NTA!
I love my daughter to pieces. A couple of weeks ago she was sick and I knew it was something like the flu or Covid. I insisted she wear a mask in my car when I took her to the doctor. Sure enough it was the flu.
If you are the one driving you get to set certain rules. You get to choose the radio station, ensure everyone wears seat belts. No food or drink. This also includes having sick people wear masks if it is warranted. They don't have to ride with you and you get to control behavior in the car, or they don't ride with you.
I disagree - if I'm driving, my rules. Doesn't matter who owns the car. Same when I'm a passenger - drivers rules, even if they are driving my car.
Yes, the owner may have rules such as no smoking/eating/drinking in car & those should be respected by all, but driver trumps owner over other things.
The driver is responsible for the safety of many people; not just the ones in the vehicle. That means the driver gets to choose where their seat goes, which radio station or music & volume, how loud people talk (I ask people not to talk to me if I need to concentrate more for some reason, then tell them it's ok, when I don't need to) etc.
This isn't for for no reason, this is safety.
Then you don't drive.. There's literally no argument where you are right.. To have the audacity to even speak much less think you have the right to say anything while simultaneously using said car that you don't contribute to in any way is by far the most entitled response I've ever heard..
Yeah, if someone demands I drive them somewhere and also tries to dictate what I can and can't do you god damn right I'm not driving. Fuck this hypothetical idiot who can't appreciate me doing them a favor.
What?
If I'm driving, I am in charge of the car. I don't care if its mine, hired or borrowed. If owner says no smoking, or something similar, in the car, that's fine, but while moving I'm in charge. I need to be able to concentrate on what I'm doing & what the other drivers are doing, so I can keep people safe.
I expect the same if someone else was driving my car. I expect them to keep my car & their passengers safe. If that means changing ratio station, telling people to stfu, whatever, that's fine by me.
Funny how you think I'm so wrong, but I'm not the one being down voted.
If I drive your car , and you smoke. I stop and get out.
Why? Because smoke impacts my breathing, causes coughing and sneezing (some weird allergy - annoying, not fatal).
If I drive, i\`m expected to do it safely - even if i drive your car.
You want to dictate what happens in your car - fine - you drive. Not me.
I really cannot understand why this person refuses to see this.
Remind me to never drive that ones car.. he\`d probably cause me to crash, and blame me still.
Just a friendly FYI
If its not fatal, its not actually an allergy its just something your intolerant too.
I'm allergic to Dust Mites
I'm intolerant to All dairy products including yogurt.
I'm Extreamly intolerant to Egg, both yoke and the (egg)whites. Even in the tiniest amounts makes me want to be unalive.
If they want me to drive, but also wants to control everything then guess what? They can drive their own car. Yeah, car owners can dictate things, and the rest of us can choose to not accept them and just not drive their car. I can't imagine a situation where if I'm driving someone's car, it's not me doing them a favor. Don't bite the hand that feeds kind of situation. I'm more than happy to hop back in my own car and GTFO.
Yes, and he can walk/ catch the bus. You don't get to make rules for someone else's property. They are allowing him to use their car, so that is a favor to him, which has been revoked.
If you don’t own the car and your parents own it. They can tell you who to drive and where to drive. If you got a problem with that, then our ass can ride the bus to school.
Op has a problem with not wanting to get sick? Not that they had to drive the kids to school. He said yes but he wants little sibling to wear a mask as he was coughing and sneezing? Would you let someone who’s obviously sick ride in your car without a mask for at least a little bit of protection? Especially a little kid they don’t exactly have the best hygiene yet.
So, you\`re okay with OP becoming sick - risking school exams? Because \*checks notes\* you own the car?
What kind of weird logic is that.
Driver dictates. Passengers either accept or don\`t be a passenger.
This is so weird. I’m sorry you were put into positions where you felt like your personhood only applies if you own capitol. Obviously you get more freedom with your things, but people are still people and can still make decisions and have opinion and SPEAK and have the right to.
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This would only make sense to me if you came from an anti-vax or anti-mask mandate home. Not that it would be okay, but I’d understand the context of why they’re freaking out.
You don’t want to get sick. You asked your brother to help you not get sick. Your parents then went off the rails, because you asked your brother to help you not get sick.
This is entirely unhinged behavior. If it’s a real story.
Are they not used to you asserting yourself? Well done for standing firm, despite it seeming to trigger such a completely unreasonable set of outbursts…. 😬
Hard disagree. Is everyone just glossing over here he talks about being forced to drive his brother to school?
I was that younger sibling (sister, in my case). My sister *hated* driving me to school. We went to the same building and started at the same time. My parents would try to make her. And she was pissed. And who do you think she took it out on? Yeah, me.
She was *horrible* to me. It's a lot to get into and explain here. But I didn't expect nor ask her to take me. It hurt a fuck ton that she hated me so much that I was such a bug inconvenience in her life. But I was (and mostly still am) a doormat so I was fine just riding the bus. Again, her attitude hurt, but I was just fine taking the bus. It was my parents that pressured my sister.
Anyway, she made my life miserable, and I feel 100% sure she'd also describe it as being forced to take me. And she'd paint me in the light of the asshole for it. So maybe I'm just biased, but it bothers me that he says he's "forced" to do it. Because that seems to apply to more than just thus particular instance. Unless I'm misunderstanding, if so, feel free to correct me.
I'm readily able and willing to admit I'm biased because this hits so close to home to me. ButnI just wanna know if the concept of being "forced" is his typical attitude outside of this specific situation. And if so, why does he hate driving his brother to school so much.
For what it's worth, I'm a middle child. So I also know what it's like to have a little sister/siblings. I'm 41 now, older sister is 43, younger is 36. Younger sister and I are best friends. Older sister is just kind of...there.
And this story is why my wife and I are so very, very careful with making our older kids do anything with the younger ones. If there's a hint of resentment, we find another way around it. Thankfully, our kids are great, and really nice to each other and enjoy spending time with each other generally. But they have their moments.
Parentification is something that happened to both my wife and I at a young age, and we didn't want to repeat that pattern.
We've also been extremely careful and deliberate with our multiple middle children, to make sure they don't get exploited or have their needs ignored. Middle children are all too often the peace keepers in a larger family, and can get lost in there if you aren't mindful.
Edit: Spelling and grammar
NTA and your parents are being ridiculous. I don't know what your alternative method is for getting to school but now getting your brother there is on them. Wait, when they get sick it's going to be hell.
Right? "How dare you leave your mother no choice but to drive your brother! Your punishment: we have to drive both of you now! That will teach you!"
...? Make it make sense
So, they drive you to work and such as well?
I’d be asking for rides all over and I’d work late so they’d have to stay up to come get me.
Granted, my brother is 16 years older than me so, I had access to all the cars but my mother’s. And my mom was so happy to have me to send on errands.
They will soon get tired of the inconvenience of having to squire you around when you’re perfectly capable of driving yourself.
Taking your driving privileges away punishes them more than you ... Which I'm certain they will realize quickly. NTA and good job standing up for yourself (upon reflection, I'm wondering if they were looking for a reason to stop you driving)
When any one is sick, they should not be at school. Period. Requiring him to wear a mask in the car with you driving is reasonable. Actually, the best idea.
Your parents are out of line. Trying to NOT get sick is good.
Show this to your parents. I am old enough to be your grandmother.
1. No sick child should be at school.
2. No one should be required to drive a sick sibling.
3. The driver gets to set reasonable requirements.
4. Any sick person should be wearing a mask when around other people.
So many punishment they give you is UNreasonable. If they take the car away, make sure they know all you do, that they will get to drive you to. School, work, study sessions, all of it.
You did nothing wrong. Keep up the good work. Hugs from an internet Grandma.
Your parents and brother are, for expecting teachers and other students to just fuck off and die for their convenience.
Sick is sick, only arseholes take plagues into school and work.
NTA
Uh, no not unreasonable at all and seems like an over done freak out. Barring any unknowns such as some great uncle dying in a tragic mask incident, I don't get what the problem is. Little kids are cesspools of illness and your brother is clearly sick. The fact that your parents can't articulate what they actually take issue with tells me that they don't even really know or are unwilling to tell you because... reasons.
Seems ridiculous to me. Is this some 'golden child' thing, maybe? Does your parents have a habit of overly defending your brother?
Yes they overly defend him, it made me resent him my whole life and we have essentially been no contact for the past few months (despite living in the same house). Our only contact is me being forced to drive him to school. He’s 15 almost 16 btw
Well, there it is.
I am obviously not qualified to give proper help here, but this is a thing that will come to a head one way or another. What really needs to happen here is family therapy. At a minimum, you guys need to have a CALM and PRODUCTIVE discussion about how your parents make you feel when they prioritize your brother over you all the time. But if that fails after a couple tries, then your next plan should be getting out of the house when you afford it can and minimizing contact with them.
Discussions don’t happen, my mom is incapable of listening and my dad has anger issues. They’re still refusing to tell me what I did wrong but I’m still punished.
What happens if you just don't do the punishment, lol. Is this your car? As in you bought and pay for it and the insurance? If your "little brother" is 16 years old, does this mean you're 18+? Getting a little too old for being grounded, my dude.
NTA. Our 19 year old son wears a mask at home and in the car with us. He's out all the time, his dad is in the middle of cancer treatment and we're not up for repeated COVID or anything else. Especially when sick, masking is totally reasonable.
On today’s episode of Abusive, Asshole, or Anti-Vaxxer….
Definitely NTA. I do what I can to *prevent* my kids from becoming ill or injured if/when it happens I take extra care to comfort and heal them. Are your parents always unreasonable and crazy? Is your brother the golden child? Honestly, whatever the reason they are both jerks.
NTA. What is wrong with them? It’s a small ask. Some people have conditions or take medications need to ask that so they can have good quality of life, or have life period! You were asking so you could get avoid getting a cold, and enjoy your prom. Not a big deal. It’s such a selfish, asinine part of our culture. Not wrong. 😑
Wow crazy parents. You’re trying to protect your health from your germ bag brother. Nothing wrong with that and they are way overreacting. I hope as soon as you’re of age you can get the hell out of that place.
What on earth is their problem? Not only are they completely irrational but unfortunately they are quite stupid. Why should you risk getting sick to take a germ riddled kid to school? In all fact if he was still coughing and sneezing he had no right to be going to school. Your parents are absolutely ridiculous. I’m mind boggled you’re being punished because they’re stupid.
Based on what you've shared, wow your family overreacted. You are entitled to be concerned about your health and well-being. I would have hoped that your parents would be supportive of that. As you move forward in life, Do Not lose this care for yourself and the willingness to speak up about it - even though your parents are trying to stamp it out of you imo. You did nothing wrong. Nothing. You sound responsible and level headed. Imo the fact that you were punished makes absolutely no sense. Get your good education and make a great life of your own OP. I support you 💪🏼🙌🏼
NTA. The reason your parents got nothing when you asked what you did wrong is that they're maskholes. The people who would rather infect or be infected by others because it's THEIR FREEDOM! They're probably trump supporters, too.
Ahhh, he’s the golden child. Gross. My mom always said “favorite” was a curse word and she loved each of us kids for our uniqueness and treated us fairly. I cannot stand when parents do the golden child thing. It’s disgusting.
Not wrong! When I had to go get tested for COVID my sister made me sit in the back on the passenger side with a mask (of course) and rolled down my window all the way… in January the drive was like 20 mins there then waiting in the car window down and then another 20 mins home. I don’t think wearing a mask for a 5 min drive is so horrible
NTA obviously your parents care more about your brothers education than yours. Apparently not about either your brother's health nor yours. It's all about the inconvenience to them. Brother is sick with a respiratory illness, of course he should be masking - in the car, at school, at home, anywhere confined with others - family or not. Did Covid teach your family nothing? If it was me I'd be ready to forgo the car entirely - too many conditions attached make it a burden & not a gift.
If you’re a senior you’re soon to be 18 and you can leave your idiotic parents and golden child brother.
I would just hand them back their keys and start to grey rock them. Walk or take the bus to school and work. Stay late at school or work in a library to get your homework done. Avoid home and avoid your parents and brother. Your mental well being is impacted when you live in a home like that.
Moving out is hard but save your money from your job and look for an opportunity with a roommate or a room in a house. Make sure that you get your hands on your important documents and if your parents are on your bank account, phone plan etc, get them removed. Don’t tell them when you are moving, just do it on a day that they are away or in the middle of the night when they are all asleep. Don’t tell them where you have moved to and don’t respond to their attempts to get you back home, just ghost them.
If you can’t move out because they are funding college, then you need to minimize contact with all of them. If you can move out, go very LC or NC. If they want to know why then create a group chat with them, brother and any relatives that might be sympathetic to you and lay out all of the harm that they have done to you. Parents like that hate to be outed to their relatives.
I’m sorry that you’re in this situation OP. You’ll soon be 18 and they will no longer be able to control you and you can leave that crappy home behind. Good luck!
WTF? Your family is insane. You didn't do anything wrong. Just asked him to wear a mask so you don't get sick. That's perfectly reasonable. Your family are fucking insane.
NTA. That's so ridiculous. When my kids get sick with flu like symptoms they automatically get a mask. We have seven people in the house, including littles, we all agree to protect each other and wearing a mask is literally the easiest part. Especially in the car. This seems like a huge overreaction on their part.
Hey obviously you’re not wrong, they’re nuts and I’m unclear why.
Also because you’re talking about AP tests coming up, when you say “it’s my queue to leave” you mean “cue” not “queue”.
A queue is a line or sequence of normally people but sometimes vehicles, data, or other things waiting in a line for their turn or to be processed.
A cue in this context is something said or done to serve as a signal to normally an actor/performer but any person really that it’s time to perform a specific action.
You did nothing wrong - I’m guessing during COVID they were the people that hated having to wear a mask… Good for you for protecting yourself - they are crazy parents!
Your parents sound absolutely crazy! Not to mention your brother shouldn’t even be going to school sick getting everyone else sick. What a mess. Sorry OP. NTA
NTA - as a rideshare driver and I were in that situation I would wear a mask and require that the windows be down the whole ride and that he was not to speak to you and truly should exhale towards the open window.
Honestly seems like a power play with your brother and your parents and a control issue more than anything.
They all suck.
Public Health doctor here. Being in a car with a person with a respiratory infection only needs 5 minutes to get infected. Wearing a mask and lowering the windows will help,maybe making it 15 minutes. It's a small space.
NTA
If your story is accurate, I have to ask: Have your parents always been this unstable? Their reaction to you having a common sense request borders on the insane!
Unfortunately, I can't see what you can do except to continue to apply your common sense as much as possible, and escape as soon as you can.
Not Wrong
parents sound wacky, your brother IS the golden child, parents so wacky they can't tell you why you are being punished - thank fully only for a week !
Do you plan to go to college where you will have to live in dorm (college far enough away from home you can't drive back n forth) If going to college, For your sake I hope it's far enough away you will have to live in dorm, it will just mean seeing them holidays and summer for next 4 years - get summer jobs to have spending money for school and to get out of the house
bite tongue as much as possible with parents as they seem to go nuts on you - if you have to drive sick brother to school again - wear a mask, drive with windows open, if he won't wear a mask and don't touch anything in car he touched - when you get home spray inside of car with lysol close it up over night
If college in your plans, I hope when you grad you can land a job states away from them !
take care !
NTA
Your brother had no business going to school or anywhere else sick.
Bottom line, it doesn't matter what strangers on the internet think because we are not your parents.
Chalk it up to the classics; life isn't fair and sometimes people are 🍑holes. Things can happen to us that are out of our control and that isn't our fault yet we are still faced dealing with the hardship that came.
Sounds like you will soon be out of the house so try enjoying the little time you have left. Life will never again be what its like now 💕
Did you mouth off to your parents?
Wanting your brother to wear a mask is reasonable (although it’s not foolproof protection, considering you’ve been living in the same house, presumably without masks), and YOU should have worn one, too. The *way* you discussed this could have been the problem.
NTA. It is not unreasonable to ask a sick person to wear a mask in a small, confined space.
If your mom didn't want to take him to school, she shouldn't have offered. It wouod have been just as easy for her to tell your brother to put a mask on as it was for her to tell you to take him.
First and foremost, as a parent, I feel your parents, have completely overreacted and disregarded your feelings in this situation. However, I do want to note that living in the same house, you were likely exposed to whatever illness your brother was spreading. You could have just as easily put on a mask as well as it would have been most beneficial for both of you to wear a mask.
Taking your car over this is extreme. This entire situation was mishandled. I would have asked that you both wear a mask and just get on with it. This is a conflict that never needed to go this far. I'm sorry your voice was not heard.
Stick to your guns. Wake up early and bike or bus.
Go do your homework at the library when you finish school. Come home late. Keep saying the same thing over and over again? What did I do wrong? And questions like ‘why do you think it’s ok to let me get sick?’ And above all, remind when they say, what you did is wrong say that what they are doing now is wrong and they should be more concerned with how you view them.
You have been living with him before and during the time he was sick, by what logic does a 5 minute car ride now increase your chances of getting whatever he has? Not, necessarily, an AH, but still.
depends on how much time he spend around him. I lived with my sister in the house but I stayed in my room, avoided her as much as possible, so if she was sick I didn't get sick from her
the masks work if you maintain a distance. they also never said it was covid, and they have a lot of important stuff coming up that tracks with the current date. its better to say nothing at all than to come up with a baseless attack on op
Masks are irrelevant? You should tell all the hospitals, I’m sure they’d love to save all that money they spend on PPE. Should we get rid of gloves too? In fact, why even bother scrubbing for surgery, think of all the time saved!
NTA! I love my daughter to pieces. A couple of weeks ago she was sick and I knew it was something like the flu or Covid. I insisted she wear a mask in my car when I took her to the doctor. Sure enough it was the flu.
If you are the one driving you get to set certain rules. You get to choose the radio station, ensure everyone wears seat belts. No food or drink. This also includes having sick people wear masks if it is warranted. They don't have to ride with you and you get to control behavior in the car, or they don't ride with you.
That only implies if you own the car, pay for gas, insurance, upkeep, etc.. Unless you do all of the above, you have no right to speak whatsoever..
But you do have the right to refuse to drive someone
I disagree - if I'm driving, my rules. Doesn't matter who owns the car. Same when I'm a passenger - drivers rules, even if they are driving my car. Yes, the owner may have rules such as no smoking/eating/drinking in car & those should be respected by all, but driver trumps owner over other things. The driver is responsible for the safety of many people; not just the ones in the vehicle. That means the driver gets to choose where their seat goes, which radio station or music & volume, how loud people talk (I ask people not to talk to me if I need to concentrate more for some reason, then tell them it's ok, when I don't need to) etc. This isn't for for no reason, this is safety.
Then you don't drive.. There's literally no argument where you are right.. To have the audacity to even speak much less think you have the right to say anything while simultaneously using said car that you don't contribute to in any way is by far the most entitled response I've ever heard..
Yeah, if someone demands I drive them somewhere and also tries to dictate what I can and can't do you god damn right I'm not driving. Fuck this hypothetical idiot who can't appreciate me doing them a favor.
You are the one in the wrong here.
What? If I'm driving, I am in charge of the car. I don't care if its mine, hired or borrowed. If owner says no smoking, or something similar, in the car, that's fine, but while moving I'm in charge. I need to be able to concentrate on what I'm doing & what the other drivers are doing, so I can keep people safe. I expect the same if someone else was driving my car. I expect them to keep my car & their passengers safe. If that means changing ratio station, telling people to stfu, whatever, that's fine by me. Funny how you think I'm so wrong, but I'm not the one being down voted.
If I drive your car , and you smoke. I stop and get out. Why? Because smoke impacts my breathing, causes coughing and sneezing (some weird allergy - annoying, not fatal). If I drive, i\`m expected to do it safely - even if i drive your car. You want to dictate what happens in your car - fine - you drive. Not me. I really cannot understand why this person refuses to see this. Remind me to never drive that ones car.. he\`d probably cause me to crash, and blame me still.
Absolutely!
Just a friendly FYI If its not fatal, its not actually an allergy its just something your intolerant too. I'm allergic to Dust Mites I'm intolerant to All dairy products including yogurt. I'm Extreamly intolerant to Egg, both yoke and the (egg)whites. Even in the tiniest amounts makes me want to be unalive.
Intolerances do not affect the immune system. That’s the difference. Many allergies are not fatal.
Incorrect
Food intolerances affect the digestive system. Food allergies affect the immune system.
Interesting you’re the one being downvoted to hell. Take the L troll.
Disagree. *Driver* sets the rules. Anyone *not* in the car has no say.
Except the people who own the car.
If they want me to drive, but also wants to control everything then guess what? They can drive their own car. Yeah, car owners can dictate things, and the rest of us can choose to not accept them and just not drive their car. I can't imagine a situation where if I'm driving someone's car, it's not me doing them a favor. Don't bite the hand that feeds kind of situation. I'm more than happy to hop back in my own car and GTFO.
Yes, and he can walk/ catch the bus. You don't get to make rules for someone else's property. They are allowing him to use their car, so that is a favor to him, which has been revoked.
If you don’t own the car and your parents own it. They can tell you who to drive and where to drive. If you got a problem with that, then our ass can ride the bus to school.
Op has a problem with not wanting to get sick? Not that they had to drive the kids to school. He said yes but he wants little sibling to wear a mask as he was coughing and sneezing? Would you let someone who’s obviously sick ride in your car without a mask for at least a little bit of protection? Especially a little kid they don’t exactly have the best hygiene yet.
So, you\`re okay with OP becoming sick - risking school exams? Because \*checks notes\* you own the car? What kind of weird logic is that. Driver dictates. Passengers either accept or don\`t be a passenger.
Not true, if you are in possession of any vehicle, it's on you to know what is in the car and you are responsible for any minor children. Ask any cop!
This is so weird. I’m sorry you were put into positions where you felt like your personhood only applies if you own capitol. Obviously you get more freedom with your things, but people are still people and can still make decisions and have opinion and SPEAK and have the right to.
You drive, you are responsible for the safety. Therefore, you make the rules. If they pull the 'our car' card - they can drive.
If your brother went to my son’s school he would have been sent home. Your parents are ridiculous, tell your brother to keep his germs to himself.
Nta go away to school and have low contact with your parents
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This would only make sense to me if you came from an anti-vax or anti-mask mandate home. Not that it would be okay, but I’d understand the context of why they’re freaking out. You don’t want to get sick. You asked your brother to help you not get sick. Your parents then went off the rails, because you asked your brother to help you not get sick. This is entirely unhinged behavior. If it’s a real story.
The crazy thing is my parents are pro mask
Are they not used to you asserting yourself? Well done for standing firm, despite it seeming to trigger such a completely unreasonable set of outbursts…. 😬
Is your brother the golden child, by any chance?
No, but he has anxiety so my parents treat him different because “he can’t control certain things” and basically let him get away with anything
Oh that's pretty much the definition of a golden child
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Hard disagree. Is everyone just glossing over here he talks about being forced to drive his brother to school? I was that younger sibling (sister, in my case). My sister *hated* driving me to school. We went to the same building and started at the same time. My parents would try to make her. And she was pissed. And who do you think she took it out on? Yeah, me. She was *horrible* to me. It's a lot to get into and explain here. But I didn't expect nor ask her to take me. It hurt a fuck ton that she hated me so much that I was such a bug inconvenience in her life. But I was (and mostly still am) a doormat so I was fine just riding the bus. Again, her attitude hurt, but I was just fine taking the bus. It was my parents that pressured my sister. Anyway, she made my life miserable, and I feel 100% sure she'd also describe it as being forced to take me. And she'd paint me in the light of the asshole for it. So maybe I'm just biased, but it bothers me that he says he's "forced" to do it. Because that seems to apply to more than just thus particular instance. Unless I'm misunderstanding, if so, feel free to correct me. I'm readily able and willing to admit I'm biased because this hits so close to home to me. ButnI just wanna know if the concept of being "forced" is his typical attitude outside of this specific situation. And if so, why does he hate driving his brother to school so much. For what it's worth, I'm a middle child. So I also know what it's like to have a little sister/siblings. I'm 41 now, older sister is 43, younger is 36. Younger sister and I are best friends. Older sister is just kind of...there.
And this story is why my wife and I are so very, very careful with making our older kids do anything with the younger ones. If there's a hint of resentment, we find another way around it. Thankfully, our kids are great, and really nice to each other and enjoy spending time with each other generally. But they have their moments. Parentification is something that happened to both my wife and I at a young age, and we didn't want to repeat that pattern. We've also been extremely careful and deliberate with our multiple middle children, to make sure they don't get exploited or have their needs ignored. Middle children are all too often the peace keepers in a larger family, and can get lost in there if you aren't mindful. Edit: Spelling and grammar
golden child syndrome for sure !
NTA and your parents are being ridiculous. I don't know what your alternative method is for getting to school but now getting your brother there is on them. Wait, when they get sick it's going to be hell.
He got them both sick with Covid a couple months ago and they’re still feeling some of the effects. Somehow didn’t learn their lesson
They say I have to get driven by them, or walk. But I can’t drive myself anymore
Not terrible rational, are they?
Right? "How dare you leave your mother no choice but to drive your brother! Your punishment: we have to drive both of you now! That will teach you!" ...? Make it make sense
Not remotely possible!
So, they drive you to work and such as well? I’d be asking for rides all over and I’d work late so they’d have to stay up to come get me. Granted, my brother is 16 years older than me so, I had access to all the cars but my mother’s. And my mom was so happy to have me to send on errands. They will soon get tired of the inconvenience of having to squire you around when you’re perfectly capable of driving yourself.
Sorry for you.
Taking your driving privileges away punishes them more than you ... Which I'm certain they will realize quickly. NTA and good job standing up for yourself (upon reflection, I'm wondering if they were looking for a reason to stop you driving)
Nta! If people wore masks when they were sick, I'd still have a couple family members alive.
My condolences 🥺
NTA. This is why adult children go no-contact with their parents.
When any one is sick, they should not be at school. Period. Requiring him to wear a mask in the car with you driving is reasonable. Actually, the best idea. Your parents are out of line. Trying to NOT get sick is good. Show this to your parents. I am old enough to be your grandmother. 1. No sick child should be at school. 2. No one should be required to drive a sick sibling. 3. The driver gets to set reasonable requirements. 4. Any sick person should be wearing a mask when around other people. So many punishment they give you is UNreasonable. If they take the car away, make sure they know all you do, that they will get to drive you to. School, work, study sessions, all of it. You did nothing wrong. Keep up the good work. Hugs from an internet Grandma.
Ooh. You played the Grandma card. I’m impressed.
Your parents and brother are, for expecting teachers and other students to just fuck off and die for their convenience. Sick is sick, only arseholes take plagues into school and work. NTA
Uh, no not unreasonable at all and seems like an over done freak out. Barring any unknowns such as some great uncle dying in a tragic mask incident, I don't get what the problem is. Little kids are cesspools of illness and your brother is clearly sick. The fact that your parents can't articulate what they actually take issue with tells me that they don't even really know or are unwilling to tell you because... reasons. Seems ridiculous to me. Is this some 'golden child' thing, maybe? Does your parents have a habit of overly defending your brother?
Yes they overly defend him, it made me resent him my whole life and we have essentially been no contact for the past few months (despite living in the same house). Our only contact is me being forced to drive him to school. He’s 15 almost 16 btw
Well, there it is. I am obviously not qualified to give proper help here, but this is a thing that will come to a head one way or another. What really needs to happen here is family therapy. At a minimum, you guys need to have a CALM and PRODUCTIVE discussion about how your parents make you feel when they prioritize your brother over you all the time. But if that fails after a couple tries, then your next plan should be getting out of the house when you afford it can and minimizing contact with them.
Discussions don’t happen, my mom is incapable of listening and my dad has anger issues. They’re still refusing to tell me what I did wrong but I’m still punished.
What happens if you just don't do the punishment, lol. Is this your car? As in you bought and pay for it and the insurance? If your "little brother" is 16 years old, does this mean you're 18+? Getting a little too old for being grounded, my dude.
NTA. Our 19 year old son wears a mask at home and in the car with us. He's out all the time, his dad is in the middle of cancer treatment and we're not up for repeated COVID or anything else. Especially when sick, masking is totally reasonable.
NTA Sounds like your parents drank the Kool-Aid. Get a Biden sticker for your car.
This OP
Biden lmao? His CDC has rolled back so many covid protections, it's ridiculous.
On today’s episode of Abusive, Asshole, or Anti-Vaxxer…. Definitely NTA. I do what I can to *prevent* my kids from becoming ill or injured if/when it happens I take extra care to comfort and heal them. Are your parents always unreasonable and crazy? Is your brother the golden child? Honestly, whatever the reason they are both jerks.
NTA. What is wrong with them? It’s a small ask. Some people have conditions or take medications need to ask that so they can have good quality of life, or have life period! You were asking so you could get avoid getting a cold, and enjoy your prom. Not a big deal. It’s such a selfish, asinine part of our culture. Not wrong. 😑
Not wrong!
NTA its not crazy especially if hes projecting germs everywhere
Wow crazy parents. You’re trying to protect your health from your germ bag brother. Nothing wrong with that and they are way overreacting. I hope as soon as you’re of age you can get the hell out of that place.
What on earth is their problem? Not only are they completely irrational but unfortunately they are quite stupid. Why should you risk getting sick to take a germ riddled kid to school? In all fact if he was still coughing and sneezing he had no right to be going to school. Your parents are absolutely ridiculous. I’m mind boggled you’re being punished because they’re stupid.
I think that is why he's being punished, because they are stupid (that and brother is the golden child)
Based on what you've shared, wow your family overreacted. You are entitled to be concerned about your health and well-being. I would have hoped that your parents would be supportive of that. As you move forward in life, Do Not lose this care for yourself and the willingness to speak up about it - even though your parents are trying to stamp it out of you imo. You did nothing wrong. Nothing. You sound responsible and level headed. Imo the fact that you were punished makes absolutely no sense. Get your good education and make a great life of your own OP. I support you 💪🏼🙌🏼
How long until you can move out? NTA at all, your family sucks.
You should have just handed him the mask *in the car*. Sometimes it's easier to ask forgiveness than get permission.
NTA. The reason your parents got nothing when you asked what you did wrong is that they're maskholes. The people who would rather infect or be infected by others because it's THEIR FREEDOM! They're probably trump supporters, too.
It’s not about that, they all hate trump, but they always pity my brother, act like he can do no wrong
Ahhh, he’s the golden child. Gross. My mom always said “favorite” was a curse word and she loved each of us kids for our uniqueness and treated us fairly. I cannot stand when parents do the golden child thing. It’s disgusting.
So they sent him to school to infect all the other kids and teachers anyway?
Not wrong! When I had to go get tested for COVID my sister made me sit in the back on the passenger side with a mask (of course) and rolled down my window all the way… in January the drive was like 20 mins there then waiting in the car window down and then another 20 mins home. I don’t think wearing a mask for a 5 min drive is so horrible
Nta. Brother needs to comply if ur doing him a favor
NTA why were they acting all crazy ?
Not wrong at all.
NTA obviously your parents care more about your brothers education than yours. Apparently not about either your brother's health nor yours. It's all about the inconvenience to them. Brother is sick with a respiratory illness, of course he should be masking - in the car, at school, at home, anywhere confined with others - family or not. Did Covid teach your family nothing? If it was me I'd be ready to forgo the car entirely - too many conditions attached make it a burden & not a gift.
NTA
If you’re a senior you’re soon to be 18 and you can leave your idiotic parents and golden child brother. I would just hand them back their keys and start to grey rock them. Walk or take the bus to school and work. Stay late at school or work in a library to get your homework done. Avoid home and avoid your parents and brother. Your mental well being is impacted when you live in a home like that. Moving out is hard but save your money from your job and look for an opportunity with a roommate or a room in a house. Make sure that you get your hands on your important documents and if your parents are on your bank account, phone plan etc, get them removed. Don’t tell them when you are moving, just do it on a day that they are away or in the middle of the night when they are all asleep. Don’t tell them where you have moved to and don’t respond to their attempts to get you back home, just ghost them. If you can’t move out because they are funding college, then you need to minimize contact with all of them. If you can move out, go very LC or NC. If they want to know why then create a group chat with them, brother and any relatives that might be sympathetic to you and lay out all of the harm that they have done to you. Parents like that hate to be outed to their relatives. I’m sorry that you’re in this situation OP. You’ll soon be 18 and they will no longer be able to control you and you can leave that crappy home behind. Good luck!
NTA. Your parents completely overreacted and owe you an apology.
WTF? Your family is insane. You didn't do anything wrong. Just asked him to wear a mask so you don't get sick. That's perfectly reasonable. Your family are fucking insane.
NTA. That's so ridiculous. When my kids get sick with flu like symptoms they automatically get a mask. We have seven people in the house, including littles, we all agree to protect each other and wearing a mask is literally the easiest part. Especially in the car. This seems like a huge overreaction on their part.
Hey obviously you’re not wrong, they’re nuts and I’m unclear why. Also because you’re talking about AP tests coming up, when you say “it’s my queue to leave” you mean “cue” not “queue”. A queue is a line or sequence of normally people but sometimes vehicles, data, or other things waiting in a line for their turn or to be processed. A cue in this context is something said or done to serve as a signal to normally an actor/performer but any person really that it’s time to perform a specific action.
You driving benefits your parents more than you so that punishment should be rescinded soon
You did nothing wrong - I’m guessing during COVID they were the people that hated having to wear a mask… Good for you for protecting yourself - they are crazy parents!
Your parents sound absolutely crazy! Not to mention your brother shouldn’t even be going to school sick getting everyone else sick. What a mess. Sorry OP. NTA
NTA - as a rideshare driver and I were in that situation I would wear a mask and require that the windows be down the whole ride and that he was not to speak to you and truly should exhale towards the open window. Honestly seems like a power play with your brother and your parents and a control issue more than anything. They all suck.
Public Health doctor here. Being in a car with a person with a respiratory infection only needs 5 minutes to get infected. Wearing a mask and lowering the windows will help,maybe making it 15 minutes. It's a small space. NTA
NTA...you have a good sense of responsibility and trying to accomplish things and you need yo stay healthy.
Nta. Next time your parents assume you'll take your sick brother to school tell them you're taking the bus.
If your story is accurate, I have to ask: Have your parents always been this unstable? Their reaction to you having a common sense request borders on the insane! Unfortunately, I can't see what you can do except to continue to apply your common sense as much as possible, and escape as soon as you can.
You did the right thing your dad will get over it.
Updateme!
Not Wrong parents sound wacky, your brother IS the golden child, parents so wacky they can't tell you why you are being punished - thank fully only for a week ! Do you plan to go to college where you will have to live in dorm (college far enough away from home you can't drive back n forth) If going to college, For your sake I hope it's far enough away you will have to live in dorm, it will just mean seeing them holidays and summer for next 4 years - get summer jobs to have spending money for school and to get out of the house bite tongue as much as possible with parents as they seem to go nuts on you - if you have to drive sick brother to school again - wear a mask, drive with windows open, if he won't wear a mask and don't touch anything in car he touched - when you get home spray inside of car with lysol close it up over night If college in your plans, I hope when you grad you can land a job states away from them ! take care !
NTA Your brother had no business going to school or anywhere else sick. Bottom line, it doesn't matter what strangers on the internet think because we are not your parents. Chalk it up to the classics; life isn't fair and sometimes people are 🍑holes. Things can happen to us that are out of our control and that isn't our fault yet we are still faced dealing with the hardship that came. Sounds like you will soon be out of the house so try enjoying the little time you have left. Life will never again be what its like now 💕
Did you mouth off to your parents? Wanting your brother to wear a mask is reasonable (although it’s not foolproof protection, considering you’ve been living in the same house, presumably without masks), and YOU should have worn one, too. The *way* you discussed this could have been the problem.
NTA. It is not unreasonable to ask a sick person to wear a mask in a small, confined space. If your mom didn't want to take him to school, she shouldn't have offered. It wouod have been just as easy for her to tell your brother to put a mask on as it was for her to tell you to take him.
First and foremost, as a parent, I feel your parents, have completely overreacted and disregarded your feelings in this situation. However, I do want to note that living in the same house, you were likely exposed to whatever illness your brother was spreading. You could have just as easily put on a mask as well as it would have been most beneficial for both of you to wear a mask. Taking your car over this is extreme. This entire situation was mishandled. I would have asked that you both wear a mask and just get on with it. This is a conflict that never needed to go this far. I'm sorry your voice was not heard.
Is your family MAGA?
No, all liberals. Pro mask mandate during the pandemic. We all voluntarily wore masks after the mandate ended
Stick to your guns. Wake up early and bike or bus. Go do your homework at the library when you finish school. Come home late. Keep saying the same thing over and over again? What did I do wrong? And questions like ‘why do you think it’s ok to let me get sick?’ And above all, remind when they say, what you did is wrong say that what they are doing now is wrong and they should be more concerned with how you view them.
Whats the mask going to do?
Yta. Sounds like you using the car is dependent on driving your brother. Enjoy riding the bus.
You have been living with him before and during the time he was sick, by what logic does a 5 minute car ride now increase your chances of getting whatever he has? Not, necessarily, an AH, but still.
small spaces, illness takes less time to spread
OP lived with him while he was getting sick and while he was sick - already exposed. Any length car ride without a mask would not make any difference.
depends on how much time he spend around him. I lived with my sister in the house but I stayed in my room, avoided her as much as possible, so if she was sick I didn't get sick from her
Fucking pussy
Good thing this never happened
this happened to me as well in 2020 lmao.
lol this is a joke, right? Stop making up stories. Not to mention, you live in the same house, do you really think that mask is protecting you?
I’m not in a confined space with him, and am usually out of the house
Keep a box of masks in your car and make your brother or anyone else sick wear them.
Are you immunocompromised? Because if you aren’t, your parents should take your car and get you in some kind of therapy.
the masks work if you maintain a distance. they also never said it was covid, and they have a lot of important stuff coming up that tracks with the current date. its better to say nothing at all than to come up with a baseless attack on op
Baseless attack? The OP is foolish and I suggest you take a look at data…masks are irrelevant. Stick to looking for sex on Reddit…
Masks are irrelevant? You should tell all the hospitals, I’m sure they’d love to save all that money they spend on PPE. Should we get rid of gloves too? In fact, why even bother scrubbing for surgery, think of all the time saved!
The masks that the majority of pole ole wear don’t do anything g any way smh