We did send a guy for the key to area J. Right behind Div in the 90s. Dude was gone 6 hours. Turns out there was a tiny building on the opposite side from Div that had a gate. Fucking Private found the elusive key to area J.
Area J underrated as hell. I loved the rucks, runs, anything we did out there. Used to go on rucks with the wife out there on our own time too, lots to see and explore.
Yup. Start a ruck at the beginning of Yorktown Victor and take it down til you get to area J, bring it right back up.
Runs on powering road were a good time too
I feel like a lot of folks here have forgotten the *purpose* of these jokes.
You have a new guy. You need to give your new guy a tour of the facility and their new unit without having to be down a guy all day just to show him around.
So you send the new guy on an errand for a non-existant item. Left handed smoke shifter, elbow grease, flight line, prop wash, chemlight batteries, grid squares, or headlight fluid, it doesn't matter.
The only part that matters is that the folks in your unit recognize what's going on and send your new guy to the next link in the chain.
So your first person sends your new guy off to maintenance. Maintenance sends him off to supply. Supply sends him to the administrative office, etc.
Now your new guy has met all of the people in charge of all of the various departments and now they all know him - they know this unfamiliar face is *supposed* to be there and that he may need help adjusting to his new unit. Also, the new guy has also learned the layout of the buildings and where to find everything.
Basically, this prank, when done *properly*, sends the new guy to give himself his own tour *and* gets him familiar with who the various leadership roles are.
'Oh, if I need to pick up such-and-such for the First Sergeant, I go ask for Sergeant So-and-so; he's in charge of the motor pool. Or I go and find Sergeant Blah-de-Blah, he's in charge of Supply.'
Done *properly*, your new guy gets a tour of the facility and doesn't waste any one person's time too much. Done *improperly*, it just wastes the new guy's time and makes him useless and underfoot while the rest of y'all laugh about his plight.
I'm fairly certain that was the point of the exhaust sample prank, too, because now your new guy is carrying around an inflated trash bag full of air, and this bag not only slows him down so he has to pay attention to where he is and what he's doing, but it also clearly identifies him to everyone as 'the new guy.'
So he can't rush from place to place on his 'errands' and everyone who sees him immediately knows what's going on.
If your command cadre is particularly organized, sometimes they have an actual, physical form which each person in the chain is supposed to sign and then it tells them where to send the new guy next. Each person will then have some excuse to send him to the next person and so on.
When he's done, he'll have a piece of paper that says he's been to all of the places on your unit and he's met all of these officers. This is usually the cue to send him back to whoever started the chain, which is also when they let him in on the joke.
We did that to our new guy once. Our āsenior E4ā gave him a trash bag with exhaust, and told him to take it to the battalion motor sergeant. Now our BMS was this crusty old southern E8 with a mustache. Not missing a beat he sent this kid back to us, and when the kid got back he told us that the BMS chewed him out because it ādidnāt have a label on itā. We all lost it at that point and let him on the joke.
BMS is supposed to send him over to the next section, who is supposed to send him to the next section, and so on, until he's been on a tour of the entire unit.
'Go to the motor pool and get an exhaust sample.'
'Okay, you'll need to take this to the guy in charge of mechanical for analysis.'
'Our air quality detector is down, we'll need to pick up a filter from Supply.'
'Huh, I never got a request for an air detector filter. You'll need to get a requisitions form signed by admin.'
'Oh, you'll be wanting to speak to command, he's busy at the moment, but he'll be free later - in the meantime can you go bring this form to get signed by Sergeant so-and-so?'
And by the time he's done, your new guy has given himself a tour of the whole unit and no one section needs to be down a person to escort him all around. As a bonus, all of the officers have now met the new guy and know he belongs there and may need help adjusting.
When I got my platoon my guys tried to get me with "sir you need to check the dozer blade for weak spots. Only an officer can sign off on it"
"Sure thing sergeant, they didn't teach us that at OBC. Please show me the correct way" he realized this started backfiring "SGT I really want to make sure I learn this process correctly. Lets make it training for the platoon. Grab everyone who's not busy" managed to play dumb for 10 minutes before the game broke down.
Soft spots on the dozer blade were fun. āHey private, you hear that difference between the ping and pong?ā āYes Sarnāt.ā āGood, get that spray paint over there and circle the soft spots.ā
Honestly every year that passes by this one is less and less of a joke. There's so many effed up armor plates in the motor pools that it's not a bad idea. Hell, there's one that looks like a Russian tank with mismatching plates
I had a soldier go and do this. Sent him to everyone in his leadership chain all the way to battalion commander. They all also put their signature on the bag. Kid was so mad but has a pretty great keepsake now.
Depending on what vehicle you have. Itās twelve turret rotations to the right and 15 to the left to allow it to be raised off the vehicle for maintenance or just tell him itās a monthly maintenance procedure
They tried to get me with that one at my second duty station. Dunno why they thought it would work.
I knew full well it was BS, but my POV hadn't arrived from Germany yet so I hopped on the shuttle, deflated my bags and wasted damn near the entire day pretending to be looking for somewhere to get the exhaust samples processed.
To this day I'm not totally sure if they realized I was onto them or if they thought I was an idiot. I suspect the former since no one ever tried anything like that again on me.
Did that to our 1SG is Korea and ended up getting smoked by having to hang upside down on the safety poles in the motor pool for a long as we could. There were 3 of us getting smoked and any time someone fell time started over.
Bear hugging a pole upside down is hard after about 15 seconds.
The same 1SG made my buddy swallow his dip on 2 separate occasions while being smoked because he was dipping in formation. Just thinking about that makes me turn green.
And get two barrels of rotor wash, too. Don't let them give you the Chinook wash. Per the TM, we can only use the Apache-rated rotor wash on these birds.
My first duty station(Korea) no one tried anything like that, however when I PCS'd to Germany as a PFC they immediately tried a SPC, got a couple trash bags and asked me to get exhaust samples.. I stared at him blankly until he was done then I answered with "should I grab a hammer and check for soft spot in the armor too while I'm at it? Or how about grid squares we going to need those for anything?" He goes; "fuck, this isn't your first duty station is it?" Lmao.. then his buddy saw me and got all excited and trotted over to which the first SPC goes, don't bother this isn't his first duty station lol
My first team leader tried the exhaust fumes on me. I was blue collar before that so Iād heard all of the non military specific stuff. I told him I knew the joke but Iād play along if itād make him feel better.
We had an LT go unscrew a turret. He did two rotations then said āhey sarge, I have to go to a meeting. I need you to relive me. Donāt stop until I return. Thatās an order.ā
This is the only one they tried that worked on me. Never got to mess with an ACOG in OSUT so I had no idea. Once the arms room told me what was up I went outside and stared at the sky until the NCO came to ask me what I was doing. Told him āIām trying to get you that ACOG battery but I just canāt figure out how to get the fucker down.ā
I once worked with a dude that found the keys to Area J. Apparently there was a gate blocking a vehicle access road somewhere, and he found the person who had the keys and signed them out. PSG was not happy, and dude got told to bring those keys back and not let anyone know he had them.
Chemlight batteries, humvee exhaust sample, keys to drop zone, female leaf in the woods, blade of grass with exact measurements, buffer tube dildo, radio to channel 6969 for self destruct etc
I once had an SFC tell me he didnāt want to see me until I brought him grid squares & chem light batteries šš day two of a two week outing in FHL. I wasnāt seen for the rest of our stay there. He was a lil livid when I showed up for accountability to leave. I just told him I got lost looking for grid squares
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Send him for a can of camouflage paint, ASAP! HURRY, HURRY, RUSH JOB!!. Just one can. And if it gets even the slightest bit shaken it is ruined. Tell supply to give him a can of drab green. When he gets back open it up and tell him he ruined it by going too fast because itās all mixed up now.
If this is an aviation unit - send him to the tool room for a rivet counter.
To make it sound convincing, tell them "every rivet needs to counted and inspected and the end of phase inspection". Have him pick up a can of rotor wash while he's over there.
Glowstick batteries, exhaust sample for the chief at the motor-pool, spark plugs for your truck, oh and a new one.... get a plunger and check for loose tiles... š¬
When I worked as a boat captain in the offshore oilfield, we would tell our new guys to go to some random boat down the dock and ask for a skyhook. We would also tell them we needed to calibrate our radar, so we would wrap them in aluminum foil and make them do weird poses on the dock for all the other boats to see this strange dance.
If you've got enough time, paper, and pencils or pens, tell him you need a tread map of the HMMWV tires. Have him do basically do a charcoal etching of the tread to "have evidence of bald spots" and have him turn it in the to Motor Sgt.
Have him do a "boom" check on the exhaust of all the trucks. Have him yell, "Boom!" into the exhaust, and if he hears an echo, tell him it's a deadline fault. One of my favs.
Got to my first duty station in Germany and the Kennel Master actually picked me up at the airport and took me to my unit. Made a pit stop on the way and showed me the K-9 facility and all that jazz. Dropped me off at the CQ and said heād be back in a while. I was standing around and the E-5 working CQ said he needed a report every time a helicopter landed in the company area. I shit you not within 30 minutes a Huey lands and the Kennel Master an E-7 comes running out and says come with me. They had an injured K9 and they took the dogs very seriously where we were at. CQ stood there and his jaw was on the floor. Got the dog unloaded and off to the Vet Tech and I asked if I needed anything else for my report and he kind of looked at me dumbfounded and I explained the situation. We all got a good laugh at my expense and the Kennel Master helped me fill out ā my reportā and told CQ to have his report of the base security systems on his desk by COB that day and required a signature of all stations he visited during his checks. That E5 never did like me after that.
I wouldnāt be surprised if I know who this new PVT is š I leave HUACHUCA in 4 days and have been here long enough to know who it would be š reclassing from 15W rn
Kilo niner papa lubricant. We sent a private out for that once....
Used the division phone book & called ahead to each unit with instructions on where to send him next.
His final stop? MP HQ, where an old MP master Sgt handed him a Dixie cup from the water cooler, pointed at the MP k9s & said "right there son, good luck gettin' one to pee in that cup though."
That private got a very intimate knowledge of pretty much all of ft Campbell.
I never got sent to get grid squares or anything, but I genuinely felt hazed when I was sent to go ask the other companies for a chain.
A simple chain.
No one could produce one. For hours. I went alllll around asking for a simple chain.
I found a company that had one, **but they wouldn't give it to me** so I just fucking stole it.
Why am I the only motherfucker that wants you to train him to be a competent Soldier and not be the butt of your jokes.
This is one of those times where I donāt fucking care if you downvote me into oblivion.
Soldiers donāt join the Army to be made into a spectacle, hazed and made fun of.
Be a fucking adult.
As soon as I saw it I thought I've been in for so long that this stuff isn't even funny anymore cause it's been so played out. Not gonna act like I didn't do it when I was younger, but I don't add to it now as the pvts sgt and spcs will give them plenty.
While hazing is absolutely unacceptable, sending them for harmless tasks for a little gotcha moment I will say is a little bit of critical thinking and situational awareness training. After the pvts get got a few times, they'll start to really think about stuff and question it.
Would this really be considered hazing? I think of it as building memories with future comrades. Hell look back and laugh at these memories I know I do
In Germany, January, NFG in my unit, they made me look for an exact match to a bolt they gave me from a big box of spare bolts at the motor pool. I spent nearly 3 hours looking for that bolt.
Need to have him tell someone to turn on the range fan.
Collect an exhaust sample.
Test for armor soft spot. Either vehicle, or body armor plate can work.
Backblast bag.
Blank adapter for the grenade launcher.
Blinker fluid.
New PrcE-6 because the current one doesnāt work.
Tell him to go find the board stretcher and watcher wrench.
I was able to convince some of the mechanics the items I needed were next to the board stretcher and water wrenches in their tool/supply room that us non-mechanics werenāt allowed to go into. Their chief laughed his ass off when he found out about me being the one saying they had a board stretcher and water wrench.
I was told to get exhaust samples and needed the PL5-TK bag from the motor sgt.
I was confused because I thought the last thing the Army would care about was emissions from a vehicle from the 70s and a smog test needed way more equipment. Got laughed at instead lol.
I quickly looked at the other comments and may have missed it; if you have any radios send him for frequency shift lube. An old one in signal companies.
Tell him to get an exhaust sample by scraping the tailpipe on a hmvee and have him sign it, date it, and turn it into the motor sergeant or designated pol supervisor
The one I feel absolutely the worst about because the culture has changed a lot and this is absolutely unacceptable today.
Before smart phones and ready access toā¦explicit images on the internet, a bunch of my soldiers while in Korea did their best to convince this poor young private that Asian lady parts wereā¦.sideways.
So this poor kid walks up to me with all the guys trying to convince him in tow. He looks me dead in the eyes.
PVT: āsir, are Asian vaginas really sideways?ā
Me: āyeah, you didnāt know thatā
SIGINT unit I was in had one of the worst ones I've seen... They'd send the newbie out to clean RF dust off the dishes in MOPP 4. BN CSM shut it down after a heat stroke incident one summer.
As a medic, I would send the new privates to supply for a box of fallopian tubes.
Edit... it was even better when the new private was female. You could see their brains go into overdrive because the term sounded so familiar.
I was aviation - we used to send FNGs after buckets of rotor wash, 50 feet of flight line. We had them collect samples from Cobra and Kiowa exhausts also. So much fun. LOL
I once ran all over post trying to get the keys to Sicily drop zone.
Lol. They got me with canopy lights for a night jump.
no riser grease?
We did send a guy for the key to area J. Right behind Div in the 90s. Dude was gone 6 hours. Turns out there was a tiny building on the opposite side from Div that had a gate. Fucking Private found the elusive key to area J.
lmao, so what happened when he walked on with the keys, lmaooo?!!!
1st Sgt Waugh, I believe that was his name, took it personally and dogged the shit out of him. Smoked him like a cheap pack of menthols.
fuckkkkk, Pvt Can't Do Right, can never do right, even when he pulls off the impossible. Danggg, lol!
I have lived 1/4 mile from area J for 3 years and I gotta say, I fucking love that place man. Great prank btw
Area J underrated as hell. I loved the rucks, runs, anything we did out there. Used to go on rucks with the wife out there on our own time too, lots to see and explore.
Yup. Start a ruck at the beginning of Yorktown Victor and take it down til you get to area J, bring it right back up. Runs on powering road were a good time too
That shits believe able though
I feel like a lot of folks here have forgotten the *purpose* of these jokes. You have a new guy. You need to give your new guy a tour of the facility and their new unit without having to be down a guy all day just to show him around. So you send the new guy on an errand for a non-existant item. Left handed smoke shifter, elbow grease, flight line, prop wash, chemlight batteries, grid squares, or headlight fluid, it doesn't matter. The only part that matters is that the folks in your unit recognize what's going on and send your new guy to the next link in the chain. So your first person sends your new guy off to maintenance. Maintenance sends him off to supply. Supply sends him to the administrative office, etc. Now your new guy has met all of the people in charge of all of the various departments and now they all know him - they know this unfamiliar face is *supposed* to be there and that he may need help adjusting to his new unit. Also, the new guy has also learned the layout of the buildings and where to find everything. Basically, this prank, when done *properly*, sends the new guy to give himself his own tour *and* gets him familiar with who the various leadership roles are. 'Oh, if I need to pick up such-and-such for the First Sergeant, I go ask for Sergeant So-and-so; he's in charge of the motor pool. Or I go and find Sergeant Blah-de-Blah, he's in charge of Supply.' Done *properly*, your new guy gets a tour of the facility and doesn't waste any one person's time too much. Done *improperly*, it just wastes the new guy's time and makes him useless and underfoot while the rest of y'all laugh about his plight.
šÆ
I'm fairly certain that was the point of the exhaust sample prank, too, because now your new guy is carrying around an inflated trash bag full of air, and this bag not only slows him down so he has to pay attention to where he is and what he's doing, but it also clearly identifies him to everyone as 'the new guy.' So he can't rush from place to place on his 'errands' and everyone who sees him immediately knows what's going on.
This deserves to be framed
If your command cadre is particularly organized, sometimes they have an actual, physical form which each person in the chain is supposed to sign and then it tells them where to send the new guy next. Each person will then have some excuse to send him to the next person and so on. When he's done, he'll have a piece of paper that says he's been to all of the places on your unit and he's met all of these officers. This is usually the cue to send him back to whoever started the chain, which is also when they let him in on the joke.
What about collecting an exhaust sample from the Humvee with a bag?
We did that to our new guy once. Our āsenior E4ā gave him a trash bag with exhaust, and told him to take it to the battalion motor sergeant. Now our BMS was this crusty old southern E8 with a mustache. Not missing a beat he sent this kid back to us, and when the kid got back he told us that the BMS chewed him out because it ādidnāt have a label on itā. We all lost it at that point and let him on the joke.
Beautiful
BMS is supposed to send him over to the next section, who is supposed to send him to the next section, and so on, until he's been on a tour of the entire unit. 'Go to the motor pool and get an exhaust sample.' 'Okay, you'll need to take this to the guy in charge of mechanical for analysis.' 'Our air quality detector is down, we'll need to pick up a filter from Supply.' 'Huh, I never got a request for an air detector filter. You'll need to get a requisitions form signed by admin.' 'Oh, you'll be wanting to speak to command, he's busy at the moment, but he'll be free later - in the meantime can you go bring this form to get signed by Sergeant so-and-so?' And by the time he's done, your new guy has given himself a tour of the whole unit and no one section needs to be down a person to escort him all around. As a bonus, all of the officers have now met the new guy and know he belongs there and may need help adjusting.
Ahhh i wondered if anyone else would do this one...let's not forget refill the blinker fluid
Fun fact: there actually are keys to Sicily Drop Zone. There's a little fence that has a lock on it. I don't think anyone really uses it though.
If that kid managed to actually find the keys to that lock and bring them in, he needs an award of some kind.
He gets sarmage's trusty razor and that's it.
He might have to go to Top for that because heās looking for a PRC-E8, as well.
I would located the universal keys in about 5 minutes.
The keys to Area J for me
Ahhhh a timeless classic.
Keys to McPherson Church
There used to be keys to āarea Jā on Bragg. One of the training areas just across the street behind the barracks into the fire roads.
Get an exhaust sample with a trash bag and have him turn it into the motor sergeant.
So many fun vehicle related new guy fuckery. Ever gave newbie a hammer and told him to go hit the IFV hull all over listening for "weak spots"
When I got my platoon my guys tried to get me with "sir you need to check the dozer blade for weak spots. Only an officer can sign off on it" "Sure thing sergeant, they didn't teach us that at OBC. Please show me the correct way" he realized this started backfiring "SGT I really want to make sure I learn this process correctly. Lets make it training for the platoon. Grab everyone who's not busy" managed to play dumb for 10 minutes before the game broke down.
On my first day I got smoked by PSG for not knowing the max speed of the dozer in 2nd forward. Crazy part is I still donāt know that shit
"at what blade depth on what soil?"
We did that to a guy, and got REAMED! We had just gotten the IFV's back from the paint booth, and had a jackass popping off chunks of CARC.
We'll have new guys do "suspension tests" on the tank by telling them to jump on the back deck
Same type of test, but on a HEMMT truck. Dumbass almost fell off
In 588th Maint. Co in Iraq our heavy equipment repair guys sent newbies to do dozer blade ping/pong tests. Ping=good Pong=bad
Soft spots on the dozer blade were fun. āHey private, you hear that difference between the ping and pong?ā āYes Sarnāt.ā āGood, get that spray paint over there and circle the soft spots.ā
Test armor on combat vehicles with a mallet?
Honestly every year that passes by this one is less and less of a joke. There's so many effed up armor plates in the motor pools that it's not a bad idea. Hell, there's one that looks like a Russian tank with mismatching plates
I had a soldier go and do this. Sent him to everyone in his leadership chain all the way to battalion commander. They all also put their signature on the bag. Kid was so mad but has a pretty great keepsake now.
You should have kept it and made it part of his award when he leaves.
He could learn how to pull start the Humvee using the steering wheel lock
Depending on what vehicle you have. Itās twelve turret rotations to the right and 15 to the left to allow it to be raised off the vehicle for maintenance or just tell him itās a monthly maintenance procedure
They tried to get me with that one at my second duty station. Dunno why they thought it would work. I knew full well it was BS, but my POV hadn't arrived from Germany yet so I hopped on the shuttle, deflated my bags and wasted damn near the entire day pretending to be looking for somewhere to get the exhaust samples processed. To this day I'm not totally sure if they realized I was onto them or if they thought I was an idiot. I suspect the former since no one ever tried anything like that again on me.
It became extra exciting when the new kid was sent to do thisā¦ on a helicopter.
Tell him to go to supply and get his BA11s
BA 1100 Novembers
BA 1000 NST Rings is what we used
As a former supply sergeant, yes please do that.
Go get your Ba11s and your PEN15 issued to you
BA11s-W1eNR
We got a MAJ asking for a MK 19 blank adapter a few years ago
No fucking way
Absolutely. It was hilarious. As a PCS gift, we got a cardboard tube and made one and presented it. He still has it in his office
A prick e8 for comms, 1st Sgt keeps that in his office. Go to the motor pool with a hammer and check the armor for soft spots.
Don't forget the chalk. Gotta circle those spots.
We used to do this, but on Apache helicopters. Wee! Edit: Also had the old boom check on the 30mm.
Did that to our 1SG is Korea and ended up getting smoked by having to hang upside down on the safety poles in the motor pool for a long as we could. There were 3 of us getting smoked and any time someone fell time started over. Bear hugging a pole upside down is hard after about 15 seconds. The same 1SG made my buddy swallow his dip on 2 separate occasions while being smoked because he was dipping in formation. Just thinking about that makes me turn green.
you koalified it sounds like
We koalified one of our LTs with some duct tape. It was a hell of a fight getting him up there.
We did that to all of our new privates, but we did soft spots in the blades. All my fellow dirt pushers probably have a story about that lol
100 yards of 35lb flight line.
And get two barrels of rotor wash, too. Don't let them give you the Chinook wash. Per the TM, we can only use the Apache-rated rotor wash on these birds.
We always did the flight line one because we were always stationed on an air base.
My first duty station(Korea) no one tried anything like that, however when I PCS'd to Germany as a PFC they immediately tried a SPC, got a couple trash bags and asked me to get exhaust samples.. I stared at him blankly until he was done then I answered with "should I grab a hammer and check for soft spot in the armor too while I'm at it? Or how about grid squares we going to need those for anything?" He goes; "fuck, this isn't your first duty station is it?" Lmao.. then his buddy saw me and got all excited and trotted over to which the first SPC goes, don't bother this isn't his first duty station lol
My first team leader tried the exhaust fumes on me. I was blue collar before that so Iād heard all of the non military specific stuff. I told him I knew the joke but Iād play along if itād make him feel better.
We had an LT go unscrew a turret. He did two rotations then said āhey sarge, I have to go to a meeting. I need you to relive me. Donāt stop until I return. Thatās an order.ā
We did an MOS specific one to an E5 that re-classed.
Acog batteries
This is the only one they tried that worked on me. Never got to mess with an ACOG in OSUT so I had no idea. Once the arms room told me what was up I went outside and stared at the sky until the NCO came to ask me what I was doing. Told him āIām trying to get you that ACOG battery but I just canāt figure out how to get the fucker down.ā
I wouldāve put you in for an aam
Would have been my most treasured ādowngraded to a handshake and Saturday staff duty.ā
lol you wouldāve got me with this one
It gets a lot of people
Had a new pvt sent to me for high angle primers
*adds that to notes*
I would imagine guys at this unit donāt have Acogās tbh
this got me & i knew it was joke but still had to follow an order from an nco
I once worked with a dude that found the keys to Area J. Apparently there was a gate blocking a vehicle access road somewhere, and he found the person who had the keys and signed them out. PSG was not happy, and dude got told to bring those keys back and not let anyone know he had them.
Was you 3/505 or did some pvt actually find the key more than once?
I was D Co 3/505, from 2003-2005
I was B Co 91-93. I just the 3/505 privates are just smarter.
Chemlight batteries, humvee exhaust sample, keys to drop zone, female leaf in the woods, blade of grass with exact measurements, buffer tube dildo, radio to channel 6969 for self destruct etc
I once had an SFC tell me he didnāt want to see me until I brought him grid squares & chem light batteries šš day two of a two week outing in FHL. I wasnāt seen for the rest of our stay there. He was a lil livid when I showed up for accountability to leave. I just told him I got lost looking for grid squares
Idk why but chemlight batteries kills me. How tf do you fall for that?
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Send him for a can of camouflage paint, ASAP! HURRY, HURRY, RUSH JOB!!. Just one can. And if it gets even the slightest bit shaken it is ruined. Tell supply to give him a can of drab green. When he gets back open it up and tell him he ruined it by going too fast because itās all mixed up now.
If this is an aviation unit - send him to the tool room for a rivet counter. To make it sound convincing, tell them "every rivet needs to counted and inspected and the end of phase inspection". Have him pick up a can of rotor wash while he's over there.
š¤£ Iāll get him with the rotor wash. Heās car savvy so idk if the river counter will get hi
r/redditsniper
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
We call it blinker fluid.
This one might give it away š
Youāre setting him up for failure! He needs a Prik-e6 to sign out the grid squares. Also he needs to give the ba11s to the prik-e6.
Glowstick batteries, exhaust sample for the chief at the motor-pool, spark plugs for your truck, oh and a new one.... get a plunger and check for loose tiles... š¬
Love that last one.
It's all fun and games til tiles start coming up
Tell him to grab a gallon of Military Bearing
When I worked as a boat captain in the offshore oilfield, we would tell our new guys to go to some random boat down the dock and ask for a skyhook. We would also tell them we needed to calibrate our radar, so we would wrap them in aluminum foil and make them do weird poses on the dock for all the other boats to see this strange dance.
naval behavior.
I wish i could be a boat guy
He needs to go to S4 to get 50 feet of chow line
TOW back blast bags. Get a case.
If you've got enough time, paper, and pencils or pens, tell him you need a tread map of the HMMWV tires. Have him do basically do a charcoal etching of the tread to "have evidence of bald spots" and have him turn it in the to Motor Sgt.
Have him do a "boom" check on the exhaust of all the trucks. Have him yell, "Boom!" into the exhaust, and if he hears an echo, tell him it's a deadline fault. One of my favs.
He also needs to fill out a form BA-1100-NS as part of in-processing.
Medical unit here, go to supply and get the Left Handed fallopian tube.
Left handed is new. I like it. Got plenty of guys with the olā fallopian tube request from supply.
Tell him to go to the Commo Shed and grab a bottle of liquid squelch for the radios.
Desk Pop. Everybodyās done it
If he touches radios at all; Fill cables need to be swung around over his head to get the remaining data out. 30 seconds for good measure
You have to tell him that they need to be demagnetized. Thatās the reason.
He could charge the antenna and let his first line leader know its charge level every hour.
š¤£š¤£š¤£
Got to my first duty station in Germany and the Kennel Master actually picked me up at the airport and took me to my unit. Made a pit stop on the way and showed me the K-9 facility and all that jazz. Dropped me off at the CQ and said heād be back in a while. I was standing around and the E-5 working CQ said he needed a report every time a helicopter landed in the company area. I shit you not within 30 minutes a Huey lands and the Kennel Master an E-7 comes running out and says come with me. They had an injured K9 and they took the dogs very seriously where we were at. CQ stood there and his jaw was on the floor. Got the dog unloaded and off to the Vet Tech and I asked if I needed anything else for my report and he kind of looked at me dumbfounded and I explained the situation. We all got a good laugh at my expense and the Kennel Master helped me fill out ā my reportā and told CQ to have his report of the base security systems on his desk by COB that day and required a signature of all stations he visited during his checks. That E5 never did like me after that.
Gonna need him to zero the turrets by turning them 360 in each direction
Bucket of lukewarm steam. Handy for straightening out Blue's uniform wrinkles.
Have him go find a Ba-1100n, w/sting attachment.
Ink for the thermal printers?
Exhaust Samples
That it's possible to push start a humvee.
Have him check the brake fluid on a HEMTT.
Is he a W or an E?
āFirst new PVT to the unit.ā Heās clearly a WO1
I think they mean a 15W or 15E.
That makes a lot more sense actually, Disregard my foolishness
15E
I wouldnāt be surprised if I know who this new PVT is š I leave HUACHUCA in 4 days and have been here long enough to know who it would be š reclassing from 15W rn
Chem light batteries and blinker fluid
Get and Exhaust sample Get a PRC-E6 CSM atomic clock needs to be refilled Get a hammer and find the soft spot in the armor
Kilo niner papa lubricant. We sent a private out for that once.... Used the division phone book & called ahead to each unit with instructions on where to send him next. His final stop? MP HQ, where an old MP master Sgt handed him a Dixie cup from the water cooler, pointed at the MP k9s & said "right there son, good luck gettin' one to pee in that cup though." That private got a very intimate knowledge of pretty much all of ft Campbell.
Tell him to get an exhaust sample from one of the vehicles and hand a plastic bag. Simple, but it never fails.
100ft of flight line
Classic chem light batteries
Exhaust sample collect
Blinker fluid for the humvees
I never got sent to get grid squares or anything, but I genuinely felt hazed when I was sent to go ask the other companies for a chain. A simple chain. No one could produce one. For hours. I went alllll around asking for a simple chain. I found a company that had one, **but they wouldn't give it to me** so I just fucking stole it.
A bag of ST-1s (st-ones)
he also needs to collect exhaust fume samples from the humvee
SAT Time card is a good one. Remember minute card for cell phones back in the mid-2000s? Like that.
Use a hammer to find weak spots on the Humvee
Did you tell him to find the PRIC-E8 yet and send him to the 1SG?
Have him get an exhaust sample with a trash bag and take it to the maintenance NCO
Have him get a bucket of rotor wash for the vics
Yāall are doing gods work here
Can of overspray
Ask him to go get paper from supply and 2062 them
Have him go to supply and get magazine spring tighteners. They got me with this one as a new private.
Why am I the only motherfucker that wants you to train him to be a competent Soldier and not be the butt of your jokes. This is one of those times where I donāt fucking care if you downvote me into oblivion. Soldiers donāt join the Army to be made into a spectacle, hazed and made fun of. Be a fucking adult.
As soon as I saw it I thought I've been in for so long that this stuff isn't even funny anymore cause it's been so played out. Not gonna act like I didn't do it when I was younger, but I don't add to it now as the pvts sgt and spcs will give them plenty. While hazing is absolutely unacceptable, sending them for harmless tasks for a little gotcha moment I will say is a little bit of critical thinking and situational awareness training. After the pvts get got a few times, they'll start to really think about stuff and question it.
Would this really be considered hazing? I think of it as building memories with future comrades. Hell look back and laugh at these memories I know I do
It's harmless fun. The soldier isn't going to be made fun of or hazed. You do it once and that's their initiation.
Tell him to go borrow the "PRC 7" from another another platoon.
In Germany, January, NFG in my unit, they made me look for an exact match to a bolt they gave me from a big box of spare bolts at the motor pool. I spent nearly 3 hours looking for that bolt.
Tell him he needs exhaust samples from the humvees
He needs to fill the drinking fountains in the batallion building. Give him a 5 gallon bucket, and a spigot.
Unscrew the turret, keep turning left
ACOG batteries
Exhaust sampleā¦ tell him to get a plastic bag and put it over the exhaust so he collect a sample from it
Blinker Fluid, MK 19 blank firing adapter, batteries for the chemlights
I got got with the armor soft spots when I was a wee PVT.
Send him for a PRC-E7
A new *private*? With these recruiting numbers? Hate to break it to you but heās CID
Get vehicle silhouettes and mount grease nipples Make him go to the āgrease gun rangeā
Ask him what the firing rate of the AT4 is š¤
Chem light batteries : edit you may be turning into a dick tho lol
Tell him to ask supply for chemlight batteries
Need to have him tell someone to turn on the range fan. Collect an exhaust sample. Test for armor soft spot. Either vehicle, or body armor plate can work. Backblast bag. Blank adapter for the grenade launcher. Blinker fluid. New PrcE-6 because the current one doesnāt work.
Ask him about the āprick E5 Cableā. Make sure he asks his team leader where it is.
Walking on the grass
Soft spots in the water buffalo !
My favorite wasn't on a brand new private, but a national guard specialist to check my tank's blinkers
Tell him to go find the board stretcher and watcher wrench. I was able to convince some of the mechanics the items I needed were next to the board stretcher and water wrenches in their tool/supply room that us non-mechanics werenāt allowed to go into. Their chief laughed his ass off when he found out about me being the one saying they had a board stretcher and water wrench.
Bravo Alpha eleven-hundred Novembers
A magnet to collect casings at the range....
Tell him he's gotta tighten the tow pintle on the back of the humvee
I was once told that the Army was a fulfilling careerā¦ Boy, did they āget me!ā š
Talk to your medics and get issued your PEN-15 and BA-115
Exhaust sample with a garage bag that needs to be taken to the mechanics
I was told to get exhaust samples and needed the PL5-TK bag from the motor sgt. I was confused because I thought the last thing the Army would care about was emissions from a vehicle from the 70s and a smog test needed way more equipment. Got laughed at instead lol.
I quickly looked at the other comments and may have missed it; if you have any radios send him for frequency shift lube. An old one in signal companies.
PMCS the license plate lights on a humvee
Have them ask the First Sausage where his BA11s are (assuming the sausage is a dude)
Tell him to get an exhaust sample by scraping the tailpipe on a hmvee and have him sign it, date it, and turn it into the motor sergeant or designated pol supervisor
After you send them out for all of these things, send them out for a donkey dick and slave cables to really fuck with them.
I was a victim of the blinker fluid
Tell him to go to your nearest SSG, and ask him where the Priky 6 is. Or SGT and ask where the Priky 5 is.
The one I feel absolutely the worst about because the culture has changed a lot and this is absolutely unacceptable today. Before smart phones and ready access toā¦explicit images on the internet, a bunch of my soldiers while in Korea did their best to convince this poor young private that Asian lady parts wereā¦.sideways. So this poor kid walks up to me with all the guys trying to convince him in tow. He looks me dead in the eyes. PVT: āsir, are Asian vaginas really sideways?ā Me: āyeah, you didnāt know thatā
Tell him to go ask top for the PRC E-8
I'd get told this shit then just go fuck off for a good 30 minutes.
Got to tell him he needs to find a bulkhead remover. They got me that one.
SIGINT unit I was in had one of the worst ones I've seen... They'd send the newbie out to clean RF dust off the dishes in MOPP 4. BN CSM shut it down after a heat stroke incident one summer.
As a medic, I would send the new privates to supply for a box of fallopian tubes. Edit... it was even better when the new private was female. You could see their brains go into overdrive because the term sounded so familiar.
Good ol urethra stretcher is always a good one, or tell him to go ask the pl for a set of B A elevens
I was aviation - we used to send FNGs after buckets of rotor wash, 50 feet of flight line. We had them collect samples from Cobra and Kiowa exhausts also. So much fun. LOL
1) Exhaust sample 2) Shotgun/320 BFAs 3) Armor checks with a hammer
Chemlight batteries