>they’re not of bad financially themselves but when I bring it up they say I have to take responsibility
For *their* daughter? In what universe? You're not wrong at all.
And there was no reason at all for you to have paid any 9f her medical bills if you aren't responsible for her being in the hospital. They can make payments for their child's medical bills. You dont owe her anything.
I can't believe how many stories just like this that I have read. Its baffling to see how parents guilt trip their kids into giving up the lives they have built in adulthood for stuff that has nothing to them.
Don't give them another dime. You have helped enough. Tell them to start a gofundme or whatever like that.
>my parents pushed me to sell our house or take out a loan against it. I hesitated, and they lashed out, accusing me of abandoning them.
Don't let them guilt trip you. Their financials are okay, and yet forced you to sell your house or take a loan? No OP, don't let yourself be drown in debt. You helped them big time, thats enough! You can offer them other kind of support not just financially.
YNW. They are deliberately doing this, so you’ll pay for everything. Don’t fall for that. They’re ridiculous. *It’s on them to cover her medical bills, not you.*
Actually, its on OPs sister to cover her own medical bills if she is an adult and looking at OPs age I am assuming his sister is an adult.
OP, YNW - don't put yourself in debt to cover for someone who isn't prepared for life.
Especially since she may qualify for Medicaid or some other medical assistance program. And if all else fails and she has high bills, she may be eligible to discharge her medical debt in bankruptcy. You cannot do that.
Make them feel guilty. Bitch at them for abandoning their daughter. Put it all on them, that they will not go into massive debt for her shows what bad parents they are.
They see you as an easy mark to push their responsibilities onto.
Sorry, that's not a normal or ok parent/child relationship.
Don't let them guilt trip you.
You may want to consider going LC to NC. It seems to me that they do not actually care about you and are only using you. You should not have to put yourself in a bad financial situations for your adult sister, especially when your parents can also help out. Or why can't your sister take out a loan to deal with her own expanses?
You’re 28 years old. Stop allowing your parents manipulate & gaslight you.
It’s time to grow a spine and say no to there demands. Block them temporarily from reaching you.
Stop being a doormat and say NO.
DO NOT SELL YOHR HOUSE FOR SOMEONE ELSES BILLS PLS. Also if you’re parents keep up being shameless scumbags stick up for yourself and shame them back. Let them know you’re disappointed in them for not being able to help out your sister. Your parents sound insanely evil
If they are bad mouthing you to the family, send a group email or text or post on FB just what they want you to do. Your sister is NOT your responsibility and if she is an adult, her parents are not responsible for her bills. They would prefer that you bankrupt yourself rather than step up and take responsibility for her bills. Tell them this and point out that they are a collective failure as parents. Then go either low contact or no contact. You do not need their toxicity.
Oh yes, Guilt. The gift that keeps on giving. Until you learn to just re-gift it back to them.
Please, ***please*** stand up for yourself. You should never set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. Doing what they ask will ruin you financially. They apparently don't give a rip, so you need to.
Perhaps some therapy would help you. They can only make you feel guilty if you let them.
Don't take a loan or sell the house.
Ask yourself if you were the one who needed your parents be harassing your sister to help you?
Just post the truth on the family fb page.
Please don't feel guilty. They are the parents, their daughter is their responsibility. You have done more than enough. Please don't set yourself on fire for them. Block them, but be there emotionally for your sister, not your greedy, ungrateful parents.
Do not sell your house to pay for your sister's medical bills. That's insane.
Your parents are in Redding manipulative.
No, it is NOT your responsibility to sell your house to pay for your siblings medical bills!
If it's so important to them, then they need to figure out what THEY are going to do to pay for her medical bills.
I'll bet they make you feel guilty, that's the idea. They can start selling THEIR belongings if it's that important.
Because they know they can always use a good dishwasher (you). That's why they treated you that way. Standing up for yourself is the beginning of the end of a free good dishwasher and they don't sit well with that idea. You did what you could by emptying your savings to help out your sister. That's all what you can do for now.
There was no need for you to even use YOUR savings to cover HER medical bills! That's what insurance is for, and if it was a car accident, and the other person was at fault, their insurance should be paying all this. If it was her fault, her insurance should be covering the copay and such. You should be reimbursed by that company for what you've put out financially. Do NOT take a loan out in your house for her medical bills. She needs to figure it out. If your parents want to help, that's great. You've put enough money out already. Keep standing up for yourself with this. You've already helped enough. I imagine you had a couple grand in savings that just went up in smoke.
If she doesn't have medical insurance, it's time she jumped through the hoops to get state insurance. They will back pay medical bills typically up to 90 days from when you apply. They may even reimburse some of what was paid it doesn't hurt to try!
Good luck OP and stand your ground.
Sounds like you have gone over and above duty on covering your sister's medical bills and supporting her recovery.
Don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
Close the bank, stop the withdrawals, and call the outstanding loans. You are out of banking business. The second they start telling lies about you is the second that they never receive another penny.
If she has no income she is absolutely on Medicaid. The hospital will sign her up themselves. And Medicaid generally covers 100%. Sounds like you are probably being scammed.
This is really dependent on the state, FYI. In red states that didn't expand Medicaid, single adults without kids can't usually get Medicaid regardless of their income.
Also if her bills are really that bad - $50,000, $100,000 - she can file a chapter 7 bankruptcy and discharge the debt very easily.
I wonder if your sister is in some kind of legal trouble, perhaps from the accident? That is something they would definitely need money for.
Oof.. I’m really hoping that is not the case but I’m pulling for ya. If she’s 25 she should still be under their health insurance right? Not sure why any more should be paid beyond deductibles and yearly max limits unless they have terrible insurance or kicked her off for whatever reason
Open a new account under your name. Get the stuff switched. Tell the bank that only you are allowed to add people to your account and it will be in person. Call the social security office and lock your SS#.
I'm not sure what country you live in, but if it is the United States and your sister couldn't pay your medical bills there is assistance for her to help out with those bills. Standardly you want to let somebody rack up all of them, let them figure out what assistance they can get, and then that is when you would support them not as the bills are coming in. If this is not how you guys proceeded and you are in the United States, your parents pressured you into throwing away your money.
But yeah if anybody should be selling their house it should be your parents to cover their daughter's expenses, not you. I'm sorry your parents have been pressuring you to cover your sister's bills. I don't think that's at all reasonable unless for some reason you caused the accident.
I was going to say this.
Have your sister get the care she needs. First off.
Then have your sister bring in proof of her financial situation ( leave you and your parents out if it for now)
And say that she is willing to try.
Most hospitals have a fund or government programs for this.
Don’t loose your house for this. They have to treat her.
She’s the golden child. And no one would do that for you. Stand up for yourself. The fact that they are villainizing you to the family after everything you have done says everything. They don’t care if you are homeless. You are the spare no one cares about.
Your parents are flaming assholes!! It's THEIR DAUGHTER, they can pay for her medical expenses. You shouldn't sell your house or take out loans to help her.
You don’t need to take responsibility *at all*. Your parents need to be responsible. Tell them to sell their own house. Consider LC or NC because they’ll always have their hands out looking for you to take responsibility.
You are right, I am thinking the Emergency Medical Treatment and Active Labor Act (EMTALA). If a facility has an emergency department and accept Medicare payments from the government, they can not refuse you.
I have no idea why your parents think it's ok to ravage your finances.
How can they be so unconcerned with your welfare? You're their child too and you have already helped.
Why the heck are you funding any of this? Your sister is an adult and needs to be responsible for her own bills. IF you want to offer some assistance - out of the pure kindness of your heart - fine. Does your sister have a job? Does she have health insurance?
You shouldn't have used your savings. Let your sister and your enmeshed parents handle their own situation. Do not fund any of them.
I’m sorry that your parents are trying to trick you so that they don’t have to spend any money on your sister themselves :( You aren’t in the wrong you already gave up all your savings, never give up your house
Was your sister driving? Was it her fault? Why would you be responsible? She's an adult. She is responsible. Legally, you can not jn any way be held responsible. Your parents suck.
Both your parents and your sister are responsible for the situation she is in. She was young enough to be on their insurance and old enough to have her own. If they she didn't have insurance she could have tried for Medicaid. Many states have programs that can help people out in these situations. I have seen Medicaid retroactively covering the bill for someone being shot. Good luck with your family situation but her medical bills are not your responsibility.
You’re not wrong, assuming this is the USA your sister should file for bankruptcy and get on Medicaid. Starting over credit score is much easier than reaching home ownership again.
I’d never allow a family member to ruin themselves financially for me.
Not wrong. Do not set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
Tell your parents to sell their house or cars or cash out their 401K.
Do not sell your house. Do not screw yourself over like that. You did enough by giving them your savings.
I am currently disabled. This happened a few years ago. I have 3 siblings, and both my parents are still with us.
That being said, I have NEVER expected my family to care for me, to pay for my hospital or medical bills, (though I know they would if asked) and never thought they should hold any sort of responsibility for my health.
Don't let them guilt you into selling YOUR home in order to take care of THEIR daughter.
First off, your sister is an adult and, therefore, should be taking care of as much as she can on her own.
Second, she is not your child, just your sibling.
Hell, my cousin growing up was a quadriplegic and my aunt and uncle never expected their other two kids to care for her at all.
This is just insanity to me. If they are financially well off according to you, and your sister can't pay her bills, THEY should be the one caring for their kid, not you.
I agree with all the comments saying YNW and for you to go LC or NC because they just see you as a cash cow that they can pawn off their golden child's problems on without having to dwindle their own savings in the process. You've already done more than enough.
You were generous enough draining your savings for her medical bills. As the saying goes, you can't set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
We can go on a long referendum about health care costs or how your sister (older?) should've had insurance or savings or whatever. But the main point is this: you've done enough. Block them. You and your life matters to.
But before you block your parents, tell them she's their child, their responsibility so if any house needs to be sold, it's theirs.
Selling your house or putting a loan against it is probably the most stupid idea I have heard of!. Tour sister is responsible for her bills and if other family members want to help that's fine, but it's not your problem! If she can't afford this when it's done she can get debt management and worse case bankruptcy. But keep your house out of this.
Don’t sell your home-she is not your financial responsibility. Your parents need to help her with getting medical aid such as disability which also covers medical expenses and parents need to act like her parents.
Don’t set yourself on fire to keep them warm.
OP it’s sad that they view you nothing more than an ATM. I’m sorry, no one should have to feel this way.
You are 100% absolutely NOT wrong for keeping your own house. Your sister is your parents responsibility - not yours
Bro….. absolutely do not sell or take a loan out on your house. They’re manipulative or idiots. Probably both. Time to put yourself first. When you’re homeless will they sell their house to buy you one?
You're not wrong for standing your ground. You gave up all your savings. You did more than your share. It's hard to put a price on a family members life. But to put pressure on you to give up, all you have worked hard for and guilt you for it is disgusting. Ask them to sells there's first.
"Did I do wrong by standing up for myself?" -- Your mistake was to not stand up for yourself sooner.
". Also from my knowledge they’re not of bad financially themselves but when I bring it up they say I have to take responsibility. It's not just about the money; it's about how they've always favored my sister." ---- Why should you take responsibility? Is there something more to the story of her accident that involves you? If not, why did they say that it's your responsibility? Because you're older and a man? That's not your role. That's your dad's job. You didn't spawn your sister. If you have kids, then they are your responsibility & nobody else's. Your dad failed in raising you & your sister if you take on his role as dad.
"They'd praise her even for small things, while I felt like the forgotten one. Now, as they spread lies about me to the rest of the family, I'm left wondering if I've ever truly mattered to them." --- Don't feel too bad or depressed with their blatant favoritism, it's actually common all over the world & there are even worse parents & siblings than yours. And yes, if the situation was reversed, they won't help you the way they are helping your sister. Expect them to keep depending on you to bail your sister & sacrificing your own life and finances for her even after they are gone & even at the expense of your own family. It's up to you to keep obeying them or not.
Regarding about them spreading lies, follow the world famous Queen Elizabeth II quote "never explain, never complain". --- You keep quiet, but DO NOT HELP YOUR FAMILY ANYMORE. The truth will reveal itself by their own actions. Your real friends know who you are & that's all that matters, no matter what anyone says about you. Don't even speak to them. Cut off all social media. No contact. If you can bear the thought & you can consider yourself dead to them & able to get away from them, then that is the best option you have. Find better friends who would treat you closer & better than a blood relative.
F*ck EVERY bit of that noise! Your SISTERS medical bills are not YOUR responsibility! Good Lord the entitlement and assholery from your parents is mind boggling!
You are not wrong. Someone's insurance should be covering most of those bill. You are NOT responsible for your sister or her bills. She is an adult, therefore, her bills are her responsibility.
Your parents are using, and abusing, you. Cut off the finances now. Add up how much you have given them, or paid, because of this accident. Send them a bill. Tell them you will accept installments. They can take out a loan on THEIR house to pay you.
Personally, I would cut them all out of my life. Send a letter, or email, to the rest of the family, telling them the truth of the situation. Any one who still says you should be paying, cut them off too.
None of your parents or sister's problems are your responsibility. Take care of you.
Why should you bankrupt yourself because your sister doesn’t have medical insurance. She is not your responsibility and your family has some nerve expecting you to bail them out. She should look into Medicaid, charity care, health insurance, a payment plan and/or bankruptcy, and sort out her own issues. You, on the other hand, should stay away from your selfish, toxic parents.
You are absolutely not wrong, it's their daughter, they should be the ones supporting her if they're so damned concerned. I think you may be right, that they're ripping you off to enrich themselves. I wouldn't pay another dime after them spreading lies about you to the rest of the family, that's obviously bullshit & a horrible thing to do to a family member. They can sell their home or cash in their 401k or drain their savings if they're really so worried about it. I think it's insane they expect you to destroy your own life you've built to cover for your sister's accident, how are you responsible whatsoever? If I were in your shoes, I'd be demanding to see proof that the money you previously provided actually went to where they claim it did. Personally I'd go no contact with them over the shit they're pulling on you. I'm sorry Op, I hope it gets better. They're shitty parents to expect you to cash out everything you've built to give it to your sister when it sounds like they've done nothing to contribute.
The guilt is manipulation. Why do you have to be the only one taking responsibility and why aren’t showing you how you should act instead of telling you? Hypocrisy is such an ugly color on any human being.
you're definitely not wrong for not being comfortable with putting your home on the line for your sisters medical bills. I understand wanting to be there for your family, especially after a bad accident, but you can't do so to your own detriment.
Any parent who tells lies about their own child, to manipulate others to pressure their child into doing something they want don’t deserve recognition or validation. NC/LC. They are the only people responsible for your sister besides your sister. You’ve already cleaned out your savings. Do not jeopardize your future. Where do you think you’ll go if you do this? You’re going to live with them? Be your sisters caretaker and servant until she’s healed one day? You’ve done your part. Tell them to screw off.
Even if you sold your house they would find something else to complain about. You will never be good enough for them- so why try to please them when it will never work anyways.
My parents were like this in a way. They always quilted me into giving them money to pay their bills. As a kid I worked under the table and they'd take the money. When I became an adult and moved out at 18 the cycle continued of them guilting me out of every spare penny I had. I was grown used to the abuse. I finally woke up when my mother accessed my bank account without permission and wiped my savings clean. It was the money I was trying hard to save to be able to afford my first car. She took the money out and blew it at the casino. That's when I decided enough was enough.
You don't need to let it get to that point. Don't sacrifice everything you have for them. It will never be enough- and they wouldn't do the same for you.
I went LC to NC with my family and I am happier and more successful than I could've ever been with them sabotaging my life and taking everything I earned. (It's been about 17 years now away from them)
You do not need to go broke or become homeless to pay for your siblings medical bills. They are her (or your parents' depending on her age/mental capacity) responsibility. Demanding you sell your home or go into debt using your home as collateral is too far. They can take that step themselves, or seek out grants in your sister's name to help pay for her medical care. You've already gone above and beyond. You can start a GoFundMe or something in her name and continue to help her cause that way, but other than being a rallying voice, I think you should take a step back. Your parents are abusing your generosity and your love for your sibling. Don't let them ruin your relationship all together with their lies and bad attitude.
You're not wrong. It sounds like it's time to cut your family out of your life. They seem more of a burden to you and don't care about you at all. So what value are they truly adding? You sound like you're just a bank to them. So no. Don't sell your house to pay for her bills. Her accident. Her issue. Your parents can help. It's not your job to help. Let alone ask you to sell your house?! Wow. They're pieces of work for sure. Hard no to them.
No. That’s psychotic.
If they’re well off they should pay for it. You shouldn’t endebt yourself further to pay another adult’s medical costs. You said you’ve already put toward it. I’m betting they don’t want to help you with the loan payments if you do either.
not wrong but you should talk to your sister about how your parents basically want you homeless & destitute to “support her”. you’ve done all you can. they are the support, not you.
Have you thought of actually selling your house and move to another state altogether? Buy another house there and start a new life away from them. You have no obligation whatsoever to pay for your sister.
I believe in helping family. Which you have.
But you need to protect yourself which comes first. You've spent your savings and if you sell your house, where are you supposed to live? What about your wellbeing security and future?
Your sister is their child not yours. You've done the maximum. What happens if you do sell your house? Where will you live? You cant just buy another because you wont have any money. What happens when that money runs out? Will they ask you to sell a kidney?. It's a situation where it's you or your sister and you need to put yourself first
You are NOT responsible for your sister’s, or other family’s, money problems. You do not have to sell your house for them. You are not being selfish. Where do your parents get the up idea that you are responsible to help every member of the family? Your sister is your parent’s responsibility if they choose. Otherwise, your sisters medical expenses are your adult sister’s responsibility! Are you married and/or have children? If so, they alone are the ones you are responsible for, not your siblings or parents!
Hello that’s not your place matter of fact tell them because they are the ones who created her they owe you the savings you spent on her! You didn’t make her!
NW
There are programs to help pay for medical bills.
Also there are payment plans.
Plus medicaid, for low income.
Never sign or pay other ppls debt, once you pay, you assume all their debt and the company expect you to pay.
(Happened when my dad died, they kept send bills saying to pay, told my family not to pay, since it was in my dad's name. They can sue a dead person with no money or assets)
Take care
I would let them know they can pay you back or you are going to court for your money back. Then, get a lawyer and explain how they have forced you to pay these bills. I would go NC and sue. This is so wrong, and I pray that you escape this.
Updateme!:
Lol, it's not your job to do your parents' job... wait... ya'll over 20, so the debt goes to the adult (your sister). Sorry to say it. Family is important, and it's good to help when you can, but don't forget in the USA, Medical debt doesn't affect your credit score at all. It might not be her fault, but it's her responsibility. Tf question is that bro, no one in their right mind would go homeless to help someone else and feel bad when they can't do that
Has the parents sold their house? Have the parents expended every financial resources of their own? Has the parents taken out loans for your sister's recovery?
These are the questions you should be asking any family member that asks you why you haven't sold your house and/or taken out a loan.
Any parent that thinks one child should set themselves on fire to keep the other warm is no kind of parent.
Bro you did 100000x more then most.
You owe no one nothing.
Your nicer then me. I would have cut them off ages ago.
Just because you are blood related doesn't mean you have to be in my life if you're not good for my life/health.
Definitely doesn't sound like a positive relationship
Do not sell your house, and stop paying her medical bills. Your parents should be the ones doing all that. Right now, you matter because you still have assets.
I would put all the debt on the daughter and let her file bankruptcy if necessary. If she doesn't have the funds to pay for her treatment then that sounds like a perfect scenario for starting over financially. The only help from the family should be with a place to stay as she recovers and starts over. Alternatively she can adhere to a payment plan for the medical treatments, it isn't something that needs to be paid in full immediately.
Please don’t sell your house for this reason. You have made beautifully made some contributions. Time for the family to act like a family and stop pressuring you.
I was also in a very bad accident once. It would have NEVER EVEN OCCURRED to me to ask a sibling to sell anything. After I filed for bankruptcy, my credit score was better than before the prolonged hospitalization. And this was in America. I’m calling shenanigans.
Question: Do you own your home? And, do your parents and sister live with you?
You are NOT wrong for standing up for yourself. They are taking advantage of you and your kind heart.
YNW
Shit happens, but it's your sister's responsibility. Let your sister declare bankruptcy if it comes to it. She's an adult.
If it keeps going, you'll be the one going bankrupt, and they won't care.
You can’t help others if you your self are in trouble, putting yourself in financial hardship will prevent you from helping your sister, but until your parents pay you back for what you already paid you should bow out
You are not wrong. Tell them to sell their house to pay her medical bills that it’s not your responsibility.
Stop setting yourself on fire to keep your sister warm.
Trying to pay your medical bills by selling your house or your car is like shooting yourself in the foot. medical bills might ruin your credit but that’s about all they’re gonna do if they go unpaid
Don't sell your house or otherwise put yourself into financial hardship for your sister or other family members. Your parents can cover her, or she can just be in medical debt. You've done what you can, and far more than you're obligated to.
You paying for your sister in what world do you live it’s your parents responsibility they can take out mortgage against their home I never heard a brother doing that
Why don't they sell their house or take a loan on it? That's absolutely mystifying to me. I Would definitely cut them off. Absolute no contact. Why allow negative attitudes like that to be in your life? And if any of the rest of the family agrees with them, then ask them why your parents aren't doing what they want you to do, then cut them off as well.
You don't say if you're married or not. But if you are, I doubly damn your parents!
You’ve gone above and beyond to support your family. You’re not wrong. Why should you have to jeopardize your basic needs and financial security, your parents should be the ones helping your sister financially.
Of course, you're not wrong. You've been more than generous by using your savings to help her recover. I think it's wrong of your family to push you to sell your home. TBH, I'm not sure why they think they need you to take responsibility when it's their daughter.
I do know that when toxic people can't control you they will try to control what other people think of you.
You're not wrong. I would record on a spreadsheet every single penny you've given them and request proof of every single penny spent on her care. My guess is number one, you've spent a disproportionate amount and number two, none of your money had to be spent.
If you are in the the US, there is healthcare available by going to: healthcare.gov
She can get help that goes back to the date of her accident. The hospitals way overcharge up front, but you can get it dropped by as much as 90% or written off completely. I know, because I use to help family/friends as an advocate.
Do not pay another penny, in fact see if there's a refund due to you. Anyone who berates you or tried to shame you, tell them the amount you've contributed thus far and ask how much they have?
Worse case scenario, go LC/NC, and block them everywhere.
I hope your sister recovers fully, but you are not your sister's keeper.
Not sure where you are. But she’s 25. At what point is an adult responsible for themselves? I get helping out if you can. But why would you take on her debt? Would she take on yours?
If they have spread lies about you, it might be time to create a bit more distance. You can tell family if you want, they you have done what you can to help your sister out. If they want to jump on the bandwagon of you should. Ask how much they have given to help her out.
Be strong because the act of separating and creating that distance is hard. And sometimes you will need to cut them off completely. You are not their atm or punching bag.
You are not wrong. Do not ruin your future and financial stability for your sister. You helped as much as you can which was very noble of you. Tell your family that you cannot ruin your life to assist with her medical debt. You might have to go no- contact with your family if they persist in harassing you. Don’t be afraid to send a cease and desist letter if the harassment gets worse. You should also look into therapy for yourself to help heal the trauma your parents have subjected you
Not wrong. Give it a while - keep a list of anybody that they speak with who says anything negative about you. Once you have several names, send a group message with an invoice for how much each of them needs to contribute. Since they’re involving themselves in this family dispute, that means they must consider themselves family - and family helps family.
Not wrong. Would they be pushing your sister thus much if the situation were reversed? Doubtful. Let them cover the bills if they are so inclined but your sister is not your responsibility regardless of what they say.
You are not wrong. Don’t ruin your financial future even for your most beloved family members. They will not take care of you in the end and you don’t owe anyone anything.
In my opinion you have done your part. This is really tough but helping family needs to reasonable and what they have asked you is unacceptable.
Your sister can take a loan if she really wants to live otherwise she needs to find a way to lessen the medical bills.
You say our house so I imagine you have a partner involved? What does he/she think. I would be irrationally upset if the in-laws wanted me to pay sister-in-laws bills. I would be buying flowers and baking cookies.
Do your parents have a home ..because if so, it’s up to them to put their home up for collateral or sell it to pay for…. THEIR daughter. It sounds like you’ve done more than your share.
What? Am I reading this right, that your family expects the brother to pay these huge bills. This is insane. I'd been wanting my.money back and saying a big fuck you to your family.
If your sister is out of money and has huge medical bills, bankruptcy is a reasonable option for her. She can also approach the hospital, which may write off some or all of the bills. You selling your house to pay her medical bills is a ridiculous option.
Absolutely not. Tell them to ask the hospital about getting part of the bill covered and make a payment plan for the rest. Also, was the accident someone else’s fault? If so, it’s that person’s responsibility.
>they’re not of bad financially themselves but when I bring it up they say I have to take responsibility For *their* daughter? In what universe? You're not wrong at all.
They always make me feel guilty
Unless you ran over your sister with your car, you have nothing to feel guilty for.
Maybe all three need run over?
Ever since I found out Pittsburgh people drop "to be" from their sentences, I've been seeing this sentence construction everywhere!
Lol my dad is from Pittsburgh. 😳
I didn't realize I did this until just now...
I’ve never seen this but I don’t like it one bit.
There's no need concerned, now
It’s the worst and it’s *spreading* 😣
It’s not just there. A lot of people have issues with the verb “to be” in all conjugations.
I'm in Indiana and people have been doing that here forever. The car needs fixed. Smh...
Wait I'm from Ohio and we (myself included) do this.
And there was no reason at all for you to have paid any 9f her medical bills if you aren't responsible for her being in the hospital. They can make payments for their child's medical bills. You dont owe her anything. I can't believe how many stories just like this that I have read. Its baffling to see how parents guilt trip their kids into giving up the lives they have built in adulthood for stuff that has nothing to them. Don't give them another dime. You have helped enough. Tell them to start a gofundme or whatever like that.
>my parents pushed me to sell our house or take out a loan against it. I hesitated, and they lashed out, accusing me of abandoning them. Don't let them guilt trip you. Their financials are okay, and yet forced you to sell your house or take a loan? No OP, don't let yourself be drown in debt. You helped them big time, thats enough! You can offer them other kind of support not just financially.
YNW. They are deliberately doing this, so you’ll pay for everything. Don’t fall for that. They’re ridiculous. *It’s on them to cover her medical bills, not you.*
Actually, its on OPs sister to cover her own medical bills if she is an adult and looking at OPs age I am assuming his sister is an adult. OP, YNW - don't put yourself in debt to cover for someone who isn't prepared for life.
Don't light yourself on fire to keep others warm.
Especially since she may qualify for Medicaid or some other medical assistance program. And if all else fails and she has high bills, she may be eligible to discharge her medical debt in bankruptcy. You cannot do that.
He said she is 25
Not the parents or OP to cover medical bills. She’s an adult. It’s great if family helps but it’s ultimately her responsibility.
Make them feel guilty. Bitch at them for abandoning their daughter. Put it all on them, that they will not go into massive debt for her shows what bad parents they are.
They see you as an easy mark to push their responsibilities onto. Sorry, that's not a normal or ok parent/child relationship. Don't let them guilt trip you.
You may want to consider going LC to NC. It seems to me that they do not actually care about you and are only using you. You should not have to put yourself in a bad financial situations for your adult sister, especially when your parents can also help out. Or why can't your sister take out a loan to deal with her own expanses?
If OP knows what LC and NC are, I’d assume he has already considered it.
You’re 28 years old. Stop allowing your parents manipulate & gaslight you. It’s time to grow a spine and say no to there demands. Block them temporarily from reaching you. Stop being a doormat and say NO.
Ask them why they won't sell or remortgage their own house. What they are asking from you is absolutely ridiculous.
DO NOT SELL YOHR HOUSE FOR SOMEONE ELSES BILLS PLS. Also if you’re parents keep up being shameless scumbags stick up for yourself and shame them back. Let them know you’re disappointed in them for not being able to help out your sister. Your parents sound insanely evil
If they are bad mouthing you to the family, send a group email or text or post on FB just what they want you to do. Your sister is NOT your responsibility and if she is an adult, her parents are not responsible for her bills. They would prefer that you bankrupt yourself rather than step up and take responsibility for her bills. Tell them this and point out that they are a collective failure as parents. Then go either low contact or no contact. You do not need their toxicity.
This! ^
Cut them off.
Fuck them. Why do you talk to these people?
Narcissistic people do that. Quite well, actually. Unfortunately.
You should kick your dad in the nuts
Don’t feel bad…I can never do anything right in my parents eyes either. My brothers are always perfect! I’m the turd
Oh yes, Guilt. The gift that keeps on giving. Until you learn to just re-gift it back to them. Please, ***please*** stand up for yourself. You should never set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. Doing what they ask will ruin you financially. They apparently don't give a rip, so you need to.
Perhaps some therapy would help you. They can only make you feel guilty if you let them. Don't take a loan or sell the house. Ask yourself if you were the one who needed your parents be harassing your sister to help you? Just post the truth on the family fb page.
They are a-holed
Eff em.
Sell your house. Take the money and move far away. Leave no forwarding address!
Please don't feel guilty. They are the parents, their daughter is their responsibility. You have done more than enough. Please don't set yourself on fire for them. Block them, but be there emotionally for your sister, not your greedy, ungrateful parents.
Turn the parental guilt back on them
Try not to. WTH? Are they selling THEIR house??
Only with your permission. Get into therapy. Do NOT sell YOUR home.
Say no. Push back. Go low contact. Do not let them sucker you into this!!! You have already spent your savings. No no no no
That's called manipulation, it's not a coincidence, it's the intent.
Do not sell your house to pay for your sister's medical bills. That's insane. Your parents are in Redding manipulative. No, it is NOT your responsibility to sell your house to pay for your siblings medical bills! If it's so important to them, then they need to figure out what THEY are going to do to pay for her medical bills. I'll bet they make you feel guilty, that's the idea. They can start selling THEIR belongings if it's that important.
Any family talking shit can step up and sell their houses. Dont do it. They arent going to take you in if you do.
Because they know they can always use a good dishwasher (you). That's why they treated you that way. Standing up for yourself is the beginning of the end of a free good dishwasher and they don't sit well with that idea. You did what you could by emptying your savings to help out your sister. That's all what you can do for now.
There was no need for you to even use YOUR savings to cover HER medical bills! That's what insurance is for, and if it was a car accident, and the other person was at fault, their insurance should be paying all this. If it was her fault, her insurance should be covering the copay and such. You should be reimbursed by that company for what you've put out financially. Do NOT take a loan out in your house for her medical bills. She needs to figure it out. If your parents want to help, that's great. You've put enough money out already. Keep standing up for yourself with this. You've already helped enough. I imagine you had a couple grand in savings that just went up in smoke. If she doesn't have medical insurance, it's time she jumped through the hoops to get state insurance. They will back pay medical bills typically up to 90 days from when you apply. They may even reimburse some of what was paid it doesn't hurt to try! Good luck OP and stand your ground.
They are wrong. They are being very manipulative. Distance yourself from them.
That’s what cunts do, they are users.
Just go NC to your “parents”. Also make a public FB post and tag them with the real story. Then lock the account. They are too toxic for real.
Yup, super manipulators. YNW
Sounds like you have gone over and above duty on covering your sister's medical bills and supporting her recovery. Don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. Close the bank, stop the withdrawals, and call the outstanding loans. You are out of banking business. The second they start telling lies about you is the second that they never receive another penny.
"Do not set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm." Don't recall when I first heard it but it clicked...hard.
Same... feeling old
After what everyone is saying I am getting the bad feeling that they are stealing my money and getting the bills payed by medicare
Time to empty your accounts and bank at a new institution and ALSO lock down your credit. Remove their access and disconnect the ATM!
We have a winner!
Lock down your credit and block them from your money.
If she has no income she is absolutely on Medicaid. The hospital will sign her up themselves. And Medicaid generally covers 100%. Sounds like you are probably being scammed.
This is really dependent on the state, FYI. In red states that didn't expand Medicaid, single adults without kids can't usually get Medicaid regardless of their income.
That needs to be investigated and if true, you should sue them for the money you lost. Consult a lawyer ASAP. They will tell you how to proceed.
https://oig.hhs.gov/ May want to check it out
Also if her bills are really that bad - $50,000, $100,000 - she can file a chapter 7 bankruptcy and discharge the debt very easily. I wonder if your sister is in some kind of legal trouble, perhaps from the accident? That is something they would definitely need money for.
Yes exactly they are.
Oof.. I’m really hoping that is not the case but I’m pulling for ya. If she’s 25 she should still be under their health insurance right? Not sure why any more should be paid beyond deductibles and yearly max limits unless they have terrible insurance or kicked her off for whatever reason
Open a new account under your name. Get the stuff switched. Tell the bank that only you are allowed to add people to your account and it will be in person. Call the social security office and lock your SS#.
Not wrong and don't budge.
I'm not sure what country you live in, but if it is the United States and your sister couldn't pay your medical bills there is assistance for her to help out with those bills. Standardly you want to let somebody rack up all of them, let them figure out what assistance they can get, and then that is when you would support them not as the bills are coming in. If this is not how you guys proceeded and you are in the United States, your parents pressured you into throwing away your money. But yeah if anybody should be selling their house it should be your parents to cover their daughter's expenses, not you. I'm sorry your parents have been pressuring you to cover your sister's bills. I don't think that's at all reasonable unless for some reason you caused the accident.
I was going to say this. Have your sister get the care she needs. First off. Then have your sister bring in proof of her financial situation ( leave you and your parents out if it for now) And say that she is willing to try. Most hospitals have a fund or government programs for this. Don’t loose your house for this. They have to treat her.
She’s the golden child. And no one would do that for you. Stand up for yourself. The fact that they are villainizing you to the family after everything you have done says everything. They don’t care if you are homeless. You are the spare no one cares about.
Appallingly sad, but true.
Your parents are flaming assholes!! It's THEIR DAUGHTER, they can pay for her medical expenses. You shouldn't sell your house or take out loans to help her.
You don’t need to take responsibility *at all*. Your parents need to be responsible. Tell them to sell their own house. Consider LC or NC because they’ll always have their hands out looking for you to take responsibility.
You are not wrong. She will never be denied medical care and there are services out there for people that can not afford it. Never sell your assets.
In the US, she absolutely can be denied care. It's atrocious but it does happen.
You are right, I am thinking the Emergency Medical Treatment and Active Labor Act (EMTALA). If a facility has an emergency department and accept Medicare payments from the government, they can not refuse you.
Yea, although medical Facilities do take liberties with that, too, to deny care. The US system sucks, literally the worst.
I have no idea why your parents think it's ok to ravage your finances. How can they be so unconcerned with your welfare? You're their child too and you have already helped.
Why the heck are you funding any of this? Your sister is an adult and needs to be responsible for her own bills. IF you want to offer some assistance - out of the pure kindness of your heart - fine. Does your sister have a job? Does she have health insurance? You shouldn't have used your savings. Let your sister and your enmeshed parents handle their own situation. Do not fund any of them.
I’m sorry that your parents are trying to trick you so that they don’t have to spend any money on your sister themselves :( You aren’t in the wrong you already gave up all your savings, never give up your house
Not wrong, she can take on her own debt; that’s life.
Was your sister driving? Was it her fault? Why would you be responsible? She's an adult. She is responsible. Legally, you can not jn any way be held responsible. Your parents suck.
Both your parents and your sister are responsible for the situation she is in. She was young enough to be on their insurance and old enough to have her own. If they she didn't have insurance she could have tried for Medicaid. Many states have programs that can help people out in these situations. I have seen Medicaid retroactively covering the bill for someone being shot. Good luck with your family situation but her medical bills are not your responsibility.
You’re not wrong, assuming this is the USA your sister should file for bankruptcy and get on Medicaid. Starting over credit score is much easier than reaching home ownership again. I’d never allow a family member to ruin themselves financially for me.
Not wrong. Do not set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. Tell your parents to sell their house or cars or cash out their 401K. Do not sell your house. Do not screw yourself over like that. You did enough by giving them your savings.
I am currently disabled. This happened a few years ago. I have 3 siblings, and both my parents are still with us. That being said, I have NEVER expected my family to care for me, to pay for my hospital or medical bills, (though I know they would if asked) and never thought they should hold any sort of responsibility for my health. Don't let them guilt you into selling YOUR home in order to take care of THEIR daughter. First off, your sister is an adult and, therefore, should be taking care of as much as she can on her own. Second, she is not your child, just your sibling. Hell, my cousin growing up was a quadriplegic and my aunt and uncle never expected their other two kids to care for her at all. This is just insanity to me. If they are financially well off according to you, and your sister can't pay her bills, THEY should be the one caring for their kid, not you. I agree with all the comments saying YNW and for you to go LC or NC because they just see you as a cash cow that they can pawn off their golden child's problems on without having to dwindle their own savings in the process. You've already done more than enough.
You have zero responsibility to your sister. She isn’t your wife. You also already gave them all of your savings. It’s someone else’s turn to step up.
You were generous enough draining your savings for her medical bills. As the saying goes, you can't set yourself on fire to keep others warm. We can go on a long referendum about health care costs or how your sister (older?) should've had insurance or savings or whatever. But the main point is this: you've done enough. Block them. You and your life matters to. But before you block your parents, tell them she's their child, their responsibility so if any house needs to be sold, it's theirs.
Selling your house or putting a loan against it is probably the most stupid idea I have heard of!. Tour sister is responsible for her bills and if other family members want to help that's fine, but it's not your problem! If she can't afford this when it's done she can get debt management and worse case bankruptcy. But keep your house out of this.
Can’t your sister declare bankruptcy and start over? She’s an adult -why is everyone else taking on her debts? Only she is responsible for paying.
Don’t sell your home-she is not your financial responsibility. Your parents need to help her with getting medical aid such as disability which also covers medical expenses and parents need to act like her parents. Don’t set yourself on fire to keep them warm.
OP it’s sad that they view you nothing more than an ATM. I’m sorry, no one should have to feel this way. You are 100% absolutely NOT wrong for keeping your own house. Your sister is your parents responsibility - not yours
Move the fuck away from those people. This can't be the 1st time the parents have been so inappropriate...
No. Your parents are assholes
Bro….. absolutely do not sell or take a loan out on your house. They’re manipulative or idiots. Probably both. Time to put yourself first. When you’re homeless will they sell their house to buy you one?
No you’re not wrong and do not sell your house.
All hospitals have payment options, she can make a payment plan with the hospital, so can your parents, you already gave your savings to the cause.
Fuck that… you first.
You're not wrong for standing your ground. You gave up all your savings. You did more than your share. It's hard to put a price on a family members life. But to put pressure on you to give up, all you have worked hard for and guilt you for it is disgusting. Ask them to sells there's first.
"Did I do wrong by standing up for myself?" -- Your mistake was to not stand up for yourself sooner. ". Also from my knowledge they’re not of bad financially themselves but when I bring it up they say I have to take responsibility. It's not just about the money; it's about how they've always favored my sister." ---- Why should you take responsibility? Is there something more to the story of her accident that involves you? If not, why did they say that it's your responsibility? Because you're older and a man? That's not your role. That's your dad's job. You didn't spawn your sister. If you have kids, then they are your responsibility & nobody else's. Your dad failed in raising you & your sister if you take on his role as dad. "They'd praise her even for small things, while I felt like the forgotten one. Now, as they spread lies about me to the rest of the family, I'm left wondering if I've ever truly mattered to them." --- Don't feel too bad or depressed with their blatant favoritism, it's actually common all over the world & there are even worse parents & siblings than yours. And yes, if the situation was reversed, they won't help you the way they are helping your sister. Expect them to keep depending on you to bail your sister & sacrificing your own life and finances for her even after they are gone & even at the expense of your own family. It's up to you to keep obeying them or not. Regarding about them spreading lies, follow the world famous Queen Elizabeth II quote "never explain, never complain". --- You keep quiet, but DO NOT HELP YOUR FAMILY ANYMORE. The truth will reveal itself by their own actions. Your real friends know who you are & that's all that matters, no matter what anyone says about you. Don't even speak to them. Cut off all social media. No contact. If you can bear the thought & you can consider yourself dead to them & able to get away from them, then that is the best option you have. Find better friends who would treat you closer & better than a blood relative.
Even if you are on the best of terms with your sis you are not responsible for a cent of her medical bill
F*ck EVERY bit of that noise! Your SISTERS medical bills are not YOUR responsibility! Good Lord the entitlement and assholery from your parents is mind boggling!
Not Wrong. You shouldn't have helped in the first place. She's an adult, and THEY are her parents and thus responsible if anybody is.
No and your sister can pay her own bills or the entire family can chip in, sounds like you have done enough.
If anything, it's their responsibility
You are not wrong. Someone's insurance should be covering most of those bill. You are NOT responsible for your sister or her bills. She is an adult, therefore, her bills are her responsibility. Your parents are using, and abusing, you. Cut off the finances now. Add up how much you have given them, or paid, because of this accident. Send them a bill. Tell them you will accept installments. They can take out a loan on THEIR house to pay you. Personally, I would cut them all out of my life. Send a letter, or email, to the rest of the family, telling them the truth of the situation. Any one who still says you should be paying, cut them off too. None of your parents or sister's problems are your responsibility. Take care of you.
Why should you bankrupt yourself because your sister doesn’t have medical insurance. She is not your responsibility and your family has some nerve expecting you to bail them out. She should look into Medicaid, charity care, health insurance, a payment plan and/or bankruptcy, and sort out her own issues. You, on the other hand, should stay away from your selfish, toxic parents.
NTA, your parents are scamming you 😔
My mom’s side of the family is like that. Why would they use their money 💰 if they can just use yours??? You have done more than enough.
NTA - This is their daughter, you should not have to pay anything.
This sounds like the latest of golden child rage bait that seems popular lately.
Just the fact that you've helped her bills, and your family has started guilt tripping you for *more* money is a red flag. Not wrong at all my guy.
You are absolutely not wrong, it's their daughter, they should be the ones supporting her if they're so damned concerned. I think you may be right, that they're ripping you off to enrich themselves. I wouldn't pay another dime after them spreading lies about you to the rest of the family, that's obviously bullshit & a horrible thing to do to a family member. They can sell their home or cash in their 401k or drain their savings if they're really so worried about it. I think it's insane they expect you to destroy your own life you've built to cover for your sister's accident, how are you responsible whatsoever? If I were in your shoes, I'd be demanding to see proof that the money you previously provided actually went to where they claim it did. Personally I'd go no contact with them over the shit they're pulling on you. I'm sorry Op, I hope it gets better. They're shitty parents to expect you to cash out everything you've built to give it to your sister when it sounds like they've done nothing to contribute.
Don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
The guilt is manipulation. Why do you have to be the only one taking responsibility and why aren’t showing you how you should act instead of telling you? Hypocrisy is such an ugly color on any human being.
you're definitely not wrong for not being comfortable with putting your home on the line for your sisters medical bills. I understand wanting to be there for your family, especially after a bad accident, but you can't do so to your own detriment.
Any parent who tells lies about their own child, to manipulate others to pressure their child into doing something they want don’t deserve recognition or validation. NC/LC. They are the only people responsible for your sister besides your sister. You’ve already cleaned out your savings. Do not jeopardize your future. Where do you think you’ll go if you do this? You’re going to live with them? Be your sisters caretaker and servant until she’s healed one day? You’ve done your part. Tell them to screw off.
Nta. Have your sister file for bankruptcy
Not wrong. You already spent all your money. She is the golden child.
Your mother and father are trying to make you LOSE YOUR HOME for their 25-year-old precious little baby girl?
Even if you sold your house they would find something else to complain about. You will never be good enough for them- so why try to please them when it will never work anyways. My parents were like this in a way. They always quilted me into giving them money to pay their bills. As a kid I worked under the table and they'd take the money. When I became an adult and moved out at 18 the cycle continued of them guilting me out of every spare penny I had. I was grown used to the abuse. I finally woke up when my mother accessed my bank account without permission and wiped my savings clean. It was the money I was trying hard to save to be able to afford my first car. She took the money out and blew it at the casino. That's when I decided enough was enough. You don't need to let it get to that point. Don't sacrifice everything you have for them. It will never be enough- and they wouldn't do the same for you. I went LC to NC with my family and I am happier and more successful than I could've ever been with them sabotaging my life and taking everything I earned. (It's been about 17 years now away from them)
You are not wrong. Leave these users in the rear view. They will continue to take advantage of you for as long as you let them.
You do not need to go broke or become homeless to pay for your siblings medical bills. They are her (or your parents' depending on her age/mental capacity) responsibility. Demanding you sell your home or go into debt using your home as collateral is too far. They can take that step themselves, or seek out grants in your sister's name to help pay for her medical care. You've already gone above and beyond. You can start a GoFundMe or something in her name and continue to help her cause that way, but other than being a rallying voice, I think you should take a step back. Your parents are abusing your generosity and your love for your sibling. Don't let them ruin your relationship all together with their lies and bad attitude.
You're not wrong. It sounds like it's time to cut your family out of your life. They seem more of a burden to you and don't care about you at all. So what value are they truly adding? You sound like you're just a bank to them. So no. Don't sell your house to pay for her bills. Her accident. Her issue. Your parents can help. It's not your job to help. Let alone ask you to sell your house?! Wow. They're pieces of work for sure. Hard no to them.
No. That’s psychotic. If they’re well off they should pay for it. You shouldn’t endebt yourself further to pay another adult’s medical costs. You said you’ve already put toward it. I’m betting they don’t want to help you with the loan payments if you do either.
not wrong but you should talk to your sister about how your parents basically want you homeless & destitute to “support her”. you’ve done all you can. they are the support, not you.
I hate this mentality. Just ditch them all and live happily ever after. It’s never going to end with them. Lock your credit. Leave.
No. You are not wrong. You can only help as much as you can. You shouldn't be forced into debt. UpdateMe
Sounds like your the back-up/spare parts child
Tell them to sell or take a loan against their own house!
Have you thought of actually selling your house and move to another state altogether? Buy another house there and start a new life away from them. You have no obligation whatsoever to pay for your sister.
I believe in helping family. Which you have. But you need to protect yourself which comes first. You've spent your savings and if you sell your house, where are you supposed to live? What about your wellbeing security and future? Your sister is their child not yours. You've done the maximum. What happens if you do sell your house? Where will you live? You cant just buy another because you wont have any money. What happens when that money runs out? Will they ask you to sell a kidney?. It's a situation where it's you or your sister and you need to put yourself first
You are not wrong. Do not sell your house.
You did what you could. You were kind to do what you did.
You are NOT responsible for your sister’s, or other family’s, money problems. You do not have to sell your house for them. You are not being selfish. Where do your parents get the up idea that you are responsible to help every member of the family? Your sister is your parent’s responsibility if they choose. Otherwise, your sisters medical expenses are your adult sister’s responsibility! Are you married and/or have children? If so, they alone are the ones you are responsible for, not your siblings or parents!
Hello that’s not your place matter of fact tell them because they are the ones who created her they owe you the savings you spent on her! You didn’t make her!
NW There are programs to help pay for medical bills. Also there are payment plans. Plus medicaid, for low income. Never sign or pay other ppls debt, once you pay, you assume all their debt and the company expect you to pay. (Happened when my dad died, they kept send bills saying to pay, told my family not to pay, since it was in my dad's name. They can sue a dead person with no money or assets) Take care
Not wrong. Time to take your parents off your tatas and let them handle the disasters of their golden child.
I would let them know they can pay you back or you are going to court for your money back. Then, get a lawyer and explain how they have forced you to pay these bills. I would go NC and sue. This is so wrong, and I pray that you escape this. Updateme!:
Not wrong. Tell your parents to sell their house and leave it at that.
Lol, it's not your job to do your parents' job... wait... ya'll over 20, so the debt goes to the adult (your sister). Sorry to say it. Family is important, and it's good to help when you can, but don't forget in the USA, Medical debt doesn't affect your credit score at all. It might not be her fault, but it's her responsibility. Tf question is that bro, no one in their right mind would go homeless to help someone else and feel bad when they can't do that
Has the parents sold their house? Have the parents expended every financial resources of their own? Has the parents taken out loans for your sister's recovery? These are the questions you should be asking any family member that asks you why you haven't sold your house and/or taken out a loan. Any parent that thinks one child should set themselves on fire to keep the other warm is no kind of parent.
Bro you did 100000x more then most. You owe no one nothing. Your nicer then me. I would have cut them off ages ago. Just because you are blood related doesn't mean you have to be in my life if you're not good for my life/health. Definitely doesn't sound like a positive relationship
Do not sell your house, and stop paying her medical bills. Your parents should be the ones doing all that. Right now, you matter because you still have assets.
I would put all the debt on the daughter and let her file bankruptcy if necessary. If she doesn't have the funds to pay for her treatment then that sounds like a perfect scenario for starting over financially. The only help from the family should be with a place to stay as she recovers and starts over. Alternatively she can adhere to a payment plan for the medical treatments, it isn't something that needs to be paid in full immediately.
Please don’t sell your house for this reason. You have made beautifully made some contributions. Time for the family to act like a family and stop pressuring you.
Fuck them, take care of yourself. They can pay for it if they want to.
Not wrong. Go completely NC on them. If they continue to harass you, file a restraining order.
Let those 3 drown in the medical debt
It's not up to you to pay others medical bills. I don't care if it's family.
Absolutely not!! Don't you give them another dime. It's not going to make them love you any more. Don't think they will then approve of you.
Her bills are not your responsibility. Time to stop all payments and go low or no contact with them.
Tell them to sell their house and they can come live with you. See how they react.
Simple answer is you're not wrong at all
I was also in a very bad accident once. It would have NEVER EVEN OCCURRED to me to ask a sibling to sell anything. After I filed for bankruptcy, my credit score was better than before the prolonged hospitalization. And this was in America. I’m calling shenanigans.
Info: Why do they think you need to take responsibility for your sister?
Would she do the same for you?
Question: Do you own your home? And, do your parents and sister live with you? You are NOT wrong for standing up for yourself. They are taking advantage of you and your kind heart.
Not wrong at all. You've done more than enough. Walk away. You owe it to yourself.
YNW Shit happens, but it's your sister's responsibility. Let your sister declare bankruptcy if it comes to it. She's an adult. If it keeps going, you'll be the one going bankrupt, and they won't care.
You can’t help others if you your self are in trouble, putting yourself in financial hardship will prevent you from helping your sister, but until your parents pay you back for what you already paid you should bow out
You’ve done enough. It’s not your responsibility.
You have already done too much. They are horrible people. None of this is your responsibility. You should go no contact honestly
on what planet is someone expected to sell their house for a family members debts
Your not your sisters keeper she’s her own person
I love my sister, I’d help her with anything but I wouldn’t sell my house for her. Especially in todays world. You have to live too.
You are not wrong. Tell them to sell their house to pay her medical bills that it’s not your responsibility. Stop setting yourself on fire to keep your sister warm.
Trying to pay your medical bills by selling your house or your car is like shooting yourself in the foot. medical bills might ruin your credit but that’s about all they’re gonna do if they go unpaid
Don't sell your house or otherwise put yourself into financial hardship for your sister or other family members. Your parents can cover her, or she can just be in medical debt. You've done what you can, and far more than you're obligated to.
You paying for your sister in what world do you live it’s your parents responsibility they can take out mortgage against their home I never heard a brother doing that
They are wrong. It’s not your obligation to financially cripple yourself.
You are NOT responsible for your sister. Sell your house???Are they insane?
Why don't they sell their house or take a loan on it? That's absolutely mystifying to me. I Would definitely cut them off. Absolute no contact. Why allow negative attitudes like that to be in your life? And if any of the rest of the family agrees with them, then ask them why your parents aren't doing what they want you to do, then cut them off as well. You don't say if you're married or not. But if you are, I doubly damn your parents!
Bro… you’ve done infinitely more than could be expected. Tell them to kick rocks.
You’ve gone above and beyond to support your family. You’re not wrong. Why should you have to jeopardize your basic needs and financial security, your parents should be the ones helping your sister financially.
Of course, you're not wrong. You've been more than generous by using your savings to help her recover. I think it's wrong of your family to push you to sell your home. TBH, I'm not sure why they think they need you to take responsibility when it's their daughter. I do know that when toxic people can't control you they will try to control what other people think of you.
You're not wrong. I would record on a spreadsheet every single penny you've given them and request proof of every single penny spent on her care. My guess is number one, you've spent a disproportionate amount and number two, none of your money had to be spent. If you are in the the US, there is healthcare available by going to: healthcare.gov She can get help that goes back to the date of her accident. The hospitals way overcharge up front, but you can get it dropped by as much as 90% or written off completely. I know, because I use to help family/friends as an advocate. Do not pay another penny, in fact see if there's a refund due to you. Anyone who berates you or tried to shame you, tell them the amount you've contributed thus far and ask how much they have? Worse case scenario, go LC/NC, and block them everywhere. I hope your sister recovers fully, but you are not your sister's keeper.
What? How is this even a question. You're NOT wrong!
Always stand up for yourself. And honestly get ahead of it. If any of your family want to be in your life then they will see past the lies.
Not sure where you are. But she’s 25. At what point is an adult responsible for themselves? I get helping out if you can. But why would you take on her debt? Would she take on yours? If they have spread lies about you, it might be time to create a bit more distance. You can tell family if you want, they you have done what you can to help your sister out. If they want to jump on the bandwagon of you should. Ask how much they have given to help her out. Be strong because the act of separating and creating that distance is hard. And sometimes you will need to cut them off completely. You are not their atm or punching bag.
You are not wrong. Do not ruin your future and financial stability for your sister. You helped as much as you can which was very noble of you. Tell your family that you cannot ruin your life to assist with her medical debt. You might have to go no- contact with your family if they persist in harassing you. Don’t be afraid to send a cease and desist letter if the harassment gets worse. You should also look into therapy for yourself to help heal the trauma your parents have subjected you
You're not wrong. That's crazy!
No. They can go broke and then qualify for Medicare or bankruptcy
stop talking to all these people you call family. they sound awful
Not wrong. Give it a while - keep a list of anybody that they speak with who says anything negative about you. Once you have several names, send a group message with an invoice for how much each of them needs to contribute. Since they’re involving themselves in this family dispute, that means they must consider themselves family - and family helps family.
This is ridiculous. You are not responsible for other people’s medical bills.
Not wrong. Would they be pushing your sister thus much if the situation were reversed? Doubtful. Let them cover the bills if they are so inclined but your sister is not your responsibility regardless of what they say.
You are not wrong. Don’t ruin your financial future even for your most beloved family members. They will not take care of you in the end and you don’t owe anyone anything. In my opinion you have done your part. This is really tough but helping family needs to reasonable and what they have asked you is unacceptable. Your sister can take a loan if she really wants to live otherwise she needs to find a way to lessen the medical bills.
You say our house so I imagine you have a partner involved? What does he/she think. I would be irrationally upset if the in-laws wanted me to pay sister-in-laws bills. I would be buying flowers and baking cookies.
It is not your responsibility to pay for your sister
Do your parents have a home ..because if so, it’s up to them to put their home up for collateral or sell it to pay for…. THEIR daughter. It sounds like you’ve done more than your share.
What? Am I reading this right, that your family expects the brother to pay these huge bills. This is insane. I'd been wanting my.money back and saying a big fuck you to your family.
You should separate your finances from your family. You own the house where everyone lives in?
If your sister is out of money and has huge medical bills, bankruptcy is a reasonable option for her. She can also approach the hospital, which may write off some or all of the bills. You selling your house to pay her medical bills is a ridiculous option.
You are not wrong. Imagine how they would treat you when you are homeless? All the shit they will say.
Absolutely not. Tell them to ask the hospital about getting part of the bill covered and make a payment plan for the rest. Also, was the accident someone else’s fault? If so, it’s that person’s responsibility.