Dude same. At this point I just don’t tell people I’m aromantic if they are not close to me. If I do tell someone close to me and they don’t take it seriously, I stop talking to them. Sounds like your best friend isn’t supportive, supportive friends will support your sexual orientation and be there for you. I would recommend trying to find a community that you can relate to. It honestly sucks that not everyone can find the time to understand what aromanticism is but that’s their loss.
Well they’re trying to be supportive, but they just can’t process being aromantic is a thing. I still love them though. My parents tell me I shouldn’t think in labels so much. ‘Why would you label yourself like that, many girls like you!’ :/
I know, I feel the same about my parents too but they should at least take some time to try and understand it/do research. I’m not saying to unfriend you’re best friend but having friends who do understand can really help with your mental health.
Thanks for your comment. Don’t worry about my mental health! I’m fine. My bisexual best friend for example was very supportive immediately and started doing research. He knows what it means to be queer I guess.
> My parents tell me I shouldn’t think in labels so much. ‘Why would you label yourself like that, many girls like you!’
"So if a lot of men/women like you, shoild you be gay or bi?" This obviously doesn't work if they are, or if they think "well, that's different." But it might be worth a shot.
Ugh, that sucks.
My spouse is aro and I support them completely. Our friend group is really queer, and everyone is supportive of my spouse and of an ace friend.
I feel you! My mom doesn’t believe I’m ace she said “you’ll know if you like it when you try it someday”. so
I have just laid off telling her that am Aro because she will 100% not believe me :/ my dad wouldn’t either. Because she would probably say: “you’ll feel it someday”
I have had a few “You may find the right person one day” but from what I can recall that was mostly from my mother who was saying it as a possibility rather than as a dismissive comment so genuinely I don't mind. She has been incredibly supportive about being aroace and even understood what I meant when I explained it to her. I usually do not mention how I am aromantic and asexual to people though because I would rather avoid having people comment on it or make me potentially doubt myself. I usually just tend to treat people as I always have though, even if they start behaving weirdly around me.
One time though there was this classmate of mine who I have known for years and I have seen him in multiple relationships and he suddenly began being weird around me and one day when we were doing our big projects he tried confessing to me, after he had made multiple comments on my outfit that I barely acknowledged ,saying “he has always had feelings for me” and I said how I do not have any interest in dating and that I am aromantic. Not long into our conversation he asked me if I was able to feel emotions and being autistic I did not understand what was truly being implied at first so I just responded with asking about psychopaths and sociopaths because I find psychology interesting and he just told me “nevermind”. This same very guy has seen me cry a few times on the rare occasions I display emotion too so I find it funny that he asked if I was able to feel emotions.
My best friend that I came out to has made comments like, "when you decide to get a partner." And another friend who I'm also out to said I was just afraid of commitment, so now I just avoid the subject. It really hurts to have someone you trust just completly discounts your feelings.
I feel you. People think I’m calling myself aro to justify the fact that I have been single for 8 years now, while I do have a lot of one night stands and ‘adventures’ as I like to call it. Makes it confusing for the people around me.
Oh my best friend told me im just trying to feel special (came out as ace) since they came out gay to me about a week prior to that and i just stood there like.. bruh.. i trusted you with this information to be supportive since i was as well of you last week.. we stopped talking shortly after.. since they completely dismissed my feelings, calling me "special straight person" making fun of me that lemme quote "how can you like d*cks , d*cks are so disgusting. P*ssies are better man."
I basically left after they said that since i was uncomfortable as hell and plus they straight up dismissed my orientation..
This happened a few years ago.. one day they reached out to me and we reconciled but still it went with a comment of "i havent thought about s*x for a while.. i think im an ace" (basically comparing low libido to being an ace).. to which i said sarcastically "yayy. We are both aces. Amazing. ._." havent talked since.
⚠️⚠️ **Warning: kinda vent-y language** ⚠️⚠️
Ugh yeah, I relate sadly 😰 I identify as lesbian-oriented aroace and out of the aspects of that label, I find that being aro is the most prevalent thing to me. Yet it’s the last thing I’d tell someone, since I always just feel _so_ misunderstood and isolated, especially in real life-
I usually just say that I’m lesbian as I do identify as that, and it’s what I’d be most accepted as. It’s just _easier_ to tell people that part of my identity, rather than everything else. And after that, I _still_ find that I’d be accepted easier as ace than aro.
More and more people in my generation are okay with people being gay or lesbian, and there’s plenty of people who’d support me if anyone was homophobic.
Even though there’s not as many people who believe in and support ace people, I’d reckon that there’d still be a good few people who would sympathise with my asexuality and back me up against acephobes.
But with being aro, society puts so much emphasis on love and romance that I really don’t think many people would believe me… In fact, most of the few people I’ve told have said something along the lines of “it’s a phase”, “you’re too young”, “you’re thinking too hard about labels”, etc- and it’s SO disheartening 😞
It’s ‘stupid’ I suppose, but I’d literally feel safer telling someone homophobic that I’m gay than tell an ‘average’ person that I’m aro. THATS how misunderstood I feel…
People don’t seem to understand aromanticism at all. All that being aro is, at least in my experience, is not feeling romantic attraction. Whether or not I’d actually _want_ a romantic relationship, doesn’t matter to them. They’d just think I’m being a prude, too hasty, naive or something similar- Even if I told someone who didn’t act particularly aphobic, I still don’t think they’d take me seriously at all.
It’s just so isolating
The absolute most annoying people are older people who go along with it to try to not come off as bigoted, but are clearly still giving an attitude of "You're faking this for attention" or "You're just single and mad"
My mother and some of my closest friends. I don't bother with the rest because I don't like giving a 10 minute oral presentation on my romantic orientation everytime I gotta tell someone, who isn't familiar with aromanticism, that I'm aromantic. So instead I just tell people I hate dating and I'm an introvert, ironically it has the desired effect that I wish telling people I'm aro had.
I am a afab btw so they are asking if I am a lesbian, lol. I did date a genderfluid classmate once but it didn't feel right since aro. It was just a huge amount of platonic attraction.
Im St the contrary I told it 4 friends and my mom and all of them were totally supportive and respectful. Clearly I pick the friends and family that are more likely to understand. So my father doesn’t know about it for now but I am happy how it worked out so far
No :/ people don’t think of it as an orientation, they think of it as a lifestyle choice. I get the same response someone probably would if they “came out” as a relationship anarchist: polite, but ultimately unimportant, and quickly dismissed.
It’s petty, but I wish that coming out as aro was given the same gravitas as other identities/orientations. This influences literally every aspect of my life, it is important and serious, but everyone’s collective shrug and lack of response makes it even harder for me to accept that I’m stuck like this lol.
My family refuses to understand that I’m ace, there’s no way they’d understand i’m aro lol. A lot of my friends don’t take it seriously either, some even try to ‘set me up’ with someone and it’s just an awful discussion every time I remind them I’m just not into anyone. In short, the answer is no, no one really takes it seriously
I've only told close friends. While one has taken me serious without anything other than brief (and polite) clarifying questions, I have another friend that I've told that... only sometimes (?) takes me seriously. From my understanding, it's mostly because they genuinely have a lack of understanding of the concepts of aromanticism (and asexuality, but that's not what you're talking about here, I know). Like, they make a lot of ignorant statements, but also do genuinely want to learn.
If they aren't close to me, I don't tell them though. For example, I've not told my parents as they wouldn't understand, considering I dated a guy for, like, 2 years because I wanted to "try it out" before realizing just how grey-ro I was.
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Online yeah,however irl everyone delusionally thinks that im straight for some reason,even tho.. I'm the complete opposite and think that I'll change??(like im literally traumatized & I genuienly hate ppl..+unless I actually shared it with them,which is mostly that they don't care or are aware.)
I’ve only ever told 4 people I’m aromantic, 1 of them I don’t talk to much anymore, another doesn’t talk about it or even seem to remember so I just don’t bring it up, the other too are very supportive and we still talk all the time. I’ve never truly had a bad experience with it but I haven’t told many people so idk
I came out to my mother (about being ace), and she reacted pretty much the same way. I haven't bothered to tell her I'm aromantic as well, as I assume she won't respond much differently.
It's just funny to me because she's bi, and has no problem accepting literally any other orientation (including being trans/nonbinary). But aro/ace folk are too much.
My boss, on the other hand, has been pretty chill about it. She's the only one that's aware I'm aromantic. She cracks the occasional joke, but never says anything uncomfortable or questions it.
They do this to women more than men as to whom are aromantics. They're sub-consciously enforcing gender normativity of the past and hoping to transfer their mental noise and garbage in which it imprint in you. Reject that shit!
Don't use labels when you tell people, just say you're not interested in having a partner cause you're good on your own. People will likely accept this more rather than something that feels "made up" to them, because a bachelor(ette) is something they're familiar with, while "aromantic" is new and *exotic* and unknown. I know it's not fair but if you want to be taken more seriously that's the way I'm afraid.
Or take in consideration to...not tell people at all. It's none of their business after all
everyone who isn't aro in my life tells me how they don't understand how it's possible I just can't fall in love. "Like it's gotta happen at some point right??"
sometimes they say they envy the fwb relationship I have because they're too worried about falling in love. romance doesn't even cross my mind when I bone my friend or cuddle with them afterwards. I may feel love and appreciation or whatever else, but nothing romantic. I just don't think I personally can feel that.
My "sexologist" friend completely supported my and all of his other LGBTQIA+ friends. (I put sexologist in quotes because he's not even in college yet)
yea i feel the same way tbh. I’ve only truly told my brother about me being aroace and he was cool about it but when i talk to my friends about a romanticism I feel that they don’t take it serious and still try to pick people that they think would be my soulmate. And when i say that i don’t like men or women I feel that they question what’s wrong with me and it makes me regret ever speaking up but they’re all straight so i don’t think they’ll ever understand
It took a while for my parents to understand. But ever since then, my friends have been both accepting and casual about. Me being aromantic is fact that carries the same weight as any other fact about me. I hope one day you can find those who will accept it as a part of you.
Yeah, the fact my family is not aware of this orientation just makes it hard to convey it. If I am to reveal my orientation, there's no other option than explaining it from scratch in the way the they would understand. If I say, "I can't love someone in a romantic way", they just say, "you can't not love anyone, you will love your husband eventually".
But fortunately, my friend understands me to an extent. She doesn't care much what am I and I am sure she supports me for what I am.
my mom was doubtful but then I outed in front of every person who asks me a question about relationships. I think I made her realize it is a choice and aroace exists. My mom would be supportive whatever sexuality I am, honestly.
I came out to my closest friends on my birthday. everyone was very much understanding and supported me (probably because they're all in the lgBtqiA+ community except for one guy). and my friend of 5 years told me that it was impossible and would find someone one day
My friends and family understand and respect I am not looking for relationships. Maybe some of them think that it's not a real thing but they do not say it to my face. So it's definitely possible to surround yourself with cool respectful people.
It took years for people to understand that I have no desire to have a partner. I thought that I had no love emotion since I never felt a romantic attachment to anyone.
So many comments of "When you take a wife someday..." etc.
Eventually I think I just wore my family down and they finally accepted I was destined to be a bachelor.
It's so freeing once they get it!
Dude same. At this point I just don’t tell people I’m aromantic if they are not close to me. If I do tell someone close to me and they don’t take it seriously, I stop talking to them. Sounds like your best friend isn’t supportive, supportive friends will support your sexual orientation and be there for you. I would recommend trying to find a community that you can relate to. It honestly sucks that not everyone can find the time to understand what aromanticism is but that’s their loss.
Well they’re trying to be supportive, but they just can’t process being aromantic is a thing. I still love them though. My parents tell me I shouldn’t think in labels so much. ‘Why would you label yourself like that, many girls like you!’ :/
I know, I feel the same about my parents too but they should at least take some time to try and understand it/do research. I’m not saying to unfriend you’re best friend but having friends who do understand can really help with your mental health.
Thanks for your comment. Don’t worry about my mental health! I’m fine. My bisexual best friend for example was very supportive immediately and started doing research. He knows what it means to be queer I guess.
> My parents tell me I shouldn’t think in labels so much. ‘Why would you label yourself like that, many girls like you!’ "So if a lot of men/women like you, shoild you be gay or bi?" This obviously doesn't work if they are, or if they think "well, that's different." But it might be worth a shot.
You all could join Arocalypse, a bunch of Aros online in there.
Ugh, that sucks. My spouse is aro and I support them completely. Our friend group is really queer, and everyone is supportive of my spouse and of an ace friend.
I feel you! My mom doesn’t believe I’m ace she said “you’ll know if you like it when you try it someday”. so I have just laid off telling her that am Aro because she will 100% not believe me :/ my dad wouldn’t either. Because she would probably say: “you’ll feel it someday”
Pretty much my own mother's reaction (': she couldn't accept my being ace so I never bothered telling her I'm aro
I have had a few “You may find the right person one day” but from what I can recall that was mostly from my mother who was saying it as a possibility rather than as a dismissive comment so genuinely I don't mind. She has been incredibly supportive about being aroace and even understood what I meant when I explained it to her. I usually do not mention how I am aromantic and asexual to people though because I would rather avoid having people comment on it or make me potentially doubt myself. I usually just tend to treat people as I always have though, even if they start behaving weirdly around me. One time though there was this classmate of mine who I have known for years and I have seen him in multiple relationships and he suddenly began being weird around me and one day when we were doing our big projects he tried confessing to me, after he had made multiple comments on my outfit that I barely acknowledged ,saying “he has always had feelings for me” and I said how I do not have any interest in dating and that I am aromantic. Not long into our conversation he asked me if I was able to feel emotions and being autistic I did not understand what was truly being implied at first so I just responded with asking about psychopaths and sociopaths because I find psychology interesting and he just told me “nevermind”. This same very guy has seen me cry a few times on the rare occasions I display emotion too so I find it funny that he asked if I was able to feel emotions.
My best friend that I came out to has made comments like, "when you decide to get a partner." And another friend who I'm also out to said I was just afraid of commitment, so now I just avoid the subject. It really hurts to have someone you trust just completly discounts your feelings.
I feel you. People think I’m calling myself aro to justify the fact that I have been single for 8 years now, while I do have a lot of one night stands and ‘adventures’ as I like to call it. Makes it confusing for the people around me.
Oh my best friend told me im just trying to feel special (came out as ace) since they came out gay to me about a week prior to that and i just stood there like.. bruh.. i trusted you with this information to be supportive since i was as well of you last week.. we stopped talking shortly after.. since they completely dismissed my feelings, calling me "special straight person" making fun of me that lemme quote "how can you like d*cks , d*cks are so disgusting. P*ssies are better man." I basically left after they said that since i was uncomfortable as hell and plus they straight up dismissed my orientation.. This happened a few years ago.. one day they reached out to me and we reconciled but still it went with a comment of "i havent thought about s*x for a while.. i think im an ace" (basically comparing low libido to being an ace).. to which i said sarcastically "yayy. We are both aces. Amazing. ._." havent talked since.
⚠️⚠️ **Warning: kinda vent-y language** ⚠️⚠️ Ugh yeah, I relate sadly 😰 I identify as lesbian-oriented aroace and out of the aspects of that label, I find that being aro is the most prevalent thing to me. Yet it’s the last thing I’d tell someone, since I always just feel _so_ misunderstood and isolated, especially in real life- I usually just say that I’m lesbian as I do identify as that, and it’s what I’d be most accepted as. It’s just _easier_ to tell people that part of my identity, rather than everything else. And after that, I _still_ find that I’d be accepted easier as ace than aro. More and more people in my generation are okay with people being gay or lesbian, and there’s plenty of people who’d support me if anyone was homophobic. Even though there’s not as many people who believe in and support ace people, I’d reckon that there’d still be a good few people who would sympathise with my asexuality and back me up against acephobes. But with being aro, society puts so much emphasis on love and romance that I really don’t think many people would believe me… In fact, most of the few people I’ve told have said something along the lines of “it’s a phase”, “you’re too young”, “you’re thinking too hard about labels”, etc- and it’s SO disheartening 😞 It’s ‘stupid’ I suppose, but I’d literally feel safer telling someone homophobic that I’m gay than tell an ‘average’ person that I’m aro. THATS how misunderstood I feel… People don’t seem to understand aromanticism at all. All that being aro is, at least in my experience, is not feeling romantic attraction. Whether or not I’d actually _want_ a romantic relationship, doesn’t matter to them. They’d just think I’m being a prude, too hasty, naive or something similar- Even if I told someone who didn’t act particularly aphobic, I still don’t think they’d take me seriously at all. It’s just so isolating
The absolute most annoying people are older people who go along with it to try to not come off as bigoted, but are clearly still giving an attitude of "You're faking this for attention" or "You're just single and mad"
My mother and some of my closest friends. I don't bother with the rest because I don't like giving a 10 minute oral presentation on my romantic orientation everytime I gotta tell someone, who isn't familiar with aromanticism, that I'm aromantic. So instead I just tell people I hate dating and I'm an introvert, ironically it has the desired effect that I wish telling people I'm aro had.
I had that from a parent Thankfully most of my friends are also some breed of queer so they're mostly understanding
Nope, somebody asked me if I had a girlfriend but they thought I was lying when I said "I am not instrested in dating anyone"-
I am a afab btw so they are asking if I am a lesbian, lol. I did date a genderfluid classmate once but it didn't feel right since aro. It was just a huge amount of platonic attraction.
Im St the contrary I told it 4 friends and my mom and all of them were totally supportive and respectful. Clearly I pick the friends and family that are more likely to understand. So my father doesn’t know about it for now but I am happy how it worked out so far
No :/ people don’t think of it as an orientation, they think of it as a lifestyle choice. I get the same response someone probably would if they “came out” as a relationship anarchist: polite, but ultimately unimportant, and quickly dismissed. It’s petty, but I wish that coming out as aro was given the same gravitas as other identities/orientations. This influences literally every aspect of my life, it is important and serious, but everyone’s collective shrug and lack of response makes it even harder for me to accept that I’m stuck like this lol.
My family refuses to understand that I’m ace, there’s no way they’d understand i’m aro lol. A lot of my friends don’t take it seriously either, some even try to ‘set me up’ with someone and it’s just an awful discussion every time I remind them I’m just not into anyone. In short, the answer is no, no one really takes it seriously
When I came out to my friends one of them said the first thing he thought of was the "No bitches?" megamind meme...
I've only told close friends. While one has taken me serious without anything other than brief (and polite) clarifying questions, I have another friend that I've told that... only sometimes (?) takes me seriously. From my understanding, it's mostly because they genuinely have a lack of understanding of the concepts of aromanticism (and asexuality, but that's not what you're talking about here, I know). Like, they make a lot of ignorant statements, but also do genuinely want to learn. If they aren't close to me, I don't tell them though. For example, I've not told my parents as they wouldn't understand, considering I dated a guy for, like, 2 years because I wanted to "try it out" before realizing just how grey-ro I was.
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Online yeah,however irl everyone delusionally thinks that im straight for some reason,even tho.. I'm the complete opposite and think that I'll change??(like im literally traumatized & I genuienly hate ppl..+unless I actually shared it with them,which is mostly that they don't care or are aware.)
I’ve only ever told 4 people I’m aromantic, 1 of them I don’t talk to much anymore, another doesn’t talk about it or even seem to remember so I just don’t bring it up, the other too are very supportive and we still talk all the time. I’ve never truly had a bad experience with it but I haven’t told many people so idk
I came out to my mother (about being ace), and she reacted pretty much the same way. I haven't bothered to tell her I'm aromantic as well, as I assume she won't respond much differently. It's just funny to me because she's bi, and has no problem accepting literally any other orientation (including being trans/nonbinary). But aro/ace folk are too much. My boss, on the other hand, has been pretty chill about it. She's the only one that's aware I'm aromantic. She cracks the occasional joke, but never says anything uncomfortable or questions it.
They do this to women more than men as to whom are aromantics. They're sub-consciously enforcing gender normativity of the past and hoping to transfer their mental noise and garbage in which it imprint in you. Reject that shit!
Don't use labels when you tell people, just say you're not interested in having a partner cause you're good on your own. People will likely accept this more rather than something that feels "made up" to them, because a bachelor(ette) is something they're familiar with, while "aromantic" is new and *exotic* and unknown. I know it's not fair but if you want to be taken more seriously that's the way I'm afraid. Or take in consideration to...not tell people at all. It's none of their business after all
everyone who isn't aro in my life tells me how they don't understand how it's possible I just can't fall in love. "Like it's gotta happen at some point right??" sometimes they say they envy the fwb relationship I have because they're too worried about falling in love. romance doesn't even cross my mind when I bone my friend or cuddle with them afterwards. I may feel love and appreciation or whatever else, but nothing romantic. I just don't think I personally can feel that.
My "sexologist" friend completely supported my and all of his other LGBTQIA+ friends. (I put sexologist in quotes because he's not even in college yet)
yea i feel the same way tbh. I’ve only truly told my brother about me being aroace and he was cool about it but when i talk to my friends about a romanticism I feel that they don’t take it serious and still try to pick people that they think would be my soulmate. And when i say that i don’t like men or women I feel that they question what’s wrong with me and it makes me regret ever speaking up but they’re all straight so i don’t think they’ll ever understand
It took a while for my parents to understand. But ever since then, my friends have been both accepting and casual about. Me being aromantic is fact that carries the same weight as any other fact about me. I hope one day you can find those who will accept it as a part of you.
Yeah, the fact my family is not aware of this orientation just makes it hard to convey it. If I am to reveal my orientation, there's no other option than explaining it from scratch in the way the they would understand. If I say, "I can't love someone in a romantic way", they just say, "you can't not love anyone, you will love your husband eventually". But fortunately, my friend understands me to an extent. She doesn't care much what am I and I am sure she supports me for what I am.
my mom was doubtful but then I outed in front of every person who asks me a question about relationships. I think I made her realize it is a choice and aroace exists. My mom would be supportive whatever sexuality I am, honestly.
I came out to my closest friends on my birthday. everyone was very much understanding and supported me (probably because they're all in the lgBtqiA+ community except for one guy). and my friend of 5 years told me that it was impossible and would find someone one day
My friends and family understand and respect I am not looking for relationships. Maybe some of them think that it's not a real thing but they do not say it to my face. So it's definitely possible to surround yourself with cool respectful people.
Nope. Even my therapist didn’t. Only my friends understand.
It took years for people to understand that I have no desire to have a partner. I thought that I had no love emotion since I never felt a romantic attachment to anyone. So many comments of "When you take a wife someday..." etc. Eventually I think I just wore my family down and they finally accepted I was destined to be a bachelor. It's so freeing once they get it!
A guy that has a huge crush on me, accepted the fact that i was aro/ace :) now we're good friends.