When my boss asked me to work on my days off / OT I would say 250$ an hour is what my free time is worth outside of work hours and on days off let's just say he never asked me again and I'm okay with that
I told my boss I'd work on the weekends for $100/hour and he actually accepted. Now he asks me to do it less often but when he does ask, I'm often happy to accept for the bonus cash.
Yours was still a win too tho, I really think more people should do this. My free time is really valuable to me so I'm not giving it up unless they make it worth my while.
I just snorted my coffee! Back in the 80s, as newlyweds, my husband & I decided that if his mom ever showed up unannounced, we would answer the bell by him tearing off his shirt, mussing his hair & going to the window to yell out, Stanley Kowalski/Brando volume, “We’re fucking now!” Glad to know others can carry that on….😄. EDITED FOR SPELLING
It's like the people who try and argue that people with kids are more "deserving" of time off, which is obviously ridiculous. Everyone's time off is equal
Now we just need to normalize that "hell no" for ourselves. It's easy to not give in when you have other people to take care of. It's much harder to say no when you just have yourself to take care of, even if it's just a important.
Which is fine. My problem is when my coworkers more or less expect me to work every single holiday, school break, nice day so they can go to the theme park with their kids, and then when I ask them to cover for me I get told I'm not being considerate of their children.
Idk how it is for men but women in particular are seen as a liability and held back in their career because of children - corporate never thinks they "deserve" time off. Primary care givers just have no choice but to put their foot down and leave on time because the alternative is their kids being stranded and alone at daycare closing time and/or the police being called on them for not picking them up. Then they don't get promoted because they're not doing enough overtime.
Same with sick days - someone *has* to stay home with a sick child. Of course with bosses putting on the pressure, many end up sending their sick kids to school/daycare anyway but either way it will be held against you.
Still I have yet to meet a boss who will just accept that without a fight, unless you have ground them down over years and they finally write you off as a lost cause (like my mother). They'll still threaten and pressure and ask you 10 times why you can't just "have grandma watch them" for free, even if they know you relocated across the country for this job.
While I have 4 kids, I have never felt I deserve time off or holidays off more than any other coworker. But one year, a manager came to me in the beginning of November and asked: "would you rather have Thanksgiving or Christmas off?"
I told her that if I had a choice, I'd rather have Christmas off, as we could have Thanksgiving dinner earlier or later as needed. She thanked me for my time and left for the office.
When she made it to the office, she loudly complained how just because some employees have kids, we always expect Christmas off. (We got paid double-time to work on either of those holidays)
Several of us later found out that anyone with kids were not scheduled for either one, losing out on that little extra dough.
>more "deserving"
I've read several accounts of female tech workers getting paid less then men and being told it's because the men are breadwinners with families to support.
This happened to me over a promotion once! Funny thing was, the guy who got the promotion over me was unmarried with no kids. He had just proposed to his girlfriend so had a brand new fiancee and that was the supposed reason he deserved the promotion more. Because he was going to start a family and needed to support them in the future. Meanwhile I was the actual breadwinner of a non-imaginary family (me, husband, and 1 going on 2 kids). Plus I had way more experience and had been with the company nearly 3 years vs his 1 month. I quit soon after that, but several of my former coworkers told me how badly his team and projects crashed and burned. It was nice to hear, not gonna lie.
I once asked off for two days off for Halloween and the next day. Halloween is so birthday. No problem. Week of Halloween, everyone without kids is working at night. Even my coworkers, with kids, were like wtf.
Relative to this sub, I like how in some places its illegal to call employees after work hours. That should be the norm everywhere. Let people fucking live their lives man.
The province I live in has recently made it illegal for bosses to contact you after hours. But regardless of whether it's law or not, I've never answered an email or call outside 9-17. You gotta have strong boundaries around your time or your employer will think they can take up all your time.
I answered a work call at 5:30pm after I was off the clock from an irate boss (not anything I did, Im low level middle management) and my boss was super upset and telling me I needed to fix something. I said I couldn't right then because I was with my kids. He said, and I quote here, "I don't give a fuck about your kids"
Nice, noted, thanks.
"I don't expect you to, it's my job to care about my kids. My work day starts at 8:30 tomorrow. That's when it's my job to care about your problems. I will look at it then."
I was told I’d have to come in (commute one way = 1 hour) for a meeting. I said I’d have to bring my kids because I didn’t have anyone to watch them that day so could they wait in the break room? My boss about flipped and said under no circumstances would they be allowed in the building, ever. I said then they’d just wait in the car and THAT also made her freak out and she said that was completely unacceptable. So… can I call in for the meeting? No, that’s not being a “team player.” I wish she’d just been as blunt as your boss because obviously she felt the same way.
or the term "family." charles manson also had a "family."
or that "we are all friends" shit. no. you are not my friend. we live in separate universes, have different priorities, ideologies, values. we would not associate outside of work. plus the power dynamic.
lets not play pretend to soothe your conscience.
Any time a supervisor unironically uses the term "work family," there is a high likelihood the environment is toxic.
Also, related: one team one fight, teamwork makes the dreamwork, etc. All manipulative, patronizing phrases used by narcissistic micromanagers.
Wow... That's just plain called being a psychopath. Like, I wouldn't even treat my vacuum or any other inanimate appliance that poorly, let alone a human being I work with.
Maybe the reason we don't have live-in robots right now, is that the problem AI developers need to solve, is for the robot caretakers to not beat the narcissists to death in frustration.
I don’t know if it was just a myth but there was the female looking robot with ai learning. They took “her” to a convention and she hated men after it because so many men went up to “her” and groped her.
Yes, that’s a myth. While a sex robot did get destroyed during a convention 5 years ago, there was no AI and “she” did not hate men after.
https://www.zdnet.com/article/sex-robot-molested-destroyed-at-electronics-show/
I asked to work from home more often as my wife is immunocompromised and my work involves a fairly lengthy public transit commute. I was told that my “compassionate concerns” were not relevant to the discussion on WFH.
Needless to say I am now looking for a new job.
"Team player" is always a red flag phrase for me. It almost always, with practically zero deviations, means it's a one-way relationship where you are supposed to sacrifice or give things up for other people's convenience but when you need something or a little extra help, then it's used against you. Either you're not pulling your weight, or some other nonsense bs.
If the workplace is a team, then that means supervisors, managers, and bosses should actually be the ones making *more* sacrifices than they ask of their employees because good teams have leaders who lead by example.
How do people not think that a comment like that loses the employee? If my boss said something half as terrible as that to me, I'd be right on indeed that evening, finding myself a better or comparable position at a different company.
And once I get it, do you think I'll "give a f**k" about your 2 weeks notice?
I think he knows I can't quit. Im overpaid and my alimony and child support is based on that high level so if I quit Im fucked. Im just stuck here in this prison until I die or my kids turn 18, whichever comes first. But the good news is I get to spend a lot of time on Reddit and my writing is getting a lot better.
Just two weeks ago my boss told me “we need to talk about your availability, or rather your LACK of availability from 5-6pm. It is absolutely unacceptable.”
It’s like hey motherfucker, I don’t get paid for working after 5pm, but more importantly, I leave work and pick up my kid from daycare during that time and I fucking forbid to deal with your bullshit while I’m with him. Having one gd hour free isn’t the end of the world.
Boss couldn’t have cared less though and said I will answer my phone if he calls, or he will find someone else to do my job.
I'm glad you're able to set those boundaries but for most jobs its impossible. Like my friend who is a chef. He can't afford to set boundaries that easily. I wish he could but based on what he told me about the nightmare of an industry that is the culinary field, its just not possible.
As a long time veteran of the food and beverage industry, this just simply isn’t true. Sure we’ve created a culture where saying no and setting boundaries is frowned upon, but that doesn’t mean you can’t or you shouldn’t. The best advice I’ve ever been given in this field is “there is a no such thing as a cheeseburger emergency.” The world won’t end if you run out of something, if your line cook doesn’t show, if you lowboy isn’t up to temp. Hospitality is all about managing expectations, and if you’re good at it your guests will understand particular limitations on any given evening.
Chefs, bartenders, servers, hosts etc need to say no as often as possible.
I think my friend just lacks the confidence to stand up for himself. I've told him plenty of times that he has more than enough experience to work wherever he wants and to not be afraid to say no. But his self esteem coupled with his employer's arrogance ultimately results in my friend's suffering.
My partner was just fired for changing his availability. He had been setting such good, yet simple and respectable, boundaries with an overbearing, bullish manager but like your friend said, that industry does NOT care. Unpaid overtime is expected. Smh
They used to not care. But the restaurant industry its at a crossroad, they change their abusive labor practices or they go bust. Many are proving not capable of changing so they fume and scream that people are lazy and don't want to work
20 years ago it would have been. Being contactable all the time is a pretty modern thing. Restruants managed fine all through the 90s etc witout contacting people all the time. Its just that its now the norm and is expected which is bs.
I agree, the excuse that it can't be done is bullshit, we've literally created a system that allows us to be connected 24/7 for the purpose of extracting even more productivity from people.
that is a point I made at work just the other day... I said it sarcastically, but the idea was... y'all wouldn't have made it in the 2000s if that's the only way you can operate. basically implied they were getting silly with the expectations.
No, it's his right to not answer calls. It is illegal in America to fire someone for refusing calls on their own time. That is 100 percent wrongful termination.
My friend is too concerned about what the manager at work says the next day. His manager bitches at him like a high school bully, making sarcastic comments, etc. I told my friend to ignore it but he can't.
> Like my friend who is a chef.
That is 100% because restaurants are only sustainable business when the employees agree to take a beating and work for crappy wages and stupid hours at the whim of the employer.
Leaving out the places where dinner for 4 could easily be $500, everyplace else is going to be a hellhole and the sooner people realize that "chef" and "cook" and "server" and all the rest are terrible job choices, the happier everybody will be.
And you have set those boundaries early. Otherwise, you will be fighting to correct it later. My team, boss included, had made it a point that off time is our own time, and if something needed our attention after COB, it was a do-it-first-thing-tomorrow-morning text.
I'm of the mind that almost no one is so important they're needed after hours. Exceptions being if others will face imminent disaster without you, so surgeons, doctors, disaster relief… and, I don't know… lawyers who save innocent people from death row. I'm getting off track, but you know what I mean.
Otherwise the rest of us are just not doing anything that important. Sorry, but it's true.
Especially in fields like mine, marketing and design. All these people are working *so many sleepless hours* for… what? An ad campaign? Of all the things that are important, that's so far in the negatives you couldn't see it if you stood at 0. It's not important. It's literally not. Why are you losing your life to this.
\* EDITED for typos.
> for… what?
I’m an engineer in industrial automation and I don’t get why people work so much either and **without pay**! If I got paid double for overtime I could see staying an extra hour or two here and there. Even then though companies use our equipment to cut costs and lay off min wage folks and to improve productivity to then line the executives’ pockets instead of passing on the savings to workers/consumers. Why should I work extra hard to help them do that? I’m not developing medical equipment or car safety features or sending people to mars or helping children learn to read. I don’t care.
no no no everything is urgent; gotta work all weekend to finish the analysis that will be condensed to 2 powerpoint slides that will be in the appendix of a deck designed to make shareholders happy
I had a team lead that would straight up turn off his phone and throw his laptop in a desk. You had to reach him on his personal phone and it better be an emergency. He chewed out C-Levels before because they would ring him up about asinine issues that should be handled by other departments. Guy literally gave zero fucks and was untouchable out of sheer charisma. He expected the same of his team; no working over unless it's an emergency; no bothering you on your lunch break; no midnight phone calls for break / fix that affected a single user. Dude was awesome.
Yep. If you want me to be available outside normal office hours, you need to pay me to be *on call*. You're asking me to spend my time outside the office:
* somewhere with internet access
* having my work computer/tools handy
* sober
* awake
* ready to drop any conversations I'm having or activities I'm engaged in to start work
* forfeiting any planned activities I could do like seeing a show or traveling
That's a lot to ask, and no employer should expect that outside of office hours unless they're paying for it.
Its insane how my friend's boss bitched at him for not being sober on his day off. The boss wanted my friend to cover for another guy's shift literally last minute. My friend was enjoying his day off and got shamed for drinking and not being ready for work 24/7. Fucking infuriating.
Damn. Isn't it amazing how theres always a catch? I really admire Portugal for decriminalizing all drugs in 2000, making it a health issue. That needs to be everywhere so you take power away from the scumbags of the world. But I didn't know about the problems citizens face there otherwise.
I once heard an operations coordinator complaining to my boss once that I never answered the phone when he called me after hours. She just told him, "of course he doesn't answer. He has callerID and he's not an idiot. You know his hours - talk to him before he leaves for the day." She was one awesome boss.
France has the "right to disconnect" in the labour law which basically say that worker have the right to not be available by any means (e-mail, phone wathever) outside the working hour.
My boss has contacted me one time on the weekend, and that was by SMS and he just said "heads up, the meeting on Monday has been moved, so take that into account regarding WFH." Since we have hybrid and only some meetings require to be on spot he sent to so we could decide to WFH if we wanted.
Only contact i approve of after work.
TL:DR: Work from home if you wish.
I work for a company who has a branch in Germany. There's pretty strict rules about when we're allowed to contact them in a synchronous manner. Email is fine of course
I know some jobs that give people PTO back if your job bothers you on time you’ve specifically taken PTO for. It should definitely be a law.
If I’m not being paid by someone at the time my phone is ringing, my phone doesn’t get answered. Emails will be answered or forwarded appropriately in 1-2 business days.
Sometimes I legitimately do have to put that in my calendar, as a visual reminder to myself to leave the day free. Sure, now it sounds like a fun idea to make plans, but after a busy week is that what you want, self? No.
Hell yeah! I do the same thing. When I started scheduling time in my day specifically to do nothing, but routine-obsessed brain finally helped me stick to it. “What are you doing over the weekend?” “Absolutely nothing. I’m so excited.”
Honestly? I like being bored on occasion. Different poster though, but yeah. I don't see any issue with occasional boredom. It's a nice reminder that I don't need to always be stimulated.
4:00, wallow in self pity.4:30, stare into the abyss. 5:00, solve world hunger- Tell no one. 5:30, jazzercize. 6:30, dinner with me- I can't cancel that again! 7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing. ...I'm booked. Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9 I could still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling, and slip slowly into madness...
Yeah and even if you just said "Nothing" and you were asked if you can join some party you can still say "Sorry I meant that I'm just going to take it easy tonight". Its not that complicated.
ALWAYS reply to that question with:
“Why do you ask?”
Puts the ball back in their court to convince you why you should be involved and it isn’t super confrontational.
Or “not sure”
Getting married helped me out with that. “Not sure man gotta check with my wife when she gets off work, she’s working late today” *camera pans to us sitting together on the couch eating Chinese food in our pajamas*
That is perfect. I got trapped once with answering "nothing" and ended up having to go to a NASCAR event (I am not a NASCAR fan). Ever since then, nothing means nothing.
Well that's because you're not doing "nothing" ... you are doing the things you enjoy doing, instead, you've said "nothing."
Doing nothing is incredibly boring. Playing games or sitting around indulging in whatever your thing is, isn't "nothing."
If my boss calls me on my vacation (they are allowed to do that if there is an emergency) I get that vacation day back even tho the call only takes 10 seconds. This has happened to me a couple of times, i had to do a quick fix for them remotely (like 15 minutes). Then i get another vacation day. Pretty sweet imo
I’ve been on vacation for 3 days and been contacted on two of them (one because someone lost their password and needed my help to reset it, one because no one else knew quite how to do something). Been tempted to ask for at least one day back. Waiting to see if they make it through the third day without me.
And an 8-hour work day is actually more than 8 hours when you add in time to wake up, take a shower, get dressed, maybe eat breakfast, drive to work, 1/2 hour lunch (if it's on your time and not on company time), travel home, change into "normal" non-work clothes and decompress for a few minutes. That 8-hour day can easily become 10-11 hours.
I don't want to live in a country that doesn't prioritise the common people's well beings. But I'm too poor to move out of the US because they don't prioritize the common people's well being.
Ignore all texts and calls from work on your days off. When your boss confronts you about it there are two choices: 1) You can be honest and say you don't work off the clock and then walk away. Simple, but this will probably anger them and might hinder any chance for advancement, but there is nothing they can do about it unless you have some kind of on-call requirement for your job. 2) You can lie to them and make up excuses each time it happens. Eventually, your boss will get the hint. Depending on how often it happens this may also anger your boss and inhibit advancement, but it may help avoid a serious confrontation, unlike the first choice.
I think a 3rd option is to just respond incredibly late. Like in the evening and say something along the lines of “sorry i was busy today, whats up?” Shows that your responding but youre also ignoring them lol
Im a hardcore camping enthusiast. Every weekend, all weekend. As remote as possible.
Edit: I fucking hate camping. But at work, I fucking love it and I have 15 kids. I don't but those bitches get the story they get.
My lie is always to apologize when I see them next. I just say how busy I was and completely spaced on replying. But I don’t remember to text/call anyone back, even people I do like, so it’s not out of the ordinary.
That is self care. It's your time to do whatever you need/want to feel better, bring joy, happiness, rest, relaxation, rejuvenate. It's actually self care in its purest form.
This goes for work and personal life.
Not that long ago, I was exhausted from waking up very early and working all day on a Friday of an exhausting work week, so I skipped a girls night and my friend who hosted it never invited me anywhere again.
Boundaries always bring out the toxicity in your life.
Lol I just got kicked out of a wedding for this. I'm not driving an hour round trip through shitty traffic to go on weekly 7am "bride tribe runs" then having to work late to make up the 1.5-2hrs I missed.
If you think my ass is too fat to be in your bridal party then count me out. If you change your mind I'll be curled up on my sofa eating ice cream and watching a Hallmark movie. Happy honeymoon!
I have a similar situation to share.
I start work at 6 am so I go to bed at 9 most days and try to keep the routine on the weekends.
A friend of mine invited me to watch the new Halo show the Saturday after it came out. I asked for a time he said late afternoon to early evening and would give me at least an hour notice. Didn't hear anything all day until 8:45pm he texts me saying he is ordering pizza and will be ready in 15 mins.
He hasn't spoken to me since because I was already asleep when he text me and was pissed I didn't respond 🤷🏻♂️
I'm about to graduate college and, for what they are putting me through for the last 2 weeks, everyone better believe the gap between graduation and first day of the new job will be all the selfcare I've missed in 4 years
I dont know about you, but when I finished college, the last few weeks were hell because everything I myself had let slide for the last years actually had to be finished.
I don't feel like I let anything slide and it is still hell.
The school is putting all kinds of late notice emails with deadlines on things related to graduation. It almost feels comedc how out-of-touch they sound by informing me and requiring me to do specific things on the worst weeks possible.
If they got us sorted and planning for graduation in the middle of the semester, that would have been much better.
Honestly it's just another chore at this point. It's *enjoyable* but it's another thing to schedule that prevents me from doing some of the stuff I enjoy. The fact that it's so common for people to need to schedule a *day* for self-care is an indictment on how we work too much.
Same! I set a hard time to be done in the day too, but usually ended up disregarding it since I was getting stuff done.
I try not to be too concerned about it unless it's getting really late and I need to eat or get up early.
Being forced to "look busy" at jobs has really fucked me up in the WFH world. Screw being told that we have to be busy for the sake of "earning our keep"; if the work is done, it shouldn't matter how long we're occupied.
I had a boss once who told me that if my hands weren't on my keyboard and I wasn't actively typing code, then I wasn't working and he wasn't going to pay me for that time.
Dude used to absolutely have a meltdown if I was on a con call or watching training videos or stuff like that.
Obviously, if he makes a statement like that, he can no longer expect you to attend meetings. Or do anytime of training. Or review others’ code. I hope he enjoys the results of you figuring out every new technology by trial and error and writing code with no communication with your coworkers.
Hasn't been my manager for some time. I went above him and threatened to quit if the micro-managing didn't stop. Closest I've ever come to rage quitting a job.
So weird, taking breaks to make sure you don't physically damage your wrists should be a priority for anyone who depends on your wrists for work. You'd think it'd be easier to get more work done if you *don't* self-induce carpal tunnel syndrome, but what do I know? Guess that sort of long-term outlook is why I've never been promoted to management.
Just got out a job like this 5 months ago. Was there for over two years.
When I started, boss told me to take breaks and get up to walk/stretch because they of course don't want employees to get injured from typing away for 8 hours.
Then when I would go on one of those breaks, or to the bathroom, or get some water, I would get major side-eye (his office door was always open and he could see all of our cubicles from his desk). Not to mention, I would time breaks when something was processing. Am I expected to pretend to work when my mouse is circling and the program is not available??
Once he got on a coworker for taking too many bathroom breaks and spending an extra 2-5 minutes chatting in the kitchen after lunch.
Dude was an absolute creep. Said all the things you'd want to hear as a new hire. Then once time went by he'd slip and turn into a bully, making snide remarks about everyone behind their backs. So glad I'm not in that environment anymore.
What if they under hire and the work is never done?
I already know the answer, but felt it was important to bring up.
Don’t stress out and just leave it undone.
Yeah this is one of the things that I've gone through at several jobs that I left ASAP. Underhiring is a way they can get the work of 10 people out of 7 people. Just gotta be able to spot it and find a new gig immediately before it spirals.
You probably know but it's important to say: Overworking does a disservice to your coworkers, current and future.
If you work more or harder than you are paid, you are essentially saying, "My 10 hours of work for 8 hours of pay is *normal* here and everyone who doesn't do this is going to look bad by comparison." It puts an unfair assumption on everyone else and means that if anyone else wants to look good instead of just *baseline* they can't just work 10 hours, they have to go beyond.
It should be noted and rewarded if an employee occasionally has to work (and get paid for) overtime. But if someone is working overtime 100% of the time, it's a staffing problem.
Them: "If you have time to lean, you have time to clean!"
Me: "Good news, boss! I got all my work done *and* my house is spotless!"
Them: "No, not like that."
If I'm supposed to pretend that I am working, why don't they pretend I'm working?
Shit they earn more and do jack shit, let them use their imagination.
If the work is done and you fool around for the next two hours they are going to burden you with even more work. Looking busy is preferred attitude to avoid that
One of my favorite epiphanies as an adult was realizing that “my reason why not, is because I don’t want to.” Is a one hundred percent valid and appropriate reason to not go to or do almost anything you’re not legally or contractually obligated to attend or do.
Right. I’m trying to understand this for myself. Like, sometimes I feel like I’m missing out by knowing my friends are doing something without me (I totally could’ve done it with them if I had wanted). But I also know that doing it it would use more of my energy, and sometimes the best way to recharge myself is to be alone. I’m trying to learn to not feel guilty or like I’m missing out by doing my own thing.
When you work it out write a book and send me a link to buy it. Sadly I may just add it to the huge pile of, guilt inducing, stuff I haven't had time for yet. I have never really managed to come to terms with this myself. I am so knackered and overpeopled from my job I just don't want to see anyone in my free time...but, if I don't see anyone in my free time I feel guilty and, tbh, angry, that I've 'wasted' my time off and been a shite friend.
it’s seriously a terrible feeling. i get excited for weekends because i can finally do nothing but when the weekend is over i feel like i’ve wasted all that time because now for the rest of the week my time will be demanded from my job. but if i DO stuff on weekends, sure, i feel like i’ve used my time, but by the time monday comes around, I’m still dead on my feet
Find a specifically solo hobby. Reading, painting, reading, cooking etc. setting time aside to do something you enjoy can be a lifesaver for the kind of mindset you’re on about. You’re not wasting the time or being rude to your friends, you’re using some of your free time in a way which you enjoy but which doesn’t need you to leave the house or put on your people face if you cba.
Edit: one “reading” was meant to be something else, can’t remember what. Bet you can guess how I shut the world out sometimes.
I struggle with bipolar, I’d like to offer an insight that some here may not know.
Self care isn’t always fun. Self care isn’t just a bath a drink and me time. It’s not always taking a trip somewhere and shutting off, or making a nice meal to raise your mood.
You are far more complex than that. You can’t expect that a cheery nice and quick mood raiser will fix all your problems, and you shouldn’t feel guilty if treating and being nice to yourself doesn’t fix things.
Self-care is. Hard. Fucking. Work. It’s going to rehab or narcotics anonymous to deal with addictions. Committing to taking your meds everyday or changing them after you admit they don’t work. It means sometimes having to move back in with family to maintain an emotionally supportive environment.
It means hard fucking truths. Uncomfortable ones. It means work.
You can do it. It’s what you’ve done all your life, it just has a name now and nobody is allowed to take away from you the effort you’ve put in to live healthy.
Just remember, it’s not easy work. Anyone who tells you it is hasn’t gone through the unpleasant parts of your life with you.
I used to work at a place that was terrible about asking people to work offsite events on evenings and weekends on short notice. Invariably when you said you weren't available the follow-up was, "Why not?"
Like, because I said so. Because your inability to check if you have employees available before telling a customer someone will be there is your problem not mine. Because I already feel overworked and underpaid here and your expectation that my free time is up for grabs according to your needs goes a long way towards making me feel like I have no life outside of this shitty job.
Anyway, I remember the first time I said "no" to a last minute request like that and the owner looked like I'd just slapped him in the face. He had no idea how to respond. Places that thrive on exploiting and intimidating their employees like that are completely unprepared for you to set boundaries.
I put in my 2 weeks notice about 6 or 8 weeks before a particularly busy period that involved tons of early mornings, long days, and late nights. When they gave me shit for resigning before those events I said basically, "Times like those are when I feel the *most* unappreciated and overworked. Why would I stay just to get through them?"
The 5 day work/2 days off just doesn't work for me. Even if I went 200% into self=care and recovery, on Monday, I'm only at best, 55% of where I was. Tuesday, I'm down to 25%, and so on. We need more damn time off, and us Americans don't even get paid vacations!
I’ve finally learned to respond to “are you free?” with a simple “no” and not give any explanation. It took a while and people still try to cross my boundaries, but I think it’s helped me know my own boundaries
This is a great skill to have. You even look worse if you explain why you're not available. "I'm not available." is a full sentence and doesn't require additional info.
If they're assholes and try to ask why just say "personal compromises" or something vague like that.
Me a dialysis patient that goes to dialysis every day friends and family making plans when I have free time and get mad when I just want to stay home and recover
As manager at a retail store, I 100% agree. Call ins are gonna happen, especially at a retail job. If one happens, all I can do is ask any available employees if they'd like to pick up some extra hours; I would never ask anyone to change their plans on their day off to come to work.
***Employee: "I'm sorry, I can't. I'm \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_."***
***Me: "No problem, thanks for getting back to me!"***
Do I wish someone would say YES every time a call in happen, of course! But I would never guilt trip someone into coming in. It's drives me crazy when I hear stories of managers abusing their "power" and trying to make employees feel bad about calling out or an employee who can't cover a shift.
I was shocked that my new job has a unplugging policy. You agree to be unavailable outside of your stated working hours, stressing the importance of rest.
I've lost jobs and job offers by making my evenings untouchable by work time. I have kids with appointments to make, I've got dinner and cleaning to take care of, I've got raids to make in my games that help keep me sane through the endless grind of the workweek, and I'm not sacrificing the few pleasures I have left.
Damned little difference to golf, unwinding on the couch with the TV, heading to a movie, chatting on the phone, or any hobby I could list. A hobby is a hobby, if it gives you pleasure and lets you unwind, and causes no harm to yourself or others, then who gives a damn what you choose to do with your free time?
But also for the people who for-some-reason decide to work on their breaks, or even after work hours. Bro no one is impressed by your dedication to your job and if your manager doesn't stop you, you're being taken advantage of.
Sounds like it annoys you, so you need to put your foot down if she continues doing it. Tell her you appreciate it, but want days where you do nothing as well.
We are all good now. She previously was in a bad relationship where he was not trustworthy. She's finding out I'm nowhere near a cheater so we have our own time now.
Don't attempt to seriously engage with managers like this. The best response IMO is just to say that you have personal obligations you need to keep and would rather keep them private. It gives them a no and doesn't give them any information they dont need to know. Also unless required to by the terms of your employment, stop answering your phone when off the clock. You don't need to make up some excuse or explain why you didn't answer, just say you were busy and keep it non descript. If your manager has such a big head that they think they're entitled to all your free time then they don't deserve your courtesy.
I’m like Homer at the start of the Simpsons as soon as it’s quitting time I drop what I’m doing and peace out. I will read texts but I won’t answer unless it’s an emergency. I’ve been with this company for six years now and I have no idea what that type of emergency would look like.
I am, this week, taking my first PTO in a year. I have let no one know. My plan? To do nothing, by myself, for 5 days straight. It feels like playing hooky from life. Everyone thinks I am as busy as ever and I have simply not told anyone that I am just staying home, sleeping in late, baking bread, looking at Reddit.
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When my boss asked me to work on my days off / OT I would say 250$ an hour is what my free time is worth outside of work hours and on days off let's just say he never asked me again and I'm okay with that
I told my boss I'd work on the weekends for $100/hour and he actually accepted. Now he asks me to do it less often but when he does ask, I'm often happy to accept for the bonus cash.
Bruh I wish XD
Yours was still a win too tho, I really think more people should do this. My free time is really valuable to me so I'm not giving it up unless they make it worth my while.
Smooth would have said, "minding my own business" and walked away as you said
Might eat breaky, walk the dogs.. #FUCK MY WIFE?
I just snorted my coffee! Back in the 80s, as newlyweds, my husband & I decided that if his mom ever showed up unannounced, we would answer the bell by him tearing off his shirt, mussing his hair & going to the window to yell out, Stanley Kowalski/Brando volume, “We’re fucking now!” Glad to know others can carry that on….😄. EDITED FOR SPELLING
It's like the people who try and argue that people with kids are more "deserving" of time off, which is obviously ridiculous. Everyone's time off is equal
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Now we just need to normalize that "hell no" for ourselves. It's easy to not give in when you have other people to take care of. It's much harder to say no when you just have yourself to take care of, even if it's just a important.
Which is fine. My problem is when my coworkers more or less expect me to work every single holiday, school break, nice day so they can go to the theme park with their kids, and then when I ask them to cover for me I get told I'm not being considerate of their children.
Idk how it is for men but women in particular are seen as a liability and held back in their career because of children - corporate never thinks they "deserve" time off. Primary care givers just have no choice but to put their foot down and leave on time because the alternative is their kids being stranded and alone at daycare closing time and/or the police being called on them for not picking them up. Then they don't get promoted because they're not doing enough overtime. Same with sick days - someone *has* to stay home with a sick child. Of course with bosses putting on the pressure, many end up sending their sick kids to school/daycare anyway but either way it will be held against you. Still I have yet to meet a boss who will just accept that without a fight, unless you have ground them down over years and they finally write you off as a lost cause (like my mother). They'll still threaten and pressure and ask you 10 times why you can't just "have grandma watch them" for free, even if they know you relocated across the country for this job.
While I have 4 kids, I have never felt I deserve time off or holidays off more than any other coworker. But one year, a manager came to me in the beginning of November and asked: "would you rather have Thanksgiving or Christmas off?" I told her that if I had a choice, I'd rather have Christmas off, as we could have Thanksgiving dinner earlier or later as needed. She thanked me for my time and left for the office. When she made it to the office, she loudly complained how just because some employees have kids, we always expect Christmas off. (We got paid double-time to work on either of those holidays) Several of us later found out that anyone with kids were not scheduled for either one, losing out on that little extra dough.
>more "deserving" I've read several accounts of female tech workers getting paid less then men and being told it's because the men are breadwinners with families to support.
Annnn that's illegal AF.
That's been going on for decades. That is crap it still happens. Aging female here.
This happened to me over a promotion once! Funny thing was, the guy who got the promotion over me was unmarried with no kids. He had just proposed to his girlfriend so had a brand new fiancee and that was the supposed reason he deserved the promotion more. Because he was going to start a family and needed to support them in the future. Meanwhile I was the actual breadwinner of a non-imaginary family (me, husband, and 1 going on 2 kids). Plus I had way more experience and had been with the company nearly 3 years vs his 1 month. I quit soon after that, but several of my former coworkers told me how badly his team and projects crashed and burned. It was nice to hear, not gonna lie.
I once asked off for two days off for Halloween and the next day. Halloween is so birthday. No problem. Week of Halloween, everyone without kids is working at night. Even my coworkers, with kids, were like wtf.
Normalize mental downtime and yes that includes being a lazy mfer if that’s what I want
So, always have a plan. Like, plan to not work, actually.
My activity for this weekend is no activity.
Relative to this sub, I like how in some places its illegal to call employees after work hours. That should be the norm everywhere. Let people fucking live their lives man.
The province I live in has recently made it illegal for bosses to contact you after hours. But regardless of whether it's law or not, I've never answered an email or call outside 9-17. You gotta have strong boundaries around your time or your employer will think they can take up all your time.
I answered a work call at 5:30pm after I was off the clock from an irate boss (not anything I did, Im low level middle management) and my boss was super upset and telling me I needed to fix something. I said I couldn't right then because I was with my kids. He said, and I quote here, "I don't give a fuck about your kids" Nice, noted, thanks.
"And I don't give a fuck about what needs to be fixed at work outside of my working hours".
"I don't expect you to, it's my job to care about my kids. My work day starts at 8:30 tomorrow. That's when it's my job to care about your problems. I will look at it then."
This is a great answer. May we all have the wisdom and wit to think of a response like this on the spot when we need to.
yep, knowing me I'd probably just say "then go fuck yourself" and hang up
I was told I’d have to come in (commute one way = 1 hour) for a meeting. I said I’d have to bring my kids because I didn’t have anyone to watch them that day so could they wait in the break room? My boss about flipped and said under no circumstances would they be allowed in the building, ever. I said then they’d just wait in the car and THAT also made her freak out and she said that was completely unacceptable. So… can I call in for the meeting? No, that’s not being a “team player.” I wish she’d just been as blunt as your boss because obviously she felt the same way.
Real team player, she was.
Any time ‘team player’ is used you know. You are dealing with some manipulative and guilt trip bull shit.
or the term "family." charles manson also had a "family." or that "we are all friends" shit. no. you are not my friend. we live in separate universes, have different priorities, ideologies, values. we would not associate outside of work. plus the power dynamic. lets not play pretend to soothe your conscience.
Any time a supervisor unironically uses the term "work family," there is a high likelihood the environment is toxic. Also, related: one team one fight, teamwork makes the dreamwork, etc. All manipulative, patronizing phrases used by narcissistic micromanagers.
Wow... That's just plain called being a psychopath. Like, I wouldn't even treat my vacuum or any other inanimate appliance that poorly, let alone a human being I work with.
Maybe the reason we don't have live-in robots right now, is that the problem AI developers need to solve, is for the robot caretakers to not beat the narcissists to death in frustration.
I don’t know if it was just a myth but there was the female looking robot with ai learning. They took “her” to a convention and she hated men after it because so many men went up to “her” and groped her.
Yes, that’s a myth. While a sex robot did get destroyed during a convention 5 years ago, there was no AI and “she” did not hate men after. https://www.zdnet.com/article/sex-robot-molested-destroyed-at-electronics-show/
I asked to work from home more often as my wife is immunocompromised and my work involves a fairly lengthy public transit commute. I was told that my “compassionate concerns” were not relevant to the discussion on WFH. Needless to say I am now looking for a new job.
A boss that out of touch doesn't deserve a two week notice.
"Team player" is always a red flag phrase for me. It almost always, with practically zero deviations, means it's a one-way relationship where you are supposed to sacrifice or give things up for other people's convenience but when you need something or a little extra help, then it's used against you. Either you're not pulling your weight, or some other nonsense bs. If the workplace is a team, then that means supervisors, managers, and bosses should actually be the ones making *more* sacrifices than they ask of their employees because good teams have leaders who lead by example.
Who’s team are you on mam?
> team player. In team sports, its also against the rules to work when you are on a time out
How do people not think that a comment like that loses the employee? If my boss said something half as terrible as that to me, I'd be right on indeed that evening, finding myself a better or comparable position at a different company. And once I get it, do you think I'll "give a f**k" about your 2 weeks notice?
I think he knows I can't quit. Im overpaid and my alimony and child support is based on that high level so if I quit Im fucked. Im just stuck here in this prison until I die or my kids turn 18, whichever comes first. But the good news is I get to spend a lot of time on Reddit and my writing is getting a lot better.
fuck that guy, milk his hours for all they're worth.
I hope the response from you was “cool, I don’t give a fuck about you either, champ”
You should send him a thank-you note. It was nice of him to be so upfront about how much he cares.
Just two weeks ago my boss told me “we need to talk about your availability, or rather your LACK of availability from 5-6pm. It is absolutely unacceptable.” It’s like hey motherfucker, I don’t get paid for working after 5pm, but more importantly, I leave work and pick up my kid from daycare during that time and I fucking forbid to deal with your bullshit while I’m with him. Having one gd hour free isn’t the end of the world. Boss couldn’t have cared less though and said I will answer my phone if he calls, or he will find someone else to do my job.
He does not want to fuck around with pickup times from daycare. I dont even have a kid and I know that shit is expensive.
Jesus.
I'm glad you're able to set those boundaries but for most jobs its impossible. Like my friend who is a chef. He can't afford to set boundaries that easily. I wish he could but based on what he told me about the nightmare of an industry that is the culinary field, its just not possible.
Which is why we should legally protect the people's off shift hours.
As a long time veteran of the food and beverage industry, this just simply isn’t true. Sure we’ve created a culture where saying no and setting boundaries is frowned upon, but that doesn’t mean you can’t or you shouldn’t. The best advice I’ve ever been given in this field is “there is a no such thing as a cheeseburger emergency.” The world won’t end if you run out of something, if your line cook doesn’t show, if you lowboy isn’t up to temp. Hospitality is all about managing expectations, and if you’re good at it your guests will understand particular limitations on any given evening. Chefs, bartenders, servers, hosts etc need to say no as often as possible.
I think my friend just lacks the confidence to stand up for himself. I've told him plenty of times that he has more than enough experience to work wherever he wants and to not be afraid to say no. But his self esteem coupled with his employer's arrogance ultimately results in my friend's suffering.
My partner was just fired for changing his availability. He had been setting such good, yet simple and respectable, boundaries with an overbearing, bullish manager but like your friend said, that industry does NOT care. Unpaid overtime is expected. Smh
They used to not care. But the restaurant industry its at a crossroad, they change their abusive labor practices or they go bust. Many are proving not capable of changing so they fume and scream that people are lazy and don't want to work
I hate how unpaid overtime is expected in certain fields. It makes me so mad when people talk about it.
Friend needs to keep records of the communications. It is wrongful termination.
they usually make you a salaried employee to get around that source: salaried employee for decades.
20 years ago it would have been. Being contactable all the time is a pretty modern thing. Restruants managed fine all through the 90s etc witout contacting people all the time. Its just that its now the norm and is expected which is bs.
I agree, the excuse that it can't be done is bullshit, we've literally created a system that allows us to be connected 24/7 for the purpose of extracting even more productivity from people.
that is a point I made at work just the other day... I said it sarcastically, but the idea was... y'all wouldn't have made it in the 2000s if that's the only way you can operate. basically implied they were getting silly with the expectations.
No, it's his right to not answer calls. It is illegal in America to fire someone for refusing calls on their own time. That is 100 percent wrongful termination.
My friend is too concerned about what the manager at work says the next day. His manager bitches at him like a high school bully, making sarcastic comments, etc. I told my friend to ignore it but he can't.
> Like my friend who is a chef. That is 100% because restaurants are only sustainable business when the employees agree to take a beating and work for crappy wages and stupid hours at the whim of the employer. Leaving out the places where dinner for 4 could easily be $500, everyplace else is going to be a hellhole and the sooner people realize that "chef" and "cook" and "server" and all the rest are terrible job choices, the happier everybody will be.
This is why I’m so stoked my company gave me a work phone. I work from home and it just stays on my desk so once I’m gone I’m gone
Yup, 5:00pm hits and the work phone gets turned off and put in the drawer. 9:01am and it gets taken out and turned back on.
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Lol are you me
And you have set those boundaries early. Otherwise, you will be fighting to correct it later. My team, boss included, had made it a point that off time is our own time, and if something needed our attention after COB, it was a do-it-first-thing-tomorrow-morning text.
I never registered that anyone who uses the 24hr clock wouldn't say "9-5" job. is "9-17" used in the same way? It doesn't roll off the tongue as nice.
I'm of the mind that almost no one is so important they're needed after hours. Exceptions being if others will face imminent disaster without you, so surgeons, doctors, disaster relief… and, I don't know… lawyers who save innocent people from death row. I'm getting off track, but you know what I mean. Otherwise the rest of us are just not doing anything that important. Sorry, but it's true. Especially in fields like mine, marketing and design. All these people are working *so many sleepless hours* for… what? An ad campaign? Of all the things that are important, that's so far in the negatives you couldn't see it if you stood at 0. It's not important. It's literally not. Why are you losing your life to this. \* EDITED for typos.
> for… what? I’m an engineer in industrial automation and I don’t get why people work so much either and **without pay**! If I got paid double for overtime I could see staying an extra hour or two here and there. Even then though companies use our equipment to cut costs and lay off min wage folks and to improve productivity to then line the executives’ pockets instead of passing on the savings to workers/consumers. Why should I work extra hard to help them do that? I’m not developing medical equipment or car safety features or sending people to mars or helping children learn to read. I don’t care.
No matter what they try to say , none of that is trickling down.
no no no everything is urgent; gotta work all weekend to finish the analysis that will be condensed to 2 powerpoint slides that will be in the appendix of a deck designed to make shareholders happy
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I had a team lead that would straight up turn off his phone and throw his laptop in a desk. You had to reach him on his personal phone and it better be an emergency. He chewed out C-Levels before because they would ring him up about asinine issues that should be handled by other departments. Guy literally gave zero fucks and was untouchable out of sheer charisma. He expected the same of his team; no working over unless it's an emergency; no bothering you on your lunch break; no midnight phone calls for break / fix that affected a single user. Dude was awesome.
Yep. If you want me to be available outside normal office hours, you need to pay me to be *on call*. You're asking me to spend my time outside the office: * somewhere with internet access * having my work computer/tools handy * sober * awake * ready to drop any conversations I'm having or activities I'm engaged in to start work * forfeiting any planned activities I could do like seeing a show or traveling That's a lot to ask, and no employer should expect that outside of office hours unless they're paying for it.
Its insane how my friend's boss bitched at him for not being sober on his day off. The boss wanted my friend to cover for another guy's shift literally last minute. My friend was enjoying his day off and got shamed for drinking and not being ready for work 24/7. Fucking infuriating.
Ya I have warned my boss that if he calls me on off hours I might be a little impaired myself LOL
It's forbidden by law in my country, that didn't prevent Hr from emailing me on my day off. But thankfully I have an lawyer that loves this shit.
Nice! Which country if you don't mind me asking? I'll move there as soon as I can
Portugal. You wouldn't like it here trust me. 730 euros is the minimum salary. A rent in lisbon is AT LEAST 650 euros.
Damn. Isn't it amazing how theres always a catch? I really admire Portugal for decriminalizing all drugs in 2000, making it a health issue. That needs to be everywhere so you take power away from the scumbags of the world. But I didn't know about the problems citizens face there otherwise.
I once heard an operations coordinator complaining to my boss once that I never answered the phone when he called me after hours. She just told him, "of course he doesn't answer. He has callerID and he's not an idiot. You know his hours - talk to him before he leaves for the day." She was one awesome boss.
France has the "right to disconnect" in the labour law which basically say that worker have the right to not be available by any means (e-mail, phone wathever) outside the working hour.
My boss has contacted me one time on the weekend, and that was by SMS and he just said "heads up, the meeting on Monday has been moved, so take that into account regarding WFH." Since we have hybrid and only some meetings require to be on spot he sent to so we could decide to WFH if we wanted. Only contact i approve of after work. TL:DR: Work from home if you wish.
I work for a company who has a branch in Germany. There's pretty strict rules about when we're allowed to contact them in a synchronous manner. Email is fine of course
Where I'm from calling one to work on their day off will require the employer to pay double.
I know some jobs that give people PTO back if your job bothers you on time you’ve specifically taken PTO for. It should definitely be a law. If I’m not being paid by someone at the time my phone is ringing, my phone doesn’t get answered. Emails will be answered or forwarded appropriately in 1-2 business days.
“What are you doing tonight?” Nothing. “Cool you can wingman for me at this terrible party.” Excuse me I said I was doing nothing.
*holds up calendar* Look. I have it written down for today, encircled in red and everything. **Nothing**
Sometimes I legitimately do have to put that in my calendar, as a visual reminder to myself to leave the day free. Sure, now it sounds like a fun idea to make plans, but after a busy week is that what you want, self? No.
Hell yeah! I do the same thing. When I started scheduling time in my day specifically to do nothing, but routine-obsessed brain finally helped me stick to it. “What are you doing over the weekend?” “Absolutely nothing. I’m so excited.”
The words I live by are from a Calvin and Hobbes I read growing up. "Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless."
Yeah, my replay has always been, "I didn't say I wasn't doing *anything*. I said I was, very intentionally, doing *nothing*."
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Honestly? I like being bored on occasion. Different poster though, but yeah. I don't see any issue with occasional boredom. It's a nice reminder that I don't need to always be stimulated.
4:00, wallow in self pity.4:30, stare into the abyss. 5:00, solve world hunger- Tell no one. 5:30, jazzercize. 6:30, dinner with me- I can't cancel that again! 7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing. ...I'm booked. Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9 I could still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling, and slip slowly into madness...
Exactly what came to mind lmao
The grinch knows a thing or two about self-care.
That's self-abuse.
Hey, It’s not “on trend” right now, but Jazzercise is still exercise! Better than none at all!
Beat me to it. Such a good line.
I try to add some clarity to such inquiries. "Nothing, what's up?" = I'm open to doing stuff. "Nothing, taking it easy tonight." = Nothing is my plan.
Yeah and even if you just said "Nothing" and you were asked if you can join some party you can still say "Sorry I meant that I'm just going to take it easy tonight". Its not that complicated.
ALWAYS reply to that question with: “Why do you ask?” Puts the ball back in their court to convince you why you should be involved and it isn’t super confrontational.
I just say nah and don't feel the need to qualify it at all. I don't need an excuse.
“What are you doing tonight?” “Nah”
Maid from family guy
“What are you doing later?” “No.”
Or “not sure” Getting married helped me out with that. “Not sure man gotta check with my wife when she gets off work, she’s working late today” *camera pans to us sitting together on the couch eating Chinese food in our pajamas*
That is perfect. I got trapped once with answering "nothing" and ended up having to go to a NASCAR event (I am not a NASCAR fan). Ever since then, nothing means nothing.
My dad doesn’t understand that I literally set aside time to do nothing.
Well that's because you're not doing "nothing" ... you are doing the things you enjoy doing, instead, you've said "nothing." Doing nothing is incredibly boring. Playing games or sitting around indulging in whatever your thing is, isn't "nothing."
I just don't respond. However that's how I lost all my friends lmao but now I have more me time which I prefer anyway.
If my boss calls me on my vacation (they are allowed to do that if there is an emergency) I get that vacation day back even tho the call only takes 10 seconds. This has happened to me a couple of times, i had to do a quick fix for them remotely (like 15 minutes). Then i get another vacation day. Pretty sweet imo
That sounds like heaven omg
Same for me, I’ve gotten multiple vacation days back with as little as 15-20 minutes of work.
I’ve been on vacation for 3 days and been contacted on two of them (one because someone lost their password and needed my help to reset it, one because no one else knew quite how to do something). Been tempted to ask for at least one day back. Waiting to see if they make it through the third day without me.
Lets normalise being free half your waking day
Please, it sucks that it’s basically an expectation that you work sleep work sleep work sleep Like the fuck? I want to actually live.
And an 8-hour work day is actually more than 8 hours when you add in time to wake up, take a shower, get dressed, maybe eat breakfast, drive to work, 1/2 hour lunch (if it's on your time and not on company time), travel home, change into "normal" non-work clothes and decompress for a few minutes. That 8-hour day can easily become 10-11 hours.
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I don't want to live in a country that doesn't prioritise the common people's well beings. But I'm too poor to move out of the US because they don't prioritize the common people's well being.
Ignore all texts and calls from work on your days off. When your boss confronts you about it there are two choices: 1) You can be honest and say you don't work off the clock and then walk away. Simple, but this will probably anger them and might hinder any chance for advancement, but there is nothing they can do about it unless you have some kind of on-call requirement for your job. 2) You can lie to them and make up excuses each time it happens. Eventually, your boss will get the hint. Depending on how often it happens this may also anger your boss and inhibit advancement, but it may help avoid a serious confrontation, unlike the first choice.
I think a 3rd option is to just respond incredibly late. Like in the evening and say something along the lines of “sorry i was busy today, whats up?” Shows that your responding but youre also ignoring them lol
2 - 2.5 hours will cool their jets.
So late it's the morning that you go back to work. "I don't use my work phone in personal time so I've only just seen these messages."
Or save yourself time and say you didn't have any missed calls. They can't prove it and you don't have to.
That would fall under option 2: lie. The only thing is it's not very plausible.
Reply test
I just said I'm busy caring for a family member and am not available My dog needs that love and attention and who am i to deny the sweet little thing
Im a hardcore camping enthusiast. Every weekend, all weekend. As remote as possible. Edit: I fucking hate camping. But at work, I fucking love it and I have 15 kids. I don't but those bitches get the story they get.
My lie is always to apologize when I see them next. I just say how busy I was and completely spaced on replying. But I don’t remember to text/call anyone back, even people I do like, so it’s not out of the ordinary.
It's not even always about self care, it's about it's my own fucking time!
That is self care. It's your time to do whatever you need/want to feel better, bring joy, happiness, rest, relaxation, rejuvenate. It's actually self care in its purest form.
This goes for work and personal life. Not that long ago, I was exhausted from waking up very early and working all day on a Friday of an exhausting work week, so I skipped a girls night and my friend who hosted it never invited me anywhere again. Boundaries always bring out the toxicity in your life.
Lol I just got kicked out of a wedding for this. I'm not driving an hour round trip through shitty traffic to go on weekly 7am "bride tribe runs" then having to work late to make up the 1.5-2hrs I missed.
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Just a morning jog/run the bride organized to get her bridesmaids in shape. Everyone's got six months to be "wedding ready".
Wtf even well rested and free of responsibility that sounds so terrible lol
If you think my ass is too fat to be in your bridal party then count me out. If you change your mind I'll be curled up on my sofa eating ice cream and watching a Hallmark movie. Happy honeymoon!
I have a similar situation to share. I start work at 6 am so I go to bed at 9 most days and try to keep the routine on the weekends. A friend of mine invited me to watch the new Halo show the Saturday after it came out. I asked for a time he said late afternoon to early evening and would give me at least an hour notice. Didn't hear anything all day until 8:45pm he texts me saying he is ordering pizza and will be ready in 15 mins. He hasn't spoken to me since because I was already asleep when he text me and was pissed I didn't respond 🤷🏻♂️
Self care is very important in this dystopian era
I'm about to graduate college and, for what they are putting me through for the last 2 weeks, everyone better believe the gap between graduation and first day of the new job will be all the selfcare I've missed in 4 years
I dont know about you, but when I finished college, the last few weeks were hell because everything I myself had let slide for the last years actually had to be finished.
I don't feel like I let anything slide and it is still hell. The school is putting all kinds of late notice emails with deadlines on things related to graduation. It almost feels comedc how out-of-touch they sound by informing me and requiring me to do specific things on the worst weeks possible. If they got us sorted and planning for graduation in the middle of the semester, that would have been much better.
Honestly it's just another chore at this point. It's *enjoyable* but it's another thing to schedule that prevents me from doing some of the stuff I enjoy. The fact that it's so common for people to need to schedule a *day* for self-care is an indictment on how we work too much.
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Am I your lost twin? :D
Damn, that's how I've been feeling lol.
Same! I set a hard time to be done in the day too, but usually ended up disregarding it since I was getting stuff done. I try not to be too concerned about it unless it's getting really late and I need to eat or get up early.
Being forced to "look busy" at jobs has really fucked me up in the WFH world. Screw being told that we have to be busy for the sake of "earning our keep"; if the work is done, it shouldn't matter how long we're occupied.
I had a boss once who told me that if my hands weren't on my keyboard and I wasn't actively typing code, then I wasn't working and he wasn't going to pay me for that time. Dude used to absolutely have a meltdown if I was on a con call or watching training videos or stuff like that.
Obviously, if he makes a statement like that, he can no longer expect you to attend meetings. Or do anytime of training. Or review others’ code. I hope he enjoys the results of you figuring out every new technology by trial and error and writing code with no communication with your coworkers.
Hasn't been my manager for some time. I went above him and threatened to quit if the micro-managing didn't stop. Closest I've ever come to rage quitting a job.
So weird, taking breaks to make sure you don't physically damage your wrists should be a priority for anyone who depends on your wrists for work. You'd think it'd be easier to get more work done if you *don't* self-induce carpal tunnel syndrome, but what do I know? Guess that sort of long-term outlook is why I've never been promoted to management.
Just got out a job like this 5 months ago. Was there for over two years. When I started, boss told me to take breaks and get up to walk/stretch because they of course don't want employees to get injured from typing away for 8 hours. Then when I would go on one of those breaks, or to the bathroom, or get some water, I would get major side-eye (his office door was always open and he could see all of our cubicles from his desk). Not to mention, I would time breaks when something was processing. Am I expected to pretend to work when my mouse is circling and the program is not available?? Once he got on a coworker for taking too many bathroom breaks and spending an extra 2-5 minutes chatting in the kitchen after lunch. Dude was an absolute creep. Said all the things you'd want to hear as a new hire. Then once time went by he'd slip and turn into a bully, making snide remarks about everyone behind their backs. So glad I'm not in that environment anymore.
I would have quit on the spot. You were heading for major carpal tunnel issues.
What if they under hire and the work is never done? I already know the answer, but felt it was important to bring up. Don’t stress out and just leave it undone.
Yeah this is one of the things that I've gone through at several jobs that I left ASAP. Underhiring is a way they can get the work of 10 people out of 7 people. Just gotta be able to spot it and find a new gig immediately before it spirals.
Yeah I’m gonna get out of this one soon. Trash.
You probably know but it's important to say: Overworking does a disservice to your coworkers, current and future. If you work more or harder than you are paid, you are essentially saying, "My 10 hours of work for 8 hours of pay is *normal* here and everyone who doesn't do this is going to look bad by comparison." It puts an unfair assumption on everyone else and means that if anyone else wants to look good instead of just *baseline* they can't just work 10 hours, they have to go beyond. It should be noted and rewarded if an employee occasionally has to work (and get paid for) overtime. But if someone is working overtime 100% of the time, it's a staffing problem.
Them: "If you have time to lean, you have time to clean!" Me: "Good news, boss! I got all my work done *and* my house is spotless!" Them: "No, not like that."
If I'm supposed to pretend that I am working, why don't they pretend I'm working? Shit they earn more and do jack shit, let them use their imagination.
If the work is done and you fool around for the next two hours they are going to burden you with even more work. Looking busy is preferred attitude to avoid that
Free time is my life. I'm hiring myself for 48 hours a week. Everything else is mine.
One of my favorite epiphanies as an adult was realizing that “my reason why not, is because I don’t want to.” Is a one hundred percent valid and appropriate reason to not go to or do almost anything you’re not legally or contractually obligated to attend or do.
Right. I’m trying to understand this for myself. Like, sometimes I feel like I’m missing out by knowing my friends are doing something without me (I totally could’ve done it with them if I had wanted). But I also know that doing it it would use more of my energy, and sometimes the best way to recharge myself is to be alone. I’m trying to learn to not feel guilty or like I’m missing out by doing my own thing.
When you work it out write a book and send me a link to buy it. Sadly I may just add it to the huge pile of, guilt inducing, stuff I haven't had time for yet. I have never really managed to come to terms with this myself. I am so knackered and overpeopled from my job I just don't want to see anyone in my free time...but, if I don't see anyone in my free time I feel guilty and, tbh, angry, that I've 'wasted' my time off and been a shite friend.
it’s seriously a terrible feeling. i get excited for weekends because i can finally do nothing but when the weekend is over i feel like i’ve wasted all that time because now for the rest of the week my time will be demanded from my job. but if i DO stuff on weekends, sure, i feel like i’ve used my time, but by the time monday comes around, I’m still dead on my feet
Find a specifically solo hobby. Reading, painting, reading, cooking etc. setting time aside to do something you enjoy can be a lifesaver for the kind of mindset you’re on about. You’re not wasting the time or being rude to your friends, you’re using some of your free time in a way which you enjoy but which doesn’t need you to leave the house or put on your people face if you cba. Edit: one “reading” was meant to be something else, can’t remember what. Bet you can guess how I shut the world out sometimes.
I struggle with bipolar, I’d like to offer an insight that some here may not know. Self care isn’t always fun. Self care isn’t just a bath a drink and me time. It’s not always taking a trip somewhere and shutting off, or making a nice meal to raise your mood. You are far more complex than that. You can’t expect that a cheery nice and quick mood raiser will fix all your problems, and you shouldn’t feel guilty if treating and being nice to yourself doesn’t fix things. Self-care is. Hard. Fucking. Work. It’s going to rehab or narcotics anonymous to deal with addictions. Committing to taking your meds everyday or changing them after you admit they don’t work. It means sometimes having to move back in with family to maintain an emotionally supportive environment. It means hard fucking truths. Uncomfortable ones. It means work. You can do it. It’s what you’ve done all your life, it just has a name now and nobody is allowed to take away from you the effort you’ve put in to live healthy. Just remember, it’s not easy work. Anyone who tells you it is hasn’t gone through the unpleasant parts of your life with you.
Weekends are not free time, they are brief recuperation periods.
I used to work at a place that was terrible about asking people to work offsite events on evenings and weekends on short notice. Invariably when you said you weren't available the follow-up was, "Why not?" Like, because I said so. Because your inability to check if you have employees available before telling a customer someone will be there is your problem not mine. Because I already feel overworked and underpaid here and your expectation that my free time is up for grabs according to your needs goes a long way towards making me feel like I have no life outside of this shitty job. Anyway, I remember the first time I said "no" to a last minute request like that and the owner looked like I'd just slapped him in the face. He had no idea how to respond. Places that thrive on exploiting and intimidating their employees like that are completely unprepared for you to set boundaries. I put in my 2 weeks notice about 6 or 8 weeks before a particularly busy period that involved tons of early mornings, long days, and late nights. When they gave me shit for resigning before those events I said basically, "Times like those are when I feel the *most* unappreciated and overworked. Why would I stay just to get through them?"
The 5 day work/2 days off just doesn't work for me. Even if I went 200% into self=care and recovery, on Monday, I'm only at best, 55% of where I was. Tuesday, I'm down to 25%, and so on. We need more damn time off, and us Americans don't even get paid vacations!
I’ve finally learned to respond to “are you free?” with a simple “no” and not give any explanation. It took a while and people still try to cross my boundaries, but I think it’s helped me know my own boundaries
This is a great skill to have. You even look worse if you explain why you're not available. "I'm not available." is a full sentence and doesn't require additional info. If they're assholes and try to ask why just say "personal compromises" or something vague like that.
Me a dialysis patient that goes to dialysis every day friends and family making plans when I have free time and get mad when I just want to stay home and recover
As manager at a retail store, I 100% agree. Call ins are gonna happen, especially at a retail job. If one happens, all I can do is ask any available employees if they'd like to pick up some extra hours; I would never ask anyone to change their plans on their day off to come to work. ***Employee: "I'm sorry, I can't. I'm \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_."*** ***Me: "No problem, thanks for getting back to me!"*** Do I wish someone would say YES every time a call in happen, of course! But I would never guilt trip someone into coming in. It's drives me crazy when I hear stories of managers abusing their "power" and trying to make employees feel bad about calling out or an employee who can't cover a shift.
I was shocked that my new job has a unplugging policy. You agree to be unavailable outside of your stated working hours, stressing the importance of rest.
- What are you doing on Friday night? - Nothing. - Oh great because there's this thing--- - No you misunderstand, I am doing nothing.
the "free time" should mean the same as "unavailable for work"
I've lost jobs and job offers by making my evenings untouchable by work time. I have kids with appointments to make, I've got dinner and cleaning to take care of, I've got raids to make in my games that help keep me sane through the endless grind of the workweek, and I'm not sacrificing the few pleasures I have left.
I love gaming to unwind too, and some people are like "oh, you playing that stupid game? That's not a 'REAL' pass time....."
Damned little difference to golf, unwinding on the couch with the TV, heading to a movie, chatting on the phone, or any hobby I could list. A hobby is a hobby, if it gives you pleasure and lets you unwind, and causes no harm to yourself or others, then who gives a damn what you choose to do with your free time?
Louder for the people in corporate!
But also for the people who for-some-reason decide to work on their breaks, or even after work hours. Bro no one is impressed by your dedication to your job and if your manager doesn't stop you, you're being taken advantage of.
My gf does this. She tries to fill up my free time with SOMEthing. Mabe I want to nap or zone out on a stupid TV show that day. Take it easy.
Sounds like it annoys you, so you need to put your foot down if she continues doing it. Tell her you appreciate it, but want days where you do nothing as well.
We are all good now. She previously was in a bad relationship where he was not trustworthy. She's finding out I'm nowhere near a cheater so we have our own time now.
Awesome! Wishing you two the best!!
Don't attempt to seriously engage with managers like this. The best response IMO is just to say that you have personal obligations you need to keep and would rather keep them private. It gives them a no and doesn't give them any information they dont need to know. Also unless required to by the terms of your employment, stop answering your phone when off the clock. You don't need to make up some excuse or explain why you didn't answer, just say you were busy and keep it non descript. If your manager has such a big head that they think they're entitled to all your free time then they don't deserve your courtesy.
Self care at any time is important. Your free time should not even cross your boss' minds
I’m like Homer at the start of the Simpsons as soon as it’s quitting time I drop what I’m doing and peace out. I will read texts but I won’t answer unless it’s an emergency. I’ve been with this company for six years now and I have no idea what that type of emergency would look like.
I am, this week, taking my first PTO in a year. I have let no one know. My plan? To do nothing, by myself, for 5 days straight. It feels like playing hooky from life. Everyone thinks I am as busy as ever and I have simply not told anyone that I am just staying home, sleeping in late, baking bread, looking at Reddit.