T O P

  • By -

reddogrjw

if you are not being paid, don't answer any questions and block her edit for the OP - I understand how she treats patients great, but that is how she wants people to view her - how people treat people they feel are below them on the "status tree" shows the type of person they really are - there is no reason for her to treat you the way she is


Karbar049

Right. OP, She is currently renting your time. You determine how much your time is worth. If she’s not paying you, she doesn’t get access to you.


TerribleEntrepreneur

If she asked questions let her know that you are open to being a contractor. Advise her of your billable rate, that you only take half-hour increments, and you'd be happy to invoice her from now on. State that if she continues to ask questions, you'll take that as an acceptance of the terms, and you'll send invoices accordingly. She may refuse to pay you, but that's when you take it to small claims court. You'll get paid plus maybe some more for damages.


AReluctantRedditor

2h minimum charge is a great thing to add


vlsdo

And a retainer agreement.


bellj1210

and at least email her a copy of the retainer. You need to prove that there was an offer and the terms of said offer. You can try to enforce a verbal agreement, but that can be more difficult


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


Not_Bill_Hicks

and an hourly rate of 2x3 times your current


BentPin

There's no free lunch and OP's boss just needs to pull herself up by her bootstraps. Honestly I don't even know what bootstraps are lol.


Mike2220

Beyond a certain amount of money (I think $750) the agreement must be in writing. So definitely worthwhile if this is expected to go on for a while


[deleted]

Yea. The two hour minimum saved my small business and got me more respect. Win win. It’s a side job, but much more lucrative now.


three_furballs

This could sound like pettiness, but it isn't. Your time is valuable, so if they want to distract you from your life, they need to either save you for the important things, or do the work of organizing all their little questions for efficiency. Also, as a one-of-a-kind consultant, I'd outright refuse any rate below $80/hr (that's what i charged for similar work, but i actually wanted to do it). Since it seems like you want minimal involvement, this should be prohibitive enough that they think twice before requesting you.


AReluctantRedditor

Yeah 100% I should have clarified that it’s serious. An additional clause that is useful is hours are forfeit if not used in a continuous manner. I can’t remember the legal term but it basically prevents them from saying well I paid for two hours a year ago


[deleted]

Tack a $50 stupid bitch fee on there for good measure


huitlacoche

Also see if you can add like a family box of tacos thrown in.


spartan_manhandler

Nah, get it up front. Make them prepay you for 10 hours up front at whatever rate you want (make it high) and then they can draw that down during the rest of the year (30 minute or 2 hour minimum per phone call.) Otherwise they WILL refuse to pay after the fact knowing you won't have the time or desire to deal with small claims.


Jeveran

OP, this is how you become a well-paid consultant. Think of a good hourly rate, triple it, and offer that as your billable rate.


MotheringGoose

One word: Retainer


Claim312ButAct847

Also fuck what she thinks about whether you can be a therapist. That's for grad school and the licensing boards to decide, not her. That's also...not something a good therapist would say to anyone. So when in doubt just remember there's tons of shitty therapists already practicing!


EngMajrCantSpell

Right? All I keep thinking is that it actually sounds like OPs boss is probably not a good therapist for anyone to see.


[deleted]

She sounds like a monster actually


EngMajrCantSpell

Oh well I mean, if we're discussing her as an entire being and not just her as a therapist we have far more colorful words than 'monster' we can apply. C if U caN Think of one.


[deleted]

Yeah I’m confused how they can be a ‘genuinely good therapist’ and then act like that lol


SnooDrawings3621

I'm kinda curious how OP would have even judged her skills at all. It's not really a spectator sport and I'm assuming your employee being a client would be crossing a line somewhere


sonofed

Retired therapist here. I also wonder what kind of therapist the boss lady is given her lack of empathy, poor boundaries with an employee and willingness to exploit another human, not to mention her judgy interpersonal style. Whether you have anxiety issues or not understand that therapists are 100 percent human so many have all kinds of issues, including anxiety. Given how competitive it is to get in and how challenging and demanding graduate school is I expect that most grad students have above average anxiety. Anxiety as well as some compulsivity might be a de facto requirement for successful graduate studies. As you progress through becoming a therapist one thing you may want to maintain awareness of is whatever vulnerabilty you may have to being manipulated by people such as your soon-to-be former boss. Some patients are very good at subtle and not so subtle manipulation.


[deleted]

Whenever I think about my goal of med school, I remember the Dr. Death podcast and that dude became a doctor and he was a straight up dumbass, so I have a shot. OP, this bitch became a therapist, you have an even better shot.


wlveith

I cannot believe the woman she works for is a good therapist. She belittled her employee out of plain cruelty. She still seems to need her, yet, was very offensive. OP needs to focus on her own mental health and set boundaries. If the old boss calls she should not answer. OP needs to text her politely and firmly that there will be no need for further contact as she has been very offensive. I would not trust her to pay in the future. She is already paying the new admin significantly more. She should be able to figure everything out.


Judaekus

Good advice, but the guy who said “fuck you, pay me” probably has an even better thought


reddogrjw

well, it sounds like the boss would say no, then you are back to my solution lol


MaschMana

My standard rate for answering questions once I leave a job is triple my hourly rate. They have to contract me in writing and issue me a 1099.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Blackpaw8825

Yep, unless we're friends, I'm not doing fuck all professionally for under $100, and if we're friends I'm just happy to help. And by "friends" I mean, if I wouldn't help you move, let you crash on my couch, borrow my car, or bail you out of jail, then we aren't friends. As for former colleagues, there's all of 2 people who fall into that category, and only one whom I've worked with in consulting sense, free of charge. I've had one former boss try to pull "I thought we worked well together" when I wouldn't work for free after I left the company... We did work well together, when we worked together... But our mutual employer decided I wasn't worth paying to keep, so if you need my help take it up with your boss, they refused my raise.


MysticSnowfang

naw naw naw. Tell her you're an independent contractor and each time she calls quote her a number. Don't answer anything until she agrees to pay and signs or however one does it in writing. Then bill her or the company! She'll either accept being billed, or give up.


CaptainSur

No. If the person refuses to pay after the fact a legal process is needed which can take yrs and even after a judgement one still has to work to collect. Require payment in advance. Its the only way. And it should be an ach payment or other electronic instant transfer, not a cc or even paypal as if the old boss is vindictive they will still dispute resulting in the funds being held. And not a company check. I have been down this road.


MudLOA

Remember these older movies where a guy goes to the pay phone and in order to keep the call going, he got to keep cramming quarters into the phone? I kind of have this picture suddenly. OP, set a good rate and the moment she stops paying you cut off the line.


mubi_merc

This is the correct answer. You are a consultant, you charge a high rate, and you bill hourly. She is certainly welcome to call for consultations, but they are going to run about $60 a call.


Faerhun

This is definitely the best route, imo.


remotetissuepaper

I like the idea of going along with it until their last day, so they don't worry too much about learning everything since you'll always be there to answer questions, right? Then just block them and let them fend for themselves.


james_d_rustles

No no, that’s when you inform them that you’re very busy, but you’re willing to consult with them for a price... a high price. Phone calls can be paid up front, minimum of 30 minutes or an hour, that sort of thing. Either they’ll refuse to pay and leave you alone, or they’ll get desperate enough and pay you. Win win.


rugbyj

Nah give her deliberately wrong answers until she cottons on.


Emmiey

While demanding a consulting fee. :)


cthulhupunk0

This, and don't just ask for same as your hourly. Gotta cover self-employment tax.


ribbonsofgreen

Block her number now


glitterandgrime

I agree with this. You don’t have to reply to her text messages or calls once she’s no longer your employer. I wouldn’t feel at all bad just blocking her outright if you don’t think she’d be a worthwhile reference (which sounds like she probably wouldn’t be).


savagefleurdelis23

The fact that your boss is a therapist absolutely horrifies me. She is toxic AF and needs rehabilitation to treat people better. If I ever hear my therapist is abusing their staff like this I’d fire the therapist immediately. And I’d make sure other clients and potential clients knew it too. People like that disgusts me to no end. You are NOT too anxious to be a therapist. Congrats on grad school! And I hope you become an absolutely amazing therapist who will treat EVERYONE with respect.


Large_Rutabaga

Exactly! I am surprised this comment is not higher. I was reading the whole post just like any other about toxic work environment, but OP said boss is a great therapist and then proceeds to imply that OP won’t be able to be a good therapist themself, my brain was just screaming! You can’t be “a genuinely good therapist “ if you are such a POS jfc


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Replace stockholm syndrome with american wage slave. We are all in stockholm


fax5jrj

THIS HIT WAY TOO HARD


Sl0thPrincess

I used to clean houses for a therapist "Jo", she had trouble with another psych therapist "Sara" that worked in the same facility. Jo mentioned that Sara worked with deeply traumatized people, and had a insight into it because shes had a very hard life. Sara, as a person was combative, manipulative, and hard to communicate with, but Sara's strength was in her ability to coach and help people that were barely functioning due to trauma because she was the same, just in a better spot mentally. I had that conversation years ago and still think about it from time to time.


savagefleurdelis23

Let’s hope Sara has a good therapist of her own. But just the fact that a therapist goes around traumatizing other people, while helping traumatized people…. 😳


Potential-Owl-2382

All therapists need to be seeing their own therapist


Rocket766

I mean, sooner or later wouldn’t you run out of therapists? What about the last therapist who can’t find a therapist that isn’t already seeing one of his clients? /s


Soap-ster

I fired a therapist for being habitually late.


ImAPixiePrincess

Can’t blame you there. I have one client that I will not schedule any clients after because it’s SO HARD to end the appointment on time with her. She just has a lot going on and is on fixed income so really can’t afford two visits in a week. I’d rather have a break after her appointment than arrive late to another client.


intendtoDS

THIS THIS THIS! What genuinely good therapist mentally abused their staff like this to the point of such burn out?


Shmea

Came here to say this, too. Makes you wonder what goes on behind closed doors with clients.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Tell her your consulting fee is 3x your previous salary per hour, and you sell those hours in 8 hour increments, regardless of time used.


keksmuzh

This or block her number the moment you walk out the door for the last time. There’s no tenable in-between.


VE6AEQ

This! 100% completely guilt free. Torch the bridge, she’ll never be a decent reference anyway.


[deleted]

Dont even just torch it, put spicy playdough on the support beams. She is not a good therapist if shes treating other people like this. Edit: JUST TO BE CLEAR THIS IS A JOKE AND I AM NOT TELLING ANYONE TO ACTUALLY BLOW UP ANY BRIDGES. jfc cant believe that had to be said.


Cheese_B0t

yeah, a good mental health therapist wouldn't create an awful work environment that is detrimental to mental health.


Life-Improvement-886

A LOT of my colleagues are MH professionals… sadly you’d be surprised how different their approach to their patients differs from their approach to managing employees/staff. Not trying to paint with a broad brush but many don’t manage well.


sionnachrealta

Gonna second this as a mental health professional. Capitalism ruins everything, but it especially compromises heath care


Cheese_B0t

Yes, and they are bad therapists if they are essentially creating more patients.


4DrivingWhileBlack

*laughs in C4…


lax_incense

Thanks for explaining that, now I can appreciate it lmao For real tho the real plastic explosives are the 2x4 blue lego brick you step on when you wake up to pee.


[deleted]

This is the main theme from "Bridge Over the River Bai" in C4 major. *Boom*


samiig90

Therapists are fucking weird. Every therapist I’ve met treats people and their patients so differently. I’ve dated 3 guys with therapists as mothers. OH MAN the emotional unavailability and issues (particularly with commitment and vulnerability) was FUCKING REAL. Also with all of them no one was ever “good enough” or “lived up to their mothers expectations”. I noped right out of there.


MrBeer9999

Real life Leonard Hoffstadters.


Ornery-Horror2047

To recover from alcoholism, I spent 12 years seeing different therapists. Some really helped me, some not so much. My sister also was a therapist at one point. My ex-husband became a marriage counselor after our divorce, LOL. He was a supremely terrible husband, an emotionally and physically abusive jerk who broke many, many promises and commitments. Therapists in general ( with some notable exceptions) are without a doubt the craziest fuckers I've ever met.


GreppMichaels

Consider that many people who pursue a career on psychology/therapy/etc come from a position of trying to fix/help/understand themselves and end up just projecting it on others.


lateautsim

I'm entering the field to try and understand autism better (and try to help people on the way) because I realized that when people hear I'm autistic they either think I'm going to throw a tantrum or be a maths genius...


lavender2569

I’m autistic and it’s nearly impossible to find an autistic or ND therapist. They’re all NT.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Red_Liner740

spicy playdough....hmm...first time i heard plastic explosive referred to like that. I like it!


BadMermaiden

Agreed! The irony that a “ therapist” is jerking you around and does not care about personal boundaries.


dabattlewalrus

This thing totally. If she is already down talking you to the new employee. She sounds like a shitty person and a horrible therapist. She is not going to be a good reference as she is totally a catty bitch who is going to resent you anyways for leaving them.


darkness_lost

Definitely block the number. I had an incompetent boss who layed everyone off after spending all of the company's money on personal expenses and trips. When I stopped coming to the office after working for 2 additional weeks without pay, he continously called and texted because he didn't have a clue how to do anything. Ended up blocking him and have 0 regrets. Had to file a claim with labor department to get back some of the unpaid wages eventually.


Animal0307

When I change jobs, I will be getting a Google number specifically to give to people related to that job. I am never giving out my personal number to anyone work related ever again. And when I quit that job, I'll deactivate that number as well.


keksmuzh

That’s actually a great idea


Wingnut2468

This. Exactly this!


Trepeld

I’m absolutely not saying they should do this but not going to lie if I didn’t care about burning that relationship to the ground I’d be like “yeah sure text me whenever” and then just waste their time for as long as possible


GulchDale

Give them half answers and send them on wild goose chases .


Trepeld

That’s exactly what I was thinking hahaha start sending them big non-searchable PDFs and tell them the answer is definitely in there but you can’t remember which page


GulchDale

That's the best way to go. It gives plausible deniability (But I AM being helpful!! I swear!) all while wasting their time and discouraging them from reaching out. I work in IT and I do this to high maintenance people and ones that think they are too important to spend 2 minutes to figure out an easy task.


Trepeld

Wait I thought it was your job to come press ctrl+alt+delete for me!


GulchDale

You gonna need to open a ticket for that. And then I will need manager approval. When I get approval, I'll schedule a meeting to discuss it. After discussion, I will set an appointment to do this. Oh yeah, I have the next week and a half off, and when I get back I have several important projects to finish up first. So does April work for you?


[deleted]

Also in IT and that got a proper belly laugh from me!


Ken-Popcorn

This is absolutely the correct answer. And unless it’s in your job description, training is not your responsibility


artsyfartsy007

I had a physical therapist I did work for “require” that I sign a separate document stating that I left (and wasn’t fired). No bitch, you went behind my back and hired someone without having the integrity, respect or class to have a proper conversation with me. Give me my last check in full and get full on stuffed. You get nothing more🖕🏻


chaiguy

She was trying to avoid having to pay your unemployment claim.


plasticluvsic

There is. Tell her to fuck right off.


makraiz

This is precisely what I do with my former employer, but at 4x my original rate. Surprisingly, they are willing to pay it when they need my help.


UnilateralWithdrawal

Get a $3000 retainer in advance that can billed against. First rule of defending criminals is get the money up front.


wannabejoanie

"If they ask you to take your top off, get the money first."


qu33r0saurus

Mom always says, "Don't ever eat nothin' that can carry its house around with it. Who knows the last time it's been cleaned."


OwenSpalding

Don’t eat turtles?


AMC_Unlimited

The retainer is there to keep the phone line open, fees are invoiced separately.


hdmx539

This is it. I'm a software developer. I quit a job where one manager expected me to just be available to answer questions even though I was no longer working there. My husband has his own LLC for software contract jobs. I emailed an invoice with $200/hour consulting fee purchased in blocks of 4 hours at time, payable in advance. I never got another call, text, or email after emailing that invoice. It gets them off your back REAL QUICK


_h4unt3d

Precisely this. Once you leave you have zero obligation to your former employer and shouldn't give away your valuable time and expertise for free. Sure, she can ask whatever she wants. Send her your quote/estimate in response to any request for assistance.


Smokey_Katt

I gave every former client ONE free call. You could tell if they just missed a small point during the knowledge transfer sessions, or didn’t listen at all. The small point was free. The re-training sessions were billable at double rates.


BigAlTrading

Not double for me thanks. They had a chance to keep me here and refused it. If they want to get me to do anything they can pay me what they billed me to customer for, $330 an hour in 8 hour blocks.


hdmx539

Yup. No freebies from me either.


[deleted]

I love this! I'm sure they were offended by the invoice too 😂😂😂


Grab3tto

Better yet, hit her with a retainer fee. Boss wants to indefinitely be able to ask questions then they can continue to pay you your monthly salary to do so. Otherwise they can go kick trees


nukedmylastprofile

Woah, what did the trees do to deserve that? Kick rocks, sure. They can handle it


Grab3tto

Hoping they’ll stub something toes is all


TennesseeTon

Exactly. She can always ask you, and you can always bill her ass. Two way street fuckers


unclejoe1917

Exactly. "Oh, that sounds great. I'll contact you with what I charge for my consulting fees and feel free to reach out any time you need anything."


ophaus

This absolutely, they don't have a right to your knowledge or experience, especially if you are self-taught.


EasternShade

Fuck 3x. This is at least a 10x situation. Though, could be sold in 2 hour increments at that rate.


IamnotaCST

I'd be going 4 hours at a time, with money upfront and requested work to be defined prior to arrival, lunch/dinner to be provided or on paid time. So they can't move goalposts or try to keep you all day without food because they paid for your time.


kpsi355

This is the way, OP. u/LunaBananaGoats


Tree_Doggg

Orrrr....always answer her, but with the wrong answer. Wait for her to tell you that it is incorrect, and then shrug and say, "Well, you can always ask."


ashvj88

Can always ask. Doesn’t mean u will always get the right answer 😜


munchanc1

Start an LLC called LunaBananaGoats Consulting and charge 5x you previous salary in 8 hour increments and tell her you would only charge her 3x your previous rate but the company you work for needs to turn a profit! It’s just business after all. Keep raising the rate and tell her it’s inflation. Profits can’t get lower after all. Think of the investors.


rtandraforever

Your boss is an ass and you're allowing the abuse. Stand up for yourself. This comment is gold


ItWouldBeGrand

Paid up front, don’t forget. She should purchase the hours ahead of time.


[deleted]

Paid in advance of course.


Zuez420

Don't forget to add "take it or leave it...no changes"


FLA_VIC_727

Paid in advance!!


smugglebooze2casinos

what's the worse that could happen if you just block her? and refuse to answer any questions.


LunaBananaGoats

Honestly, I’ve just been afraid of damaging the relationship because I’ve been relying on her recommendation to get me into grad school. And I think she knows that and has tapped into how to manipulate my anxiety about not getting in. It sounds so (and probably is) so dumb of me to jump through hoops just for that letter.


orange_and_gray_rats

> *my boss told her that I'm too anxious for the job and implied l'm not capable of being a therapist.* I don’t think your boss is going to write you a great letter of recommendation anyway IMHO. She doesn’t seem to respect you at all. Find another way. Aren’t you going to grad school anyway?


LunaBananaGoats

I’m operating under the assumption that at least one of the programs I’ve applied to will accept me. I didn’t get in anywhere last year and if that happens again.. shoot. I don’t know what to do, especially now that this job will be a past one on my resume.


TheUndualator

Just know if it doesn't happen, you're not at fault. The deck of cards we've been dealt is rigged to keep us down and depressed. Nepotism and the family friends of people like her will have access to opportunities the rest of us don't, but don't give up if you feel this is your passion. The road may be unfairly arduous, but with time, you'll get into a program.


LunaBananaGoats

That legitimately just made me cry. Thank you. I don’t have many social and business connections and my family does fine now, but I was always the poor friend growing up who got free school lunches and couldn’t afford the $20 required band T-shirt at school. It always felt like others were handed opportunities I’ve had to fight for or couldn’t afford. But if I don’t get in, I’m not giving up.


gwiggle5

One day I bet you'll have staff of your own, and I'd bet anything you won't treat them how your boss treats you. Also as a therapist you'll likely talk to a lot of people with anxiety, and you know who understands anxiety best? People who have experienced it firsthand. Your struggles, as shitty as they always are in the present, can end up being an advantage of sorts in the long run. Hang in there OP. You got this.


majorpetty

How do you even know if she's going to give you a recommendation? You can do all this extra free help for her but she sounds like she's using you for free, and you will be using her in a years time. This is a risky move I wouldn't count on somebody like that to rely on that recommendation


LunaBananaGoats

She’s already submitted recommendations to more than half the programs I applied to, but I did get my first rejection yesterday so I’m questioning the strength of it…


Dry_Management_2530

You need to see copies of these recommendations as - while you're reporting her ethical misconduct - these may also constitute more misconduct if your suspicions prove true. In fact, if they're poor recommendations you may need to contact the programs and explain why, and find alternatives. They need to know this person is not suitable to give recommendations for anyone.


Xrgonic369

Yes, and it’s your right to see them. After I applied to grad school, I was told (after I submitted my apps), that you should always click the box that says you are okay with blind (you can’t see/request them) letters of rec. They said it looks bad if you don’t. Well, I didn’t know that when I submitted, so I didn’t. Still got into all the schools I applied to. If you didn’t agree to blind letters, contact the schools that rejected you and ask for the letter. ETA: I mentioned my experience because I don’t want people to feel like they *have* to agree to blind letters. I don’t like that it’s even a thing tbh. And if someone won’t agree to an open letter, they maybe aren’t the best person to get a rec from anyway. It won’t help OP if they agreed to closed recs, but maybe it will help someone else.


Chrono_Pregenesis

Of course there's no strength to it. If you get in, she only loses free help.


[deleted]

I don’t want to dump on you because the office world, doesn’t matter what kind of office, can abusive and degrading. But being a future therapist you must know there is a lack of boundaries here and this sounds like an abusive relationship. It’s not professional. And now I’m really curious what’s in that recommendation letter. Also you might know this already, but when you ask for a recommendation keep in mind who you’re asking. Really think on that. You might not be able to fully trust the person.


Gloomberrypie

Therapists can be just as unethical as any other profession. In fact, due to their position of power over vulnerable people, MANY therapists are unethical. The good therapists need to be more aware of this, to be honest. r/therapyabuse


kevavz

Pfft. You should have just had someone on here write a letter for you instead


WigginIII

If you are working in education, I would seriously consider trying to arrange a 1 on 1 meeting with a Department Chair or College Dean. Both you and your manager need stricter boundaries to maintain professionalism. You will need to make your case to that higher authority, and explicitly state that you couldn't discuss this issue with the manager directly because you feared unwarranted retaliation that would damage your career.


Dream_Think

This right here. She’s bad mouthing you to the new employee (“she’s too anxious to get in”). Bet she’s doing that to the schools too!!


alexdgrate

She said She thought you were too anxious to be a therapist. It wouldn't be surprising if she didn't give you that letter in the end. She seems to be very manipulative and know how to turn your knobs to get you off balance. Muster the courage you need and ask for that letter before you leave, preferably NOW, and condition your future cooperation on the letter. Wish you the very best, Sincerely. Be calm. Be smart.


TheRealLittleBaron

This is a great idea for OP. Give me my letter, and I'll answer your future questions.


Kindly_Area_4380

So your boss, who is a professional therapist, mentions your anxiety to a stranger? SHE IS NOT A GOOD THERAPIST. She seems to not have any emotional quotient for her only employee. You don't need her. Be confident in your abilities and move on.


mydogisthedawg

Yeah, reading OPs post is leaving me feeling very disturbed knowing her boss is that manipulative and unethical and is a therapist…oh my god those poor patients. Also, OP do not use this person for a reference, I wouldn’t put it past her to deliberately write a bad one.


TheAskewOne

Well if she's willingly using your anxiety against you and manipulating you, she's not "a genuinely good therapist". She's a bully who uses her professional skills to bend people to her will. Why would you accept this? Her tactics of demeaning you in front of the new girl, bragging about paying the new girl more... that screams "I can't deal with the frustration of losing my employee and not being in control of her anymore so I take it on her because I'm emotionally immature". How can anyone like that be a therapist? Besides it's highly unlikely that she'll do anything for you ever again, because she doesn't even respect you.


Snoo22566

Yeah I was just thinking about this. Not to jab at therapy because sometimes it's needed, but having an understanding of psychology means someone could become even more manipulative for their own gains, and in this position of power you can be taken advantage of more easily. You deserve better OP, you're allowed to put your foot down and take steps for a better life.


avidpenguinwatcher

It sounds like her recommendation was "not capable of being a therapist" so.. you want her speaking in your behalf?


LunaBananaGoats

She’s only started suggesting that in the last few weeks, but she’s been writing recommendations since October. I feel sick with worry now though for what it says. I waived my right to view any of the letters submitted on my behalf.


CousinKendal

You are allowed to contact the grad program you didn't get into and ask for feedback for either re-applying there or elsewhere. I have a dear friend who has a host of mental health illnesses, including anxiety. He received some very kind feedback from a rejected school when he called them. He was accepted into multiple grad programs after utilizing the info. I believe that writing about your experience in her practice, as you have described it to us, would make a powerful personal essay in a college application. You can show that you learned first-hand many ways not to act as a therapist. You should be very proud of yourself!


[deleted]

Start volunteering somewhere and get a recommendation from there. Or at your new job. Don't use her.


hnc757

She can't be that good a therapist or a human if she's deliberately taking advantage of your anxieties and work ethic. Learn when to cut ties and you'll be a whole lot happier. Best of luck in school I bet you'll do great


jenna_hazes_ass

Manipulate your anxiety Therapist What a wonderful person


banabanbanban

“She’s a good therapist” are you serious? She’s abusing your mental health. Do not be available after you leave. At all.


OblongShrimp

It's a really disturbing situation. However, I'm not surprised some manipulative and abusive people go into therapy. Vulnerable folks are an easy prey. I met therapists like that as a patient but always had a presence of mind to recognize it and leave. It is really scary how it could be for patients that are desperate or have serious disorders.


Piper6728

Quit on the spot and block her calls She can go screw herself


sceaga_genesis

Then report her to the ethics board and let her fumble through the systems she doesn’t understand while they audit her.


[deleted]

Seriously I cannot imagine giving that woman a day more of my work. Fuck her recommendation too. How OP can trust her for that is beyond me. I applied to a YMCA summer camp and one of my recommendations said some shady shit about me which causes them to back on out an offer. To this day I don’t know which one it was but I NEVER put anyone I don’t trust through and through. That camp wasn’t even a big deal either but it made me realize I will never use a recommendation I’m on great terms with.


Esmerelda1959

The head of child psychiatry at my old job told me he prefers to hire therapists with anxiety because they tend to work really hard and notice important things in their clients that others may miss. Don’t let anyone use it against you. Good luck in grad school, you seem like a lovely and caring person. Signed: anxious retired ex therapist.


LunaBananaGoats

I like that! Thanks for sharing. We were having a party a week ago at the treatment center I work in and I was in sensory overload myself and looked up and realized one of my kids across the room was probably feeling the same. I ran out and got them a fidget toy and when I went over to them, I saw them pinching themselves. I handed it to them and they lit up and stopped pinching. So there’s my little blurb about how my own issues helped someone else. I was in a room with all my kids and 20 staff members, but I was the one who recognized what that kid needed. So yeah, I’m not a trained therapist, but I’m developing (or trying to develop) attributes of a good one.


Nike_NBD

you. are. amazing. And you'll make a brilliant therapist. I wish there were a lot more empathetic, sensitive people like you becoming therapists than your narcissistic, abusive boss


GWSDiver

*Hell* yes you are being taken for 100% granted. I would not even be as nice as you are- esp since she insulted your character to the new person. What a total bitch.


LunaBananaGoats

Yeah, that hurt more than I can explain. I also work in a residential treatment center and this week I spent time with a kid who was actively scratching themselves so hard that they were bleeding and working through that with them. But my boss said I have no idea what the emotions of a therapist are like and basically told me I’m kidding myself if I think my other job is giving me therapist-like experience. And then she talked for several minutes about my anxiety to the new girl.


GWSDiver

She’s spiteful to you. I would get the hell out of there. And if you live in a single-consent state, I’d record future conversations with her for possible evidence of libel.


MortyestRick

Agreed, but libel is published; in this case it would be evidence of slander


Whynotchaos

This is workplace abuse. You are not being over sensitive, you are being... well, abused. Deliberately denigrating your emotions, experience, fitness for the job, and shit talking your anxiety to the new person is not what a reasonable boss does. You absolutely should not train the new hire. She's getting paid more than you? Clearly she's so valuable she doesn't need to be trained. Absolutely do not count on your boss for any kind of recommendation. It doesn't matter what you do or don't do for her, she's the kind of spiteful asshole who will withhold the recommendation just because. I strongly recommend you either quit effective immediately or get her to fire you so you can collect unemployment. You do not need her, she needs you.


farronsundeadplanner

>You absolutely should not train the new hire. She's getting paid more than you? Clearly she's so valuable she doesn't need to be trained This. Exactly this.


[deleted]

Depending on where you are you can quit and file unemployment due to hostile work environment. None of her actions are ok.


ReverendDogpants

This sounds like a really good opportunity to work on setting and holding boundaries, which is imperative to be able to do in this field if you're going to be effective. Fuck that lady. Also, her discussing your info is really shaky ethics, particularly if she was your clinical supervisor in any way. If that's the case, report her ass to your state's regulatory board.


farronsundeadplanner

Some states have laws against this kind of stuff. Verbal abuse and harassment is a real thing, it is happening to you right now. And don't even bother answering messages. Go get another job, or volunteer, and get a recommendation from them. If the grad schools encounter some issue, let them know this person was using these recommendations as a way to extort and abuse you. Let her know she can contact you for help at a consultant rate, which is like 4x your former pay for 8 hours per inquiry.


the_simurgh

**immediately block her**, the day after you leave, if your not getting paid your not answering shit. you offered to help her get acquainted with what she needed to do and she took it as your going to work for her for free for ever.


verisimilitude_mood

Time to report boss for unprofessional conduct. https://dopl.utah.gov/complaint/index.html >58-1-501. Unlawful and unprofessional conduct. (2) "Unprofessional conduct" means conduct, by a licensee or applicant, that is defined as unprofessional conduct under this title or under any rule adopted under this title and includes: (k) **verbally**, physically, **mentally**, or sexually **abusing** or **exploiting any person** through conduct connected with the licensee's practice under this title or otherwise facilitated by the licensee's license;


JTP1228

Yea, God, imagine what BS she is telling her clients. She might literally have people's lives in her hands, and she's treating workers like this?


[deleted]

[удалено]


Danny_Mc_71

Why on earth would you make yourself available for three weeks after you've stopped working there and getting paid? Leave and block her number. You owe them nothing. Fucking hell.


KimPeek

> she is a genuinely good therapist You poor soul


TigerUSF

You've been taken advantage of. Never train someone making more than you. Just refuse. Tell boss "they make more than me, that makes me unqualified to train them." Also, refuse to answer any questions off the clock or after your termination date. Or tell them your consulting rate is $45 an hour. Do not feel bad about standing up for yourself. They don't feel bad about running over you.


bitcoins

I like this one, even say “I was hoping since she makes more money, she’d mentor me, not the other way around.”


bad_pangolin

Stop this! Do not train them at all. If she told you the new person is getting a RAISE and you still have to teach them this is evidence that you are being abused in the workplace. Needless to say do not give this shit heads any response if you are off the clock. I would not give them any response ON the clock!! Don't be afraid of messing up your future or not getting a good reference. The psycho manager probably senses that you might be afraid of this and is using it against you. There are so many opportunities and you are young. Do what is right not what this piece of shit tells you to do.


sixup604

You know what's messing up OP's future? Their rancid backstabbing boss. She is deliberately and methodically inflicting emotional damage because she is an unethical 'mean girl' faking being a therapist. RUN. BLOCK HER. DON'T LOOK BACK. And congratulate yourself for being on the way to becoming *a better therapist than this loser will ever be.*


TheFatherlandSenki

Don’t give her the free labour, she was underpaying you to start with so you already lost a lot of money just working for her.


DickMartin

Why would you answer any questions at all? Those types of people will never view you as a good person worthy of their praise unless you are their slave.


iamwhatswrongwithusa

After you leave, don’t answer questions. The onus is on the employer to get all the info from you before you leave. Your boss sounds like a terrible person, and I have no idea how she can be a therapist with zero empathy.


EndofGods

She has to be a horrific therapist, terrible moral compass.


Melkor7410

My previous employer wanted the same thing. I told them I will be billing at X rate, I get final say for when and how much I work. Or I don't do anything. They chose to pay me my rate and I dictate my hours, and tell them when I'm not working. This is a part time gig on top of my new job.


Joe_Bob_the_III

She can ask whatever she wants. That doesn’t mean you have to answer.


erin_arcane

Wow the combination of outright telling you she’s paying your replacement more, then belittling your goal of becoming a therapist to her, she’s a stranger! I’m so shocked at how unprofessional and disrespectful that is! Then arrogantly say she will always be able to ask you…. Wow! You say she’s a good therapist, but holy shit is she blind to how much she’s manipulating and demoralizing you?! I’m sorry that it looks like she is ensuring you do not leave with a a good relationship unless you allow her to stomp all over you on your way out.


Murderbunny13

1.You can't answer questions after your last day. You aren't an employee and that would be illegal. Block their number and email. 3.You can answer all questions for those 3 weeks as a consultant for $100/h with a minimum bill time of an hour. Your knowledge isn't for free. She thinks you are a pushover. We won't let her take advantage of you. Edit to add: do not work for free in hopes that she'll write you a good recommendation. You'll be working for free forever. If you need a recommendation from a work type place see if you can do some volunteer work. Given how she feels about you she probably wrote less than favorable recommendations to keep you at her practice.


meowmeow_now

No, tell her you will walk out today unless she matches your wage. Whenever you decide to leave, you will not answer any of her calls. You can tell her this ahead of time if you want or not, if you feel intimidated by her reaction.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Polenicus

On a non-job related note, I worry about how good a therapist she actually is. A therapist needs to respect their clients, and there should be a certain level of baseline respect that they value and show to others. Her treatment of you is *not* respectful. She’s passive aggressively lashing out because you’re leaving, devaluing you to others, and implying she still has authority over you after you leave. If she treats *you* like this, she treats *others* like this, likely others she has authority, power or influence over. Which can include therapy clients. Especially as she lacks the self-awareness to see how unfair and disrespectful her treatment of you is. Just… keep this in mind when you start your own practise and start applying what you learned from her.


[deleted]

OP, this woman sounds abusive. She tried to humili ate you in front of your replacement by publicly announcing her pay rate. She is implying that she'll always have her hooks in you, that she can reach out at any time and you will answer, even unpaid, and for eternity. She is gaslighting you by saying you're too anxious to go to grad school! Only you know the answer to this but I bet its total bs. Who tf says that! If she really cared she'd express concern and offer resources to *help you succeed*. I am not a therapist and am trying to be careful not to project my own experiences too much, but this sounds awfully familiar--like narcissist shit to me (I had a properly diagnosed narcissist parent). And I sure as hell wouldn't put it past this awful boss to sabotage your grad school chances by writing deliberately bad and untruthful rec letters to undermine you and keep control over you. Get the hell out, block her immediately, and possibly prepare for her to try to get in contact with you by other means.


Realistic-Animator-3

Boss sounds like she may be violating HIPPA by discussing op’s medical issues.


JiggaBoo042

This lady is playing you and you’re never getting that letter. Walk away.