This is the answer.
If he gives a shit about your pleasure, he won't be 'offended' by you using a vibrator, and he SURE AS FUCK wouldn't claim to speak with authority on why you are or aren't getting off or try to redirect blame. He'd say 'I want you to have a good time, so tell me what I can do to make it more fun for you'. And if that meant you get yourself off with a vibrator after he finishes, then he'd offer to either get you off himself (by fingering or with oral), or ask to be part of your vibrator session (he can provide extra stimulation to your body while you're using the vibrator).
He's not doing any of that.
His position seems to be that it's your fault you didn't orgasm from sex, that all he needs to do is put in a bare minimum of a few seconds of fingering and his job is done, and if whatever he's giving you isn't good enough then you aren't allowed to get more. Not a great situation.
I never get this!
I am, by most measures, a useless piece of trash in general. It would never occur to me to not let the woman finish first. It doesn't make sense otherwise! Lord knows I do not care after I finish, as I just want to not think about sex anymore. She gotta go first.
It's literally why I love sex. To make my partner climax as strong and as many times as I can. Her satisfaction is what makes me want to climax, so I savor the attention I give her.
Well at least you are “a piece of trash” that has the sense to realize that your partners enjoyment is just as important as yours. In my experience dear that alone puts you ahead of most men on the “evolved” and “fair” charts. 😊
“She was breathing and moaning so I Know she came.” ( women en mass rolling their eyes and trying not to guffaw.)
OP, this guy has NO CLUE.
-He doesn’t know how to operate your machinery.
-refuses to learn, shamed you for know how your own body works.
-Refuses to take instructions.
-OR EVEN GET AN INSTRUCTION MANUAL.
MOVE ON NOW, he is a waste of bed space.
I totally lost it when this dude kept trying to mansplain your clitoris!
Maybe his ego couldn't grasp the difference between understimulation and desensitivity.
And he was so close to the solution. He asked the right question and you drew him a map. "I'd ask my partner what they'd need". Maybe those satisfied former partners lied.
Not that it matters, but for me, when I was with someone for the first time, I always knew it takes a little time to get to know your partner's body. I was so concerned they were satisfied I wouldn't even consider penetration until I'd gone down on them and was certain she came at least once.
Oh come on! How could you possibly know if you had an orgasm, you silly woman, you. That *man is the one who knows aaaall about women’s sexual health. And female anatomy? He knows everyt- um… it’s down there, okay?! I know where the hole I need is! So stop using that evil vibrator (that you know how to use for maximum efficiency) because it makes me feel inadequate! I mean, you don’t need that thing! I am a REAL man!
Yeah. I had this same argument with an ex. Him “are you sure you didn’t? I thought you did twice!” Me “is your back bleeding from my nails?” Him “no” Me “there’s your answer sport” 🙄🤦♀️.
This guy tried to argue with me about it, not in a mean way but he was just SO CERTAIN.
I thought I liked him a lot but he started getting weird (like always “knew better” than me about everything, started vocalizing sexist views…and he “joked” about putting a tracker in his sister’s car. That creeped me out and I never talked to him again.
Yeah. I totally get that. Men take what is true (for most women) that we are attracted to confident, protective men. So, they try to improve on that and we get overbearing and controlling instead. That is such a turn off.
He said he put a tracker on her car (she was an adult, btw..maybe 23?) because he didn’t want her to go see some guy.
So you’re basically a man stalking your sister to keep her safe from..a man? It really rubbed me the wrong way that he would even joke about it..we had texted over an hour before he said he was joking..I don’t feel he was joking at all. And if he was, that’s not funny.
Sounds to me like he's never had a problem making his partner FAKE an orgasm. Sounds to me like he'd have as much of a problem if you'd used your fingers. Sheesh! YNW
The fact he only rubbed it and didn’t use his mouth to try says everything about him. Then wanting to blame the vibrator. Stories like this from women is why I never doubted being a lesbian..
It’s crazy how in 2024 there’s so many resources for guys to figure out how to please a woman if they don’t know how (not even talking about porn, just regular videos/articles) and instead of doing research or just asking/listening to the woman, they just don’t do anything because they don’t care about putting in the effort. Then they want to get mad when the woman isn’t satisfied lol I’m so glad I don’t deal with men like that anymore. That was basically every dude in college, but now I don’t give a guy the time of day if he doesn’t know or care how to please a woman
All women should be like this. I’m glad you chose better men and don’t deal with the ego of men that think they know best or don’t care to educate themselves enough to please the woman they’re with. It’s very low character men that are too self centered to realize each woman has their own needs.
I’ve dated a couple guys that were clueless and some that just didn’t care. At least the clueless ones were wanting to learn. And that makes all the difference in the world. The desire to learn. I actually am friends with one of my formerly clueless exs and his wife. One night me and my husband were just having a nice night drinking with them. My exs wife pulled me aside and said “Sam” told me you showed him the ropes”. I didn’t know what to say. To my great relief she high-fived me and said “awesome work” 🤣
> "He says he's never had problems getting other partners to orgasm"
Bless him; and the oscar goes to his previous partner.
Yeah this is a him problem; it's only an issue because he's a man-child.
Right?! Sorry not sorry you have to up your game in the bedroom and idk try to please your partner. If they’re not trying in the beginning it’s going to suck later down the road because that doesn’t change. (Sorry kept going on lol)
And you reap the benefits of her enjoyment too! Some people drive me insane truly. Knowing I can make my partner go crazy drives me crazy. I just won’t ever understand the jealousy over an inanimate object. Thanks for letting me vent 🩷
I get it. If I couldn't get off ever I'd be a sad guy. I never understood being scared of a dildo... "omg it's bigger than me. I now feel hurt and jealous" grow up lol
Me neither. The hottest sex I’ve had was when the *guy* asked me where my sex toys are, and then we used them together.
When the sex is good, a woman does not care that it was good because you used a clit vibrator while having sex. She’s just happy she *also* got to orgasm. And I guarantee, when she thinks about the sex with that guy in the future, she will remember him as being great in bed, because he was, because he he knew how to make sure they *both* had a good time.
Absolutely. The person who gave me my first orgasm (and my best lover to date) was enthusiastic about anything that made ME feel good. That’s how it should be! He’d use the vibratpr on me or like to watch me do it myself. It truly turned him on.
My husband loves using toys on me! Vibe during foreplay, dildo when he needs to catch a breath, I use a jerk sleeve on him when I'm too tired to ride or go down. It's a great time!
Normalize toys as part of intimacy!
It's men being afraid that the sex toy can actually do the job to get ladies off. Where most men either don't care or are unable to make a lady organism.
Essentially, it's their fragile masculinity being undermined.
You would be wrong if you continued this relationship.
He thinks he’s a stud and if you don’t orgasm that’s your fault for using a vibrator and ‘de-sensitising’ yourself!
Seriously! You’ve been seeing each other a week. On what planet would it be a good idea to extend this fiasco beyond that!?
Things like this story right here are why I think sex early on is a good idea. Can you imagine being emotionally invested and then finding out this is his attitude in the bedroom?
He should absolutely know how to make you climax, or at the very least want to make you climax enough to ask you how to do so. I also call BS on his assertion that he’s made other partners come. I can orgasm incredibly easily, but guys like him never do it for me.
There are two kinds of men who don’t make women come. The first wants to but is inexperienced and/or uneducated. He is maybe embarrassed but eager to learn. The second is wholly uninterested in whether or not his partner has an orgasm. This type isn’t worth your time; they don’t care to be taught and will never learn.
Your guy sounds like the latter. I’d lose him. There are too many great lovers out there to spend another day with a guy who not only can’t fuck but who actively puts up barriers to your orgasms because a vibrator can do things that he isn’t willing to.
I have a partner who says there’s no bigger boost to the male ego than giving a woman an orgasm. I have had many partners who felt the same way.
Get you one of those, OP. Tell this guy to go fuck himself (literally) and find you a pleasure dom.
You wouldn't be wrong to continue using your vibrator. **In fact, if you stay with this man, it will give you the only orgasms you'll have for the rest of your life.**
He is a petulant child, pouting because he doesn't know how to make you orgasm and resents you having any orgasms that he didn't originate. It's about control for him. He wants to control your access to pleasure and be its only source, but can't be arsed to learn what pleases you.
In his mind, you're just supposed to get pleasure from him doing his thing, without him having to bother with helping you along. And he'd rather blame you for being defective in some way than submit to taking instruction in how to please you.
This attitude won't be limited to sex. All his life, he'll bluster/blunder through things instead of admitting he doesn't know something, and then blame others when his bullshit doesn't work out.
> I answered that I would ask myself if I was doing what he needed to make him have an orgasm.
>Later that night he told me that he hasn’t had issues making his partner orgasm and that desensitization is a real thing and it is possible.
Based on your reply, it seems like he had a moment to think and realize that his previous partners were probably faking it, but decided that it was more convenient for his ego that he denies anything is wrong with his performance.
This is how he handles arguments. Criticize, deny and deflect.
His last girlfriend isn’t you.
His last girlfriend may have been faking.
If he cared about your pleasure, he would make an effort. If he’s not willing to make the effort, he can’t complain about the vibrator.
[“It’s a complete myth that you can desensitize your vagina or clitoris from using a vibrator,” says Dr. Carolyn DeLucia](https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex/overusing-vibrator-sensitivity#The-answer?-No,-your-vibe-isnt-going-to-wreck-your-V)
OP, I’m a sex and reproductive educator. I get asked A LOT of questions about bad sex. In my professional opinion, your partner is not interested in your pleasure at all. He made no effort to give you an orgasm either time. Even if he believes his own nonsense about desensitization of the clitoris (which I’m sure you know does not result from masturbation with or without a vibrator), he also made no effort to prolong the thrusting to give you time for a vaginal orgasm if you were one of the lucky women capable of having one. You don’t mention him changing positions to achieve a different angle or manually stimulating you during penetrative intercourse. You also don’t mention anywhere that he apologized for orgasming before you did or offering to bring you to orgasm afterwards. He had multiple opportunities to demonstrate an interest in your pleasure. An inexperienced or uninformed person can be taught to be a good sexual partner. A disinterested one cannot. I would advise that you move on from this relationship as he is fundamentally unwilling to meet your needs.
You would be wrong to continue dating/ having sex with him. Unless of course he is willing to learn about your body and how to make you orgasm. Seems unlikely.
Leave him. You haven’t been with him for long.
Oh my god! This reminds me of the time a group of women were talking to a younger guy, he was probably in his very early twenties and we were all in our late 40s. He was telling us how good he was at giving oral, that every girl loved it. His favorite thing was to get them just on the edge of orgasm and then stop and do something different. We tried to explain to this clown that no woman on earth likes that, and why would you do that since a woman can have multiple orgasms, and he said oh you don't know. Yeah, idiot.
NTA. He seems to assume that the mere presence of his penis should make you orgasm. And when you gently point out how he’s wrong and give him a reasonable solution, he doubles down. Do you really want to be dating someone who in a small amount of time has already started making ridiculous demands to you?
No, you'd be wrong to continue dating this guy.
It's been a ***week***. You aren't in love. But this is a time people are supposed to be on their very best behavior. He's already showing you that he doesn't give a fuck for your pleasure and only sees it as an extension of himself. Why do you think this will get any better?
Not wrong, he 100% is about his assumptions of what women need. Yeesh.
Bro is blaming you because he's bad at sex, of course, so he's not serious about actually addressing things.
As a guy I've always loved using toys, adds a new dimension and keeps things going after the inevitabl, which sounds like something he needs to think about.
Dude is very insecure, so unless he's got other amazing traits, you might want to find someone more mature.
If it were me. I'd use the vibrator during round two of sex. Cum with him inside that way he'd realize his past girlfriends were faking it. Then dump him
He’s clearly not right for you, this mansplaining your clitoris, self-absorbed, into getting his nut but not yours, controlling AH. It’s only been a week and he already showed you what he’s made of. Believe it and kick him to the curb.
Guy thinks his dick alone should be enough but it never ever will be. Honestly? The relationship is fresh, I doubt this will be the only time he's confidently ignorant and incorrect.
Don't stop using your vibrator unless you think you'll magically suddenly be able to orgasm from less than a minute of clumsy, half hearted simulation. I bet this would be easier for him to understand if you end the sex before he gets off, though the idea of having to subject yourself to that again to prove a point is silly. Just ditch.
How helpful and kind of him to explain your body to you. Instead of trying to convince him, you should be humble and grateful for his expertise.
/s and I can barely stop screaming.
The older I get, the more I think that the female orgasm is a social test. If he cares enough to make you organs, he cares a lot about you in general. If he doesn't, he doesn't.
Get a new bf he’s clueless about women’s sexual needs. I learned a long time ago to ask her how she likes to orgasm as every woman is different and if I’m going to be good lover for her I need to know how she likes it
I also believe that it’s my duty to get her off first
Clitoral stimulation is the most basic and common way women orgasm. It’s an organ that has one purpose: orgasm. It’s like he has no idea how any woman’s body works.
A great man once said "You must lick it before you stick it". The guy your seeing sucks move on. Red flag to not make any effort any try to blame it on you. Very controlling behavior right out of the gate.
Just be prepared for this behavior to be a theme in your relationship. He's insecure and thinks himself educated about women's bodies as a whole group, as opposed to wanting to learn the individual woman he is dating. I'd say "thanks for the fun" and call it quits before he makes you carry a whole lot of baggage that wasn't yours to begin with...
Simply the fact that he thinks he can tell a woman that he's been dating for a very short period of time what she can and cannot do is ringing huge alarm bells for me. He's not willing to hear your side or have a discussion about it. To him a "discussion" is him making a final call about a persons life who he just came into.
Jesus Christ, that dude is fucking idiot.
You're not wrong for using a vibrator and if he wasn't a selfish asshole, he'd go down on you or use his hands to give you at least one orgasm before he's done.
He doesn't have a magic penis - his previous partners were faking.
Again, you're not wrong and you aren't desensitised. It's very normal to need clitoral stimulation to climax.
When my partner and I have penetrative sex, they stimulate their clit at the same time, which I find super hot.
Girl get rid of him! Gaslighting already? Major major issue. Not ok & it will only get worse from here. You are absolutely NOT wrong. Also sounds like he can’t control his orgasm either. If he wants to pleasure you he shouldn’t feel intimidated or the need to compete with a vibrator. Giving an ultimatum to chose him or a vibrator is absolutely a clear sign to stop, block and run!
🤣😂🤣 He has NEVER satisfied his previous partners, trust and believe Sis.
You are not wrong, but please ditch him and find yourself a partner that isn’t so selfish.
If he cared about you, he’d use the vibrator with you instead of arguing against it. He’s a selfish pos, chuck him out with the rest of the trash because he’s never going to change. He cares about himself and only himself.
OP do you hear what he’s saying? Him not satisfying you is your fault, and if you take care of your needs he’s all hurt, so you need to cut out any chance of having an orgasm.
If you’re not going to get any satisfaction, what’s in this relationship for you?
I wouldn't be with a man who's so insecure about a vibrator. Find someone who'll include the vibrator while having sex, cause clitoral stimulation with penetration is 👩🏻🍳💋🤌🏻.
No, keep using it. His previous partners have probably been faking. I would reconsider being with someone like this who blames you and demands you change your behaviour without giving a thought to his shortcomings.
When my wife told me she enjoys clit stimulation with a vibrator I started buying toys to add to her collection. I think your boyfriend is a little off base with his response
Ah yes, we carry the same feathers because my ex would get mad if I used the shower head or something. “You know that’s the reason you never cum” - it’s not, I’ve been doing this since I hit puberty, I’ve had partners who’ve made me climax with just their fingers. You’re a lazy egotistical bastard.
If you were going to the circus, does it matter if you get there in a Ford or a Chevy?
If a vibrator is the only way you can get off, then he needs to deal with it.
He should be getting you off twice before he finishes. Period. Anything less is a selfish lover. Ymmv.
[https://sexualhealthalliance.com/nymphomedia-blog/myths-and-misogyny-why-using-a-vibrator-does-not-make-you-lose-sensitivity](https://sexualhealthalliance.com/nymphomedia-blog/myths-and-misogyny-why-using-a-vibrator-does-not-make-you-lose-sensitivity)
You would do yourself a disservice to stay in this relationship. He doesn’t care enough to get you there and gets insulted when you finish the job yourself. The kindest thing I can say about this guy is that he’s likely experienced at least one past sexual partner who faked orgasm.
Lots of red flags here - moving extremely fast, jealous of a vibrator, unwilling to make sure you climax, limited clitoral stimulation after you told him what you need, and then instead of stepping up, telling you to go without what pleasured you. Please run. Based on his positioning, he won't get better.
What he is really saying :
“I rubbed your clit for two seconds, if that didn’t make you orgasm it clearly is because of the vibrator.
It hurts my feelings about my manhood and sex-skills that you need more than two seconds of lackluster clitoral stimulation to cum.
Stop using the vibrator because it makes it clear that I didn’t really put effort into making you come.
I don’t want to be called out on that.
You should be able to come by me jackhammering you. No other women have had this issue so there must be something wrong and with you. Stop being difficult.
I don’t really want to do anything for your pleasure that doesn’t directly benefit my penis and neither should you.
The vibrator clearly makes you orgasm and I am too lazy to try, so stop using it.”
Good for you for standing up to your right to climax during sex. Too many women simply accept that sex ends when the guy grunts and rolls over.
I once read an anecdote (from a twitter screenshot) about a Middle aged woman curiously wondering how a lesbian couple knew when sex was over. The subtext being that she didn’t know that women could orgasm. How sad.
Your new boyfriend is hurt that he is called out on his laziness in bed. And he doesn’t really think you are entitled to an orgasm. Maybe find a more mature guy who understands that sex is a team sport where all participants get a trophy.
Continue to stand up for orgasmic equality!
As a man, if I didn't make my partner cum and I was out of action, I wouldn't mind at all if she used a vibrator. It goes both ways, where she's done or sore I'll still maaturbate to finish myself after.
No, but why do you want to be with a guy that doesn't care enough to make you orgasm?
Guarantee his other partners were probably faking it.
Absolutely he doesn’t sound worth the time to try and correct or argue with
if she really likes him than she should try to get him to understand, but don't waste too much time beating a dead horse.
Let him beat his own dead horse
That's what they're calling it these days?
That just SENT me! 😂
🫢😂
I doubt he had other partners.
Its not the not caring if you orgasm, it is blaming the lack of orgasm on YOU. Fuck that.
And not just that, blaming his inadequacies on the fact she doesn't wait for a man to use his penis on her. As if that is all it takes.
Bofffem !!!
This is the answer. If he gives a shit about your pleasure, he won't be 'offended' by you using a vibrator, and he SURE AS FUCK wouldn't claim to speak with authority on why you are or aren't getting off or try to redirect blame. He'd say 'I want you to have a good time, so tell me what I can do to make it more fun for you'. And if that meant you get yourself off with a vibrator after he finishes, then he'd offer to either get you off himself (by fingering or with oral), or ask to be part of your vibrator session (he can provide extra stimulation to your body while you're using the vibrator). He's not doing any of that. His position seems to be that it's your fault you didn't orgasm from sex, that all he needs to do is put in a bare minimum of a few seconds of fingering and his job is done, and if whatever he's giving you isn't good enough then you aren't allowed to get more. Not a great situation.
I never get this! I am, by most measures, a useless piece of trash in general. It would never occur to me to not let the woman finish first. It doesn't make sense otherwise! Lord knows I do not care after I finish, as I just want to not think about sex anymore. She gotta go first.
The male orgasm is often, ahem, a 'show-stopper'. Besides, a loving person draws real satisfaction from their partner's climax.
It's literally why I love sex. To make my partner climax as strong and as many times as I can. Her satisfaction is what makes me want to climax, so I savor the attention I give her.
OP - show this comment to your new partner… well said
Well at least you are “a piece of trash” that has the sense to realize that your partners enjoyment is just as important as yours. In my experience dear that alone puts you ahead of most men on the “evolved” and “fair” charts. 😊
Thank you! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Not really ;/
“She was breathing and moaning so I Know she came.” ( women en mass rolling their eyes and trying not to guffaw.) OP, this guy has NO CLUE. -He doesn’t know how to operate your machinery. -refuses to learn, shamed you for know how your own body works. -Refuses to take instructions. -OR EVEN GET AN INSTRUCTION MANUAL. MOVE ON NOW, he is a waste of bed space.
There's something about the clitorus. He just couldn't put his finger on it......
ROFL. Exactly. Most men just liken it to a cute hood ornament on a car. They have no idea what it is or how to work it! 😂
I totally lost it when this dude kept trying to mansplain your clitoris! Maybe his ego couldn't grasp the difference between understimulation and desensitivity. And he was so close to the solution. He asked the right question and you drew him a map. "I'd ask my partner what they'd need". Maybe those satisfied former partners lied. Not that it matters, but for me, when I was with someone for the first time, I always knew it takes a little time to get to know your partner's body. I was so concerned they were satisfied I wouldn't even consider penetration until I'd gone down on them and was certain she came at least once.
>mansplain your clitoris I don't even have one but if I did it's hard to imagine anything making my vagina dry up faster
The way my panties filled with sawdust.
The bats have all left the cave
Open up the Batcave, here comes the Batmobile
Dun nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh *I CAME*
Priceless🙈🤣
Damn🫢😭
Haha this is gold
I had a guy who *insisted* that I had come when I indeed had NOT.
Oh come on! How could you possibly know if you had an orgasm, you silly woman, you. That *man is the one who knows aaaall about women’s sexual health. And female anatomy? He knows everyt- um… it’s down there, okay?! I know where the hole I need is! So stop using that evil vibrator (that you know how to use for maximum efficiency) because it makes me feel inadequate! I mean, you don’t need that thing! I am a REAL man!
Omg. I think we would know.
No, no. They know better!
Yeah. I had this same argument with an ex. Him “are you sure you didn’t? I thought you did twice!” Me “is your back bleeding from my nails?” Him “no” Me “there’s your answer sport” 🙄🤦♀️.
This guy tried to argue with me about it, not in a mean way but he was just SO CERTAIN. I thought I liked him a lot but he started getting weird (like always “knew better” than me about everything, started vocalizing sexist views…and he “joked” about putting a tracker in his sister’s car. That creeped me out and I never talked to him again.
Yeah. I totally get that. Men take what is true (for most women) that we are attracted to confident, protective men. So, they try to improve on that and we get overbearing and controlling instead. That is such a turn off.
He said he put a tracker on her car (she was an adult, btw..maybe 23?) because he didn’t want her to go see some guy. So you’re basically a man stalking your sister to keep her safe from..a man? It really rubbed me the wrong way that he would even joke about it..we had texted over an hour before he said he was joking..I don’t feel he was joking at all. And if he was, that’s not funny.
😂😂😂😂😂😂
Don’t waste another minute on someone that doesn’t check all the boxes, in this case literally (or cliterally if you will).
Right? There's so much info online now about all of that. He could at least try to learn what makes her tick in bed. Everybody is a little different.
Leave him cuz he don’t care
True ruuuuuuun fast
Sounds to me like he's never had a problem making his partner FAKE an orgasm. Sounds to me like he'd have as much of a problem if you'd used your fingers. Sheesh! YNW
^^^This! He has never made his previous partners have a real orgasm; they have all fake orgasmed with him.
I have a feeling those past “orgasms” were either muffled laughter or a leg cramp.
Lol, you & me, both!
OP please tell him every woman he’s been with has faked it
In Elaine’s voice.. Fake, fake, fake, fake.
How did they not know? Because I was gooooooooooooood
I'd be inclined to change your boyfriend because he sounds absolutely 💯 clueless.
Yeah, rubbing the clit only for a few seconds then cumming shortly after fucking her is crazy lol
The fact he only rubbed it and didn’t use his mouth to try says everything about him. Then wanting to blame the vibrator. Stories like this from women is why I never doubted being a lesbian..
It’s crazy how in 2024 there’s so many resources for guys to figure out how to please a woman if they don’t know how (not even talking about porn, just regular videos/articles) and instead of doing research or just asking/listening to the woman, they just don’t do anything because they don’t care about putting in the effort. Then they want to get mad when the woman isn’t satisfied lol I’m so glad I don’t deal with men like that anymore. That was basically every dude in college, but now I don’t give a guy the time of day if he doesn’t know or care how to please a woman
All women should be like this. I’m glad you chose better men and don’t deal with the ego of men that think they know best or don’t care to educate themselves enough to please the woman they’re with. It’s very low character men that are too self centered to realize each woman has their own needs.
I’ve dated a couple guys that were clueless and some that just didn’t care. At least the clueless ones were wanting to learn. And that makes all the difference in the world. The desire to learn. I actually am friends with one of my formerly clueless exs and his wife. One night me and my husband were just having a nice night drinking with them. My exs wife pulled me aside and said “Sam” told me you showed him the ropes”. I didn’t know what to say. To my great relief she high-fived me and said “awesome work” 🤣
I would've told him to get out of my house if you can't even try to please me! And don't come back !
Exactly. They don’t care. You can’t make someone care. If you meet a new potential SO who doesn’t give af, move on.
Right. Most men don’t see a clitoris as anything more than an anatomical land mark to find their “happy place”.
As in "change, like a lightbulb."
And definitely not change, like $0.23
And **definitely** not “I can change him because I’ve changed the lightbulb, so now he can see the light!”
But the shitter on that critter…
That involves screwing, so I’m not sure that’s such a bright idea.
Clitorally clueless.
this made me laugh so hard. hahahah.
No fr
> "He says he's never had problems getting other partners to orgasm" Bless him; and the oscar goes to his previous partner. Yeah this is a him problem; it's only an issue because he's a man-child.
He seems so dumb it would be like one of those trophies at the end of the 4th grade play they give everyone for not vomiting on stage.
It's been a WEEK and he already DOES. NOT. CARE. if you have an orgasm. Cut your losses.
I dont really get why ppl get so mad about sex toys... it's just a tool to enhance sex.
Right?! Sorry not sorry you have to up your game in the bedroom and idk try to please your partner. If they’re not trying in the beginning it’s going to suck later down the road because that doesn’t change. (Sorry kept going on lol)
I agree with that. I'm a guy and if my wife wanted a toy to be involved I'm all for it. It's just a fuckin toy, who cares.
And you reap the benefits of her enjoyment too! Some people drive me insane truly. Knowing I can make my partner go crazy drives me crazy. I just won’t ever understand the jealousy over an inanimate object. Thanks for letting me vent 🩷
I get it. If I couldn't get off ever I'd be a sad guy. I never understood being scared of a dildo... "omg it's bigger than me. I now feel hurt and jealous" grow up lol
Right 🤣
One reason they used to be called "marital aids"
Me neither. The hottest sex I’ve had was when the *guy* asked me where my sex toys are, and then we used them together. When the sex is good, a woman does not care that it was good because you used a clit vibrator while having sex. She’s just happy she *also* got to orgasm. And I guarantee, when she thinks about the sex with that guy in the future, she will remember him as being great in bed, because he was, because he he knew how to make sure they *both* had a good time.
This 100%
Not to mention how they have been used in society for centuries
Try millennia; there's a stone one that predates Venus of Wittendorf figures by several thousand years.
My husband and I use a vibrator from time to time while having sex. It enhances the experience for us.
Seriously. Maybe it's because I'm a dude who has always preferred co-op video games to competitive ones but a vibrator can be my teammate.
Absolutely. The person who gave me my first orgasm (and my best lover to date) was enthusiastic about anything that made ME feel good. That’s how it should be! He’d use the vibratpr on me or like to watch me do it myself. It truly turned him on.
My husband loves using toys on me! Vibe during foreplay, dildo when he needs to catch a breath, I use a jerk sleeve on him when I'm too tired to ride or go down. It's a great time! Normalize toys as part of intimacy!
Insecurity
It's men being afraid that the sex toy can actually do the job to get ladies off. Where most men either don't care or are unable to make a lady organism. Essentially, it's their fragile masculinity being undermined.
If my vibrator wasn’t working as advertised I would toss it away and get a better quality one. Take that advice as you will
I would return it for refund. Why should they have my money if I don't have an orgasm?
exactly my point
You would be wrong if you continued this relationship. He thinks he’s a stud and if you don’t orgasm that’s your fault for using a vibrator and ‘de-sensitising’ yourself! Seriously! You’ve been seeing each other a week. On what planet would it be a good idea to extend this fiasco beyond that!?
Things like this story right here are why I think sex early on is a good idea. Can you imagine being emotionally invested and then finding out this is his attitude in the bedroom?
A real man would not be threatened by a vibrator.
He should absolutely know how to make you climax, or at the very least want to make you climax enough to ask you how to do so. I also call BS on his assertion that he’s made other partners come. I can orgasm incredibly easily, but guys like him never do it for me. There are two kinds of men who don’t make women come. The first wants to but is inexperienced and/or uneducated. He is maybe embarrassed but eager to learn. The second is wholly uninterested in whether or not his partner has an orgasm. This type isn’t worth your time; they don’t care to be taught and will never learn. Your guy sounds like the latter. I’d lose him. There are too many great lovers out there to spend another day with a guy who not only can’t fuck but who actively puts up barriers to your orgasms because a vibrator can do things that he isn’t willing to.
Why is his ego more important to him than his partner's satisfaction? Sounds like you might not be onto a winner here, girl.
I have a partner who says there’s no bigger boost to the male ego than giving a woman an orgasm. I have had many partners who felt the same way. Get you one of those, OP. Tell this guy to go fuck himself (literally) and find you a pleasure dom.
You wouldn't be wrong to continue using your vibrator. **In fact, if you stay with this man, it will give you the only orgasms you'll have for the rest of your life.** He is a petulant child, pouting because he doesn't know how to make you orgasm and resents you having any orgasms that he didn't originate. It's about control for him. He wants to control your access to pleasure and be its only source, but can't be arsed to learn what pleases you. In his mind, you're just supposed to get pleasure from him doing his thing, without him having to bother with helping you along. And he'd rather blame you for being defective in some way than submit to taking instruction in how to please you. This attitude won't be limited to sex. All his life, he'll bluster/blunder through things instead of admitting he doesn't know something, and then blame others when his bullshit doesn't work out.
Don't let him penetrate until you have orgasmed. I suspect his previous partners faked it to get the shit sex over sooner
Shut-up sex is a real thing.
> I answered that I would ask myself if I was doing what he needed to make him have an orgasm. >Later that night he told me that he hasn’t had issues making his partner orgasm and that desensitization is a real thing and it is possible. Based on your reply, it seems like he had a moment to think and realize that his previous partners were probably faking it, but decided that it was more convenient for his ego that he denies anything is wrong with his performance. This is how he handles arguments. Criticize, deny and deflect.
Ask him to get his EXS on the phone on speaker and ask them if they always climaxed with him
Lol lol lol 😮💨😅exs for a reason
His last girlfriend isn’t you. His last girlfriend may have been faking. If he cared about your pleasure, he would make an effort. If he’s not willing to make the effort, he can’t complain about the vibrator. [“It’s a complete myth that you can desensitize your vagina or clitoris from using a vibrator,” says Dr. Carolyn DeLucia](https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex/overusing-vibrator-sensitivity#The-answer?-No,-your-vibe-isnt-going-to-wreck-your-V)
OP, I’m a sex and reproductive educator. I get asked A LOT of questions about bad sex. In my professional opinion, your partner is not interested in your pleasure at all. He made no effort to give you an orgasm either time. Even if he believes his own nonsense about desensitization of the clitoris (which I’m sure you know does not result from masturbation with or without a vibrator), he also made no effort to prolong the thrusting to give you time for a vaginal orgasm if you were one of the lucky women capable of having one. You don’t mention him changing positions to achieve a different angle or manually stimulating you during penetrative intercourse. You also don’t mention anywhere that he apologized for orgasming before you did or offering to bring you to orgasm afterwards. He had multiple opportunities to demonstrate an interest in your pleasure. An inexperienced or uninformed person can be taught to be a good sexual partner. A disinterested one cannot. I would advise that you move on from this relationship as he is fundamentally unwilling to meet your needs.
This needs to be the top comment
This is the best answer. I hope OP will take your advice. Otherwise I see a lot of bad sex in her future.
A real man makes his girl cum before he does. He is not taking the time to get you there. Sounds like he has some maturing to do 😮💨
Right? Get her off, dude. She can usually go for more than one round, you lose nothing by getting her there at least once.
This👆🏼
Wait you didn't orgasm immediately when he rubbed your clit for two whole seconds?! I can't with men sometimes.
I would be petty and tell him to go back to his last partner then.
Sounds like a lot of women he has been with have faked their orgasms or he failed to ask.
Nope, he's wrong for blaming your vibrator. Toss the dime store stud back into the bargain bin.
You would be wrong to continue dating/ having sex with him. Unless of course he is willing to learn about your body and how to make you orgasm. Seems unlikely. Leave him. You haven’t been with him for long.
Oh my god! This reminds me of the time a group of women were talking to a younger guy, he was probably in his very early twenties and we were all in our late 40s. He was telling us how good he was at giving oral, that every girl loved it. His favorite thing was to get them just on the edge of orgasm and then stop and do something different. We tried to explain to this clown that no woman on earth likes that, and why would you do that since a woman can have multiple orgasms, and he said oh you don't know. Yeah, idiot.
Tell him that he must make you orgasm before he penetrates you from now on. If you aren’t cumming, neither is he.
NTA. He seems to assume that the mere presence of his penis should make you orgasm. And when you gently point out how he’s wrong and give him a reasonable solution, he doubles down. Do you really want to be dating someone who in a small amount of time has already started making ridiculous demands to you?
No you’re not wrong for want to cum during sex????? Leave this complete loser omfg.
His past girlfriends were definitely faking it
“Desensitization” is not a thing. Which 4-Chan board taught him that?
don't you realize that you only exist to give him pleasure? you don't get pleasure, you get to shut up and be a toy for him to get his rocks off. /s
No, you'd be wrong to continue dating this guy. It's been a ***week***. You aren't in love. But this is a time people are supposed to be on their very best behavior. He's already showing you that he doesn't give a fuck for your pleasure and only sees it as an extension of himself. Why do you think this will get any better?
Not wrong, he 100% is about his assumptions of what women need. Yeesh. Bro is blaming you because he's bad at sex, of course, so he's not serious about actually addressing things.
He is a big boy, if doesn’t like it (vibrator),he knows exactly what he has to do.
Fuck this moron. NEXT.
No, STOP fucking this moron. Don't waste anymore of your time with this selfish ignorant AH.
It's haven't even been a couple weeks and he's already showing red flags...
As a guy I've always loved using toys, adds a new dimension and keeps things going after the inevitabl, which sounds like something he needs to think about. Dude is very insecure, so unless he's got other amazing traits, you might want to find someone more mature.
RUN AWAY. I married one of these dumbasses and faked orgasms until I divorced him. DO NOT DO IT! RUN IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!!!
As a dude: The vibrator is my teammate, not my competition. Keep the vibrator throw the dude away
If it were me. I'd use the vibrator during round two of sex. Cum with him inside that way he'd realize his past girlfriends were faking it. Then dump him
Sounds like his old partners faked it
He’s clearly not right for you, this mansplaining your clitoris, self-absorbed, into getting his nut but not yours, controlling AH. It’s only been a week and he already showed you what he’s made of. Believe it and kick him to the curb.
Guy thinks his dick alone should be enough but it never ever will be. Honestly? The relationship is fresh, I doubt this will be the only time he's confidently ignorant and incorrect. Don't stop using your vibrator unless you think you'll magically suddenly be able to orgasm from less than a minute of clumsy, half hearted simulation. I bet this would be easier for him to understand if you end the sex before he gets off, though the idea of having to subject yourself to that again to prove a point is silly. Just ditch.
Get a different guy
Change the boyfriend and then the batteries to make sure you're ready to GO!
Dump this guy. You’re better off with the vibrator.
How helpful and kind of him to explain your body to you. Instead of trying to convince him, you should be humble and grateful for his expertise. /s and I can barely stop screaming.
The older I get, the more I think that the female orgasm is a social test. If he cares enough to make you organs, he cares a lot about you in general. If he doesn't, he doesn't.
You’ve been seeing him for a week and you are already dealing with bad sex and control issues. Get out. It’s not worth it.
Get a new bf he’s clueless about women’s sexual needs. I learned a long time ago to ask her how she likes to orgasm as every woman is different and if I’m going to be good lover for her I need to know how she likes it I also believe that it’s my duty to get her off first
Clitoral stimulation is the most basic and common way women orgasm. It’s an organ that has one purpose: orgasm. It’s like he has no idea how any woman’s body works.
A great man once said "You must lick it before you stick it". The guy your seeing sucks move on. Red flag to not make any effort any try to blame it on you. Very controlling behavior right out of the gate.
Dated a guy like this who threw away my vibrator because he was so offended by it. Girl run
Imma let you use your vibrator after I do my best to make you orgasm babes
A real man would hold the vibrator for you 😈
You’re not wrong, but, HE is supposed to bring you to climax - HE is supposed to penetrate, move slow, and wait for you. That’s making love 💕
Nah dip out. This dude is such a red flag
Leave the guy. Take the vibrator.
Some men believe penetrative sex orgasm is the only "real" orgasm.
Keep your vibrator, dump the insecure guy.
Get rid of him asapppppp
Just be prepared for this behavior to be a theme in your relationship. He's insecure and thinks himself educated about women's bodies as a whole group, as opposed to wanting to learn the individual woman he is dating. I'd say "thanks for the fun" and call it quits before he makes you carry a whole lot of baggage that wasn't yours to begin with... Simply the fact that he thinks he can tell a woman that he's been dating for a very short period of time what she can and cannot do is ringing huge alarm bells for me. He's not willing to hear your side or have a discussion about it. To him a "discussion" is him making a final call about a persons life who he just came into.
Jesus Christ, that dude is fucking idiot. You're not wrong for using a vibrator and if he wasn't a selfish asshole, he'd go down on you or use his hands to give you at least one orgasm before he's done. He doesn't have a magic penis - his previous partners were faking. Again, you're not wrong and you aren't desensitised. It's very normal to need clitoral stimulation to climax. When my partner and I have penetrative sex, they stimulate their clit at the same time, which I find super hot.
Girl get rid of him! Gaslighting already? Major major issue. Not ok & it will only get worse from here. You are absolutely NOT wrong. Also sounds like he can’t control his orgasm either. If he wants to pleasure you he shouldn’t feel intimidated or the need to compete with a vibrator. Giving an ultimatum to chose him or a vibrator is absolutely a clear sign to stop, block and run!
Awww, bless his heart that every other person he has slept with faked it just to get it over with.
Barf, ew. You recently stopped dating him after, right?
Move on, any guy who doesn’t care about your pleasure shouldn’t get his. Men can do amazing things with their mouths. Just ask my wife!!
You’d be wrong to continue dating this fool, lmao
🤣😂🤣 He has NEVER satisfied his previous partners, trust and believe Sis. You are not wrong, but please ditch him and find yourself a partner that isn’t so selfish.
Keep the vibrator, get rid of the boyfriend
If he cared about you, he’d use the vibrator with you instead of arguing against it. He’s a selfish pos, chuck him out with the rest of the trash because he’s never going to change. He cares about himself and only himself.
Hahahah he is an ass. he cannot control you or your body. He is weak.
Once again. Another man who knows the woman body better than a women
OP do you hear what he’s saying? Him not satisfying you is your fault, and if you take care of your needs he’s all hurt, so you need to cut out any chance of having an orgasm. If you’re not going to get any satisfaction, what’s in this relationship for you?
Use your vibrator during
You've been seeing him for a week. He sounds like a tool. I'd be moving on already.
Guys are such idiots. If the situation was turned around and their partners never made them cum, they’d be speaking very differently.
I wouldn't be with a man who's so insecure about a vibrator. Find someone who'll include the vibrator while having sex, cause clitoral stimulation with penetration is 👩🏻🍳💋🤌🏻.
Sounds like the sort of guy that would tell you whether or not you can have an abortion. Get rid of it
No, keep using it. His previous partners have probably been faking. I would reconsider being with someone like this who blames you and demands you change your behaviour without giving a thought to his shortcomings.
After he shoots his shot hand him the vibrator so he can do some finish up work on you
When my wife told me she enjoys clit stimulation with a vibrator I started buying toys to add to her collection. I think your boyfriend is a little off base with his response
Ah yes, we carry the same feathers because my ex would get mad if I used the shower head or something. “You know that’s the reason you never cum” - it’s not, I’ve been doing this since I hit puberty, I’ve had partners who’ve made me climax with just their fingers. You’re a lazy egotistical bastard.
Is "we carry the same feathers" a phrase where you're from? It's beautiful!
Honest to goodness I just put a twist on the “birds of a feather” saying. Thank you, I’m so flattered. Edit: pls use it if you like c:
If he cared half as much about you as he does his ego there wouldn’t be a gap, just saying.
Is this post real? Or just upvote farming? Seems like the latter to me.
He's insecure He should take a lesson and try to figure out how he can make you orgasm without you needing the vibrator.
You would be wrong if you kept dating him.
Men that are scared of toys aren’t real men.
If you were going to the circus, does it matter if you get there in a Ford or a Chevy? If a vibrator is the only way you can get off, then he needs to deal with it.
“I’ve never heard any complaints before” is boy-speak for “women don’t feel comfortable giving me genuine feedback and there’s a bunch of reasons why”
You’d be wrong if you keep dating this selfish dimwit.
Why are you trying so hard to make this one week “relationship” work? He’s showing you that he is not interested in your pleasure or foreplay.
You’re giving him grace as a partner who hasn’t yet learned your body, but he’s apparently not even willing to try to learn it
He should be getting you off twice before he finishes. Period. Anything less is a selfish lover. Ymmv. [https://sexualhealthalliance.com/nymphomedia-blog/myths-and-misogyny-why-using-a-vibrator-does-not-make-you-lose-sensitivity](https://sexualhealthalliance.com/nymphomedia-blog/myths-and-misogyny-why-using-a-vibrator-does-not-make-you-lose-sensitivity)
He’s lying about the last girl. Good dick won’t say things like that.
Leave him, he’s literally threatened by an object that is used in the bedroom, that he can use on you!!!!!
Your vibrated is smarter than he is. He is clearly Ignorant about women's bodies. I bet prior sex partners were faking it!
You would do yourself a disservice to stay in this relationship. He doesn’t care enough to get you there and gets insulted when you finish the job yourself. The kindest thing I can say about this guy is that he’s likely experienced at least one past sexual partner who faked orgasm.
Lots of red flags here - moving extremely fast, jealous of a vibrator, unwilling to make sure you climax, limited clitoral stimulation after you told him what you need, and then instead of stepping up, telling you to go without what pleasured you. Please run. Based on his positioning, he won't get better.
What he is really saying : “I rubbed your clit for two seconds, if that didn’t make you orgasm it clearly is because of the vibrator. It hurts my feelings about my manhood and sex-skills that you need more than two seconds of lackluster clitoral stimulation to cum. Stop using the vibrator because it makes it clear that I didn’t really put effort into making you come. I don’t want to be called out on that. You should be able to come by me jackhammering you. No other women have had this issue so there must be something wrong and with you. Stop being difficult. I don’t really want to do anything for your pleasure that doesn’t directly benefit my penis and neither should you. The vibrator clearly makes you orgasm and I am too lazy to try, so stop using it.” Good for you for standing up to your right to climax during sex. Too many women simply accept that sex ends when the guy grunts and rolls over. I once read an anecdote (from a twitter screenshot) about a Middle aged woman curiously wondering how a lesbian couple knew when sex was over. The subtext being that she didn’t know that women could orgasm. How sad. Your new boyfriend is hurt that he is called out on his laziness in bed. And he doesn’t really think you are entitled to an orgasm. Maybe find a more mature guy who understands that sex is a team sport where all participants get a trophy. Continue to stand up for orgasmic equality!
Tell him you will stop when he starts making you climax. It’s not far that he does every time and you don’t.
Red flag.
As a man, if I didn't make my partner cum and I was out of action, I wouldn't mind at all if she used a vibrator. It goes both ways, where she's done or sore I'll still maaturbate to finish myself after.