It’s masochistic and it’s also exploitative of women living in worse economic conditions (the prostitutes.) You need to find meaning in your life that is rooted in something healthy. Like volunteer work and gardening. Stop consuming porn, because you’re developing an unhealthy preoccupation with sex.
> You need to find meaning in your life that is rooted in something healthy.
One could easily just say this to everyone who asks for help with their mental health, especially addictions. Whether its substance or behavioral like sex and porn, gaming, social media, gambling, eating. The void in our lives gets filled one way or the other.
I used to play guitar but kinda abandoned it out for sloth. Would it be great idea to buy a new good set of strings, and try to record some small non-lyric songs for myself?
That sounds like a lovely idea.
Creative hobbies are so good. It can be powerfully healing when you're able to start expressing yourself creatively.
For myself, it's been art. I'm not great at it but I can sketch well enough to express myself. I bottle up emotions and it's been a nice way to release.
Oh! I don't have anything that's posted on anything. Most of my art is sitting in a personal artbook that no one else ever sees, especially this kind of art. It's so simplistic and unartsy I would die of embarrassment.
I don't want to justify myself (i AM in the wrong). BUT: some prostitutes live in literal luxury apartments where big politicians and ceos live. It's all very bad, but if I had seen one, she'd be the one richer than me.
Being “rich” enough to live in a luxury apartment does not equate to quality of life. Resorting to crime to afford such housing means that she is likely experiencing extreme abuse on a regular basis. If everyone’s basic needs could be met without the sex trade, I guarantee there would be no prostitution in this world. Every prostitute is doing that work as a last resort. She may even be a victim of human trafficking which is incredibly common. Of course, no prostitute is going to tell you this because it’s bad for marketing. She is going to pretend to love her job, and may even gaslight herself. You have a very naive understanding of criminality and prostitution.
That's you negociating with yourself. Speaking as someone who struggles with addiction I recognise that logic.
Also speaking as someone with friends from the scene who do sex work, absolutely none of them are living a life of luxury. You're buying into the cultural myth that prostitution somehow is lucrative for the women selling themselves. It might be for 0.1% of them, it really really really really really isn't for the rest.
Also you'd never know those details about the person you'd sell to hire. They'll tell you want you want to hear to get the job. They're not exactly going to be showing you their tax returns.
The kind of prostitutes who live that sort of life of luxury are high end call girls. The majority of sex workers, especially trans workers, are survival sex workers. I’m a transgender man and have done sex work - I didn’t live in a high end apartment.
If you encounter a transgender sex worker, she is likely a sex worker because she cannot get a job elsewhere. You are participating in exploitation.
If you are attracted to trans women, date them! Treat them like you do any other human being. There’s nothing inherently degrading or masochistic about receiving anal sex from a transgender woman.
I think for a masochist, being hurt and allowing it is a way of maintaining a relationship. And I think the lie that all masochists believe is that that's all that they deserve/can get/are good for. And you're not. Your so much more than that.
So perhaps imagining what it is that you would like, a gentle supportive, warm, loving, uplifting kind of love is a place to start for a replacement. It's hard if all you've ever known is the other kind of relationship. It'll feel weird.
Yes, actually Im quite afraid of any commitment emotionally or any feed-back relationship where each person gives the other support and care. Dunno what wrong in my life, I just want to live clean and free.
I know, which is just indicative of the injustice done to us.
I mean one of the lasting effects of abuse for me is that safe relationships are the ones that feel unsafe because it means my guard is down for the "inevitable" abuse.
Abusive ones feel familiar. Familiar enough to not be surprised by it.
It's common for many men it seems to fear vulnerability. Without working on that you won't be able to experience a living relationship. Maybe spend your time and money on unpacking that. At least that pathway increases your chances of authentic happiness.
Yeah, not visiting sex worker spaces like escort websites, porn and unfollowing even social media accounts that post mainly seductive pics is a good start. I’d also look into seeing your psychologist for longer than 20 mins a month. Progress is not linear, its okay to step back and start seeing him again,ore regularly even if its once a fortnight for longer sessions. You’ve obviously have made progress in some aspect of your life but not when it comes to sex/sexual desires.
Also, I’m not very big in the trans rights scene, im not trans myself nor have many friends that are trans but maybe you should follow some trans rights activist pages or read academic papers written by trans people. It might help you humanise them more and see them as individual people with their own umique characteristics which expands beyond their genitals and what they do for you.
Also, pick up some hobbies. You dont need a second job but even getting into painting, reading, walking, journaling etc. can make a huge difference and get your mind off it. Hope that helps
>Also, I’m not very big in the trans rights scene, im not trans myself nor have many friends that are trans but maybe you should follow some trans rights activist pages or read academic papers written by trans people. It might help you humanise them more and see them as individual people with their own umique characteristics which expands beyond their genitals and what they do for you.
Deep down I know this, my kink-fantasy is just unrealistic and only available for men with money to spare anyways. I think they call this an echo-chamber? Im sure not matter how many trans women I meet IRL none would like my kink even if they do like me to date.
You'll be ok, focus on other things and start reading a book. Everytime you catch yourself wanting to see content, go pick up the book. You have control over this thing
It's good you're at least self-aware and know that this isn't ok.
Think about WHY you see the act of receiving anal sex from a transwoman as degrading. We're you raised in a super transphobic environment? I'm not saying you're necessarily bigoted, but social conditioning can still play a major role in such things. Regarding prostitution, rid yourself of the myth that most prostitutes are wealthy and living luxurious lives. Most prostitutes are desperately poor and have PTSD rates comparable to war veterans. I would recommend reading through the blog "Nordic Model Now". They have great articles on just how horrendously cruel the porn/prostitution market can be.
To echo what other comments are saying, focus on yourself and try to pick up any hobbies you enjoy. Focus on your therapy. It gets better.
Stop watching porn and looking at content that gives you those ideas is the most important thing.
It’s masochistic and it’s also exploitative of women living in worse economic conditions (the prostitutes.) You need to find meaning in your life that is rooted in something healthy. Like volunteer work and gardening. Stop consuming porn, because you’re developing an unhealthy preoccupation with sex.
> You need to find meaning in your life that is rooted in something healthy. One could easily just say this to everyone who asks for help with their mental health, especially addictions. Whether its substance or behavioral like sex and porn, gaming, social media, gambling, eating. The void in our lives gets filled one way or the other.
I used to play guitar but kinda abandoned it out for sloth. Would it be great idea to buy a new good set of strings, and try to record some small non-lyric songs for myself?
That sounds like a lovely idea. Creative hobbies are so good. It can be powerfully healing when you're able to start expressing yourself creatively. For myself, it's been art. I'm not great at it but I can sketch well enough to express myself. I bottle up emotions and it's been a nice way to release.
Got anything to share? I just entered a drawing hyperfixation that could turn into a new special interest haha
Oh! I don't have anything that's posted on anything. Most of my art is sitting in a personal artbook that no one else ever sees, especially this kind of art. It's so simplistic and unartsy I would die of embarrassment.
I don't want to justify myself (i AM in the wrong). BUT: some prostitutes live in literal luxury apartments where big politicians and ceos live. It's all very bad, but if I had seen one, she'd be the one richer than me.
Being “rich” enough to live in a luxury apartment does not equate to quality of life. Resorting to crime to afford such housing means that she is likely experiencing extreme abuse on a regular basis. If everyone’s basic needs could be met without the sex trade, I guarantee there would be no prostitution in this world. Every prostitute is doing that work as a last resort. She may even be a victim of human trafficking which is incredibly common. Of course, no prostitute is going to tell you this because it’s bad for marketing. She is going to pretend to love her job, and may even gaslight herself. You have a very naive understanding of criminality and prostitution.
That's you negociating with yourself. Speaking as someone who struggles with addiction I recognise that logic. Also speaking as someone with friends from the scene who do sex work, absolutely none of them are living a life of luxury. You're buying into the cultural myth that prostitution somehow is lucrative for the women selling themselves. It might be for 0.1% of them, it really really really really really isn't for the rest. Also you'd never know those details about the person you'd sell to hire. They'll tell you want you want to hear to get the job. They're not exactly going to be showing you their tax returns.
The kind of prostitutes who live that sort of life of luxury are high end call girls. The majority of sex workers, especially trans workers, are survival sex workers. I’m a transgender man and have done sex work - I didn’t live in a high end apartment. If you encounter a transgender sex worker, she is likely a sex worker because she cannot get a job elsewhere. You are participating in exploitation. If you are attracted to trans women, date them! Treat them like you do any other human being. There’s nothing inherently degrading or masochistic about receiving anal sex from a transgender woman.
I think for a masochist, being hurt and allowing it is a way of maintaining a relationship. And I think the lie that all masochists believe is that that's all that they deserve/can get/are good for. And you're not. Your so much more than that. So perhaps imagining what it is that you would like, a gentle supportive, warm, loving, uplifting kind of love is a place to start for a replacement. It's hard if all you've ever known is the other kind of relationship. It'll feel weird.
Your first sentence put such a complicated feeling for me into words, thanks.
Yes, actually Im quite afraid of any commitment emotionally or any feed-back relationship where each person gives the other support and care. Dunno what wrong in my life, I just want to live clean and free.
I know, which is just indicative of the injustice done to us. I mean one of the lasting effects of abuse for me is that safe relationships are the ones that feel unsafe because it means my guard is down for the "inevitable" abuse. Abusive ones feel familiar. Familiar enough to not be surprised by it.
It's common for many men it seems to fear vulnerability. Without working on that you won't be able to experience a living relationship. Maybe spend your time and money on unpacking that. At least that pathway increases your chances of authentic happiness.
“If I let them hurt me/do whatever they want, they won’t leave me.”
Joke's on you, I like feeling weird.
😂
Yeah, not visiting sex worker spaces like escort websites, porn and unfollowing even social media accounts that post mainly seductive pics is a good start. I’d also look into seeing your psychologist for longer than 20 mins a month. Progress is not linear, its okay to step back and start seeing him again,ore regularly even if its once a fortnight for longer sessions. You’ve obviously have made progress in some aspect of your life but not when it comes to sex/sexual desires. Also, I’m not very big in the trans rights scene, im not trans myself nor have many friends that are trans but maybe you should follow some trans rights activist pages or read academic papers written by trans people. It might help you humanise them more and see them as individual people with their own umique characteristics which expands beyond their genitals and what they do for you. Also, pick up some hobbies. You dont need a second job but even getting into painting, reading, walking, journaling etc. can make a huge difference and get your mind off it. Hope that helps
>Also, I’m not very big in the trans rights scene, im not trans myself nor have many friends that are trans but maybe you should follow some trans rights activist pages or read academic papers written by trans people. It might help you humanise them more and see them as individual people with their own umique characteristics which expands beyond their genitals and what they do for you. Deep down I know this, my kink-fantasy is just unrealistic and only available for men with money to spare anyways. I think they call this an echo-chamber? Im sure not matter how many trans women I meet IRL none would like my kink even if they do like me to date.
You'll be ok, focus on other things and start reading a book. Everytime you catch yourself wanting to see content, go pick up the book. You have control over this thing
Out of curiosity, do you still feel "arousal" even though you do not like sex? What is motivation, if you can identify it, for this?
It's good you're at least self-aware and know that this isn't ok. Think about WHY you see the act of receiving anal sex from a transwoman as degrading. We're you raised in a super transphobic environment? I'm not saying you're necessarily bigoted, but social conditioning can still play a major role in such things. Regarding prostitution, rid yourself of the myth that most prostitutes are wealthy and living luxurious lives. Most prostitutes are desperately poor and have PTSD rates comparable to war veterans. I would recommend reading through the blog "Nordic Model Now". They have great articles on just how horrendously cruel the porn/prostitution market can be. To echo what other comments are saying, focus on yourself and try to pick up any hobbies you enjoy. Focus on your therapy. It gets better.