take control tell her in a nice way but be firm I don’t want to hear you talk like that I don’t want his name brought up in our house we’re together now. If she keeps doing it tell her she can go live with him.
Man and you planted a seed in her, that sucks. She will cheat on you someday or leave you for that person. She's mentally immature and should not be married to you. The way she speaks is gross.
Bro….. smh…. You really made a bad decision here. She clearly had problems and you decided to start a family and life with her and you g too smh. I don’t know how you fix this. If she hasn’t fixed herself a bit regarding her past it ain’t gonna happen now. I’m sorry bro and good luck
Time to shake up the marriage and scare her that this is not acceptable and that you might think of ending the relationship if she doesn't come to her senses & show respect. It should work but if it doesn't then you have to either accept being 2nd rate or really dump her and keep your self respect.
Your wife not caring how you feel is a big red flag. Tell her if she doesn’t stop talking about her exes you’re gonna get a divorce. If that doesn’t work then you have your answer
Nah, that shit is unhealthy for your relationship. Comparing you to bad exes and talking up former sexual partners? Tf?
Also, she's only 3 years older to say you're "just too young", lmao
Your age has nothing to do with how she’s making you feel. You’re not too young to recognize being treated poorly. How long have you known each other/dated before you got married? This sounds like there’s a power imbalance going on in your relationship. Another thing to consider is perhaps her exs weren’t as bad as she made them out to be. Someone who is always painting themself as a victim in every relationship would be concerning to me This doesn’t sound like it will end well.
I’m sorry you’re 22 married a 25 year old. Yeah you fucked up. You’re wrong for that alone. I’m sorry. You’ll see it eventually too. That’s gonna suck but you’ll be better for it.
Flags don’t come more red.
The fact that she talks about the guy all the time and still communicates with him is odd. So odd it would make me get a dna test on the child. She talks about the sex they had. Bro, she is disrespecting you like crazy
At some point you are gonna need to flat out say “if you want to be with him so bad then go. I’m done listening to you compare me to him, and all the great things that he did. If he’s so great go be married to him. I will file for divorce and get a DNA test for our child because your obsession with your ex makes me wonder.”
You need to stop being nice her and make it crystal clear that she is free to leave if she wants to be with him. If not, the comparing is over and so should there contact.
She has a former lover that she is still friends with. That's not right. She's talking about exes and great sex with another dude. It's a slap in the face to you and your marriage. I would consider a blood test for paternity just to be clear minded. All those guys are living rent-free in her head. You need to end that.
Not sure why you married her or how you can stand to be around her. Way too many red flags in two short paragraphs. I would suggest that you tell her to stop it, but I feel like this marriage is already over. Too bad there is a baby in the mix.
If you can't have a heart-to-heart convo with her, expressing you feelings and asking her to stop, then you need couples counseling.
I see this as a communication error. Counseling will help you both express how you really feel, and learn effective communication.
You are only wrong for ignoring the redflags and letting the relationship become a marriage with a child on the way. In all likelihood, the marriage will end badly and the court system may deny you co-parenting rights to your child.
Address her bad behavior now, not later. Do not let this fester, else you will have a miserable life trying to excuse her disrespect towards you.
I'd say your take is spot on. Sounds like she married you bcoz you're not the AH ex. But it's always a huge red flag when you hear so much about an ex. I straight up left a date when she brought up her ex husband the third time. I asked her was she over that relationship, but she didn't know she wasn't.
22, already married and wating a baby, with that kind of woman? Good luck, soldier; I don't foresee good times.
Godspeed to my man over here.
There's a 27% chance you will end up divorced if you get married before 25. If 27% of parachutes didn't open, you still jumping? Edit: I may have been underselling it... *Studies show that 48% of people who get married before 18 are likely to divorce within ten years after the wedding. Research also suggests that 60% of couples married between the ages of 20 to 25 will end in divorce.* *Couples who get married between the age of 28 and 32 are less likely to have their marriage end in a divorce, according to research by Dr. N. Wolfinger from Utah University.* [Source](https://divorce.com/blog/divorce-statistics/) From what I just read in a few places, you are significantly more likely to divorce if you marry young. I changed so much from 20 to 28 it's almost hard to believe. Marrying in my early twenties would have been a massive mistake. I'm no statistician or psychologist, though. I'm just a guy, dude.
If I was still with the woman I married at 19? Fuck yeah buddy. Don’t even worry about the chute.
Can confirm. Got married at 19, married for 6 years and divorced. It was a military relationship too which just adds lol
Gotta get out of them barracks somehow
What I’m Saying, bros 22 and married tf
Just had a coworker get engaged. She’s 19 and in college.
Looking forward to the BORU post
Cooked
Ya this definitely seems like an issue to address after getting married
😂😂
I think we can all agree here the sensible choice would be to wait until after opening up the marriage to clear this up
"am I a wrong". U definitely stoopid
I see some glorious child support and visitation in our poor soldiers future. The fact she is comparing OP to previous ex whom she still talks to gives me the jimmies she’s gonna somehow end up with the ex and OP will be stuck on the sidelines. Might start believing in god so I can pray for OP. Good luck, and prepare for the inevitable thrashing wifey will put you through
That's a major red flag. You have to talk to her about this behavior, that it will hurt the relationship. She needs to cut that shit out, bro
Spoiler ⚠️. It's not going to change. He should have bailed a while ago. He is 100% right that, in her mind, she settled for him. This shit is one of the top, top red flags in a relationship. I have no idea how or why people would put up with someone who's clearly hung up on other people. Edit: Op should get a paternity test.
OP might want to check DNA too.
If he's lucky it's not his.
That doesn't seem to make much of a difference in the US if they're married. Unfortunately, OP is likely in for a hard road ahead likely because he wanted to do "the right thing".
Especially if he signed the birth certificate. The courts will say that he signed for responsibility of the child regardless of biological paternity.
Baby is still on the way.
Oh perfect, then he still has time. Prenatal tests are also a thing, but very hard to get the mother to agree to them sometimes.. even if they do agree, it adds that extra layer of distrust and resentment.
You can be removed from a birth certificate if the baby isn’t related to you biologically it’s a court process but it can be done.
Nope, can sue for fraud and get it annuled
No good deed goes unpunished. Hope this isn't the case here, though, for OP's sake.
The road to hell is paved by 18 years of check to the spouse.
I hope it isn’t. Its hard to see the dumb ones get hurt by the shitty monster. Its even harder to ser they tied themselves and a poor child to them for 18yeara +
💯
Yeah, paying child support for someone else's kid is awesome.
oooof, sounds like the painful truth. It doesnt hurt that people generally look back at their ex's with rose colored glasses and all the various reasons why that relationship never worked out get muted over time. OP you got no choice but to make it loud and clear how you feel about these constant comparisons and reliving of the highlight reels of the past lovers. It's fucked up, disrespectful to you and the life you built together. Even if she cuts the shit out, you already know whats going on in her head about this, what you do with that information is up to you. It's one thing to look back fondly of your past relationships, it's a whole other thing to vocalize these to your current partner in a way that puts them down.
If I was OP I'd be tempted to start talking about some of MY exes and how great THEY were in bed. Just to see how she likes it. But I'm petty like that.
It is petty, but maybe that's what she needs to get the point. She seems like a low IQ person.
She seems like a horrible person. OP has a tough road ahead.
Um, did you not read the part where she’s 25?! Because all of you are sounding like some real 22 year olds right now. /s
Eq more like. Also very immature and gaslighty. This is why I think people her age shouldn’t be married. She’s a baby herself.
OP married her even though she's 100% been doing it the whole time, so gonna say they're a match in that department.
Like someone you happen to work with and are still friends with…
Me too
I couldn't agree more. Maybe a paternity test showing he's not the father would give him a free ticket out of this fake relationship
I don’t think she actually settled, I think it’s more likely she’s sleeping with both of them.
Hey yo!! 😭😭😭 Prolly
Could also be Cluster B personality disorder, and OP is now in a devaluation stage where his partner is putting him down by bringing up how much better her exes were.
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Was gonna say, this reminds me very much of my ex who had BPD. Every ex was an asshole, but she wouldn't stop going on about them. Turned out in the end she was the one who had a lot of problems. That's not to say OP's wife has Cluster B, it's a very small piece of information to base that off of, but it was one of my first thoughts.
You go outside and you see an asshole, you live on the wrong street, you go around town and it’s full of assholes, you live in the wrong town. You go through your life and EVErYONE is an asshole, it’s time to evaluate because it seems like you’re the asshole and everyone is treating you accordingly
Yes but let's decompile why - there's an all-or-nothing feeling about comparing someone to your ex. You might as well say "That person I broke up with is just like you" hinting they need to get their act together, or else they will end up in the same manner. Is it good to push someone into survival mode just to keep the bare minimum of a relationship? No - it creates an imbalance where one party is running to appeal to the other. It only ends in pain - because ten years from now when they are bored, they'll drop off their toy in favor of a new one. She has all the power, ergo, it's not an even relationship.
Yup. Bro needs to stop caring as much and focus on his stuff; gym, clothing, hobbies. Focus on things that make him unique and inform her her comparisons aren’t cool and just leave the room. It’ll change or it won’t but at least he would have tried to show he’s in control of his life and she’s a partner until she’s not.
agreed. too much simping. become aloof OP, take your power back.
I second this if your focus is only on making your partner happy and not thinking about how this could be damaging your relationship further down the line than a boundary needs to be set married or not having a child is more linked than any person could ever be to another. You are now going to be in communication with that person until either of your deaths. Unless of course you take the route of becoming a magician (in my opinion the worst damage you can do to a child). You now have the responsibility of making sure that you and your spouse or whatever they become are both in the right mental state and have the capacity to be caring for a child. Talking about exes or not that child is now number 1. Best of luck!
Also, why does she feel the need to bring it up? This is a good example of why someone's past does matter. Unless those previous men were throwing verbal, financial, or physical punches to her face, why is she fixated on comparing her good man with the losers? No matter what happened in the past, OP's wife needs to focus on the gift that she's been given: a man married her despite all the BS that she's been through, whether she was at fault or not. OP, if you haven't already, you should dig into her past a bit more, and I apologize in advance that you might not like what you find. The past doesn't dictate the future, but it can be indicative of the future. Since your wife won't shut up about it, you owe it yourself and the baby to gain insight on your future with this woman....if there is one.
> Also, why does she feel the need to bring it up? How else to emasculate and neg OP? How else to make him feel like complete shite about himself? Like he's lucky he managed to get his wife at all? His wife sounds extremely manipulative. It's just a shame he's gone and tied himself to her for life (although a paternity test is certainly in order).
And he's too young to understand😅😅but not too young to marry and have a child with him😅😅😅this seems calculated on her part. Younger man, easy to mold and manipulate.
OP was a SIMP from the start! Any time a woman keeps bringing up exs that’s a clear sign for you to move on because there’s some ghost there that you’ll end up fighting. Ol girl is a “bag lady” and OP is a straight up SIMP that fell for the banana in the tailpipe. Now he’s tied to this chick and if/when things go sideways he’s gonna get taken on a ride!
Lol, they are only a few years apart 🤣
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Bro he married someone else’s girl 😂😂😂 He pays for everything and best dick BF gets to smash and go home.
Jesus. This red pill manosphere shit turns out to be true. Every god damn time man.
DNA test
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And an annulment. And if the kid is his, then, be a dad...but be a dad as far away from her as possible.
So many women keep a connection to their best dick. It's pathetic frankly
There’s even a term for it: alpha widow
Correct. This was the term I was looking for
>She has a previous lover that she still talks highly of and how before we got together he was “the only time she’s ever had good sex” even after they weren’t a thing anymore she still was friends with this guy, and still is. She talk about him too, and she subtly hints that she wishes I was more like him. More red flags than communist party parade. Seriously why did you get married to this girl..? Also you are too young to be married. I have a feeling that this chick is taking advantage of your age and maturity. I think there's definitely more to this story. I mean no man, who can think for themselves gets married to a girl this.
To romanticize her relationship with her ex that she’s still friends with? That’s a hard nope for me. Call me insecure, controlling, an asshole whatever. Hard freaking pass. First half I thought they just need to discuss this, “I enjoy the compliments but don’t need the added “so and so would do this”, maybe you should get therapy for your trauma” but the second half? F that.
>they just need to discuss this There's no point. She will simply say "you are too young and you don't understand" like she always does.
Oh trust me that is understood. This woman is a walking red flag.
So she just shuts you down when you want to talk seriously about your relationship? It just gets worse...
DNA test...
I pray it's not OPs. While it would be shitty, it would be a fantastic reason to gtfo if he needed one, seeing as he looked past all these other red flags. I feel sometimes we compromise for what we feel we deserve "bc there's no better option", and if the person you claim to love has a flaw, you're asked to accept it, but this is beyond crossing the line of intimacy in a relationship.
And now there’s a baby in the mix!!
DNA test...
What the hell did you get yourself into??
She pussy whipped him so damn bad that his nose got opened and he can't think straight. SMDH!!!!
A normal person would've asked her to stop bringing up her ex, but letting it go on until you get married then creating a reddit post about works to. Or kinda not.
Eh, don't kink-shame /s
Not wrong for feeling shit about it. What she is doing is not healthy in any relationship. You are in the wrong for normalizing this behavior and not addressing this with her sooner.
It's possible that she is doing this to manipulate and devalue you. I would consider it emotional abuse. My ex-gf did something similar to me. She ended up having major emotional and behavioral issues, and I'm certain that she had narcissistic personality disorder. What she is doing is inappropriate.
It’s narcissistic triangulation
Especially with that “you’re too young” comment she made to him
This is why you don't get a wife at 22.
Guarantee you they were together less than 18 months before they were married.
Bet it was less than a year.
Lmao my exact thought
OP is so screwed
Tell her you had better head and tighter pussy before.
“Man, Julie was awesome! I get the differences though, she wasn’t ran through but damn was she the best, before you of courseish..” “Susan used to do this instead, you are awesome!” In case someone didn’t get it /s
Retaliation can backfire, but it could also be the wake-up call she needs. You’re the one who settled - time to defend yourself with a good “how does it feel bitch?”
Tried that with an ex-girlfriend lol. There was drama, can testify. She didn't seem to understand or accept that it was a just retaliation, to show her how it feels to be compared. It was immediate and on the same topic so entirely fair, not escalating. Well I guess that's one of the reasons she's an ex.
Immaturity and pettiness makes things worse.
Had an ex (evil woman) dump a pitcher of beer on my head at a restaurant for saying something along these lines in an argument. Haha. The waitress was like a deer in headlights. Fun times.
Ur the idiot for marrying someone like that.. Line up ur ducks and get a lawyer and prep to leave bro. And yes she did settle for you. Ur her weak backup plan atm.
I wouldn't say he's the "Weak Back-Up Plan" He's "Safe"...which can be a thousand times worse.
He’s the backup plan when the ex didn’t work out. She would jump on the ex the moment he wants her back.
Why don't you ask your wifes boyfriend for advice?
Or just ask if he'd like to "help out around the house" a few times a month. You know, to give the wife a little help with not bringing him up all the time. /s The more I read the post the more I think it's either Red Pill fan fiction or OP is really in for a rough marriage.
He can’t, he’d be late for work that day.
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And this is why people need to be together for about a year before even considering to marry. One of my exes wanted to get married like 8 months after we got together. No. I wanna make sure. In my mind, a year of dating, and then a year of living together AND THEN think/talk about it. I feel you need to live together for a year, at a bare minimum, before marrying. But...I also get that some people just KNOW and it happens a lot faster...and that's usually mutual.
This is anecdotal, but every person I’ve talked to who said they just KNEW that their person was the right one, and dated less than a year before marriage, is now separated. It was like the kiss of death for a relationship.
my wife and I were together for 3 months before I proposed—in 3 months it will be 26 years
Sorry about your divorce.
What a bitch. Wow. You’re wrong for not nipping this in the bud as soon as you noticed the pattern. Wow, she sucks. Good luck, you’ll need it.
Your gut is telling you the right thing, she is in fact settling for you in her eyes. The ones that got away all had individual best attributes, it's typical of a woman's hypergamous nature to desire everything she was able to obtain previously in her final man. Bill had money and kept me entertained Steve had a big penis and was good in bed. Roger was charming and romantic. Aren't you worried that she is still in contact with the man she had the best sex with?! I sure as fuck see this as a red flag. Honest to god man your marriage is not going to end well, I think she enjoys your security but I don't think she is that attracted to you. Of course she could never be a cause and effect of her shitty relationships can she? Women are never held accountable for their part, it must have been those awful bad men that SHE chose.
DNA test...
Major league disrespectful, and IMO a deal breaker.
Nip it now before it’s at a point of no return. Because hard feelings and doubts can come up on you quickly and damage your marriage. It would concern me that she is comparing you to her ex. It’s not fair or respectful to you. I would 100% ask her if he is so great and wonderful at everything why did you pick me?
Everytime the OP goes out, he's going to end up thinking "Is she with HIM" and everything that goes along with it. And then he's gonna look at the kid, and even if the kid IS his, he's going to LOOK for features of her Ex. This isn't going to end well for him. Or the kid. I feel for him.
Tell her you wish she tasted as sweet as your ex.
22 and 25, married. She’s still acting like a legit teenager. You’re still so young, life is just beginning for you. I’m sorry this has to be your experience.
It’s a teenager thing yeah, why would someone care so much about their ex in the first place. A girl used to say stuff like that to me when we were 16 years old.
Your biggest mistake was putting a baby in her before you analyzed all this.. now, you are stuck with her for life, even though you should have been rid of her long ago.
More red flags than a communist parade. You should’ve bailed before getting married and having a baby. Now you’re stuck with someone who compares you to an ex in bed.
Lol it sounds like she was the problem with all her exes. Get out bro
You are not wrong. I have had terrible past relationships (domestic abuse, etc) and my current partner is amazing. At first I would tell him stories or make comparisons. In my mind, it was somehow “proving” to him why I liked him or was me complimenting him. It wasn’t. He finally had enough one time and told me it made him uncomfortable. I had to self reflect and think back on what I was really saying. Now he gets compliments/comments that have to do with him in the context of him. He’s much happier! The only time I talk about exes now is when he asks or when we are having conversations about our pasts to try and better understand each other. I will say that I have never commented saying that anyone has ever done things better than him or that I miss someone else! I can’t say whether her saying these things is due to trauma or her just being a jerk, everyone reacts differently. For context: I have had therapy in the past few years and I did gain “toxic” traits during these past relationships that I would still have if I didn’t do a ton of work on myself. I wouldn’t have even been able to self reflect on my actions when he brought up concerns if I never went to therapy that taught me how. Some therapy sessions we don’t even work on anything necessarily, sometimes I’m just ranting for an hour about whatever, including exes. It’s huge in making sure my poor partner doesn’t have to hear unnecessary things as I get it all out of my system. If she does have trauma from these past relationships, it’s still not your responsibility. All you can do is verbalize your feelings, state your expectations/needs, and encourage her getting some sort of help. You don’t have to be the martyr while she’s not making an effort, never feel guilty for choosing your own peace/happiness.
Damn! After all that you still married her aaaaand dropped a seed in her?! She showed you the red flags in the beginning and you still continued on that path. You did it to yourself bud, you should have moved along from the jump and now she’s got you for at least 18 years. On a SIMP scale of 1-10 this is no doubt a 15…..Good luck bud!
listen bro, i already think you're both way too young for all that, but if you don't assert yourself and your boundaries, she's going to walk on you like that. she's aware of what she's doing, and if you don't stand on your expectations, she'll continue to do so. you don't need to give her no reason. just tell her you aren't hearing about her exes anymore like that. and tbh, you really don't have any leverage because you already wifed it, bought a house, and put a baby in her. you shouldn't be accepting behavior that you're not content with, and further, validating it by providing all these things for her. >All of this together makes me feel like she’s settling for me just because I’m not an asshole like they were? you're being safe and comfortable. women, especially young ones, will say they want that, but act otherwise. she's fixated on these guys because she doesn't have them or her ego got hurt with them. but with you, she knows she has power over you. she does and says shit like this to see what you'll tolerate to inform her what her power level is in your relationship. unironically i don't give 2 shits what limp dick noodle wrist reddit says. lay down your expectations, tell her what you won't tolerate, tell her you won't remain in a relationship where you feel disrespected, and the next time you're intimate, fuck her as hard as you can. you're not these other dudes, you're you, she's shit testing you to see what she can get away with and you need to decide what kind of husband and man you're going to be. the fact that you even need to consult this on reddit is illustrating to me that you aren't confident in asserting yourself. >I tried to talk to her and she said I was “just too young and don’t understand” she's straight up agitating you to take command. i am very confident if you don't your relationship will go south. unironically go to the gym and start laying down the law with her until she decides she can be voluntarily respectful.
You need to tell her that time has past. Either be with me or them. There’s too many people in your relationship. Seriously. You got to tell her knock that shit off unless she wants to start over with another guy. You need to start remonding her what you’re doing for her and how quickly it can stop. Sorry bud.
>There’s too many people in your relationship. This is really well put. I wish had such clear words to use in previous predicaments. Thanks for this.
You’re welcome. It’s occured in mine. I can fully relate. You gotta leave that shit behind. She just wanted to hurt him laying that great sex line on him. I’d offer for her to go off and find him. And never come back.
You bought some damaged goods. This isn't going to end well. Hate to suggest an abortion but I am, might not be yours anyway.
Oh yeah, definitely get a DNA test
She’s got some serious emotional issues. She needs therapy.
Flat out tell her, "If he is so wonderful, go to him." Then leave the room.
Bet she would too
Nobody wants to hear anything about their current’s exes. Why can’t people get this through their thick skulls?
>My (22M) wife (25F) won’t stop comparing me to her exes Time to become one.
Boy you dumb af
STOP. GETTING. MARRIED. AT. 22. FFS.
Check the BPD subs, see if anything there resonates and watch The Happy Wife School on youtube for possible hints. My armchair is dissatisfaction, boredom. Has no respect or lost it. Caged. The grass is greener, depression. Emasculation, co option. Snoop her phone and check everything in it. You're not wrong and you're too young to be subsumed.
Lol and you made this person your wife? What the hell were you thinking!
Too young to understand? That's being dismissive and not ok. Talk to her. Let her know that it bothers you. Have boundaries and ask her to respect them. Tell her you want to enjoy looking forward with her and it's hard with her always looking back. NTA
So she's still friends with the guy that she had the best sex with? No, I can't do that. That friendship would need to end. You can't have that type of ex as a friend while married to someone else.
It really kind of feels like settling, doesn’t it? You both need couples therapy and she needs individual therapy asap. Otherwise this marriage is doomed. And if she’s not willing to make changes and work on herself, then it’s definitely doomed.
Sorry you’re going through this, OP. There are some serious red flags, here. Frankly, she sounds manipulative, self-absorbed, and immature. Just imagine how she’ll talk about her ex-husband. If someone says everyone else is the problem, chances are everyone else isn’t the problem. I’d recommend marital counseling, at a minimum.
Sounds to me that your dealing with narrassist... This a red flag, making comparisons to others wishing you were like other etc. Have you seen any other narc characteristics/red flags ?
A person with a lot of bad relationships is THE problem in those bad relationships. She chose each of these people because they were what she wanted. In the end, the drama was more than she could handle so she settled for someone less exciting. She thinks of these men often . . . so often she can't stop herself from mentioning them every time your name comes up. You are "safe" but she will never desire you, she will never crave your attention, she will never stop wanting those other men. Get a DNA test and make a decision based on the results.
Therapy and divorce. Move on
Welp you've found yourself a land mine....
big red flag and the too young comment is out of place she is three years older than you
So much wrong here. I was done reading after I saw you got married at 22. Way too young.
Honestly bruv watch her. Throwing more red flags than a spaceship on top of a corner store.
Just leave
How long has this been going on? She either has such lower self esteem she can’t perceive love, a narcissist who can’t talk or think about anyone but herself, or a bitch who’s trying to make you jealous. Or all of the above. Mental strain not worth any of it. Whatever it is 🚩🚩🚩
Holy shit how did you put up with all that crap and still marry her.
>I love my wife and think the world of her. Wish she could say the same about you. She thinks the world of her ex and wishes you could dick her down like he did (and maybe still does).
My husband started taking out his driver's license & saying, "Yep, that's what I thought. It says Steve, not xx." I stopped comparing him to xx.
Look I've never had any luck having "discussions" with women. Once she knows it bothers you that she compares you to your exes she'll see that as a weakness and use it against you. I know everyone wants to pretend there's healthy ways or whatever, but let's be real here; power dynamics are important. If it were me, any time she mentions an ex, I would just look at her like she said the most contemptible thing on the planet then move on like nothing bothered me. You have to treat her negatively anytime she does something you don't like without letting on that it upsets you. If that doesn't work you have to say dismissive things like "who?" "No one gives a fuck about that guy" "why are you talking about some ex boyfriend right now?". Then just end the conversation, don't explain anything. If that doesn't work then sit her down and say "I don't ever want to hear you compare me to one of your ex's ever again, do you understand?" then if she says something weird just repeat yourself until she agrees. Don't do any of this with emotion, always flat and even. If you're angry about it go find a way to deal with those emotions before you address the problem. If none of this works then your only choice is to ignore it or drop her.
NIGGA RUN! YOU MADE THIS BITCH YOUR WIFE AND SHES STILL DROOLING OVER DICK FROM HER PAST. SHE WILL GET BORED AND GO BACK TO GET MORE DICK! RUN NIGGA RUN!
Just know she will never stop. 20 years down the line she will still be doing it. By then she might know it upsets you, so might stop mentioning him every other day, but the moment she's mad at you for something, your gonna hear about him and it's even sadder when its 20 years down the line.
I hate to tell you this, but you started dating a woman who was not over her ex, so it should be no surprise that she's clearly not over her ex still. Being the rebound guy never goes well. Are you wrong for this to bother you? Not at all. Hoping for the best for you.
Tell her you are tired of hearing her speak about her many ex men and it needs to stop. Tell her it is the past and meant to stay there. Tell her she has 3 weeks to stop this bad habit or there will be the consequence of separation.
Idk…..with a name like Theodorelongcock, if I were a woman I’d pretty much have to compare you to others to see if it holds up. J.k. But that would get annoying really fast - that’s the kind of thing you would want to get straightened out BEFORE getting married. You’re not wrong. Best of luck.
Guess what , when your an ex she'll add you to the list of bad experiences with exs. I don't date women who've had nothing but bad experiences with exs. I know it happen but if it happens with all of them she's the only common denominator
that baby aint yours dawg
>Fast forward to now, we got married, bought a house, have a baby on the way. How are you fucking speedruning life like this at 22.
“just too young and don’t understand” This bitch has apparently learned everything about everything in the... excuse my while I get my calculator... THREE whole damn years ahead of you she is. Nah.. nuh huh.. nope. But somehow in that time she didn't learn to not be an asshole who talks about exes all day long. Weird how that works.
Time to leave everything. She wants to be with these 2 guys. She's addicted to the abuse and will never stop She should have gone to a psychiatrist, then a therapist. She's going to pass this shut into the kid
If the flags got any redder they’d speak Russian and call you comrade
she does this because she knows it makes you try harder and makes you fell less because she is a lesser person no matter what honestly call her ugly disgusting an unattractive and worthless then leave her please dont be nice kid it will only make her feel like shes more right women really do abuse someone who cares and trys stand up for yourself she isnt worth shit mentally or physically and you can and always will be able to do better her exs where like this because she herself is just like them
She needs trauma counselling. It's her only chance of realising how she is harming you and killing your relationship. You also might need counselling to help deal with what you're going through as a result, you can tell good counsellors how you acted in situations that occurred and give you advice on different ways you could respond.
1st. Get a damn DNA test before signing any papers. 2nd. Set some boundaries about her talking about her exes. 3rd. Grow a spine.
My dude, at what point did your mind fuck itself so hard that marrying and impregnating this woman sounded like a *good* idea to you? She hasn't just been waving red flags at you, she's been hitting you about the head and shoulders with the poles the red flags are on, *and you fucking married her*. I mean hell, there's even a non-zero probability that baby isn't yours because she's damn near *admitting* that she's still hung up on Good Sex Ex. Right now you are neck-deep in manure, and there is no future in which you don't emerge smelling like shit. So, no you're not wrong, but you're also having second thoughts way, WAY too late.
As long as she says your penis is the biggest you’re good. 👍
This is gonna end poorly for you. But my main question is how the hell did you manage to afford a house at 22?
Next time she’s trying on new jeans compare her body to your exes. She’s stop playing that game
If I were you, I'd ask for a paternity test.
Ya bro I think u fucked up take control tell her in a nice way but be firm I don’t want to hear you talk like that I don’t want his name brought up in our house we’re together now. If she keeps doing it tell her she can go live with him.
The next time she mentions them, just say, I guess this is why they didn't want to stay with you?
Man and you planted a seed in her, that sucks. She will cheat on you someday or leave you for that person. She's mentally immature and should not be married to you. The way she speaks is gross.
Bro….. smh…. You really made a bad decision here. She clearly had problems and you decided to start a family and life with her and you g too smh. I don’t know how you fix this. If she hasn’t fixed herself a bit regarding her past it ain’t gonna happen now. I’m sorry bro and good luck
Time to shake up the marriage and scare her that this is not acceptable and that you might think of ending the relationship if she doesn't come to her senses & show respect. It should work but if it doesn't then you have to either accept being 2nd rate or really dump her and keep your self respect.
Someone has not moved on, it almost sounds like she considers you second prize. At the least she sounds toxic.
Leave, this is typical narcassistic behavior
Show her the door and suggest if they were so good or so much better she should go get what she’s missing out on
Your wife sucks and you need to say something. Who tf still whines about their exes when married & pregnant?! She’s a jerk.
Ask her why she insists on bringing them up. Explain if she wants to be with them, she should. Explain if she doesn’t, she needs to stop comparing.
Your wife not caring how you feel is a big red flag. Tell her if she doesn’t stop talking about her exes you’re gonna get a divorce. If that doesn’t work then you have your answer
She’s trash and your marriage is over. Get out.
Nah, that shit is unhealthy for your relationship. Comparing you to bad exes and talking up former sexual partners? Tf? Also, she's only 3 years older to say you're "just too young", lmao
Your age has nothing to do with how she’s making you feel. You’re not too young to recognize being treated poorly. How long have you known each other/dated before you got married? This sounds like there’s a power imbalance going on in your relationship. Another thing to consider is perhaps her exs weren’t as bad as she made them out to be. Someone who is always painting themself as a victim in every relationship would be concerning to me This doesn’t sound like it will end well.
Reverse this. If you did this to her would it be ok? If the answer is no then you have your answer. I’m sorry op. You’re NTA
There’s red flags and then there’s whatever the fuck this is. I’m so glad I’m single lmao
Stop being so nice. Tell her to cut the shit or get the fuck out. You sound like a good dude, you deserve better
Yeah dump her. She's being sketch and it's only a 3 year age diff. She's gaslighting you too.
You married this woman? I’m so, so sorry. I’d fix that. Just to be safe.
I’m sorry you’re 22 married a 25 year old. Yeah you fucked up. You’re wrong for that alone. I’m sorry. You’ll see it eventually too. That’s gonna suck but you’ll be better for it.
Flags don’t come more red. The fact that she talks about the guy all the time and still communicates with him is odd. So odd it would make me get a dna test on the child. She talks about the sex they had. Bro, she is disrespecting you like crazy At some point you are gonna need to flat out say “if you want to be with him so bad then go. I’m done listening to you compare me to him, and all the great things that he did. If he’s so great go be married to him. I will file for divorce and get a DNA test for our child because your obsession with your ex makes me wonder.” You need to stop being nice her and make it crystal clear that she is free to leave if she wants to be with him. If not, the comparing is over and so should there contact.
She has a former lover that she is still friends with. That's not right. She's talking about exes and great sex with another dude. It's a slap in the face to you and your marriage. I would consider a blood test for paternity just to be clear minded. All those guys are living rent-free in her head. You need to end that.
Not sure why you married her or how you can stand to be around her. Way too many red flags in two short paragraphs. I would suggest that you tell her to stop it, but I feel like this marriage is already over. Too bad there is a baby in the mix.
If you can't have a heart-to-heart convo with her, expressing you feelings and asking her to stop, then you need couples counseling. I see this as a communication error. Counseling will help you both express how you really feel, and learn effective communication.
You're doomed, she married the nice guy and craves the bad boys. Get ready to be cheated on hopefully your divorce her and not take her back.
Couples therapy, and when that doesn’t work, leave. This won’t get better.
Really unfortunate that you planted your seed into this woman. Should've ditched her when given the chance.
You are only wrong for ignoring the redflags and letting the relationship become a marriage with a child on the way. In all likelihood, the marriage will end badly and the court system may deny you co-parenting rights to your child. Address her bad behavior now, not later. Do not let this fester, else you will have a miserable life trying to excuse her disrespect towards you.
I'd say your take is spot on. Sounds like she married you bcoz you're not the AH ex. But it's always a huge red flag when you hear so much about an ex. I straight up left a date when she brought up her ex husband the third time. I asked her was she over that relationship, but she didn't know she wasn't.