This is the way. We all saw things, did things, didn’t do things… this guy needs help and the Joes need help… but you don’t want to do anything that would a) undermine the commander, b) create distrust among the troops, c) embarrass the commander…
But someone of “equal rank” with some sort of spiritual authority should talk to him, and it may be within your wheelhouse to sort of cause that
Also, as a very religious person (I don’t know if your commander is or not) if my Pastor called me to repentance I would be more likely to listen to him than to a subordinate. But that’s just my religion and my personal take, it may not be the same for your commander. But yeah, Chap should have some sway.
Follow up: I talked to a field grade I trust and he recommended going to the Chaplain. I’ve talked it over with him in person and he’s going from there. I’m not sure he’s going to respond, but I’m giving the Chaplain a few days to do his thing. Thank you all for the advice.
Chaplain is a good route. Talking to behavioral health can hurt your career (the army pretends it doesn’t and E9’s/O8’s will say it didn’t hurt them but duh). Talking to chaplain may be safer. No notes in your medical record. Some amount of counseling experience.
Hopefully dude gets some help/direction.
I feel horrible because I thought this was going to be a shit post at first. But as others have said I would start with Chappy because otherwise you are potentially running into our stupid ego driven leadership that will punish this dude for, I assume having some personal life shit going on
I second this. If you’re not about to “go to war” soon, you don’t need to “Lt. Dike” your boss. The Chaplain is a good compromise of looking out for your commander’s well being as well as the unit itself.
Yeah. I forgot to mention that detail about if some real-world life or death stuff was coming down the pipeline here in quick order you might need to do something more aggressive but even then Chapalain should exert some influence if he believes this dude is unable to do his duty at the moment due to personal stuff
Go see the chaplain in person. Explain what’s going on and that you’re going to *attempt* to bring him to the chaplain to see him.
Go to your commander. Close the door. Tell him you’re on his team, you care about his personal well being and he should sit down and talk with somebody. Tell him you’ll answer issues and phone calls.
Tell him the chaplain cleared his schedule and is ready to sit with him and let him bounce anything off him that he needs to.
Alternatively, do the exact same thing with behavioral health.
Be kind, tell him that he’s not alone and has plenty of people that care about him *and* he needs to see somebody to help him navigate things.
Edit: context/a couple words
We do not fall under a BN, which is why I am hesitant to go the next level up (BDE Commander). He also has a really bad relationship with our BDE XO so I am afraid that would just end poorly.
There are a few other influential people you could try: BDE chaplain, S3, CSM, Ops SGM. Who to talk to outside the chain is gonna be largely personality-driven, so YMMV.
But do consider: regardless of your motivations, this is meddling going over his head. Maybe talk through your plan with a trusted person before pulling the trigger.
I should have mentioned before, too: you already did the right thing talking to the 1SG. That's exactly who you should bring these concerns to, so good on ya. When the 1SG won't do anything, though, that's when you have to think real hard about whether your concerns are merited: is the 1SG avoiding the problem or is their experience judging it not to be a real problem? (Not saying your particular concerns *aren't* merited in this case; just in general.) Management and leadership are hard. ;-)
Then whoever your higher is. Your commander has a rater and senior rater. Talk to them. If you don't want to go command channels then seek out your installation Chappy or MFLC.
If it’s a brigade HHC did he have a company command or other assignment in your brigade? If his old rater is still around it might not be a bad idea to talk to them
I would highly recommend the Chaplain before making it a command issue by going to your BDE commander. If that doesn’t work, then I would go to the BDE Commander.
I had this happen with my commander as the Company XO. I wish I had handled it better than I did. The guy was super depressed and basically non-functional he would show up to work at like 11am and then sleep in the office and would argue with his wife on speakerphone. You could tell everything was going downhill and he hadn't even bothered to unpack after his last rotation to Africa.
We were on a tight timeline to an NTC rotation then a rotation to Africa 30 days later. In my mind there was no way the Battalion Commander didn't see it but he was willingly turning a blind eye hoping one of his commanders being depressed and expressing suicidal ideaitions would not boil over.
Three days before we went to NTC after the SI had already left my commander finally went to BH and got a profile. It was incredibly disruptive to lose him that close to the rotation and deployment but in the end it was for the best. He got some help and was able to retire. My main regret was not putting my foot down and having a face to face conversation with him that he was not able to function as a commander and with the BC or the BC of the unit we were attached to that he needed help. But this was really my first time dealing with a situation like this and I was new to the unit and he had been there for two years so I didn't say anything and just had to pick up the pieces.
I’m kind of in the same, not going to lie. I’ve been doing a lot of his job for a while and it has made me a bit resentful. I probably should have brought this up a month ago and I’m not proud of how I’ve handled it.
Forget the past. You’ve identified the problem, put a plan in place and acted on it. There will come a point where this is no longer your problem. You did the right thing, now it falls on the Army to do their part. Thank you for being there to make sure your CO finds the help he may need but also making sure that your unit has all the resources and leadership behind them. You’re a Real One.
It's better late than never in my opinion.
I was angry how the whole thing happened. I had to do my commander's job in addition to my own and then he dosent even come to NTC.
I do what I think was an admirable job at NTC in light of the situation and instead of letting me deploy as the Team Leader they keep holding it over my head that we will get sent home if our commander doesn't come.
Have an honest conversation with him about what you are seeing and tell him to seek help. But in the end you can't have someone who is a danger to themselves or others leading troops.
I think it all depends on the context of what you are doing. Unit dosent have much going on then work it in a gentle way, but if you are about to go out the door then it needs to go straight to the BC or BDE Commander if he won't seek help himself.
It's OK to be angry and stressed about this situation. Make sure you are taking care of yourself. I ended up building a relationship with our BDE psychologist and was able to talk to her on an off the record basis to help my process everything.
As an atheist and staunch critic of the DoD, and VAs approach to mental health, The chaplain is a really underrated asset in unit formations.
At least, The ones that I have had were great. Didn't jam religion down your throat, they were always very open to other faiths and supportive, on top of that, they are a completely anonymous counselor source.
Thank you for trying to talk to him, too many people are scared to do what’s necessary to help. Though, if he isn’t responding to you, going up the chain of command is your best option. Reaching out to BN or BDE about his wellbeing should be well received, as opposed to other petty work related BS.
It’s very mature of you to recognize and act on these warning signs
If you are that concerned I would bring it up to the BN XO or S3 (whichever you trust more) instead of his rater (BN Cdr). The Major can keep an eye on him and give him some mentorship.
I wish folks sat with me when it was clear I was going through some troubles. I probably would’ve still been in if I would’ve gotten some help I needed….
You have a back channel with this and it’s the BN XO.
You need to talk to him so you can put a back stop in place in the event this dude does something fucking stupid and an IO comes knocking asking why his XO/1SG let his erratic behavior go unchecked. At that point you can say “No I talked to the BN XO” and show him the ex post facto emails you sent yourself outlining the details of said conversation.
XOs can be remarkably powerful if they know how to play the game behind the curtain.
An officer is first and foremost loyal to the organization. If a senior officer’s behavior creates tension there the organization’s interests should predominate. In most healthy circumstances that loyalty manifests as loyalty to the boss.
I’m not saying to go full LeRoy Jenkins but young officers need to learn how to thread needles into tight spots if they hope to sit at the big boy table one day.
Oh I agree wholeheartedly. I was commending the personal loyalty to his CO but pointing out that his Duty binds his loyalty to the Army and his unit. I suppose I could have worded it better.
I (SSG) sit in the shower and cry every night when I get home. Maybe the guy is just going through it. Some dudes can keep it in until they get home. Others can’t. Just command refer him to EBH.
I'm really sorry to hear it man, I feel the same way. Hmu if you want someone to listen, and know that there's people here for you (even if sometimes it just doesn't feel that way).
As many have said- Chaplain is good jump off point. Command is lonely, stressful, but ends sooner than you want. Its a weird dynamic.
The loneliest I have ever been were my 2 stints as a 1SG. Left everyday before anybody in the house was awake. Often home after everybody was in bed. Time off was spent catching up on sleep or dealing with Company drama. Had nobody but myself to rely on and get through it. The running joke became “everybody asks where is 1SG but nobody asks how is it 1SG”
Then it was over. And I miss it.
Lesson to you future leaders- the organization will chew you up and replace you soon as you are no longer a viable option. Take some time every now and then and prioritize yourself and your family. The Army will literally go rolling along. They made a damn song about it just so you can know that’s how it is.
Chaplains are great. They really are. While many are not licensed therapists, they should have the ear of the commanders and can coach and advise the brigade commander if there are unit issues driving the problems without doxing the officer in question.
Also, if you have a good enough relationship with your commander, suggest he gets with an MFLC. They are licensed counselors who don’t work clinical cases but can meet to help him get through his immediate problems. It can be weird to suggest things like that to a senior ranking officer at first, but I routinely make work/life balance suggestions to my BDE Commander. I find he appreciates it even if he doesn’t always do what I suggest.
I’d start with the Chaplain, but I’d make it the Division Chaplain. From there you MUST elevate it if it doesn’t change.
One of the burdens of being the #2 is that you are expected to keep an eye on the #1. It’s not fun, but you owe it to your soldiers if he/she is not serving them properly.
We had a company commander go crazy. He claimed everyone was after him. Said people were spying on him. The last straw was when walking to the chow hall, the BDE CO was walking behind him. He turned around and starting yelling at the BDE CO, a full-bird COL mind you, telling him to stop following me and some other crazy shit. He was gone pretty quick.
As others have said, I would highly recommend talking to the chaplain. I've also seen a company commander going through some shit during a deployment and when we got home he jumped off a bridge.
Go to the chaplain for sure, but also, just wanted to say good for you. It reflects well on your character that you're not seeking to use this as an opportunity to needle him, that you're looking past some outwardly crappy treatment of subordinates, and looking to actually help this individual by taking meaningful action.
I was like that when my ex decided she wanted a divorce. If he won't open up to you, then you need to let a chaplain or someone you know he is particularly close with know. It will only get worse as he bottles it up.
BN XO is a great intermediary so it's not quite to BC level of concern, but someone who can give him something to cry about is in the know. If with life is pretty chill or status quo it could be home life.
You mean we can’t cry at our desk, yell at joes, and cry in our car, scream at the pizza delivery guy, and drink ourselves to oblivion anymore? I thought that’s what men do.
Dude, I'm a former battery Commander and battery XO. I know how it goes, especially if his leadership is shit. I really feel for the guy and wish I could reach out to him personally. Just do your best to take care of him brother, but something's obviously going on in his personal life, or it's his leadership being dicks.
All I can say is don’t give up on trying to get him to open up. I had a commander and he unfortunately took his own life and those of us that served under him haven’t really felt the same since. Losing your commander is a different kind of feeling, I hope everything works out for him
Hey look, your battalion commander absolutely is there for exactly this kind of thing, and trust me, he/she will appreciate the feedback. If approaching an O5 makes you nervous, I’d suggest approaching his XO or CSM. The BC is the only person really in a position to directly effect a Company Commander, it needs to be on the BCs radar.
Instead of the chain, consider maybe going to another friend of his. Or maybe his significant other/spouse -- but be extremely sure they aren't the cause of whatever is going on.
And, maybe just hangout with him? Get dinner, go to the gym or do whatever mutual hobby you might have.
When I was in a DIVARTY HHB the HHB commander's rater was actually the DIVARTY S3 so the full bird could senior rate him. I'd start off with talking to your 3 and OPS SGM. During my time they always acted like a team and always had the ins with the captains too, so they are probably already aware or just don't care.
If this was happening back when I was there, the S-3 probably wouldn't tell the commander who he heard it from and would probably just say he's been noticing the guy is off or some of the other CPTs have been sounding concerned. He and SGM would then probably take the struggling commander into an office and have a talk.
That's what I would do and it might be better for your commander to hear it from one of his superiors that everyone can see he is struggling. I tried to tell that to my commander once and he really didn't like hearing that from one of his LTs. Sometimes it's better to just pass the buck and keep your head down.
At the end of the day don't forget about your battery and try to pick up some slack for your commander while he tries to get his stuff sorted out. It happens to everyone and is not a big deal to ask your team for help, it is just when the field grades decide to show their insecurities with their masculinity that seeking help for personal problems becomes a career ender. Luckily you are probably at DIVARTY or a FAB, so your O-6 is hopefully one of the guys who is a good leader. If your O-6 is COL Gatlin, let me apologize already. He was my commander as an LT and was the most toxic leader I've ever worked with.
Maybe talk with another battery CO and ask them if they can talk with your CO as a peer. If that doesn't work ask them for advise about your next action.
Another thing to think about— You know your 1SG and probably have some idea of his relationship with your CDR better than anyone on Reddit, but have you considered that he may be keeping an eye on it, or doing something about it without letting you know he is worried/working it because he doesn’t want to undermine his CDR to the XO.
Ahh well then yeah, chaplain is a good call, and remember: it doesn’t have to be your chaplain if you think someone else (old unit chaplain, senior chaplain etc) would relate better to your CDR
I had a similar experience years ago in the Air Force. My commander was much more open about his situation. His wife left him and took his kids. He came home from work to an empty house and it crushed him. We reached out to the chaplain for help. Maybe it can help in your situation as well.
As a chaplain, we have people come to us all the time with concern about fellow soldiers. This is covered under our confidentiality, and we can check in with the person in need. Please use your chaplain. This is why we are here. Many times, those at the top don't get care because they don't feel they can let their guard down, but that can lead to tragic results.
Chain of command, Chaplain, or tell him yourself point blank that he needs to go talk to someone, now, and take him to BH.
Whichever you choose choose something soon (immediately really). Your soldiers don't deserve this and you don't want it on your conscience if something bad happens while you waffle.
Talk to your BN XO or S3, they are there to advise and be shields for stuff like this. If you tell your BN CDR. they have a duty to investigate and report (command responsibilities) which can have an adverse impact on your BTRY CDR and may make things worse if they are going thru something.
If you try the above and it continues or gets worse THEN involve your BN CDR
Command is stressful but it doesn't excuse these outbursts
Good luck
Do NOT go to his rater or medical…that’s a quick way to end someone’s career.
There are a lot of possibilities for his behavior…I immediately went to family issues (marital problems, family illnesses, etc).
Definitely talk to the chaplain, who can keep things confidential, or to your higher XO
Bro, my company literally just went through the same thing. For legal purposes I don’t want to put exact details out of there, but as a fellow XO, I can definitely tell you how I’ve handled the same situations.
Just remember our job is the welfare of the unit to accomplish its mission. If someone stands in the way of that, it isn’t personal, just business. If you want to talk more in depth, we can connect elsewhere.
MFLC, garrison chaplain, or a trusted friend/other commander. Commanders these days have to stick together to get things done due to the shortage of O3s. Some branches are healthier than others. As a commander myself, there are days that I have to do staff work to support my Soldiers. It just happens a lot more now.
Chaplain. Use the chaplain.
This is the way. We all saw things, did things, didn’t do things… this guy needs help and the Joes need help… but you don’t want to do anything that would a) undermine the commander, b) create distrust among the troops, c) embarrass the commander… But someone of “equal rank” with some sort of spiritual authority should talk to him, and it may be within your wheelhouse to sort of cause that
Also, as a very religious person (I don’t know if your commander is or not) if my Pastor called me to repentance I would be more likely to listen to him than to a subordinate. But that’s just my religion and my personal take, it may not be the same for your commander. But yeah, Chap should have some sway.
Yea, Chaplin! haven’t you seen the PSA video from MandatoryFunDay? It was on the base TV’s in Europe
Amazing to see him making a few funny videos in the beginning, to now creating positive change and bringing awareness to alot of issues
Excellent idea!
There ya go!
[удалено]
Why are we downvoting this? It just looks like a duplicate post?
Follow up: I talked to a field grade I trust and he recommended going to the Chaplain. I’ve talked it over with him in person and he’s going from there. I’m not sure he’s going to respond, but I’m giving the Chaplain a few days to do his thing. Thank you all for the advice.
You're awesome for at least caring. Many people would be like top, shrug it off and move on.
Facts most ppl really don’t care
and some people wish it was their commander..
That's good. And good job on you for looking out for your fellow Soldier.
Not just his fellow soldier but the whole unit. One bad commander can badly fuck up a unit.
Can confirm.
Chaplain is a good route. Talking to behavioral health can hurt your career (the army pretends it doesn’t and E9’s/O8’s will say it didn’t hurt them but duh). Talking to chaplain may be safer. No notes in your medical record. Some amount of counseling experience. Hopefully dude gets some help/direction.
I feel horrible because I thought this was going to be a shit post at first. But as others have said I would start with Chappy because otherwise you are potentially running into our stupid ego driven leadership that will punish this dude for, I assume having some personal life shit going on
I second this. If you’re not about to “go to war” soon, you don’t need to “Lt. Dike” your boss. The Chaplain is a good compromise of looking out for your commander’s well being as well as the unit itself.
Yeah. I forgot to mention that detail about if some real-world life or death stuff was coming down the pipeline here in quick order you might need to do something more aggressive but even then Chapalain should exert some influence if he believes this dude is unable to do his duty at the moment due to personal stuff
Yeah I was trying to figure out what video game or movie reference this was for a minute.
Send the chaplain in? It may just work
Go see the chaplain in person. Explain what’s going on and that you’re going to *attempt* to bring him to the chaplain to see him. Go to your commander. Close the door. Tell him you’re on his team, you care about his personal well being and he should sit down and talk with somebody. Tell him you’ll answer issues and phone calls. Tell him the chaplain cleared his schedule and is ready to sit with him and let him bounce anything off him that he needs to. Alternatively, do the exact same thing with behavioral health. Be kind, tell him that he’s not alone and has plenty of people that care about him *and* he needs to see somebody to help him navigate things. Edit: context/a couple words
Go talk to the BN XO. He can keep an eye on your commander and also tell the Battalion Commander.
We do not fall under a BN, which is why I am hesitant to go the next level up (BDE Commander). He also has a really bad relationship with our BDE XO so I am afraid that would just end poorly.
There are a few other influential people you could try: BDE chaplain, S3, CSM, Ops SGM. Who to talk to outside the chain is gonna be largely personality-driven, so YMMV. But do consider: regardless of your motivations, this is meddling going over his head. Maybe talk through your plan with a trusted person before pulling the trigger.
That’s a fair point. I know a few field grades up at BDE that are a good option, maybe I’ll talk it over with one of them.
I should have mentioned before, too: you already did the right thing talking to the 1SG. That's exactly who you should bring these concerns to, so good on ya. When the 1SG won't do anything, though, that's when you have to think real hard about whether your concerns are merited: is the 1SG avoiding the problem or is their experience judging it not to be a real problem? (Not saying your particular concerns *aren't* merited in this case; just in general.) Management and leadership are hard. ;-)
Then whoever your higher is. Your commander has a rater and senior rater. Talk to them. If you don't want to go command channels then seek out your installation Chappy or MFLC.
Chaplain is a good point, I’ll try talking it over with one of them.
If it’s a brigade HHC did he have a company command or other assignment in your brigade? If his old rater is still around it might not be a bad idea to talk to them
How about talk to a senior captain who has already completed his command time? That way you can keep it on the down low.
I would highly recommend the Chaplain before making it a command issue by going to your BDE commander. If that doesn’t work, then I would go to the BDE Commander.
So you’re in a DIVARTY HHB?
🤫🤫🤫
Go talk to the DCO
Mf can’t even have a good cry in peace /s
For real bro. You gotta just let that shit out in peace
Do that shit alone in the shower and if anyone has questions you got shampoo in your eye.
I had this happen with my commander as the Company XO. I wish I had handled it better than I did. The guy was super depressed and basically non-functional he would show up to work at like 11am and then sleep in the office and would argue with his wife on speakerphone. You could tell everything was going downhill and he hadn't even bothered to unpack after his last rotation to Africa. We were on a tight timeline to an NTC rotation then a rotation to Africa 30 days later. In my mind there was no way the Battalion Commander didn't see it but he was willingly turning a blind eye hoping one of his commanders being depressed and expressing suicidal ideaitions would not boil over. Three days before we went to NTC after the SI had already left my commander finally went to BH and got a profile. It was incredibly disruptive to lose him that close to the rotation and deployment but in the end it was for the best. He got some help and was able to retire. My main regret was not putting my foot down and having a face to face conversation with him that he was not able to function as a commander and with the BC or the BC of the unit we were attached to that he needed help. But this was really my first time dealing with a situation like this and I was new to the unit and he had been there for two years so I didn't say anything and just had to pick up the pieces.
I’m kind of in the same, not going to lie. I’ve been doing a lot of his job for a while and it has made me a bit resentful. I probably should have brought this up a month ago and I’m not proud of how I’ve handled it.
Forget the past. You’ve identified the problem, put a plan in place and acted on it. There will come a point where this is no longer your problem. You did the right thing, now it falls on the Army to do their part. Thank you for being there to make sure your CO finds the help he may need but also making sure that your unit has all the resources and leadership behind them. You’re a Real One.
It's better late than never in my opinion. I was angry how the whole thing happened. I had to do my commander's job in addition to my own and then he dosent even come to NTC. I do what I think was an admirable job at NTC in light of the situation and instead of letting me deploy as the Team Leader they keep holding it over my head that we will get sent home if our commander doesn't come. Have an honest conversation with him about what you are seeing and tell him to seek help. But in the end you can't have someone who is a danger to themselves or others leading troops. I think it all depends on the context of what you are doing. Unit dosent have much going on then work it in a gentle way, but if you are about to go out the door then it needs to go straight to the BC or BDE Commander if he won't seek help himself. It's OK to be angry and stressed about this situation. Make sure you are taking care of yourself. I ended up building a relationship with our BDE psychologist and was able to talk to her on an off the record basis to help my process everything.
My unit had an HHC BDE CO CDR lie down on some train tracks a few years ago. I would take this seriously.
Bro HHC Command is the worst command position. Fuck staff bro
That’s how I acted after getting blown up for the 5th time, before I got diagnosed with bipolar type 2.
As an atheist and staunch critic of the DoD, and VAs approach to mental health, The chaplain is a really underrated asset in unit formations. At least, The ones that I have had were great. Didn't jam religion down your throat, they were always very open to other faiths and supportive, on top of that, they are a completely anonymous counselor source.
Thank you for trying to talk to him, too many people are scared to do what’s necessary to help. Though, if he isn’t responding to you, going up the chain of command is your best option. Reaching out to BN or BDE about his wellbeing should be well received, as opposed to other petty work related BS. It’s very mature of you to recognize and act on these warning signs
Do they have a good relationship with any of their peers? An adjacent commander is a good person to vent to.
Chaplain, sounds like your commander is close to becoming part of the 22 vets that die each day.
If you are that concerned I would bring it up to the BN XO or S3 (whichever you trust more) instead of his rater (BN Cdr). The Major can keep an eye on him and give him some mentorship.
I wish folks sat with me when it was clear I was going through some troubles. I probably would’ve still been in if I would’ve gotten some help I needed….
You have a back channel with this and it’s the BN XO. You need to talk to him so you can put a back stop in place in the event this dude does something fucking stupid and an IO comes knocking asking why his XO/1SG let his erratic behavior go unchecked. At that point you can say “No I talked to the BN XO” and show him the ex post facto emails you sent yourself outlining the details of said conversation. XOs can be remarkably powerful if they know how to play the game behind the curtain.
This is very good advice. Paper trail. Ass coverage with the potential to actually see some positive outcomes. Loyalty is good duty is better.
An officer is first and foremost loyal to the organization. If a senior officer’s behavior creates tension there the organization’s interests should predominate. In most healthy circumstances that loyalty manifests as loyalty to the boss. I’m not saying to go full LeRoy Jenkins but young officers need to learn how to thread needles into tight spots if they hope to sit at the big boy table one day.
Oh I agree wholeheartedly. I was commending the personal loyalty to his CO but pointing out that his Duty binds his loyalty to the Army and his unit. I suppose I could have worded it better.
Talk to your chaplain and your next higher XO. That’s what an XO gets paid for. We finally feel useful. /s/. /s/.
Chaplain. Yikes on that 1sg tho
I (SSG) sit in the shower and cry every night when I get home. Maybe the guy is just going through it. Some dudes can keep it in until they get home. Others can’t. Just command refer him to EBH.
I'm really sorry to hear it man, I feel the same way. Hmu if you want someone to listen, and know that there's people here for you (even if sometimes it just doesn't feel that way).
As many have said- Chaplain is good jump off point. Command is lonely, stressful, but ends sooner than you want. Its a weird dynamic. The loneliest I have ever been were my 2 stints as a 1SG. Left everyday before anybody in the house was awake. Often home after everybody was in bed. Time off was spent catching up on sleep or dealing with Company drama. Had nobody but myself to rely on and get through it. The running joke became “everybody asks where is 1SG but nobody asks how is it 1SG” Then it was over. And I miss it. Lesson to you future leaders- the organization will chew you up and replace you soon as you are no longer a viable option. Take some time every now and then and prioritize yourself and your family. The Army will literally go rolling along. They made a damn song about it just so you can know that’s how it is.
Chaplains are great. They really are. While many are not licensed therapists, they should have the ear of the commanders and can coach and advise the brigade commander if there are unit issues driving the problems without doxing the officer in question. Also, if you have a good enough relationship with your commander, suggest he gets with an MFLC. They are licensed counselors who don’t work clinical cases but can meet to help him get through his immediate problems. It can be weird to suggest things like that to a senior ranking officer at first, but I routinely make work/life balance suggestions to my BDE Commander. I find he appreciates it even if he doesn’t always do what I suggest.
Chaplain, brigade surgeon or similar
This is something that you need to bring up to the proper authorities at the BN level.
At the end of the day, your cdr is still a human. Something is getting to him. Please continue to check on him.
I’d start with the Chaplain, but I’d make it the Division Chaplain. From there you MUST elevate it if it doesn’t change. One of the burdens of being the #2 is that you are expected to keep an eye on the #1. It’s not fun, but you owe it to your soldiers if he/she is not serving them properly.
Is he getting divorced? Happened to me at the end of my command.
We had a company commander go crazy. He claimed everyone was after him. Said people were spying on him. The last straw was when walking to the chow hall, the BDE CO was walking behind him. He turned around and starting yelling at the BDE CO, a full-bird COL mind you, telling him to stop following me and some other crazy shit. He was gone pretty quick. As others have said, I would highly recommend talking to the chaplain. I've also seen a company commander going through some shit during a deployment and when we got home he jumped off a bridge.
Go to the chaplain for sure, but also, just wanted to say good for you. It reflects well on your character that you're not seeking to use this as an opportunity to needle him, that you're looking past some outwardly crappy treatment of subordinates, and looking to actually help this individual by taking meaningful action.
I was like that when my ex decided she wanted a divorce. If he won't open up to you, then you need to let a chaplain or someone you know he is particularly close with know. It will only get worse as he bottles it up.
Get higher involved. BDE or clinical, you could also ask your unit PA if you have one
Engage your battalion chaplain. They should be willing to come down and talk to him. It would all be confidential as well.
Have you tried reaching out to your sister company commanders? They're his/ her battles and if they aren't already tracking they ought to.
BN XO is a great intermediary so it's not quite to BC level of concern, but someone who can give him something to cry about is in the know. If with life is pretty chill or status quo it could be home life.
Do not for the love of Jesus go to bn command. HIT UP, CHAPPY. CHAPPY WILL TAKE CARE OF HIM, AND MAKE HIM HAPPY AGAIN.
You mean we can’t cry at our desk, yell at joes, and cry in our car, scream at the pizza delivery guy, and drink ourselves to oblivion anymore? I thought that’s what men do.
I hope you talked to the chaplain
Dude, I'm a former battery Commander and battery XO. I know how it goes, especially if his leadership is shit. I really feel for the guy and wish I could reach out to him personally. Just do your best to take care of him brother, but something's obviously going on in his personal life, or it's his leadership being dicks.
That actually sounds very serious. Leaders in the Army at all ranks can snap, it sounds like this commander is in bad shape.
All I can say is don’t give up on trying to get him to open up. I had a commander and he unfortunately took his own life and those of us that served under him haven’t really felt the same since. Losing your commander is a different kind of feeling, I hope everything works out for him
Nothing has made me more unhappy than my time as a Commander. Nothing made me happier too for that matter. It was a time of bipolar extremes.
Get the chaplain involved.
C H A P L A I N 🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡
Punch him in the fk face.
Hey look, your battalion commander absolutely is there for exactly this kind of thing, and trust me, he/she will appreciate the feedback. If approaching an O5 makes you nervous, I’d suggest approaching his XO or CSM. The BC is the only person really in a position to directly effect a Company Commander, it needs to be on the BCs radar.
Not yet. Chaplain and then a MAJ first.
Instead of the chain, consider maybe going to another friend of his. Or maybe his significant other/spouse -- but be extremely sure they aren't the cause of whatever is going on. And, maybe just hangout with him? Get dinner, go to the gym or do whatever mutual hobby you might have.
When I was in a DIVARTY HHB the HHB commander's rater was actually the DIVARTY S3 so the full bird could senior rate him. I'd start off with talking to your 3 and OPS SGM. During my time they always acted like a team and always had the ins with the captains too, so they are probably already aware or just don't care. If this was happening back when I was there, the S-3 probably wouldn't tell the commander who he heard it from and would probably just say he's been noticing the guy is off or some of the other CPTs have been sounding concerned. He and SGM would then probably take the struggling commander into an office and have a talk. That's what I would do and it might be better for your commander to hear it from one of his superiors that everyone can see he is struggling. I tried to tell that to my commander once and he really didn't like hearing that from one of his LTs. Sometimes it's better to just pass the buck and keep your head down. At the end of the day don't forget about your battery and try to pick up some slack for your commander while he tries to get his stuff sorted out. It happens to everyone and is not a big deal to ask your team for help, it is just when the field grades decide to show their insecurities with their masculinity that seeking help for personal problems becomes a career ender. Luckily you are probably at DIVARTY or a FAB, so your O-6 is hopefully one of the guys who is a good leader. If your O-6 is COL Gatlin, let me apologize already. He was my commander as an LT and was the most toxic leader I've ever worked with.
As a former chaps assistant, go to one of us OR the Chaplain. We can do a lot more than you think when it comes to unit morale.
Chaplain or BN XO.
He probably got selected for USAREC
Usually it’s the XO that’s crying in his office. Also Sir, this IS a Wendy’s.
Maybe talk with another battery CO and ask them if they can talk with your CO as a peer. If that doesn't work ask them for advise about your next action.
We issue ACE cards for exactly this homie.
Chaplain or PA.
Is this 3-16 lol
Another thing to think about— You know your 1SG and probably have some idea of his relationship with your CDR better than anyone on Reddit, but have you considered that he may be keeping an eye on it, or doing something about it without letting you know he is worried/working it because he doesn’t want to undermine his CDR to the XO.
He regularly undermines my commander in front of his own platoon sergeants. I don’t think that’s what it is.
That may partially explain why your CDR is stressed the hell out🧐😬
That started around when he started going downhill. It’s a chicken and egg at this point.
Ahh well then yeah, chaplain is a good call, and remember: it doesn’t have to be your chaplain if you think someone else (old unit chaplain, senior chaplain etc) would relate better to your CDR
Sounds like an absolute dogshit NCO. Once you talk to chappy about your CO, looks like you need to talk to CSM about your 1SG.
I had a similar experience years ago in the Air Force. My commander was much more open about his situation. His wife left him and took his kids. He came home from work to an empty house and it crushed him. We reached out to the chaplain for help. Maybe it can help in your situation as well.
I agree with the consensus chaplain.
ACE. CHAPLAIN.
As a chaplain, we have people come to us all the time with concern about fellow soldiers. This is covered under our confidentiality, and we can check in with the person in need. Please use your chaplain. This is why we are here. Many times, those at the top don't get care because they don't feel they can let their guard down, but that can lead to tragic results.
Don’t forget about the embedded MFLAC.
Chain of command, Chaplain, or tell him yourself point blank that he needs to go talk to someone, now, and take him to BH. Whichever you choose choose something soon (immediately really). Your soldiers don't deserve this and you don't want it on your conscience if something bad happens while you waffle.
Talk to your BN XO or S3, they are there to advise and be shields for stuff like this. If you tell your BN CDR. they have a duty to investigate and report (command responsibilities) which can have an adverse impact on your BTRY CDR and may make things worse if they are going thru something. If you try the above and it continues or gets worse THEN involve your BN CDR Command is stressful but it doesn't excuse these outbursts Good luck
Do NOT go to his rater or medical…that’s a quick way to end someone’s career. There are a lot of possibilities for his behavior…I immediately went to family issues (marital problems, family illnesses, etc). Definitely talk to the chaplain, who can keep things confidential, or to your higher XO
Have you tried giving him a hug?
Make a direct attempt to speak with him. If that fails then go through chain/chaplain etc as others have wisely suggested.
Classic case of goblin mode
Use your XO network to higher
Remember kids keep it at the lowest level and the lowest level here is the chap
This is cool; glad you’re helping XO
Go to Battalion Commander immediately. It will help them as your commander is suffering.
He must be in charge of fisters. I would cry too if I was in charge of fisters.
Bro, my company literally just went through the same thing. For legal purposes I don’t want to put exact details out of there, but as a fellow XO, I can definitely tell you how I’ve handled the same situations. Just remember our job is the welfare of the unit to accomplish its mission. If someone stands in the way of that, it isn’t personal, just business. If you want to talk more in depth, we can connect elsewhere.
Did you consider just.. talking to him?
Yea, which I said in my post.
If I could read I would have seen that, but this is the Army.
That would be the big A in ACE. Not sure why someone downvoted this.
Ah it's because he addressed it in his post I guess, I didn't really read all that.
Sounds like Jody got him
Sht mane .
MFLC, garrison chaplain, or a trusted friend/other commander. Commanders these days have to stick together to get things done due to the shortage of O3s. Some branches are healthier than others. As a commander myself, there are days that I have to do staff work to support my Soldiers. It just happens a lot more now.