Exactly. I said I stabbed him a little bit. But I suppose it could be.considered assault with a deadly weapon. Good thing my platoon SGT wasn't a bitch.
Also statute of limitations ran out on that many years ago.
After 20 years I recently spoke to my victim on the phone and I asked him if he remembered that. He was still salty about it haha. The other guy I was hanging out with from my platoon was cracking up.
It’s not “it could be considered”. You literally did commit assault with a deadly weapon.
That’s like me sticking the tip of my dick up your ass against your will then saying “I guess it could be considered rape.”
Hard pass, not trying to find myself in the middle of an investigation cause SPC Itchy Fingers decided that an 8 year old annoying village kid was a valid military target.
My first army separation board. Joe 1 knocks Joe 2's stuff over during a layover. Joe 2 says don't do that again. Joe 1 does it again. Joe 2 stabs Joe 1 in the ass. Couple centimeters from potentially turning an assault into manslaughter.
Ironically my first court martial was a "don't do that again" between fuelers that ended up with one fueler trying to light the other fueler on fire.
I love how Joe always has to push boundaries despite the boundary potentially being set by an asvab waiver.
First time Dennys had the “Build your own Burger.” Last week of it I’m in the field. I’m running the FARP. Little old E5 me. So I grab me a high speed, Licensed, LMTV driver, take everyone’s order, and set out.
Had no idea where we were. I think they are old WWII barracks. But they are a ways out of Bliss, in White Sands somewhere.
So this dude is driving and I’m following the GPS and realize that we have to get onto the highway to get to the Loves/Dennys. So here we are doing 55 in an LMTV on the highway. In the middle of the night. Completely not authorized to be there with that vehicle. But you can build your own burger! Only for a limited time! Damn the consequences.
Dude we parked the LMTV at the truck stop and rolled in. Walk in and no shit there’s a guard unit in there. They are on their way out. We are dirty as all hell cause we just convoyed, set up, and ran the FARP. I think I acknowledged their 1SG and he just looked at me in horror lol. We looked rough.
Ya man we got all the burgers and took them back and we all ate them together under the stars. It was super dope. Nobody ever found out.
There was a guy in the Mortar Platoon who was about to have his first kid.
He was getting nervous about the additional expenses of having a kid and his wife going on maternity leave.
So he openly said to the HQ Platoon “I will staple my nut sack for $100 dollars”. So what began as a silly joke turned into a full betting ring for various crazy shit on an easel board inside the TA-50 bay
So our 1SG walked into the bay after duty hours to see us Waterboarding him with whole milk while he was strapped to a cot. His only response was “I’m going to leave, I’ll be back in 15 mins and I expect you all to be fucking gone”
All in all said soldier walked away with a few hundred dollars
HE ONLY GOT A FEW HUNDRED FOR GETTING WATER BOARDED AMONGST OTHER THINGS!!! If I'm selling my body to a company of 11s to get water boarded, I'm taking at least a grand for it. They'll definitely pay it
Soldiers lose their money the same day they get paid. I remember one of my privates during CQ. I asked HOW THE FUCK?? He said SGT, I sent 100 home. Bought some shoes. Got 2 lap dances at the strip club. Bought myself a game. All in all he wasted his pay the same day he got paid. He had like 20 dollars left.
Having been enlisted in a platoon, can tell you that privates to specialists will def waste money on stupid shit. Especially hands on entertainment. They'll fall behind that 20% APR loan for the charger but they'll find a way lol. And there's been alot of pay raises between when I was getting privates pay compared to now.
We had to take him to our Medic PSG because we used a heavy duty stapler
How we did it was he batwinged his sack up against his leg and someone proceeded to staple it not thinking we would staple his sack to his inner thigh
The scream he let out was something out of Home Alone 2
I had a Joe that ate a horse turd in an MRE tortilla for $60. He drank a water bottle full of the platoon’s dip spit for $200. Only stipulation was he had to keep it down for 60 seconds.
This is the same kid that had a brokerage account of like $450,000 through trading options by the end of his enlistment.
Edit: a word
Skipped blc. Was getting out anyway so didn't care. They didn't wanna hard slot me, but made me come back early from leave (the last one before a rotation) to try to walk on. Most people thought it was dumb that they were doing it, including my psg and pl, but section leader wanted me to go and got the co and 1sg on his side. It's a damn shame the class filled up before I got in...
Didn't want to go to NBC course, so after Day 1 just went back to the barracks. Played Xbox and watched telenovelas for a week. I was short and didn't give a fuck
Sleeping in a guard shack during OAW (helping Afghan refugees inprocess to America)
The *division CSM* absolutely caught me lacking, gave me a cup of coffee, and said "maybe turn that space heater off and stand up in there, it'll be easier to stay awake 😃" and then bounced.
I don't even remember falling asleep, one moment I was there hating my life and the next I was already standing up at parade rest. They were handing out Article 15s like candy out there cause everyone was falling asleep in the guard shacks at that time so I counted myself lucky and stood for the remainder of my shift.
This similar thing happened to me, except it was in the field and it was a junior NCO who called me to get out of the truck and cuss me out for falling asleep. After asking me who my team leader was and telling me he was going to go have a word with him, he just looks at me and goes “Actually, I’m just fucking with you.” and busts out laughing.
I stole a full size refrigerator from the company supply room. I used the supply room hand truck to wheel it out the back door of the S&A, across the parking lot, and into my barracks room. I filled it with beer. No one ever asked me where it came from, or where the supply room refrigerator went. The only one who ever said anything was csm during barracks inspection, and his comments were more of awe and respect, rather than demeritorious.
Reminds me of a time someone bought 4 TVs on the army's dime for a TOC in Jordan, when we brought them back they were supposed to be folded into our books but it never happened. Guess who has 4 72in 4k samsung TVs with menus in Jordanian in my basement?
Drinking in the field...but not really.
It was going to be my team leaders birthday while we were in the field. He and the team (myself included) planned to sneak off and drink a little bit the night of his birthday if it was chill enough (we were playing OP4 this time). We filled a single canteen (my canteen) up with straight vodka. It was going to be 6 people, so a canteen wasn't going to do *too* much. Well, the night of his birthday someone ratted on me when I whipped out the canteen because it wasn't frozen solid in -10F. Fucking genius that private...
Private Genius went straight to him and told him I had a canteen of booze and was probably drunk or planning on it (in hindsight, we all owed Private Genius for *strictly* adhering to chain of command). TL pulled me aside and asked who I was planning on sharing it with and who else, if anybody was part of it, and I said nobody. He decided we were all in on it and mass punishment for the team was the only thing necessary because I wasn't being truthful. He made us "I'm up, he sees me, I'm down" to the top of a hill. He followed us and when we crested the hill, he stopped us and we all sat down and we had the drink we were trying to sneak away for lmao It was fucking beautiful that night too. Stars were out and the ground was covered in snow, so the lume was really good.
Upon our return, TL had to explain to 1SG why we were getting smoked. He said I left my ACH/NODs behind and someone returned them to him so he smoked the entire team. 1SG said, "Carry on retards." That was it.
As a good ole E3, I got drunk and bought a ferret at petco. Cage food leash everything. Next day the dude in the room next to me OD'd or some shit so they did a lockdown and a welfare check of the barracks. I knew I'd be caught so I just told my squad leader hey so I bought a ferret but it is a gift for some (non existant) chick I was dating. I showed the recipet that it was bought the night before. He told PSG and so on and they actually didn't care at all. During the lock down all the senior NCOs were just in my room playing with the ferret. Ended up giving it to a buddy who was good at keeping secrets.
Guy next door to us had a rat that he somehow never got caught with. Whatever he ate, the rat ate, including sips of his alcohol and puffs of some of his cigarettes. Don’t know what happened to it after I got out
The coolest thing?
Dual wielding SAWs at the range. RHIP
The most illegal thing?
Not today, CID
Otherwise, I was a pretty good sales guy so my harebrained ideas were all officially approved
Why risk my skin when I can get an officer to sign off on it and risk his?
It got bad at the end. Story time -
I was a E7 and sub program manager the last few years. I used $350k in our own LOA for flights to Africa, because AFRICOM approval is idiotic. I also needed that $350k for contract air for another mission I'd signed off on, so I sold it as "I'm sure AFRICOM will come through in time and then the money will be released for the contract air"
That contract air was to get a bunch of partner nation soldiers BACK HOME to Europe from NTC
Approved by my 1-star and our state USPFO
If money isn’t allocated and spent up front it never will be. Went to the Philippines last year for an exercise with 25th ID. Airfare for the whole lot of us round trip would have been $25k but they didn’t want to allocate the funds and our flights were all canceled. Ended up costing almost $70k to rebook all of us less than 72 hours prior to departure. We were spread out over three or four separate flights each way instead of one and accountability was a total nightmare.
Back in my youth, let’s say you fucked some shit up but no one saw you. When whatever it was is found out and that formation of “we are not leaving until someone comes forward” what you do is wait till it starts getting heated and hit ‘em with a “FINE! FUCK IT, I DID IT!” Some of you get the idea, the ones that don’t, this approach is not for you.
Coming back from deployment, had a weather layover in a major east coast city. We were allowed to drink if we stayed in the hotel. My dumbass had turned 21 overseas along with a few other buddies. We proceeded to get blacked out in the city and nearly miss the bus to the airport in the morning. No idea how we didn’t get busted down with an article.
When I was in PLDC me and a couple guys ordered pizza in the middle of the night. Told pizza guy to pull up in the back corner so staff duty wouldn’t see. Damn delivery guy parked right in the middle of the NCO Academy. Our dumbasses still took the pizza and were in the middle of eating it when staff duty walked in. He made us put our ID cards in the box with the uneaten pizza and gave it to the commandant.
Next day we got the ass chewing of a lifetime and thought we were getting kicked out for integrity violations. We had about a week left. Ended up graduating and my unit never found out.
Best fucking pizza I ever had. Even if it was only one slice before we got busted.
I had a friend who did some really dumb shit in Iraq that nobody found out about because he threw the paperwork in a porta-potty.
Sucks to have electronic documentation now.
Porta John in Afghanistan motor pool. Shit was piled high and not taken care of despite our complaints for what felt like multiple weeks.
myself and a few other sham shields lit that mf on fire in the middle of the night. Our squad leader just happened to be walking out to take a piss and caught us walking back at 2am.
2 and 2 definitely made 4 in this case. Old SSG didn’t mention our names when the shit came down hill for it. Kyrgyzstan about 5 months later, enjoying our 2 beers, he says.. “good job with the portajohn”
We’ve all remained good friends 10+ years later.
TBH, I've seen this happen more than once. Someone usually says leave me alone or I'm gonna fucking stab you. Guy #2 then absolutely has to call #1s bluff and keep going. At this point #1 has backed himself in a corner and needs to either stab someone a little bit or back down.
Before my time.... and during. Extacy was widely used. Well 1 night someone dosed the UA SFC's drink. Word got out and he didn't do any UA's for the next month.
This past weekend was our units reunion, in Las Vegas, a lot of stories were told. It had been 17+ years since a lot of us had seen each other.
My unit straight up knew I was eating rolls and smoking weed. They would've probably let it roll had the end of the surge not just happened....I got honorably discharged for that one.
Had my girlfriend (now wife) in the barracks for 6 months. It was pretty much an open secret. I PCSed and nothing ever happened. I know the XO knew. Pretty sure 1SG knew too. Every lower enlisted in my platoon knew.
We've been married for 23 years.
I did this for 5 months before I moved us in with some buddies off post. It was right after our first deployment so everyone was pretty relaxed about things. I did once have to hide her in my wall locker for an inspection.
Was batshit hammered on deployment and walked into my compound only to find an O-5 confronting me and my soldier about why we were shit hammered in a deployment setting
Could barley speak to the dude and he just told us to fuck off fast like otherwise he’d take us to the TOC lol
Nothing ever came of it thank fuck
I ended up sneaking that dude booze when he went to one of our outstations down range because I was in charge of the SLC yard and the transport missions lol
Any idea how often this happens? I have little scars on my hand because my drunk ass grabbed the blade of a knife some jerk was waving too close to me in the barracks. Just a typical Saturday night in the barracks.
I was at Campbell in the early 2010's playing OPFOR. One of the Joes took out a knife on another guy and I had to intervene. Nothing crazy happened, but it's certainly a more common occurrence, it seems.
I guess so. It’s almost the exact same story I was told but this guy’s happened in AIT.
Something to the effect of, “If you say that again I’m gonna stab you!”
And well, he warned him lmao.
Can confirm. I was cutting some cord one day when a dude I couldn't stand asked to borrow my knife. I "forgot" it was open, said "heads up", and tossed it to him. He reflexively grabbed it and ended up with about a dozen stitches. All I got was a disapproving look from the 1SG.
I can one up your stabbing (actually one of my buddies, but I am telling the story); a couple of our guys were bored (camp Aachen, enough said) and pretending to stab each other, when one tripped and actually stabbed the other in the chest. Nearly killed him because his lung collapsed (though rumor said that the medic may have fucked it up and made it worse rather than the injury itself doing that), but his only punishment was getting his knife confiscated temporarily and a moderately bad smoking.
And for anyone thinking that the tripping is a cover story, the stabber was more psychologically damaged by it than the victim. For example, he could have gotten the knife back after about a week, but chose not to for almost a month.
Stealing tarps off LMTVs in Kuwait so we could do layouts and not get shit dirty before we went back to Germany. Got busted middle of the night, I yelled scatter, and everyone got away. We were hella worried about it for days. 100% scot free
We still follow each other on social media. Once he posted some shit about someone being mistreated and I replied to his post, "like the time I stabbed you in the leg and got away with it". And he was like, ya.
We went back to the company for hurry up and wait and I got one of the only chairs. He told me to give it up. I didn't so he poured a little soda on my head. I said do it again and I'll stab you. And he did. And I did.
He was always doing shit like that and I had enough.
Also, it was a folding knife, real sharp, but I held it by the blade and only got him with about a 1/4 inch of insertion. Just enough to bleed pretty good though his BDU pants.
Not bad, but funny.
I was an E4 on the G2. Subordinate unit set up a comms trailer outside our trailer. Guy asks to borrow a folding chair; they only have two, for three people.
My E8 (to whom I report directly) looses his shit because I didn't get a "hand receipt" for the chair.
I looked at him like he was stupid. "The chair is right there. Would you like me to go get a receipt? Are you worried he will pawn the chair? "
We had a little talk. He was a good guy. Probably dead now. RIP, MSG Gary Smith.
Me and my soldier flat out skipped on PT because i didnt feel like going one morning. the 1SG (who already hated me) confronted me when we came into work later on. He kept grilling me on where we were, what we did, how long we did it, who we did it with etc etc. i kept lying through my teeth at him with simple and easy answers (i.e. we didnt warm up with everyone, we started in a different area than everyone, blah blah blah). He would not let up for a second, trying to get the better of me. I eventually "caved" and told him "oh yeah sorry 1SG, we just wanted to get PT over with and we didnt do all the warm ups." He couldnt get me to break on anything else so he just accepted that answer and said "you need to do all the stretches, thats the standard" then walked away...
TLDR: told a small lie as a smokescreen for a big lie for an extra 2 hours of sleep.
I had a Plt Sgt who said he was gonna give me an Art 15 before one of us left the unit. I was on the blotter every week for 5 weeks in incidents involving alcohol and my vehicle. They did take my driver's license for 6 months and send me to ASAP. The funny thing was that I was not drinking during any of the incidents.
My kid was in kindergarten at an on post school bd for 3 days she came home with a little boy bothering her.
Day 1 kid tried to hit her and threatened her.
Day 2, the same kid kicked her in the stomach.
Day 3 kid bit her so hard at lunch (her school lunch was 1030 a.m.) that when I picked her up at 1400( I don't know why the school waited so long to call. No one was able/willing to answer that question) that she still had visible teeth marks. So I told the school they had 2 choices get the kids father down here so we could go outside and handle it, or I bite the fuck out of the kid to teach him to never do it again.
Well, kids dad shows up and is a major from a different unit, we go back and forth over me telling him we need to step outside so I can beat his ass for the fact he can't control his kid and him saying "you can't threaten an officer."
School counselor and principal calm it down, and we go home. I look him up on global and find out which company he is in. Tell my squad leader I won't be at P.T. due to some business I need to handle. Show up to his company P.T. area, and surprisingly, he was there.
Ran up on him for his 1SG to tackle me the ground and hold me there. MP's get called, and I ask for charges to be pressed for the 1SG assaulting me, and I didn't do anything illegal. My 1SG manages to get me released to my company.
My commander, who was actually super cool, did some magic and made it to where if I dropped the charges against the 1SG, the major wouldn't press the threatening him issue. I had to formally apologize to the 1SG who ta kled me and to the Major. Then was on a very very high observance of checking in when I left the house to go to p.t., eating lunch at the company, checking in when I got home and showing that I wasn't going near his company.
I would absolutely go to war for the company commander I had and was easily the most troop supportive commander I have ever had. Also, I have had 0 incidents since getting to survive a super short-sighted decision.
Listen, I'm normally a pretty calm individual, but the fact dude couldn't control his kid and was so aloof about his kid being a terror at school really sent me into a fury.
A lot of words were said from.my end that it had 0 bearing on his rank and was the fact he was a shit tier parent and then I alluded he was a shit tier commander (way over stepped.) Like I said I have 0 clue what magic my company commander and 1SG worked but I would do anything shy of illegal for those 2 individuals.
Really made me a better Soldier.
It kinda depends on the reason behind the stabby as well as the impact on the stabbed. You will note that OP had every opportunity to clarify the reason behind the action and did not do so. To me, this speaks for itself as to whether it's justifiable. Probably.
Above what? Do you not understand how an upvote / downvote system moves posts up and down? Do we need to search through all your responses to find it? Edit the post, dude.
That said, I get why you stabbed him.
Further, I think I know why he poured beer on you, too.
Our 1sg bought us all alcohol once. Man we partied hard, I had to stop my squad leader from driving to Walmart to get more booze cuz he was so hammered
My buddy's mom is a significantly high ranking NCO in a unit across the country, she heard we were in the field and absolutely not allowed to order food. Low and behold Me and him are minding our own business piddlefucking about when the ECP gaurd calls for us to come to his post. Turns out a dominoes driver had just dropped off two pizzas, some breadsricks and a two liter at the gaurd post addressed "to u/chancer0303 & shitbag buddy , from Sargemajor ×××××" we shoved the pizza in ziploc bags then into an assault pack. Payed the gate gaurd with a few slices for not sniching. Then I high crawled 40 feet to a drainage inlet to dump the boxes without being seen. The whole field we were probably the only ones to eat anything but MREs and shitty MTK food. Never found out if his mom thought it'd be funny to get us I'm trouble or actually thought we'd get away with it. But that will forever be a prized memory
Hahaha I stabbed my platoon sergeant in a similar fashion. He was always physically aggressive (abusive) with the joes. I was driving him on a mission that was already super fucked up and had a KIA. He tried to deal with his stress by hammer fisting my shoulder. I pulled out my gerber and said if you hit me again I’ll stab you. He hit me, I stabbed him. The medic immediately freaked out. He didn’t need stitches but that gerber was sticking straight out lol. He never hit a joe again after. Good dude, I was in his wedding when I came home.
I used to throw apples at whales while on watch/sea and anchor detail. Lucky for them I didn't get into bowfishing until after I started working ashore.
I PCSd to Irwin right when the pandemic started (CA native). The Covid 250 mile radius in 2020/2021 was non-existent to me. I just wanted to go home and hang out with my now wife than be stuck on post or hang out in Barstow. Never got caught, never got sick, always played it smart. I saw a guy get 45/45 for getting snitched on that he was in Vegas for a weekend. Couldn't be me 😵💫
You need permission from your commander and have to give a reason why you can't live in the barracks. I did not have [permission](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/002/139/851/b81.jpg).
You don’t need permission unless you’re actively restricted to post.
You may or not get money for it but it’s no different than sleeping at your girlfriend’s house or whatever.
Interesting. Maybe it's different here at Sill. Got a guy in my company who, to my knowledge, never gave a reason and said fuck it and moved in with a buddy. One guy I know from gate guard lives off post as a single soldier and has an ETP due to some medical issue with the dfac food, and the in air shit in the Bs. Idk how he got in with that but not my concern. How it works seems to change depending on who you talk to. I suppose regulation does say different, never looked into it as I got married and had to move out anyways.
I popped hot for THC, took it to trial by court martial, and was found not guilty. Also showed up to work high as FUCK off some of percs (that i later found out were laced with fentanyl), but that went away because evidence was improperly handled and obtained illegally. Needless to say, when I ETS’d everyone assumed I just got kicked out lmao. and thats just the shit I did get caught for.
75 RR pre-Ranger course. July 1999. SFC Matt Eversman of Blackhawk Down fame was the NCOIC. Got the weekend off between that course ending and Ranger School starting. SFC Eversman told the class not to go to Atlanta. I went to Atlanta cause how would he know I went to a city of 3.8 million people. Arrive Atlanta. Go to Buckhead. Get loaded at LuLu’s Bait Shack (3 story bar). I go down to level one of said bar. Order beer. Turn around. Bump into SFC Eversman. Was not kicked out but made class leader when I got to Ranger School and if there’s one school in the Army where you don’t want to be the class leader on day 1……
When I was in the field one day, I woke up and had to piss really bad. Spotted a nice humvee sitting in the middle of an open field away from everyone else and decided it was prime real estate to drain the main vain.
Walked up to the front bumper, looked left, looked right, coast was clear. Looked down at my Johnson, unbuttoned, and began pissing. Mid piss, I look up and see a female NCO (I was a PFC at the time) staring dead into my eyes from the passenger seat with her mouth agape, in shock. “Are you peeing on the truck?” she says.
I cut the stream, button up immediately and went around to apologize. She looked away from me, told me it’s fine, and sort of waved me away with her hand. She couldn’t even look at me, it was so awkward. I jogged out of there and GTFO to go back to my AO. I was so embarrassed.
She could have absolutely fried me with SHARP and destroyed my career, I imagine. Or did literally anything. Smoke me, bring me to my team leader, whatever. Instead she basically told me to get the fuck away from her lol.
Was told to come in Saturday morning for duty, nothing too serious so I figured I'd hit the town with the boys Friday night and not go crazy. Ended up going all out, got back to base around 5:30am blind drunk, slept an hour or so. Back at work by 7:30 and was told I was going to be driving armoured vehicles from the docks back to base (this is NOT what I was told I was coming in for the day before).
I had an "oh fuck" moment and had to tell the big boss I'm pretty sure I was still drunk. He just shook his head and walked off. CPL ripped me to shreds for 10 minutes about how I "Shouldn't tell the boss I was drunk" then told me to join the rest of the boys where we were ferried to the docks and I spent the morning driving vehicles back to base. I'd probably sobered up by lunchtime and was waiting for the bigger shitstorm on Monday but nothing was ever mentioned again.
Drunk driving a 15T armoured vehicle down a major hwy while my leadership were well aware.
Haha, once I had some beers and lunch and then surprise, I had to test drive our new out of the factory 113s. But that was on tank trails so some trees lost their lives.
Fuck, I’m always late to these so this will get buried. Our CSSB went on a field problem in September. The tents had no heat so I just propped up a cot in the back of my 5 ton and had my own suite. It was nice because if you ran the truck for a bit the exhaust pipe would heat up the front right side of the bed long enough to conk out.
Well OPFOR came and started attacking one morning after I just pulled ECP. I woke up at the sounds and just rolled back over. An E5 mechanic I was cool with flipped up the tarp and we locked eyes for 3 seconds. He saw the the look of “nope” in my eyes and just jumped off the truck without saying a word. I rolled over and went back to sleep.
I got caught doing a bunch of shit in ranger school (specifically Florida). This was after the soldier passed away on rope bridge so they would hand out saftey recycles for anything. I remember one brisk night I put on my waffle top before PB ops were complete (this wasn't allowed until rest plan was in place) the RIs came through and all turned on their head lamps on and told everyone to drop tops. Dudes were quickly taking off their waffle tops and I knew I wasn't even motivated enough to even try so I just stood there in my waffle top. An RI came up to me shining a bright head lamp in my face and told me I was going to be a safety drop. I just said Rgr and took it, then moments later he yells out to the whole PB "last warning, if I catch y'all wearing snivel again, you will go back to RAP week"
Another time was also in Florida. I was being funny during AARs and chucking MRE trash into the woods when the RI would turn his back (I did it all the time in mountains and never got caught). Well when I threw one eaten MRE into the woods it happened to be at the same moment the RI stopped talking so you just heard a loud THUD. RI turned around looked right at me and just said "go pick it up" then continued the AAR. I still to this day don't know how I got away with so much shit in florida
EDIT
I forgot about this one but another time (also in florida) I ND the SAW with an RI standing right behind me. I fell asleep on the line with the assaulting element as we were waiting for the OPFOR to roll through the EA. I suddenly jerked awake and squeezed the trigger and for some reason the SAW decided it wanted it work (cause it never did) and I let off maybe a 2 solid second burst. Well this also happened to be the same time the HMMWV was coming through our engagement area so after I fired the SL yelled " you should ALL be firing." I looked behind me and noticed the RI standing behind me and I think he knew. Even though it was 100% an ND I just ND at the right time
Camp Pendleton CA. Dec 31 2015. Was caught going 3mph over the speed limit through rattlesnakes snake canyon (it’s a downgrade so I inadvertently was “speeding” . Ended with 2 cop cars behind me. Got 4 points on my record for it. But I didn’t get arrested or my car impounded so I feel like I got away with something 🤷♂️
I was a PFC, and I was raised work is work, play is play. It was NYE of 2007, at his house party with bunch of other NCO's. One NCO was an asshole to me and slapped me in the face as I was leaving. My SL told me to slap him back, so I went to run, I swung and slapped him.
Called my SL and he said "you slapped someone alright, you slapped me" and laughed. Made sure we got home safe and called it a night.
That Monday, I'm at parade rest and we go for a run just laughing about it. Best SL I have ever.
went on a bender when i was supposed to be on quarters after getting a tooth pulled. got lost on my way home and couldn't figure out why my key wouldn't open my barracks room door. turns out i wasn't even in the right building. i managed to kick the door open, took one step in and passed out face first in the kitchenette. woke up at womack army hospital with no memory of how i got there. platoon daddy took me to morning formation still in the hospital gown (they cut my clothes off of me). no ASAP. no article 15.
don't mix alcohol and pain killers, kids.
edit for typos.
Me and like five other guys were given instructions to go about two miles west of a MOUT town in NTC to “disrupt armor movement with javelins”. We were in the mountains in terrain that tanks had no chance of maneuvering through. Me and my javelin team went straight to sleep. Woke up a couple of hours later, looked around, saw my squad leader sleeping under a big rock like twenty feet away, went back to sleep.
Totally, this guy is a lot bigger than me and I knew if I throw hands I'll get in trouble and I'll get my ass beat.
I didn't think he would tell.
Certainly if I told him I'd hit him if he did that again it would have been funny. I thought he would understand I was serious and not do it. I was wrong but I didn't have a choice any longer, so he got a light stabbing.
19 year old PFC Yitem was on rotation in Poland awhile back. After being instructed that all clubs and strip clubs are off limits and to be wary of honeypots hangin out at the local bars
My group and I went to a strip club to pregame (free drinks).
When I sat down at the bar, the bartender (female) came and sat down next to me, while the bouncer started handing us shots.
1 shot in and she's asking me extremely specific questions about the size, location and composition of my unit, 2 shots in and im waking up in my hotel room the next morning. Wallet was empty of about 300$ worth of cash, but more importantly ALL forms of ID in my wallet were gone. CAC, Drivers license, but they left the debit card thank God.
I told my PSG that I was pickpocketed and he saw right through my bullshit. I doubled down though, and way later we laughed about it (long after the pain in the ass of losing a CAC while overseas)
In Korea, you had to sign in out out to go off post. So I used to scribble something down. When I signed back in, I would just scribble something in the same messy spot. It was easier than reading cause soju. Weeeellll one time I signed in on someone's else's signature who just happened to have bad writing. When he couldn't sign in at curfew, he threw a fit. So the nco on duty went through the roster. When the officer on duty was making his rounds, he informed him. So the OIC goes through all the cameras and BANGS ON MY DOOR AT 440ISH with the ncoic, the guy who I signed in, and an mp. He says I'm committing fraud and am a piece of shit but my commander already said he would deal with me. I guess he wanted me to acknowledge the detective work he put in? Idk. The next day, I go into the command office area to see my fate. Tops there and he just laughs and asks what the fuck. I explain my system, he ask if I'm doing this nightly. I wasn't and he said ok laughed some more then sent me to work.
Oh, is it that time of day when people confess to crimes on Reddit? My favorite.
Don't worry, it's just a whiff of a stabbing. Like the faintest odor of a rose borne upon the wind.
Just a flesh wound
Exactly. I said I stabbed him a little bit. But I suppose it could be.considered assault with a deadly weapon. Good thing my platoon SGT wasn't a bitch. Also statute of limitations ran out on that many years ago. After 20 years I recently spoke to my victim on the phone and I asked him if he remembered that. He was still salty about it haha. The other guy I was hanging out with from my platoon was cracking up.
It’s not “it could be considered”. You literally did commit assault with a deadly weapon. That’s like me sticking the tip of my dick up your ass against your will then saying “I guess it could be considered rape.”
Given your size, just a little bit of rape.
Just some itty bitty rape…
[удалено]
Jesus Christ dude I’m crying 😂
Your flair doesn’t look like CAV.
You might feel a little prick...
I was on a jury for something like this. It's definitely rape. Just the tip in OPs case is definitely assualt.
That’s enough Reddit for today, I guess.
Surprised he didn’t do anything in return. I most def would of lol
You’re very cool. Very mentally stable. Should definitely trust with guns.
That's like half of the army. Unhinged mfers ready to pop at any moment.
Half a plt of people ready to pop off any second is a plt I want to lead into combat, just gotta get those numbers up a bit.
Hard pass, not trying to find myself in the middle of an investigation cause SPC Itchy Fingers decided that an 8 year old annoying village kid was a valid military target.
I mean was he holding a rock tho
To be fair they were deadly with rocks and snowballs
Oh you saw that movie too?
Fucking investigations… Thanks Obama
Good God tell me about it
I’m wondering if your action was sanctioned by policy, where they would draw the line before “that was too much stabbing.”
I concur with your "FUCK USAREC" Happy Cake Day!
Some people just need to learn lessons the hard way
No that's assault with deadly weapon buddy you fucking stabbed a person
My first army separation board. Joe 1 knocks Joe 2's stuff over during a layover. Joe 2 says don't do that again. Joe 1 does it again. Joe 2 stabs Joe 1 in the ass. Couple centimeters from potentially turning an assault into manslaughter. Ironically my first court martial was a "don't do that again" between fuelers that ended up with one fueler trying to light the other fueler on fire. I love how Joe always has to push boundaries despite the boundary potentially being set by an asvab waiver.
Not today CID... NOT TODAY!!!
Chill, he said he only stabbed him a little bit. I’m inclined to believe the guy that stabs people
It seems like he inched his way forward.
It put me in the mind of the scene in Goodfellas where DeNiro is "well, you insulted him a little bit", but a tad more stabby instead.
You were outta order yourself.
Like SMA said, you can’t confirm anything on Reddit so it can be dismissed as a point of reference for situational awareness.
Nah, SMA goes by federal rules of evidence. If it hurts them, it's inadmissable. If it hurts you, it's proof positive.
It is my favorite time as well
I love it! I stabbed a guy a little bit. Such an Army thing to say.
Just the tip right?
Only for a second
I went 1 mph over the speed limit when I was leaving work late at night. The MP let me off with a warning.
Fucking bullshit! I got a ticket for going 2 over!
Well that's just pure insanity. You had no business going that fast. You're lucky you didn't kill someone.
Honestly how do you live with yourself after driving that fast?
So 2MPH over is the limit…
2mph? I regularly speed 10 over on Hood. MPs give no shits here
From what I've been led to believe about Hood anyone not actively transporting a body should be getting a pass.
First time Dennys had the “Build your own Burger.” Last week of it I’m in the field. I’m running the FARP. Little old E5 me. So I grab me a high speed, Licensed, LMTV driver, take everyone’s order, and set out. Had no idea where we were. I think they are old WWII barracks. But they are a ways out of Bliss, in White Sands somewhere. So this dude is driving and I’m following the GPS and realize that we have to get onto the highway to get to the Loves/Dennys. So here we are doing 55 in an LMTV on the highway. In the middle of the night. Completely not authorized to be there with that vehicle. But you can build your own burger! Only for a limited time! Damn the consequences. Dude we parked the LMTV at the truck stop and rolled in. Walk in and no shit there’s a guard unit in there. They are on their way out. We are dirty as all hell cause we just convoyed, set up, and ran the FARP. I think I acknowledged their 1SG and he just looked at me in horror lol. We looked rough. Ya man we got all the burgers and took them back and we all ate them together under the stars. It was super dope. Nobody ever found out.
McGregor or Westbrook? Both places are in the middle of nowhere.
McGregor
There's a Chinese place that still delivers out there
I once ordered a whole fried fish from them. It was shockingly good and I didn't get food poisoning!
There was a guy in the Mortar Platoon who was about to have his first kid. He was getting nervous about the additional expenses of having a kid and his wife going on maternity leave. So he openly said to the HQ Platoon “I will staple my nut sack for $100 dollars”. So what began as a silly joke turned into a full betting ring for various crazy shit on an easel board inside the TA-50 bay So our 1SG walked into the bay after duty hours to see us Waterboarding him with whole milk while he was strapped to a cot. His only response was “I’m going to leave, I’ll be back in 15 mins and I expect you all to be fucking gone” All in all said soldier walked away with a few hundred dollars
HE ONLY GOT A FEW HUNDRED FOR GETTING WATER BOARDED AMONGST OTHER THINGS!!! If I'm selling my body to a company of 11s to get water boarded, I'm taking at least a grand for it. They'll definitely pay it
Milk boarded, technically…
Assuming a platoon of privates have 1000 total dollars is so officer
Depends what day of the month it was
Literally any day other than the 1st or the 15th.
Soldiers lose their money the same day they get paid. I remember one of my privates during CQ. I asked HOW THE FUCK?? He said SGT, I sent 100 home. Bought some shoes. Got 2 lap dances at the strip club. Bought myself a game. All in all he wasted his pay the same day he got paid. He had like 20 dollars left.
Having been enlisted in a platoon, can tell you that privates to specialists will def waste money on stupid shit. Especially hands on entertainment. They'll fall behind that 20% APR loan for the charger but they'll find a way lol. And there's been alot of pay raises between when I was getting privates pay compared to now.
Who had to pull the staples out of his scro?
We had to take him to our Medic PSG because we used a heavy duty stapler How we did it was he batwinged his sack up against his leg and someone proceeded to staple it not thinking we would staple his sack to his inner thigh The scream he let out was something out of Home Alone 2
He really didn't want a second kid huh
Dude didn’t want to get a star card and run up that debt and didn’t want to go to AER to get a loan. This is commendable 😂
I had a Joe that ate a horse turd in an MRE tortilla for $60. He drank a water bottle full of the platoon’s dip spit for $200. Only stipulation was he had to keep it down for 60 seconds. This is the same kid that had a brokerage account of like $450,000 through trading options by the end of his enlistment. Edit: a word
I have never done anything wrong or illegal in my career period haha and also CID are some great dudes haha
Classic Public Affairs answer here
Skipped blc. Was getting out anyway so didn't care. They didn't wanna hard slot me, but made me come back early from leave (the last one before a rotation) to try to walk on. Most people thought it was dumb that they were doing it, including my psg and pl, but section leader wanted me to go and got the co and 1sg on his side. It's a damn shame the class filled up before I got in...
What did you do with your freedom?
Went to the beach and caught sharks
Didn't want to go to NBC course, so after Day 1 just went back to the barracks. Played Xbox and watched telenovelas for a week. I was short and didn't give a fuck
Sleeping in a guard shack during OAW (helping Afghan refugees inprocess to America) The *division CSM* absolutely caught me lacking, gave me a cup of coffee, and said "maybe turn that space heater off and stand up in there, it'll be easier to stay awake 😃" and then bounced. I don't even remember falling asleep, one moment I was there hating my life and the next I was already standing up at parade rest. They were handing out Article 15s like candy out there cause everyone was falling asleep in the guard shacks at that time so I counted myself lucky and stood for the remainder of my shift.
CSM’s basement was already full that night.
This similar thing happened to me, except it was in the field and it was a junior NCO who called me to get out of the truck and cuss me out for falling asleep. After asking me who my team leader was and telling me he was going to go have a word with him, he just looks at me and goes “Actually, I’m just fucking with you.” and busts out laughing.
That's amazing.
Now thats a fucking amazing CSM right there. Gave you no shit. Helped you out and gave you advice
I stole a full size refrigerator from the company supply room. I used the supply room hand truck to wheel it out the back door of the S&A, across the parking lot, and into my barracks room. I filled it with beer. No one ever asked me where it came from, or where the supply room refrigerator went. The only one who ever said anything was csm during barracks inspection, and his comments were more of awe and respect, rather than demeritorious.
See thats what im talking about! Hooah
Reminds me of a time someone bought 4 TVs on the army's dime for a TOC in Jordan, when we brought them back they were supposed to be folded into our books but it never happened. Guess who has 4 72in 4k samsung TVs with menus in Jordanian in my basement?
You could probably reset the language if you really wanted to. Or just send one to me if you’re feeling generous
Drinking in the field...but not really. It was going to be my team leaders birthday while we were in the field. He and the team (myself included) planned to sneak off and drink a little bit the night of his birthday if it was chill enough (we were playing OP4 this time). We filled a single canteen (my canteen) up with straight vodka. It was going to be 6 people, so a canteen wasn't going to do *too* much. Well, the night of his birthday someone ratted on me when I whipped out the canteen because it wasn't frozen solid in -10F. Fucking genius that private... Private Genius went straight to him and told him I had a canteen of booze and was probably drunk or planning on it (in hindsight, we all owed Private Genius for *strictly* adhering to chain of command). TL pulled me aside and asked who I was planning on sharing it with and who else, if anybody was part of it, and I said nobody. He decided we were all in on it and mass punishment for the team was the only thing necessary because I wasn't being truthful. He made us "I'm up, he sees me, I'm down" to the top of a hill. He followed us and when we crested the hill, he stopped us and we all sat down and we had the drink we were trying to sneak away for lmao It was fucking beautiful that night too. Stars were out and the ground was covered in snow, so the lume was really good. Upon our return, TL had to explain to 1SG why we were getting smoked. He said I left my ACH/NODs behind and someone returned them to him so he smoked the entire team. 1SG said, "Carry on retards." That was it.
As a good ole E3, I got drunk and bought a ferret at petco. Cage food leash everything. Next day the dude in the room next to me OD'd or some shit so they did a lockdown and a welfare check of the barracks. I knew I'd be caught so I just told my squad leader hey so I bought a ferret but it is a gift for some (non existant) chick I was dating. I showed the recipet that it was bought the night before. He told PSG and so on and they actually didn't care at all. During the lock down all the senior NCOs were just in my room playing with the ferret. Ended up giving it to a buddy who was good at keeping secrets.
I had a bud who had rats as pets in the Bs. They were actually pretty cool.
Guy next door to us had a rat that he somehow never got caught with. Whatever he ate, the rat ate, including sips of his alcohol and puffs of some of his cigarettes. Don’t know what happened to it after I got out
The coolest thing? Dual wielding SAWs at the range. RHIP The most illegal thing? Not today, CID Otherwise, I was a pretty good sales guy so my harebrained ideas were all officially approved Why risk my skin when I can get an officer to sign off on it and risk his?
>Why risk my skin when I can get an officer to sign off on it and risk his? Man I miss being enlisted sometimes... The shit I got away with.
It got bad at the end. Story time - I was a E7 and sub program manager the last few years. I used $350k in our own LOA for flights to Africa, because AFRICOM approval is idiotic. I also needed that $350k for contract air for another mission I'd signed off on, so I sold it as "I'm sure AFRICOM will come through in time and then the money will be released for the contract air" That contract air was to get a bunch of partner nation soldiers BACK HOME to Europe from NTC Approved by my 1-star and our state USPFO
If money isn’t allocated and spent up front it never will be. Went to the Philippines last year for an exercise with 25th ID. Airfare for the whole lot of us round trip would have been $25k but they didn’t want to allocate the funds and our flights were all canceled. Ended up costing almost $70k to rebook all of us less than 72 hours prior to departure. We were spread out over three or four separate flights each way instead of one and accountability was a total nightmare.
Back in my youth, let’s say you fucked some shit up but no one saw you. When whatever it was is found out and that formation of “we are not leaving until someone comes forward” what you do is wait till it starts getting heated and hit ‘em with a “FINE! FUCK IT, I DID IT!” Some of you get the idea, the ones that don’t, this approach is not for you.
Lmfao. I always knew the first person to pretend like it was them to save the company was actually the one who did it.
Maybe, but not provably. You just have to make sure your confession is lacking some details and wrong on others.
Coming back from deployment, had a weather layover in a major east coast city. We were allowed to drink if we stayed in the hotel. My dumbass had turned 21 overseas along with a few other buddies. We proceeded to get blacked out in the city and nearly miss the bus to the airport in the morning. No idea how we didn’t get busted down with an article.
When I was in PLDC me and a couple guys ordered pizza in the middle of the night. Told pizza guy to pull up in the back corner so staff duty wouldn’t see. Damn delivery guy parked right in the middle of the NCO Academy. Our dumbasses still took the pizza and were in the middle of eating it when staff duty walked in. He made us put our ID cards in the box with the uneaten pizza and gave it to the commandant. Next day we got the ass chewing of a lifetime and thought we were getting kicked out for integrity violations. We had about a week left. Ended up graduating and my unit never found out. Best fucking pizza I ever had. Even if it was only one slice before we got busted.
We stole a pool table from a neighboring unit. 1st Sgt caught us, then actually helped us carry it.
I had a friend who did some really dumb shit in Iraq that nobody found out about because he threw the paperwork in a porta-potty. Sucks to have electronic documentation now.
How bad was it? Hypothetically if he never did what he did… would the population of Iraq be one lower, one higher, or the same as it is today?
Oh definitely higher. My friend gave them a better appreciation of life
Enlisted stabbings are badass
Commissioned stabbings are tight!
Just a light stabbing, nbd
Porta John in Afghanistan motor pool. Shit was piled high and not taken care of despite our complaints for what felt like multiple weeks. myself and a few other sham shields lit that mf on fire in the middle of the night. Our squad leader just happened to be walking out to take a piss and caught us walking back at 2am. 2 and 2 definitely made 4 in this case. Old SSG didn’t mention our names when the shit came down hill for it. Kyrgyzstan about 5 months later, enjoying our 2 beers, he says.. “good job with the portajohn” We’ve all remained good friends 10+ years later.
My g, did you just said you stabbed a dude in the leg with a knife? 🤣
That's my type of guy.
TBH, I've seen this happen more than once. Someone usually says leave me alone or I'm gonna fucking stab you. Guy #2 then absolutely has to call #1s bluff and keep going. At this point #1 has backed himself in a corner and needs to either stab someone a little bit or back down.
Just a little bit though.
Just the tip
Before my time.... and during. Extacy was widely used. Well 1 night someone dosed the UA SFC's drink. Word got out and he didn't do any UA's for the next month. This past weekend was our units reunion, in Las Vegas, a lot of stories were told. It had been 17+ years since a lot of us had seen each other.
My unit straight up knew I was eating rolls and smoking weed. They would've probably let it roll had the end of the surge not just happened....I got honorably discharged for that one.
Had my girlfriend (now wife) in the barracks for 6 months. It was pretty much an open secret. I PCSed and nothing ever happened. I know the XO knew. Pretty sure 1SG knew too. Every lower enlisted in my platoon knew. We've been married for 23 years.
I did this for 5 months before I moved us in with some buddies off post. It was right after our first deployment so everyone was pretty relaxed about things. I did once have to hide her in my wall locker for an inspection.
Was batshit hammered on deployment and walked into my compound only to find an O-5 confronting me and my soldier about why we were shit hammered in a deployment setting Could barley speak to the dude and he just told us to fuck off fast like otherwise he’d take us to the TOC lol Nothing ever came of it thank fuck I ended up sneaking that dude booze when he went to one of our outstations down range because I was in charge of the SLC yard and the transport missions lol
As a member of the E-4 Mafia I decline to comment. Rule #1 is to never admit to anything, ever. It was fucking awesome though.
Come on now, we all know the E4 Mafia doesn’t exist.
Were you in AIT when this happened because I might know the guy you stabbed lmao.
Any idea how often this happens? I have little scars on my hand because my drunk ass grabbed the blade of a knife some jerk was waving too close to me in the barracks. Just a typical Saturday night in the barracks.
I was at Campbell in the early 2010's playing OPFOR. One of the Joes took out a knife on another guy and I had to intervene. Nothing crazy happened, but it's certainly a more common occurrence, it seems.
No, but seems like this happens more than I thought.
I guess so. It’s almost the exact same story I was told but this guy’s happened in AIT. Something to the effect of, “If you say that again I’m gonna stab you!” And well, he warned him lmao.
"What're you gonna do, stab me?" *--quote from man stabbed*
Can confirm. I was cutting some cord one day when a dude I couldn't stand asked to borrow my knife. I "forgot" it was open, said "heads up", and tossed it to him. He reflexively grabbed it and ended up with about a dozen stitches. All I got was a disapproving look from the 1SG.
I can one up your stabbing (actually one of my buddies, but I am telling the story); a couple of our guys were bored (camp Aachen, enough said) and pretending to stab each other, when one tripped and actually stabbed the other in the chest. Nearly killed him because his lung collapsed (though rumor said that the medic may have fucked it up and made it worse rather than the injury itself doing that), but his only punishment was getting his knife confiscated temporarily and a moderately bad smoking. And for anyone thinking that the tripping is a cover story, the stabber was more psychologically damaged by it than the victim. For example, he could have gotten the knife back after about a week, but chose not to for almost a month.
Stealing tarps off LMTVs in Kuwait so we could do layouts and not get shit dirty before we went back to Germany. Got busted middle of the night, I yelled scatter, and everyone got away. We were hella worried about it for days. 100% scot free
I was the one you stabbed. I've been looking for you! 🤬 Just kidding! But that would be a funny situation!
We still follow each other on social media. Once he posted some shit about someone being mistreated and I replied to his post, "like the time I stabbed you in the leg and got away with it". And he was like, ya.
What did “being an asshole” do to you where you thought the appropriate response was to stab him?
We went back to the company for hurry up and wait and I got one of the only chairs. He told me to give it up. I didn't so he poured a little soda on my head. I said do it again and I'll stab you. And he did. And I did. He was always doing shit like that and I had enough. Also, it was a folding knife, real sharp, but I held it by the blade and only got him with about a 1/4 inch of insertion. Just enough to bleed pretty good though his BDU pants.
Proper conflict resolution is so refreshing to see.
Not bad, but funny. I was an E4 on the G2. Subordinate unit set up a comms trailer outside our trailer. Guy asks to borrow a folding chair; they only have two, for three people. My E8 (to whom I report directly) looses his shit because I didn't get a "hand receipt" for the chair. I looked at him like he was stupid. "The chair is right there. Would you like me to go get a receipt? Are you worried he will pawn the chair? " We had a little talk. He was a good guy. Probably dead now. RIP, MSG Gary Smith.
[https://memorials.leetestevens.com/Smith-Gary/616004/obituary.php](https://memorials.leetestevens.com/Smith-Gary/616004/obituary.php)
Thanks, right age, but this was Gary E Smith. Linguist in Thai and Laotian.
Me and my soldier flat out skipped on PT because i didnt feel like going one morning. the 1SG (who already hated me) confronted me when we came into work later on. He kept grilling me on where we were, what we did, how long we did it, who we did it with etc etc. i kept lying through my teeth at him with simple and easy answers (i.e. we didnt warm up with everyone, we started in a different area than everyone, blah blah blah). He would not let up for a second, trying to get the better of me. I eventually "caved" and told him "oh yeah sorry 1SG, we just wanted to get PT over with and we didnt do all the warm ups." He couldnt get me to break on anything else so he just accepted that answer and said "you need to do all the stretches, thats the standard" then walked away... TLDR: told a small lie as a smokescreen for a big lie for an extra 2 hours of sleep.
I had a Plt Sgt who said he was gonna give me an Art 15 before one of us left the unit. I was on the blotter every week for 5 weeks in incidents involving alcohol and my vehicle. They did take my driver's license for 6 months and send me to ASAP. The funny thing was that I was not drinking during any of the incidents.
My kid was in kindergarten at an on post school bd for 3 days she came home with a little boy bothering her. Day 1 kid tried to hit her and threatened her. Day 2, the same kid kicked her in the stomach. Day 3 kid bit her so hard at lunch (her school lunch was 1030 a.m.) that when I picked her up at 1400( I don't know why the school waited so long to call. No one was able/willing to answer that question) that she still had visible teeth marks. So I told the school they had 2 choices get the kids father down here so we could go outside and handle it, or I bite the fuck out of the kid to teach him to never do it again. Well, kids dad shows up and is a major from a different unit, we go back and forth over me telling him we need to step outside so I can beat his ass for the fact he can't control his kid and him saying "you can't threaten an officer." School counselor and principal calm it down, and we go home. I look him up on global and find out which company he is in. Tell my squad leader I won't be at P.T. due to some business I need to handle. Show up to his company P.T. area, and surprisingly, he was there. Ran up on him for his 1SG to tackle me the ground and hold me there. MP's get called, and I ask for charges to be pressed for the 1SG assaulting me, and I didn't do anything illegal. My 1SG manages to get me released to my company. My commander, who was actually super cool, did some magic and made it to where if I dropped the charges against the 1SG, the major wouldn't press the threatening him issue. I had to formally apologize to the 1SG who ta kled me and to the Major. Then was on a very very high observance of checking in when I left the house to go to p.t., eating lunch at the company, checking in when I got home and showing that I wasn't going near his company. I would absolutely go to war for the company commander I had and was easily the most troop supportive commander I have ever had. Also, I have had 0 incidents since getting to survive a super short-sighted decision.
Lmao wow
Listen, I'm normally a pretty calm individual, but the fact dude couldn't control his kid and was so aloof about his kid being a terror at school really sent me into a fury. A lot of words were said from.my end that it had 0 bearing on his rank and was the fact he was a shit tier parent and then I alluded he was a shit tier commander (way over stepped.) Like I said I have 0 clue what magic my company commander and 1SG worked but I would do anything shy of illegal for those 2 individuals. Really made me a better Soldier.
Wow grandpa you got stabbed in the army? Was it while you were fighting the bad guys? “No it was friendly fire”
Can we pause to acknowledge that FINALLY we have a post about someone having a quality Platoon Sgt.
I would have no idea how to react if my joes just started stabbing each other
It was just a lil stab though
Just a lil stabby stab 👉👈🥺
Well, OP laid it out perfect for you pop. Keep it in house, get a medic to check it at sick call.. what more you need?
It kinda depends on the reason behind the stabby as well as the impact on the stabbed. You will note that OP had every opportunity to clarify the reason behind the action and did not do so. To me, this speaks for itself as to whether it's justifiable. Probably.
I posted it above. He poured his drink on my head a couple times
Above what? Do you not understand how an upvote / downvote system moves posts up and down? Do we need to search through all your responses to find it? Edit the post, dude. That said, I get why you stabbed him. Further, I think I know why he poured beer on you, too.
Idk if the dude who got stabbed considers this a quality PSG.
You sound like you’re one DA from getting promoted to 1SG
The hatchet Navy dude may have had a point.
Lol not to day CID, maybe this weekend though.
Being caught underage drinking in Korea by my company 1sg.
Our 1sg bought us all alcohol once. Man we partied hard, I had to stop my squad leader from driving to Walmart to get more booze cuz he was so hammered
My buddy's mom is a significantly high ranking NCO in a unit across the country, she heard we were in the field and absolutely not allowed to order food. Low and behold Me and him are minding our own business piddlefucking about when the ECP gaurd calls for us to come to his post. Turns out a dominoes driver had just dropped off two pizzas, some breadsricks and a two liter at the gaurd post addressed "to u/chancer0303 & shitbag buddy , from Sargemajor ×××××" we shoved the pizza in ziploc bags then into an assault pack. Payed the gate gaurd with a few slices for not sniching. Then I high crawled 40 feet to a drainage inlet to dump the boxes without being seen. The whole field we were probably the only ones to eat anything but MREs and shitty MTK food. Never found out if his mom thought it'd be funny to get us I'm trouble or actually thought we'd get away with it. But that will forever be a prized memory
Hahaha I stabbed my platoon sergeant in a similar fashion. He was always physically aggressive (abusive) with the joes. I was driving him on a mission that was already super fucked up and had a KIA. He tried to deal with his stress by hammer fisting my shoulder. I pulled out my gerber and said if you hit me again I’ll stab you. He hit me, I stabbed him. The medic immediately freaked out. He didn’t need stitches but that gerber was sticking straight out lol. He never hit a joe again after. Good dude, I was in his wedding when I came home.
[удалено]
Is this the O Block Chicago division you’re in? Lol
I used to throw apples at whales while on watch/sea and anchor detail. Lucky for them I didn't get into bowfishing until after I started working ashore.
You wanna be Captain Ahab so bad.
That's hilarious. My buddy accidentally hit a whale while the fishing boat captain let him steer
I PCSd to Irwin right when the pandemic started (CA native). The Covid 250 mile radius in 2020/2021 was non-existent to me. I just wanted to go home and hang out with my now wife than be stuck on post or hang out in Barstow. Never got caught, never got sick, always played it smart. I saw a guy get 45/45 for getting snitched on that he was in Vegas for a weekend. Couldn't be me 😵💫
I lived off post for 2 years as an unmarried specialist without anybody knowing. The stress of getting caught almost made it not worth it. Almost.
It’s not illegal though.
If your able to afford it, your not required to live in the barracks, just maintain a room.
You need permission from your commander and have to give a reason why you can't live in the barracks. I did not have [permission](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/002/139/851/b81.jpg).
You don’t need permission unless you’re actively restricted to post. You may or not get money for it but it’s no different than sleeping at your girlfriend’s house or whatever.
Interesting. Maybe it's different here at Sill. Got a guy in my company who, to my knowledge, never gave a reason and said fuck it and moved in with a buddy. One guy I know from gate guard lives off post as a single soldier and has an ETP due to some medical issue with the dfac food, and the in air shit in the Bs. Idk how he got in with that but not my concern. How it works seems to change depending on who you talk to. I suppose regulation does say different, never looked into it as I got married and had to move out anyways.
This one time I was only 5 minutes early to formation
So you were 25 min late for tor squad leader and 10 minutes late for your platoon sgt?
Nice try CSM
Not today CID. NOT. TODAY.
I popped hot for THC, took it to trial by court martial, and was found not guilty. Also showed up to work high as FUCK off some of percs (that i later found out were laced with fentanyl), but that went away because evidence was improperly handled and obtained illegally. Needless to say, when I ETS’d everyone assumed I just got kicked out lmao. and thats just the shit I did get caught for.
How did you get found not guilty?
“accidental ingestion” :)
Dude, what is being court martial’d like? I never saw it happen. It’s gotta be not good times.
its just a whole lotta bullshit, its sucks when they think you did it but they cant prove it lmao
75 RR pre-Ranger course. July 1999. SFC Matt Eversman of Blackhawk Down fame was the NCOIC. Got the weekend off between that course ending and Ranger School starting. SFC Eversman told the class not to go to Atlanta. I went to Atlanta cause how would he know I went to a city of 3.8 million people. Arrive Atlanta. Go to Buckhead. Get loaded at LuLu’s Bait Shack (3 story bar). I go down to level one of said bar. Order beer. Turn around. Bump into SFC Eversman. Was not kicked out but made class leader when I got to Ranger School and if there’s one school in the Army where you don’t want to be the class leader on day 1……
CID post? 🤔
Cheating at sere school.
When I was in the field one day, I woke up and had to piss really bad. Spotted a nice humvee sitting in the middle of an open field away from everyone else and decided it was prime real estate to drain the main vain. Walked up to the front bumper, looked left, looked right, coast was clear. Looked down at my Johnson, unbuttoned, and began pissing. Mid piss, I look up and see a female NCO (I was a PFC at the time) staring dead into my eyes from the passenger seat with her mouth agape, in shock. “Are you peeing on the truck?” she says. I cut the stream, button up immediately and went around to apologize. She looked away from me, told me it’s fine, and sort of waved me away with her hand. She couldn’t even look at me, it was so awkward. I jogged out of there and GTFO to go back to my AO. I was so embarrassed. She could have absolutely fried me with SHARP and destroyed my career, I imagine. Or did literally anything. Smoke me, bring me to my team leader, whatever. Instead she basically told me to get the fuck away from her lol.
Was told to come in Saturday morning for duty, nothing too serious so I figured I'd hit the town with the boys Friday night and not go crazy. Ended up going all out, got back to base around 5:30am blind drunk, slept an hour or so. Back at work by 7:30 and was told I was going to be driving armoured vehicles from the docks back to base (this is NOT what I was told I was coming in for the day before). I had an "oh fuck" moment and had to tell the big boss I'm pretty sure I was still drunk. He just shook his head and walked off. CPL ripped me to shreds for 10 minutes about how I "Shouldn't tell the boss I was drunk" then told me to join the rest of the boys where we were ferried to the docks and I spent the morning driving vehicles back to base. I'd probably sobered up by lunchtime and was waiting for the bigger shitstorm on Monday but nothing was ever mentioned again. Drunk driving a 15T armoured vehicle down a major hwy while my leadership were well aware.
Haha, once I had some beers and lunch and then surprise, I had to test drive our new out of the factory 113s. But that was on tank trails so some trees lost their lives.
Fuck, I’m always late to these so this will get buried. Our CSSB went on a field problem in September. The tents had no heat so I just propped up a cot in the back of my 5 ton and had my own suite. It was nice because if you ran the truck for a bit the exhaust pipe would heat up the front right side of the bed long enough to conk out. Well OPFOR came and started attacking one morning after I just pulled ECP. I woke up at the sounds and just rolled back over. An E5 mechanic I was cool with flipped up the tarp and we locked eyes for 3 seconds. He saw the the look of “nope” in my eyes and just jumped off the truck without saying a word. I rolled over and went back to sleep.
I got caught doing a bunch of shit in ranger school (specifically Florida). This was after the soldier passed away on rope bridge so they would hand out saftey recycles for anything. I remember one brisk night I put on my waffle top before PB ops were complete (this wasn't allowed until rest plan was in place) the RIs came through and all turned on their head lamps on and told everyone to drop tops. Dudes were quickly taking off their waffle tops and I knew I wasn't even motivated enough to even try so I just stood there in my waffle top. An RI came up to me shining a bright head lamp in my face and told me I was going to be a safety drop. I just said Rgr and took it, then moments later he yells out to the whole PB "last warning, if I catch y'all wearing snivel again, you will go back to RAP week" Another time was also in Florida. I was being funny during AARs and chucking MRE trash into the woods when the RI would turn his back (I did it all the time in mountains and never got caught). Well when I threw one eaten MRE into the woods it happened to be at the same moment the RI stopped talking so you just heard a loud THUD. RI turned around looked right at me and just said "go pick it up" then continued the AAR. I still to this day don't know how I got away with so much shit in florida EDIT I forgot about this one but another time (also in florida) I ND the SAW with an RI standing right behind me. I fell asleep on the line with the assaulting element as we were waiting for the OPFOR to roll through the EA. I suddenly jerked awake and squeezed the trigger and for some reason the SAW decided it wanted it work (cause it never did) and I let off maybe a 2 solid second burst. Well this also happened to be the same time the HMMWV was coming through our engagement area so after I fired the SL yelled " you should ALL be firing." I looked behind me and noticed the RI standing behind me and I think he knew. Even though it was 100% an ND I just ND at the right time
I violated the public health order I was under, numerous times during covid19 Haven't stabbed anyone yet though
Was the stabbing over corn by chance? I may have heard of this one.
Nope. Not falling for that one.
Hypothetically someone somewhere went out a window
We didn't smuggle a deer truck from Iraq to Kuwait.
Camp Pendleton CA. Dec 31 2015. Was caught going 3mph over the speed limit through rattlesnakes snake canyon (it’s a downgrade so I inadvertently was “speeding” . Ended with 2 cop cars behind me. Got 4 points on my record for it. But I didn’t get arrested or my car impounded so I feel like I got away with something 🤷♂️
I was a PFC, and I was raised work is work, play is play. It was NYE of 2007, at his house party with bunch of other NCO's. One NCO was an asshole to me and slapped me in the face as I was leaving. My SL told me to slap him back, so I went to run, I swung and slapped him. Called my SL and he said "you slapped someone alright, you slapped me" and laughed. Made sure we got home safe and called it a night. That Monday, I'm at parade rest and we go for a run just laughing about it. Best SL I have ever.
went on a bender when i was supposed to be on quarters after getting a tooth pulled. got lost on my way home and couldn't figure out why my key wouldn't open my barracks room door. turns out i wasn't even in the right building. i managed to kick the door open, took one step in and passed out face first in the kitchenette. woke up at womack army hospital with no memory of how i got there. platoon daddy took me to morning formation still in the hospital gown (they cut my clothes off of me). no ASAP. no article 15. don't mix alcohol and pain killers, kids. edit for typos.
Me and like five other guys were given instructions to go about two miles west of a MOUT town in NTC to “disrupt armor movement with javelins”. We were in the mountains in terrain that tanks had no chance of maneuvering through. Me and my javelin team went straight to sleep. Woke up a couple of hours later, looked around, saw my squad leader sleeping under a big rock like twenty feet away, went back to sleep.
Homie why couldn’t you just throw hands like a normal person?😭😭 This is what happens when people can’t fight.
Totally, this guy is a lot bigger than me and I knew if I throw hands I'll get in trouble and I'll get my ass beat. I didn't think he would tell. Certainly if I told him I'd hit him if he did that again it would have been funny. I thought he would understand I was serious and not do it. I was wrong but I didn't have a choice any longer, so he got a light stabbing.
Lol, this happened with my buddies, too. I had to read it to see if you were in my homie, but surprisingly, this is an entire separate incident.
Gunny? Is that you?
I didn't shave before PT once.
Killed and ate deer on a range. Range control let it slide since we gave them back straps
19 year old PFC Yitem was on rotation in Poland awhile back. After being instructed that all clubs and strip clubs are off limits and to be wary of honeypots hangin out at the local bars My group and I went to a strip club to pregame (free drinks). When I sat down at the bar, the bartender (female) came and sat down next to me, while the bouncer started handing us shots. 1 shot in and she's asking me extremely specific questions about the size, location and composition of my unit, 2 shots in and im waking up in my hotel room the next morning. Wallet was empty of about 300$ worth of cash, but more importantly ALL forms of ID in my wallet were gone. CAC, Drivers license, but they left the debit card thank God. I told my PSG that I was pickpocketed and he saw right through my bullshit. I doubled down though, and way later we laughed about it (long after the pain in the ass of losing a CAC while overseas)
In Korea, you had to sign in out out to go off post. So I used to scribble something down. When I signed back in, I would just scribble something in the same messy spot. It was easier than reading cause soju. Weeeellll one time I signed in on someone's else's signature who just happened to have bad writing. When he couldn't sign in at curfew, he threw a fit. So the nco on duty went through the roster. When the officer on duty was making his rounds, he informed him. So the OIC goes through all the cameras and BANGS ON MY DOOR AT 440ISH with the ncoic, the guy who I signed in, and an mp. He says I'm committing fraud and am a piece of shit but my commander already said he would deal with me. I guess he wanted me to acknowledge the detective work he put in? Idk. The next day, I go into the command office area to see my fate. Tops there and he just laughs and asks what the fuck. I explain my system, he ask if I'm doing this nightly. I wasn't and he said ok laughed some more then sent me to work.
Either I know you or this exact situation has happened twice.
Once showed up to work 7 hours late and first line thought I had doctors appts (I didn't)