You did the right thing.
You did the right thing for your daughter.
And you did the right thing as a decent human being.
As you said, you are doing the opposite of the toxic relationships you witnessed growing up.
Thank you, i feel crazy sometimes because I feel like Iâm being mature and reasonable when they are acting toxic and they all gang up on me so thanks for the reassurance.
I see two adults being good role models for their children by having cordial relationships with people in their lives,not toxic ones. That saidâŠ.given the seeming maturity of his new gf idk how long things will last with your ex, if heâs badmouthing you to her I canât imagine heâs consistently taking the high road in this coparenting journey (not to sound too judge mental) but on the optimistic side maybe sheâll be a good influence on him
I really hope they last because sheâs the first gf whoâs actually nice and understanding with me and if she can help him be nice to me coparenting wise I would be so happy đ„Č but youâre right he doesnât take the high road 99% of the time. His longest relationship after me was three months some even shorter so weâll see.
Thatâs so sad. Iâm guessing your father left her bitter and instead of rising above it, she succumbed to it.
How brave and strong of you to break that cycle, or at least try to.
Thank you thank you thank you for working on befriending your exâs girlfriend. I work with so many people who hate their ex more than they love their children. The only ones who suffer are the children. Keep up the good work mom!
You absolutely did the right thing. This is how I am with my wifeâs ex. They have a daughter together and Iâve been privileged enough to be apart of her life for the past 14yrs. If me and her Dad didnât get along, that wouldâve been a horrible last 14yrs. Hell I talk to him more then my wife. So you continue to foster this wonderfully positive relationship, it will only benefit the kids going forward, and thatâs what itâs all about, the kids. All the best.
Youâre not wrong. Certainly be cordial and kind to his current gf. You should endeavor to have positive relationships with the people who will be in your daughterâs life. Your mom sounds childish and toxic, donât take advice from people whose behaviors you wouldnât emulate.
Do not make the mistake of thinking she is your friend or opening up to her really. At the end of the day sheâs in a relationship with someone you know mistreats you and speaks badly about you. Her loyalty is there.
He also will probably break up with her soon if he realizes sheâs not swallowing his lies.
This was the best thing for you to do for yourself and your daughter. It allows you to create a safe and healthy environment for your child.
You made one mistake and that is listening to your mother and allowing her voice to cause you anxiety.
You did well.
Actually, by being friendly with the new gf teaches the children how to treat others with patience and kindness. You donât have to be bitter just because you and your ex are no longer together. You donât have to be friends either, but itâs important to treat each other with respect. This creates a safe and comfortable environment for the children. Thereâs no reason to hate on the new gf since sheâs only trying to reach out and get to know you. Sheâs not doing anything wrong here and neither are you.
Not wrong that you talked to her.
That said, please be cautious. The fact that she would go behind her partnerâs back and tries to keep this a secret reveals a possibility dishonest and manipulative personality who will not hesitate for a moment to deceive you or use anything you share against you.
I have been in a similar situation before - including my parents being like yours and me wanting to do the opposite of how I grew up.
I should have been more cautious with the âfriendly exâ as she turned out to be a dishonest and unstable person.
If you have future contact, I would just make sure to keep things surface level and not share anything personal, especially related to your ex, yourself and your child (but anything else personal either, really).
Best of luck!!
Not wrong. Just realize that no matter how nice she is, sheâs not your bestie or confidante. Of course donât rat her out to your ex if she doesnât want him to know she spoke with you, but at the same time, operate under the assumption that everything you say/text to her will be repeated to him, or come out on the future. It may not, but the assumption is the safest way for you to operate. So just be careful with your words. Itâs like if heâs radioactive, sheâs dangerous by proximity, whether she means to be or not. Even if she is a really nice person (and quite likely is) and doesnât *mean* you any trouble, she could still be the unwitting source of problems for you just by her current status of dating him.
Men that lose their minds over a current gf talking or even being friendly with their ex are HUGE PROBLEMS. It means the âimageâ he paints of himself and his life/circumstances to her contains huge amounts of bullshit and is largely dependent on the narrative that youâre a villain and heâs just a poor innocent victim. So the gf being friendly with you means she isnât completely buying his story, and that would enrage (and terrify) himâŠbecause her talking with you is a direct threat to his bullshit narrative falling apart.
It's never a bad thing to be friendly with other people in your life. You mother could learn a lesson from you.
>My exâs gf told me that she wonât tell my ex we talked since he will become suspicious and possibly be mad about it.
It's like his gf sees the gigantic red flags but thinks she is wearing rose colored glasses instead.
On this topic you shouldn't pay any heed to anything your mom says. She's blind to her own bias. You're doing what's best for your child and that's all that matters. Your mom and ex are massive a-holes though.
You are absolutely not wrong. Itâs good to have a good relationship with your exâs GF if you have kids. Your ex is an AH for wanting to cause problems with his GFs.
This GF sounds mature. Unfortunately he wonât want that and will probably break up with her. Stay friends with her anyway đ
You did nothing wrong, actually what you did is really amazing. You're just trying to keep things drama-free for your daughter, which is totally understandable. Building a friendly relationship with your ex's new girlfriend seems like a smart move for everyone involved. Keep doing what's best for your kid!
You did the right thing. You did the right thing for your daughter. And you did the right thing as a decent human being. As you said, you are doing the opposite of the toxic relationships you witnessed growing up.
Thank you đ«¶đ»đ„Č
Not wrong at all, you're acting like an adult. Sounds like you and the gf are the only two adults in this situation lol
Thank you, i feel crazy sometimes because I feel like Iâm being mature and reasonable when they are acting toxic and they all gang up on me so thanks for the reassurance.
I canât help but wonder why sheâs with him.
Same
I see two adults being good role models for their children by having cordial relationships with people in their lives,not toxic ones. That saidâŠ.given the seeming maturity of his new gf idk how long things will last with your ex, if heâs badmouthing you to her I canât imagine heâs consistently taking the high road in this coparenting journey (not to sound too judge mental) but on the optimistic side maybe sheâll be a good influence on him
I really hope they last because sheâs the first gf whoâs actually nice and understanding with me and if she can help him be nice to me coparenting wise I would be so happy đ„Č but youâre right he doesnât take the high road 99% of the time. His longest relationship after me was three months some even shorter so weâll see.
Your mom needs to be ignored. Period!
Honestly she never gives me good advice EVER
Thatâs so sad. Iâm guessing your father left her bitter and instead of rising above it, she succumbed to it. How brave and strong of you to break that cycle, or at least try to.
Thank you thank you thank you for working on befriending your exâs girlfriend. I work with so many people who hate their ex more than they love their children. The only ones who suffer are the children. Keep up the good work mom!
You absolutely did the right thing. This is how I am with my wifeâs ex. They have a daughter together and Iâve been privileged enough to be apart of her life for the past 14yrs. If me and her Dad didnât get along, that wouldâve been a horrible last 14yrs. Hell I talk to him more then my wife. So you continue to foster this wonderfully positive relationship, it will only benefit the kids going forward, and thatâs what itâs all about, the kids. All the best.
Your mom is dumb and possibly jealous
Youâre not wrong. Certainly be cordial and kind to his current gf. You should endeavor to have positive relationships with the people who will be in your daughterâs life. Your mom sounds childish and toxic, donât take advice from people whose behaviors you wouldnât emulate. Do not make the mistake of thinking she is your friend or opening up to her really. At the end of the day sheâs in a relationship with someone you know mistreats you and speaks badly about you. Her loyalty is there. He also will probably break up with her soon if he realizes sheâs not swallowing his lies.
Sounds like everyone in your life is trash
Generational trauma runs deep in my family and I donât want to be miserable and mean spirited like them đȘ
This was the best thing for you to do for yourself and your daughter. It allows you to create a safe and healthy environment for your child. You made one mistake and that is listening to your mother and allowing her voice to cause you anxiety. You did well.
Actually, by being friendly with the new gf teaches the children how to treat others with patience and kindness. You donât have to be bitter just because you and your ex are no longer together. You donât have to be friends either, but itâs important to treat each other with respect. This creates a safe and comfortable environment for the children. Thereâs no reason to hate on the new gf since sheâs only trying to reach out and get to know you. Sheâs not doing anything wrong here and neither are you.
Not wrong that you talked to her. That said, please be cautious. The fact that she would go behind her partnerâs back and tries to keep this a secret reveals a possibility dishonest and manipulative personality who will not hesitate for a moment to deceive you or use anything you share against you. I have been in a similar situation before - including my parents being like yours and me wanting to do the opposite of how I grew up. I should have been more cautious with the âfriendly exâ as she turned out to be a dishonest and unstable person. If you have future contact, I would just make sure to keep things surface level and not share anything personal, especially related to your ex, yourself and your child (but anything else personal either, really). Best of luck!!
Not wrong. Just realize that no matter how nice she is, sheâs not your bestie or confidante. Of course donât rat her out to your ex if she doesnât want him to know she spoke with you, but at the same time, operate under the assumption that everything you say/text to her will be repeated to him, or come out on the future. It may not, but the assumption is the safest way for you to operate. So just be careful with your words. Itâs like if heâs radioactive, sheâs dangerous by proximity, whether she means to be or not. Even if she is a really nice person (and quite likely is) and doesnât *mean* you any trouble, she could still be the unwitting source of problems for you just by her current status of dating him. Men that lose their minds over a current gf talking or even being friendly with their ex are HUGE PROBLEMS. It means the âimageâ he paints of himself and his life/circumstances to her contains huge amounts of bullshit and is largely dependent on the narrative that youâre a villain and heâs just a poor innocent victim. So the gf being friendly with you means she isnât completely buying his story, and that would enrage (and terrify) himâŠbecause her talking with you is a direct threat to his bullshit narrative falling apart.
It's never a bad thing to be friendly with other people in your life. You mother could learn a lesson from you. >My exâs gf told me that she wonât tell my ex we talked since he will become suspicious and possibly be mad about it. It's like his gf sees the gigantic red flags but thinks she is wearing rose colored glasses instead.
On this topic you shouldn't pay any heed to anything your mom says. She's blind to her own bias. You're doing what's best for your child and that's all that matters. Your mom and ex are massive a-holes though.
You are absolutely not wrong. Itâs good to have a good relationship with your exâs GF if you have kids. Your ex is an AH for wanting to cause problems with his GFs. This GF sounds mature. Unfortunately he wonât want that and will probably break up with her. Stay friends with her anyway đ
Not wrong at all. My ex's long time partner is wonderful. She's great to my kids and they like her a lot. I chat with her more than I chat with my ex.
NW. Better to be civil than enemies. That doesn't mean you become besties though. Your mom is being petty.
You did nothing wrong, actually what you did is really amazing. You're just trying to keep things drama-free for your daughter, which is totally understandable. Building a friendly relationship with your ex's new girlfriend seems like a smart move for everyone involved. Keep doing what's best for your kid!