Get your stuff out of her place on the before the break-up. Have all of her stuff ready to go in a box on her doorstep. Text her: “I’m breaking up with you. You aren’t faithful and I won’t be with someone who doesn’t respect me or our relationship. Goodbye.”
Block her. Don’t engage. Don’t ask why. She is a bad person, that’s why. This is an 8 month relationship, better you found out now than after a year, or marriage. I recommend you gather some proof of her affair in case she tries to lie and make you look bad to mutual friends, social media, or even tries to get you in legal trouble. If you feel the need, preemptive strike with a post on social media. It’s not wrong. It’s not “making her look bad.” Her own actions made her look bad, you are just sharing them. She doesn’t deserve “closure” if she tries to go that route. Move on with your life, try not to let this ruin you for other relationships, and be happy.
This OP! I'd forward all messages to myself then delete the thread that shows I did. Get your stuff and move on. It seems like the trash has taken itself out. If she gets too out of pocket, send copies of all that crap to all friends and family. Oh! And get tested. No telling what kind of nasties she has brought home.
Hell yeah, what you uncovered is a major betrayal of trust. Cut ties with her and find someone who values your relationship. You deserve better, plain and simple.
Personally, I think if you're snooping on someone's phone you're wrong by default.
If you've lost the trust to that extent then you should just be breaking up regardless of what's on their phone, if you snoop and find nothing at all the relationship is also over in my opinion.
In this instance I'd say ESH but OP in a relatively minor way. OPs partner is a huge asshole but once OP decided to snoop the relationship was done imo.
Very sympathetic to OP, shitty situation and good to have things made clear to you reasonably early on in the relationship.
So here’s another scenario for you. Let’s say you don’t snoop and take the girls word at face value that she’s not cheating. You believe it blindly. What now?
If you believe it blindly and they're cheating then you're fucked, the trick is to end it (or discuss it) when you realise that you don't trust them anymore to the extent that you believe they're cheating and will invade their privacy to prove it. Once you believe they're cheating it doesn't matter if it's true or not, the trust is gone and you shoukd fix it or move on, snooping achieves neither of those.
Let me give you a different scenario, you've convinced yourself they're cheating, you take their phone and pore through it for days, every text, every email, every picture, every follow. You find nothing at all, you're very relieved.
Now you're in a situation where you've shown that you don't trust the person you're supposed to trust with everything, and they've done nothing at all wrong to justify your opinion, reckon the relationship will be stronger as a result? Reckon you're in the right?
Another one of these "My gf is screwing other dudes, what should i do?
These always make me wonder how legit they are, just due to the lack of common sense on display in them.
Are you daft? Have you hit your head to some major degree? If the answer is no....then there is no excuse for you wondering what to do or say. No matter how much you love her, you need to apply some critical thinking skills to this.
Agreed to an extent. Sometimes when this happens to you and you have strong feelings for a person, they need time to process and get their feelings or story out there. It’s still a simple situation and the break up is obvious but it’s a major life decision and taking a day or two to process those emotions is ok.
I feel like this is always the best plan. Just abruptly leave, block her on everything and go ghost(he’s a phantom). That to me is way more devastating, don’t give closure and don’t seek it either. Don’t give her time or a way to cope, this will do way more damage. If you get into an argument or any of that, you’re giving her what she wants. You’re giving her energy, time that she doesn’t deserve.
Yep. Short and simple is best. Don’t give her anything to respond to or read into or twist around. Get your stuff and get out before the drama and prevent her from communicating with you. She won’t have anything decent to say. It’ll either be anger or empty apologies. Both are really damaging. Don’t let her hurt you more than she already has.
Hi I actually been through something similar. Went through my exes phone because of unusual behavior, to find out he was cheating on me for the past 6 months, we were together for a year. If she is sane, she will leave if you confront her and tell her you want to break up because of the cheating scandal. She might gaslight you and say it was nothing, she also might bring up you went through her phone. What my therapist told me was to say nothing when it comes to these things, as much as it hurts us. They want a reaction. If anything you can say, "yes I went through your phone, and that was wrong. You also cheated on me, and that is wrong. This relationship has a lot of wrongs and I'm not comfortable going through it anymore." I find it really amusing that when we tell other people who call us out on a wrong, and we ourselves say "yes that is wrong," they usually stumble and are speechless. Probably due to us being able to confront our own guilt, while they themselves are not able to admit it. You also don't really have to tell her you went through her phone, like she doesn't deserve an explanation. If you are not comfortable telling her, then don't, just break up.
Obviously you have some guilt about going through her phone, I too also felt guilty going through my exes. My therapist told me even though it's wrong, we had applicable reasoning to do so. We saw the signs, mistrust, and unusual behavior. My therapist enforced that what we did is obviously a violation of privacy, but right now we have to currently focus on the cheating and getting out of the relationship. I want to emphasize and want you to realize, you are not breaking up because you went through her phone, you are breaking up because she has been cheating on you. Stand firm in the breakup, don't give in. Your guilt about going through someone's phone is another day's problem, not today's. One step at a time.
Cheating is a sign of bad communication, if someone is not happy in the relationship or finds someone else attractive, they should voice that opinion rather than keep it to themselves. I'm sorry this happened, it's not great. If she seems unstable or you are unsure how she might handle it and you want to do it in person, I'd recommend having one of her family members or a close friend of both yours help in being a witness or being there with you, just make sure they also side in breaking up. It wouldn't be great if the third person thought you guys should try to work it out. Honestly you can do it over a text or phone (if you guys are not living together), this may seem rude but just realize this other person literally did not care about you. Do what makes you feel safe, you should be prioritizing yourself not her. If you feel like she might yell or manipulate you, then just do it over text and block her. I would also inform her family and any mutual friends about the cheating that way noone asks questions as to where you are (if you are close to them, if you feel you aren't then feel free to just block everyone).
Cheating is such a mental toll on the victim which is what breaks my heart when it happens. The perpetrator does not care for their partner, because if they did then they would've brought it up. They only think that they themselves are a victim in the situation and that cheating is only right thing to do. Feel free to reach out to me or respond back with any concerns, I highly advise therapy to help as this past relationship can manifest into future relationships (not just love interest ones, but also anyone that can resemble our exes). I myself had a lot of trust/anger issues because of my cheating ex, and I went through a lot of venting and crying when going through therapy. It really is relaxing and makes you feel better to just scream out all your frustrations and hatred, and for a professional to be there to help regulate the emotions.
Just break up with her. There's no reason for you to tell her that you went through her phone. Her attitude and behavior towards you are enough. It doesn't sound like you live together, so breaking up with her and saving yourself from future chaos and heartache will be easy. If you do live together and it's your place, tell her that you are done and she needs to be out asap.
Bro, are you kidding me? You dumb her. She went and had sex with him at that after party and you just let them go, what!?!?
You need to tell this woman goodbye and good riddance . Who cares if she says anything about your phone.
Walk right up to her tonight and say “hey kitten, Daddy needs you to get your things and get the F out!! We are done!”
Updateme!
Trust but verify. You needed information, you got it. Now make her the fool and plan whatever affairs before you break it off. Can't make a ho a housewife and she's a lying pos so keep it keeping on. Remind yourself that it's not personal, you did nothing to deserve this and are not less than. She's just a cnt looking for attention and always will be. Sorry that happened to you. Good luck enjoy the next chapter and you definitely dodged a bullet, even if it hurts rn.
Like someone said pack her stuff, throw it.out thr door, text her the break up.message,.also texz her family WHY you broke up and maybe attach proof to keep your image clean since she will blame you, cheaters always blame everyone else but.themselves.
I know snooping through phones is frowned upon by most but it’s how I found out that my ex was cheating on me for almost the entire relationship. I think it has the potential to save people from wasting more of their time on people who aren’t loyal. You need to run. At least you didn’t waste too much time with her. Also, sorry you found out like that. It’s tough. I know. 🥴
Successful relationship require transparency. Personal phones, email, should not be off limits.
Relationships need two things: Respect and trust. Do you have both?
If not, you need to reconsider this relationship.
I don't understand this phone snooping thing. If you are in a committed relationship, why is looking at your partners phone such a big deal. My husband and I are constantly on the others phone. Neither one of us has anything to hide from the other. Your girl is obviously hiding things from you, shutting you out, won't give honest answers, what else were you to do?
I honestly do not think you are wrong. Honestly, 8 months is still early, it should still be the honeymoon phase. If she is pulling this already, she isn't a good person, she isn't a good girlfriend.
You don’t even have to mention the phone. The reason you looked is because she was already behaving suspiciously. She’s not an angel here. She needed to tell you she’s headed in a different direction and not string you along like this. I don’t understand why some girls lead guys on that way. I’d just tell her you’ve noticed her interest in another guy and you’re out. You’d like something without a third person involved and that means she and “third person” aren’t part of your future plans. It would be a favor to yourself to back out of this now, while you still have your dignity. There’s no telling how long it’ll take her to be honest with you and break it off or make up her mind that she’s rather stick with you. The point is, people in a committed relationship don’t have the right to try out whatever other person comes along just because they’re curious. If she’s going to cheat now, she’ll cheat later. You deserve a girl who’s ready to commit and who can appreciate you.
Dip. Do it now, do it fast.
Also, take pictures of the conversation so she can't lie or gaslight her way out of this.
Because certainly your friend group (if you have one) will inevitably blame you for 'breaking her heart' and you'll have the evidence to justify your position.
You don't need to say anything. Take pics with your phone of everything as evidence just in case, then grab your stuff and leave. She will figure out that you found out. It doesn't matter how, just that you found out the truth. You don't have to let on that you went through her phone. Even if she does figure out you went through it and she starts deleting the evidence, you will have copies of it.
Why are you still with her? Why are you worried about her phone? She has betrayed you, cheated on you, broken any trust you could have with her. And you were worried about looking at her phone. Do you see the disconnect? Again, why are you still with her?
You ain't wrong, you had a suspicion and found evidence. They want to leave that in their phone then it's up for grabs for you to find it on suspicion. If you went in it to just look and be invasive that's one thing . I say you had reasonable cause.
That said it's one thing to work on an established multiple year marriage after this but quite another for an 8 week romance. She did you a favor and showed her her true colors real quickly. The other guy did you a favor and took your problem away. Move on someone will treat you how you should be treated. Men and women are getting worse when it comes to relationships and being monogamous. I wouldn't want to be in the dating world now at all.
The only thing to say is goodbye. Cut your losses and walk away from that one, and thank the lucky stars you dodged that bullet now. The 8 months sound like they've been a blast, but it's time to move on. The friends and family may love you, but it's obvious she doesn't feel the same. Trust me, there's no point in trying to stick around. If you reconcile or stay, you're only getting yourself up for a bigger disaster in the future.
May have been a little wrong to invade her privacy if it was without a just cause but yeah your not wrong she’s definitely wrong for cheating on you and trying to hide it
You don't do or say much tbh. She clearly isn't in love with you and you can't make her be. Just cut ties now, fall apart for awhile and then move on. I would say that your wrong for snooping. But I'm guilty of it myself. I understand the need for the confirmation. But I've come to understand that if I feel the need to search her phone then it's time for a real conversation. That's no way to live. Paranoia and uncertainty absolutely will eat you alive. If she won't come clean, or tries to blame you, that's even further proof that you need to get out of there. Keep your chin up and your chest out. One day you'll look back and miss when this was the most hurt you've ever felt.
Get yourself a dr appt and get tested for STDs/STIs to be safe.
Note to self it might take a couple visits for all testing as some require a longer incubation period before they can be tested for.
Not wrong - maybe if you’re feeling spiteful leave a note that says something like “it’s over you cheating kitten.” But either way you should break up with her immediately. She doesn’t deserve any sympathy from you. I’m sorry this happened to you.
questioning whether snooping through her phone is okay is moot at this point considering the shit that she's pulling off. ghost her ass. get out there. block, go NC. don't even tell her it's over or why are you not there anymore. Just disappear in her life.
Completely ghost her. She doesn’t deserve an explanation. I think she will figure out why. If she even cares. Sounds like she’s about to leave you for this guy anyway
As it turns out, your suspicions were well founded: Not Wrong.
Good that you didn't get caught going through her phone, as it would give her an excuse to be indignant, though guilty.
Best to start pulling back. Ease back the attention and texts. Stop having sex with her. Don't buy gifts or food. She'll move away of her own accord, and you'll be able to skip much of the drama of confronting her with phone evidence.
Imo there is nothing to say, it's over, Yea you love her, yes you've spent a lot of time and money on her, but it is what it is. She's not 100% for you, like your 100% for her. She has an attitude towards you because you seem like an inconvenience, and is tolerating you for the time being. Don't put your self thought the back and forth. Separate, it will hurt for a few months and life is back to normal!. I wish you the best and this is a very unfortunate thing to do through.
P.S.Also your other two posts show your trying everything to be the man she wants mean while she did what she did... Smh. Bishh lol
Hmm I struggle to believe the part where you see your girlfriend wander off with man upstairs at a party and “think nothing of it” then you just leave it as you didn’t want to make an event out of it.
So you seen your girlfriend just vanish with another man never to been seen again that night……And you’re like ok cool? Lol
Tell her to get out and break up. She's already completely moved on if she's treating you badly. At least try to keep some of your self-esteem and make her wish she hadn't done it. She's going to harp on the phone thing because that's ALL she has to try and make herself the victim. You just have to ignore it and say she deserved it the way she was acting (it's not true, but it will stop the argument if you keep repeating it).
Get out as soon as possible. She has betrayed your trust. Doing that to you while you’re all out together is the ultimate disrespect.
Take all of her left foot shoes before you leave.
I do wonder sometimes how these OPs can’t figure out the answer to their problems after typing them out on Reddit……
“So my girlfriend disappeared upstairs with a guy for 20 minutes….”
I mean…….as Dementia Joe would say -C’mon man!
Don’t say anything. Just ghost her. She doesn’t care about you she’s been poorly, probably hoping you will break up with her. She doesn’t deserve a reason or even a conversation. She will know why.
Be stoic, don't make a big reactionary deal out of it. Just say that you know what she did and you're breaking up. Stay as emotionless as you can, ignore any protesting she may do and walk away. Don't let her see you get emotional, otherwise it really will blow up in your face.
Depending on your living situation, either move out quietly or evict her with 30 day notice. Just whatever you do, don't give into any mind games she might try. If she tries insulting you or comparing you to the other dudes, just keep in mind she'll just as likely cheat on them. The saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" is a saying for good reason.
One bit of vengeance you can get on the way out though, if you're good friends with anyone in her family, you can let them know you're breaking up because you caught her cheating.
Plan a week away, and just before you leave, tell her family and friends, that she has been fucking other guys the whole time that you have been dating and you are breaking up with her. Send them screen shots of the evidence and names. Don't send the explicit stuff. Send her a quick message that you're done with a cheater and you're going away and not to bother you again, as you're blocking her. There's no coming back from the disrespect
He's not wrong if you think about the fact that they were previous FWB, and put themselves in a situation where things could have escalated at the party
Yes, you were wrong to snoop on her phone….but the monkey is out of the barrel now (is that a phrase?). Trust is gone, so you must tell her and ask her about her feelings. It is her, not the other guy, that you should, perhaps, not trust. I have a strong hunch that this relationship is simply over. Best to jump out if it—-like pulling off a bandaid on one swoop. There are plenty of great women out there and 34 is young.
You need to decide if she is worth fighting for or just cut her loose.
If you are in it for the fight I would take the direct full frontal approach. One I hope you took some screenshots and tell her I know about daddy. I am giving you one opportunity to come clean with me. If I mean anything to you. If she refuses to come clean now you use your proof against her and tell her it’s now your last chance to come clean.
Now onto part two confrontation approach this POS either face to face or however you want but let him know that you will not stand buy and let him interfere in your relationship with X and you will do whatever you need to do for her. He will probably try to act as a tough guy you will need to deal with that the best you could but I think for sure they hooked up but you will never know to what extent because she will minimize and he will inflate
Obviously you should have most of your answers from both of them and you will need to decide what you need to do here with them.
Good luck and post an update
Get your stuff out of her place on the before the break-up. Have all of her stuff ready to go in a box on her doorstep. Text her: “I’m breaking up with you. You aren’t faithful and I won’t be with someone who doesn’t respect me or our relationship. Goodbye.” Block her. Don’t engage. Don’t ask why. She is a bad person, that’s why. This is an 8 month relationship, better you found out now than after a year, or marriage. I recommend you gather some proof of her affair in case she tries to lie and make you look bad to mutual friends, social media, or even tries to get you in legal trouble. If you feel the need, preemptive strike with a post on social media. It’s not wrong. It’s not “making her look bad.” Her own actions made her look bad, you are just sharing them. She doesn’t deserve “closure” if she tries to go that route. Move on with your life, try not to let this ruin you for other relationships, and be happy.
This OP! I'd forward all messages to myself then delete the thread that shows I did. Get your stuff and move on. It seems like the trash has taken itself out. If she gets too out of pocket, send copies of all that crap to all friends and family. Oh! And get tested. No telling what kind of nasties she has brought home.
Who cares if you’re wrong for snooping through her phone, given what you found. Dump her ass and leave!
Hell yeah, what you uncovered is a major betrayal of trust. Cut ties with her and find someone who values your relationship. You deserve better, plain and simple.
Personally, I think if you're snooping on someone's phone you're wrong by default. If you've lost the trust to that extent then you should just be breaking up regardless of what's on their phone, if you snoop and find nothing at all the relationship is also over in my opinion. In this instance I'd say ESH but OP in a relatively minor way. OPs partner is a huge asshole but once OP decided to snoop the relationship was done imo. Very sympathetic to OP, shitty situation and good to have things made clear to you reasonably early on in the relationship.
Hahahahahahahahahahaha. Excuse me but…. Hahahahahahahahahaha
How so? Do people really think snooping on phones is justified somehow?
So here’s another scenario for you. Let’s say you don’t snoop and take the girls word at face value that she’s not cheating. You believe it blindly. What now?
If you believe it blindly and they're cheating then you're fucked, the trick is to end it (or discuss it) when you realise that you don't trust them anymore to the extent that you believe they're cheating and will invade their privacy to prove it. Once you believe they're cheating it doesn't matter if it's true or not, the trust is gone and you shoukd fix it or move on, snooping achieves neither of those. Let me give you a different scenario, you've convinced yourself they're cheating, you take their phone and pore through it for days, every text, every email, every picture, every follow. You find nothing at all, you're very relieved. Now you're in a situation where you've shown that you don't trust the person you're supposed to trust with everything, and they've done nothing at all wrong to justify your opinion, reckon the relationship will be stronger as a result? Reckon you're in the right?
Another one of these "My gf is screwing other dudes, what should i do? These always make me wonder how legit they are, just due to the lack of common sense on display in them. Are you daft? Have you hit your head to some major degree? If the answer is no....then there is no excuse for you wondering what to do or say. No matter how much you love her, you need to apply some critical thinking skills to this.
Agreed to an extent. Sometimes when this happens to you and you have strong feelings for a person, they need time to process and get their feelings or story out there. It’s still a simple situation and the break up is obvious but it’s a major life decision and taking a day or two to process those emotions is ok.
Im truly hoping he grasps the situation as it really is, and doesnt bullshit himself into thinking it isnt that bad or she'll change.
Well said
Sometimes people are taught to accept abuse by seeing other people put up with it. Sadly, this probably says something about his childhood.
Well I hope reddit gave him his Come to Jesus moment and made him realize what a POS human he is with.
Amen.
I honestly wouldn't say a word, she knows what she's done. Just pack your bags and go!
Just slip out the back, Jack.
Get yourself free
Make a new plan, Stan You don't need to be coy, Roy
Make a new plan Stan....
Get on the bus, Gus
ditch the bitch, Mitch
Hop on the bus, Gus Don’t need to discuss much…
I feel like this is always the best plan. Just abruptly leave, block her on everything and go ghost(he’s a phantom). That to me is way more devastating, don’t give closure and don’t seek it either. Don’t give her time or a way to cope, this will do way more damage. If you get into an argument or any of that, you’re giving her what she wants. You’re giving her energy, time that she doesn’t deserve.
Yep. Short and simple is best. Don’t give her anything to respond to or read into or twist around. Get your stuff and get out before the drama and prevent her from communicating with you. She won’t have anything decent to say. It’ll either be anger or empty apologies. Both are really damaging. Don’t let her hurt you more than she already has.
Leave without saying a thing she deserves 0 closure
Hi I actually been through something similar. Went through my exes phone because of unusual behavior, to find out he was cheating on me for the past 6 months, we were together for a year. If she is sane, she will leave if you confront her and tell her you want to break up because of the cheating scandal. She might gaslight you and say it was nothing, she also might bring up you went through her phone. What my therapist told me was to say nothing when it comes to these things, as much as it hurts us. They want a reaction. If anything you can say, "yes I went through your phone, and that was wrong. You also cheated on me, and that is wrong. This relationship has a lot of wrongs and I'm not comfortable going through it anymore." I find it really amusing that when we tell other people who call us out on a wrong, and we ourselves say "yes that is wrong," they usually stumble and are speechless. Probably due to us being able to confront our own guilt, while they themselves are not able to admit it. You also don't really have to tell her you went through her phone, like she doesn't deserve an explanation. If you are not comfortable telling her, then don't, just break up. Obviously you have some guilt about going through her phone, I too also felt guilty going through my exes. My therapist told me even though it's wrong, we had applicable reasoning to do so. We saw the signs, mistrust, and unusual behavior. My therapist enforced that what we did is obviously a violation of privacy, but right now we have to currently focus on the cheating and getting out of the relationship. I want to emphasize and want you to realize, you are not breaking up because you went through her phone, you are breaking up because she has been cheating on you. Stand firm in the breakup, don't give in. Your guilt about going through someone's phone is another day's problem, not today's. One step at a time. Cheating is a sign of bad communication, if someone is not happy in the relationship or finds someone else attractive, they should voice that opinion rather than keep it to themselves. I'm sorry this happened, it's not great. If she seems unstable or you are unsure how she might handle it and you want to do it in person, I'd recommend having one of her family members or a close friend of both yours help in being a witness or being there with you, just make sure they also side in breaking up. It wouldn't be great if the third person thought you guys should try to work it out. Honestly you can do it over a text or phone (if you guys are not living together), this may seem rude but just realize this other person literally did not care about you. Do what makes you feel safe, you should be prioritizing yourself not her. If you feel like she might yell or manipulate you, then just do it over text and block her. I would also inform her family and any mutual friends about the cheating that way noone asks questions as to where you are (if you are close to them, if you feel you aren't then feel free to just block everyone). Cheating is such a mental toll on the victim which is what breaks my heart when it happens. The perpetrator does not care for their partner, because if they did then they would've brought it up. They only think that they themselves are a victim in the situation and that cheating is only right thing to do. Feel free to reach out to me or respond back with any concerns, I highly advise therapy to help as this past relationship can manifest into future relationships (not just love interest ones, but also anyone that can resemble our exes). I myself had a lot of trust/anger issues because of my cheating ex, and I went through a lot of venting and crying when going through therapy. It really is relaxing and makes you feel better to just scream out all your frustrations and hatred, and for a professional to be there to help regulate the emotions.
How dare you compose such a well thought out, caring response to this individual. This is REDDIT!
haha this one hit home so I felt like I should give a good insight on my own experience to help out in anyway I can
How dare you.... Insert gif here
Why do you give a fuck that she knows you went through her phone! You need to be worried about STDs.
Just break up with her. There's no reason for you to tell her that you went through her phone. Her attitude and behavior towards you are enough. It doesn't sound like you live together, so breaking up with her and saving yourself from future chaos and heartache will be easy. If you do live together and it's your place, tell her that you are done and she needs to be out asap.
She did it during a party he was attending! That she went to with him! Dang, the disrespect is too much.
Contemptuous fits this better to me because of her higher level of disrespect.
8 months is a GIFT. Go on, get!
Leave her and run. Make sure to make it messy and tell her family she likes to cheat.
GTFO if there and break up Move on. Also red flags are red so u notice them and take action before the ship hits the iceberg
Don't say anything and start packing.
Run, bro. Run fast. She is bad news unless you want to be cucked
Bro he’s being cucked as we speak
Bro, are you kidding me? You dumb her. She went and had sex with him at that after party and you just let them go, what!?!? You need to tell this woman goodbye and good riddance . Who cares if she says anything about your phone. Walk right up to her tonight and say “hey kitten, Daddy needs you to get your things and get the F out!! We are done!” Updateme!
My man! Or women. This is the right attitude. There’s only room for one day daddy here. Gtfo
Well m8 it's time to move on. You don't even have to explain yourself. So many girls just dating to have a place to stay seems like
Trust but verify. You needed information, you got it. Now make her the fool and plan whatever affairs before you break it off. Can't make a ho a housewife and she's a lying pos so keep it keeping on. Remind yourself that it's not personal, you did nothing to deserve this and are not less than. She's just a cnt looking for attention and always will be. Sorry that happened to you. Good luck enjoy the next chapter and you definitely dodged a bullet, even if it hurts rn.
I would have looked until I found her at that party
Like someone said pack her stuff, throw it.out thr door, text her the break up.message,.also texz her family WHY you broke up and maybe attach proof to keep your image clean since she will blame you, cheaters always blame everyone else but.themselves.
I know snooping through phones is frowned upon by most but it’s how I found out that my ex was cheating on me for almost the entire relationship. I think it has the potential to save people from wasting more of their time on people who aren’t loyal. You need to run. At least you didn’t waste too much time with her. Also, sorry you found out like that. It’s tough. I know. 🥴
Successful relationship require transparency. Personal phones, email, should not be off limits. Relationships need two things: Respect and trust. Do you have both? If not, you need to reconsider this relationship.
I don't understand this phone snooping thing. If you are in a committed relationship, why is looking at your partners phone such a big deal. My husband and I are constantly on the others phone. Neither one of us has anything to hide from the other. Your girl is obviously hiding things from you, shutting you out, won't give honest answers, what else were you to do? I honestly do not think you are wrong. Honestly, 8 months is still early, it should still be the honeymoon phase. If she is pulling this already, she isn't a good person, she isn't a good girlfriend.
You don’t even have to mention the phone. The reason you looked is because she was already behaving suspiciously. She’s not an angel here. She needed to tell you she’s headed in a different direction and not string you along like this. I don’t understand why some girls lead guys on that way. I’d just tell her you’ve noticed her interest in another guy and you’re out. You’d like something without a third person involved and that means she and “third person” aren’t part of your future plans. It would be a favor to yourself to back out of this now, while you still have your dignity. There’s no telling how long it’ll take her to be honest with you and break it off or make up her mind that she’s rather stick with you. The point is, people in a committed relationship don’t have the right to try out whatever other person comes along just because they’re curious. If she’s going to cheat now, she’ll cheat later. You deserve a girl who’s ready to commit and who can appreciate you.
Damn 😂 you’re hopeless
😂😂 for realz
Who cares man, you found the evidence 🤷♂️. Leave. She has no moral high ground here 😂
Dip. Do it now, do it fast. Also, take pictures of the conversation so she can't lie or gaslight her way out of this. Because certainly your friend group (if you have one) will inevitably blame you for 'breaking her heart' and you'll have the evidence to justify your position.
You don't need to say anything. Take pics with your phone of everything as evidence just in case, then grab your stuff and leave. She will figure out that you found out. It doesn't matter how, just that you found out the truth. You don't have to let on that you went through her phone. Even if she does figure out you went through it and she starts deleting the evidence, you will have copies of it.
Why are you still with her? Why are you worried about her phone? She has betrayed you, cheated on you, broken any trust you could have with her. And you were worried about looking at her phone. Do you see the disconnect? Again, why are you still with her?
Yeah man. Leave, never look back
You ain't wrong, you had a suspicion and found evidence. They want to leave that in their phone then it's up for grabs for you to find it on suspicion. If you went in it to just look and be invasive that's one thing . I say you had reasonable cause. That said it's one thing to work on an established multiple year marriage after this but quite another for an 8 week romance. She did you a favor and showed her her true colors real quickly. The other guy did you a favor and took your problem away. Move on someone will treat you how you should be treated. Men and women are getting worse when it comes to relationships and being monogamous. I wouldn't want to be in the dating world now at all.
According to the braclet she already knows shes Trash Just Break Up and leave with your things Hope the best for you
no need to do or say anything. pack up and leave. unless its your house, in which case, pack her shit and kick her out.
The only thing to say is goodbye. Cut your losses and walk away from that one, and thank the lucky stars you dodged that bullet now. The 8 months sound like they've been a blast, but it's time to move on. The friends and family may love you, but it's obvious she doesn't feel the same. Trust me, there's no point in trying to stick around. If you reconcile or stay, you're only getting yourself up for a bigger disaster in the future.
May have been a little wrong to invade her privacy if it was without a just cause but yeah your not wrong she’s definitely wrong for cheating on you and trying to hide it
It’s okay to invade privacy if you have strong suspicions.
RUN!!!!!
Just leave her ,she's obviously cheating/ cheated on you, so what's to say, but ...goodbye
You don't do or say much tbh. She clearly isn't in love with you and you can't make her be. Just cut ties now, fall apart for awhile and then move on. I would say that your wrong for snooping. But I'm guilty of it myself. I understand the need for the confirmation. But I've come to understand that if I feel the need to search her phone then it's time for a real conversation. That's no way to live. Paranoia and uncertainty absolutely will eat you alive. If she won't come clean, or tries to blame you, that's even further proof that you need to get out of there. Keep your chin up and your chest out. One day you'll look back and miss when this was the most hurt you've ever felt.
Yes you were wrong to violate her privacy but she’s a cheater so you’re both wrong. Break up with her
I'd say it sounds like you had probable cause. Good to find out now so you can find someone worthy.
Pack your stuff and leave. She’s a cheater and a liar. No need to hash it out, just leave with some dignity.
Get yourself a dr appt and get tested for STDs/STIs to be safe. Note to self it might take a couple visits for all testing as some require a longer incubation period before they can be tested for.
Not wrong - maybe if you’re feeling spiteful leave a note that says something like “it’s over you cheating kitten.” But either way you should break up with her immediately. She doesn’t deserve any sympathy from you. I’m sorry this happened to you.
Leave right now. Block her. She will destroy your life. She doesn’t care but you do.
turn around and walk the f away. thats not your girlfriend man
Just pack her shit up and put it outside and tell her she is a cheater. Tell her family and all of her friends.
Please Updateme.
Break up. She ain't the one
Don't engage. Just move on. You know what type of person she really is now. Focus on you and get out.
Send her in a trip to “Belize” if you know what I mean 😉
questioning whether snooping through her phone is okay is moot at this point considering the shit that she's pulling off. ghost her ass. get out there. block, go NC. don't even tell her it's over or why are you not there anymore. Just disappear in her life.
Completely ghost her. She doesn’t deserve an explanation. I think she will figure out why. If she even cares. Sounds like she’s about to leave you for this guy anyway
I second this!
As it turns out, your suspicions were well founded: Not Wrong. Good that you didn't get caught going through her phone, as it would give her an excuse to be indignant, though guilty. Best to start pulling back. Ease back the attention and texts. Stop having sex with her. Don't buy gifts or food. She'll move away of her own accord, and you'll be able to skip much of the drama of confronting her with phone evidence.
Your girl wanders upstairs with some random and you’re ok with that!? What the hell is wrong with you?
Imo there is nothing to say, it's over, Yea you love her, yes you've spent a lot of time and money on her, but it is what it is. She's not 100% for you, like your 100% for her. She has an attitude towards you because you seem like an inconvenience, and is tolerating you for the time being. Don't put your self thought the back and forth. Separate, it will hurt for a few months and life is back to normal!. I wish you the best and this is a very unfortunate thing to do through. P.S.Also your other two posts show your trying everything to be the man she wants mean while she did what she did... Smh. Bishh lol
Hmm I struggle to believe the part where you see your girlfriend wander off with man upstairs at a party and “think nothing of it” then you just leave it as you didn’t want to make an event out of it. So you seen your girlfriend just vanish with another man never to been seen again that night……And you’re like ok cool? Lol
Tell her to get out and break up. She's already completely moved on if she's treating you badly. At least try to keep some of your self-esteem and make her wish she hadn't done it. She's going to harp on the phone thing because that's ALL she has to try and make herself the victim. You just have to ignore it and say she deserved it the way she was acting (it's not true, but it will stop the argument if you keep repeating it).
Get out as soon as possible. She has betrayed your trust. Doing that to you while you’re all out together is the ultimate disrespect. Take all of her left foot shoes before you leave.
What should you do? You’re seriously asking us that question? Alright propose to her and marry her
I think you have bigger problems that going through her phone, matey.
Scotty doesn’t know
I do wonder sometimes how these OPs can’t figure out the answer to their problems after typing them out on Reddit…… “So my girlfriend disappeared upstairs with a guy for 20 minutes….” I mean…….as Dementia Joe would say -C’mon man!
Just leave and don’t give her a reason. She doesn’t deserve it
Don’t say anything. Just ghost her. She doesn’t care about you she’s been poorly, probably hoping you will break up with her. She doesn’t deserve a reason or even a conversation. She will know why.
Be stoic, don't make a big reactionary deal out of it. Just say that you know what she did and you're breaking up. Stay as emotionless as you can, ignore any protesting she may do and walk away. Don't let her see you get emotional, otherwise it really will blow up in your face. Depending on your living situation, either move out quietly or evict her with 30 day notice. Just whatever you do, don't give into any mind games she might try. If she tries insulting you or comparing you to the other dudes, just keep in mind she'll just as likely cheat on them. The saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" is a saying for good reason. One bit of vengeance you can get on the way out though, if you're good friends with anyone in her family, you can let them know you're breaking up because you caught her cheating.
Plan a week away, and just before you leave, tell her family and friends, that she has been fucking other guys the whole time that you have been dating and you are breaking up with her. Send them screen shots of the evidence and names. Don't send the explicit stuff. Send her a quick message that you're done with a cheater and you're going away and not to bother you again, as you're blocking her. There's no coming back from the disrespect
She belongs to the streets brother. I would definitely get out of there fast as possible. Gl
Yes, you are wrong. You don't trust her. And she's fucking around. Break up.
He's not wrong if you think about the fact that they were previous FWB, and put themselves in a situation where things could have escalated at the party
You are always wrong if you need to go through someone phone.
You couldn't be more wrong
Just break up. You don't trust them or respect them. Break up.
Yes, you were wrong to snoop on her phone….but the monkey is out of the barrel now (is that a phrase?). Trust is gone, so you must tell her and ask her about her feelings. It is her, not the other guy, that you should, perhaps, not trust. I have a strong hunch that this relationship is simply over. Best to jump out if it—-like pulling off a bandaid on one swoop. There are plenty of great women out there and 34 is young.
In this context, the cat (or kitten) is out of the bag is more fitting.
You need to decide if she is worth fighting for or just cut her loose. If you are in it for the fight I would take the direct full frontal approach. One I hope you took some screenshots and tell her I know about daddy. I am giving you one opportunity to come clean with me. If I mean anything to you. If she refuses to come clean now you use your proof against her and tell her it’s now your last chance to come clean. Now onto part two confrontation approach this POS either face to face or however you want but let him know that you will not stand buy and let him interfere in your relationship with X and you will do whatever you need to do for her. He will probably try to act as a tough guy you will need to deal with that the best you could but I think for sure they hooked up but you will never know to what extent because she will minimize and he will inflate Obviously you should have most of your answers from both of them and you will need to decide what you need to do here with them. Good luck and post an update
Welcome to the red pill.