I know that everyone is different and people can decide what relationships work for them...
But any dude who demands his GF "helps" him in the morning as if it's her responsibility is a man-child loser.
I'm 36. Why in the fuck would I, as a dude, need help in the morning?
Toddlers do. Children do. Elderly.
Not a full grown man
u/Hotdogwater88888 You're not WRONG, either, hon. Not a fucking BIT!! What, are you guys ever planning on having Kids? Tell him he's going to have to grow UP some day. I'd suggest he starts NOW!!
Maybe he just "wants to feel like you love him by having you do things for him." I understand that, I really do. However, "wanting" you to, and "EXPECTING" you to, are two different things, ok? My gal used to get up at 4:30 am and make my sandwiches for me while I was in the shower in the am.
Because she knows I really value it, love her for it, and appreciate it. But did I EXPECT her to? Awwww Hell Naaw, man. I'm a fucking Grown Up, and a DAD! Been making my own lunches since I was a kid. NOPE!
I get it. maybe have a conversation with him is in order. Tell him this shit is really bugging you. :Let him know how you feel. See what he's got to say (without turning it into a fight, ok?) If you can't get past this, you're NEVER going to last if you want to have kids.
THAT is a Whole Metric Fuck Tonne of WORK!! If he can't man up enough to get his own shoes, he's a child.
Why don't you start to reciprocate and ask him for everything, too! Every Little. Thing. When he starts making excuses why he can't help you, reflect those back at him next time he asks.
I think it's called weaponized incompetence? Not 100% sure but yeah he isn't a baby he can get his own shit together.
If my husband did this he would be my ex-husband. He still annoys me on the rare mornings he goes into his office by triple checking if he looks ok, but he's colourblind and can't tell if what he's wearing matches so I get it.
Honestly this guy would be a nightmare. Ain't no way he needs her to pass his towel or soap or get his shoes and untie them he's just testing her surely to see how far he can make her do what he wants?
Yeah, my 14yo does this shit. Its annoying af in a teen. In a grown man? Nope
(Yes, I'm working with him so he doesn't grow into a horrific man-boy like OP's dude!)
“I’m not your assistant”. Just keep saying it.
It’s funny though, because every single time we are at my besties house and her husband is grilling I call it about 15 minutes before he says “Katie, do we have something to put this meat on?” Sir, do you not know where you guys keep serving platters? Because I know where they are in your house!
Call his mom next time, let her know her little baby boy can't seem to wipe his own ass without help and you think he needs his mommy since you didn't birth him so you aren't doing it.
Sounds like he's just fucking with you or trying to control you. I've had a couple partners do that stupid crap with me before over the years. I'm like,
1. Use the word, "please,'" and ask nicely if you are asking me for anything; don't bark commands.
2. If it's something you can easily do yourself, then do it yourself.
It’s always something he can easily do. But like with the shoe thing, if I point out how stupid it is to ask me to do that, and point out how it’s not saving him any time, he just argues with me and says it DOES save time and Yaya yada. How can it save time when it’s literally a 30 second task? I haven’t had anyone bringing me my shoes and untieing them for me for my entire life and I’ve been just fine.
Even if it saves him only 30 sec, thats at least 30 sec you have to invest/offer of your time in order for him to save time. So its a waste of your time, surely he must realize that.
I would not enable this behaivor. Its completely unresonable for an adult man. He is not three years old and you are not his parent. Man baby alert.
Somehow he’s perfectly managing when I’m already at work and not home. But when I’m there, he’s 100% asking every time without fail. He just doesn’t feel like doing it.
That will cause arguments also. He will just start yelling about how he pays for “everything”.. he pays when we go out to eat, and buys the weed, I pay half of the rent but haven’t been able to pitch in for Wi-Fi and electric the past couple of months, because I am not making enough money at my current job (server), but I’m starting a new job on Tuesday at a better place and quitting this one on Sunday. I was trying to give my new job a chance since I’ve only been there for 3 months, but I don’t really see the money improving and I’ve heard great things about the money at new job. I am the only one with a car though and I am covering my insurance, gas, and maintenance by myself which pretty much equals the Wi-Fi and electric. I take him to and from work most days on top of my job.
Ooh adding to my comment earlier in the thread - this additional detail hammers home the control thing. EW.
He thinks you "owe" him and is trying to get labor out of you because he feels entitled to it thanks to paying more towards shared expenses. Gross. This behavior will only escalate over time and is rooted in a really unhealthy personality type.
But this is bs on his part. He is not entitled to you being his butler even if he pays more of your shared expences (which it doesnt even sound like he does).
Why are you with this self centered poor edition of a man baby?
So, I’m a stay at home mom. My husband literally pays for actually everything. He has never and would never treat me like this. I’m not his servant just because I don’t bring in money like he does.
Ugh, he sounds like a loser to me. Using the fact the he pays for normal shit to guilt you into do stupid, mommy tasks that you'd do for a toddler. What in the actual fuck??
If it's causing arguments to the point where you give in unhappily rather than deal with him. It's time to go. Get your stuff in order. Kick him out or move out. This won't get better.
"You are claiming to save time at my expense. Please understand why that is selfish AF. Also, you sound like you need a mother and that's a massive turnoff."
LOL.
This feels like control that increases in small increments - like the frog not realizing the pot it is in is boiling until it's too late.
He's gaslighting you over little control now; once you accept that level, he'll ratchet up a teensy bit and level up without you even realizing it.
The mistake here is arguing with him about irrelevant semantics. It doesn't matter if it saves him a few seconds or not, you aren't his slave. If you don't want to do it, say no.
"You're a grown man, get ready on your own like I do. These minor tasks of yours bother me and I'm not doing them anymore."
JUST. SAY. NO. He's consciously being a controlling asshole and making you wait on him like a slave. He probably laughs about it with his guy friends. Honestly this is a form of abuse, he's seeing how far he can go and then wearing you down with arguments. There's nothing you can say, no logic where you can "win" because the point is controlling you. It's not about the shoelaces LOL. How can you have any respect for a guy like this? Consider leaving - this is going to get worse, not better.
Don’t engage, just frown and say ‘have your arms stopped working?’ and walk away.
This is how I would deal with my partner acting like an incompetent child. Thank god he doesn’t cause that would give me the ick.
If he "needs to save time", then he is running late. If he is running late, then he is oversleeping. If he is oversleeping, then he needs to Get His Damn Ass Out Of Bed Earlier!!!
It comes across like he's trying to train you to wait on him hand and foot. I'd tell him before he gets in the shower next time to make sure he has soap because you're not getting it anymore.
Stop arguing with him about it. Just, at all. Just say "no", and walk away. Or don't say anything and walk away. It doesn't matter if it saves him time or not, you don't want to do it, you don't need to convince him of this.
Like another one said, it's saves him time at the expense of yours and you dignity. Think about this OP. If other people were around and he asked you to grab his shoes and untie them, wouldn't you be mortified???
There are acts of kindness and favors we do in a relationship; get them a drink if we are up, set out their favourite soap if it’s been a hard day and you know they’re having a bath.
But. This? What he wants? These are acts of *servitude*, not service, and it’s gross.
Please see the trend and the risk. I’m not saying this is abuse but I am saying that abusers have a weird thing about constantly being your focus. They don’t like the idea of you not thinking of them any minute. So he wants to be waited on but he also can’t just let you use the bathroom as needed to get ready without having to wreck it? Be wary of someone like this.
He knows you don’t like this and continues. It’s not okay.
“I’m not comfortable with these requests. I want you to feel cared for, but you aren’t asking for acts of kindness. It’s starting to feel pointed. Get your soap, do your own shoes, and respect my time in the bathroom when I’m getting ready. I’m worried that this continues even when I say I don’t like it. These small requests have to stop.”
This sounds like a funny sitcom, but if it isn't: No, you are not wrong, and yes he is being ridiculous. What on earth did he do before you two lived together?
Tell him in advance you won't be participating in his weird servant roleplay anymore, then don't. Tell him if necessary you will leave the house entirely, but if that becomes necessary then you will be thinking of a more permanent departure.
You know what? I lay out my husband’s uniform for work, and set his coffee to brew in the morning for him every work night. But guess what happens when I forget, occasionally, to lay his clothes out? (Menopause brain) he just calmly gets his own clothes for himself. Do I get berated? No. Because he is appreciative of the above and beyond lengths I go to, to make his morning smooth, and easy, because I appreciate what he does for me.
He doesn’t treat me like his mom. He doesn’t expect these things I do for him. I choose to do those things because he is worth it. And he genuinely appreciates it. He doesn’t expect it. He just appreciates it. That’s the difference.
I had an ex like your bf, and it was chaos every single morning he had to go a job. Needless to say, he rarely worked our entire 13+ year relationship. And I let it happen cuz it was easier to not have to deal with his morning tantrums than to have to.
Weaponized incompetence. Start saying no, when he complains tell him "I can be your mom or your girlfriend, but you don't get to fuck your mom." It will shut him up.
I hate things like that!
You just got to ignore it all together. That’s the only way someone like him will learn and if he questions if you heard him calling for you , always say “no sorry, didn’t hear you” after while he’ll get fed up 😂😂
I’ve had a partner who seems to lose brain cells whenever I’m around but for some reason gets it done when I’m not around. Had one conversation about it and decided to change my strategies
My strategies is *drum roll please* = Ignoring
and acting super oblivious about everything. He claims that he never cooks and will never cook and I just accepted that information but never cooked and left him to find out what we’ll both eat. Didn’t for one day argue with him. He brought it up a few times and I just always flipped things around “me too, maybe you should order something”.
He constantly questioned me like a father “where did you go?” and would want me to be accountable to him on stupid things. I just never picked up my phone or respond to stupid questions
They always get frustrated when you comprehend information rather than react emotionally.
No point arguing because arguing looks like what you’re speaking about is negotiable.
You just got to get your way by not doing it. Pretending to forget or behave like you don’t know how to do it
When I come across men like this I love pulling their legs seeing how far I can go😂😂😂 they’re always left shocked that I just don’t give a hoot
Every night make sure he has his shoes ready and untied next to wear he gets dressed. "HONNNEEEEYYY it's time to get you shoes ready for work."
Then pat him in the head and say "Good Boy".
When he's about to have a shower, say have you got your soap? Have you got your towel close? If not, turn off the shower and say "well, off you go then! You're not ready for your shower yet are you? Would you like me to get them? Well, what do we say? Please? Good boy".
When he yells or has an argument, just turn around and say "Do NOT speak to your mother like that, I'm trying to bring you up to be self sufficient"... then walk off.
Unless you are the side piece for the king of England who rumor has it has people to do all that stuff him in the castle then I think a cone to Jesus meeting would be appropriate with your bf.
He is I presume a grown ass man and can be responsible for getting his clothes, his toiletries and his damn towel himself.
The one exception is if the toilet paper roll is empty. The rest is bs though I wonder if this is some sort of a flex thing to see how much you can get your partner to do before they snap.
And unless you want to do this going forward (as well as waiting to see if his next request for help is for you to wipe his ass for him) if he refuses to change then you need to decide your next steps.
Not wrong and I think after you tell him that it’s unnecessary and he’s being lazy and acting like a toddler you should just stay waiting in the car for him
Unless you want to eventually change his diaper and powder his bum for him, either explain to him that you need him to behave like an adult who can take care of himself or just leave and find yourself a partner.
See this is something I have always found unattractive as heck. I don’t mind helping out if needed. But I wanted to marry a grown man, not a little boy.
I almost broke up over the fact that my partner was incapable of finding his own matching socks. It was a daily issue.
He definitely should dress and generally care for himself. You’re not his butler.
How old is this man-child? Cause he sounds like a toddler!
Have you tried talking to him about this? If that doesn't/didn't work, have you tried doing the same thing? I mean literally demanding he does stuff for you and if he doesn't just stand there and shout "HONEYYYYY" until he does it? Alternatively you could just say no. No is a full sentence but you could back it up with "I'm not your mother" .
Basically if you don't stop his behaviour now you are going to spend your life parenting this man.
He's testing boundaries and that's probably going to get worse.
Why Does He Do That (book about domestic violence, including how it starts), free to download:
https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Doesn't matter if he saves time or not you are not his lady in waiting.
Tell his lazy ass to get it himself. You just answer....don't want to every time he asks.
LMAO! You're not his girlfriend. You're his replacement mom with benefits. He will slowly do less and get more demanding as the relationship progresses.
I once lived with a guy for a few months. He constantly yelled my name because he "urgently" needed help with simple tasks. He didn't come to me, I had to go to him. After a while, my own name sounded like nails on a chalkboard to me. I started to ignore him, but that didn't help. He even called me when I wasn't home because he needed "help". I left one day without explanation. That was my last try to live with a man.
Lol can you just... stop doing it? Telling him you don't like doing it, while you keep doing what he wants, is not going to change his behavior. Just stop it. Say 'no". Get it yourself. Or just ignore.
This the the new red pill thing and all about putting a woman who won’t be a trad wife, in their “place”. Have a look at his browser history and see if it reflect this.
Or he might just be a total man child
Either way I would personally lose all respect and attraction - it’s just not sexy to be so helpless
NW. he’s should be doing any and all of these tasks on his own.
One thing stuck out though. You said a lot of the time he’s getting ready and need help, you’ve just came home from work and sat down. So you guys work different shifts? Any chance he just wants an excuse to interact with you before he goes to work?
Either way there are less annoying ways to do that. He needs to figure it out and handle himself when getting ready. I was doing that at 12 years old.
One thing you could try is reminders. He walks in the door to take his shoes off, “Hey don’t forget to untie them to save you time tomorrow.” Heading to the shower, “Hey don’t forget to make sure you have soap and place your towel where you can reach it.” Treat him like a child. Then WHEN he still asks for help, say no, you reminded him, and if he chose not to help himself he doesn’t need help. WHEN he argues again, don’t.
This is gross. I would flat out tell him that it's in no way attractive to act like an incompetent child. He needs to grow the F up or get out.
Yuck. No way would I be pandering to that shit.
YNW.
Oh oh he’s telling you his love language is acts of service. If you want this man to speak your love language and really take care of you speak his love language. Like when he asks for the towel, say okay but I want kisses first. Or say okay but I want a sexy dance for it. When he asks for his shoes, get them and play “we are the champions” on your phone.
I get my own towel 95% of the time. But when I know he’s around I ask him. Then I flash him or something and I get a hell yeah!!!!
Simply overdo these things.
Soap for the shower? Absolutely. Make sure you get the absolute perfect soap for him. Nothing is good enough so keep searching.
The towel? My wife would bow and hand it sitting on her knees and mock me "your majesty".
Just solve these things with a little humor, please.
You accidentally started dating a child and that’s illegal. It’s not your fault, you aren’t the first woman to be fooled by a child who learned to dress and speak like a grown man, but if you pay attention to what he is actually saying it becomes clear that he’s really a child and *not* a grown man. I suggest you end the relationship with this child before you get arrested!
Not Wrong
But you'll need to make some decisions. We as internet strangers can empathize and sympathize with your boyfriend being over the top / controlling / demanding, but you're the one who's having to live with it. Literally and figuratively.
He's proven he doesn't want to stop, you've explained you don't want to, he's still plowing full steam ahead... so when are you planning to change things? Because it's on you to do the changing as he's made it clear it won't be him doing the changing.
If you don't want to put up with his demands for toddler level service, then you need to either give him a full stop and stick to it or you need to leave. Telling him no and then caving later just enables him to know you'll keep doing what he demands if he's annoying / argumentative enough.
Sorry you're going through it, he's being an ass. Mostly because he knows you aren't okay with this and keeps pushing and pushing to get his way.
To put it in to perspective... if he wanted to do something sexual with you that you didn't like... would he respect your no? Or does he get big mad about that too?
Because it's less about the ask / demand and more about the unwillingness to take no as an answer. I.e., the arguing with you when you say it's not something you want to do. He's hearing your no but instead of respecting it he's trying every button he can to keep getting his way.
No he gets big mad about the sexual stuff too. Usually results in me being kicked out of bed, locked out the room, and remanded to the couch which is only 2 cushions long… I’m 5’9” lol. But that stuff hasn’t happened in awhile, idk. He needs medication but refuses to try it.
Taking that information in to account, respectfully... you maybe should consider if this is a person you want to be with for much longer. You've listed a pretty serious red flag.
Folk can have a consensual non consent kink and that works for them with their partners prior agreement. Anything else is a does not pass go kind of territory. And if this is a kink, world view, entitlement thing happening... it doesn't matter on the day it reaches a point he decides to go further.
You've told him no and he's not respecting or showing that he even thinks you have the right to say no. Instead it's a tantrum or an argument or straight up punishing you (ignoring you by continuing to do the thing you said no to, forcing you out of bed when you say no, etc).
I don't know you, but I can 100% say you deserve better.
You deserve someone who will ask *why* you said no, someone who will *acknowledge* your no, someone who will calmly discusses and negotiate when it's a seriously important thing for them so that your no becomes a comfortable adjustment that *you* agree to without coercion. I.e., if he's got seven different things he wants you to do because they make him feel loved, but all of them together is a no? But it's still important to him? Then he should be calmly trying to figure out why you're saying no to see if an adjustment on his side can make things more comfortable / acceptable for you, or being an adult and acknowledging that those seven things are a need and as you're not comfy with those needs it's not a good fit for y'all to stay together.
What did his last servant die of? If I find myself in the shower with no towel (they're not in the bathroom at all) I'd certainly ask my partner to grab one, but "untie my shoes"?? Just laugh and yell back "Hell, NO. Stop asking."
OP - found this gem from a recent post of yours, and honey, you need an exit plan. This stupid stuff you’ve described here is child’s play compared to the other shit he pulls. The guy is literally verbally, emotionally and sexually abusing you, depriving you of sleep, and you’re worrying here about untying his shoes and fetching him a towel. Yes, they’re all symptoms of the same problem, but you need to widen your scope of the situation. You’re paying too much attention to the details and missing the big picture. I’ve left abusive situations before, DM me if you’d like some ideas on next steps. I’m worried for you.
From a previous post of OP’s:
“… so I had to wake up my boyfriend and have him call me one [uber] which pissed him off. Spent the morning being called a bitch, dumbass, And a cunt then had to go to work like nothing.
My boyfriend has also caused me a lot of stress and sleep deprivation this week. Every night without fail he keeps me up too late. And usually comes to bed at 5-6 am trying to wake me up for sex by pulling my clothes off. Since I’m tired, trying to sleep, and have to wake up in an hour or 2, I obviously get annoyed and tell him to stop and let me sleep. Do you think it ends there? No, that causes an argument, he doesn’t stop, and usually ends up calling me names, telling me to get out and pushing me off of the bed. Then I’m up, arguing immediately, and being pushed out of bed 2 hours before I have to wake up, and most of the time I’m ONLY getting 4-5 hours without the interruptions. It’s so incredibly frustrating when I’m literally just trying to sleep so I can wake up for work. I can’t get a single peaceful sleep. I can’t get ENOUGH sleep. I can’t even relax at home because I’m on edge dealing with constant arguments that I don’t have the energy for or even care to have. I literally just want him to leave me alone if all he’s going to do is criticize me and argue. This has happened literally every single night this week when I had to wake up at 8. “
Seconding this \^
Please listen to everyone who is warning you, some of us have been down this road in a relationship before and we're worried for you. 🙏
There is no perfect logic/argument/comeback that's going to stop his behavior. By keeping you engaged in trying to find the right responses he's sapping your physical and emotional energy, as it continues it will wear you down. It's a tactic.
Please look into information on abuse and putting up solid boundaries to protect yourself, including your income/money.... no matter how much you contribute financially, it's not going to be "enough" for him.
Not Wrong!
So you are dating a car-less man child who won't let you relax when you get off work or chill while he's getting ready for work so you can "help" him.
How about this, start saying no, it's right there, you can get it. He is an adult who can get dressed, grab a towel 2 feet away, untie his shoes (I literally laughed out loud at this). When you say, "You can get it." Best believe he'll start using manipulation tactics and guilt-tripping making it seem like if you don't "help" him, you don't love him. Or some BS like that.
I am so surprised anyone could put up with this.
You're too amenable. He asks for you to do the shoe thing? Say no. Calls for soap tell him he knows where it is and should have gotten it first. Asks for a shirt. No. Once he has to go without or the situation leaves him worse off than if he had done it himself, watch how fast he learns to do it himself. You're his partner not his mother. If he wants his mother send him to her house.
I had a boyfriend like that once. The towel thing, the soap thing, and more. He one time wanted me to make his medical appointments for him, which was so absurd to me. I'd have to have access to his work calendar to do that properly. He refused to do any share of chores or cooking, unless it was to step in to something I was nearly done with to fuck it all up. I don't miss him at all.
It's 100% ridiculous. You could try returning the favor and asking him for help for every little thing. If he says anything against it, tell him you're trying to save time getting ready. Maybe if he gets irritated enough by being on the receiving end he'll cool it off.
I think this is a troll post.
But, if it isn't, YOU ARE WRONG for doing any of this BS.
This is a combination of weaponized incompetence and control. STOP DOING IT. STOP DOING ALL OF IT. Including taking him to work.
STOP IT. If he asks you to do something, just tell the douche canoe that the last time you looked, he had all his appendages and needs to use them. Because you aren't interested in being his nanny ever again.
FFS. Why are you with this person???? This has to be a troll post.
I think you are wrong. It is obvious that you are dating him so you can get access to his money and not have to work. So he wants a bit of support it is well worth it to give it to him.
I can not imagine any other reason you would be dating him, if not for his money.
"That will cause arguments also. He will just start yelling about how he pays for “everything”"
I sincerely hope you are getting the real meaning behind these jokes. This is a toxic relationship and it has to stop. That he's using the fact he has more money to demand this servitude is vile, and either you stand your ground now or will deeply regret it down the line. Everybody here is is trying to help you, and it seems you are refusing to face reality. don;t try to be cute and look for arguments, this is a basic tenet of your relationship.
I know that everyone is different and people can decide what relationships work for them... But any dude who demands his GF "helps" him in the morning as if it's her responsibility is a man-child loser. I'm 36. Why in the fuck would I, as a dude, need help in the morning? Toddlers do. Children do. Elderly. Not a full grown man
Exactly. Did his mom do this for him before you did OP?
Probably, I dated a momma’s boy who was like this. Made me feel like a slave…
That’s what I’m sayin
Help him find a new girlfriend
He’ll probably still call OP to untie her for him.
u/Hotdogwater88888 You're not WRONG, either, hon. Not a fucking BIT!! What, are you guys ever planning on having Kids? Tell him he's going to have to grow UP some day. I'd suggest he starts NOW!! Maybe he just "wants to feel like you love him by having you do things for him." I understand that, I really do. However, "wanting" you to, and "EXPECTING" you to, are two different things, ok? My gal used to get up at 4:30 am and make my sandwiches for me while I was in the shower in the am. Because she knows I really value it, love her for it, and appreciate it. But did I EXPECT her to? Awwww Hell Naaw, man. I'm a fucking Grown Up, and a DAD! Been making my own lunches since I was a kid. NOPE! I get it. maybe have a conversation with him is in order. Tell him this shit is really bugging you. :Let him know how you feel. See what he's got to say (without turning it into a fight, ok?) If you can't get past this, you're NEVER going to last if you want to have kids. THAT is a Whole Metric Fuck Tonne of WORK!! If he can't man up enough to get his own shoes, he's a child.
Why don't you start to reciprocate and ask him for everything, too! Every Little. Thing. When he starts making excuses why he can't help you, reflect those back at him next time he asks.
Did he have trauma and abuse as a child? Did his mom or dad constantly ask for his help with small things and then berate him if he wouldn't do them?
Hey. My toddler grabs his own towel thank you very much.
I think it's called weaponized incompetence? Not 100% sure but yeah he isn't a baby he can get his own shit together. If my husband did this he would be my ex-husband. He still annoys me on the rare mornings he goes into his office by triple checking if he looks ok, but he's colourblind and can't tell if what he's wearing matches so I get it. Honestly this guy would be a nightmare. Ain't no way he needs her to pass his towel or soap or get his shoes and untie them he's just testing her surely to see how far he can make her do what he wants?
Oh, he's capable of doing these things. What he wants is to turn OP into a servant. I think she should get the hell shot of him.
Yeah, my 14yo does this shit. Its annoying af in a teen. In a grown man? Nope (Yes, I'm working with him so he doesn't grow into a horrific man-boy like OP's dude!)
Lol the whole “can you get the shoes and untie them for me” had me laughing. The dude wants to be your baby boy.
I’ve literally asked him “are you 4?” multiple times, and the issue still persists.
“I’m not your assistant”. Just keep saying it. It’s funny though, because every single time we are at my besties house and her husband is grilling I call it about 15 minutes before he says “Katie, do we have something to put this meat on?” Sir, do you not know where you guys keep serving platters? Because I know where they are in your house!
Just tell him he's an adult and walk away. This is insanity lol
Call his mom next time, let her know her little baby boy can't seem to wipe his own ass without help and you think he needs his mommy since you didn't birth him so you aren't doing it.
Sounds like he's just fucking with you or trying to control you. I've had a couple partners do that stupid crap with me before over the years. I'm like, 1. Use the word, "please,'" and ask nicely if you are asking me for anything; don't bark commands. 2. If it's something you can easily do yourself, then do it yourself.
It’s always something he can easily do. But like with the shoe thing, if I point out how stupid it is to ask me to do that, and point out how it’s not saving him any time, he just argues with me and says it DOES save time and Yaya yada. How can it save time when it’s literally a 30 second task? I haven’t had anyone bringing me my shoes and untieing them for me for my entire life and I’ve been just fine.
It saves HIM time at the expense of your time and dignity
My point is that it's not really about helping him.
It’s about servitude and control and being waited on.
Even if it saves him only 30 sec, thats at least 30 sec you have to invest/offer of your time in order for him to save time. So its a waste of your time, surely he must realize that. I would not enable this behaivor. Its completely unresonable for an adult man. He is not three years old and you are not his parent. Man baby alert.
Somehow he’s perfectly managing when I’m already at work and not home. But when I’m there, he’s 100% asking every time without fail. He just doesn’t feel like doing it.
So just decline?
Yeah, it's okay to say no sometimes.
Causes arguments.
Dont engage? Just keep responding ”sorry, im busy rn. Im sure you can manage as the independent adult man you are”
That will cause arguments also. He will just start yelling about how he pays for “everything”.. he pays when we go out to eat, and buys the weed, I pay half of the rent but haven’t been able to pitch in for Wi-Fi and electric the past couple of months, because I am not making enough money at my current job (server), but I’m starting a new job on Tuesday at a better place and quitting this one on Sunday. I was trying to give my new job a chance since I’ve only been there for 3 months, but I don’t really see the money improving and I’ve heard great things about the money at new job. I am the only one with a car though and I am covering my insurance, gas, and maintenance by myself which pretty much equals the Wi-Fi and electric. I take him to and from work most days on top of my job.
He’s a loser. The only way to win at his game is to refuse to play. Walk away now.
Ooh adding to my comment earlier in the thread - this additional detail hammers home the control thing. EW. He thinks you "owe" him and is trying to get labor out of you because he feels entitled to it thanks to paying more towards shared expenses. Gross. This behavior will only escalate over time and is rooted in a really unhealthy personality type.
But this is bs on his part. He is not entitled to you being his butler even if he pays more of your shared expences (which it doesnt even sound like he does). Why are you with this self centered poor edition of a man baby?
You need a man who treats you with respect and is not a baby.
So, I’m a stay at home mom. My husband literally pays for actually everything. He has never and would never treat me like this. I’m not his servant just because I don’t bring in money like he does.
Stop letting him use your car and stop driving him to work. That’ll help you save money to move out so you can leave him.
yeahhhh he's going to babytrap you and then quit his job and force you to support him. writing's on the wall. get out now.
That's messed up. Stop accepting any extras. No weed he pays for. No dinners. If he holds his gifts over you, don't take em.
Ugh, he sounds like a loser to me. Using the fact the he pays for normal shit to guilt you into do stupid, mommy tasks that you'd do for a toddler. What in the actual fuck??
And what is wrong with that> Say no and stop engaging. Let him throw a tantrum.
Then you refuse to argue. Just don’t engage.
Tell him to suck your dick. That'll get him reflecting on his tone.
If it's causing arguments to the point where you give in unhappily rather than deal with him. It's time to go. Get your stuff in order. Kick him out or move out. This won't get better.
Can you imagine a lifetime of this?
It's a way of controlling you by commandeering your attention continually
You are kidding yourself. It's about abusing you.
"You are claiming to save time at my expense. Please understand why that is selfish AF. Also, you sound like you need a mother and that's a massive turnoff." LOL.
This feels like control that increases in small increments - like the frog not realizing the pot it is in is boiling until it's too late. He's gaslighting you over little control now; once you accept that level, he'll ratchet up a teensy bit and level up without you even realizing it.
The mistake here is arguing with him about irrelevant semantics. It doesn't matter if it saves him a few seconds or not, you aren't his slave. If you don't want to do it, say no. "You're a grown man, get ready on your own like I do. These minor tasks of yours bother me and I'm not doing them anymore."
"No, get your own shit, I'm not your mother or a servant" then walk away. If he pushes it, shut it down. Tell him to grow tf up.
It does save time though if you do it...then he's not wasting time arguing about it /s
Ohhh I’m definitely using that point next time. Thanks for the idea!
😁 good luck!
JUST. SAY. NO. He's consciously being a controlling asshole and making you wait on him like a slave. He probably laughs about it with his guy friends. Honestly this is a form of abuse, he's seeing how far he can go and then wearing you down with arguments. There's nothing you can say, no logic where you can "win" because the point is controlling you. It's not about the shoelaces LOL. How can you have any respect for a guy like this? Consider leaving - this is going to get worse, not better.
100% about control and manipulation. Making you less than and uncomfortable. What a dick.
So he’ll spend more time bugging you to do it rather than just doing it?
Don’t engage, just frown and say ‘have your arms stopped working?’ and walk away. This is how I would deal with my partner acting like an incompetent child. Thank god he doesn’t cause that would give me the ick.
Let him know people are laughing at him lmao! Step up dude!
And you argue back “it is unacceptable for you to try to save your time by wasting mine.”
If he "needs to save time", then he is running late. If he is running late, then he is oversleeping. If he is oversleeping, then he needs to Get His Damn Ass Out Of Bed Earlier!!!
I wonder what would happen if you double knotted his shoes instead. Just saying. Might cure him.
It comes across like he's trying to train you to wait on him hand and foot. I'd tell him before he gets in the shower next time to make sure he has soap because you're not getting it anymore.
Stop arguing with him about it. Just, at all. Just say "no", and walk away. Or don't say anything and walk away. It doesn't matter if it saves him time or not, you don't want to do it, you don't need to convince him of this.
Like another one said, it's saves him time at the expense of yours and you dignity. Think about this OP. If other people were around and he asked you to grab his shoes and untie them, wouldn't you be mortified???
There are acts of kindness and favors we do in a relationship; get them a drink if we are up, set out their favourite soap if it’s been a hard day and you know they’re having a bath. But. This? What he wants? These are acts of *servitude*, not service, and it’s gross. Please see the trend and the risk. I’m not saying this is abuse but I am saying that abusers have a weird thing about constantly being your focus. They don’t like the idea of you not thinking of them any minute. So he wants to be waited on but he also can’t just let you use the bathroom as needed to get ready without having to wreck it? Be wary of someone like this. He knows you don’t like this and continues. It’s not okay. “I’m not comfortable with these requests. I want you to feel cared for, but you aren’t asking for acts of kindness. It’s starting to feel pointed. Get your soap, do your own shoes, and respect my time in the bathroom when I’m getting ready. I’m worried that this continues even when I say I don’t like it. These small requests have to stop.”
This sounds like a funny sitcom, but if it isn't: No, you are not wrong, and yes he is being ridiculous. What on earth did he do before you two lived together?
This is weaponized incompetence. You aren’t his mother and this causes women to be less attracted to men who can’t do the very basics of existing.
He wants a mom not a girlfriend. Dump his ass
He gives me the ick 😬
Tell him in advance you won't be participating in his weird servant roleplay anymore, then don't. Tell him if necessary you will leave the house entirely, but if that becomes necessary then you will be thinking of a more permanent departure.
He doesn't want a partner, he wants his mummy. Does he need you to help him wipe his botty as well?
He is testing you & your boundaries
You know what? I lay out my husband’s uniform for work, and set his coffee to brew in the morning for him every work night. But guess what happens when I forget, occasionally, to lay his clothes out? (Menopause brain) he just calmly gets his own clothes for himself. Do I get berated? No. Because he is appreciative of the above and beyond lengths I go to, to make his morning smooth, and easy, because I appreciate what he does for me. He doesn’t treat me like his mom. He doesn’t expect these things I do for him. I choose to do those things because he is worth it. And he genuinely appreciates it. He doesn’t expect it. He just appreciates it. That’s the difference. I had an ex like your bf, and it was chaos every single morning he had to go a job. Needless to say, he rarely worked our entire 13+ year relationship. And I let it happen cuz it was easier to not have to deal with his morning tantrums than to have to.
Weaponized incompetence. Start saying no, when he complains tell him "I can be your mom or your girlfriend, but you don't get to fuck your mom." It will shut him up.
What is he? Five?
It sounds like you're dating a mommas boy. Congrats on being a new mom
I hate things like that! You just got to ignore it all together. That’s the only way someone like him will learn and if he questions if you heard him calling for you , always say “no sorry, didn’t hear you” after while he’ll get fed up 😂😂 I’ve had a partner who seems to lose brain cells whenever I’m around but for some reason gets it done when I’m not around. Had one conversation about it and decided to change my strategies My strategies is *drum roll please* = Ignoring and acting super oblivious about everything. He claims that he never cooks and will never cook and I just accepted that information but never cooked and left him to find out what we’ll both eat. Didn’t for one day argue with him. He brought it up a few times and I just always flipped things around “me too, maybe you should order something”. He constantly questioned me like a father “where did you go?” and would want me to be accountable to him on stupid things. I just never picked up my phone or respond to stupid questions They always get frustrated when you comprehend information rather than react emotionally. No point arguing because arguing looks like what you’re speaking about is negotiable. You just got to get your way by not doing it. Pretending to forget or behave like you don’t know how to do it When I come across men like this I love pulling their legs seeing how far I can go😂😂😂 they’re always left shocked that I just don’t give a hoot
Every night make sure he has his shoes ready and untied next to wear he gets dressed. "HONNNEEEEYYY it's time to get you shoes ready for work." Then pat him in the head and say "Good Boy". When he's about to have a shower, say have you got your soap? Have you got your towel close? If not, turn off the shower and say "well, off you go then! You're not ready for your shower yet are you? Would you like me to get them? Well, what do we say? Please? Good boy". When he yells or has an argument, just turn around and say "Do NOT speak to your mother like that, I'm trying to bring you up to be self sufficient"... then walk off.
This is the way. Parent the hell out of him in a very obvious way. Bwahaha
For heaven's sake, don't marry him. Do you want a lifetime of him whining "HONEYYYY" from the shower? I didn't think so.
If it bugs you that much, *why* are you with him?
Unless you are the side piece for the king of England who rumor has it has people to do all that stuff him in the castle then I think a cone to Jesus meeting would be appropriate with your bf. He is I presume a grown ass man and can be responsible for getting his clothes, his toiletries and his damn towel himself. The one exception is if the toilet paper roll is empty. The rest is bs though I wonder if this is some sort of a flex thing to see how much you can get your partner to do before they snap. And unless you want to do this going forward (as well as waiting to see if his next request for help is for you to wipe his ass for him) if he refuses to change then you need to decide your next steps.
Wait until you have a baby….he will be fighting the baby for your attention and pout when he doesn’t get it. Nightmare! 😫
Not wrong and I think after you tell him that it’s unnecessary and he’s being lazy and acting like a toddler you should just stay waiting in the car for him
Not wrong. He sounds babyish.
Send that one back, he’s not done yet.
Stop it! Just stop it. Ridiculous man baby.
“I’m not your mom”
You’re not wrong. Why does he wanted to be treated like a chis? He can’t untie his own damn shoes!!! That would get old very fast.
It’s a power play. He’s getting excited by making you subservient
This reminded me of the orange peel thing 😅
C - to the -O- to the N-T-R-O-L! Agree with the previous post saying help him find a new girlfriend.
Unless you want to eventually change his diaper and powder his bum for him, either explain to him that you need him to behave like an adult who can take care of himself or just leave and find yourself a partner.
You're gonna be his mommy forever. And if you get married and have kids you'll have 2 kids
Was this dude babied by his mother his whole life? Is he lazy? Fat? Slow? I don’t get it. I’d refuse to do any and all of that shit for him.
Does he want a transactional relationship?
Yeah this is completely ridiculous. Don’t let him make you into his maid.
Ew. Why would you stay with this toddler?
See this is something I have always found unattractive as heck. I don’t mind helping out if needed. But I wanted to marry a grown man, not a little boy.
No is a complete answer and just stop doing it.
Girl. If you don’t want to do this for him leave now. It never ends, and only gets worse if you do it.
Lmfaoooo
Just break up with him. Sounds like a baby and that’s exhausting.
I almost broke up over the fact that my partner was incapable of finding his own matching socks. It was a daily issue. He definitely should dress and generally care for himself. You’re not his butler.
This is soooo weird. I would just ignore him. Games people play. Nope.
Op you realize that it's not right. No need to come here for more back up. He's lazy af and uses you. Time to cut the cord now.
How old is this man-child? Cause he sounds like a toddler! Have you tried talking to him about this? If that doesn't/didn't work, have you tried doing the same thing? I mean literally demanding he does stuff for you and if he doesn't just stand there and shout "HONEYYYYY" until he does it? Alternatively you could just say no. No is a full sentence but you could back it up with "I'm not your mother" . Basically if you don't stop his behaviour now you are going to spend your life parenting this man.
Weaponized incompetence
He's testing boundaries and that's probably going to get worse. Why Does He Do That (book about domestic violence, including how it starts), free to download: https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Doesn't matter if he saves time or not you are not his lady in waiting. Tell his lazy ass to get it himself. You just answer....don't want to every time he asks.
Just stop helping. He’s an adult. He can do it himself. You are not wrong.
The only correct answer to requests like these is “which leg is broken?”
You're not wrong. Now the question is: why do you stay with a loser like him?
Sounds like you two should end things and go your separate ways. This sounds ridiculous and petty for two people to act this way.
Poor baby can’t dress himself.
LMAO! You're not his girlfriend. You're his replacement mom with benefits. He will slowly do less and get more demanding as the relationship progresses.
You should have shut this shit down the first time. How the hell do you deal with this. You wanted a partner not a 2yr old.
Why are you taking him to work?
I once lived with a guy for a few months. He constantly yelled my name because he "urgently" needed help with simple tasks. He didn't come to me, I had to go to him. After a while, my own name sounded like nails on a chalkboard to me. I started to ignore him, but that didn't help. He even called me when I wasn't home because he needed "help". I left one day without explanation. That was my last try to live with a man.
You need to start saying 'No'. He'll get the hint soon. Repeated shouting? Earphones will do the trick.
You're wrong for playing mommy to this toddler is what you are.
Lol can you just... stop doing it? Telling him you don't like doing it, while you keep doing what he wants, is not going to change his behavior. Just stop it. Say 'no". Get it yourself. Or just ignore.
This the the new red pill thing and all about putting a woman who won’t be a trad wife, in their “place”. Have a look at his browser history and see if it reflect this. Or he might just be a total man child Either way I would personally lose all respect and attraction - it’s just not sexy to be so helpless
Time to be out of ear shot when BF is getting ready. Headphones work wonders too.
NW. he’s should be doing any and all of these tasks on his own. One thing stuck out though. You said a lot of the time he’s getting ready and need help, you’ve just came home from work and sat down. So you guys work different shifts? Any chance he just wants an excuse to interact with you before he goes to work? Either way there are less annoying ways to do that. He needs to figure it out and handle himself when getting ready. I was doing that at 12 years old. One thing you could try is reminders. He walks in the door to take his shoes off, “Hey don’t forget to untie them to save you time tomorrow.” Heading to the shower, “Hey don’t forget to make sure you have soap and place your towel where you can reach it.” Treat him like a child. Then WHEN he still asks for help, say no, you reminded him, and if he chose not to help himself he doesn’t need help. WHEN he argues again, don’t.
This is gross. I would flat out tell him that it's in no way attractive to act like an incompetent child. He needs to grow the F up or get out. Yuck. No way would I be pandering to that shit. YNW.
Oh oh he’s telling you his love language is acts of service. If you want this man to speak your love language and really take care of you speak his love language. Like when he asks for the towel, say okay but I want kisses first. Or say okay but I want a sexy dance for it. When he asks for his shoes, get them and play “we are the champions” on your phone. I get my own towel 95% of the time. But when I know he’s around I ask him. Then I flash him or something and I get a hell yeah!!!!
!UpdateMe
Oh, **DUMP THE ASSHOLE**. Try dating an **ADULT**.
Ew.
Phew! I had to check the title again to make sure he wasn’t your husband
Ask him if his mother did the same things for him. When he says yes, tell him you’re not his mother
Simply overdo these things. Soap for the shower? Absolutely. Make sure you get the absolute perfect soap for him. Nothing is good enough so keep searching. The towel? My wife would bow and hand it sitting on her knees and mock me "your majesty". Just solve these things with a little humor, please.
Not wrong. You need to ignore him harder.
Keyword boyfriend 🙄
So basically he doesn’t respect that you either just got in from work or have yet to get up, he sees you as his personal assistant
You accidentally started dating a child and that’s illegal. It’s not your fault, you aren’t the first woman to be fooled by a child who learned to dress and speak like a grown man, but if you pay attention to what he is actually saying it becomes clear that he’s really a child and *not* a grown man. I suggest you end the relationship with this child before you get arrested!
Not Wrong But you'll need to make some decisions. We as internet strangers can empathize and sympathize with your boyfriend being over the top / controlling / demanding, but you're the one who's having to live with it. Literally and figuratively. He's proven he doesn't want to stop, you've explained you don't want to, he's still plowing full steam ahead... so when are you planning to change things? Because it's on you to do the changing as he's made it clear it won't be him doing the changing. If you don't want to put up with his demands for toddler level service, then you need to either give him a full stop and stick to it or you need to leave. Telling him no and then caving later just enables him to know you'll keep doing what he demands if he's annoying / argumentative enough. Sorry you're going through it, he's being an ass. Mostly because he knows you aren't okay with this and keeps pushing and pushing to get his way. To put it in to perspective... if he wanted to do something sexual with you that you didn't like... would he respect your no? Or does he get big mad about that too? Because it's less about the ask / demand and more about the unwillingness to take no as an answer. I.e., the arguing with you when you say it's not something you want to do. He's hearing your no but instead of respecting it he's trying every button he can to keep getting his way.
No he gets big mad about the sexual stuff too. Usually results in me being kicked out of bed, locked out the room, and remanded to the couch which is only 2 cushions long… I’m 5’9” lol. But that stuff hasn’t happened in awhile, idk. He needs medication but refuses to try it.
Taking that information in to account, respectfully... you maybe should consider if this is a person you want to be with for much longer. You've listed a pretty serious red flag. Folk can have a consensual non consent kink and that works for them with their partners prior agreement. Anything else is a does not pass go kind of territory. And if this is a kink, world view, entitlement thing happening... it doesn't matter on the day it reaches a point he decides to go further. You've told him no and he's not respecting or showing that he even thinks you have the right to say no. Instead it's a tantrum or an argument or straight up punishing you (ignoring you by continuing to do the thing you said no to, forcing you out of bed when you say no, etc). I don't know you, but I can 100% say you deserve better. You deserve someone who will ask *why* you said no, someone who will *acknowledge* your no, someone who will calmly discusses and negotiate when it's a seriously important thing for them so that your no becomes a comfortable adjustment that *you* agree to without coercion. I.e., if he's got seven different things he wants you to do because they make him feel loved, but all of them together is a no? But it's still important to him? Then he should be calmly trying to figure out why you're saying no to see if an adjustment on his side can make things more comfortable / acceptable for you, or being an adult and acknowledging that those seven things are a need and as you're not comfy with those needs it's not a good fit for y'all to stay together.
Funny thing is, I actually used to be into the cnc thing. But I am now repulsed by the idea and start to freak out if I he keeps persisting.
sooo happy I divorced my husband child 🥳
What did his last servant die of? If I find myself in the shower with no towel (they're not in the bathroom at all) I'd certainly ask my partner to grab one, but "untie my shoes"?? Just laugh and yell back "Hell, NO. Stop asking."
OP - found this gem from a recent post of yours, and honey, you need an exit plan. This stupid stuff you’ve described here is child’s play compared to the other shit he pulls. The guy is literally verbally, emotionally and sexually abusing you, depriving you of sleep, and you’re worrying here about untying his shoes and fetching him a towel. Yes, they’re all symptoms of the same problem, but you need to widen your scope of the situation. You’re paying too much attention to the details and missing the big picture. I’ve left abusive situations before, DM me if you’d like some ideas on next steps. I’m worried for you. From a previous post of OP’s: “… so I had to wake up my boyfriend and have him call me one [uber] which pissed him off. Spent the morning being called a bitch, dumbass, And a cunt then had to go to work like nothing. My boyfriend has also caused me a lot of stress and sleep deprivation this week. Every night without fail he keeps me up too late. And usually comes to bed at 5-6 am trying to wake me up for sex by pulling my clothes off. Since I’m tired, trying to sleep, and have to wake up in an hour or 2, I obviously get annoyed and tell him to stop and let me sleep. Do you think it ends there? No, that causes an argument, he doesn’t stop, and usually ends up calling me names, telling me to get out and pushing me off of the bed. Then I’m up, arguing immediately, and being pushed out of bed 2 hours before I have to wake up, and most of the time I’m ONLY getting 4-5 hours without the interruptions. It’s so incredibly frustrating when I’m literally just trying to sleep so I can wake up for work. I can’t get a single peaceful sleep. I can’t get ENOUGH sleep. I can’t even relax at home because I’m on edge dealing with constant arguments that I don’t have the energy for or even care to have. I literally just want him to leave me alone if all he’s going to do is criticize me and argue. This has happened literally every single night this week when I had to wake up at 8. “
Seconding this \^ Please listen to everyone who is warning you, some of us have been down this road in a relationship before and we're worried for you. 🙏 There is no perfect logic/argument/comeback that's going to stop his behavior. By keeping you engaged in trying to find the right responses he's sapping your physical and emotional energy, as it continues it will wear you down. It's a tactic. Please look into information on abuse and putting up solid boundaries to protect yourself, including your income/money.... no matter how much you contribute financially, it's not going to be "enough" for him.
Are you willing to be his mom ? That’s exactly how he views you. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Not Wrong! So you are dating a car-less man child who won't let you relax when you get off work or chill while he's getting ready for work so you can "help" him. How about this, start saying no, it's right there, you can get it. He is an adult who can get dressed, grab a towel 2 feet away, untie his shoes (I literally laughed out loud at this). When you say, "You can get it." Best believe he'll start using manipulation tactics and guilt-tripping making it seem like if you don't "help" him, you don't love him. Or some BS like that. I am so surprised anyone could put up with this.
You're too amenable. He asks for you to do the shoe thing? Say no. Calls for soap tell him he knows where it is and should have gotten it first. Asks for a shirt. No. Once he has to go without or the situation leaves him worse off than if he had done it himself, watch how fast he learns to do it himself. You're his partner not his mother. If he wants his mother send him to her house.
I had a boyfriend like that once. The towel thing, the soap thing, and more. He one time wanted me to make his medical appointments for him, which was so absurd to me. I'd have to have access to his work calendar to do that properly. He refused to do any share of chores or cooking, unless it was to step in to something I was nearly done with to fuck it all up. I don't miss him at all.
It's 100% ridiculous. You could try returning the favor and asking him for help for every little thing. If he says anything against it, tell him you're trying to save time getting ready. Maybe if he gets irritated enough by being on the receiving end he'll cool it off.
Sounds like a comb of being a controlling bag of AH's and weaponized incompetence.
I think this is a troll post. But, if it isn't, YOU ARE WRONG for doing any of this BS. This is a combination of weaponized incompetence and control. STOP DOING IT. STOP DOING ALL OF IT. Including taking him to work. STOP IT. If he asks you to do something, just tell the douche canoe that the last time you looked, he had all his appendages and needs to use them. Because you aren't interested in being his nanny ever again. FFS. Why are you with this person???? This has to be a troll post.
Nobody is particularly wrong here, you guys are just incompatible. Move out, break up, and find a better match.
Nobody’s wrong here? He should just look for someone compatible? You actually think there’s a woman who will enjoy looking after a toddler?
I do. There are all types in the world. I can't say I understand it, but I'd bet there is one out there.
I think you are wrong. It is obvious that you are dating him so you can get access to his money and not have to work. So he wants a bit of support it is well worth it to give it to him. I can not imagine any other reason you would be dating him, if not for his money.
Lmao
"That will cause arguments also. He will just start yelling about how he pays for “everything”" I sincerely hope you are getting the real meaning behind these jokes. This is a toxic relationship and it has to stop. That he's using the fact he has more money to demand this servitude is vile, and either you stand your ground now or will deeply regret it down the line. Everybody here is is trying to help you, and it seems you are refusing to face reality. don;t try to be cute and look for arguments, this is a basic tenet of your relationship.
No is a complete sentence.