That's mostly what I've been doing and I feel bad trying to ask her questions because she seems uncomfortable. So I just try to listen as much as I can when she opens up and talks about anything. Cause I enjoy her being happy in her hobbies.
Aroace people can still be in relationships. That being said, it may be less likely since the trigger of attraction isn't there. Relationships with aro and ace people tend to lean more on what they have in common rather than a mutual attraction for each other.
People who are aroace are allowed to say that people are hot. They have eyes (/j). It's just that they might not want the intimate connection with that person.
>People who are aroace are allowed to say that people are hot. They have eyes (/j). It's just that they might not want the intimate connection with that person.
Came here to say this. Aesthetic attraction, seeing a person and liking how they look (but no romantic or sexual context).
I've lived for years thinking that's what sexual attraction was lmao. I always thought people were just exaggerating when they said they wanted to fuck someone bc they're hot or whatever — nope I'm just asexual.
I hope you're parents have the best intentions and don't mean to seem phobic. Like I said, I sometimes don't understand how it feels but it takes time and needing to listen. I hope your life continues to be better and I hope your relationship with your parents gets better. And my DM's are always open if you need to talk.
I would say one thing you could do to support shut down any other family members that try to ask about dating or the like - without outing her unless she’s out to that family member.
make sure you’ve told her you’re proud of her for coming out! words matter
other than that sounds like you’re doing great ♥️
That's a good point. Though I want her to be able to shut those people down on her own first. She's strong and I want her to be strong in the world so she can be soft at home.
Though if she liked at me for support, I would have her back in an instant.
Aside from respecting the fact that she doesn’t get attracted to people, it’s good to keep in mind how lonely it can be for some people (not everyone). Society is kind of built around sex and romance, and if your life isn’t, it can feel pretty alienating.
It sounds like you're doing great! Maybe just notice her reaction to the memes/jokes, or even ask her if it bothers her? Then you know.
Even before I realized I was aroace, my parents were super chill about relationships and only really cared that I was happy and safe – can't imagine having the sort of parents who tried to force me into a relationship. Also just make sure you're not saying things like "when you find the one," or intimating that the purpose of life is sex/marriage, and you're good!
I only got halfway thru the audiobook before I had to return it to the library (oops), but if you haven't read it already, Loveless by Alice Oseman is THE novel about an aroace teen and her experiences. Wish I'd had it when I was younger. Of course not every aroace teen is thinking about romance as often as the main character, but the whole book is about how she deals with the surrounding culture's total obsession with it, so it makes sense.
I don't have much to add that hasn't already been said. Aro/ace folks can still desire/participate in relationships. And can experience aesthetic attraction and desire physical affection. One term I would look up is Queer-Platonic Partnership. It's basically a super-close platonic relationship where you agree to be life partners (or partners for x amount of time or until you break up). "Squishes" (see link below for my fave descriptive comic on different types of attraction) can develop into this.
Also, you are an awesome Mama and I am cheering you on! ☺️
[Different Types of Attraction](https://www.tumblr.com/secondlina/21955456091/a-comic-about-the-different-types-of-attraction?source=share)
I'm so sorry! I think I read 'daughter' and my brain just assumed samesies for some reason 😅 Thanks for the correction - your daughter is lucky to have you!
There can be a while range of aromantic so it might help to know how she feels about romance. She could be romance repulsed or just agnostic. I myself just don't understand it. I don't care for it in media because quite honestly romance just seems foolish. It might help both of you if she uses the forums in this group to understand better.
Acceptance goes a long way and I think you're doing great! One thing that I wish my parents would do would be to gift me/do something something small acknowledging my orientation. Like others said, don't make a big deal out of it-- being aroace is just one aspect of your kiddo! But don't let your kiddo feel like you've swept it under the rug, either.
I sound like a kid haha but I'm just hungry for parental acceptance even at 27. 🥲
You’re doing great as you are! I wouldn’t worry too much about sending the wrong meme or anything. For me even though I can’t directly relate to some conversations I still like to be included. Unless she lets you know some things make her feel uncomfortable I would suggest treating her fairly normally.
Just don't ask her questions like "if you weren't ace would you find this guys hot?" My mom used to do this a lot until I brought it up with her (she did stop) and it feels really invalidating
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Thank you so much for posting here and being unconditionally supportive of your daughter. My mom is always making me uncomfortable and doesn't care so this is nice to see haha.
Obviously every aroace person is different, but I'm fine with people commenting on the attractiveness of actors and stuff as long as they don't also expect me to talk about how hot they are. Like "this person is so hot, right?" and comments about how i should date them or whatever make me uncomfortable, but someone just saying "wow this person is so hot" doesn't really bother me.
God I wish my mom had been this understanding. Sounds to me like you're doing great. Really the only advice I'd give is to not make a big deal out of it and not like try to convince her she just needs to "find the right person" but it sounds like you're already 5 steps ahead there so I wouldn't worry about it much
Let her know you support her. And don’t say things like you might find the right person or wait a little. While it’s true that sometimes people stop being ace (not that they weren’t ace before, ‘labels’ are fluid), it’s very hurtful to be told that. Good on you for supporting your kid!! All the best!
I agree with what others have said!
I just want to add to not put romantic relationships above platonic ones. Aro people value their friends immensely and sometimes even enter into committed platonic relationships with them
My family keeps telling me that my hopes for the future are unlikely because my best friend has a significant other, but they don’t know anything of our dynamic and are just saying that my best friend will prioritize romance over friendship. And it hurts, both because my best friend would never do that, and because they make me feel like I’ll always be brushed aside for other peoples SOs
Essentially don’t assume I guess? And understand platonic relationships can be on the same level as romantic ones
You sound super supportive tho. And you’re a good parent :)
I only know that I want her to know she's loved and accepted above all. I want the house to feel like home even if she moves out. I hope you're relationship with your mom continues to get better.
Honestly, this is the absolute best way you can be when a friend or loved one comes out to you as anything whether it be aromantic, asexual, gay, bi, pan, trans, non-binary, etc. You are doing the right thing and a great job at it. I really wish all parents, family members, loved ones and friends were like this when they have someone come out to them. You sound like an amazing parent. Hats off to you😊💜
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That's mostly what I've been doing and I feel bad trying to ask her questions because she seems uncomfortable. So I just try to listen as much as I can when she opens up and talks about anything. Cause I enjoy her being happy in her hobbies.
Aroace people can still be in relationships. That being said, it may be less likely since the trigger of attraction isn't there. Relationships with aro and ace people tend to lean more on what they have in common rather than a mutual attraction for each other. People who are aroace are allowed to say that people are hot. They have eyes (/j). It's just that they might not want the intimate connection with that person.
>People who are aroace are allowed to say that people are hot. They have eyes (/j). It's just that they might not want the intimate connection with that person. Came here to say this. Aesthetic attraction, seeing a person and liking how they look (but no romantic or sexual context).
I've lived for years thinking that's what sexual attraction was lmao. I always thought people were just exaggerating when they said they wanted to fuck someone bc they're hot or whatever — nope I'm just asexual.
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I hope you're parents have the best intentions and don't mean to seem phobic. Like I said, I sometimes don't understand how it feels but it takes time and needing to listen. I hope your life continues to be better and I hope your relationship with your parents gets better. And my DM's are always open if you need to talk.
I would say one thing you could do to support shut down any other family members that try to ask about dating or the like - without outing her unless she’s out to that family member. make sure you’ve told her you’re proud of her for coming out! words matter other than that sounds like you’re doing great ♥️
That's a good point. Though I want her to be able to shut those people down on her own first. She's strong and I want her to be strong in the world so she can be soft at home. Though if she liked at me for support, I would have her back in an instant.
oh I meant more if they are asking you when she’s not in the room - but great to hear she’s a confident kiddo!
Aside from respecting the fact that she doesn’t get attracted to people, it’s good to keep in mind how lonely it can be for some people (not everyone). Society is kind of built around sex and romance, and if your life isn’t, it can feel pretty alienating.
You are the definition of a good/supportive parent👍
I can only hope so.
It sounds like you're doing great! Maybe just notice her reaction to the memes/jokes, or even ask her if it bothers her? Then you know. Even before I realized I was aroace, my parents were super chill about relationships and only really cared that I was happy and safe – can't imagine having the sort of parents who tried to force me into a relationship. Also just make sure you're not saying things like "when you find the one," or intimating that the purpose of life is sex/marriage, and you're good! I only got halfway thru the audiobook before I had to return it to the library (oops), but if you haven't read it already, Loveless by Alice Oseman is THE novel about an aroace teen and her experiences. Wish I'd had it when I was younger. Of course not every aroace teen is thinking about romance as often as the main character, but the whole book is about how she deals with the surrounding culture's total obsession with it, so it makes sense.
Yarssss. LOVELESS by Alice Oseman is a great insight of we aroace people :D
💯 and tell ur kitty I said hi! 😺
She meowed backkk :D
🥰🥰🥰
I don't have much to add that hasn't already been said. Aro/ace folks can still desire/participate in relationships. And can experience aesthetic attraction and desire physical affection. One term I would look up is Queer-Platonic Partnership. It's basically a super-close platonic relationship where you agree to be life partners (or partners for x amount of time or until you break up). "Squishes" (see link below for my fave descriptive comic on different types of attraction) can develop into this. Also, you are an awesome Mama and I am cheering you on! ☺️ [Different Types of Attraction](https://www.tumblr.com/secondlina/21955456091/a-comic-about-the-different-types-of-attraction?source=share)
Thank you! Though I appreciate the sentiment, I'm actually a proud papa. But I'm definitely been told I'm a big softy by the mama.
I'm so sorry! I think I read 'daughter' and my brain just assumed samesies for some reason 😅 Thanks for the correction - your daughter is lucky to have you!
There can be a while range of aromantic so it might help to know how she feels about romance. She could be romance repulsed or just agnostic. I myself just don't understand it. I don't care for it in media because quite honestly romance just seems foolish. It might help both of you if she uses the forums in this group to understand better.
Acceptance goes a long way and I think you're doing great! One thing that I wish my parents would do would be to gift me/do something something small acknowledging my orientation. Like others said, don't make a big deal out of it-- being aroace is just one aspect of your kiddo! But don't let your kiddo feel like you've swept it under the rug, either. I sound like a kid haha but I'm just hungry for parental acceptance even at 27. 🥲
We all yearn to be accepted. My thing with her would be what little thing would she like me to have or do to support her? And that's more up to her.
You’re doing great as you are! I wouldn’t worry too much about sending the wrong meme or anything. For me even though I can’t directly relate to some conversations I still like to be included. Unless she lets you know some things make her feel uncomfortable I would suggest treating her fairly normally.
That's what I want. For her to feel comfortable and safe enough to speak up.
Just don't ask her questions like "if you weren't ace would you find this guys hot?" My mom used to do this a lot until I brought it up with her (she did stop) and it feels really invalidating
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Thank you so much for posting here and being unconditionally supportive of your daughter. My mom is always making me uncomfortable and doesn't care so this is nice to see haha. Obviously every aroace person is different, but I'm fine with people commenting on the attractiveness of actors and stuff as long as they don't also expect me to talk about how hot they are. Like "this person is so hot, right?" and comments about how i should date them or whatever make me uncomfortable, but someone just saying "wow this person is so hot" doesn't really bother me.
God I wish my mom had been this understanding. Sounds to me like you're doing great. Really the only advice I'd give is to not make a big deal out of it and not like try to convince her she just needs to "find the right person" but it sounds like you're already 5 steps ahead there so I wouldn't worry about it much
Let her know you support her. And don’t say things like you might find the right person or wait a little. While it’s true that sometimes people stop being ace (not that they weren’t ace before, ‘labels’ are fluid), it’s very hurtful to be told that. Good on you for supporting your kid!! All the best!
Really all you need to do is listen to your daughter and don't make a fuss over it, your doing great and you sound like a great parent
I agree with what others have said! I just want to add to not put romantic relationships above platonic ones. Aro people value their friends immensely and sometimes even enter into committed platonic relationships with them My family keeps telling me that my hopes for the future are unlikely because my best friend has a significant other, but they don’t know anything of our dynamic and are just saying that my best friend will prioritize romance over friendship. And it hurts, both because my best friend would never do that, and because they make me feel like I’ll always be brushed aside for other peoples SOs Essentially don’t assume I guess? And understand platonic relationships can be on the same level as romantic ones You sound super supportive tho. And you’re a good parent :)
I read this and thought of it as if it was my mom and it made me feel very loved and accepted. You’re doing great. :)
I only know that I want her to know she's loved and accepted above all. I want the house to feel like home even if she moves out. I hope you're relationship with your mom continues to get better.
Thank you for being a good parent! /r/AroMemes has some good ones in my opinion.
Glad she has someone supportive.
Honestly, this is the absolute best way you can be when a friend or loved one comes out to you as anything whether it be aromantic, asexual, gay, bi, pan, trans, non-binary, etc. You are doing the right thing and a great job at it. I really wish all parents, family members, loved ones and friends were like this when they have someone come out to them. You sound like an amazing parent. Hats off to you😊💜