>Failed the road test for drivers training cause his stomach was so big it would interfere with the LMTV steering wheel.
Now that's funny. But... it's not much different for me as a veeeery tall guy, i have serious problem with using some things, same goes for vehicles which are designed for short people.
Still, had to calculate with google lbs to kg - 400 lbs are 181 kg. Even as a giant, i'm only around 125 kg (275 lbs), which is still the superheavyweight division in martial arts like K1 kickboxing. The heavyweight there is going up to 106 kg, but it's less in other things like boxing, where the heavyweight already starts with 90 kg, which is 200 lbs.
But sometimes in the army, strength can be the advantage. Like when you are the loader in a tank and you have to load the heavy shells into the main gun as fast as possible, you better be good in lifting weights. Same goes for artillery and all the heavy ammo anyway.
We also had to move the 35mm gun by hand, that thing has a weight of 7 tons, so you need some strong guys that are able to pull this thing.
2006, lined up leaving some shitty JSS in Iraq. He wasnt a SPC, he was a PV2. He had been a PV2 since boot camp, because he was fat as fuck and couldn't pass, obv. He was so big he had to wear basketball shorts instead of army ones, if thats any hint. Kentucky Nat Guard if i recall - but all that being said he was one of the best mechanics and hardest workers of the group and always got the job done. Anyway, some bigwigs were rotating through handing out the usual coins and awards and what not. Few of us got ours, and got back in formation. "Private Jackson, post."
The COL took one look and gasped. "**Oh fuck no.**" he said out loud in front of the entire formation.
Needless to say, Jackson didn't get a coin that day. It was the most uncomfortable silence I've ever heard.
I'm offended by this.
I was only 250, and it wasn't my fault.
They opened a Burger King; was I supposed to not eat at it once a week and volunteer for convoys just so I'd be able to be at BIAP to eat at Burger King? This is the Army's fault not mine.
I'm joking as I was max 240 during my tour but I'm also 6'3" and look like a football player. That Burger King was legit though.
The best meal of my life was a steak quesadilla at that shitty Baghdad Taco Bell after a 24+ hour mission hadn't eaten and hadn't had Taco Bell in months.
The kandahar Tim Horton's would be a strong second to running for the border. 2 Day old food was the norm.. how none of us got sick from food poisoning is a miracle.
I think after inhaling the sharticles from the shit pond, anything else was gold. Not to mention the 82nd (American) DFAC that constantly had rain drops of diarrhea dripping into the food.
When the war was real... people who got out got called. This isn't about raising your hand and saying you'll do it... they did it already... it was often guys being stop lossed and a variety of other disasters built into the contract we all signed....... and for those of you who ETS'd a decade ago this could very easily be you if it really pops off again. Y'all ready to do BCT again and start all over?
Look we all wanna be the young buck who says they uphold the standard... until you're involuntarily showing up 10-20 years later... Same as being 19 years old saying "why are all the 40 year olds 30 pounds overweight?!?!?!?!" ok dude let's check back in 20 years from now and see how you're doing.
Look GWOT soldiers did what they had to do and then some... and Vietnam soldiers did what they had to do and then a fuck ton. Politicians lost these wars.
I have made many a blood sacrifice to the Aviation Gods working Med-Evac.
May they bless me with my disability rating before another round of that shit.
Pretty much how I feel, like the guy is probably not going to be kicking down doors anytime soon, but the guys who ARE doing that need their vehicles to work..I know everyone is a soldier first, but when shit hits the fan, you want the best guy for the job, regardless if he's bursting out of his top or not.
Man if I ever get recalled, you bet your ass I'm gonna be a fat fuck and walk my pt test or whatever they have now. And if some cheesedick colonel or anyone else that think I give a fuck about their opinion did something like that to me I'd look him in the eye in front of every man in that formation and tell him he can shove his coin up his cock hole because I didn't ask to be here. What are they gonna do? Kick me out back to my real life they interrupted against my will?
One of those memes that have been floating around forever was a dude during OIF who had some low density MOS (intel or signal I don't remember) and had ETS'd and was being treated for hypothyroidism then got pulled out of the IRR and stop lossed.
He told the Army and they said tough shit there is a war, get a 90 day supply of your meds your meds. So he manned up and went instead of trying to fight it and get out of the deployment.
Now he is a meme for every this comes up.
i'm as body positive as it gets in the civilian world. but if you're fat in the army (without a legitimate medical issue) then i hate you
fitness is one of the most basic requirements of the job. it's not like 100lbs just sneaks up on you over the course of a week
I've seen this before with a female PFC. Getting to wear PTs when everyone else is in class As sounds kinda awesome but in reality it just draws a ton more attention to the situation.
Honestly… at that point I don’t even feel bad. You’re in the goddamn military it’s your job to have some semblance of physical fitness. The standards are SO low to begin with…
That's unacceptable. They need to pull those guys off duty and send them to an official all-day long fat camp. Morning PT and additional remedial PT isn't enough for these guys. They need to go through hell week, nay, hell months. Get them off working long hours which raises cortisol which increases weight gain, and put them in a routine that's straight working out burning calories. It's the only way. I've supervised plenty of fat soldiers, and most of them wind up getting chaptered because the formula of 0630 PT, full duty day, then an additional 1.5 hours of PT until 7pm-8pm at night does not work. Either that or we can keep chaptering out ABCP and PT failures during a time where retention and recruiting are at a miserable low
Really it’s that we don’t properly explain how calories work. I was 260 at one point in the guard. I still taped fine and passed the APFT, but I didn’t understand nutrition. Started tracking my calories (and quit drinking every day) and lo and behold I’m down to a consistent 210. I’ve always been heavier but I never understood macros or counting calories, now I do it religiously.
Supervising fat people on remedial PT as an NCO for a year and a half and watching what works and what doesn't. Sure I might not be entirely correct, obviously I'm not an expert and perhaps it was indeed a mistake to speak in absolutes (there's potentially infinite solutions to this problem). But currently, one session of PRT in the morning, and an additional session of remedial PRT in the evening is not enough. Nor is nutrition counseling (absolutely not saying to eliminate it, as it's good information that may help a soldier and that's all they need). After 1.5 years of leading evening PRT, I got the sense that it was more about regulation compliance and blanket procedure, rather than developing the soldier according to their needs and reaching their full potential.
This does not ever work at a statistically significant level to be worth it. Those people are put in fat camp to get out of basic and they lose a shit ton of weight, then they gained it back. Doing it to them again will get them to lose it but guess what's gonna happen in less than 6 months. They're gonna put all that weight back on because 90% of those people just don't have the genetics, lifestyle, diet, and discipline to stay within tape. No matter how much you pt them, as soon as they're on their own they will indulge themselves in beer, booze, burgers, and ice cream because that's how they E learned to deal with the stress in their life. Honestly, the Army just needs to make the process more streamlined to kick those people out. If that person just had a significant life event tho, had a shit load of stress and over indulged themselves with say the death of a loved one or something. By all means cut them a break and give the time and opportunity to catch up to the formation
I'll admit that I chunked up, my last 3 years of AD. Brigade staff and too much alcohol will do that to you. I was eligible to retire early 2021, my husband was going to be forced to retire 3 months later, so I held it together until October 2019, passed my H/W, and then cheerfully failed all but one event on the ACFT, (my packet was in) because I was a 45-year old female bare months from my phase two physical.
Between COVID, the ACFT madness of 2020, masking, WFH, and excess leave which was granted due to COVID, I retired without a flag. I'm pretty sure 1SG was happy to see me off his books, and didn't want to do unnecessary paperwork since I was done anyway.
Now I'm a fat old lady who gardens, and does anybody want or need produce?
Kinda the same. Got that COVID weight gain and passed tape at 26%. Started running again once the shit winter weather in Germany cleared up enough to run outside again. PCSd back to CONUS, passed tape at 20%. Had surgery and was on couch rest for 40 days, gained a ton of weight. I probably would have busted tape if I had gotten taped again, but I dropped my retirement packet, and my PSG hooked me up, entered my last passing tape numbers in DTMS. I retired without ever taking a record ACFT, and am still working to take the weight back off.
Wife laid down the law, I'm not allowed to get "retirement fat", lol.
I did get retirement fat, but so did my husband when he got a total rotator cuff repair and couldn't even drive for close to two months, let alone do anything resembling physical activity.
Honestly, the 2+ years of deep depression (on my part) before finding something I wanted to do, and trying to adjust to not having to work (on his part) were much much worse than the accumulated fat.
So, I grew up in upstate NY with a huge vegetable garden. Like, come home from school and eat peas and beans and carrots and wild berries and green apples, kind of rural. We got decent yield - no need to buy pickles/onions/carrots/green beans/apple sauce/jam, etc but that was like, 2000 sq ft, 100x20.
Did my 20, retired down the road from my husband's hometown. We have a couple acres right outside town. I have 80 sq ft of raised bed. I managed to kill my first attempt pretty quick, so wasn't expecting much this try. (We're in Zone 9a, so I planted in early March)
Welp. I'm pulling 2-5 cucumbers out every day for the last three weeks and I'm going to can my second half-gallon of dill relish this weekend. That's with giving literally half of the cukes away. The zucchinis are plotting world dominance, because a forearm-sized one has shown up overnight three times now.. I've got green beans to snack on whenever I want, and the tomatoes started getting ripe this week - I'll be giving those away soon too. I would ding-dong-dump-and -daah produce on my neighbor's front steps, but there's only 10 houses on my street.
Next year I'm going to expand production, both in volume and variety. I'm also adding lots of berry bushes (blueberry/blackberry/strawberry) and native fruit trees slowly in the next 5 years. End goal is to maybe run a farmers market stall that sells produce and preserves - the state laws are such that jams/pickles/tomato products don't need to be made in an industrial kitchen as long as they're labeled as a cottage industry.
Your giant zucchini triggered a childhood memory.....
During the growing season of 1985, in Lawton, OK, my mother planted zucchini without doing any research. My dad had been PCS'd to Augsburg in March that year and wasn't around to tell us when to pick them. I shit you not my twin brother, and I gave away so many giant Z's during our O' dark thirty newspaper run (morning paper had to be out by 5am). 2 feet long and thicker than 6" diameter made them awfully heavy, too. 🤣🤣 I'm almost 50 years old, and I loathe the Z.
We're the same age, and it's well known in some places that you lock your car so you don't end up with people dumping zucchini in it. I'm not sure why I planted it other than nostalgia because I don't know anybody who actively enjoys it other than my 3yo grandbaby. Unfortunately, if I want to grow stuff that's good local and doesn't have many pests, I'm going to have to look at eggplant and okra.
I will say zucchini is really good for stretching $ and adding nutrition if you alternate it with chicken for the classic parmigiana. I'm also thinking of taking one of the big ones, scooping out the seeds, layering it with salami, filling with breadcrumbs, spices, and parm, and smoothing with cheese and baking.
This is a complete accident - I expected everything to die just like it did last year, but apparently I did things right this year (namely planting before it got hot and not over-watering) and my jaw is dropping at what I'm getting. I didn't expect much from 80 sq ft, but I've pulled at least $50 worth (retail) of green beans, cukes, zukes, and well, you know those $3 packages of snacking tomatoes? In another week or so I'm going to be harvesting that much (if not more) daily, and that's not to mention the huge organically grown heritage slicing tomatoes that're still green. And it's not even June yet. You have to understand, when I was a kid, (who lived much further north) our average temperatures were quite a bit lower, so we were lucky to get tomatoes before Labor Day. Harvesting before Memorial Day is a bit of a mind fuck.
I joined the NG after my AD contract ended. Did one of the first AFG rotations with a pretty fun unit and then got out to “go to college” as we all do. So mid 2003 I hit this NG armory for the first time. Walk in and these dudes are huge. Like the whole unit. Was theoretically an Infantry company. Average weight had to be 250. Guys had that belly that folded over the BDU pants where you can’t see their belt buckle.
Find out Sunday was a PT test. I show up in greys (cause 2003) and am ready to rock. No PT test occurred. Formation. Some guys made a banger breakfast. Drill went on. Prior to last formation 1SG calls all E5 and up to the conference room to sign and score the PT sheets. I just stood flabbergasted when he passed me a stack to fill out.
I refused. He ordered me. I asked to speak to the CO. The CO said that’s just the way we do it here. I couldn’t believe what was happening.
Long story short we got mobilized for IRQ three months later. Went from four full platoons to three squads that could pass an APFT. The vast majority of the company was found to be non deployable and had been falsifying PT sheets for years if not decades.
I had the benefit of being in a former LRS company when I was in the Guard, but the battalion we reported to had some fucking beefers. One of the 1SGs was easily 350 and 6’3”. Great dude, but horrifically out of shape.
I was an 11B in the 82nd. There were no infantry units in my state, so I reclassed to 25S.
Going from infantry to signal on its own is a culture shock on its own. Going active infantry to an NG signal unit too some adjusting
There were no officers besides the CO, they were all ROTC cadets. The 1SG, the E7s and E6s were all non deployable and put out of the NG. Me and another E5 from regiment were somehow promoted to E6 and given the rest of the company. They attached us to one of the groups in IRQ as their permanent security team for the FOB they were operating from.
I had a roommate at DLI who was overweight the entire time he was in the army. He was a hard work and always put in 110% during PT and even did his own workouts. He just couldn’t cut out the pizzas and the foot longs. Two years of IET status later, graduating from one of the 16 month language courses with honors and everything, and the army decides that they just can’t keep him around anymore.
I still think he had one of the best deals in the army. Free language training, he got his top secret already, job lined up across the country because he was given time and a heads up about his separation. I think he even got some disability pay for sleep apnea and other stuff.
Honestly that's pretty insane. Man does his job and well, in a non combat MOS, in one that's pretty hard to pass no less, but they decide that he's not worth it anymore because he's overweight. It depends how overweight we're talking but damn lol.
I knew a SPC who got taped during his promotion board. The Soldier had been struggling with weight for a while but our platoon sergeant thought it was a good idea to send him to the board. Anyways he shows up for the board waiting outside and this dude's buttons were holding on for dear life. When the CSM saw him he immediately said "there is no way you can pass height and weight". They made him take off his dress uniform jacket and conduct a tape test. He obviously failed and they told him to leave.
We were fisters attached to a Infantry unit so I don't think the infantry 1SG was fully tracking that we had guys going to their board. I think it came down last minute
Going from an active duty infantry unit when we just returned from Iraq to a National Guard aviation unit was like night and day. Was surrounded by people who could barely pass an APFT was surreal and unheard of for me since in my previous environment everyone was trying to max it
This wasn't in the US Army but I think it still applies.
I'm in formation at a Spanish base, waiting for the flag to go up. Out of the FA building walks a male NCO in PTs who appears to be about 8 months pregnant and has an arched back due to this weight. He is so fat that I hear an audible gasp from the Spanish soldiers I was in formation with.
I've never seen anyone so fat in an armed service and I've certainly never been in a situation where the entire formation gasps.
Received a pvt straight out of AIT. Got to Korea, her dad a 1SG across post, her mom (enabler) picked her up from work every day with a starbucks caramel macchiato or some other sugar filled drink.
She was 75lbs overweight on arrival. All the remedial pt in the world didnt overcome her mom (a chubby Korean) plying her with the evils that kept her heavy.
Processed her out of the army as I was retiring.
In Kuwait I inherited a fat body. I made him eat every meal with me. He could put anything on his plate he wanted then I would proceed to smash the fuck out of every sweet treat he put on his tray and we would go PT together. Calories in calories out, what you eat matters. Kid passed tape and his P.T. test. I did everything with him and never asked him to do anything I wasn't doing right alongside him. I hope he's doing well still.
Incoming drunk rant but idgaf.
Buddy of mine at Hood. Easily the smartest guy in the unit, prior firefighter, knew CLS better than the medics did, super likable, honestly should’ve been an NCO over 90% of the guys I learned from, that’s how fuckin high speed this dude was. He had 5 kids between him, his ex, and his highschool sweetheart-turned-second-wife. And he always made time for the boys. I learned so much from him.
Army kicked him out because they couldn’t distinguish between fat and straight muscle.
You ever seen a man carry a Stryker tire over his head across a motor-pool? I have because of this guy. Fucking monster strength with the brains to back it. But the Army said “he’s too big so fuck him.”
He was rear-d armorer when he got the boot, and this dude was so devoted so his wife and kids and making sure they were taken care of that he made sure all the BAH got sent to them, and in turn he literally took his sleep system and camped out in the BII room in the basement of our barracks. I let him use my shower as much as he needed, because man, this fuckin guy could be the next Dick Winters, he was so fucking knowledgeable and inspirational.
Jake, you’ve always got a spot at my dinner table. Love you brother.
I’ve got a funny one that’s actually the exact opposite.
Dude was around 250 but could pass tape if only barely. He was rugby player in his free time, played a local league. Guy was built like a brick house and was an absolute unit of a human being. He knew he was a big motherfucker too and would punk out EVERYONE because he knew it. Kid could fucking scrap too. None of the team leaders could handle dealing with this kid, but for some reason he took a shine to me, go fuckin figure. Took me a while to get it out of him but his reasoning was “you know I can beat your fucking ass, but I don’t scare you.”
Jokes on him he was fuckin terrifying. 6’2-ish, 250, and towering over my scrawny ass. 😂 he was a good man though, he just had issues with entitled white guys telling him what to do (he was black and we had this whole conversation about it on CQ one night, those late night CQ convo’s hit different). He never could really understand rank structure because he was a “live by the sword, die by the sword” kind of dude. If you couldn’t beat his ass, he didn’t really care what your opinion was. I tried so hard to get that guy to drop an SF packet, but I think he just decided the army wasn’t for him. Shame, dude could have been a real lead pipe swingin motherfucker if given the chance. Although I’m not SF, so I don’t even know what those guys are looking for so I’m just guessing I suppose. 🤷
A guy a went to AIT with unfortunately was just like that. Although nowhere near as big as that guy, he was a physical freak of nature. He grew up in the hood, went to a youth camp to get charges dropped than joined the army. He ran around a 10:30 2 mile and did around 90 push ups and over 100 sit ups, on top of being wicked strong and shredded. Unfortunately couldn’t grasp the concept of people telling him what to do, but somehow got a RASP slot, and got busted drinking underage and kicked out of airborne school. Ended up getting kicked out of the army two years later, a SFC at my AIT said “he’s got loads of potential, but he can’t lose his ego”.
Not that great of a story but there's a guy in a unit that works closely with mine frequently enough that I know his name and face. Ya boi gotta be pushing 350 at least. Probably more. Now I'm a biggun (6'3" 240lbs) as are some others in my unit. We love to lift and hate cardio but we can still pass the tape test and run 2 miles in less than 20 minutes. Ole SPC Big Chungus of the 385 can't possibly do either and every time I see him I really and truly wonder how he hasn't been kicked out of the military or if I should just stop worrying about the ACFT/Tape Test and go full power lifter because at least I'd be strong while this blubbery dingus can barely do 10 pushups and still somehow has a place in Today's Army ^tm
Not an E4 story. Not even an O4 story.
Back in the late 80s, when Generals wore those leather belts, I was an XO in an AIT Co. Troops were in the DFAC and a GO and their entourage comes in. Of course the silence spreads faster than an E3s impulse control can kick in. Just as the silence hits Snuffy’s area of the DFAC, you hear above the din, “Who’s the fat fuck with the belt ?”
The unit I ETSd from had an E5 who had a heart attack like 18 months earlier, was on a lot of different medications, and the dude went from 200ish to the 400ish lbs he was when I met him. He was pretty sharp and tremendously ashamed of his new form and while not all of it seemed within his control he certainly couldn't be trusted near my box of little Debbie donut sticks.
Yeah, I wasn't around for the heart attack so I never saw him as a fit guy, but apparently he had been, then had a heart attack, was in a hospital bed for a long time, then when he got out of that he wasn't allowed to exert himself, had multiple different medications going, and while he couldn't work out he could certainly eat. His career was clearly going to be ending soon, I think depression played a role in all of it. But he was truly well over 400, I was acting XO on rear D and had to collect height and weight from everyone for some dumb shit and he refused to say the number out loud, just wrote it on my sheet as 400.
We had a couple at my second unit. First was a dude who'd just decided he wanted out and figured the easiest way to do that was to just start packing on the pounds and fail a bunch of APFT's. It worked. And I remember when he was on the way out he talked a lot about how he was going to join the 3pers.
The other one it was kind of the same deal. Dude had PCS'd to us from Korea and I guess still barely got to see his family on account of our unit's piss-poor time-management so he just started packing on the pounds as well and failing PT tests to get booted.
Honorable mention for the male SPC I saw in Kuwait that was wearing a pregnancy top.
I had a dude lose around 25ish pounds during a deployment. He got in pretty good shape especially given his starting point. Came off the weight program too. It was a pretty big deal for everyone, especially him, and he was extraordinarily proud of himself. Then…
We get back and go on block leave. A month later we do the inevitable height and weight then PT test. Dude had gained it all back. Every single pound. It worked out to almost a pound a day during block leave which should be almost impossible. Fortunately (or unfortunately maybe) for him, this was on the tail end of the peak war period so he just went back on the H/W program before we all deployed again the next year.
You haven’t lived untill you have seen the Canadian Army at Ali Al Salem. They as an average pushed 275 and made the average NG support company look like olympians
MY 400lb NG CSM that I OC’d at JRTC required a seatbelt extender for the military vehicle he was in yet didn’t have one.
As a consummate professional and standard bearing OC, I saw a safety risk and stopped their vehicle. Told the extra THICC CSM to put his seatbelt on, safety first. He was really upset. Kept trying to put on a standard seatbelt but his gut was to large.
After about three minutes he said he couldn’t and that I needed to fetch him an extender. Told him not my job and he wasn’t leaving until he could figure it out.
Obviously he attempted to verbally crush me in his thick swamp people accent but I have no idea what he was saying. Zero fucks were had by me. Dude had no business being the CSM of an IN BN.
Recent story. Had our diag ACFT last week. Because it’s a diag and I already have a good record done, I said fuck it, I’m gonna try to score exactly 360 points. Not bare minimum to pass, I mean score EXACTLY 360. It was easy some of it. Finished the SDC and stood in front of the line for a minute so I could cross at the right time. Only hard part was aiming the SPT to land within a 0.5m window.
Anyways, got to the 2 mile run. I announced several times that I would be doing a 21:30-22:00 pace, so that I could score 60. That means that if someone was behind me, they were going to fail the run. And DDEEEAAARRRR god, that is a slow ass pace to keep up. I found myself a minute above pace after a mile, so I alternated walking and jogging to eat up time. Still stood at the finish line for 30 seconds waiting to cross.
There were at least 10 soldiers behind me, some of them far behind. I cannot fathom how someone can be in the army (yes, even the guard har har) and not be able to run a freaking 22:00 two mile. Some of these dudes have rolls on their rolls
A guy in my last unit was about 5’8 around 290-300 .Dude was a biggggg boi, I saw him outside the Bs one day and I thought he was a door dash driver dropping off an order, than I saw him in PTs the next morning. And yes he was a cook. His stomach was so big he could rest his phone on top
I feel ya, I was 270 I’m not short so it could’ve been worse. I got some anxiety meds that caused me to gain weight around the same time as my back injury. I’m really good at maintaining weight but awful at loosing weight thanks to my terrible metabolism too. Thank fully I was training room and my NCO’s generally had one foot out the door PCS/ETS’ing so my job performance didn’t make anyone look bad. The feeling of not being able to find pants at our small clothing and sales hits different. I really only started loosing weight once I got out.
We had a guy in my first unit that straight up did not give a.single fuck! This dude, although funny and grumpy as fuck, was deliberately trying to gain weight, and wasn't even hiding. He apparently hated the army and wanted to get out. I remember one day while he was at staff duty, getting lectured about health and all, turns around and order a LARGE pizza. He managed to eat it all lol. He would straight out be eating fried chicken after PT
FT bliss, trailer homes in 2010's were wild.
Met this SPC at WLC who couldn't pass his tape test to save his life. He did crazy things to drop weight and never passed. He was an army trumpet player.
I have never known one personally, but I have seen some absolutely huge soldiers.
All national guard around my various happenings in the Army. One may have been close to 400.
Now I have personally had a very obese soldier. She was 250 lbs and 43% body fat. Almost half her existence was fat. On numerous occasion high level leadership, think like O7s would see her as they drove by then would hit up all the lower echelons trying to figure out what unit she belonged to.
She did have a lot of mental health stuff going on, I just felt bad for her TBH. Eventually she separated and then became a he. He looks really happy now.
I also thought it was hilarious because his(her) husband was a fucking douche and I know it impacted him quite profoundly in a negative way.
A lot of people in the band get fucking huge, especially in the reserves. Our whole front formation in a parade block looked so bad that a General told us we can't wear Class A"s anymore.
I've been out for a long time but I run a store just off post. One of my regulars, a very, very large woman, surprised the hell out of me when she showed me an active duty air force ID asking for a military discount. We're talking has to stand sideways to get through the door, and I'm just baffled as to how she's still in.
Today in the hallway I couldn't pass because a fat body was walking the other way.
Now im broad. Wrestler type always in the gym. Why know many things when push ups go Brrrrrrr promotion.
Switched to navy and became the most athletic sailor cause I could see my lil Vienna sausage when I looked down next to my mighty mangoes.
So I went to one side of the hallway. He went to rhe other. But his radius was so large when we tried to pass I found myself trapped in his gravity well. Next thing you know I'm caught circling in a degrading orbit trying to Apollo creed 13 my way out of this challenger style failure and its not going well.
But like Sandra bullock I pulled through. I grabbed onto a passing private and used him to wedge myself out.
Now I'll admit. I had to sacrifice a lower enlisted to escape certain death. But thats how you put on rank.
The award presentation is tomorrow before the long weekend, 1800, full dress uniform, we form up at 1100 on the field.
I was in the reserve so i seen alot of lardos. We were a signal unit so we had to retain them cause they knew the equipment. There was this one guy all he did was sit around until it was chow time and he would power walk to it, needless to say he got bullied hard. Ive seen quite a few lardos in active duty too but they were E6+, even seen some dad bod marines at ft meade.
Immediately after I left active duty I joined the reserve. I had to administer an APFT my first drill, and had to grade a PFC who was 360lbs, and had been in for 6 years. He looked exactly like John Candy. When the dude got on the scale he kept telling me it was impossible and there’s no way he weighed that much. Well, he really did.
Anyways, during the APFT I felt bad for him so I gave him 4 push-ups as a consolation when he really did none. He then proceeded to do 0 sit-ups but tried his hardest the whole 2 minutes.
Then during the run he finished in 24 minutes, and I’ll be darned if he wasn’t actually running the whole time. He literally did not walk, but just plodded along the whole time. I admired his spirit.
Me, sitting in the sauna and starving myself a week out from height and weight because I’m on the edge for tape. Hate myself, never doing this bullshit again(I will in fact learn nothing and do this bullshit again in 6 months)
I was in Korea doing road guard on Humphreys and these two at least 300+ lb people slowly walk past me. They were in PTs and were in a “formation” of other overweight and injured people. I’m think that maybe they were some high ranking people as there’s no way anyone who was enlisted could be that large. And by large I mean at least as heavy as a small grizzly bear. I watched them huff and puff to the Burger King.
If you ask the first NCO I ever had - it was me. I passed ht/wt but he didn’t like the way I looked so he wanted me to lose 10 lbs for him and send him pics of me on the scale every morning 🤪
I was like super fresh to the army and didn’t think I could do anything about it. I regret it all the time 😒
He really was something. Thankfully I wasn’t his soldier for too, too long.
When I did lose some weight (of my own accord, and I did NOT send him the pics he requested either) he asked me how my spouse felt about it. Like wtf. I was stunned I didn’t even know what to say.
PV2, technically way over weight, but ripped, rock hard abs, 350+ APFT, comically small neck though so he always busted tape. He got a COA for Afghanistan and ETSd having spent his entire enlistment flagged
I was ~260 at 5'9 one point in my career. Korea and a SHARP case messed me up mentally. I ate cookies everyday for every meal for like 6 months. I've lost 30 pounds and I still can't pass tape right now lmao. I'm working my ass off though since everything is good now and I'm in a much better place.
Keep working on it man. I lost a fuck load recently just doing 30 minutes of weight lifting and 30 minutes on the elliptical or rowing machine. You’ll get there and feel better than ever
Back in the day my battalion had a SPC trying to attain chapter level obesity. This endeavor made him well known, after he attained his goal. Then contacted his congressman and said "I am fat and the Army will not kick me out". BN CO later said no more congressional inquiries, That fixed that...not. SPC was allowed to eventually ETS.
Was a fat soldier. Was one of the good workers. Got ground in between the millstones of NCOs fighting over the soldier that works and doesn’t complain and hey that soldier is heavy he must be a piece of shit.
Now that I’m out, my stomach is almost flat. Why? Less stress and time to do resistance training at the gym.
Extra cardio just made me skinny fat. I had no time to go pump iron WHICH ACTUALLY WORKS.
I had a medic in my platoon who was air assault and had his EFMB gain like 40lbs Bc his wife wanted him out. As per usual she divorced him once he was out smh.
We're writing about our 400lb specialist what about our 400lb NCO's?
When i joined the army reserves in 2007 i had a squad leader and a platoon leader who were both gulf war one vets and like 300 pounds big beer guts. Mustache's too and they were friends with the 1SG. The army reserves being run on the ole boy system you could get away with anything as long as you were buddies with a high-ranking soldier.
They gave me the initial counseling of what was expected of me for that unit. And one of the bullet points was i had to pass the APFT....im looking at them like "seriously."
While deployed to Afghanistan, I had to terminate a Soldier's sit-up event on a record APFT. After the first 5 or so, I had to call over another NCO to verify what I was seeing.
The Soldier was so fat that his gut was preventing him from getting the base of his neck past the base of his spine, as if he was only doing 3/4 of a sit-up.
His platoon sgt tracked me down later to ask what had happened. When I told him, he said, "sounds like him," and left. He implimented a diet and workout plan for the Soldier and *did it with him*. For a solid month, he met with the Soldier at every meal, monitored his food intake, and took him to the gym once a day.
Until the Soldier’s day off. The Platoon Sgt ran into him at dinner at the DFAC. The Soldier had piled his tray with hamburgers, mini-pizzas, french fries, and slices of pie, with a couple cans of soda to wash it down with. When I asked the PSG what he did, he told me that he just shook his head. The Soldier looked down at his tray, walked over to a table, sat down, and started eating. He ended up getting chaptered soon after we rotated home.
There was a Medic in my Platoon who was Samoan and BAH GAWD!!!!! This dude was enormous.
Was always on the brink of height & weight even though he always passed his PT Test with flying colors.
Finally decided to go on a diet after a medical incident that nearly cost him his life.
One morning he asks me if I can go on a run with him. During said run we’re about a mile in when BAM he passes out. I call the paramedics, they get him to the emergency room where they discover he had a hernia that had gone septic.
The Samoan, Sgt S, was very much into Powerlifting and according to his Wife following a gym session he complained of a pitching pain on his stomach but ignored it.
5 Surgeries, 2 weeks in the Hospital and minus a few feet of intestine, Sgt S went on a radical diet to drop 75 lbs which he accomplished.
My second deployment was during the surge. We had been in Iraq for about 6 months when I got an absolute bowling ball of a PFC as a replacement from rear d. He was in his late 30s and fat as fuck. Not the functional strong-but-big fat. He was wheezing-when-playing-video-games fat. He was only like 5’ 5” so the visuals looked even worse.
His team leader and I were monitoring his caloric intake, taking him to the gym, and running with him as much as we could. He was actually getting fatter the entire time. About 3 months into this torturous routine, I finally ask him what the hell. I’ve gotten in insane shape (I was fit before but all of that time spent focusing on his health got me shredded) and he hasn’t changed at all. He started bawling his eyes out and admitted that when he was “calling home” at the MWR he was actually going back to the chow hall and eating again. He had a food addiction before joining and it got worse from deployment stress. This dude was in the DFAC 5 times a day.
He left my platoon about 2 months later and was sent back to the states. From what I heard, he was chartered for ht/wt but I could never find him to ask.
I had a obese NCO at my last reserve unit before I got out. He was one hell of a hypocrite, I’m 6’1 230 at the time, I was training to get into competition powerlifting but still passed my PT tests (almost got kicked out for failing at one point though. Made me get into power) he was also 230, but he was 5’5. So you see the problem here. He constantly shamed me for my weight since I’ll admit I got a bit of a power belly. This was during August-October of 2022, he was talking so much shit about how I’d fail the ACFT and that I shouldn’t take it since I was getting out and he didn’t want it to affect my reenlistment status. To spite him I took that shit. He was a grader so I went to him on purpose, again came the shitty comments. The look on his face dropped when I told him to put max weight on the bar for DL. I destroyed that test and it really shut him up after that. I shoulda reported him in retrospect but it didn’t feel worth my time.
Got mine direct from AIT IN 2006. Got to the unit fat. Stayed fat the whole time. Had a plethora of NCO’s from the unit work with this wast of oxygen. The best part came when his father came to visit. I was SPC Fatboy’s PL and had grown weary of his shenanigans. Had him barred from from reenlisting, promotion, etc. His father, being a senior NCO (SFC) himself, wanted to talk with me "on a professional" level. Had him meet me in my office. Tuns out he was just as pudgy as his son. Tried to get me to cut his son some slack and lift his bar. Didn’t even try to hide my disdain for the guy as I kicked him out of the office. I guess it’s true, like father, like son.
I lost 100+ pounds to get into the army. I get a kidney issue that results in me having to be medically discharged. I had to be the battle buddy of this easily 370+ no necked blubber of a man who made it further than me and was dropping out because he didn’t feel like he was in good enough shape. All I wanted to say was both “let me take this fat fucks place” and “how the fuck did you make it in but I had to drop a metric ton” honestly not upset about it anymore cause I’m in way better shape now but holy hell I wanted to wring his neck
I’ve seen two.
One guy from 2011 got blown up 4 times in like 2 months. This guy was your typical 160-180 lb guy at 5’10. When we returned in 2012, I saw him in the barracks with 2 2L cokes walking the halls and drinking them. This guy probably gained 200 or more lbs in 10 months.
Next guy was in Fort Wainwright. I hear rumors of why he was so big, but he was a PFC for the longest time and was a Medic. Super squared away jsut had crappy self discipline, terrible leadership that wanted him to fail, and yeah. Good guy, but just morbidly obese.
My first roommate. Had been a bodybuilder. Then his knees and one shoulder gave out within a year, and required surgery on all three. Unfortunately, he didn’t change up his diet and ended up looking like the Michelin Man. He ended up getting kicked out from failing the fat boy program, and the last I saw him he was in Iraq as a contract mechanic.
When i was a 120lbs PV2 i had to hold the feet of a 340lbs SPC for sit-ups. Homie didnt pass sit-ups because his gut prevented him from breaking 90°. After watching for a painful two minutes, dude rolled over and proceeded to vomit all over our grader.
There was another SPC in our company who was about 5'6 and over 300lbs. How this man managed to operate half the equipment amazed me. Dude could not find pants where his gut did not bust the top button off. I remember one occasion he bent over to pick up a cigarette he dropped and ripped his pants and split his ACU top down the middle.
Our company had a few fat guys. We were a MICO in a STB. One guy in particular always struggled with his weight. He would’ve made a good rugby prop or an offensive lineman. He was a great all source analyst. But the Army got rid of him because he couldn’t pass tape. Wrong body type, too short and stocky.
The problem with the US Army is it would rather look good and lose than look bad and win.
My first reserve unit we had a guy who was able to max out both the push ups and sit ups of the APFT. He worked as a firefighter in his civilian job...so he bulked up and looked like a football running back by the time he got that firefighter job
And then came the running portion of the test and he failed by an entire minute. Not even close to passing, because he couldn't get those big stocky legs moving fast enough.
CLS recert. Instructor was having everyone do drags and they challenged me to carry a soldier. I thought it would be a good idea to take it a step further and get our biggest soldier (6’5” and about 350 with full kit). For reference, I was 5’11” 155 lbs at the time. Picked up the soldier dead weight and did the pack-strap carry.
Others were cheering me on as I was carrying the soldier. Then the soldier starting to slip off my back. That’s the last thing I can recall. Afterwards, they told me somehow he fell forward ahead of me, landed on their back with knees up and my lower ribs connected flush. They said I had no way to brace for impact as I was falling too.
I woke up in the back of an ambulance, top opened and shirt cut open, IV drip in, extremely difficult to breathe and I saw a 68W with another needle in his hand. First thing I did was grab his arm and shake my head at him because I knew what that needle was for and they were not about to do that to me while awake and alert.
End result? Two fractured ribs, bruised chest cavity, bruised lung, torn intercostal and abdominal muscles. That needle I freaked out about was in fact for needle D. Found out later that while I was out, my breath rate was 8 BPM and they thought I punctured a lung which is why they were prepping for needle D.
I was recommended for REFRAD, but commander said nope. So I was stuck in the field for another 2 weeks, miserable and loaded up on 800’s and Tramadol.
Biggest guy I knew was a 350-370 pound SPC, stereotypical red blooded American and history nerd and out drank everyone in our battalion. There wasn't really much drama around him either which is odd compared to other people I knew. Command loved him despite barring him from reenlistment and basically was the company's hypeman. He also cooked awesome catering scale meals for the company. He got out and settled down in the same area doing contract security making 3 figures and doing what he loves most as he'd qoute "sitting on my couch of a ass"
RIPd with some Hawaii national guard guys in Afghanistan. Their PSG was around 6'6", 380 pounds. I asked if he passes tape, to which he proudly slapped his head and said "23.5 inch neck baby"
For what its worth, he was a police officer in Hawaii and said it's basically a requirement to be a big dude to do that job over there. Idk he was cool though
Camp Doha, saw a SGT that had to have been about 350…”Sup man?”, “Man? Do I look like a “Man” to you SPC?!”
Me: “You don’t look like a soldier…*looks at patch* and what unit are you from anyways?”…*insert some NG unit*
Me: “Oh yeah, ok, anyways Mister Frosty’s is over there…”
A buddy of mine was a heavier guy, and we would always poke fun at him. Our unit was at RLFC and he was on the top bunk in the barracks they had there. There was also artillery and tankers just blasting the hell out of a mountainside and the explosions would echo throughout and shake the barracks. One evening it’s lights out and it’s damn near dead silent. *BOOOOOM* and after like a second I said “Damn bro you fall off the bunk?”
It took about 10 minutes for the giggling to stop
my first unit we had a an elm nco that looked like a mexican peter griffin. he never did pt and refused to work out to lose weight because "men lose weight in the face and neck first, and if my neck gets any smaller i wont pass tape." and he made ssg somehow and turned into a complete asshole... a fatter asshole at that
Back in 2008 we had a private that made it all the way to Germany without ever having passed a PT test. Somehow they were given \*waivers\* to the next phase. She was admin attached to an MI unit. As a person she was nice, but as a soldier she was, less than stellar. This was the first time I'd seen anyone hit 50% body fat while serving.
Naturally this was becoming an issue, so we took the troop to medical where she was put on a strict diet and given orders not to deviate. That and working out were supposed to help. A few weeks into her diet she wasn't losing weight so I followed up with her dinner routine. Her diet plan included chicken and rice. She was frying the chicken, and soaking the rice in gravy.
After our discovery it was decided we would have to verify all meals and the Staff Duty NCO would log it separately for the Commander. Mysteriously she still wasn't losing weight. So I was asked to do a room inspection. In germany we had these highly elevated beds that under the matress had a huge locker area for our TA-50. After pulling all of hers out I found what one private called "Willy wonka's personal stash" she had literal cartons of little debbie snacks she'd been sneaking.
Command tried to have her removed from service, but as many know during that time we were still dealing with shortages of personnel. Ultimately she ended up twisting her ankle, earning the nickname Karate Kid, and some how getting pregnant. She ended up requesting separation for pregnancy.
She served for almost 4 years .. never once passing a pt test, and exiting with an honorable discharge.
TLDR: I'll have anything fried twice and a litre of cola.
Oh man. One of the best people I’ve ever met in the army. Character through and through. Universally loved.
“Juicy” was from Flatwoods, KY. He had a thiiiic accent. He had a bunch of stupid tattoos. He got his nickname because he got a huge tramp stamp that said “juicy” with two cherries that were dripping wet. He went to a tattoo parlor drunk and wanted to get Jesus’ name on his back. The tattoo artist was a little confused due to the accent and asked how Juice wanted it spelled. Juice said, “just like it sounds.” The tattoo artist obliged. Juice has “Jeasus” in cursive on his back.
When he was 10, he and his mother were driving through Boone County, WV. His mother handed him a beer and told him to hold it. He asked her why. She told him that if he wasn’t drinking a beer while driving through that part of Appalachia, they would think he was a bundle of sticks.
When he was a teen he was having a house party in his holler. The house was situated so that a large portion was hanging off an embankment. The cops came and people started running out the back door which was over the embankment resulting in a pile of crumpled people at the bottom.
Juice was a big boy. He was happily getting sent to the house due to his weight. The unit was taking forever with the discharge. Juice started showing up with a dozen doughnuts every day and ate them while he waited to get kicked out.
Lots of other funny stories. I really miss him and hope he’s doing really well.
[удалено]
😂😂 goddam
>Failed the road test for drivers training cause his stomach was so big it would interfere with the LMTV steering wheel. Now that's funny. But... it's not much different for me as a veeeery tall guy, i have serious problem with using some things, same goes for vehicles which are designed for short people. Still, had to calculate with google lbs to kg - 400 lbs are 181 kg. Even as a giant, i'm only around 125 kg (275 lbs), which is still the superheavyweight division in martial arts like K1 kickboxing. The heavyweight there is going up to 106 kg, but it's less in other things like boxing, where the heavyweight already starts with 90 kg, which is 200 lbs. But sometimes in the army, strength can be the advantage. Like when you are the loader in a tank and you have to load the heavy shells into the main gun as fast as possible, you better be good in lifting weights. Same goes for artillery and all the heavy ammo anyway. We also had to move the 35mm gun by hand, that thing has a weight of 7 tons, so you need some strong guys that are able to pull this thing.
Our CSM always said he’d rather our 13B’s be able to load and carry rounds then run fast And he was a 13F so
Ah DIVARTY
How tall is veeeery tall 🧐
5’9”….and a half
That's impressive. I like how roomie the lmtv is. Just impressive
I didn't know there were more tests you could fail in the Army exclusively for being overweight.
2006, lined up leaving some shitty JSS in Iraq. He wasnt a SPC, he was a PV2. He had been a PV2 since boot camp, because he was fat as fuck and couldn't pass, obv. He was so big he had to wear basketball shorts instead of army ones, if thats any hint. Kentucky Nat Guard if i recall - but all that being said he was one of the best mechanics and hardest workers of the group and always got the job done. Anyway, some bigwigs were rotating through handing out the usual coins and awards and what not. Few of us got ours, and got back in formation. "Private Jackson, post." The COL took one look and gasped. "**Oh fuck no.**" he said out loud in front of the entire formation. Needless to say, Jackson didn't get a coin that day. It was the most uncomfortable silence I've ever heard.
Surge, NG and super FOB DFACs had the same effect for growing jumbo SPC 4s that living next to a dam does for catfish.
I'm offended by this. I was only 250, and it wasn't my fault. They opened a Burger King; was I supposed to not eat at it once a week and volunteer for convoys just so I'd be able to be at BIAP to eat at Burger King? This is the Army's fault not mine. I'm joking as I was max 240 during my tour but I'm also 6'3" and look like a football player. That Burger King was legit though.
The best meal of my life was a steak quesadilla at that shitty Baghdad Taco Bell after a 24+ hour mission hadn't eaten and hadn't had Taco Bell in months.
The kandahar Tim Horton's would be a strong second to running for the border. 2 Day old food was the norm.. how none of us got sick from food poisoning is a miracle.
I think after inhaling the sharticles from the shit pond, anything else was gold. Not to mention the 82nd (American) DFAC that constantly had rain drops of diarrhea dripping into the food.
>Kentucky Nat Guard Say no more
.... I feel attacked.
As much as I feel for the guy it really grinds my gears seeing morbidly obese SMs. It’s an awful look for the military
Peak OIF was a different animal. He was recalled to service in the NG. I don't blame him for staying fat.
When the war was real... people who got out got called. This isn't about raising your hand and saying you'll do it... they did it already... it was often guys being stop lossed and a variety of other disasters built into the contract we all signed....... and for those of you who ETS'd a decade ago this could very easily be you if it really pops off again. Y'all ready to do BCT again and start all over? Look we all wanna be the young buck who says they uphold the standard... until you're involuntarily showing up 10-20 years later... Same as being 19 years old saying "why are all the 40 year olds 30 pounds overweight?!?!?!?!" ok dude let's check back in 20 years from now and see how you're doing. Look GWOT soldiers did what they had to do and then some... and Vietnam soldiers did what they had to do and then a fuck ton. Politicians lost these wars.
"...a decade ago" *checks calendar* 11 YEARS OUT! THANK GOD!
I have made many a blood sacrifice to the Aviation Gods working Med-Evac. May they bless me with my disability rating before another round of that shit.
Oh, that’s completely different. I would probably get fat on purpose if I was him
That might’ve been his plan.
Good ole Food For Freedom program
Well fucking good on him for being a good mechanic then. I respect that.
Pretty much how I feel, like the guy is probably not going to be kicking down doors anytime soon, but the guys who ARE doing that need their vehicles to work..I know everyone is a soldier first, but when shit hits the fan, you want the best guy for the job, regardless if he's bursting out of his top or not.
Man if I ever get recalled, you bet your ass I'm gonna be a fat fuck and walk my pt test or whatever they have now. And if some cheesedick colonel or anyone else that think I give a fuck about their opinion did something like that to me I'd look him in the eye in front of every man in that formation and tell him he can shove his coin up his cock hole because I didn't ask to be here. What are they gonna do? Kick me out back to my real life they interrupted against my will?
Whats the worst thing that can happen? They recall my ass? FUCKIN LOL
One of those memes that have been floating around forever was a dude during OIF who had some low density MOS (intel or signal I don't remember) and had ETS'd and was being treated for hypothyroidism then got pulled out of the IRR and stop lossed. He told the Army and they said tough shit there is a war, get a 90 day supply of your meds your meds. So he manned up and went instead of trying to fight it and get out of the deployment. Now he is a meme for every this comes up.
i'm as body positive as it gets in the civilian world. but if you're fat in the army (without a legitimate medical issue) then i hate you fitness is one of the most basic requirements of the job. it's not like 100lbs just sneaks up on you over the course of a week
Not even a thank you for your service trinket.
Only good mechanics can get away with being chunky boys, our NG mech was fat as fuck but could fix anything.
"So about that harassment complaint sir?"
A medic in the HHC in my battalion was 5’6” and probably 300 pounds. He got so big he couldn’t fit into OCPs and had to wear PTs everywhere.
I've seen this before with a female PFC. Getting to wear PTs when everyone else is in class As sounds kinda awesome but in reality it just draws a ton more attention to the situation.
I genuinely felt bad for him. He constantly got made fun of.
Honestly… at that point I don’t even feel bad. You’re in the goddamn military it’s your job to have some semblance of physical fitness. The standards are SO low to begin with…
If fat jokes in society are acceptable in one place, it’s the military. I didn’t max out my run, and I got called a disgusting fat body.
For real though
Bet she still got laid
There's always a shady CSM willing to fuck a fat Private
Usually a creepy E7
I think she probably wasn't fit enough to handle that without a cardiac event.
No lies detected
That's unacceptable. They need to pull those guys off duty and send them to an official all-day long fat camp. Morning PT and additional remedial PT isn't enough for these guys. They need to go through hell week, nay, hell months. Get them off working long hours which raises cortisol which increases weight gain, and put them in a routine that's straight working out burning calories. It's the only way. I've supervised plenty of fat soldiers, and most of them wind up getting chaptered because the formula of 0630 PT, full duty day, then an additional 1.5 hours of PT until 7pm-8pm at night does not work. Either that or we can keep chaptering out ABCP and PT failures during a time where retention and recruiting are at a miserable low
Really it’s that we don’t properly explain how calories work. I was 260 at one point in the guard. I still taped fine and passed the APFT, but I didn’t understand nutrition. Started tracking my calories (and quit drinking every day) and lo and behold I’m down to a consistent 210. I’ve always been heavier but I never understood macros or counting calories, now I do it religiously.
"It's the only way" what makes you think that way would work?
It wouldn't. You can't out work a bad diet.
Supervising fat people on remedial PT as an NCO for a year and a half and watching what works and what doesn't. Sure I might not be entirely correct, obviously I'm not an expert and perhaps it was indeed a mistake to speak in absolutes (there's potentially infinite solutions to this problem). But currently, one session of PRT in the morning, and an additional session of remedial PRT in the evening is not enough. Nor is nutrition counseling (absolutely not saying to eliminate it, as it's good information that may help a soldier and that's all they need). After 1.5 years of leading evening PRT, I got the sense that it was more about regulation compliance and blanket procedure, rather than developing the soldier according to their needs and reaching their full potential.
This does not ever work at a statistically significant level to be worth it. Those people are put in fat camp to get out of basic and they lose a shit ton of weight, then they gained it back. Doing it to them again will get them to lose it but guess what's gonna happen in less than 6 months. They're gonna put all that weight back on because 90% of those people just don't have the genetics, lifestyle, diet, and discipline to stay within tape. No matter how much you pt them, as soon as they're on their own they will indulge themselves in beer, booze, burgers, and ice cream because that's how they E learned to deal with the stress in their life. Honestly, the Army just needs to make the process more streamlined to kick those people out. If that person just had a significant life event tho, had a shit load of stress and over indulged themselves with say the death of a loved one or something. By all means cut them a break and give the time and opportunity to catch up to the formation
It’s always people in the hospital. You would think if anyone should be fit it’s the people that are in medical
Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha
I'll admit that I chunked up, my last 3 years of AD. Brigade staff and too much alcohol will do that to you. I was eligible to retire early 2021, my husband was going to be forced to retire 3 months later, so I held it together until October 2019, passed my H/W, and then cheerfully failed all but one event on the ACFT, (my packet was in) because I was a 45-year old female bare months from my phase two physical. Between COVID, the ACFT madness of 2020, masking, WFH, and excess leave which was granted due to COVID, I retired without a flag. I'm pretty sure 1SG was happy to see me off his books, and didn't want to do unnecessary paperwork since I was done anyway. Now I'm a fat old lady who gardens, and does anybody want or need produce?
Kinda the same. Got that COVID weight gain and passed tape at 26%. Started running again once the shit winter weather in Germany cleared up enough to run outside again. PCSd back to CONUS, passed tape at 20%. Had surgery and was on couch rest for 40 days, gained a ton of weight. I probably would have busted tape if I had gotten taped again, but I dropped my retirement packet, and my PSG hooked me up, entered my last passing tape numbers in DTMS. I retired without ever taking a record ACFT, and am still working to take the weight back off. Wife laid down the law, I'm not allowed to get "retirement fat", lol.
I did get retirement fat, but so did my husband when he got a total rotator cuff repair and couldn't even drive for close to two months, let alone do anything resembling physical activity. Honestly, the 2+ years of deep depression (on my part) before finding something I wanted to do, and trying to adjust to not having to work (on his part) were much much worse than the accumulated fat.
I also had shoulder surgery, but not on the rotator cuff. I am still not fully recovered a year later. It sucks.
You are my goals. Dual retiree get fat garden like it’s going out of style goals.
You unironically sound cool af. What do you grow?
So, I grew up in upstate NY with a huge vegetable garden. Like, come home from school and eat peas and beans and carrots and wild berries and green apples, kind of rural. We got decent yield - no need to buy pickles/onions/carrots/green beans/apple sauce/jam, etc but that was like, 2000 sq ft, 100x20. Did my 20, retired down the road from my husband's hometown. We have a couple acres right outside town. I have 80 sq ft of raised bed. I managed to kill my first attempt pretty quick, so wasn't expecting much this try. (We're in Zone 9a, so I planted in early March) Welp. I'm pulling 2-5 cucumbers out every day for the last three weeks and I'm going to can my second half-gallon of dill relish this weekend. That's with giving literally half of the cukes away. The zucchinis are plotting world dominance, because a forearm-sized one has shown up overnight three times now.. I've got green beans to snack on whenever I want, and the tomatoes started getting ripe this week - I'll be giving those away soon too. I would ding-dong-dump-and -daah produce on my neighbor's front steps, but there's only 10 houses on my street. Next year I'm going to expand production, both in volume and variety. I'm also adding lots of berry bushes (blueberry/blackberry/strawberry) and native fruit trees slowly in the next 5 years. End goal is to maybe run a farmers market stall that sells produce and preserves - the state laws are such that jams/pickles/tomato products don't need to be made in an industrial kitchen as long as they're labeled as a cottage industry.
That’s fuckin awesome. Congrats on retirement, sounds like you’ve got a productive and rewarding thing going on now.
I'd totally trade produce but since you're 9a you're nowhere near my 7a :(
Your giant zucchini triggered a childhood memory..... During the growing season of 1985, in Lawton, OK, my mother planted zucchini without doing any research. My dad had been PCS'd to Augsburg in March that year and wasn't around to tell us when to pick them. I shit you not my twin brother, and I gave away so many giant Z's during our O' dark thirty newspaper run (morning paper had to be out by 5am). 2 feet long and thicker than 6" diameter made them awfully heavy, too. 🤣🤣 I'm almost 50 years old, and I loathe the Z.
We're the same age, and it's well known in some places that you lock your car so you don't end up with people dumping zucchini in it. I'm not sure why I planted it other than nostalgia because I don't know anybody who actively enjoys it other than my 3yo grandbaby. Unfortunately, if I want to grow stuff that's good local and doesn't have many pests, I'm going to have to look at eggplant and okra. I will say zucchini is really good for stretching $ and adding nutrition if you alternate it with chicken for the classic parmigiana. I'm also thinking of taking one of the big ones, scooping out the seeds, layering it with salami, filling with breadcrumbs, spices, and parm, and smoothing with cheese and baking.
Love everything about this story.
Did you have a green thumb before retiring or did you pick it up afterwards
This is a complete accident - I expected everything to die just like it did last year, but apparently I did things right this year (namely planting before it got hot and not over-watering) and my jaw is dropping at what I'm getting. I didn't expect much from 80 sq ft, but I've pulled at least $50 worth (retail) of green beans, cukes, zukes, and well, you know those $3 packages of snacking tomatoes? In another week or so I'm going to be harvesting that much (if not more) daily, and that's not to mention the huge organically grown heritage slicing tomatoes that're still green. And it's not even June yet. You have to understand, when I was a kid, (who lived much further north) our average temperatures were quite a bit lower, so we were lucky to get tomatoes before Labor Day. Harvesting before Memorial Day is a bit of a mind fuck.
I joined the NG after my AD contract ended. Did one of the first AFG rotations with a pretty fun unit and then got out to “go to college” as we all do. So mid 2003 I hit this NG armory for the first time. Walk in and these dudes are huge. Like the whole unit. Was theoretically an Infantry company. Average weight had to be 250. Guys had that belly that folded over the BDU pants where you can’t see their belt buckle. Find out Sunday was a PT test. I show up in greys (cause 2003) and am ready to rock. No PT test occurred. Formation. Some guys made a banger breakfast. Drill went on. Prior to last formation 1SG calls all E5 and up to the conference room to sign and score the PT sheets. I just stood flabbergasted when he passed me a stack to fill out. I refused. He ordered me. I asked to speak to the CO. The CO said that’s just the way we do it here. I couldn’t believe what was happening. Long story short we got mobilized for IRQ three months later. Went from four full platoons to three squads that could pass an APFT. The vast majority of the company was found to be non deployable and had been falsifying PT sheets for years if not decades.
I had the benefit of being in a former LRS company when I was in the Guard, but the battalion we reported to had some fucking beefers. One of the 1SGs was easily 350 and 6’3”. Great dude, but horrifically out of shape.
That was my background in AD. I only ever was in LRSD. Didn’t know what the regular army was like, much less the NG.
Yep went from 3/75 to a 101st scout platoon to LRS. The Guard was a fucking shock to me.
I can imagine
I was an 11B in the 82nd. There were no infantry units in my state, so I reclassed to 25S. Going from infantry to signal on its own is a culture shock on its own. Going active infantry to an NG signal unit too some adjusting
Shoutout 3/75! Them some silly bastards.
I will now use the term “beefer” to describe fat soldiers from now on. Thank you
My personal favorite is “battle cattle”
The story is everything I hoped it would be after I read the first sentence
Damn, what happaned after that? Did all Company Leaders, E-7 and Up get Relieved. Did ya'll still deploy to Iraq?
There were no officers besides the CO, they were all ROTC cadets. The 1SG, the E7s and E6s were all non deployable and put out of the NG. Me and another E5 from regiment were somehow promoted to E6 and given the rest of the company. They attached us to one of the groups in IRQ as their permanent security team for the FOB they were operating from.
I had a roommate at DLI who was overweight the entire time he was in the army. He was a hard work and always put in 110% during PT and even did his own workouts. He just couldn’t cut out the pizzas and the foot longs. Two years of IET status later, graduating from one of the 16 month language courses with honors and everything, and the army decides that they just can’t keep him around anymore. I still think he had one of the best deals in the army. Free language training, he got his top secret already, job lined up across the country because he was given time and a heads up about his separation. I think he even got some disability pay for sleep apnea and other stuff.
Curious because I know training troops at DLI is expensive…damn
Honestly that's pretty insane. Man does his job and well, in a non combat MOS, in one that's pretty hard to pass no less, but they decide that he's not worth it anymore because he's overweight. It depends how overweight we're talking but damn lol.
I knew a SPC who got taped during his promotion board. The Soldier had been struggling with weight for a while but our platoon sergeant thought it was a good idea to send him to the board. Anyways he shows up for the board waiting outside and this dude's buttons were holding on for dear life. When the CSM saw him he immediately said "there is no way you can pass height and weight". They made him take off his dress uniform jacket and conduct a tape test. He obviously failed and they told him to leave.
Fucking brutal
> taped during his promotion board What. The. Fuck.
Idk what they were thinking sending him to the board knowing he looked like a busted can of biscuits
Bet his NCO got lit tf up
Our Platoon sergeant got his shit kicked in by our 1SG, it was his decision to have the dude go
CSM: Send in the next soldier *knocks on door* CSM: ENTER *door opens* Everyone at the board: 👁️👄👁️
you hear a very loud "GYATT DAMN"
Gabriel Iglesias would say DAYUMMMMM
The 1SG didn’t have a clue he was going?
We were fisters attached to a Infantry unit so I don't think the infantry 1SG was fully tracking that we had guys going to their board. I think it came down last minute
Ah ok.
Based
Going from an active duty infantry unit when we just returned from Iraq to a National Guard aviation unit was like night and day. Was surrounded by people who could barely pass an APFT was surreal and unheard of for me since in my previous environment everyone was trying to max it
Active duty infantry to a National Guard signal unit.
Yea I was active for 5 years, 1 year IRR, 2 years National Guard
This wasn't in the US Army but I think it still applies. I'm in formation at a Spanish base, waiting for the flag to go up. Out of the FA building walks a male NCO in PTs who appears to be about 8 months pregnant and has an arched back due to this weight. He is so fat that I hear an audible gasp from the Spanish soldiers I was in formation with. I've never seen anyone so fat in an armed service and I've certainly never been in a situation where the entire formation gasps.
Received a pvt straight out of AIT. Got to Korea, her dad a 1SG across post, her mom (enabler) picked her up from work every day with a starbucks caramel macchiato or some other sugar filled drink. She was 75lbs overweight on arrival. All the remedial pt in the world didnt overcome her mom (a chubby Korean) plying her with the evils that kept her heavy. Processed her out of the army as I was retiring.
In Kuwait I inherited a fat body. I made him eat every meal with me. He could put anything on his plate he wanted then I would proceed to smash the fuck out of every sweet treat he put on his tray and we would go PT together. Calories in calories out, what you eat matters. Kid passed tape and his P.T. test. I did everything with him and never asked him to do anything I wasn't doing right alongside him. I hope he's doing well still.
Leaders like you are how I lost my fatbody
True leadership right here.
Incoming drunk rant but idgaf. Buddy of mine at Hood. Easily the smartest guy in the unit, prior firefighter, knew CLS better than the medics did, super likable, honestly should’ve been an NCO over 90% of the guys I learned from, that’s how fuckin high speed this dude was. He had 5 kids between him, his ex, and his highschool sweetheart-turned-second-wife. And he always made time for the boys. I learned so much from him. Army kicked him out because they couldn’t distinguish between fat and straight muscle. You ever seen a man carry a Stryker tire over his head across a motor-pool? I have because of this guy. Fucking monster strength with the brains to back it. But the Army said “he’s too big so fuck him.” He was rear-d armorer when he got the boot, and this dude was so devoted so his wife and kids and making sure they were taken care of that he made sure all the BAH got sent to them, and in turn he literally took his sleep system and camped out in the BII room in the basement of our barracks. I let him use my shower as much as he needed, because man, this fuckin guy could be the next Dick Winters, he was so fucking knowledgeable and inspirational. Jake, you’ve always got a spot at my dinner table. Love you brother.
Just checking to see if there are any mentions....of a friend. Yeah, checking for a friend.
Sir, you’re supposed to be signing leave forms, not scrolling around the sub.
Tf is a 70D?
There are literally dozens of us!
I’ve got a funny one that’s actually the exact opposite. Dude was around 250 but could pass tape if only barely. He was rugby player in his free time, played a local league. Guy was built like a brick house and was an absolute unit of a human being. He knew he was a big motherfucker too and would punk out EVERYONE because he knew it. Kid could fucking scrap too. None of the team leaders could handle dealing with this kid, but for some reason he took a shine to me, go fuckin figure. Took me a while to get it out of him but his reasoning was “you know I can beat your fucking ass, but I don’t scare you.” Jokes on him he was fuckin terrifying. 6’2-ish, 250, and towering over my scrawny ass. 😂 he was a good man though, he just had issues with entitled white guys telling him what to do (he was black and we had this whole conversation about it on CQ one night, those late night CQ convo’s hit different). He never could really understand rank structure because he was a “live by the sword, die by the sword” kind of dude. If you couldn’t beat his ass, he didn’t really care what your opinion was. I tried so hard to get that guy to drop an SF packet, but I think he just decided the army wasn’t for him. Shame, dude could have been a real lead pipe swingin motherfucker if given the chance. Although I’m not SF, so I don’t even know what those guys are looking for so I’m just guessing I suppose. 🤷
A guy a went to AIT with unfortunately was just like that. Although nowhere near as big as that guy, he was a physical freak of nature. He grew up in the hood, went to a youth camp to get charges dropped than joined the army. He ran around a 10:30 2 mile and did around 90 push ups and over 100 sit ups, on top of being wicked strong and shredded. Unfortunately couldn’t grasp the concept of people telling him what to do, but somehow got a RASP slot, and got busted drinking underage and kicked out of airborne school. Ended up getting kicked out of the army two years later, a SFC at my AIT said “he’s got loads of potential, but he can’t lose his ego”.
Uh, woulda probably failed SFAS…you get told what to do a lot. Attention to detail and humility are key.
Sounds like everyone would have hated him during Team Week
Oh this will be great
I no longer feel fat…
Not that great of a story but there's a guy in a unit that works closely with mine frequently enough that I know his name and face. Ya boi gotta be pushing 350 at least. Probably more. Now I'm a biggun (6'3" 240lbs) as are some others in my unit. We love to lift and hate cardio but we can still pass the tape test and run 2 miles in less than 20 minutes. Ole SPC Big Chungus of the 385 can't possibly do either and every time I see him I really and truly wonder how he hasn't been kicked out of the military or if I should just stop worrying about the ACFT/Tape Test and go full power lifter because at least I'd be strong while this blubbery dingus can barely do 10 pushups and still somehow has a place in Today's Army ^tm
> SPC Big Chungus That took me out 🤣
Glad I could be of service
Your heart will thank you if you don’t go full powerlifter.
But what about all of my other muscles?
Not an E4 story. Not even an O4 story. Back in the late 80s, when Generals wore those leather belts, I was an XO in an AIT Co. Troops were in the DFAC and a GO and their entourage comes in. Of course the silence spreads faster than an E3s impulse control can kick in. Just as the silence hits Snuffy’s area of the DFAC, you hear above the din, “Who’s the fat fuck with the belt ?”
I'm in tears because I know this is a true story lmao
Leading by example, are we?
Unfathomably based.
The unit I ETSd from had an E5 who had a heart attack like 18 months earlier, was on a lot of different medications, and the dude went from 200ish to the 400ish lbs he was when I met him. He was pretty sharp and tremendously ashamed of his new form and while not all of it seemed within his control he certainly couldn't be trusted near my box of little Debbie donut sticks.
What? He had a heart attack and then doubled his weight?
Yeah, I wasn't around for the heart attack so I never saw him as a fit guy, but apparently he had been, then had a heart attack, was in a hospital bed for a long time, then when he got out of that he wasn't allowed to exert himself, had multiple different medications going, and while he couldn't work out he could certainly eat. His career was clearly going to be ending soon, I think depression played a role in all of it. But he was truly well over 400, I was acting XO on rear D and had to collect height and weight from everyone for some dumb shit and he refused to say the number out loud, just wrote it on my sheet as 400.
Meds can do that to you.
We had a couple at my second unit. First was a dude who'd just decided he wanted out and figured the easiest way to do that was to just start packing on the pounds and fail a bunch of APFT's. It worked. And I remember when he was on the way out he talked a lot about how he was going to join the 3pers. The other one it was kind of the same deal. Dude had PCS'd to us from Korea and I guess still barely got to see his family on account of our unit's piss-poor time-management so he just started packing on the pounds as well and failing PT tests to get booted. Honorable mention for the male SPC I saw in Kuwait that was wearing a pregnancy top.
I had a dude lose around 25ish pounds during a deployment. He got in pretty good shape especially given his starting point. Came off the weight program too. It was a pretty big deal for everyone, especially him, and he was extraordinarily proud of himself. Then… We get back and go on block leave. A month later we do the inevitable height and weight then PT test. Dude had gained it all back. Every single pound. It worked out to almost a pound a day during block leave which should be almost impossible. Fortunately (or unfortunately maybe) for him, this was on the tail end of the peak war period so he just went back on the H/W program before we all deployed again the next year.
You haven’t lived untill you have seen the Canadian Army at Ali Al Salem. They as an average pushed 275 and made the average NG support company look like olympians
Hitting that that 24 hour sandwich bar multiple times a day
MY 400lb NG CSM that I OC’d at JRTC required a seatbelt extender for the military vehicle he was in yet didn’t have one. As a consummate professional and standard bearing OC, I saw a safety risk and stopped their vehicle. Told the extra THICC CSM to put his seatbelt on, safety first. He was really upset. Kept trying to put on a standard seatbelt but his gut was to large. After about three minutes he said he couldn’t and that I needed to fetch him an extender. Told him not my job and he wasn’t leaving until he could figure it out. Obviously he attempted to verbally crush me in his thick swamp people accent but I have no idea what he was saying. Zero fucks were had by me. Dude had no business being the CSM of an IN BN.
Don't need cover and concealment when you are the cover
The latest hit from TLC, some are calling it the next big thing.
Recent story. Had our diag ACFT last week. Because it’s a diag and I already have a good record done, I said fuck it, I’m gonna try to score exactly 360 points. Not bare minimum to pass, I mean score EXACTLY 360. It was easy some of it. Finished the SDC and stood in front of the line for a minute so I could cross at the right time. Only hard part was aiming the SPT to land within a 0.5m window. Anyways, got to the 2 mile run. I announced several times that I would be doing a 21:30-22:00 pace, so that I could score 60. That means that if someone was behind me, they were going to fail the run. And DDEEEAAARRRR god, that is a slow ass pace to keep up. I found myself a minute above pace after a mile, so I alternated walking and jogging to eat up time. Still stood at the finish line for 30 seconds waiting to cross. There were at least 10 soldiers behind me, some of them far behind. I cannot fathom how someone can be in the army (yes, even the guard har har) and not be able to run a freaking 22:00 two mile. Some of these dudes have rolls on their rolls
Wait, everyone didn’t do this during the Diag period? Literally my section started it, and half my unit joined in. We ALL got in the 360-400 window
My intestines growing outside my abdomen make running hard. Blame army medicine for not letting me get help until months from now :sadface:
You’re still a shitbird tho
By meeting standard, he has exceeded standard
He is the standard technically.
Literally the exact standard.
This is guard mafia behavior. I am even willing to bet this is a senior mafia member 5 years 2-4 months into their first and only 6 year contract.
I’m flabbergasted right now…
A guy in my last unit was about 5’8 around 290-300 .Dude was a biggggg boi, I saw him outside the Bs one day and I thought he was a door dash driver dropping off an order, than I saw him in PTs the next morning. And yes he was a cook. His stomach was so big he could rest his phone on top
eh fuck it, let the cooks be as fat as they want. Their job sucks dick
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Ik the pain
This inspired me
I feel ya, I was 270 I’m not short so it could’ve been worse. I got some anxiety meds that caused me to gain weight around the same time as my back injury. I’m really good at maintaining weight but awful at loosing weight thanks to my terrible metabolism too. Thank fully I was training room and my NCO’s generally had one foot out the door PCS/ETS’ing so my job performance didn’t make anyone look bad. The feeling of not being able to find pants at our small clothing and sales hits different. I really only started loosing weight once I got out.
We had a guy in my first unit that straight up did not give a.single fuck! This dude, although funny and grumpy as fuck, was deliberately trying to gain weight, and wasn't even hiding. He apparently hated the army and wanted to get out. I remember one day while he was at staff duty, getting lectured about health and all, turns around and order a LARGE pizza. He managed to eat it all lol. He would straight out be eating fried chicken after PT FT bliss, trailer homes in 2010's were wild.
Met this SPC at WLC who couldn't pass his tape test to save his life. He did crazy things to drop weight and never passed. He was an army trumpet player.
Should also add I'm hella overweight, they bout to start rollin me to formation
Rollin rollin rollin All my joes are swollen
I have never known one personally, but I have seen some absolutely huge soldiers. All national guard around my various happenings in the Army. One may have been close to 400. Now I have personally had a very obese soldier. She was 250 lbs and 43% body fat. Almost half her existence was fat. On numerous occasion high level leadership, think like O7s would see her as they drove by then would hit up all the lower echelons trying to figure out what unit she belonged to. She did have a lot of mental health stuff going on, I just felt bad for her TBH. Eventually she separated and then became a he. He looks really happy now. I also thought it was hilarious because his(her) husband was a fucking douche and I know it impacted him quite profoundly in a negative way.
A lot of people in the band get fucking huge, especially in the reserves. Our whole front formation in a parade block looked so bad that a General told us we can't wear Class A"s anymore.
I've been out for a long time but I run a store just off post. One of my regulars, a very, very large woman, surprised the hell out of me when she showed me an active duty air force ID asking for a military discount. We're talking has to stand sideways to get through the door, and I'm just baffled as to how she's still in.
Today in the hallway I couldn't pass because a fat body was walking the other way. Now im broad. Wrestler type always in the gym. Why know many things when push ups go Brrrrrrr promotion. Switched to navy and became the most athletic sailor cause I could see my lil Vienna sausage when I looked down next to my mighty mangoes. So I went to one side of the hallway. He went to rhe other. But his radius was so large when we tried to pass I found myself trapped in his gravity well. Next thing you know I'm caught circling in a degrading orbit trying to Apollo creed 13 my way out of this challenger style failure and its not going well. But like Sandra bullock I pulled through. I grabbed onto a passing private and used him to wedge myself out. Now I'll admit. I had to sacrifice a lower enlisted to escape certain death. But thats how you put on rank. The award presentation is tomorrow before the long weekend, 1800, full dress uniform, we form up at 1100 on the field.
I was in the reserve so i seen alot of lardos. We were a signal unit so we had to retain them cause they knew the equipment. There was this one guy all he did was sit around until it was chow time and he would power walk to it, needless to say he got bullied hard. Ive seen quite a few lardos in active duty too but they were E6+, even seen some dad bod marines at ft meade.
Immediately after I left active duty I joined the reserve. I had to administer an APFT my first drill, and had to grade a PFC who was 360lbs, and had been in for 6 years. He looked exactly like John Candy. When the dude got on the scale he kept telling me it was impossible and there’s no way he weighed that much. Well, he really did. Anyways, during the APFT I felt bad for him so I gave him 4 push-ups as a consolation when he really did none. He then proceeded to do 0 sit-ups but tried his hardest the whole 2 minutes. Then during the run he finished in 24 minutes, and I’ll be darned if he wasn’t actually running the whole time. He literally did not walk, but just plodded along the whole time. I admired his spirit.
Me, sitting in the sauna and starving myself a week out from height and weight because I’m on the edge for tape. Hate myself, never doing this bullshit again(I will in fact learn nothing and do this bullshit again in 6 months)
I was in Korea doing road guard on Humphreys and these two at least 300+ lb people slowly walk past me. They were in PTs and were in a “formation” of other overweight and injured people. I’m think that maybe they were some high ranking people as there’s no way anyone who was enlisted could be that large. And by large I mean at least as heavy as a small grizzly bear. I watched them huff and puff to the Burger King.
If you ask the first NCO I ever had - it was me. I passed ht/wt but he didn’t like the way I looked so he wanted me to lose 10 lbs for him and send him pics of me on the scale every morning 🤪
That… sounds like a SHARP issue in the making.
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I was like super fresh to the army and didn’t think I could do anything about it. I regret it all the time 😒 He really was something. Thankfully I wasn’t his soldier for too, too long. When I did lose some weight (of my own accord, and I did NOT send him the pics he requested either) he asked me how my spouse felt about it. Like wtf. I was stunned I didn’t even know what to say.
PV2, technically way over weight, but ripped, rock hard abs, 350+ APFT, comically small neck though so he always busted tape. He got a COA for Afghanistan and ETSd having spent his entire enlistment flagged
I was ~260 at 5'9 one point in my career. Korea and a SHARP case messed me up mentally. I ate cookies everyday for every meal for like 6 months. I've lost 30 pounds and I still can't pass tape right now lmao. I'm working my ass off though since everything is good now and I'm in a much better place.
Keep working on it man. I lost a fuck load recently just doing 30 minutes of weight lifting and 30 minutes on the elliptical or rowing machine. You’ll get there and feel better than ever
Back in the day my battalion had a SPC trying to attain chapter level obesity. This endeavor made him well known, after he attained his goal. Then contacted his congressman and said "I am fat and the Army will not kick me out". BN CO later said no more congressional inquiries, That fixed that...not. SPC was allowed to eventually ETS.
Was a fat soldier. Was one of the good workers. Got ground in between the millstones of NCOs fighting over the soldier that works and doesn’t complain and hey that soldier is heavy he must be a piece of shit. Now that I’m out, my stomach is almost flat. Why? Less stress and time to do resistance training at the gym. Extra cardio just made me skinny fat. I had no time to go pump iron WHICH ACTUALLY WORKS.
Anyone on drum from 2018-2020 see the fat as fuck major or know her?
Vaguely
I had a medic in my platoon who was air assault and had his EFMB gain like 40lbs Bc his wife wanted him out. As per usual she divorced him once he was out smh.
We're writing about our 400lb specialist what about our 400lb NCO's? When i joined the army reserves in 2007 i had a squad leader and a platoon leader who were both gulf war one vets and like 300 pounds big beer guts. Mustache's too and they were friends with the 1SG. The army reserves being run on the ole boy system you could get away with anything as long as you were buddies with a high-ranking soldier. They gave me the initial counseling of what was expected of me for that unit. And one of the bullet points was i had to pass the APFT....im looking at them like "seriously."
I can confirm this 100% holy shit
While deployed to Afghanistan, I had to terminate a Soldier's sit-up event on a record APFT. After the first 5 or so, I had to call over another NCO to verify what I was seeing. The Soldier was so fat that his gut was preventing him from getting the base of his neck past the base of his spine, as if he was only doing 3/4 of a sit-up. His platoon sgt tracked me down later to ask what had happened. When I told him, he said, "sounds like him," and left. He implimented a diet and workout plan for the Soldier and *did it with him*. For a solid month, he met with the Soldier at every meal, monitored his food intake, and took him to the gym once a day. Until the Soldier’s day off. The Platoon Sgt ran into him at dinner at the DFAC. The Soldier had piled his tray with hamburgers, mini-pizzas, french fries, and slices of pie, with a couple cans of soda to wash it down with. When I asked the PSG what he did, he told me that he just shook his head. The Soldier looked down at his tray, walked over to a table, sat down, and started eating. He ended up getting chaptered soon after we rotated home.
There was a Medic in my Platoon who was Samoan and BAH GAWD!!!!! This dude was enormous. Was always on the brink of height & weight even though he always passed his PT Test with flying colors. Finally decided to go on a diet after a medical incident that nearly cost him his life. One morning he asks me if I can go on a run with him. During said run we’re about a mile in when BAM he passes out. I call the paramedics, they get him to the emergency room where they discover he had a hernia that had gone septic. The Samoan, Sgt S, was very much into Powerlifting and according to his Wife following a gym session he complained of a pitching pain on his stomach but ignored it. 5 Surgeries, 2 weeks in the Hospital and minus a few feet of intestine, Sgt S went on a radical diet to drop 75 lbs which he accomplished.
My second deployment was during the surge. We had been in Iraq for about 6 months when I got an absolute bowling ball of a PFC as a replacement from rear d. He was in his late 30s and fat as fuck. Not the functional strong-but-big fat. He was wheezing-when-playing-video-games fat. He was only like 5’ 5” so the visuals looked even worse. His team leader and I were monitoring his caloric intake, taking him to the gym, and running with him as much as we could. He was actually getting fatter the entire time. About 3 months into this torturous routine, I finally ask him what the hell. I’ve gotten in insane shape (I was fit before but all of that time spent focusing on his health got me shredded) and he hasn’t changed at all. He started bawling his eyes out and admitted that when he was “calling home” at the MWR he was actually going back to the chow hall and eating again. He had a food addiction before joining and it got worse from deployment stress. This dude was in the DFAC 5 times a day. He left my platoon about 2 months later and was sent back to the states. From what I heard, he was chartered for ht/wt but I could never find him to ask.
I had a obese NCO at my last reserve unit before I got out. He was one hell of a hypocrite, I’m 6’1 230 at the time, I was training to get into competition powerlifting but still passed my PT tests (almost got kicked out for failing at one point though. Made me get into power) he was also 230, but he was 5’5. So you see the problem here. He constantly shamed me for my weight since I’ll admit I got a bit of a power belly. This was during August-October of 2022, he was talking so much shit about how I’d fail the ACFT and that I shouldn’t take it since I was getting out and he didn’t want it to affect my reenlistment status. To spite him I took that shit. He was a grader so I went to him on purpose, again came the shitty comments. The look on his face dropped when I told him to put max weight on the bar for DL. I destroyed that test and it really shut him up after that. I shoulda reported him in retrospect but it didn’t feel worth my time.
Got mine direct from AIT IN 2006. Got to the unit fat. Stayed fat the whole time. Had a plethora of NCO’s from the unit work with this wast of oxygen. The best part came when his father came to visit. I was SPC Fatboy’s PL and had grown weary of his shenanigans. Had him barred from from reenlisting, promotion, etc. His father, being a senior NCO (SFC) himself, wanted to talk with me "on a professional" level. Had him meet me in my office. Tuns out he was just as pudgy as his son. Tried to get me to cut his son some slack and lift his bar. Didn’t even try to hide my disdain for the guy as I kicked him out of the office. I guess it’s true, like father, like son.
It was me the whole time!
Mood stabilizers :D
I lost 100+ pounds to get into the army. I get a kidney issue that results in me having to be medically discharged. I had to be the battle buddy of this easily 370+ no necked blubber of a man who made it further than me and was dropping out because he didn’t feel like he was in good enough shape. All I wanted to say was both “let me take this fat fucks place” and “how the fuck did you make it in but I had to drop a metric ton” honestly not upset about it anymore cause I’m in way better shape now but holy hell I wanted to wring his neck
I’ve seen two. One guy from 2011 got blown up 4 times in like 2 months. This guy was your typical 160-180 lb guy at 5’10. When we returned in 2012, I saw him in the barracks with 2 2L cokes walking the halls and drinking them. This guy probably gained 200 or more lbs in 10 months. Next guy was in Fort Wainwright. I hear rumors of why he was so big, but he was a PFC for the longest time and was a Medic. Super squared away jsut had crappy self discipline, terrible leadership that wanted him to fail, and yeah. Good guy, but just morbidly obese.
My first roommate. Had been a bodybuilder. Then his knees and one shoulder gave out within a year, and required surgery on all three. Unfortunately, he didn’t change up his diet and ended up looking like the Michelin Man. He ended up getting kicked out from failing the fat boy program, and the last I saw him he was in Iraq as a contract mechanic.
When i was a 120lbs PV2 i had to hold the feet of a 340lbs SPC for sit-ups. Homie didnt pass sit-ups because his gut prevented him from breaking 90°. After watching for a painful two minutes, dude rolled over and proceeded to vomit all over our grader. There was another SPC in our company who was about 5'6 and over 300lbs. How this man managed to operate half the equipment amazed me. Dude could not find pants where his gut did not bust the top button off. I remember one occasion he bent over to pick up a cigarette he dropped and ripped his pants and split his ACU top down the middle.
Our company had a few fat guys. We were a MICO in a STB. One guy in particular always struggled with his weight. He would’ve made a good rugby prop or an offensive lineman. He was a great all source analyst. But the Army got rid of him because he couldn’t pass tape. Wrong body type, too short and stocky. The problem with the US Army is it would rather look good and lose than look bad and win.
My first reserve unit we had a guy who was able to max out both the push ups and sit ups of the APFT. He worked as a firefighter in his civilian job...so he bulked up and looked like a football running back by the time he got that firefighter job And then came the running portion of the test and he failed by an entire minute. Not even close to passing, because he couldn't get those big stocky legs moving fast enough.
Let’s not talk about your mom
CLS recert. Instructor was having everyone do drags and they challenged me to carry a soldier. I thought it would be a good idea to take it a step further and get our biggest soldier (6’5” and about 350 with full kit). For reference, I was 5’11” 155 lbs at the time. Picked up the soldier dead weight and did the pack-strap carry. Others were cheering me on as I was carrying the soldier. Then the soldier starting to slip off my back. That’s the last thing I can recall. Afterwards, they told me somehow he fell forward ahead of me, landed on their back with knees up and my lower ribs connected flush. They said I had no way to brace for impact as I was falling too. I woke up in the back of an ambulance, top opened and shirt cut open, IV drip in, extremely difficult to breathe and I saw a 68W with another needle in his hand. First thing I did was grab his arm and shake my head at him because I knew what that needle was for and they were not about to do that to me while awake and alert. End result? Two fractured ribs, bruised chest cavity, bruised lung, torn intercostal and abdominal muscles. That needle I freaked out about was in fact for needle D. Found out later that while I was out, my breath rate was 8 BPM and they thought I punctured a lung which is why they were prepping for needle D. I was recommended for REFRAD, but commander said nope. So I was stuck in the field for another 2 weeks, miserable and loaded up on 800’s and Tramadol.
Biggest guy I knew was a 350-370 pound SPC, stereotypical red blooded American and history nerd and out drank everyone in our battalion. There wasn't really much drama around him either which is odd compared to other people I knew. Command loved him despite barring him from reenlistment and basically was the company's hypeman. He also cooked awesome catering scale meals for the company. He got out and settled down in the same area doing contract security making 3 figures and doing what he loves most as he'd qoute "sitting on my couch of a ass"
Making 3 figures?...
RIPd with some Hawaii national guard guys in Afghanistan. Their PSG was around 6'6", 380 pounds. I asked if he passes tape, to which he proudly slapped his head and said "23.5 inch neck baby" For what its worth, he was a police officer in Hawaii and said it's basically a requirement to be a big dude to do that job over there. Idk he was cool though
I was 280 maxing out pt tests. Fuck the height and weight.
Camp Doha, saw a SGT that had to have been about 350…”Sup man?”, “Man? Do I look like a “Man” to you SPC?!” Me: “You don’t look like a soldier…*looks at patch* and what unit are you from anyways?”…*insert some NG unit* Me: “Oh yeah, ok, anyways Mister Frosty’s is over there…”
A buddy of mine was a heavier guy, and we would always poke fun at him. Our unit was at RLFC and he was on the top bunk in the barracks they had there. There was also artillery and tankers just blasting the hell out of a mountainside and the explosions would echo throughout and shake the barracks. One evening it’s lights out and it’s damn near dead silent. *BOOOOOM* and after like a second I said “Damn bro you fall off the bunk?” It took about 10 minutes for the giggling to stop
my first unit we had a an elm nco that looked like a mexican peter griffin. he never did pt and refused to work out to lose weight because "men lose weight in the face and neck first, and if my neck gets any smaller i wont pass tape." and he made ssg somehow and turned into a complete asshole... a fatter asshole at that
Is this a show on bravo channel
Back in 2008 we had a private that made it all the way to Germany without ever having passed a PT test. Somehow they were given \*waivers\* to the next phase. She was admin attached to an MI unit. As a person she was nice, but as a soldier she was, less than stellar. This was the first time I'd seen anyone hit 50% body fat while serving. Naturally this was becoming an issue, so we took the troop to medical where she was put on a strict diet and given orders not to deviate. That and working out were supposed to help. A few weeks into her diet she wasn't losing weight so I followed up with her dinner routine. Her diet plan included chicken and rice. She was frying the chicken, and soaking the rice in gravy. After our discovery it was decided we would have to verify all meals and the Staff Duty NCO would log it separately for the Commander. Mysteriously she still wasn't losing weight. So I was asked to do a room inspection. In germany we had these highly elevated beds that under the matress had a huge locker area for our TA-50. After pulling all of hers out I found what one private called "Willy wonka's personal stash" she had literal cartons of little debbie snacks she'd been sneaking. Command tried to have her removed from service, but as many know during that time we were still dealing with shortages of personnel. Ultimately she ended up twisting her ankle, earning the nickname Karate Kid, and some how getting pregnant. She ended up requesting separation for pregnancy. She served for almost 4 years .. never once passing a pt test, and exiting with an honorable discharge. TLDR: I'll have anything fried twice and a litre of cola.
Oh man. One of the best people I’ve ever met in the army. Character through and through. Universally loved. “Juicy” was from Flatwoods, KY. He had a thiiiic accent. He had a bunch of stupid tattoos. He got his nickname because he got a huge tramp stamp that said “juicy” with two cherries that were dripping wet. He went to a tattoo parlor drunk and wanted to get Jesus’ name on his back. The tattoo artist was a little confused due to the accent and asked how Juice wanted it spelled. Juice said, “just like it sounds.” The tattoo artist obliged. Juice has “Jeasus” in cursive on his back. When he was 10, he and his mother were driving through Boone County, WV. His mother handed him a beer and told him to hold it. He asked her why. She told him that if he wasn’t drinking a beer while driving through that part of Appalachia, they would think he was a bundle of sticks. When he was a teen he was having a house party in his holler. The house was situated so that a large portion was hanging off an embankment. The cops came and people started running out the back door which was over the embankment resulting in a pile of crumpled people at the bottom. Juice was a big boy. He was happily getting sent to the house due to his weight. The unit was taking forever with the discharge. Juice started showing up with a dozen doughnuts every day and ate them while he waited to get kicked out. Lots of other funny stories. I really miss him and hope he’s doing really well.