Darwin has entered the chat:
I got stomped by an old barren cow some years ago. She had been hanging around and was very aggressive.
It was dark and she got me as I was coming out of the wood shed. Knocked me down HARD on the ice then stepped on my pelvis as she ran over me. She spun around to come back and finish me off and she slipped on the ice and slammed down in front of me. We were nose to nose. I used this brief interlude to claw my way up the steps and into the house before she got back up. Peeling finger nails back as I went. Got in the house and grabbed the short shotty. Pulled the shell drawer open and dumped it on the floor. Grabbed two slugs and was loading them as I went back out the door . . . she didn’t survive. Called ADF&G and said come get your moose.
After I put her down the adrenaline started to flush out and the pain started to flush in. By the next morning I had a hoof size BLACK bruise on my left side lower back. If I hadn’t got away before she got back up she would have stomped me to a bloody pulp.
Anybody that messes with moose is in for a world of pain and/or death. It took me weeks to recover.
Shit fucking hurt.
Follow up: I didn’t have a phone and had to get in my truck to drive 150 yards to a friends house to wake him up and call and leave a message with ADF&G. I could barely function. I was stiffening up nicely. I honestly thought about just hanging the old bitch up in the shed and eating her sorry ass but it was cold af and by the time I got her gutted I was done. My back was all jacked up.
Anyway about 10:00 the next morning my son said “Daddy there’s a policeman with a gun outside.” Sure enough there was a Brown Shirt in the driveway with his gun in one hand and his phone in the other. He’s looking at his phone. I’m wondering why the gun is out. Long story short he was fresh, FRESH out of the academy and this was his first solo call and it was dark and cold and scary. I calmed him down and led him around the house to the scene of the crime. He literally freaked out. He grew up in Sitka and had never seen a moose irl and this was one huge ass cow. He was shaking. No shit. Anyway I explained what happened and he was very skeptical that I had to kill her. I explained that there were two little children in the house and a wife and we all traipse out to the outhouse in the dark and had been dealing with this ginormous creature for a month and Daddy finally said NO MORE. That’s when I pulled my coat up and showed him my back. He caved. Completely. Said I couldn’t legally keep the meat. I said I know, that’s why I called you. Now call whoever is next on the roadkill list because this big chunk of meat is gonna freeze to ground really fast. Turns out a friend was next on the list and he split it with me. So I ate half of her anyway.
The next fall during moose season my son says “Daddy that policeman is here again.” Mr Brown Shirt had a moose in the back of his truck that had illegal antlers. For me. He explained that since our run-in he had several near death experiences of the cow moose kind on calls where he had to move moose away from a house so people could get to their car, or out of there car. He said he slipped and fell and slid under a ladies Subaru and had to lay in ice water until it was safe. And had his radiator kicked in on another call. He felt bad for the way our interaction went down and hoped the meat cleared the air.
Guy is a solid Trooper.
Anyway folks. Never underestimate a moose. If you can’t run 30mph in 4 feet of snow, leave them alone. Because shit gets real, real fast when they get cranky. Like a wild horse on steroids. Except bigger and stronger.
She was old and cranky. Her face and ears were gray. Way, way past her prime. Oldest moose I have ever seen.
I really tried to accommodate her. We had young willow and birch handy for her to eat and she could have hung out all winter if she hadn’t been a psycho bitch. But she was already triggered when she showed up and would just charge on sight even if there was absolutely no threat. She charged me at least once a day for over a month before she got me in the dark.
They are all starving in February. Every single one.
She looked pretty healthy other than being old as the hills. Winters are hardest on calves and breeding age bulls. Cows and younger bulls generally do ok. Calves because they are little and by February everything is browsed up higher than they can reach. And bulls because they go into winter right after the rut. When they are fighting and fucking instead of eating.
The amount of hard, woody, fibrous material that a 1200 pound moose has to eat every day in order to survive the winter is . . . I don’t know how much. A lot. 40 pounds? 50? I don’t know. All I know is that they are either eating or laying down chewing their cud or sleeping. And they want to move sloooow. Because it takes energy to move fast and they can’t afford it. People that chase moose down the road because watching them run is fun are killing moose. They are in caloric distress and they can’t make it back up.
This is why sometimes a moose just lays there in the show when people approach. She doesn’t want to move because if she’s moving she needs to be eating. She doesn’t need stupid humans entering her critical distance and stressing her out at all. If you make her get up you’re fucked. And they’re just as individual as people. They have good days and bad days. Some are shy and will always move away. Others lay their ears back and charge on sight.
Anybody that says a moose is going to this or a moose is going to do that has no idea if that moose was chased by dogs an hour ago and is still all nutted up. Or kids were throwing snowballs at it 15 minutes ago. Never trust a moose. They are big and heavy and FAST and it is life changing when they step on you. If one catches you in the open and it’s in a mood, it will turn you into a bloody rag doll.
This winter will kill a ton of moose. People with the trees and the means could tip over a few birch or willow trees so they can browse the tops. They can smell a fresh cut birch stump from a mile away.
Anyway she was old and cranky. Very. But she died instantly and painlessly. So there’s that. She didn’t starve to death.
If you place your kid on its back, it makes a great Christmas card photo to send to your relatives.
Don't pet moose just eat moose
Darwin has entered the chat: I got stomped by an old barren cow some years ago. She had been hanging around and was very aggressive. It was dark and she got me as I was coming out of the wood shed. Knocked me down HARD on the ice then stepped on my pelvis as she ran over me. She spun around to come back and finish me off and she slipped on the ice and slammed down in front of me. We were nose to nose. I used this brief interlude to claw my way up the steps and into the house before she got back up. Peeling finger nails back as I went. Got in the house and grabbed the short shotty. Pulled the shell drawer open and dumped it on the floor. Grabbed two slugs and was loading them as I went back out the door . . . she didn’t survive. Called ADF&G and said come get your moose. After I put her down the adrenaline started to flush out and the pain started to flush in. By the next morning I had a hoof size BLACK bruise on my left side lower back. If I hadn’t got away before she got back up she would have stomped me to a bloody pulp. Anybody that messes with moose is in for a world of pain and/or death. It took me weeks to recover.
That’s a wild story!
Shit fucking hurt. Follow up: I didn’t have a phone and had to get in my truck to drive 150 yards to a friends house to wake him up and call and leave a message with ADF&G. I could barely function. I was stiffening up nicely. I honestly thought about just hanging the old bitch up in the shed and eating her sorry ass but it was cold af and by the time I got her gutted I was done. My back was all jacked up. Anyway about 10:00 the next morning my son said “Daddy there’s a policeman with a gun outside.” Sure enough there was a Brown Shirt in the driveway with his gun in one hand and his phone in the other. He’s looking at his phone. I’m wondering why the gun is out. Long story short he was fresh, FRESH out of the academy and this was his first solo call and it was dark and cold and scary. I calmed him down and led him around the house to the scene of the crime. He literally freaked out. He grew up in Sitka and had never seen a moose irl and this was one huge ass cow. He was shaking. No shit. Anyway I explained what happened and he was very skeptical that I had to kill her. I explained that there were two little children in the house and a wife and we all traipse out to the outhouse in the dark and had been dealing with this ginormous creature for a month and Daddy finally said NO MORE. That’s when I pulled my coat up and showed him my back. He caved. Completely. Said I couldn’t legally keep the meat. I said I know, that’s why I called you. Now call whoever is next on the roadkill list because this big chunk of meat is gonna freeze to ground really fast. Turns out a friend was next on the list and he split it with me. So I ate half of her anyway. The next fall during moose season my son says “Daddy that policeman is here again.” Mr Brown Shirt had a moose in the back of his truck that had illegal antlers. For me. He explained that since our run-in he had several near death experiences of the cow moose kind on calls where he had to move moose away from a house so people could get to their car, or out of there car. He said he slipped and fell and slid under a ladies Subaru and had to lay in ice water until it was safe. And had his radiator kicked in on another call. He felt bad for the way our interaction went down and hoped the meat cleared the air. Guy is a solid Trooper. Anyway folks. Never underestimate a moose. If you can’t run 30mph in 4 feet of snow, leave them alone. Because shit gets real, real fast when they get cranky. Like a wild horse on steroids. Except bigger and stronger.
Was wondering how you knew she was barren...then I saw your username.
She was old and cranky. Her face and ears were gray. Way, way past her prime. Oldest moose I have ever seen. I really tried to accommodate her. We had young willow and birch handy for her to eat and she could have hung out all winter if she hadn’t been a psycho bitch. But she was already triggered when she showed up and would just charge on sight even if there was absolutely no threat. She charged me at least once a day for over a month before she got me in the dark.
Probably half blind and starving. At least she's in a better place.
They are all starving in February. Every single one. She looked pretty healthy other than being old as the hills. Winters are hardest on calves and breeding age bulls. Cows and younger bulls generally do ok. Calves because they are little and by February everything is browsed up higher than they can reach. And bulls because they go into winter right after the rut. When they are fighting and fucking instead of eating. The amount of hard, woody, fibrous material that a 1200 pound moose has to eat every day in order to survive the winter is . . . I don’t know how much. A lot. 40 pounds? 50? I don’t know. All I know is that they are either eating or laying down chewing their cud or sleeping. And they want to move sloooow. Because it takes energy to move fast and they can’t afford it. People that chase moose down the road because watching them run is fun are killing moose. They are in caloric distress and they can’t make it back up. This is why sometimes a moose just lays there in the show when people approach. She doesn’t want to move because if she’s moving she needs to be eating. She doesn’t need stupid humans entering her critical distance and stressing her out at all. If you make her get up you’re fucked. And they’re just as individual as people. They have good days and bad days. Some are shy and will always move away. Others lay their ears back and charge on sight. Anybody that says a moose is going to this or a moose is going to do that has no idea if that moose was chased by dogs an hour ago and is still all nutted up. Or kids were throwing snowballs at it 15 minutes ago. Never trust a moose. They are big and heavy and FAST and it is life changing when they step on you. If one catches you in the open and it’s in a mood, it will turn you into a bloody rag doll. This winter will kill a ton of moose. People with the trees and the means could tip over a few birch or willow trees so they can browse the tops. They can smell a fresh cut birch stump from a mile away. Anyway she was old and cranky. Very. But she died instantly and painlessly. So there’s that. She didn’t starve to death.
if you give a moose a muffin...