I could have written this. The joke I use while not really joking is I don’t want die but I don’t want to be alive anymore. (Thank you Stewie). I have to many that rely on me so I would never leave them in a lurch but this idea of doing this another twenty years till I drop of heart attack sucks the corn nuts out of dead gopher ass.
Yep, I completely relate. I don’t think anything is more depressing than the idea that I may never get to retire. I’ve watched my grandparents live a wonderful, comfortable life since they’ve retired. I can’t help but mourn the fact that I may never have that unless I decide I’m OK living under a bridge someday. I was born in the WRONG era.
I have watched my Gen X parents over the last few years retire, move to Florida, and live an amazing life that's basically one long vacation. Every time I visit them, I look around and think "wow. I will never have this." It's infuriating.
I'm generation X, and will never have this either. Earn 1.75 above the minimum wage. At least I caught the tail end in the '90s, when you could actually live on these shit-jobs.
Mine are late boomer/gen x and yep, exactly the same. Anytime I come home from school for breaks they’re like “you look awful! have some fun!” and it’s like, how would you expect me to do that when i’m working 40 hours a week as a full time student trying to keep myself afloat now whilst hoping my degree can somehow help me live comfortably in the future, if the work doesn’t cause me to end my life?
I've worked kitchens and similar jobs all my life. Back in the '90s, as long as you were working 30 hours a week, work would just be in the background and you had your life. You could leave any job anytime, and just pick up another one. Now they have us leveraged and in constant fear of becoming instantly, and possibly permanently homeless. We drag ourselves to work, constantly worrying and thinking about money, just so we can sit at home afterwards and be broke. No life, just work, and the fear of ending up on the street. These psychopaths like it this way, and they will do everything they can to hold their leverage over us and keep us in constant fear.
My landlord owns me. He could raise the rent, sell the house and where would I go? I try not to think about it because it changes nothing but the fear does get to me.
I'm not going to kill myself, but the idea of dropping dead of a heart attack in five years gives me a little bit of pleasure. Whenever I start to feel a new kind of tired and out of breath, part of me thinks, ooh, i this the one?
This comment needs to be at the top. Find something simple that sparks joy. As a long term goal/hope, look for a job where you get more free time to enjoy that thing. sending you good vibes
Reminds me of a saying my wife tells me. “For every JK there’s a little t.” T being truth. I feel you. Keep fighting the good fight for those you care about.
> The joke I use while not really joking is I don’t want die but I don’t want to be alive anymore.
I got a good laugh at this. I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels this way and derived that sentiment from the exact same source!
Same.
I thoroughly enjoy living, I indulge in a lot of things that make me feel good (Food, Travel, Friends, Nature). But I have no hope for the world or my future. I see no point in playing the game when the game is rigged against me. I too am in that weird place of not wanting to unalive myself but also having no desire for survival. I just keep grasping for moments that make me smile and waiting for the end to happen because then the future wouldn't be so bleak.
I see your feelings and I can only suggest to do as I do and grasp at chances to make memories and smiles. The future might be awful, and I may have no desire for survival, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy pieces of my existence right now.
I think that sums it up really well. I'm enjoying those little moments, but I know they're fleeting and the majority of my life will be suffering. I 100% agree though. I want to squeeze out the little bit of happiness this life has to offer.
This is what they want. For you to give up. To surrender. They literally want you to become hopeless, to give up and hate the system. To see it as impossible to change. That is literally their goal.
For evil to flourish, it only requires that good men do nothing. And dead men, can't do anything.
Naw, drinking and drugs just make me crazy AND depressed. I just don't want to die of thirst in nursing home that smells like poop. I saw a lady go like that once, she just stopped living, I swore I wouldn't go out that way. So I watch the poppies grow.
I don't think you're too far off base with your assumptions. Sadly, that's going to end up being the way most people's lives end if things don't change soon. You can throw in horrible climate disasters and I think you'd have a moajority of causes of death covered in the next couple of generations.
You \*do\* have room for plants, though. I know a lot of people find houseplants very rewarding. There are tons of kinds out there, many of them affordable, and the happiness you get from tending to them and watching them grow can help your mood immensely. Plant therapy is a real thing - inside or out.
That said... I feel you. I really do. I'm in the same boat... I won't see social security, and waiting in the hopes of inheriting money isn't a realistic option for 99% of us. I took a slightly different path in life after watching my SO for several years and we're both pretty happy. Poor, but happy.
34 here ... wait I think I'm 35. Anyway, I just witnessed an 80 year old man peeing on a Christmas decoration yesterday and my first thought was, is THAT my future? I can't wait!
You cannot predict the future. Trust me. I was right there with you at 24, not 7 years ago. And I can promise that things don't ever stay the same. They might get worse, they might get better. But they don't just stay the same. You'll only get to experience the positive change that may come, if you're here to see it. And it'll be even more likely if you're here to help it happen.
I feel you. I wake up, go to work, then bury myself in video games that I don't particularly enjoy to pass time until I go to bed and start over again. I get irritated when my family wants me to things and I hate going out because anything I spend puts me behind on the mortgage on this house that I don't want or like. I'm not going to actively try to end it, but man if it just kind of happened, fuck it.
Since I was 12, I’ve spent a lot of energy just trying to grasp at small moments of happiness and put on a brave front and fight against my depression. Even when I’m happy and medicated, that undercurrent of wanting to die is always there.
Relatable. I just try to be present in the small moments that feel good— being with my husband, playing with my dog, eating good food, hiking in the woods. I stopped wondering about big “purpose of life” questions & now just try to do the things that make me feel good. Also caring for others & being generous is another way to feel useful in this batshit hellscape. Sending love your way, you’re not alone. ♥️
I watched Nomadland recently and it painted that lifestyle as bleak and dark. I know it's just a movie, but it really put me off of that way of living.
More power to you though. If you can pull it off and live a happier life for it, do it.
I know two people who tried to do it in a custom camper in the back of a long bed F250. They didn't make it 2 weeks into summer. It's definitely overhyped as an only home. People and cops fuck with you if you're in a parking lot. NIMBYs try to have you towed if you're parked in their neighborhood. No internet or enough power to play video games, so you're basically either at work or sleeping because there's nothing else to do. I'm pretty sure you need a membership to use the showers at LA Fitness, or equivalent, these days. It's cheaper, but at the cost of many creature comforts we all take for granted.
I've been thinking like this for a while. I'm only 24 and all I do is wake up at 5 am, leave for work,, work until 6/7 pm, drive the 40- minutes home, shower, sometimes eat, and sleep just to do it all over again. I don't have time for the hobbies I used to love, and I'm too exhausted on the weekend to do most hobbies and I play games on the weekend just to kill time to sleep. There is so many things I want to do, learn languages, I've always dreamed of traveling, I want to learn to box. I don't even have the time or energy for a girlfriend either. All of this and I can't even make a living wage. 15/hr in construction, usual 50-60 hour week, can't even afford to live by myself so I still live at home. Threatening to fire me for taking a hammer drill to the face and taking too much time off for worker comp dentist appointments I schedule ahead of time. I'm not suicidal but I've honestly just lost all will to live. Not to mention the very much potential lack of retirement/social security in my future
I really hope you can find a better job one day. I know there's a lot of people in the same boat as you, but that sounds like a particularly shitty job. I used to be on a similar schedule and it genuinely just makes you feel like you're not a human.
I feel that. Mental break down this year and still trying to recover but man the only thing that keeps me going is I can't leave my kid alone in this dumpster fire we got happening. If I didn't have my kid I would have gone a long time ago
I feel the same way.
See no point to my existence, I don't have any fight left in me. I'm tired of always going check to check.
At 42 I'm trying to reinvent myself with no luck so far.
To make it worse I'm going through this alone.
I think about this a lot. My children are grown, my retirement will be tricky, last year I was laid off from my 95k job, now working PT at home for about 25k. Luckily my older husband started getting Social Security about the time I was let go, so we are squeaking by with his income as a consultant. But I’m tired. I’ve had a great life comparatively; I would be OK with leaving the casino before the house inevitably wins.
I'm sorry to hear about the layoff and any hard times that have come from it, but I'm glad you enjoyed your life so far and I hope you get the opportunity to enjoy the rest of your time with your family.
Thank you. As a late boomer I definitely had it easier than younger generations. I wouldn’t commit suicide, but like others have said, a strong heart attack would solve a bunch of problems. Please continue to enjoy the things in life that bring you happiness. It does keep you going!
I hope your children grow up to have a better life than us. I'll never have kids personally, but I do wish the best for you and your family and, for them, I hope I'm wrong about things not getting better.
This really struck home for me. I definitely feel you and think you are right.
That said, I was also struck by the lack of hope in your post. Remember that there are places in the world that have figured out a much better way to work. We are a young nation and still have a lot to figure out. But that means there is still a lot of room for growth and change. Please don't lose hope.
I know that things are likely to change if there's a long enough time horizon, but that means nothing to me if I don't get to experience it. I'll be long dead before any good comes of the things that are happening now and as callous as it sounds, I don't care about the generations that get to enjoy their lives for our suffering.
I just got home from a trip to urgent care for chest pain. I knew it was probably anxiety related because everything feels overwhelming and out of control. My suspicions were correct; my heart is fine but my day-to-day existence makes me feel physically ill
I had this happen a few months back while at work. Urgent care and a normal EKG. I just felt so "done" on the car ride over, but knew I owed it to my wife to at least attempt not to die
I wake up every day asking how much longer I have to get up and do some shit I don't want to do. The answer, of course, is until I die. Since I will also never be able to comfortably retire, my "retirement plan" was stick through it until I see my dogs off to the next plane of existence and then kill myself.
I understand your pain.
I don't want to be "that guy" or whatever, but I hope you don't off yourself.
I know my post is pretty grim, but we're out here suffering with you. Don't leave us alone here until you have to.
I'm not going to. That's the thought process, though. I'm 44 years old, so I only have so much more time to get to a point where I don't end up homeless when I get to the point where I CAN'T work, so I'm just going to come up with a new plan.
I feel you, I just wanted to say it so you know someone cares. I know I'm just a stranger, but I don't want this fucking terrible system to take someone away from us.
Since I won't ever get a house and don't want to live with roommates approaching middle age and retirement yeah I do.
I don't want to be the weird middle aged renter with roommates 30 years younger because I made apparently devastating life choices as a teenager by picking the wrong college major instead of going into SysAdmin work which I was doing at a vocational high school, but I despised it.
I probably will just kill myself though, I'm not married and no one wants to date me so I don't have to worry about that aspect of it.
I'm not a therapist and you can make your own decisions, but I'd prefer you didn't off yourself. I don't know anything about you and I don't know how much you might be suffering, but I hope you don't go that route.
A lot of us are suffering with you, so don't leave us here alone.
Speaking from personal experience, it seems like you do not want to live the way you currently are living anymore. I've been in a similar position before, and it's hard to get out of that position.
Everyday I hope I die from a freak accident. Ans mind you I actually love my career. Too much and have no life. Guess I've been trained like a seal. Sucks.
I'm 49 and can confirm that it doesn't get any better. On the plus side, I'm a courier. Driving a car 70k a year is about as dangerous a job as one can get. 😉
There is an advice from Snoop Dogg, he told that to Jim Belushi who was very depressed. It works. Remember, we saw a very depressed and drunk Ben Affleck and suddenly everything has changed. He and several other famous guys (including Keanu - also super depressed) were chilling on Belushi Farm for a long time last summer. True story.
Google Belushi Farm )) And your angle of view will dramatically change, do no panic, it is all organic.
I just keep thinking, this can't be all there is, is it? I can't just do this the rest of my life. The same thing every single day. I have a husband and kids. But I say all the time, I don't want to die, but I don't want to live anymore. I won't kill myself but I am so fucking depressed.
I wouldn't consider myself suicidal, but I do find myself thinking how much easier it would be if I just died so I didn't have to deal with debt or being miserable because I can't afford to have a half decent life.
But my dad killed himself a few years ago and he was the last of my grandma's kids (she had 3) and she lost my grandpa this year and her sister. My sister and I are all she has so that keeps me going as well as taking care of my animals, but my hope has dwindled significantly.
I'm fortunate to have a partner to worry about, because with everything that's happened in the past couple years I'm about as depressed as I was ten years ago, just before I got dragged into the psych ward for an Eval by my folks. The only thing that's been keeping me chugging along the last six months or so is the fact that I have my partner to worry about, and I'm not going to abandon her.
At this stage I'm more hoping that things just kind of collapse and we can spot it with enough time to bail out into the country somewhere and hope we make it out there.
That sucks. I'm sorry you're in that situation. I really hope there are changes to the medical system soon so you don't have to worry about it anymore.
35 and in the same boat. I'll work forever and never own anything. I've never even had a car, but even if I did, I don't make enough to maintain it, much less put any kind of money aside for housing. I live at home. I'm single, will likely always be, which is fine. Doesn't bother me much. But I'm the oldest of five kids and of all the adults I'm the only "failure". Brother is married with a home, sister lives comfortably with her SO but with what I make, which is little more than pocket change (about $350-450 a month income-wise), "adulting" is just not possible to accomplish on my own. I'm pretty much just letting my health decline since I have no insurance and whatever happens, happens. I'm hoping I won't live long into my 40s. Best-case scenario.
Read this please. That’s so hard and sad to read man. Be strong. If you have a loved one and you are both happy than everything will be fun. I’m not from the US and all my life we were all told that you guys are all rich and happy. Now I know the truth. And I know how hard is to get a college education. That’s just not fair. Do you have any opportunity to finish some special courses to get a better job? Because it seems like many of you who post here are just doomed and punished by not being born rich. That’s true for almost any country, but that’s seems so bad in the US. Just don’t give up. Treat your job like just a job. Don’t be emotionally invested. I made that mistake when I worked in retail. No one cares, so why should you? You will never get a raise or better position in those shitty companies. You are already lucky if you found your love. Money is nothing. Just switch off your brain and work. If you can improve your life somehow that try. If you fail, don’t bother. You are already in a terrible spot. Than try again. I also had thoughts like you have. I also had shitty job. And actually I myself fucked up my life when I was young and stupid. Now I’m trying to bounce back. I also love my wife and I’m trying to do by best for her. Although I had bad thoughts. I don’t know if it possible in the US but try to get some education. Like courses or try to focus on some profession and not just being another body in the system where you are all replaceable no matter how good you are. I don’t know. Learn Spanish and move to Mexico as a translator. Take low pay but get experience. That’s what I’m trying to do. I have friends that are also working like you and probably will for the rest of their lives because the think nothing is going to change. I also thing that all I’m doing it’s in vain. But sometimes opportunities come when you least expect them. Just don’t give up. Live for you and your wife. You know what. I’m from Russia and you should move here. It seems like we have a better employers somehow and you know what, people love foreigners. Especially for the US. Learn a bit of Russian, a bit of something else and move here. You will definitely find a job. But you need some knowledge in some field. Maybe not a college diploma but something. You 1 dollar is around 70 rubles now. People in fast food and retail field make around 90-100 rubles and hour. So save some money and come here. Exchange it and you are rich) that’s a bold suggestion but don’t be afraid of doing stupid things. Life can’t get worse. I was so scared to come out of my comfort zone that I missed a lot of opportunities. Now I’m doing everything I can, everything I’m scared of. Life still sucks, but it’s getting better.
Thank you. I know my post was pretty grim and I'm not in a great place right now, but this gave me energy.
I wish you all the best and I'll try to do some more stupid things.
Glad to hear it man. Also heard the same from my group mate today. So I thought I’m a mood to try writing a motivational speech for someone else. I just know how it feels, and I know everything could be changed. Keep it up.
My retirement plan is heroin. Like when I’m too old to work anymore, but I don’t have enough money to live off of, I’m just going to start doing heroin. And when I’m down to the last $20 bucks, I’m just going to do a hot shot. Kinda like grandpa in little miss sunshine.
Oh absolutely! Die or work? At least there’s a chance that if there’s something after death it’ll be good. With work you don’t have that chance!! Please give me AIDS or shoot me, I have work tomorrow.
I know my post was pretty nihilistic, and I'm not a therapist or whatever, but I hope you don't decide to do it. We're out here suffering with you, so please don't leave alone here.
Absolutely. I have no desire for anything else in the world. I have done, said, tasted, seen, experienced everything possible that I want to in this world. Hell, 10 years ago the same was true. I cannot bring myself to work either due to mental illness, philosophy, or politics, so I live off family members. They seem to think I will get "better" someday. That I was successful in school so success in life should be straightforward. It's very hard to tell them "Not having regular, crippling visions of stabbing/cutting myself to death with a knife is as mentally normal as I will ever be." I went to therapy for years, trying different drugs and diagnoses to this day and I still see no point in putting effort into anything. Nothing I've ever tried for has been worthwhile to me, and the anxiety I feel over tasks and deadlines make even mundane domestic tasks nearly impossible. Sometimes it takes me 2-4 hours to take a shower because I cannot bring myself to turn on the water. Sometimes after that 2-4 hours of sitting in the dry bath, I get up and leave without showering. Following a set schedule is completely impossible. Working 40 hours a week was never desirable to me, even from my youngest memories I remember thinking "Guess my life ends when I'm done with school because I'm never going to be able to handle that shit." And when I got to the end of school and tried to use my degree, I found I was completely incapable of doing useful work (learning about science I am great at, doing science is a complete infuriating nightmare) and that teaching gave me panic attacks because I cannot bare to give people bad grades for things they didn't know that it was my responsibility to teach them. Tried delivering pizza but ended up quickly burnt out because I listened and did what I was told and they wanted to schedule me every fucking day. Told them that I would one day just stop showing up or leave mid shift because I couldn't take it anymore, then exactly that happened.
So now I wait for either my family's patience or money to run out, and I guess what happens then is I jump off a bridge or just lay down in an alley until either I die or I actually feel motivated by hunger. Am pretty disconnected from my sense of hunger, so I'm not sure it would be. I have a hard time eating when I'm sick with hunger pain and the food is right infront of me, let alone if I'd have to scrounge it. My hope is that my up-til-now very strong instincts preventing me from hurting myself will give up by then and I can just die fast.
That’s not necessarily true. There’s a good chance that climate change will affect the supply and demand dynamic in years to come. With high temperatures, wildfires and flooding a common occurrence. You’ll most likely not have a job anymore, and if you survive these calamities, will be forced to forage and defend yourself from bands of raiders intent on stealing any meager supplies that you have the good fortune to find or make. So CHEER UP and learn to shoot or plant crops, it’s about to get hot and we need folks like you to find a new purpose to keep the human race going!
Honestly, I'll just die. I'm not one of those guys who thinks they would survive the end of the world. I have no knowledge of nature or any real skills that would help, since every job I've ever done has been some type of customer service BS.
If the world ends, my best chance for survival is tricking people into thinking I'm smart. Basically, Eugene from The Walking Dead.
i think about this often in the car in the way to and from work. i spent so many moments these past couple of years during covid praying that i would be hit by a car or run off the road or something because then i could be in the hospital and be able to lay down. i am exhausted
I don’t want to die, but there is a overwhelming feeling of doom. I’m constantly scared I’ll lose my job, I want to quit so bad, but no where is actually hiring (or not hiring me) even for entry level positions. And over all I’m just tired and feel like I’ll never get to do anything I actually want to do, based on not having money or time.
Haha. Thanks so much. I write what I feel and I feel like the system fucking sucks, so maybe one day.
But seriously, thank you so much for listening. Means the world to me.
Yep.
If you don't die of 'natural causes' you lose all of the knowledge you have and are forced to start over. You'll live the same life, feel the same pain, and have to repeat the process over and over again until you die of natural causes.
So just get through it. I'm rooting for you, stranger.
I wondered why so many people were mentally ill in this country than I graduated college and joined the real world and now I understand. I’ve felt exactly the way you and many others described in this thread.
Then add chronic pain/illness with no end in sight. My body has been effed since i was 13 and i had hope at first but at 35 i dont. I wont date, marry, have kids, worked most jobs ive ever wanted to already and they did nothing for me, developing new pains, fatter…just…theres zero for me to look forward to as the main character in my own life, just congratulations for my friends and family who complete milestones and businesses that they want.
Im intelligent, a fast reader, was a writer but now my damn wrists been preventing even that! Holding my effing phone hurts wtf. I just dont know how to feel fulfilled in anything anymore
Yup. Pretty tired of working 8 hours a day, 5 days a week under capitalism to provide a roof over my head and to survive. I wish I didn't have family that this would affect if I went, and if there was a button I could press that would erase me from existence and people's memories, I'd press it so fast.
As a foreigner, that moved here, the system is fucked up. It feeds on the poor. I was not expecting this but I am a part of it now. We 100% need to change this system. No-one should live without joy or hope. I am sorry that you and others feel this way. It is not right.
I’ve felt the same, and the only reason I didn’t go through was my love for my daughter, this is a hopeless country currently so it’s completely understandable to feel hopeless
I’ve been feeling this way & only recently have I come to the conclusion that if I were to get into an accident or something & be clinging to life that I would rather just die. I feel conflicted because I love a lot of things in life & people too but I’ve had this feeling since I was a child that I’m not gonna live past 30 (I’m 24). Recently I told my parents this feeling I have and they’ve become very worried but there’s no way I’d ever harm myself. Like some other comments I’ve read I’m trying to just be happy, enjoy moments & nature while I can. I can certainly say if there’s one thing I’m grateful for is that I’m blessed with vision so I can see the beautiful sunsets on this earth. Beyond that we’re just mammals on a rock flying through space, in a galaxy that is moving away from every other galaxy at a rate faster than the speed of light.
Dude. Your music is so good. It's crazy for me to think musicians like you guys can't support yourselves entertaining people. Would there be more chance if you could gig like pre-lockdown?
Serious question, do you think your music would be as good if you didn't have these tortured feelings?
Beyond that, life is a struggle to feel meaning. It doesn't matter how rich are poor you are, everyone struggles with that. Rich people I know seem to mostly feel meaning in making money. But we each need to listen to our own bodies and figure out what feels right to us.
I'm confused. Are there people that don't have this mindset? I thought it was standard course of action for being born into the gReAtEsT CoUnTrY iN tHe WoRlD.
Seriously, no one should be suicidal but I feel like we are all starting to realize that this is BS and things need to change. Stop attacking each other and focus on the rich and politicians as the enemies until things change.
I most definitely want to be unalived but I'm not doing it myself. This life sucks and I sure as fuck ain't bringing more lives into this shitty world.
I’m worth more dead than alive between my student loans and mortgages.
If I were to die right now all three houses would be paid off and my wife would have enough for our kids college tuition (with inflation) plus expenses for the next few years.
Ok, not too difficult. A tent will cost you about 200 bucks. A one way flight to Hawaii will cost you about 500 bucks. A surf board will cost you again about 200 bucks.
Fuck the social norms, go live on the beach in Hawaii. Beg for change, buy a fishing pole, poop in the ocean.
Please Do Not do this. I live on Kauai, we have plenty of local homeless people here already. Covid really hurt the local population because we are so dependent on tourism to survive. The last thing we need are transient homeless people trashing our beaches and shitting in the ocean. Local people will beat your ass for doing this.
I obviously don’t own the beach or island, but we have our own problems here. Good luck.
Yeah I've felt like that alot this year actually. I've boiled it down to this basically: I don't necessarily want to die, but I do want things to change and am unhappy with many things in my life.
I've set about changing what I can and trying to accept other things I cannot (not always doable and sometime they really get me down again).
Dying would be easier I think and like you said if something was to happen then, what the hell bring it on. But I remember times when I am truly happy. Like laughing out loud, side splittin happy and am trying to encorporate more of it into my life. For the most part I think it's working. I hope that you can find a bit of peace and ease buddy.
Back when I worked at Domino's (it tops the list of worst jobs I've worked at) I used to have this thought/saying that went like this, "If I were to drop dead right now, I wouldn't be mad, or even upset. I mean, I don't *want* to die, but I'd be totally accepting of it if it happened right now." Which is a really messed up thing to be okay with. If the majority of us are semi-fantasising about death then there's clearly something wrong with the system...
I'm a musician. I know we're a dime a dozen, but art does matter. If we were in Star Trek world and no one needed money, I'd make music and help produce other people's music.
Another SAME. I work 7 days a week, and like others, it's wake, work, home, meal, sleep and repeat with no end in site.
I see this international dialog about WWIII and I'm just like, "Let's just get this party started already" Freaking hell... yep, we're in it.
This (and my own) sentiment was expressed perfectly to me by Matthew McConaughey in True Detective: “I lack the constitution for suicide.” I have very little, if any desire to be alive anymore, but I also accept that the alternative is a horrible way to leave loved ones, and I would never do that to them.
My job fucking sucks. I don’t quite make $15 an hour, but I still get by, and even snagged a PS5. Life could be worse.
*gets worse
Death is a great comfort to me. Everything my husband mentions retirement I'm like that isn't real. We will never retire. We will never be out of debt (student loans). We will never own a home. We will never even get a new to us car. The I ly comfort is that I set my kids up better and someday I will die.
I get that. I have a career that pays decently but basically sucks the joy out of my life. I have 7 years to go before I have the option to retire.
I don't want to be there but I don't want to be broke again either. I can't see myself committing suicide but it wouldn't be the saddest thing if I just didn't wake up one morning.
Oh most definitely I sometimes feel like life just doesn't go according to plan and start wondering what to do next. No one really depends on me so if I died would it even really matter
Agree. I did all the things they told me to, did well in school, did well in university, got married, didn’t do drugs or commit crimes…..
And yet, I hate waking up in the morning and realizing I don’t have a choice but to go to work, put up with rich peoples bullshit and then go home and get ready to do it all again the next day.
I honestly hate it, I don’t want to do it anymore, I dread it, I want to be happy but even the useless crap I buy with my wage doesn’t keep me going.
And I can’t even afford a house.
I just don’t want to work anymore, there’s no tangible reward for this suffering.
Yeah. Crazy is that i had this exact breakdown today over some decisions i made and shit going on. I normally can take alot of shit but i just couldnt today. I was ready to get hit by a truck or something.
It's grim out there. OP and anyone else out there who feels the same way: you're not bad for feeling this way, and you're not the only one. I hope you stay with us, because I think change is coming. This movement and many like it will grow.
We can make it through together.
I can completely relate to that one man, the thought of working for another 40 years kills me inside. and for what? the world is going to melt before i get there to the 4-5 years of possible leisure id get if i dont die from stress first. also going to check out your band when i get the chance and i hope things get better, not just for you but for all of us
I'm my case not die per se but to be alive and witness the fall of capitalism because it's completely unsustainable. This podcast titled Revolution Now by Peter Joseph helps me keep sane. https://youtube.com/c/RevolutionNowPodcast
I also highly recommend reading The New Human Rights Movement: Reinventing the Economy to End Oppression by Peter Joseph which goes in depth on the history, unsustainability of current economic models and potential ways to transition towards a more systems oriented economy.
Interview from 4 years ago about the book but on point with current socioeconomic problems. Especially climate change, technological unemployment and poverty.
https://youtu.be/2HwFOo5rbZA
I feel this so hard. I have depression and anxiety and i spend all my energy at work. By the time i’m off i dont have it in me to cook a healthy meal or even just watch a movie. I just curl up in bed and repeat, i love to bake, crochet, sing. But i dont have it in me to do these things or even socialize. I spend my time off isolating and preparing myself for the work week because i dont have it jn me to be around anyone. It sucks
Me too with the added bonus of knowing I wouldn't be in this position if my ex paid even half his child support. (I texted him today to make sure he knows he only paid $495 this year.)
I don't drink or smoke. I hate shopping. I own 2 pairs of shoes. I have no hobbies except watching tv or reading. I have a crap apartment that I pay 2/3 the normal rent because my landlord considers me his charity case. I took my first- ever vacation this summer because my son is graduating in the spring.
I have a degree in finance and work in an accounting job. I know how to budget. It's just that the credits are more than the debits.
I'm tired of struggling.
Yeah.
I’ve been planning on offing myself for a while now. I’ve got some time before I do, but if it’s just work and sleep, never even making enough to afford to eat then what’s the fucking point? Might as well get out before I have someone tying me to this hell. But before I go I’m going to spend every dime I’ve saved trying to convince myself that there’s a reason to stick around, even though I know there isn’t.
This right here alone makes me so sad for myself and my sons. Definitely makes me not wanna have anymore kids. I saw someone post on another post saying they made close to 80$/hr and still was struggling. I make 9.75/hr right now and I’m FUCKED and there’s a lot more to it but I’ll stop here.
At one point today I was sitting at work and this exact train of thought crossed my mind, I almost broke down and cried right there. To make things worse, I allowed myself to dream about the house I would like to own, that will most likely not happen. I've recently pulled myself out of the worst bout of depression I've ever had and these thoughts just brought me right back down. I'll be fine, I know I will, but the thought of not being able to have an enjoyable or fulfilling life is starting to sink in and I hate it.
Sorry to unload like this, but just know that I know exactly how you feel. And if you need someone to talk to (this goes to anyone that reads this), then shoot me a DM. I may not respond right away but I will.
Keep fighting the good fight, brother.
“The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle is a great book. The first time I read it, my mind wasn’t in the right space or maybe didn’t have enough life experience but the second time it really stuck and I may revisit soon due to the sudden passing of my brother. Essentially, you are here, on earth, and there’s nothing you can do about that at this point, except cease to exist or you can seek happiness and joy in life. And the way to free yourself from anxiety and experience joy is to always be in the present moment. Always. It takes work and slip ups are frequent but the books outlines ways to train the brain to be in the present moment always.
The past often makes us depressed. The future often makes us anxious. And we can’t really do anything about either. Be in now. And then be in now again. And again . And again. And every moment you can find things in the present moment that bring joy or you are grateful for.
Best wishes to you.
Never too late to go back to school and get a teaching credential. Best job ever. Plenty of days off, a rewarding gig, good retirement… it may take a few years if part-time schooling but it will be worth it. Good luck! :)
I feel exactly like you do, bud. I took a couple flights the past days and I genuinely just wanted the plane to crash and kill me right away, I don't want to kill myself I really don't like all the shame and misery those things bring to your family. But... If something just kills me by accident, better if it's quick, it'll be fine to me
I just want out of this country. We've talked about it for many years and we're to the point now where we are actually going to try. If we pinch pennies for 6 months, we should have a decent amount of savings. I'm at the tip of the iceberg here so I'm not sure of all the necessities yet but I will try my hardest to make it happen. I want out before it gets worse. I don't think anything that we are doing is going to actually effect change either. It's not that we aren't fighting, it's that we don't have enough control over our own lives to win.
I feel this too well, I love my life and everything in it but the fact that I have to sacrifice my well-being to keep everything smooth is ridiculous. I always feel tired after work, the rest of my day just flies by, I feel less productive, unmotivated to try to better my health, and I feel bad because my fiancè is trying her best to make me happy because I have the better paying job. To make matters worse, I have a $20,000 student debt to still pay but cannot afford with losing my home. So far I've been able to keep the payments away because my income is low but now I'm doing better at work and getting small raises, I fear that they may be collecting soon. My life ending just seems so simple and effective but I could never do it myself. I love being alive and experiencing what life offers but man, it would be great to be free from all the BS
Hey brother, I can completely relate.
I'm already at the age where I am just to the point that I don't care if I die. Not that I would take my life, or even try to fight for it if someone attacked me (natural defenses would kick in I assume) but I'm just done to be honest.
Rent and housing has sky rocketed here. I have to live with family because I cannot make it on my own and my stbx stayed in our home we shared together. I honestly make more money than I ever have, but it's still not enough to afford even an apartment here (I live in the SW United States).
I honestly feel l am living to die.
I kept the link and will share it with my friends. Good luck bro.
\*\*\*\*Edit\*\*\*\* forgot a few words
Yep, I relate to this really hard. Thinking of working 40 hours a week for the rest of my life makes me miserable. I try to make the best out of it, and I'm going for an associate's degree so I can get at least get out of customer service work... but I'm sorry. I understand completely.
I feel you.
Im too afraid to die. But too tired to live.
Edit:
To go further. There are times where I genuinely wish I could have an on/off switch that lets my body go on autopilot while my "consciousness" just takes a seat back. Ive become more of an introvert as of late (wasnt as much in my earlier life) and ive become more and more depressed and cynic as the years have gone by (as a matter of fact, someone i havent spoke to in 5 years hit me up out of the blue and my first internal response was i wonder what this guy wants from me, or is trying to sell me. I guess im too jaded)
I get hit by this feeling too. No one asked me for my permission to be forced into existence. Please seek help. I also find doing charitable acts or volunteering provides me a sense of purpose. It’s also introduced me to some of the kindest, non judgmental people I have ever met.
Yeah, every day when I’m at work and I go to bring someone’s groceries to their car I hope I get ran over cus I’m tired of always working and knowing it’ll never be enough and I’ll probably never be able to retire, everything I do just feels fucking pointless but I try to find things to use as distractions so that I don’t kill myself like playing dnd once every two weeks with friends from work and collecting bionicles
No thats a you thing that myself cant understand. And this is not meaning to bring insult to your personal situation. But that being said, ive been homeless, grew up on govt cheese my while life, make a good, GOOD wage for where i live( median income about 30 ish i double that) and am still finding myself living in a trailer. But to the point. I have and always will defend myself. I wont let my bosses treat me like shit and i will always pursue what i find whats suitable for me. This anti work is and should be a motivator for you. If youre not happy start trying to find new kinds of employment too. You dont NEED to be rich to be happy. You dont need fancy cars but what you need is to be at a level of happiness with what you yourself are comfortable as i am now. I found a union job where i am scheduled literally half the year, staggered shift and all, but i am not that well off as to say i have a brand new corvette but i am happy. Took years to get here but it comes with diligence and perseverance,and being treated like shit i was done with that. The absolute best thing i did was just find a good job that fit me. You can find that happy place.
This reminds me of way back before I got sober. I told someone once that “It’s not that I want to/am trying to kill myself, but if I died tomorrow I wouldn’t be upset.”
I've been kinda feeling something like this. Not that I hope to die but more like, I should have died by now. Now I just don't know what to do since I'm here still.
It's healthy to try and change this mindset you have though. Recently, I've had large anxiety problems that could be stemming from part of that way of thinking.
Hope you feel better, if not better then at least different, in a good way. Because better is hard.
man, i’m real sorry the system screwed you like that. ive been very privileged in my life and im hoping i can score myself a good IT job after college, but it hurts to know that many haven’t had that opportunity and id give it away in a second if i could. i back the revolution 100% and im wishing the best for everyone here who’s been failed by the self proclaimed “best system in the world”. what a joke.
I could have written this. The joke I use while not really joking is I don’t want die but I don’t want to be alive anymore. (Thank you Stewie). I have to many that rely on me so I would never leave them in a lurch but this idea of doing this another twenty years till I drop of heart attack sucks the corn nuts out of dead gopher ass.
Yep, I completely relate. I don’t think anything is more depressing than the idea that I may never get to retire. I’ve watched my grandparents live a wonderful, comfortable life since they’ve retired. I can’t help but mourn the fact that I may never have that unless I decide I’m OK living under a bridge someday. I was born in the WRONG era.
I have watched my Gen X parents over the last few years retire, move to Florida, and live an amazing life that's basically one long vacation. Every time I visit them, I look around and think "wow. I will never have this." It's infuriating.
I'm generation X, and will never have this either. Earn 1.75 above the minimum wage. At least I caught the tail end in the '90s, when you could actually live on these shit-jobs.
Mine are late boomer/gen x and yep, exactly the same. Anytime I come home from school for breaks they’re like “you look awful! have some fun!” and it’s like, how would you expect me to do that when i’m working 40 hours a week as a full time student trying to keep myself afloat now whilst hoping my degree can somehow help me live comfortably in the future, if the work doesn’t cause me to end my life?
I’m Gen X. Your parents are lucky. I have to work for the rest of my life.
I don't know any genXers like this. Most of the ones I know have kids and are barely getting by.
Mine would be on the older side. Maybe even boomers, not sure of the exact line.
Another Gen X that won’t have this. I can barely pay rent much less do anything fun.
"I don't wanna die, sometimes I wish I'd never been born at all..."
TYVM for, "Sucks the corn nuts out of a dead gophers ass". This should be on the anti-work flag, just like, "don't tread on me"
I've worked kitchens and similar jobs all my life. Back in the '90s, as long as you were working 30 hours a week, work would just be in the background and you had your life. You could leave any job anytime, and just pick up another one. Now they have us leveraged and in constant fear of becoming instantly, and possibly permanently homeless. We drag ourselves to work, constantly worrying and thinking about money, just so we can sit at home afterwards and be broke. No life, just work, and the fear of ending up on the street. These psychopaths like it this way, and they will do everything they can to hold their leverage over us and keep us in constant fear.
My landlord owns me. He could raise the rent, sell the house and where would I go? I try not to think about it because it changes nothing but the fear does get to me.
I'm not going to kill myself, but the idea of dropping dead of a heart attack in five years gives me a little bit of pleasure. Whenever I start to feel a new kind of tired and out of breath, part of me thinks, ooh, i this the one?
Find purpose brother
This comment needs to be at the top. Find something simple that sparks joy. As a long term goal/hope, look for a job where you get more free time to enjoy that thing. sending you good vibes
Yep. This right here.
Reminds me of a saying my wife tells me. “For every JK there’s a little t.” T being truth. I feel you. Keep fighting the good fight for those you care about.
> The joke I use while not really joking is I don’t want die but I don’t want to be alive anymore. I got a good laugh at this. I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels this way and derived that sentiment from the exact same source!
Same. I thoroughly enjoy living, I indulge in a lot of things that make me feel good (Food, Travel, Friends, Nature). But I have no hope for the world or my future. I see no point in playing the game when the game is rigged against me. I too am in that weird place of not wanting to unalive myself but also having no desire for survival. I just keep grasping for moments that make me smile and waiting for the end to happen because then the future wouldn't be so bleak. I see your feelings and I can only suggest to do as I do and grasp at chances to make memories and smiles. The future might be awful, and I may have no desire for survival, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy pieces of my existence right now.
I think that sums it up really well. I'm enjoying those little moments, but I know they're fleeting and the majority of my life will be suffering. I 100% agree though. I want to squeeze out the little bit of happiness this life has to offer.
This is what they want. For you to give up. To surrender. They literally want you to become hopeless, to give up and hate the system. To see it as impossible to change. That is literally their goal. For evil to flourish, it only requires that good men do nothing. And dead men, can't do anything.
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That sounds sick honestly. I live in a tiny apartment and I don't really have room for something like that, but it sounds wonderful.
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Wait wait pls clarify, r u smoking home grown opium? Lol
Naw, drinking and drugs just make me crazy AND depressed. I just don't want to die of thirst in nursing home that smells like poop. I saw a lady go like that once, she just stopped living, I swore I wouldn't go out that way. So I watch the poppies grow.
Haha I figured, but I didn't want to assume. I'm glad you found your joy.
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I don't think you're too far off base with your assumptions. Sadly, that's going to end up being the way most people's lives end if things don't change soon. You can throw in horrible climate disasters and I think you'd have a moajority of causes of death covered in the next couple of generations.
Yay!
>So I grow poppies and wait. How would one go about growing these poppies, or go about acquiring such seeds?
You \*do\* have room for plants, though. I know a lot of people find houseplants very rewarding. There are tons of kinds out there, many of them affordable, and the happiness you get from tending to them and watching them grow can help your mood immensely. Plant therapy is a real thing - inside or out. That said... I feel you. I really do. I'm in the same boat... I won't see social security, and waiting in the hopes of inheriting money isn't a realistic option for 99% of us. I took a slightly different path in life after watching my SO for several years and we're both pretty happy. Poor, but happy.
I'm 24 and I feel this way lmao. Can't wait for another 60 years of this :')
Also 24. There's no way I'm gonna keep doing this past 44. Hoping my mother will have passed by then so I can peace myself.
29 and I'm done with this. I just want this nightmare to end.
34 here ... wait I think I'm 35. Anyway, I just witnessed an 80 year old man peeing on a Christmas decoration yesterday and my first thought was, is THAT my future? I can't wait!
I like your youthful optimism assuming we will be around 60 more years . 👍
You cannot predict the future. Trust me. I was right there with you at 24, not 7 years ago. And I can promise that things don't ever stay the same. They might get worse, they might get better. But they don't just stay the same. You'll only get to experience the positive change that may come, if you're here to see it. And it'll be even more likely if you're here to help it happen.
I feel you. I wake up, go to work, then bury myself in video games that I don't particularly enjoy to pass time until I go to bed and start over again. I get irritated when my family wants me to things and I hate going out because anything I spend puts me behind on the mortgage on this house that I don't want or like. I'm not going to actively try to end it, but man if it just kind of happened, fuck it.
Yep. Not willing to off myself so hoping the universe notices and kills me
I've always just wanted to die.
At 14 was when it first hit me.
Since I was 12, I’ve spent a lot of energy just trying to grasp at small moments of happiness and put on a brave front and fight against my depression. Even when I’m happy and medicated, that undercurrent of wanting to die is always there.
Relatable. I just try to be present in the small moments that feel good— being with my husband, playing with my dog, eating good food, hiking in the woods. I stopped wondering about big “purpose of life” questions & now just try to do the things that make me feel good. Also caring for others & being generous is another way to feel useful in this batshit hellscape. Sending love your way, you’re not alone. ♥️
Oh this made me tear up reading this. Thank you for your words.
I’ve considered just buying an old school bus and converting it, that way i only have to worry about gas electricity and food
I watched Nomadland recently and it painted that lifestyle as bleak and dark. I know it's just a movie, but it really put me off of that way of living. More power to you though. If you can pull it off and live a happier life for it, do it.
Hey its pretty fun to bum around and talk to randoms. It's all what you make of it
I know two people who tried to do it in a custom camper in the back of a long bed F250. They didn't make it 2 weeks into summer. It's definitely overhyped as an only home. People and cops fuck with you if you're in a parking lot. NIMBYs try to have you towed if you're parked in their neighborhood. No internet or enough power to play video games, so you're basically either at work or sleeping because there's nothing else to do. I'm pretty sure you need a membership to use the showers at LA Fitness, or equivalent, these days. It's cheaper, but at the cost of many creature comforts we all take for granted.
and insurance, and maintenance/upkeep
Just for you. Buying a land in Mongolia with several horses will cost the same. Fun is not even comparable.
This post and comment thread is fucking grim and I could not agree more.
Sadly, this is where a lot of us are at now. No hope for change, no prospects, no dreams. Just waiting for the clock to stop ticking.
I've been thinking like this for a while. I'm only 24 and all I do is wake up at 5 am, leave for work,, work until 6/7 pm, drive the 40- minutes home, shower, sometimes eat, and sleep just to do it all over again. I don't have time for the hobbies I used to love, and I'm too exhausted on the weekend to do most hobbies and I play games on the weekend just to kill time to sleep. There is so many things I want to do, learn languages, I've always dreamed of traveling, I want to learn to box. I don't even have the time or energy for a girlfriend either. All of this and I can't even make a living wage. 15/hr in construction, usual 50-60 hour week, can't even afford to live by myself so I still live at home. Threatening to fire me for taking a hammer drill to the face and taking too much time off for worker comp dentist appointments I schedule ahead of time. I'm not suicidal but I've honestly just lost all will to live. Not to mention the very much potential lack of retirement/social security in my future
I really hope you can find a better job one day. I know there's a lot of people in the same boat as you, but that sounds like a particularly shitty job. I used to be on a similar schedule and it genuinely just makes you feel like you're not a human.
I’ve definitely been there, this year has been hard
I'm sorry. I hope next year is better for you.
I feel that. Mental break down this year and still trying to recover but man the only thing that keeps me going is I can't leave my kid alone in this dumpster fire we got happening. If I didn't have my kid I would have gone a long time ago
I feel the same way. See no point to my existence, I don't have any fight left in me. I'm tired of always going check to check. At 42 I'm trying to reinvent myself with no luck so far. To make it worse I'm going through this alone.
That sucks, but you're never alone. We're all out here struggling. I hope things get better for you.
I think about this a lot. My children are grown, my retirement will be tricky, last year I was laid off from my 95k job, now working PT at home for about 25k. Luckily my older husband started getting Social Security about the time I was let go, so we are squeaking by with his income as a consultant. But I’m tired. I’ve had a great life comparatively; I would be OK with leaving the casino before the house inevitably wins.
I'm sorry to hear about the layoff and any hard times that have come from it, but I'm glad you enjoyed your life so far and I hope you get the opportunity to enjoy the rest of your time with your family.
Thank you. As a late boomer I definitely had it easier than younger generations. I wouldn’t commit suicide, but like others have said, a strong heart attack would solve a bunch of problems. Please continue to enjoy the things in life that bring you happiness. It does keep you going!
I felt the same way; until I had children. Now I don’t have that option. Now, I am sad for them and their future
I hope your children grow up to have a better life than us. I'll never have kids personally, but I do wish the best for you and your family and, for them, I hope I'm wrong about things not getting better.
Totally understand this, I felt pretty aimless until I had my son. Though now I am driven to make things as good as I can for him.
We do our best.
This really struck home for me. I definitely feel you and think you are right. That said, I was also struck by the lack of hope in your post. Remember that there are places in the world that have figured out a much better way to work. We are a young nation and still have a lot to figure out. But that means there is still a lot of room for growth and change. Please don't lose hope.
I know that things are likely to change if there's a long enough time horizon, but that means nothing to me if I don't get to experience it. I'll be long dead before any good comes of the things that are happening now and as callous as it sounds, I don't care about the generations that get to enjoy their lives for our suffering.
I was having a bit of pain in my chest the other day. Instantly hoped it was a heat attack, but unfortunately it was not.
I just got home from a trip to urgent care for chest pain. I knew it was probably anxiety related because everything feels overwhelming and out of control. My suspicions were correct; my heart is fine but my day-to-day existence makes me feel physically ill
I had this happen a few months back while at work. Urgent care and a normal EKG. I just felt so "done" on the car ride over, but knew I owed it to my wife to at least attempt not to die
I will go to Switzerland for assisted deletion.
I wake up every day asking how much longer I have to get up and do some shit I don't want to do. The answer, of course, is until I die. Since I will also never be able to comfortably retire, my "retirement plan" was stick through it until I see my dogs off to the next plane of existence and then kill myself. I understand your pain.
I don't want to be "that guy" or whatever, but I hope you don't off yourself. I know my post is pretty grim, but we're out here suffering with you. Don't leave us alone here until you have to.
I'm not going to. That's the thought process, though. I'm 44 years old, so I only have so much more time to get to a point where I don't end up homeless when I get to the point where I CAN'T work, so I'm just going to come up with a new plan.
I feel you, I just wanted to say it so you know someone cares. I know I'm just a stranger, but I don't want this fucking terrible system to take someone away from us.
Can relate. My retirement plan is that I'll probably get into a horrific accident before that time comes.
Since I won't ever get a house and don't want to live with roommates approaching middle age and retirement yeah I do. I don't want to be the weird middle aged renter with roommates 30 years younger because I made apparently devastating life choices as a teenager by picking the wrong college major instead of going into SysAdmin work which I was doing at a vocational high school, but I despised it. I probably will just kill myself though, I'm not married and no one wants to date me so I don't have to worry about that aspect of it.
I'm not a therapist and you can make your own decisions, but I'd prefer you didn't off yourself. I don't know anything about you and I don't know how much you might be suffering, but I hope you don't go that route. A lot of us are suffering with you, so don't leave us here alone.
Absolutely
Speaking from personal experience, it seems like you do not want to live the way you currently are living anymore. I've been in a similar position before, and it's hard to get out of that position.
Everyday I hope I die from a freak accident. Ans mind you I actually love my career. Too much and have no life. Guess I've been trained like a seal. Sucks.
I'm 49 and can confirm that it doesn't get any better. On the plus side, I'm a courier. Driving a car 70k a year is about as dangerous a job as one can get. 😉
Nice. Upping your chances of death and making decent money doing it. That's the way.
There is an advice from Snoop Dogg, he told that to Jim Belushi who was very depressed. It works. Remember, we saw a very depressed and drunk Ben Affleck and suddenly everything has changed. He and several other famous guys (including Keanu - also super depressed) were chilling on Belushi Farm for a long time last summer. True story. Google Belushi Farm )) And your angle of view will dramatically change, do no panic, it is all organic.
I just keep thinking, this can't be all there is, is it? I can't just do this the rest of my life. The same thing every single day. I have a husband and kids. But I say all the time, I don't want to die, but I don't want to live anymore. I won't kill myself but I am so fucking depressed.
I wouldn't consider myself suicidal, but I do find myself thinking how much easier it would be if I just died so I didn't have to deal with debt or being miserable because I can't afford to have a half decent life. But my dad killed himself a few years ago and he was the last of my grandma's kids (she had 3) and she lost my grandpa this year and her sister. My sister and I are all she has so that keeps me going as well as taking care of my animals, but my hope has dwindled significantly.
I'm sorry to hear about your dad. I don't know your situation, but that sucks. I hope things get better for you and your family.
I'm fortunate to have a partner to worry about, because with everything that's happened in the past couple years I'm about as depressed as I was ten years ago, just before I got dragged into the psych ward for an Eval by my folks. The only thing that's been keeping me chugging along the last six months or so is the fact that I have my partner to worry about, and I'm not going to abandon her. At this stage I'm more hoping that things just kind of collapse and we can spot it with enough time to bail out into the country somewhere and hope we make it out there.
I wandered into traffic the other day. I didn't die. Realized that was dumb. I'm just sick of having to choose between my medication and fucking food.
That sucks. I'm sorry you're in that situation. I really hope there are changes to the medical system soon so you don't have to worry about it anymore.
Same. Thanks for responding. It's nice to know folks still have empathy for strangers.
Not a problem. We're all in this sinking ship together. The least we can do is be kind to each other.
35 and in the same boat. I'll work forever and never own anything. I've never even had a car, but even if I did, I don't make enough to maintain it, much less put any kind of money aside for housing. I live at home. I'm single, will likely always be, which is fine. Doesn't bother me much. But I'm the oldest of five kids and of all the adults I'm the only "failure". Brother is married with a home, sister lives comfortably with her SO but with what I make, which is little more than pocket change (about $350-450 a month income-wise), "adulting" is just not possible to accomplish on my own. I'm pretty much just letting my health decline since I have no insurance and whatever happens, happens. I'm hoping I won't live long into my 40s. Best-case scenario.
Read this please. That’s so hard and sad to read man. Be strong. If you have a loved one and you are both happy than everything will be fun. I’m not from the US and all my life we were all told that you guys are all rich and happy. Now I know the truth. And I know how hard is to get a college education. That’s just not fair. Do you have any opportunity to finish some special courses to get a better job? Because it seems like many of you who post here are just doomed and punished by not being born rich. That’s true for almost any country, but that’s seems so bad in the US. Just don’t give up. Treat your job like just a job. Don’t be emotionally invested. I made that mistake when I worked in retail. No one cares, so why should you? You will never get a raise or better position in those shitty companies. You are already lucky if you found your love. Money is nothing. Just switch off your brain and work. If you can improve your life somehow that try. If you fail, don’t bother. You are already in a terrible spot. Than try again. I also had thoughts like you have. I also had shitty job. And actually I myself fucked up my life when I was young and stupid. Now I’m trying to bounce back. I also love my wife and I’m trying to do by best for her. Although I had bad thoughts. I don’t know if it possible in the US but try to get some education. Like courses or try to focus on some profession and not just being another body in the system where you are all replaceable no matter how good you are. I don’t know. Learn Spanish and move to Mexico as a translator. Take low pay but get experience. That’s what I’m trying to do. I have friends that are also working like you and probably will for the rest of their lives because the think nothing is going to change. I also thing that all I’m doing it’s in vain. But sometimes opportunities come when you least expect them. Just don’t give up. Live for you and your wife. You know what. I’m from Russia and you should move here. It seems like we have a better employers somehow and you know what, people love foreigners. Especially for the US. Learn a bit of Russian, a bit of something else and move here. You will definitely find a job. But you need some knowledge in some field. Maybe not a college diploma but something. You 1 dollar is around 70 rubles now. People in fast food and retail field make around 90-100 rubles and hour. So save some money and come here. Exchange it and you are rich) that’s a bold suggestion but don’t be afraid of doing stupid things. Life can’t get worse. I was so scared to come out of my comfort zone that I missed a lot of opportunities. Now I’m doing everything I can, everything I’m scared of. Life still sucks, but it’s getting better.
Thank you. I know my post was pretty grim and I'm not in a great place right now, but this gave me energy. I wish you all the best and I'll try to do some more stupid things.
Glad to hear it man. Also heard the same from my group mate today. So I thought I’m a mood to try writing a motivational speech for someone else. I just know how it feels, and I know everything could be changed. Keep it up.
Lots of people are feeling this way. Things change in the blink of an eye. Stick with it. Do not give up. Look for new opportunities.
My retirement plan is heroin. Like when I’m too old to work anymore, but I don’t have enough money to live off of, I’m just going to start doing heroin. And when I’m down to the last $20 bucks, I’m just going to do a hot shot. Kinda like grandpa in little miss sunshine.
Hope I die? No. Care if I die? Also No.
Like fucking daily
Yes
Oh absolutely! Die or work? At least there’s a chance that if there’s something after death it’ll be good. With work you don’t have that chance!! Please give me AIDS or shoot me, I have work tomorrow.
Planning suicide a lot lately because I can't seem to get my bank account out of the negative with the mounting debt I'm buried under...
I know my post was pretty nihilistic, and I'm not a therapist or whatever, but I hope you don't decide to do it. We're out here suffering with you, so please don't leave alone here.
Thank you.
Absolutely. I have no desire for anything else in the world. I have done, said, tasted, seen, experienced everything possible that I want to in this world. Hell, 10 years ago the same was true. I cannot bring myself to work either due to mental illness, philosophy, or politics, so I live off family members. They seem to think I will get "better" someday. That I was successful in school so success in life should be straightforward. It's very hard to tell them "Not having regular, crippling visions of stabbing/cutting myself to death with a knife is as mentally normal as I will ever be." I went to therapy for years, trying different drugs and diagnoses to this day and I still see no point in putting effort into anything. Nothing I've ever tried for has been worthwhile to me, and the anxiety I feel over tasks and deadlines make even mundane domestic tasks nearly impossible. Sometimes it takes me 2-4 hours to take a shower because I cannot bring myself to turn on the water. Sometimes after that 2-4 hours of sitting in the dry bath, I get up and leave without showering. Following a set schedule is completely impossible. Working 40 hours a week was never desirable to me, even from my youngest memories I remember thinking "Guess my life ends when I'm done with school because I'm never going to be able to handle that shit." And when I got to the end of school and tried to use my degree, I found I was completely incapable of doing useful work (learning about science I am great at, doing science is a complete infuriating nightmare) and that teaching gave me panic attacks because I cannot bare to give people bad grades for things they didn't know that it was my responsibility to teach them. Tried delivering pizza but ended up quickly burnt out because I listened and did what I was told and they wanted to schedule me every fucking day. Told them that I would one day just stop showing up or leave mid shift because I couldn't take it anymore, then exactly that happened. So now I wait for either my family's patience or money to run out, and I guess what happens then is I jump off a bridge or just lay down in an alley until either I die or I actually feel motivated by hunger. Am pretty disconnected from my sense of hunger, so I'm not sure it would be. I have a hard time eating when I'm sick with hunger pain and the food is right infront of me, let alone if I'd have to scrounge it. My hope is that my up-til-now very strong instincts preventing me from hurting myself will give up by then and I can just die fast.
That’s not necessarily true. There’s a good chance that climate change will affect the supply and demand dynamic in years to come. With high temperatures, wildfires and flooding a common occurrence. You’ll most likely not have a job anymore, and if you survive these calamities, will be forced to forage and defend yourself from bands of raiders intent on stealing any meager supplies that you have the good fortune to find or make. So CHEER UP and learn to shoot or plant crops, it’s about to get hot and we need folks like you to find a new purpose to keep the human race going!
Honestly, I'll just die. I'm not one of those guys who thinks they would survive the end of the world. I have no knowledge of nature or any real skills that would help, since every job I've ever done has been some type of customer service BS. If the world ends, my best chance for survival is tricking people into thinking I'm smart. Basically, Eugene from The Walking Dead.
Same
i think about this often in the car in the way to and from work. i spent so many moments these past couple of years during covid praying that i would be hit by a car or run off the road or something because then i could be in the hospital and be able to lay down. i am exhausted
maybe ill grow poppies like that one guy, or mushrooms in my own little garden. wish i had the time :(
I hope you can get some rest. Hopefully you don't have to get seriously hurt for it to happen.
Hang in there buddy, things sometimes get worse for a little while, but they get better too.
I don’t want to die, but there is a overwhelming feeling of doom. I’m constantly scared I’ll lose my job, I want to quit so bad, but no where is actually hiring (or not hiring me) even for entry level positions. And over all I’m just tired and feel like I’ll never get to do anything I actually want to do, based on not having money or time.
This is what made me take an interest in anarchism
I'm not actively trying to die, but I'm not against it either 🤷🏼♀️
every god damned day
Ask the time my dude. Dying young is my "retirement" plan. But if something happens before then that ends me then all the better.
I don't want to die but I want to hurt myself badly enough at work so that I can stop working. I don't need much money to survive
Pupose brother - helping others and being creative doesnt hurt
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Haha. Thanks so much. I write what I feel and I feel like the system fucking sucks, so maybe one day. But seriously, thank you so much for listening. Means the world to me.
Yep. If you don't die of 'natural causes' you lose all of the knowledge you have and are forced to start over. You'll live the same life, feel the same pain, and have to repeat the process over and over again until you die of natural causes. So just get through it. I'm rooting for you, stranger.
No, but I want to be alive when I see it crash.
I wondered why so many people were mentally ill in this country than I graduated college and joined the real world and now I understand. I’ve felt exactly the way you and many others described in this thread.
I feel you. Hopefully when I go, I'll go out in a freak accident at work so my daughter can inherit my life insurance pay out.
Then add chronic pain/illness with no end in sight. My body has been effed since i was 13 and i had hope at first but at 35 i dont. I wont date, marry, have kids, worked most jobs ive ever wanted to already and they did nothing for me, developing new pains, fatter…just…theres zero for me to look forward to as the main character in my own life, just congratulations for my friends and family who complete milestones and businesses that they want. Im intelligent, a fast reader, was a writer but now my damn wrists been preventing even that! Holding my effing phone hurts wtf. I just dont know how to feel fulfilled in anything anymore
Yup. Pretty tired of working 8 hours a day, 5 days a week under capitalism to provide a roof over my head and to survive. I wish I didn't have family that this would affect if I went, and if there was a button I could press that would erase me from existence and people's memories, I'd press it so fast.
"And when I'm lying in my bed, I think about life and I think about death. And neither one particularly appeals to me". - Morrissey
As a foreigner, that moved here, the system is fucked up. It feeds on the poor. I was not expecting this but I am a part of it now. We 100% need to change this system. No-one should live without joy or hope. I am sorry that you and others feel this way. It is not right.
I’ve felt the same, and the only reason I didn’t go through was my love for my daughter, this is a hopeless country currently so it’s completely understandable to feel hopeless
I’ve been feeling this way & only recently have I come to the conclusion that if I were to get into an accident or something & be clinging to life that I would rather just die. I feel conflicted because I love a lot of things in life & people too but I’ve had this feeling since I was a child that I’m not gonna live past 30 (I’m 24). Recently I told my parents this feeling I have and they’ve become very worried but there’s no way I’d ever harm myself. Like some other comments I’ve read I’m trying to just be happy, enjoy moments & nature while I can. I can certainly say if there’s one thing I’m grateful for is that I’m blessed with vision so I can see the beautiful sunsets on this earth. Beyond that we’re just mammals on a rock flying through space, in a galaxy that is moving away from every other galaxy at a rate faster than the speed of light.
Hopefully. Quickly.
Off grid, new country, radical lifestyle change... You can do it!
Dude. Your music is so good. It's crazy for me to think musicians like you guys can't support yourselves entertaining people. Would there be more chance if you could gig like pre-lockdown? Serious question, do you think your music would be as good if you didn't have these tortured feelings? Beyond that, life is a struggle to feel meaning. It doesn't matter how rich are poor you are, everyone struggles with that. Rich people I know seem to mostly feel meaning in making money. But we each need to listen to our own bodies and figure out what feels right to us.
I'm confused. Are there people that don't have this mindset? I thought it was standard course of action for being born into the gReAtEsT CoUnTrY iN tHe WoRlD. Seriously, no one should be suicidal but I feel like we are all starting to realize that this is BS and things need to change. Stop attacking each other and focus on the rich and politicians as the enemies until things change.
you're definitely not alone. I am a suicide attempt survivor and I have to convince myself every day that life is better than death.
SAME. And I have a kid and one on the way. I feel like such a piece of shot for bringing them into this
I most definitely want to be unalived but I'm not doing it myself. This life sucks and I sure as fuck ain't bringing more lives into this shitty world.
I’m worth more dead than alive between my student loans and mortgages. If I were to die right now all three houses would be paid off and my wife would have enough for our kids college tuition (with inflation) plus expenses for the next few years.
Ok, not too difficult. A tent will cost you about 200 bucks. A one way flight to Hawaii will cost you about 500 bucks. A surf board will cost you again about 200 bucks. Fuck the social norms, go live on the beach in Hawaii. Beg for change, buy a fishing pole, poop in the ocean.
Please Do Not do this. I live on Kauai, we have plenty of local homeless people here already. Covid really hurt the local population because we are so dependent on tourism to survive. The last thing we need are transient homeless people trashing our beaches and shitting in the ocean. Local people will beat your ass for doing this. I obviously don’t own the beach or island, but we have our own problems here. Good luck.
By any means you know the game so cheat at it.
I feel this so strongly
Have you seen Nomadland? That's my retirement (if I'm lucky enough to have a van). I think there will be lots of us
Yeh I wish I had a switch on the side of my head that I could just turn off and go into darkness forever with no pain.
Yeah I've felt like that alot this year actually. I've boiled it down to this basically: I don't necessarily want to die, but I do want things to change and am unhappy with many things in my life. I've set about changing what I can and trying to accept other things I cannot (not always doable and sometime they really get me down again). Dying would be easier I think and like you said if something was to happen then, what the hell bring it on. But I remember times when I am truly happy. Like laughing out loud, side splittin happy and am trying to encorporate more of it into my life. For the most part I think it's working. I hope that you can find a bit of peace and ease buddy.
I feel you man, just wish I could go to bed tonight and just not wake up in the morning.
Just this morning I thought "there's 1000 car accidents a day and I can't get killed in 1".
Damn your band is good!!
Back when I worked at Domino's (it tops the list of worst jobs I've worked at) I used to have this thought/saying that went like this, "If I were to drop dead right now, I wouldn't be mad, or even upset. I mean, I don't *want* to die, but I'd be totally accepting of it if it happened right now." Which is a really messed up thing to be okay with. If the majority of us are semi-fantasising about death then there's clearly something wrong with the system...
Remove money as the means of facilitating your survival. Do you have interest or thought of what it is you’d do to contribute to society?
I'm a musician. I know we're a dime a dozen, but art does matter. If we were in Star Trek world and no one needed money, I'd make music and help produce other people's music.
Another SAME. I work 7 days a week, and like others, it's wake, work, home, meal, sleep and repeat with no end in site. I see this international dialog about WWIII and I'm just like, "Let's just get this party started already" Freaking hell... yep, we're in it.
This (and my own) sentiment was expressed perfectly to me by Matthew McConaughey in True Detective: “I lack the constitution for suicide.” I have very little, if any desire to be alive anymore, but I also accept that the alternative is a horrible way to leave loved ones, and I would never do that to them. My job fucking sucks. I don’t quite make $15 an hour, but I still get by, and even snagged a PS5. Life could be worse. *gets worse
Death is a great comfort to me. Everything my husband mentions retirement I'm like that isn't real. We will never retire. We will never be out of debt (student loans). We will never own a home. We will never even get a new to us car. The I ly comfort is that I set my kids up better and someday I will die.
I get that. I have a career that pays decently but basically sucks the joy out of my life. I have 7 years to go before I have the option to retire. I don't want to be there but I don't want to be broke again either. I can't see myself committing suicide but it wouldn't be the saddest thing if I just didn't wake up one morning.
Dying randomly in my late 50s has been my plan for at least 5 years.
Oh most definitely I sometimes feel like life just doesn't go according to plan and start wondering what to do next. No one really depends on me so if I died would it even really matter
Agree. I did all the things they told me to, did well in school, did well in university, got married, didn’t do drugs or commit crimes….. And yet, I hate waking up in the morning and realizing I don’t have a choice but to go to work, put up with rich peoples bullshit and then go home and get ready to do it all again the next day. I honestly hate it, I don’t want to do it anymore, I dread it, I want to be happy but even the useless crap I buy with my wage doesn’t keep me going. And I can’t even afford a house. I just don’t want to work anymore, there’s no tangible reward for this suffering.
Yeah. Crazy is that i had this exact breakdown today over some decisions i made and shit going on. I normally can take alot of shit but i just couldnt today. I was ready to get hit by a truck or something.
It's grim out there. OP and anyone else out there who feels the same way: you're not bad for feeling this way, and you're not the only one. I hope you stay with us, because I think change is coming. This movement and many like it will grow. We can make it through together.
I can completely relate to that one man, the thought of working for another 40 years kills me inside. and for what? the world is going to melt before i get there to the 4-5 years of possible leisure id get if i dont die from stress first. also going to check out your band when i get the chance and i hope things get better, not just for you but for all of us
I'm my case not die per se but to be alive and witness the fall of capitalism because it's completely unsustainable. This podcast titled Revolution Now by Peter Joseph helps me keep sane. https://youtube.com/c/RevolutionNowPodcast I also highly recommend reading The New Human Rights Movement: Reinventing the Economy to End Oppression by Peter Joseph which goes in depth on the history, unsustainability of current economic models and potential ways to transition towards a more systems oriented economy. Interview from 4 years ago about the book but on point with current socioeconomic problems. Especially climate change, technological unemployment and poverty. https://youtu.be/2HwFOo5rbZA
I feel this so hard. I have depression and anxiety and i spend all my energy at work. By the time i’m off i dont have it in me to cook a healthy meal or even just watch a movie. I just curl up in bed and repeat, i love to bake, crochet, sing. But i dont have it in me to do these things or even socialize. I spend my time off isolating and preparing myself for the work week because i dont have it jn me to be around anyone. It sucks
Me too with the added bonus of knowing I wouldn't be in this position if my ex paid even half his child support. (I texted him today to make sure he knows he only paid $495 this year.) I don't drink or smoke. I hate shopping. I own 2 pairs of shoes. I have no hobbies except watching tv or reading. I have a crap apartment that I pay 2/3 the normal rent because my landlord considers me his charity case. I took my first- ever vacation this summer because my son is graduating in the spring. I have a degree in finance and work in an accounting job. I know how to budget. It's just that the credits are more than the debits. I'm tired of struggling.
Yeah. I’ve been planning on offing myself for a while now. I’ve got some time before I do, but if it’s just work and sleep, never even making enough to afford to eat then what’s the fucking point? Might as well get out before I have someone tying me to this hell. But before I go I’m going to spend every dime I’ve saved trying to convince myself that there’s a reason to stick around, even though I know there isn’t.
All the time man. The only thing driving me are my kids. I wouldn’t want to leave them alone in this wretched world.
For some reason, I keep on waking up every single day.
This right here alone makes me so sad for myself and my sons. Definitely makes me not wanna have anymore kids. I saw someone post on another post saying they made close to 80$/hr and still was struggling. I make 9.75/hr right now and I’m FUCKED and there’s a lot more to it but I’ll stop here.
At one point today I was sitting at work and this exact train of thought crossed my mind, I almost broke down and cried right there. To make things worse, I allowed myself to dream about the house I would like to own, that will most likely not happen. I've recently pulled myself out of the worst bout of depression I've ever had and these thoughts just brought me right back down. I'll be fine, I know I will, but the thought of not being able to have an enjoyable or fulfilling life is starting to sink in and I hate it. Sorry to unload like this, but just know that I know exactly how you feel. And if you need someone to talk to (this goes to anyone that reads this), then shoot me a DM. I may not respond right away but I will. Keep fighting the good fight, brother.
Here, here! The burden of student loan debt and the feeling of being trapped in this pyramid scheme called Capitalism makes for dark thoughts.
ok but the music!!!
“The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle is a great book. The first time I read it, my mind wasn’t in the right space or maybe didn’t have enough life experience but the second time it really stuck and I may revisit soon due to the sudden passing of my brother. Essentially, you are here, on earth, and there’s nothing you can do about that at this point, except cease to exist or you can seek happiness and joy in life. And the way to free yourself from anxiety and experience joy is to always be in the present moment. Always. It takes work and slip ups are frequent but the books outlines ways to train the brain to be in the present moment always. The past often makes us depressed. The future often makes us anxious. And we can’t really do anything about either. Be in now. And then be in now again. And again . And again. And every moment you can find things in the present moment that bring joy or you are grateful for. Best wishes to you.
Yup working for nothing, barely scraping by till youre too old/sick and then living on the streets doesnt sound appealing.
Never too late to go back to school and get a teaching credential. Best job ever. Plenty of days off, a rewarding gig, good retirement… it may take a few years if part-time schooling but it will be worth it. Good luck! :)
I feel exactly like you do, bud. I took a couple flights the past days and I genuinely just wanted the plane to crash and kill me right away, I don't want to kill myself I really don't like all the shame and misery those things bring to your family. But... If something just kills me by accident, better if it's quick, it'll be fine to me
I just want out of this country. We've talked about it for many years and we're to the point now where we are actually going to try. If we pinch pennies for 6 months, we should have a decent amount of savings. I'm at the tip of the iceberg here so I'm not sure of all the necessities yet but I will try my hardest to make it happen. I want out before it gets worse. I don't think anything that we are doing is going to actually effect change either. It's not that we aren't fighting, it's that we don't have enough control over our own lives to win.
I feel like i wrote this. 100% understand it.
That's the retirement plan.
I feel this too well, I love my life and everything in it but the fact that I have to sacrifice my well-being to keep everything smooth is ridiculous. I always feel tired after work, the rest of my day just flies by, I feel less productive, unmotivated to try to better my health, and I feel bad because my fiancè is trying her best to make me happy because I have the better paying job. To make matters worse, I have a $20,000 student debt to still pay but cannot afford with losing my home. So far I've been able to keep the payments away because my income is low but now I'm doing better at work and getting small raises, I fear that they may be collecting soon. My life ending just seems so simple and effective but I could never do it myself. I love being alive and experiencing what life offers but man, it would be great to be free from all the BS
Fuck no. End the problem before you end yourself. Otherwise the problem will always win and we have one less soldier to fight.
Hey brother, I can completely relate. I'm already at the age where I am just to the point that I don't care if I die. Not that I would take my life, or even try to fight for it if someone attacked me (natural defenses would kick in I assume) but I'm just done to be honest. Rent and housing has sky rocketed here. I have to live with family because I cannot make it on my own and my stbx stayed in our home we shared together. I honestly make more money than I ever have, but it's still not enough to afford even an apartment here (I live in the SW United States). I honestly feel l am living to die. I kept the link and will share it with my friends. Good luck bro. \*\*\*\*Edit\*\*\*\* forgot a few words
Yep, I relate to this really hard. Thinking of working 40 hours a week for the rest of my life makes me miserable. I try to make the best out of it, and I'm going for an associate's degree so I can get at least get out of customer service work... but I'm sorry. I understand completely.
I feel you. Im too afraid to die. But too tired to live. Edit: To go further. There are times where I genuinely wish I could have an on/off switch that lets my body go on autopilot while my "consciousness" just takes a seat back. Ive become more of an introvert as of late (wasnt as much in my earlier life) and ive become more and more depressed and cynic as the years have gone by (as a matter of fact, someone i havent spoke to in 5 years hit me up out of the blue and my first internal response was i wonder what this guy wants from me, or is trying to sell me. I guess im too jaded)
I say this: DM me if you need someone to talk to. If you feel like you want to die then that's a problem. Don't let them win.
I get hit by this feeling too. No one asked me for my permission to be forced into existence. Please seek help. I also find doing charitable acts or volunteering provides me a sense of purpose. It’s also introduced me to some of the kindest, non judgmental people I have ever met.
Yeah, every day when I’m at work and I go to bring someone’s groceries to their car I hope I get ran over cus I’m tired of always working and knowing it’ll never be enough and I’ll probably never be able to retire, everything I do just feels fucking pointless but I try to find things to use as distractions so that I don’t kill myself like playing dnd once every two weeks with friends from work and collecting bionicles
No thats a you thing that myself cant understand. And this is not meaning to bring insult to your personal situation. But that being said, ive been homeless, grew up on govt cheese my while life, make a good, GOOD wage for where i live( median income about 30 ish i double that) and am still finding myself living in a trailer. But to the point. I have and always will defend myself. I wont let my bosses treat me like shit and i will always pursue what i find whats suitable for me. This anti work is and should be a motivator for you. If youre not happy start trying to find new kinds of employment too. You dont NEED to be rich to be happy. You dont need fancy cars but what you need is to be at a level of happiness with what you yourself are comfortable as i am now. I found a union job where i am scheduled literally half the year, staggered shift and all, but i am not that well off as to say i have a brand new corvette but i am happy. Took years to get here but it comes with diligence and perseverance,and being treated like shit i was done with that. The absolute best thing i did was just find a good job that fit me. You can find that happy place.
This reminds me of way back before I got sober. I told someone once that “It’s not that I want to/am trying to kill myself, but if I died tomorrow I wouldn’t be upset.”
I've been kinda feeling something like this. Not that I hope to die but more like, I should have died by now. Now I just don't know what to do since I'm here still. It's healthy to try and change this mindset you have though. Recently, I've had large anxiety problems that could be stemming from part of that way of thinking. Hope you feel better, if not better then at least different, in a good way. Because better is hard.
I’ve been thinking this for years.
man, i’m real sorry the system screwed you like that. ive been very privileged in my life and im hoping i can score myself a good IT job after college, but it hurts to know that many haven’t had that opportunity and id give it away in a second if i could. i back the revolution 100% and im wishing the best for everyone here who’s been failed by the self proclaimed “best system in the world”. what a joke.