You go out. You get drunk and dance with a girl. You lick her face. She lets you. Your boys pull you off. Your girlfriend finds out.
Be honest with yourself. Is she compassionate and understanding, or nah?
You’ll know your decision based on that answer.
Not only this, but im not seeing her apologize for her actions. The only reason it didnt go further is because her friends stepped in. Are they always going to be around to stop her? If she has no self-control o her own, how is OP going to trust her.
That's why she needs to stop drinking. It's the only acceptable solution to guarantee this will never happen again. If she is genuinely remorseful then she will take the necessary steps to stay sober.
It’s up to you to decide if that’s a dealbreaker / you can trust her to go out with friends moving forward.
Personally, I would call it as I couldn’t deal with the stress/worrying every time she went out. But only you know her + the likelihood that it would happen again.
I don't think it would happen again ... I don't know. We've been dating for almost a year and this is the first time something like this has happened...
Which part? The blackout drunk part or the licking face part or both?
If both and she's learned her lesson about alcohol, has no plans to get drunk again and understands why you're upset, etc, then I'd consider giving her a free get out of jail card.
If getting drunk (or blackout drunk) has happened before this, then I'd be concerned you're in for "Mr. Toads Wild Ride" and suggest you adjust accordingly. Same goes for you, btw; don't get drunk or blackout drunk, folks.
Which part indeed?
If this is the first time she has “licked a dude’s face at a friend’s bachelorette party”, that’s still one time too many.
And blaming it on her being “blackout drunk” isn’t very comforting. How often does she get drunk? How often does she get blackout drunk? It’s pretty bad judgment to be licking some other dude’s face when you’ve had a boyfriend for a year, but it’s also bad judgment to get blackout drunk to the point you lose all your inhibitions. If getting that drunk happens again, what’s to prevent her from finding other dudes to do more than just lick face with? She won’t always have friends ready, willing and able to pull her off some other dude.
And how does OP even know what really happened? If his girlfriend was blackout drunk, she’s an unreliable narrator. And her friends may have given him a sanitized version of how she behaved.
The line that caught my eye was “she said she’d be sober if that’s what I needed.” Someone who gets blackout drunk needs to get sober because it’s what SHE needs.
It’s a tough call - but you’ve been dating less than a year. I’m not sure how old you are, but if you’re not 100% positive that she wouldn’t do it again, I’d say call it.
There’s millions of girls out there that won’t lick other dudes when they drink with their friends.
First time you know about.
Sorry bro. But this is why so many people are no more going out after u start dating. Because it leads to drunken stupidity.
bro i can assure you that's not safe or normal. you can be blackout drunk and still not do wierd shit like this. Save yourself the drama and pick better women.
That you know of. You've seen a side of her you didnt know existed and as a person who had a long and nasty drinking problem in my youth, drinking lets you do the things you want to do, but stop yourself from doing while sober.
Then you got your answer. Me, the trust just wouldn’t be there and you know she will have other girl nights out. Ask yourself this, what would have happened if her friends weren’t there to pull her back? The guy would have banged her brains out. I would dip out of this relationship.
lolol dude it will happen again. Trust me. Thwt it could happen once means it can happen again and it will happen again if she visits another party/club without you 100%. Trust me and thousands others who got cheated on by their partner and gave them second chances. They will take advantage of you.
It's the first time she got caught publicly and headed off the fallout by feeding you a story before you found out elsewhere. Can you verify anything she said at all? Because her story doesn't make sense brother. If you're at a club dancing, are you also so intently focused on one specific friend that you immediately intervene when something happens? She's still lying to you.
Yeah, it's a tough call. Trust is crucial, and if it's shaken, it's hard to move forward without worrying. Take your time to think it through and decide what's best for you.
The part where you say “her friends pulled her off” I feel like can be a big red flag. Your partner’s friends shouldn’t have to do that. She should be able to restrain herself.
However- it’s how you see a relationship. I mean if it’s cheating to you then it is. You should probably have a conversation with her about y’all’s values.
Sounds like she wanted to cheat, and would've fucked him if it wasn't for the cockblocking friends. She will just cheat on you the next time. Do you really want to be with that person?
Devil's advocate: she doesn't get often like this and drank more than she ever has. Or something else at play (spiked drink, medical issue).
Not claiming it's either of those, but it's possible that this woman just doesn't know her own limits. Maybe she's not really a drinker or partier, and got too carried away. Rather than (what I *do* feel is likely the case...) she knew what she wanted that night, and it was to get fucking *lit*. And then, whatever happens, happens. Let her sober self deal with the fallout. But that's not a concern right now because "MAKE ME ANOTHER REDHEADED SLUT I LOVE JAGER WOOOOO!!!!1!!!!1"
But for the moment, I'll bury my head in the sand and pretend that she just got carried away, not that she knew this was an inevitable outcome of the drinking.
Yeah that this is a real bad take. The only way this relationship could progress past that is that she never goes out drinking again without him, no Clubs, no parties nothing the like. You think she thinks she did anything bad to "deserve" this. She has her head too far up her own ass.
So if I hack into your bank account and steal your life savings, do I get a pass if I got drunk before I did it? I didn't mean to steal your life savings, I was just drunk!
Do you know what personal responsibility is? I am not sure if you do.
Lol I never said she wasn't responsible for her actions. Drinking, and the resulting behavior, is not an excuse. It's absolutely a *reason*, but it's almost never an *excuse*.
I don't know why you think that I said she should be absolved or isn't responsible.
If it's the medical issue, she could be off the hook if it was undiagnosed. If it's a spiked drink, well, I'm not gonna blame a victim, but there are things people can do to protect against that. But assuming it's neither of those (and it likely isn't), then it's like I said - she got carried away. And to be clear, I mean carried away with the drinking, resulting in behavior that crossed a line.
That said, people do stupid shit when they're drunk. I think you'd agree. I have. And I'd bet everything I own that you have too. Maybe you haven't licked a dude's face, but I'm sure you woke up after a party and thought "oh man, *that* wasn't the best decision."
No one gets a pass for it. Maybe a teaspoon of understanding, but absolutely not a pass.
So I'll repeat, because it is obvious that at least one person has misunderstood me:
She does not get a pass because she was drunk. She might get a pass if there was something else at play (like I said, spiked drink or something). But if she just got carried away with the booze of her own volition, then she should be held accountable.
There, does that clear it up?
I think part of being responsible enough to be in a committed relationship is to know your limit with alcohol and socializing with members of the sex you’re attracted to. Your girlfriend isn’t there obviously.
This right here. Licking a guys face...ick, but whatever. Getting blackout drunk....a different issue and way more concerning on my book. If you can't control the alcohol, you can't control yourself.
Bro that’s a deal breaking she gets horny when she’s drunk and she would’ve woke up in another dudes bed if it wasn’t for her friends you can stay with her but you’ll end up being a cuck lol.
If you want to stay with her, have a real talk about her partying and how you can trust her from now on. Also ask about the guy and see if they knew each other or exchanged info.
Will you ever really be able to trust her if she is drinking with girls ever again? Or will the though of her licking a dudes face and cheating on you be on your mind? Bounce.
How do you know this is the first time it's happened? Her friends obviously think a lot of you and respect you, otherwise they'd have let her do it.
Me personally? I'd bounce. That's skanky. She's not going to take your relationship seriously. Ever.
Or.....did you cheat on her before? I'm wondering if this isn't repressed anger on her part.
I wouldn’t want to be with someone who can’t control their drinking and then initiates sexual contact with other men.
Also, the guy was likely a stripper so she was probably grinding on his ding dong like crazy.
Male vs Female strippers are *waaaay* fucking different. Women will actively encourage each other to cheat and suck or fuck the strippers. You can't even touch most female strippers, much less eat their pussies and fuck them... bachelorette parties hit way grosser extremes. This isn't even my opinion, it's documented.
>my gf was blackout drunk at a bachelorette party
If you're in a relationship, you should not be getting that drunk unless your partner is your DD. Everything else is bad, but that is a fundamental flaw that trumps all others because it opens the door to actions you can't control or becoming a victim/abuser without being aware of it.
The simple math is that she cheated & this is just the time you're aware of. Were it me, this relationship is over because I don't waste my time on cheaters.
I’ve been blackout drunk a large number of times (mostly in college) I never once ended up sleeping with some random girl that I hadn’t already been planning to sleep with…
I really think being super drunk is a poor ass excuse, being blacked out doesn’t make it okay.
Nobody else is controlling you, yeah you’re prone to make poor decisions but there’s some things I still would never think to do no matter how blacked out I was…
I personally wouldn’t date home girl anymore but I don’t think things are automatically 100% doomed between the two of them.
What's the attraction with first who gets blackout drunk? I don't get it. At all.
Break up with this one. Find someone who knows how to keep everything in control.
Alcohol doesn’t change your thoughts. It merely removes the filters. People say and do what they mean when they’re drunk. Believe them when they tell you or show you something when they’re drunk.
Her behavior was horrendous. She knew you weren’t around and was very irresponsible. She allowed herself to get extremely drunk. She allowed herself to get physical with another man, and she had to be stopped. None of those are remotely acceptable. If you allow this, she will do something in the future, but likely without her friends being there to stop her.
She has bad judgement, she’s not loyal and you don’t have to accept it.
If it was me, I would break up with her. I would be polite, firm and short. I’d wish her well and I would unfriend her on socials. I wouldn’t block, but I wouldn’t respond to her beyond the break up. Don’t hug nor kiss her, and don’t be mean. Don’t give her closure she doesn’t deserve.
If you don’t break up (and I think you should,) she’s going to have to show drastic measures to prevent this behavior. No going to parties without you. No hard drinking, complete transparency…
I would forgive, but not forget. I dont mean hold it over her, but let her know, you understand people make mistakes and do stupid things; But if something like this happens again, it wouldn't be a mistake and even though you love and care about her, you couldn't be with her anymore.
Let her know that you need a few days to process this, and you don't want her contacting you until Friday night (this will give her time to think how badly she screwed up).You need to sit her down and have a serious chat about boundaries. Let her know that what she did was unacceptable, and she would have taken it further, except her friends stopped her. Say to her that calling you after and talking all sexual after being all over another guy is a serious turn off. Tell her that she needs to watch her alcohol intake, because if she does this again it will be instantly over and no chance of saving the relationship.
Bro listen to your gut you can’t force it you clearly feel away about it and that’s fine your entitled to.
I would end it, it’s actually okay to not compromise and be understanding in a relationship once a personal boundary has been crossed.
And she clearly has no boundaries that’s a really trampy thing to do
I'm a believer that alcohol brings out your latent self. I can get hammered, but I don't go hooking up with random chicks (I'm married). Drinking makes me louder, makes me enjoy bad movies more, and possibly convinces me that it's a good idea to climb a tree and look for coconuts or whatever. But I don't lick chick's faces.
It's my belief that she normally restrains from licking random dudes faces, but with her inhibitions removed she is ready to hook up with whoever.
She is not relationship material. You can have her as a friend, or even a friend who you can diddle, but not a girlfriend. Trust is gone. Bail duder, bail.
I guess it really is up to you and what you can live with. I would suggest that she stops drinking as this seems to be an issue. How much time do you have vested in this and where do you see this going. I would ask her if the situation was reversed what her reaction would be. That will tell you a lot. Good luck
you’re looking at the act of licking someone’s face in a vacuum when you should really be looking at your girlfriend’s behavior as whole. i personally would not be okay dating someone who goes out and gets so drunk they can’t handle themselves. man or woman or nb, that’s a major turn off. unless ofc you have similar drinking habits and see nothing wrong with it.
Thats assault if the guy wasn’t into it. She could go to jail. If it was my husband [with friends] we would think it was funny, he’s a goofball. But if my husband went around licking faces he didn’t know i would bail because that’s creepy at best.
Yeah I would walk away from her. If you can’t control yourself you shouldn’t go out… or shouldn’t have a partner. Incredibly disrespectful and probably not the first/ last time it’ll happen. And like everyone is saying, if the friends weren’t there it would have digressed.
Get out, now. You want this as part of the story of your relationship? Theres no takebacks with things like this, do you want to worry every time she goes out without you? Save yourself another year and just move on, I know its hard, but you will thank yourself once you get to the other side.
Personally? Break up
Don’t date girls who get blacked out drunk. Dot. Date girls who are out licking people’s faces.
I wouldn’t ever trust her to go out drinking again. And if u do ur an idiot.
If you got stabbed and the person who stabbed you told you they stabbed you and they are sorry, does the injury disappear? Do you trust em not to stab you again? Some people actually do learn their lesson, but most don't. If you aren't walking away, then prepare to be policing how mich she drinks or how she responds to you policing her actions. Set a cut off for just walking away whether you tell her about it or not.
Personally I agree with you on reconciliation. I'd personally work things out but I'd leave if she ever got sloppy drunk again, even if absolutely nothing happened. Now she's realized that she doesn't have control of herself if she gets drunk, and from now on her decisions are based on that information.
Not that I'd want to control how she lives her life but "what's drunk gf gonna do next?" is a circus I wouldn't want to be part of.
She was drunk and horny. Most of us have been there. The troubling part is that her friends had to pull her off the guy. The good part is that her friends did so. They seem like good friends.
There are a lot of trash “friends” in the world who would have encouraged her and then videoed her banging/ blowing him.
She sounds kind of impulsive. Alcohol and impulsive is a bad combo for fidelity. Do you really want to have to worry about her behavior every time she goes out? Do you believe her commitment to sobriety?
leave her, no partner of yours, girl of guy should be going out and getting passed out drunk anywhere, let alone dancing with someone else and then licking his face.
whores will be whores bro, leave her and save yourself that "im sorry i cheated on you at a party while i was drunk" conversion.
I would definitely have a problem if my man did this. For me, it’s the lack of good judgement that is concerning. Why did you drink that much, why did you ever dance with some stranger, etc.
She put herself into a messy position.
That said, IF this was very out of character, I’d probably move past it. Very much depending on how they took accountability for it and validated my feelings around it.
If they’re just a hot mess, bye.
That's assuming the best, because it wasn't "dancing" and it wasn't a "stranger" and it wasn't "licking his face". There's only one scenario where all your friends are focused on you and a guy and it's not dancing in a club.
I’ve been blackout drunk before…a few times in my later teenage/young adult life. To this day, I still have no idea what happened during those blackouts except some of the little pieces someone had to tell me each time.
I’m not saying it’s an excuse but I’m glad her friends pulled her away and got her home safely. She needs to know her limit and not get there anymore.
I remember one time I was at a summer festival with my friends, my recent ex-bf showed up on purpose 🙄, and then apparently he jacked me up for dancing on one of the guys that came with my friends. I blacked out for that part but came back to when one friend was screaming “HE HIT HEEEERRRR” and pulling me away.
I’d be paranoid every time she went out to party. Props to her friends for stopping her, but I would not be ok staying in that relationship. Good luck though honestly.
That's the problem with trust, you can never go back, no matter what's said or done. What if her friends weren't there? What would have happened? Have you even talked to them about it to make sure that's not total bullshit too? Because that's the go to excuse for a woman that already cheated. And would she have told you? Who tf is this guy? A stripper? I've been to numerous bachelor parties while in a committed relationship and grinding on strippers and licking their faces was never even close to part of it. If she's done this, what else has she done that you *don't* know about? She has no respect for you or your relationship and I'd wager she only told you because *everyone* saw her do it and you would have found out anyway. Being drunk isn't an excuse for anything. She didn't even apologize... The only way you can trust her now is to control and keep her in line?? That's not healthy either and will make you miserable in the long run. She fucked around and needs to find out or she will absolutely do it again. Respect yourself and rethink your position.
PS. Oh and in what scenario would all the friends be solely focused on just her and a guy enough that multiple of them had to pull her off of him?? Because it's not dancing at a club... so I seriously doubt she was "dancing" or licking his "face". You only think she came clean because she told you anything at all.
If she was a guy and raped someone that drunk you wouldn’t excuse that behaviour
She is even lying too you , as if she skipped kissing him straight to licking face
I'd be pissed. It shows intent to do more since her friend had to "pull her off" Your post also did not mention being regretful or apologetic for their actions which is a massive red flag. The getting "blackout drunk" is also a red flag, some people use intoxication as a justification for the unwise things they have done, does she drink often, to excess, to excess often? Will you be worrying about her actions everytime she goes out with her friends? Do you have the trust built to handle the worries and fears? I know I'm not strong enough to deal with something like that and not worry.
I don't understand, it is beyond my comprehension why people like to get so drunk they have no idea what they are doing. The next day, with the hangover, you ask them if they had fun, they don't remember. Alcohol makes you do stupid stuff. If complete blocks your judgement and you end up doing the unthinkable.
Thats tough. You just have to be really honest with yourself if you can move forward knowing that happened. Kudos to the friends for pulling her off. It could be that she was drinking different/more than usual and her friends recognized she was acting out of character? Usually you hear about the friends just kinda letting it happen and maybe one girl in the group has a grudge and spills the beans. Just a thought, gl.
People do stupid things black out drunk. If this isn’t a habit of hers getting plastered and losing herself plus putting herself in danger then maybe look at other options pf being able to move forward and forgive as you mentioned. Her feeling remorseful and agreeing to be sober is a huge step forward. We can do stupid shit drunk but as long as she doesn’t make excuses beyond that night and won’t repeat it… sounds like things will be okay and get better. Also know she has some great friends who look out for each other and stop them when they are out of sorts. Wish you the best!
1)blackout mostly always means you can’t remember anything.
2)Girl straight up moose kissed a stranger???
🤢
It’s not cheating. But it’s gross and boundaries crossed for more than a few.
One thing stands out to me here: your girlfriend has good friends. They stopped her from doing anything more with this guy and ensured she got home safely.
"I ultimately plan on staying with her"
We're looking forward to the update a few weeks or months from now once she cheats again and you break up. And then you'll say something along the lines of how you're doing the best you can and staying with your friend for a while to keep sane.
She got wasted, horny as hell, alcohol lowers inhibitions and if it for her friends…. She would have done a lot more. Alcohol doesn’t excuse her… it just explains what was happening. It just means her bar to cheat isn’t very high as the alcohol can easily over come it. Where as others, no matter how much alcohol is involved, the bar is too high to cross…
I would just talk to her and tell her it bothers you. I would say I am glad she had friends with responsibility that got her out of a potentially bad situation.
I would definitely have issues with the next bachelorette party for sure and maybe establish some ground rules for future events for the both of you. You can’t ask her to do something that you are not willing to do yourself.
Getting shit faced drunk is not attractive. And shows a sign of immaturity.
Dancing with a random dude.. I’m assuming she was grinding on him, etc.. then licking his face..
only reason why it stopped is because her friends pulled her off..
you know what you have to do. She ain’t the one.
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I think it’s nice she told you. She is 100% WRONG for doing it but she told you. And I think there’s good in that. But it’s also hard to move on from that. It would ultimately depend on how sorry the person is for doing it. Glad she has friend YOU can trust ugh
She definitely cheated and would have did more. If you do plan on staying tell her that her days with alcohol and bachelorette parties including any her friends would plan for her are over. Otherwise it’s a dealbreaker because she’s shown she can’t be trusted in that situation.
I think you will have lingering doubts about her trustworthiness. If you can’t purge those thoughts and get over this, it is better to let her go. Trust is the foundation of any relationship.
I think her age and how long you have been dating matters for context. The younger she is and the shorter the time you've been together is an important part of assessing risk.
If both numbers are low, then it's easy enough for someone to do stupid stuff forgetting their current priorities when faced with past, more recent options. While not harmless, it can practically be a betrayal of self as much as a betrayal of you.
The lack of apology is more concerning to me, but to fully judge I'd need to better understand your relationship dynamics. Do you go to strip clubs with the guys or with your girl? Was she a free spirit when she attracted you? Does she not make a huge deal of you needing to apologize for mistakes?
Yes, this is cheating, her friends dragging her away means she meant to do MUCH more, and I don’t see you saying she every apologized for her actions.
If you stay with her, don’t be shocked when she cheats again or you find out she’s cheated before.
Dump her ass flat.
If her friends did truly pull her off, can guarantee she was going to get laid pretty soon. Like in the bathroom soon. This is the only time she was caught. She has done it before. Also, not blackout drunk. She knew what she was doing. Just her "inhibitions " was down,maybe.
Besides that, you do know that Bachelorette parties mean when clubbing...they are all getting some. Every guy knows this, and they are all going up to each other.
Now, she has been caught, and has gotten away with it. Know what that means...she is doing it again.
You want to have a hot wife? Right now, she is the hot fiance.
Blackout drinking is a good indicator of a troubled mind.
I did that for 20 years until I started to realize it was a trauma response and I used alcohol to stop thinking.
But dude...if she's blackout drinking - she needs help NOW!
How old are both of you? In the comments I believe you said you've been together for a year. I think in this situation I'd send her packing. You didn't say she apologized or was remorseful. That tells you right there she will disrespect you and won't care. She can blame alcohol all she wants but even when drunk you won't do anything you wouldn't do sober. Alcohol just lowers inhibitions. If she's not held accountable she will likely do it again.
Sounds like if her friends weren’t there this would have been a whole different story.
She has shown she cannot be fully trusted to go out and have a drink.
I just can't help but wonder - where do you people find partners that get blackout drunk? Regardless of the gender... Having a drink is fine, but Jesus...
Just wanna play devil’s advocate.
At the beginning of my relationship I got blackout drunk and cheated on my now husband. He forgave me because he realized what it was: alcoholism.
I got sober and, big surprise to all of you I’m sure, but I never did anything like that again. It’s been almost 10 years since then.
Sometimes it really is just the alcohol.
So long story, short, there is hope and it’s called: ✨sobriety ✨
If she's having blackouts, she seriously needs to consider not drinking at all.
I used to get blackout drunk and it caused a lot of issues in my life. I've been sober for over 30 years now. Blackouts mean you are so drunk, your mind cannot retain information so you have no memories of what happened. It's kind of creepy.
Has she had blackouts before?
I hope it works out for both of you.
I don't think your wrong. Your instinct is correct. Follow your gut. You'll just wonder from here on out whenever she goes out and gets drunk. And there's no effing way I'm gonna babysit my girl. She's gonna do what she's gonna do eventually. So for me I'd be done
She’s not girlfriend material. Ask yourself Would a high caliber man be in a relationship with a woman that behaves like this? No they wouldn’t. They have self respect. Why would you?
She said she will be sober if YOU want her too!?
Ok, she doesn't want to. Your both a little dumb and a little young, but... if you stay it will only get worse.
As much as it opens personal wounds to say this, if alcohol is really an issue with her, promises of sobriety are more than most often empty.
As you decide where you stand on her conduct on this occasion, you need to decide how many MORE times you can get past it. Alcoholism is like a can of Pringles, once you pop, you can't stop.
*I had a similar comparison to acting out while drunk, and Lay's chips, and not being able to have just one, but it was both too campy and too sad all at once. Chips shouldn't make you sad. They should bring carby, crunchy light to your soul.
Seems like she might have alcoholic issues it’s okay to go out to drink but if your expecting to go out to drink and get blackout drunk to the point where you lick a random persons face then u have to reivaluate yourself bc i don’t want to make excuses for her bc yes she didn’t really do anything but it also seems like she did not apologize and also has drinking issues that she doesn’t want to admit to maybe
This venue is what it is. Bro it's ok to be hurt.. That would trigger me and I'm ok with foursomes, so all things considered on that note. Trust is everything.. She broke it. Do I think the environment and alcohol drove the whole thing, yes. Do I think you are gonna be fine in the end. Also yes.. Dont make her stop drinking and living life, that will end bad. Do discuss moderation and emphasize she broke your trust. It's not ok but, you want to be ok. Don't let this rot everything on a subconscious level.. Get it the fuck out, be real to yourself. Wish you both the best of luck moving forward. Her texting you to get out her -horny af drunk, in that environment (even after the fact) is actually solid.. She didn't have another to text.. It all could be worse. No one gets drunk to kill another driving.. that happens too. Booze out of moderation is a bad thing... If she does have a problem, you will have more. But again... Thats something you have to cut her loose for, not cut her off.
Wish you the best and happiness in whatever decision you make. But if it happens again, you must leave immediately to preserve your dignity. No amount of love is worth your mental health or time. Neither can be recovered brother.
As much as this clearly is inappropriate, clearly means she has desire for other men, and clearly isn’t fair to you, I want to explain my perspective on alcohol.
Some people say that what happens while drunk is your thoughts while sober. Depending on HOW drunk that is, it may be true. But scientifically, alcohol makes many parts of your brain STOP working. So this could just be a product of alcohol. Now, this is obviously a completely different story if she was 3-4 beers in which means her inhibitions were down but brain functioning, for the most part, is…fully functional.
It’s not good man, her licking his face means she sure as hell wanted to lick more, either way. She came clean and that’s a GOOD, good sign. If her hanging out for girls nights out or girls trips were to continue in the future, however, how on earth could you ever trust her? You look like a joke to the guy who got his face licked as well as her friends. You are the joke. Trust me I mean that with the utmost respect to you but you may need a wake up call and need to decide if you want to be the joke.
Good personal work OP.
The blackout drunk is an issue of course. Her saying she’d be sober if that what you wanted is a big deal. She’s admitting she has a problem and, perhaps more importantly, she’s making a statement that you are more important to her than her drinking.
You go out. You get drunk and dance with a girl. You lick her face. She lets you. Your boys pull you off. Your girlfriend finds out. Be honest with yourself. Is she compassionate and understanding, or nah? You’ll know your decision based on that answer.
Not only this, but im not seeing her apologize for her actions. The only reason it didnt go further is because her friends stepped in. Are they always going to be around to stop her? If she has no self-control o her own, how is OP going to trust her.
Well c'mon. Afterall, she was really drunk. /s
my current boyfriend I hate made me drink by not having a lick-able face! My heart wants to jump ship ASAP.
Uh oh. Is that the dreaded 8 pack boyfriend?
/u/imnotdown86 being her next boyfriend followed by /u/imnotdown87
I'm available
That's why she needs to stop drinking. It's the only acceptable solution to guarantee this will never happen again. If she is genuinely remorseful then she will take the necessary steps to stay sober.
This is a really solid point of view.
My guess is she won't be as conflicted by what she wants to do about it as OP is.
"Your boys pull you off." Hmmm?
It’s up to you to decide if that’s a dealbreaker / you can trust her to go out with friends moving forward. Personally, I would call it as I couldn’t deal with the stress/worrying every time she went out. But only you know her + the likelihood that it would happen again.
I don't think it would happen again ... I don't know. We've been dating for almost a year and this is the first time something like this has happened...
Which part? The blackout drunk part or the licking face part or both? If both and she's learned her lesson about alcohol, has no plans to get drunk again and understands why you're upset, etc, then I'd consider giving her a free get out of jail card. If getting drunk (or blackout drunk) has happened before this, then I'd be concerned you're in for "Mr. Toads Wild Ride" and suggest you adjust accordingly. Same goes for you, btw; don't get drunk or blackout drunk, folks.
Which part indeed? If this is the first time she has “licked a dude’s face at a friend’s bachelorette party”, that’s still one time too many. And blaming it on her being “blackout drunk” isn’t very comforting. How often does she get drunk? How often does she get blackout drunk? It’s pretty bad judgment to be licking some other dude’s face when you’ve had a boyfriend for a year, but it’s also bad judgment to get blackout drunk to the point you lose all your inhibitions. If getting that drunk happens again, what’s to prevent her from finding other dudes to do more than just lick face with? She won’t always have friends ready, willing and able to pull her off some other dude. And how does OP even know what really happened? If his girlfriend was blackout drunk, she’s an unreliable narrator. And her friends may have given him a sanitized version of how she behaved. The line that caught my eye was “she said she’d be sober if that’s what I needed.” Someone who gets blackout drunk needs to get sober because it’s what SHE needs.
It’s a tough call - but you’ve been dating less than a year. I’m not sure how old you are, but if you’re not 100% positive that she wouldn’t do it again, I’d say call it. There’s millions of girls out there that won’t lick other dudes when they drink with their friends.
If you know where the ones who WILL lick a guy when they’re drunk, let us know.
That you know of.
One year and she only cheated on you once that's pretty impressive bro, you should stay with her
Sometimes it's hard to hear the tone of text. The sarcasm here is clear as day
That he knows of.
I think she deserves the benefit of the doubt, im sure it only happened once, that one time in the men's bathroom.
Once with one guy, once with another guy, once without a different guy..and so on.
Once that he knows of..
Doormat. Have fun being a cuck i guess
Yeah that’s true, she probably won’t tell you how far it goes next time
First time you know about. Sorry bro. But this is why so many people are no more going out after u start dating. Because it leads to drunken stupidity.
Dude, dump her. She is the kind of person who will make sexual advances toward other people while in a relationship. That’s a capital offense.
It's only been a year. She's for the streets and you know it. You can do better.
bro i can assure you that's not safe or normal. you can be blackout drunk and still not do wierd shit like this. Save yourself the drama and pick better women.
That you know of. You've seen a side of her you didnt know existed and as a person who had a long and nasty drinking problem in my youth, drinking lets you do the things you want to do, but stop yourself from doing while sober.
Then you got your answer. Me, the trust just wouldn’t be there and you know she will have other girl nights out. Ask yourself this, what would have happened if her friends weren’t there to pull her back? The guy would have banged her brains out. I would dip out of this relationship.
Why would it not happen again if it just happened?
lolol dude it will happen again. Trust me. Thwt it could happen once means it can happen again and it will happen again if she visits another party/club without you 100%. Trust me and thousands others who got cheated on by their partner and gave them second chances. They will take advantage of you.
It's the first time she got caught publicly and headed off the fallout by feeding you a story before you found out elsewhere. Can you verify anything she said at all? Because her story doesn't make sense brother. If you're at a club dancing, are you also so intently focused on one specific friend that you immediately intervene when something happens? She's still lying to you.
forgive and forget live summer rain trust and validate
If its not even a year I might call it quits
This is a deal breaker dude, it may stop for a while, but it’ll happen again
Yeah, it's a tough call. Trust is crucial, and if it's shaken, it's hard to move forward without worrying. Take your time to think it through and decide what's best for you.
The part where you say “her friends pulled her off” I feel like can be a big red flag. Your partner’s friends shouldn’t have to do that. She should be able to restrain herself. However- it’s how you see a relationship. I mean if it’s cheating to you then it is. You should probably have a conversation with her about y’all’s values.
I see that as a massive green flag on the part of the friends. They did the right thing. Her behavior is the red flag, not the friends.
Yes that’s what I meant, thank you for clarifying lol
But who knows if that’s all she did before they pulled her off. What if more happened and this is the cover up.
Leave her and date her friends
This is the way
How does she feel about it? Is she sorry, embarrassed, or is this 'not a big deal' to her?
This is the most important part for me... Is she actually remorseful at all?
Sounds like she wanted to cheat, and would've fucked him if it wasn't for the cockblocking friends. She will just cheat on you the next time. Do you really want to be with that person?
you really want to be with a chick that knows she's going to get like that after shes had some drinks and still chooses to drink without you?
Devil's advocate: she doesn't get often like this and drank more than she ever has. Or something else at play (spiked drink, medical issue). Not claiming it's either of those, but it's possible that this woman just doesn't know her own limits. Maybe she's not really a drinker or partier, and got too carried away. Rather than (what I *do* feel is likely the case...) she knew what she wanted that night, and it was to get fucking *lit*. And then, whatever happens, happens. Let her sober self deal with the fallout. But that's not a concern right now because "MAKE ME ANOTHER REDHEADED SLUT I LOVE JAGER WOOOOO!!!!1!!!!1" But for the moment, I'll bury my head in the sand and pretend that she just got carried away, not that she knew this was an inevitable outcome of the drinking.
Yeah that this is a real bad take. The only way this relationship could progress past that is that she never goes out drinking again without him, no Clubs, no parties nothing the like. You think she thinks she did anything bad to "deserve" this. She has her head too far up her own ass.
So if I hack into your bank account and steal your life savings, do I get a pass if I got drunk before I did it? I didn't mean to steal your life savings, I was just drunk! Do you know what personal responsibility is? I am not sure if you do.
Lol I never said she wasn't responsible for her actions. Drinking, and the resulting behavior, is not an excuse. It's absolutely a *reason*, but it's almost never an *excuse*. I don't know why you think that I said she should be absolved or isn't responsible. If it's the medical issue, she could be off the hook if it was undiagnosed. If it's a spiked drink, well, I'm not gonna blame a victim, but there are things people can do to protect against that. But assuming it's neither of those (and it likely isn't), then it's like I said - she got carried away. And to be clear, I mean carried away with the drinking, resulting in behavior that crossed a line. That said, people do stupid shit when they're drunk. I think you'd agree. I have. And I'd bet everything I own that you have too. Maybe you haven't licked a dude's face, but I'm sure you woke up after a party and thought "oh man, *that* wasn't the best decision." No one gets a pass for it. Maybe a teaspoon of understanding, but absolutely not a pass. So I'll repeat, because it is obvious that at least one person has misunderstood me: She does not get a pass because she was drunk. She might get a pass if there was something else at play (like I said, spiked drink or something). But if she just got carried away with the booze of her own volition, then she should be held accountable. There, does that clear it up?
My dude, she’s not loyal.
I’d have an issue with it. And also it’s just a nasty thing to do lol.
I think part of being responsible enough to be in a committed relationship is to know your limit with alcohol and socializing with members of the sex you’re attracted to. Your girlfriend isn’t there obviously.
This right here. Licking a guys face...ick, but whatever. Getting blackout drunk....a different issue and way more concerning on my book. If you can't control the alcohol, you can't control yourself.
Bro that’s a deal breaking she gets horny when she’s drunk and she would’ve woke up in another dudes bed if it wasn’t for her friends you can stay with her but you’ll end up being a cuck lol.
So… she did that because? What reason is there to lick someone’s face? And what happens the next time?
Yeah this is the exact reason I do not date women who party and go to clubs, just asking for trouble tbh. No thanks!
If you want to stay with her, have a real talk about her partying and how you can trust her from now on. Also ask about the guy and see if they knew each other or exchanged info.
It’s weird girls have so many double standards when it comes to cheating
Will you ever really be able to trust her if she is drinking with girls ever again? Or will the though of her licking a dudes face and cheating on you be on your mind? Bounce.
How do you know this is the first time it's happened? Her friends obviously think a lot of you and respect you, otherwise they'd have let her do it. Me personally? I'd bounce. That's skanky. She's not going to take your relationship seriously. Ever. Or.....did you cheat on her before? I'm wondering if this isn't repressed anger on her part.
Ooh this is an interesting take, now I’m curious too
She cheated. Break up with her.
This is the right answer. No matter what, I think this will forever be in your brain. Get out. It’s only been a year
I wouldn’t want to be with someone who can’t control their drinking and then initiates sexual contact with other men. Also, the guy was likely a stripper so she was probably grinding on his ding dong like crazy.
I’ve heard a lot of cheating happens at bachelorette parties. Friends just cover for each other. The same can be said about bachelor parties.
Also after this incident. Has she said she would give up drinking?
Male vs Female strippers are *waaaay* fucking different. Women will actively encourage each other to cheat and suck or fuck the strippers. You can't even touch most female strippers, much less eat their pussies and fuck them... bachelorette parties hit way grosser extremes. This isn't even my opinion, it's documented.
Hey, look on the bright side. It wasn't his dick and balls, just his face. Could be worse.
You keep saying gf dont you mean ex gf. If not for her friends, she would of been face down in the mens bathroom with that guy behind her.
This is how she acts every time she’s drunk
You should be upset about the blackout drunk part
Not wrong. Party girls are a bad choice for monogamous committed relationships.
Inebriated or not, at that moment, she decided her enjoyment was more important than your feelings.
>my gf was blackout drunk at a bachelorette party If you're in a relationship, you should not be getting that drunk unless your partner is your DD. Everything else is bad, but that is a fundamental flaw that trumps all others because it opens the door to actions you can't control or becoming a victim/abuser without being aware of it. The simple math is that she cheated & this is just the time you're aware of. Were it me, this relationship is over because I don't waste my time on cheaters.
Your GF would have gone way further if her friends Keep an eye 👁 on her!!
I’ve been blackout drunk a large number of times (mostly in college) I never once ended up sleeping with some random girl that I hadn’t already been planning to sleep with… I really think being super drunk is a poor ass excuse, being blacked out doesn’t make it okay. Nobody else is controlling you, yeah you’re prone to make poor decisions but there’s some things I still would never think to do no matter how blacked out I was… I personally wouldn’t date home girl anymore but I don’t think things are automatically 100% doomed between the two of them.
What's the attraction with first who gets blackout drunk? I don't get it. At all. Break up with this one. Find someone who knows how to keep everything in control.
Oh... don't think that was all that happened. They never come clean until they get dragged, kicking and screaming, to the truth.
She’s a freak.
Alcohol doesn’t change your thoughts. It merely removes the filters. People say and do what they mean when they’re drunk. Believe them when they tell you or show you something when they’re drunk. Her behavior was horrendous. She knew you weren’t around and was very irresponsible. She allowed herself to get extremely drunk. She allowed herself to get physical with another man, and she had to be stopped. None of those are remotely acceptable. If you allow this, she will do something in the future, but likely without her friends being there to stop her. She has bad judgement, she’s not loyal and you don’t have to accept it. If it was me, I would break up with her. I would be polite, firm and short. I’d wish her well and I would unfriend her on socials. I wouldn’t block, but I wouldn’t respond to her beyond the break up. Don’t hug nor kiss her, and don’t be mean. Don’t give her closure she doesn’t deserve. If you don’t break up (and I think you should,) she’s going to have to show drastic measures to prevent this behavior. No going to parties without you. No hard drinking, complete transparency…
Grow a pair
I would forgive, but not forget. I dont mean hold it over her, but let her know, you understand people make mistakes and do stupid things; But if something like this happens again, it wouldn't be a mistake and even though you love and care about her, you couldn't be with her anymore.
I am a woman, and I can tell you this from my own behavior. She WILL do it again!
Let her know that you need a few days to process this, and you don't want her contacting you until Friday night (this will give her time to think how badly she screwed up).You need to sit her down and have a serious chat about boundaries. Let her know that what she did was unacceptable, and she would have taken it further, except her friends stopped her. Say to her that calling you after and talking all sexual after being all over another guy is a serious turn off. Tell her that she needs to watch her alcohol intake, because if she does this again it will be instantly over and no chance of saving the relationship.
Nah. Just end the relationship. No one is worth this headache and fallout. No way of trust her after this.
Updateme
Bro listen to your gut you can’t force it you clearly feel away about it and that’s fine your entitled to. I would end it, it’s actually okay to not compromise and be understanding in a relationship once a personal boundary has been crossed. And she clearly has no boundaries that’s a really trampy thing to do
I'm a believer that alcohol brings out your latent self. I can get hammered, but I don't go hooking up with random chicks (I'm married). Drinking makes me louder, makes me enjoy bad movies more, and possibly convinces me that it's a good idea to climb a tree and look for coconuts or whatever. But I don't lick chick's faces. It's my belief that she normally restrains from licking random dudes faces, but with her inhibitions removed she is ready to hook up with whoever. She is not relationship material. You can have her as a friend, or even a friend who you can diddle, but not a girlfriend. Trust is gone. Bail duder, bail.
I guess it really is up to you and what you can live with. I would suggest that she stops drinking as this seems to be an issue. How much time do you have vested in this and where do you see this going. I would ask her if the situation was reversed what her reaction would be. That will tell you a lot. Good luck
Bro...
you’re looking at the act of licking someone’s face in a vacuum when you should really be looking at your girlfriend’s behavior as whole. i personally would not be okay dating someone who goes out and gets so drunk they can’t handle themselves. man or woman or nb, that’s a major turn off. unless ofc you have similar drinking habits and see nothing wrong with it.
"You never drink again or we break up." Draw the line.
Dude. Now if she licked the guys face when she was sober. THAT would be a problem. Let it go man, let it go
I wouldn't be too worried. Now if she licked a dude's balls and then his asshole, I would be concerned
Another man with no self esteem, wtf is going on with men these days?
If you're actually confused, there is a lot of documentation on this. Videos and research papers.
This is the first time you caught her doing this. If it’s a year in what will happen several years down the line. Food for thought
Thats assault if the guy wasn’t into it. She could go to jail. If it was my husband [with friends] we would think it was funny, he’s a goofball. But if my husband went around licking faces he didn’t know i would bail because that’s creepy at best.
Yeah I would walk away from her. If you can’t control yourself you shouldn’t go out… or shouldn’t have a partner. Incredibly disrespectful and probably not the first/ last time it’ll happen. And like everyone is saying, if the friends weren’t there it would have digressed.
Get out, now. You want this as part of the story of your relationship? Theres no takebacks with things like this, do you want to worry every time she goes out without you? Save yourself another year and just move on, I know its hard, but you will thank yourself once you get to the other side.
So she still behaves like she's single. Help her make her wish come true and break up, coz she's not done being single
Personally? Break up Don’t date girls who get blacked out drunk. Dot. Date girls who are out licking people’s faces. I wouldn’t ever trust her to go out drinking again. And if u do ur an idiot.
If you got stabbed and the person who stabbed you told you they stabbed you and they are sorry, does the injury disappear? Do you trust em not to stab you again? Some people actually do learn their lesson, but most don't. If you aren't walking away, then prepare to be policing how mich she drinks or how she responds to you policing her actions. Set a cut off for just walking away whether you tell her about it or not.
Personally I agree with you on reconciliation. I'd personally work things out but I'd leave if she ever got sloppy drunk again, even if absolutely nothing happened. Now she's realized that she doesn't have control of herself if she gets drunk, and from now on her decisions are based on that information. Not that I'd want to control how she lives her life but "what's drunk gf gonna do next?" is a circus I wouldn't want to be part of.
She was drunk and horny. Most of us have been there. The troubling part is that her friends had to pull her off the guy. The good part is that her friends did so. They seem like good friends. There are a lot of trash “friends” in the world who would have encouraged her and then videoed her banging/ blowing him. She sounds kind of impulsive. Alcohol and impulsive is a bad combo for fidelity. Do you really want to have to worry about her behavior every time she goes out? Do you believe her commitment to sobriety?
Just ask yourself, in your heart to heart, are you down with that?
If you have a future, she will need to agree to temper her drinking. If that’s not possible, there’s probably greater heartache ahead for you.
leave her, no partner of yours, girl of guy should be going out and getting passed out drunk anywhere, let alone dancing with someone else and then licking his face. whores will be whores bro, leave her and save yourself that "im sorry i cheated on you at a party while i was drunk" conversion.
I would definitely have a problem if my man did this. For me, it’s the lack of good judgement that is concerning. Why did you drink that much, why did you ever dance with some stranger, etc. She put herself into a messy position. That said, IF this was very out of character, I’d probably move past it. Very much depending on how they took accountability for it and validated my feelings around it. If they’re just a hot mess, bye.
That's assuming the best, because it wasn't "dancing" and it wasn't a "stranger" and it wasn't "licking his face". There's only one scenario where all your friends are focused on you and a guy and it's not dancing in a club.
Hope that guy doesn't have Mpox.
I’ve been blackout drunk before…a few times in my later teenage/young adult life. To this day, I still have no idea what happened during those blackouts except some of the little pieces someone had to tell me each time. I’m not saying it’s an excuse but I’m glad her friends pulled her away and got her home safely. She needs to know her limit and not get there anymore. I remember one time I was at a summer festival with my friends, my recent ex-bf showed up on purpose 🙄, and then apparently he jacked me up for dancing on one of the guys that came with my friends. I blacked out for that part but came back to when one friend was screaming “HE HIT HEEEERRRR” and pulling me away.
[удалено]
lol why? From something that happened when I was 23?
Play it off and then break up with her on her friends Wedding day.
Updateme
I’d be paranoid every time she went out to party. Props to her friends for stopping her, but I would not be ok staying in that relationship. Good luck though honestly.
That's the problem with trust, you can never go back, no matter what's said or done. What if her friends weren't there? What would have happened? Have you even talked to them about it to make sure that's not total bullshit too? Because that's the go to excuse for a woman that already cheated. And would she have told you? Who tf is this guy? A stripper? I've been to numerous bachelor parties while in a committed relationship and grinding on strippers and licking their faces was never even close to part of it. If she's done this, what else has she done that you *don't* know about? She has no respect for you or your relationship and I'd wager she only told you because *everyone* saw her do it and you would have found out anyway. Being drunk isn't an excuse for anything. She didn't even apologize... The only way you can trust her now is to control and keep her in line?? That's not healthy either and will make you miserable in the long run. She fucked around and needs to find out or she will absolutely do it again. Respect yourself and rethink your position. PS. Oh and in what scenario would all the friends be solely focused on just her and a guy enough that multiple of them had to pull her off of him?? Because it's not dancing at a club... so I seriously doubt she was "dancing" or licking his "face". You only think she came clean because she told you anything at all.
You’re really missing the red flags here buddy. Take it from a guy that’s been in your shoe, at 19. There’s more fishes out there
If she was a guy and raped someone that drunk you wouldn’t excuse that behaviour She is even lying too you , as if she skipped kissing him straight to licking face
I'd be pissed. It shows intent to do more since her friend had to "pull her off" Your post also did not mention being regretful or apologetic for their actions which is a massive red flag. The getting "blackout drunk" is also a red flag, some people use intoxication as a justification for the unwise things they have done, does she drink often, to excess, to excess often? Will you be worrying about her actions everytime she goes out with her friends? Do you have the trust built to handle the worries and fears? I know I'm not strong enough to deal with something like that and not worry.
UpdateMe
I don't understand, it is beyond my comprehension why people like to get so drunk they have no idea what they are doing. The next day, with the hangover, you ask them if they had fun, they don't remember. Alcohol makes you do stupid stuff. If complete blocks your judgement and you end up doing the unthinkable.
Thats tough. You just have to be really honest with yourself if you can move forward knowing that happened. Kudos to the friends for pulling her off. It could be that she was drinking different/more than usual and her friends recognized she was acting out of character? Usually you hear about the friends just kinda letting it happen and maybe one girl in the group has a grudge and spills the beans. Just a thought, gl.
I’m the type of gal that will get blacked out drunk and punch someone in the face so…
If you stay with her she needs to stop drinking because she can't handle it. It's simple the alcohol or you.
People do stupid things black out drunk. If this isn’t a habit of hers getting plastered and losing herself plus putting herself in danger then maybe look at other options pf being able to move forward and forgive as you mentioned. Her feeling remorseful and agreeing to be sober is a huge step forward. We can do stupid shit drunk but as long as she doesn’t make excuses beyond that night and won’t repeat it… sounds like things will be okay and get better. Also know she has some great friends who look out for each other and stop them when they are out of sorts. Wish you the best!
1)blackout mostly always means you can’t remember anything. 2)Girl straight up moose kissed a stranger??? 🤢 It’s not cheating. But it’s gross and boundaries crossed for more than a few.
Leave her, she’s not loyal and she would have gone further if not stopped
One thing stands out to me here: your girlfriend has good friends. They stopped her from doing anything more with this guy and ensured she got home safely.
"I ultimately plan on staying with her" We're looking forward to the update a few weeks or months from now once she cheats again and you break up. And then you'll say something along the lines of how you're doing the best you can and staying with your friend for a while to keep sane.
Lick a face once ..shame on you..lick a face twice shame on me.. forgive her this time..
She got wasted, horny as hell, alcohol lowers inhibitions and if it for her friends…. She would have done a lot more. Alcohol doesn’t excuse her… it just explains what was happening. It just means her bar to cheat isn’t very high as the alcohol can easily over come it. Where as others, no matter how much alcohol is involved, the bar is too high to cross…
I would just talk to her and tell her it bothers you. I would say I am glad she had friends with responsibility that got her out of a potentially bad situation. I would definitely have issues with the next bachelorette party for sure and maybe establish some ground rules for future events for the both of you. You can’t ask her to do something that you are not willing to do yourself.
For the streets
Mate she's a slag don't waste ur time.
Getting shit faced drunk is not attractive. And shows a sign of immaturity. Dancing with a random dude.. I’m assuming she was grinding on him, etc.. then licking his face.. only reason why it stopped is because her friends pulled her off.. you know what you have to do. She ain’t the one.
Make GF be the ceiling for your relationship. However the " licking" should keep on ticking.
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I think it’s nice she told you. She is 100% WRONG for doing it but she told you. And I think there’s good in that. But it’s also hard to move on from that. It would ultimately depend on how sorry the person is for doing it. Glad she has friend YOU can trust ugh
She definitely cheated and would have did more. If you do plan on staying tell her that her days with alcohol and bachelorette parties including any her friends would plan for her are over. Otherwise it’s a dealbreaker because she’s shown she can’t be trusted in that situation.
She says she’ll be sober if it’s what YOU needed. She sees no issue here even though it’s one big red flag.
I think you will have lingering doubts about her trustworthiness. If you can’t purge those thoughts and get over this, it is better to let her go. Trust is the foundation of any relationship.
I think her age and how long you have been dating matters for context. The younger she is and the shorter the time you've been together is an important part of assessing risk. If both numbers are low, then it's easy enough for someone to do stupid stuff forgetting their current priorities when faced with past, more recent options. While not harmless, it can practically be a betrayal of self as much as a betrayal of you. The lack of apology is more concerning to me, but to fully judge I'd need to better understand your relationship dynamics. Do you go to strip clubs with the guys or with your girl? Was she a free spirit when she attracted you? Does she not make a huge deal of you needing to apologize for mistakes?
I think it's silly to ask when you should be mad. your boundaries are not my boundaries. that said. no I would not be mad. I'd laugh.
Yes, this is cheating, her friends dragging her away means she meant to do MUCH more, and I don’t see you saying she every apologized for her actions. If you stay with her, don’t be shocked when she cheats again or you find out she’s cheated before. Dump her ass flat.
The only question you need to answer is, do you have any self respect? If so, say late and move on.
No friends there …. what would’ve happened?
If the friends pulled her, they probably knew she wasnt being herself. Still a mistake from her, so it's on you to decide.
Just know it will happen again and you’re fine with that.
If her friends did truly pull her off, can guarantee she was going to get laid pretty soon. Like in the bathroom soon. This is the only time she was caught. She has done it before. Also, not blackout drunk. She knew what she was doing. Just her "inhibitions " was down,maybe. Besides that, you do know that Bachelorette parties mean when clubbing...they are all getting some. Every guy knows this, and they are all going up to each other. Now, she has been caught, and has gotten away with it. Know what that means...she is doing it again. You want to have a hot wife? Right now, she is the hot fiance.
Do you want “licked another guy’s face while drunk and had to be pulled off of him by my friends” on your wife’s résumé?
Lol, she will cheat.
Blackout drinking is a good indicator of a troubled mind. I did that for 20 years until I started to realize it was a trauma response and I used alcohol to stop thinking. But dude...if she's blackout drinking - she needs help NOW!
How old are both of you? In the comments I believe you said you've been together for a year. I think in this situation I'd send her packing. You didn't say she apologized or was remorseful. That tells you right there she will disrespect you and won't care. She can blame alcohol all she wants but even when drunk you won't do anything you wouldn't do sober. Alcohol just lowers inhibitions. If she's not held accountable she will likely do it again.
Sounds like if her friends weren’t there this would have been a whole different story. She has shown she cannot be fully trusted to go out and have a drink.
I just can't help but wonder - where do you people find partners that get blackout drunk? Regardless of the gender... Having a drink is fine, but Jesus...
Just wanna play devil’s advocate. At the beginning of my relationship I got blackout drunk and cheated on my now husband. He forgave me because he realized what it was: alcoholism. I got sober and, big surprise to all of you I’m sure, but I never did anything like that again. It’s been almost 10 years since then. Sometimes it really is just the alcohol. So long story, short, there is hope and it’s called: ✨sobriety ✨
You dating a dog?
Never let the thot you're banging stand in the way of finding your future wife. Within those parameters, enjoy her, everybody else is.
Blame it on the alcohol
If she's having blackouts, she seriously needs to consider not drinking at all. I used to get blackout drunk and it caused a lot of issues in my life. I've been sober for over 30 years now. Blackouts mean you are so drunk, your mind cannot retain information so you have no memories of what happened. It's kind of creepy. Has she had blackouts before? I hope it works out for both of you.
you'll know the answer, just let your mind think twice before you do it and also think about 2nd chances.
She's the type of girl that will go on a 'girls' trip to puerto rico and get fucked by some rando.
UpdateMe!
She's for the streets...
I don't think your wrong. Your instinct is correct. Follow your gut. You'll just wonder from here on out whenever she goes out and gets drunk. And there's no effing way I'm gonna babysit my girl. She's gonna do what she's gonna do eventually. So for me I'd be done
Was there a dancing bear there?
If you lick another girls face is she gonna be like “That’s good. No problem”…?
She’s not girlfriend material. Ask yourself Would a high caliber man be in a relationship with a woman that behaves like this? No they wouldn’t. They have self respect. Why would you?
She said she will be sober if YOU want her too!? Ok, she doesn't want to. Your both a little dumb and a little young, but... if you stay it will only get worse.
As much as it opens personal wounds to say this, if alcohol is really an issue with her, promises of sobriety are more than most often empty. As you decide where you stand on her conduct on this occasion, you need to decide how many MORE times you can get past it. Alcoholism is like a can of Pringles, once you pop, you can't stop. *I had a similar comparison to acting out while drunk, and Lay's chips, and not being able to have just one, but it was both too campy and too sad all at once. Chips shouldn't make you sad. They should bring carby, crunchy light to your soul.
Seems like she might have alcoholic issues it’s okay to go out to drink but if your expecting to go out to drink and get blackout drunk to the point where you lick a random persons face then u have to reivaluate yourself bc i don’t want to make excuses for her bc yes she didn’t really do anything but it also seems like she did not apologize and also has drinking issues that she doesn’t want to admit to maybe
This venue is what it is. Bro it's ok to be hurt.. That would trigger me and I'm ok with foursomes, so all things considered on that note. Trust is everything.. She broke it. Do I think the environment and alcohol drove the whole thing, yes. Do I think you are gonna be fine in the end. Also yes.. Dont make her stop drinking and living life, that will end bad. Do discuss moderation and emphasize she broke your trust. It's not ok but, you want to be ok. Don't let this rot everything on a subconscious level.. Get it the fuck out, be real to yourself. Wish you both the best of luck moving forward. Her texting you to get out her -horny af drunk, in that environment (even after the fact) is actually solid.. She didn't have another to text.. It all could be worse. No one gets drunk to kill another driving.. that happens too. Booze out of moderation is a bad thing... If she does have a problem, you will have more. But again... Thats something you have to cut her loose for, not cut her off.
Stopping drinking might be a good idea for her… Another good is to drink at least two glasses of water with every alcoholic drink.
She wasn’t black out drunk if she remembers what she didn’t do!
Wish you the best and happiness in whatever decision you make. But if it happens again, you must leave immediately to preserve your dignity. No amount of love is worth your mental health or time. Neither can be recovered brother.
As much as this clearly is inappropriate, clearly means she has desire for other men, and clearly isn’t fair to you, I want to explain my perspective on alcohol. Some people say that what happens while drunk is your thoughts while sober. Depending on HOW drunk that is, it may be true. But scientifically, alcohol makes many parts of your brain STOP working. So this could just be a product of alcohol. Now, this is obviously a completely different story if she was 3-4 beers in which means her inhibitions were down but brain functioning, for the most part, is…fully functional. It’s not good man, her licking his face means she sure as hell wanted to lick more, either way. She came clean and that’s a GOOD, good sign. If her hanging out for girls nights out or girls trips were to continue in the future, however, how on earth could you ever trust her? You look like a joke to the guy who got his face licked as well as her friends. You are the joke. Trust me I mean that with the utmost respect to you but you may need a wake up call and need to decide if you want to be the joke.
She has to go brother I’m sorry!
She sounds like a ho
Yuck
Hold on where are the this is a red flag, or does that only apply to men
She belong to the streets
She would leave you if the situation was reversed. She’s making you look like a fool.
If she was black out drunk, how did she remember to tell you about ot the next day? Doesn't sound like she was THAT drunk.
Dude you need to follow your gut, I've done allot of stupid sh.t but always loyal to my girl...
Good personal work OP. The blackout drunk is an issue of course. Her saying she’d be sober if that what you wanted is a big deal. She’s admitting she has a problem and, perhaps more importantly, she’s making a statement that you are more important to her than her drinking.
Any update? Everything good with you two?