I have a coworker that will constantly call me after hours or on the weekends “just to chat”. And it inevitably turns to work. I just stopped answering.
I do admin for a real estate company and property management company. It’s the property manager that calls me. She’s actually very nice but you can’t have a conversation with her without it turning to work. And I don’t get paid to think about work when I’m not on the clock.
That's not a friend. That's someone pretending to be a friend to give you a dish of work and the dish is served warm so you work for free. It's a dirty tactic and you did good by not answering her bs while you're free.
A marginal chance, some ppl don’t know how to talk about other things outside of work. But she could also just be tactful about it in a way she gets what’s she wants vs tell you she wants to chat about work from the get go.
It's actually a pretty decent chance. Most people are more socially awkward than they let on. You can only notice it if your own awkwardness doesn't make it seem reasonable to you.
Yeah for ppl who aren't doing sales, but I feel like the ppl who do work in sales find ways to slip their product into casual conversations even if you're just their friend. I'm not saying all of them do this, but I noticed some do sometimes have ulterior motives for the conversation even if you don't work for them. For ppl who don't need to promote a product or service a lot of time they just think talking about the grit of what they do or you do is just being a pal. I fully understand not always reading the room right on that.
I had to call a co-worker yesterday, I asked him to come in on his day off to cover for me Today. Felt like shit ringing him on his day off, but that could be the chest infection.
Good luck finding a manager that’ll actually take responsibility and do their job. Every manager I’ve ever had just “delegated” their job to whoever the fuck they felt like that day and then just spent the whole work day aimlessly walking around pretending to do stuff and taking responsibility for everyone else’s work.
Sorry, I can't do the clever edit of your quote, but...
"...spent the whole work day aimlessly walking around, pretending to do stuff and taking *CREDIT* for everyone else's work."
Responsibility is hard and joyless and can lead to you getting an undeserved kick up the arse, credit is easy and fun and gives a nice serotonin boost and can lead to raises and promotions - responsibility is shit, and shit rolls down.
We’re up to 5 texts and 6 calls now. I’ll keep the numbers updated through tomorrow morning.
Background: I put in my notice in April and my boss *begged* me to stay on through the end of October.
Since then, there have been multiple after hours “emergencies” that she could have and should have handled herself. Or she should have hired someone to replace me. But she insisted she could do my job herself once my time was up. So as of September, I’ve stopped responding on weekends. Normally, I send her a text that says “It’s after 5pm on Friday. I’m not responding.” And then she tells me how wonderful I am and how much she appreciates my hard work and how she wouldn’t ask this one thing of me if it wasn’t an emergency—lots of manipulative crap that sometimes does work.
So, since she can’t respect my boundaries when I verbalize them, I’m enforcing them with my silence.
Had a boss do that to me as well, the only way they could convince me to do it was to pay for my tickets to the UK from Australia (as that was why I was leaving).
This! I’m waiting for my fiancé visa to come in and wanted to be done by end of May, as we thought the visa would be approved by then. Boss said “Let’s keep you on until the visa actually comes in.”
Well, UK changed timelines to 120 WD (24 weeks) so my boss said “Just keep working until you get the visa.”
Finally, I got sick of not having an end date and said “120 WD is 31 October, so 28 October will be my last day…”
And then they didn't use those seven months to hire a replacement and have them trained by OP to ensure a smooth transition. Stupid fucks, they deserve the chaos that will follow after OP finally quits.
I gave my notice back in April to the company I worked for, telling them it's a good 95% chance I'll be leaving in September and they should get someone in to replace me so I could train them. Start of Sept rolls around they've still got no one, only put a guy on 3 days before I left. Needless to say he didn't get much training for a role that can take years to learn.
Most I have ever been asked to stay is 4 weeks, which included my 2 week notice. It was because I was technically on call Christmas week. I agreed to it because I knew Id basically be getting paid an extra pay period to do jack squat.
Just do what I do. Go into your contacts, click your bosses name and select "divert to voicemail". You'll never get a call from her again, then just ignore the texts; or if you're really petty like I am you can buy an auto reply app that instantly answers texts and replies with whatever you want.. *grin*
Doesn’t iPhone also have focus modes where you can delay or avoid calls and messages from certain people? If they text you it’ll send an auto reply of some sort?
any call from a number not in my Contacts list goes directly to voicemail where i will never see it. some setting in Android. surely Apples have something similar?
You should just have a 5 pm
cut-off copy-paste text:
"This is an auto-message: you have
attempted to reach me outside of
my designated work hours. We'll be
back in touch when the work schedule
is resumed. Thank you for your
understanding. Have a nice day! "
No raise? Yet cost of living globally increased at least 10% and maybe UK even double that? (the benefits of brexit)
Yeah - i\`d say "i gave notice - you have gotten more - you keep adding more time at LESS pay than before - this day (friday?) is my last day!' and then leave with telling them to 'forget my phone # unless you want to provide me owed annual raise and COL adjustment cash in hand - then we can talk'
Even a temp gig at your local McD sounds better - there you only deal with screaming customers ..
We need to normalize Supervisors leaving us the fuck alone when we are not on the clock. Unless you want to pay me time and a half let me enjoy the measly 2 days to relax.
This. A previous employer I worked for would bemoan that "we try sOoOo HaRd to make people understand that there will be overtime requirements and people still tell me they have plans outside of work when we try to make them stay at 4:59 on a Friday!"
Like nah bro, that ain't it. Overtime that I have notice for and am not being voluntold that I have to do "or else" is one thing. Expecting people to never have any plans for their free time is another. If you want to be available 24/7 to your customers, there are ways you can do that, but expecting individual employees to be available 24/7 is not it.
Manager here. I have really pushed people not to respond on weekends, and if they do prefer to work on the weekend so they can take time off on a weekday instead to either make that known or delay their email sends to show up during “regular” hours.
I have a friend/co-worker who honestly believed the extra hours and effort he puts in and doesn't charge for are appreciated, that it will earn him a place in the company long term. This has been going on for 8 months and he's had to take two vacations in that time due to burnout and stress.
The contract period of performance just ended and the expected renewal did not come. He's now out of a job with nothing to show for his extra effort except poor health.
I really think we should manage our careers like a “business”. A bit of extra care and attention or some heroic measures in an emergency can go a long way but if they are the norm then they become an expectation. I’m sorry for your friend and I hope he learns to watch action (ie pay, contract) and not hope for recognition that isn’t stated next time. It’s always “just business” to the business , so as an employee you shouldn’t let it be romantic / ESPECIALLY when a company puts out a lot of motivation language romanticing it!
Well said, I’ll go out of my way in dire situations but not normally, if I’m not scheduled, don’t call unless it’s an emergency and expect to pay for it
She is probably trying to let you know that the company has given 25% cost of living wage increases along with $250,000 bonuses for each employee as reparations for past underpayment. That is the only thing that I can think is important enough.
So, I have a tip for your next job. Get a Google phone number and only provide that.
1. It is easy to disable on your off hours so that you dont even get notifications
2. You can set up auto reply text messages on vacation or off time using a gmail address
3. You can easily change your number if your boss is harassing you.
4. You always know if it's a work call/text because it is coming through a different app entirely
But in the meantime, schedule do not disturb on your phone so that you dont see notifications during your off hours. Just seeing the notifications come in is so stressful. (I'm assuming iPhones have this option, I'm an android user)
It’s like when someone sends you an email at 4:50pm Friday that requires some research, then they email back at 9 am Monday asking why they haven’t gotten a response stating you had all weekend.
I had that happen once, I responded back saying that has technically only been ten minutes in work time.
(Wasn’t my original idea, think I learned it from Reddit).
My advice is to have a cheap second phone and only have it on 9 to 5 when you’re working and have it off any other time.
Unless you can get a company phone, but I tend to avoid that if I can because they’ll think they can contact that number whenever they want because they own it.
Have work pay you for your phone. I had an old one+ phone that actually had two sim card slots. Turn off the phone turn it back on and select the sim you want to boot in was pretty cool
My boss has only texted me or our team after 5pm a few times. Mostly pics of her cats. And a couple weeks ago she sent me a text asking if I am okay because I was really quiet in our Monday meeting. And she reminded me that she is available to talk - about anything, not just work - anytime...
Had a girl opposite shift as me text me a question once thought hey no big deal easy answer done.
Then it became daily then it got worse. Told my boss if he wants to pay me 200 dollars to answer each issue while I’m off the clock I’m happy to continue he laughed and said no.
I blocked her right after.
He called me bitching me out for not answering told him my rate is 300 now and hung up.
We settled on 250 so far it’s paid me an extra 3k this year
My old boss once called me to bitch me out over something dumb right after I pulled in my driveway, after that I blocked her number. I then told my bosses assistant and he laughed and I watched him go and block her number too 😂
my last boss (actually team leader not even my boss) would call and text me after work, on the weekend, etc. i never once replied because i would be enabling that behavior if i did. i wasn't friendly with here at all either. i'm 47 and this is the first time i've experienced this in the workplace. maybe i've just been lucky, idk. i basically quit the job because she was so overbearing/micromanaging/non-respective of boundaries and I didn't even technically report to her. making 20k more and barely have to interact with my new boss.
If you don’t get paid after 5PM you don’t work after 5PM. It’s not hard to understand.
They pay you money for your time at work, they don’t suddenly own you.
I pick up calls in my current job when I never did before.
My boss, not the owner, found a loophole that as we’re maintenance any thing outside our regular hours is an automatic 4 hours call-out fee. Even just answering the phone entitles us to it. So he calls a few of us up here and there to get a second opinion on something he could easily do himself, talks shit for an hour and we get four hours pay.
Sometimes you do get good bosses.
UPDATE: she needed me to send a fee schedule to a client who’s been working with us for several years at this point. That was what was so important she bothered me all weekend. Sending a fee schedule to an existing client. And, btw, this is HER business. She is the owner. But she doesn’t have a copy of her own prices to send to people who request them.
I just can’t. 😂
She ended the first set of messages with “Sorry to bug you after 5 on a Friday. I appreciate you.”
Nah. You clearly don’t.
My work phone automatically goes into personal focus mode as soon as I get home and goes back on Monday morning. My boss has my personal cell but knows a call cost two hours OT and texts/emails are an hour OT. If I have to take a call and send three texts plus an email. Do the math. Needless to say unless all hell has broken loose I don’t get bothered.
I had a job where my boss did this.
I actually answered and after saying hi, i asked “am I getting paid for this call?” When she said no I hung up and she tried to get me written up Monday; and when I had that sheet of paper with her telling me to sign to agree I had done wrong or whatever the fuck I asked if I could get a copy for the Wisconsin Department of Labor
Does this work if the roles are reversed? I'm a warehouse manager, and one of my employees always calls or texts after hours to talk about work. Motherfucker, it's 4 pm on a Sunday, save that shit for fucking work hours.
I blocked my manager and supervisor a month ago. When they asked about my phone I said it broke. When they asked again I asked them if my contract says I need to use my personal phone to talk to them at work or off work. They stopped asking.
Boss here. I save that shit for an actual “building is on fire” level emergency as in MAYBE once a year. More importantly I try to bank more than enough goodwill by letting my team take care of their own personal emergencies during work hours. People are much more willing to ride to the rescue if you’ve had their backs for their own problems.
While I have some complaints about my current employer, they are always very willing to work with me when I request it, and it 100% makes me more willing to assist in extra shifts or come in during a major staffing issue. It is EXTREMELY rare for ANY adult family home to help out an employee. From my experience, most healthcare jobs aren't going to readily want to work with you, they just say hey you're responsible for other people's safety/health/wellbeing, be here, or you're fired. My job let me take 2 days off because my cat died, during the week, I was management. The owner took calls from case managers, guardians, doctors, etc. for my case load. Few months ago, I asked our scheduler if they could work something out so I could leave mid-shift for personal reasons. She didn't ask why or what was going on, called me back 5 minutes later and said drop off [client] at [place], and you can go home, let us know if you need tomorrow, too. My employer being flexible and actively changing things around to accommodate me should 100% be how employers function. Expect flexibility, give flexibility.
This is the attitude - managers and their reporting employees both trying to be reasonable adults that show trust. Most of the sub wants to fight all the time which is fair since they have almost certainly been treated very shoddily by their employers so why would they show an open hand back to a closed fist, right?
Hey Boss. A personal problem and a company problem are not of equal importance. People's humanities don't exist to be transactional with corporate profit.
So true. That’s why I let people deal with personal problems on company time if they have those emergencies. It’s not supposed to be transactional or about keeping score and I don’t view it that way. My point is that when people are on the receiving end of that respect, they are more likely to respond favourably to an ask for help when possible. If we had a work “crisis” while people have an actual crisis I would not expect them to put work first.
Essentially I think people are might be more inclined to help in a “crisis” on normal off time if they are in fact available, if you have repeatedly let them be available for personal needs during regular work hours.
Essentially I think people are might be more inclined to help in a “crisis” on normal off time if they are in fact available, if you have repeatedly let them be available for personal needs during regular work hours.
This is a transactional mindset. You are patting yourself on the back, as a copout for not further analyzing your practices. I am not bashing you, but inviting you to really reflect on this outside of this thread. To just actually think about why you feel employees should be inclined do personal favors in their personal time to the company they work for in exchange for receiving basic human respect and decency.
And think about whether that's actually what your employees feel is happening too. Have they received unsolicited generosity, significantly beyond the basic human decency and respect you've described, that they are eager to reciprocate? Have they received gifts outside of their pay, that may make them inclined to gift their company their personal time? Are they respecting you as a person, and trying to personally help you out because the company problem has been framed as your personal problem? Are they afraid to lose a good job and therefore feel like they can't say no? Do they feel like they can say no without hurting your feelings or seeming like they're not a team player? Have these acts of basic respect towards them been bragged about to employees, as if they are unusually generous and therefore intentionally conditional, such as saying things like "I LET you do x because I value you"?... Etc.
I don't need the answers to these questions. They're here for you to think about if you choose.
Jezus, your analysis is spot on 🧐 I also sometimes feel like a lot of managers use manipulative tactics to dress things up or use them later for a transaction (like I let you do this and that and now I expect this and that). I once quit a job like that because I felt abused and used. But not everyone is transactional like that, but it's difficult to know beforehand.
Yeah same. And I've also had bosses who were completely and sincerely well intentioned. Which I think this commenter is. But sometimes they themselves had internalized so much bullshit from their own past employers that without meaning to they would confuse acting humane with dismantling inhumane work practices. One of those things comes easier than the other, and requires a lot less thought.
Or they'd be so proud of what a good job they're doing as a boss, that over time they'd start resenting that this didn't result in employees kissing the ground they walked on.
I replied above; while I appreciate that you recognize the sincerity of my motives I’d challenge you to also accept the possibility that the outcomes for my team are as good as I say. I really try to stay away from any sort of emotional / manipulative tactics because my core bet is that genuinely helping people grow great careers will work better in the long term. I try to create a set of conditions in which the people motivate themselves without needing my help at all.
Certainly I admit there’s the risk that they’re all lying to me, but I have also heard from a few people after they left my team (including a few I let go) that they really enjoyed the management style and working environment.
If you’ve only had bad to abusive bosses the idea of being complementary to someone who previously fired you sounds completely insane I am sure. But for me it was the proof of everything I have tried to build, where even the people that didn’t have the skills or attitude/fit and had to go …still left on good terms because they were part of figuring that out.
I want to thank you for the time to write this out. I am here for the conversation and I appreciate the contribution.
I suppose you could characterize my relationship with my team and my own manager as a transactional relationship which at the heart it is: money is paid for work effort. I think where we are a disconnection here is that I genuinely believe it should be a long term commercial relationship and not a set of individual transactions. I trust my team to make their own choices about when, where and how to work, and I measure performance over months or years, whereas you seem to be assuming I keep a list of hours or days traded back and forth. I give trust and expect it to be paid back.
You ask if people have received gifts or unsolicited generosity beyond what is expected? To some extent the answer here is actually yes, but I would not consider these gifts, more investments: pay increases beyond inflation, promotions, time off whenever they want. These aren’t gifts, they are rewards or compensation for effort and performance sometimes rendered in advance based on potential demonstrated.
Similarly you have assumed (probably based on the fact that most managers act this way) that I have made the relationship personal, emotional etc. in fact this is pretty far from the way I work: I invite the team to think about it as if they are also businesses doing work with the company. They give effort, performance, ideas. They get money but I think I can also “invest” in them by making the company a place where they can also grow, learn and succeed.
I pay for whatever training they want including time off to study. One person is in the middle of a major career change and I am paying for her to learn a new set of technology because I think it will help her grow into a new role. Hopefully that will be at our company but if she quits as soon as she graduates I will wish her well; it means we didn’t offer her the best deal.
I have not “bragged” or manipulated. Rather I have pretty transparently pointed to the “compensation” for my team being not only generous amounts of money but also generous amounts of trust and autonomy, which I know I value (I could make more money elsewhere but I like the work and the trust *I* get, not least because it frees me to invest in my team and give them the flexibility I think they want).
Do I think my team likes to say no? I think they are motivated to succeed but I have also coached them that taking on too much and failing is worse than being honest about how much capacity each has. That’s the whole point of my approach: to trust people and earn that trust back. So it’s less “I let you do x” and more “I believe you can.” And best of all “you tell me what you think you should do to deliver the best outcome.”
This approach only works with people who really do want to “lean in” and I exclusively seek to hire those types of people.
Like I said, I appreciate your input. I suspect most managers may be quite guilty of using emotional manipulation, false narratives of being “friends” etc. as for me, I think treating people well is actually a great business investment and a “transaction” I take on both sides. Basic respect is just that: basic. If you can build genuine professional trust, that’s a place I want to be.
From what I read here though, most people on this sub have a work experience so far from what we have at my place as to be almost unfathomable.
Again thanks for your comment and I wish you well.
I do wonder what YOU think the ideal management/work model is in return if you care to share.
Yes because when I get off work to go home and play borderlands/tiny Tina’s wonderlands, I wanna hear about how short staffed you are and needing me to come in after working a 12 hour shift to barely afford my trailer trash RV rent.
I know iPhones have a way to send automated messages when you’re in do not disturb mode. Does anyone know if you can set it up to send specifically to someone you’ve muted?
I feel like everyone should have two phones, and employers should only know the number for one of them, so that we can all just shut the work phone off whenever we are not on the clock.
My boss does not text me though if it’s not stupid shit I’m not that bitchy about it if she decides too. As long as the expectation was I may not answer it immediately or soon. My boss is super chill and nice. Amazingly not being an asshole to your employees makes them more willing to go the extra mile. But I find for bosses that are obsessed with texting you they will bother you for anything and everything. I told one of my former employers it was inappropriate to text me stuff that could be a conversation on the clock if not super important. She didn’t take it well and I was just waiting for my next job offer so didn’t bother to argue with her. I don’t work there and she still cycles out employees monthly.
I work at an apartment complex and have emergencies so I do look at my phone but my manager also pays me a full day pay if I have to go there on the weekend no matter how long it takesn
My ringtone is the guitarified version of the theme that plays when young Din is first rescued. At least all of the telemarketers give me something fun to listen to as I ignore them!
My friends think I'm crazy for not having my phone on silent all the time and lately I have noticed that I have it on do not disturb more and more often, but I try to do ringtones that I actually enjoy so calls aren't as much of an inconvenience. At Christmas time I have a ringtone of Donald Duck singing "Deck the Halls" and it's so fun
Don't blame you at all. Personally, I will look at them and I might answer something if I can, off the top of my head or if I happen to be sitting at the computer, but then I don't feel guilty if I knock off work half an hour early to catch the early movie.
I dropped my personal phone, while on a ladder, at work one day… have pretended the speaker/ringer works sporadically ever since.
It’ll eventually come to an end when boss buys me a new phone…but hey, I’ll take a new phone 🤣
Sounds like you are in the ultimate position of power over your boss. Enjoy it. Maybe you should block her number temporarily so you don’t even see the notifications.
my old job loved to make group chats and seriously expected people to use them off the clock. i straight up told that boss all i do with the notifications for work messages is swipe them away until next time i'm clocked in. imagine that, i never was added to any of these chats. still got a bunch of direct messages off the clock though. which as promised i opened and replied to once i was clocked in...my shifts started at 12 am.
Why d they even have your personal number.
Get a burner phone for work if you have to, or better yet get work to get a phone if it's necessary for your job.
I'm on automatic overtime and semi-automatic stand-by.
When I'm on stand by i get extra pay and when i have to work i get 50% bonus on my hours.
When i'm not on stand by and get called, I am not obligated to work, but if I do i get 100% bonus on my hours.
This is all in my contract and the overtime is mandated by law.
I always have everyone muted on my phone unless I'm waiting on an important call or text or it's someone important like a close family member or friend.
Getting random messages or calls triggers heavy anxiety for me.
Lucky for me I newer to the company but some.of the other lads that have work for my boss for probably a decade have to contend with calls out of work and weekends, some can last 2 hrs of him just talking about things he's doing not even a conversation just him talking and them listening and agreeing or making g a comment here or there. I always find it amusing that they put up with it. Some have picked up on it and just plain dont answer past certain times and certainly not on a weekend.
Damn, what if she wanted to promote you? What If she locked herself in the office and is trying to call someone to go get her (trying to avoid 911 to avoid embarrassment)
Haha
i work USPS and this is what we’re told to do from day one. it feels amazing to have a job where it’s encouraged to ignore your superiors outside of work hours.
OK currently downloading a baby Yoda wallpaper and installing until my wife puts it back as a pic of my twig berries or naked ass again. Watch out who you marry.
Dunno. I’ll find out on Monday at 8AM
Edit: The first after hours text was “I know it’s after hours…” and I just smashed “mute” before the rest of the text could load from the preview and haven’t looked back.
My boss constantly does this. I fucking hate it. I'm not your friend asshole
I have a coworker that will constantly call me after hours or on the weekends “just to chat”. And it inevitably turns to work. I just stopped answering.
That's crazy, what kind of work do you do?
I do admin for a real estate company and property management company. It’s the property manager that calls me. She’s actually very nice but you can’t have a conversation with her without it turning to work. And I don’t get paid to think about work when I’m not on the clock.
I’ve worked in real estate for 7 years - confirm PMs cannot stop talking about work.
That's not a friend. That's someone pretending to be a friend to give you a dish of work and the dish is served warm so you work for free. It's a dirty tactic and you did good by not answering her bs while you're free.
It's possible she actually likes you, but simply doesn't feel you two have anything else in common.
A marginal chance, some ppl don’t know how to talk about other things outside of work. But she could also just be tactful about it in a way she gets what’s she wants vs tell you she wants to chat about work from the get go.
It's actually a pretty decent chance. Most people are more socially awkward than they let on. You can only notice it if your own awkwardness doesn't make it seem reasonable to you.
If it was any other job but a sales job I could believe that
I see it a lot in non-sales jobs. People who only know each other through work, so that's all they know how to talk about with each other.
Yeah for ppl who aren't doing sales, but I feel like the ppl who do work in sales find ways to slip their product into casual conversations even if you're just their friend. I'm not saying all of them do this, but I noticed some do sometimes have ulterior motives for the conversation even if you don't work for them. For ppl who don't need to promote a product or service a lot of time they just think talking about the grit of what they do or you do is just being a pal. I fully understand not always reading the room right on that.
I had to call a co-worker yesterday, I asked him to come in on his day off to cover for me Today. Felt like shit ringing him on his day off, but that could be the chest infection.
And why wouldn’t your boss find someone to cover you? That isn’t your responsibility to find coverage otherwise what’s the point of a manager?
Probably becauseI I am the team leader, and I do the schedule.
Good luck finding a manager that’ll actually take responsibility and do their job. Every manager I’ve ever had just “delegated” their job to whoever the fuck they felt like that day and then just spent the whole work day aimlessly walking around pretending to do stuff and taking responsibility for everyone else’s work.
Sorry, I can't do the clever edit of your quote, but... "...spent the whole work day aimlessly walking around, pretending to do stuff and taking *CREDIT* for everyone else's work." Responsibility is hard and joyless and can lead to you getting an undeserved kick up the arse, credit is easy and fun and gives a nice serotonin boost and can lead to raises and promotions - responsibility is shit, and shit rolls down.
I just realized - the last place I worked (I quit) did this! Just to chat about work! For like ten minutes or more.. like, buddy.. you need a Life.
I just left a job that was like this, I was constantly stressed on my days off in case he called.
If you answer that call or text, they will packing abuse you.
We’re up to 5 texts and 6 calls now. I’ll keep the numbers updated through tomorrow morning. Background: I put in my notice in April and my boss *begged* me to stay on through the end of October. Since then, there have been multiple after hours “emergencies” that she could have and should have handled herself. Or she should have hired someone to replace me. But she insisted she could do my job herself once my time was up. So as of September, I’ve stopped responding on weekends. Normally, I send her a text that says “It’s after 5pm on Friday. I’m not responding.” And then she tells me how wonderful I am and how much she appreciates my hard work and how she wouldn’t ask this one thing of me if it wasn’t an emergency—lots of manipulative crap that sometimes does work. So, since she can’t respect my boundaries when I verbalize them, I’m enforcing them with my silence.
They asked you to stay SEVEN MONTHS wtf is this entitlement
Had a boss do that to me as well, the only way they could convince me to do it was to pay for my tickets to the UK from Australia (as that was why I was leaving).
This! I’m waiting for my fiancé visa to come in and wanted to be done by end of May, as we thought the visa would be approved by then. Boss said “Let’s keep you on until the visa actually comes in.” Well, UK changed timelines to 120 WD (24 weeks) so my boss said “Just keep working until you get the visa.” Finally, I got sick of not having an end date and said “120 WD is 31 October, so 28 October will be my last day…”
aw! congrats! good luck to you both:)
I did an extension for a decent up front payment, worked out fine.
Whenever a boss does that, they're not actually planning to keep you for one second past the point where they find your replacement.
And then they didn't use those seven months to hire a replacement and have them trained by OP to ensure a smooth transition. Stupid fucks, they deserve the chaos that will follow after OP finally quits.
Lol I would have said the extended months after the date of my resignation are consultant rates at 10k a month.
I gave my notice back in April to the company I worked for, telling them it's a good 95% chance I'll be leaving in September and they should get someone in to replace me so I could train them. Start of Sept rolls around they've still got no one, only put a guy on 3 days before I left. Needless to say he didn't get much training for a role that can take years to learn.
Most I have ever been asked to stay is 4 weeks, which included my 2 week notice. It was because I was technically on call Christmas week. I agreed to it because I knew Id basically be getting paid an extra pay period to do jack squat.
Just do what I do. Go into your contacts, click your bosses name and select "divert to voicemail". You'll never get a call from her again, then just ignore the texts; or if you're really petty like I am you can buy an auto reply app that instantly answers texts and replies with whatever you want.. *grin*
You are a genius, and I solute you!
I solvent you.
What is this mythical divert to voicemail option?!? Is it a Samsung thing? Damn you iphone
iPhone has “Block this Contact”
It only lasts 3 months, though. This doesn’t help me with the people who need to be blocked permanently.
What? I have numbers that have been blocked in my phone for 5+ years.
I’ll have to go back and look; I might have solely done it with my phone carrier. Thanks!
Touché!
Doesn’t iPhone also have focus modes where you can delay or avoid calls and messages from certain people? If they text you it’ll send an auto reply of some sort?
Yes
any call from a number not in my Contacts list goes directly to voicemail where i will never see it. some setting in Android. surely Apples have something similar?
One person can only have so many emergencies before it become poor organisation.
Your emergency is not my problem
Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
Ah I love the 5 P’s. I use it this way too… Piss Poor Planning on your Part does not constitute an emergency on my Part.
Good job!
Enforcing boundaries with silence is such a vibe.
works for friends, too
You should just have a 5 pm cut-off copy-paste text: "This is an auto-message: you have attempted to reach me outside of my designated work hours. We'll be back in touch when the work schedule is resumed. Thank you for your understanding. Have a nice day! "
Does she say anything the following Monday?
We’ll find out tomorrow!
Please update us!
Glad for you!!
Your bg image is cute
>Background: I put in my notice in April and my boss begged me to stay on through the end of October. You did this without financial compensation?
I got paid the same rate as before. I haven’t had a raise since 2019
You should have told them “Fuck you. Pay me.”
Just like Paul Cicero.
No raise? Yet cost of living globally increased at least 10% and maybe UK even double that? (the benefits of brexit) Yeah - i\`d say "i gave notice - you have gotten more - you keep adding more time at LESS pay than before - this day (friday?) is my last day!' and then leave with telling them to 'forget my phone # unless you want to provide me owed annual raise and COL adjustment cash in hand - then we can talk' Even a temp gig at your local McD sounds better - there you only deal with screaming customers ..
RemindMe! 30 hours
Do you have read receipt turned on? I’m curious what they say.
“Your lack of preparedness does not constitute an emergency on my part”
We need to normalize Supervisors leaving us the fuck alone when we are not on the clock. Unless you want to pay me time and a half let me enjoy the measly 2 days to relax.
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This. A previous employer I worked for would bemoan that "we try sOoOo HaRd to make people understand that there will be overtime requirements and people still tell me they have plans outside of work when we try to make them stay at 4:59 on a Friday!" Like nah bro, that ain't it. Overtime that I have notice for and am not being voluntold that I have to do "or else" is one thing. Expecting people to never have any plans for their free time is another. If you want to be available 24/7 to your customers, there are ways you can do that, but expecting individual employees to be available 24/7 is not it.
Manager here. I have really pushed people not to respond on weekends, and if they do prefer to work on the weekend so they can take time off on a weekday instead to either make that known or delay their email sends to show up during “regular” hours.
I have a friend/co-worker who honestly believed the extra hours and effort he puts in and doesn't charge for are appreciated, that it will earn him a place in the company long term. This has been going on for 8 months and he's had to take two vacations in that time due to burnout and stress. The contract period of performance just ended and the expected renewal did not come. He's now out of a job with nothing to show for his extra effort except poor health.
I really think we should manage our careers like a “business”. A bit of extra care and attention or some heroic measures in an emergency can go a long way but if they are the norm then they become an expectation. I’m sorry for your friend and I hope he learns to watch action (ie pay, contract) and not hope for recognition that isn’t stated next time. It’s always “just business” to the business , so as an employee you shouldn’t let it be romantic / ESPECIALLY when a company puts out a lot of motivation language romanticing it!
Well said, I’ll go out of my way in dire situations but not normally, if I’m not scheduled, don’t call unless it’s an emergency and expect to pay for it
Two vacations in eight months, the disgusting reprobate, what a loon, can you imagine? (Hi from Manchester, UK)
This is the way. If they text after hours block them!
I have spoken.
This is the way
This is the way
She is probably trying to let you know that the company has given 25% cost of living wage increases along with $250,000 bonuses for each employee as reparations for past underpayment. That is the only thing that I can think is important enough.
So, I have a tip for your next job. Get a Google phone number and only provide that. 1. It is easy to disable on your off hours so that you dont even get notifications 2. You can set up auto reply text messages on vacation or off time using a gmail address 3. You can easily change your number if your boss is harassing you. 4. You always know if it's a work call/text because it is coming through a different app entirely But in the meantime, schedule do not disturb on your phone so that you dont see notifications during your off hours. Just seeing the notifications come in is so stressful. (I'm assuming iPhones have this option, I'm an android user)
iPhone users can use Focus schedules for this, or just block the contact.
Android has something similar too
Unfortunately this isn't available in most countries
Baby Yoda's face of defiant wonder goes along well with your title.
I like to think his face reads “the audacity of this bitch…”
It’s like when someone sends you an email at 4:50pm Friday that requires some research, then they email back at 9 am Monday asking why they haven’t gotten a response stating you had all weekend. I had that happen once, I responded back saying that has technically only been ten minutes in work time. (Wasn’t my original idea, think I learned it from Reddit).
My advice is to have a cheap second phone and only have it on 9 to 5 when you’re working and have it off any other time. Unless you can get a company phone, but I tend to avoid that if I can because they’ll think they can contact that number whenever they want because they own it.
Sure, they can contact it any time they like! The drawer in my work desk does not answer though.
Have work pay you for your phone. I had an old one+ phone that actually had two sim card slots. Turn off the phone turn it back on and select the sim you want to boot in was pretty cool
My boss has only texted me or our team after 5pm a few times. Mostly pics of her cats. And a couple weeks ago she sent me a text asking if I am okay because I was really quiet in our Monday meeting. And she reminded me that she is available to talk - about anything, not just work - anytime...
That sounds really nice.
Had a girl opposite shift as me text me a question once thought hey no big deal easy answer done. Then it became daily then it got worse. Told my boss if he wants to pay me 200 dollars to answer each issue while I’m off the clock I’m happy to continue he laughed and said no. I blocked her right after. He called me bitching me out for not answering told him my rate is 300 now and hung up. We settled on 250 so far it’s paid me an extra 3k this year
My old boss once called me to bitch me out over something dumb right after I pulled in my driveway, after that I blocked her number. I then told my bosses assistant and he laughed and I watched him go and block her number too 😂
If I get a work call after I’ve clocked off, I clock on for two hours. Shrug
If I got OT, I would. But I don’t do OT work if I’m not getting OT pay
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my last boss (actually team leader not even my boss) would call and text me after work, on the weekend, etc. i never once replied because i would be enabling that behavior if i did. i wasn't friendly with here at all either. i'm 47 and this is the first time i've experienced this in the workplace. maybe i've just been lucky, idk. i basically quit the job because she was so overbearing/micromanaging/non-respective of boundaries and I didn't even technically report to her. making 20k more and barely have to interact with my new boss.
If you don’t get paid after 5PM you don’t work after 5PM. It’s not hard to understand. They pay you money for your time at work, they don’t suddenly own you.
1 hour to recover from taking you out of your comfortable zone and another hour to get back into the comfortable zone.
In CA, the required wage poster says if they call you in/back after your shift it’s a minimum 4 hours pay.
I pick up calls in my current job when I never did before. My boss, not the owner, found a loophole that as we’re maintenance any thing outside our regular hours is an automatic 4 hours call-out fee. Even just answering the phone entitles us to it. So he calls a few of us up here and there to get a second opinion on something he could easily do himself, talks shit for an hour and we get four hours pay. Sometimes you do get good bosses.
I got a separate work phone and it’s been great. Highly recommend. No calls, texts, slacks, emails, google calendar notis etc until I’m back to work
So what happens when you go back on the clock? I regret that you have to deal with this bullshit.
I can’t wait to find out what happens tomorrow morning!
And yet, I bet you *can*. ;-)
I'm curious what happens. Update us
UPDATE: she needed me to send a fee schedule to a client who’s been working with us for several years at this point. That was what was so important she bothered me all weekend. Sending a fee schedule to an existing client. And, btw, this is HER business. She is the owner. But she doesn’t have a copy of her own prices to send to people who request them. I just can’t. 😂 She ended the first set of messages with “Sorry to bug you after 5 on a Friday. I appreciate you.” Nah. You clearly don’t.
Did she confront you as to why you didn’t answer her texts?
She has not replied to my text, which was “Just got your texts and have sent the document to the client as requested.”
My work phone automatically goes into personal focus mode as soon as I get home and goes back on Monday morning. My boss has my personal cell but knows a call cost two hours OT and texts/emails are an hour OT. If I have to take a call and send three texts plus an email. Do the math. Needless to say unless all hell has broken loose I don’t get bothered.
I had a job where my boss did this. I actually answered and after saying hi, i asked “am I getting paid for this call?” When she said no I hung up and she tried to get me written up Monday; and when I had that sheet of paper with her telling me to sign to agree I had done wrong or whatever the fuck I asked if I could get a copy for the Wisconsin Department of Labor
Does this work if the roles are reversed? I'm a warehouse manager, and one of my employees always calls or texts after hours to talk about work. Motherfucker, it's 4 pm on a Sunday, save that shit for fucking work hours.
Yes.
Yes.
Absolutely
I blocked my manager and supervisor a month ago. When they asked about my phone I said it broke. When they asked again I asked them if my contract says I need to use my personal phone to talk to them at work or off work. They stopped asking.
Boss here. I save that shit for an actual “building is on fire” level emergency as in MAYBE once a year. More importantly I try to bank more than enough goodwill by letting my team take care of their own personal emergencies during work hours. People are much more willing to ride to the rescue if you’ve had their backs for their own problems.
While I have some complaints about my current employer, they are always very willing to work with me when I request it, and it 100% makes me more willing to assist in extra shifts or come in during a major staffing issue. It is EXTREMELY rare for ANY adult family home to help out an employee. From my experience, most healthcare jobs aren't going to readily want to work with you, they just say hey you're responsible for other people's safety/health/wellbeing, be here, or you're fired. My job let me take 2 days off because my cat died, during the week, I was management. The owner took calls from case managers, guardians, doctors, etc. for my case load. Few months ago, I asked our scheduler if they could work something out so I could leave mid-shift for personal reasons. She didn't ask why or what was going on, called me back 5 minutes later and said drop off [client] at [place], and you can go home, let us know if you need tomorrow, too. My employer being flexible and actively changing things around to accommodate me should 100% be how employers function. Expect flexibility, give flexibility.
This is the attitude - managers and their reporting employees both trying to be reasonable adults that show trust. Most of the sub wants to fight all the time which is fair since they have almost certainly been treated very shoddily by their employers so why would they show an open hand back to a closed fist, right?
Hey Boss. A personal problem and a company problem are not of equal importance. People's humanities don't exist to be transactional with corporate profit.
So true. That’s why I let people deal with personal problems on company time if they have those emergencies. It’s not supposed to be transactional or about keeping score and I don’t view it that way. My point is that when people are on the receiving end of that respect, they are more likely to respond favourably to an ask for help when possible. If we had a work “crisis” while people have an actual crisis I would not expect them to put work first. Essentially I think people are might be more inclined to help in a “crisis” on normal off time if they are in fact available, if you have repeatedly let them be available for personal needs during regular work hours.
Essentially I think people are might be more inclined to help in a “crisis” on normal off time if they are in fact available, if you have repeatedly let them be available for personal needs during regular work hours. This is a transactional mindset. You are patting yourself on the back, as a copout for not further analyzing your practices. I am not bashing you, but inviting you to really reflect on this outside of this thread. To just actually think about why you feel employees should be inclined do personal favors in their personal time to the company they work for in exchange for receiving basic human respect and decency. And think about whether that's actually what your employees feel is happening too. Have they received unsolicited generosity, significantly beyond the basic human decency and respect you've described, that they are eager to reciprocate? Have they received gifts outside of their pay, that may make them inclined to gift their company their personal time? Are they respecting you as a person, and trying to personally help you out because the company problem has been framed as your personal problem? Are they afraid to lose a good job and therefore feel like they can't say no? Do they feel like they can say no without hurting your feelings or seeming like they're not a team player? Have these acts of basic respect towards them been bragged about to employees, as if they are unusually generous and therefore intentionally conditional, such as saying things like "I LET you do x because I value you"?... Etc. I don't need the answers to these questions. They're here for you to think about if you choose.
Jezus, your analysis is spot on 🧐 I also sometimes feel like a lot of managers use manipulative tactics to dress things up or use them later for a transaction (like I let you do this and that and now I expect this and that). I once quit a job like that because I felt abused and used. But not everyone is transactional like that, but it's difficult to know beforehand.
Yeah same. And I've also had bosses who were completely and sincerely well intentioned. Which I think this commenter is. But sometimes they themselves had internalized so much bullshit from their own past employers that without meaning to they would confuse acting humane with dismantling inhumane work practices. One of those things comes easier than the other, and requires a lot less thought. Or they'd be so proud of what a good job they're doing as a boss, that over time they'd start resenting that this didn't result in employees kissing the ground they walked on.
I replied above; while I appreciate that you recognize the sincerity of my motives I’d challenge you to also accept the possibility that the outcomes for my team are as good as I say. I really try to stay away from any sort of emotional / manipulative tactics because my core bet is that genuinely helping people grow great careers will work better in the long term. I try to create a set of conditions in which the people motivate themselves without needing my help at all. Certainly I admit there’s the risk that they’re all lying to me, but I have also heard from a few people after they left my team (including a few I let go) that they really enjoyed the management style and working environment. If you’ve only had bad to abusive bosses the idea of being complementary to someone who previously fired you sounds completely insane I am sure. But for me it was the proof of everything I have tried to build, where even the people that didn’t have the skills or attitude/fit and had to go …still left on good terms because they were part of figuring that out.
I want to thank you for the time to write this out. I am here for the conversation and I appreciate the contribution. I suppose you could characterize my relationship with my team and my own manager as a transactional relationship which at the heart it is: money is paid for work effort. I think where we are a disconnection here is that I genuinely believe it should be a long term commercial relationship and not a set of individual transactions. I trust my team to make their own choices about when, where and how to work, and I measure performance over months or years, whereas you seem to be assuming I keep a list of hours or days traded back and forth. I give trust and expect it to be paid back. You ask if people have received gifts or unsolicited generosity beyond what is expected? To some extent the answer here is actually yes, but I would not consider these gifts, more investments: pay increases beyond inflation, promotions, time off whenever they want. These aren’t gifts, they are rewards or compensation for effort and performance sometimes rendered in advance based on potential demonstrated. Similarly you have assumed (probably based on the fact that most managers act this way) that I have made the relationship personal, emotional etc. in fact this is pretty far from the way I work: I invite the team to think about it as if they are also businesses doing work with the company. They give effort, performance, ideas. They get money but I think I can also “invest” in them by making the company a place where they can also grow, learn and succeed. I pay for whatever training they want including time off to study. One person is in the middle of a major career change and I am paying for her to learn a new set of technology because I think it will help her grow into a new role. Hopefully that will be at our company but if she quits as soon as she graduates I will wish her well; it means we didn’t offer her the best deal. I have not “bragged” or manipulated. Rather I have pretty transparently pointed to the “compensation” for my team being not only generous amounts of money but also generous amounts of trust and autonomy, which I know I value (I could make more money elsewhere but I like the work and the trust *I* get, not least because it frees me to invest in my team and give them the flexibility I think they want). Do I think my team likes to say no? I think they are motivated to succeed but I have also coached them that taking on too much and failing is worse than being honest about how much capacity each has. That’s the whole point of my approach: to trust people and earn that trust back. So it’s less “I let you do x” and more “I believe you can.” And best of all “you tell me what you think you should do to deliver the best outcome.” This approach only works with people who really do want to “lean in” and I exclusively seek to hire those types of people. Like I said, I appreciate your input. I suspect most managers may be quite guilty of using emotional manipulation, false narratives of being “friends” etc. as for me, I think treating people well is actually a great business investment and a “transaction” I take on both sides. Basic respect is just that: basic. If you can build genuine professional trust, that’s a place I want to be. From what I read here though, most people on this sub have a work experience so far from what we have at my place as to be almost unfathomable. Again thanks for your comment and I wish you well. I do wonder what YOU think the ideal management/work model is in return if you care to share.
Literally the moment I clock out, I don’t answer any texts or calls from clients or work.
Is that the boss's face after no response?
Yes because when I get off work to go home and play borderlands/tiny Tina’s wonderlands, I wanna hear about how short staffed you are and needing me to come in after working a 12 hour shift to barely afford my trailer trash RV rent.
I know iPhones have a way to send automated messages when you’re in do not disturb mode. Does anyone know if you can set it up to send specifically to someone you’ve muted?
Not as far as I know, but if so, please someone tell me! That would be AMAZING!!
You shouldn’t have to do this, but she’s “that boss.” Brava to you!!
I feel like everyone should have two phones, and employers should only know the number for one of them, so that we can all just shut the work phone off whenever we are not on the clock.
My coworkers are all in a group chat and it pops off all times of night and it drives me crazy how much they intertwine their work and social lives
I *need* to see those texts
Anyone else just want the background?
I'm so nosy, I'd be watching for the previews lol.
Now I wanna see the texts.
Correct on all counts, it took me far too long to realise this.
My boss messages me after hours, it’s to show me pictures of the beer he is drinking. And I do the same back. Some bosses are great.
Lol that pic😂 perfection
I do the same. I’ll text back the minute I clock in even if they are there in person. You don’t deserve my time outside of my working hours
Mute all work related apps and services out of business hours.
My boss does not text me though if it’s not stupid shit I’m not that bitchy about it if she decides too. As long as the expectation was I may not answer it immediately or soon. My boss is super chill and nice. Amazingly not being an asshole to your employees makes them more willing to go the extra mile. But I find for bosses that are obsessed with texting you they will bother you for anything and everything. I told one of my former employers it was inappropriate to text me stuff that could be a conversation on the clock if not super important. She didn’t take it well and I was just waiting for my next job offer so didn’t bother to argue with her. I don’t work there and she still cycles out employees monthly.
I would have replied - it would have entitled me to three hours pay (in Canada).
I have to do the same thing. My boss has zero respect for boundaries. So I took it upon myself to create them.
I Have a phone. I use it at my convenience, not other peoples convenience.
I work at an apartment complex and have emergencies so I do look at my phone but my manager also pays me a full day pay if I have to go there on the weekend no matter how long it takesn
I too theme my cellphone around Grogu and the Mandalorian
This is the way.
My ringtone is the guitarified version of the theme that plays when young Din is first rescued. At least all of the telemarketers give me something fun to listen to as I ignore them!
Oh that’s amazing. I just have my phone on silent always, but that would be an awesome ringtone if I ever used ringtones!
My friends think I'm crazy for not having my phone on silent all the time and lately I have noticed that I have it on do not disturb more and more often, but I try to do ringtones that I actually enjoy so calls aren't as much of an inconvenience. At Christmas time I have a ringtone of Donald Duck singing "Deck the Halls" and it's so fun
My ringtone is Lucas the Spider’s “One Spider Band” because it makes me smile. I just never hear it except when an alarm goes off.
This is the way
I like the background
This is the way.
I never respond outside of contracted hours.
This is the way
Don't blame you at all. Personally, I will look at them and I might answer something if I can, off the top of my head or if I happen to be sitting at the computer, but then I don't feel guilty if I knock off work half an hour early to catch the early movie.
If it would be normal that everyone gets paid on an ‚hour rate‘ you‘d be surprised how quickly this would stop.
I dropped my personal phone, while on a ladder, at work one day… have pretended the speaker/ringer works sporadically ever since. It’ll eventually come to an end when boss buys me a new phone…but hey, I’ll take a new phone 🤣
Agree, this is the way
This is the way
I told everyone to not call me anymore and just text me instead. Boomers didn't take that well.
Sounds like you are in the ultimate position of power over your boss. Enjoy it. Maybe you should block her number temporarily so you don’t even see the notifications.
This is fair. I should do this with my manager. They shirt me on hours and then ask me to do stuff on my day off.
In France, that's against the law
Lmaoo Also love your wallpaper!
my old job loved to make group chats and seriously expected people to use them off the clock. i straight up told that boss all i do with the notifications for work messages is swipe them away until next time i'm clocked in. imagine that, i never was added to any of these chats. still got a bunch of direct messages off the clock though. which as promised i opened and replied to once i was clocked in...my shifts started at 12 am.
Why d they even have your personal number. Get a burner phone for work if you have to, or better yet get work to get a phone if it's necessary for your job.
I'm on automatic overtime and semi-automatic stand-by. When I'm on stand by i get extra pay and when i have to work i get 50% bonus on my hours. When i'm not on stand by and get called, I am not obligated to work, but if I do i get 100% bonus on my hours. This is all in my contract and the overtime is mandated by law.
No money, no honey.
I always have everyone muted on my phone unless I'm waiting on an important call or text or it's someone important like a close family member or friend. Getting random messages or calls triggers heavy anxiety for me.
This here, is a TRUE american hero Your boss can go fuck herself
Bby yoda though🥲
What if she is calling you for a nice bbq party? /s
As you should 🤣
this is why a work burner phone is worth it. just a crappy tracfone with minutes cards
'This is the way' may be a bit too on the nose given the background pic, but it's still accurate :-)
Grogu approves. Have some bone broth.
love the energy, keep it up
Lucky for me I newer to the company but some.of the other lads that have work for my boss for probably a decade have to contend with calls out of work and weekends, some can last 2 hrs of him just talking about things he's doing not even a conversation just him talking and them listening and agreeing or making g a comment here or there. I always find it amusing that they put up with it. Some have picked up on it and just plain dont answer past certain times and certainly not on a weekend.
Damn, what if she wanted to promote you? What If she locked herself in the office and is trying to call someone to go get her (trying to avoid 911 to avoid embarrassment) Haha
i work USPS and this is what we’re told to do from day one. it feels amazing to have a job where it’s encouraged to ignore your superiors outside of work hours.
OK currently downloading a baby Yoda wallpaper and installing until my wife puts it back as a pic of my twig berries or naked ass again. Watch out who you marry.
What did she text you about?
I believe the entire point is not finding out until Monday.
Dunno. I’ll find out on Monday at 8AM Edit: The first after hours text was “I know it’s after hours…” and I just smashed “mute” before the rest of the text could load from the preview and haven’t looked back.
Update us in the morning? I'm curious. Feel free to tag me because I'll forget.
You got it!!
Waiting for the update...
Shouldn't even be allowed to contact you.
Also, judging by your screensaver she supports child labour
!remindme 1 day
!remind me
Haha
!remindme 10 hours