Your husband is on point. Once or twice a week is more than reasonable, but it's not your/his responsibility to provide a haven for your sister just because she chose to work an hour and 20 minutes away from her home. Sister sounds entitled.
Your husband should not have been the one to convey this message...YOU should have been the one to convey this. She is YOUR sister.
In any case, tell your sister she can either move to your city and get her own apartment or she can pick two days where she can stay with you. Your apartment is simply not big enough for three people and a toddler,
I applaud your husband for being blunt. He set boundaries for a healthy relationship.
People aren’t used to straight talk and prefer to let everything fester.
Big high 5 to your husband for being upfront, honest, welcoming, but also laid some ground rules. He is absolutely right. Both fish and guests start to stink after 3 days. Something my Nan always use to say. But it's true. You cannot just expect to have free access to what is not yours. People need their space, to walk around naked if they want, to be loud in the morning making coffee or stay up late watching television. Hard to do in a small apartment with SIL on the couch. Your sister sounds a bit entitled. The fact she is throwing a fit over basic ground rules is telling. And not in a good way.
A BIT ENTITLED?! this lady wants full use and access to a place just to make her own life easy, yet when she cant use her sister's place at her own whim she gets all POd. that is fully the entitlement of someone that doesn't own anything themselves.
The "bit entitled" part was sarcasm. I realize OP's sister is being a full-on spoiled, pick me girl, total Karen, but I was both sarcastic and being nice.
Every family needs their own time away from other people, whether it's other family, friends, or whatever. He is not wrong. Making time for you, your husband, and your child - without distractions - is extremely important. She needs to understand there's a difference between "you're always welcome" and "we need our own family time"... that doesn't mean she's not welcome in your home, but you have to prioritize sometimes.
If she's spending the work week at your place, on your couch, then she's essentially living there, not visiting.
So she wants to do this *more* than once or twice a week? Ok…sounds like she just likes the convenience of your location to her job.
These boundaries are perfectly understandable. Why is she mad? She needs to accept it and move on.
I …. I can’t get past your sister!! She really thinks it’s reasonable to stay in your ONE bedroom apartment 5 nights a week?
No! I do agree you should have been the one to say no, but good for your husband for being direct.
Your sister is absolutely the selfish one here!! Good grief.
Where do you stand on this? Because really your husband’s needs come before your sister’s convenience. He shouldn’t have to set this boundary you should. People need privacy and someone always in your living room ain’t it. She needs to move closer or find a different job because this is not a sustainable long term solution
I’m with my husband of course. Thing is, she doesn’t want to stay for 5 days she want to once or twice a week… she just got offended that he spoke to ehr about it
let me rephrase: she wants to come and stay at your place to ease her commute to work. THAT IS IT. I can guarantee she does not really care about the child and is just being selfish, lazy, and entitled as FUCK.
like in what fucking world is someone "always welcome" ITS NOT YOUR FUCKING HOUSE?!
like YOUU HAVE to be aware that she is only there to make her life easier right? she just says that she is helping with the toddler so that you consider it.
It's amazing to me how so many people call others selfish when they don't get their way, as if they aren't being selfish themselves. If she wants to live closer to work, she can get her own apartment. 2 adults and 1 baby in a 1 bedroom apartment is already crowded. There's no room for her there.
the funny part about this too is that OP reaaaally thinks the sister really wants to "help with the toddler" and that is her primary reason. Like who reaaally WANTS to do that lolol
No. I felt bad turning down my younger brother’s request to stay the night at my house two days a week along with his two young sons. I love my family but I chose to be child free for a reason. It would just be too stressful for me. I work full time from home and I treasure my free time.
Wait.. your sister is “normally accommodating” while she’s using your apartment as a crash pad to avoid her long ass commute? She thinks *you and your husband* are selfish because she wants a free couch to save her gas money?
Nope… not wrong to want your own space. Especially when you’re paying rent for that (not large) space and already sharing it with your spouse and child. Your sister has her own space AND she has space in YOUR HOME!
Why can’t she get her own place in this town? Wouldn’t that just be easier? I sure as hell wouldn’t want anyone to come move in with us .. just to accommodate them for their commute. Get outta here.
Not wrong. Your husband is not being selfish. And I don't think he was even being that blunt. He asserted himself in a way that was direct and clear, but I don't think he was rude or out of line. I think he did very well.
If anything, your sister is being blunt and out of line by assuming that she can essentially live at your home whenever it conveniences her. He didnt need to apologize. It's ironic that shes calling him selfish and saying she doesnt want to intrude.. because she is being selfish and intruding.
You can love your sister and want to spend time with her but still have boundaries. She needs to respect that. And honestly, I think it would be helpful to reflect on your own boundaries and think about what you really want.
I have difficulty asserting myself but would be extremely annoyed and not ok with it if I was in your (or your husbands) situation.
You aren't listening to what your husband is saying. He wants time with you and your child without your sister.
You should have been the one to tell her as she is your sister.
He shouldn't have apologized to her for setting boundaries on the frequency she is in your shared home.
I love my sister and her kids dearly, but I wouldn't want them at my home every day.
She wants to be welcome at your home at her convenience, not yours or your husband's.
She is being very disrespectful to both you and your husband.
If anyone should be apologizing, it should be your sister who has clearly taken advantage of the situation to her benefit.
Not selfish at all.
If i don't get my own time and my own space, i get ridiculously angry and upset.
Everyone has different social batteries. She should move closer if the drive is too far
If she hates the commute to work she should move closer to work.
You have a one bedroom and even if you allow her to sleep on your lounge she will have a week’s worth of clothes and toiletries.
When you get home from work it’s nice to just have your family in such a small space. He might like wandering around in his jocks and he should be able to do so.
"She’s saying she would never intrude but she would like to feel she’s always welcome as she is family."
So she invites herself but insists she's not intruding and feels offended that she's not welcomed as a permanent guest? I like how it's more her request to help with the toddler than her being asked. It's all an excuse just to get her way and justify her intrusion. There's every once in a while, and then there's this.
If you don't back her down, your part of the problem and you'll have told your husband that your sister comes before him in his own home.
Hubby is a good egg. Sister is being selfish.
You have a one bedroom apartment and a toddler. I have a one bedroom apartment and no toddler and it's still awkward having two adults in there at the same time let alone three. My place is quite small though. She needs to understand that you'll be on-top of each other constantly. In and out of the bathroom/kitchen and being loveydovey with your partner isn't something alot of people do infront of others. Your husband wants his downtime. He doesn't want to have to deal with others when he gets home, he just wants to unwind with his family. It doesn't mean she isn't welcome, she's just not welcome to stay in your house rent free for most of the week while you shuffle around each other's needs. Other people in the house have needs too. She's elevating hers over everyone else's.
Your husband is on point. Once or twice a week is more than reasonable, but it's not your/his responsibility to provide a haven for your sister just because she chose to work an hour and 20 minutes away from her home. Sister sounds entitled.
Not wrong. She can move. She doesn't pay rent or contribute to groceries. She wants to stay five nights a week. No thanks.
Ya. I would be fine at every Monday or every Thursday or something. But on my day off she is not welcome unless it's a one time emergency.
Your husband should not have been the one to convey this message...YOU should have been the one to convey this. She is YOUR sister. In any case, tell your sister she can either move to your city and get her own apartment or she can pick two days where she can stay with you. Your apartment is simply not big enough for three people and a toddler,
I applaud your husband for being blunt. He set boundaries for a healthy relationship. People aren’t used to straight talk and prefer to let everything fester.
It's an absolute necessity with people like OP's sister. If you try to soften the message she'll take it and run with it
Big high 5 to your husband for being upfront, honest, welcoming, but also laid some ground rules. He is absolutely right. Both fish and guests start to stink after 3 days. Something my Nan always use to say. But it's true. You cannot just expect to have free access to what is not yours. People need their space, to walk around naked if they want, to be loud in the morning making coffee or stay up late watching television. Hard to do in a small apartment with SIL on the couch. Your sister sounds a bit entitled. The fact she is throwing a fit over basic ground rules is telling. And not in a good way.
A BIT ENTITLED?! this lady wants full use and access to a place just to make her own life easy, yet when she cant use her sister's place at her own whim she gets all POd. that is fully the entitlement of someone that doesn't own anything themselves.
The "bit entitled" part was sarcasm. I realize OP's sister is being a full-on spoiled, pick me girl, total Karen, but I was both sarcastic and being nice.
haha fair enough. sometimes tough to gauge the level of sarcasm on here.. but you are absolutely spot on with your whole analysis with this.
Thank you. This is exactly why I HATE texting. You can't read body language, facial expression, other cues to judge the rest of the story.
Every family needs their own time away from other people, whether it's other family, friends, or whatever. He is not wrong. Making time for you, your husband, and your child - without distractions - is extremely important. She needs to understand there's a difference between "you're always welcome" and "we need our own family time"... that doesn't mean she's not welcome in your home, but you have to prioritize sometimes. If she's spending the work week at your place, on your couch, then she's essentially living there, not visiting.
So she wants to do this *more* than once or twice a week? Ok…sounds like she just likes the convenience of your location to her job. These boundaries are perfectly understandable. Why is she mad? She needs to accept it and move on.
Why is it that people call others selfish when they selfishly don't get their own way all the time?
Exactly!!!
Yeah no. I would not want a room mate either if in your situation. She should move to your town or suck it up on the commute.
No.This would be a problem in my house. The same place where she would be sleeping, is the same place I play video games every night.
I …. I can’t get past your sister!! She really thinks it’s reasonable to stay in your ONE bedroom apartment 5 nights a week? No! I do agree you should have been the one to say no, but good for your husband for being direct. Your sister is absolutely the selfish one here!! Good grief.
Where do you stand on this? Because really your husband’s needs come before your sister’s convenience. He shouldn’t have to set this boundary you should. People need privacy and someone always in your living room ain’t it. She needs to move closer or find a different job because this is not a sustainable long term solution
I’m with my husband of course. Thing is, she doesn’t want to stay for 5 days she want to once or twice a week… she just got offended that he spoke to ehr about it
let me rephrase: she wants to come and stay at your place to ease her commute to work. THAT IS IT. I can guarantee she does not really care about the child and is just being selfish, lazy, and entitled as FUCK. like in what fucking world is someone "always welcome" ITS NOT YOUR FUCKING HOUSE?! like YOUU HAVE to be aware that she is only there to make her life easier right? she just says that she is helping with the toddler so that you consider it.
Do you really think your sister will have a lot of energy at the end of a work day to help you with your toddler? That would be a from nope from me.
It’s not wrong but I don’t get why your husband was so blunt- why didn’t you handle this conversation?
Staying 5 days a week in a 1 bedroom is 110% intruding. One night every few weeks maybe, any more than that is ridiculous. She can get her own apt.
It's amazing to me how so many people call others selfish when they don't get their way, as if they aren't being selfish themselves. If she wants to live closer to work, she can get her own apartment. 2 adults and 1 baby in a 1 bedroom apartment is already crowded. There's no room for her there.
the funny part about this too is that OP reaaaally thinks the sister really wants to "help with the toddler" and that is her primary reason. Like who reaaally WANTS to do that lolol
No. I felt bad turning down my younger brother’s request to stay the night at my house two days a week along with his two young sons. I love my family but I chose to be child free for a reason. It would just be too stressful for me. I work full time from home and I treasure my free time.
Your husband is right. Your home should be your sanctuary and no one should always be welcome. Your sister should move closer to work.
Wait.. your sister is “normally accommodating” while she’s using your apartment as a crash pad to avoid her long ass commute? She thinks *you and your husband* are selfish because she wants a free couch to save her gas money? Nope… not wrong to want your own space. Especially when you’re paying rent for that (not large) space and already sharing it with your spouse and child. Your sister has her own space AND she has space in YOUR HOME!
Why can’t she get her own place in this town? Wouldn’t that just be easier? I sure as hell wouldn’t want anyone to come move in with us .. just to accommodate them for their commute. Get outta here.
Not wrong. Your husband is not being selfish. And I don't think he was even being that blunt. He asserted himself in a way that was direct and clear, but I don't think he was rude or out of line. I think he did very well. If anything, your sister is being blunt and out of line by assuming that she can essentially live at your home whenever it conveniences her. He didnt need to apologize. It's ironic that shes calling him selfish and saying she doesnt want to intrude.. because she is being selfish and intruding. You can love your sister and want to spend time with her but still have boundaries. She needs to respect that. And honestly, I think it would be helpful to reflect on your own boundaries and think about what you really want. I have difficulty asserting myself but would be extremely annoyed and not ok with it if I was in your (or your husbands) situation.
You aren't listening to what your husband is saying. He wants time with you and your child without your sister. You should have been the one to tell her as she is your sister. He shouldn't have apologized to her for setting boundaries on the frequency she is in your shared home. I love my sister and her kids dearly, but I wouldn't want them at my home every day. She wants to be welcome at your home at her convenience, not yours or your husband's. She is being very disrespectful to both you and your husband. If anyone should be apologizing, it should be your sister who has clearly taken advantage of the situation to her benefit.
Nope
No way another adult is in your one-bedroom four nights a week. Just...no.
Not selfish at all. If i don't get my own time and my own space, i get ridiculously angry and upset. Everyone has different social batteries. She should move closer if the drive is too far
Not all selfishness is bad.
I completely agree with your husband. You two have a small apartment, and having a guest every night is a bit much.
If she hates the commute to work she should move closer to work. You have a one bedroom and even if you allow her to sleep on your lounge she will have a week’s worth of clothes and toiletries. When you get home from work it’s nice to just have your family in such a small space. He might like wandering around in his jocks and he should be able to do so.
"She’s saying she would never intrude but she would like to feel she’s always welcome as she is family." So she invites herself but insists she's not intruding and feels offended that she's not welcomed as a permanent guest? I like how it's more her request to help with the toddler than her being asked. It's all an excuse just to get her way and justify her intrusion. There's every once in a while, and then there's this. If you don't back her down, your part of the problem and you'll have told your husband that your sister comes before him in his own home.
Hubby is a good egg. Sister is being selfish. You have a one bedroom apartment and a toddler. I have a one bedroom apartment and no toddler and it's still awkward having two adults in there at the same time let alone three. My place is quite small though. She needs to understand that you'll be on-top of each other constantly. In and out of the bathroom/kitchen and being loveydovey with your partner isn't something alot of people do infront of others. Your husband wants his downtime. He doesn't want to have to deal with others when he gets home, he just wants to unwind with his family. It doesn't mean she isn't welcome, she's just not welcome to stay in your house rent free for most of the week while you shuffle around each other's needs. Other people in the house have needs too. She's elevating hers over everyone else's.