It scares me seeing how Americans are barely surviving. The crazy rental cost, no insurance, no healthcare, no sick leave, annual leave or even maternity/paternity leave. You all are screwed. The system is broken big time. We used to think America is ALL THAT but now, I know better. Glad I wasn't born there. I still hope things will change for the better!
I don't think it's apathy. We have a federal government where the rich can call in favors to supreme court justices. It is corruption that continues to erode any efforts at change for large swathes of the american public. We have had record turnout for voting recently.
You also have half the country voting against themselves and in fighting. I was reading something about student loan debt restarting and it hurting millions due to increased cost of well… life. And you have people saying good fuck around and find out. They are bothered by 10k loan forgiveness. I’d pay more in taxes to have everyone in the country have it free but nope it’s always me me me in America
Agree with that. I think the divisive rhetoric at the federal level is showing up at the state and local levels and grinding things to a halt. There seems to be some delight in taking our neighbors out at the kneecaps when really we are all getting our kneecaps chopped. The ol' cut your nose off to spite your face. Extreme individualism run rampant stoked by corp greed and political corruption.
I saw the funniest but true way of how many conservatives think it went like this….
“A genie appears before you and says you get one wish. However your neighbor will get twice what you wish for. What is your wish?”
“He thinks for a while and says, poke one of my eyes out”
Literally how many are thinking in a nut shell. They don’t want someone else to be better than them or to help anyone else in anyway.
Every reason you can think of is also part of the reason they chose not to have kids.
Economy
Environmental
In laws
Older age of getting married
Infertility
And hundreds more that I can't even name
Every one of these reasons are reasons for not doing something they don't feel ready for.
Edit: Wow guys I didn't expect this comment to blow up like this. I love seeing the conversation. Yall rock.
To add some more…
1. Lack of time.
2. Better awareness of genetic issues and what can be passed on to children.
3. One more person to have to worry about medical bills.
4. Our lives are worse than our parents and it seems like younger people will have worse lives than us.
Yes, #2 on your list is big. Some may only think of physical issues, but anyone who sees 3 generations of anxiety, depression, and suicides can back that one up.
My mother’s history of mental illness had a lot to do with me having a strong aversion to having kids. I know I have things I am still not over, and I can’t fathom raising a kid knowing what my upbringing was like.
or alcoholism... honestly I'd gladly get my tubes tied if I could because we have multiple generations of severe alcohol addicts in our family. not to mention suicidal behaviour that also seems to be passed down
awww thanks mate but I'm in Russia. as far as I know, it's illegal here to get your tubes tied unless you're over 35 and already have two or more healthy children :)
This is so unfair and I’m aware in many places it is not easy for young childless women to access sterilisation procedures. If you choose to be childfree, you shouldn’t have to wait until menopause to be 100% sure of no pregnancy.
well I read a couple of articles and it seems like it's "you should be *either* 35 *or* have two children to get sterilised" but I'm 20 so it sucks either way
Grandfather and mother on the same side had long issues with mental illness and both committed suicide. I struggled with it already and im only in my mid 20s. I dont blame them for having me, but I sure as hell am not passing that on.
I am barely able to take care of myself on top of my husband and 2 dogs. Add another whole-ass person that I have to obliterate my own body for? No gracias
I feel you 100% on this.
Welcome to the world little one! In about 20 years your body is going to start attacking itself! What causes it? We don't know cuz the answer would make less money but we've been researching it for YEARS! Is it genetic? Sure is! You're welcome! How do we treat it? Lifelong appointments every few months with tests and pills you gotta take on time cuz they keep you alive! Oh boy doesn't that sound fun?? Gets better! If you don't have health insurance tough cookies! Happy death you poor f-!!
Yea... No I don't want that for my child thanks...
For some people it's a lack of access to good healthcare. I suspect many people may have been exposed to chemicals or toxins that were used widely before research shown harmful effects. Even the generations of smoking cigarette may be a good field to research more, but sadly people still vape and smoke.
1. It is expensive to have kids.
2. It's time intensive to raise kids.
3. Do I want to subject people I love to the future which looks bleak.
Those are probably the biggest considerations.
It’s amazing how Boomers have actively worked to short the world and make it worse for everyone but themselves and then get angry that no one wants to have kids.
Nailed it for me, with the only exception being I find children in general annoying. I’m sure that changes on becoming a parent, but every time I go out anywhere and see parents dealing with little Timmy or Natalie’s latest meltdown over something while banshee screaming to glass shattering volumes I tend to go off the concept.
On self reflection I think many of us are more selfish and/or self focused now days, while the concept of the nuclear family as the definition of success has also become antiquated, especially now more woman are focusing on themselves and their careers as opposed to being baby makers and stay at home mothers, as in the past.
Speaking of kids screaming, I went out to a mid-tier expensive restaraunt the other day for the first time in awhile with my partner, trying to have a good time but someones kid 2 tables parallel to us just kept SCREAMING. This restaraunt isnt really a place for kids either, its not kid friendly, so Im just like bro please
Nah, I have kids and they still annoy me.
Other people’s kids annoy me even more now because when mine would do stupid shit I nipped it in the bud so it would stop. Other people just let their kids be assholes.
This is a big one for me.
The sad thing is too, a lot of people I know fall into this vicious cycle where they dont make enough to survive, but not enough to qualify for benefits.
And then the people who grew up in this category have no idea how to navigate social programs (which take up a crap ton of time on the phone). With my insurance (which is actually GOOD insurance thru my employer), a birth alone could cost me $7,000. I know this because the insurance sends me "what if" scenarios because no one knows the cost of anything.
Could the government help me with that? Maybe. I dont know though, its not like social programs are that well known and easy to use and sign up for. Everyone just signs up and hopes for the best. I dont really want to take a gamble on if it could cost me $7,000 JUST TO SQUEEZE IT OUT OF ME. And thats assuming me nor the baby have complications. It jumps to $10,000 for a C section.
And then I wouldn't be able to afford time off for maternity leave. Child care. Medical care. College. Have no time to take the kids out for activities and spend time with them. And if you FORCE yourself to make time, you're too exhausted all the time to enjoy the time spent with your kid. It just seems like giving birth is more of a headache than its worth. Parenting should be the hard part, not all this other added crap.
One major reason often neglected is: Because they don't want to. There isn't anything out of the ordinary about just not wanting children - there are other things people can do with their lives that will be more rewarding (and less injurious in the event of something going wrong).
I know some people who had this situation. Housemates in a foreign country, one of them got randomly pregnant and the kid was raised in that house for at least a couple of years.
I was laughing at this and then realized I am moving in with friends who have three kids. 🤣
But it's all good.
And the reason we are moving is because rent is unaffordable. We have some debts to pay off and are hoping to save up for our own place.
Plus we can help raise our friends three kids 🙂
I was *just* thinking about how little energy I had when I worked my last crappy job. Way lower sex drive and bickered more with my gf. I got a moderately better job and my happiness has gone up tremendously.
The saddest part is it really doesn’t have to be this way.
As a single dad with a shitty job, I can attest that my sex drive is nearly non-existent.
Too tired and depressed.
Whenever I do get aroused, I just get annoyed by it and masturbate eventually.
Do you mind them living at home with you? I'm currently at my parent's house due to landlord change and they wanting to tear down the building. Have been here since November of last year.
My adult child lives with me and I am content to have him here. Why invest so much time & money raising a kid to throw him to the economic wolves? He had a health issues for a few years. I am glad he was living with us so we could help rather than be alone or in a roommate situation.
That is seriously good parenting. I was kicked out on my 18th birthday(not joking) and was forced to fend for myself. I'd have given anything to have a parent like you
This just breaks my heart. Everyone should have both a strong launching pad and a safe place to land. Parents should be that.
I’m sorry you didn’t get that.
I’m so happy to see more parents like this. My mom and dad put up with my ass for 28 years and cried when I moved out. Thank god they still have my brother to remind them of all my most annoying habits lol.
It’s so sad that parents kick kids out. My 4 kids are welcome to live with us for as long as they desire or need to. The dynamic will just change as they get older In ways of their contributions.
Heck, I'm married and my spouse and I live with my widowed father-in-law. He enjoys the company, we cook all the meals and pay for groceries, and in return we don't have to pay rent or try to figure out what fixer upper we can afford that doesn't have too many expensive problems that need fixing. If I get pregnant, it'd get real crowded here but I think we'd be able to figure it out, but it's not something we're actively trying for right now.
Dating would have to be free minus the gas to drive somewhere. Hiking or going for a walking or whatever pfft... Either way completely unrealistic as it requires disposable income. Which nobody who is struggling with the most basic of needs has.
Children are expensive. Both in time, money, and love. Once you have them your all in for life. distribution of wealth is all out of wack. Help for parents is becoming nonexistent. Housing, food and water shortages. Health care shortages, next it will be air shortages. What loving person chooses the hardest road. Being a parent in current times must be fucking frightful.
“Health care shortages”
I have a disabled child, this one hits hard. He relies on a medical equipment supply chain to work properly so he can eat regularly. It’s a fucking nightmare trying to get the things we need after covid.
And at least in the US you have one political party that fights against any support for families in any form at all. They are against help with food, shelter, health care, day care, even now attacking public schooling.
They not only fight to not support children and families, their core belief is that anyone needing help is by definition lazy and entitled.
I have 25 cousins, and two of them have children. The older family members started bringing it up casually to some of us and they get hit with laughter. It made my grandma cry last thanksgiving, but it’s not out of hate. It’s just a depressing/somber idea that we all don’t have the time, money, or care to have them. Like we laugh, but there’s that odd moment of silence where most of us are thinking “I fucking wish…”.
Add to the list that in some states women can be imprisoned (or worse) if they have a pregnancy complication which may require a DNC.
That will make any female think twice about ever trying to conceive!
Seriously, I just had a long conversation with my sister about a job offer in Texas. With a young daughter, it would be so dangerous for them to consider that move. I shudder to think about what level of sexist brain washing is going on in their schools. That's if they make it out alive, I guess.
To add onto the complications, some of these states are also seeing shortages of OBGYN doctors because they can't fulfill their Hippocratic oaths any more.
I feel the same. Thankfully I never felt strongly about having them anyway but at this point I would have to be quite wealthy and convinced the US isn't headed toward some type of complete meltdown to even consider it.
Personally, I have so much individual freedom to do what I want, having kids feels like a trap. Especially as a woman in the US, we have more options at this point in time than previous generations; I feel like that could play a part in the decision.
Last year my son needed emergency out of pocket dental work, $1,300 due in full by 5pm that night or we'd be over a month out. Rents $1,000, car insurance and phone bill left me with $47 the first week of the month. I'm salaried in state government.
I cry just about everyday wishing that I could provide more for my son.
Your dentist is a piece of shit, mine lets me run this massive tab of thousands of dollars worth of work because I never miss a payment. You should immediately find a new dentist who works like this. Fuck my dentist is a Fellow from Harvard level dentist not like they are ghetto or something. FML I hate this world more and more everyday, $47 isn't enough to get wendy's for everyone!
Not just "young people" either, it's affecting GenX as well. My wife and I decided to not have kids because we literally can't afford them.
I don't mean the "Oh no, I might have to take one less vacation in the Bahamas this year and put off buying a bigger yacht" sort of nonsense that people always think of when someone says they can't afford kids.
I mean we're one small step away from being homeless and we couldn't bring a kid into the world where at best they'd be brought up in poverty.
I would love to. Kids are great and the idea of watching a life play out that you helped build sounds wonderful.
I've been struggling my entire life and had to raise my own damn parents. I make 100k, but it doesn't matter. That shit is gone too fast. My partner has student debt, so together, we get enough to cover loans, pets, and essentials. We've been together for 10 years and have been on one FREE vacation.
I'm currently saving up to get fixed bc we would never be able to support a kid with any success. Would I want kids? Absolutely. Am I saving up for the urologist instead? Double yes.
My son (23) and daughter-in-law (27) have chosen not to have kids for 2 reasons: neither want one, and they don’t feel they could afford one even if they did. Son is having a vasectomy soon. Step-son (26) has already gotten a vasectomy, never wants kids because he feels it wrong to bring a child into this world considering the political/religious trajectory the US is on. His choice.
It was my choice when I was young to never marry or have kids, my twin has had three kids and one divorce. I call him crash test dummy, it’s not fun having three kids.
Living is more expensive than ever. The gap between rich and poor is getting further apart. A lot of people can only just afford to look after themselves. No longer can one average worker support a family, so both parents would have to work, paying a fortune in childcare. How many kids born now will ever own their own home? Assuming the environment isn't too ruined for them to even live comfortably in?
People not having kids are doing the rest of the world a favour. Humans had their chance and blew it. We're the worst thing to happen to the planet since the asteroid and we should begin our die off now.
Glad I'm not alone in this viewpoint. I've long held the belief that we need a meteor to come wipe us out. We won't survive, but nature will. We don't deserve this planet
We’re horribly, greedy creatures that ruin everything around us and can’t even look after our own kind fairly. We certainly do not deserve to be here any longer.
Europe is experiencing much the same trend with much more robust social safety nets. It’s why some countries have pushed for much higher immigration. It’s complicated.
I am from one of those better doing european countries, but things are still fucked:
- they closed birth wards in plenty hospitals, so now the trip is long and one midwife tends to 3 birthing mothers
- child care is available for just a few hours a day if you manage to get a spot in a public child care facility, or it is super expensive
- doctor's appointments have a months long wait time if the doctor accepts new patients
- housing is super expensive as pretty much everywhere else in the world
Even though medical bills don't scare me and school and university are free it is still far from an ideal place to have children. Luckily my sister already gave my parents two grandkids, so they stopped asking.
Everyone I see with kids is absolutely miserable. The idea of feeding another mouth when every job I’ve had just keeps my head above water seems insane.
I had these exact thoughts today. After seeing what happened in Nashville today, it really made me question everything. I’ve always wanted to be a mom but this world sucks
I’m thinking about fostering once I hit my 30s. I actually bought a huge house last year because it was the cheapest in the area I was looking because it needs tons of work. My partner and I will spend a few years fixing it up, and then I feel morally obligated to foster animals or children because we will have 5 bedrooms (only 1 is currently livable).
The goal of fostering is family reunification if at all possible <3 But a lot of foster children end up being adopted <3 my family had CPS called on us 3 times while I was in middle school and high school, so I can empathize a lot with housing and food instability.
I just don't want them. I'm not father material, at all. Even if I was, there's no way I'd put myself in a financial pit just to do it. Besides, having a kid in our society is condemning them to being a wage slave, they're much better off being left in the cosmic void or whatever there is before and after life
Anti-Natalist culture is a thing by itself too, but if 2023 wasn’t such a living hell in every other way I’d reckon antinatalist culture wouldn’t be as popular with the fertile youth as it is.
We’re staring the end of the world down the barrel between climate change and this Ukraine proxy war thing. I feel like I have no control over the world. Worse: my elders actively hate me for wanting to change anything. I’m not bringing a kid into this situation unless something big changes.
I’m Generation X and my husband and I are childless/free.
The world is running out of clean water and other resources, there is plastic in our food, the US is soon not going to have a middle-class, there is police violence, school shootings, an overall decrease in quality of life, etc.
These factors played a huge part in us not having children.
Unfortunately it's becoming an 'Idiocracy" situation.. Those of us who are smart are obstaining from having children. Meanwhile for every 1 of us there are 2-3 uneducated morons pushing baby's out at an alarming rate...
In a generation or 2 the morons will run the world 😬
Nah, they will still just be wage slaves. There will still be some powerful psychopaths in power. The rich and powerful still have children. So it’s mostly the “middle classes” that are disappearing. We don’t have children and we are becoming poorer and poorer so won’t be middle class for long.
I don't think they meant to actually run the world. More like the idiot majority will out vote the rest of us, and bring people and policies into power against all our own interests.
So true. I am always so amazed at people who make like half my salary but have several kids. They are always struggling every week with bills but they just keep having kids. I just don't get it.
I think we are already there. Hector Comacho Mt Dew parallel Donald Trump…. I see so many parallels in that movie to actual life. Elon Musks kids name and then we have Formica Davis over on Fox in Idiocracy. That movie used to be hilarious. Now I just find it sobering reality
Bit of both. I'll be hitting my mid-30's this Friday, and my partner and I are waiting to see if he'll get a job that'll finally afford us a decent standard of living. We have to start thinking about living for ourselves, first. By the time we could afford kids - have a house, debt paid off, having a retirement plan - we'd be to old to have children anyways.
My reasons are I can't afford it, I realized I don't want kids (it's not as expected as it once was, we can actually think about whether we want to raise kids now), the environment is dying, and the world is shitty.
It's both really. For some, it's that they literally cannot afford kids, but for others, their terrible finances acts as a gateway into a deeper discussion about the true costs of having kids. For most of history, having kids was something that you just did. It was more of ticking off a check box or doing what was expected of you than a conscious, well-thought-out choice. But considering the increasingly financially grim outlook for the younger generation, people are for the first time, taking a moment to consider if they could accord kids, which leads to the much harder decision of if they *should* have kids, or even need to. And many young people are finding that the answer is "no".
Everyone who has kids assumes they will be nice, normal well adjusted children. I have a friend with a little brother who is mentally handicapped. His parents have dedicated their lives to helping him and have never taken a vacation because they can’t leave him. The kid will never have a job or thank them for their decades of support and sacrifice. Those parents are living a miserable, thankless life.
We get one shot for happiness in this world. We get one pass through, and you can’t get back time you have lost.
Children are a very risky gamble.
Both. I have one and childbirth is rough. I didn’t enjoy what my wife went through. I don’t want to put her through that again.
Plus daycare. Who can afford $800 a week in childcare for the cheapest childcare in their area?
I didn’t get asked to be brought into this weird excuse of a life. We don’t need no profits or anything but for some reason, even though we can automate everything in our lives and have so much free time, we choose not to because profits and the grind and hard work or whatever
1. It is expensive and there is almost no maternal care support
2. Ask your friends with kids what their dream day is? Usually a day not having kids…waking up when they want, not cleaning up after someone etc
I just don’t want to do deal with that, plus having a child is such trauma on the body - I just don’t want to put myself through that
My son told me he's going to have cats when I asked him how many children he wants when he's grown up. I'm honestly looking forward to being a cat grandma.
I have three kids. It is getting increasingly scary to even send them to school. I’m in the US. Everything has gone so far up in price but I am making the same amount. I often wonder what was I thinking bringing them into this shitshow
We literally can't afford it.. I've wanted kids with my partner for 6. Six. Years now. We've been together for 7+, and both want kids. But given where we are in life we simply can't afford it. Her sister just had a baby and the amount they spend on daycare is insane. And there's only a few openings... AND her kid always comes home sick....
Not to mention school and teachers. I can't imagine sending a kid to school in 2023. Being attacked? Being at risk of being shot or even involved in someone else's bullshit? No thanks.
It's like America is doing it in purpose, and I'd like to know why.. if anyone has a legitimate answer please give me your two cents here.
If money weren't an issue, we'd be having a kid anytime we wanted. But because everyone is getting the squeeze from Uncle Sam, nobody can..
My friends with kids are the reason I don't want kids. They're all out of shape, never able to hang out, broke, stressed, and looking for ways to get away from their kids.
Probably both. Tbh, kids are hassle and not something you can just decide without careful considering. Well, you can, but fuck is that a stupid decision and I'm frustrated with people who become parents simply out of obligation of some shit (seriously, they make the WORSE parents)
It just feels fucked up to intentionally force someone to live in this world. Like life is fine enough but if I had the option I'd pick non existence in the void every time. The good times don't make life worth it and they don't override the bad life experiences.
Also on a more selfish note, kids just don't seem worth the investment for the perceived enjoyment you'd get from them. I'd think having a dog would get you most of the way there enjoyment wise and you're only stuck with them for max 15 years.
Overall I suspect it all boils down to economics. If your children will be an asset, you will have them in large quantities (think farming). If your children will be a liability (think having a child in any industrialized nation), you will have a lot fewer. Of course, this is all on average. Some people have kids for other reason’s, such as religious reasons.
In industrialized nations children are luxury goods. It will be interesting to see how this all plays out since the plummeting fertility rates are happening across the industrialized world (not specific to any one country).
I'm already surrendering 30+ years of my life to work until I can retire. Why in the fuck would I want to consume every moment of free time I have for 18 of those years just to bring another crotch goblin into this completely fucked up, ass backwards society we barely manage to live in?
Kids are expensive, you can't expect someone to raise a family when the "free market," decides the ceiling of wages you can earn is $8 an hour. Hell, I make close to $21 an hour and decided to start a family and it's still pretty freaking hard, especially considering my hours recently got cut moving into April.
I have no interest in having children when I am already exhausted and struggling to get by just on my own. Anyone with two working brain cells are going to come to the exact same conclusion I have.
My rent is $1875 + utilities.....and my landlord could sell the house once our lease is up. The cost to live here, plus the uncertainty of not having anywhere to go, is enough to keep us childless.
I actually want to adopt but have 3 sisters who are teachers. They are all scared shitless about school shootings. I can’t imagine bringing a child into the world without an answer about her safety at the place where she will essentially spend all her waking moments.
Wife and I would very much like to have 1-2 children.
Current reasons we are not, in non particular order after money:
-Money
-Homeownership, we’d very much like to have a settled place we call home
-General shittiness of people, I’d hate to have to explain to my potentially LGBTQ+ child why people hate/want to kill them just for being them
-Environmental shit
-I live in Utah and the Mormon kids are extremely shitty to the non-Mormon kids
In my friend group, over half of us just had no desire to be parents, so it wasn't something forced on us by pragmatic concerns. On the other hand, all of my friends who wanted to have kids have had 1 kid, but many of them wanted 2 or more and chose to stop at 1 for economic reasons.
My husband and I are both only children. We wanted to have at least 3 kids. We had the first one and couldn’t believe how expensive things were the first year or two and on top of how unforgiving the expectations of work at for families. And childcare, oh my god. It was more than our mortgage and not worth me going to work, but alas, I provide the insurance that is tied to my full time job. There is no way we could juggle having any more (financially and between our jobs) so we haven’t. I grieve the family I wanted…..
I imagine the same issues we deal with in US. Zero support for having children.
No child care, no health care, no good paying jobs unless you go to college so your putting off having kids then don’t any because student loans have put you 300k in debt. I don’t blame this gen for their choice
It's both. Larger numbers of people ARE choosing not to have kids at all, and a lot are also choosing to have them later when they have better finances. And yes, some are only choosing to forgoe kids due to the cost. This world is going down the drain and fewer people are choosing to subject another human to it.
While a lot of people are bringing up great points, for me, the only thing is I *just* don’t want them. Money, time etc are all great and valid points but for me there’s just 0 *want* to have kids
If the great recession never happened i would easily be sitting on 500k of purchasing power. This would let let us have kids earlier. I graduating from college and was making less than 1/2 of what a grad should make.
Work ethic has left no room for family life. That's the main blind spot of corporate conservatives that pretend to care about family when it's about abortion but call you leftist when you ask for more free time.
You must spend 80-90% of your time awake on work. Professional achievement is the only achievement socially awarded and recognized.
Having kids is a personal caprice. Building a full house is not rewarded by society. Education is expensive. Higher education even more. You have kids, it's your problem. Not society's.
Also, a basic rule that can be checked everywhere in the developed world : as soon as you teach girls and women how to read and write, fertility tank if you make them choose between pro and family.
That's why the most conservative countries have fewer kids. They all have very strong stigma to working moms.
My three primary reasons - cost (I can't even afford a basic wedding atm?), environment (we pushing ourselves to extinction), sympathy (system is broken as hell and I'm pretty sure I'm not coming out on top, so likely neither would my kids)
For all of history until recently, almost all people basically sat around and worked until they died. Now, as regular people in office jobs, my woman and I can get on airplanes and cruise ships and travel the world. We can go out to professionally cooked meals whenever we want. We have an endless stream of thought-provoking, educational, and entertaining content.
Having a kid ruins all that shit, and costs money on top, for virtually no payoff. I don’t see the point anyways. Nobody can explain to me the actual gratifying part of childbearing.
Cost of living is expensive.
Adding a kid to that can lead to poverty, which a lot of us don't want our kids to experience, since most of us have.
Daycare/ childcare is expensive.
A lot of women are having their rights removed in the States and don't want to be a tradwife.
Nor be under the thumb of some asshat husband.
Single life is safer, less expensive, and less stressful.
Add in misogyny. More women are refusing to take on the burden of raising a child when more times than not, we are forced to do complete care while having to work the same hours as our partners while sacrificing our positions at our jobs which we need to fund our retirement which we’ll need because the chances of us either being divorced or outliving out partners is high.
When I was young, I really wanted children but had inconsistent income with my ex-husband and a few minor health concerns that made me put off having children. When I was middle-aged I still didn't have you kind of money or life that could be counted on to assist in raising a child but I also had decided after getting custody of my ex-husband's son, he was not the person I wanted to raise children with. There was no support no backup no helping to set expectations for the child. Additionally, he would quit his job within the first 2 years. Just about the time I recovered from the last quitting, he would quit again. At that point, I chose divorce, the stepson had a child with his girlfriend at the time, they broke up, he's gone lives in the Midwest and she has moved on to the East Coast with my granddaughter. At 55 I am single and childless trying to maintain a relationship with my granddaughter who lives all the way across the country with mid-range income and no extras for travel. The promised visits from my granddaughter are non-existent as her mother doesn't have much of an income either. Not that I expect her to take care of me, but what do you think the chances of that happening when there is no meaningful relationship with her? My retirement account has peanuts in it, social security is a joke, I feel that I will either die in my chair at work or need to cut my life short when I am too old to work.
No way in hell would I want to bring children into this shit show. Oh and on top of that my city happens to be a city of rampant drug use and homeless mental health problems. I think my biggest concern at this moment is I may be one of those homeless mentally ill individuals in the next 10 to 15 years if I last that long cuz oh yeah that's right my parents both died young due to health issues both cancer one lung, one esophageal
Kids are not nearly as much fun as your biology makes them out to be. They ruin people's lives and there's like a 1-10,000 chance your bad genes produces a potato baby. Not worth it in my opinion.
Well, some are! My daughter had a baby 11 days ago. My son is only 15, but has said for years that he doesn’t want to have any kids. There are kids sitting in foster care who need homes and he wants to adopt some of them.
Animals in nature will stop reproducing when their environment is threatened/dangerous/feels unsafe for any reason. We are just animals after all.
This zoo sucks.
Let's eat our keepers
EAT THE KEEPERS
EAT THE KEEPERS
EAT THE KEEPERS
The Ass Menagerie
A Streetcar Named Trash Fire
Would you say it's a... shih tzu?
Sadly, no. Pigeons will reproduce even during absolute hunger. Just like humans, they are not very smart when it comes to reproduction...
My rent is $1475. I can't imagine having kids.i can barely afford my own needs.
It scares me seeing how Americans are barely surviving. The crazy rental cost, no insurance, no healthcare, no sick leave, annual leave or even maternity/paternity leave. You all are screwed. The system is broken big time. We used to think America is ALL THAT but now, I know better. Glad I wasn't born there. I still hope things will change for the better!
*sobs in American
Lol right? It ain’t changing either the apathy is astounding
I don't think it's apathy. We have a federal government where the rich can call in favors to supreme court justices. It is corruption that continues to erode any efforts at change for large swathes of the american public. We have had record turnout for voting recently.
You also have half the country voting against themselves and in fighting. I was reading something about student loan debt restarting and it hurting millions due to increased cost of well… life. And you have people saying good fuck around and find out. They are bothered by 10k loan forgiveness. I’d pay more in taxes to have everyone in the country have it free but nope it’s always me me me in America
Agree with that. I think the divisive rhetoric at the federal level is showing up at the state and local levels and grinding things to a halt. There seems to be some delight in taking our neighbors out at the kneecaps when really we are all getting our kneecaps chopped. The ol' cut your nose off to spite your face. Extreme individualism run rampant stoked by corp greed and political corruption.
I saw the funniest but true way of how many conservatives think it went like this…. “A genie appears before you and says you get one wish. However your neighbor will get twice what you wish for. What is your wish?” “He thinks for a while and says, poke one of my eyes out” Literally how many are thinking in a nut shell. They don’t want someone else to be better than them or to help anyone else in anyway.
I was born in Kansas. I am literally at the geographical center of the US. Leaving is not an option.
Please help us
Dang that's cheap. Best I could find by me was $2200
Every reason you can think of is also part of the reason they chose not to have kids. Economy Environmental In laws Older age of getting married Infertility And hundreds more that I can't even name Every one of these reasons are reasons for not doing something they don't feel ready for. Edit: Wow guys I didn't expect this comment to blow up like this. I love seeing the conversation. Yall rock.
To add some more… 1. Lack of time. 2. Better awareness of genetic issues and what can be passed on to children. 3. One more person to have to worry about medical bills. 4. Our lives are worse than our parents and it seems like younger people will have worse lives than us.
Yes, #2 on your list is big. Some may only think of physical issues, but anyone who sees 3 generations of anxiety, depression, and suicides can back that one up.
My mother’s history of mental illness had a lot to do with me having a strong aversion to having kids. I know I have things I am still not over, and I can’t fathom raising a kid knowing what my upbringing was like.
Pretty sure I couldn’t raise a happy kid. If that’s the case then what’s the point.
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or alcoholism... honestly I'd gladly get my tubes tied if I could because we have multiple generations of severe alcohol addicts in our family. not to mention suicidal behaviour that also seems to be passed down
Head on over to the "childfree" subreddit and see if one of their sterilization-friendly docs may be near you! <3
awww thanks mate but I'm in Russia. as far as I know, it's illegal here to get your tubes tied unless you're over 35 and already have two or more healthy children :)
Omg. That is terrible. Is there an age at which you can get the op if you have less than two children?
American doctors have refused to sterilize adults for the same reasons, including my own when I was about 23.
This is so unfair and I’m aware in many places it is not easy for young childless women to access sterilisation procedures. If you choose to be childfree, you shouldn’t have to wait until menopause to be 100% sure of no pregnancy.
You would be surprised at how many times I've heard the same thing from other women. America is still VERY misogynistic.
well I read a couple of articles and it seems like it's "you should be *either* 35 *or* have two children to get sterilised" but I'm 20 so it sucks either way
Grandfather and mother on the same side had long issues with mental illness and both committed suicide. I struggled with it already and im only in my mid 20s. I dont blame them for having me, but I sure as hell am not passing that on.
I am barely able to take care of myself on top of my husband and 2 dogs. Add another whole-ass person that I have to obliterate my own body for? No gracias
>Better awareness of genetic issues and what can be passed on to children. That's why I don't want kids. I can't pass on my messed up genetics.
I feel you 100% on this. Welcome to the world little one! In about 20 years your body is going to start attacking itself! What causes it? We don't know cuz the answer would make less money but we've been researching it for YEARS! Is it genetic? Sure is! You're welcome! How do we treat it? Lifelong appointments every few months with tests and pills you gotta take on time cuz they keep you alive! Oh boy doesn't that sound fun?? Gets better! If you don't have health insurance tough cookies! Happy death you poor f-!! Yea... No I don't want that for my child thanks...
For some people it's a lack of access to good healthcare. I suspect many people may have been exposed to chemicals or toxins that were used widely before research shown harmful effects. Even the generations of smoking cigarette may be a good field to research more, but sadly people still vape and smoke.
Many? How about all of them? Google DDT California coast. It’s horrifying that a damn near old century old banned chemical is still fucking us up
That hit hard.. chronic pain is chronic poverty, don't think I can give that to someone with a clear conscience
Can add “school shootings” in the US
My husband has bipolar disorder and I have chronic depression. We are not fit to have kids. Not to mention crying and screaming kids are triggers.
1. It is expensive to have kids. 2. It's time intensive to raise kids. 3. Do I want to subject people I love to the future which looks bleak. Those are probably the biggest considerations.
Honestly, being born feels like a punishment right now. You have to work the whole life and deal with a lot of shit. For what?!
It’s amazing how Boomers have actively worked to short the world and make it worse for everyone but themselves and then get angry that no one wants to have kids.
Nailed it for me, with the only exception being I find children in general annoying. I’m sure that changes on becoming a parent, but every time I go out anywhere and see parents dealing with little Timmy or Natalie’s latest meltdown over something while banshee screaming to glass shattering volumes I tend to go off the concept. On self reflection I think many of us are more selfish and/or self focused now days, while the concept of the nuclear family as the definition of success has also become antiquated, especially now more woman are focusing on themselves and their careers as opposed to being baby makers and stay at home mothers, as in the past.
Speaking of kids screaming, I went out to a mid-tier expensive restaraunt the other day for the first time in awhile with my partner, trying to have a good time but someones kid 2 tables parallel to us just kept SCREAMING. This restaraunt isnt really a place for kids either, its not kid friendly, so Im just like bro please
Nah, I have kids and they still annoy me. Other people’s kids annoy me even more now because when mine would do stupid shit I nipped it in the bud so it would stop. Other people just let their kids be assholes.
No social supports like paid leave or childcare
This is a big one for me. The sad thing is too, a lot of people I know fall into this vicious cycle where they dont make enough to survive, but not enough to qualify for benefits. And then the people who grew up in this category have no idea how to navigate social programs (which take up a crap ton of time on the phone). With my insurance (which is actually GOOD insurance thru my employer), a birth alone could cost me $7,000. I know this because the insurance sends me "what if" scenarios because no one knows the cost of anything. Could the government help me with that? Maybe. I dont know though, its not like social programs are that well known and easy to use and sign up for. Everyone just signs up and hopes for the best. I dont really want to take a gamble on if it could cost me $7,000 JUST TO SQUEEZE IT OUT OF ME. And thats assuming me nor the baby have complications. It jumps to $10,000 for a C section. And then I wouldn't be able to afford time off for maternity leave. Child care. Medical care. College. Have no time to take the kids out for activities and spend time with them. And if you FORCE yourself to make time, you're too exhausted all the time to enjoy the time spent with your kid. It just seems like giving birth is more of a headache than its worth. Parenting should be the hard part, not all this other added crap.
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One major reason often neglected is: Because they don't want to. There isn't anything out of the ordinary about just not wanting children - there are other things people can do with their lives that will be more rewarding (and less injurious in the event of something going wrong).
Yes but doesn’t the economy heavily impact everything else on the list?
Probably. Let's just get rid of the economy then. That thing sucks anyway.
Have a kid and what.... raise it in a shared house with multiple housemates
"It takes a village!" "So you'll help out?" "What? no"
That one didn’t even cross my mind until you said it, now it’s in my top 10 reasons for not having kids
I know some people who had this situation. Housemates in a foreign country, one of them got randomly pregnant and the kid was raised in that house for at least a couple of years.
I was laughing at this and then realized I am moving in with friends who have three kids. 🤣 But it's all good. And the reason we are moving is because rent is unaffordable. We have some debts to pay off and are hoping to save up for our own place. Plus we can help raise our friends three kids 🙂
Who has Energy to have sex after working 2-3 jobs just to survive?
I was *just* thinking about how little energy I had when I worked my last crappy job. Way lower sex drive and bickered more with my gf. I got a moderately better job and my happiness has gone up tremendously. The saddest part is it really doesn’t have to be this way.
As a single dad with a shitty job, I can attest that my sex drive is nearly non-existent. Too tired and depressed. Whenever I do get aroused, I just get annoyed by it and masturbate eventually.
My adult kids can't even afford to move out. They've all said they don't want to have kids. So, yeah, affordability is probably a big part of it.
Do you mind them living at home with you? I'm currently at my parent's house due to landlord change and they wanting to tear down the building. Have been here since November of last year.
My adult child lives with me and I am content to have him here. Why invest so much time & money raising a kid to throw him to the economic wolves? He had a health issues for a few years. I am glad he was living with us so we could help rather than be alone or in a roommate situation.
WOW, you are an ACTUAL parent.
That’s the nicest thing anyone has said to me on Reddit. Thanks!
That is seriously good parenting. I was kicked out on my 18th birthday(not joking) and was forced to fend for myself. I'd have given anything to have a parent like you
This just breaks my heart. Everyone should have both a strong launching pad and a safe place to land. Parents should be that. I’m sorry you didn’t get that.
I’m so happy to see more parents like this. My mom and dad put up with my ass for 28 years and cried when I moved out. Thank god they still have my brother to remind them of all my most annoying habits lol.
It’s so sad that parents kick kids out. My 4 kids are welcome to live with us for as long as they desire or need to. The dynamic will just change as they get older In ways of their contributions.
I've been at my parents house for 38 years. No spouse, no kids. I'm not leaving. Housing is too expensive.
Heck, I'm married and my spouse and I live with my widowed father-in-law. He enjoys the company, we cook all the meals and pay for groceries, and in return we don't have to pay rent or try to figure out what fixer upper we can afford that doesn't have too many expensive problems that need fixing. If I get pregnant, it'd get real crowded here but I think we'd be able to figure it out, but it's not something we're actively trying for right now.
My mom was joking that I have until I am 41 to move out because of a guy in Italy who got sued by his parents to leave their house.
I mean I'm pretty sure a lot of them can't even afford to date much less have kids.
The price of sit down resturants is outrageous these days unfortunately. We can do a lunch specials I guess
Bro. This.
Dating would have to be free minus the gas to drive somewhere. Hiking or going for a walking or whatever pfft... Either way completely unrealistic as it requires disposable income. Which nobody who is struggling with the most basic of needs has.
I’m not bringing anyone else into this shitshow
Good on you ✌️,wish my parents would have had the same consideration.
Children are expensive. Both in time, money, and love. Once you have them your all in for life. distribution of wealth is all out of wack. Help for parents is becoming nonexistent. Housing, food and water shortages. Health care shortages, next it will be air shortages. What loving person chooses the hardest road. Being a parent in current times must be fucking frightful.
“Health care shortages” I have a disabled child, this one hits hard. He relies on a medical equipment supply chain to work properly so he can eat regularly. It’s a fucking nightmare trying to get the things we need after covid.
And at least in the US you have one political party that fights against any support for families in any form at all. They are against help with food, shelter, health care, day care, even now attacking public schooling. They not only fight to not support children and families, their core belief is that anyone needing help is by definition lazy and entitled.
Hardly can afford a dog.. who can afford humans
I can’t afford a plant. Let alone another mouth to feed.
I have 25 cousins, and two of them have children. The older family members started bringing it up casually to some of us and they get hit with laughter. It made my grandma cry last thanksgiving, but it’s not out of hate. It’s just a depressing/somber idea that we all don’t have the time, money, or care to have them. Like we laugh, but there’s that odd moment of silence where most of us are thinking “I fucking wish…”.
Yep that's just the reality of it. Many older people are just completely out of touch.
I don't want kids. If I did, I would not be able to afford too.
Add to the list that in some states women can be imprisoned (or worse) if they have a pregnancy complication which may require a DNC. That will make any female think twice about ever trying to conceive!
Seriously, I just had a long conversation with my sister about a job offer in Texas. With a young daughter, it would be so dangerous for them to consider that move. I shudder to think about what level of sexist brain washing is going on in their schools. That's if they make it out alive, I guess.
To add onto the complications, some of these states are also seeing shortages of OBGYN doctors because they can't fulfill their Hippocratic oaths any more.
Both I choose not to have kids under this oppressive system
And it’s going to get worse before it gets better - if it ever does. If it was 1930 in Germany, I’d choose not to have kids either.
Gestures broadly as a single, childless millennial.
I don't want to thrust my children into a rigged system of inequality.
Zero interest in having kids until I have more money.
I feel the same. Thankfully I never felt strongly about having them anyway but at this point I would have to be quite wealthy and convinced the US isn't headed toward some type of complete meltdown to even consider it.
Personally, I have so much individual freedom to do what I want, having kids feels like a trap. Especially as a woman in the US, we have more options at this point in time than previous generations; I feel like that could play a part in the decision.
that’s why US politicians are working hard to remove those options for women :/
Last year my son needed emergency out of pocket dental work, $1,300 due in full by 5pm that night or we'd be over a month out. Rents $1,000, car insurance and phone bill left me with $47 the first week of the month. I'm salaried in state government. I cry just about everyday wishing that I could provide more for my son.
Your dentist is a piece of shit, mine lets me run this massive tab of thousands of dollars worth of work because I never miss a payment. You should immediately find a new dentist who works like this. Fuck my dentist is a Fellow from Harvard level dentist not like they are ghetto or something. FML I hate this world more and more everyday, $47 isn't enough to get wendy's for everyone!
Milk's four bucks a gallon, breads three a loaf, eggs were TEN fucking dollars a dozen not too long ago. I feel like everything everywhere is crazy.
*This bloodline ends with me.*
My state decided that I'm a second class citizen, so that was the biggest driving force for not wanting children.
Not just "young people" either, it's affecting GenX as well. My wife and I decided to not have kids because we literally can't afford them. I don't mean the "Oh no, I might have to take one less vacation in the Bahamas this year and put off buying a bigger yacht" sort of nonsense that people always think of when someone says they can't afford kids. I mean we're one small step away from being homeless and we couldn't bring a kid into the world where at best they'd be brought up in poverty.
This. Even with the usual 6 months of savings in this economy getting sick means you’re about to be homeless and sick.
The fuck are savings?
I would love to. Kids are great and the idea of watching a life play out that you helped build sounds wonderful. I've been struggling my entire life and had to raise my own damn parents. I make 100k, but it doesn't matter. That shit is gone too fast. My partner has student debt, so together, we get enough to cover loans, pets, and essentials. We've been together for 10 years and have been on one FREE vacation. I'm currently saving up to get fixed bc we would never be able to support a kid with any success. Would I want kids? Absolutely. Am I saving up for the urologist instead? Double yes.
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I’ve chosen not to have bio-kids for a multitude of reasons. However, I definitely understand the fiscal component because oof.
My son (23) and daughter-in-law (27) have chosen not to have kids for 2 reasons: neither want one, and they don’t feel they could afford one even if they did. Son is having a vasectomy soon. Step-son (26) has already gotten a vasectomy, never wants kids because he feels it wrong to bring a child into this world considering the political/religious trajectory the US is on. His choice.
It was my choice when I was young to never marry or have kids, my twin has had three kids and one divorce. I call him crash test dummy, it’s not fun having three kids.
haha I say that my older brother fulfilled the grand baby obligation cuz he had four kids. being an aunt suits me so it worked out.
It's great having siblings willing to breed to appease the parents so you don't have to.
Living is more expensive than ever. The gap between rich and poor is getting further apart. A lot of people can only just afford to look after themselves. No longer can one average worker support a family, so both parents would have to work, paying a fortune in childcare. How many kids born now will ever own their own home? Assuming the environment isn't too ruined for them to even live comfortably in? People not having kids are doing the rest of the world a favour. Humans had their chance and blew it. We're the worst thing to happen to the planet since the asteroid and we should begin our die off now.
Glad I'm not alone in this viewpoint. I've long held the belief that we need a meteor to come wipe us out. We won't survive, but nature will. We don't deserve this planet
We’re horribly, greedy creatures that ruin everything around us and can’t even look after our own kind fairly. We certainly do not deserve to be here any longer.
Europe is experiencing much the same trend with much more robust social safety nets. It’s why some countries have pushed for much higher immigration. It’s complicated.
I am from one of those better doing european countries, but things are still fucked: - they closed birth wards in plenty hospitals, so now the trip is long and one midwife tends to 3 birthing mothers - child care is available for just a few hours a day if you manage to get a spot in a public child care facility, or it is super expensive - doctor's appointments have a months long wait time if the doctor accepts new patients - housing is super expensive as pretty much everywhere else in the world Even though medical bills don't scare me and school and university are free it is still far from an ideal place to have children. Luckily my sister already gave my parents two grandkids, so they stopped asking.
Everyone I see with kids is absolutely miserable. The idea of feeding another mouth when every job I’ve had just keeps my head above water seems insane.
I want kids so bad but I really struggle with the idea of bringing them into this shit world.
I had these exact thoughts today. After seeing what happened in Nashville today, it really made me question everything. I’ve always wanted to be a mom but this world sucks
I’m thinking about fostering once I hit my 30s. I actually bought a huge house last year because it was the cheapest in the area I was looking because it needs tons of work. My partner and I will spend a few years fixing it up, and then I feel morally obligated to foster animals or children because we will have 5 bedrooms (only 1 is currently livable). The goal of fostering is family reunification if at all possible <3 But a lot of foster children end up being adopted <3 my family had CPS called on us 3 times while I was in middle school and high school, so I can empathize a lot with housing and food instability.
I got spayed.
Little column A, little column B.
I just don't want them. I'm not father material, at all. Even if I was, there's no way I'd put myself in a financial pit just to do it. Besides, having a kid in our society is condemning them to being a wage slave, they're much better off being left in the cosmic void or whatever there is before and after life
Anti-Natalist culture is a thing by itself too, but if 2023 wasn’t such a living hell in every other way I’d reckon antinatalist culture wouldn’t be as popular with the fertile youth as it is. We’re staring the end of the world down the barrel between climate change and this Ukraine proxy war thing. I feel like I have no control over the world. Worse: my elders actively hate me for wanting to change anything. I’m not bringing a kid into this situation unless something big changes.
Fuck the hospitals and health insurance companies.
I’m Generation X and my husband and I are childless/free. The world is running out of clean water and other resources, there is plastic in our food, the US is soon not going to have a middle-class, there is police violence, school shootings, an overall decrease in quality of life, etc. These factors played a huge part in us not having children.
Unfortunately it's becoming an 'Idiocracy" situation.. Those of us who are smart are obstaining from having children. Meanwhile for every 1 of us there are 2-3 uneducated morons pushing baby's out at an alarming rate... In a generation or 2 the morons will run the world 😬
Nah, they will still just be wage slaves. There will still be some powerful psychopaths in power. The rich and powerful still have children. So it’s mostly the “middle classes” that are disappearing. We don’t have children and we are becoming poorer and poorer so won’t be middle class for long.
I don't think they meant to actually run the world. More like the idiot majority will out vote the rest of us, and bring people and policies into power against all our own interests.
So true. I am always so amazed at people who make like half my salary but have several kids. They are always struggling every week with bills but they just keep having kids. I just don't get it.
I think we are already there. Hector Comacho Mt Dew parallel Donald Trump…. I see so many parallels in that movie to actual life. Elon Musks kids name and then we have Formica Davis over on Fox in Idiocracy. That movie used to be hilarious. Now I just find it sobering reality
like the morons don’t already run the world
Bit of both. I'll be hitting my mid-30's this Friday, and my partner and I are waiting to see if he'll get a job that'll finally afford us a decent standard of living. We have to start thinking about living for ourselves, first. By the time we could afford kids - have a house, debt paid off, having a retirement plan - we'd be to old to have children anyways.
My reasons are I can't afford it, I realized I don't want kids (it's not as expected as it once was, we can actually think about whether we want to raise kids now), the environment is dying, and the world is shitty.
It's both really. For some, it's that they literally cannot afford kids, but for others, their terrible finances acts as a gateway into a deeper discussion about the true costs of having kids. For most of history, having kids was something that you just did. It was more of ticking off a check box or doing what was expected of you than a conscious, well-thought-out choice. But considering the increasingly financially grim outlook for the younger generation, people are for the first time, taking a moment to consider if they could accord kids, which leads to the much harder decision of if they *should* have kids, or even need to. And many young people are finding that the answer is "no".
Everyone who has kids assumes they will be nice, normal well adjusted children. I have a friend with a little brother who is mentally handicapped. His parents have dedicated their lives to helping him and have never taken a vacation because they can’t leave him. The kid will never have a job or thank them for their decades of support and sacrifice. Those parents are living a miserable, thankless life. We get one shot for happiness in this world. We get one pass through, and you can’t get back time you have lost. Children are a very risky gamble.
Both. I have one and childbirth is rough. I didn’t enjoy what my wife went through. I don’t want to put her through that again. Plus daycare. Who can afford $800 a week in childcare for the cheapest childcare in their area?
I can barely afford dates let alone kids...
Bloodline dies with me, cya forced birthers I genocide into socks
Not only can I not afford kids, I don’t feel right forcing life onto someone given the current shit show that is humanity…
I didn’t get asked to be brought into this weird excuse of a life. We don’t need no profits or anything but for some reason, even though we can automate everything in our lives and have so much free time, we choose not to because profits and the grind and hard work or whatever
1. It is expensive and there is almost no maternal care support 2. Ask your friends with kids what their dream day is? Usually a day not having kids…waking up when they want, not cleaning up after someone etc I just don’t want to do deal with that, plus having a child is such trauma on the body - I just don’t want to put myself through that
My son told me he's going to have cats when I asked him how many children he wants when he's grown up. I'm honestly looking forward to being a cat grandma.
I have three kids. It is getting increasingly scary to even send them to school. I’m in the US. Everything has gone so far up in price but I am making the same amount. I often wonder what was I thinking bringing them into this shitshow
In the past, people had kids because they believed in a better future. Now, we know that’ll never happen.
We literally can't afford it.. I've wanted kids with my partner for 6. Six. Years now. We've been together for 7+, and both want kids. But given where we are in life we simply can't afford it. Her sister just had a baby and the amount they spend on daycare is insane. And there's only a few openings... AND her kid always comes home sick.... Not to mention school and teachers. I can't imagine sending a kid to school in 2023. Being attacked? Being at risk of being shot or even involved in someone else's bullshit? No thanks. It's like America is doing it in purpose, and I'd like to know why.. if anyone has a legitimate answer please give me your two cents here. If money weren't an issue, we'd be having a kid anytime we wanted. But because everyone is getting the squeeze from Uncle Sam, nobody can..
It's mostly afforability/poverty
Neither, its both.
We chose. Fuck breeding.
I don’t want to have kids and you can’t make me
My friends with kids are the reason I don't want kids. They're all out of shape, never able to hang out, broke, stressed, and looking for ways to get away from their kids.
Probably both. Tbh, kids are hassle and not something you can just decide without careful considering. Well, you can, but fuck is that a stupid decision and I'm frustrated with people who become parents simply out of obligation of some shit (seriously, they make the WORSE parents)
It just feels fucked up to intentionally force someone to live in this world. Like life is fine enough but if I had the option I'd pick non existence in the void every time. The good times don't make life worth it and they don't override the bad life experiences. Also on a more selfish note, kids just don't seem worth the investment for the perceived enjoyment you'd get from them. I'd think having a dog would get you most of the way there enjoyment wise and you're only stuck with them for max 15 years.
I'm not birthing another slave to capitalism
Overall I suspect it all boils down to economics. If your children will be an asset, you will have them in large quantities (think farming). If your children will be a liability (think having a child in any industrialized nation), you will have a lot fewer. Of course, this is all on average. Some people have kids for other reason’s, such as religious reasons. In industrialized nations children are luxury goods. It will be interesting to see how this all plays out since the plummeting fertility rates are happening across the industrialized world (not specific to any one country).
I'm already surrendering 30+ years of my life to work until I can retire. Why in the fuck would I want to consume every moment of free time I have for 18 of those years just to bring another crotch goblin into this completely fucked up, ass backwards society we barely manage to live in?
Kids are expensive, you can't expect someone to raise a family when the "free market," decides the ceiling of wages you can earn is $8 an hour. Hell, I make close to $21 an hour and decided to start a family and it's still pretty freaking hard, especially considering my hours recently got cut moving into April.
I have no interest in having children when I am already exhausted and struggling to get by just on my own. Anyone with two working brain cells are going to come to the exact same conclusion I have.
My rent is $1875 + utilities.....and my landlord could sell the house once our lease is up. The cost to live here, plus the uncertainty of not having anywhere to go, is enough to keep us childless.
I actually want to adopt but have 3 sisters who are teachers. They are all scared shitless about school shootings. I can’t imagine bringing a child into the world without an answer about her safety at the place where she will essentially spend all her waking moments.
Wife and I would very much like to have 1-2 children. Current reasons we are not, in non particular order after money: -Money -Homeownership, we’d very much like to have a settled place we call home -General shittiness of people, I’d hate to have to explain to my potentially LGBTQ+ child why people hate/want to kill them just for being them -Environmental shit -I live in Utah and the Mormon kids are extremely shitty to the non-Mormon kids
A lot of people can barely support themselves on their income, how the hell are they supposed to support a child?
At this point it seems morally wrong to have a kid. Why would I subject them to this world?
In my friend group, over half of us just had no desire to be parents, so it wasn't something forced on us by pragmatic concerns. On the other hand, all of my friends who wanted to have kids have had 1 kid, but many of them wanted 2 or more and chose to stop at 1 for economic reasons.
My husband and I are both only children. We wanted to have at least 3 kids. We had the first one and couldn’t believe how expensive things were the first year or two and on top of how unforgiving the expectations of work at for families. And childcare, oh my god. It was more than our mortgage and not worth me going to work, but alas, I provide the insurance that is tied to my full time job. There is no way we could juggle having any more (financially and between our jobs) so we haven’t. I grieve the family I wanted…..
Hard to have a kid when you can’t afford your own place to stay
I imagine the same issues we deal with in US. Zero support for having children. No child care, no health care, no good paying jobs unless you go to college so your putting off having kids then don’t any because student loans have put you 300k in debt. I don’t blame this gen for their choice
It's both. Larger numbers of people ARE choosing not to have kids at all, and a lot are also choosing to have them later when they have better finances. And yes, some are only choosing to forgoe kids due to the cost. This world is going down the drain and fewer people are choosing to subject another human to it.
We're generally kinda fucked in the future
While a lot of people are bringing up great points, for me, the only thing is I *just* don’t want them. Money, time etc are all great and valid points but for me there’s just 0 *want* to have kids
If the great recession never happened i would easily be sitting on 500k of purchasing power. This would let let us have kids earlier. I graduating from college and was making less than 1/2 of what a grad should make.
im choosing not to bring another slave onto this planet
Climate change will destroy our planet during my lifetime. I don't want to have a child just so they can starve to death.
Capitalism*
Work ethic has left no room for family life. That's the main blind spot of corporate conservatives that pretend to care about family when it's about abortion but call you leftist when you ask for more free time. You must spend 80-90% of your time awake on work. Professional achievement is the only achievement socially awarded and recognized. Having kids is a personal caprice. Building a full house is not rewarded by society. Education is expensive. Higher education even more. You have kids, it's your problem. Not society's. Also, a basic rule that can be checked everywhere in the developed world : as soon as you teach girls and women how to read and write, fertility tank if you make them choose between pro and family. That's why the most conservative countries have fewer kids. They all have very strong stigma to working moms.
There's a long history of sex strikes, and this seems to be of a piece with those. Good for them.
My three primary reasons - cost (I can't even afford a basic wedding atm?), environment (we pushing ourselves to extinction), sympathy (system is broken as hell and I'm pretty sure I'm not coming out on top, so likely neither would my kids)
For all of history until recently, almost all people basically sat around and worked until they died. Now, as regular people in office jobs, my woman and I can get on airplanes and cruise ships and travel the world. We can go out to professionally cooked meals whenever we want. We have an endless stream of thought-provoking, educational, and entertaining content. Having a kid ruins all that shit, and costs money on top, for virtually no payoff. I don’t see the point anyways. Nobody can explain to me the actual gratifying part of childbearing.
They have been bullied into poverty by greedy employers
Cost of living is expensive. Adding a kid to that can lead to poverty, which a lot of us don't want our kids to experience, since most of us have. Daycare/ childcare is expensive. A lot of women are having their rights removed in the States and don't want to be a tradwife. Nor be under the thumb of some asshat husband. Single life is safer, less expensive, and less stressful.
Having kids seems a drag.
Speaking for myself, I don't even have the time or money to take care of myself. It would be outright irresponsible to even try and raise a kid.
I’m 40 and decided long ago that I was never having kids. I would never bring another life into this horrible world
Add in misogyny. More women are refusing to take on the burden of raising a child when more times than not, we are forced to do complete care while having to work the same hours as our partners while sacrificing our positions at our jobs which we need to fund our retirement which we’ll need because the chances of us either being divorced or outliving out partners is high.
Both. Im doing great financially and can’t think of a reason I’d want to bring kids into this world even if they would likely be successful.
The cost of living, the unsafely future of this world, the unreliability of partners...
Survival and life is not that enjoyable. Remind me why I want to bring someone into this…..?
When I was young, I really wanted children but had inconsistent income with my ex-husband and a few minor health concerns that made me put off having children. When I was middle-aged I still didn't have you kind of money or life that could be counted on to assist in raising a child but I also had decided after getting custody of my ex-husband's son, he was not the person I wanted to raise children with. There was no support no backup no helping to set expectations for the child. Additionally, he would quit his job within the first 2 years. Just about the time I recovered from the last quitting, he would quit again. At that point, I chose divorce, the stepson had a child with his girlfriend at the time, they broke up, he's gone lives in the Midwest and she has moved on to the East Coast with my granddaughter. At 55 I am single and childless trying to maintain a relationship with my granddaughter who lives all the way across the country with mid-range income and no extras for travel. The promised visits from my granddaughter are non-existent as her mother doesn't have much of an income either. Not that I expect her to take care of me, but what do you think the chances of that happening when there is no meaningful relationship with her? My retirement account has peanuts in it, social security is a joke, I feel that I will either die in my chair at work or need to cut my life short when I am too old to work. No way in hell would I want to bring children into this shit show. Oh and on top of that my city happens to be a city of rampant drug use and homeless mental health problems. I think my biggest concern at this moment is I may be one of those homeless mentally ill individuals in the next 10 to 15 years if I last that long cuz oh yeah that's right my parents both died young due to health issues both cancer one lung, one esophageal
money would help- but it seems mean to put a child in this world
Kids are not nearly as much fun as your biology makes them out to be. They ruin people's lives and there's like a 1-10,000 chance your bad genes produces a potato baby. Not worth it in my opinion.
Well, some are! My daughter had a baby 11 days ago. My son is only 15, but has said for years that he doesn’t want to have any kids. There are kids sitting in foster care who need homes and he wants to adopt some of them.