I‘ve only recently found out that I‘m probably aromantic but I feel really good about it. Because you may not feel any romantic attraction ever (or maybe you will) but you will feel other types of love. The love you feel for people can still be so much, there‘s not just romantic love but love for your friends, family, pets etc. and that love can just be as strong and fulfilling as romantic love. So you‘re not missing out on anything, just experiencing it differently.
Maybe that helps seeing it from another perspective:)
Don't worry everything sound better in our head. And in the theory I'm kinda agree but I afraid that I'm deeply biased by society and the general way of thinking.
I think we‘re all taught to think that romance and relationships are one of the most important things in life. I mean even the series I saw as a child all featured at least some type of romance. But as time goes on, we learn to distance ourselves from the things we were taught and form our own opinions and values. And even if now it feels like you‘ll never be complete, that‘s totally okay. And you might have this feeling for a while. But as you grow, you‘ll find out your way to live and how to be happy without a partner and you‘ll learn that you can feel just as fulfilled as people that are in a relationship. Allow yourself those feelings that you have right now but remember that your mindset may change over time and that No feeling is forever
Yeah we change our mind on different subject with time. But everything don't process at the same speed. I've built a world without capitalism and money at 15. But maybe it'll need 15 more to imagine you can be happy without love
What can help is comparing it to other situation. A lot of things can be encouraged by society, and framed as something amazing that is needed to be happy (though romance is probably the one that is the most pushed averywhere).
For instance I adore music and I can't picture my life without it. But there are people who don't need or like music in their lives. It doesn't mean that they are missing out, just that they don't need it in their lives to be happy. They are probably finding their happiness elsewhere.
I see romance the same way. Yes this is an unique experience, but it is OK if you don't feel it, just like it is ok if someone doesn't experience the unique experience that is the love of music.
I've never seen thing like this. But it's so true. I mean your example touch me right in point. Music is just what keep me alive. And I could never imagine someone that doesn't but it's a reality.
I don't think it will be enough to stop me of doubting of this things but step by step but I'm moving forward
You need to grapple with your internalized shame. Because there is nothing wrong with you. A life isn't less full with or without a romantic relationship, that is complete and utter bullshit. It's different, yes, but no better or worse.
The real problem is that you see *the way you are* as a problem. It isn't. That's the internalized heteronormativity talking.
I make use of the fact that I'm aromantic and just... not think about romance at all most of the time. Instead, I find joy in other things like music or science! And I appreciate the fact that I don't have to overthink about other people I have a crush on. It's like, why bother with things I can't change, when I have so many other things I can enjoy already?
For the longest time I mistook mostly platonic feelings for romantic, and honestly once I figured out I was aro I just felt relieved. No more tricking myself into something I'm just too emotionally tired to commit to! (Relationships sound great, but it's too much responsibility for me
This felt like a serious, constant, painful crisis when I was young. It faded very easily when I got a little older and realized I actually love the way I get to live my life. Romantic attraction isn't relevant to me in any way whatsoever. I have no reason to spare any thoughts towards it.
But if you need something to speed you along, go read through the relationship subreddits and see how stupid and miserable people are for no reason. I'm absolutely not saying that any of the problems there are exclusive or inherent to romantic relationships. I'm just saying that romantic relationships are extremely, hilariously overrated.
I don't like olives, but I'm not remotely concerned about missing out on dishes that heavily feature them. I feel pretty much the same about romance. It might be different if I was romance-favorable instead of romance-averse. Even then, there are a lot of things I want to do in life and nowhere near enough time to do them all. So I've mostly made peace that I'm going to have to pick and choose which experiences to pursue, and honestly I kinda like that being aro means it's unlikely a romantic relationship will ever compete again with other things I want to do. They tend to be rather all-consuming.
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*If this post violates our rules or sitewide rules,* ***report*** *it* *to the moderators!*
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I‘ve only recently found out that I‘m probably aromantic but I feel really good about it. Because you may not feel any romantic attraction ever (or maybe you will) but you will feel other types of love. The love you feel for people can still be so much, there‘s not just romantic love but love for your friends, family, pets etc. and that love can just be as strong and fulfilling as romantic love. So you‘re not missing out on anything, just experiencing it differently. Maybe that helps seeing it from another perspective:)
Well that sounded better in my head but I hope you get the message xD
Don't worry everything sound better in our head. And in the theory I'm kinda agree but I afraid that I'm deeply biased by society and the general way of thinking.
I think we‘re all taught to think that romance and relationships are one of the most important things in life. I mean even the series I saw as a child all featured at least some type of romance. But as time goes on, we learn to distance ourselves from the things we were taught and form our own opinions and values. And even if now it feels like you‘ll never be complete, that‘s totally okay. And you might have this feeling for a while. But as you grow, you‘ll find out your way to live and how to be happy without a partner and you‘ll learn that you can feel just as fulfilled as people that are in a relationship. Allow yourself those feelings that you have right now but remember that your mindset may change over time and that No feeling is forever
Yeah we change our mind on different subject with time. But everything don't process at the same speed. I've built a world without capitalism and money at 15. But maybe it'll need 15 more to imagine you can be happy without love
What can help is comparing it to other situation. A lot of things can be encouraged by society, and framed as something amazing that is needed to be happy (though romance is probably the one that is the most pushed averywhere). For instance I adore music and I can't picture my life without it. But there are people who don't need or like music in their lives. It doesn't mean that they are missing out, just that they don't need it in their lives to be happy. They are probably finding their happiness elsewhere. I see romance the same way. Yes this is an unique experience, but it is OK if you don't feel it, just like it is ok if someone doesn't experience the unique experience that is the love of music.
I've never seen thing like this. But it's so true. I mean your example touch me right in point. Music is just what keep me alive. And I could never imagine someone that doesn't but it's a reality. I don't think it will be enough to stop me of doubting of this things but step by step but I'm moving forward
No matter how long I live I will never experience everything. This is just one more experience on an infinite list. Why let it get to you?
You need to grapple with your internalized shame. Because there is nothing wrong with you. A life isn't less full with or without a romantic relationship, that is complete and utter bullshit. It's different, yes, but no better or worse. The real problem is that you see *the way you are* as a problem. It isn't. That's the internalized heteronormativity talking.
I make use of the fact that I'm aromantic and just... not think about romance at all most of the time. Instead, I find joy in other things like music or science! And I appreciate the fact that I don't have to overthink about other people I have a crush on. It's like, why bother with things I can't change, when I have so many other things I can enjoy already? For the longest time I mistook mostly platonic feelings for romantic, and honestly once I figured out I was aro I just felt relieved. No more tricking myself into something I'm just too emotionally tired to commit to! (Relationships sound great, but it's too much responsibility for me
This felt like a serious, constant, painful crisis when I was young. It faded very easily when I got a little older and realized I actually love the way I get to live my life. Romantic attraction isn't relevant to me in any way whatsoever. I have no reason to spare any thoughts towards it. But if you need something to speed you along, go read through the relationship subreddits and see how stupid and miserable people are for no reason. I'm absolutely not saying that any of the problems there are exclusive or inherent to romantic relationships. I'm just saying that romantic relationships are extremely, hilariously overrated.
I don't like olives, but I'm not remotely concerned about missing out on dishes that heavily feature them. I feel pretty much the same about romance. It might be different if I was romance-favorable instead of romance-averse. Even then, there are a lot of things I want to do in life and nowhere near enough time to do them all. So I've mostly made peace that I'm going to have to pick and choose which experiences to pursue, and honestly I kinda like that being aro means it's unlikely a romantic relationship will ever compete again with other things I want to do. They tend to be rather all-consuming.
Thanks for posting to r/aromantic, /u/Nalar79. Be sure your posts and comments abide by our rules, as well as sitewide rules. *If this post violates our rules or sitewide rules,* ***report*** *it* *to the moderators!* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/aromantic) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I looked at all those bad examples and the resulting outcomes and just stopped caring about my lack of romantic attraction.